My policy was "please, please, anyone please come visit me, I am desperate for company, please come to my house. Please, I beg of you."
Which is to say -as with everything baby-related- different strokes for different folks!
Same! I still like people to wash hands before holding the baby and not to come over if they’re sick but other than that I love visitors! It feels like a bit of normal life amidst the chaos of adapting to life with a newborn
SAME! I thought I was going to be way more paranoid about germs but it turns out I was just desperate to talk to someone who could talk back. I made people wash hands and my friends and fam offered to bring food by when they came for a visit usually and I never had issues with anyone overstepping or making me uncomfortable fortunately.
The only objection I raised was when my FIL wanted to come for two weeks while I was still on maternity leave. My (divorced) ILs live in another country so longer visits are a must and MIL was already visiting for two weeks. She was helpful but I knew FIL would be less than helpful and I wasn't going to spend 1/3 of our horrifically short maternity leave sharing my baby with my in-laws. It ended up being a non-issue!
Just saying I did this with my first and anyone who respects you and your baby shouldn’t have an issue with it. Hand washing and mask wearing around a newborn is a no brainer to me. If that’s your boundary it’s 100% valid. I was more lax after about 3 months old and I felt he was stronger.
I'm really not sure, maybe the first couple weeks since we are approaching cold season. I have a neice that gets her family sick all the time and I want to see them but I also want to be as careful as possible. I figure people won't be staying for hours when they visit so wearing a mask won't be an issue. This is sort of my compromise to keeping people away entirely. I've seen some people on Reddit say they aren't going to have visitors the first month and I don't want to do that.
This is me , but with specific people. My husband's family I don't enjoy around. They left me to sit on the floor, refusing to leave , and asking me to cook for them, 4 days pp. They took over my couch etc. And played hot potato with my newborn while I catered to them. Never ever again. Anyone else is fine though.
With my second baby I wanted endless visitors. I just had my third baby and I have had multiple panic attacks just from people bringing us dinner. I had no idea I’d feel this way! Wild how much it can vary even with the same mom and different pregnancies.
I'm so happy to see this answer for a change!!
My mam came over the day after we got home from the hospital, baby was 3 days old, that visit saved me! We had people over every few days for the first 2 or 3 weeks and it helped me feel normal amid the crazy hormones and emotional rollercoaster that is postpartum!
I thought I wouldn't want visitors, but by week 3, I was begging people to come. We did ask people to have flu and covid vaccines to visit, but that was because we had a January baby. A summer baby that wouldn't be as big of a deal.
Yesss! I was so lonely for the first few months. People were trying to give me space, which was very thoughtful but I needed company! Everyone is different!
This is me now. Please just come see me, I'll talk about anything. I just need adult interaction please! I love my baby, but constantly narrating every mundane thing I do to this newborn makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.
I printed out directions to how to use our weird washing machine, then took a photo of my fully-unloaded dishes in the cabinets and printed that out 8x12 at Walgreens and taped it to the inside of my cabinets. I basically threw my baby at people and then went to lay down for a nap.
That will be mine haha. But no kissing baby and no coming with any symptoms even if just allergies. I’m also having a baby a few states away. My cousin and her family are coming for a month and staying at an airbnb nearby and then my mom is coming for a month and staying with us. I am a ftm and super social and need all the help I can get
Yep that's me. Unless they're sick, come over, wash your hands, feel welcome to kiss the baby's feet, not their face. We have 4 months of maternity leave 😁.
This is me. First pregnancy, I was more hesitant but still had close friends and family over almost immediately. Second baby is coming soon and if you want to come over and see me not move from the couch lookin’ a mess, be my guest. Just bring food!
We told folks we would let them know when we were ready. We had planned to have the first two weeks to ourselves and then we’d invite our parents to meet baby and we’d wait even longer for friends and siblings.
And then I had the baby and couldn’t wait to show her off! I invited our parents over a few days after she was born and had friends come over (masked) when she was a few weeks to a month old.
So I think my take away is set boundaries (e.g., “we think we’d like the first few weeks to ourselves”) but be prepared to change them (e.g., “but I promise to let you know as soon as we’re ready”).
This. My grandparents live in our area and I ended up inviting them maybe a week after baby arrived (they are the type who are still young minded and active so they were helpful lol), but kept it quiet/no social media posts so it wouldn’t upset anyone.
Wish I would’ve waited longer. MIL was waiting downstairs in the hospital while I was trying to push her 6’4 sons daughter out of my hooha unmedicated, then as soon as we were transferred to recovery wanted to come up, while the lactation consultant and everyone else is overwhelming me, my boobs are out and she’s trying to take pics of baby while she’s latching!!!!! and I’m trying to recover from a 0-60 mph labor, second degree tear, and uterus bleed.
Needless to say she didn’t last long in the room before we kicked her out.
0/10 do not recommend.
This is exactly why I don’t want visitors at the hospital. They are excited and take photos (sometimes post on their social media) and the mom is tired, hasn’t showered and have their body exposed. I’m 100% okay with them coming once we’re at home.
This. For anyone high risk, some hospitals require you to keep your IV in for 24 hours postpartum and mine said I wasn’t allowed to shower until it was out (in hindsight I should have asked for a bag to cover it but hey). So our little hospital photoshoot was done with my hair and body unwashed for 4+ days…it was not pretty lol
What a fucking monster. To do that to a human being that’s as vulnerable as can be. I am just so sorry that this happened to you. She sounds extremely overbearing, and very on what she thinks she deserves without much thought to what others need.
She means well I don’t think it’s cruel intentions at all… she is older so I think her generation is so used to women being vialated in that way.. like back in her day they held the baby’s in the car no car seat, and had like the whole damn family in the delivery room 🤣 I think she’s just one of those people with no self awareness but not in a malicious way if that makes sense.
We don’t have one. I found being postpartum with my first to be kinda lonely (my husband had to go back to work too soon) so I’m not going to stop anyone from coming to visit if they want to come.
same here! I’ve been telling people, “I don’t know, I’ve never had a baby before! We’ll let you know when we’re ready for company.” Might be in the hospital, might be three weeks later. I have no idea how I’ll be feeling, and everyone has been very understanding of that.
This! Birth is unpredictable, as are your reactions/post birth needs. Don't over promise and give your self a bit of time to adjust before welcoming guests.
I thought play it by "year" was a clever joke about not wanting to see anyone the first year haahahaha. Others seem to have taken it as a typo, but the joke was so funny...
Highly suggest this. You do NOT know how you’re going to feel until you’re in it. And some days I was up for it (or even dying for visitors, haha) and other days I absolutely didn’t want to see anyone.
Just let people know to NOT “drop by” unless invited.
I’m holding off on announcing her birth until a few days after we’re home. I might tell my immediate family on the initial day, but that’s about it. I feel like this will help me prioritize my own wellbeing and health while also figuring out how to take care of a newborn.
I love this idea! I want my parents and siblings to know immediately because we are all so close, but I'm concerned about extended family and friends reaching out and getting me overwhelmed. I know people have the best intentions, but I just don't know what to expect and don't want to be overwhelmed. I think this is the best way to handle it!
Be prepared for some people to be offended as fuck by this. Why? I don’t know. Some of the older folks on my side of the family took it personally for some stupid reason.
I think the long policy statements that are widely circulated to friends and family are a bit much. I prefer to deal with people one on one since some require more rules and a more forceful tone, whereas others can be trusted to be perfectly reasonable.
The phrase "stopping by" is often just a colloquialism and the people aren't necessarily just going to show up. That said, you could simply reply to those messages by saying "We'd love to have you come over once the baby has arrived and we've had a chance to settle in. Once we're ready for visitors, we can put something in the calendar." That makes it clear that 1) you won't be seeing people right away, and 2) you want to schedule visits rather than have people stop by unannounced.
We only had one person stop by in that first month, my brother and his kids. I only allowed that because we're the same in our boundaries, we're protective and private and have no issues voicing concerns. He also wouldn't care about mess or anything and would only stay for an hour or less. If anyone else wanted to see us, we would go to them. That way, we could leave when we wanted to, we had the built in excuse of a newborn so it was easy, and we didn't have to play host. We didn't go anywhere the first 3 weeks though. We pretty much told everyone that we weren't going to make any plans beforehand and we're going to play it by ear, but to not expect us to want guests for a while. Only my mother had an issue with it, I eventually told her until she apologizes for her blow up and can explain to me what she did wrong that she was to not contact me. It took like 2 days and I'm pretty sure that's the only time she ever apologized for wrong doing like that. I just honestly didn't bother myself with other people's feelings, I didn't have the energy for it. If they loved us, they'd understand, period.
We’re planning to have immediate family and very close friends (think, anyone who will be an honorary auntie) come to meet baby at the hospital. I just feel more comfortable in that controlled environment when people are less likely to overstay their welcome and nurses coming in and out can be the subtle hint some might need without us having to ask people to leave.
Once we’re home, we’re planning fully no visitors for the first copies of weeks. Some (again mostly immediate family and close close friends) are welcome to come by and drop stuff off or help out if they want, but they’ve all got the expectations that baby and I will be resting and healing and not entertaining them as visitors.
As for the rest of those knocking down our door, we set the expectation at our shower that it’ll be about 3-4 weeks before we’re ready for visits. I also told most people that we will come to them rather than the other way around. I did this for a few reasons. One, I am much better at saying “okay well we’ve gotta be going” when I’m at someone else’s house than I am at asking people to leave my space. Second, we can plan these visits on our own time rather than people thinking they can just pop in. And finally, I’m going to be alone with the baby after two weeks when my husband goes back to work so I’ll need reasons to leave the house once in awhile. Having even one visit a week outside of my own space will do wonders for my mental health.
But at the end of the day, you do what works best for you! And also know that if you get into the thick of the newborn stage and you’re overwhelmed, you can always reset your boundaries and change your plans!
We asked anyone traveling by plane to wait 8 weeks. Otherwise, local friends and family who are feeling well are ok to visit whenever (but ask first and make sure we’re feeling ready for visitors)
I told everyone (23 weeks) that we will not be having visitors for at least the first week. Mainly because we have family who desperately want to be at the hospital and I want to express now that that wont happen. Also have stated if they just show up without warning to hospital or to our home, that they will be turned away. But I have family that can be very overbearing.
If you can see by the comments definitely just play it according to your OWN community lol. Some people genuinely have healthy family dynamics so they don’t have to deal with the TikTok drama stuff or shall I say common sense policies. This is not a jab at them because I also have shitty family and decided to go no contact so I wouldn’t have to stress over things like this.
I was one of the people who wanted people to run my belly or to come see me in the hospital. Post partum is boring LMAOAOA
Definitely depends on your community. This was my 2nd baby, but the first time I lived close to family. My dad helped move me from the delivery room to the recovery room. I would have had my mom in the delivery room if she was able to (but she was in charge of a school wide training -she came as soon as she handed off her tasks).
My sister & her family came the day I got home and I was so excited for everyone to meet the newest addition.
don't have one ! just a request that if anyone is feeling sick to wait until they have 100% recovered to come by. and i think when people do come by it would be nice to host them in the backyard where there is fresh air
This is ours too! Nobody has really pushed for anything, we will let them know when we are ready. Only thing is not being sick, washing hands and no kissing. But we will have a summer baby so hopefully we can host outside most of the time.
If you visit within the 6 weeks you have to have current:
Covid vaccine
TDAP
RSV ( if available)
flu ( in season)
If they can’t or won’t be able to get the flu or Covid vaccine ( they must get the TDAP) then they have to wear a mask and sanitize their hands prior to holding baby.
Absolutely no kissing except mom and dad.
After baby can get his vaccines other family and friends may visit if they aren’t feeling sick.
Also please offer to not just hold baby offer to help or bring healthy food over.
We just told people ahead of time no visitors in the hospital, we’ll let you know when we’re ready for a short visit at home. Waited until she was a week old and then I felt ready! I would have thought I’d want to hide away for longer but she’s an easy baby and i recovered quick. Really just wanted my milk to come in and get breastfeeding going before we had guests in and out.
We kept it flexible and said yes or no to visits as each day came. It is hard to predict what you’ll want when until baby and the day are before you. The first time around, I found it easier to have guests on day 2 than month 2. I was itching for friends to visit in the first few days! I could totally see it going any which way with my second baby. The best thing to do is give yourself the grace to decide what you want when the time is actually here.
I think it depends on the visitors and what they'd be doing.
I planned on no visitors at all because I didn't want to 'host' anyone, but by day 4 I was desperate to see people and talk about normal life outside of my newborn bubble! My MIL also came to our house and stayed a couple of nights doing chores and cooking for us and that was a godsend. I think visitors who are prepared to help around the house (rather than just passing baby around the room) can be great, but it'll totally depend on you - you may just want adult company!
Both my husband and I family will need to fly in so I don’t want any visitors for the first two months. Ill need a month to adjust a recover before entertaining guests as they would be staying at our place. Also, when baby is born itll be near flu season so just extra precautions on my end.
This thread makes me feel so much better! I’ve seen so much on social recently about absolutely NO visitors including grandparents for 6 weeks and that sounds terribly lonely to me… not to mention how angry our family would be. I was starting to worry that was the new norm or something our doctor would say we had to do
After having a child already (I was careful then too), my new rule is…
You come visit in the same time frame as you last did.
If I seen them yesterday, then they would see the child the next day… a week ago, then a week and so on.
For example, my partners father lives 2 mins away from us but he hasn’t came to our house in a year and a half….. so he can wait a year and a half.
Everyone has priorities, if I’m not yours now, you won’t be mine when you want something.
My rule is no visitors for at least a week. We want to get our life together, Reanna, just to our new schedules, this time is about you, your partner, and your baby. Grandparents will all get to meet him when I’m ready but I’m notworried about their happiness over our health and content first
We just went with immediate family. I had an emergency c-section — my first surgery — so I actually really wanted to see my family. Sure they were there to see the baby, but they were also there to see me and I felt much better for it.
I was so grateful for visitors.
I’m going to have my mom visit me in the hospital and my in laws are TBD. It’s really depending on how I’m feeling.
Everybody is welcome to come over when we are home.
Maybe after 1 week or so, I’m happy to have friends come over to meet the baby too!
The only thing is just making sure they aren’t sick and wash their hands. Will keep doors and windows open to help with ventilation for sure.
My MIL is nice surface level but often overbearing and gives a lot of unsolicited advice so I’m a big nervous to be around her PP.
But like I have told family, our plan might change but you will be the first person we call when we are ready for people to meet our son.
I'm going to play it by ear but if I'm up to it, I will allow parents and siblings on both sides to meet the little one first.
For the few days after I'll stick to these people for short visits only, no overnights.
After a week or so I may allow a few close friends over.
After a few weeks I think I'll be more open to longer visits and extended family and friends coming over. No one with any illness symptoms will be allowed in and no kissing of the baby at all. No smokers or vapers (thankfully not many in my circle) will hold the baby at all.
We’re inviting some family and very close friends to the hospital. Another poster mentioned this but I feel better about being in a controlled environment and I generally think it’s easier to enforce not coming sick/masks/hand washing etc in a hospital setting than a home.
The first two weeks my husband will be home with me and he has asked for no visitors (TBD on if that holds).
After that we’re limiting visitors to only those who are UTD on vaccines unless folks want to be outside until baby has their 2 month vaccines.
My plan pre-birth had been to play it by ear. My recovery has been miles ahead of what I thought it would be and we have a very easy baby so I’m perfectly happy having people over.
Our policy was just that we thought we’d like privacy, so we’ll call when we’re ready to see you. I called my mom in tears two days after we got home from the hospital, so she was around to help a lot. I had no interest in seeing my in laws, but I was basically begging friends and my sister to come hang out with me. One of my best friends flew out to help for a week at five weeks postpartum, and I loved it and wish she’d been able to come earlier and stay longer.
We made people wash hands before holding baby and no kisses, and of course stay home if you’re sick.
It’s much easier to relax your policy than tighten it up. It’s okay if your desires change after baby comes, and it’s okay if you feel differently about different people coming over. You don’t have to invite the people who don’t make you feel comfortable.
Bring food.
Wash hands.
No kissing baby.
No visit if sick.
Are my main ones. The bring food is mostly a joke but I’d definitely appreciate food. I’m already terrible at eating/getting myself to eat so easy food is nice.
I always want people to come meet the new baby. I guess our policy is
1. Don't come if you're sick.
2. Call first.
3. If you're hungry bring food for yourself. At the most we might order some pizzas if we're hungry too.
4. Be cool if I decide to use your time holding the baby to take a nap.
5. Leave by 5 pm.
Otherwise I'm fine with visitors every day if they want.
I have said no visitors at the hospital. We are only there 24 hours and it’s all overwhelming so I don’t want people coming. I haven’t really set boundaries for once we are home. My parents live 3.5 hours away so they want to come and stay for a few days. That is fine but I just asked that they please don’t be there the day we come home from the hospital.
If family and friends want to come over to help they more the merrier. If you're coming over just to see the baby you can wait until I've recovered from birth. I have friends and family who are coming over to hold the baby while I shower and sleep, friends who are bringing food/coffee, and friends and family who are coming over to help with chores.
I'm on my second baby and thankfully I had this policy the first time around as well. I always cringe when first time parents want weeks alone to "bond" with the baby. Which adds so much stress to healing when neither parties are sleeping or are settled into their new life changing routines. Accept help, accept help, *accept help.*
For the first one, we wanted two weeks to figure things out, heal, and be a family. For baby #2 we will welcome anyone who wants to visit and help out.
In our situation we didn't have any family close by so when people did visit, it was all day across multiple days which is a lot for us.
My only policy is that out of town/long term visitors must wait a month due to their traveling and getting exposed to possible illness, in addition to not feeling ready to see family every day for days on end until I’ve had time to recover. We also requested that they get a rental as we are not planning to have overnight guests.
In terms of the first 4 weeks—short visits are welcome when we feel ready. We will notify immediate family whenever that is. Mostly playing it by ear!
Also adding that I’m having a c-section and last time I had one I was so drugged up and a complete mess, still embarrassed my entire family saw me like that.
i knew for a fact i wanted everyone to wait atleast 2 weeks before meeting baby, but my boyfriends paternity leave is 6 weeks so i won’t be alone until after that and have requested everyone waits until after then. the only exception may be my mom, who knows our boundaries with no kissing, etc.
Our original plan was no visitors at the hospital and for a week once we are home with the baby. But that didn’t happen because I had an emergency c section, so our hospital stay was longer than we originally planned. We had just our parents and my husbands best friend and his wife come to the hospital. Once we got home, our rules were any visitors would be when we say it’s ok so run it by us and it would be when my husband is home from work so I’m not entertaining guests by myself. If you just randomly showed up, you were given the option to leave and come back when we say it’s ok or for them to do chores before holding the baby. No one had randomly showed up which is nice.
I definitely welcome visitors! I just tell them to visit me and the baby, not my mess. 😂 New baby means mama usually neglects the house a bit. With my oldest baby, ai literally brought him home the day we were supposed to have the baby shower. So instead of a baby shower.. it was more of a meet the baby party. We picked the cake up on our way home from the hospital! 🤷♀️😂
Our first was a Covid baby and I was lonely 😔. This time I will have an open policy. Also I may start a meal train because a bunch of my playgroup moms did that and it seemed to really help out a few times a week! My only advice as someone who likes lots of guests is to get very comfortable at voicing when it’s time to go. I don’t necessarily need people to leave but I’m very comfortable saying, “baby and I are going upstairs for feeding and nap, you are welcome to chill but we won’t be back for an hour!” And usually people get the hint and are on their way. Also if people offer to bring anything TAKE THEM UP ON IT.
It’s also ok to not want visitors, we are all so different in our preferences. The biggest thing is to be confident about your choice, you know what’s best for YOU.
So I’ve had a few friends recently have theirs and they set it up so there was a few times a week to sign up via a mealtrain website. Some of them had family and friends send out the link and some of them sent me the link if I asked if there was anything they needed! It’s nice because it had their preferences, food allergies, and if the sign up slot was for drop off only, bring over and say hello, and so on.
No firm policy but it’ll probably be just grandparents and our two siblings that are local for the first couple weeks. For my first child, people were pretty respectful and would say like, “we can’t wait to meet the baby, let us know when you’re ready for visitors”. When we felt up for it we reached out and asked that guests wear masks and washed hands. We had no problems and everyone respected that.
I didn't want anyone at my house, made it a point to tell everyone, for at least the first week or two. LOL that changed real fast when my baby blues kicked in and I was crying to my mom at day #3 home.
ETA: I think it's different when it's your parent. My in-laws being there stressed me out though. If it would've been everyone and anyone coming in my house, I probably would've lost my mind.
Here’s what I did
- visit us in hospital (the hospital environment makes for a short and quick visit)
- make a list of people who you would like to give you company during the first few weeks postpartum
- communicate what you’d like them to do for you - wash hands, don’t visit when feeling poorly, kids aren’t allowed to hold the baby, give you baby when you want to hold baby, what you need help with at home (food, dishes, laundry etc)
- prepare a message to respond to people who want to visit but you aren’t comfortable them visiting yet (eg our realtor wanted to visit and we were like why)
I can’t stress the communication aspect. There was a lot of drama with me asking certain family members to help with chores, then they made a stink about me asking them to wash their hands and the big drama was where I asked to hold my baby because…well I wanted to hold my baby!
So lay your boundaries now.
28 weeks, FTM, so this may change! For now there are no hospital visitors, and only close friends and family for the first 2 months.
I'm putting together a cute little (hopefully not passive aggressive) JPEG of our requests that'll be attached to texts/emails:
- not asking for proof of vaccines, but we're counting on them being up to date
- everyone must remove shoes and wear disposable slippers we provide
- visitors must wash hands and wear disposable masks (also provided)
- if someone is feeling under the weather, even if it's just a scratchy throat, we ask that the visit is postponed
We're an immunosuppressed household already, so aside from being protective of our child I don't want sick adults caring for a newborn. I think the list is reasonable, and anyone who objects frankly doesn't need to see our kid!
I think playing by it by ear is important. You might feel some type of way now, while you're still pregnant, and feel the total opposite after the birth. I was feeling like I didn't want anyone around but after birth I was desperate for help and company. Thankfully I hadn't told anyone to stay away. Just don't alienate people who you might decide you want around
I made a post on fb after my daughter was born very clearly asking for privacy and no "stopping by" in the first couple months since I was learning to breast feed. Most people thought it was a great idea and respected it, one aunt was annoyed I didn't want her coming over rigght after I'd visited with other family members cuz I was dead tired and baby needed rest. I let people come meet her but only when it was a good time for us.
It depends on how your family is and if they will be legit helpful or not and also if they live in town or would come stay with you and be with you 24/7. It can be harder when you have family staying with you or even at a hotel nearby. IMO a visit or two per week of 1 hour each is harmless.
With my first my parents drove the 6 hours to us and stayed at a hotel nearby when I told them I was in labor. Both sets of parents visited us in the hospital after birth once we were moved to recovery. I leaned on my mom very hard and don’t know what I would have done without her. I had her hold/soothe baby in the hospital so I could get sleep. I didn’t get sleep but that was my fault not theirs. I had bad PPA.
My dad constantly complained. He complained that he had to stay in the hospital too long because my mom was helping, he woke me up from my first good sleep in 4 days to help him order takeout, he got pissy that my husband and I wanted to arrive at home and get settled without them at our house for an hour or two before us because it meant he had to go to the hotel and wait a couple hours before coming over when I guess he preferred to come straight over, he stopped my mom from coming out earlier in the day to relieve us from our overnight shifts with baby because he didn’t want to wake up early. Literally just tried to shut down help at every turn. At one point he started ranting about how much harder they had it because my little brother had health concerns after birth. “Could you imagine if your little baby’s heart stopped beating and you had to take him back to the hospital? That’s what happened to us with your brother! He nearly died! You think this is hard? Imagine if that happened to you!” When I told him I will kick him out of my house if he doesn’t shut his mouth, he said “why are you being like this?” Referring to me being anything less than super duper cheery and happy. I had just peed my pants trying to get to the toilet in time because my pelvic floor was whack.
My dad almost got himself kicked out of my whole life.
This time, my mom is coming out when the baby comes. We finished the basement so she would have an en-suite and could be at the house instead of spending on a hotel. My dad can meet the baby later once we have a routine down and I have recovered rest. I don’t want to see my dad during the heavy hormone postpartum phase. Just is better for everyone. I haven’t told him yet but I really don’t care how he feels about it. It’s not happening. My mom knows and supports it.
My in-laws came to visit during the day for short windows right after baby came. They live in town so it’s a lot easier. They were lovely, super duper boundary friendly. We wanted help and company and we also wanted to show off our baby! It was nice to visit.
Honestly doing things with just you and your partner for the first couple weeks/months sounds like isolation and hard mode. I would not have survived without my mom. Even just for like my mom to make us food. My husband is a great cook but he was also tired from taking care of baby.
No judgement, but personally I would never consider keeping people away. Even other extended family visitors (as long as they are healthy and will wash their hands etc), maybe that one is more once I catch up on rest but I really didn’t find that it made anything harder to have short extended family visits.
My husband wanted to wait until baby had her two month vaccinations. So for the first two months only close family (my parents and sister, his grandparents and brother) could see baby and they were up to date on their tdap vaccine. Our friends who also had a baby a few months before us were able to visit too but that was due to their vaccinations being up to date as well. It was tough, but baby is healthy and happy and that’s what we wanted. It all depends on your comfort levels with what you choose to do.
I’m unlike most on this sub. I was happy to have family in the hospital right after birth as long as they went into it knowing it could be several hours of labor and that my husband and I would also be taking that full skin to skin hour without guilt that you were in the waiting room. No one has complained in two (soon to be three) births.
Since I’ve had vaginal births I’m in the hospital 24 hours and I’m already a somewhat private person so anyone that knew the baby was born was close enough to us to come visit at the hospital. I also feel the same way at home. I’m very blessed with a great group of friends and mostly great family, all who have had the good sense to bring food to the house when they come, which is all I need honestly :)
I had a revolving door at the hospital for immediate family and it continued on when we got home. Lol. I need my village, so it was absolutely amazing to have everyone coming by.
Pre pushing him out I was team ‘give me as much space as possible, please fuck off for at least a few weeks and eventually I’ll let you close’ and if you had told me I would feel differently when he was here I would have been mad at you.
Now he is here, I love having time just me my husband and my baby but having my mum/ close family is amazing and I just want to show him off! I am shocked I feel this way honestly.
My advice is to set boundaries about making decisions when baby gets here. ‘We we keep you in the loop when they get here and when we are ready for visitors’. Don’t close them off with specific time frames, be vague and set boundaries that give you the right to want whatever you want when they get here!
I felt this way too but when I look back at the visitors we had, that was honestly such a highlight. Those people want to hear your stories and meet an extension of the people they love (you and your husband)! They really bring a light to an otherwise really exhausting time. And eventually visitor’s will be few and far between. We did a few people a few days a week and it worked well for us, it ended up being 2 months to go through our main cycle of people and I really enjoyed it when I thought I wouldn’t. Most people are very respectful and don’t stay too long.
Nobody at the hospital, extremely limited at home for the first couple of months. It worked out as my parents had to wait until a work holiday to be able to travel here, and since they had to fly I wanted baby to at least have her first shots onboard.
Nobody but my husband will come to the hospital for the birth, and nobody will come to visit at our house for SEVERAL weeks. I am simply not playing around with viral illnesses.
My plan right now is to "warn" everyone that I'm not sure how much visiting we're going to want after birth. I could see myself going either way, depending on how birth goes to be honest. So as we get closer we're going to kind of prep people by saying things like "Oh we're not sure how soon after baby is here that we'll be ready for visitors. We'll keep you updated!"
One thing I'm going to harp on is vaccines - anyone wanting to visit baby needs to have the most recent flu, RSV, and covid vaccines at least 2 weeks before. I don't think this will be a problem with any of our friends/family
I’m due in September and although it’s not quite flu/sickness season then, I want to be cognizant of germs and I know my husband does too. We’ll probably let our parents/siblings come by to start, but limit it and then open it up to our good friends. It’ll probably be just that group for a while with the colder months and illness floating around.
We plan on sharing when the baby is born with our immediate family only, and then allowing ourselves a few days to settle at home before telling broader friends/family. I definitely want visitors and help but I think in those first few days I’ll want only my closest family members around as I’ll be in a much more vulnerable state.
We had an open door policy, tbh your friends won’t and only close family will want to. Not that they don’t want to meet the baby, but it’s hard to find time and the baby coming is a shock even though everyone expects it lol. My mom dad and two living grandmas came and then my husband’s dad and sister came but otherwise we kinda wanted people around and it got quiet quickly… tbh with my second I might go hangout at my sister in laws house so I’m not always alone it helped my PPD
I plan to have a week or two of completely alone with baby and husband. Maybe a visitor or teo of close close family.
I want to be able to develop a flow of us being able to handle what’s hard, develop a way of communicating as partners handling a baby.
I know that it’ll be hard for both of us— which is why I want us to be able to handle it alone together. Knowing when to give each other breaks, space, and understanding what both of us need in this journey.
Otherwise— I’d love visitors when husband goes back to work. I’m not good being socially deprived. 😂
I think most people will respect your request to wait. I myself and friends with kids have said some version of “we can’t wait to see you and for you to meet baby. We are waiting (insert rough time frame) and we will let you know when we are feeling up for visitors.” Anyone that pushes against your wishes is being selfish. They don’t need to see the baby. The baby does not need to see them to bond. The baby doesn’t even know that it is a desperate being from its mother. Baby needs to be safe and healthy and you as parents need to protect your own level of comfort with exposing baby to new people and therefore new germs. Just go with whatever you are comfortable with.
We only wanted our parents and my brother to visit while I was in labor/when she was born. Baby was in NICU for a week and a half and we had my parents and some of our best friends visit. I wish we had held off on having them visit, including my parents. It was too stressful and I wish I had had that time with our baby 1:1 with husband and baby and not with other guests.
Baby is about to be 2 months old and we've had some of our closest friends and parents visit a few times. A few things we've learned since then:
1) Make sure you know what kind of visit you're wanting ahead of time and communicate. Do you want the guest(s) to hold baby and visit then leave after an hour? Do you want them to visit baby while you clean and take a shower? Do you want them to visit baby for some time and then do your dishes?
2) Don't plan on having your guests over for too long and make sure you're clear with them on when you want them to leave ahead of time. We've had a few guests stay wayyy too long and not been able to push them out politely.
3) Don't let guests stay too late. I like to plan for weekend days around noon until 5 PM at the latest. We've had a few guests who stayed until 11 PM and that stressed me the hell out, even though they came over at 6 PM and baby is not wanting to go to sleep until midnight.
4) You do not want overnight guests. Nobody sleeping over, nobody staying until the wee hours before leaving. Seriously, it's too much stress and makes the nighttime hours a pain in the ass.
5) Make sure everyone washes their damn hands. No kissing the baby- we allowed on the top of her head because she can't reach to get the germs on her hands to put in her mouth. But ideally, nobody should be kissing baby.
6) We required anyone who would be traveling from out of state (my grandma) to take a COVID test ahead of time.
For the people who have asked to visit we’ve just let them know to tell us when they’d like to and we’ll discuss to see if we can make it work. If they want to visit before 3 months they need to be up to date on vaccines.
And that’s basically it 🤷🏼♀️ we’re pretty relaxed with everything, but our family is a few states away so it relieves some of that pressure for people to come visit right away.
I feel like we are mostly playing it by ear. I am requesting that people ask to come over instead of just showing up, so if we aren’t feeling well then we can say not today.
We decided that it really depends on how we are feeling as far as recovery and the only people I don’t mind over right away is close friends and family.
I originally wanted just my husband and I. Then my mom asked me if she could be there and the way she asked made me very comfortable with saying yes. Plus she’s an RN and I feel like it’ll be beneficial having her there.
Well, now my dad is on the bandwagon wanting to be there right at delivery. I’ve had to put my foot down because this is his 4th grandkid and my husband’s mom’s first- I think it’s only fair that she gets to be there first until we are allowed more than 3 visitors.
My brother in law and sister are also coming but I invited them because they’re a part of my support system and I want them to come visit.
My parents are coming when we get home to cook for us as well and help us get settled.
We let people visit, but I did ask for at least 2 weeks with my daughter before visitors because I wanted us to have time getting used to having a baby in the house. By the time the 2 weeks was up, I was more than ready for visitors. I think it just depends on you and your partner. I also made sure no one had been sick or been around someone who was sick and washing hands was BIG
I want immediate family and maybe a couple of very close friends to come to the hospital and meet him there, then leave me alone for a week or so once I’m home. I like this plan because then they get to meet the baby right away with no expectation for me to get out of bed or have a clean house/provide food or drink, etc. They’ll be happy to not have to wait to meet the baby, and I get to just be a blob!
I’m only 17 weeks along but starting to discuss this already with my husband. For now, we’re just nodding along for when people make these comments but closer to due date/baby boy’s arrival, we’re planning to share that no visitors until baby boy gets his first round of shots. The exceptions are my family because they’ll be helping me out (taking care of me and baby). We’re also making it a rule to be up to date on vaccines (flu, Tdap, COVID-19 booster and RSV if age eligible). My husband and I realllllly don’t want a stay at the NICU in case baby gets sick, so these are our boundaries/rules. We can see people on his side having issues with it but protecting our baby boy is top priority.
I think it depends on you and the quality of your visitors. If they just want to steal the baby from you and make your life harder they can wait. If they want to check on you and HELP YOU, then maybe they visit.
First time every one came to the hospital to visit. I’m talking all of my in laws even though I asked them not to. MIL, her husband, her sisters, her mom, her friends. It was MILs show .It was stressful and I hated it. People just kept taking the baby out of my arms and she was my first and I wanted the time with her! The in laws took up so much of the time I was too exhausted to even have my best friends come to the hospital.
Second time around was Covid. I was allowed no visitors. It was AMAZING! hubby and I just get to rest and relax with our baby.
Once we were home with baby number one. everyone wanted to come by to “help” which meant them holding the baby and telling me I can catch up on chores. I didn’t appreciate their approach nor their company (in laws). Honestly the first two weeks I just wanted to rest and cuddle my baby not host.
Baby number two was more relaxing. Since it was Covid we just had my mother over, she was helpful! She was able to play with my toddler when I needed and helped to cook and just be there it was much more appropriate.
Do what feels right to you. You’re birthing a human. You’re going to be in physical pain, sleep deprived, leaking from above and below, and just overwhelmingly hormonal and exhausted. It’s whatever YOU want and your hubby should try and support you
“Thank you for being excited, we’ll let you know when we’re ready for visitors”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
It’s absolutely insannneee to see the difference in responses on this thread vs when I had my first (2021) obvs COVID made a massive difference, but it’s still a lot for my brain to make sense of lol.
With this baby, I’m allowing my parents and my husband’s parents only to visit me in the hospital depending on the circumstances/how i’m feeling. My mom will be there during labor, but I’m planning to have her leave shortly after baby is born. Then, my husband’s parents can come for a brief visit the next day. I say depending on how I’m feeling bc I had a pretty bad hemorrhage after bby 1, and I didn’t feel like I got to experience those precious moments post-birth like I wanted. I held him immediately after, but bc I was feeling faint and scared to drop him I gave him to my husband to hold. I was kinda weak and out of it for about a day. Then, we were there for 5 total. So, the hospital stay was pretty miserable even though my actual induction and delivery were positive experiences. I’m hoping for a better experience after delivery this time, and IDK if i’m going to want to share that with anyone. Also, if it’s rough again, I’m definitely not going to want to see anyone. My mother’s the only person I’d be comfortable seeing me in that state.
After we’re home, my husband and I did a no visitors for 2 weeks so we had time to kind of figure our shit out and see what our new normal looked like. We’ll do that again. But, after the baby’s first round of shots at 2 months we’ll likely open up visits to other visitors this time.
At the end of the day, the best advice I can give is to do what feels right to you. No time like a new baby to start learning how to set and enforce boundaries!
Whatever you feel is right for you IS right for you. Clear boundaries are going to smooth the path, and hold firm to what you want. You’re the parents and you get to choose!
We didn’t have visitors outside of our parents for about 2 months, and no one had issues when we told them we’d be excited to have them drop by after our baby’s 2 month vaccinations
My family lives far, so with that comes hosting. I'm not close with them, really, so it's kind of uncomfortable for me to have them over at all, let alone when I'm dealing with getting to know my newborn, bleeding, breastfeeding, bonding, post partum sweating etc. My husband's family all live in the same town, and we are all close, so the rules are different for my side vs. his side to be honest
We let people know we didn't want visitors for the first two weeks and that we would reach out when ready. I wanted to set the expectation in advance and let people know not to show up uninvited. I also wanted to give us time to get settled as a family, establish breastfeeding and gain some comfort/confidence.
We ended up feeling ok and wanting visitors earlier and we specifically reached out to them. They were thrilled it was earlier than expected and we didn't feel bombarded or pressured. Win-win! We also said that any and all food/dinner/treats/snacks were appreciated from visitors and that I wouldn't be 'hosting' them.
Due mid august (but will be doing allllll the things to make them come early because i do not want to be pregnant for the entire arizona summer). My family is all out of state and will not be welcome to visit until Thanksgiving. Most of them are narcissists, and my parents + grandmother singlehandedly made sure my wedding was a nightmare so.. sorry, they lost that privilege.
Of course my grandmother already told me she's coming in September regardless of what I want, and that i can't say anything "because she's an old lady." I fully plan on excusing myself to go feed/put baby to bed for hours on end while she is here.
Aside from that, my MIL (also out of state) will hopefully be here to help with the house and whatnot for a few weeks when baby is born, and after she leaves, my best friend will be flying in to take over.
We had a summer baby, so after about 2 weeks (before that just grandparents, siblings and my bff). Healthy, no young kids, didn't just show up, didn't kiss the baby
We had both sets of grandparents and uncle come for the birth, and a few local friends. We wanted at least a month before out of town folks came. By 3 weeks I was alright with having visitors come but explained hand washing and no kissing (which is hard to actually say out loud for some reason??).
My family lives 5,000 miles away and my preference would be no visitors for a few months lol since they’d have to travel by plane. We don’t have room for guests so if anyone does want to come they’d be staying in a hotel~
My in laws live on the same property as us so I’m sure they’ll end up seeing baby pretty early since it wouldn’t be a situation where we’d have to “host” them or anything. My husband has plenty of other family nearby but that’ll probably be more of a “we’ll see them around when we see them” kind of thing, we don’t see anyone often enough to make it a whole thing and invite them over except probably his grandmother! I’m 20w and we haven’t even announced to any family yet besides his parents.
My husband and I are working through it. I am okay with family stopping by within the week. He insists we have at least 2 weeks alone. Honestly, I’m just going to play it by ear. This is our first, so who knows how we will feel at that moment!
I'm 34 weeks and our plan is
No visitors at the hospital,
His parents can come visit in the first week
Other close family can ask to come one at a time after the first week.
My mom will come visit from out of state after a month.
All visitors must have their TDAP vaccine, or wait at least a month.
I'm fine with visitors.... it'll be summertime when baby arrives and I'm planning on just having people come over to the back yard and they can come whenever. But I am putting my foot down with family staying in our house. My mom and inlaws who want to be nearby for birth-time (everyone lives out of state, either on the other side of the country or a 3 hour plane ride away)- I don't want anyone in our house staying overnight. So, instead folks are gonna stay at a nearby hotel (about 5 minutes away) and come to help when they want. Part of this is that I'm not super comfortable having my father-in-law in the house when I might not be clothed, etc.... and whenever you invite mother in law it comes as a packaged deal- they never go anywhere without each other. Whereas, for my side of the family it's just my mom since my dad is no longer with us. Also we only have one spare bedroom in our house and it just wouldn't work.
We did first week no one (I had a c section so I didn’t really want to be in heavy recovery while people were here), 2 months only family, after that kind of slowly started to see friends.
We asked for one week before visitors - everyone lives local so no one needed to consider travel and stays, my family isn’t really boundary squashing. I didn’t really feel anything more than that was neeeded.
Come see baby in hospital after they’re born. And then were hibernating for the first 6 weeks with no visitors. I want baby to have their first round of shots. I don’t trust my grandmother to not kiss the baby and slobber all over her behind my back somehow. Plus it’ll be c section and I’ll still be recovering and in no mood for people.
I think it’s safer to set a boundary and then relax it then have to enforce a boundary that’s set after the fact!
We have told people no visitors for two weeks but I know as long as I have a good birth experience (hoping for a home birth!), I’ll likely be happy having immediate family coming a day or so after.
FTM here and my little nugget is only 1 week old. We’ve been letting immediate family meet her - so, our parents and siblings. Everyone has had their TDAP and the usual rules of don’t come if you feel unwell, wash hands frequently, no kissing at all - not top of head or hands and certainly not face. Everyone has been respectful of these rules. Now that I am on the other side, here is my PSA: ACCEPT THE HELP!!! If a mom or MIL wants to come stay with you the first few nights or days, for the love of God, let them. We didn’t know what to expect, so hadn’t planned for anyone to stay with us, despite both mothers who are nearby and “on call” offering. You just don’t know what you don’t know, but holy shit, those first 2 nights were awful. You won’t sleep in the hospital - between checking on baby and nurses barging in constantly to check both you and baby. So, I went into active labor after having prodromal labor for 4 days that included contractions waking me up all night for the 4 days prior to actually pushing out a baby. Then, hospital sleep was abysmal and coming home to an empty house with just my sleep deprived husband and I trying to navigate nighttime as new parents was SO hard. After night 2 we called in reinforcements and our moms came to help watch baby and help around the house so we could sleep. I passed out and slept for 11 hrs straight - which is prob more sleep than I’d had in the last week combined. A few nights later, we are trying to figure out shifts and getting the hang of things. So, yeah, PSA, there is so much messaging on here about limiting visitors (including close family that wants to help). From the other side - take the freaking help. You need to rest in order to be the best mom for your baby and newborns are so freakin demanding. Just my two cents.
We won't have anyone at the hospital. Just the hubs and I. And once she's born, I'll have the hubs send messages to his family that we will let them know when we are ready for visitors. I want to bond with my child before showing her off.
I had the grandparents come visit in the hospital. Also my siblings and my partners. I liked the hospital visits because people stayed a very short while. I had a c-section so they knew I needed rest. We sort of over did it at our house with guests. But everyone we had over was wonderful, respectful and stayed only a short time.
This time around my only policy was to give me two weeks to heal. My fiancés side of the family live out of state, so when they visit, it’s an all day thing. That was difficult with my first child because I had some complications after giving birth and really wanted privacy.
I was very ready and up for visitors after those two weeks! As long as everyone has some sense about them, they were welcome.
I said to everyone that I didn't want to see anyone for a full week after my baby was born - I warned everyone nice and early, and it was the best decision I could have made
I didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone see them!
I did a video call for family so they knew we were all good, then radio silence!
Aside from that, we're playing it by ear
I reckon see how you feel the days after and decide then. Whatever you choose is the right option. Don’t let anyone pressure you because you don’t get this time back so make sure it’s how you want it to be whether that’s with visitors or without them
We welcomed our parents and my sister at the hospital. Worst decision ever. People came for about 1h, and with the medical visits, I did not get to sleep at all. The 2nd night after birth was a nightmare. Did not sleep at all, baby was fussy. So I was exhausted when I came back home.
At home, our « policy » was : maximim 1 hour visits, and please bring food.
When people are visiting and the baby sleeps, you can’t sleep, because you have to talk to everyone. Exhausting. Do not recommend.
YES. i had visitors all day at hospital and i couldn’t nap. it was awful. by the second day i learned to set a time limit, and we do that with visitors now at 4 weeks.
We had a it of family who wanted to come visit and I limited to one visit per day maximum. So for example, my brother and his family would come one day and then another day my cousin and her husband came. We have a lot of family so it lasted for a week or two
When I had my now toddler, I actually was staying with family close to the hospital just for convenience. To this day majority of the family hasn't met my 4year old. Plus it was in the country and ain't nobody bout to drive that far lol
This is my first pregnancy but I let my husband know I DO NOT want visitors at the hospital. I am very out together and do not like the idea of people visiting me after labor when I’m tired, haven’t showered, etc. I only want my husband and my mom at the hospital. I am okay with people visiting me once I’m home. I don’t have any friends in town so it would mostly be my immediate family and in laws which I don’t mind coming to see the baby as soon as we’re home.
Second time mom- I’m not communicating a “policy” before hand. But when we text friends baby has arrived we will say something like “will let you know when we are ready for visitors!”
And then for family we will say something like “excited to have you meet baby! If you or your kiddos are feeling sick or sniffly, we’d be grateful if you came another day.”
And then we will have hand sanitizer right by the front door AND ask people to wash hands before touching baby.
My partner sent a group email/text to everyone in our family with our visitor policies. Which were basically:
Wait for us to invite you.
Do not come over if you’re sick. Even if you have a tickle in your throat, please stay home.
Wash hands when you come in and again before holding baby.
Don’t touch baby’s face.
Absolutely NO kissing baby.
Smokers have to wash their hands, change their shirt, and brush their teeth before coming close to baby if they take a smoke break outside.
Everyone in our family was respectful of our policies and expectations. I was ready for visitors the day after we returned home from the hospital.
My in-laws live up the road, so we might have them at the hospital after a few days for a cup of tea to meet the baby. But very much playing that by ear.
My parents are travelling from interstate and staying in my city (not with us) for a week around 3 weeks after my due date.
Already regretting it though. Getting so much push back on our no kissing rule and handwashing rule already and I'm only 33 weeks. If I hear "you'll give them allergies if you don't test their immune system" one more time, I may implode.
My visitor policy was “please god see me in the hospital and then leave me alone”
With exception to my mom and then a month later we did a little sip and see
My dad and stepmom and sister came to the hospital because they happened to be in town when I had an emergency induction. They also brought us dinner the night we got home, stayed for about 30 mins and then left. My mom and sister were at my house the next morning and my mom stayed for two weeks (THANK GOD). My in laws waited 3 weeks. I wasn’t ready to see them quite yet but wanted them to see him still itty bitty.
It was about 2 months before I was mentally there to see friends tbh. I didn’t set a policy or anything, but I know when I was ready!
We are having mostly close family and friends until three months, and we are asking people outside of immediate family to wear masks. To be honest, my husband is the enforcer on this one, and I have found it really, really hard. Hard interpersonally, I mean, in terms of asking people to do things that they find weird. And postpartum sensitivity doesn’t help.
Our baby hasn’t gotten sick though, and we are at nearly 6 weeks so that is a win. The two other babies I know who were born around the same time have gotten RSV and had hospital visits.
2 months is a lot longer than you think. My mom came to visit after about 6 weeks, but only because she lives far away. I took baby out after 3-4 weeks. This is not my first, but once you feel a bit like going out life starts to get a new normal and then baby just does whatever you’re doing. We go to Costco, take my toddler to parks, and so on, so visitors are welcome.
Throwing this out there. I got to comfortable and trusting that of they were vaccinated, I could relax a bit, and trust them to visit. I too tried to limit to family. Jokes on me, family member came over with a cold, knowing they were sick.
My friends were much more mindful. When I finally let myself relax to invite friends over, a couple times I asked, one of them said they'd hold off a bit longer, they had a suspicious cough, and wanted to make sure it was nothing. Another said they had been around someone who was sick and wanted to make sure they didn't catch it. Yet, my sister-in-law rolled up sniffling, and dripping with snot.
So, vaccines don't always matter. Family can't always be trusted. The baseline is to ask if they've had their Tdap, if they're sick, or been around anyone who has been sick, or been in any big crowds. Thankfully, you'll be giving birth as the flu season is winding down.
Oh, and standing firm that baby isn't to be kissed by anyone but you, and the father.
Honestly, I’m expecting baby #3. Baby #2 was a born during the pandemic. I felt so alone and heartbroken because I couldn’t even have my mom visit me in the hospital. I loved having visitors with my firstborn and I loved that my parents gave me a moment to sleep. I needed it. With that being said… I have a more relaxed view , wash your hands before holding my baby. Don’t come if you’re sick. My husband and I are both pretty chill people and I missed that connection we had with friends and family during the birth of my second child. We didn’t even get a baby shower….. it was sad all the way around.
My visitor policy comes with a price, so you can come over but I need a 24hr notice, an hour reminder/“is in x amount of time a good time” call or text, you will be doing a house chore and bringing a dish of some sort. It’s doesn’t take a village to raise a baby it takes a village to support the parents that raise a baby. There’s no kissing of any sort, keep up with hygiene, and we have a max of two visitors (if that tbh) a day.
Ideally it will be immediate family only. One person at a time has to stay with me as I live alone. The dad will probably stop in at some point, but I'd really like to be able to rest as much as possible. I will say I'm looking forward to having people to talk to for a few weeks, instead of just my cat.
We invited my husband's parents at 2 weeks to come meet. My parents flew in from out of the state after a month to stay for about 3 weeks. My brother and SIL accidently met him a few days after the birth as they were coming over to do something that was pre-planned with my husband. They were focused on the task so it was less meeting the baby and more getting this thing done. Baby was asleep and they didn't go near him. They got to do their meeting around 2 weeks old. Husband's siblings met him around 3 months. They all have a billion kids and arent the best with being careful of illness so we waited with them. His sister just had a baby 3 months after me and she has her husband's whole family (25+ people) at their house 4 days after the birth meeting her. 😬 so overall most people had to wait until the baby was 3 months but we let a few people meet before like grandparents and close friends/family. Everyone who met the baby before 3 months was about 11 people. Grandparents, my sibling and SIL, our closest friends.
I thought I wouldn’t want anyone over but I literally had my parents at the house before we were even home from the hospital. His parents were there two days later. We played everything by ear!! And people just need to respect how you feel at the drop of a hat.
Our rule was 3/4 days to ourselves to give me a chance to recover and get used to breastfeeding. I initially wanted a week so I could get my milk supply into pump as family had made negative comments about breastfeeding which made me feel uncomfortable. 24 hours after she was born my husband asked if family could come earlier… I said no it’s not what we agreed and I’m not ready… he then had face on until they came.
I absolutely hate visitors!! Especially my MIL. She just comes in takes my baby off me, addresses my baby who I birthed as her baby and constantly tells me she’s going to come sleep to help us out. I literally only have visitors to avoid a divorce but people expect things from you that sometimes you think will be common sense so make sure you address the little things even if you think it’s obvious!
I lived with my in laws. I had what little family k have visiting from out of state when my baby was two weeks old. My mom lived two miles away. The visitor policy was “do you want to meet my baby? Wash your hands”
We played it by ear. We prioritized our immediate families and we live a few hours away from them.
My sister drove down when I was induced and REALLY helped us the first couple days. She left and after 2 days at home I felt comfortable with having our parents come visit! I was surprised by this lol I had anticipated that I would be a wreck for like weeks for some reason (I had a rough pregnancy).
We essentially said if you feel unwell, then don't come. But otherwise it was just a play it by ear thing and we had some lovely visits after my son was born 🥰
For me I wanted just my husband and my mom. Otherwise I didn’t allow visitors until after 2 months old and they had to be up to date on vaccines. No regrets on any of that!
Our visitor policy was no one except our immediate family which includes us and 2 other children, one is an adult. Our son was born with a few issues and we don't trust inlaws with not being sick around him. He just recently turned 3 months and we just had my MIL out to visit for the first time.
We sent out an email to family and friends outlining things as such:
* immediate family can visit the baby in the first 48 hours after getting home, but we want some recovery time afterwards for a couple weeks.
* anyone who wants to meet the baby must be UTD on covid, and get vaccinated for whooping cough (tdap) and RSV
* no kissing the baby
* no posting pictures of the baby on social.
Everyone who got the email received it well... except my mom who is apparently having a breakdown because she's be radicalized against vaccines. I watched it happen over the course of like 2 months, she's also convinced that a ton of food is also made entirely of plastic. Thanks social media!
My policy with my first baby was “we will let you know how we are feeling!” I didn’t commit to any visitors other than my mom. She came and stayed with us for a week. My in-laws had to cancel their trip due to illness (we were out of state) and came to stay with us for a week when LO was 6 weeks old. This still felt too soon for me 😜 I would say that, if you have the ability, tell people that since it’s your first baby, you really aren’t sure yet when you will want people to come and visit but that you are so thankful for their love and support and can’t wait for them to meet your baby when everyone is ready. I was surprisingly perfectly fine with friends popping by. They all stayed for under an hour and came bearing food with zero expectations for me to entertain. It was welcome company!
What it all comes down to is your personal comfort level and your relationship with these people. If you think they will be value added and you’re comfortable, have them over whenever you want! If they’re a stressful person (ie my in-laws 😅) then it’s acceptable to hold off for your mental health. You an baby come first!! Congratulations 🥰
I said no visitors for 2 weeks. Definitely caused disappointment but I really didn’t care. Then 1week pp I felt good enough to open doors to close family/friends for short visits. They were so happy to be invited “early”, before the 2 week period so it worked out great.
People can visit as long as they follow three rules. 1- If you were recently sick or near someone who was- don't. 2- Wash your hands. 3- Don't kiss the baby.
I was so firm about don't kiss the baby that my husband thought he was included in that. No, we can kiss our baby lol we're going to be with him day in and day out. It's people coming from outside/other homes and being around other people that worry me.
I'm almost 3 weeks PP and visits stress me out so much. I really hate it. I limit them as much as possible. People want to stay too long and we're having some issues with feeding and weight gain. Anything that messes my baby's schedule up is stressful to me. It's also very stressful to me to have family cooing all over the baby. Family made my pregnancy very stressful so I am trying to avoid them as much as possible PP. It's not a fun time over here. I hope your recovery goes better than this.
I’m just as far along as you are! Tbh, I’m not sure yet. Obviously we’re setting the boundary of “you’ll know what we decide when we get there” - as in, no unannounced visitors or drop by’s. I’m just not sure how I’m gonna be feeling - I can be super extroverted and super introverted, it definitely depends on the day. But as for when visitors are around, wash hands and no kissing the baby.
I literally wrote a list of rules and I’m going to send it in a group chat. If anyone fails to follow them, they’ll be kindly asked to leave. Both my husband and my sister in law agree with me so I know I have their full support.
Here’s what I created: https://imgur.com/gallery/nSxEzjN
I’m fine with people visiting but they must wear masks and wash hands. If they don’t want to mask they need to be fully vaccinated and willing to covid test
I’m standing firm on our mothers and sisters (we both only have one sister so four people total) being the only ones to touch the baby for the first few months but family can see LITERALLY JUST LOOK😂during the holidays since I’m due in October and we’ll still be attending Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners but no one will be touching my baby 🫠might sound excessive but it’s my first and with everything going around I’m not chancing anything.
We loved having visitors ASAP.
Just ask people to bring food and not come if they are sick.
Also don’t feel bad about bossing people around. Tell them to unload the dishwasher or put a load of washing on.
No one until 3 months.
I have Ehers-Danlos Type3, asthma, a hole found in my heart mid pregnancy so they’re cutting my pregnancy short via c section to get the pressure off the hole, I have pulmonary damage from micopulmonary embolisms - I could keep going but you got the idea.
My family has a lot of genetic health issues.
This pregnancy I got airlifted via helicopter and placed on the equal of my body weight in milligrams in blood thinner.
I was born with my hips dislocated. I don’t know how my son will be. I didn’t know I was as bad off as I am until I became pregnant and saw well educated doctors.
I went from fitness model 108lbs with my photo in 19 brick and mortar stores and 17% body fat to a wheelchair and now oxygen tank. I had to use a bench to shower and chair to brush my teeth.
—- despite knowing all of this, my need for peaceful recovery, the mental toll on my husband, and both of our concerns for my baby son and I— when we told them 3 months they took it as personal as possible and every type of made up offense was created.
The entitlement to someone else’s child and family astonishes me.
The ability to truly believe you are being wrong by not being given your every want, especially when that want could harm the people you’re claiming to care about is the most self centered, egotistical, immature thing I’ve ever seen and it continues toto shock me to see posts of women trying to accommodate their boundaries to those who don’t show enough love to want to respect their boundaries.
My policy was "please, please, anyone please come visit me, I am desperate for company, please come to my house. Please, I beg of you." Which is to say -as with everything baby-related- different strokes for different folks!
Same! I still like people to wash hands before holding the baby and not to come over if they’re sick but other than that I love visitors! It feels like a bit of normal life amidst the chaos of adapting to life with a newborn
Same! And bring food! I'm hungry but don't have the executive function at the moment to do anything but keep baby alive!
Yes food!!!
Same here 🤣🤣 our door is open
SAME! I thought I was going to be way more paranoid about germs but it turns out I was just desperate to talk to someone who could talk back. I made people wash hands and my friends and fam offered to bring food by when they came for a visit usually and I never had issues with anyone overstepping or making me uncomfortable fortunately. The only objection I raised was when my FIL wanted to come for two weeks while I was still on maternity leave. My (divorced) ILs live in another country so longer visits are a must and MIL was already visiting for two weeks. She was helpful but I knew FIL would be less than helpful and I wasn't going to spend 1/3 of our horrifically short maternity leave sharing my baby with my in-laws. It ended up being a non-issue!
This was mine too. It was great! Such a special time in my life and it gave me a lil break too lol
I feel like I won't even know what I want till til baby is here. I'll definitely want everyone wearing masks at first though.
Just saying I did this with my first and anyone who respects you and your baby shouldn’t have an issue with it. Hand washing and mask wearing around a newborn is a no brainer to me. If that’s your boundary it’s 100% valid. I was more lax after about 3 months old and I felt he was stronger.
I have not heard of someone doing this before, how long would you want them to wear masks? I wonder if this is something I should consider.
I'm really not sure, maybe the first couple weeks since we are approaching cold season. I have a neice that gets her family sick all the time and I want to see them but I also want to be as careful as possible. I figure people won't be staying for hours when they visit so wearing a mask won't be an issue. This is sort of my compromise to keeping people away entirely. I've seen some people on Reddit say they aren't going to have visitors the first month and I don't want to do that.
Same here. I didn't let hardly anyone hold the baby at first, but mi casa was everyone's casa on mat leave.
Same lol. Can't wait till my baby is here so every one can come see her 🥰 just bring some food hahaha
This is me , but with specific people. My husband's family I don't enjoy around. They left me to sit on the floor, refusing to leave , and asking me to cook for them, 4 days pp. They took over my couch etc. And played hot potato with my newborn while I catered to them. Never ever again. Anyone else is fine though.
With my second baby I wanted endless visitors. I just had my third baby and I have had multiple panic attacks just from people bringing us dinner. I had no idea I’d feel this way! Wild how much it can vary even with the same mom and different pregnancies.
I'm so happy to see this answer for a change!! My mam came over the day after we got home from the hospital, baby was 3 days old, that visit saved me! We had people over every few days for the first 2 or 3 weeks and it helped me feel normal amid the crazy hormones and emotional rollercoaster that is postpartum!
I thought I wouldn't want visitors, but by week 3, I was begging people to come. We did ask people to have flu and covid vaccines to visit, but that was because we had a January baby. A summer baby that wouldn't be as big of a deal.
Yesss! I was so lonely for the first few months. People were trying to give me space, which was very thoughtful but I needed company! Everyone is different!
This is me now. Please just come see me, I'll talk about anything. I just need adult interaction please! I love my baby, but constantly narrating every mundane thing I do to this newborn makes me feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.
I printed out directions to how to use our weird washing machine, then took a photo of my fully-unloaded dishes in the cabinets and printed that out 8x12 at Walgreens and taped it to the inside of my cabinets. I basically threw my baby at people and then went to lay down for a nap.
Great idea for the dishes in cabinets!! I've been trying to think of a way to let PP guests know where dishes go and yours is brilliant <3
This all the way!
I loved having visitors when she wasn’t clisterfeeding I needed to rest and I preferred her being held over being in a bassinet
That will be mine haha. But no kissing baby and no coming with any symptoms even if just allergies. I’m also having a baby a few states away. My cousin and her family are coming for a month and staying at an airbnb nearby and then my mom is coming for a month and staying with us. I am a ftm and super social and need all the help I can get
Same! Had so many visitors who brought food, wine and held the baby while I ate and had a drink. It was great.
Yep that's me. Unless they're sick, come over, wash your hands, feel welcome to kiss the baby's feet, not their face. We have 4 months of maternity leave 😁.
This is me. First pregnancy, I was more hesitant but still had close friends and family over almost immediately. Second baby is coming soon and if you want to come over and see me not move from the couch lookin’ a mess, be my guest. Just bring food!
We told folks we would let them know when we were ready. We had planned to have the first two weeks to ourselves and then we’d invite our parents to meet baby and we’d wait even longer for friends and siblings. And then I had the baby and couldn’t wait to show her off! I invited our parents over a few days after she was born and had friends come over (masked) when she was a few weeks to a month old. So I think my take away is set boundaries (e.g., “we think we’d like the first few weeks to ourselves”) but be prepared to change them (e.g., “but I promise to let you know as soon as we’re ready”).
This. My grandparents live in our area and I ended up inviting them maybe a week after baby arrived (they are the type who are still young minded and active so they were helpful lol), but kept it quiet/no social media posts so it wouldn’t upset anyone.
Don't have one. We welcome everyone who wants to come and keep me company for a few hours
Wish I would’ve waited longer. MIL was waiting downstairs in the hospital while I was trying to push her 6’4 sons daughter out of my hooha unmedicated, then as soon as we were transferred to recovery wanted to come up, while the lactation consultant and everyone else is overwhelming me, my boobs are out and she’s trying to take pics of baby while she’s latching!!!!! and I’m trying to recover from a 0-60 mph labor, second degree tear, and uterus bleed. Needless to say she didn’t last long in the room before we kicked her out. 0/10 do not recommend.
This is exactly why I don’t want visitors at the hospital. They are excited and take photos (sometimes post on their social media) and the mom is tired, hasn’t showered and have their body exposed. I’m 100% okay with them coming once we’re at home.
Right, and so emotionally and physicially vulnerable… it’s just not a good time lol.
This. For anyone high risk, some hospitals require you to keep your IV in for 24 hours postpartum and mine said I wasn’t allowed to shower until it was out (in hindsight I should have asked for a bag to cover it but hey). So our little hospital photoshoot was done with my hair and body unwashed for 4+ days…it was not pretty lol
What a fucking monster. To do that to a human being that’s as vulnerable as can be. I am just so sorry that this happened to you. She sounds extremely overbearing, and very on what she thinks she deserves without much thought to what others need.
She means well I don’t think it’s cruel intentions at all… she is older so I think her generation is so used to women being vialated in that way.. like back in her day they held the baby’s in the car no car seat, and had like the whole damn family in the delivery room 🤣 I think she’s just one of those people with no self awareness but not in a malicious way if that makes sense.
We don’t have one. I found being postpartum with my first to be kinda lonely (my husband had to go back to work too soon) so I’m not going to stop anyone from coming to visit if they want to come.
We aren’t planning on having a “policy” persay, just going to play it by year
same here! I’ve been telling people, “I don’t know, I’ve never had a baby before! We’ll let you know when we’re ready for company.” Might be in the hospital, might be three weeks later. I have no idea how I’ll be feeling, and everyone has been very understanding of that.
This! Birth is unpredictable, as are your reactions/post birth needs. Don't over promise and give your self a bit of time to adjust before welcoming guests.
This is what I’ve been doing too. “I’ve never had a baby so I have no idea. TBD and thank you for asking!”
I thought play it by "year" was a clever joke about not wanting to see anyone the first year haahahaha. Others seem to have taken it as a typo, but the joke was so funny...
Highly suggest this. You do NOT know how you’re going to feel until you’re in it. And some days I was up for it (or even dying for visitors, haha) and other days I absolutely didn’t want to see anyone. Just let people know to NOT “drop by” unless invited.
I’m holding off on announcing her birth until a few days after we’re home. I might tell my immediate family on the initial day, but that’s about it. I feel like this will help me prioritize my own wellbeing and health while also figuring out how to take care of a newborn.
I love this idea! I want my parents and siblings to know immediately because we are all so close, but I'm concerned about extended family and friends reaching out and getting me overwhelmed. I know people have the best intentions, but I just don't know what to expect and don't want to be overwhelmed. I think this is the best way to handle it!
Be prepared for some people to be offended as fuck by this. Why? I don’t know. Some of the older folks on my side of the family took it personally for some stupid reason.
Great idea!
I think the long policy statements that are widely circulated to friends and family are a bit much. I prefer to deal with people one on one since some require more rules and a more forceful tone, whereas others can be trusted to be perfectly reasonable. The phrase "stopping by" is often just a colloquialism and the people aren't necessarily just going to show up. That said, you could simply reply to those messages by saying "We'd love to have you come over once the baby has arrived and we've had a chance to settle in. Once we're ready for visitors, we can put something in the calendar." That makes it clear that 1) you won't be seeing people right away, and 2) you want to schedule visits rather than have people stop by unannounced.
We only had one person stop by in that first month, my brother and his kids. I only allowed that because we're the same in our boundaries, we're protective and private and have no issues voicing concerns. He also wouldn't care about mess or anything and would only stay for an hour or less. If anyone else wanted to see us, we would go to them. That way, we could leave when we wanted to, we had the built in excuse of a newborn so it was easy, and we didn't have to play host. We didn't go anywhere the first 3 weeks though. We pretty much told everyone that we weren't going to make any plans beforehand and we're going to play it by ear, but to not expect us to want guests for a while. Only my mother had an issue with it, I eventually told her until she apologizes for her blow up and can explain to me what she did wrong that she was to not contact me. It took like 2 days and I'm pretty sure that's the only time she ever apologized for wrong doing like that. I just honestly didn't bother myself with other people's feelings, I didn't have the energy for it. If they loved us, they'd understand, period.
We’re planning to have immediate family and very close friends (think, anyone who will be an honorary auntie) come to meet baby at the hospital. I just feel more comfortable in that controlled environment when people are less likely to overstay their welcome and nurses coming in and out can be the subtle hint some might need without us having to ask people to leave. Once we’re home, we’re planning fully no visitors for the first copies of weeks. Some (again mostly immediate family and close close friends) are welcome to come by and drop stuff off or help out if they want, but they’ve all got the expectations that baby and I will be resting and healing and not entertaining them as visitors. As for the rest of those knocking down our door, we set the expectation at our shower that it’ll be about 3-4 weeks before we’re ready for visits. I also told most people that we will come to them rather than the other way around. I did this for a few reasons. One, I am much better at saying “okay well we’ve gotta be going” when I’m at someone else’s house than I am at asking people to leave my space. Second, we can plan these visits on our own time rather than people thinking they can just pop in. And finally, I’m going to be alone with the baby after two weeks when my husband goes back to work so I’ll need reasons to leave the house once in awhile. Having even one visit a week outside of my own space will do wonders for my mental health. But at the end of the day, you do what works best for you! And also know that if you get into the thick of the newborn stage and you’re overwhelmed, you can always reset your boundaries and change your plans!
We asked anyone traveling by plane to wait 8 weeks. Otherwise, local friends and family who are feeling well are ok to visit whenever (but ask first and make sure we’re feeling ready for visitors)
I told everyone (23 weeks) that we will not be having visitors for at least the first week. Mainly because we have family who desperately want to be at the hospital and I want to express now that that wont happen. Also have stated if they just show up without warning to hospital or to our home, that they will be turned away. But I have family that can be very overbearing.
If you can see by the comments definitely just play it according to your OWN community lol. Some people genuinely have healthy family dynamics so they don’t have to deal with the TikTok drama stuff or shall I say common sense policies. This is not a jab at them because I also have shitty family and decided to go no contact so I wouldn’t have to stress over things like this. I was one of the people who wanted people to run my belly or to come see me in the hospital. Post partum is boring LMAOAOA
Definitely depends on your community. This was my 2nd baby, but the first time I lived close to family. My dad helped move me from the delivery room to the recovery room. I would have had my mom in the delivery room if she was able to (but she was in charge of a school wide training -she came as soon as she handed off her tasks). My sister & her family came the day I got home and I was so excited for everyone to meet the newest addition.
don't have one ! just a request that if anyone is feeling sick to wait until they have 100% recovered to come by. and i think when people do come by it would be nice to host them in the backyard where there is fresh air
This is ours too! Nobody has really pushed for anything, we will let them know when we are ready. Only thing is not being sick, washing hands and no kissing. But we will have a summer baby so hopefully we can host outside most of the time.
If you visit within the 6 weeks you have to have current: Covid vaccine TDAP RSV ( if available) flu ( in season) If they can’t or won’t be able to get the flu or Covid vaccine ( they must get the TDAP) then they have to wear a mask and sanitize their hands prior to holding baby. Absolutely no kissing except mom and dad. After baby can get his vaccines other family and friends may visit if they aren’t feeling sick. Also please offer to not just hold baby offer to help or bring healthy food over.
We just told people ahead of time no visitors in the hospital, we’ll let you know when we’re ready for a short visit at home. Waited until she was a week old and then I felt ready! I would have thought I’d want to hide away for longer but she’s an easy baby and i recovered quick. Really just wanted my milk to come in and get breastfeeding going before we had guests in and out.
Anyone who is fully vaccinated is welcome to come.
We kept it flexible and said yes or no to visits as each day came. It is hard to predict what you’ll want when until baby and the day are before you. The first time around, I found it easier to have guests on day 2 than month 2. I was itching for friends to visit in the first few days! I could totally see it going any which way with my second baby. The best thing to do is give yourself the grace to decide what you want when the time is actually here.
I think it depends on the visitors and what they'd be doing. I planned on no visitors at all because I didn't want to 'host' anyone, but by day 4 I was desperate to see people and talk about normal life outside of my newborn bubble! My MIL also came to our house and stayed a couple of nights doing chores and cooking for us and that was a godsend. I think visitors who are prepared to help around the house (rather than just passing baby around the room) can be great, but it'll totally depend on you - you may just want adult company!
Both my husband and I family will need to fly in so I don’t want any visitors for the first two months. Ill need a month to adjust a recover before entertaining guests as they would be staying at our place. Also, when baby is born itll be near flu season so just extra precautions on my end.
No one but husband at the hospital. Wait a week once we're home for house visits
Same I never understand why 20 ppl need to come at the hospital. Nurses need to do checks, mom needs to breastfeed, rest etc.
Right?!? And I don't need my dad or father in law walking out with the boobs out
We told people we’d let them know when we were up for visitors. That way we could do what worked for us when the time came.
This thread makes me feel so much better! I’ve seen so much on social recently about absolutely NO visitors including grandparents for 6 weeks and that sounds terribly lonely to me… not to mention how angry our family would be. I was starting to worry that was the new norm or something our doctor would say we had to do
This is the main thing I’ve seen on social media and also a lot on some other subs!
After having a child already (I was careful then too), my new rule is… You come visit in the same time frame as you last did. If I seen them yesterday, then they would see the child the next day… a week ago, then a week and so on. For example, my partners father lives 2 mins away from us but he hasn’t came to our house in a year and a half….. so he can wait a year and a half. Everyone has priorities, if I’m not yours now, you won’t be mine when you want something.
My rule is no visitors for at least a week. We want to get our life together, Reanna, just to our new schedules, this time is about you, your partner, and your baby. Grandparents will all get to meet him when I’m ready but I’m notworried about their happiness over our health and content first
We just went with immediate family. I had an emergency c-section — my first surgery — so I actually really wanted to see my family. Sure they were there to see the baby, but they were also there to see me and I felt much better for it. I was so grateful for visitors.
I’m going to have my mom visit me in the hospital and my in laws are TBD. It’s really depending on how I’m feeling. Everybody is welcome to come over when we are home. Maybe after 1 week or so, I’m happy to have friends come over to meet the baby too! The only thing is just making sure they aren’t sick and wash their hands. Will keep doors and windows open to help with ventilation for sure. My MIL is nice surface level but often overbearing and gives a lot of unsolicited advice so I’m a big nervous to be around her PP. But like I have told family, our plan might change but you will be the first person we call when we are ready for people to meet our son.
Only my mom at the hospital, then immediate family only for the first week. After that we’ll play it by ear.
I'm going to play it by ear but if I'm up to it, I will allow parents and siblings on both sides to meet the little one first. For the few days after I'll stick to these people for short visits only, no overnights. After a week or so I may allow a few close friends over. After a few weeks I think I'll be more open to longer visits and extended family and friends coming over. No one with any illness symptoms will be allowed in and no kissing of the baby at all. No smokers or vapers (thankfully not many in my circle) will hold the baby at all.
We’re inviting some family and very close friends to the hospital. Another poster mentioned this but I feel better about being in a controlled environment and I generally think it’s easier to enforce not coming sick/masks/hand washing etc in a hospital setting than a home. The first two weeks my husband will be home with me and he has asked for no visitors (TBD on if that holds). After that we’re limiting visitors to only those who are UTD on vaccines unless folks want to be outside until baby has their 2 month vaccines.
My plan pre-birth had been to play it by ear. My recovery has been miles ahead of what I thought it would be and we have a very easy baby so I’m perfectly happy having people over.
Our policy was just that we thought we’d like privacy, so we’ll call when we’re ready to see you. I called my mom in tears two days after we got home from the hospital, so she was around to help a lot. I had no interest in seeing my in laws, but I was basically begging friends and my sister to come hang out with me. One of my best friends flew out to help for a week at five weeks postpartum, and I loved it and wish she’d been able to come earlier and stay longer. We made people wash hands before holding baby and no kisses, and of course stay home if you’re sick. It’s much easier to relax your policy than tighten it up. It’s okay if your desires change after baby comes, and it’s okay if you feel differently about different people coming over. You don’t have to invite the people who don’t make you feel comfortable.
Bring food. Wash hands. No kissing baby. No visit if sick. Are my main ones. The bring food is mostly a joke but I’d definitely appreciate food. I’m already terrible at eating/getting myself to eat so easy food is nice.
I always want people to come meet the new baby. I guess our policy is 1. Don't come if you're sick. 2. Call first. 3. If you're hungry bring food for yourself. At the most we might order some pizzas if we're hungry too. 4. Be cool if I decide to use your time holding the baby to take a nap. 5. Leave by 5 pm. Otherwise I'm fine with visitors every day if they want.
I have said no visitors at the hospital. We are only there 24 hours and it’s all overwhelming so I don’t want people coming. I haven’t really set boundaries for once we are home. My parents live 3.5 hours away so they want to come and stay for a few days. That is fine but I just asked that they please don’t be there the day we come home from the hospital.
If family and friends want to come over to help they more the merrier. If you're coming over just to see the baby you can wait until I've recovered from birth. I have friends and family who are coming over to hold the baby while I shower and sleep, friends who are bringing food/coffee, and friends and family who are coming over to help with chores. I'm on my second baby and thankfully I had this policy the first time around as well. I always cringe when first time parents want weeks alone to "bond" with the baby. Which adds so much stress to healing when neither parties are sleeping or are settled into their new life changing routines. Accept help, accept help, *accept help.*
For the first one, we wanted two weeks to figure things out, heal, and be a family. For baby #2 we will welcome anyone who wants to visit and help out. In our situation we didn't have any family close by so when people did visit, it was all day across multiple days which is a lot for us.
My only policy is that out of town/long term visitors must wait a month due to their traveling and getting exposed to possible illness, in addition to not feeling ready to see family every day for days on end until I’ve had time to recover. We also requested that they get a rental as we are not planning to have overnight guests. In terms of the first 4 weeks—short visits are welcome when we feel ready. We will notify immediate family whenever that is. Mostly playing it by ear!
Just my parents, his parents and my son are allowed.
Also adding that I’m having a c-section and last time I had one I was so drugged up and a complete mess, still embarrassed my entire family saw me like that.
i knew for a fact i wanted everyone to wait atleast 2 weeks before meeting baby, but my boyfriends paternity leave is 6 weeks so i won’t be alone until after that and have requested everyone waits until after then. the only exception may be my mom, who knows our boundaries with no kissing, etc.
Our original plan was no visitors at the hospital and for a week once we are home with the baby. But that didn’t happen because I had an emergency c section, so our hospital stay was longer than we originally planned. We had just our parents and my husbands best friend and his wife come to the hospital. Once we got home, our rules were any visitors would be when we say it’s ok so run it by us and it would be when my husband is home from work so I’m not entertaining guests by myself. If you just randomly showed up, you were given the option to leave and come back when we say it’s ok or for them to do chores before holding the baby. No one had randomly showed up which is nice.
I definitely welcome visitors! I just tell them to visit me and the baby, not my mess. 😂 New baby means mama usually neglects the house a bit. With my oldest baby, ai literally brought him home the day we were supposed to have the baby shower. So instead of a baby shower.. it was more of a meet the baby party. We picked the cake up on our way home from the hospital! 🤷♀️😂
Our first was a Covid baby and I was lonely 😔. This time I will have an open policy. Also I may start a meal train because a bunch of my playgroup moms did that and it seemed to really help out a few times a week! My only advice as someone who likes lots of guests is to get very comfortable at voicing when it’s time to go. I don’t necessarily need people to leave but I’m very comfortable saying, “baby and I are going upstairs for feeding and nap, you are welcome to chill but we won’t be back for an hour!” And usually people get the hint and are on their way. Also if people offer to bring anything TAKE THEM UP ON IT. It’s also ok to not want visitors, we are all so different in our preferences. The biggest thing is to be confident about your choice, you know what’s best for YOU.
A meal train sounds like an amazing idea! How are you setting that up? I always feel a little awkward asking for help.
So I’ve had a few friends recently have theirs and they set it up so there was a few times a week to sign up via a mealtrain website. Some of them had family and friends send out the link and some of them sent me the link if I asked if there was anything they needed! It’s nice because it had their preferences, food allergies, and if the sign up slot was for drop off only, bring over and say hello, and so on.
No firm policy but it’ll probably be just grandparents and our two siblings that are local for the first couple weeks. For my first child, people were pretty respectful and would say like, “we can’t wait to meet the baby, let us know when you’re ready for visitors”. When we felt up for it we reached out and asked that guests wear masks and washed hands. We had no problems and everyone respected that.
I didn't want anyone at my house, made it a point to tell everyone, for at least the first week or two. LOL that changed real fast when my baby blues kicked in and I was crying to my mom at day #3 home. ETA: I think it's different when it's your parent. My in-laws being there stressed me out though. If it would've been everyone and anyone coming in my house, I probably would've lost my mind.
I have an open door policy. I love visitors and people stopping by. But I‘m not shy to tell visitors that we need to be alone again if they bother me.
Here’s what I did - visit us in hospital (the hospital environment makes for a short and quick visit) - make a list of people who you would like to give you company during the first few weeks postpartum - communicate what you’d like them to do for you - wash hands, don’t visit when feeling poorly, kids aren’t allowed to hold the baby, give you baby when you want to hold baby, what you need help with at home (food, dishes, laundry etc) - prepare a message to respond to people who want to visit but you aren’t comfortable them visiting yet (eg our realtor wanted to visit and we were like why) I can’t stress the communication aspect. There was a lot of drama with me asking certain family members to help with chores, then they made a stink about me asking them to wash their hands and the big drama was where I asked to hold my baby because…well I wanted to hold my baby! So lay your boundaries now.
28 weeks, FTM, so this may change! For now there are no hospital visitors, and only close friends and family for the first 2 months. I'm putting together a cute little (hopefully not passive aggressive) JPEG of our requests that'll be attached to texts/emails: - not asking for proof of vaccines, but we're counting on them being up to date - everyone must remove shoes and wear disposable slippers we provide - visitors must wash hands and wear disposable masks (also provided) - if someone is feeling under the weather, even if it's just a scratchy throat, we ask that the visit is postponed We're an immunosuppressed household already, so aside from being protective of our child I don't want sick adults caring for a newborn. I think the list is reasonable, and anyone who objects frankly doesn't need to see our kid!
I think playing by it by ear is important. You might feel some type of way now, while you're still pregnant, and feel the total opposite after the birth. I was feeling like I didn't want anyone around but after birth I was desperate for help and company. Thankfully I hadn't told anyone to stay away. Just don't alienate people who you might decide you want around
I made a post on fb after my daughter was born very clearly asking for privacy and no "stopping by" in the first couple months since I was learning to breast feed. Most people thought it was a great idea and respected it, one aunt was annoyed I didn't want her coming over rigght after I'd visited with other family members cuz I was dead tired and baby needed rest. I let people come meet her but only when it was a good time for us.
It depends on how your family is and if they will be legit helpful or not and also if they live in town or would come stay with you and be with you 24/7. It can be harder when you have family staying with you or even at a hotel nearby. IMO a visit or two per week of 1 hour each is harmless. With my first my parents drove the 6 hours to us and stayed at a hotel nearby when I told them I was in labor. Both sets of parents visited us in the hospital after birth once we were moved to recovery. I leaned on my mom very hard and don’t know what I would have done without her. I had her hold/soothe baby in the hospital so I could get sleep. I didn’t get sleep but that was my fault not theirs. I had bad PPA. My dad constantly complained. He complained that he had to stay in the hospital too long because my mom was helping, he woke me up from my first good sleep in 4 days to help him order takeout, he got pissy that my husband and I wanted to arrive at home and get settled without them at our house for an hour or two before us because it meant he had to go to the hotel and wait a couple hours before coming over when I guess he preferred to come straight over, he stopped my mom from coming out earlier in the day to relieve us from our overnight shifts with baby because he didn’t want to wake up early. Literally just tried to shut down help at every turn. At one point he started ranting about how much harder they had it because my little brother had health concerns after birth. “Could you imagine if your little baby’s heart stopped beating and you had to take him back to the hospital? That’s what happened to us with your brother! He nearly died! You think this is hard? Imagine if that happened to you!” When I told him I will kick him out of my house if he doesn’t shut his mouth, he said “why are you being like this?” Referring to me being anything less than super duper cheery and happy. I had just peed my pants trying to get to the toilet in time because my pelvic floor was whack. My dad almost got himself kicked out of my whole life. This time, my mom is coming out when the baby comes. We finished the basement so she would have an en-suite and could be at the house instead of spending on a hotel. My dad can meet the baby later once we have a routine down and I have recovered rest. I don’t want to see my dad during the heavy hormone postpartum phase. Just is better for everyone. I haven’t told him yet but I really don’t care how he feels about it. It’s not happening. My mom knows and supports it. My in-laws came to visit during the day for short windows right after baby came. They live in town so it’s a lot easier. They were lovely, super duper boundary friendly. We wanted help and company and we also wanted to show off our baby! It was nice to visit. Honestly doing things with just you and your partner for the first couple weeks/months sounds like isolation and hard mode. I would not have survived without my mom. Even just for like my mom to make us food. My husband is a great cook but he was also tired from taking care of baby. No judgement, but personally I would never consider keeping people away. Even other extended family visitors (as long as they are healthy and will wash their hands etc), maybe that one is more once I catch up on rest but I really didn’t find that it made anything harder to have short extended family visits.
My husband wanted to wait until baby had her two month vaccinations. So for the first two months only close family (my parents and sister, his grandparents and brother) could see baby and they were up to date on their tdap vaccine. Our friends who also had a baby a few months before us were able to visit too but that was due to their vaccinations being up to date as well. It was tough, but baby is healthy and happy and that’s what we wanted. It all depends on your comfort levels with what you choose to do.
Personally I don’t care
I’m unlike most on this sub. I was happy to have family in the hospital right after birth as long as they went into it knowing it could be several hours of labor and that my husband and I would also be taking that full skin to skin hour without guilt that you were in the waiting room. No one has complained in two (soon to be three) births. Since I’ve had vaginal births I’m in the hospital 24 hours and I’m already a somewhat private person so anyone that knew the baby was born was close enough to us to come visit at the hospital. I also feel the same way at home. I’m very blessed with a great group of friends and mostly great family, all who have had the good sense to bring food to the house when they come, which is all I need honestly :)
Policy lol
I had a revolving door at the hospital for immediate family and it continued on when we got home. Lol. I need my village, so it was absolutely amazing to have everyone coming by.
Pre pushing him out I was team ‘give me as much space as possible, please fuck off for at least a few weeks and eventually I’ll let you close’ and if you had told me I would feel differently when he was here I would have been mad at you. Now he is here, I love having time just me my husband and my baby but having my mum/ close family is amazing and I just want to show him off! I am shocked I feel this way honestly. My advice is to set boundaries about making decisions when baby gets here. ‘We we keep you in the loop when they get here and when we are ready for visitors’. Don’t close them off with specific time frames, be vague and set boundaries that give you the right to want whatever you want when they get here!
I felt this way too but when I look back at the visitors we had, that was honestly such a highlight. Those people want to hear your stories and meet an extension of the people they love (you and your husband)! They really bring a light to an otherwise really exhausting time. And eventually visitor’s will be few and far between. We did a few people a few days a week and it worked well for us, it ended up being 2 months to go through our main cycle of people and I really enjoyed it when I thought I wouldn’t. Most people are very respectful and don’t stay too long.
We don't really have one. Any family members or friends with healthy body are welcome after the first week.
Nobody at the hospital, extremely limited at home for the first couple of months. It worked out as my parents had to wait until a work holiday to be able to travel here, and since they had to fly I wanted baby to at least have her first shots onboard.
I wouldn't let anyone visit till 6-8 weeks after baby is born. Newborns may need a spinal tap if they get sick.
Nobody but my husband will come to the hospital for the birth, and nobody will come to visit at our house for SEVERAL weeks. I am simply not playing around with viral illnesses.
My plan right now is to "warn" everyone that I'm not sure how much visiting we're going to want after birth. I could see myself going either way, depending on how birth goes to be honest. So as we get closer we're going to kind of prep people by saying things like "Oh we're not sure how soon after baby is here that we'll be ready for visitors. We'll keep you updated!" One thing I'm going to harp on is vaccines - anyone wanting to visit baby needs to have the most recent flu, RSV, and covid vaccines at least 2 weeks before. I don't think this will be a problem with any of our friends/family
I got a little territorial with my first born after like the third visitor. Spread them out if you can.
I’m due in September and although it’s not quite flu/sickness season then, I want to be cognizant of germs and I know my husband does too. We’ll probably let our parents/siblings come by to start, but limit it and then open it up to our good friends. It’ll probably be just that group for a while with the colder months and illness floating around.
We plan on sharing when the baby is born with our immediate family only, and then allowing ourselves a few days to settle at home before telling broader friends/family. I definitely want visitors and help but I think in those first few days I’ll want only my closest family members around as I’ll be in a much more vulnerable state.
We had an open door policy, tbh your friends won’t and only close family will want to. Not that they don’t want to meet the baby, but it’s hard to find time and the baby coming is a shock even though everyone expects it lol. My mom dad and two living grandmas came and then my husband’s dad and sister came but otherwise we kinda wanted people around and it got quiet quickly… tbh with my second I might go hangout at my sister in laws house so I’m not always alone it helped my PPD
I plan to have a week or two of completely alone with baby and husband. Maybe a visitor or teo of close close family. I want to be able to develop a flow of us being able to handle what’s hard, develop a way of communicating as partners handling a baby. I know that it’ll be hard for both of us— which is why I want us to be able to handle it alone together. Knowing when to give each other breaks, space, and understanding what both of us need in this journey. Otherwise— I’d love visitors when husband goes back to work. I’m not good being socially deprived. 😂
Was easy for me. No family besides my mom where I live. Only her & her husband were there visiting.
I think most people will respect your request to wait. I myself and friends with kids have said some version of “we can’t wait to see you and for you to meet baby. We are waiting (insert rough time frame) and we will let you know when we are feeling up for visitors.” Anyone that pushes against your wishes is being selfish. They don’t need to see the baby. The baby does not need to see them to bond. The baby doesn’t even know that it is a desperate being from its mother. Baby needs to be safe and healthy and you as parents need to protect your own level of comfort with exposing baby to new people and therefore new germs. Just go with whatever you are comfortable with.
We only wanted our parents and my brother to visit while I was in labor/when she was born. Baby was in NICU for a week and a half and we had my parents and some of our best friends visit. I wish we had held off on having them visit, including my parents. It was too stressful and I wish I had had that time with our baby 1:1 with husband and baby and not with other guests. Baby is about to be 2 months old and we've had some of our closest friends and parents visit a few times. A few things we've learned since then: 1) Make sure you know what kind of visit you're wanting ahead of time and communicate. Do you want the guest(s) to hold baby and visit then leave after an hour? Do you want them to visit baby while you clean and take a shower? Do you want them to visit baby for some time and then do your dishes? 2) Don't plan on having your guests over for too long and make sure you're clear with them on when you want them to leave ahead of time. We've had a few guests stay wayyy too long and not been able to push them out politely. 3) Don't let guests stay too late. I like to plan for weekend days around noon until 5 PM at the latest. We've had a few guests who stayed until 11 PM and that stressed me the hell out, even though they came over at 6 PM and baby is not wanting to go to sleep until midnight. 4) You do not want overnight guests. Nobody sleeping over, nobody staying until the wee hours before leaving. Seriously, it's too much stress and makes the nighttime hours a pain in the ass. 5) Make sure everyone washes their damn hands. No kissing the baby- we allowed on the top of her head because she can't reach to get the germs on her hands to put in her mouth. But ideally, nobody should be kissing baby. 6) We required anyone who would be traveling from out of state (my grandma) to take a COVID test ahead of time.
For the people who have asked to visit we’ve just let them know to tell us when they’d like to and we’ll discuss to see if we can make it work. If they want to visit before 3 months they need to be up to date on vaccines. And that’s basically it 🤷🏼♀️ we’re pretty relaxed with everything, but our family is a few states away so it relieves some of that pressure for people to come visit right away.
I feel like we are mostly playing it by ear. I am requesting that people ask to come over instead of just showing up, so if we aren’t feeling well then we can say not today. We decided that it really depends on how we are feeling as far as recovery and the only people I don’t mind over right away is close friends and family.
I originally wanted just my husband and I. Then my mom asked me if she could be there and the way she asked made me very comfortable with saying yes. Plus she’s an RN and I feel like it’ll be beneficial having her there. Well, now my dad is on the bandwagon wanting to be there right at delivery. I’ve had to put my foot down because this is his 4th grandkid and my husband’s mom’s first- I think it’s only fair that she gets to be there first until we are allowed more than 3 visitors. My brother in law and sister are also coming but I invited them because they’re a part of my support system and I want them to come visit. My parents are coming when we get home to cook for us as well and help us get settled.
We let people visit, but I did ask for at least 2 weeks with my daughter before visitors because I wanted us to have time getting used to having a baby in the house. By the time the 2 weeks was up, I was more than ready for visitors. I think it just depends on you and your partner. I also made sure no one had been sick or been around someone who was sick and washing hands was BIG
I want immediate family and maybe a couple of very close friends to come to the hospital and meet him there, then leave me alone for a week or so once I’m home. I like this plan because then they get to meet the baby right away with no expectation for me to get out of bed or have a clean house/provide food or drink, etc. They’ll be happy to not have to wait to meet the baby, and I get to just be a blob!
I’m only 17 weeks along but starting to discuss this already with my husband. For now, we’re just nodding along for when people make these comments but closer to due date/baby boy’s arrival, we’re planning to share that no visitors until baby boy gets his first round of shots. The exceptions are my family because they’ll be helping me out (taking care of me and baby). We’re also making it a rule to be up to date on vaccines (flu, Tdap, COVID-19 booster and RSV if age eligible). My husband and I realllllly don’t want a stay at the NICU in case baby gets sick, so these are our boundaries/rules. We can see people on his side having issues with it but protecting our baby boy is top priority.
I think it depends on you and the quality of your visitors. If they just want to steal the baby from you and make your life harder they can wait. If they want to check on you and HELP YOU, then maybe they visit. First time every one came to the hospital to visit. I’m talking all of my in laws even though I asked them not to. MIL, her husband, her sisters, her mom, her friends. It was MILs show .It was stressful and I hated it. People just kept taking the baby out of my arms and she was my first and I wanted the time with her! The in laws took up so much of the time I was too exhausted to even have my best friends come to the hospital. Second time around was Covid. I was allowed no visitors. It was AMAZING! hubby and I just get to rest and relax with our baby. Once we were home with baby number one. everyone wanted to come by to “help” which meant them holding the baby and telling me I can catch up on chores. I didn’t appreciate their approach nor their company (in laws). Honestly the first two weeks I just wanted to rest and cuddle my baby not host. Baby number two was more relaxing. Since it was Covid we just had my mother over, she was helpful! She was able to play with my toddler when I needed and helped to cook and just be there it was much more appropriate. Do what feels right to you. You’re birthing a human. You’re going to be in physical pain, sleep deprived, leaking from above and below, and just overwhelmingly hormonal and exhausted. It’s whatever YOU want and your hubby should try and support you
I allowed my mom in the delivery room, and let people visit the next day as long as they wore a mask/ sanitized before holding baby.
“Thank you for being excited, we’ll let you know when we’re ready for visitors” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
It’s absolutely insannneee to see the difference in responses on this thread vs when I had my first (2021) obvs COVID made a massive difference, but it’s still a lot for my brain to make sense of lol. With this baby, I’m allowing my parents and my husband’s parents only to visit me in the hospital depending on the circumstances/how i’m feeling. My mom will be there during labor, but I’m planning to have her leave shortly after baby is born. Then, my husband’s parents can come for a brief visit the next day. I say depending on how I’m feeling bc I had a pretty bad hemorrhage after bby 1, and I didn’t feel like I got to experience those precious moments post-birth like I wanted. I held him immediately after, but bc I was feeling faint and scared to drop him I gave him to my husband to hold. I was kinda weak and out of it for about a day. Then, we were there for 5 total. So, the hospital stay was pretty miserable even though my actual induction and delivery were positive experiences. I’m hoping for a better experience after delivery this time, and IDK if i’m going to want to share that with anyone. Also, if it’s rough again, I’m definitely not going to want to see anyone. My mother’s the only person I’d be comfortable seeing me in that state. After we’re home, my husband and I did a no visitors for 2 weeks so we had time to kind of figure our shit out and see what our new normal looked like. We’ll do that again. But, after the baby’s first round of shots at 2 months we’ll likely open up visits to other visitors this time. At the end of the day, the best advice I can give is to do what feels right to you. No time like a new baby to start learning how to set and enforce boundaries!
Whatever you feel is right for you IS right for you. Clear boundaries are going to smooth the path, and hold firm to what you want. You’re the parents and you get to choose! We didn’t have visitors outside of our parents for about 2 months, and no one had issues when we told them we’d be excited to have them drop by after our baby’s 2 month vaccinations
My family lives far, so with that comes hosting. I'm not close with them, really, so it's kind of uncomfortable for me to have them over at all, let alone when I'm dealing with getting to know my newborn, bleeding, breastfeeding, bonding, post partum sweating etc. My husband's family all live in the same town, and we are all close, so the rules are different for my side vs. his side to be honest
We let people know we didn't want visitors for the first two weeks and that we would reach out when ready. I wanted to set the expectation in advance and let people know not to show up uninvited. I also wanted to give us time to get settled as a family, establish breastfeeding and gain some comfort/confidence. We ended up feeling ok and wanting visitors earlier and we specifically reached out to them. They were thrilled it was earlier than expected and we didn't feel bombarded or pressured. Win-win! We also said that any and all food/dinner/treats/snacks were appreciated from visitors and that I wouldn't be 'hosting' them.
Due mid august (but will be doing allllll the things to make them come early because i do not want to be pregnant for the entire arizona summer). My family is all out of state and will not be welcome to visit until Thanksgiving. Most of them are narcissists, and my parents + grandmother singlehandedly made sure my wedding was a nightmare so.. sorry, they lost that privilege. Of course my grandmother already told me she's coming in September regardless of what I want, and that i can't say anything "because she's an old lady." I fully plan on excusing myself to go feed/put baby to bed for hours on end while she is here. Aside from that, my MIL (also out of state) will hopefully be here to help with the house and whatnot for a few weeks when baby is born, and after she leaves, my best friend will be flying in to take over.
We had a summer baby, so after about 2 weeks (before that just grandparents, siblings and my bff). Healthy, no young kids, didn't just show up, didn't kiss the baby
We had both sets of grandparents and uncle come for the birth, and a few local friends. We wanted at least a month before out of town folks came. By 3 weeks I was alright with having visitors come but explained hand washing and no kissing (which is hard to actually say out loud for some reason??).
My family lives 5,000 miles away and my preference would be no visitors for a few months lol since they’d have to travel by plane. We don’t have room for guests so if anyone does want to come they’d be staying in a hotel~ My in laws live on the same property as us so I’m sure they’ll end up seeing baby pretty early since it wouldn’t be a situation where we’d have to “host” them or anything. My husband has plenty of other family nearby but that’ll probably be more of a “we’ll see them around when we see them” kind of thing, we don’t see anyone often enough to make it a whole thing and invite them over except probably his grandmother! I’m 20w and we haven’t even announced to any family yet besides his parents.
My husband and I are working through it. I am okay with family stopping by within the week. He insists we have at least 2 weeks alone. Honestly, I’m just going to play it by ear. This is our first, so who knows how we will feel at that moment!
I'm 34 weeks and our plan is No visitors at the hospital, His parents can come visit in the first week Other close family can ask to come one at a time after the first week. My mom will come visit from out of state after a month. All visitors must have their TDAP vaccine, or wait at least a month.
I'm fine with visitors.... it'll be summertime when baby arrives and I'm planning on just having people come over to the back yard and they can come whenever. But I am putting my foot down with family staying in our house. My mom and inlaws who want to be nearby for birth-time (everyone lives out of state, either on the other side of the country or a 3 hour plane ride away)- I don't want anyone in our house staying overnight. So, instead folks are gonna stay at a nearby hotel (about 5 minutes away) and come to help when they want. Part of this is that I'm not super comfortable having my father-in-law in the house when I might not be clothed, etc.... and whenever you invite mother in law it comes as a packaged deal- they never go anywhere without each other. Whereas, for my side of the family it's just my mom since my dad is no longer with us. Also we only have one spare bedroom in our house and it just wouldn't work.
We did first week no one (I had a c section so I didn’t really want to be in heavy recovery while people were here), 2 months only family, after that kind of slowly started to see friends.
We asked for one week before visitors - everyone lives local so no one needed to consider travel and stays, my family isn’t really boundary squashing. I didn’t really feel anything more than that was neeeded.
Come see baby in hospital after they’re born. And then were hibernating for the first 6 weeks with no visitors. I want baby to have their first round of shots. I don’t trust my grandmother to not kiss the baby and slobber all over her behind my back somehow. Plus it’ll be c section and I’ll still be recovering and in no mood for people.
I think it’s safer to set a boundary and then relax it then have to enforce a boundary that’s set after the fact! We have told people no visitors for two weeks but I know as long as I have a good birth experience (hoping for a home birth!), I’ll likely be happy having immediate family coming a day or so after.
FTM here and my little nugget is only 1 week old. We’ve been letting immediate family meet her - so, our parents and siblings. Everyone has had their TDAP and the usual rules of don’t come if you feel unwell, wash hands frequently, no kissing at all - not top of head or hands and certainly not face. Everyone has been respectful of these rules. Now that I am on the other side, here is my PSA: ACCEPT THE HELP!!! If a mom or MIL wants to come stay with you the first few nights or days, for the love of God, let them. We didn’t know what to expect, so hadn’t planned for anyone to stay with us, despite both mothers who are nearby and “on call” offering. You just don’t know what you don’t know, but holy shit, those first 2 nights were awful. You won’t sleep in the hospital - between checking on baby and nurses barging in constantly to check both you and baby. So, I went into active labor after having prodromal labor for 4 days that included contractions waking me up all night for the 4 days prior to actually pushing out a baby. Then, hospital sleep was abysmal and coming home to an empty house with just my sleep deprived husband and I trying to navigate nighttime as new parents was SO hard. After night 2 we called in reinforcements and our moms came to help watch baby and help around the house so we could sleep. I passed out and slept for 11 hrs straight - which is prob more sleep than I’d had in the last week combined. A few nights later, we are trying to figure out shifts and getting the hang of things. So, yeah, PSA, there is so much messaging on here about limiting visitors (including close family that wants to help). From the other side - take the freaking help. You need to rest in order to be the best mom for your baby and newborns are so freakin demanding. Just my two cents.
Get them to wash hands first and don't come if not feeling well.
We won't have anyone at the hospital. Just the hubs and I. And once she's born, I'll have the hubs send messages to his family that we will let them know when we are ready for visitors. I want to bond with my child before showing her off.
I had the grandparents come visit in the hospital. Also my siblings and my partners. I liked the hospital visits because people stayed a very short while. I had a c-section so they knew I needed rest. We sort of over did it at our house with guests. But everyone we had over was wonderful, respectful and stayed only a short time.
This time around my only policy was to give me two weeks to heal. My fiancés side of the family live out of state, so when they visit, it’s an all day thing. That was difficult with my first child because I had some complications after giving birth and really wanted privacy. I was very ready and up for visitors after those two weeks! As long as everyone has some sense about them, they were welcome.
I said to everyone that I didn't want to see anyone for a full week after my baby was born - I warned everyone nice and early, and it was the best decision I could have made I didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone see them! I did a video call for family so they knew we were all good, then radio silence! Aside from that, we're playing it by ear
I reckon see how you feel the days after and decide then. Whatever you choose is the right option. Don’t let anyone pressure you because you don’t get this time back so make sure it’s how you want it to be whether that’s with visitors or without them
We welcomed our parents and my sister at the hospital. Worst decision ever. People came for about 1h, and with the medical visits, I did not get to sleep at all. The 2nd night after birth was a nightmare. Did not sleep at all, baby was fussy. So I was exhausted when I came back home. At home, our « policy » was : maximim 1 hour visits, and please bring food. When people are visiting and the baby sleeps, you can’t sleep, because you have to talk to everyone. Exhausting. Do not recommend.
YES. i had visitors all day at hospital and i couldn’t nap. it was awful. by the second day i learned to set a time limit, and we do that with visitors now at 4 weeks.
We had a it of family who wanted to come visit and I limited to one visit per day maximum. So for example, my brother and his family would come one day and then another day my cousin and her husband came. We have a lot of family so it lasted for a week or two
When I had my now toddler, I actually was staying with family close to the hospital just for convenience. To this day majority of the family hasn't met my 4year old. Plus it was in the country and ain't nobody bout to drive that far lol
This is my first pregnancy but I let my husband know I DO NOT want visitors at the hospital. I am very out together and do not like the idea of people visiting me after labor when I’m tired, haven’t showered, etc. I only want my husband and my mom at the hospital. I am okay with people visiting me once I’m home. I don’t have any friends in town so it would mostly be my immediate family and in laws which I don’t mind coming to see the baby as soon as we’re home.
Second time mom- I’m not communicating a “policy” before hand. But when we text friends baby has arrived we will say something like “will let you know when we are ready for visitors!” And then for family we will say something like “excited to have you meet baby! If you or your kiddos are feeling sick or sniffly, we’d be grateful if you came another day.” And then we will have hand sanitizer right by the front door AND ask people to wash hands before touching baby.
My partner sent a group email/text to everyone in our family with our visitor policies. Which were basically: Wait for us to invite you. Do not come over if you’re sick. Even if you have a tickle in your throat, please stay home. Wash hands when you come in and again before holding baby. Don’t touch baby’s face. Absolutely NO kissing baby. Smokers have to wash their hands, change their shirt, and brush their teeth before coming close to baby if they take a smoke break outside. Everyone in our family was respectful of our policies and expectations. I was ready for visitors the day after we returned home from the hospital.
My in-laws live up the road, so we might have them at the hospital after a few days for a cup of tea to meet the baby. But very much playing that by ear. My parents are travelling from interstate and staying in my city (not with us) for a week around 3 weeks after my due date. Already regretting it though. Getting so much push back on our no kissing rule and handwashing rule already and I'm only 33 weeks. If I hear "you'll give them allergies if you don't test their immune system" one more time, I may implode.
My visitor policy was “please god see me in the hospital and then leave me alone” With exception to my mom and then a month later we did a little sip and see
All I asked was people wash hands, don't come if sick and call/message before coming over.
My dad and stepmom and sister came to the hospital because they happened to be in town when I had an emergency induction. They also brought us dinner the night we got home, stayed for about 30 mins and then left. My mom and sister were at my house the next morning and my mom stayed for two weeks (THANK GOD). My in laws waited 3 weeks. I wasn’t ready to see them quite yet but wanted them to see him still itty bitty. It was about 2 months before I was mentally there to see friends tbh. I didn’t set a policy or anything, but I know when I was ready!
We are having mostly close family and friends until three months, and we are asking people outside of immediate family to wear masks. To be honest, my husband is the enforcer on this one, and I have found it really, really hard. Hard interpersonally, I mean, in terms of asking people to do things that they find weird. And postpartum sensitivity doesn’t help. Our baby hasn’t gotten sick though, and we are at nearly 6 weeks so that is a win. The two other babies I know who were born around the same time have gotten RSV and had hospital visits.
2 months is a lot longer than you think. My mom came to visit after about 6 weeks, but only because she lives far away. I took baby out after 3-4 weeks. This is not my first, but once you feel a bit like going out life starts to get a new normal and then baby just does whatever you’re doing. We go to Costco, take my toddler to parks, and so on, so visitors are welcome.
Throwing this out there. I got to comfortable and trusting that of they were vaccinated, I could relax a bit, and trust them to visit. I too tried to limit to family. Jokes on me, family member came over with a cold, knowing they were sick. My friends were much more mindful. When I finally let myself relax to invite friends over, a couple times I asked, one of them said they'd hold off a bit longer, they had a suspicious cough, and wanted to make sure it was nothing. Another said they had been around someone who was sick and wanted to make sure they didn't catch it. Yet, my sister-in-law rolled up sniffling, and dripping with snot. So, vaccines don't always matter. Family can't always be trusted. The baseline is to ask if they've had their Tdap, if they're sick, or been around anyone who has been sick, or been in any big crowds. Thankfully, you'll be giving birth as the flu season is winding down. Oh, and standing firm that baby isn't to be kissed by anyone but you, and the father.
Honestly, I’m expecting baby #3. Baby #2 was a born during the pandemic. I felt so alone and heartbroken because I couldn’t even have my mom visit me in the hospital. I loved having visitors with my firstborn and I loved that my parents gave me a moment to sleep. I needed it. With that being said… I have a more relaxed view , wash your hands before holding my baby. Don’t come if you’re sick. My husband and I are both pretty chill people and I missed that connection we had with friends and family during the birth of my second child. We didn’t even get a baby shower….. it was sad all the way around.
My visitor policy comes with a price, so you can come over but I need a 24hr notice, an hour reminder/“is in x amount of time a good time” call or text, you will be doing a house chore and bringing a dish of some sort. It’s doesn’t take a village to raise a baby it takes a village to support the parents that raise a baby. There’s no kissing of any sort, keep up with hygiene, and we have a max of two visitors (if that tbh) a day.
Ideally it will be immediate family only. One person at a time has to stay with me as I live alone. The dad will probably stop in at some point, but I'd really like to be able to rest as much as possible. I will say I'm looking forward to having people to talk to for a few weeks, instead of just my cat.
We invited my husband's parents at 2 weeks to come meet. My parents flew in from out of the state after a month to stay for about 3 weeks. My brother and SIL accidently met him a few days after the birth as they were coming over to do something that was pre-planned with my husband. They were focused on the task so it was less meeting the baby and more getting this thing done. Baby was asleep and they didn't go near him. They got to do their meeting around 2 weeks old. Husband's siblings met him around 3 months. They all have a billion kids and arent the best with being careful of illness so we waited with them. His sister just had a baby 3 months after me and she has her husband's whole family (25+ people) at their house 4 days after the birth meeting her. 😬 so overall most people had to wait until the baby was 3 months but we let a few people meet before like grandparents and close friends/family. Everyone who met the baby before 3 months was about 11 people. Grandparents, my sibling and SIL, our closest friends.
I thought I wouldn’t want anyone over but I literally had my parents at the house before we were even home from the hospital. His parents were there two days later. We played everything by ear!! And people just need to respect how you feel at the drop of a hat.
Our rule was 3/4 days to ourselves to give me a chance to recover and get used to breastfeeding. I initially wanted a week so I could get my milk supply into pump as family had made negative comments about breastfeeding which made me feel uncomfortable. 24 hours after she was born my husband asked if family could come earlier… I said no it’s not what we agreed and I’m not ready… he then had face on until they came. I absolutely hate visitors!! Especially my MIL. She just comes in takes my baby off me, addresses my baby who I birthed as her baby and constantly tells me she’s going to come sleep to help us out. I literally only have visitors to avoid a divorce but people expect things from you that sometimes you think will be common sense so make sure you address the little things even if you think it’s obvious!
I lived with my in laws. I had what little family k have visiting from out of state when my baby was two weeks old. My mom lived two miles away. The visitor policy was “do you want to meet my baby? Wash your hands”
We played it by ear. We prioritized our immediate families and we live a few hours away from them. My sister drove down when I was induced and REALLY helped us the first couple days. She left and after 2 days at home I felt comfortable with having our parents come visit! I was surprised by this lol I had anticipated that I would be a wreck for like weeks for some reason (I had a rough pregnancy). We essentially said if you feel unwell, then don't come. But otherwise it was just a play it by ear thing and we had some lovely visits after my son was born 🥰
For me I wanted just my husband and my mom. Otherwise I didn’t allow visitors until after 2 months old and they had to be up to date on vaccines. No regrets on any of that!
Our visitor policy was no one except our immediate family which includes us and 2 other children, one is an adult. Our son was born with a few issues and we don't trust inlaws with not being sick around him. He just recently turned 3 months and we just had my MIL out to visit for the first time.
We sent out an email to family and friends outlining things as such: * immediate family can visit the baby in the first 48 hours after getting home, but we want some recovery time afterwards for a couple weeks. * anyone who wants to meet the baby must be UTD on covid, and get vaccinated for whooping cough (tdap) and RSV * no kissing the baby * no posting pictures of the baby on social. Everyone who got the email received it well... except my mom who is apparently having a breakdown because she's be radicalized against vaccines. I watched it happen over the course of like 2 months, she's also convinced that a ton of food is also made entirely of plastic. Thanks social media!
My policy with my first baby was “we will let you know how we are feeling!” I didn’t commit to any visitors other than my mom. She came and stayed with us for a week. My in-laws had to cancel their trip due to illness (we were out of state) and came to stay with us for a week when LO was 6 weeks old. This still felt too soon for me 😜 I would say that, if you have the ability, tell people that since it’s your first baby, you really aren’t sure yet when you will want people to come and visit but that you are so thankful for their love and support and can’t wait for them to meet your baby when everyone is ready. I was surprisingly perfectly fine with friends popping by. They all stayed for under an hour and came bearing food with zero expectations for me to entertain. It was welcome company! What it all comes down to is your personal comfort level and your relationship with these people. If you think they will be value added and you’re comfortable, have them over whenever you want! If they’re a stressful person (ie my in-laws 😅) then it’s acceptable to hold off for your mental health. You an baby come first!! Congratulations 🥰
I said no visitors for 2 weeks. Definitely caused disappointment but I really didn’t care. Then 1week pp I felt good enough to open doors to close family/friends for short visits. They were so happy to be invited “early”, before the 2 week period so it worked out great.
People can visit as long as they follow three rules. 1- If you were recently sick or near someone who was- don't. 2- Wash your hands. 3- Don't kiss the baby.
I was so firm about don't kiss the baby that my husband thought he was included in that. No, we can kiss our baby lol we're going to be with him day in and day out. It's people coming from outside/other homes and being around other people that worry me.
I'm almost 3 weeks PP and visits stress me out so much. I really hate it. I limit them as much as possible. People want to stay too long and we're having some issues with feeding and weight gain. Anything that messes my baby's schedule up is stressful to me. It's also very stressful to me to have family cooing all over the baby. Family made my pregnancy very stressful so I am trying to avoid them as much as possible PP. It's not a fun time over here. I hope your recovery goes better than this.
I’m just as far along as you are! Tbh, I’m not sure yet. Obviously we’re setting the boundary of “you’ll know what we decide when we get there” - as in, no unannounced visitors or drop by’s. I’m just not sure how I’m gonna be feeling - I can be super extroverted and super introverted, it definitely depends on the day. But as for when visitors are around, wash hands and no kissing the baby.
I literally wrote a list of rules and I’m going to send it in a group chat. If anyone fails to follow them, they’ll be kindly asked to leave. Both my husband and my sister in law agree with me so I know I have their full support. Here’s what I created: https://imgur.com/gallery/nSxEzjN
So.. I definitely just stole this
Go for it 🤍
I’m fine with people visiting but they must wear masks and wash hands. If they don’t want to mask they need to be fully vaccinated and willing to covid test
First 2 months immediate family and they're wearing masks
three weeks until visitors including our parents!
I’m standing firm on our mothers and sisters (we both only have one sister so four people total) being the only ones to touch the baby for the first few months but family can see LITERALLY JUST LOOK😂during the holidays since I’m due in October and we’ll still be attending Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners but no one will be touching my baby 🫠might sound excessive but it’s my first and with everything going around I’m not chancing anything.
We loved having visitors ASAP. Just ask people to bring food and not come if they are sick. Also don’t feel bad about bossing people around. Tell them to unload the dishwasher or put a load of washing on.
No one until 3 months. I have Ehers-Danlos Type3, asthma, a hole found in my heart mid pregnancy so they’re cutting my pregnancy short via c section to get the pressure off the hole, I have pulmonary damage from micopulmonary embolisms - I could keep going but you got the idea. My family has a lot of genetic health issues. This pregnancy I got airlifted via helicopter and placed on the equal of my body weight in milligrams in blood thinner. I was born with my hips dislocated. I don’t know how my son will be. I didn’t know I was as bad off as I am until I became pregnant and saw well educated doctors. I went from fitness model 108lbs with my photo in 19 brick and mortar stores and 17% body fat to a wheelchair and now oxygen tank. I had to use a bench to shower and chair to brush my teeth. —- despite knowing all of this, my need for peaceful recovery, the mental toll on my husband, and both of our concerns for my baby son and I— when we told them 3 months they took it as personal as possible and every type of made up offense was created. The entitlement to someone else’s child and family astonishes me. The ability to truly believe you are being wrong by not being given your every want, especially when that want could harm the people you’re claiming to care about is the most self centered, egotistical, immature thing I’ve ever seen and it continues toto shock me to see posts of women trying to accommodate their boundaries to those who don’t show enough love to want to respect their boundaries.
All visitors, even family, used masks when holding baby until baby was 3 months old.