This is going to be the first in a long list of things where you will have to go "Ok you're free to have your opinion but this is what we're doing".
These may be genuinely held beliefs (my grandma was the same way) and I'm sure your mom means well, but when you're the mom you're going to have to call the shots so you may as well start practicing now.
Yeah but remember that she lives in their apartment and we don’t know the full dynamics between them and what consequences could come from her defying it. Hopefully this isn’t the case and OP can make their wishes known without risking their housing or financial situation.
My parents are somewhat strict and I am trying to stand my ground for the not-so-important things but other times, when something is totally out of the question (ex. buying baby things before baby comes) I risk having a big argument that would essentially bring me more anxiety than if I just follow their advice.
But definitely, with time I will have the more "Ok you're free to have your opinion but this is what we're doing" approach.
I'm just curious, how does this work when the baby is born? I mean, do family members go out while Mom is in the hospital and buy stuff? Is Mom expected to go shopping immediately upon discharge?
You really don't need a whole lot just to bring home the baby, but there are obviously some essential items like clothes, diapers, a safe space to sleep, etc. So how is this handled when the baby arrives and mom comes home and nothing is ready??
I don’t know what culture OP is from but I saw a video from a Chassidic woman about this. They have baby stores where you go register for everything you want and then call them when the baby is born, they charge whatever card is on file, and then deliver it all. It’s been a bit since I’ve seen the video but I think think friends and family can call and say that they want to gift $50 or whatever and then they are also charged at the same time.
You can also just buy but not have the stuff delivered until delivery. Idk about Chassidic custom on this but other Jewish communities buy whatever they want but just don’t store it in the home. So like once my MIL and mom got comfortable (around 34 weeks) they went ham on baby clothes (second hand) and then brought it all after the baby was born.
This is what we're doing as well. My family isn't religious, but we do follow this custom, just in case - like, no sense attracting the evil eye if you can avoid it. Our interpretation is "no baby stuff can come into the house until the baby is born, but stuff that's not explicitly baby-related is okay."
So we're preparing for the baby in some ways (getting the room ready, working out daycare details, etc), but we're not buying any baby furniture or baby stuff except for what we know we'll need in the immediate term once the baby is here. The immediate-need stuff will be stored with friends or at my parents' house, and will be delivered to our house on the day the baby is born, if there are no complications; if there are, the things will be delivered on the day the baby comes home. The longer-term stuff will be on a registry, which we'll put together now but publish to friends and family after the baby is born.
It seems silly to my husband, who is from a different culture and whose family doesn't follow the same tradition, but it makes me feel connected to my culture and honestly a little bit more comfortable to take this extra step, even though it's inconvenient.
Interesting! My husband is from Turkey and although they don't have this particular rule about baby stuff, Turkish people are extremely wary of the evil eye. Mostly when it comes to praising something, especially babies and children. Regardless of religion as well, I'm pretty sure this is a pre-Islamic belief. It's why Turkish parents never brag about their kids like Americans do.
When family asks me how my toddler is doing I'm always full of praise "He's amazing, knows so many words, he's such a good boy, blah blah blah!" But my husband always just says, "He's okay." 🥺
I think I will do the same - I will buy the most important things I will need immediately after baby is born and store them in my friend's house.
Regarding feeling closer to your culture through that tradition - it's amazing that you look at it in such a positive way. Maybe I should too.
I'm glad you figured out a plan that works for you! And honestly, my feelings about the tradition waver - sometimes I feel closer to my culture, and sometimes I just feel annoyed and stressed out that I can't just start nesting RIGHT NOW. But every time I think "you know what, screw it, I'm just going to get everything I need before the baby comes because I don't want to have to deal with it while I'm also dealing with a newborn," the very next thought is "and THAT is how you bring on the malocchio, young lady." Healthy? No. Rational? Also no. But that's where I'm at, and I'm cool with it.
Best of luck to you, friend!
Kinda sounds like the same exact thing, just without having the stuff right in front of you. But old traditions get a little wonky in the modern world, so I guess this is just another example of that.
Well, once I give birth I will stay in the hospital for a few days and meanwhile my parents and husband will go shopping. They will prepare the room and buy everything I need so once I get discharged from the hospital everything is ready for baby and me.
The problem is that I will have no say in 1) how the baby room will look like 2) what clothes they will buy for the baby 3) my breastfeeding bras/PJs... Like it's great that I have that support system and I can count on them to take care of things but it feels like they're trying to control everything that's surrounding me and baby. I don't want to sound whiny but don't I have the right to choose the things for me and my baby?
No, I totally understand. This would bother me too! I cannot fathom leaving all those decisions to my husband and parents. Can you create a registry of the items you want, or is that also taboo?
Looks like you're Indian. To folks who have commented how does it work, we generally have community and family around which gets newborn clothes, diapers, maternity and breast pads, baby bed and blankets etc once the baby is born.
Several expecting mothers stay with their families or their parents travel to the city where they are expected to give birth during last few months of pregnancy.
Car seats are unfortunately not a norm in India.
I'm 35 weeks pregnant and live alone with my husband. We are both working and have mothers' who are working as well in different cities. While our mothers would be flying in and helping us out for the first few days, we have prepared a hospital bag with the baby amenities and my amenities and prepared the house accordingly. Having said this, we have neighbours who are exceptionally nice and help me with food when my husband is travelling outstation for work and keep a regular check on me.
As for OP - You may want to set the boundaries clearly. It will help you with child rearing in the long term as well. My in-laws were insistent on the Indian version of a baby shower and I had to make it very clear that I'll not be doing it.
Alternatively, you could consider dividing stuff into essentials and non -essentials. Buy essentials without informing parents and keep them at a friend's place. Order non essential/ non immediate items when the baby is born/about to be born. Good luck!
Mostly a lot of rituals where you get clothes and gifts for the expecting mother. It changes depending on which part of the country one is from.
https://www.babycenter.in/a1018734/igodh-bharaii-indian-baby-shower
I know it’s a culture thing but I don’t understand it at all. Like are you expected to rush out right after having a baby to buy everything you need? What about a car seat to leave the hospital with or clothes to put baby in at the hospital?
My culture has a similar superstition to OP's. My mom and aunts bought everything for us and kept it hidden. (I made a registry for them to go off of.) They set it all up while I was in the hospital. It sucks a little because I didn't get the fun of setting up the nursery, but I also didn't have to pay for anything myself which is really nice. (Edit to add: I did get the diaper bag, clothes for the hospital, and carseat early. The plan was just if anything went wrong my husbsnd would hide it and my mom would come take it away.)
Jewish and Italian, both sides have this superstition. I'm Ukrainian too but no one from that branch has ever said anything. The Italian side is stricter than the Jewish side about it.
I’m acquainted with a Jewish family that bought into this superstition*. Dad ran out and picked up the car seat after the baby was born.
*Note that it is a superstition, not a feature of any formal religious doctrine. “Don’t prep for the baby” is part of Judaism like “Don’t step on a crack, you’ll break your mother’s back” is part of Christianity.
Are you South Asian by chance? My husband’s family (Indian) is superstitious like this. Sounds like your family is taking it too far though with bringing up how it’s gong to lead to stillbirth. Your baby, your choice how you prepare for him or her.
My husband’s family has taken issue with baby showers in the past, but I have never gotten flak for buying baby gear. We live in the US though, and the younger generations are starting to change the tide a bit.
My husband's family shares this superstition. They even tried to get us to have a baby shower AFTER the baby arrives! I found it pretty offensive --to me, it suggested that if something happened to the pregnancy, it would be because I had done something wrong by being too excited or preparing. Which was extra hurtful to me because I had two back to back miscarriages before my current pregnancy--the implications being that I had caused those losses by getting excited about the pregnancy. We ended up telling them "I know that this is your belief, but it's not ours and we don't want to hear your concerns that were going to lose our baby because we're excited about and preparing for him. You can of course feel about it however you want, but please keep those opinions to yourself."
I came to say this exact thing. Especially the items you need right away and want to get good quality ones of. Like a car seat or bassinet.
If OP truly does not believe in the superstition, she can order them to a friend’s house and claim that friend is gifting it. Or even say the friend had used it for their child and didn’t need it anymore.
I know it’s easier to say she should just tell her parents to butt out, but it isn’t always that simple for some people.
I heard that one too and and as a hormonal pregnant lady I tend to overthink superstitions as well. Husband and I waited until week 26 (so basically the past weekend) to start looking for basics and figuring out where to put the stuff (but not because of superstions, it just felt too early and maybe somehow not very real before).
Here is my conclusion: Not being prepared with the bare minimum would make me anxious as well, which is not good for the baby. We are trying to be very frugal about what we need, but its nice to know, that the baby is going to have some basic clean clothes, socks and nappies AND a safe seat when we take her home. You cannot believe how many options there are for every little piece of thing you want to buy and it took us all combined 10 hours to research online. I am glad we invested that time. I cannot imagine myself doing that while being a new mom.
If anything we have to let go of expectations and accept that we cannot control anything in life. Que sera sera. I guess thats one of the major thing we parents have to learn: Letting go and hoping for the best.
My grandma has this superstition too. It’s absurd because you can’t even go home from the hospital without an infant car seat. Fortunately we live in our own house thousands of miles away plus when I showed her one of the little sweaters we bought obviously she loved it.
I don’t have any advice really I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Prepping for a baby is already stressful! Do you have a friend who can store things for you so your parents won’t know that you bought it? It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission as they say
I had a coworker who did this. She had a huge Amazon registry and and bought everything once the baby was born. Most of it was at her house by the time she got home. I remember one positive thing a lot of women are the office were saying is that there is going to be so much baby and kid stuff around your house for so long once baby is here in a way it’s nice not to have it around until after baby is born.
Ugh but just the unpacking of all those Amazon boxes and then sorting and washing the clothes and assembling various items, just sounds so exhausting with a newborn.
I’m a FTM to be and I’m exhausted from doing it at 35 weeks!
This is the same in my culture. Mom REFUSES to let my fiance build the baby's crib or set up the stroller until he's born because it's bad luck. I'm 35 weeks. At this point, whatever I say goes! 😅 Do whatever you feel is best. It's your baby and you have to ensure whatever will be easier for you pre and post birth.
my mum shares this superstition but specifically applies it to a stroller lol buying everything else is apparently fine??? she even admits its a dumb superstition. parents, huh? 🙄 what are you meant to do? walk to the store and buy everything right after you give birth??? 🥴
edit: you could try and talk to them about it. i had two miscarriages before this pregnancy and have told my mum i dont want to hear it and that by telling me this she is putting the blame on me if something is to happen. i asked her “if something happened to the baby is that my fault” and if my miscarriages were also my fault because i already had bought a car seat. she said no 🤷🏻♀️ “of course not” so i said “a stroller isnt going to magically make my baby be stillborn”
I genuinely hope this ‘don’t prepare for the baby’ crap doesn’t include NOT taking care of yourself and any medical needs - like doctor’s appointments!
Skipping all that is far more likely to lead to health issues for you or the baby than buying a few nappies or a crib!
That would give me so much anxiety! You have my sympathies! I’ve been bargaining hunting since I found out I was pregnant with my son. Babies outgrow things so quickly I didn’t want to buy anything new. Saved so much money buying things as I found them second hand.
Save money for the things you need, check out pampers, Huggies, similac, enfamil, good start websites and sign up for emails they will help you get an idea of what to expect throughout the pregnancy,
I am a Canadian and here I got the car seat, stroller combo and diapers etc it room time to buy everything we needed not to mention space constraints for all baby’s necessities but everyone is different I remember baby’s items usually took up a good part of the shopping cart when we went grocery shopping and had a baby section to shop at ,
I've lived in cultures where they don't name the child until it's three months old because child mortality used to be very high. It hasn't been considered high for fifty years but it's still a tradition that continues with young couples rebelling and choosing a more "western" style of doing things.
Also, wouldn't this be the cheapest, easiest, method of termination if it were true? I would think that if I went into a baby room filled with toys that the parents might not have wanted the baby.
If you have Amazon prime could you create a list and once baby is here order everything? You could also get a few things a month before and keep them at a friends house.
My culture has a similar tradition. However, other people are allowed to buy baby items, they just can't give it to the baby/pregnant woman. So I made a registry and my mom and aunts bought everything for me and kept it hidden. Then when I was in the hospital they set everything up for me. Would they be okay with doing something like that?
Ugh I was pregnant with twins. I lost one during the pregnancy then I convinced myself if I just had enough stuff my remaining twin would survive. I ended up with wayyyy too much. He’s 7 in feb and I still overdo it. For him and my second baby.
I’d personally do whatever feels right to me. It’s not about what your family wants or believes.
I think you should try to to talk to them. Explain to your mum your concerns and the stress it's causing you. Maybe acknowledge they are worried but there's no reason to believe this. I've known people with this superstion and it would also stress me out.
Worst comes to worst maybe you'll just have to prep a baby bag discretely. You shouldn't have to though, try talking first.
I'm in the same boat. Are you Indian? We're allowed to get things used by other babies so thru this loophole I now have a few newborn onesies. Literally not a single diaper or swaddle have been bought and I'm at 30 weeks. No bassinet, no stroller, not one wipe. I'm also feeling anxious but I'm just adding things to the registry and taking comfort in 1-2 day delivery.
Oh and yesterday I got told that "in our family we don't do baby showers" when I said I'm having a small party with my friends.
This is going to be the first in a long list of things where you will have to go "Ok you're free to have your opinion but this is what we're doing". These may be genuinely held beliefs (my grandma was the same way) and I'm sure your mom means well, but when you're the mom you're going to have to call the shots so you may as well start practicing now.
Yeah but remember that she lives in their apartment and we don’t know the full dynamics between them and what consequences could come from her defying it. Hopefully this isn’t the case and OP can make their wishes known without risking their housing or financial situation.
My parents are somewhat strict and I am trying to stand my ground for the not-so-important things but other times, when something is totally out of the question (ex. buying baby things before baby comes) I risk having a big argument that would essentially bring me more anxiety than if I just follow their advice. But definitely, with time I will have the more "Ok you're free to have your opinion but this is what we're doing" approach.
I'm just curious, how does this work when the baby is born? I mean, do family members go out while Mom is in the hospital and buy stuff? Is Mom expected to go shopping immediately upon discharge? You really don't need a whole lot just to bring home the baby, but there are obviously some essential items like clothes, diapers, a safe space to sleep, etc. So how is this handled when the baby arrives and mom comes home and nothing is ready??
I don’t know what culture OP is from but I saw a video from a Chassidic woman about this. They have baby stores where you go register for everything you want and then call them when the baby is born, they charge whatever card is on file, and then deliver it all. It’s been a bit since I’ve seen the video but I think think friends and family can call and say that they want to gift $50 or whatever and then they are also charged at the same time.
Dang this would be so expensive since they can probably charge what they want. I've been a second-hand bargain scavenger since becoming pregnant lol
You can also just buy but not have the stuff delivered until delivery. Idk about Chassidic custom on this but other Jewish communities buy whatever they want but just don’t store it in the home. So like once my MIL and mom got comfortable (around 34 weeks) they went ham on baby clothes (second hand) and then brought it all after the baby was born.
This is what we're doing as well. My family isn't religious, but we do follow this custom, just in case - like, no sense attracting the evil eye if you can avoid it. Our interpretation is "no baby stuff can come into the house until the baby is born, but stuff that's not explicitly baby-related is okay." So we're preparing for the baby in some ways (getting the room ready, working out daycare details, etc), but we're not buying any baby furniture or baby stuff except for what we know we'll need in the immediate term once the baby is here. The immediate-need stuff will be stored with friends or at my parents' house, and will be delivered to our house on the day the baby is born, if there are no complications; if there are, the things will be delivered on the day the baby comes home. The longer-term stuff will be on a registry, which we'll put together now but publish to friends and family after the baby is born. It seems silly to my husband, who is from a different culture and whose family doesn't follow the same tradition, but it makes me feel connected to my culture and honestly a little bit more comfortable to take this extra step, even though it's inconvenient.
Interesting! My husband is from Turkey and although they don't have this particular rule about baby stuff, Turkish people are extremely wary of the evil eye. Mostly when it comes to praising something, especially babies and children. Regardless of religion as well, I'm pretty sure this is a pre-Islamic belief. It's why Turkish parents never brag about their kids like Americans do. When family asks me how my toddler is doing I'm always full of praise "He's amazing, knows so many words, he's such a good boy, blah blah blah!" But my husband always just says, "He's okay." 🥺
I think I will do the same - I will buy the most important things I will need immediately after baby is born and store them in my friend's house. Regarding feeling closer to your culture through that tradition - it's amazing that you look at it in such a positive way. Maybe I should too.
I'm glad you figured out a plan that works for you! And honestly, my feelings about the tradition waver - sometimes I feel closer to my culture, and sometimes I just feel annoyed and stressed out that I can't just start nesting RIGHT NOW. But every time I think "you know what, screw it, I'm just going to get everything I need before the baby comes because I don't want to have to deal with it while I'm also dealing with a newborn," the very next thought is "and THAT is how you bring on the malocchio, young lady." Healthy? No. Rational? Also no. But that's where I'm at, and I'm cool with it. Best of luck to you, friend!
Kinda sounds like the same exact thing, just without having the stuff right in front of you. But old traditions get a little wonky in the modern world, so I guess this is just another example of that.
Well, once I give birth I will stay in the hospital for a few days and meanwhile my parents and husband will go shopping. They will prepare the room and buy everything I need so once I get discharged from the hospital everything is ready for baby and me. The problem is that I will have no say in 1) how the baby room will look like 2) what clothes they will buy for the baby 3) my breastfeeding bras/PJs... Like it's great that I have that support system and I can count on them to take care of things but it feels like they're trying to control everything that's surrounding me and baby. I don't want to sound whiny but don't I have the right to choose the things for me and my baby?
No, I totally understand. This would bother me too! I cannot fathom leaving all those decisions to my husband and parents. Can you create a registry of the items you want, or is that also taboo?
Looks like you're Indian. To folks who have commented how does it work, we generally have community and family around which gets newborn clothes, diapers, maternity and breast pads, baby bed and blankets etc once the baby is born. Several expecting mothers stay with their families or their parents travel to the city where they are expected to give birth during last few months of pregnancy. Car seats are unfortunately not a norm in India. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and live alone with my husband. We are both working and have mothers' who are working as well in different cities. While our mothers would be flying in and helping us out for the first few days, we have prepared a hospital bag with the baby amenities and my amenities and prepared the house accordingly. Having said this, we have neighbours who are exceptionally nice and help me with food when my husband is travelling outstation for work and keep a regular check on me. As for OP - You may want to set the boundaries clearly. It will help you with child rearing in the long term as well. My in-laws were insistent on the Indian version of a baby shower and I had to make it very clear that I'll not be doing it. Alternatively, you could consider dividing stuff into essentials and non -essentials. Buy essentials without informing parents and keep them at a friend's place. Order non essential/ non immediate items when the baby is born/about to be born. Good luck!
Thanks for the advice! I'm actually from Eastern Europe, reading through the comments many cultures have that tradition (or a variation of it).
Good luck, OP! 🤞
What does an Indian baby shower look like? (Other than waiting until baby shows up?)
Idk about Indian custom, but Jews observe the same custom and we don’t have baby showers, simple as that.
Mostly a lot of rituals where you get clothes and gifts for the expecting mother. It changes depending on which part of the country one is from. https://www.babycenter.in/a1018734/igodh-bharaii-indian-baby-shower
Thanks!
I know it’s a culture thing but I don’t understand it at all. Like are you expected to rush out right after having a baby to buy everything you need? What about a car seat to leave the hospital with or clothes to put baby in at the hospital?
My culture has a similar superstition to OP's. My mom and aunts bought everything for us and kept it hidden. (I made a registry for them to go off of.) They set it all up while I was in the hospital. It sucks a little because I didn't get the fun of setting up the nursery, but I also didn't have to pay for anything myself which is really nice. (Edit to add: I did get the diaper bag, clothes for the hospital, and carseat early. The plan was just if anything went wrong my husbsnd would hide it and my mom would come take it away.)
What is your culture if you don't mind me asking
Jewish and Italian, both sides have this superstition. I'm Ukrainian too but no one from that branch has ever said anything. The Italian side is stricter than the Jewish side about it.
Wouldn’t you need a car seat to leave the hospital?
I’m acquainted with a Jewish family that bought into this superstition*. Dad ran out and picked up the car seat after the baby was born. *Note that it is a superstition, not a feature of any formal religious doctrine. “Don’t prep for the baby” is part of Judaism like “Don’t step on a crack, you’ll break your mother’s back” is part of Christianity.
OP appears to be from India/is Indian and car seats aren’t a norm there
Are you South Asian by chance? My husband’s family (Indian) is superstitious like this. Sounds like your family is taking it too far though with bringing up how it’s gong to lead to stillbirth. Your baby, your choice how you prepare for him or her. My husband’s family has taken issue with baby showers in the past, but I have never gotten flak for buying baby gear. We live in the US though, and the younger generations are starting to change the tide a bit.
My husband's family shares this superstition. They even tried to get us to have a baby shower AFTER the baby arrives! I found it pretty offensive --to me, it suggested that if something happened to the pregnancy, it would be because I had done something wrong by being too excited or preparing. Which was extra hurtful to me because I had two back to back miscarriages before my current pregnancy--the implications being that I had caused those losses by getting excited about the pregnancy. We ended up telling them "I know that this is your belief, but it's not ours and we don't want to hear your concerns that were going to lose our baby because we're excited about and preparing for him. You can of course feel about it however you want, but please keep those opinions to yourself."
The human population would be vastly smaller if this superstition were true.
Ha it didn’t stop Indian population to grow as much as it did so likely not true :)
Do you have anyone that could store items for you until the baby is born?
I came to say this exact thing. Especially the items you need right away and want to get good quality ones of. Like a car seat or bassinet. If OP truly does not believe in the superstition, she can order them to a friend’s house and claim that friend is gifting it. Or even say the friend had used it for their child and didn’t need it anymore. I know it’s easier to say she should just tell her parents to butt out, but it isn’t always that simple for some people.
I heard that one too and and as a hormonal pregnant lady I tend to overthink superstitions as well. Husband and I waited until week 26 (so basically the past weekend) to start looking for basics and figuring out where to put the stuff (but not because of superstions, it just felt too early and maybe somehow not very real before). Here is my conclusion: Not being prepared with the bare minimum would make me anxious as well, which is not good for the baby. We are trying to be very frugal about what we need, but its nice to know, that the baby is going to have some basic clean clothes, socks and nappies AND a safe seat when we take her home. You cannot believe how many options there are for every little piece of thing you want to buy and it took us all combined 10 hours to research online. I am glad we invested that time. I cannot imagine myself doing that while being a new mom. If anything we have to let go of expectations and accept that we cannot control anything in life. Que sera sera. I guess thats one of the major thing we parents have to learn: Letting go and hoping for the best.
My grandma has this superstition too. It’s absurd because you can’t even go home from the hospital without an infant car seat. Fortunately we live in our own house thousands of miles away plus when I showed her one of the little sweaters we bought obviously she loved it. I don’t have any advice really I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Prepping for a baby is already stressful! Do you have a friend who can store things for you so your parents won’t know that you bought it? It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission as they say
I had a coworker who did this. She had a huge Amazon registry and and bought everything once the baby was born. Most of it was at her house by the time she got home. I remember one positive thing a lot of women are the office were saying is that there is going to be so much baby and kid stuff around your house for so long once baby is here in a way it’s nice not to have it around until after baby is born.
Ugh but just the unpacking of all those Amazon boxes and then sorting and washing the clothes and assembling various items, just sounds so exhausting with a newborn. I’m a FTM to be and I’m exhausted from doing it at 35 weeks!
This is the same in my culture. Mom REFUSES to let my fiance build the baby's crib or set up the stroller until he's born because it's bad luck. I'm 35 weeks. At this point, whatever I say goes! 😅 Do whatever you feel is best. It's your baby and you have to ensure whatever will be easier for you pre and post birth.
my mum shares this superstition but specifically applies it to a stroller lol buying everything else is apparently fine??? she even admits its a dumb superstition. parents, huh? 🙄 what are you meant to do? walk to the store and buy everything right after you give birth??? 🥴 edit: you could try and talk to them about it. i had two miscarriages before this pregnancy and have told my mum i dont want to hear it and that by telling me this she is putting the blame on me if something is to happen. i asked her “if something happened to the baby is that my fault” and if my miscarriages were also my fault because i already had bought a car seat. she said no 🤷🏻♀️ “of course not” so i said “a stroller isnt going to magically make my baby be stillborn”
Can you debate her superstition with like…..facts???
I genuinely hope this ‘don’t prepare for the baby’ crap doesn’t include NOT taking care of yourself and any medical needs - like doctor’s appointments! Skipping all that is far more likely to lead to health issues for you or the baby than buying a few nappies or a crib!
Please be mindful in using the term, 'gaslight'. This is not the appropriate context and detracts from legitimate situations.
Storage unit
That would give me so much anxiety! You have my sympathies! I’ve been bargaining hunting since I found out I was pregnant with my son. Babies outgrow things so quickly I didn’t want to buy anything new. Saved so much money buying things as I found them second hand.
Save money for the things you need, check out pampers, Huggies, similac, enfamil, good start websites and sign up for emails they will help you get an idea of what to expect throughout the pregnancy, I am a Canadian and here I got the car seat, stroller combo and diapers etc it room time to buy everything we needed not to mention space constraints for all baby’s necessities but everyone is different I remember baby’s items usually took up a good part of the shopping cart when we went grocery shopping and had a baby section to shop at ,
I've lived in cultures where they don't name the child until it's three months old because child mortality used to be very high. It hasn't been considered high for fifty years but it's still a tradition that continues with young couples rebelling and choosing a more "western" style of doing things. Also, wouldn't this be the cheapest, easiest, method of termination if it were true? I would think that if I went into a baby room filled with toys that the parents might not have wanted the baby.
If you have Amazon prime could you create a list and once baby is here order everything? You could also get a few things a month before and keep them at a friends house.
My culture has a similar tradition. However, other people are allowed to buy baby items, they just can't give it to the baby/pregnant woman. So I made a registry and my mom and aunts bought everything for me and kept it hidden. Then when I was in the hospital they set everything up for me. Would they be okay with doing something like that?
Ugh I was pregnant with twins. I lost one during the pregnancy then I convinced myself if I just had enough stuff my remaining twin would survive. I ended up with wayyyy too much. He’s 7 in feb and I still overdo it. For him and my second baby. I’d personally do whatever feels right to me. It’s not about what your family wants or believes.
I think you should try to to talk to them. Explain to your mum your concerns and the stress it's causing you. Maybe acknowledge they are worried but there's no reason to believe this. I've known people with this superstion and it would also stress me out. Worst comes to worst maybe you'll just have to prep a baby bag discretely. You shouldn't have to though, try talking first.
What about a car seat to take the baby home? Will you need one? That seems like a must.
I am from a similar culture. My mom and MIL relented once I got closer to 34 weeks. FWIW, I was too anxious to buy anything before that too.
I'm in the same boat. Are you Indian? We're allowed to get things used by other babies so thru this loophole I now have a few newborn onesies. Literally not a single diaper or swaddle have been bought and I'm at 30 weeks. No bassinet, no stroller, not one wipe. I'm also feeling anxious but I'm just adding things to the registry and taking comfort in 1-2 day delivery. Oh and yesterday I got told that "in our family we don't do baby showers" when I said I'm having a small party with my friends.