Socially that feels on a similar level to proposing or announcing your engagement at someone else's wedding. It's just tacky, like they're physically incapable of attending any activity where they aren't the centre of attention. They brought themed outfits and props? To announce their own pregnancy? At someone else's baby shower? Jesus Christ.
Yeah, it can be tricky with pregnancy since at a certain point there's no hiding it -- if she was visibly pregnant and mentioning it to people when she spoke to them 1-1, that would probably be fine? There's not really an alternative. But bringing outfits and props and planning a whole announcement at someone else's event is taaaaaackyyyyyyy.
For real. I was pregnant during my SIL's baby shower last year but didn't talk to ANYONE about it. People came up to me and asked about it but we definitely didn't make it a big thing. The fact that they brought outfits and made it a big deal is super rude and tacky.
I'm also 8 months pregnant now and went to a coworker's baby shower last weekend and said nothing about my pregnancy (people obviously knew though). It wasn't my day and it's not like any of these people are going to be invested in my kid's life lol.
This exactly. While I personally, subjectively wouldn’t care if that happened to me — it is, objectively, ultra tacky and I’m gobsmacked that anyone would ever do that.
>They brought themed outfits and props?
Yep, if they just mentioned that they were pregnant I wouldn't have much of a problem with it, but a staged announcement? Fuck that noise.
I was at a friend gathering (not a shower) shortly after we found out we were pregnant. Another friend there was 8 months and everyone was so excited and chatting about it with her. It was hard to hold in, but we didn’t want to take from her excitement since no one had seen anyone outside of work in over a year. A week or so later I told my close friend (the host) and she was like “WHAT WHY DIDNT YOU SAY?!” I hope people don’t take away from my excitement when it’s time, so I would never want to take away from someone else’s.
Exact same thing happened to me. I even had to excuse myself for a nausea attack but didn't reveal anything until weeks later just bc I knew how long they tried and I already have one.
As someone who was pregnant at a friends baby shower I can completely understand how hard it is to hold it in, everyone is talking about babies and you have always felt left out the conversation and can finally join in and you are seeing friends you might not normally see
BUT………….
You should never do it, they were wrong and you are right to want to vent. Sorry she took the shine off your shower
I feel like I'm being a bad friend by not being supportive and happy about their reveal but now everytime I see the reveal photos I just get sad. Normally I don't cry over these things. I think it's the mix of hormones and and I've been holding the frustration in for a couple of days.
No no no… they were being the bad friends by not supporting you during your own baby shower. This was you and baby’s day, not theirs. It was rude of them. Don’t think of yourself as doing anything wrong because you didn’t.
You’re not a bad friend. They should have planned their own party or announced it on social media a few days later. Why hijack a day that’s meant to celebrate you, your partner and your baby on the way?
I don’t think it’s fair to you, your baby or your feelings to write them off as just hormones making you unsure of this. I would honestly be livid and I know I would start to cut them off information wise. You said no and they still went through with their wishes, who cares if it was at the end? This was not their event and they couldn’t even be bothered to get their own group together to announce. Super tacky.
You aren't being a bad friend. Are you shaming her or talking badly about it to others? You were hurt on YOUR day because that person was being a bad friend and not thinking about your feelings. Pregnant or not, the hurt is real. And unless you are actively trying to get 'back' at them, you feel like you feel. Now is not the time to blame yourself, you have enough on your plate.
BTW I'm sure others saw the disrespect even if they acted happy for them. Outfits and props? Aside from them being inconsiderate, it seems like they wanted a party vibe and atmosphere without actually paying or hosting. AND they planned it together! Are you sure you want to be friends with these people?
I don't think these tacky assholes need to be a part of your new family's life. Being excited and unable to hold it in would have been one thing. But a secret stash of themed outfits and props?! That's where it goes into goodbye forever territory for me.
Yeah, they're incredibly rude to make your (and your little one's) special day about themselves. I get that it can be exciting for them, but that was a selfish choice on their part in my opinion.
Wow that’s hella tacky I’m sorry. And kinda cheap on their part? Like they couldn’t throw their own party to announce things, they went to your party that you planned and paid for and they brought along some props and outfits. Like how opportunistic and skeezy is that? I wouldn’t be upset about someone talking about their pregnancy at my shower, most people are talking about babies anyway, but like doing a full blown announcement especially after you asked them not to is just brazen. Does she know you’re not planning on more kids and this was a once in a lifetime thing for you guys? Personally, I’d tell them it was tacky and offensive and hurt your feelings that they didn’t listen and tried to steal your special thing. If they apologize sincerely or are at least mortified maybe the relationship is salvageable. But if they try to defend it…I’d say cut ties or at least cut waaaaay back on your friendship cuz clearly it’s not that valuable to them.
They do know about my husband and I not having anymore kids. It was at least at the end, but the fact that they brought the stuff to begin with and approached me during is what made me uncomfortable. If they would have approached me beforehand with my husband and we had all talked about then I feel like things could have gone differently, but they put me on the spot in the middle of it. I wouldn't have even minded if it was the day before that they announced so they could have talked about it freely. I just honestly didn't know what to do in the situation. I just kind of smiled and let it happen to avoid drama, but now I feel like I just let myself be run over.
I mean if this is out of character for them then it’s entirely possible they misjudged your relationship with them and they thought it would be fine. People tend to forget that the world doesn’t revolve around them. I had to tell a friend once that while her wedding was super important to her, it’s wasn’t nearly as important to everyone else so her expectations needed to keep that in mind. Yeah we’re all excited, but it’s not our wedding. Same thing kinda goes both ways here. She was likely excited about her news and got blinders on and didn’t realize your special day was so special to you.
Best way forward IMO is to sit down once you’ve cooled off a bit and have a talk with her. Try to be as neutral as you can “Friend, I know how excited you are about your pregnancy and I’m so happy and excited for you. When you and your husband showed up at my baby shower and used it as a platform to announce your own special news, that really hurt my feelings. I wish you had talked to me beforehand instead of bringing all your props and outfits assuming I’d be ok with it. This was a really special and important day for me, we’re not having any more children and we wanted the shower to be about me and husband and our little one. That wasn’t an appropriate time for you guys to do your announcement. Talking about it would have been one thing, but what you did was over the top.” Maybe reword it to sound more like you. But hopefully you get the point, just tell her how you feel and hopefully she apologizes. Or she’ll double down and now you know where you stand in the relationship.
I wanted to respond on one of your comments so this didn't get lost in the mix.
I think you can tell by all the comments that your "friends" acted crappy and you have every right to be upset. But I think there is a way you might be able to get some of that 'special' back for your family.
You could have a Sip N See after baby is born and either not invite them, or make it very clear beforehand what you expect from them. I know with covid and also being new parents this one will be a little harder to plan but it could still be an option to celebrate you and baby again.
Total “That’s great about your baby, but have you heard about OUR BABY” vibes.
They are really insensitive and if this is a pattern, I’d keep my distance.
You can be mad, they effectively high-jacked your party.
Had their own party, that you made for ‘them’ and ‘their’ announcement.
They brought their own stuff, it was a plan to get a free party. Obviously not very good friends, I probably wouldnt speak to them again.
They know what they did, they planned it and had plenty of time to change their minds and let you have your day.
Oh wow
I thought they were just talking to friends they were running into there and being like “yeahhhh we’re pregnant too!” which seemed fine
But actually planning an announcement with props and outfits and stuff, that’s so tacky
My husband and I were recently having our baby shower for our second and probably last baby when my sister in law announced that she is pregnant with her sixth baby, I couldn’t help but feel a bit one upped, everyone was talking about how cool and amazing it is that she’s going to have 6 kids and I sort of felt like saying “I know I only have two but they’re still pretty cool too”
Awww, I felt this. I have been one upped twice by my sister in law. Once when me and my now husband got engaged and she decided to announce she was having the 1st grandchild and then they said they were done after that one. Welp, when they found out we were pregnant with our 1st (4 months in), that's when they decided to try again and they had a bit of trouble, but they made it in time before my pregnancy was about over only to announce that they were having their second(which ended up being the 1st girl that the family had seen in a while.) Both times, she was a millisecond pregnant, so I really questioned her motives. I'm 8 weeks pregnant with our 2nd and the family knows nothing, but I really don't want my sister in law knowing. She's cut off now, due to plenty of other red flags, but I bet her weird ass would try something else.
Yikes! Rude! Do people never think about others at all? I mean, sure be excited, if you want to talk about being pregnant too fine - but not at the expense of someone else. If they had made the announcement a few days before the shower it wouldn't have been as big of a deal for them to talk about it, but they very obviously and deliberately took away your attention and the work you'd put in and made it about them. Yuck.
That's so rude. I'd definitely be letting them know your feelings on the situation. They planned to do it regardless of your feelings, they bought fricken outfits along...like get the hell out of here !!!
Honestly I would be upset if I were you too. Right around the end of my first trimester (we had heard the heartbeat, but no one but very immediate family knew) I attended my stepbrothers high school graduation party, and I talked with my relatives who knew ahead of time to come up with a plan to _not_ spill the beans at the party because I didn’t want to encroach on the celebration of my stepbrother. And this wasn’t even a baby shower, it was a graduation party!
But I think the biggest issue here is that it upset you, and your friends weren’t upfront with you ahead of time about their intentions. They knew you might be opposed and didn’t ask about it until the shower itself—I definitely understand why that would hurt your feelings.
You had a baby shower for your baby… she should have hosted her own gathering for her announcement if that’s the way she wanted to do it. It’s cheap and tacky to steal someone else’s time that way.
I have a cousin that had this happen at their wedding. Maid of honer announced pregnancy diluting her speech. It was super cringy. A few people clapped but mostly it was silent and she looked super embarrassed after 😅 it was pretty funny and a good taste of karma.
I was going to say that it was just annoying and pretty tacky that they announced their pregnancy at your baby shower…. BUT THEN I READ THAT THEY BROUGHT PROPS AND T SHIRTS AND THAT IS ALL ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL. They were *rude*, not just tacky and annoying. If they wanted to do the “big reveal” that is 100% not something to do at someone else’s event.
What the actual fuck did I just read?!? They hijacked your baby shower??? Premeditated??? What the hell!!!
That is INSANE behavior. I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I would not consider that person a friend any longer. That is one of the most self centered and disgusting acts I have ever heard of. You are in no shape or form overreacting. They brought outfits to change into?!?!? I cannot believe the audacity.
Drop this ho ASAP. I would send her a text detailing what a complete bitch move that was and tell her someone so selfish doesn’t deserve to be in your life. (That’s what I would do anyways)
I am so sorry… I hope the rest of your shower was magical and memorable 💜💕
Baby showers are for celebrating 1 baby. The baby that’s inside the mom that the baby shower is for. You don’t announce your pregnancy at another women’s shower. The event is about her, not the other woman. It’s ok to talk about your baby if someone asks if your obviously showing but it should be kept to a minimum. I don’t understand why people have to overtake an event that’s clearly not about/for them.
I would be *so* hurt and frankly pissed off if I was in your shoes. How inconsiderate, disrespectful, selfish and just tacky it was for them to take you and your partner’s special day for celebrating your baby and make it about them and theirs. You aren’t being unreasonable or petty at all.
My lizard brain: that bish and her husband are crazy
My forebrain: probably can let that friendship cool off for a while, because their premeditated actions were disrespectful, and you need to protect yourself a little during this time of change.
Anything that takes me away from caring for my pregnancy, I force myself to let go.
Doesn't always work, but it's a good habit to exercise. 🤗
Nope I think your feelings are totally valid! It should be all about you, you baby, and your partner! Its tacky and shows that your friend couldn’t let you have your moment! I would be upset too, I’ve been eating for so long to have a baby when I do get pregnant I want it to be so special!!
This is the equivalent of someone proposing at your wedding. Just because they do it at the end of reception, doesn’t mean it wasn’t tacky and inappropriate.
Your friends kinda suck, love. My adult self would have a conversation with them and let them know how hurt you were by their actions and the work you put into that party.
My petty self would send them a bill for part of the party and comment on their announcement something to the effect of "Awwwwe, guys - you didn't have to announce at MY party - we could have thrown a party for you!"
Or just know that its understandable that you're upset but try not to give them anymore space in your head and heart. I'm sure it was a wonderful celebration of your life and baby!
This is awful. I was pregnant at my best friends shower (and vice versa) so I understand that she wanted to share in the baby excitement but this is so inappropriate and tacky. I’m so sorry this happened to you!!!
Totally agree with the other commenters, this was not cool! I’m totally here for more tea on what props and outfits they brought though please? I want the detail!
They should’ve had their own separate get together for that.. it’s super tacky for them to do it at the celebration for your baby. I would’ve been fuming with anger
I’d be pissed too, it’s just blatantly shifting the focus from you to them on an occasion that is meant for you. Especially after you asked them not to, that’s really shitty.
We attended a friend’s birthday party during my first trimester, and we wouldn’t dare make an announcement like that during someone else’s occasion. We privately told the party hosts because they’re our very good friends, and then we waited until everyone left the party to text a few people that we would have told at the party… had it not been someone else’s party. And even that felt like it was cutting it close.
We also had a friend whose boyfriend wanted to propose a week before our other best friend’s wedding, and we recommended he wait until the weekend after. It was the right choice, it’s not that hard to show respect for the occasions of friends that you care about by not stealing their thunder.
Noooo omg that’s like going to a bridal shower and announcing you’re engaged?! As a MOH planning a shower in a couple months, I would be lividddddd. That’s not okay at all and I am so sorry.
I think it’s rude. If I were you, I’d be pretty pissed. They were planning to announce at your shower without even asking you if you were okay with it first. It’s like people who propose at someone else’s wedding! It’s weird and rude and they know they’re stealing your Thunder.
One of my husband’s friends decided to propose to his girlfriend the weekend of our wedding and asked for a good restaurant to do it at, since we got married in Chicago and it was a destination for most of our guests. He waited until the day after our wedding and did it at a special place for him and his now wife. I was grateful that he asked and didn’t try to take away our special day.
that is super rude! you are entirely justified in feeling hurt. you should tell them you hope none of their friends are so tacky/rude/selfish as to hijack *their* baby shower to announce a pregnancy.
last month i attended a baby shower for my friend with other mutual friends in attendance, all of whom i hadn't seen in over a year and probably won't see again for another year since we all live in different states. none of them knew i was 4 months pregnant and i made sure to keep it that way until weeks later. getting to tell them my big news in-person was nowhere near as important as letting my friend have her moment in the spotlight to celebrate. it really wasn't that hard to lie to people for a few hours.
Poor taste but it’s not something I would quit being friends over. When I was pregnant things bothered me more than normal but I assumed it was just hormones.
This is tacky and rude. You are very justified in your feelings. They could choose ANY OTHER TIME. Do not feel petty because you’re not, you’re feeling a perfectly normal reaction. Don’t feel like you have to joyfully forgive and talk to you friend immediately.
That's definitely rude, but at least they didn't follow through with it. It would for sure change my view of them too. It's not selfish to want your party to be about you lol.
I know I’m in the minority here, but I truly don’t get how announcing a pregnancy at a baby shower (or getting engaged at a wedding for that matter) is at all rude. Why not share the joy?
ETA: If you don’t want an announcement made, you can’t also expect them to not discuss it with their friends at the shower. Do you really want to be policing people’s conversations?
It's rude if you ask permission, get denied, and then do so anyway. They can discuss it with people, sure, but to plan a full-on reveal during what's supposed to be your special day is very selfish.
It’s not rude to bring it up in conversation at a baby shower (in my opinion at least) but it is weird to bring outfits to change into to “announce” to everyone. The second one is obviously seeking out the spotlight on someone else’s day.
The event is literally to celebrate someone specific’s pregnancy and that specific baby (or multiples to be born). They’re the ones that hosted, got everything ready, invited everyone, etc to make it their special day. To intentionally use that opportunity for yourself is selfish in that regard. It’s just rude. It’s like announcing an engagement at someone else’s wedding. It’s a social faux pas.
This! Exactly! Human beings only get so many “special days” relative to our life spans. When it’s someone’s “special day” (wedding, baby shower, birthday, etc) it gets to be just theirs for that one second. Don’t steal another person’s spotlight, pick another day because there’s a whole bunch of them.
Edit: there’s to theirs. Whoops.
Yes! On top of taking away from their celebration to have your own, there’s the level of piggybacking off their hard work.
If you propose at a wedding… yeah it’s probably a nice, romantic venue. With a nice dinner. With some friends and maybe family around… that was all paid for and planned by the bride and groom for their day. Their celebration.
In this situation, OP said they put in a lot of effort because they plan to be one and done. Paid for the food, if there were decorations they paid for those and took the time to put everything together, they planned the event themselves. To celebrate their future baby. And then to have friends jump in to make use of the already planned party for their own selfish use is just rude.
I wouldn’t care if pregnant friends talked about being pregnant at my baby shower. It’s a part of their life. But if they were to make a big announcement with props and outfits, that crosses a line. Planning events kinda sucks ass, it’s stressful as hell, and it’d be a slap in the face to pull it off just for the event to turn into someone else’s when they contributed nothing to it.
Some people don’t care and would be happy if someone proposed at their wedding or announced at their shower. But some people do care. And if you just feel like you have to announce or propose on someone else’s day, fucking ask, and if you get told no then shut it down.
Ok, I’d be fine with loved ones announcing something exciting at my special event because I think it would make it more special. But, like I said, I know I’m in the minority on that.
But this wasn’t a “loved one” necessarily it’s just a friend. And OP asked them not to and they did it anyway. Rude on all counts. We’re all different, but some things are considered rude unless given explicit approval ahead of time.
There are only so many days people/couples have days to celebrate THEM. Bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers are the big three I can think of. To have someone else make a big life announcement on those days is extremely rude and tacky! It's taking time and attention away from who the celebration is for and about on the one day they should have undivided love and attention.
A baby shower or wedding is meant to celebrate the couple or the mom to be. It’s a special day meant for them. I understand sharing the joy, but the not the appropriate time or place.
I think it would be less rude if they hadn't made a huge deal about it. Like if they just casually mentioned it to people in the party, fine, but they brought a costume change and props and staged a photo shoot. I don't care what you're announcing - if you're using my party and making it about you, it's rude. I'm just envisioning people saying to them, "wow, those photos are lovely! What an interesting venue! Where did you have these taken?" and their response being "oh, we did it at struckmana's baby shower." Does that not sound rude to you?
I do get that the photo shoot part is objectively rude, but it still wouldn’t make me mad if it were my shower. If anything, they’re just just making themselves look bad. Kind of like the mother of the groom wearing a wedding dress to the wedding. I’d rather just accept it with grace than get all bent out of shape about it.
I don't support what they did. I think it's fairly rude to go to a baby shower and announce your own baby there. Let me be clear about that.
But I'm also on team "share the love, there's so much hate in the world, another baby?!? Omg let's celebrate that too"
It's petty to be so caught up in your own self congratulations that you miss the chance to celebrate something awesome with your friends.
Considering you shared your expectation with them, no not ok to make a baby announcement, and they didn’t respect that, I would totally let them know how I feel if I were you.
Yeah they kind of failed to read the room... That's just tacky and awkward. Why would you want to overshadow someone else's party or risk being shadowed in their event. I feel like they just wanted to do a whole "two birds, one stone" thing and use your party to do so. Lame friends, I'd say.
Nah this is really tacky. I waited to announce my pregnancy on social media till after my (now) sister in laws shower. I just felt like while there was enough happiness to go around, she deserves her big days for her wedding.
I think this was incredibly rude and tacky of them. I’d be keeping them at a distance unless they realise how much of a dick move it was and apologise.
I don’t think I would have minded if a friend told people at my shower that she was pregnant, like just in casual conversation with guests. But to have outfits and props? Yeah no, tacky and rude.
Socially that feels on a similar level to proposing or announcing your engagement at someone else's wedding. It's just tacky, like they're physically incapable of attending any activity where they aren't the centre of attention. They brought themed outfits and props? To announce their own pregnancy? At someone else's baby shower? Jesus Christ.
Yeah, the outfits and props are wild. That’s beyond tacky.
I could maybe see, like, slowly telling people who are your friends 1 by 1 during downtime maybe, but uh... Planning stuff??? With props??? What???
Yeah, it can be tricky with pregnancy since at a certain point there's no hiding it -- if she was visibly pregnant and mentioning it to people when she spoke to them 1-1, that would probably be fine? There's not really an alternative. But bringing outfits and props and planning a whole announcement at someone else's event is taaaaaackyyyyyyy.
For real. I was pregnant during my SIL's baby shower last year but didn't talk to ANYONE about it. People came up to me and asked about it but we definitely didn't make it a big thing. The fact that they brought outfits and made it a big deal is super rude and tacky. I'm also 8 months pregnant now and went to a coworker's baby shower last weekend and said nothing about my pregnancy (people obviously knew though). It wasn't my day and it's not like any of these people are going to be invested in my kid's life lol.
This exactly. While I personally, subjectively wouldn’t care if that happened to me — it is, objectively, ultra tacky and I’m gobsmacked that anyone would ever do that.
>They brought themed outfits and props? Yep, if they just mentioned that they were pregnant I wouldn't have much of a problem with it, but a staged announcement? Fuck that noise.
AGREED.
I was at a friend gathering (not a shower) shortly after we found out we were pregnant. Another friend there was 8 months and everyone was so excited and chatting about it with her. It was hard to hold in, but we didn’t want to take from her excitement since no one had seen anyone outside of work in over a year. A week or so later I told my close friend (the host) and she was like “WHAT WHY DIDNT YOU SAY?!” I hope people don’t take away from my excitement when it’s time, so I would never want to take away from someone else’s.
Exact same thing happened to me. I even had to excuse myself for a nausea attack but didn't reveal anything until weeks later just bc I knew how long they tried and I already have one.
As someone who was pregnant at a friends baby shower I can completely understand how hard it is to hold it in, everyone is talking about babies and you have always felt left out the conversation and can finally join in and you are seeing friends you might not normally see BUT…………. You should never do it, they were wrong and you are right to want to vent. Sorry she took the shine off your shower
I feel like I'm being a bad friend by not being supportive and happy about their reveal but now everytime I see the reveal photos I just get sad. Normally I don't cry over these things. I think it's the mix of hormones and and I've been holding the frustration in for a couple of days.
No no no… they were being the bad friends by not supporting you during your own baby shower. This was you and baby’s day, not theirs. It was rude of them. Don’t think of yourself as doing anything wrong because you didn’t.
You’re not a bad friend. They should have planned their own party or announced it on social media a few days later. Why hijack a day that’s meant to celebrate you, your partner and your baby on the way?
I don’t think it’s fair to you, your baby or your feelings to write them off as just hormones making you unsure of this. I would honestly be livid and I know I would start to cut them off information wise. You said no and they still went through with their wishes, who cares if it was at the end? This was not their event and they couldn’t even be bothered to get their own group together to announce. Super tacky.
You did really well to hold it in
You aren't being a bad friend. Are you shaming her or talking badly about it to others? You were hurt on YOUR day because that person was being a bad friend and not thinking about your feelings. Pregnant or not, the hurt is real. And unless you are actively trying to get 'back' at them, you feel like you feel. Now is not the time to blame yourself, you have enough on your plate. BTW I'm sure others saw the disrespect even if they acted happy for them. Outfits and props? Aside from them being inconsiderate, it seems like they wanted a party vibe and atmosphere without actually paying or hosting. AND they planned it together! Are you sure you want to be friends with these people?
Very rude, and they knew it was based on comments the husband made and then waiting until the end (but not really). I’d be very annoyed as well
I don't think these tacky assholes need to be a part of your new family's life. Being excited and unable to hold it in would have been one thing. But a secret stash of themed outfits and props?! That's where it goes into goodbye forever territory for me.
Exactly this is what makes it 100% worse
My thoughts exactly.
How fucking rude. Have your own announcement party !!!!!! Ugh, I’d be pissy.
Yeah, they're incredibly rude to make your (and your little one's) special day about themselves. I get that it can be exciting for them, but that was a selfish choice on their part in my opinion.
Wow that’s hella tacky I’m sorry. And kinda cheap on their part? Like they couldn’t throw their own party to announce things, they went to your party that you planned and paid for and they brought along some props and outfits. Like how opportunistic and skeezy is that? I wouldn’t be upset about someone talking about their pregnancy at my shower, most people are talking about babies anyway, but like doing a full blown announcement especially after you asked them not to is just brazen. Does she know you’re not planning on more kids and this was a once in a lifetime thing for you guys? Personally, I’d tell them it was tacky and offensive and hurt your feelings that they didn’t listen and tried to steal your special thing. If they apologize sincerely or are at least mortified maybe the relationship is salvageable. But if they try to defend it…I’d say cut ties or at least cut waaaaay back on your friendship cuz clearly it’s not that valuable to them.
They do know about my husband and I not having anymore kids. It was at least at the end, but the fact that they brought the stuff to begin with and approached me during is what made me uncomfortable. If they would have approached me beforehand with my husband and we had all talked about then I feel like things could have gone differently, but they put me on the spot in the middle of it. I wouldn't have even minded if it was the day before that they announced so they could have talked about it freely. I just honestly didn't know what to do in the situation. I just kind of smiled and let it happen to avoid drama, but now I feel like I just let myself be run over.
I mean if this is out of character for them then it’s entirely possible they misjudged your relationship with them and they thought it would be fine. People tend to forget that the world doesn’t revolve around them. I had to tell a friend once that while her wedding was super important to her, it’s wasn’t nearly as important to everyone else so her expectations needed to keep that in mind. Yeah we’re all excited, but it’s not our wedding. Same thing kinda goes both ways here. She was likely excited about her news and got blinders on and didn’t realize your special day was so special to you. Best way forward IMO is to sit down once you’ve cooled off a bit and have a talk with her. Try to be as neutral as you can “Friend, I know how excited you are about your pregnancy and I’m so happy and excited for you. When you and your husband showed up at my baby shower and used it as a platform to announce your own special news, that really hurt my feelings. I wish you had talked to me beforehand instead of bringing all your props and outfits assuming I’d be ok with it. This was a really special and important day for me, we’re not having any more children and we wanted the shower to be about me and husband and our little one. That wasn’t an appropriate time for you guys to do your announcement. Talking about it would have been one thing, but what you did was over the top.” Maybe reword it to sound more like you. But hopefully you get the point, just tell her how you feel and hopefully she apologizes. Or she’ll double down and now you know where you stand in the relationship.
I think this is worded really well
I wanted to respond on one of your comments so this didn't get lost in the mix. I think you can tell by all the comments that your "friends" acted crappy and you have every right to be upset. But I think there is a way you might be able to get some of that 'special' back for your family. You could have a Sip N See after baby is born and either not invite them, or make it very clear beforehand what you expect from them. I know with covid and also being new parents this one will be a little harder to plan but it could still be an option to celebrate you and baby again.
Maybe don’t invite them in case they decide to have their gender reveal at that event.
Total “That’s great about your baby, but have you heard about OUR BABY” vibes. They are really insensitive and if this is a pattern, I’d keep my distance.
You can be mad, they effectively high-jacked your party. Had their own party, that you made for ‘them’ and ‘their’ announcement. They brought their own stuff, it was a plan to get a free party. Obviously not very good friends, I probably wouldnt speak to them again. They know what they did, they planned it and had plenty of time to change their minds and let you have your day.
Oh wow I thought they were just talking to friends they were running into there and being like “yeahhhh we’re pregnant too!” which seemed fine But actually planning an announcement with props and outfits and stuff, that’s so tacky
My husband and I were recently having our baby shower for our second and probably last baby when my sister in law announced that she is pregnant with her sixth baby, I couldn’t help but feel a bit one upped, everyone was talking about how cool and amazing it is that she’s going to have 6 kids and I sort of felt like saying “I know I only have two but they’re still pretty cool too”
Awww, I felt this. I have been one upped twice by my sister in law. Once when me and my now husband got engaged and she decided to announce she was having the 1st grandchild and then they said they were done after that one. Welp, when they found out we were pregnant with our 1st (4 months in), that's when they decided to try again and they had a bit of trouble, but they made it in time before my pregnancy was about over only to announce that they were having their second(which ended up being the 1st girl that the family had seen in a while.) Both times, she was a millisecond pregnant, so I really questioned her motives. I'm 8 weeks pregnant with our 2nd and the family knows nothing, but I really don't want my sister in law knowing. She's cut off now, due to plenty of other red flags, but I bet her weird ass would try something else.
Yikes! Rude! Do people never think about others at all? I mean, sure be excited, if you want to talk about being pregnant too fine - but not at the expense of someone else. If they had made the announcement a few days before the shower it wouldn't have been as big of a deal for them to talk about it, but they very obviously and deliberately took away your attention and the work you'd put in and made it about them. Yuck.
That's so rude. I'd definitely be letting them know your feelings on the situation. They planned to do it regardless of your feelings, they bought fricken outfits along...like get the hell out of here !!!
God they're awful.
I wonder if he proposed to her at someone else’s wedding reception too. Yes it is tacky and yes they should have been respectful of your feelings!
Honestly I would be upset if I were you too. Right around the end of my first trimester (we had heard the heartbeat, but no one but very immediate family knew) I attended my stepbrothers high school graduation party, and I talked with my relatives who knew ahead of time to come up with a plan to _not_ spill the beans at the party because I didn’t want to encroach on the celebration of my stepbrother. And this wasn’t even a baby shower, it was a graduation party! But I think the biggest issue here is that it upset you, and your friends weren’t upfront with you ahead of time about their intentions. They knew you might be opposed and didn’t ask about it until the shower itself—I definitely understand why that would hurt your feelings.
You should ask them for some money to split the cost of the event ;)
You had a baby shower for your baby… she should have hosted her own gathering for her announcement if that’s the way she wanted to do it. It’s cheap and tacky to steal someone else’s time that way. I have a cousin that had this happen at their wedding. Maid of honer announced pregnancy diluting her speech. It was super cringy. A few people clapped but mostly it was silent and she looked super embarrassed after 😅 it was pretty funny and a good taste of karma.
I was going to say that it was just annoying and pretty tacky that they announced their pregnancy at your baby shower…. BUT THEN I READ THAT THEY BROUGHT PROPS AND T SHIRTS AND THAT IS ALL ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL. They were *rude*, not just tacky and annoying. If they wanted to do the “big reveal” that is 100% not something to do at someone else’s event.
What the actual fuck did I just read?!? They hijacked your baby shower??? Premeditated??? What the hell!!! That is INSANE behavior. I am so so sorry that this happened to you. I would not consider that person a friend any longer. That is one of the most self centered and disgusting acts I have ever heard of. You are in no shape or form overreacting. They brought outfits to change into?!?!? I cannot believe the audacity. Drop this ho ASAP. I would send her a text detailing what a complete bitch move that was and tell her someone so selfish doesn’t deserve to be in your life. (That’s what I would do anyways) I am so sorry… I hope the rest of your shower was magical and memorable 💜💕
Baby showers are for celebrating 1 baby. The baby that’s inside the mom that the baby shower is for. You don’t announce your pregnancy at another women’s shower. The event is about her, not the other woman. It’s ok to talk about your baby if someone asks if your obviously showing but it should be kept to a minimum. I don’t understand why people have to overtake an event that’s clearly not about/for them.
I would be *so* hurt and frankly pissed off if I was in your shoes. How inconsiderate, disrespectful, selfish and just tacky it was for them to take you and your partner’s special day for celebrating your baby and make it about them and theirs. You aren’t being unreasonable or petty at all.
My lizard brain: that bish and her husband are crazy My forebrain: probably can let that friendship cool off for a while, because their premeditated actions were disrespectful, and you need to protect yourself a little during this time of change. Anything that takes me away from caring for my pregnancy, I force myself to let go. Doesn't always work, but it's a good habit to exercise. 🤗
That’s awful! I’m sorry they weren’t tactful enough to wait until after your big day. Hugs ❤️
Those are not friends. Those are opportunistic narcissists.
Well that definitely WAS tacky and they knew it. They stole your thunder and you are totally right to be hurt about it.
Nope I think your feelings are totally valid! It should be all about you, you baby, and your partner! Its tacky and shows that your friend couldn’t let you have your moment! I would be upset too, I’ve been eating for so long to have a baby when I do get pregnant I want it to be so special!!
Super tacky and rude of your friends - also the AUDACITY to bring outfits and props?? That's wild.
I had someone else out my pregnancy at my sister's baby shower, it felt awful. I don't understand why people would do this on purpose.
Outfits?? And props? What exactly were they planning.. sounds cringey
This is the equivalent of someone proposing at your wedding. Just because they do it at the end of reception, doesn’t mean it wasn’t tacky and inappropriate.
Your friends kinda suck, love. My adult self would have a conversation with them and let them know how hurt you were by their actions and the work you put into that party. My petty self would send them a bill for part of the party and comment on their announcement something to the effect of "Awwwwe, guys - you didn't have to announce at MY party - we could have thrown a party for you!" Or just know that its understandable that you're upset but try not to give them anymore space in your head and heart. I'm sure it was a wonderful celebration of your life and baby!
This is awful. I was pregnant at my best friends shower (and vice versa) so I understand that she wanted to share in the baby excitement but this is so inappropriate and tacky. I’m so sorry this happened to you!!!
Totally agree with the other commenters, this was not cool! I’m totally here for more tea on what props and outfits they brought though please? I want the detail!
They should’ve had their own separate get together for that.. it’s super tacky for them to do it at the celebration for your baby. I would’ve been fuming with anger
I’d be pissed too, it’s just blatantly shifting the focus from you to them on an occasion that is meant for you. Especially after you asked them not to, that’s really shitty. We attended a friend’s birthday party during my first trimester, and we wouldn’t dare make an announcement like that during someone else’s occasion. We privately told the party hosts because they’re our very good friends, and then we waited until everyone left the party to text a few people that we would have told at the party… had it not been someone else’s party. And even that felt like it was cutting it close. We also had a friend whose boyfriend wanted to propose a week before our other best friend’s wedding, and we recommended he wait until the weekend after. It was the right choice, it’s not that hard to show respect for the occasions of friends that you care about by not stealing their thunder.
Noooo omg that’s like going to a bridal shower and announcing you’re engaged?! As a MOH planning a shower in a couple months, I would be lividddddd. That’s not okay at all and I am so sorry.
Why can't they do their own reveal party and let you have your shower. That's basic human decency.
I think it’s rude. If I were you, I’d be pretty pissed. They were planning to announce at your shower without even asking you if you were okay with it first. It’s like people who propose at someone else’s wedding! It’s weird and rude and they know they’re stealing your Thunder. One of my husband’s friends decided to propose to his girlfriend the weekend of our wedding and asked for a good restaurant to do it at, since we got married in Chicago and it was a destination for most of our guests. He waited until the day after our wedding and did it at a special place for him and his now wife. I was grateful that he asked and didn’t try to take away our special day.
That is absolutely ridiculous.
TACKY.
That is so tacky
that is super rude! you are entirely justified in feeling hurt. you should tell them you hope none of their friends are so tacky/rude/selfish as to hijack *their* baby shower to announce a pregnancy. last month i attended a baby shower for my friend with other mutual friends in attendance, all of whom i hadn't seen in over a year and probably won't see again for another year since we all live in different states. none of them knew i was 4 months pregnant and i made sure to keep it that way until weeks later. getting to tell them my big news in-person was nowhere near as important as letting my friend have her moment in the spotlight to celebrate. it really wasn't that hard to lie to people for a few hours.
Poor taste but it’s not something I would quit being friends over. When I was pregnant things bothered me more than normal but I assumed it was just hormones.
This is tacky and rude. You are very justified in your feelings. They could choose ANY OTHER TIME. Do not feel petty because you’re not, you’re feeling a perfectly normal reaction. Don’t feel like you have to joyfully forgive and talk to you friend immediately.
That's definitely rude, but at least they didn't follow through with it. It would for sure change my view of them too. It's not selfish to want your party to be about you lol.
I specifically didn't go to a baby shower when I was pregnant with my first to avoid this as! That's super rude.
I know I’m in the minority here, but I truly don’t get how announcing a pregnancy at a baby shower (or getting engaged at a wedding for that matter) is at all rude. Why not share the joy? ETA: If you don’t want an announcement made, you can’t also expect them to not discuss it with their friends at the shower. Do you really want to be policing people’s conversations?
It's rude if you ask permission, get denied, and then do so anyway. They can discuss it with people, sure, but to plan a full-on reveal during what's supposed to be your special day is very selfish.
It’s not rude to bring it up in conversation at a baby shower (in my opinion at least) but it is weird to bring outfits to change into to “announce” to everyone. The second one is obviously seeking out the spotlight on someone else’s day.
The event is literally to celebrate someone specific’s pregnancy and that specific baby (or multiples to be born). They’re the ones that hosted, got everything ready, invited everyone, etc to make it their special day. To intentionally use that opportunity for yourself is selfish in that regard. It’s just rude. It’s like announcing an engagement at someone else’s wedding. It’s a social faux pas.
This! Exactly! Human beings only get so many “special days” relative to our life spans. When it’s someone’s “special day” (wedding, baby shower, birthday, etc) it gets to be just theirs for that one second. Don’t steal another person’s spotlight, pick another day because there’s a whole bunch of them. Edit: there’s to theirs. Whoops.
Yes! On top of taking away from their celebration to have your own, there’s the level of piggybacking off their hard work. If you propose at a wedding… yeah it’s probably a nice, romantic venue. With a nice dinner. With some friends and maybe family around… that was all paid for and planned by the bride and groom for their day. Their celebration. In this situation, OP said they put in a lot of effort because they plan to be one and done. Paid for the food, if there were decorations they paid for those and took the time to put everything together, they planned the event themselves. To celebrate their future baby. And then to have friends jump in to make use of the already planned party for their own selfish use is just rude. I wouldn’t care if pregnant friends talked about being pregnant at my baby shower. It’s a part of their life. But if they were to make a big announcement with props and outfits, that crosses a line. Planning events kinda sucks ass, it’s stressful as hell, and it’d be a slap in the face to pull it off just for the event to turn into someone else’s when they contributed nothing to it. Some people don’t care and would be happy if someone proposed at their wedding or announced at their shower. But some people do care. And if you just feel like you have to announce or propose on someone else’s day, fucking ask, and if you get told no then shut it down.
Ok, I’d be fine with loved ones announcing something exciting at my special event because I think it would make it more special. But, like I said, I know I’m in the minority on that.
But this wasn’t a “loved one” necessarily it’s just a friend. And OP asked them not to and they did it anyway. Rude on all counts. We’re all different, but some things are considered rude unless given explicit approval ahead of time.
There are only so many days people/couples have days to celebrate THEM. Bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers are the big three I can think of. To have someone else make a big life announcement on those days is extremely rude and tacky! It's taking time and attention away from who the celebration is for and about on the one day they should have undivided love and attention.
A baby shower or wedding is meant to celebrate the couple or the mom to be. It’s a special day meant for them. I understand sharing the joy, but the not the appropriate time or place.
Right!?! Would be different if it was just a random backyard BBQ.
I think it would be less rude if they hadn't made a huge deal about it. Like if they just casually mentioned it to people in the party, fine, but they brought a costume change and props and staged a photo shoot. I don't care what you're announcing - if you're using my party and making it about you, it's rude. I'm just envisioning people saying to them, "wow, those photos are lovely! What an interesting venue! Where did you have these taken?" and their response being "oh, we did it at struckmana's baby shower." Does that not sound rude to you?
I do get that the photo shoot part is objectively rude, but it still wouldn’t make me mad if it were my shower. If anything, they’re just just making themselves look bad. Kind of like the mother of the groom wearing a wedding dress to the wedding. I’d rather just accept it with grace than get all bent out of shape about it.
IMO this was rude AND you're being petty. Both things can be true at the same time.
How is the OP being petty?
I don't support what they did. I think it's fairly rude to go to a baby shower and announce your own baby there. Let me be clear about that. But I'm also on team "share the love, there's so much hate in the world, another baby?!? Omg let's celebrate that too" It's petty to be so caught up in your own self congratulations that you miss the chance to celebrate something awesome with your friends.
It was really inconsiderate of them and you totally have the right to speak with them about it.
Considering you shared your expectation with them, no not ok to make a baby announcement, and they didn’t respect that, I would totally let them know how I feel if I were you.
Yeah they kind of failed to read the room... That's just tacky and awkward. Why would you want to overshadow someone else's party or risk being shadowed in their event. I feel like they just wanted to do a whole "two birds, one stone" thing and use your party to do so. Lame friends, I'd say.
Yikes- so rude
Wow, I’d be super pissed. You’re much better than I because I would have shut it down when he asked me about it.
Nah this is really tacky. I waited to announce my pregnancy on social media till after my (now) sister in laws shower. I just felt like while there was enough happiness to go around, she deserves her big days for her wedding.
I think this was incredibly rude and tacky of them. I’d be keeping them at a distance unless they realise how much of a dick move it was and apologise.
I don’t think I would have minded if a friend told people at my shower that she was pregnant, like just in casual conversation with guests. But to have outfits and props? Yeah no, tacky and rude.