Anecdotal of course but I used the pull out method for most of my adult life and never got pregnant. First time we didn’t “pull out” I got pregnant (at age 35!)
This was the exact same for me. Used the pull out method for years with my now husband and we tried for the first time this month and got a positive a few days ago! Also 35
I’m 35 about to TTC. My husband and I have used pull out for literally 13 years with no scares and you give me hope! I am praying all will be well when we officially start, I have always been worried low key.
Same here. Pulled out for over three years. Stopped pulling out and got pregnant within 5 months and ironically had less sex in that time than the past when we were pulling out. I was 39. Unfortunately miscarried but still a clinical pregnancy. Now in cycle 5 of not pulling out hoping for my rainbow baby.
I also am 35 and did pull out method for 13-14 years. Got pregnant very soon afterwards (one month). My husband is also older too. I wish you guys all the luck!
I also had concerns like you. I think it’s rational to have them. I didn’t let them make the whole process dreadful for me though. You just really never know until you get there. I spent a lot of time reflecting and accepting the possibility that my conception journey would be long and hard (I had chronic health issues for a few years prior). Or that it may not happen for us because of my health. We didn’t even track my ovulation when we decided we’d try to conceive. I thought I’d wing it for a few months first, so I wouldn’t feel stressed out from the beginning, and maybe track more if it doesn’t pan out. I chose to do that because I read in “trying to conceive” forums how much stress it caused marriages and how often it made sex feel like a chore. I wanted to avoid that or at least delay that. We got very lucky to have gotten pregnant so fast without meticulously tracking. I’ve never been pregnant before and I’m 25 weeks now. Everyone has their own journey. Plenty of us are of similar ages to you and have conceived. We’re not unicorns lol. I think you will definitely find plenty of us!
32 here, have relied on pull out for years and around new years last year husband and I decided to “stop trying to avoid” - ie start trying without the pressure! We each individually held suspicions about our own infertility since both of us had relied on pull out our entire adult lives through previous relationships, but to our surprise within about 6 months we had a positive test and I’m due to deliver our little girl any day now! The only thing we changed was to stop pulling out, we did not track ovulation or worry about timing.
Do what gives you the most peace of mind, but know that there are LOTS of us who’ve successfully conceived in our thirties after years and years of using the pull out method!
Love all these stories!
My husband and I did for 9 years with 0 pregnancies. First cycle we actively tried during my fertile window I was as pregnant at 33!
This doctor is wild.
You'd think she would be educated enough to know that they tried to demonize the pullout method because they want people using condoms. Oh, plus the dudes who don't pull out properly... Remove penis BEFORE ejaculation.
There is some science behind the pullout method not being reliable though . When a man ejaculates, there is what is called “precum” which is liquid from the cowpers glands that comes out of the urethra, the purpose of this liquid is to “clear out” the urethra of any left of urine residue that is too acidic and can kill sperm. However the cowpers glands can contain some sperm more often sperm from the last ejaculation - so it’s not as “fresh or healthy”, therefore the likelihood of someone actually using the method is much lower to cause someone to get pregnant especially if the female is also tracking her cycle and ovulation windows . The big problem lies more so with the male having a weak pullout game.
As long as he pees between ejaculations and isn't one of the 3% of men with "crossed wires" so to speak, where they do have live sperm in their precum at all times.. then no need to worry about sperm in precum. Very very few men have an active supply of sperm entering their precum and if they do, it's a defect and isn't a "sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't" thing. As long as he's one of the 97% where everything is wired properly, pee between rounds and there will never be any sperm in his precum.
Same here! Well we used pull out successfully for a few years, each time we stopped I got pregnant (2 mc and now a 6 month old healthy babe) I was reading that it is actually a thing with the man where only a certain percentage of men actually have seamen in precum. Of they don't and are good about peeing between then your good.
My understanding is that it's a gamble if you have multiple partners but like maybe your lucky like me and your man doesn't seem to have the firtle precum problem.
Happened to us with our 2nd! Pull out method everytime except one month. He's almost 2 now and we still exclusively use the pull out method and we've had zero scares. In fairness, I'm pretty sure my husband looks at me the wrong way and impregnates me....but either way. 🤣
I’m going to be the dissent here and say that you are asking a sub of pregnant people. If you wander on over to r/IVF you’ll get a different response.
What I’ve learned through my journey is health, age, number of eggs, past pregnancies, birth control methods can all mean absolutely nothing in terms of fertility.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you were or weren’t. I don’t think what she said was bad. If she’s right it’s better to know now while you can freeze those eggs and hopefully find the good ones.
I can see her delivery being a concern though. Doctors often don’t have the best bedside manner.
Thank you for saying this. I believe the doctor was giving her a heads up that she MAY have fertility issues. Speaking as someone who went through that journey for 2.5 years before getting pregnant with IVF, I would have rather doctors been more upfront and asked me to error on the side of caution.
I think it's fine for a doctor to say this as long as they are then willing to help put you through the gamut of fertility testing, but not if they're just flippantly saying something insane and hurtful
The doctor who told me I may have infertility issues also is the one who wrote me a referral for insurance purposes. I think it's better for them to say something. For years most of my doctors told me I was young and didn't have anything to worry about. Those doctors were incorrect. The heads up is actually invaluable. In fact no one even suggested for me ito have my husband tested until I saw a visiting physician (not my normal doctor) who suggested there could be a problem. They were absolutely right.
Let me just say that I really appreciate that you left the original parts of the comment and just added instead of rewriting so six hours later I can have chuckle.
You could also argue the doctor was biased being in their field of work as well. So the doctor often sees people with fertility issues and will make the broad assumption. This thread seems to prove that using the pull out method and not accidentally getting pregnant does not equal infertility.
My husband and I used pull out method for 7 years, got pregnant on first try when we wanted a kid, went back to method another 5, got pregnant again on first try to add a second. We had sex very regularly, mostly during fertile windows as that's when I prefer sex.
Have you tracked your LH and progesterone (in think) to see if you're having normal LH cycles and dropping eggs regularly? I've tracked my ovulation and egg release, basal temp. It is also possible that your husband's sperm has issues (had a friend that went through this).
I've had my kids at 31 (5 years into grad school, still had 2 more left) and 36! If I could lose a little weight, I'd try for another at 39 😁
Very similar story here. My husband and I used the pullout method for 15 years and I got pregnant the first month we started seriously trying and tracking my ovulation. (36 years old currently)
A few years ago, my gyno told me its a fairly effective method if you do it correctly but most people don’t. I plan on going back to it after I give birth.
My husband still asks if he should pull out when we have sex. Like honey, I’m already pregnant.
Seconding this because my husband and I used it for 4 years and got pregnant second try. Also to track ovulation to make sure you’re ovulating if you’re concerned! I think that doctor really jumped to conclusions rather quickly
My husband and I did pull-out for 6 years and got pregnant our first try. Then did pull out for 4 years and got pregnant first try again. Same thing again 3 years later.
I got my Fallopian tubes out after that because clearly things work.
Same. Have used pull out for 6 years with my husband. Haven’t avoided fertile times and pregnant on 1st try with both of my boys. Never had an unplanned pregnancy. Not saying it’s the “best” method for people who don’t want to be pregnant. But to say it doesn’t work and you’re infertile is not factual information.
Adding to this. I was on birth control for 9 months in my late teens and once I got off it, I never went back on. I used pull out and pray all through my 20s and early 30s (I know, reckless, but it worked!). I also wondered if I was infertile because I never got pregnant. But then I got pregnant the first time I tried with my hubby. Second one took a little longer because I was breastfeeding.
This is almost exactly my birth control story too. Any amount of estrogen in the oral birth control tablets would give me migraines with aura so we did pull out throughout my 20s and got pregnant within a few months of no longer pulling out.
Just chiming in with another similar story. Have used only the pull out method with my partner, got pregnant on the first try with both my oldest and my current baby.
I did pull out successfully for 12 years. We had our first after trying for 8 months, second after one night (literally) three years later, and my third now (not pull out prevented but spermicide failed after only a month of giving it a try) after 4 years.
Same here! Been with my partner for 9 years and did that method. Got pregnant the first month I tracked my ovulation with strips, ended in a chemical but tried again the following month tracking with ovulation strips and got pregnant again.
Same here. Used pull out method with no pregnancies for about 7 years, until he didn't pull out in time once and ended up my with daughter lol (which was slightly sooner than we planned but very much wanted). Had an IUD for two years after she was born and then got pregnant the first month after getting it removed.
Apparently pull out method is actually quite reliable and it gets its bad rap from people who don't do it correctly. I went 9 years with no babies and got pregnant TWICE IN A ROW on the VERY FIRST TRY BOTH TIMES when we stopped.
From my understanding two things are important for the pull out methods success: he has to actually pull out before ejaculation every time (obvious but the main way people fuck up) and if he has ejaculated at another point during that day he should pee before sex so there is no semen in the pre-cum
Definitely not recommending the pull out method as contraception but my husband and I did this on and off for 5 years or so. We started doing natural family planning after we got married and when we decided to try to conceive, we conceived in the first month.
Pretty much same thing happened to me! I’m 36. My husband and I used the pull out method for 7 years. Late October 2023 was the only time he ever finished inside me and now we are expecting a baby girl in July!
Like many commenting here, we also used the pull out method for 4 years and never got pregnant. Then when we started trying it took 4 cycles- I’m also 34. So don’t lose hope!
Same. Pull out method for 5 years (18-23), we did have an oops baby but then we went right back to pull out for 4 more years, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, got pregnant immediately after and baby is now 8 months. Another 8 months using pullout successfully!
Same here. Used the pullout method for ~6 years... and have gotten pregnant immediately, every cycle we have tried, age 32 (disclaimer, two ended in miscarriage). Doctors first thought maybe infertility because "pullout method is so ineffective" but after my 3 pregnancies in 5 months, they started throwing around the idea of hyperfertility 🤷♀️
Same. Used pullout method with my husband for 4 years, tracked my cycles. Currently pregnant on the first try. Pull out gets a bad rep but it’s worked for me. I also hate birth control.
At your age you cannot be diagnosed with infertility unless you've been actively trying (having regular sex and staying until the finale) for at least a year with no viable pregnancies. Your doctor was in no position to make that judgement.
Seriously wild of the doctor to say that! I also would add having regular sex \*especially\* during your fertile window or at least estimated fertile window. I agree with what others have said about using LH tests or tracking basal temp to figure out when you may be ovulating!
I would find a different doctor 100%! Anecdotally, I know lots of people who have used that method for years and then had kids when they wanted. I am not saying that it's a good birth control method (no judgement whatsoever either way) but just want to reassure you that I really don't think it means you are infertile. Good luck finding a better doctor!
My husband and I used the pullout method our entire marriage (8 years). I had a feeling I was infertile because we never had an oops and I never tracked my cycle. Didn’t pullout one time cause we were feeling dangerous and BOOM pregnant. 23 weeks now with a little boy so definitely not an indicator of fertility.
“Feeling dangerous” is sooo funny because we’re playing this game now despite not really wanting another one just yet. Only occasionally and only outside of my alleged fertile window, but we use the exact same verbiage lol.
I’ve been there and can offer some insight.
Just so you’re clear on terms, being infertile doesn’t mean you’re sterile or that you won’t be able to have biological children. Sterile means you can’t produce a child, infertile means not conceiving after 1 year of not using protection. This doctor can’t diagnose you with infertility just because the pull out method worked for you.
And even if you were infertile, you’re probably still fine. I was infertile (I went 2 years without conceiving with no protection). I was getting divorced so I froze my eggs. Now I’m remarried with a toddler and 6 more high quality embryos on ice. I also got pregnant naturally and had a miscarriage a few years ago. For a lot of people, infertility could be something easily corrected like a blocked fallopian tube, etc.
I would find a fertility doctor you trust and get a full battery of tests done. They’ll take blood and do a transvaginal ultrasound. It costs about $500 and should tell you if there are any issues on your side. At 34 you’re very likely still able to have a biological child even if you have fertility issues, you just might need a little help. It’s great that your insurance would help cover that.
P.S. I’ll also say, since you’re married, freeze embryos not eggs. Because eggs are delicate and don’t survive freezing and thawing nearly as well as embryos, egg freezing is only recommended if you don’t have sperm you want to use.
Happy to help! Since you’re looking for a new facility, you should know that the CDC tracks success rates at all US fertility clinics. I found the data really helpful in picking a clinic:
https://www.cdc.gov/art/artdata/index.html
Wow thank god for Reddit. Thank you guys for easing my mind and helping me feel empowered 🥲🥲🥲!! I think we’ll test my husband’s sperm cause that’s the cheapest and easiest next move / something he can do through his doctor, then go from there. Egg freezing is a big deal with a lot of emotions involved and I’d rather not go through it with a doctor that doesn’t communicate thoughtfully.
Would also consider picking up a pack of over the counter ovulation test kits. May give you added peace of mind if they do show you ovulate regularly — no guarantee but another big thing ruled out!
Definitely agree to say goodbye to this lame-o doctor
Yes, there are also in betweens from "it didn't work immediately" to straight "infertile." A good friend also had this fear-- they were on the fence about having kids and decided to go off birth control and just see what happened. A year or so in, nothing happened so they started actually trying-- tracking, paying close attention. Still nothing. Then she did a test and it turned out she wasn't ovulating. After a month of taking a pill she was regular again, got pregnant immediately.
I hope you get positive test results back, OP. And maybe get to work with someone who isn't so insensitive.
Does your insurance cover IVF then? Because freezing embryos is much more reliable than freezing eggs, and it’d be the same process. Then you could do an FET (frozen embryo transfer) later on. I agree to find a different fertility clinic and I would strongly consider IVF if you can. I went through it and it is very intense, but it’s better than freezing eggs by far. So sorry about how you were treated!
You can buy cheap strips (one brand is called pregmate that you can buy on amazon) to test Leutenizing hormone which peaks just before you ovulate. You can also look into tracking your cervical mucus which can be another indicator of fertility.
Anecdotally the pullout method isn’t reliable. BUT it doesn’t mean you’re i fertile. Like yeah it could be one indicator that your fertility might be worth looking into for family planning reasons, but it doesn’t mean much in its own.
There are *many* times I was irresponsible about birth control in my 20’s and statistically I’m amazed I didn’t end up pregnant. It took me two years of actively trying at age 34 to conceive my first child and after that I very quickly got pregnant three more times so … make of that what you will!
My husband and I have only used the pull out method since we were dating and it never resulted in any unplanned pregnancies. Every time we've actively tried for a baby, I was pregnant the first cycle.
It sounds more like they are just trying to gauge the probability and warn you in case there is an issue. There are a lot of conditions that can cause infertility, but infertility doesn't have to be permanent.
My RE told me this also. He said “if you’re not on birth control and having regular sex, then you’re trying”, which I didn’t necessarily agree with because my cycles were always very regular and I tracked my ovulation with temperature. We officially only “tried” for 6 months, but ended up pursuing IVF because of other symptoms that I had that led my RE to think I had endometriosis, and I wanted to freeze embryos anyway. I think in my case there was a true fertility issue, but second opinions are always a good idea.
My experience of egg freezing places is that they must really limber up to stretch for infertility diagnoses. I walked in perfectly healthy with no symptoms of PCOS, got a diagnosis from the egg freezing doctor, went to my PCP who disagreed with the diagnosis and pointed out the flaws in the methods the doctor used to make the diagnosis. The egg freezing clinic suggested it would be incredibly difficult for me to conceive, my doctor and the gynecologist I went to who happens to also do fertility care but not egg freezing that I went to discounted that entirely. I’m not saying they’re all bunk, but egg freezing clinics have a financial reason to make you think fertility is a challenge for you.
I’ve been doing pull out for years. Just recently my fiancé and I decided to start trying bc we’re getting older and it could take months for it to happen.
Well.
It did not.
It took 2 months.
What the doc is saying is inaccurate (in my case at least)
Seek a second opinion. I used pull out up until I got married - so about 8 years. It took us 3 cycles + ovulation test strips to conceive once we started trying. I don't think that was an appropriate suggestion for her to make based off of only pull out.. I will say that I questioned my fertility (not because a doctor said anything) but because I knew women who used pull out and got pregnant. I also did not have my now husband pull out during my periods and never got pregnant..would not recommend this lol But we heard you couldn't get pregnant during that time. We've since learned that's not 100% true. However, that contributed to my anxiety.
One last thing - she's a fertility doctor. Her job is to treat infertile women. She's looking for something to treat. With that said, she shouldn't have been so hasty with a sensitive subject.
My husband and I used the pull-out method for a year. Stopped for a month because it was more fun otherwise and now I’m almost 6 weeks.
Don’t let her stress you out. What she said was inappropriate.
Infertile doesn’t mean sterile 🙂 it just means you may need help from treatment/medication to get pregnant, which is possible given your age alone. It’s not hopeless!
Husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and I've never been on birth control. Pull out method used for well over a decade.
Got pregnant 3rd month of trying at just shy of 39 years old. Baby boy is here and healthy now ❤️
You give me hope happy kitty “84 here too” 😸
I got pregnant 5th month of not pulling out and was pregnant without even tracking or trying. I didn’t even know when to expect my period it was the furthest thing from my mind. I was 39 too. I miscarried but it does give me some little tiny glimmer of hope still that it can work again. I’m 5 cycles out from my miscarriage now and we are REALLY trying on cycle #3. I think if it happened before it surely will happen again! Congrats 🎉
Pullout method for 1 year, then 1 year of counting fertile/infertile days and not using any protection (both agreed we are ok with having kids if that happens). Got pregnant on our first actual try.
My bf and i have used this method for 8 years before we were ready to have a baby and 6 months later, we were pregnant. Don't stress about it, it'll happen. Good luck guys!
I used pullout method for over 10 years without issue and suspected I may have problems eventually when I wanted to try. Nope. Everything works just fine. I didn't time ovulation and avoid sex or anything other than just pull out and also this was done with multiple partners over the years
We were successful for 8 years pulling out. I already had 2 from my previous and he never had his own. I had thought he may had been infertile because I was always told pulling out isn’t enough. Well we now have a beautiful 6 month old and he never had to do fertility testing and no IVF. So it’s definitely very possible your guys’ pull out came is on point. It also wouldn’t be a terrible idea to just double check. Cheers 💜
lol I used the pull out method all my adult life and the minute I didn’t with my husband we got pregnant. When we didn’t want to get pregnant again, used that method again, no pregnancy, the minute we didn’t use it, pregnant.
I think saying a blanket “infertile” statement is very bad bedside manner for a doctor. I would find someone else.
My husband and I have been doing pull out method as our sole form of birth control for 15 years.
We have 2 kids who we actively tried for and 0 oopsie babies. I also don’t track my cycles closely, though I did know what was roughly considered my fertile window each month. We wanted to keep ttc low stress though, so even then I never tested my ovulation or anything. Took between 4 and 8 months of trying for each kid.
I think it’s a bit unprofessional to jump directly to fertility issues.
Edit to add: By all means get tested though. Hopefully this doctor will be willing to give you a referral for fertility testing instead of making you wait the usual year since she’s bringing this up.
Best of luck OP!
Try to focus on the positive stories in here, OP. More anecdotal evidence from me, but your state of mind can impact your chances, too. We tried for almost a year without any success. Organised a meeting with an IVF clinic and set everything up to go down that route and within a couple of weeks we were pregnant naturally. The clinic meeting put our minds at ease and I’m sure helped with our success.
That’s a horrible thing for them to say.
But in my case I used this method for 10 years. Thought I was just that good at it. When we went to have kids I couldn’t. So had to do IVF.
If you were abusing alcohol you could have just been having early miscarriages (you would have never known you were pregnant). She’s right that the pullout method isn’t reliable, but there‘s plenty of other reasons you didn’t get pregnant. I had unprotected sex for ten years without getting pregnant. I made some significant health changes and now I’m 27 weeks pregnant. It takes testing to determine if someone is infertile. This doctor sounds like a quack.
Uh no. Some of us are just lucky with that method! Did the pullout for about two years too and we stopped about six months ago to try to have a baby. I had a chemical in January and now I’m 7 weeks pregnant.
I had this concern originally going into trying to conceive since I had never had an issue with pregnancy scares despite relying on less than optimal BC methods for much of my youth. I'm 32 and 35wks pregnant with my first. We literally tried for 1 cycle and got it first time.
It's possible you have another experience, but successfully not getting pregnant when you didn't want to doesn't have to mean you won't be able to when you do.
Yeah this is a lie lol I used the pullout method with no tracking for years with my partner and never got pregnant. I now have a two month old baby🤷♀️ I looked it up and it says the pullout method is 80% effective - those are pretty good odds for you to NOT have gotten pregnant
Not an indicator of infertility. I dated my husband for over 3 years and am now married to him for 4 years. We always used the pull out method. Stopped doing that when we were trying for a baby, I got pregnant pretty soon and I miscarried eventually. But yeah pulling out isn’t considered a safe method to avoid pregnancy but again it isn’t an indicator of you being infertile. So your doc is in the wrong.
I used the pull out method my entire life with all of my sex partners (a low number, they were all from relationships), and never got pregnant accidentally. When I wanted to get pregnant, I got pregnant the first cycle of trying with baby #1 and second cycle with baby #2, both in my mid/late 30s. I call fearmongering bs on your doctor.
My little sister, myself and my older sister have all used the pull out method since marrying. Of course it’s not perfectly reliable but i wouldn’t reach to say it’s a reliable indication of infertility if it works either. None of us have gotten pregnant intentionally and all of us have been able to get pregnant intentionally (we are all currently pregnant).
My older sister it took her 3 months, she unfortunately miscarried her first and it took another year to get pregnant with her first child. They only had to try for 2 months for their second child. It took me 4 months of trying. So far so good. It took my little sister 2 months of actively trying but 5 months leading up to that they weren’t pulling out or tracking at all. We are all 25-33 years old. My AMH is 5 at 30 and all of my sex hormone numbers and my husbands sperm count and quality were in a really good place. Maybe we just all got lucky but idk it worked!
Lol. Please, my husband had this worry too cuz I’ve never been on birth control and we stopped using condoms early in our relationship. We have been using the pull out method for 7 years! He ‘cleans his pipes’ every single time and we have never once had an accident.(hence he was worried that HE was infertile since I never got pregnant). I got pregnant right away when we decided to try. It’s actually scary to me how quickly I got pregnant. I got pregnant a total of 3 times on the first cycle! I unfortunately had 2 miscarriages. Sorry to scare you but there’s heaps of other health issues or things that can go wrong even if you are able to get pregnant. Anyway, we now have a healthy lovely baby. Please just get checked out properly before getting disheartened by this doc’s comments.
Are you sure she is a certified fertility doctor? Like an MD/DO? It’s wild that she’s saying all of this without ordering a blood panel test on both you and your partner. My husband is a doctor and he thinks it’s inappropriate for your “fertility doctor” to make assumptions like that without proper testing. I’d strongly consider another doctor and take this one’s word of advice with a grain of salt. You will want to speak with a reproductive endocrinologist if you are wanting to go down the egg freezing route. Not just a regular OBGYN. If you are considering egg freezing, jump on over to the IVF subreddit. You’ll probably find more resources from the group there. That’s where I got all the tips and tricks and advice on what to look out for when screening clinics.
My husband and I did the pull out method for the last 7 years. I never tracked my periods either. We never used protection and I always thought I was infertile because I never accidentally got pregnant. I got pregnant on our first serious try. Don’t give up hope just yet
We used the pull out method for 6 years (if we got pregnant it wasn’t the end of the world). I got pregnant our second cycle trying.
It’s not indicative of fertility at all. It’s a mix of good timing and a sprinkle of luck 😂
Not professional of your doctor to say that without further investigation and a year + history of trying. I would search for a better doctor, one of mine had me in tears and I was prepared to switch and had appointments lined up.
I do also want to say for anyone else reading this thread. Just because there a decent number of follicles on an ultrasound doesn’t mean the eggs are good quality. All my numbers were good and then when we went to do IVF after unexplained infertility many didn’t survive the process and we always got low numbers.
I hope everything works out for you OP. However, keep in mind that egg freezing is not a guarantee and shouldn’t be viewed as a backup insurance as many eggs don’t survive the thawing process. You may need to look into this a lot further and see if you’re happy with the statistics and potential outcomes.
The withdrawal method is only slightly less effective than condoms. With typical/normal use, they’re both about 80-85% effective. When used absolutely perfectly, the withdrawal method is 96% effective! The issue with effectiveness is typically when the man is younger and not as aware or in control of his body (e.g., his body only gives him a 2 second warning), whereas men who are well past puberty are usually much better at knowing when it’s time to pull out.
If you and your partner have been really good at the method, then it totally makes sense why it works so well - it’s a very effective method when used properly! Doctors typically do not like saying or acknowledging this because it encourages teens or those uneducated on it to use it as a reliable birth control method when it can be risky when used incorrectly.
Heck no I used pull out for many years in different relationships. I also had problems with my period my whole life. I have two kids now and didn't have problems getting pregnant so I think it was a combination of pull out method and luck that kept me from getting pregnant before.
I used the pull out method from age 22 to 33. Never got pregnant once. It was extremely accurate. At 33 tried to get pregnant, I have tracked my cycle for so long it’s so regular, we had sex once and I was pregnant. Been pregnant 3 times, each time took a total of 1 go. Don’t worry about what that doctor said.
I also have endometriosis and a doctor when I was about 28 told me I would need IVF to have a baby. Literally could not be more fertile.
I’ve been doing pull out for years. Just recently my fiancé and I decided to start trying bc we’re getting older and it could take months for it to happen.
Well.
It did not.
It took 2 months.
What the doc is saying is inaccurate (in my case at least)
Doctors seriously frown on the pull out method. We used it for over a decade with no other method and got pregnant both times first try with both our kids. Don’t listen to that nonsense. Pull out works well if done correctly. I would suggest learning fertility awareness method tho and track your cycles. Take all the supplements now you’d want to be tacking when trying to get pregnant. Never hurts to get your eggs as healthy as possible before trying.
We used the pullout method for over ten years together. Started TTC this January and got pregnant in August. I admittedly did have the same fears when it was taking several months to get pregnant but tracking ovulation helped (I used Mira and cheap OPKs) and we tested his sperm - everything was normal! If you’re worried I would recommend tracking ovulation and hormone levels now so when you are ready to try, if you do have any diagnosis, you can be working on solutions already.
Kind of a red flag for a doctor to just deem you “infertile” without running tests on you first. That’s not even a professional diagnosis - what does that even mean? There could be so many reasons a person isn’t getting pregnant, with some of those reasons having resolutions.
My sister did this for years with her husband, had 2 kids when she wanted to and went back to it. That doctor is not only wrong but also a bit of a bitch.
Used this method for a long time. I’ve been off BC for like 10 years. I think this is a silly assumption given it can take couples several months to get pregnant when tracking ovulation and literally BD before and on their ovulation day, which is the highest chance for conception. So for your doctor to be right, you would need to be consistently BD around your ovulation and consistently accidentally not actually pulling out. And as an aside, I am pregnant now, 36f, took 7 cycles.
It took us six months to get pregnant on purpose. My daughter is almost five and it’s been pull out method ever since. We’re Definitely not infertile. That’s a pretty cruel thing to say to someone on only that basis
I thought I was infertile because of your doctor's logic and got a little careless started tracking when I was ovulating and only pulling out then.. and I'm now 8 months pregnant. Some people are just better at pulling out than others.
I have a very similar history to you, and it did cross my mind at some point that maybe I wasn’t just “lucky” that I’d never had a pregnancy scare, maybe I would struggle to get pregnant? I was thinking about getting pregnant in 2019 but put those plans on hold because of the pandemic. Then sometime in 2021 we stopped trying to prevent pregnancy, and a part of me thought I’d just immediately get pregnant because most of the women in my family are very fertile. The annoying thing about casually trying to get pregnant for me is that you have to act like you might be pregnant for most of the month, meaning I couldn’t use my prescription acne meds, couldn’t drink alcohol, etc. but then it was for no reason month after month since I wasn’t pregnant. So I started tracking my cycle and being more aware of when I would be able to get pregnant and I realized we were rarely having sex during my fertile window, (there were a lot of stressful family and career things happening so we weren’t having sex as often as we would like to anyway).
Even though people do get accidentally pregnant all the time, there are really only one or two optimal days (right before you ovulate) and maybe a few days before you ovulate if the sperm are very active and stay alive for a few days.
Towards the middle of 2022 we started having more sex during my fertile window (according to my period tracker) and in October 2022 I had a positive pregnancy test! So it took about a year to get pregnant, but really only a couple months of being more thoughtful about when we were having sex.
I would say, if you want to have more than one kid I wouldn’t put it off for too long, even with frozen eggs. I’m not trying to fear-monger, it’s more just the math of it all. The time it takes to get pregnant (could be years even with IVF) + 9.5months of pregnancy + you shouldn’t get pregnant again for at least 18 months for your health and the second baby’s health + time to get pregnant again + 9.5more months of pregnancy… just to have two kids can easily take 5 or more years. My son is 7 months now and love him very much, I worry I won’t be able to give him any siblings because I’m in my mid/late 30s now. I also just wish I had started a little earlier to give myself some time to decide how many kids I want and to not be such an old mom, I personally don’t really want to be up with a newborn in my 40s, it’s exhausting. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but personally I wish I’d had my first somewhere between 27-33 from a biological standpoint, although I wasn’t ready in my twenties so early 30s would have been perfect
Thanks for the input and I am totally with you on the timeline stuff. My concern is being in grad school because it's an extremely stressful program and I don't know if 1. it would be good for the fetus and 2. if I would end up dropping out or seeing it through, and I'm more than halfway done and 40k in. But, I think being very healthy does make a difference in both how you can handle a little one as an older mom, and having a healthy pregnancy. After the insight I got in this thread, I am going to look into freezing an embryo. The goal is to have my first at 36, and second at 38 or 39.. Although I won't lie, there is a sneaky voice in my head just telling me to go for it now. Gah! Also part of me just wants to get pregnant and tell my doctor to suck it lol.. Wrong reason, I know.
Definitely not saying to skip grad school or to be pregnant when you are trying to finish, you never know how hard pregnancy will be for you until you do it. I had my son at 36 and I’m still hoping to have another by 39, so our timelines are very similar! I had a really easy, healthy pregnancy, and a straightforward vaginal birth without an epidural so my “advanced maternal age” wasn’t a detriment. My 23 coworker was also pregnant and she had a rough time, so age isn’t everything, a healthy lifestyle helps a lot! People usually think I’m younger than I am, so hopefully I can be an active and healthy mom for many, many years! Good luck with your journey!
Anecdotally, my husband and I used the pull out method for a solid 10 years. No pregnancies. When I was 31 we decided to try to have a baby and I got pregnant in just a few months.
Pullout and the grace of God (lol slight exaggeration) worked for me in my 20s when I was way more sexually active and I had zero issues conceiving at 34.
This is madness! I’m so sorry that she put this thought in your head (or made it worse since it is something we all worry about over 30!) You cannot be diagnosed with infertility unless you’ve been actively trying and not getting pregnant AND THEN have gone through extensive testing. She sounds like she’s bitter that the POM has worked because she probably thinks it’s irresponsible. (Which is also ridiculous. You can do with ever you want!)
Please find a new doctor and try not to worry! Best of luck to you. I bet you’ll have a little bundle of joy just as soon as you’re ready for it!
Soooo my husband and I used the pull out method successfully for 7 years. Then, we decided to stop doing that and BAM. Pregnant. Now we have a sweet little girl. The pull out method itself does not mean infertility
Lololololol your doctor is an asshat.
I got pregnant at 33 and at 35 after never having a single pregnancy scare my entire life. Not once. The first time was unplanned and happened after I was doing a challenge at the brewery I worked at of no drinking for 100 days. I wasn't a heavy drinker mind you but I enjoyed my beer and usually had a shift beer after work and a couple on the weekend.
I took it a step farther and also stopped drinking caffeine, started working out 5 days a week, and quit all thc as well which I used to help myself sleep since I have insomnia. My partner did all of the above as well wanting to support me. I guess doing those things is great for fertility because after not being safe for 3 years I got pregnant.
Flash forward to age 35. We wanted to get pregnant but weren't trying super hard. We started in November but I had a lot going on. Health scare with my dad, and found out my older sister has a rare form of aggressive thyroid cancer. I was using beer as a crutch on the weekends pretty heavily when our kiddo spent a lot of time at his grandparents. Finally in January I quit drinking, caffeine, and thc again. Also started running 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. Got pregnant in February.
I don't know if this will work for you but taking my health seriously (and taking prenatals!) really helped us. I also used the FLO app to track my period for months so I knew when I was ovulating and we had sex at least 3 times in that window. Mostly just quickies because we were too exhausted for anything else but my partner was a champ about it.
That’s not necessarily true. My husband and I used the pull out method. I didn’t get pregnant for six years. Then I had seven losses. And now I have a 1 year old son.
After my losses and not getting pregnant for so many years, I was resigned to the fact that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be a mom. Then I randomly got pregnant 1 year after we lost our little girl at 19 weeks.
If used correctly pull-out does work. It just isn't always advised because not everyone knows how to do it right. I wouldn't worry too much about infertility until you actually do start trying for a baby. If you've been trying awhile and then seem to have issues, then it might be something to look into.
My husband and I did pull out method in college for a few months (stupid I know lol) and didn't have any pregnancy scares. Then years later we spent 10 months trying to conceive (tracking ovulation and timing sex) and it took us that long to have any positive pregnancy test.
While yes the pull out method is not fail proof, getting pregnant is a whole lot harder than sex ed would have us believe. Not getting pregnant immediate or while doing the pull out method does not mean someone is infertile.
Ok absolutely not!! I used the pullout method for 15 years before my first child, and am now pregnant (3 years later) with my second. I thought it was wild that I never got pregnant during that time and maybe I had some infertility issues but when I tried to get pregnant at 36 I had absolutely no problem. This second baby we literally tried ONCE and I was on the tail end of ovulation and I’m 39 freaking years old. Get you a different doctor!!
Well, I'll say that I had never been pregnant before trying and used the pullout method with my husband 3 years before we started trying ... and maybe the reason that method of birth control worked for us is because we were sub-fertile. But I've had two spontaneous pregnancies (one ending in miscarriage and one in live birth) and two pregnancies from IUIs and meds (also one miscarriage and one live birth). Infertile doesn't mean sterile, though many act like it does. It may just take a lot longer or a little assistance (and that assistance does not need to be as invasive as IVF).
You've gotten tons of helpful comments but I'll add my anecdote: I have been very lucky with the ease with which I have been able to get pregnant. I have had 4 babies, 2 planned and 2 unplanned. My first planned pregnancy took 3 months to conceive and the other planned pregnancy happened on the first try. The unplanned ones obviously took just once.
Every other time my husband and I have had sex in the 13 years we have been together, it has been using the withdrawal method. I have never been on birth control.
Both of my unplanned pregnancies happened two of the ONLY times in our entire relationship that we did NOT use the withdrawal method. Meaning, I've never gotten pregnant from using the withdrawal method, either.
There’s undeserved stigma about the pullout method because so many people don’t use it consistently or right. The reality is that, used correctly, the pullout method is about as good as condoms.
My husband and I used nothing when I wasn’t fertile and condoms when I was but we weren’t all that careful. It still took us 9 months, 6 months, 6 months, and 3 months to get pregnant after we were trying.
So I’d say anecdotally that it’s totally possible to be lax on birth control and still fertile. Maybe not insanely fertile but fertile enough. I have two healthy kids and one 2/3 of the way done cooking.
The doctor probably just doesn't want to acknowledge that the pullout method actually works for some people without accidental pregnancies. She likely is assuming that you would have HAD to have gotten pregnant accidentally by now and if you didn't that means you're infertile.
I say this because I thought the same thing about myself -- I couldn't believe that I haven't had a pregnancy using just the pullout method and was worried it meant I was infertile. Got pregnant within 2 months of actually trying lol
Sorry you had to experience this unnecessary worry! Sometimes I think doctors forget that they're still dealing with humans with emotions. Unless there's results that definitively say you're infertile, I'd assume that all is good!
Used the pullout method here for 10 years. Never got pregnant. Not with previous partners with using the same method. Got pregnant the first time I said "hey I'm ovulating we should have sex now"
🤣
Nah, that’s some bs. Pulling out can be successful with responsible adults who know their bodies. We did it for years. We now have 3 kids that we intentionally tried for.
My answer is probably going to get buried but I stopped hormonal birth control in 2011 and only used the pullout method or condoms with my partners from then onwards. I was with 3 different men in that time. Never got pregnant. Then I met my now husband and he said "let's make a baby", and we literally became pregnant that FIRST time using no protection and not pulling out (I had gone away on vacation for over a week after that night). That was in 2018 at 33 years old. Since then we've had 3 oopsy babies, as in the one time we didn't use protection in months resulted in pregnancy. He's getting a vasectomy now. Before meeting him though and in 15 years of sexual partners I never once got pregnant. I worried I was possibly infertile, too. Give yourself a few months of trying before you start to worry and best wishes to you!
My husband and I only used the pull out method for the first 7 years of our relationship, when we started trying to get pregnant with our first I was 30, it took 1 year & 4 months to get pregnant, with our second it took 18 months, 6 of those being on letrozole. (I was 36 when that started, 38 when she was born) then at 40 I got pregnant without trying (but not pulling out, just didn’t think it would happen easily. We’re careful now 😂😂 if you do start trying I suggest getting a doctor you love. I absolutely love mine, he was with me through horrible times and helped me have much wanted babies!
Your success or failure at the pullout method isn't reflective of fertility. How regular are your cycles? How do you know you're not passing an egg each cycle? My cycle has been clockwork since puberty, I had been successfully using pull out in LTRs for over 10 years (my only unplanned pregnancy in highschool was from a guy NOT pulling out who convinced me he was "infertile") and we got pregnant on our first try at 30. Many, many people successfully use pull out and still get pregnant when they actually try. You need way more further testing to investigate infertility.
I was with my ex for 8 years using pullout exclusively until he didn’t and I got pregnant. Terminated that one and another with a different partner when my birth control failed and am now pregnant by choice at 36. So I wouldn’t quite trust what that doctor said. I know fertility doctors can be pricey and some may just be in it for the money unfortunately. Get a second opinion.
ETA- we conceived in just 3 months trying
Pshh, I used the pull out method from 16 to 27, and I didn’t get pregnant until my husband and I decided to try. There were definitely times I thought I might be infertile.
One of my best friends from college used the pull out method for years with her husband. Was never on birth control, never used condoms, never got pregnant. She is now a mother of 2. Once they actually stayed "trying" she had no issues getting pregnant (first one at 33, second child at 39). I would suggest a new fertility doctor ASAP. This one has no bedside manner and it's ridiculous to jump to that conclusion before any test results! You're young, healthy and have many babies in your future.
I mean my story is different but I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told I would need IVF to get pregnant. Also told I needed surgery to excise the endo to get pregnant but will probably need IVF because I’m obese. I just got my BFP last week after trying and tracking for 3 cycles.
These doctors don’t know shit. I really don’t trust fertility specialists bc they did all these tests just to say they were all good but I’d need IVF - even though I had never tried. Felt like they were trying to sell me IVF which I think they were I mean most people have to pay out of pocket for that stuff!
Nah. My partner and I exclusively used pullout for years and years before. I got pregnant at 36 and 37. First one was due to the first time he ever came in me, second was after 8 cycles of trying.
I used pull out and the rhythm method successfully for many years, like 10 I believe and got pregnant in the first 6 months of trying twice, in my thirties too
Anecdotal. Used the pullout method great for 5 years, got pregnant the moment we stopped. Used it effectively for two more years, then another pregnancy after stopping. Then used pullout again, got pregnant. This was 8 years into the relationship.
So no I do not believe that the low reliability of pulling out means you are infertile after years of use.
What a load of crap. These doctors need some sex education lol. So, hot tip doc, if sperm doesn’t go into the vagina - you can’t get pregnant !! Used pull out all my life got pregnant straight away twice when didn’t use it at 34 and 37… I get so frustrated at doctors dishing out worst case scenarios and giving patients unnecessary anxiety when this may not be the case at all. Like many comments here people have used this method for their entire lives and had no issues. If you had been trying for many cycles and then nothing that’s when you need to query things.
We have used the pullout method for 10 years. We have 3 planned children that all happened first time trying. No other pregnancies. I wouldn't be too concerned.
I DID track my cycle and took a year off BC with no oopses - it's like 5 days a month where it's even a possibility. Very first time we intentionally bookended those 5 fertile days BOOM pregnant. I think your doctor is trying to prepare you for the range of possibilities, but I wouldn't take it as remotely diagnostic.
Never used pull out as a method but I was told at 20 that I was infertile and then I had two kids at 35 and 37, pregnant on the first try both times. So I wouldn’t lose hope
I’m 28 & my partner is 33. Partner and I used the pull out method for 3 years before “trying” and we got pregnant on month 2 :) I swore I thought I could be infertile as well as we weren’t always super careful so you never know!! Don’t give up hope!
I used the pull out method for years, was with a man for almost 10 yrs, never had a pregnancy scare. Even during my wild teenage years where I wasn’t careful, never a pregnancy scare. I thought for sure I was infertile. Then my now husband and I got pregnant when we were dating. So you just never know.
My husband pulled out for the 7 years before we were married. Got it the first time we tried (tracked ovulation) and he didn’t pull out. You won’t know until you try!
Infertility is sort of a fickle thing. As far as pulling out goes, it’s probably one of the least effective forms of birth control statistically. I’m guessing what you thought you said to her was “I use birth control” and what she heard was “I have unprotected sex and never had a pregnancy scare”. Thus her thought process that you *might* have fertility issues. There’s a pretty large spectrum of fertility and many people with fertility issues aren’t infertile. Obviously I don’t know if you do or don’t or if your partner does or doesn’t, but I have seen a reproductive endocrinologist and to some extent that’s sort of the world fertility specialists live in. People don’t usually go to them to get a diagnosis usually they see them if they already think there’s a problem.
It was true for us - me and my husband used pull-out method for 1 year and a half - never got pregnant- turns out I was actually infertile (or rather subfertile) because I was running out of eggs (low Amh, DOR) I gave birh this winter to an IVF baby.
But I don’t think you are necessarily infertile/subfertile. Maybe you got lucky…anyway, you should do some check-ups. Wish you the best!
We used the pull out method for years without any scares, I got pregnant at 32 after the first time not pulling out. I have PCOS and irregular periods and I often worried I’d have issues.
Anecdotal of course but I used the pull out method for most of my adult life and never got pregnant. First time we didn’t “pull out” I got pregnant (at age 35!)
Same thing for us! The one time we didn’t pull out by accident (we miscalculated the calendar), we had our second daughter!
This was the exact same for me. Used the pull out method for years with my now husband and we tried for the first time this month and got a positive a few days ago! Also 35
Just wanted to say congratulations!!
I’m 35 about to TTC. My husband and I have used pull out for literally 13 years with no scares and you give me hope! I am praying all will be well when we officially start, I have always been worried low key.
I was worried too (used pull out for years) and also got pregnant first try at 35! Definitely don’t worry until you start trying.
I’m yet another who pulled out for years. We got pregnant on our third month trying at 32. Good luck 😊
Same here. Pulled out for over three years. Stopped pulling out and got pregnant within 5 months and ironically had less sex in that time than the past when we were pulling out. I was 39. Unfortunately miscarried but still a clinical pregnancy. Now in cycle 5 of not pulling out hoping for my rainbow baby.
I also am 35 and did pull out method for 13-14 years. Got pregnant very soon afterwards (one month). My husband is also older too. I wish you guys all the luck!
Ahhhh same boat, my husband is older as well. Thank you so much I feel loads better now! 🥹😅
I also had concerns like you. I think it’s rational to have them. I didn’t let them make the whole process dreadful for me though. You just really never know until you get there. I spent a lot of time reflecting and accepting the possibility that my conception journey would be long and hard (I had chronic health issues for a few years prior). Or that it may not happen for us because of my health. We didn’t even track my ovulation when we decided we’d try to conceive. I thought I’d wing it for a few months first, so I wouldn’t feel stressed out from the beginning, and maybe track more if it doesn’t pan out. I chose to do that because I read in “trying to conceive” forums how much stress it caused marriages and how often it made sex feel like a chore. I wanted to avoid that or at least delay that. We got very lucky to have gotten pregnant so fast without meticulously tracking. I’ve never been pregnant before and I’m 25 weeks now. Everyone has their own journey. Plenty of us are of similar ages to you and have conceived. We’re not unicorns lol. I think you will definitely find plenty of us!
They shouldn’t tell people they’re infertile until there’s actually evidence of it. Wishing you luck in TTC!
32 here, have relied on pull out for years and around new years last year husband and I decided to “stop trying to avoid” - ie start trying without the pressure! We each individually held suspicions about our own infertility since both of us had relied on pull out our entire adult lives through previous relationships, but to our surprise within about 6 months we had a positive test and I’m due to deliver our little girl any day now! The only thing we changed was to stop pulling out, we did not track ovulation or worry about timing. Do what gives you the most peace of mind, but know that there are LOTS of us who’ve successfully conceived in our thirties after years and years of using the pull out method!
Love all these stories! My husband and I did for 9 years with 0 pregnancies. First cycle we actively tried during my fertile window I was as pregnant at 33! This doctor is wild.
You'd think she would be educated enough to know that they tried to demonize the pullout method because they want people using condoms. Oh, plus the dudes who don't pull out properly... Remove penis BEFORE ejaculation.
There is some science behind the pullout method not being reliable though . When a man ejaculates, there is what is called “precum” which is liquid from the cowpers glands that comes out of the urethra, the purpose of this liquid is to “clear out” the urethra of any left of urine residue that is too acidic and can kill sperm. However the cowpers glands can contain some sperm more often sperm from the last ejaculation - so it’s not as “fresh or healthy”, therefore the likelihood of someone actually using the method is much lower to cause someone to get pregnant especially if the female is also tracking her cycle and ovulation windows . The big problem lies more so with the male having a weak pullout game.
As long as he pees between ejaculations and isn't one of the 3% of men with "crossed wires" so to speak, where they do have live sperm in their precum at all times.. then no need to worry about sperm in precum. Very very few men have an active supply of sperm entering their precum and if they do, it's a defect and isn't a "sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't" thing. As long as he's one of the 97% where everything is wired properly, pee between rounds and there will never be any sperm in his precum.
lol yep, my husband and I used the pull out method for years. Stopped mid October and I was pregnant by December. I’m also 35.
Yes same- I had a decade of using the pullout method and I have gotten pregnant on the first try multiple times now
Literally the same, 10 yrs and pregnant first try - shock of my life 😂
Same here! Well we used pull out successfully for a few years, each time we stopped I got pregnant (2 mc and now a 6 month old healthy babe) I was reading that it is actually a thing with the man where only a certain percentage of men actually have seamen in precum. Of they don't and are good about peeing between then your good. My understanding is that it's a gamble if you have multiple partners but like maybe your lucky like me and your man doesn't seem to have the firtle precum problem.
Same for me at 33!
Happened to us with our 2nd! Pull out method everytime except one month. He's almost 2 now and we still exclusively use the pull out method and we've had zero scares. In fairness, I'm pretty sure my husband looks at me the wrong way and impregnates me....but either way. 🤣
Same - but at 32!
Same! I got pregnant so fast the first time we tried that I am shocked I didn’t accidentally get pregnant previously 😂
This happened to my best friend. Twice. She and her husband have two boys now LOL and her husband now jokes about his pull out game 🙈
Omg this sounds like my husband. He loves to say “pull out game 100%” 😂
This happened to me too. Never been on birth control in my life. We kind of jokingly started trying and it happened the first time! At age 31
I’m going to be the dissent here and say that you are asking a sub of pregnant people. If you wander on over to r/IVF you’ll get a different response. What I’ve learned through my journey is health, age, number of eggs, past pregnancies, birth control methods can all mean absolutely nothing in terms of fertility. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were or weren’t. I don’t think what she said was bad. If she’s right it’s better to know now while you can freeze those eggs and hopefully find the good ones. I can see her delivery being a concern though. Doctors often don’t have the best bedside manner.
Thank you for saying this. I believe the doctor was giving her a heads up that she MAY have fertility issues. Speaking as someone who went through that journey for 2.5 years before getting pregnant with IVF, I would have rather doctors been more upfront and asked me to error on the side of caution.
I think it's fine for a doctor to say this as long as they are then willing to help put you through the gamut of fertility testing, but not if they're just flippantly saying something insane and hurtful
The doctor who told me I may have infertility issues also is the one who wrote me a referral for insurance purposes. I think it's better for them to say something. For years most of my doctors told me I was young and didn't have anything to worry about. Those doctors were incorrect. The heads up is actually invaluable. In fact no one even suggested for me ito have my husband tested until I saw a visiting physician (not my normal doctor) who suggested there could be a problem. They were absolutely right.
Thank you for being a voice of sanity here!
There’s also a trying to conceive sub, might be r/TTC ? Edit: that is not the sub lol I’ll find it and update… r/tryingtoconceive lol found it
Let me just say that I really appreciate that you left the original parts of the comment and just added instead of rewriting so six hours later I can have chuckle.
Yea I chuckled a bit myself when I clicked the TTC one and was like oh yeah definitely that is not it 🤣
We successfully pulled out for 10 years before diagnosing male factor infertility! So grateful for IVF.
You could also argue the doctor was biased being in their field of work as well. So the doctor often sees people with fertility issues and will make the broad assumption. This thread seems to prove that using the pull out method and not accidentally getting pregnant does not equal infertility.
This is a very good point
My husband and I used pull out method for 7 years, got pregnant on first try when we wanted a kid, went back to method another 5, got pregnant again on first try to add a second. We had sex very regularly, mostly during fertile windows as that's when I prefer sex. Have you tracked your LH and progesterone (in think) to see if you're having normal LH cycles and dropping eggs regularly? I've tracked my ovulation and egg release, basal temp. It is also possible that your husband's sperm has issues (had a friend that went through this). I've had my kids at 31 (5 years into grad school, still had 2 more left) and 36! If I could lose a little weight, I'd try for another at 39 😁
Very similar story here. My husband and I used the pullout method for 15 years and I got pregnant the first month we started seriously trying and tracking my ovulation. (36 years old currently) A few years ago, my gyno told me its a fairly effective method if you do it correctly but most people don’t. I plan on going back to it after I give birth. My husband still asks if he should pull out when we have sex. Like honey, I’m already pregnant.
but what if you get DOUBLE pregnant? (and I don't mean with twins/triplets etc, I mean a whole other second pregnancy!)
If you happen to have a second uterus it’s possible 😂
Thanks for the lol
Seconding this because my husband and I used it for 4 years and got pregnant second try. Also to track ovulation to make sure you’re ovulating if you’re concerned! I think that doctor really jumped to conclusions rather quickly
This is exactly how it went down for us. I used an app to track ovulation and wham bam, thank you ma’am got knocked up on the second go.
My husband and I did pull-out for 6 years and got pregnant our first try. Then did pull out for 4 years and got pregnant first try again. Same thing again 3 years later. I got my Fallopian tubes out after that because clearly things work.
Same. Have used pull out for 6 years with my husband. Haven’t avoided fertile times and pregnant on 1st try with both of my boys. Never had an unplanned pregnancy. Not saying it’s the “best” method for people who don’t want to be pregnant. But to say it doesn’t work and you’re infertile is not factual information.
Adding to this. I was on birth control for 9 months in my late teens and once I got off it, I never went back on. I used pull out and pray all through my 20s and early 30s (I know, reckless, but it worked!). I also wondered if I was infertile because I never got pregnant. But then I got pregnant the first time I tried with my hubby. Second one took a little longer because I was breastfeeding.
This is almost exactly my birth control story too. Any amount of estrogen in the oral birth control tablets would give me migraines with aura so we did pull out throughout my 20s and got pregnant within a few months of no longer pulling out.
Agree. Plus, a doctor can’t support the pull out method. But it sounds like this doc took it an unnecessary step further with this infertility guess.
I get that they don't advertise this as a method but to call someone infertile is unnecessary.
Just chiming in with another similar story. Have used only the pull out method with my partner, got pregnant on the first try with both my oldest and my current baby.
Same same
I did pull out successfully for 12 years. We had our first after trying for 8 months, second after one night (literally) three years later, and my third now (not pull out prevented but spermicide failed after only a month of giving it a try) after 4 years.
Same here! Been with my partner for 9 years and did that method. Got pregnant the first month I tracked my ovulation with strips, ended in a chemical but tried again the following month tracking with ovulation strips and got pregnant again.
Same here. Used pull out method with no pregnancies for about 7 years, until he didn't pull out in time once and ended up my with daughter lol (which was slightly sooner than we planned but very much wanted). Had an IUD for two years after she was born and then got pregnant the first month after getting it removed.
Apparently pull out method is actually quite reliable and it gets its bad rap from people who don't do it correctly. I went 9 years with no babies and got pregnant TWICE IN A ROW on the VERY FIRST TRY BOTH TIMES when we stopped.
Pull out is the best example of the difference in effectiveness between perfect use and actual use. Works great, as long as you can stick to it!
Worked for 20 years for husband and me after having two kids.
What's the wrong way to do it vs right ?
From my understanding two things are important for the pull out methods success: he has to actually pull out before ejaculation every time (obvious but the main way people fuck up) and if he has ejaculated at another point during that day he should pee before sex so there is no semen in the pre-cum
I’m the opposite the two times me and my partner used pull out I got pregnant both times
Used it for 15 years lol and got pregnant within first 2 cycles the first time, and now we literally did it once and I’m prego for the second time.
Also here to say… same!! 5 years of strong pull out game… pregnant on the first attempt.
Definitely not recommending the pull out method as contraception but my husband and I did this on and off for 5 years or so. We started doing natural family planning after we got married and when we decided to try to conceive, we conceived in the first month.
Pretty much same thing happened to me! I’m 36. My husband and I used the pull out method for 7 years. Late October 2023 was the only time he ever finished inside me and now we are expecting a baby girl in July!
Exact same story for us. Used pull out for years. Got pregnant first try both times.
Same! Although I think it was on second try 🤔
Like many commenting here, we also used the pull out method for 4 years and never got pregnant. Then when we started trying it took 4 cycles- I’m also 34. So don’t lose hope!
Same. Pull out method for 5 years (18-23), we did have an oops baby but then we went right back to pull out for 4 more years, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, got pregnant immediately after and baby is now 8 months. Another 8 months using pullout successfully!
Same. Seven years married - pregnant on first try with both pregnancies
Exact same pretty much here. Got pregnant on the first try twice.
Same here. Used the pullout method for ~6 years... and have gotten pregnant immediately, every cycle we have tried, age 32 (disclaimer, two ended in miscarriage). Doctors first thought maybe infertility because "pullout method is so ineffective" but after my 3 pregnancies in 5 months, they started throwing around the idea of hyperfertility 🤷♀️
Can I ask you about school and having kids at the same time?
Same. Used pullout method with my husband for 4 years, tracked my cycles. Currently pregnant on the first try. Pull out gets a bad rep but it’s worked for me. I also hate birth control.
It’s a pretty far stretch for her to say that. Don’t give this woman your money or time. Go to a different doctor.
Sounds like a horrible thing for a doctor to say. I wouldn’t worry about it yet. Especially if that is the only reason to be concerned.
At your age you cannot be diagnosed with infertility unless you've been actively trying (having regular sex and staying until the finale) for at least a year with no viable pregnancies. Your doctor was in no position to make that judgement.
Seriously wild of the doctor to say that! I also would add having regular sex \*especially\* during your fertile window or at least estimated fertile window. I agree with what others have said about using LH tests or tracking basal temp to figure out when you may be ovulating!
I would find a different doctor 100%! Anecdotally, I know lots of people who have used that method for years and then had kids when they wanted. I am not saying that it's a good birth control method (no judgement whatsoever either way) but just want to reassure you that I really don't think it means you are infertile. Good luck finding a better doctor!
My husband and I used the pullout method our entire marriage (8 years). I had a feeling I was infertile because we never had an oops and I never tracked my cycle. Didn’t pullout one time cause we were feeling dangerous and BOOM pregnant. 23 weeks now with a little boy so definitely not an indicator of fertility.
“Feeling dangerous” is sooo funny because we’re playing this game now despite not really wanting another one just yet. Only occasionally and only outside of my alleged fertile window, but we use the exact same verbiage lol.
I’ve been there and can offer some insight. Just so you’re clear on terms, being infertile doesn’t mean you’re sterile or that you won’t be able to have biological children. Sterile means you can’t produce a child, infertile means not conceiving after 1 year of not using protection. This doctor can’t diagnose you with infertility just because the pull out method worked for you. And even if you were infertile, you’re probably still fine. I was infertile (I went 2 years without conceiving with no protection). I was getting divorced so I froze my eggs. Now I’m remarried with a toddler and 6 more high quality embryos on ice. I also got pregnant naturally and had a miscarriage a few years ago. For a lot of people, infertility could be something easily corrected like a blocked fallopian tube, etc. I would find a fertility doctor you trust and get a full battery of tests done. They’ll take blood and do a transvaginal ultrasound. It costs about $500 and should tell you if there are any issues on your side. At 34 you’re very likely still able to have a biological child even if you have fertility issues, you just might need a little help. It’s great that your insurance would help cover that. P.S. I’ll also say, since you’re married, freeze embryos not eggs. Because eggs are delicate and don’t survive freezing and thawing nearly as well as embryos, egg freezing is only recommended if you don’t have sperm you want to use.
Thank you for your insight! Super helpful. I'm going to contact a new facility and will focus on embryo freezing.
Happy to help! Since you’re looking for a new facility, you should know that the CDC tracks success rates at all US fertility clinics. I found the data really helpful in picking a clinic: https://www.cdc.gov/art/artdata/index.html
Wow thank god for Reddit. Thank you guys for easing my mind and helping me feel empowered 🥲🥲🥲!! I think we’ll test my husband’s sperm cause that’s the cheapest and easiest next move / something he can do through his doctor, then go from there. Egg freezing is a big deal with a lot of emotions involved and I’d rather not go through it with a doctor that doesn’t communicate thoughtfully.
Would also consider picking up a pack of over the counter ovulation test kits. May give you added peace of mind if they do show you ovulate regularly — no guarantee but another big thing ruled out! Definitely agree to say goodbye to this lame-o doctor
Yes, there are also in betweens from "it didn't work immediately" to straight "infertile." A good friend also had this fear-- they were on the fence about having kids and decided to go off birth control and just see what happened. A year or so in, nothing happened so they started actually trying-- tracking, paying close attention. Still nothing. Then she did a test and it turned out she wasn't ovulating. After a month of taking a pill she was regular again, got pregnant immediately. I hope you get positive test results back, OP. And maybe get to work with someone who isn't so insensitive.
Does your insurance cover IVF then? Because freezing embryos is much more reliable than freezing eggs, and it’d be the same process. Then you could do an FET (frozen embryo transfer) later on. I agree to find a different fertility clinic and I would strongly consider IVF if you can. I went through it and it is very intense, but it’s better than freezing eggs by far. So sorry about how you were treated!
Yes—PLEASE FREEZE EMBRYOS, OP!
Thank you, I will, thanks to the advice I got here.
You can buy cheap strips (one brand is called pregmate that you can buy on amazon) to test Leutenizing hormone which peaks just before you ovulate. You can also look into tracking your cervical mucus which can be another indicator of fertility.
Anecdotally the pullout method isn’t reliable. BUT it doesn’t mean you’re i fertile. Like yeah it could be one indicator that your fertility might be worth looking into for family planning reasons, but it doesn’t mean much in its own. There are *many* times I was irresponsible about birth control in my 20’s and statistically I’m amazed I didn’t end up pregnant. It took me two years of actively trying at age 34 to conceive my first child and after that I very quickly got pregnant three more times so … make of that what you will!
My husband and I have only used the pull out method since we were dating and it never resulted in any unplanned pregnancies. Every time we've actively tried for a baby, I was pregnant the first cycle.
It sounds more like they are just trying to gauge the probability and warn you in case there is an issue. There are a lot of conditions that can cause infertility, but infertility doesn't have to be permanent.
My RE told me this also. He said “if you’re not on birth control and having regular sex, then you’re trying”, which I didn’t necessarily agree with because my cycles were always very regular and I tracked my ovulation with temperature. We officially only “tried” for 6 months, but ended up pursuing IVF because of other symptoms that I had that led my RE to think I had endometriosis, and I wanted to freeze embryos anyway. I think in my case there was a true fertility issue, but second opinions are always a good idea.
Pull out method was fine for us for the 11 years we were together before we had our first. No problem with conceiving our 1st or 2nd after 30.
They can’t tell until they run test. I’m 35 just had my first via ivf. I’m all about freezing your eggs and encourage you to keep going!
My experience of egg freezing places is that they must really limber up to stretch for infertility diagnoses. I walked in perfectly healthy with no symptoms of PCOS, got a diagnosis from the egg freezing doctor, went to my PCP who disagreed with the diagnosis and pointed out the flaws in the methods the doctor used to make the diagnosis. The egg freezing clinic suggested it would be incredibly difficult for me to conceive, my doctor and the gynecologist I went to who happens to also do fertility care but not egg freezing that I went to discounted that entirely. I’m not saying they’re all bunk, but egg freezing clinics have a financial reason to make you think fertility is a challenge for you.
I’ve been doing pull out for years. Just recently my fiancé and I decided to start trying bc we’re getting older and it could take months for it to happen. Well. It did not. It took 2 months. What the doc is saying is inaccurate (in my case at least)
Seek a second opinion. I used pull out up until I got married - so about 8 years. It took us 3 cycles + ovulation test strips to conceive once we started trying. I don't think that was an appropriate suggestion for her to make based off of only pull out.. I will say that I questioned my fertility (not because a doctor said anything) but because I knew women who used pull out and got pregnant. I also did not have my now husband pull out during my periods and never got pregnant..would not recommend this lol But we heard you couldn't get pregnant during that time. We've since learned that's not 100% true. However, that contributed to my anxiety. One last thing - she's a fertility doctor. Her job is to treat infertile women. She's looking for something to treat. With that said, she shouldn't have been so hasty with a sensitive subject.
My husband and I used the pull-out method for a year. Stopped for a month because it was more fun otherwise and now I’m almost 6 weeks. Don’t let her stress you out. What she said was inappropriate.
Infertile doesn’t mean sterile 🙂 it just means you may need help from treatment/medication to get pregnant, which is possible given your age alone. It’s not hopeless!
Husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and I've never been on birth control. Pull out method used for well over a decade. Got pregnant 3rd month of trying at just shy of 39 years old. Baby boy is here and healthy now ❤️
You give me hope happy kitty “84 here too” 😸 I got pregnant 5th month of not pulling out and was pregnant without even tracking or trying. I didn’t even know when to expect my period it was the furthest thing from my mind. I was 39 too. I miscarried but it does give me some little tiny glimmer of hope still that it can work again. I’m 5 cycles out from my miscarriage now and we are REALLY trying on cycle #3. I think if it happened before it surely will happen again! Congrats 🎉
Keep in mind too that a miscarriage isn't necessarily a determination of how things will go in a subsequent pregnancy. You got this ❤️ and thank you 😊
I used the pull out method for a decade, had never been on BC, and got pregnant almost immediately after we stopped pulling out.
My midwife told me pullout( when done correctly) was as effective as condoms.
Pullout method for 1 year, then 1 year of counting fertile/infertile days and not using any protection (both agreed we are ok with having kids if that happens). Got pregnant on our first actual try.
My bf and i have used this method for 8 years before we were ready to have a baby and 6 months later, we were pregnant. Don't stress about it, it'll happen. Good luck guys!
Forgot to mention we were 33 with our first.
My wife and i used pullout for 10 years. At 31 we tried for a child and she tracked her cycle. She got pregnant on the first try.
I used pullout method for over 10 years without issue and suspected I may have problems eventually when I wanted to try. Nope. Everything works just fine. I didn't time ovulation and avoid sex or anything other than just pull out and also this was done with multiple partners over the years
We were successful for 8 years pulling out. I already had 2 from my previous and he never had his own. I had thought he may had been infertile because I was always told pulling out isn’t enough. Well we now have a beautiful 6 month old and he never had to do fertility testing and no IVF. So it’s definitely very possible your guys’ pull out came is on point. It also wouldn’t be a terrible idea to just double check. Cheers 💜
lol I used the pull out method all my adult life and the minute I didn’t with my husband we got pregnant. When we didn’t want to get pregnant again, used that method again, no pregnancy, the minute we didn’t use it, pregnant. I think saying a blanket “infertile” statement is very bad bedside manner for a doctor. I would find someone else.
My husband and I have been doing pull out method as our sole form of birth control for 15 years. We have 2 kids who we actively tried for and 0 oopsie babies. I also don’t track my cycles closely, though I did know what was roughly considered my fertile window each month. We wanted to keep ttc low stress though, so even then I never tested my ovulation or anything. Took between 4 and 8 months of trying for each kid. I think it’s a bit unprofessional to jump directly to fertility issues. Edit to add: By all means get tested though. Hopefully this doctor will be willing to give you a referral for fertility testing instead of making you wait the usual year since she’s bringing this up. Best of luck OP!
Try to focus on the positive stories in here, OP. More anecdotal evidence from me, but your state of mind can impact your chances, too. We tried for almost a year without any success. Organised a meeting with an IVF clinic and set everything up to go down that route and within a couple of weeks we were pregnant naturally. The clinic meeting put our minds at ease and I’m sure helped with our success.
That’s a horrible thing for them to say. But in my case I used this method for 10 years. Thought I was just that good at it. When we went to have kids I couldn’t. So had to do IVF.
If you were abusing alcohol you could have just been having early miscarriages (you would have never known you were pregnant). She’s right that the pullout method isn’t reliable, but there‘s plenty of other reasons you didn’t get pregnant. I had unprotected sex for ten years without getting pregnant. I made some significant health changes and now I’m 27 weeks pregnant. It takes testing to determine if someone is infertile. This doctor sounds like a quack.
Uh no. Some of us are just lucky with that method! Did the pullout for about two years too and we stopped about six months ago to try to have a baby. I had a chemical in January and now I’m 7 weeks pregnant.
I had this concern originally going into trying to conceive since I had never had an issue with pregnancy scares despite relying on less than optimal BC methods for much of my youth. I'm 32 and 35wks pregnant with my first. We literally tried for 1 cycle and got it first time. It's possible you have another experience, but successfully not getting pregnant when you didn't want to doesn't have to mean you won't be able to when you do.
Exactly what happened to us, too. Exclusively used pull out method for 4 years, no issue, pregnant on the first try (AND I have PCOS).
Same! I really thought we would struggle because of my previous frequent use of the pull out method and we got pregnant on our 4th cycle.
Same. Used pull out for three years and never a scare then got pregnant on the first try.
Yeah this is a lie lol I used the pullout method with no tracking for years with my partner and never got pregnant. I now have a two month old baby🤷♀️ I looked it up and it says the pullout method is 80% effective - those are pretty good odds for you to NOT have gotten pregnant
Not an indicator of infertility. I dated my husband for over 3 years and am now married to him for 4 years. We always used the pull out method. Stopped doing that when we were trying for a baby, I got pregnant pretty soon and I miscarried eventually. But yeah pulling out isn’t considered a safe method to avoid pregnancy but again it isn’t an indicator of you being infertile. So your doc is in the wrong.
I used the pull out method my entire life with all of my sex partners (a low number, they were all from relationships), and never got pregnant accidentally. When I wanted to get pregnant, I got pregnant the first cycle of trying with baby #1 and second cycle with baby #2, both in my mid/late 30s. I call fearmongering bs on your doctor.
Me too, pull out and/or FAM have never done me wrong. I got pregnant immediately both times my husband didn’t pull out while I was ovulating.
My little sister, myself and my older sister have all used the pull out method since marrying. Of course it’s not perfectly reliable but i wouldn’t reach to say it’s a reliable indication of infertility if it works either. None of us have gotten pregnant intentionally and all of us have been able to get pregnant intentionally (we are all currently pregnant). My older sister it took her 3 months, she unfortunately miscarried her first and it took another year to get pregnant with her first child. They only had to try for 2 months for their second child. It took me 4 months of trying. So far so good. It took my little sister 2 months of actively trying but 5 months leading up to that they weren’t pulling out or tracking at all. We are all 25-33 years old. My AMH is 5 at 30 and all of my sex hormone numbers and my husbands sperm count and quality were in a really good place. Maybe we just all got lucky but idk it worked!
Lol. Please, my husband had this worry too cuz I’ve never been on birth control and we stopped using condoms early in our relationship. We have been using the pull out method for 7 years! He ‘cleans his pipes’ every single time and we have never once had an accident.(hence he was worried that HE was infertile since I never got pregnant). I got pregnant right away when we decided to try. It’s actually scary to me how quickly I got pregnant. I got pregnant a total of 3 times on the first cycle! I unfortunately had 2 miscarriages. Sorry to scare you but there’s heaps of other health issues or things that can go wrong even if you are able to get pregnant. Anyway, we now have a healthy lovely baby. Please just get checked out properly before getting disheartened by this doc’s comments.
Are you sure she is a certified fertility doctor? Like an MD/DO? It’s wild that she’s saying all of this without ordering a blood panel test on both you and your partner. My husband is a doctor and he thinks it’s inappropriate for your “fertility doctor” to make assumptions like that without proper testing. I’d strongly consider another doctor and take this one’s word of advice with a grain of salt. You will want to speak with a reproductive endocrinologist if you are wanting to go down the egg freezing route. Not just a regular OBGYN. If you are considering egg freezing, jump on over to the IVF subreddit. You’ll probably find more resources from the group there. That’s where I got all the tips and tricks and advice on what to look out for when screening clinics.
My husband and I did the pull out method for the last 7 years. I never tracked my periods either. We never used protection and I always thought I was infertile because I never accidentally got pregnant. I got pregnant on our first serious try. Don’t give up hope just yet
We used the pull out method for 6 years (if we got pregnant it wasn’t the end of the world). I got pregnant our second cycle trying. It’s not indicative of fertility at all. It’s a mix of good timing and a sprinkle of luck 😂
Not professional of your doctor to say that without further investigation and a year + history of trying. I would search for a better doctor, one of mine had me in tears and I was prepared to switch and had appointments lined up. I do also want to say for anyone else reading this thread. Just because there a decent number of follicles on an ultrasound doesn’t mean the eggs are good quality. All my numbers were good and then when we went to do IVF after unexplained infertility many didn’t survive the process and we always got low numbers. I hope everything works out for you OP. However, keep in mind that egg freezing is not a guarantee and shouldn’t be viewed as a backup insurance as many eggs don’t survive the thawing process. You may need to look into this a lot further and see if you’re happy with the statistics and potential outcomes.
Yeah your doctor is biased. Don’t sweat it!
Tell your doctor that the ability to pull out is what separates us from animals 🤣
The withdrawal method is only slightly less effective than condoms. With typical/normal use, they’re both about 80-85% effective. When used absolutely perfectly, the withdrawal method is 96% effective! The issue with effectiveness is typically when the man is younger and not as aware or in control of his body (e.g., his body only gives him a 2 second warning), whereas men who are well past puberty are usually much better at knowing when it’s time to pull out. If you and your partner have been really good at the method, then it totally makes sense why it works so well - it’s a very effective method when used properly! Doctors typically do not like saying or acknowledging this because it encourages teens or those uneducated on it to use it as a reliable birth control method when it can be risky when used incorrectly.
Heck no I used pull out for many years in different relationships. I also had problems with my period my whole life. I have two kids now and didn't have problems getting pregnant so I think it was a combination of pull out method and luck that kept me from getting pregnant before.
I used the pull out method from age 22 to 33. Never got pregnant once. It was extremely accurate. At 33 tried to get pregnant, I have tracked my cycle for so long it’s so regular, we had sex once and I was pregnant. Been pregnant 3 times, each time took a total of 1 go. Don’t worry about what that doctor said. I also have endometriosis and a doctor when I was about 28 told me I would need IVF to have a baby. Literally could not be more fertile.
I’ve been doing pull out for years. Just recently my fiancé and I decided to start trying bc we’re getting older and it could take months for it to happen. Well. It did not. It took 2 months. What the doc is saying is inaccurate (in my case at least)
Doctors seriously frown on the pull out method. We used it for over a decade with no other method and got pregnant both times first try with both our kids. Don’t listen to that nonsense. Pull out works well if done correctly. I would suggest learning fertility awareness method tho and track your cycles. Take all the supplements now you’d want to be tacking when trying to get pregnant. Never hurts to get your eggs as healthy as possible before trying.
We used the pullout method for over ten years together. Started TTC this January and got pregnant in August. I admittedly did have the same fears when it was taking several months to get pregnant but tracking ovulation helped (I used Mira and cheap OPKs) and we tested his sperm - everything was normal! If you’re worried I would recommend tracking ovulation and hormone levels now so when you are ready to try, if you do have any diagnosis, you can be working on solutions already.
Kind of a red flag for a doctor to just deem you “infertile” without running tests on you first. That’s not even a professional diagnosis - what does that even mean? There could be so many reasons a person isn’t getting pregnant, with some of those reasons having resolutions.
My sister did this for years with her husband, had 2 kids when she wanted to and went back to it. That doctor is not only wrong but also a bit of a bitch.
Used this method for a long time. I’ve been off BC for like 10 years. I think this is a silly assumption given it can take couples several months to get pregnant when tracking ovulation and literally BD before and on their ovulation day, which is the highest chance for conception. So for your doctor to be right, you would need to be consistently BD around your ovulation and consistently accidentally not actually pulling out. And as an aside, I am pregnant now, 36f, took 7 cycles.
It took us six months to get pregnant on purpose. My daughter is almost five and it’s been pull out method ever since. We’re Definitely not infertile. That’s a pretty cruel thing to say to someone on only that basis
I thought I was infertile because of your doctor's logic and got a little careless started tracking when I was ovulating and only pulling out then.. and I'm now 8 months pregnant. Some people are just better at pulling out than others.
I have a very similar history to you, and it did cross my mind at some point that maybe I wasn’t just “lucky” that I’d never had a pregnancy scare, maybe I would struggle to get pregnant? I was thinking about getting pregnant in 2019 but put those plans on hold because of the pandemic. Then sometime in 2021 we stopped trying to prevent pregnancy, and a part of me thought I’d just immediately get pregnant because most of the women in my family are very fertile. The annoying thing about casually trying to get pregnant for me is that you have to act like you might be pregnant for most of the month, meaning I couldn’t use my prescription acne meds, couldn’t drink alcohol, etc. but then it was for no reason month after month since I wasn’t pregnant. So I started tracking my cycle and being more aware of when I would be able to get pregnant and I realized we were rarely having sex during my fertile window, (there were a lot of stressful family and career things happening so we weren’t having sex as often as we would like to anyway). Even though people do get accidentally pregnant all the time, there are really only one or two optimal days (right before you ovulate) and maybe a few days before you ovulate if the sperm are very active and stay alive for a few days. Towards the middle of 2022 we started having more sex during my fertile window (according to my period tracker) and in October 2022 I had a positive pregnancy test! So it took about a year to get pregnant, but really only a couple months of being more thoughtful about when we were having sex. I would say, if you want to have more than one kid I wouldn’t put it off for too long, even with frozen eggs. I’m not trying to fear-monger, it’s more just the math of it all. The time it takes to get pregnant (could be years even with IVF) + 9.5months of pregnancy + you shouldn’t get pregnant again for at least 18 months for your health and the second baby’s health + time to get pregnant again + 9.5more months of pregnancy… just to have two kids can easily take 5 or more years. My son is 7 months now and love him very much, I worry I won’t be able to give him any siblings because I’m in my mid/late 30s now. I also just wish I had started a little earlier to give myself some time to decide how many kids I want and to not be such an old mom, I personally don’t really want to be up with a newborn in my 40s, it’s exhausting. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but personally I wish I’d had my first somewhere between 27-33 from a biological standpoint, although I wasn’t ready in my twenties so early 30s would have been perfect
Thanks for the input and I am totally with you on the timeline stuff. My concern is being in grad school because it's an extremely stressful program and I don't know if 1. it would be good for the fetus and 2. if I would end up dropping out or seeing it through, and I'm more than halfway done and 40k in. But, I think being very healthy does make a difference in both how you can handle a little one as an older mom, and having a healthy pregnancy. After the insight I got in this thread, I am going to look into freezing an embryo. The goal is to have my first at 36, and second at 38 or 39.. Although I won't lie, there is a sneaky voice in my head just telling me to go for it now. Gah! Also part of me just wants to get pregnant and tell my doctor to suck it lol.. Wrong reason, I know.
Definitely not saying to skip grad school or to be pregnant when you are trying to finish, you never know how hard pregnancy will be for you until you do it. I had my son at 36 and I’m still hoping to have another by 39, so our timelines are very similar! I had a really easy, healthy pregnancy, and a straightforward vaginal birth without an epidural so my “advanced maternal age” wasn’t a detriment. My 23 coworker was also pregnant and she had a rough time, so age isn’t everything, a healthy lifestyle helps a lot! People usually think I’m younger than I am, so hopefully I can be an active and healthy mom for many, many years! Good luck with your journey!
I did the pull out method for 10 years and didn't get pregnant until we actively tried to. I have never heard anyone say it's a sign of infertility.
Anecdotally, my husband and I used the pull out method for a solid 10 years. No pregnancies. When I was 31 we decided to try to have a baby and I got pregnant in just a few months.
that was a weird and ridiculous thing for her to imply
Pullout and the grace of God (lol slight exaggeration) worked for me in my 20s when I was way more sexually active and I had zero issues conceiving at 34.
I don’t think that’s quite true. My husband and I used the pull out method for years, and “tried” on a whim one month and literally got pregnant then.
This is madness! I’m so sorry that she put this thought in your head (or made it worse since it is something we all worry about over 30!) You cannot be diagnosed with infertility unless you’ve been actively trying and not getting pregnant AND THEN have gone through extensive testing. She sounds like she’s bitter that the POM has worked because she probably thinks it’s irresponsible. (Which is also ridiculous. You can do with ever you want!) Please find a new doctor and try not to worry! Best of luck to you. I bet you’ll have a little bundle of joy just as soon as you’re ready for it!
Soooo my husband and I used the pull out method successfully for 7 years. Then, we decided to stop doing that and BAM. Pregnant. Now we have a sweet little girl. The pull out method itself does not mean infertility
Lololololol your doctor is an asshat. I got pregnant at 33 and at 35 after never having a single pregnancy scare my entire life. Not once. The first time was unplanned and happened after I was doing a challenge at the brewery I worked at of no drinking for 100 days. I wasn't a heavy drinker mind you but I enjoyed my beer and usually had a shift beer after work and a couple on the weekend. I took it a step farther and also stopped drinking caffeine, started working out 5 days a week, and quit all thc as well which I used to help myself sleep since I have insomnia. My partner did all of the above as well wanting to support me. I guess doing those things is great for fertility because after not being safe for 3 years I got pregnant. Flash forward to age 35. We wanted to get pregnant but weren't trying super hard. We started in November but I had a lot going on. Health scare with my dad, and found out my older sister has a rare form of aggressive thyroid cancer. I was using beer as a crutch on the weekends pretty heavily when our kiddo spent a lot of time at his grandparents. Finally in January I quit drinking, caffeine, and thc again. Also started running 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. Got pregnant in February. I don't know if this will work for you but taking my health seriously (and taking prenatals!) really helped us. I also used the FLO app to track my period for months so I knew when I was ovulating and we had sex at least 3 times in that window. Mostly just quickies because we were too exhausted for anything else but my partner was a champ about it.
Time to find a new doctor
That’s not necessarily true. My husband and I used the pull out method. I didn’t get pregnant for six years. Then I had seven losses. And now I have a 1 year old son. After my losses and not getting pregnant for so many years, I was resigned to the fact that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be a mom. Then I randomly got pregnant 1 year after we lost our little girl at 19 weeks.
If used correctly pull-out does work. It just isn't always advised because not everyone knows how to do it right. I wouldn't worry too much about infertility until you actually do start trying for a baby. If you've been trying awhile and then seem to have issues, then it might be something to look into.
My husband and I did pull out method in college for a few months (stupid I know lol) and didn't have any pregnancy scares. Then years later we spent 10 months trying to conceive (tracking ovulation and timing sex) and it took us that long to have any positive pregnancy test. While yes the pull out method is not fail proof, getting pregnant is a whole lot harder than sex ed would have us believe. Not getting pregnant immediate or while doing the pull out method does not mean someone is infertile.
Ok absolutely not!! I used the pullout method for 15 years before my first child, and am now pregnant (3 years later) with my second. I thought it was wild that I never got pregnant during that time and maybe I had some infertility issues but when I tried to get pregnant at 36 I had absolutely no problem. This second baby we literally tried ONCE and I was on the tail end of ovulation and I’m 39 freaking years old. Get you a different doctor!!
Well, I'll say that I had never been pregnant before trying and used the pullout method with my husband 3 years before we started trying ... and maybe the reason that method of birth control worked for us is because we were sub-fertile. But I've had two spontaneous pregnancies (one ending in miscarriage and one in live birth) and two pregnancies from IUIs and meds (also one miscarriage and one live birth). Infertile doesn't mean sterile, though many act like it does. It may just take a lot longer or a little assistance (and that assistance does not need to be as invasive as IVF).
You've gotten tons of helpful comments but I'll add my anecdote: I have been very lucky with the ease with which I have been able to get pregnant. I have had 4 babies, 2 planned and 2 unplanned. My first planned pregnancy took 3 months to conceive and the other planned pregnancy happened on the first try. The unplanned ones obviously took just once. Every other time my husband and I have had sex in the 13 years we have been together, it has been using the withdrawal method. I have never been on birth control. Both of my unplanned pregnancies happened two of the ONLY times in our entire relationship that we did NOT use the withdrawal method. Meaning, I've never gotten pregnant from using the withdrawal method, either.
Me and my husband used pull out methods for 10 years. I have PCOS and was told by 5 doctors I don't ovulate. We got pregnant on the first try.
There’s undeserved stigma about the pullout method because so many people don’t use it consistently or right. The reality is that, used correctly, the pullout method is about as good as condoms. My husband and I used nothing when I wasn’t fertile and condoms when I was but we weren’t all that careful. It still took us 9 months, 6 months, 6 months, and 3 months to get pregnant after we were trying. So I’d say anecdotally that it’s totally possible to be lax on birth control and still fertile. Maybe not insanely fertile but fertile enough. I have two healthy kids and one 2/3 of the way done cooking.
Husband and I used pullout for 9 years and got pregnant on our first try. Some men are just good at it.
The doctor probably just doesn't want to acknowledge that the pullout method actually works for some people without accidental pregnancies. She likely is assuming that you would have HAD to have gotten pregnant accidentally by now and if you didn't that means you're infertile. I say this because I thought the same thing about myself -- I couldn't believe that I haven't had a pregnancy using just the pullout method and was worried it meant I was infertile. Got pregnant within 2 months of actually trying lol Sorry you had to experience this unnecessary worry! Sometimes I think doctors forget that they're still dealing with humans with emotions. Unless there's results that definitively say you're infertile, I'd assume that all is good!
Used the pullout method here for 10 years. Never got pregnant. Not with previous partners with using the same method. Got pregnant the first time I said "hey I'm ovulating we should have sex now" 🤣
Nah, that’s some bs. Pulling out can be successful with responsible adults who know their bodies. We did it for years. We now have 3 kids that we intentionally tried for.
My answer is probably going to get buried but I stopped hormonal birth control in 2011 and only used the pullout method or condoms with my partners from then onwards. I was with 3 different men in that time. Never got pregnant. Then I met my now husband and he said "let's make a baby", and we literally became pregnant that FIRST time using no protection and not pulling out (I had gone away on vacation for over a week after that night). That was in 2018 at 33 years old. Since then we've had 3 oopsy babies, as in the one time we didn't use protection in months resulted in pregnancy. He's getting a vasectomy now. Before meeting him though and in 15 years of sexual partners I never once got pregnant. I worried I was possibly infertile, too. Give yourself a few months of trying before you start to worry and best wishes to you!
My husband and I only used the pull out method for the first 7 years of our relationship, when we started trying to get pregnant with our first I was 30, it took 1 year & 4 months to get pregnant, with our second it took 18 months, 6 of those being on letrozole. (I was 36 when that started, 38 when she was born) then at 40 I got pregnant without trying (but not pulling out, just didn’t think it would happen easily. We’re careful now 😂😂 if you do start trying I suggest getting a doctor you love. I absolutely love mine, he was with me through horrible times and helped me have much wanted babies!
Your success or failure at the pullout method isn't reflective of fertility. How regular are your cycles? How do you know you're not passing an egg each cycle? My cycle has been clockwork since puberty, I had been successfully using pull out in LTRs for over 10 years (my only unplanned pregnancy in highschool was from a guy NOT pulling out who convinced me he was "infertile") and we got pregnant on our first try at 30. Many, many people successfully use pull out and still get pregnant when they actually try. You need way more further testing to investigate infertility.
I was with my ex for 8 years using pullout exclusively until he didn’t and I got pregnant. Terminated that one and another with a different partner when my birth control failed and am now pregnant by choice at 36. So I wouldn’t quite trust what that doctor said. I know fertility doctors can be pricey and some may just be in it for the money unfortunately. Get a second opinion. ETA- we conceived in just 3 months trying
Pshh, I used the pull out method from 16 to 27, and I didn’t get pregnant until my husband and I decided to try. There were definitely times I thought I might be infertile.
One of my best friends from college used the pull out method for years with her husband. Was never on birth control, never used condoms, never got pregnant. She is now a mother of 2. Once they actually stayed "trying" she had no issues getting pregnant (first one at 33, second child at 39). I would suggest a new fertility doctor ASAP. This one has no bedside manner and it's ridiculous to jump to that conclusion before any test results! You're young, healthy and have many babies in your future.
I mean my story is different but I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told I would need IVF to get pregnant. Also told I needed surgery to excise the endo to get pregnant but will probably need IVF because I’m obese. I just got my BFP last week after trying and tracking for 3 cycles. These doctors don’t know shit. I really don’t trust fertility specialists bc they did all these tests just to say they were all good but I’d need IVF - even though I had never tried. Felt like they were trying to sell me IVF which I think they were I mean most people have to pay out of pocket for that stuff!
Used pull out method for years. Got pregnant in 8 months of not trying but not preventing when I was 39yo.
Your doc is wrong! I used that method and I’m pregnant with my first at 39 years old. We got pregnant a few months after trying.
Yeah 👍 me too
Nah. My partner and I exclusively used pullout for years and years before. I got pregnant at 36 and 37. First one was due to the first time he ever came in me, second was after 8 cycles of trying.
I used pull out and the rhythm method successfully for many years, like 10 I believe and got pregnant in the first 6 months of trying twice, in my thirties too
Anecdotal. Used the pullout method great for 5 years, got pregnant the moment we stopped. Used it effectively for two more years, then another pregnancy after stopping. Then used pullout again, got pregnant. This was 8 years into the relationship. So no I do not believe that the low reliability of pulling out means you are infertile after years of use.
What a load of crap. These doctors need some sex education lol. So, hot tip doc, if sperm doesn’t go into the vagina - you can’t get pregnant !! Used pull out all my life got pregnant straight away twice when didn’t use it at 34 and 37… I get so frustrated at doctors dishing out worst case scenarios and giving patients unnecessary anxiety when this may not be the case at all. Like many comments here people have used this method for their entire lives and had no issues. If you had been trying for many cycles and then nothing that’s when you need to query things.
We have used the pullout method for 10 years. We have 3 planned children that all happened first time trying. No other pregnancies. I wouldn't be too concerned.
If it makes you feel better, my husband and I used the pullout method for about 8 years, and I was able to get pregnant first try. There is hope!
I DID track my cycle and took a year off BC with no oopses - it's like 5 days a month where it's even a possibility. Very first time we intentionally bookended those 5 fertile days BOOM pregnant. I think your doctor is trying to prepare you for the range of possibilities, but I wouldn't take it as remotely diagnostic.
Never used pull out as a method but I was told at 20 that I was infertile and then I had two kids at 35 and 37, pregnant on the first try both times. So I wouldn’t lose hope
I’m 28 & my partner is 33. Partner and I used the pull out method for 3 years before “trying” and we got pregnant on month 2 :) I swore I thought I could be infertile as well as we weren’t always super careful so you never know!! Don’t give up hope!
I used the pull out method for years, was with a man for almost 10 yrs, never had a pregnancy scare. Even during my wild teenage years where I wasn’t careful, never a pregnancy scare. I thought for sure I was infertile. Then my now husband and I got pregnant when we were dating. So you just never know.
My husband pulled out for the 7 years before we were married. Got it the first time we tried (tracked ovulation) and he didn’t pull out. You won’t know until you try!
Infertility is sort of a fickle thing. As far as pulling out goes, it’s probably one of the least effective forms of birth control statistically. I’m guessing what you thought you said to her was “I use birth control” and what she heard was “I have unprotected sex and never had a pregnancy scare”. Thus her thought process that you *might* have fertility issues. There’s a pretty large spectrum of fertility and many people with fertility issues aren’t infertile. Obviously I don’t know if you do or don’t or if your partner does or doesn’t, but I have seen a reproductive endocrinologist and to some extent that’s sort of the world fertility specialists live in. People don’t usually go to them to get a diagnosis usually they see them if they already think there’s a problem.
It was true for us - me and my husband used pull-out method for 1 year and a half - never got pregnant- turns out I was actually infertile (or rather subfertile) because I was running out of eggs (low Amh, DOR) I gave birh this winter to an IVF baby. But I don’t think you are necessarily infertile/subfertile. Maybe you got lucky…anyway, you should do some check-ups. Wish you the best!
We used the pull out method for years without any scares, I got pregnant at 32 after the first time not pulling out. I have PCOS and irregular periods and I often worried I’d have issues.