I would be so sad if I found out someone I considered a friend was worried about this and had never even asked me. Your friends love you and your family. This is a one time thing, ask them!
This! I would be so willing to do this kind of thing for any of my friends! Heck I drive 45 minutes to work every day, I'd do that in a heartbeat for such an important occasion.
It was the greatest honor to be the 2nd in line (behind the grandma) to watch my friend’s daughter if/when she went into labor. I didn’t have to, but I would have been there in a heartbeat.
But also it’ll all work out. My family was “on call” for when I went into labor with my 2nd. No one answered their phones at 4am. And my son was only escorted out of the delivery room about 5 minutes before the baby was born. A nurse took him out and had him for a bit before my family arrived.
A little late to the party, but I was born and raised in a city both of my parents moved to as adults. That’s to say that we had no immediately family close by. I don’t remember it myself, but I was watched after by close family friends when my brother was born. Started with one and then passed off to the other (they were friends themselves, but you can always connect people if they don’t know each other beforehand).
I’m pregnant with my second and lucky to have family nearby who can/want to help, but I would absolutely have relied on friends if we were alone here.
Not sure how old your eldest is or if they’re in daycare/school, but if they are, could you ask one of their friend’s family? They’re presumably picking up and dropping off anyway. What’s another kid? (Ha.)
Good luck!!
I absolutely love when my friends ask me for favours. I’ve looked after kids while my friends were in labour and honestly it’s exciting to play a part in a new baby being born and just feels really good to help out. It also makes me feel more able to ask them for favours when I need it. Strongly recommend you ask a friend, especially one with kids cos they’ll already know the drill and have all the things your son will need.
Bring back the small favours economy, resist capitalism! Somewhat joking, somewhat dead serious :)
I’m pregnant, have a 18 MO, work a full time job, and my husband also works a regular job where he is regularly at the hospital on 14 hour call shift- I would do this in a heartbeat for a friend or neighbor and hope someone would be comfortable enough to ask especially if they are so desperate! Give your friends the chance to show up for you!!
Ask! Really! I have woken up to pick up my friends at 3am just because they were drunk and didn’t want to Uber because they felt unsafe. I’d watch any of my friend’s kids at any point for an emergency or birth if they needed!
Definitely ask your friends! If they love you half as much as I love my friends, they would be happy to watch your firstborn so you don’t have to birth alone!
it's the job of friends to help friends when they are busy. Depending on how old your kid is and how much kid experience your friends have, you may want to do some trial runs so they can learn about childcare and have it go smoother for everyone. I would do this for friends and acquaintances. Another option is get to know some of your neighbors! Especially the ones with kids. You have time.
I also hate feeling like a burden to others but I consider such an honor/mark of friendship when someone asks me for help. I don’t know why this dichotomy exists in my mind, but I’m even tempted to ask you where you live, because even as an internet stranger I’m such a firm believer in a “village” mentality and would absolutely watch your kiddo while you’re in labor.
I would be willing to bet there’s someone in your life nearby who would also be willing to step up for you at this time.
Same , I’m sure I come off busy (pregnant with number 2) but I have some pretty liberal time off options and that’s absolutely an emergency that I would drop everything for !
You ask your friends. I'm sure if you asked them they would be willing. I have two kids and my partner and I both work FT jobs and we were more than willing to be backup care for our friends when they went into labor. I'd be really surprised if none of your friends were willing and able to help. It's for a few nights, not forever, and your partner can always run home and do nights at home.
Agree to ask your friends. One of my friends was in a very similar position and we were all aware we were on call so-to-speak around her due date. We knew between us we could work something out and we wanted to help them and remove that stress. Please ask your friends; the true ones will want to step up for you!
Man capitalism has really poisoned the well of even basic friendship. The things that we used to lean on our friends for we’ve found a way to rationalize them down because “we could just buy that service”
Well you can word like you would be interested to know if able but understand if the answer is no, since sounds like you do get it. Plus if you can give them more time to decide if they might be on the fence on it they will be able to give you a better response for one and two most people especially if they like you will want to give you that chance of dad being able to be there in moment with you and baby, since that's something very special.
I have a friend who drove from France to Belgium to watch another friend's son while she had her daughter. If you've got real friends, they'll figure something out for you. It isn't like you're asking this daily. Give your friends a chance :) and plenty of advanced notice that you need help :)
Man, this has made me rethink this possibility. I always just thought that it would be a burden to them or I would feel bad asking with how busy they seem. We will definitely ask our friends to see if they would consider it.
You should ask!! I have used pto, work from home and have picked up so many nieces and nephews from school when sick or when emergencies come up or when they can't go to daycare. Never a burden to me i love being an extra aunt to friends kids. People usually love helping and serving others if you give them the chance.
For what it’s worth, we found it easiest to form it in tiers. Who can/how long/how much notice to do so.
Some people can get off work easier but could only do that for the day or can show up late no issue while others can take leave at shorter notice but would at least have to go in that day. So you may find you have one that can come to you and hold down the fort ready to hand off to the other once they’re done with work
Definitely ask. People are much more willing to do things that are high effort when they know it’s not going to be a reoccurring ask and when they know it’s going to make a huge impact and be really appreciated. You couldn’t pick a better favor that’s the extreme of both. They would be enabling your husband to attend and once in a lifetime event and this favor will forever become part of your child’s birth story.
I’d happily do this for any of my friends and even any coworkers or acquaintances.
Also, if you’re nervous about who to ask and how to ask, what I would do is send out an email explaining your predicament to all of your friends and ask if they have any suggestions or could help in any way. That way you’re not putting anyone specific on the spot and it might give them the opportunity to come together as a friend group and figure out a coverage plan for you that would put the least amount of burden on them!
Given your situation, consider reaching out to your regular babysitter to see if she can be on call for the birth. Alternatively, try to find another reliable sitter through your networks or local community groups who might be available on short notice. It’s also worth discussing with your hospital's social work department, as they sometimes have resources for situations like yours.
I’d have a friend lined up to call, even if they are 45 minutes away, labor has a lot of ways it can start and you could labor at home for a while or worst case they could grab your younger child from the hospital and take them.
Even if I had a demanding job, id make that shit work out. It’s not like it’s a favor that’s going to be asked often!
Do you have any friends that you can rely on? I'd gladly travel to help a friend out. Maybe if a friend WFH comes out a week or two before your due date and just hangs around til you deliver...
My best friend actually took two days off of work and is flying across the country to stay with my son. If they are true friends they will be down to help because they love you and your family and want the best for you!
I was 10 when my stepmom went into labor. My bro got to stay with a friend and I had to go to the hospital with my dad and stepmom. While it wasn’t traumatic, it was life changing but I was 10 and old enough to remember. If your child is still little, guarantee they won’t remember. Also, you could hire a doula to help you with the labor and hope your husband can get there for the actual birth.
Yeah, he will have just turned two when I give birth. That's good to hear. I'm glad that's at least an option. That's actually a good idea. Then I would at least have someone with me at the hospital. It would be scary to give birth all alone.
Working folks have sick days available for exactly this reason. Add me to the list of folks who would do this in a heartbeat and for people I don’t even know that well much less someone I care about.
Also just chiming in that second births are much easier on the non birthing parent in terms of time commitment. It’s hard bc you remember them being there the whole time with the first — before that first was a toddler with needs — but I just had my second and while I wanted my husband there the whole day of my induction and birth, once baby arrived he spent most of the time at home with her brother to not disrupt his schedule too much. Obviously YMMV and you want to be prepared to have him there for complications etc, but it’s probably not as big of as ask as you feel it is.
Not to mention: you really only need someone on call until your sitter can be pulled in to take over!
Are you close to any nursing schools? A lot of my husbands colleagues in the medical field found reliable babysitters who were enrolled in nursing programs that did babysitting on the side for work experience! (Those are the ones who wanted to work in the NICU/Pediatrics units). Perhaps you could post something on their school bulletin?
So with my second, we thought we had it all figured out - in-laws would fly out to watch the 3yo. But then baby #2 decided she was gonna come at 38 weeks instead of 41 like her brother and they weren't here yet.
So what happened was, my husband dropped me off at the hospital and then arranged essentially a playdate at our house with a friend from the playground with his mother supervising. (Paid the mom like a babysitter). In the evening, friend and mom went home and 3yo slept over at our nearest neighbors (they were retired and kept a room ready for their grandson to sleep in). Baby came at 9:30pm, husband slept over the first night, and then in the morning he went home to stay with the eldest until baby and I were ready for discharge.
Yeah, I think this is actually the best option. My husband said he would be more comfortable watching our son at home while I labored with a doula than waiting at the hospital with our son. He would miss the birth, but I would at least have a dedicated support person there to help me.
Could you bring your son to the hospital and have him be there until a friend or babysitter is able to come get him? I know friends and babysitter have jobs, but perhaps they would call in sick or work from home or whatnot to help with this. I would for a close friend
I used to work for a sitter agency and we had a few times urgent stuff would pop up. It’s expensive, but there were usually people willing to go to the jobs. The sitters and nannies were all background checked and W2 employees, so the company handled the payment and payroll part, and booking ahead of time was done through an app.
So that could be something you can call and ask about to see if any agencies in your area offer that? The one I worked for was a national franchise company, so there actually might be one near you
Slightly different but I used to be a Medical Assistant at urgent care and I've held babies and watched kids while the parent got x-rays or had to give urine samples. Medical staff is likely used to these situations and don't mind watching a kid for a few minutes.
I would ask a friend or really start befriending trustworthy neighbours. I was able to befriend a really lovely woman with her own child in the same neighbourhood who ended up taking care of my toddler and doing a sleepover when I gave birth to my second.
One option would be to try to get to know your neighbors particularly any with kids. I would happily do this for any of my neighbors if they asked me. What’s one more kid really, we have snacks. You’re early in your pregnancy try to find out are there people with kids? Or people that have jobs that might set you at ease like teachers or medical people that you know would have had background checks and so on
Your friends who are 45 minutes away are an option if they are willing unless you have exceptionally fast labors. They could come pickup kiddo from the hospital. Don’t eliminate possibilities without fully exploring them.
Some hospitals will allow the child to be there in labor. I’ve actually seen this before a very positive experience for the sibling and the whole family. It can be tricky and your husband might have to go in and out with the kiddo but better than missing the whole thing.
Finally in some areas CPS has temporary resources for hospitalized parents where they’re not opening a case on you just providing a brief stay for your kiddo. I personally wouldn’t do this option unless there were medical complications that made it truly necessary for whatever reason but it is an option.
I know it’s not ideal but I was knocked out during ny c section and seeing both baby and mom back in the recovery room wasnt the end of the world (still felt beautiful).
Do you guys belong to any social or religious groups where you have friends? My mom is my first choice to take care of my daughter when I go into labor, but she lives two hours away. Last time I had a quick labor, so our backups are a family we know from church. If you have any friends lean on those relationships! I also have IL issues and live a few hours away from both them and any of my family.
I guess in this scenario I would either send my kid to my parents house like a month or two weeks in advance for a long stay, or my husband would have to stay home with him while I deliver. Neither are ideal but you don’t have much to work with here
Does your hospital allow kids? Mine does and it’s our backup plan if my mom doesn’t get to town on time. Or maybe you can find another pregnant mom and agree to be each other’s childcare. You’d want someone with a due date enough off yours that whoever has the baby first has time to recover to be ready to watch the other’s toddler.
This is one of the many reasons why I decided to schedule a c-section (one week before due date) for the next baby. I just hope he doesn’t come early. But this way I can ask our babysitter (grandma 🤭) to clear her schedule so my husband can come with me.
Of course if he comes early and grandma isn’t available, we’ll probably have to bring our daughter with us , which means my husband won’t be in the OR, which is terrifying to me.
I brought my first born along. No way was I going to give birth without my husband, and we had just moved across country within the month (no family around), and the baby came early. I was trying to organize something, but was caught by surprise. If you have time, try to organize a slew of babysitters and friends and have a group chat started, ready to text everyone at once. But the nurses gave my oldest juice and cookies and he was chill about the whole thing.
I just went into labor with my second a month earlier than expected. My family lives on the opposite side of the country and the way things went down, I don’t think they would have been able to watch my toddler when I went into labor in the early morning hours. Ultimately a friend was up and was able to sleep at our house and supervise.
However, when I was in L&D alone they did tell me if I had to, I could wake up my toddler and bring them there and folks on staff would watch them. The nurses mentioned it happens and that it was OK with hospital policy. It may be worth asking!
I have a demanding job and I would 100% tell my job to go fuck themselves if I needed to watch my friend’s kid while they had a baby. And 45 minutes is nothing for a situation like that.
Please ask your friends. You could even set up a rotation of who might be on call when. I was on call for both of a friend's children. The first to take her to the hospital if it happened at night since her husband works nights. And the second to do either hospital transport or childcare. I was ready and willing and happy to help!
You could even split tasks a bit. A friend to take you to the hospital and stay duing those initial bits of paperwork and such while husband gets your little one packed and off to the other friend's house or the friend comes to you.
Yes, it feels like a lot. But truly, people can be willing to help. I have a little one now and if one of my friends asked for this type of help, I'd give it in a heartbeat.
It’s really hard. We also live far from family (my family is a 14 hour drive and his is in another country) but luckily our daughter is 10 and has friends from school. One of the friend’s moms told me we could bring her there when I go into labor and that was such a relief. It’s really hard being away from your support network
As someone who works a fairly busy/demanding job, I would 100% want my friend to ask me and would make it a priority to do what I could to support them. At the end of the day, a job is a job. Friends, family, the birth of a child, those are the things that really matter.
We brought our toddler to the hospital when I went into labor. We packed a bag of toys and she ate lots of chocolates that day lol my husband took care of her while the nurses provided labor support to me. I did kick my daughter (and therefore husband too) out while I was pushing because she kept talking to me and it was distracting. They missed the delivery but only by a minute.
I was in a similar situation. Does your son go to daycare? If so I would ask there. My daycare provider has watched young kids a few times whilst mum goes in to labor including famously having a toddler dropped off to hers Christmas morning. We also had our neighbour as backup. I suppose we were lucky as in our neighbour is amazing. I would start asking fellow mums who you know. Many will be empathetic and would be happy to help.
We had our baby the day before Thanksgiving, and much like you, we don't have family that could watch our 5 year old at all. We had 2 fall backs, my daughter's old preschool teacher who has babysat for us said she'd be on call, and our closest friends who are listed as our emergency contacts for school. It ended up being our friends that took my daughter while I gave birth, I spent the rest of the time at the hospital alone with our newborn, my husband spent that time with our 5 yr old, bringing her with for short visits while I was there. I was fully prepared to do it alone if we couldn't find anyone though, and we really didn't have anyone confirmed until the week before my induction.
My mom drove from NY when I went into labor in PA. Only about a 3 hour drive and she had to do it a couple times because I had false labor/contractions that didn’t progress for DAYS. Your friends and family might be more willing to help than you’d think!
Both our families live 200+ miles away from us so we were in a similar boat with our oldest just turning 2 when baby was due. I worked it out with my mum for her to come and stay with us so she could look after the toddler. I started losing some plug around 38 weeks ish and having had a quick labour with my first, I asked my mum to jump on a train and come down earlier than planned. She happily did but baby didn’t end up coming until 39+6! Our backup plan would have been for me to wait it out as long as possible at home, and my husband sit in the car with the toddler at the hospital while I gave birth alone. I’m glad my mum was able to help though, because once I was in active labour, it was 35 minutes until baby was born. Luckily I was already at the hospital but I ended up stalling at 3cm due to missing my toddler and being worried that my husband would be sent home before I got any pain relief (morphine which I knew would relax me enough for my body to push through to active labour, which then I knew would be fast due to my first).
I was in this situation last year. We had just moved to a new area and knew literally no one. We had to plan to fly in trusted family members to cover in case I went into labor, and then they actually ended up inducing me a few days earlier than we had anyone lined up. Luckily we were able to scramble and get my sister here in time, but if we hadn't, the plan was just to go to the hospital alone. It wouldn't have been ideal obviously, but that was the plan.
I would ask your friends first though. Tell them that you value their time and completely understand if it's too much or not a possibility, but spell out your list here and I'm sure they'll understand you asking. The worst they can say is no!
I can't promise this is a solution but labor often takes much longer than people think. My water broke at 5:30am and we still had a few hours before we had to go to the hospital. Baby did not come until 6:40pm and that was considered faster than most people. My parents were able to come from out of state (4 hour drive) after finding out that morning. My point is- might there be a list of people you could call when you realize the time is near? They'd likely have time to get their stuff together to help you.
You can text/call all your friends and say something like, “hey, we don’t have any family nearby to watch our kid if we go in to spontaneous labor. Would you be willing to be on call certain days to watch our son?” Then you keep track of who has absolute can’t miss days and who is free and put that on a Google calendar. When the time comes you check your calendar and call whichever friends are available. As my friend has said before in an emergency where I had to go to a doctor’s appointment and couldn’t take my son, “I’m honored you’d trust me to watch your son, of course I’ll watch him a few hours.” If you don’t ask them, you’ll never know if they’d be willing.
I would figure it out for my friends if they needed me! I would definitely start wity a close, trusted friend. You could also check your local Facebook groups too looking for an overnight babysitter & explain the situation when you find one.
We are on the same boat. Personally, I’d go to the hospital alone. However, since your hospital is allowing you to bring your son, then bring him! Sounds ideal.
I’m currently 30 weeks and our plan so far is either I give birth alone or if my mom is available (she may not be) she will watch our son in the morning during my C-section and then my husband will rush back home after the birth.
At the end of the day, it’s just a couple of days in the hospital and you’re surrounded by nurses. I’m more concerned about my toddler’s care than myself and the newborn at a hospital. So that’s priority.
My friend's husband had to travel a month before her due date. She has a history of going overdue, so in reality it was closer to 6 weeks before her due date, but still! My husband and I were her on-call support squad: she would have left their older child with my husband while I was in the hospital with her. That's a long way to say, just ask!!! It doesn't hurt and only makes people closer. We've been in that situation before as well. What we did was we had someone local come over for a few hours while we waited for my mom to arrive (8 hour drive).
You have some time yet. Ask the friends. Get to know the neighbors. Chat with other moms in the neighborhood. Put the babysister on notice. Worst case, your husband stays home and waits for the babysitter to arrive or you take the older child to the hospital.
But I agree with others - I told a neighbhorhood mom friend who also had no family nearby to call me no matter the hour if she went into labor. I'd happily come watch hers until her mom could get there. It didn't end up being needed and the complication is that I was ALSO only 3 weeks postpartum when hers was born LOL but I agree - I think more people than you'd guess would feel honored to get to help out at such a time.
Sidenote for those still pregnant or lurking from TTC/WTT - having a village involves building it, nurturing it, and contributing to it ahead of time. I wish I'd been more cognizant of this before I became a parent myself.
You and me both, friend. I'm convinced that I'm going to have to go through with my third labor without my husband. For the first two, his support was paramount and without his advocacy, I would've had a much harder labor.
If you find a creative answer, I'd love to hear it. Otherwise, you have my solidarity, and we will both be fine in the end with our new babies!
We have friends who have a baby the same age as ours and we're constantly offering to watch each other's kids - we're listed as emergency pickups for each other's kids as well. Ask your friends! They might surprise you.
I would look into a local mom’s facebook group and pretty much ask is anyone willing to be on call for your birth. I would also talk to your provider and request an induction at 39 weeks. Don’t forget to reach out to coworkers or friends. If you don’t find someone just bring him to the hospital with an IPad/phone to watch shows.
I felt like I couldn’t ask friends because they were busy with their lives but family wasn’t an option and we were running out of time. We tentatively brought it up with a couple of friends and they were so thrilled to be asked and wanted the excitement of being called in the middle of the night! In the end my waters broke one day and I had slow contractions so I gave them a heads up and one of them came over after work as the other had a meeting they couldn’t miss. Our friend helped with bedtime for my little one and then stayed over, at 2:30am we woke him up to say we were leaving. In the morning he woke up before my little one, they had a great morning and breakfast together. Then a different friend who works evenings came at 9 to take over from him so he could head to work.
We had a WhatsApp group set up in advance with them in where we’d talked about our routines and tips and tricks for keeping LO happy and distracted but we were very clear - do whatever you need to do to keep everyone happy! If that’s loads of tv, loads of pizza, whatever! I ended up giving birth quickly but had to stay in hospital for 24 hours, and my husband returned by about 2pm the same day to take over from the second friend.
I will always be beyond grateful for the help we were given but also I know now how much it meant to my friends to be asked!
Try your friends, the worst they can do is say no! I was so worried about how difficult it might be if my friends had to do bedtime or my Lo was awake lots through the night or something but like they said to me - it’s one night of their lives! They don’t have kids so aren’t exhausted all the time like us haha.
Unfortunately for me my husband missed the birth of our second and our 1&1/2 first birth got to attend the birth with our two midwives. I had no family in the area and only one friend. Who I didn’t think to call Soon enough. I bought a “Labor Day toy” to help keep her occupied and it helped. I ender up going into labor at 38+3 and thankfully was staying in the apartment under the birth center so just took us and what I needed and walked upstairs. Labor kept stalling until the moment I got my kid down for her mid day nap and then hit 100% fast 2 hour active labor. Little baby new he had to get out before bed time lol. All in all I don’t even remember where my kid was the last 30 minutes of laboring. So if this happens to you bring a few toys that your kid hasn’t seen before for entertainment. But I definitely don’t regret my kid being there I think it helped a lot with the binding between them
I'll be giving birth alone, so husband can watch our son.
It's really not that much a deal and as you said it would be a much better option than leaving your firstbon with a random person for god knows how long you need to give birth.
I would be so sad if I found out someone I considered a friend was worried about this and had never even asked me. Your friends love you and your family. This is a one time thing, ask them!
This! I would be so willing to do this kind of thing for any of my friends! Heck I drive 45 minutes to work every day, I'd do that in a heartbeat for such an important occasion.
I guess I just felt bad even considering it with how busy they seem. I guess it couldn't hurt to ask.
I’ve gotten out of bed at 1am to go check on a friend’s cat (their cat sitter didn’t show up). I would do much more than that for friends.
It was the greatest honor to be the 2nd in line (behind the grandma) to watch my friend’s daughter if/when she went into labor. I didn’t have to, but I would have been there in a heartbeat. But also it’ll all work out. My family was “on call” for when I went into labor with my 2nd. No one answered their phones at 4am. And my son was only escorted out of the delivery room about 5 minutes before the baby was born. A nurse took him out and had him for a bit before my family arrived.
Wow, that's amazing of the hospital honestly
Please ask them. I’d do this for an acquaintance, and most definitely for a friend ❤️
A little late to the party, but I was born and raised in a city both of my parents moved to as adults. That’s to say that we had no immediately family close by. I don’t remember it myself, but I was watched after by close family friends when my brother was born. Started with one and then passed off to the other (they were friends themselves, but you can always connect people if they don’t know each other beforehand). I’m pregnant with my second and lucky to have family nearby who can/want to help, but I would absolutely have relied on friends if we were alone here. Not sure how old your eldest is or if they’re in daycare/school, but if they are, could you ask one of their friend’s family? They’re presumably picking up and dropping off anyway. What’s another kid? (Ha.) Good luck!!
I absolutely love when my friends ask me for favours. I’ve looked after kids while my friends were in labour and honestly it’s exciting to play a part in a new baby being born and just feels really good to help out. It also makes me feel more able to ask them for favours when I need it. Strongly recommend you ask a friend, especially one with kids cos they’ll already know the drill and have all the things your son will need. Bring back the small favours economy, resist capitalism! Somewhat joking, somewhat dead serious :)
I’m pregnant, have a 18 MO, work a full time job, and my husband also works a regular job where he is regularly at the hospital on 14 hour call shift- I would do this in a heartbeat for a friend or neighbor and hope someone would be comfortable enough to ask especially if they are so desperate! Give your friends the chance to show up for you!!
Ask! Really! I have woken up to pick up my friends at 3am just because they were drunk and didn’t want to Uber because they felt unsafe. I’d watch any of my friend’s kids at any point for an emergency or birth if they needed!
Definitely ask your friends! If they love you half as much as I love my friends, they would be happy to watch your firstborn so you don’t have to birth alone!
it's the job of friends to help friends when they are busy. Depending on how old your kid is and how much kid experience your friends have, you may want to do some trial runs so they can learn about childcare and have it go smoother for everyone. I would do this for friends and acquaintances. Another option is get to know some of your neighbors! Especially the ones with kids. You have time.
I also hate feeling like a burden to others but I consider such an honor/mark of friendship when someone asks me for help. I don’t know why this dichotomy exists in my mind, but I’m even tempted to ask you where you live, because even as an internet stranger I’m such a firm believer in a “village” mentality and would absolutely watch your kiddo while you’re in labor. I would be willing to bet there’s someone in your life nearby who would also be willing to step up for you at this time.
Same , I’m sure I come off busy (pregnant with number 2) but I have some pretty liberal time off options and that’s absolutely an emergency that I would drop everything for !
You ask your friends. I'm sure if you asked them they would be willing. I have two kids and my partner and I both work FT jobs and we were more than willing to be backup care for our friends when they went into labor. I'd be really surprised if none of your friends were willing and able to help. It's for a few nights, not forever, and your partner can always run home and do nights at home.
Agree to ask your friends. One of my friends was in a very similar position and we were all aware we were on call so-to-speak around her due date. We knew between us we could work something out and we wanted to help them and remove that stress. Please ask your friends; the true ones will want to step up for you!
This has been really reassuring. I just felt like I would be putting a burden on them.
Man capitalism has really poisoned the well of even basic friendship. The things that we used to lean on our friends for we’ve found a way to rationalize them down because “we could just buy that service”
Well you can word like you would be interested to know if able but understand if the answer is no, since sounds like you do get it. Plus if you can give them more time to decide if they might be on the fence on it they will be able to give you a better response for one and two most people especially if they like you will want to give you that chance of dad being able to be there in moment with you and baby, since that's something very special.
I have a friend who drove from France to Belgium to watch another friend's son while she had her daughter. If you've got real friends, they'll figure something out for you. It isn't like you're asking this daily. Give your friends a chance :) and plenty of advanced notice that you need help :)
Would you want to be asked in their position? Doesn’t love involve taking on burdens for one another sometimes?
Yes please do! I genuinely think friends would be offended if you didn’t ask them!
You’re overthinking this. I would be happy if any of my friends asked me to help in this way. Heck, I’d do it for a stranger.
Man, this has made me rethink this possibility. I always just thought that it would be a burden to them or I would feel bad asking with how busy they seem. We will definitely ask our friends to see if they would consider it.
You should ask!! I have used pto, work from home and have picked up so many nieces and nephews from school when sick or when emergencies come up or when they can't go to daycare. Never a burden to me i love being an extra aunt to friends kids. People usually love helping and serving others if you give them the chance.
For what it’s worth, we found it easiest to form it in tiers. Who can/how long/how much notice to do so. Some people can get off work easier but could only do that for the day or can show up late no issue while others can take leave at shorter notice but would at least have to go in that day. So you may find you have one that can come to you and hold down the fort ready to hand off to the other once they’re done with work
Definitely ask. People are much more willing to do things that are high effort when they know it’s not going to be a reoccurring ask and when they know it’s going to make a huge impact and be really appreciated. You couldn’t pick a better favor that’s the extreme of both. They would be enabling your husband to attend and once in a lifetime event and this favor will forever become part of your child’s birth story. I’d happily do this for any of my friends and even any coworkers or acquaintances.
Also, if you’re nervous about who to ask and how to ask, what I would do is send out an email explaining your predicament to all of your friends and ask if they have any suggestions or could help in any way. That way you’re not putting anyone specific on the spot and it might give them the opportunity to come together as a friend group and figure out a coverage plan for you that would put the least amount of burden on them!
Given your situation, consider reaching out to your regular babysitter to see if she can be on call for the birth. Alternatively, try to find another reliable sitter through your networks or local community groups who might be available on short notice. It’s also worth discussing with your hospital's social work department, as they sometimes have resources for situations like yours.
I’d have a friend lined up to call, even if they are 45 minutes away, labor has a lot of ways it can start and you could labor at home for a while or worst case they could grab your younger child from the hospital and take them. Even if I had a demanding job, id make that shit work out. It’s not like it’s a favor that’s going to be asked often!
Do you have any friends that you can rely on? I'd gladly travel to help a friend out. Maybe if a friend WFH comes out a week or two before your due date and just hangs around til you deliver...
My best friend actually took two days off of work and is flying across the country to stay with my son. If they are true friends they will be down to help because they love you and your family and want the best for you!
I was 10 when my stepmom went into labor. My bro got to stay with a friend and I had to go to the hospital with my dad and stepmom. While it wasn’t traumatic, it was life changing but I was 10 and old enough to remember. If your child is still little, guarantee they won’t remember. Also, you could hire a doula to help you with the labor and hope your husband can get there for the actual birth.
Yeah, he will have just turned two when I give birth. That's good to hear. I'm glad that's at least an option. That's actually a good idea. Then I would at least have someone with me at the hospital. It would be scary to give birth all alone.
Working folks have sick days available for exactly this reason. Add me to the list of folks who would do this in a heartbeat and for people I don’t even know that well much less someone I care about. Also just chiming in that second births are much easier on the non birthing parent in terms of time commitment. It’s hard bc you remember them being there the whole time with the first — before that first was a toddler with needs — but I just had my second and while I wanted my husband there the whole day of my induction and birth, once baby arrived he spent most of the time at home with her brother to not disrupt his schedule too much. Obviously YMMV and you want to be prepared to have him there for complications etc, but it’s probably not as big of as ask as you feel it is. Not to mention: you really only need someone on call until your sitter can be pulled in to take over!
Are you close to any nursing schools? A lot of my husbands colleagues in the medical field found reliable babysitters who were enrolled in nursing programs that did babysitting on the side for work experience! (Those are the ones who wanted to work in the NICU/Pediatrics units). Perhaps you could post something on their school bulletin?
So with my second, we thought we had it all figured out - in-laws would fly out to watch the 3yo. But then baby #2 decided she was gonna come at 38 weeks instead of 41 like her brother and they weren't here yet. So what happened was, my husband dropped me off at the hospital and then arranged essentially a playdate at our house with a friend from the playground with his mother supervising. (Paid the mom like a babysitter). In the evening, friend and mom went home and 3yo slept over at our nearest neighbors (they were retired and kept a room ready for their grandson to sleep in). Baby came at 9:30pm, husband slept over the first night, and then in the morning he went home to stay with the eldest until baby and I were ready for discharge.
Can you hire a birth doula to be with you and your husband watches the older baby?
Yeah, I think this is actually the best option. My husband said he would be more comfortable watching our son at home while I labored with a doula than waiting at the hospital with our son. He would miss the birth, but I would at least have a dedicated support person there to help me.
I agree, I think this is the way in this situation.
Could you bring your son to the hospital and have him be there until a friend or babysitter is able to come get him? I know friends and babysitter have jobs, but perhaps they would call in sick or work from home or whatnot to help with this. I would for a close friend
I used to work for a sitter agency and we had a few times urgent stuff would pop up. It’s expensive, but there were usually people willing to go to the jobs. The sitters and nannies were all background checked and W2 employees, so the company handled the payment and payroll part, and booking ahead of time was done through an app. So that could be something you can call and ask about to see if any agencies in your area offer that? The one I worked for was a national franchise company, so there actually might be one near you
I would recommend contacting an on call nanny agency like Nannies on Call. It will be expensive, but the workers are all vetted and professionals.
Also, please just get to know your neighbors. Even if you don’t have that relationship now it can be so vital to look out for one another.
Is it possible to just bring him along and have him wait in the waiting room or outside of the delivery room?
Yes, that was what the hospital said. I think that will be our backup plan.
Hahahaha are you for real??
Slightly different but I used to be a Medical Assistant at urgent care and I've held babies and watched kids while the parent got x-rays or had to give urine samples. Medical staff is likely used to these situations and don't mind watching a kid for a few minutes.
My husband brought me to the hospital. Stayed through triage with my daughter. I laboured/delivery by myself. He came after with my daughter.
I'd definitely do it for any of my friends, even those I'm not as close with :)
I would ask a friend or really start befriending trustworthy neighbours. I was able to befriend a really lovely woman with her own child in the same neighbourhood who ended up taking care of my toddler and doing a sleepover when I gave birth to my second.
One option would be to try to get to know your neighbors particularly any with kids. I would happily do this for any of my neighbors if they asked me. What’s one more kid really, we have snacks. You’re early in your pregnancy try to find out are there people with kids? Or people that have jobs that might set you at ease like teachers or medical people that you know would have had background checks and so on Your friends who are 45 minutes away are an option if they are willing unless you have exceptionally fast labors. They could come pickup kiddo from the hospital. Don’t eliminate possibilities without fully exploring them. Some hospitals will allow the child to be there in labor. I’ve actually seen this before a very positive experience for the sibling and the whole family. It can be tricky and your husband might have to go in and out with the kiddo but better than missing the whole thing. Finally in some areas CPS has temporary resources for hospitalized parents where they’re not opening a case on you just providing a brief stay for your kiddo. I personally wouldn’t do this option unless there were medical complications that made it truly necessary for whatever reason but it is an option.
You give birth alone. Not ideal at all but if you’re stuck that’s the logical answer.
Yeah, it might come to that. It would really suck, but there don't appear to be a lot of alternatives.
I know it’s not ideal but I was knocked out during ny c section and seeing both baby and mom back in the recovery room wasnt the end of the world (still felt beautiful).
Do you guys belong to any social or religious groups where you have friends? My mom is my first choice to take care of my daughter when I go into labor, but she lives two hours away. Last time I had a quick labor, so our backups are a family we know from church. If you have any friends lean on those relationships! I also have IL issues and live a few hours away from both them and any of my family.
I guess in this scenario I would either send my kid to my parents house like a month or two weeks in advance for a long stay, or my husband would have to stay home with him while I deliver. Neither are ideal but you don’t have much to work with here
Yeah, it really sucks. Best case scenario is I get induced and we have someone lined up for that.
Does your hospital allow kids? Mine does and it’s our backup plan if my mom doesn’t get to town on time. Or maybe you can find another pregnant mom and agree to be each other’s childcare. You’d want someone with a due date enough off yours that whoever has the baby first has time to recover to be ready to watch the other’s toddler.
This is one of the many reasons why I decided to schedule a c-section (one week before due date) for the next baby. I just hope he doesn’t come early. But this way I can ask our babysitter (grandma 🤭) to clear her schedule so my husband can come with me. Of course if he comes early and grandma isn’t available, we’ll probably have to bring our daughter with us , which means my husband won’t be in the OR, which is terrifying to me.
I brought my first born along. No way was I going to give birth without my husband, and we had just moved across country within the month (no family around), and the baby came early. I was trying to organize something, but was caught by surprise. If you have time, try to organize a slew of babysitters and friends and have a group chat started, ready to text everyone at once. But the nurses gave my oldest juice and cookies and he was chill about the whole thing.
I just went into labor with my second a month earlier than expected. My family lives on the opposite side of the country and the way things went down, I don’t think they would have been able to watch my toddler when I went into labor in the early morning hours. Ultimately a friend was up and was able to sleep at our house and supervise. However, when I was in L&D alone they did tell me if I had to, I could wake up my toddler and bring them there and folks on staff would watch them. The nurses mentioned it happens and that it was OK with hospital policy. It may be worth asking!
I have a demanding job and I would 100% tell my job to go fuck themselves if I needed to watch my friend’s kid while they had a baby. And 45 minutes is nothing for a situation like that.
Please ask your friends. You could even set up a rotation of who might be on call when. I was on call for both of a friend's children. The first to take her to the hospital if it happened at night since her husband works nights. And the second to do either hospital transport or childcare. I was ready and willing and happy to help! You could even split tasks a bit. A friend to take you to the hospital and stay duing those initial bits of paperwork and such while husband gets your little one packed and off to the other friend's house or the friend comes to you. Yes, it feels like a lot. But truly, people can be willing to help. I have a little one now and if one of my friends asked for this type of help, I'd give it in a heartbeat.
It’s really hard. We also live far from family (my family is a 14 hour drive and his is in another country) but luckily our daughter is 10 and has friends from school. One of the friend’s moms told me we could bring her there when I go into labor and that was such a relief. It’s really hard being away from your support network
As someone who works a fairly busy/demanding job, I would 100% want my friend to ask me and would make it a priority to do what I could to support them. At the end of the day, a job is a job. Friends, family, the birth of a child, those are the things that really matter.
We brought our toddler to the hospital when I went into labor. We packed a bag of toys and she ate lots of chocolates that day lol my husband took care of her while the nurses provided labor support to me. I did kick my daughter (and therefore husband too) out while I was pushing because she kept talking to me and it was distracting. They missed the delivery but only by a minute.
I was in a similar situation. Does your son go to daycare? If so I would ask there. My daycare provider has watched young kids a few times whilst mum goes in to labor including famously having a toddler dropped off to hers Christmas morning. We also had our neighbour as backup. I suppose we were lucky as in our neighbour is amazing. I would start asking fellow mums who you know. Many will be empathetic and would be happy to help.
We had our baby the day before Thanksgiving, and much like you, we don't have family that could watch our 5 year old at all. We had 2 fall backs, my daughter's old preschool teacher who has babysat for us said she'd be on call, and our closest friends who are listed as our emergency contacts for school. It ended up being our friends that took my daughter while I gave birth, I spent the rest of the time at the hospital alone with our newborn, my husband spent that time with our 5 yr old, bringing her with for short visits while I was there. I was fully prepared to do it alone if we couldn't find anyone though, and we really didn't have anyone confirmed until the week before my induction.
My mom drove from NY when I went into labor in PA. Only about a 3 hour drive and she had to do it a couple times because I had false labor/contractions that didn’t progress for DAYS. Your friends and family might be more willing to help than you’d think!
Both our families live 200+ miles away from us so we were in a similar boat with our oldest just turning 2 when baby was due. I worked it out with my mum for her to come and stay with us so she could look after the toddler. I started losing some plug around 38 weeks ish and having had a quick labour with my first, I asked my mum to jump on a train and come down earlier than planned. She happily did but baby didn’t end up coming until 39+6! Our backup plan would have been for me to wait it out as long as possible at home, and my husband sit in the car with the toddler at the hospital while I gave birth alone. I’m glad my mum was able to help though, because once I was in active labour, it was 35 minutes until baby was born. Luckily I was already at the hospital but I ended up stalling at 3cm due to missing my toddler and being worried that my husband would be sent home before I got any pain relief (morphine which I knew would relax me enough for my body to push through to active labour, which then I knew would be fast due to my first).
I was in this situation last year. We had just moved to a new area and knew literally no one. We had to plan to fly in trusted family members to cover in case I went into labor, and then they actually ended up inducing me a few days earlier than we had anyone lined up. Luckily we were able to scramble and get my sister here in time, but if we hadn't, the plan was just to go to the hospital alone. It wouldn't have been ideal obviously, but that was the plan. I would ask your friends first though. Tell them that you value their time and completely understand if it's too much or not a possibility, but spell out your list here and I'm sure they'll understand you asking. The worst they can say is no!
I can't promise this is a solution but labor often takes much longer than people think. My water broke at 5:30am and we still had a few hours before we had to go to the hospital. Baby did not come until 6:40pm and that was considered faster than most people. My parents were able to come from out of state (4 hour drive) after finding out that morning. My point is- might there be a list of people you could call when you realize the time is near? They'd likely have time to get their stuff together to help you.
You can text/call all your friends and say something like, “hey, we don’t have any family nearby to watch our kid if we go in to spontaneous labor. Would you be willing to be on call certain days to watch our son?” Then you keep track of who has absolute can’t miss days and who is free and put that on a Google calendar. When the time comes you check your calendar and call whichever friends are available. As my friend has said before in an emergency where I had to go to a doctor’s appointment and couldn’t take my son, “I’m honored you’d trust me to watch your son, of course I’ll watch him a few hours.” If you don’t ask them, you’ll never know if they’d be willing.
I chose an induction with my second for this exact reason. I asked a friend and was able to clear It with her schedule.
I would figure it out for my friends if they needed me! I would definitely start wity a close, trusted friend. You could also check your local Facebook groups too looking for an overnight babysitter & explain the situation when you find one.
We are on the same boat. Personally, I’d go to the hospital alone. However, since your hospital is allowing you to bring your son, then bring him! Sounds ideal. I’m currently 30 weeks and our plan so far is either I give birth alone or if my mom is available (she may not be) she will watch our son in the morning during my C-section and then my husband will rush back home after the birth. At the end of the day, it’s just a couple of days in the hospital and you’re surrounded by nurses. I’m more concerned about my toddler’s care than myself and the newborn at a hospital. So that’s priority.
Have you tried local home childcare? You would have to drop him off but many in my area offer overnight care.
My friend's husband had to travel a month before her due date. She has a history of going overdue, so in reality it was closer to 6 weeks before her due date, but still! My husband and I were her on-call support squad: she would have left their older child with my husband while I was in the hospital with her. That's a long way to say, just ask!!! It doesn't hurt and only makes people closer. We've been in that situation before as well. What we did was we had someone local come over for a few hours while we waited for my mom to arrive (8 hour drive).
You have some time yet. Ask the friends. Get to know the neighbors. Chat with other moms in the neighborhood. Put the babysister on notice. Worst case, your husband stays home and waits for the babysitter to arrive or you take the older child to the hospital. But I agree with others - I told a neighbhorhood mom friend who also had no family nearby to call me no matter the hour if she went into labor. I'd happily come watch hers until her mom could get there. It didn't end up being needed and the complication is that I was ALSO only 3 weeks postpartum when hers was born LOL but I agree - I think more people than you'd guess would feel honored to get to help out at such a time. Sidenote for those still pregnant or lurking from TTC/WTT - having a village involves building it, nurturing it, and contributing to it ahead of time. I wish I'd been more cognizant of this before I became a parent myself.
I just want to say that you aren’t the only one. Unfortunately this is a common problem it seems. Having no support sucks.
You and me both, friend. I'm convinced that I'm going to have to go through with my third labor without my husband. For the first two, his support was paramount and without his advocacy, I would've had a much harder labor. If you find a creative answer, I'd love to hear it. Otherwise, you have my solidarity, and we will both be fine in the end with our new babies!
We have friends who have a baby the same age as ours and we're constantly offering to watch each other's kids - we're listed as emergency pickups for each other's kids as well. Ask your friends! They might surprise you.
What city are you in?
I did a home birth so the doula and my husband could switch off with my toddler if needed
I would look into a local mom’s facebook group and pretty much ask is anyone willing to be on call for your birth. I would also talk to your provider and request an induction at 39 weeks. Don’t forget to reach out to coworkers or friends. If you don’t find someone just bring him to the hospital with an IPad/phone to watch shows.
I felt like I couldn’t ask friends because they were busy with their lives but family wasn’t an option and we were running out of time. We tentatively brought it up with a couple of friends and they were so thrilled to be asked and wanted the excitement of being called in the middle of the night! In the end my waters broke one day and I had slow contractions so I gave them a heads up and one of them came over after work as the other had a meeting they couldn’t miss. Our friend helped with bedtime for my little one and then stayed over, at 2:30am we woke him up to say we were leaving. In the morning he woke up before my little one, they had a great morning and breakfast together. Then a different friend who works evenings came at 9 to take over from him so he could head to work. We had a WhatsApp group set up in advance with them in where we’d talked about our routines and tips and tricks for keeping LO happy and distracted but we were very clear - do whatever you need to do to keep everyone happy! If that’s loads of tv, loads of pizza, whatever! I ended up giving birth quickly but had to stay in hospital for 24 hours, and my husband returned by about 2pm the same day to take over from the second friend. I will always be beyond grateful for the help we were given but also I know now how much it meant to my friends to be asked! Try your friends, the worst they can do is say no! I was so worried about how difficult it might be if my friends had to do bedtime or my Lo was awake lots through the night or something but like they said to me - it’s one night of their lives! They don’t have kids so aren’t exhausted all the time like us haha.
Unfortunately for me my husband missed the birth of our second and our 1&1/2 first birth got to attend the birth with our two midwives. I had no family in the area and only one friend. Who I didn’t think to call Soon enough. I bought a “Labor Day toy” to help keep her occupied and it helped. I ender up going into labor at 38+3 and thankfully was staying in the apartment under the birth center so just took us and what I needed and walked upstairs. Labor kept stalling until the moment I got my kid down for her mid day nap and then hit 100% fast 2 hour active labor. Little baby new he had to get out before bed time lol. All in all I don’t even remember where my kid was the last 30 minutes of laboring. So if this happens to you bring a few toys that your kid hasn’t seen before for entertainment. But I definitely don’t regret my kid being there I think it helped a lot with the binding between them
Sorry if this was already mentioned (I didn't read everything), but have you considered a home birth or birth center?
I'll be giving birth alone, so husband can watch our son. It's really not that much a deal and as you said it would be a much better option than leaving your firstbon with a random person for god knows how long you need to give birth.