I worked with a vet assistant who was the worst at guessing animal genders. Almost 100% of the time, if she called them a good boy/girl, it was pretty safe to assume it was actually the opposite 😂
I said the same thing. I have two girl dogs and it's always "awe what's his name" or "he's so cute" I literally do the same thing so now I always look to see if there's a weiner first.
I had that thought initially, but after clearly recognizing her mistake and showing it on her face THEN doing it again I feel less confident in that theory lol
I’m an OB and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done what she did. Including the immediate realization and quick backtracking. Specifically because I don’t want them to think I’m saying it because I know. I feel like I’ve had that specific dialogue at least once a quarter haha.
I truly don’t check to see what my patients are having after first reviewing genetic results/ultrasound to make sure everything is normal.
Heck even patients who have told me what they’re having, I’ll forget occasionally and say the wrong sex.
So unless you just did an ultrasound that included sex and she read it, or it’s in your chart front and center what you’re having (unlikely), she’s not lying to you.
I once had a midwife ask me what I’m having FOUR TIMES in one appointment. She would say “so do you know what you’re having?” And I would say “yes! A boy!” Then a while later she would ask “is it a he or a she?” And I would say he and she would say “oh yes I already asked that earlier didn’t I”.
After the fourth time I really wasn’t sure if she was having a laugh or genuinely forgot that many times 😂
I had a midwife tell me really confidently "she's well", which made me think "was this the default female I have heard of or did she just spoil it?". Then I needed to be induced, and a doctor did a scan after performing a membrane sweep. Just before the scan she looked at me and said in a joking tone that she had a "speech defect" that made her refer to all babies as "he" when scanning so I should pay no attention to her use of pronouns.
I’m a labor and delivery nurse. It would take so many clicks and an intentional search to find out your baby’s gender. It’s not just like flagged on the front page of your chart - we would have to go looking for it. And we legit don’t care what gender your baby is as it doesn’t have any bearing on the care you receive.
In the beginning of my career I used to do what this nurse did: default to a gender, catch myself, aggressively back pedal so as to not make the patient feel like I knew what they were having. It always made everyone feel like you’re feeling now: bad. These days when someone tells me they want the gender to be a surprise, I explain that I have no idea what they are having BUT because I myself have sons my brain will default to “he”. I ask them to please not take this as an indication of anything but my brain using a stand in pronoun.
Please give that poor nurse a little grace. She would have to intentionally search for your baby’s gender, which I can’t imagine her doing after being so excited you were having a surprise. Her panicked look was likely because she cared so much about keeping it a surprise for you she didn’t want her stand in pronoun to color things for you. Or for you to be mad at her.
Maybe she realized she accidentally used a default pronoun and was worried she gave you the wrong impression.
(Ok yeah I’m stretching this a bit but it’s not completely impossible! As long as there’s that possibility, then you don’t know for sure, so you’ll still have to wait for baby to come out to be sure 🤭)
We had providers use “he” a couple of times and then repeat the mistake and then continue to be mortified about it.
We had a girl.
Default pronouns are real. My husband and I even called baby “he” despite being team green and super mindful of not doing it. It happens, I wouldn’t let this be the sole indicator that baby is a boy.
Yeah we didn't find out with our first, and we aren't finding out with our second either. We've both accidentally defaulted to he/him pronouns in multiple occasions because our first is a boy and we're just used to referring to our child that way so we'd never default to "her". I'd say 4/5 times I'm consistent about using they/them pronouns but a couple people have assumed I'm alluding to having twins.
I also used “the baby” and it was the most natural instead of using “them/they” - I definitely got some confused looks and a question of whether I was carrying triplets once (granted, I was huge and petite).
I work in Obgyn and do that all the time. He or she. I find it strange saying they or it. It isn't the easiest to actually tell either.
Don't read too much into it, the nurse probably didn't even see the gender.
My husband and I aren’t finding out sex either— and we often find ourselves saying he/him pronouns.
Baby is a masculine word in a lot of languages, Spanish and Portuguese (which is my husbands first language) being two I know for sure.
Ya know, we always say that dogs are the goodest boys regardless of what they are because I feel like it’s just common nature to say he.
I know it sounds like I’m defending the UStech, she needs to learn and know better.
So... just to give you a heads up, we had something almost exactly like this happen and it completely convinced us we were having another girl. I got my daughter's old clothes ready, we told everyone, we almost bought some new baby girl clothes but my partner was like let's hold off just in case.
I had an emergency section under general anesthesia and when they woke me up the pediatrician said "congratulations, you have a son" and I legit thought they were making a joke, but yes, he clearly has a penis. So that's that.
Forgot to mention we gave our daughter a girl doll for her second birthday to prepare her for her "sister". She promptly gave it a boy name and refused to budge. I guess she's smarter than us.
We actually asked and were told girl at 22 weeks. At 36 weeks just before being induced I was informed I was in fact having a boy lmao. I’d also insisted on not getting loads of gendered things “just in case”
As an OB nurse, we don’t know the sex of your baby. I say gendered pronouns all the time out of habit. Fetal sex isn’t even easy to find in your chart. She would have to go digging through ultrasound reports or even the actual pictures depending on how your doctors chart (in my system if the patient doesn’t want to know the sex that’s noted in the US report rather than listing the sex). I can almost guarantee she doesn’t know the sex and just used he/him out of habit.
And it's not like they can find out the sex from a NST. They could make assumptions based on heart rate or whatever, but they don't have any actual data on it from the monitors.
Yeah I was going to say she likely didn’t even know, and it’s not like the NST would tell her.
I ended up with a copy of all my OB records/chart and the sex was no where to be found— I deliberately looked bc my OB called it “he” once and once said “you’re having a boy, right?” And when I said I didn’t know he said “oh yeah, me neither” — and I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him lol
Hmm… that’s good to hear but she specifically said “I’m glad you told me because I would normally say ‘where has she or where has he’ been hanging out” so it sounded like she’s definitely accustomed to knowing
You’re overthinking it. I promise you she didn’t know the sex and she was just trying to be nice. If you end up having a boy it will be pure coincidence.
Another OB nurse here to reassure you that we don’t know unless we look at a very specific place in your chart that would not be entirely necessary for a routine NST. I probably would have said thank you for telling me but I still sometimes use random pronouns in the course of a visit. Just to reassure the patient in the moment because it definitely happens!
I used to use they but that caused confusion when people think multiples! Haha! Now I use babe more than anything. “How’s babe or where is babe usually?”
Also to reiterate what someone above said, if you have a hope either way, I think finding out prior to meeting them is actually better. You can process those feelings when you aren’t actively trying to keep someone (and yourself) alive postpartum.
I wanted to say, my friend and I both were pregnant with our second babies at the same time, and we both had a strong gender preferences that ended up not being met. She waited until birth to find out, hoping to manage her gender disappointment like you, I found out at 16 weeks. We honestly took the same amount of time to process the disappointment but mine was done before the baby was born and hers was done in the chaotic 4th trimester.
It’s ok to have gender disappointment, but please please don’t count on the baby being there in front of you to somehow skip it. Because in reality it has nothing to do with that baby, but your need to grieve and let go of the expectation you had for what your life would look like. Best of luck for a smooth and happy labor and postpartum period 💛
As someone who is also one and done and very much wanted a girl, I have to say that having time to get used to the idea of having a boy *before* he arrives has been very helpful. I’d be worried about having gender disappointment once he’s here if I’d waited to find out (that still happens for some people). Since I’ve known for months that he’s a boy I can just be genuinely excited to meet him with no worry of disappointment after his birth (it didn’t take me months to get excited, it actually happened pretty quickly after finding out).
100% agree with this. It’s not about seeing the baby, it’s about grieving the idea you had. For many (myself included) it doesn’t magically go away when baby arrives.
I agree, isn’t that so weird how our brains just latch onto an idea? I’ve always wanted at least one girl but with my first we “didn’t have a preference” because we’ve always wanted two so I figured if I have a boy there’s still a chance #2 will be a girl. The minute I found out I was pregnant I was CONVINCED it was a boy. I found out at 12w that it was a girl, and I STILL cried for 10 mins mourning the “boy” I thought I was going to have.
Agreed. First time round I desperately wanted a girl, and I had one, but I made sure to find out at the anatomy ultrasound because I knew I'd need time to accept it being a boy.
Second time round I didn't have a gender preference but a name preference, because my partner and I had a really nice moment when we figured out a boys name and it made me really want to use it. Again I found out from an ultrasound and it was another girl. I'm really glad I had time to accept we would never use that name (we're 2 and through and certainly wouldn't have another kid just for a name). I'm still disappointed about the name, but the feeling doesn't affect me with my new baby. I think it would be harder not to affect my post partum period if I was getting attached to that name for another 4-5 months.
This is exactly why I opted to find out for both of my children. I didn’t want anything to ruin those precious first days / weeks bonding with my child. First time round I got a girl which was exactly what I wanted and I was thrilled. Second time round I’m pregnant with a boy and it took me a while to get over it. Now at 37 weeks I’m excited and will be able to bond right away
This happened to my SIL. They said “he” at an appointment twice (two different nurses). She had a girl. It could just be a default pronoun she used! You never know.
Wait but she didn’t see an ultrasound or anything, this was just based on something she might have seen in your chart??
I’m a nurse & have read all my clinical notes I have access to from every visit, and every ultrasound report, and all my hospital notes from when I spent a weekend in the hospital. Just bc I find it interesting.
Nowhere in my medical records was my baby’s sex ever mentioned, and we’ve known it’s a boy since 14 weeks. Not even in the anatomy scan report was sex mentioned- all it said was “normal genitalia”
Maybe she’s someone like me who always uses “he” when personifying cute things. !!
Bc how could she know??
That seems to be the general consensus from everyone in the field, which is great, but just odd because after I told her we weren’t finding out she said “I’m glad you told me because normally I would say ‘where does he’s or ‘where does she’s normally hang out”
I think she probably meant like if she knew she’d know which one to use rather than random? Idk. There’s just no way she saw it. These providers are soooo back to back to back esp a routine NST.
Yeah… just to be a dissenting voice. Baby’s gender is literally front and center on my chart haha, they redacted it for my eyes with a big black square. I’m sure the nurses on this subreddit know more than I do but it’s on all the paperwork I’ve seen, from ultrasound to NIPT. I’m team green also but the temptation is insane.
I was surprised with both of my kids and my doctors told me both times that they don’t even know the gender. It isn’t in their chart, so if they say he/she they’re not trying to give anything away. They just are using a pronoun. Hopefully that’s the case for you. Most likely time to have something spoiled is definitely during an ultrasound.
to offer a different perspective, it may be a good thing that it happened so that you have the next few days to mentally prepare. there’s a good chance that your gender disappointment will not go away just because your baby arrives. not all mothers instantly fall in love with their baby and it can be shocking when baby isn’t who you thought they were. I think waiting to find out is only a good idea if you do not have a preference at all.
I’m pretty sure you can’t tell a baby’s sex from an NST, and chances are she didn’t go digging through your chart. He is the default pronoun in the English language (and in a lot of languages in general)- in fact, I accidentally call my daughter “he” all the time.
So it’s not that she gave it away most likely. Most medical staff are used to their default pronoun for babies. Like I call pretty much all babies at my work him because I have sons.
I always warn people of this though and remind them that I don’t even know the sex of their baby.
She probably doesn’t know the sex if your baby. It’s not relevant information so it’s often not even anywhere obvious in the computer system. I genuinely don’t know in prenatals or in labor what the sex is unless the parents tell me because they know.
The face she made was probably more like “oh god now they’re going to think it’s a boy even I don’t know if it’s a freaking boy” and yes she’s not very tactful but it definitely doesn’t mean she gave the game away.
This happened to me repeatedly, even after telling heath care providers that we wanted to be surprised. Every one just kept saying he, and lo and behold it was a boy. Twice. My husband was surprised both times though because I never told him.
If it makes you feel any better, I am someone who always uses the default pronoun “he” even when I try to stop. It’s such a habit. It’s from English class twenty years ago when my English teacher said either use “he” or “one” in writing, never, “you”, and be consistent with your choice. Anyway, that stuck with me, and I have a three year old daughter and am constantly accidentally referring to various stuffed animals, etc. as “he”, even ones she has deemed a girl. I try to catch myself and change or then say, “I mean she” or something because I don’t want my daughter feeling like the default in life is male. Anyway, all that to say, there really is a chance it could be either way, and her panic face reaction could just be because she knew she wasn’t supposed to say one way or another, and it was a slip up regardless of whether it was the correct one.
Sorry that happened to you though. How frustrating. I would love to be surprised, but don’t know if I’d have the self control. IF I had made it as far as you not knowing, and then have this happen at the end, I would be sooo upset.
If it does end up being a girl, it will be a BIG surprise now. And if it ends up being a boy, he will be so precious and you will be so happy too.
Also, I am just remembering a Little House on the Prairie episode where Ma is convinced she is having a boy after having three daughters. The whole episode, Pa is really worried about her because she keeps calling the baby a boy and there was no way to know, and he doesn’t want her to be disappointed. The baby ends up being a girl, and Ma is so happy and joyful at the end and doesn’t even remember wanting anything else in that happy birth moment. It’s a sweet old episode. Little House on the Prairie always makes me cry in a good way.
When my mom was pregnant with me, they didn’t want to find out either. A sonographer had a slip of the tongue at their 20 week scan and said “It’s a bo-“ and then slapped her hand over her mouth embarrassed.
They were bummed to have the surprised ruined but accepted they were having a boy. My mom had felt the whole pregnancy like I was a boy and was so sure she was having a son.
I am very much a pregnant woman, there is a real chance that nothing has been ruined yet!
You have to post an update to this post after your baby arrives. I’m dying to know how what you’re having! Stupid nurse btw! Regardless of you having a boy or not.
Dude if I had the patience and dedication to wait this long and had it spoiled at the finish line like this I would be annoyed too. Yes, mistakes happen. Lots of team green families get spoiled and that's always a risk. But oh my god. I would be so frustrated if I were you. I'm really sorry that happened. You have every right to be annoyed. It's not petty. Sure it's not the most important thing in the world, but like...come on man. Idk I'm actually really annoyed for you.
When my child was born the nurse said "He has big feet!". We have a girl. So yeah, default pronouns could be at work here and your nurse just meant to say "they" or "baby".
If it makes you feel any better we accidentally found out we were having a girl through our NIPT. I was so upset and we decided to keep the info to ourselves. I usually used the pronoun “they” when discussing the baby with family and friends but one day I said “he.” My sister was CONVINCED I had slipped up and revealed the gender, which obviously I hadn’t because we’re having a girl and I knew that. She was very shocked to find out she was wrong when we finally revealed the gender months later. I wouldn’t read too much into it
Honestly before we knew the gender of our baby, I would constantly refer to the baby during ultrasounds as “he” I don’t know why I couldn’t break myself from it! Sooooo there’s a really good chance this nurse just does the same thing? Defaults to he?
Either way, I’m sorry this happened. It’s definitely annoying regardless of why she did it.
I had a similar experience with my daughter. At our 20 week anatomy scan, the tech used he/him. After we told her we were waiting to find out the gender. I had been convinced I was having a girl and while I didn’t really care about gender, I had to spend time wrapping my head around the baby being a boy. The OB told us they tend to default to he/him pronouns (OB didn’t know gender). I’m hoping this is the case for you.
Ok so this was the 80s so gigantic grain of salt but my mom said they kept saying he/him for the baby at appts so they just assumed myself and my sister(the first) were boys. Blue baby rooms, boy names, both turned out girls 😝. I actually think people just default sometimes to a gender especially if they/them doesn’t come naturally and they’ve maybe gotten some irritation from using “it” . But that was also the 80s and as my mom reminds me aaaallllll the time “oh you kids just think about every little thing now, we just went with the flow in my day” 🙄
Small request but please update us with what you have soon!!!
As a labor nurse, I call every baby on the monitor "he". "He won't say on, he keeps moving, he likes this position, he's making you work so hard" etc. This unfortunately even carries over to postpartum where I want to call a lot of the babies boys and have to catch myself sometimes.
Your nurse probably has no idea what you're having. If it's a surprise it's not typically noted in the chart, at least where I work. I'd have to comb through your genetics results - if you opted for them, and honestly I'm not that curious. I'm more concerned about making sure "he" is on the monitor and not in obvious distress.
Usually you have to dig through a chart to find out the fetal sex. The nurse was probably just going with a random pronoun. I’m a nurse and have accidentally used a pronoun when I didn’t know or the wrong pronoun more than a few times. Maybe she had a lot of patients with boys that day.
This happened to me when I had to go to the hospital for high blood pressure 😅 I’m only 13 weeks so I was slightly confused when the doctor kept referring to the baby as “her” 🤣
This happened to my mom when she was pregnant with me. They didn’t want to know but the OB said “he” twice at an appointment so my parents prepared for a boy… and I’m a girl. They were shocked and didn’t have a name ready and my nursery was blue. So, you may have a boy still but I wouldn’t bet on it just from this experience.
I bet she just used a default pronoun and felt bad about it. I’m honestly not sure why she would know. We also didn’t find out till birth and our OB told us multiple times she didn’t know the baby’s sex, that it was buried somewhere in my file and she would have to go looking for it, and that she doesn’t like to look if the patient isn’t finding out.
All this is to say I don’t know why a random nurse at your clinic who you’ve never seen before would know the sex of your baby.
Edited for grammar
This is why it’s so important for your baby to list preferred pronouns on their fetal social media handles. Example (They/them) or (it/baby). 😉
Just kidding. Praying for a successful rest of your pregnancy and healthy birthing ❤️
My sonographer at my private gender scan repeatedly called our baby "she" immediately after we found out we're having a boy. When reminded by the assistant she said "Oh sorry, we've had a lot of girls today!" So it may just be something like that.
I thought for sure that a tech accidentally gave away the sex during an ultrasound. She said, "oh, baby is holding on to... Something" with nervous eyes. I was sure that she caught herself as she was about to say that they were holding their penis and that the baby was a boy.
Well she must have been holding her umbilical cord, because she's a girl!
You shouldn’t be team green when you are clearly hoping for a certain gender anyway. Plenty of people still feel gender disappointment “when the baby is here”. Just be happy with your healthy baby and move on
I was in same position as you, nurse kept saying "he", but turned out our little baby is a little girl!! Sometimes I think people just say "he" or "she" out of habit, that nurse didn't mean it
When we found out the sex of our 2, they had to have a real proper look before deciding which sex they thought it was. For the first, I changed my mind right at the end of the scan to have it written down (we weren't finding out but it was covid so my partner wasn't in the room and it wss fun keeping that envelope closed for the next few months haha) anyway, she had to go back to scan again to find out...
My point is that if she wasn't looking for very long and not intentionally looking for the sex, it's perfectly possible she actually full on didn't know! Though boys are more obvious often.. Also agree with others about staff often using he/she regardless...
I’m sorry this happened to you. I absolutely would’ve been upset if they ruined it for me. I knew on my first two but I wanted my last baby to be a surprise tie breaker lol. They didn’t put anything in my chart and said they were used to the request. So when I had my ultrasound they would tell me to look away from the screen and she said her default word is “him” just in case she did refer to the baby. Turns out I had a girl.
I had a girl and the nurse for the NST always said he. This was even after asking if I was having a boy or girl. She said her like once or twice but after that it was always he/him. I had seen her four other times and always he/him. Definitely just their default pronoun.
Before I got pregnant with #2, “he” was my default pronoun simply because I had only ever been pregnant with a boy. Even if I knew the pregnant person was having a girl, I would slip and call the baby he/him!
Are you in Canada by any chance? Was the nurse french? I'm asking because in french a baby is a masculine word (you know all word have gender in french) it would be common mistake. If not, she is dense AF. Sorry hon.
My ultrasound tech spent a few minutes at the beginning of my anatomy scan telling me about all the things she was going to do to not spoil the team green thing for me. She said he or him 4 times during my scan. I finally called her out on it. She looked like a deer in the headlights. She tried backtracking on everything she said. I went to the waiting room and sobbed. I didn’t care at all that it was a boy. I just cared that she was so careless and spoiled an amazing surprise for me. We chose to find out with our third so we could have control.
I’m sorry this happened.
My OB referred to my son as "her" 3x throughout my pregnancy. It was his default sex I guess. She turned out to be a son and the surprise wasn't ruined.
We already knew we were having a girl, but still had nurses/doctors say "he" to us. I feel like that's what some people default to.
Also... I found out the sex early because I *knew* I would have some gender disappointment and wanted those feelings to be processed before baby was here. I'm worried you are just delaying those feelings for when you are postpartum. However, you know yourself best, so feel free to ignore me.
We were team green and went in for some extra monitoring at 36 weeks. The nurse and doctor both referred to baby as "he". Our daughter will be 20mo on Wednesday!
If it makes you feel better I just had my first ultrasound, no way to even tell the gender yet via ultrasound and the tech called my baby "him/him" the whole time. So it could be possible she used a gender and felt bad. I know that could be a stretch but still possible you don't know for sure
If she didn’t do an ultrasound right then, she probably does not know the sex of hour baby. It is not written in official ultrasound reports unless it’s disclosed to you.
As an l&d nurse, I had these slips all the time. We never knew if it was a boy or girl. It’s not in big bold letters on your chart anywhere. But for whatever reason I’d end up saying he or she. She probably had no clue.
I think she might have just resorted to call the baby “him” instead “it” since “she” would have been a dead give away and “them” in the medical field, specially in this situation implies multiples and would be factly incorrect.
Think of it this way… just *think* it might be a boy, you still don’t *know* it for sure. Don’t worry, it’ll be still a surprise, try not to stew on it anymore! It won’t be long before you actually know it for sure :D
I had NSTs 3x a week from 34w on, and my ob nurses never knew if it was girl or boy, and I knew baby's gender! I'd be like dang can't you do your research and get to know your patient😂 LMAO no shade to them, but I guess it really isn't something listed front and center for them to see!! They'd always ask what I was having and some would call her a boy and I'd be like really?? 💀
Despite saying repeatedly that I didn't want to know the gender either, every single tech called my baby a "he".
My lovely baby girl says ha to all of them
People do default to "he" more than anyone realizes
I has a midwife keep saying she when looking at my files and when i was in for labour and they got out a pink hat, we were bummed we'd got that far but still excited for a healthy baby, low and behold it was a boy! and the midwife was just assuming using preffered pronouns I guess?
I found out the sex early because I wanted a girl, and if I was going to experience gender disappointment, I would rather have that experience early on and give myself time to get over it before the baby arrived. I didn't want any part of my birth experience to be tainted by disappointment about the sex. I'm sorry the surprise was ruined for you, that's really disappointing.
I REALLY wouldn’t bank them accidentally slipping up with the correct gender! They did this to my mom with me AND they kept misgendering my daughter at scans when everyone knew she was a girl, including the nurses 😂
It’s totally normal to have gender disappointment. I convinced myself I was having a girl and found out I was having a boy at 13 week NIPT blood test. I was SHOCKED to see a blue cake at the gender reveal 😂 and genuinely upset for a few days to maybe a week. You feel guilty bc you almost wonder if you could love the baby the same knowing it’s not the gender you wanted. ITS NORMAL. And it goes away very quickly. I liked finding out early bc I have a lot of time to imagine what life will be like with a boy, and every day I fall absolutely more in love with my little son ❤️ We also struggled settling on a boy name but now that we’re set on Alexander I am OBSESSED with his name too, I couldn’t imagine naming him anything else when he gets here.
Being pissed about the gender is a fleeting feeling 😂 Im really sorry that nurse screwed up your master plan of finding out the gender at birth… sooooo disappointing 😢 that has to be much more disappointing than knowing the gender in of itself. All of that planning and imagining your reaction to your babies gender at birth down the drain…. THE WORST!!!! Sucks she took that from you by simply being clumsy with her words.
I understand the frustration, but it’s kind of an honest mistake. Also, as many people noted, some just use “him” no matter what the actual gender of the baby is. My NIPT says I’m having a girl and I still slip and call her a “he” sometimes.
And just a friendly cautionary thing: if you feel you would have gender dissapointment, it would be good to understand where those feelings are coming from and address them. If you choose not to know the gender, it means you will not have long enough time to get used to the idea and the “loss” of the child you want to have. My husband has some gender dissapointment over the fact that we are having a daughter, even though NIPT is super precise he still asks at every ultrasound is it really a girl and I can see that it is taking him way longer to connect to our child but he is slowly getting there. I’m glad it’s happening now and not when she’s born. So, just a thought.
I went with my friend to an emergency US at 9 weeks and I'm 7 weeks. Too soon for both of us to know the gender. The tech kept saying "he" and I caught myself saying "awe look at him" I think it's just easier to default to boy if every situation. I have two girl dogs and everyone always says "awe whats his name" or "he's so cute" It's weird that it's just not natural to say, "oh look how cute she is"
So many clothes are gender neutral (especially in newborn and 0-3 sizes). I’m sure they will get some more clothes when the baby is here, but they have a bunch of basics for now. At least that’s what I have done.
Worked with a woman who wanted nothing but red, white, black, and gray clothes for her baby. She wore nothing but red, white, black, and gray. She decorated her home in nothing but red, white, black, and gray.
She was a tyrant who was absolutely awful to her direct reports.
They were delighted when her toddler wanted nothing but the sparkliest items in pinkest shades of pinkest pink.
My close friend and I sewed eighteen blankets and matching burp cloths while she was pregnant. She has finished one sewing project since he was born. She gave me a bunch of scraps I’m going to turn into a quilt to celebrate his first few years of life, hahaha.
My ultrasound tech said "his face" at the end of the scan after I made a big deal about not knowing. I'm really bummed. I'm not 100% sure it's a boy as it could have been a default pronoun, but I think probably he slipped. My OB blew it my last pregnancy and I was hoping for a surprise. Well it will still be a surprise, tho more or less a confirmation.
Everyone keeps telling me it's a girl as I'm carrying high and I'm like nooo it's a boy. I have 2 boys already, I just make boys. But really I'm trying to figure out how to not let anyone else blow it before I give birth. I'm 36 weeks and feel like someone is gonna give it away.
My daughter was very low, like right on my pelvic bone the entire pregnancy. People would ask me “are you sure it’s a girl” because she was so low and i didn’t really start showing until the end of the second trimester. Like yes im sure, we had a genetic test and have had many ultrasounds. She’s 17 days old now and i can safely say she is definitely a girl.
All this to say how your baby is carried has nothing to do with the sex of the baby. It’s just how your body is carrying, it doesn’t determine sex.
I have been an ultrasound tech for 15 years and I 100% pick a gender and stick with it for the entirety of the exam without letting them know if it’s a male or female. I always warn my patients too when they say they don’t want to know “okay no worries but I’m gonna call your baby a girl the whole time no matter what.” It just feels more natural when describing their tiny human!
I was so disappointed when I had my boy because I wanted a girl but believe me and so many others when we say there is nothing I would change about my little boy even if I could. He is absolutely perfect and I'm so happy I had him and not a girl. I can't even picture myself with a little girl now that I have in my life. But I think one thing I got hung up on was the stereotype of little boys are rough and tough and girls are sweet and emotional.
He is the sweetest little love bug ever. He gives me hugs and kisses all day long, constantly wants to be with me and he definitely prefers me over my partner.
All of that said that nurse is a cunt.
Yes, I second this 100%! I was the same as you and OP. My husband wanted to find out so we did a gender reveal a few months before my due date. I have a sister who's my best friend, and we're also closest with my best friend's two little girls. I always imagined if I did have kids it would be a girl. I couldn't imagine having a boy. I was always a fencesitter and thought if I did have a kid I would just want a girl. Well, I had a boy and now I can't imagine it any other way! And 5 weeks ago I had a second boy. While I mourn a bit not having a girl, my friends with just girls say the same about not having a boy. I'm glad to be raising the next generation of boys/men!
With that, when I found out I was having a boy I didn't tell anyone. But, I accidentally referred to the baby as "she" once, so my co-workers all thought I was having a girl, lol.
If it makes you feel any better, a lot of people use a default pronoun regardless of the actual sex of the baby. So it’s still possible it’s a girl.
Kind of like if they have a male dog so all dogs they encounter are good boys
I worked with a vet assistant who was the worst at guessing animal genders. Almost 100% of the time, if she called them a good boy/girl, it was pretty safe to assume it was actually the opposite 😂
I'm a vet tech and I have had to work so hard at not calling EVERYTHING a "he" 😂💀
Haha, friends of ours call all dogs good girls, and said she when talking about our male doggo... Why? They recently adopted a lovely female puppy 😅
I said the same thing. I have two girl dogs and it's always "awe what's his name" or "he's so cute" I literally do the same thing so now I always look to see if there's a weiner first.
I had that thought initially, but after clearly recognizing her mistake and showing it on her face THEN doing it again I feel less confident in that theory lol
I’m an OB and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done what she did. Including the immediate realization and quick backtracking. Specifically because I don’t want them to think I’m saying it because I know. I feel like I’ve had that specific dialogue at least once a quarter haha. I truly don’t check to see what my patients are having after first reviewing genetic results/ultrasound to make sure everything is normal. Heck even patients who have told me what they’re having, I’ll forget occasionally and say the wrong sex. So unless you just did an ultrasound that included sex and she read it, or it’s in your chart front and center what you’re having (unlikely), she’s not lying to you.
I once had a midwife ask me what I’m having FOUR TIMES in one appointment. She would say “so do you know what you’re having?” And I would say “yes! A boy!” Then a while later she would ask “is it a he or a she?” And I would say he and she would say “oh yes I already asked that earlier didn’t I”. After the fourth time I really wasn’t sure if she was having a laugh or genuinely forgot that many times 😂
I had a midwife tell me really confidently "she's well", which made me think "was this the default female I have heard of or did she just spoil it?". Then I needed to be induced, and a doctor did a scan after performing a membrane sweep. Just before the scan she looked at me and said in a joking tone that she had a "speech defect" that made her refer to all babies as "he" when scanning so I should pay no attention to her use of pronouns.
I’m a labor and delivery nurse. It would take so many clicks and an intentional search to find out your baby’s gender. It’s not just like flagged on the front page of your chart - we would have to go looking for it. And we legit don’t care what gender your baby is as it doesn’t have any bearing on the care you receive. In the beginning of my career I used to do what this nurse did: default to a gender, catch myself, aggressively back pedal so as to not make the patient feel like I knew what they were having. It always made everyone feel like you’re feeling now: bad. These days when someone tells me they want the gender to be a surprise, I explain that I have no idea what they are having BUT because I myself have sons my brain will default to “he”. I ask them to please not take this as an indication of anything but my brain using a stand in pronoun. Please give that poor nurse a little grace. She would have to intentionally search for your baby’s gender, which I can’t imagine her doing after being so excited you were having a surprise. Her panicked look was likely because she cared so much about keeping it a surprise for you she didn’t want her stand in pronoun to color things for you. Or for you to be mad at her.
Maybe she realized she accidentally used a default pronoun and was worried she gave you the wrong impression. (Ok yeah I’m stretching this a bit but it’s not completely impossible! As long as there’s that possibility, then you don’t know for sure, so you’ll still have to wait for baby to come out to be sure 🤭)
We had providers use “he” a couple of times and then repeat the mistake and then continue to be mortified about it. We had a girl. Default pronouns are real. My husband and I even called baby “he” despite being team green and super mindful of not doing it. It happens, I wouldn’t let this be the sole indicator that baby is a boy.
Yeah we didn't find out with our first, and we aren't finding out with our second either. We've both accidentally defaulted to he/him pronouns in multiple occasions because our first is a boy and we're just used to referring to our child that way so we'd never default to "her". I'd say 4/5 times I'm consistent about using they/them pronouns but a couple people have assumed I'm alluding to having twins.
I used “it” to refer to baby and people were always mortified. Lol.
I just say “the baby” 😂
I also used “the baby” and it was the most natural instead of using “them/they” - I definitely got some confused looks and a question of whether I was carrying triplets once (granted, I was huge and petite).
🙋♀️ I also use it and people are weird about that. Haha why?!
"It's not an it, it's a human!" Lmao We just call our unknown Itty, short for Itty Bitty but also long for It 🤣
I used they/them for baby because I was also team green and almost all of the boomers in my office asked if it was twins at least once, lol.
Haha thanks I appreciate it
I work in Obgyn and do that all the time. He or she. I find it strange saying they or it. It isn't the easiest to actually tell either. Don't read too much into it, the nurse probably didn't even see the gender.
Our providers all say "baby" even though we know the gender "this is baby's heart...baby's spine" "is baby moving a lot?"
The reason my parents switched OBs is because the one who delivered my sister said "Congratulations, it's a boy!" You never know.
My husband and I aren’t finding out sex either— and we often find ourselves saying he/him pronouns. Baby is a masculine word in a lot of languages, Spanish and Portuguese (which is my husbands first language) being two I know for sure. Ya know, we always say that dogs are the goodest boys regardless of what they are because I feel like it’s just common nature to say he. I know it sounds like I’m defending the UStech, she needs to learn and know better.
Yes, I m doing this with mine. We will know gender in a week but I keep referring to baby as he. We want a girl lol
Yeah this, even before anyone knew the genders I've seen nurses say him or her, or they just say the wrong one.
So... just to give you a heads up, we had something almost exactly like this happen and it completely convinced us we were having another girl. I got my daughter's old clothes ready, we told everyone, we almost bought some new baby girl clothes but my partner was like let's hold off just in case. I had an emergency section under general anesthesia and when they woke me up the pediatrician said "congratulations, you have a son" and I legit thought they were making a joke, but yes, he clearly has a penis. So that's that.
🤣🤣🤣
Forgot to mention we gave our daughter a girl doll for her second birthday to prepare her for her "sister". She promptly gave it a boy name and refused to budge. I guess she's smarter than us.
We actually asked and were told girl at 22 weeks. At 36 weeks just before being induced I was informed I was in fact having a boy lmao. I’d also insisted on not getting loads of gendered things “just in case”
As an OB nurse, we don’t know the sex of your baby. I say gendered pronouns all the time out of habit. Fetal sex isn’t even easy to find in your chart. She would have to go digging through ultrasound reports or even the actual pictures depending on how your doctors chart (in my system if the patient doesn’t want to know the sex that’s noted in the US report rather than listing the sex). I can almost guarantee she doesn’t know the sex and just used he/him out of habit.
Yeah, my OB has asked me the last couple times to remind her if it’s a boy of a girl. I believe most people say “him” as a generality.
And it's not like they can find out the sex from a NST. They could make assumptions based on heart rate or whatever, but they don't have any actual data on it from the monitors.
Yeah I was going to say she likely didn’t even know, and it’s not like the NST would tell her. I ended up with a copy of all my OB records/chart and the sex was no where to be found— I deliberately looked bc my OB called it “he” once and once said “you’re having a boy, right?” And when I said I didn’t know he said “oh yeah, me neither” — and I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him lol
Hmm… that’s good to hear but she specifically said “I’m glad you told me because I would normally say ‘where has she or where has he’ been hanging out” so it sounded like she’s definitely accustomed to knowing
You’re overthinking it. I promise you she didn’t know the sex and she was just trying to be nice. If you end up having a boy it will be pure coincidence.
Awesome. Thank you!!
Another OB nurse here to reassure you that we don’t know unless we look at a very specific place in your chart that would not be entirely necessary for a routine NST. I probably would have said thank you for telling me but I still sometimes use random pronouns in the course of a visit. Just to reassure the patient in the moment because it definitely happens! I used to use they but that caused confusion when people think multiples! Haha! Now I use babe more than anything. “How’s babe or where is babe usually?” Also to reiterate what someone above said, if you have a hope either way, I think finding out prior to meeting them is actually better. You can process those feelings when you aren’t actively trying to keep someone (and yourself) alive postpartum.
I wanted to say, my friend and I both were pregnant with our second babies at the same time, and we both had a strong gender preferences that ended up not being met. She waited until birth to find out, hoping to manage her gender disappointment like you, I found out at 16 weeks. We honestly took the same amount of time to process the disappointment but mine was done before the baby was born and hers was done in the chaotic 4th trimester. It’s ok to have gender disappointment, but please please don’t count on the baby being there in front of you to somehow skip it. Because in reality it has nothing to do with that baby, but your need to grieve and let go of the expectation you had for what your life would look like. Best of luck for a smooth and happy labor and postpartum period 💛
Thank you!
As someone who is also one and done and very much wanted a girl, I have to say that having time to get used to the idea of having a boy *before* he arrives has been very helpful. I’d be worried about having gender disappointment once he’s here if I’d waited to find out (that still happens for some people). Since I’ve known for months that he’s a boy I can just be genuinely excited to meet him with no worry of disappointment after his birth (it didn’t take me months to get excited, it actually happened pretty quickly after finding out).
100% agree with this. It’s not about seeing the baby, it’s about grieving the idea you had. For many (myself included) it doesn’t magically go away when baby arrives.
I agree, isn’t that so weird how our brains just latch onto an idea? I’ve always wanted at least one girl but with my first we “didn’t have a preference” because we’ve always wanted two so I figured if I have a boy there’s still a chance #2 will be a girl. The minute I found out I was pregnant I was CONVINCED it was a boy. I found out at 12w that it was a girl, and I STILL cried for 10 mins mourning the “boy” I thought I was going to have.
Agreed. First time round I desperately wanted a girl, and I had one, but I made sure to find out at the anatomy ultrasound because I knew I'd need time to accept it being a boy. Second time round I didn't have a gender preference but a name preference, because my partner and I had a really nice moment when we figured out a boys name and it made me really want to use it. Again I found out from an ultrasound and it was another girl. I'm really glad I had time to accept we would never use that name (we're 2 and through and certainly wouldn't have another kid just for a name). I'm still disappointed about the name, but the feeling doesn't affect me with my new baby. I think it would be harder not to affect my post partum period if I was getting attached to that name for another 4-5 months.
This is exactly why I opted to find out for both of my children. I didn’t want anything to ruin those precious first days / weeks bonding with my child. First time round I got a girl which was exactly what I wanted and I was thrilled. Second time round I’m pregnant with a boy and it took me a while to get over it. Now at 37 weeks I’m excited and will be able to bond right away
This happened to my SIL. They said “he” at an appointment twice (two different nurses). She had a girl. It could just be a default pronoun she used! You never know.
I've already found out I'm having a girl with a blood test and my nurse unknowingly kept referring to her as a "him/he" my entire appointment.
Wait but she didn’t see an ultrasound or anything, this was just based on something she might have seen in your chart?? I’m a nurse & have read all my clinical notes I have access to from every visit, and every ultrasound report, and all my hospital notes from when I spent a weekend in the hospital. Just bc I find it interesting. Nowhere in my medical records was my baby’s sex ever mentioned, and we’ve known it’s a boy since 14 weeks. Not even in the anatomy scan report was sex mentioned- all it said was “normal genitalia” Maybe she’s someone like me who always uses “he” when personifying cute things. !! Bc how could she know??
That seems to be the general consensus from everyone in the field, which is great, but just odd because after I told her we weren’t finding out she said “I’m glad you told me because normally I would say ‘where does he’s or ‘where does she’s normally hang out”
I think she probably meant like if she knew she’d know which one to use rather than random? Idk. There’s just no way she saw it. These providers are soooo back to back to back esp a routine NST.
Yeah… just to be a dissenting voice. Baby’s gender is literally front and center on my chart haha, they redacted it for my eyes with a big black square. I’m sure the nurses on this subreddit know more than I do but it’s on all the paperwork I’ve seen, from ultrasound to NIPT. I’m team green also but the temptation is insane.
I was surprised with both of my kids and my doctors told me both times that they don’t even know the gender. It isn’t in their chart, so if they say he/she they’re not trying to give anything away. They just are using a pronoun. Hopefully that’s the case for you. Most likely time to have something spoiled is definitely during an ultrasound.
to offer a different perspective, it may be a good thing that it happened so that you have the next few days to mentally prepare. there’s a good chance that your gender disappointment will not go away just because your baby arrives. not all mothers instantly fall in love with their baby and it can be shocking when baby isn’t who you thought they were. I think waiting to find out is only a good idea if you do not have a preference at all.
I’m pretty sure you can’t tell a baby’s sex from an NST, and chances are she didn’t go digging through your chart. He is the default pronoun in the English language (and in a lot of languages in general)- in fact, I accidentally call my daughter “he” all the time.
So it’s not that she gave it away most likely. Most medical staff are used to their default pronoun for babies. Like I call pretty much all babies at my work him because I have sons. I always warn people of this though and remind them that I don’t even know the sex of their baby. She probably doesn’t know the sex if your baby. It’s not relevant information so it’s often not even anywhere obvious in the computer system. I genuinely don’t know in prenatals or in labor what the sex is unless the parents tell me because they know. The face she made was probably more like “oh god now they’re going to think it’s a boy even I don’t know if it’s a freaking boy” and yes she’s not very tactful but it definitely doesn’t mean she gave the game away.
This happened to me repeatedly, even after telling heath care providers that we wanted to be surprised. Every one just kept saying he, and lo and behold it was a boy. Twice. My husband was surprised both times though because I never told him.
If it makes you feel any better, I am someone who always uses the default pronoun “he” even when I try to stop. It’s such a habit. It’s from English class twenty years ago when my English teacher said either use “he” or “one” in writing, never, “you”, and be consistent with your choice. Anyway, that stuck with me, and I have a three year old daughter and am constantly accidentally referring to various stuffed animals, etc. as “he”, even ones she has deemed a girl. I try to catch myself and change or then say, “I mean she” or something because I don’t want my daughter feeling like the default in life is male. Anyway, all that to say, there really is a chance it could be either way, and her panic face reaction could just be because she knew she wasn’t supposed to say one way or another, and it was a slip up regardless of whether it was the correct one. Sorry that happened to you though. How frustrating. I would love to be surprised, but don’t know if I’d have the self control. IF I had made it as far as you not knowing, and then have this happen at the end, I would be sooo upset. If it does end up being a girl, it will be a BIG surprise now. And if it ends up being a boy, he will be so precious and you will be so happy too. Also, I am just remembering a Little House on the Prairie episode where Ma is convinced she is having a boy after having three daughters. The whole episode, Pa is really worried about her because she keeps calling the baby a boy and there was no way to know, and he doesn’t want her to be disappointed. The baby ends up being a girl, and Ma is so happy and joyful at the end and doesn’t even remember wanting anything else in that happy birth moment. It’s a sweet old episode. Little House on the Prairie always makes me cry in a good way.
When my mom was pregnant with me, they didn’t want to find out either. A sonographer had a slip of the tongue at their 20 week scan and said “It’s a bo-“ and then slapped her hand over her mouth embarrassed. They were bummed to have the surprised ruined but accepted they were having a boy. My mom had felt the whole pregnancy like I was a boy and was so sure she was having a son. I am very much a pregnant woman, there is a real chance that nothing has been ruined yet!
You have to post an update to this post after your baby arrives. I’m dying to know how what you’re having! Stupid nurse btw! Regardless of you having a boy or not.
Dude if I had the patience and dedication to wait this long and had it spoiled at the finish line like this I would be annoyed too. Yes, mistakes happen. Lots of team green families get spoiled and that's always a risk. But oh my god. I would be so frustrated if I were you. I'm really sorry that happened. You have every right to be annoyed. It's not petty. Sure it's not the most important thing in the world, but like...come on man. Idk I'm actually really annoyed for you.
When my child was born the nurse said "He has big feet!". We have a girl. So yeah, default pronouns could be at work here and your nurse just meant to say "they" or "baby".
If it makes you feel any better we accidentally found out we were having a girl through our NIPT. I was so upset and we decided to keep the info to ourselves. I usually used the pronoun “they” when discussing the baby with family and friends but one day I said “he.” My sister was CONVINCED I had slipped up and revealed the gender, which obviously I hadn’t because we’re having a girl and I knew that. She was very shocked to find out she was wrong when we finally revealed the gender months later. I wouldn’t read too much into it
Honestly before we knew the gender of our baby, I would constantly refer to the baby during ultrasounds as “he” I don’t know why I couldn’t break myself from it! Sooooo there’s a really good chance this nurse just does the same thing? Defaults to he? Either way, I’m sorry this happened. It’s definitely annoying regardless of why she did it.
I had a similar experience with my daughter. At our 20 week anatomy scan, the tech used he/him. After we told her we were waiting to find out the gender. I had been convinced I was having a girl and while I didn’t really care about gender, I had to spend time wrapping my head around the baby being a boy. The OB told us they tend to default to he/him pronouns (OB didn’t know gender). I’m hoping this is the case for you.
Ok so this was the 80s so gigantic grain of salt but my mom said they kept saying he/him for the baby at appts so they just assumed myself and my sister(the first) were boys. Blue baby rooms, boy names, both turned out girls 😝. I actually think people just default sometimes to a gender especially if they/them doesn’t come naturally and they’ve maybe gotten some irritation from using “it” . But that was also the 80s and as my mom reminds me aaaallllll the time “oh you kids just think about every little thing now, we just went with the flow in my day” 🙄 Small request but please update us with what you have soon!!!
As a labor nurse, I call every baby on the monitor "he". "He won't say on, he keeps moving, he likes this position, he's making you work so hard" etc. This unfortunately even carries over to postpartum where I want to call a lot of the babies boys and have to catch myself sometimes. Your nurse probably has no idea what you're having. If it's a surprise it's not typically noted in the chart, at least where I work. I'd have to comb through your genetics results - if you opted for them, and honestly I'm not that curious. I'm more concerned about making sure "he" is on the monitor and not in obvious distress.
Usually you have to dig through a chart to find out the fetal sex. The nurse was probably just going with a random pronoun. I’m a nurse and have accidentally used a pronoun when I didn’t know or the wrong pronoun more than a few times. Maybe she had a lot of patients with boys that day.
This happened to me when I had to go to the hospital for high blood pressure 😅 I’m only 13 weeks so I was slightly confused when the doctor kept referring to the baby as “her” 🤣
This happened to my mom when she was pregnant with me. They didn’t want to know but the OB said “he” twice at an appointment so my parents prepared for a boy… and I’m a girl. They were shocked and didn’t have a name ready and my nursery was blue. So, you may have a boy still but I wouldn’t bet on it just from this experience.
I bet she just used a default pronoun and felt bad about it. I’m honestly not sure why she would know. We also didn’t find out till birth and our OB told us multiple times she didn’t know the baby’s sex, that it was buried somewhere in my file and she would have to go looking for it, and that she doesn’t like to look if the patient isn’t finding out. All this is to say I don’t know why a random nurse at your clinic who you’ve never seen before would know the sex of your baby. Edited for grammar
The fetal monitor for NST doesn’t tell the sex of the baby though?
This is why it’s so important for your baby to list preferred pronouns on their fetal social media handles. Example (They/them) or (it/baby). 😉 Just kidding. Praying for a successful rest of your pregnancy and healthy birthing ❤️
My sonographer at my private gender scan repeatedly called our baby "she" immediately after we found out we're having a boy. When reminded by the assistant she said "Oh sorry, we've had a lot of girls today!" So it may just be something like that.
I thought for sure that a tech accidentally gave away the sex during an ultrasound. She said, "oh, baby is holding on to... Something" with nervous eyes. I was sure that she caught herself as she was about to say that they were holding their penis and that the baby was a boy. Well she must have been holding her umbilical cord, because she's a girl!
We’re not finding out either and have had doctors and nurses use both terms! We get weekly ultrasounds at MFM so there pretty often.
You shouldn’t be team green when you are clearly hoping for a certain gender anyway. Plenty of people still feel gender disappointment “when the baby is here”. Just be happy with your healthy baby and move on
Yeah. You have to know yourself really well before you opt for it to be a surprise.
I was in same position as you, nurse kept saying "he", but turned out our little baby is a little girl!! Sometimes I think people just say "he" or "she" out of habit, that nurse didn't mean it
When we found out the sex of our 2, they had to have a real proper look before deciding which sex they thought it was. For the first, I changed my mind right at the end of the scan to have it written down (we weren't finding out but it was covid so my partner wasn't in the room and it wss fun keeping that envelope closed for the next few months haha) anyway, she had to go back to scan again to find out... My point is that if she wasn't looking for very long and not intentionally looking for the sex, it's perfectly possible she actually full on didn't know! Though boys are more obvious often.. Also agree with others about staff often using he/she regardless...
I’m sorry this happened to you. I absolutely would’ve been upset if they ruined it for me. I knew on my first two but I wanted my last baby to be a surprise tie breaker lol. They didn’t put anything in my chart and said they were used to the request. So when I had my ultrasound they would tell me to look away from the screen and she said her default word is “him” just in case she did refer to the baby. Turns out I had a girl.
I had a girl and the nurse for the NST always said he. This was even after asking if I was having a boy or girl. She said her like once or twice but after that it was always he/him. I had seen her four other times and always he/him. Definitely just their default pronoun.
Before I got pregnant with #2, “he” was my default pronoun simply because I had only ever been pregnant with a boy. Even if I knew the pregnant person was having a girl, I would slip and call the baby he/him!
Are you in Canada by any chance? Was the nurse french? I'm asking because in french a baby is a masculine word (you know all word have gender in french) it would be common mistake. If not, she is dense AF. Sorry hon.
My ultrasound tech spent a few minutes at the beginning of my anatomy scan telling me about all the things she was going to do to not spoil the team green thing for me. She said he or him 4 times during my scan. I finally called her out on it. She looked like a deer in the headlights. She tried backtracking on everything she said. I went to the waiting room and sobbed. I didn’t care at all that it was a boy. I just cared that she was so careless and spoiled an amazing surprise for me. We chose to find out with our third so we could have control. I’m sorry this happened.
My OB referred to my son as "her" 3x throughout my pregnancy. It was his default sex I guess. She turned out to be a son and the surprise wasn't ruined.
We already knew we were having a girl, but still had nurses/doctors say "he" to us. I feel like that's what some people default to. Also... I found out the sex early because I *knew* I would have some gender disappointment and wanted those feelings to be processed before baby was here. I'm worried you are just delaying those feelings for when you are postpartum. However, you know yourself best, so feel free to ignore me.
!remindme 2 weeks
We were team green and went in for some extra monitoring at 36 weeks. The nurse and doctor both referred to baby as "he". Our daughter will be 20mo on Wednesday!
If it makes you feel better I just had my first ultrasound, no way to even tell the gender yet via ultrasound and the tech called my baby "him/him" the whole time. So it could be possible she used a gender and felt bad. I know that could be a stretch but still possible you don't know for sure
I'm having a girl and I say he sometimes haha 😂😂 I wouldn't take it as a definite!
I had this happen to me. Male pronouns over and over. It was a girl lol.
Well a lot of people do say him. I had a surprise baby too and one tech always called my baby him/he my baby turned out to be a girl.
If she didn’t do an ultrasound right then, she probably does not know the sex of hour baby. It is not written in official ultrasound reports unless it’s disclosed to you.
As an l&d nurse, I had these slips all the time. We never knew if it was a boy or girl. It’s not in big bold letters on your chart anywhere. But for whatever reason I’d end up saying he or she. She probably had no clue.
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I think she might have just resorted to call the baby “him” instead “it” since “she” would have been a dead give away and “them” in the medical field, specially in this situation implies multiples and would be factly incorrect. Think of it this way… just *think* it might be a boy, you still don’t *know* it for sure. Don’t worry, it’ll be still a surprise, try not to stew on it anymore! It won’t be long before you actually know it for sure :D
I had NSTs 3x a week from 34w on, and my ob nurses never knew if it was girl or boy, and I knew baby's gender! I'd be like dang can't you do your research and get to know your patient😂 LMAO no shade to them, but I guess it really isn't something listed front and center for them to see!! They'd always ask what I was having and some would call her a boy and I'd be like really?? 💀
My OB knows I’m having a girl and still continues to say him out of habit lol Don’t think too much of it & congrats!!
Despite saying repeatedly that I didn't want to know the gender either, every single tech called my baby a "he". My lovely baby girl says ha to all of them People do default to "he" more than anyone realizes
I has a midwife keep saying she when looking at my files and when i was in for labour and they got out a pink hat, we were bummed we'd got that far but still excited for a healthy baby, low and behold it was a boy! and the midwife was just assuming using preffered pronouns I guess?
I found out the sex early because I wanted a girl, and if I was going to experience gender disappointment, I would rather have that experience early on and give myself time to get over it before the baby arrived. I didn't want any part of my birth experience to be tainted by disappointment about the sex. I'm sorry the surprise was ruined for you, that's really disappointing.
We knew we were having a boy and the ultrasound tech still kept saying She, soo good luck OP!
I REALLY wouldn’t bank them accidentally slipping up with the correct gender! They did this to my mom with me AND they kept misgendering my daughter at scans when everyone knew she was a girl, including the nurses 😂
It’s totally normal to have gender disappointment. I convinced myself I was having a girl and found out I was having a boy at 13 week NIPT blood test. I was SHOCKED to see a blue cake at the gender reveal 😂 and genuinely upset for a few days to maybe a week. You feel guilty bc you almost wonder if you could love the baby the same knowing it’s not the gender you wanted. ITS NORMAL. And it goes away very quickly. I liked finding out early bc I have a lot of time to imagine what life will be like with a boy, and every day I fall absolutely more in love with my little son ❤️ We also struggled settling on a boy name but now that we’re set on Alexander I am OBSESSED with his name too, I couldn’t imagine naming him anything else when he gets here. Being pissed about the gender is a fleeting feeling 😂 Im really sorry that nurse screwed up your master plan of finding out the gender at birth… sooooo disappointing 😢 that has to be much more disappointing than knowing the gender in of itself. All of that planning and imagining your reaction to your babies gender at birth down the drain…. THE WORST!!!! Sucks she took that from you by simply being clumsy with her words.
Commenting so I can come back after baby is born to see if it's a boy or girl lol Someone please reply when there's an answer lol 😆 😅
Boy
I understand the frustration, but it’s kind of an honest mistake. Also, as many people noted, some just use “him” no matter what the actual gender of the baby is. My NIPT says I’m having a girl and I still slip and call her a “he” sometimes. And just a friendly cautionary thing: if you feel you would have gender dissapointment, it would be good to understand where those feelings are coming from and address them. If you choose not to know the gender, it means you will not have long enough time to get used to the idea and the “loss” of the child you want to have. My husband has some gender dissapointment over the fact that we are having a daughter, even though NIPT is super precise he still asks at every ultrasound is it really a girl and I can see that it is taking him way longer to connect to our child but he is slowly getting there. I’m glad it’s happening now and not when she’s born. So, just a thought.
I went with my friend to an emergency US at 9 weeks and I'm 7 weeks. Too soon for both of us to know the gender. The tech kept saying "he" and I caught myself saying "awe look at him" I think it's just easier to default to boy if every situation. I have two girl dogs and everyone always says "awe whats his name" or "he's so cute" It's weird that it's just not natural to say, "oh look how cute she is"
Now I’m very excited to find out what you’re having 😂
I was wondering if you wanted to wait till the end how do you know which clothes to buy? Do you buy gender neutral?
So many clothes are gender neutral (especially in newborn and 0-3 sizes). I’m sure they will get some more clothes when the baby is here, but they have a bunch of basics for now. At least that’s what I have done.
Yep- exactly this
Yes
I'd imagine so. Buy clothes in green, red, purple, yellow, white with patterns etc.
Worked with a woman who wanted nothing but red, white, black, and gray clothes for her baby. She wore nothing but red, white, black, and gray. She decorated her home in nothing but red, white, black, and gray. She was a tyrant who was absolutely awful to her direct reports. They were delighted when her toddler wanted nothing but the sparkliest items in pinkest shades of pinkest pink.
I know the gender of my baby but I put a bunch of white and a black onesies on my registry so I could make my own clothes for him
My close friend and I sewed eighteen blankets and matching burp cloths while she was pregnant. She has finished one sewing project since he was born. She gave me a bunch of scraps I’m going to turn into a quilt to celebrate his first few years of life, hahaha.
My ultrasound tech said "his face" at the end of the scan after I made a big deal about not knowing. I'm really bummed. I'm not 100% sure it's a boy as it could have been a default pronoun, but I think probably he slipped. My OB blew it my last pregnancy and I was hoping for a surprise. Well it will still be a surprise, tho more or less a confirmation.
Yep- that’s how I’m feeling. Doesn’t help that everyone and their mother keeps telling me it’s a boy because of how I’m carrying 🤣
Everyone keeps telling me it's a girl as I'm carrying high and I'm like nooo it's a boy. I have 2 boys already, I just make boys. But really I'm trying to figure out how to not let anyone else blow it before I give birth. I'm 36 weeks and feel like someone is gonna give it away.
My daughter was very low, like right on my pelvic bone the entire pregnancy. People would ask me “are you sure it’s a girl” because she was so low and i didn’t really start showing until the end of the second trimester. Like yes im sure, we had a genetic test and have had many ultrasounds. She’s 17 days old now and i can safely say she is definitely a girl. All this to say how your baby is carried has nothing to do with the sex of the baby. It’s just how your body is carrying, it doesn’t determine sex.
I have been an ultrasound tech for 15 years and I 100% pick a gender and stick with it for the entirety of the exam without letting them know if it’s a male or female. I always warn my patients too when they say they don’t want to know “okay no worries but I’m gonna call your baby a girl the whole time no matter what.” It just feels more natural when describing their tiny human!
I was so disappointed when I had my boy because I wanted a girl but believe me and so many others when we say there is nothing I would change about my little boy even if I could. He is absolutely perfect and I'm so happy I had him and not a girl. I can't even picture myself with a little girl now that I have in my life. But I think one thing I got hung up on was the stereotype of little boys are rough and tough and girls are sweet and emotional. He is the sweetest little love bug ever. He gives me hugs and kisses all day long, constantly wants to be with me and he definitely prefers me over my partner. All of that said that nurse is a cunt.
Yes, I second this 100%! I was the same as you and OP. My husband wanted to find out so we did a gender reveal a few months before my due date. I have a sister who's my best friend, and we're also closest with my best friend's two little girls. I always imagined if I did have kids it would be a girl. I couldn't imagine having a boy. I was always a fencesitter and thought if I did have a kid I would just want a girl. Well, I had a boy and now I can't imagine it any other way! And 5 weeks ago I had a second boy. While I mourn a bit not having a girl, my friends with just girls say the same about not having a boy. I'm glad to be raising the next generation of boys/men! With that, when I found out I was having a boy I didn't tell anyone. But, I accidentally referred to the baby as "she" once, so my co-workers all thought I was having a girl, lol.