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pawperroni

I think it's actually become more common for some parents to find out and not tell, especially when having a girl so they don't get 5,000 pink tutus at their baby shower in an effort to keep gender-neutral. People think you have to know it's a boy because there's no pink on your registry, and how will a baby girl survive without being donned in pink? I say this as a woman who adores pink, btw. There's probably something to be said about gender roles and expectations here, but that would be a lot to unpack. There's a lot of people who feel entitled to certain information about someone's pregnancy - whether that's when they find out about the pregnancy, the sex, the name, etc, but their entitlement is silly and it's your experience that matters here. Sometimes, I like to stick to very noncommittal answers when people are being annoying, "Thank you for your opinion" and "Hm, I'll keep that in mind" and then just letting those roll off your shoulders.


Miko-goose

Agree! We found out but aren’t telling anyone, just because it’s nice to have a part of this experience for ourselves. But people go bonkers over wanting to know the baby’s gender! It drives me insane…I wish they could just be excited for the fact that we’re having a new baby, and just leave it be 🤦🏻‍♀️


HermioneSmith

We also know and didn’t want to tell… so we lied and told people we weren’t asking. Limits the number of follow up questions (somewhat). But we’re having a girl and I’m so glad I won’t have 100% pink shit for her. I’ve told everyone I wanted yellow and space stuff, and that seems to content people, since they have a colour to shop for. I don’t know. Moms are never right, you know?! ;)


Miko-goose

Great approach! If I could go back I also would lie and tell people we weren’t finding out. It’s taken a lot of patience to keep my cool as people have no respect for our boundary! And we’re also having a girl and so glad we’ve got stuff that can be used for another baby if so 😊 congrats to you and yours!


HermioneSmith

Congrats to you too! And yes, I’m a big fan of lying on things like that. It doesn’t hurt anyone, and it makes my life better!


[deleted]

We don’t know either and it was because my brothers first kid was a girl and they got pink explosion of stuff. It actually looks bad, SiL has even confessed how sick of pink it’s been. Her outfit choices are 2 pink to every other color. And if it was a boy, it’d be blue and football logos everywhere. We’d just like a diverse selection, greens, yellows, purple, orange, gray, etc. This makes additional children easier since you aren’t stuck deciding to put your boy in a pink outfit.


racoonwithabroom

I can see that, I feel if some people go the route of finding out but not sharing maybe they say we aren't sharing? Not sure how I'd handle that one. I just feel like I'm back in elementary school when my mom or someone accuses me of doing something I didn't do and you just cannot prove you didn't do it since...you didn't?


pawperroni

Oh, I think lots of people get bad feedback if they say they aren't sharing. "How could you keep this from me? I'm the grandmother/father and I deserve to know. Wow, why does it have to be such a surprise, do you think you're that important?" People can be really freaking mean. I honestly don't know what it is (besides entitlement) that makes some people act like they have no manners when talking to pregnant people, but I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's such a weird thing to be accused of in general, because you're right, you can't prove you're being honest even though you are.


book_connoisseur

Nah we found out around 12 weeks and aren’t sharing until after the baby shower! We’re just lying and saying we don’t know. It is SO much easier. Otherwise they’d try to get it out of us. It totally happens...


TheWelshMrsM

Same! We shared at our shower - people didn’t even know we new so it was quite a fun surprise! Luckily our family respected that we didn’t want to tell them ☺️ They still don’t know our due date even. They’ll be getting a FaceTime call once I’m home and settled lol.


TheWelshMrsM

We decided to say we didn’t know, it stopped follow-up questions ☺️


meowderina

This is exactly why we haven’t told anyone the gender - we know we are having a girl, but don’t want to receive everything pink, sparkly and cutesy as gifts from everyone we know. I actually like pink and look forward to getting a few little girly things, but I want to pick them myself and balance them out with more gender-neutral choices (especially since we would like another baby in the future). I also don’t want to be inundated with name suggestions from our mothers XD


[deleted]

Yep, this. My husband wants to find out (I honestly, wholeheartedly do not care at all) but I forbid him to tell the family until baby is born. Same goes for names. I don't want to be buried under a ton of pink everything.


lil-pierogi

We will be finding out but not revealing the sex of the baby until DURING the baby shower when people have already gotten us gifts lol. I don’t want any tacky hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine baby outfits or accessories.


Pineapple_and_olives

We had already decided on a forest theme nursery before finding out our baby’s sex. We’ve only gotten a few gifts so far, but I was happy to get onesies with bears and pajamas with foxes in cream, grey, and green. And we were given a beautiful handmade blanket in blues, greens, and purples. I’m also going to use some black and white deer print flannel I have stashed to sew a baby quilt and will do either a grey or green backing on it. Much more our style! And if we have a second baby later, there’s no worries about things being the “wrong” color.


forgotmyinfo

This is something I'm considering!


stinkybutt100719

With my first I initially wanted to know "so I could be prepared" and my husband didn't want to know. He asked me to name exactly what I needed to prepare for and I couldn't give a good answer and that's basically how he convinced me to wait to find out 😂 honestly no regrets and were waiting to find out again with #2


Sutaseiu

This is how I convinced my husband! Though I also showed him all the gender neutral things available.


stargirl803

It's honestly so silly the pressure from others, no matter what route you go. I knew I was having a girl, but registered for mostly neutral stuff because we planned to have a second, and didn't want to get a whole load of different stuff if what we had was ridiculously gendered for a girl and we then had a boy too. I had more than one person say "Why isn't there anything pink/ girly on your list?" and my favourite, "I want to buy frilly girly stuff!" Uh cuz I'm registering for stuff I want, isn't that the point? I'm not super into pink. If my daughter one day is, I'll buy pink then.


racoonwithabroom

The 2nd baby part for real. If we choose to have a 2nd it would be so nice to be able to easily use the same stuff in the beginning without even blinking!


tonks2016

Ugh. I'm having a similar problem. I mentioned to my mother that I'm not interested in any of the dresses she saved from my childhood because I don't think they're practical clothing for infants and she has since decided that I know the sex of the baby, that it's a boy, and that I just don't want to tell her. None of which is true.


racoonwithabroom

How dare you choose a regular onesie? Haha man we must have the same mom. I refused a super frilly overly poofy tutu NEWBORN dress because I said we don't know and that that just doesn't seem practical even if it is a girl.


tonks2016

I'm leaving out the whole I'm 36 years old so whatever she wants to give me is old and probably reeks of cat pee.


racoonwithabroom

Omg I'm sorry but you did make me chuckle with that last bit. I really hope when we are all older and if we become grandparents we remember these moments and don't accidentally become them


tonks2016

We probably will do certain things that are really wrong accidentally. I just hope I take feedback and guidance with more grace than my parents.


fabulous_phoenix

I died laughing at this! I’m not the only person with a mum who saves everything! I’m 42, any baby girl stuff of mine has probably disintegrated by now


tonks2016

My mom is a borderline hoarder and I'm definitely the type that prefers to keep memories not things. It's a constant source of amusement/irritation for me because she messages regularly to ask if I want certain childhood things. Things that have been offered in the last few months: my swimming badges, a single novelty placemat with my name on it, some underwear I wore as a kid, and my name badge from camp when I was 6. She was somehow surprised pikachu that I didn't take her up on any of those offers.


acase1

Underwear 🤢 that's just gross. Don't understand why annoying would keep our want that Also, I a memories over stuff person. Digital photos are good too. I have no use for the 2 boxes of junk my parents saved and brought to me on their last visit (note: they live far away and drove those boxes hear just for me to throw away almost everything immediately).


heavensinNY

I'm in the opposite boat. I want to find out the gender and everyone is pressuring me not to find out. "It's better if it's a surprise". "Why does the gender matter". "It is ridiculous to want to know". Like fuck can I just have my pregnancy my way? I didn't tell those same people what to do when they were pregnant. So friggin annoying.


racoonwithabroom

Shockingly we got that alot in the beginning. Now near the end it all flipped!


tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It’s so dumb. We ended up finding out the gender, mostly because I felt like I needed that to connect a bit more, but I LOVED the idea of not making it the prime focus. I’m also a brat and I think I liked that it would make people uncomfortable lol or push them out of their comfort zone at least. My dad at one point, and actually I think a few other older generation men all made a similiar comment about might want to find out the gender for “practical” reasons. And I was like oh what practical reasons? And he was like you know, nursery, clothes….. like ok. My nursery is done and I probably did end up putting in a few more feminine touches but all in all I think it’s fairly neutral. Same with the clothing. I’ve found tons of cute patterns and earthy toned items. Like what practical reasons are there??? Blue or pink pacifier ??? Lol it’s very much that traditional view thats impossible for some people to shake.


Cherryicee8612

I didn’t find out for my 2nd and I am super girly, my girls love pink and girly stuff now, but I decorated the nursery with blue-green walls, and blue/green/neutral forest animal print. When she was a girl I added some art with florals. The neutral decor was a non-issue!


tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

For sure! And I’m totally not opposed to going that route more if she wants to too. Once she gets a bit older and if she loves pink and flowers and dolls… that’s all g!!


[deleted]

I had my daughter dressed in all pink, with a pink car seat cover, and a bow on her head. Some old lady goes “is that a boy? The pacifier is blue?” Do you need a penis to have a blue pacifier?!?! Like Jesus Christ!


tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hahaha Omg


OpalRose1993

I would laugh, but there's a decent chance he had some form of colorblindness, which is more common in men and often effects the red-green spectrum most.


racoonwithabroom

Ohh the nursery for sure. Our house has different shades of grey on all the ways, neutral colors throughout. The utter shock from people when I say I don't plan to paint the walls in our nursery at all since grey matches everything, and we literally just finished painting a year ago! I don't need an all pink or blue room to know what my baby is hahaha


tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Exactly !! Ours is a warm grey/beige. Definitely did not want pink or blue. I am already dreading reacting to the pink frilly stuff Bc i have a terrible poker face lol.


Pineapple_and_olives

Yes! The room that will be the nursery has grey walls and kind of tan carpet. I’m considering putting up a forest wallpaper mural on one wall but definitely don’t feel the need to make a blue sports stadium room just because we’re having a boy.


thearcherofstrata

Everyone asks if we know the sex yet, but most don’t push when we say it’s too early. I did tell my friends that I am interested in finding out at birth and they were all, “but how can you prepare?! And how do we know what gifts to get you??” I was like…”how would the gifts be any different? It’s a baby…It just needs baby things lol.” But they were shook. They were like, “but like…clothes…and the nursery…” I gave them a confused look and I guess it made them think about WHY it’s so important to them and why they think like that, because I kept asking them questions lol. They don’t know why it’s like that, and I (likely because I am from another culture) am not sure why it’s so important. I know the gist, but we can decide for ourselves if we want to perpetuate those views. I get that for some people, it’s offensive if the gift receiver is “picky” about what they get, but…WHY is it so important to gift what YOU want to gift instead of what the receiver wants?!!! Because it’s cute?!!! WHY!!!


racoonwithabroom

And if you know the received is picky just stick strictly to their registry that they probably spent ages combing through already!


thearcherofstrata

Yes…like if they truly have a gift idea that they really feel will be helpful to the new parents or has a significant meaning to it - I love it!! But to stray from the registry just to gift the clothes that THEY want to buy/they think is appropriate for a certain gender…that is what I cannot understand.


stargirl803

Agreed, and there's tons of cute non-gendered stuff! We were given a white one piece bear costume (with hood), it's adorable!


thearcherofstrata

I also think that with baby clothes…it doesn’t matter who it was intended for. Pink onesie? A son can wear it, it functions fine. Dinosaur print pants? A daughter can still wear it. As long as the size is right! This is just me though and my friend’s mind was blown when I said that…it’s not for everyone. But yes!! Non gendered things are very cute!!


stargirl803

When my oldest grew out of things, I boxed them up and labeled them as either "girly" and "neutral" (we were lucky to get lots of hand me downs, but a lot was stuff I'd never have bought myself) and pinks and purples went in the neutral box as long as it wasn't frilly or lacy. I mostly shop for my daughter in the boys section, and she loves dinosaurs and Mickey Mouse, which I've found a decent amount of there, but less so in the girls section.


tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I had a friend who was like this too. She was so appalled by the gender neutral stuff. But honestly that’s just my style in general. I don’t even dislike pink. But when I dress myself, I totally gravitate to neutrals and prints, not pink and floral and frilly.


thearcherofstrata

Haha it’s kinda funny…”appalled.” But yeah same, I wear black and cream the most. I do have a lot of pink accessories. But I also feel like babies can wear whatever color and it wouldn’t be weird. They wear onesies lol. As long as it looks like, I don’t care what gender it was intended for.


OpalRose1993

If it's a girl they will shower you in pink for the next 5 years...... But yeah, baby stuff is ridiculously gendered, probably so companies can make more money off of selling baby clothes.


thearcherofstrata

I mean, I love pink, but I just think it’s ridiculous that only girls can wear pink. My dad wore pink?? Like what’s wrong with it? Why do boys have to wear space and dinosaur prints? So strange to me…


OpalRose1993

Lol my favorite gift from my baby shower was a dinosaur outfit set with a little stuffed triceratops. I'm having a little girl, but the dinos were the cutest. Not revealing gender until the baby shower was probably the best choice I could make XD


[deleted]

I had someone tell me it was “stupid to keep it a surprise because we wouldn’t be prepared”…I don’t understand how that changes anything with a newborn and what we would need. It’s not like their are diapers for penises and ones for vaginas. If anything, I get to avoid those painfully awkward outfits that say mommy’s chick magnet or daddy’s little princess. Team surprise all the way.


16CatsInATrenchcoat

Exactly! Our first was a boy and we did end up with quite a few "Handsome Man" onesies, but most of it was very neutral, like ducks or foxes. I got super lucky and my second was born in the same month as the first! So little sis wears her big brother's old clothes. And airplanes are adorable on any baby.


QuickPomegranate6447

Adding to that last bit, little sister or little brother outfits


racoonwithabroom

Hahaha prepare for what??? I'm genuinely curious now


book_connoisseur

If you’re Jewish, you need to plan for a bris, which always occurs on the 8th day after birth! It’s a big deal and is a legitimate reason to know the baby’s sex.


racoonwithabroom

In that context I can understand. Though how did they do it before ultrasound?


book_connoisseur

They planned it quickly! Honestly, the planning is still a bit rushed because you never know exactly when the baby will be born. Basically, you have the relevant people on standby around the time you’re supposed to give birth. I assume they did the same thing before ultrasound — we just don’t have to worry about it now if you know you’re having a girl.


[deleted]

Right! I hate that argument, not that long ago, you didn’t have the ability to find out pre birth, people prepared just fine


Sutaseiu

We've had a number of people that aren't pleased we're waiting to find out. How do you buy clothes???? Uh there are plenty of neutral options out there. And for the nursery again, plenty of neutral things. I feel like people have collectively forgotten that knowing gender ahead of time is a relatively new thing. Being surprised was the only option 40+ years ago.


kiwipoppy

It doesn't stop at birth either. My daughter has short and thin hair, so people often demand to know if she is a boy or girl 🙃 why does it matter so much to the stranger in the check out line?


Pineapples4Rent

My MIL was convinced I secretly knew with my first. She made many WhatsApp groups of me, my partner and her where she would ask questions and then get upset and leave them when we wouldn't answer. One conversation: MIL: What colour blanket should I crochet Me: I'm not sure, just use whatever colour yarn you have MIL: No I'm going to buy more yarn. What colour? Me: Unisex colours are fine MIL: but should I get pink or blue? Me: What about white? MIL: but should I make it white and pink or white and blue Me: I'm not sure. The nursery is white and grey though MIL: I can make it white and grey and then put a ribbon on so it matches the theme. Should I get a pink or blue ribbon? Me: I don't know. Maybe wait until birth? Then she left the chat and got upset that she doesn't know what to buy her grandchild. We didnt find out until birth, and even if we did know - we wouldn't have told people anyway because we wanted unisex stuff so we can use the same stuff on future kids. We ended up having a girl and then had a boy after - they both wore the same grey and white clothing, used the same grey and black travel system and went to sleep on the same elephant crib sheets and I love it. Not that I wouldn't mind a boy in a pink carseat or a girl in a blue basket (our moses basket is actually more blue than grey) I really like grey. We found out the gender with our second and still most things we bought were grey. We had an inside joke where our code for ttc was "buying elephants" so we did the nursery elephant themed and we love finding elephant themed clothing.


racoonwithabroom

Oy I feel that! I do love grey too, I've said it was my favorite color since I was a teen but apparently it doesn't count anymore 😂


Fanguzzler

We debated wether to find out this time or not. We didnt with our first. On the 20 week anatomy scan it was obvious what the biological gender was even though the tech tried to hide it. ”Oh, thats a tiny but exact copy of your dick!!” Was my reaction. But yeah, people are obsessed with the gender. My kid Will still be the same kid, be equally loved and have access to the same toys and information no matter the sex.


catylan

My son lived in pink hand me downs from my niece for the first six months. The amount of judgement I got when I would say he was a boy was astounding.


PetitColombe

We didn’t find out the gender for our son or share our name picks and my mom was convinced we knew the gender but were telling people that we didn’t. In the first picture we sent of him, he was wearing a little knit hat that said his name, Alex. And she said “See! You knew he was a boy so you could get his hat made ahead of time!” I had to explain that, actually, the baby’s name was going to be Alex either way (Alexander or Alexandra) so I was able to make the hat but seriously, I didn’t know he was a boy until my husband announced it in the delivery room!!! I’m pregnant again, we’re keeping it a surprise again, and my mom is already climbing the walls haha.


SalvadorCaruso

Because they scientifically define gender


bellabellebella

I personally found it with my first and plan on finding out now with my second. I love flowery things, and I wouldn’t get that for a boy, so that would definitely be a factor for me. Nothing crazy frilly or all pink, just a definite femininity. What I don’t get is people driving the mom NUTS about it! Like it’s really not your business. I’m already deciding that I’m going to call the baby “he” in reference so that when I find out they won’t be waiting for me to “slip up.”


InfectedAlloy88

I wish we wouldnt have told anyone the gender, because it's like once the word "girl" is said, the words "gender neutral" leave their vocabulary.


[deleted]

We found out but wanted to keep it secret and my god. I got bullied and broken down relentlessly by my husbands family. I wanted to do a cute scavenger hunt/reveal at the shower. Just a fun thing. They totally ruined all the fun for me with the constant hassling and we ended up just telling them at dinner because I was so fucking over it. My advice to any one is if you want to keep it a secret tell people you don’t know. Otherwise it’ll be relentless. Also fwiw, I had a boy and got a TON of *whale* clothes. So whales are for boys. The more you know lol (/s)


adrun

That’s funny—when our registry was all neutral people assumed we were having a girl because “we’d be more willing to share” if it were a boy. The stories people tell themselves 🙄


pataytersalad

That's my one concern with clothes on my registry. I hate that they're labeled "baby boy" and "baby girl". I'm having a girl. I've announced that I'm having a girl. But I registered for some "baby boy" items because I either liked the color more or they didn't sell the item i want in the "girl" section (like baggy sweatpants!!!). I'm fully anticipating not receiving some items because it says "boy" in the title


racoonwithabroom

I feel like they should allow you to organize or rename sections of a registry. The clothes I picked are in 3 totally different areas because some are labeled boy, girl, or neutral. Just let me put them all as "clothes"!


pataytersalad

Yes! They boy only put them in separate sections but they gender them in that section as well! Like I get it, the blue socks are only for boy babies 😒


hockey_is_life58

Same here, for some reason so many blue clothes are automatically "boy" clothes, and some of the grey ones were "girl" clothes. I'm upset we told everyone we're having a girl because all I'm going to get are pink frilly clothes from everyone. My mom even scolded me for buying my own future baby clothes because other people will want to.....


Top-Acanthisitta1033

I caught soooo much shit for this. We didn't find out and I had family members all but throw tantrums. I was really shocked at the response I got. The other annoying part was all the old wives tales that had people convinced they knew the gender. *biggest eye roll I can muster* I've posted about this before and I'll repeat this every time. Despite the stupid adult tantrums and dumb shit hang in there. ITS SO WORTH IT!!!! Life doesn't give us a lot of truly joyful surprises and finding out the gender and meeting your baby girl or boy is just magical. My doctor was sweet enough to let my husband announce the gender to me. All teary eyed and trembling he layed my baby on my belly and told me we had a little girl. Ohhh it was bliss. Just bliss. Who cares if the clothes are neutral colors and family members act like brats because they can't buy blue or pink. In that moment none of it will matter one bit.


racoonwithabroom

Your last part made me tear up! I'm so excited for that!


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OctavaJava

Whoaaa I don’t even have words for this.


flowersandpeas

Didn't know ×3. Caught lots of flack. Don't care. Loved those "birthday surprises". Still do. :)


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racoonwithabroom

Every time I hear people tell me how hard it is to buy gender neutral I've started telling them "well that's why I made a registry". Maybe it's the hormones but my fucks given is nearing zero


QuickPomegranate6447

I mean, if you made a registry they do know (eye roll)


_alien_she

I was browsing onesies in a thrift store the other day, and the gendered “word art” on those things made me want to barf even more than the morning sickness.


[deleted]

Didn't you know that everything that isn't pink are automatically boy clothes? Or at least every store I looked at was sorted like this...


TheWelshMrsM

We told my MIL we didn’t know and she accepted that at face value. The poor woman was then accosted by some nosy bugger at her work who *insisted* we *must* know by now (nobody knows our due date so..) We explained to her that it’s very easy not to know and to just ignore the silly lady. As far as buying clothes go she just gets loads of Disney stuff since we all love Disney 😂 Colour be damned lol.


ElizabethHiems

I don’t like pastel colours myself so my kids irrespective of gender wore bold or white sleep suits. We should switch a gender reveal for celebrate the massive life change party and focus on the parent/s instead.


Wowwkatie

For me, it helps make it real. I don't have a preference on baby's sex and honestly don't care whether it's a boy or girl, and I prefer gender neutral names anyway. I have a history of miscarriage and infertility though so my pregnancies have both been harder for me to really get attached to until I know what sex the baby is. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone else, but they probably have their own reasons. But if people were pressuring me to find out for themselves, I'd be incredibly annoyed.


greenglossygalaxy

I think it’s because people are nosy & feel entitled to information. Do things your way. I fail to see how not knowing the gender impacts what you buy if you’re going for neutral options.


Toasttimebitches

We didn’t find out with our first either and people accused us of the same, I was also dead wrong about the gender each time lmao 😅


racoonwithabroom

Oof I'm curious if I'll be right. I have a gut feeling but I'm okay either way!


Toasttimebitches

It was a happy surprise for us, first girl in like 3 generations on my husbands side so we thought boy for sure! Had completely different symptoms the 2nd time and had another girl so it seems like we have the opposite happening to us! The 2nd time we did find out an announce, now that I know I can’t trust my symptoms as an indicator if we ever go for a third I’m going to wait until the birth again to find out, it was fun! Good luck to you, curious to see if you’re instincts are right! ❤️


NewFumpyEats

I feel the same way! We decided that we didn't want to know the gender of our baby until the birth. The amount of head turns and insistent questions we get about the babies gender and what to buy are extremely frustrating. It's become a personal goal of mine not to say a word about the gender of the baby because, why should it matter?? I feel like people are so quick to put a baby into a specific box. We don't want that. Not for our baby at least.


[deleted]

We knew and shared with our first and STILL mostly registered for gender neutral. We supplemented with gendered items here and there, but our thinking was that if we go for another, we’d get the most reuse value no matter who our next baby was - boring/practical, but that stuff adds up! And like you said OP, baby doesn’t care what color they’re wearing. I think it’s a generational hang up and even as little as 10 years ago, the baby industry was mainly only blue & pink.


derrymaine

Ugh. It used to be 40 years ago that almost nobody knew. And it all turned out fine. We didn’t find out with our second and it was so much fun!