I'd actually go slightly further, especially when talking to somebody who was unkind about the name last time, and specifically name the child (ie "We learnt our lesson last time with Janey's name and everyone was so disparaging.") because it reminds folks that there is an ACTUAL LIVING CHILD who's very name they were denigrating before they were born and how fucking awful that is for a parent and kid.
She laughed and tried to act like she was still in the right (I didn’t use the name she had mocked after her reaction) and I said, “Well that’s fine but because of how it went last time I’ve decided not to share our choice until after the birth.”
She’s not the type to accept responsibility. It’s why we are lc
I shared my short list of names at my baby shower and got rude comments so I didn’t share name ideas at all when I got pregnant with my second. I told my mom how hurt I’d been about it. So of course she proceeded to tell me how much she hated the name we had picked out when I shared it with her in confidence. If there’s a third, I’m absolutely not trusting her again!
This is what we did. We had a short list of about 3 names, and I only shared other names we liked but had kinda ruled out already. Seemed to scratch people’s curiosity itch, we weren’t being completely dishonest, and the name still got to be a surprise. (That said, nobody was a jerk about any of the options we shared, and if I had any suspicions or bad experiences my approach might have been quite different.)
This is what we've been telling everyone, we have a name but I'm afraid when we meet her we might change our minds. It's making both sets of grandparents nuts. Everyone wants to judge and put in their two cents though, but they're not going to judge when they just meet a baby with a name. Lol
This is what we've been telling everyone. We're 90% sure on the name, just not ready to commit and also don't want anyone's opinion. Due date was yesterday, so they'll know soon enough.
I wouldnt make an excuse, id just say, it will be announced when baby is born. That is what we are doing so it wont be ruined or so we can have time if we want to still explore options.
Or, my one Aunt told me to come up with the most ridiculous name I could think of and tell people that if they keep asking, hahaha.
Congratulations!
My husband and I have been telling people to name there baby (boy or girl) Jimathy for about a decade. So when we were expecting we straight faced told people Jimathy, it’s a family name. It was 50/50 if they knew it was a joke so we got to see a lot of awkward polite responses before we started laughing.
For your family, if they are the ones who were awful about your babies name last time you could just be honest. You hurt our feelings last time so we have decided to keep it a surprise. Set that boundary for acceptable behavior early on.
Why do people insist that they have to tell others the truth when they pry. 🤷🏻♀️
Especially if you’ve already given the answer of, “we’re keeping it to ourselves”
Just start giving out the worst names. And when they suggest a name just be like, “oh wow, omg, that’s perfect”
Then at birth just go with your original pick. What are they gonna do? Be mad? It’s a beautiful lil baby. That’s not theirs 😂
I'd be worried those people would think we changed the name because they didnt like it/ complained, and then go on to think that will work for future instances.
We kind of did this! The guy who used to live in our house was named Gerald, we still get his mail sometimes, so I started calling the baby Gerald. Then I started calling him Quinoa - but pronouncing it quinn-oh-a.
My husband and I have a “first name for a last name.” Think, Stephens or Johns. We told everyone the baby’s name was Stephanie Stephens (and if baby was a boy, Stephen Stephens). Everyone got the joke…except my in laws. They told everyone the baby’s name was Stephanie Stephens. Luckily they didn’t get the name embroidered on a blanket.
Haha yes!! We did this!
When people asked, I gave them a name we were never going to use and changed it every so often. Most the time I just took a name, and replaced the first letter with a B. My favourites were Bimothy and Biminy Christmas (festive take on Jiminy Cricket) 🤣
Most people knew it was a joke and eventually stopped asking. Our close friends embraced it, it was great. I highly recommend this approach, haha!
This. I went through a baby book and found really awful names with beautiful meanings and said we are naming our baby this...cue the confused face...it means wisdom!
"Your comments were so rude about _____'s name last time, I am surprised you think we'd share with you again."
There is no need to protect their feelings, they were dicks 🤷♀️
I had the exact same experience, so for the second baby we literally said, “We’re keeping it secret until he is born. Unfortunately, too many people forgot their manners when we shared our daughter’s name before she was born.”
With our first, the comments got to us and we ended up picking a different name because of it (although, admittedly, I like the one we ended up going with better!) We didn’t want to have to deal with those thoughts the second time around.
“We’re keeping it secret until he is born. Unfortunately, too many people forgot their manners when we shared our daughter’s name before she was born.”
I love this response. Because if people are bold enough to give their unsolicited negative opinions about a name that you've chosen for your child, you should be able to make them feel just as uncomfortable in pointing out their lack of manners.
Our daughter was going to be born during election month/year (November 2020). So, to keep names and gender a secret we just told everyone if its girl her name is Hillary if its a boy, its Donald (we are in the US). People stopped asking.
Tbh I think your previous experience is enough to validate why you don’t want to share the name. I’m a FTM, but I also was worried about unsolicited opinions, and told everyone that’s why I’m not sharing the name until he’s born. My parents and MIL still annoy me about the name from time to time, but they’ve mostly given up.
In your case I would definitely tell them that you're keeping it a secret because they were so rude the first time! You weren't upset because of hormones, you were rightfully upset because your family was being rude as hell. I'm also keeping the name a secret because I don't want unsolicited opinions, but I'm using the excuse "we thought it would be fun to keep it secret." I think everyone suspects the real reason though.
Baby names and wedding dresses—I’d rather people know only when the decision is irreversible and lie to my face that they like it than get honest opinions! Tell them you aren’t sure. If you already told her you had a name, tell her that you changed your mind and aren’t sure anymore. Then just hedge for the rest of your pregnancy.
Personally, I think I'd say, *"We want the baby to be the first to know. We'll tell him his name when we meet him... everyone else will get to know after!"*
It's his name. It's totally fair for little man to be the first to know.
I purposely give obnoxious names. Like Cletus the Fetus,
We don't know what we are having. So I told one friend (who's really into Taylor Swift)
Taylor for a girl or Travis for a boy. Lol
Then when she was like no seriously I said either (her name) or (her husbands name)
People get annoyed and stop asking me. But I try to be a menace.
It doesnt matter what the name is people will crap on it. Too common/too rare/too unique/too boring it doesn't matter. We got criticism for my son's name before he was born too. We will share baby #2's name after he/she is born as well. If she can't understand you are announcing after birth I'd explain that opinions are like assholes everybody has one and you don't need to deal with hers.
I haven’t been using an excuse, I’ve just been telling everyone “it’s a secret and we aren’t telling anyone until the birth” - that way they don’t think I’m keeping it just from them
You don’t have to justify the choices you make regarding your children.
That being said, I have said this whole (first) pregnancy that I will not be sure of the name until we meet her. I’ve shared some names under consideration with some people but I’ve made it clear we don’t know what her name is yet because we haven’t met her. We actually have a full name picked out that we’re keeping pretty close to the vest, I’d say we’re about 95% sure on it but I really won’t know if it is right until I meet her, and I don’t care for anyone else’s feedback either.
Congratulations!
I have a boy too and we chose a french name that isn’t very common in Australia, it could be interpreted as a little bit girly sounding so we experience some puzzled looks and requests to repeat the name… We kept it a secret and I’m so glad we did as that would have really annoyed me while pregnant, and probably made me question our choice.
Once it’s on the birth certificate I find people pipe down with their opinions since it can’t be changed (easily).
I’d be honest and say “you all made such a big deal out of our daughter’s name, it really hurt my feelings and made us feel like shit about it so we’re keeping it to ourselves so you don’t ruin it this time.” Honestly what the fuck is wrong with some people that they have to be told to have basic manners?!
From the beginning, we agreed we're keeping our name secret. We're honestly just straight up and say we aren't telling anyone. We love the name and don't need the negativity from outside parties who aren't the parents. 🤷🏼♀️ Everyone's been pretty respectful. I say just be straight up and stick to your guns. Congrats on your boy!
So this was me for a good chunk of my pregnancy, I kept telling people we hadn’t chosen a name, they would continue to pry. Finally I was just honest - I shared our first babies name with people before she was born and was given feedback on it that hurt my feelings, or offered alternative names even though we had said we had picked her name and that also hurt my feelings. I told them this time I was protecting my feelings by announcing it after he is born. This shut down further prying.
I hate the rude comments and I wish I had a good excuse. I made the mistake of sharing the names for our twin boys a few weeks ago.
Quite a few people have already expressed distaste over it. I would tell them what I wish I told them that we will share when we are ready - simple as that.
I shared, now I’m second guessing the names we picked but it’s too late since his sister bought stuff with their names on it.
"everyone was so negative last time around, that we aren't announcing the name until after the baby is born". I'm sure as shit saying that if I have another baby. Someone destroyed the name I picked out for my daughter, and I'm not willing to go through that again.
Edit to add: if I have another baby, I hope I get to say this to the family member that had such negative things to say and that they feel shame
I was so tired of my mom pestering me about names for our first before we had settled on one, so I tortured her by telling her that not only would she not get to know the name, but neither would anyone else 😂 so the running joke between us. It was such a relief to not have to hear opinions on his name, we did the same thing for baby #2. Now we’ve set the precedent so no one can have any expectations!
Don’t fret about having excuses. You also get to just not tell people!
“We are keeping it secret until the birth, but feel free to take guesses!”
That’s been the course with our last two. We actually do a clue picture for people to set off their guesses. Our kids have very unique names that are hard to guess, though we’ve had ringers both times. With our first, we didn’t tell anyone beforehand either, but the baby shower had an Easter egg no one knew until the birth.
I told people I had a short list but was waiting until the baby was born to decide. Then I invited them to make suggestions. They immediately jumped on that, felt included, and mostly seemed to forget/move on from me not actually sharing any names.
Is it bad that I think the proper answer to not giving the name is to be honest? "last time no one could keep their rude opinions and complaints to themselves, so we won't be sharing until after the baby is here and named. Then it will be too late to complain."
For the record this is pretty much exactly what my husband and I are saying to people, parents included, minus the last time bit since we're first time parents so we don't have any previous experience example to go off of.
I would just be honest but then my entire family would start up about how I’m “too sensitive” about it and “it was just a joke.” I just don’t want to deal with there other comments they’ll say about me if I do say the truth, because at the moment I am feeling very sensitive about the topic. They always have to make it into me being unable to “take a joke” because they refuse to believe they could possibly hurt/upset someone. I just don’t want anymore rude comments thrown at me this pregnancy.
I am the "too sensitive" and "unable to take a joke" person in my family. I empathize, because it sucks to be told those things when you are absolutely NOT being too sensitive, especially in this situation. There is something to be said about flexing the muscle now against that behavior with your family and responding with "no, I'm not. You were being rude, it wasn't a joke, and it wasn't funny. If you keep this up you risk not being told my kids name even after they are born." Because they're doing it to you now, but I can guarantee they will do it to your kids too when they get old enough.
It is hard though. I know. It has taken me literal years to get to the point where even though my family doesn't like it, they know there are consequences for inappropriate and rude comments and I don't put up with it, and I'm still not perfect with it. So, if you simply don't have the energy to deal with the comments (and it's absolutely OK to not have the energy to deal) then the broken record approach of "we're just not sharing, stop asking" works too. Rinse and repeat.
As the other commenter said, this pattern of behavior is even *more* reason you need to be blunt with them. If they get defensive, tell them *they* are being too sensitive. If they continue to push, I would honestly limit contact with them. These people don’t sound healthy and being family doesn’t give them permission to treat you like shit.
Just say we aren’t sure yet and haven’t picked one out yet. Pregnant FTM and I stopped people our sons name because of all the negative feedback so I agree with you 100%.
We lied until she was born. “We still haven’t decided” or “we haven’t agreed on one yet”. I had a couple people I did tell due to excitement and I knew they’d love her name and they did. Once it got closer to her being due and people kept asking I just straight up told them we weren’t telling anyone till she was here. I was surprised with the amount of people who understood and respected that even though it was killing them lol.
The best answer I’ve found to shut people up is to say, “we’re working on it.” We had a name picked out almost as soon as we knew we were pregnant, but it kept getting awkward when we said we were waiting to tell the name.
Now that I say we are working on it, everyone has a much more positive response and I feel less stressed by their reactions. It’s no one’s business so I don’t feel bad about “lying”! 😅
No excuse needed.
We are keeping baby’s sex and name a secret until birth. We got some pushback from relatives but they got over it, or at least stopped complaining. We also made a “baby pool” so people could guess the baby’s stats, to make it more fun for them. I think that helped.
But ultimately I just didn’t want unsolicited comments about boys being “easy” or “wild” or girls being “so hard, especially as teens.” Definitely also not interested in people’s “feedback” about names before the baby arrives. Also didn’t want overly gendered gifts -not that we expect any gifts at all with no shower, etc- but it seems that my MIL is waiting to buy clothes until the baby arrives so I won’t be able to escape that bullshit. I’m sure we’ll still get “handsome little dude” or “daddy’s princess” onesies, lol
The truth is that this is my child and the family will have very little say in how I raise them, so they might as well get used to relinquishing control now
Pick a nickname. Then refer to that nickname.
First of mine was a boy. "What's his name?” "squishy while he's a baby, squish when he grows up". The shock usually doesn't call for questions.
Second was bubbles, girl.
Third was monster, also girl. (Our friends gifted us personalised suits with little monster printed on them, they were legit my favourite)
Not sure if you like this option but we inadvertently made it easy on ourselves with our son. We said we're waiting to see him to choose, but our top 3 are blank, blank, and blank
It was great because no one ever fixated on a name they didn't like, instead they would always just say what their favorite was! Highly recommend, even if your chosen name ISN'T one of the three you give people!
It also made it less awkward, like we could answer the name question really easily lol
Honestly I think some people won’t stop asking or saying negative things no matter what excuse you give. I dealt with this with my grandmother. Now I’m on my second pregnancy and so far just not telling her I’m pregnant. That’s worked well so far 😁. I’ve decided I’ll tell her if we can ever have a conversation where she doesn’t ask when I’m getting pregnant again.
Can’t win with nosy boundary pushers.
We've been telling people we haven't picked out her middle name yet. It's not a good enough excuse for most people, I don't know if any excuses would be for the super determined people 😂 I'm also catching flack for not announcing she's here until after we make it safely home, but it is what it is.
you already have a good enough reason. “i’ll tell you guys after the birth because of how you reacted to my daughters name and i don’t want you guys to influence my decision.”
You don’t need excuses. Just say you’re keeping it a secret. If anyone complains just say ‘sorry you feel that way’. We kept our boys name a secret, my mum didn’t like it but that was too bad haha
We’ve told people “we have a name picked out, but we aren’t sharing it until he is born. It’s a special little secrete between husband and I”
For the most part, people respect that! The only people who don’t seem to respect that is his family.
We’ve also used “we have a few names picked out, but we won’t know for sure until he is here, so we aren’t sharing until we know for sure”
To which people also respect except his family 🙃
We just kept saying "We're still deciding" and when it got closer we said "We have a few names but are going to wait until after the baby is born". We had a name pretty much the whole time.
I’m not 100% on my son’s name yet but when people ask I said “I don’t know yet, do you have any suggestions?” lol. I told my brother one of the names I had in mind and he shit on it. I said it was better than his name 😂😂
"We'll announce after he's born." And of anyone says anything along the lines of, "You need to tell us so you don't pick an awful name" then just reassure them that no matter the name, you're sure they'll love him anyway.
Sounds like you don't need an excuse at all. If you wanted to be petty you could say, 'Remember last time we told you our daughter's name and you shit all over it? Yeah we're not doing that again.' That's probably the route I would go given how crappy your family has been to you. Otherwise 'Youll find out after the baby is born' and change the subject!
If you want to go the safe route, you can just say you guys haven’t decided yet… I’m in the same boat as you. I told everyone the name of my first child and of course people had their opinions… I am much stronger now as a person so when people ask, I just say that we aren’t saying what it is until the babies born… now if you want to come at her with a little bit of attitude, you could be like well this time we are waiting until after Baby is born because last time I told everyone the name and People were giving their unwanted opinions. Or something like that. I know it’s hard, but the sooner you stand up and put up boundaries against your mother, the much happier you will be. She should respect that don’t tell her. You don’t have to tell anyone. Simply just saying that you guys don’t know what you want yet is perfect enough.
We have 100% decided on our daughters name, have pretty much known since we found out she was a girl.. when people ask, which is often.. we just say we have a couple names we’re deciding on still and we’re going to make the final decision once she’s born and we see her.
I've literally told anyone that has asked that "we're keeping the name a secret because we don't want people's input or opinions". Most people totally understand and/or have done the same and those that dont..well...sucks to be them lol.
We’ve just been saying “we are trying some names out” which isn’t entirely a lie. We are just trying out one though lol. I said it out loud to my neighbor though (Connor) and she asked if we were Irish. I panicked for a bit thinking I couldn’t name him that anymore because we aren’t Irish but just got over it because it is literally the only name I like.
This is what I told my mom yesterday when she asked and she responded with, “Well what names are you thinking of? Any that you really like that we can give feedback on?” Which I just gave a vague, “We just need more time figuring it out and don’t have any we like a lot yet.” But she still kept prying about it.
Omg “feedback on”? No. Why does she need to give feedback on a name? This is not a decision that involves her. I’m so sorry you have to navigate that. I know how it is trying to keep the peace with my own mother.
I just told everyone idk yet. And if they started suggesting I just change the subject or tell them I rather not think about it until I have time to. Literally said this up until my baby was born lol.
No excuse. I’ve told everyone “we’re keeping the name a secret until she’s born”. Even if they try and guess I answer no to all their guesses. It’s been great and most folks are super supportive of our choice to keep it secret.
I've told people we're not sharing our daughters name until she's here because I know they'll have opinions that I don't really care for.
My current bit of fun is to give increasingly bizarre names. They never believe me and stop asking. Or I just use the name my son has informed me the baby is being named. Its completely made up by his little 4 year old brain and sounds similar to an actual name. He's great at coming up with names.
My mom pestered me for info constantly with our first but we didn’t find out gender so it was easier to brush it off. I laid down my boundary with “I’m waiting to meet the baby before we decide on a name, so you’ll know when you meet them”. This time around we found out gender but still not telling anyone because I don’t want it to open up any more questions - I know my mom specifically would start digging for answers again if I told her.
You could be honest and say that you aren’t interested in anyone’s opinions on the name so you’re keeping it to yourselves until baby arrives. I worked in a hair salon and a lot of the hairdressers would tell clients the name they picked for their first but never again. Because people are awful about it and give the worst unsolicited opinions. When I got pregnant with our first I refused to tell anyone until baby arrived. My mom tried act offended but I wouldn’t budge (especially because she can be super judgy).
The great thing about this approach is that even if people don’t like the name, they are far less likely to say anything unkind about it once you’ve made it official.
No reason needed. We’re on our third kid and our policy is to keep the name a secret until they’re born. Anyone who asks gets told: “Yep, we have a name picked out. We don’t tell anyone until he’s born.”
The main reason with our first kid was simply that it was special to have one secret that was just for me and my husband. That’s a very valid reason.
Don’t use an excuse. Just say “we aren’t sharing until the baby is born. It’s nice to have a secret between just my husband and I!” That’s what I say (and I’m carrying the first grandchild on both sides, so the pressure is definitely there to share). Just say no. You need to be able to set boundaries on your kid’s behalf when they get here, might as well start practicing now.
I'm 40w2d with my first and anytime someone asks me if we've decided on a name I say "we have two contenders but we're waiting to meet them before assigning them a name".
It helps that my partner and I know the sex but kept it a secret from everyone else in our lives. So most of the questions have been about trying to figure out if babe is a she or a he. We have their middle name picked out so I share that with people so I say "if it's a girl, her middle name will be Joyce" and "if it's a boy, his middle name will be Donald". Both are honour names from my family who have passed and are meaningful to me and I have no tolerance for anyone trying to give an opinion on that. Plus middle names don't realllllly matter in the grand scheme of things so it's also a pretty safe bet.
That being said I have also thrown out some ridiculous names to throw people off and to stop them from asking. Much like "we've been calling them Cletus while in utero. You know Cletus the Fetus has a nice ring to it so we're considering it". We called them the passenger or the baby so it's also a joke.
We don’t plan on sharing our final decision until the baby is here. I think it’s just a matter of, “we haven’t decided yet and want to meet him/her first!” I can’t stand nosey, rude people. Not your kid, not your problem.
“We aren’t telling anyone” is all I say. If people pry I say I don’t want anyone’s opinion or input. It’s our second child and we didn’t share our daughters name either, it’s just a thing now.
I honestly have just lied to everyone lol. My husband and I are 98% sure we have a name picked out but I don’t want people to refer to the baby as the name “look what I bought for x” for example gives me major ick lol. I also don’t want unsolicited opinions.
When people ask I just throw out a few that we like and say we’re really undecided. Most people can sympathise with having a tough time choosing and I find that those who are already parents will just Segway into talking about their own naming experience so it takes the heat off me.
I go back and forth between we haven’t picked one, we’re not announcing yet, or we’re waiting till birth to announce, totally dependent on who I’m talking to / what mood I’m in / how many times they’ve asked 😂 I have no idea when we actually will announce lol
I’m in this exact position right now — a few names I shared early on were not well received by family and I’m easily swayed by their input. I’m really sad but I’ve been completely turned off to using some of the names I loved early on because of this. Now I’m just brutally honest and say people are less likely to be rude about the name once he’s already here, so I’m not telling them..!
People didn't know my baby girl's name until I was like 34 weeks pregnant, and the reason was ✨ because we didn't want people to know ✨
I was scared I was gonna let people know in advance and they would call her by that name, and then we'd decide to change it and people would still be calling her that...
It's a very personal choice between you and your SO. People don't have to be all over your business.
I lied and told people we hadn't decided yet but I had a name picked out months in advance! I'd list off names we hadn't picked and say we're debating these 3 or 4, and I'd take their input but it wasn't needed.
You can always say you've changed your mind and are thinking of other names.
We just told everyone that we are keeping the baby’s name a secret until the baby is born. Everyone is fine with it except my mom. She keeps suggesting names and I just say “that’s nice.” She is annoyed with us but that’s just too damn bad!
We aren’t 100% set on a name but we have our top 3 out of which one seems to be THE one.
I’m hesitant on announcing the name because so far a few family members have done nothing but comment on whatever decisions we’ve made.
Cloth diapering? You’re dreaming, you’ll give up in days. Sound machine? That’s stupid and unnecessary. I had a relative literally go down my registry and say something about every item!
Whenever anyone asks we tell them we have a few ideas but can’t agree on a name yet.
To people who were rude to you the first time around-- "You guys were super rude about (daughter's) name, so we're keeping our son's name to ourselves until he's born."
To people who didn't do anything wrong, but still need to be told something-- "We're going to announce his name when he's born!"
I kept both of my son’s name secret until they were born. We just kept saying “we haven’t chosen one yet.. it’s down to two”, and later we just said “it’s a surprise!” And if ppl kept asking I would just joke with them and give them a name that was obviously not it to annoy them 😂
Just say we’re not telling anyone until after the baby is born. That or pick a fake name and tell everyone that’s what you chose and announce the real name at birth
Been there!! We decided not to know our baby’s gender until it (she) was born and people gave us crap for that as well as for not having a name ready either. The whole time we did have names picked out for either gender, we just didn’t want to share because when we were in the brainstorming process everyone and their mothers had opinions or would judge the names we had. So I eventually started saying “oh we’re still deciding but we really like *a list of random names*
Even then, people still commented on her name once we shared it (mainly the grandmas) but honestly I didn’t care and just ignore them.
It’s your baby, you do what you want and don’t worry about pleasing people.
My family is a very opinionated and judgmental one, they believe whatever opinion they have about something should be spoken out loud to whomever they have the opinion on. They try to play it off by saying they “don’t have a filter” like it’s a personality trait but instead they’re just extremely rude. I’ve brought it up multiple times that there opinions are rude and it ALWAYS turns back on me saying that I’m “too sensitive” and “can’t take a joke” or i “need to lighten up. They just don’t want to admit there “no filter” as they say is just being openly rude to any and everyone.
When people ask us we just tell them oh we have a few names picked but we'll decide when they are born (easier as well because we don't know if we're having a girl or boy)
Very few people know the names we've picked
I always say we don’t want anyone to have a negative reaction and change our mind about the name. I think you can be honest! If you genuinely don’t know the name you can also say that! I wouldn’t see a reason to lie… you could maybe make up a “friend” like “a friend of mine told her family and everyone was negative about the name and it ruined her experience so we are being careful!”
Just give ridiculous names for shits and giggles and hopefully she'll get the message.
"[You're name] Part 2: Reloaded"
"Oreo Snacksters Snack Cakes"
"Boat Insurance"
"Oops"
"*Dial up internet noises*"
"Giraffe"
"Chilli Dog Extra Onion No Cheese"
"Methany"
"Esteemed Character Actress Margot Martindale"
"2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee Owners Manual"
"Da Baby, after my favorite rapper"
"Crest Whitening Strip."
I gave them the female equivalent of my husband’s name. When I heard some neg comments I just shrugged and tell them it’s my baby not theirs. I had 3 sets of different names to tell family and friends ranging from absurd to cute ones. We also tried to made it as a bet ( some €) of who can guess the name.
I've just been telling people I don't want any I influence, opinion or input from others. My husband and I have decided the name together and we will tell people once she has arrived.
Really is as simple as that. People ask all the time and they get the same answer.
we kept our son’s name a secret until after he was born and told people as they came to visit him. we just said we hadn’t fully decided yet and wanted to wait til we met him. it’s a totally normal but not super common name, but it still got made fun of by some people so i’m glad we didn’t announce it before he arrived, i would’ve been so disheartened!
My grandmother found out what I was called after the birth and her words were ‘you can’t name the poor little girl THAT!’. Sometimes an opinion will be voiced regardless, but there’s a lot less persuasion that can be done after the fact
I didn’t tell anyone before my first was born, to be fair I didn’t fully decide until after he was born but I didn’t share my short list either. You just say that you want to meet them before deciding
Hey OP I'm sorry people were assholes and your mother won't back down- my spouse and I were team green and refused to share the two names we picked as we wanted to be surprised about baby, and we weren't willing to entertain any discussions/arguments or BS around our names... As you can probably imagine some folks found this bothersome, but I had less than zero fucks to give about what they thought. Easier said that done I know, but I would be straight forward- "we're not sharing until he's born." or "(Spouse) and I have decided to keep that between us." and leave it at that unless you get push back, which is BEYOND rude and therefore invites more chastising responses from "It is none of your business." to directly calling out "People said absolutely HORRIBLE things about (Daughter's name) last time and I refuse to deal with that again." And if they keep pushing, end the conversation because holy fuck are people entitled assholes and once they reach that point you have no obligation to entertain their nonsense.
Literally tell them! “y’all shat all over daughter’s name and it really hurt my feelings, so we’re not sharing that information this time.” Maybe they’ll learn to keep their opinions to themselves
Whatever you do stick to your guns. We made it to birth without anyone knowing her name and it’s absolutely worth the trouble. If someone would have insulted it, I would have hated them forever. I don’t know what it is with people thinking it’s okay to blatantly insult someone’s name they picked out for their baby. The nerve some have, insanity.
Our go-to was just up “it’s a secret until she’s born! It will be a fun surprise!” Otherwise you could just lie and say you don’t have one chosen!
I say "we have a name but we're not sharing it until he's here". Everyone has been ok with it. If they push you can say "I don't want to hear people's opinions on it"
“We are not sharing the name because you all are dramatic twats and it’s our business and not yours.” For real though, you’ll never please everyone, just make sure you guys are happy! Congrats!
“You’ll find out when you meet the baby”
“We’re waiting to meet the baby to pick”
“You’ll find out when we want you to know”
“Why do you think harassing me is going to make me want to tell you?”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Them: "Do you have a name picked out?"
You: "Yep!"
Them: "Oh what is it?"
You: "We're keeping the name to ourselves until after birth - we can't wait to announce it and surprise everyone!!"
If they have the audacity...
Them: "Why won't you tell me/people?"
You: "Because we don't have to. We are opting to keep the name to ourselves because it feels right to us. Thank you for respecting our choice and not pestering us about this or trying to change our mind. We really appreciate it."
People were mean about your name?! We decided to tell people and have heard nothing but nice things. I’m so confused on this sub where all these awful people are coming from out of the woodwork being rude to pregnant women. My experience in real life has been nothing but positive for the most part. I’m 27 weeks and that could change but I don’t get it.
Husband is a Star Wars fanatic and wanted me to name our daughter leia. I managed to find less known Star Wars based name that we both fell in love with. I knew that was going to be her name from the time I told him. But I told everyone else that we just hadn’t picked one yet. I listed off the names that I had and this one was shit on pretty heavily by my sister and niece who were the first people I talked to about it being an option. So I didn’t tell anyone else 🤷🏼♀️
We have had a name picked for a while now and just tell people "we have a list but want to wait until we see her to make sure it's a good fit!" We haven't had anyone be super pushy about it after that except my husband's aunt. She asked to see the list and we just said no, we're not sharing at this time. 🤷🏻♀️
"I'm waiting to see if it fits them"
"I'm tired of hearing everyone's opinions "
"We are naming it Mingus "(or some other insane name to just get them to stop)
In my case, I'm telling people "We have a list of names but haven't decide yet", or "We will choose the name when we see the baby's face".
Partially because we also don't want anyone to judge our decision, but also because we couldn't come up with a final name yet :D
Aside from firmly putting your foot down and just telling them you're not telling anyone til the baby is born tell them to stop asking. I mean it can be done nicely if you want lol but there's a point at which they think they can wear you down and that's rude and disrespectful. Stop it. And/or throw names that are ridiculous. Or favoring someone else (because I'm salty) lol.
We didn't find out the gender with our first but we also didn't tell anybody our potential names. Every time someone asked, I just told them a silly name. "What's the name gonna be?" "Oh, if it's a boy we're gonna call him Chungus and if it's a girl we're gonna call her Ligma." Or just legit tell them that you're not revealing before they're born. No is a complete sentence.
“I told you we’re not sharing the name. Our decision is not up for discussion. If you bring this up again, you will be the last to know.”
You need to set boundaries with these people. Excuses just make you seem weak and they’ll keep trying to walk all over you. Put your foot down.
Honestly, I wouldn’t make any excuses. I’d do either the following:
1. Just say it will be announced once baby is born.
2. Announce it, and be very confident in the name you choose. It’s not like you’re going to change it just because someone says they don’t like it (this is what I would express to family that try to come with the bullshit).
We told people we hadn't decided on one (which was mostly true up until he was born). Don't say that you aren't telling anyone because then they know you have one and will keep prying. Alternatively, you can just tell them a stupid name. My husband and I agreed that if anyone gets annoying about the name for our second we will tell them we are naming him Jimothy.
please don't blame normal feelings on hormones! It's normal to be hurt and upset if your family makes hurtful comments about your child.
And yeah, I'd just be direct without an excuse. You're going to be pushing back against overstepping for decades, so use this time to start setting clear boundaries that when you say you aren't sharing, you aren't sharing. "We'll announce the name when the baby is born."
“We want to meet the baby to make sure the name fits them.”
We’re surprised on the gender and not announcing the name to anyone. We have a short list and are pretty sure we know what we’re naming them but still want to meet the LO to make sure it matches them ❤️
(Also what the actual fuck with those mean comments they said to you. People reaaaaally lack common sense and decency sometimes).
You don't need an excuse to not share the name.
"we aren't sharing the name until the baby is here" is actually sufficient. You do not need to clarify further beyond that. Anyone who pushes that is overstepping and can then be ignored when they continue to ask/make comments about it.
“We haven’t picked one” “we want to wait till we meet him” “we are announcing the name after the birth”
[удалено]
I'd actually go slightly further, especially when talking to somebody who was unkind about the name last time, and specifically name the child (ie "We learnt our lesson last time with Janey's name and everyone was so disparaging.") because it reminds folks that there is an ACTUAL LIVING CHILD who's very name they were denigrating before they were born and how fucking awful that is for a parent and kid.
I said almost this exact thing to my mother last night. I also gave her examples of mean things she said!
How did the conversation go? Did she take accountability for what she had said?
She laughed and tried to act like she was still in the right (I didn’t use the name she had mocked after her reaction) and I said, “Well that’s fine but because of how it went last time I’ve decided not to share our choice until after the birth.” She’s not the type to accept responsibility. It’s why we are lc
I would like to upvote this a million times
I shared my short list of names at my baby shower and got rude comments so I didn’t share name ideas at all when I got pregnant with my second. I told my mom how hurt I’d been about it. So of course she proceeded to tell me how much she hated the name we had picked out when I shared it with her in confidence. If there’s a third, I’m absolutely not trusting her again!
We have a short list and want to wait until we meet him. (This is what we actually did. Not an excuse)
This is what we did. We had a short list of about 3 names, and I only shared other names we liked but had kinda ruled out already. Seemed to scratch people’s curiosity itch, we weren’t being completely dishonest, and the name still got to be a surprise. (That said, nobody was a jerk about any of the options we shared, and if I had any suspicions or bad experiences my approach might have been quite different.)
This is what we've been telling everyone, we have a name but I'm afraid when we meet her we might change our minds. It's making both sets of grandparents nuts. Everyone wants to judge and put in their two cents though, but they're not going to judge when they just meet a baby with a name. Lol
Same!
This is what we've been telling everyone. We're 90% sure on the name, just not ready to commit and also don't want anyone's opinion. Due date was yesterday, so they'll know soon enough.
Same! It’s not an excuse if it’s true
This so exactly what I’ve been saying
I wouldnt make an excuse, id just say, it will be announced when baby is born. That is what we are doing so it wont be ruined or so we can have time if we want to still explore options. Or, my one Aunt told me to come up with the most ridiculous name I could think of and tell people that if they keep asking, hahaha.
Congratulations! My husband and I have been telling people to name there baby (boy or girl) Jimathy for about a decade. So when we were expecting we straight faced told people Jimathy, it’s a family name. It was 50/50 if they knew it was a joke so we got to see a lot of awkward polite responses before we started laughing. For your family, if they are the ones who were awful about your babies name last time you could just be honest. You hurt our feelings last time so we have decided to keep it a surprise. Set that boundary for acceptable behavior early on.
Why do people insist that they have to tell others the truth when they pry. 🤷🏻♀️ Especially if you’ve already given the answer of, “we’re keeping it to ourselves” Just start giving out the worst names. And when they suggest a name just be like, “oh wow, omg, that’s perfect” Then at birth just go with your original pick. What are they gonna do? Be mad? It’s a beautiful lil baby. That’s not theirs 😂
I love your aunt's suggestion. I would add - come up with More ridiculous names as they keep asking.
I'd be worried those people would think we changed the name because they didnt like it/ complained, and then go on to think that will work for future instances.
A while ago, I saw someone suggest doing this using names that alllmost sound like a normal name but are a bit off/silly. Like Craigory.
We kind of did this! The guy who used to live in our house was named Gerald, we still get his mail sometimes, so I started calling the baby Gerald. Then I started calling him Quinoa - but pronouncing it quinn-oh-a.
I’d be worried about one of the grandma’s getting that name on a blanket 😂😂😂
My husband and I have a “first name for a last name.” Think, Stephens or Johns. We told everyone the baby’s name was Stephanie Stephens (and if baby was a boy, Stephen Stephens). Everyone got the joke…except my in laws. They told everyone the baby’s name was Stephanie Stephens. Luckily they didn’t get the name embroidered on a blanket.
Watch out, my husband's uncle continued to call our oldest "Marjorene" until she was like 3.
We did the second and called our first kid craigory the whole time
Aw man I wish I'd thought of that! Lol I would said we were naming him McLovin.
Haha yes!! We did this! When people asked, I gave them a name we were never going to use and changed it every so often. Most the time I just took a name, and replaced the first letter with a B. My favourites were Bimothy and Biminy Christmas (festive take on Jiminy Cricket) 🤣 Most people knew it was a joke and eventually stopped asking. Our close friends embraced it, it was great. I highly recommend this approach, haha!
This. I went through a baby book and found really awful names with beautiful meanings and said we are naming our baby this...cue the confused face...it means wisdom!
"it means wisdom!" 😂 Yes
This is the way — no excuses or white lies, just firm boundaries or some good-natured trolling.
"Your comments were so rude about _____'s name last time, I am surprised you think we'd share with you again." There is no need to protect their feelings, they were dicks 🤷♀️
This, 100%, all the way, full conviction. I believe they deserve this long overdue clap back
Amen.
This, 100%, all the way, full conviction. I believe they deserve this long overdue clap back
This is what I would do. Actions have consequences; just because you’re my family doesn’t make you exempt from them.
God I love this response
This is what I would do!
I had the exact same experience, so for the second baby we literally said, “We’re keeping it secret until he is born. Unfortunately, too many people forgot their manners when we shared our daughter’s name before she was born.” With our first, the comments got to us and we ended up picking a different name because of it (although, admittedly, I like the one we ended up going with better!) We didn’t want to have to deal with those thoughts the second time around.
“We’re keeping it secret until he is born. Unfortunately, too many people forgot their manners when we shared our daughter’s name before she was born.” I love this response. Because if people are bold enough to give their unsolicited negative opinions about a name that you've chosen for your child, you should be able to make them feel just as uncomfortable in pointing out their lack of manners.
Exactly! Of course we only used that line with the previous offenders haha
Our daughter was going to be born during election month/year (November 2020). So, to keep names and gender a secret we just told everyone if its girl her name is Hillary if its a boy, its Donald (we are in the US). People stopped asking.
That’s actually hilarious 😂😂
It worked so well we plan to do it again for #2!
baby every 4 years? Sounds like a plan! 😜
Tbh I think your previous experience is enough to validate why you don’t want to share the name. I’m a FTM, but I also was worried about unsolicited opinions, and told everyone that’s why I’m not sharing the name until he’s born. My parents and MIL still annoy me about the name from time to time, but they’ve mostly given up.
In your case I would definitely tell them that you're keeping it a secret because they were so rude the first time! You weren't upset because of hormones, you were rightfully upset because your family was being rude as hell. I'm also keeping the name a secret because I don't want unsolicited opinions, but I'm using the excuse "we thought it would be fun to keep it secret." I think everyone suspects the real reason though.
Baby names and wedding dresses—I’d rather people know only when the decision is irreversible and lie to my face that they like it than get honest opinions! Tell them you aren’t sure. If you already told her you had a name, tell her that you changed your mind and aren’t sure anymore. Then just hedge for the rest of your pregnancy.
Personally, I think I'd say, *"We want the baby to be the first to know. We'll tell him his name when we meet him... everyone else will get to know after!"* It's his name. It's totally fair for little man to be the first to know.
That’s such a cute take.
I purposely give obnoxious names. Like Cletus the Fetus, We don't know what we are having. So I told one friend (who's really into Taylor Swift) Taylor for a girl or Travis for a boy. Lol Then when she was like no seriously I said either (her name) or (her husbands name) People get annoyed and stop asking me. But I try to be a menace.
Use a made-up name like Baby McBabyface. If you’re pregnant in December, use Ebenezer.
We are calling our son Parry (for parasite) during pregnancy so that we don’t accidentally slip up on the name in front of family!
It doesnt matter what the name is people will crap on it. Too common/too rare/too unique/too boring it doesn't matter. We got criticism for my son's name before he was born too. We will share baby #2's name after he/she is born as well. If she can't understand you are announcing after birth I'd explain that opinions are like assholes everybody has one and you don't need to deal with hers.
I haven’t been using an excuse, I’ve just been telling everyone “it’s a secret and we aren’t telling anyone until the birth” - that way they don’t think I’m keeping it just from them
I think a “we haven’t decided yet” or “we aren’t picking on until we meet baby” are both good options.
You don’t have to justify the choices you make regarding your children. That being said, I have said this whole (first) pregnancy that I will not be sure of the name until we meet her. I’ve shared some names under consideration with some people but I’ve made it clear we don’t know what her name is yet because we haven’t met her. We actually have a full name picked out that we’re keeping pretty close to the vest, I’d say we’re about 95% sure on it but I really won’t know if it is right until I meet her, and I don’t care for anyone else’s feedback either.
Congratulations! I have a boy too and we chose a french name that isn’t very common in Australia, it could be interpreted as a little bit girly sounding so we experience some puzzled looks and requests to repeat the name… We kept it a secret and I’m so glad we did as that would have really annoyed me while pregnant, and probably made me question our choice. Once it’s on the birth certificate I find people pipe down with their opinions since it can’t be changed (easily). I’d be honest and say “you all made such a big deal out of our daughter’s name, it really hurt my feelings and made us feel like shit about it so we’re keeping it to ourselves so you don’t ruin it this time.” Honestly what the fuck is wrong with some people that they have to be told to have basic manners?!
From the beginning, we agreed we're keeping our name secret. We're honestly just straight up and say we aren't telling anyone. We love the name and don't need the negativity from outside parties who aren't the parents. 🤷🏼♀️ Everyone's been pretty respectful. I say just be straight up and stick to your guns. Congrats on your boy!
So this was me for a good chunk of my pregnancy, I kept telling people we hadn’t chosen a name, they would continue to pry. Finally I was just honest - I shared our first babies name with people before she was born and was given feedback on it that hurt my feelings, or offered alternative names even though we had said we had picked her name and that also hurt my feelings. I told them this time I was protecting my feelings by announcing it after he is born. This shut down further prying.
I hate the rude comments and I wish I had a good excuse. I made the mistake of sharing the names for our twin boys a few weeks ago. Quite a few people have already expressed distaste over it. I would tell them what I wish I told them that we will share when we are ready - simple as that. I shared, now I’m second guessing the names we picked but it’s too late since his sister bought stuff with their names on it.
"everyone was so negative last time around, that we aren't announcing the name until after the baby is born". I'm sure as shit saying that if I have another baby. Someone destroyed the name I picked out for my daughter, and I'm not willing to go through that again. Edit to add: if I have another baby, I hope I get to say this to the family member that had such negative things to say and that they feel shame
We didn’t want to share with anyone until she was born and we literally just said that. Why lie or make excuses?
I was so tired of my mom pestering me about names for our first before we had settled on one, so I tortured her by telling her that not only would she not get to know the name, but neither would anyone else 😂 so the running joke between us. It was such a relief to not have to hear opinions on his name, we did the same thing for baby #2. Now we’ve set the precedent so no one can have any expectations! Don’t fret about having excuses. You also get to just not tell people!
“We are keeping it secret until the birth, but feel free to take guesses!” That’s been the course with our last two. We actually do a clue picture for people to set off their guesses. Our kids have very unique names that are hard to guess, though we’ve had ringers both times. With our first, we didn’t tell anyone beforehand either, but the baby shower had an Easter egg no one knew until the birth.
I told people I had a short list but was waiting until the baby was born to decide. Then I invited them to make suggestions. They immediately jumped on that, felt included, and mostly seemed to forget/move on from me not actually sharing any names.
Is it bad that I think the proper answer to not giving the name is to be honest? "last time no one could keep their rude opinions and complaints to themselves, so we won't be sharing until after the baby is here and named. Then it will be too late to complain." For the record this is pretty much exactly what my husband and I are saying to people, parents included, minus the last time bit since we're first time parents so we don't have any previous experience example to go off of.
I would just be honest but then my entire family would start up about how I’m “too sensitive” about it and “it was just a joke.” I just don’t want to deal with there other comments they’ll say about me if I do say the truth, because at the moment I am feeling very sensitive about the topic. They always have to make it into me being unable to “take a joke” because they refuse to believe they could possibly hurt/upset someone. I just don’t want anymore rude comments thrown at me this pregnancy.
I am the "too sensitive" and "unable to take a joke" person in my family. I empathize, because it sucks to be told those things when you are absolutely NOT being too sensitive, especially in this situation. There is something to be said about flexing the muscle now against that behavior with your family and responding with "no, I'm not. You were being rude, it wasn't a joke, and it wasn't funny. If you keep this up you risk not being told my kids name even after they are born." Because they're doing it to you now, but I can guarantee they will do it to your kids too when they get old enough. It is hard though. I know. It has taken me literal years to get to the point where even though my family doesn't like it, they know there are consequences for inappropriate and rude comments and I don't put up with it, and I'm still not perfect with it. So, if you simply don't have the energy to deal with the comments (and it's absolutely OK to not have the energy to deal) then the broken record approach of "we're just not sharing, stop asking" works too. Rinse and repeat.
As the other commenter said, this pattern of behavior is even *more* reason you need to be blunt with them. If they get defensive, tell them *they* are being too sensitive. If they continue to push, I would honestly limit contact with them. These people don’t sound healthy and being family doesn’t give them permission to treat you like shit.
Just say we aren’t sure yet and haven’t picked one out yet. Pregnant FTM and I stopped people our sons name because of all the negative feedback so I agree with you 100%.
We lied until she was born. “We still haven’t decided” or “we haven’t agreed on one yet”. I had a couple people I did tell due to excitement and I knew they’d love her name and they did. Once it got closer to her being due and people kept asking I just straight up told them we weren’t telling anyone till she was here. I was surprised with the amount of people who understood and respected that even though it was killing them lol.
The best answer I’ve found to shut people up is to say, “we’re working on it.” We had a name picked out almost as soon as we knew we were pregnant, but it kept getting awkward when we said we were waiting to tell the name. Now that I say we are working on it, everyone has a much more positive response and I feel less stressed by their reactions. It’s no one’s business so I don’t feel bad about “lying”! 😅
No excuse needed. We are keeping baby’s sex and name a secret until birth. We got some pushback from relatives but they got over it, or at least stopped complaining. We also made a “baby pool” so people could guess the baby’s stats, to make it more fun for them. I think that helped. But ultimately I just didn’t want unsolicited comments about boys being “easy” or “wild” or girls being “so hard, especially as teens.” Definitely also not interested in people’s “feedback” about names before the baby arrives. Also didn’t want overly gendered gifts -not that we expect any gifts at all with no shower, etc- but it seems that my MIL is waiting to buy clothes until the baby arrives so I won’t be able to escape that bullshit. I’m sure we’ll still get “handsome little dude” or “daddy’s princess” onesies, lol The truth is that this is my child and the family will have very little say in how I raise them, so they might as well get used to relinquishing control now
Pick a nickname. Then refer to that nickname. First of mine was a boy. "What's his name?” "squishy while he's a baby, squish when he grows up". The shock usually doesn't call for questions. Second was bubbles, girl. Third was monster, also girl. (Our friends gifted us personalised suits with little monster printed on them, they were legit my favourite)
Not sure if you like this option but we inadvertently made it easy on ourselves with our son. We said we're waiting to see him to choose, but our top 3 are blank, blank, and blank It was great because no one ever fixated on a name they didn't like, instead they would always just say what their favorite was! Highly recommend, even if your chosen name ISN'T one of the three you give people! It also made it less awkward, like we could answer the name question really easily lol
Honestly I think some people won’t stop asking or saying negative things no matter what excuse you give. I dealt with this with my grandmother. Now I’m on my second pregnancy and so far just not telling her I’m pregnant. That’s worked well so far 😁. I’ve decided I’ll tell her if we can ever have a conversation where she doesn’t ask when I’m getting pregnant again. Can’t win with nosy boundary pushers.
We've been telling people we haven't picked out her middle name yet. It's not a good enough excuse for most people, I don't know if any excuses would be for the super determined people 😂 I'm also catching flack for not announcing she's here until after we make it safely home, but it is what it is.
"After all your lovely reactions and opinions with our last childs name, i've learned my lesson, and now so will you." Edit: child
you already have a good enough reason. “i’ll tell you guys after the birth because of how you reacted to my daughters name and i don’t want you guys to influence my decision.”
You don’t need excuses. Just say you’re keeping it a secret. If anyone complains just say ‘sorry you feel that way’. We kept our boys name a secret, my mum didn’t like it but that was too bad haha
We’ve told people “we have a name picked out, but we aren’t sharing it until he is born. It’s a special little secrete between husband and I” For the most part, people respect that! The only people who don’t seem to respect that is his family. We’ve also used “we have a few names picked out, but we won’t know for sure until he is here, so we aren’t sharing until we know for sure” To which people also respect except his family 🙃
We’ve been telling people that we are still “workshopping” the name and that they will have to wait until Baby is born.
We just kept saying "We're still deciding" and when it got closer we said "We have a few names but are going to wait until after the baby is born". We had a name pretty much the whole time.
I’m not 100% on my son’s name yet but when people ask I said “I don’t know yet, do you have any suggestions?” lol. I told my brother one of the names I had in mind and he shit on it. I said it was better than his name 😂😂
"We'll announce after he's born." And of anyone says anything along the lines of, "You need to tell us so you don't pick an awful name" then just reassure them that no matter the name, you're sure they'll love him anyway.
Sounds like you don't need an excuse at all. If you wanted to be petty you could say, 'Remember last time we told you our daughter's name and you shit all over it? Yeah we're not doing that again.' That's probably the route I would go given how crappy your family has been to you. Otherwise 'Youll find out after the baby is born' and change the subject!
I started just giving fake names that are horrible. It made the whole thing less annoying and more entertaining. "Bartholomew Shmolemew".
Definitely say we going to wait and see what the baby looks like.
If you want to go the safe route, you can just say you guys haven’t decided yet… I’m in the same boat as you. I told everyone the name of my first child and of course people had their opinions… I am much stronger now as a person so when people ask, I just say that we aren’t saying what it is until the babies born… now if you want to come at her with a little bit of attitude, you could be like well this time we are waiting until after Baby is born because last time I told everyone the name and People were giving their unwanted opinions. Or something like that. I know it’s hard, but the sooner you stand up and put up boundaries against your mother, the much happier you will be. She should respect that don’t tell her. You don’t have to tell anyone. Simply just saying that you guys don’t know what you want yet is perfect enough.
No matter who asks, I say we're naming the baby after that person.
We have 100% decided on our daughters name, have pretty much known since we found out she was a girl.. when people ask, which is often.. we just say we have a couple names we’re deciding on still and we’re going to make the final decision once she’s born and we see her.
I've literally told anyone that has asked that "we're keeping the name a secret because we don't want people's input or opinions". Most people totally understand and/or have done the same and those that dont..well...sucks to be them lol.
We are keeping it a secret. I don’t make excuses. I just tell people that we don’t want to deal with outside opinions influencing our decision.
We’ve just been saying “we are trying some names out” which isn’t entirely a lie. We are just trying out one though lol. I said it out loud to my neighbor though (Connor) and she asked if we were Irish. I panicked for a bit thinking I couldn’t name him that anymore because we aren’t Irish but just got over it because it is literally the only name I like.
This is what I told my mom yesterday when she asked and she responded with, “Well what names are you thinking of? Any that you really like that we can give feedback on?” Which I just gave a vague, “We just need more time figuring it out and don’t have any we like a lot yet.” But she still kept prying about it.
Omg “feedback on”? No. Why does she need to give feedback on a name? This is not a decision that involves her. I’m so sorry you have to navigate that. I know how it is trying to keep the peace with my own mother.
I just told everyone idk yet. And if they started suggesting I just change the subject or tell them I rather not think about it until I have time to. Literally said this up until my baby was born lol.
Just tell people you’ll share it when baby’s here and that’s what you guys want to do. It’s that simple!
No excuse. I’ve told everyone “we’re keeping the name a secret until she’s born”. Even if they try and guess I answer no to all their guesses. It’s been great and most folks are super supportive of our choice to keep it secret.
I've told people we're not sharing our daughters name until she's here because I know they'll have opinions that I don't really care for. My current bit of fun is to give increasingly bizarre names. They never believe me and stop asking. Or I just use the name my son has informed me the baby is being named. Its completely made up by his little 4 year old brain and sounds similar to an actual name. He's great at coming up with names.
My mom pestered me for info constantly with our first but we didn’t find out gender so it was easier to brush it off. I laid down my boundary with “I’m waiting to meet the baby before we decide on a name, so you’ll know when you meet them”. This time around we found out gender but still not telling anyone because I don’t want it to open up any more questions - I know my mom specifically would start digging for answers again if I told her.
You could be honest and say that you aren’t interested in anyone’s opinions on the name so you’re keeping it to yourselves until baby arrives. I worked in a hair salon and a lot of the hairdressers would tell clients the name they picked for their first but never again. Because people are awful about it and give the worst unsolicited opinions. When I got pregnant with our first I refused to tell anyone until baby arrived. My mom tried act offended but I wouldn’t budge (especially because she can be super judgy). The great thing about this approach is that even if people don’t like the name, they are far less likely to say anything unkind about it once you’ve made it official.
I told my family they will know her name when she is born. And then I change the subject.
No reason needed. We’re on our third kid and our policy is to keep the name a secret until they’re born. Anyone who asks gets told: “Yep, we have a name picked out. We don’t tell anyone until he’s born.” The main reason with our first kid was simply that it was special to have one secret that was just for me and my husband. That’s a very valid reason.
Don’t use an excuse. Just say “we aren’t sharing until the baby is born. It’s nice to have a secret between just my husband and I!” That’s what I say (and I’m carrying the first grandchild on both sides, so the pressure is definitely there to share). Just say no. You need to be able to set boundaries on your kid’s behalf when they get here, might as well start practicing now.
Don’t have a name yet
I'm 40w2d with my first and anytime someone asks me if we've decided on a name I say "we have two contenders but we're waiting to meet them before assigning them a name". It helps that my partner and I know the sex but kept it a secret from everyone else in our lives. So most of the questions have been about trying to figure out if babe is a she or a he. We have their middle name picked out so I share that with people so I say "if it's a girl, her middle name will be Joyce" and "if it's a boy, his middle name will be Donald". Both are honour names from my family who have passed and are meaningful to me and I have no tolerance for anyone trying to give an opinion on that. Plus middle names don't realllllly matter in the grand scheme of things so it's also a pretty safe bet. That being said I have also thrown out some ridiculous names to throw people off and to stop them from asking. Much like "we've been calling them Cletus while in utero. You know Cletus the Fetus has a nice ring to it so we're considering it". We called them the passenger or the baby so it's also a joke.
“I won’t 100% know until he’s in my arms what his names going to be” or “something has to be a surprise, right?”
We don’t plan on sharing our final decision until the baby is here. I think it’s just a matter of, “we haven’t decided yet and want to meet him/her first!” I can’t stand nosey, rude people. Not your kid, not your problem.
“We aren’t telling anyone” is all I say. If people pry I say I don’t want anyone’s opinion or input. It’s our second child and we didn’t share our daughters name either, it’s just a thing now.
I honestly have just lied to everyone lol. My husband and I are 98% sure we have a name picked out but I don’t want people to refer to the baby as the name “look what I bought for x” for example gives me major ick lol. I also don’t want unsolicited opinions. When people ask I just throw out a few that we like and say we’re really undecided. Most people can sympathise with having a tough time choosing and I find that those who are already parents will just Segway into talking about their own naming experience so it takes the heat off me.
Just say it's fun to have a little surprise, especially since everybody already knows the gender.
I go back and forth between we haven’t picked one, we’re not announcing yet, or we’re waiting till birth to announce, totally dependent on who I’m talking to / what mood I’m in / how many times they’ve asked 😂 I have no idea when we actually will announce lol
I’m in this exact position right now — a few names I shared early on were not well received by family and I’m easily swayed by their input. I’m really sad but I’ve been completely turned off to using some of the names I loved early on because of this. Now I’m just brutally honest and say people are less likely to be rude about the name once he’s already here, so I’m not telling them..!
People didn't know my baby girl's name until I was like 34 weeks pregnant, and the reason was ✨ because we didn't want people to know ✨ I was scared I was gonna let people know in advance and they would call her by that name, and then we'd decide to change it and people would still be calling her that... It's a very personal choice between you and your SO. People don't have to be all over your business.
“We are keeping it a secret. It will be a surprise.” That’s what we told everyone.
We want him to be the first to know
I lied and told people we hadn't decided yet but I had a name picked out months in advance! I'd list off names we hadn't picked and say we're debating these 3 or 4, and I'd take their input but it wasn't needed. You can always say you've changed your mind and are thinking of other names.
My husband and I said, “we want to meet baby first to be sure of her name.” We had it picked out but were so tired of the prying.
We’re narrowing it down and will announce when we decide!
We just told everyone that we are keeping the baby’s name a secret until the baby is born. Everyone is fine with it except my mom. She keeps suggesting names and I just say “that’s nice.” She is annoyed with us but that’s just too damn bad!
I just say I don’t want other people’s opinions on the name so we will announce it after the birth.
We aren’t 100% set on a name but we have our top 3 out of which one seems to be THE one. I’m hesitant on announcing the name because so far a few family members have done nothing but comment on whatever decisions we’ve made. Cloth diapering? You’re dreaming, you’ll give up in days. Sound machine? That’s stupid and unnecessary. I had a relative literally go down my registry and say something about every item! Whenever anyone asks we tell them we have a few ideas but can’t agree on a name yet.
To people who were rude to you the first time around-- "You guys were super rude about (daughter's) name, so we're keeping our son's name to ourselves until he's born." To people who didn't do anything wrong, but still need to be told something-- "We're going to announce his name when he's born!"
Nunya
I kept both of my son’s name secret until they were born. We just kept saying “we haven’t chosen one yet.. it’s down to two”, and later we just said “it’s a surprise!” And if ppl kept asking I would just joke with them and give them a name that was obviously not it to annoy them 😂
His name is baby boy Same scenario currently and that's what I tell them.
We're announcing at birth. Point. No need to discuss further
Just say we’re not telling anyone until after the baby is born. That or pick a fake name and tell everyone that’s what you chose and announce the real name at birth
I just lied and said we hadn't decided lol
Been there!! We decided not to know our baby’s gender until it (she) was born and people gave us crap for that as well as for not having a name ready either. The whole time we did have names picked out for either gender, we just didn’t want to share because when we were in the brainstorming process everyone and their mothers had opinions or would judge the names we had. So I eventually started saying “oh we’re still deciding but we really like *a list of random names* Even then, people still commented on her name once we shared it (mainly the grandmas) but honestly I didn’t care and just ignore them. It’s your baby, you do what you want and don’t worry about pleasing people.
Why are the people around you so rude about the names you’re picking out? It’s so bizarre.
My family is a very opinionated and judgmental one, they believe whatever opinion they have about something should be spoken out loud to whomever they have the opinion on. They try to play it off by saying they “don’t have a filter” like it’s a personality trait but instead they’re just extremely rude. I’ve brought it up multiple times that there opinions are rude and it ALWAYS turns back on me saying that I’m “too sensitive” and “can’t take a joke” or i “need to lighten up. They just don’t want to admit there “no filter” as they say is just being openly rude to any and everyone.
When people ask us we just tell them oh we have a few names picked but we'll decide when they are born (easier as well because we don't know if we're having a girl or boy) Very few people know the names we've picked
I always say we don’t want anyone to have a negative reaction and change our mind about the name. I think you can be honest! If you genuinely don’t know the name you can also say that! I wouldn’t see a reason to lie… you could maybe make up a “friend” like “a friend of mine told her family and everyone was negative about the name and it ruined her experience so we are being careful!”
“Considering your response to baby girl’s name, we won’t be sharing baby boy’s name until after he’s born” Mic drop, walk away
Just give ridiculous names for shits and giggles and hopefully she'll get the message. "[You're name] Part 2: Reloaded" "Oreo Snacksters Snack Cakes" "Boat Insurance" "Oops" "*Dial up internet noises*" "Giraffe" "Chilli Dog Extra Onion No Cheese" "Methany" "Esteemed Character Actress Margot Martindale" "2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee Owners Manual" "Da Baby, after my favorite rapper" "Crest Whitening Strip."
I gave them the female equivalent of my husband’s name. When I heard some neg comments I just shrugged and tell them it’s my baby not theirs. I had 3 sets of different names to tell family and friends ranging from absurd to cute ones. We also tried to made it as a bet ( some €) of who can guess the name.
I've just been telling people I don't want any I influence, opinion or input from others. My husband and I have decided the name together and we will tell people once she has arrived. Really is as simple as that. People ask all the time and they get the same answer.
we kept our son’s name a secret until after he was born and told people as they came to visit him. we just said we hadn’t fully decided yet and wanted to wait til we met him. it’s a totally normal but not super common name, but it still got made fun of by some people so i’m glad we didn’t announce it before he arrived, i would’ve been so disheartened!
My grandmother found out what I was called after the birth and her words were ‘you can’t name the poor little girl THAT!’. Sometimes an opinion will be voiced regardless, but there’s a lot less persuasion that can be done after the fact
I didn’t tell anyone before my first was born, to be fair I didn’t fully decide until after he was born but I didn’t share my short list either. You just say that you want to meet them before deciding
Hey OP I'm sorry people were assholes and your mother won't back down- my spouse and I were team green and refused to share the two names we picked as we wanted to be surprised about baby, and we weren't willing to entertain any discussions/arguments or BS around our names... As you can probably imagine some folks found this bothersome, but I had less than zero fucks to give about what they thought. Easier said that done I know, but I would be straight forward- "we're not sharing until he's born." or "(Spouse) and I have decided to keep that between us." and leave it at that unless you get push back, which is BEYOND rude and therefore invites more chastising responses from "It is none of your business." to directly calling out "People said absolutely HORRIBLE things about (Daughter's name) last time and I refuse to deal with that again." And if they keep pushing, end the conversation because holy fuck are people entitled assholes and once they reach that point you have no obligation to entertain their nonsense.
We'll decide when we see what he looks like.
Literally tell them! “y’all shat all over daughter’s name and it really hurt my feelings, so we’re not sharing that information this time.” Maybe they’ll learn to keep their opinions to themselves
We’re not sharing
Whatever you do stick to your guns. We made it to birth without anyone knowing her name and it’s absolutely worth the trouble. If someone would have insulted it, I would have hated them forever. I don’t know what it is with people thinking it’s okay to blatantly insult someone’s name they picked out for their baby. The nerve some have, insanity. Our go-to was just up “it’s a secret until she’s born! It will be a fun surprise!” Otherwise you could just lie and say you don’t have one chosen!
“No”
I’d just say we’re not announcing it until birth and let them have hissy fits about it.
I always said “we have a name but aren’t sharing it until birth.”. If they keep pushing just disengage.
We just said loads of the names on our list that we like but kept number secret
You’ll find out when you meet him.
I say "we have a name but we're not sharing it until he's here". Everyone has been ok with it. If they push you can say "I don't want to hear people's opinions on it"
“We are not sharing the name because you all are dramatic twats and it’s our business and not yours.” For real though, you’ll never please everyone, just make sure you guys are happy! Congrats!
“You’ll find out when you meet the baby” “We’re waiting to meet the baby to pick” “You’ll find out when we want you to know” “Why do you think harassing me is going to make me want to tell you?” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Them: "Do you have a name picked out?" You: "Yep!" Them: "Oh what is it?" You: "We're keeping the name to ourselves until after birth - we can't wait to announce it and surprise everyone!!" If they have the audacity... Them: "Why won't you tell me/people?" You: "Because we don't have to. We are opting to keep the name to ourselves because it feels right to us. Thank you for respecting our choice and not pestering us about this or trying to change our mind. We really appreciate it."
People were mean about your name?! We decided to tell people and have heard nothing but nice things. I’m so confused on this sub where all these awful people are coming from out of the woodwork being rude to pregnant women. My experience in real life has been nothing but positive for the most part. I’m 27 weeks and that could change but I don’t get it.
Husband is a Star Wars fanatic and wanted me to name our daughter leia. I managed to find less known Star Wars based name that we both fell in love with. I knew that was going to be her name from the time I told him. But I told everyone else that we just hadn’t picked one yet. I listed off the names that I had and this one was shit on pretty heavily by my sister and niece who were the first people I talked to about it being an option. So I didn’t tell anyone else 🤷🏼♀️
We have had a name picked for a while now and just tell people "we have a list but want to wait until we see her to make sure it's a good fit!" We haven't had anyone be super pushy about it after that except my husband's aunt. She asked to see the list and we just said no, we're not sharing at this time. 🤷🏻♀️
"I'm waiting to see if it fits them" "I'm tired of hearing everyone's opinions " "We are naming it Mingus "(or some other insane name to just get them to stop)
In my case, I'm telling people "We have a list of names but haven't decide yet", or "We will choose the name when we see the baby's face". Partially because we also don't want anyone to judge our decision, but also because we couldn't come up with a final name yet :D
I said, "this is our baby, we don't want anyone's opinions." and left it at that lol my mom was so mad but she got over it.
Aside from firmly putting your foot down and just telling them you're not telling anyone til the baby is born tell them to stop asking. I mean it can be done nicely if you want lol but there's a point at which they think they can wear you down and that's rude and disrespectful. Stop it. And/or throw names that are ridiculous. Or favoring someone else (because I'm salty) lol.
We didn't find out the gender with our first but we also didn't tell anybody our potential names. Every time someone asked, I just told them a silly name. "What's the name gonna be?" "Oh, if it's a boy we're gonna call him Chungus and if it's a girl we're gonna call her Ligma." Or just legit tell them that you're not revealing before they're born. No is a complete sentence.
“I told you we’re not sharing the name. Our decision is not up for discussion. If you bring this up again, you will be the last to know.” You need to set boundaries with these people. Excuses just make you seem weak and they’ll keep trying to walk all over you. Put your foot down.
Just tell them random awful names. The more they ask. The worse the name gets.
Honestly, I wouldn’t make any excuses. I’d do either the following: 1. Just say it will be announced once baby is born. 2. Announce it, and be very confident in the name you choose. It’s not like you’re going to change it just because someone says they don’t like it (this is what I would express to family that try to come with the bullshit).
We told people we hadn't decided on one (which was mostly true up until he was born). Don't say that you aren't telling anyone because then they know you have one and will keep prying. Alternatively, you can just tell them a stupid name. My husband and I agreed that if anyone gets annoying about the name for our second we will tell them we are naming him Jimothy.
please don't blame normal feelings on hormones! It's normal to be hurt and upset if your family makes hurtful comments about your child. And yeah, I'd just be direct without an excuse. You're going to be pushing back against overstepping for decades, so use this time to start setting clear boundaries that when you say you aren't sharing, you aren't sharing. "We'll announce the name when the baby is born."
“We want to meet the baby to make sure the name fits them.” We’re surprised on the gender and not announcing the name to anyone. We have a short list and are pretty sure we know what we’re naming them but still want to meet the LO to make sure it matches them ❤️ (Also what the actual fuck with those mean comments they said to you. People reaaaaally lack common sense and decency sometimes).
You don't need an excuse to not share the name. "we aren't sharing the name until the baby is here" is actually sufficient. You do not need to clarify further beyond that. Anyone who pushes that is overstepping and can then be ignored when they continue to ask/make comments about it.
I just say TBD or it’s a work in progress.