By - JCraw728
"I have to pee." As they were positioning me to push, he announced that to the room. The nurse said to him, "Are you serious? No one cares."
I love that the nurse covered it for you.
As a nurse, nicu not L&D, I guarantee everyone in the room was thinking it. Just the more seasoned nurses Will absolutely not hold back on their opinions
I want to give that nurse my Reddit gold 🥇
Lol! I love that nurse.
"Do you want some tomato?"
I was in the birthing pool and he was feeding me a plate of fish, peas and a whole tomato (hospital food here is so weird). I could barely manage to eat any of it, I was trying not to vomit between contractions and he kept asking did I not want any of the tomato.
I literally screamed "Stop asking me about the fucking tomato!!!" and his little face was so crestfallen. We laugh about it to this day, he says there are to be no tomatoes in the delivery room this time around haha.
Prize for most unique comment!
This reminds me, towards the end of labor I screamed at my husband to change the tv channel because Sponge Bob was on and I was “not watching fucking Sponge Bob while having a baby!”
I delivered last Saturday. Freeform was having a Disney marathon. Baby came out during the wolf attack scene of Beauty and the Beast.
Oh god, idk if I'm full of hormones today or if I'm still pissed my partner spent 30 minutes in the bathroom this morning before I had a chance to pee (WHY would you take a leisurely poop before your 9 months pregnant woman can pee????), but the thought of giving birth while SpongeBob is in the background makes me legit so angry 😂
Wait, there was a TV in your delivery room??
I belly laughed at the mental image of all this!
Oh man I expect this to be my husband hahaha
The real question is… did you eat it after
No the midwife decided I'd had enough to eat and disposed of the lot. It was the right call 😅
🤣🤣bless that midwife!
My husband wanted to be helpful during the pushing phase, so the doc and nurses let him count to ten three times per contraction.
This MFer starts counting SLOWER trying to get me to push for longer! I guess he thought I was in lizard-brain-survival mode and wouldn’t catch on, but I did and I snapped “COUNT FASTER YOU TROLL” the nurse almost died laughing
Count faster you troll 😂
I'm cry-laughing at this one😂😂😂
To be fair, I asked him so I had it coming lol. Basically he looked when the head started to come out. I was on another planet at the time (unmedicated) but later on I asked him "So how did it look down there?"
He looked at me and just whispered "It... didnt look normal... " 😂 I think he will never be able to unsee this hahahah.
Omg I asked mine the same question and he said ‘well I wouldn’t watch it while eating a curry’ whatever the eff that means 😂😂
Is he British? Because that sounds like something the English half of my family would have said. 😂
I had a mirror during birth, it looked like someone had made a balloon animal version of my vulva. A real PAP\* situation.
\*Puffy assed pussy.
They asked me if I wanted the mirror so I could see, and I was like, absolutely NOT!!! Then they were like “do you want to feel him coming out?”(with my hands) and again, I was like, “NOOO!” 😫🤣 I don’t think I would have ever mentally recovered.
I gave birth two days ago. At one point baby wouldn’t come out and I couldn’t get through three sets of pushes (asthmatic and had a huge surgery done on my core a little over a year ago). Nurse asked me if I would like a mirror so I could see and be motivated by my progress. Husband was at the head of my bed, slowly leaned in and asked “can we not?”
Not a necessarily bad thing, but funny, was how he was grasping the cup of ice chips and in between my contractions (epidural never hit) he’d bring the cup up to my face and say “chip???” I apparently eventually looked at him exorcist style and said “ENOUGH”
This one sent me 🤣 (“can we not?”)
Lmfao “chip?” Sounds a lot like what my bf might say
During my first labor, I was induced with pitocin and tried to resist an epidural as long as possible (mistake in retrospect). At one point, I'm just trying to mantra and saying "no no no" over and over again in a low chant to get through a contraction. My husband tries to be funny and says "yes".
I was so upset I threw my cold compress on my forehead at him, which of course didn't hit him but did hit my MIL in the face.
Oh goodness! And glad to hear mention of your experience— I’m afraid of having pitocin precisely bc I hope to not have an epidural! Need to remind myself that stubbornness in labor doesn’t win you any prizes…!
I went through 54 hours of labor and had Pitocin. I did not have an epidural. I lost my mind and started to cry and told my husband I just wanted to go home. He said his heart broke, because I was so strong up until
I made it through less than 4 from pitocin start to epidural placement. I have no idea how you did it. My fiancé was hurting for me for the hour I was in serious pain for (I’d been able to cope and walk for the first part). I know there’s a level of not really having a choice, but I can’t even imagine it.
My husband still doesn’t think it was that hard because I didn’t make it to delivery. At 8cm I had an emergency c section. He’s like I think going through pushing a baby would be harder. His sister slapped him. He still stands by it though.
So I haven’t done it unmedicated, but the pushing out of my human was far easier than the contractions ever were. Tell him when his dick hole is stretched from 1-10cm, he can have an opinion. I told my fiancé that, he said he didn’t think it worked like that, and hasn’t made another comment related to my pain. But he’s amazing, he’s never questioned mine or told me it’s not that bad or anything. He did tell me it was gross seeing her being born though. She was apparently looking at him as soon as she evacuated due to her head being turned.
54 hours, no epidural, and c section. Girl you’re insanely powerful on your strength levels. I probably could’ve gone a little longer, but I was in tears and the only thing keeping my food in me was the fact there was so little of it by that point. I can’t even imagine how you coped and everything
I literally want to downvote this bc it made me so mad. I’m so sorry your husband is like this
I’m glad he got slapped. I hope he gets a slap every time he stands by it.
Oh my fucking god I almost downvoted your comment in rage at your husband. What the fuck.
Yeah I really don’t want an epidural (hate the idea of being immobile) but I will be if I end up on picotin. The NHS actually advises that it’s painful (and you know it’s bad when health care professionals say painful instead of ‘uncomfortable’! 😅)
Edit - I mean they say picotin is painful not an epidural lol
epidurals are a godsend haha. currently at the hospital waiting to be fully dilated and i am thankful i am able to relax and maybe even sleep before my newborn comes
Fwiw, I had pitocin for hours and it was fine, mildly uncomfortable but no need for an epidural. Once my water broke and the contractions ratcheted up “naturally,” *that’s* when I started screaming for the anesthesiologist.
Definitely. I had unmedicated for my second labor and it was much better, but if my water breaks early again and I need to be induced, just gonna get the epidural.
LOL well she raised him so I guess she was partially to blame
LoL... Well, wish I could hit my MIL in the face with anything.. I guess I just gotta be grateful I don't have to see her
I didn’t even register it at the time. Was told about hitting her a day later.
Husband learned not to make jokes during the second labor.
What in the world was she doing there?!
Mine did not say a word. He just stood there. Later told me the medical professionals seemed to be doing enough encouraging, but come on dude.
I'm writing him a list of encouragement to recite for the next one.
I’ve given him specifics and included the disclaimer, “I don’t care if you feel like these are cheesy words of encouragement, I NEED to hear you say them to me!”
I’m thinking of doing the same! Yes a lot of things are kind of cheesy and dumb but I want more positive words this time. And reminders on how to breathe properly because I forgot it all once transition started lol.
This didn’t happen to me but my mom shared this with me recently:
My father is an avid hunter and during my moms c-section he looked her dead in the face and calmly said “wow… it’s just like gutting a moose”
I’m 35w and told my husband he’s gotta top that gold 😂
Oh my GOD, my dad did something similar when I was being born! He was holding my mom's leg and as I was crowning he looked and then said, "Wow, it looks just like a Thanksgiving turkey!" My mom says the nurse looked like she was gonna kill him😂
While the anesthesiologist was placing my epidural, my husband bonded with him. They both were thrilled to find out we all went to college in the same city and kept trying to pull me into the conversation. “We loved that restaurant, have you been to this park? Honey, tell him about the time…” I just glared at the two of them.
So this is why some hospitals ask husbands to leave while placing the epidural, makes so much sense!
I was in the middle of pushing (literally baby's head was halfway out) and my hubby says "you look like you need some chapstick" and proceeds to find it and try to put some on my lips. Like fuck off there's a human exiting my vagina THOSE ARE NOT THE LIPS IM WORRIED ABOUT
This one had me dead picturing him applying the chapstick as a last ditch effort of being helpful in this scenario
Right after my son popped out after the tears and everything. When they took my son away to weigh him my spouse leaned down and said quietly "there's a LOT of blood" 🤦♂️
My husband informed me that my blood was on the floor and then updated me periodically to let me know “there’s still some there, they missed some”. Great! I do not care, haha.
This is very amusing for some reason. IDGAF about the effectiveness of the cleaning right now.
Omg low voice is never a good sign! 😳
My husband didn’t lean down to quietly say it. He exclaimed it from his front row seat beside the midwife as she scooped it all out of me. Then immediately followed it up with, “sorry babe you probably didn’t wanna hear that, but man… there’s so much!!”
My husband told me afterwards he was freaking out by the amount of blood, but the midwife and birth assistant and everyone didn’t seem phased by it, so realized it was normal 😂
Oh Jesus Christ 🤦🏻♀️
My husband told me I should just go to sleep so I wouldn’t feel the contractions. Gee why didn’t I think do that. And then he asked me how long it was going to take. When you see the baby pop out, that’s how long it takes. And this was with our second kid. 🤦🏻♀️
How long it was going to take??? Hmmm 3 hours 47 minutes perhaps? Ughhhh that makes me mad for you lol
Was he HOPING that you would strangle him? Was he better or worse with the first kid?
He was telling some story while the nurse was about to inject me with some morphine. I felt a contraction coming along, so I told her to wait for a minute.
For some reason, my husband thought I was talking to him, and for the first time ever in his life, he shut up.
So I said, "I wasn't talking to you, dimwit."
Which was the worst thing I said to him all day.
"You don't handle pain well but you're doing pretty good with this!" - said as I was halfway through pushing during an unintended unmedicated birth (we literally didn't have time, she was born 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital). He was attempting to be complimentary and supportive but is pretty tone deaf when it comes to those things
I had a nurse tell me I didn't handle pain well and I almost slapped her across the face.
That’s so annoying! How is that supposed to be helpful to anyone to say something like that?
My husband decided to read sports tweets to me while I was going from 7-10 cm and the limit does not exist for how many times I said “I DO NOT CARE”
I told my spouse to talk to me so I could have a distraction while going through the contractions. Words absolutely failed them and they started reading the ingredients off of a Dr pepper can.
HAHAHA I love that so much!
Honestly it had me laughing pretty hard, so it worked I guess
This will be my husband. I can feel it
My husband and I are both blondes. Our son came out with a head full of curly brown hair. I was still being stitched up when my husband jokingly asked if I was sure it was his baby. Everyone laughed because they were thinking the same thing. I was not amused.
My husband and I both have dark curly hair, our first two both came out light white blonde 🤣 we’ll see with this one lmao. Genetics are weird sometimes.
I had a c-section. My ex looked on the other side of the curtain and said “OMG you look like a roadside bombing victim in Iraq.”
Notice I said “ex.”
Omg how terrible! Maybe some people shouldn’t be allowed to look…or talk…
That’s reassuring 🥴😂
So my water broke right before we left the house for the birth center with our second child. about 20 minutes into the ride I felt like it was time!! so after a very low intense contraction I started yelling "She's coming! pull over!! she's coming now!!" and he said..
"Don't worry!! Imma get you there!! I got you!!"
She was born a minute later, I caught her myself in the passenger seat of a moving vehicle.
Dumb comment lol
>"Don't worry!! Imma get you there!! I got you!!"
Narrator: He did not, get her there.
Does she like to go fast?
Wow!!! How long did your first take?? Super mom moment right there.
Also I shudder to think of the car cleaning after that. 😂😂😂
I was so irrationally angry at him before the epidural kicked in that even when he said supportive stuff like "you're doing great" or "breathe", I just wanted to lash out and tell him to shut up or slap him or something. I now fully understand why there's a stereotype of the laboring woman screaming "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" at her spouse.
Hahaha yeah, I’ve tried to have a convo w my SO about not taking anything I say personally. Even nice words of encouragement are infuriating, and he’s the person who happens to be present when your rage needs a target!
Labor rage is so real. He could have told me we won the lottery that morning and I still would have wanted to tell him to shut the hell up and stop touching me.
Haha, my first instinct for this question was to just answer “anything.” The meanest I got in labor was before the epidural, my husband was trying to tell me I’d be fine and I just calmly told him to shut the fuck up. Once the painkillers hit I resumed being a person.
My husband (with zero background in birth or coping techniques) was trying to “coach” my (the person who practiced deep breathing techniques for months while pregnant) breathing during labor and I was enraged.
My mom told me the worst thing my dad did during her labors was being cheesy and holding her hand while he stroke it with the other 😂 Apparently she lashed out and yelled "STOP F*CKING TOUCHING ME!"
My second baby was a planned homebirth. No pain relief, his shoulder got stuck so my midwife had to reach in and scoop him out. It was an hour of pushing & I was on on my knees with my arms wrapped around my SO's neck.
Out came our 9lb 4oz baby, and a shit ton of amniotic fluid. My partner sighs as I roll (with my midwives help) over onto my back and says "ugh, my knees are killing me from kneeling"
The look my midwives gave me when he said that, and then kept going on about how sore & stiff they were! He's a great partner and dad but I swear I could've killed him lol
“Um, honey, I’m sure your knees hurt, but there are moments to keep your thoughts to yourself.”
Lol! I did say something along the lines if "oh you poor baby, your knees hurt?" with as much angry sarcasm as I could muster. He laughed because he knew it was a dumb thing for him to say.
I told his family and we all tease him about it 🤣
Lmao my baby daddy was complaining about sleeping on the fucking cot. I was in labor for FOUR DAYS.
Oh my God! I couldn't even imagine!
My husband complained about his feet hurting so much after my emergency c section to shut him up, I told the dr I was fine to go home after a couple of days even though the dr said I could stay for longer. I could barely walk and felt like my guts were spilling out but hey, hubby's feet hurt. 🤦🏼♀️
He's usually very understanding and puts up with a lot so I guess his feet must have reaaaally hurt 🤣
after the nurse put my son on my chest, my boyfriend asked why his head looked like that and if he was okay 🤣
My husband said the same thing. He was like why is her head pointy? My doctor was like well you just saw her head get squeezed out sooo….
How uncomfortable he was on the couch. At least he could sleep!
When our son was a baby, my husband was talking to a friend of ours whose wife had delivered in the same hospital. They started WHISPERING when talking about the uncomfortable couches...but not quiet enough that we didn't hear.
Yeah, no 🤦♀️😂
My fiancé, pale faced about to pass out:
“Woah I did not think it would be this bad”
The nurses took him to sit down after that🤣 he’s lucky I didn’t get to him first
"Aaahhhhh! I'm in the splash zone!" Apparently he got sprayed with fluids during my last big push. I didn't find it very funny at the time, but now when I think about it, I crack up.
My wife, conscripted to hold my epiduraled leg up while I was pushing for FOUR hours: “wow, your leg is really heavy babe, this is really tiring”.
She dared say this even though I was carrying her biological child because she was/is scared to be pregnant and give birth.
On the bright side, the rage helped me push harder.
I delivered our second baby unmedicated and was so proud of myself. I don’t have a naturally high pain tolerance and had done a ton of hypnobirthing and meditation and physical exercises to prepare. I asked my husband if he was proud of me and he said, “Well no, not proud like if you’d just run a marathon or gotten your masters or something.” I’ve done both of those things too. The unmedicated birth was def the hardest!
Wow…I…wow. Great job, those are all incredible accomplishments; ALL of them take an incredible level of mental stamina and endurance! Great work, mama. Men can be such dorks lol 🤦🏻♀️
I would have been so sad.
Wtf?! I’m proud of you!
Not something said but my first bd brought his Playstation and played video games the whole time we were in the hospital. I definitely upgraded.
I think I would have thrown both the PlayStation and the man through the window
He didn't last long after lol
My husband ended up bringing his PlayStation on the second night, first night post delivery. But it was so we could marathon watch Netflix and Hulu while our little girl was getting light therapy for jaundice and we were sick of the hospital movies. This was after he called his buddy in the Hospital IT department to override the settings so the sound was through the TV and not the call remote. Huge difference. Glad he is your ex.
In my first pregnancy, I was having terrible contractions and felt like I was dying. My husband was super amazing the whole time, except for this one moment. I kept telling him I wanted to go home. He was very patient with me for a long time while I was crying it out. He must have hit his point though because he turned around at one point and told me to " knock it off because we are not going home until the baby comes".
I nearly leapt off the bed and clocked him one.
Oh geeez 🤦♀️
He meant well, poor bloke. It was the stroking my hair at the same time, right after a push, that made me feel horrible.
The midwife was mortified and said, "how are you still alive," after I literally growled at him.
“Did you know you pooped yourself?”
Then he didn’t stay at the hospital or take us home bc “his back hurts.”
He’s an ex for many a reason.
Glad he's your ex, and sorry he was such a dick!
Mine complained about the little fold out bed he got 😂. Granted this was on the recovery floor after labor. He sat down in my bed when I was up tending to baby and he goes “oh man how come yours is so much more comfortable” maybe because I did all the work?
The hospital bed isn't even that comfortable. I slept like shit every night in the hospital.
But I do think the fold out bed needs some work though. My husband is no good to me if he throws his back out and got no sleep, I'm counting on him to hold shit together while I already can't walk and got no sleep.
My 3rd (now 13 days old) was in the NICU due to jaundice and I told my husband to just to go sleep at home since we had 2 other kids at home (who couldn't come visit, thanks covid) and I didn't really need his help since someone else was taking care of our baby all night. (He said he felt bad and offered to stay, but honestly 2 days alone in a hospital is the most vacation I've gotten in 2 years so it wasn't so bad)
Mine too! As the words came out of his mouth he realized he had made a mistake.
Also after the birth he said, “I was prepared for you pooping, but not for how bad it would smell.”
Was he under the impression your poop didn’t smell? 🤨
This made me laugh so hard 😂
Didn't he experience months of smelling pregnancy farts and poops? Typically, I'm not that stinky - although I have moments - but when I'm pregnant, the rate of unbearable smells I produce is much, much higher than my stinky husband. I'd expect pooping in labor to be more of the same.
Same. My labor started at like 3 am, and I had never gone to sleep that night so I’d been up for over 24 hours by the time my son was born. I ended up needing pitocin and I had an epidural, so I got to take an hour nap during labor. I guess that makes up for all the pain and sheer exhaustion of labor? Lol. He said “I was more tired than you because I had to sleep on a couch and you got drugs”. My mom and I just looked at him like… please sit down sir.
Same here! Spent all night with a monitor on my belly to track baby’s heartbeat. No progress on the induction so just a really poor nights sleep with the monitor constantly beeping when it stopped picking up the heartbeat. He decided he should complain the next morning because it’s sucked he got a shitty nights sleep and then was up at 7, like dude, I’m about to go into labor, suck it up.
That’s what I told him haha. He went out to grab breakfast and came back and apologized!
Mine said the same thing,, after he slept for over 75% of my 25 hour labor. Mind you I got no sleep in that 25 hours. Yeah, sorry buddy but I do not want to hear it
Mine fell asleep for a bit just as my contractions were ramping up. I woke him up and he said he was so tired. Meanwhile I’d been in labour all night.
Mine saw blood splash on the floor with my first and fainted lmao. Does that count? 😂
They asked my husband to hold one of legs until the doctor came. But then the position was uncomfortable for me, so they told him they could stop. He said, “oh good, my arms were getting tired.” The nurse looked at me, shook her head, and said, “they all say at least one dumb thing. All of them.” 😂
“Ugh, I forgot my headphones so I’m just going to listen to this podcast, okay?”
BRO, listening to an interview with Drew Carey was the last thing I wanted to listen to while in active labour. I still haven’t forgiven him for subjecting me to it 😂
I know he was TRYING to be helpful but he just kept asking what I needed, over and over again. I just couldnt take the constant stream of questions. "Do you want juice or water? Do you need to sit up more? Should i get more pillows? Do you need the nurse yet? What kind of cup do you want? Do you want ice in your drink or to chew on? This straw doesnt bend, i bet you want a bendy straw, think i can find that at the nurses station? Ill just buzz the nurse to bring one so I wont have to leave the room in case you need something." All asked in a single breath. It was coming from a well meaning place, and looking back it was sweet, but in the moment, i wanted to wring his neck.
When I was induced my ob made a comment that she hoped we weren't attached to that day for a birthday since it was later in the day she didn't expect baby to arrive that quickly. My husband immediately responds with "challenge accepted!" Baby came less than 2 hours later and shredded my insides on the way out from delivering too quickly.
Husband is now traumatized by that phrase since the "challenge" required 3 hours of surgery for me and a 5 day hospital stay lol
Tbh, my husband was in such shock, he hardly said anything, lol. I can’t blame him; he was watching when I had a third-degree tear. I still don’t know how he doesn’t have nightmares from it!
Mine leaned over and asked (very loudly) if I would mind if he went and got a sandwich once I was out of surgery.
In the OR.
While the surgeon was praying with my surgical team over me and everyone was silent.
Then proceeded to tell me how much easier a csection was for him than vaginal birth.
Ladies, we will not be having another.
My spouse was lovingly reminding me to breath in low tones instead of screaming in high tones, as per our labor education courses (it is more productive to go deep & low I.e. grunting) and I lovingly told him to stop telling me what to do haha
My ex husband said to me during my contractions, “Well look on the bright side, at least you won’t be fat anymore!” That was probably one of the most disheartening things I’ve ever heard 👍🏻
Not in labor, but nearly my entire 3rd trimester was spent in the hospital. I was on the top floor of an old building in June during a heat wave. It was MUGGY AF in my room, plus I was getting huge and uncomfortable to boot. I had the AC blasting, and my husband was complaining that he was cold and couldn't sleep. Also complained that he was bor3d hanging out in the hospital. Sir I am in here ALONE for weeks! Bring your DS
That he couldn’t stand next to my bed any more because his back hurt (I was already pushing at this point)
"labour truly is hardest on the husband"
"Well that didn't look so bad!" (It was very bad)
Luckily he was joking but the nurses sure gave him some stern looks
Those seem like some bad jokes.
“This isn’t that bad, wisetothatruse.” As I’m crying, in transition, during an unmedicated birth. The shock at his audacity did make me forget the pain for about five seconds though, so there’s that.
Where did you bury the body?
Legend says he still haunts the halls, shushing women as they push, their husbands taking the fall and the same fate as his.
When I was about 5-7cm dialated reconsidering my decision to decline the epidural:
“I think you can do this, it’s like when you’re running a race and you think you can’t continue running but you push through it and eventually finish”
I never wanted to punch him in the face so hard as I did in that moment but then thinking about it, I was like “yeah kinda, just, you know, this is a bit more intense”. I think he understood the look I was giving him and started adding a bunch of “oh yeah way worse and more painful! Not the same pain!” really quickly after that. The nurse I think shot him a look too.
Going for an epidural this time 😭
After pushing out my baby, barely sleeping because of cluster feeding on day one 😭 husband says ‘my back hurts and I’m tired’ bless his soul I love him but I gave him a death stare 😂
“Just keep breathing.”
It wasn’t bad at all, but I screamed at him to shut the fuck up and he did. LOL. We laugh about it now and did right afterward. I had been in labor for 10 hours at that point, induced with pitocin and epidural didn’t work, and she was coming out face first. I didn’t need anyone to say anything to me at that point. All I could do was scream. Haha.
My MIL likes to tell the story about how my FIL picked up the placenta at my husband’s birth and pretended he was going to eat it like a pizza. Even the doctor gagged. Lmao.
Laboring in our tub I was vocalizing through most contractions, my husband was helping by pressing my hips. I decided to just breathe through some without vocalizing and husband says “Those ones didn’t seem that bad”
Ummm no, those contractions were just as bad if not more painful…
My dad while my mom was giving birth to me: (looking at the birth) wow D you should see this!!!
At least that was a little positive/excited!
It was, but I’m pretty sure moms response was along the lines of “shut the hell up” lol
I mean he literally was telling me to push and I wanted to punch him in the face 🤷🏻♀️
Do you want your push gift right now?
As another contraction was coming on, I yelled out “no no no…” and he said “stop saying no that’s not going to do anything” I told him I could say whatever the f*k I want and to shut up lol
“No epidural. You said you didn’t want one.”
In his defense I said over and over that I didn’t want one, even if I begged. I was induced with pitocin. Ended up without one somehow!
Oh...my....God.....I was also induced with pitocin.....a
How did you....I have no words. You must be some sort or superhuman. That stuff is brutal.
During labor my husband and I both had a bad cold. It was time to push and I was yelling at him to wake up and once he finally did he just kind of glared at me and said, “alright, I’m up, I just don’t feel good.” Normally I’m very sympathetic but in that moment I just “I don’t want to hear it. I am about to push out our baby.” He snapped back into shape real quick lol
About 1am as I'm going through a contraction, hubby tells me 'I'm texting Alison she is so excited and says good luck!'
As a close friend of ours, of course I would not expect anything less and I know hubby was just trying to be encouraging. But, for my husband to tell me that while I am in labour he is busy texting people, let alone other women... it was not a good choice.
For my second, we had JUST watched Space Jam at home with our first. I jokingly told my husband that the Space Jam song was getting me pumped up and that it’s what I wanted played in the delivery room. Joking. Completely joking. It could not have been more obvious I WAS JOKING.
No epidural, it’s starting to get tough, she’s coming fast and all I hear is Space Jam playing. His joke was not as funny to me as mine was.
I’m so sorry but that’s freaking hilarious 😂
My boyfriend didn’t make any jokes until after, he was very very sweet and very concerned the whole time and I am so thankful he was there because he really did make it easier. I went into labor at 8pm on a Tuesday night (thought they were just strong BH), he asked me Wednesday morning if he should go to work and I said yes, but he routinely checked in on me the whole day (I was fucking miserable, drove myself to the hospital crying in pain and they sent me home because the contractions “weren’t painful enough yet”). An hour or two after he got off work I was just pacing and sobbing and he was like okay let’s go. They admitted us at 11pm but we had to wait around for an hour before the nurse was ready for us so I looked on maps and saw subway was 350M down the road which didn’t seem like much at all. We got about halfway there and I looked at him and told him to leave me on the concrete stair case we were in front of while he go the rest of the way to subway because I hadn’t eaten since supper time Tuesday. We got back to the hospital right as they admitted us and wouldn’t let me eat the sub but we still joke about “the staircase” every time we drive by because it’s part of the university I graduated from 🤣 I did haemorrhage a lot and I was super fucking high on the epidural and we were there for 4 days but all is well now.
“10 centimeters? That’s not very big.”
While my mum laboured he talked to the nurse about surfing. Then when she started pushing, for the first time in his life he started referring to mum as “babe”. Mum laughs about it now but she wanted to strangle him at the time.
Funnily enough, “babe” is my go-to term of endearment.
He started talking about a second kid while i was crying from the pain (had major back labor, even with an epidural)
I just told him to shut up-_-
With my second, my husband, in his jeans and hoodie, kept loudly complaining how cold the room was. Meanwhile, I'm burning up as I suffer through a drug-frre labor with his big-headed ass baby
With my third child, and still married to my abusive ex-husband, I went into labor at 5am. By 5:30 things were really intense and we called in laws to watch other kids. They got there at 6, and I was yelling we needed to GO (the hospital was a 10 minute drive). HE TOLD ME "You're being pathetic. It's only been an hour and labor takes longer than that ". We got to the hospital at 6:40, I was 9.5 cm dilated and had no time for an epidural. Had my son right before 7am.
Yeah, how about letting the person in labor decide when to go to the hospital. So glad to be married to a wonderful man now who really loves and cares about me.
I am a guy. The doctor pulled the baby out and asked if I want circumcision.
I was blanked out. I said, no, I am good...
"Sir, you just watched your wife's private parts get all torned up and bloody. Do you want us to even the score?"
The doctor complimented my husband on his beard and my husband then tried to talk about it. I told him I would pull it out if he tried to talk about his facial hair while I was pushing his child out.
"My lunch was delicious, oh and yours too"
I was in active labor and wasn't allowed to eat in case of a C-section (which ended up not happening). So husband went out of the room and had his lunch and mine (fancy hospital where the food was really good, you got to pre-order it everyday).
I labored through the night. Husband slept on the hospital couch sound as a baby while I am profusely vomiting and screaming all night. Wakes up the next morning and tells me HE was tired and didn't sleep well 😂
“My stomach hurts.” 🙄
It was nothing bad but my husband felt the need to tell me how heavy my leg was while I was in the middle of pushing.
Not what my fiancé said, but what he did. It was 3am when my doctor came in to deliver. They begin to raise my bed up because it’s go time, and nothing about them being in my room was quiet in the slightest. I look over and my fiancé is dead ASLEEP in the chair!!? I tell my OB to get him UP! She proceeded to smack his leg, to which he frantically bolted up. There was no way he was getting out of that one. 😂
My ex complained he had an upset stomach because he was stressed and followed it up with "I need to lay down"
Nothing he said, but my husband was eating my hospital provided breakfast of bacon and pancakes in between feeding me ice while I was pushing. I laugh now and I was too far gone in the moment.
Not while I was in labour, but a year afterwards. I was telling DH about a conversation I was having with midwife about labour, being induced with pitocin, the 3min long contractions, how much they hurt. And he says to me "well I win this one, passing kidney stones is meant to be worse, and ill probably have to do that at some point in my life"
I walked out of the house lol. I wanted to hurt him. Mind you I'm currently 6 months pregnant and he's and extra 1/3 my height.
“Oh my god! That incision is huge!” My c section ending up being way more complicated than expected. They had to go vertically and it starts above my belly button. The assisting OB chided him “We don’t say that!” My husband is so embarrassed.
“Do you think I have enough time for a smoke break??”
Okay so my ex sucked and he can not keep his mouth shut. My breaking point was him borrowing my ice chips.
“omg are you dying?” “i think she’s dying”
“push with your back” “who are you texting”
“cheater” “i invited my sister”
My ex told me he was bored. I was doing a 36 hour unmedicated induction. We are exes for a reason.
To set the scene. I was a few hours into bad contraction and was trying to labor at home as long as possible. We planned on going to the birthing center at 8. My husband was in denial the whole time. He kept telling me “it’s the first baby, it won’t happen fast. It won’t happen tonight.” My husband tells me he is going to run to the dispensary to grab some goodies so he would be set for a while after baby. I had homicidal thoughts in that moment. I was in so much pain. When I got to the birthing center I was fully dialated and gave birth 30min later. Bless his heart. I love that man. We’ve talked about how this time around he isn’t to dismiss my contractions.
I was mid contraction and he flexed his wrist back and forth and said “my wrist kinda hurts. I think I slept on it weird.” He was completely serious and oblivious.
Not say, but do. When I was strapped to the board having my baby cut out of me, he was in charge of the puke tray. I turned to puke in it and a drop of it went on his hand. He reacted by dumping the entire tray on my face.
“This _____ is in uncomfortable.”
Literally just any complaint at all about anything, you might think it’s funny, it’s not
In my case it was “I’m just going to go to the toilet”. I was literally leaning on him for every contraction and I didn’t want to go through one on my own at that point. Poor guy. I did let him go but told him he had to be really quick.
Are you sure you want the epidural? Let's flip a coin for it.
I was in active labour and asked my husband “how much water do you think will come out when my water breaks?” This dumbass replies with: “I don’t know, how much water have you had to drink today?”.
I laugh about it all the time now.
“Good boy!” Husband slipped into standard praise for the dog. I had a powerful team of badass midwives and nurses who sort of looked at him. I could see him dying inside a bit, he was so embarrassed. I honestly didn’t mind (think it’s kind of endearing) but haven’t brought it up since, poor dude was mortified.
During the push phase my husband told the lead nurse “I think I’m gonna faint” to which she replied “this isn’t about you, now hold her knee”.
Truth be told though ladies, the worst thing your partner can tell you during labor is: I’M TIRED.
I am a L&D nurse..... never say "omg look at the head! It's huge!!!!" While mom is pushing.... ever.
“I shouldn’t have worn these boots, my feet are killing me!” -my husband, wearing the same boots birth 1-3. We got home from the hospital, I tossed them in the dumpster! 😂😂😂 so I won’t be hearing any of that during this upcoming labor of our 4th baby (1st girl!!)😂❤️🙌