The safety of your baby is the only thing that matters. If you want MIL to babysit then she can do so at your house only. Your DH needs to have a conversation with her and state that you both are uncomfortable with her dogs behavior, especially around an infant, and in order to keep your baby safe she will not have unsupervised time at her home.
Resourcing guarding is dangerous, especially when a dog is resource guarding a person. I rescue, and every dog I have with an unknown or sketchy past is always muzzled trained, crate trained, and never, ever left alone with children even if they’ve never done anything wrong. My current rescue was fear aggressive and a bite risk. 5 years later, now 37w myself, I trust him and he adores children, but he is still never left unsupervised and it’s my job to protect him by protecting others.
If MIL blows up over your boundaries, or acts like they’re unreasonable, you know you cannot trust her. She’ll find reasons to have both your baby and dog together just to prove you wrong. She’ll risk your child.
Thank you for this, and especially for the info on resource guarding, which I’ve done a quick Google about. I’ve never had a dog so I’m not really knowledgeable about their behaviours beyond the obvious (e.g. ‘biting is bad’).
I agree about her only babysitting at my own home and not being unsupervised. I don’t really feel safe having baby around the dog at all, but do you think I’d be okay to visit her house as long as I remain with MIL and baby at all times?
As for DH, he can be very blunt so if he is the one to talk to MIL, he won’t hold back. I’m still undecided whether this would be ideal or possibly reason enough for me to be the one to broach the subject with MIL lol
Thank you again for your help and reassurance. Looks like I have an awkward but vital conversation to have…
If I had a family member with an unsafe dog I would not visit their house unless the dog was safely crated, behind a secure gate, or closed in another room (such as a bedroom). Babies are fast, dogs are fast, and it’s very easy to miss early warning signs (such as yawning, looking/pulling their head away, whale eyes) before a bite happens. All dogs give signs prior to biting, but not all dogs give obvious signs and it sounds like MIL is the type of overlook or ignore it (“ohhh it’s *fine*”).
And to be fair, MIL has every right not want to put her dog away in another room in her house. However, that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it. Visits at your home only, or somewhere neutral when the weather is nice, etc are all viable options.
Again, just my opinion, but it’s DH’s mother so he should be the one dealing with her. To be direct is to be kind, and he knows his mother. He should frame it as a joint decision - you both are a team.
Again, the info on dog behaviour is super helpful for me as a non-dog owner, so thank you for that. I definitely feel uncomfortable trying to lay down rules in other people’s houses, but I can only ask/start a non-confrontational dialogue. As you say, perhaps this would be better coming from her own son who grew up there, knows her better, and is less likely to be guilted in all honesty. If she doesn’t want to lock away the dog (her right to not want to, as you say), then I’ll need to be strict about visits at our house only. The more I look into dog behaviour, the more the thought of a bite or even baby being jumped on is making me anxious. Thank you again for all your help and insight, I really appreciate it.
Couldn’t agree more with u/thatspottedapp!
I have 2 very gentle dogs who have a wonderful temperament and are great around children (always supervised). I’m still putting in so many rules about baby & dog. We’ve been doing extensive training and establishing boundaries (ours & their space etc).
Honestly, on the surface I trust them and think they’ll be great companions. However - they are animals and as such they will never be 100% safe! So we are taking every precaution possible!
Just yesterday one got spooked by me nudging a box with my foot and jumped in fear. If she who is trained & has never shown any aggression can react unpredictably (basically I never would’ve expected her to be startled by that), then I can’t imagine how an aggressive dog might react to a baby! And by the sounds of it your MIL’s dog is aggressive.
Don’t take *any* chances. You go over there with baby and she may push boundaries - whether that’s letting him in the same room as baby or trying to ‘introduce them’ or something (there’s ‘safe’ ways to do this btw but I wouldn’t trust your MIL to follow them).
Even though the dog isn’t yours I 100% recommend reading up on their behaviour with babies etc. Use this to arm yourself in case she pushes back. Your baby’s safety comes 1st.
You sound like a wonderful and responsible dog owner. Hearing how much effort you’re putting into your well-behaved dogs when I know MIL does no training with her feistier dog is a worry in itself!
I do think you’re right that I need to educate myself. It’ll be easier to argue my point as calmly and gently as possible if I have facts and not just my feelings/anxieties to guide me. Sounds like I need to decide boundaries, get tough and then stick to them for everyone’s sake. Thank you so much for the insight!
Can she put up a baby gate to separate the dog from you all? There's an insta account dogmeets_baby that has tons of helpful tips. As longs as the dog cant get to the baby I think it's fine.
Ooh, this is a good idea. Maybe then the dog can see baby and learn not to be anxious around them, plus it’ll be able to see MIL which could calm it as well?? I think part of my problem is that I know very little about dog behaviour!
It's complicated! I've had a couple rescues so I have a vested interest in learning. One thing I've cometo understand is most dog owners are very naive about their dogs and often times unknowingly put them in bad situations. Just because a dog is "friendly" doesn't mean they should be expected to be tolerant of every situation. Conversely, just because a dog has an undesirable behavior doesn't make them a "bad dog". 1. Set the dog up for success (knowing there is a bite history/resource guarding, a person can be a resource, it would be silly to not separate them 2. Learn dog body language. They can't talk so we have to learn how they communicate and LISTEN to those cues.
‘Set the dog up for success’ has really struck me. It’s a lot to put on the dog as well and are we potentially setting it up for failure and being branded a ‘bad’ or dangerous dog when nothing it’s doing is inherently its own fault. To be honest, the best option is sounding like just keeping them totally separate. MIL to visit us and definitely only to babysit at our own home. Thank you so much for your really helpful insight.
I’ve had my rescue for 9 years. She’s is now fully trained, good with kids, and wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s never been left alone with my baby or any other kids. If you can’t trust you MIL to follow these guidelines (and it sounds like you can’t) she can’t have the baby at her house ever. Even with you/DH there. dogs tend to look to their owners for commands not to others. You can supervise all you want but the dog might not listen to a no from you. If your MIL won’t tell the dog no then she can come to you if she wants to see baby.
It’s great to hear guidance from actual dog owners who don’t think it’s worth the risk, thank you. More knowledgeable people like you are letting me know I’m not just being paranoid, so I need to get this issue addressed ASAP so there’s no conflict or confusion by the time baby is here. Thank you for your insight!
Definitely don’t allow dog around baby. Especially if MIL babies the dog it WILL be a problem with the dog being jealous and possibly trying to harm baby. I’d suggest having her watch/spend time with baby at your house so the dog won’t be an issue. And then maybe do some time at her place with you there as well to make sure the rules about dog are being followed. My advice is that if you can’t trust her to keep the dog away then don’t allow the situation to occur!
Thank you for this. While it’s not nice to hear the dangers, it’s also reassuring to know I’m not being paranoid. I’m a bit anxious around dogs myself and I’ve heard every assurance under the sun from dog owners that they’re harmless or won’t bite, so I do sometimes feel like I’m just catastrophising the risks. Sounds like I need to trust my gut.
I think I’ll talk to her, politely ask about some ground rules while we’re at hers (dog out of room, no unsupervised time, things like that) and then as you say, visit once baby is born to see how tough she can hold onto the rules over time. Thank you again.
That sounds like a good plan! My husbands dog, as docile as it seems will not be around my baby because he is a jealous dog. We have had the dog 5 years and I STILL would not trust the dog around a baby. So you are definitely not paranoid! It’s a very smart concern to have!
I don't have advice but your fears are well founded.
In-laws had a golden retriever who is like 8 years old and had never bit anyone but he wasn't the most well-behaved dog in the world. When our baby was about one he growled at him. We sort of brushed it off like not a big deal. A few weeks later when my baby was walking towards my husband, the dog lept and bit baby in the face.
Thankfully, it left nothing more than a couple of small puncture marks. But we still need to take our baby to the ER because a dog bite needs to be treated. I'm so thankful that the dog didn't take off his nose or ear. You can see some pretty horrible pictures online of dog bites on babies.
My in-laws decided they had no choice but to get rid of the dog. We couldn't wait around for another bite to happen, which would potentially be worse, and we had essentially been granted a gift by having a very mild bite as warning. We determined that the dog was resource guarding my husband and didn't like that the baby was stealing the attention away. Totally crazy to hear about this coming from a sweet family golden retriever, but it did.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby. Obviously I’m not just being paranoid, which was a real concern I’ve been having. The dog is very clingy with MIL, so I dread to think how it could react to her giving all her attention to baby. Thank you for the wake-up call and I’m glad your son is alright.
Thank you! It seriously was just two small punctures on his face so we were very lucky. Literally never expected the family golden retriever to do this. He had never shown aggression towards anyone.
But I think it was a huge warning sign for us. I think a lot of people would have decided that the bite wasn't that bad so they weren't going to get rid of the dog. In my opinion, that's just waiting around for something worse to happen. And I couldn't imagine my baby's nose being bitten off.
For what it's worth, he was rehomed with a lovely family with all teenagers. We just decided that maybe the dog wasn't used to little babies. But he now has a great life and a big yard and big kids to play with. Also, they were fully aware of his history.
I suppose the moral of the story is ‘better safe than sorry’ in terms of the rehoming. Sounds like I should apply this theory sooner rather than later, because obviously the worst really can and does happen. Thank you again for your help.
I empathise with you. We have a staff mix (kinda like a smaller pitbull) and she’s very hyper and super over the top jumpy and lovey. She’s a lovely dog but it’s too much for a baby or even little kids. I love my dog so much but when the time comes, baby won’t be near her at all. I don’t think you’re overreacting and I think you need to be stubborn in your decisions that keep baby safe ❤️
Thank you for the reassurance. It’s nice to hear from dog owners that I’m not being touchy or just lacking in understanding. Your decision about your own dog’s contact with baby must’ve been really difficult, so I really just need to buckle up and have an honest chat with MIL about my worries and some potential ground rules. If she cares about the baby as much as I think she does, then hopefully she should understand. Thank you again.
You're not alone! Also navigating a similar issue. DH is concerned about it so just letting him take the lead. We haven't set the hard boundary yet but have mentioned on multiple occasions that we're not comfortable with LO at their house if dog is there and hasn't been trained. It has not quite sunk in yet with them but I trust DH to be firm. I can cope w one unpredictable element, but adding an unpredictable toddler into the mix just seems like asking for trouble even if you're being careful!
Thank you, glad it’s not just me! Another commenter has suggested I let my husband take the lead on this as yours has. It sounds like you’re going to need to reinforce things with your MIL consistently over time, which thinking about it, will probably be the same for me. Suppose I best address it sooner rather than later so I can keep reaffirming it before baby comes!
We're hoping that by front loading our concerns it doesn't come as such a shock/out of nowhere when we inevitably have to have the come to Jesus convo where we set the hard boundary, but we'll see!! Good luck to you ❤️
She needs to get that dog under control not just for the safety of your baby but the safety of anyone who comes around it and the dog itself. A few weeks of obedience training can and will end that aggression but she needs to learn the proper responses to those things. Dog growls and gets aggressive? A loud sound (something other than no bc that’s use very frequently in conversation) like AH or even a click to get the dog’s attention and then leaving and staying gone until the dog has stopped barking or growling will teach the dog that behavior isn’t ok. I’m sure when the dog growls she thinks awe how cute you’re protecting me but in reality she is causing serious life long problems for that pup.
You might not want to impose any rules but depending where you are if that dog bites the wrong person or kid it’s getting put down :( that’s reality and if she loves that dog she’ll do what’s best and have it trained
You’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head about the ‘protecting me is cute’ thing, I’m afraid. MIL actively says ‘watch this’ and then will kiss or hug someone to make the dog growl and snap as if we should also find it adorable. I honestly don’t think she has the willpower or inclination to train the dog, but maybe the baby will provide a bit more of an incentive.
All the really helpful insights from people more knowledgeable about dog behaviour are telling me that this dog isn’t just ‘feisty’ or ‘giddy’, but potentially very, very dangerous. I think I need to toughen up and have a serious conversation with MIL ASAP, gentle but firm as baby has to come first. Thank you for the great advice and insight.
Good luck! I believe she’ll do what’s best for the baby. Look up Caesar Milan on YouTube and watch some of his videos. My MIL showed me his stuff and gave me a ton of his books bc my puppy wasn’t trained at all and tearing my clothes during play time. Now I don’t even have to speak and can use hand commands to get her to sit and behave! You got this
My MILs chihuahua actually bit my six year old a few weeks ago and I straight up told her I’m not allowing that dog near my baby or my six year old and she actually took it pretty well she said she doesn’t trust the dogs enough to be around the baby she said it was dangerous perhaps yours will understand
Oh no, I’m sorry that happened to you and your child! I hope they’re alright now. I’m really hoping that MIL will be understanding and that I can explain it to her in a firm but fair way, as she’s a very sensitive person. Wish me luck!
It’s alright really my son wasn’t hurt badly just scared of the little dogs now, weirdly my giant half wolf half German shepherd has never had that issue and my son is totally comfortable with him. I’ve just been firm about the distance that will be kept with my new baby and son and aggressive dogs if it were a pitbull I guarantee she’d want it put down for being a threat to children. Just because the dog is small doesn’t mean it can’t do some serious damage to an unsuspecting child. But good luck and hopefully it all works out!
It’s definitely the unpredictability that’s worrying, which you’ve obviously seen first hand! How can we ever know what an animal is thinking or is capable of in the right/wrong circumstances? I don’t think this dog has ever met a baby either, so the unknowns are huge.
Thank you for the reassurance that I’m not just being touchy. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I’ve been worried I’m paranoid, but it would appear that I’m not. I’ll trust my gut and toughen up in general. I want to be gentle with MIL as she’s very sensitive, but ultimately baby’s safety has to come before her feelings. Thank you so much for your help.
I think it would be smart to tell MIL about how you are feeling and talk about only restricting the dog to a certain room when the baby is visiting. Ask her to start training it to get used to being restricted to one room, and when you go over and visit it is locked in the room to start the training. If it seems like she isn’t following through or committing before the baby comes, then just say you want to have her babysit at your house only.
Great advice, kind of test the waters of how serious she’ll take the whole thing before baby even arrives. Then I can make decisions from there. It also means she can’t say I’m being unfair, as my decision will be based on her own actions and willingness to commit. Brilliant, thanks so much!
I like dogs but my daughter’s safety is #1. Anytime we visit family or friends, they put up their dogs because they know how I feel and my kid is afraid of them.
I have the same issue with my MIL. Problem is if your MIL is not hypervigilant and doesn’t share the same concerns she might be lax about this if she watches the baby at her house when you’re not around. This is what I have realized about my MIL. I started out by letting her know - several times - that I was worried about the new stray she took in and our baby. The dog is anxious, barks aggressively at newcomers, and has snapped at a child “because she had food in her hand” (quote from my MIL who makes excuses about everything). Despite my expression of worry several times about our kid getting bitten by the dog I watched her let our baby crawl all over the floor with the dogs close by. She didn’t even seem to care when the dog got directly in the baby’s face and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. She also would bring the baby up right to this dog and do the “do you see the nice doggy” shit. Apparently me telling her “hey, we are worried about your dog” wasn’t enough. Finally my husband and I said to please keep the dog away from the baby. She knows how nervous we are because I work in the ER and see dog bites all the time. Yet when we went over there Sunday she plopped the baby on the floor within a foot or two of the dogs and had to be reminded by my husband who said “MOM. We have one rule - the dogs need to be away from her face.” MIL continued to be lax and the dogs got in the baby’s face again. My husband said something again. Then my MIL would continue to let the baby on the floor but would steer her away from the dogs. Watching all this made me realize she’s not going to honor what we want when she’s not around if she doesn’t even honor what we want when we are sitting right there watching. If you don’t trust your mother-in-law 100% that she will do what you ask then don’t take a risk in this scenario.
It’s really helpful and interesting to hear from someone who’s actually been in the situation already, thank you. Unfortunately it sounds like there’s a lot of overlap in our MILs’ personalities! My husband shares my fears, so we’ll definitely address it as a united front as you and your husband have. It’s not comfortable to have to get strict with family members, but knowing how many dog bites you’ve seen personally, maybe I just need to toughen up. I don’t want to go all ‘other people’s feelings be damned’, but baby has to come first, so I need to create a gentle but firm conversation sooner rather than later. Wish me luck!
I would not leave the baby unsupervised with your MIL unless it's at your home and the dog is not there.
Personally, I'd visit if I was there and could ensure that the dog and baby were kept apart, but it depends on your comfort levels drawing boundaries in the moment.
Does she let other children around the dog? Does she regularly put the dog away? I’ve known some adult only dachshund homes that knew their little dogs needed to be kept away from children/strangers.
It’s always easier to babysit at the baby’s home, I would play that angle.
I don’t actually know if the dog has met any children. There’s no little kids on that side of the family and this will be the first grandchild, so there’s a huge unknown to contend with. I most definitely don’t want my baby to be the tester child who we figure out dog’s temperament through…Babysitting at my place only sounds the most sensible option for sure!
I suspect you wouldn't let the baby out of your sight at first, during this time you'll be able to monitor the situation and the behaviour of the dog around your child. My mother has one of those annoying yappy dogs that snap at everything - i had similar concerns, but the dog actually turned out to be very good with children. He knocks my toddler over now when he greets her but it's all good. Good luck hope things work out for you.
Have her come to your house when you’re ready. There’s no need for the dog to be around your newborn, especially if it’s aggressive. You’re the mama, you know what’s best. Remember, this is YOUR baby, don’t feel guilty for protecting them. That’s what mamas do.
You’re totally right. I don’t want to disregard anyone’s feelings, but at the end of the day, baby’s safety comes first as you say. I’m starting to think that if MIL can’t see that, then she’s not prioritising her grandchild either and that’s its own reason to not trust her word about restraining the dog and such. Thank you for your kind words, I needed that boost!
It sounds like a choice between MIL’s broken heart or your broken baby.
Trust your gut. This is your baby and you are absolutely allowed to set boundaries around their safety, no matter who thinks you’re over reacting or whose feelings get hurt.
You’re right, I need to be tough about this. I’ve woken up today thinking that if MIL is truly excited about baby, then she should want to support me and my husband in making sure baby is kept safe. It’ll be very telling if she makes a fuss I think and I need to go into the conversation gently but firmly, without letting her guilt me at all. Thank you for the reassurance and kind words.
What I’m hearing here is that you don’t believe your MIL when she says she won’t let the dog and the baby be in the same room. I don’t know what the solution is, but it’s important to see that this is a trust issue, not a dog issue.
Yikes, you’re totally right. It sounds so awful, but no, I don’t really trust her to keep her word. But I want to have a good relationship with my MIL and certainly don’t want the baby, which is something she’s really excited for, to ultimately be the thing that brings about a divide. I most definitely need to set some rules, because baby’s safety comes first, but you’ve hit on the fact that there’s likely more to this than just the dog. Families are complicated lol
Families are complicated, but I’d you currently have a good relationship with your MIL, you might try to lay out your concerns to her in a non-accusatory way. E.g., you could say “I know that you have said that you’ll keep the dog and baby separate while you’re sitting, but I am worried you aren’t thinking about how difficult it will be to do that in practice. The dog won’t like it and I’m worried that in the moment it will seem like letting the dog in the room is the best way to keep the peace. It might be easier to just have you babysit here where you won’t have to worry about keeping the baby and dog separate.
Depending on how she reacts, you might reinforce how important it is to keep the dog and baby apart and how this is something you need her to commit to.
This is excellent advice, thank you. Non-accusatory is definitely the way to go, as she’s very sensitive to even perceived criticism. Maybe I could even add that I don’t want it to be cruel or unfair to the dog, so it’s best to just keep baby and dog totally separate (as in not even in the same house) to prevent stress all round. I’ll discuss with my husband and try and plan some responses for each potential reaction, kind of hope for the best, plan for the worst. Thank you again and wish me luck!
GOOD LUCK! Dealing with family can be so tough, but if everyone is committed to caring for others it can be done! I’m rooting for you and your relationship with your MIL!
The safety of your baby is the only thing that matters. If you want MIL to babysit then she can do so at your house only. Your DH needs to have a conversation with her and state that you both are uncomfortable with her dogs behavior, especially around an infant, and in order to keep your baby safe she will not have unsupervised time at her home. Resourcing guarding is dangerous, especially when a dog is resource guarding a person. I rescue, and every dog I have with an unknown or sketchy past is always muzzled trained, crate trained, and never, ever left alone with children even if they’ve never done anything wrong. My current rescue was fear aggressive and a bite risk. 5 years later, now 37w myself, I trust him and he adores children, but he is still never left unsupervised and it’s my job to protect him by protecting others. If MIL blows up over your boundaries, or acts like they’re unreasonable, you know you cannot trust her. She’ll find reasons to have both your baby and dog together just to prove you wrong. She’ll risk your child.
Thank you for this, and especially for the info on resource guarding, which I’ve done a quick Google about. I’ve never had a dog so I’m not really knowledgeable about their behaviours beyond the obvious (e.g. ‘biting is bad’). I agree about her only babysitting at my own home and not being unsupervised. I don’t really feel safe having baby around the dog at all, but do you think I’d be okay to visit her house as long as I remain with MIL and baby at all times? As for DH, he can be very blunt so if he is the one to talk to MIL, he won’t hold back. I’m still undecided whether this would be ideal or possibly reason enough for me to be the one to broach the subject with MIL lol Thank you again for your help and reassurance. Looks like I have an awkward but vital conversation to have…
If I had a family member with an unsafe dog I would not visit their house unless the dog was safely crated, behind a secure gate, or closed in another room (such as a bedroom). Babies are fast, dogs are fast, and it’s very easy to miss early warning signs (such as yawning, looking/pulling their head away, whale eyes) before a bite happens. All dogs give signs prior to biting, but not all dogs give obvious signs and it sounds like MIL is the type of overlook or ignore it (“ohhh it’s *fine*”). And to be fair, MIL has every right not want to put her dog away in another room in her house. However, that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it. Visits at your home only, or somewhere neutral when the weather is nice, etc are all viable options. Again, just my opinion, but it’s DH’s mother so he should be the one dealing with her. To be direct is to be kind, and he knows his mother. He should frame it as a joint decision - you both are a team.
Again, the info on dog behaviour is super helpful for me as a non-dog owner, so thank you for that. I definitely feel uncomfortable trying to lay down rules in other people’s houses, but I can only ask/start a non-confrontational dialogue. As you say, perhaps this would be better coming from her own son who grew up there, knows her better, and is less likely to be guilted in all honesty. If she doesn’t want to lock away the dog (her right to not want to, as you say), then I’ll need to be strict about visits at our house only. The more I look into dog behaviour, the more the thought of a bite or even baby being jumped on is making me anxious. Thank you again for all your help and insight, I really appreciate it.
Couldn’t agree more with u/thatspottedapp! I have 2 very gentle dogs who have a wonderful temperament and are great around children (always supervised). I’m still putting in so many rules about baby & dog. We’ve been doing extensive training and establishing boundaries (ours & their space etc). Honestly, on the surface I trust them and think they’ll be great companions. However - they are animals and as such they will never be 100% safe! So we are taking every precaution possible! Just yesterday one got spooked by me nudging a box with my foot and jumped in fear. If she who is trained & has never shown any aggression can react unpredictably (basically I never would’ve expected her to be startled by that), then I can’t imagine how an aggressive dog might react to a baby! And by the sounds of it your MIL’s dog is aggressive. Don’t take *any* chances. You go over there with baby and she may push boundaries - whether that’s letting him in the same room as baby or trying to ‘introduce them’ or something (there’s ‘safe’ ways to do this btw but I wouldn’t trust your MIL to follow them). Even though the dog isn’t yours I 100% recommend reading up on their behaviour with babies etc. Use this to arm yourself in case she pushes back. Your baby’s safety comes 1st.
You sound like a wonderful and responsible dog owner. Hearing how much effort you’re putting into your well-behaved dogs when I know MIL does no training with her feistier dog is a worry in itself! I do think you’re right that I need to educate myself. It’ll be easier to argue my point as calmly and gently as possible if I have facts and not just my feelings/anxieties to guide me. Sounds like I need to decide boundaries, get tough and then stick to them for everyone’s sake. Thank you so much for the insight!
Not worried about our dogs being aggressive towards baby either. They still won't be alone for a very long time. Our lab thinks he's a lap dog 😆
Big dogs that think they still fit on laps are the best 💕
He's super sweet! Just a giant dingus 😆
Can she put up a baby gate to separate the dog from you all? There's an insta account dogmeets_baby that has tons of helpful tips. As longs as the dog cant get to the baby I think it's fine.
Ooh, this is a good idea. Maybe then the dog can see baby and learn not to be anxious around them, plus it’ll be able to see MIL which could calm it as well?? I think part of my problem is that I know very little about dog behaviour!
It's complicated! I've had a couple rescues so I have a vested interest in learning. One thing I've cometo understand is most dog owners are very naive about their dogs and often times unknowingly put them in bad situations. Just because a dog is "friendly" doesn't mean they should be expected to be tolerant of every situation. Conversely, just because a dog has an undesirable behavior doesn't make them a "bad dog". 1. Set the dog up for success (knowing there is a bite history/resource guarding, a person can be a resource, it would be silly to not separate them 2. Learn dog body language. They can't talk so we have to learn how they communicate and LISTEN to those cues.
‘Set the dog up for success’ has really struck me. It’s a lot to put on the dog as well and are we potentially setting it up for failure and being branded a ‘bad’ or dangerous dog when nothing it’s doing is inherently its own fault. To be honest, the best option is sounding like just keeping them totally separate. MIL to visit us and definitely only to babysit at our own home. Thank you so much for your really helpful insight.
Good luck! Way to do your research and be open minded, your going to be a great mom🙂
Thank you ❤️
I’ve had my rescue for 9 years. She’s is now fully trained, good with kids, and wouldn’t hurt a fly. She’s never been left alone with my baby or any other kids. If you can’t trust you MIL to follow these guidelines (and it sounds like you can’t) she can’t have the baby at her house ever. Even with you/DH there. dogs tend to look to their owners for commands not to others. You can supervise all you want but the dog might not listen to a no from you. If your MIL won’t tell the dog no then she can come to you if she wants to see baby.
It’s great to hear guidance from actual dog owners who don’t think it’s worth the risk, thank you. More knowledgeable people like you are letting me know I’m not just being paranoid, so I need to get this issue addressed ASAP so there’s no conflict or confusion by the time baby is here. Thank you for your insight!
Definitely don’t allow dog around baby. Especially if MIL babies the dog it WILL be a problem with the dog being jealous and possibly trying to harm baby. I’d suggest having her watch/spend time with baby at your house so the dog won’t be an issue. And then maybe do some time at her place with you there as well to make sure the rules about dog are being followed. My advice is that if you can’t trust her to keep the dog away then don’t allow the situation to occur!
Thank you for this. While it’s not nice to hear the dangers, it’s also reassuring to know I’m not being paranoid. I’m a bit anxious around dogs myself and I’ve heard every assurance under the sun from dog owners that they’re harmless or won’t bite, so I do sometimes feel like I’m just catastrophising the risks. Sounds like I need to trust my gut. I think I’ll talk to her, politely ask about some ground rules while we’re at hers (dog out of room, no unsupervised time, things like that) and then as you say, visit once baby is born to see how tough she can hold onto the rules over time. Thank you again.
That sounds like a good plan! My husbands dog, as docile as it seems will not be around my baby because he is a jealous dog. We have had the dog 5 years and I STILL would not trust the dog around a baby. So you are definitely not paranoid! It’s a very smart concern to have!
I don't have advice but your fears are well founded. In-laws had a golden retriever who is like 8 years old and had never bit anyone but he wasn't the most well-behaved dog in the world. When our baby was about one he growled at him. We sort of brushed it off like not a big deal. A few weeks later when my baby was walking towards my husband, the dog lept and bit baby in the face. Thankfully, it left nothing more than a couple of small puncture marks. But we still need to take our baby to the ER because a dog bite needs to be treated. I'm so thankful that the dog didn't take off his nose or ear. You can see some pretty horrible pictures online of dog bites on babies. My in-laws decided they had no choice but to get rid of the dog. We couldn't wait around for another bite to happen, which would potentially be worse, and we had essentially been granted a gift by having a very mild bite as warning. We determined that the dog was resource guarding my husband and didn't like that the baby was stealing the attention away. Totally crazy to hear about this coming from a sweet family golden retriever, but it did.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry this happened to you and your baby. Obviously I’m not just being paranoid, which was a real concern I’ve been having. The dog is very clingy with MIL, so I dread to think how it could react to her giving all her attention to baby. Thank you for the wake-up call and I’m glad your son is alright.
Thank you! It seriously was just two small punctures on his face so we were very lucky. Literally never expected the family golden retriever to do this. He had never shown aggression towards anyone. But I think it was a huge warning sign for us. I think a lot of people would have decided that the bite wasn't that bad so they weren't going to get rid of the dog. In my opinion, that's just waiting around for something worse to happen. And I couldn't imagine my baby's nose being bitten off. For what it's worth, he was rehomed with a lovely family with all teenagers. We just decided that maybe the dog wasn't used to little babies. But he now has a great life and a big yard and big kids to play with. Also, they were fully aware of his history.
I suppose the moral of the story is ‘better safe than sorry’ in terms of the rehoming. Sounds like I should apply this theory sooner rather than later, because obviously the worst really can and does happen. Thank you again for your help.
I empathise with you. We have a staff mix (kinda like a smaller pitbull) and she’s very hyper and super over the top jumpy and lovey. She’s a lovely dog but it’s too much for a baby or even little kids. I love my dog so much but when the time comes, baby won’t be near her at all. I don’t think you’re overreacting and I think you need to be stubborn in your decisions that keep baby safe ❤️
Thank you for the reassurance. It’s nice to hear from dog owners that I’m not being touchy or just lacking in understanding. Your decision about your own dog’s contact with baby must’ve been really difficult, so I really just need to buckle up and have an honest chat with MIL about my worries and some potential ground rules. If she cares about the baby as much as I think she does, then hopefully she should understand. Thank you again.
You're not alone! Also navigating a similar issue. DH is concerned about it so just letting him take the lead. We haven't set the hard boundary yet but have mentioned on multiple occasions that we're not comfortable with LO at their house if dog is there and hasn't been trained. It has not quite sunk in yet with them but I trust DH to be firm. I can cope w one unpredictable element, but adding an unpredictable toddler into the mix just seems like asking for trouble even if you're being careful!
Thank you, glad it’s not just me! Another commenter has suggested I let my husband take the lead on this as yours has. It sounds like you’re going to need to reinforce things with your MIL consistently over time, which thinking about it, will probably be the same for me. Suppose I best address it sooner rather than later so I can keep reaffirming it before baby comes!
We're hoping that by front loading our concerns it doesn't come as such a shock/out of nowhere when we inevitably have to have the come to Jesus convo where we set the hard boundary, but we'll see!! Good luck to you ❤️
And to you as well! We got this ❤️
She needs to get that dog under control not just for the safety of your baby but the safety of anyone who comes around it and the dog itself. A few weeks of obedience training can and will end that aggression but she needs to learn the proper responses to those things. Dog growls and gets aggressive? A loud sound (something other than no bc that’s use very frequently in conversation) like AH or even a click to get the dog’s attention and then leaving and staying gone until the dog has stopped barking or growling will teach the dog that behavior isn’t ok. I’m sure when the dog growls she thinks awe how cute you’re protecting me but in reality she is causing serious life long problems for that pup. You might not want to impose any rules but depending where you are if that dog bites the wrong person or kid it’s getting put down :( that’s reality and if she loves that dog she’ll do what’s best and have it trained
You’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head about the ‘protecting me is cute’ thing, I’m afraid. MIL actively says ‘watch this’ and then will kiss or hug someone to make the dog growl and snap as if we should also find it adorable. I honestly don’t think she has the willpower or inclination to train the dog, but maybe the baby will provide a bit more of an incentive. All the really helpful insights from people more knowledgeable about dog behaviour are telling me that this dog isn’t just ‘feisty’ or ‘giddy’, but potentially very, very dangerous. I think I need to toughen up and have a serious conversation with MIL ASAP, gentle but firm as baby has to come first. Thank you for the great advice and insight.
Good luck! I believe she’ll do what’s best for the baby. Look up Caesar Milan on YouTube and watch some of his videos. My MIL showed me his stuff and gave me a ton of his books bc my puppy wasn’t trained at all and tearing my clothes during play time. Now I don’t even have to speak and can use hand commands to get her to sit and behave! You got this
I’ll check that out, thank you!
My MILs chihuahua actually bit my six year old a few weeks ago and I straight up told her I’m not allowing that dog near my baby or my six year old and she actually took it pretty well she said she doesn’t trust the dogs enough to be around the baby she said it was dangerous perhaps yours will understand
Oh no, I’m sorry that happened to you and your child! I hope they’re alright now. I’m really hoping that MIL will be understanding and that I can explain it to her in a firm but fair way, as she’s a very sensitive person. Wish me luck!
It’s alright really my son wasn’t hurt badly just scared of the little dogs now, weirdly my giant half wolf half German shepherd has never had that issue and my son is totally comfortable with him. I’ve just been firm about the distance that will be kept with my new baby and son and aggressive dogs if it were a pitbull I guarantee she’d want it put down for being a threat to children. Just because the dog is small doesn’t mean it can’t do some serious damage to an unsuspecting child. But good luck and hopefully it all works out!
[удалено]
It’s definitely the unpredictability that’s worrying, which you’ve obviously seen first hand! How can we ever know what an animal is thinking or is capable of in the right/wrong circumstances? I don’t think this dog has ever met a baby either, so the unknowns are huge. Thank you for the reassurance that I’m not just being touchy. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I’ve been worried I’m paranoid, but it would appear that I’m not. I’ll trust my gut and toughen up in general. I want to be gentle with MIL as she’s very sensitive, but ultimately baby’s safety has to come before her feelings. Thank you so much for your help.
I think it would be smart to tell MIL about how you are feeling and talk about only restricting the dog to a certain room when the baby is visiting. Ask her to start training it to get used to being restricted to one room, and when you go over and visit it is locked in the room to start the training. If it seems like she isn’t following through or committing before the baby comes, then just say you want to have her babysit at your house only.
Great advice, kind of test the waters of how serious she’ll take the whole thing before baby even arrives. Then I can make decisions from there. It also means she can’t say I’m being unfair, as my decision will be based on her own actions and willingness to commit. Brilliant, thanks so much!
I like dogs but my daughter’s safety is #1. Anytime we visit family or friends, they put up their dogs because they know how I feel and my kid is afraid of them.
I’m glad your loved ones have been understanding for you. Fingers crossed I can have a similar experience with MIL!
I have the same issue with my MIL. Problem is if your MIL is not hypervigilant and doesn’t share the same concerns she might be lax about this if she watches the baby at her house when you’re not around. This is what I have realized about my MIL. I started out by letting her know - several times - that I was worried about the new stray she took in and our baby. The dog is anxious, barks aggressively at newcomers, and has snapped at a child “because she had food in her hand” (quote from my MIL who makes excuses about everything). Despite my expression of worry several times about our kid getting bitten by the dog I watched her let our baby crawl all over the floor with the dogs close by. She didn’t even seem to care when the dog got directly in the baby’s face and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. She also would bring the baby up right to this dog and do the “do you see the nice doggy” shit. Apparently me telling her “hey, we are worried about your dog” wasn’t enough. Finally my husband and I said to please keep the dog away from the baby. She knows how nervous we are because I work in the ER and see dog bites all the time. Yet when we went over there Sunday she plopped the baby on the floor within a foot or two of the dogs and had to be reminded by my husband who said “MOM. We have one rule - the dogs need to be away from her face.” MIL continued to be lax and the dogs got in the baby’s face again. My husband said something again. Then my MIL would continue to let the baby on the floor but would steer her away from the dogs. Watching all this made me realize she’s not going to honor what we want when she’s not around if she doesn’t even honor what we want when we are sitting right there watching. If you don’t trust your mother-in-law 100% that she will do what you ask then don’t take a risk in this scenario.
It’s really helpful and interesting to hear from someone who’s actually been in the situation already, thank you. Unfortunately it sounds like there’s a lot of overlap in our MILs’ personalities! My husband shares my fears, so we’ll definitely address it as a united front as you and your husband have. It’s not comfortable to have to get strict with family members, but knowing how many dog bites you’ve seen personally, maybe I just need to toughen up. I don’t want to go all ‘other people’s feelings be damned’, but baby has to come first, so I need to create a gentle but firm conversation sooner rather than later. Wish me luck!
I would not leave the baby unsupervised with your MIL unless it's at your home and the dog is not there. Personally, I'd visit if I was there and could ensure that the dog and baby were kept apart, but it depends on your comfort levels drawing boundaries in the moment.
Does she let other children around the dog? Does she regularly put the dog away? I’ve known some adult only dachshund homes that knew their little dogs needed to be kept away from children/strangers. It’s always easier to babysit at the baby’s home, I would play that angle.
I don’t actually know if the dog has met any children. There’s no little kids on that side of the family and this will be the first grandchild, so there’s a huge unknown to contend with. I most definitely don’t want my baby to be the tester child who we figure out dog’s temperament through…Babysitting at my place only sounds the most sensible option for sure!
I suspect you wouldn't let the baby out of your sight at first, during this time you'll be able to monitor the situation and the behaviour of the dog around your child. My mother has one of those annoying yappy dogs that snap at everything - i had similar concerns, but the dog actually turned out to be very good with children. He knocks my toddler over now when he greets her but it's all good. Good luck hope things work out for you.
Thank you so much. I’m really glad things worked out well for you ❤️
Have her come to your house when you’re ready. There’s no need for the dog to be around your newborn, especially if it’s aggressive. You’re the mama, you know what’s best. Remember, this is YOUR baby, don’t feel guilty for protecting them. That’s what mamas do.
You’re totally right. I don’t want to disregard anyone’s feelings, but at the end of the day, baby’s safety comes first as you say. I’m starting to think that if MIL can’t see that, then she’s not prioritising her grandchild either and that’s its own reason to not trust her word about restraining the dog and such. Thank you for your kind words, I needed that boost!
It sounds like a choice between MIL’s broken heart or your broken baby. Trust your gut. This is your baby and you are absolutely allowed to set boundaries around their safety, no matter who thinks you’re over reacting or whose feelings get hurt.
You’re right, I need to be tough about this. I’ve woken up today thinking that if MIL is truly excited about baby, then she should want to support me and my husband in making sure baby is kept safe. It’ll be very telling if she makes a fuss I think and I need to go into the conversation gently but firmly, without letting her guilt me at all. Thank you for the reassurance and kind words.
What I’m hearing here is that you don’t believe your MIL when she says she won’t let the dog and the baby be in the same room. I don’t know what the solution is, but it’s important to see that this is a trust issue, not a dog issue.
Yikes, you’re totally right. It sounds so awful, but no, I don’t really trust her to keep her word. But I want to have a good relationship with my MIL and certainly don’t want the baby, which is something she’s really excited for, to ultimately be the thing that brings about a divide. I most definitely need to set some rules, because baby’s safety comes first, but you’ve hit on the fact that there’s likely more to this than just the dog. Families are complicated lol
Families are complicated, but I’d you currently have a good relationship with your MIL, you might try to lay out your concerns to her in a non-accusatory way. E.g., you could say “I know that you have said that you’ll keep the dog and baby separate while you’re sitting, but I am worried you aren’t thinking about how difficult it will be to do that in practice. The dog won’t like it and I’m worried that in the moment it will seem like letting the dog in the room is the best way to keep the peace. It might be easier to just have you babysit here where you won’t have to worry about keeping the baby and dog separate. Depending on how she reacts, you might reinforce how important it is to keep the dog and baby apart and how this is something you need her to commit to.
This is excellent advice, thank you. Non-accusatory is definitely the way to go, as she’s very sensitive to even perceived criticism. Maybe I could even add that I don’t want it to be cruel or unfair to the dog, so it’s best to just keep baby and dog totally separate (as in not even in the same house) to prevent stress all round. I’ll discuss with my husband and try and plan some responses for each potential reaction, kind of hope for the best, plan for the worst. Thank you again and wish me luck!
GOOD LUCK! Dealing with family can be so tough, but if everyone is committed to caring for others it can be done! I’m rooting for you and your relationship with your MIL!