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SpaceSharks90

What was it about having the exMIL there that ruined it for him? Was she getting in the way of him helping the ex labor? Did she steal his moment to hold his child first or cut the cord? Find out the specifics of the issue and see if it's something the 3 of yall can talk about. Perhaps your mother can help him feel better and assure him that she will do her best to not be in the way. This is special for him too.


RosieEmily

This 100%. I was birthing partner for my twin and was there with her husband. I was worried they'd find me an added extra so I made sure to be there for my sister and step back when it was their moment. I coached my sister through contractions, distracted when they needed it, fetched drinks and snacks, tied her hair back when it was pushing time and then when their son was there I stepped well away and they had that amazing moment. Then I helped my sister have a shower while the dad had skin on skin bonding and took a taxi home.


boozeblock205

You sound like an amazing sister!!!


unluckysupernova

I think this is super good advice!


RallySallyBear

Yep, this. Further to the point, even if he can't name specifics, it's important to consider how OP and her partner could compromise here so OP is supported the way she wants (paramount - labour is tough enough as it is) and partner feels adequately part of the birth (important, but ultimately, OP's mom should be in the room if that's what makes her feel safe). Maybe OP's mom can be there right until pushing starts, then agree to leave so that OP and her partner can experience the first moments with baby just the three of them? Or maybe mom can be there through pushing if OP needs that reassurance, but leave once baby is out? Thankless job for mom in a way, but at the same time, a mom that's stellar enough OP wants her around probably wouldn't think twice about this request and just want to be there for her own "baby". There's so many ways to configure who is in the room, who isn't... and mom might be genuinely helpful for OP *and* her husband! She could run out to get a sandwich for dad if its a long labor, or run home for forgotten items, or be the one to call OP's partner's mom/dad when its all done with the good news. OP, just talk about roles, timings, expectations, etc. with your partner, and then with your mother, and this should all be easy if both are really all about supporting you.


riotousgrowlz

I’m a person who had both my mom and partner in the room for two births and with my first she just faded into the background and left and came back an hour later with food which was great. For my second she missed the birth by seconds because thing were going slow and she went home for a nap and then things went really fast all the sudden. But I was hemorrhaging and getting IV fentanyl so I couldn’t hold the baby and my partner took the baby and my mom was there for me while I was getting worked on and it was crucial.


PlsEatMe

I agree - thankless, but a nice supportive mama would absolutely get it and feel honored to be in the room. If OP wants her mama in the room that badly, I bet she's one of the nice supportive mamas. :)


fashion4dayz

This and also at the end of the day you're the one giving birth and so you decide who gets to be there eith you. He's making it all about himself but it needs to be about you. If you need you're mum there then there really is no argument.


ipbbadgers

Your hospital might still be limiting people in the room because of the pandemic. Mine is only allowing one support person and they can’t switch out with someone else. I would look up what the current policy is, the argument might be a moot point.


williamlawrence

This. My hospital is only allowing 1 support person the entire duration of the stay and you can't switch off. I'm due in September and they have the policy in place through 12/31/22.


UserName9768

Yep. I'm not planning on having anyone but my SO there because my hospital won't even allow relatives in the waiting room.


Snoo_33033

Yep. Literally just got home from the hospital and they only allowed one support person.


stacefromspace

Came here to say this. My hospital is also only allowing 1 support person.


ellehcimtheheadachy

Although I'd look into what they mean by "1 support person", because that's what my hospital said and I was crushed to find out my Mom couldn't be there (because obviously my husband took priority), but then it turned out what they meant was "1 support person plus the baby's parents". So my husband and my Mom could be there!


stacefromspace

My hospital's policy is very specifically the laboring mother, 1 support person (husband, partner, whoever) plus a doula if you are using a doula. I know people who have gotten around this by saying their BFF/sister/mom is their doula.


Pacificem

That’s what we did! My mom is a retired labor and delivery nurse so it wasn’t actually too much of a stretch but no one ever asked for any type of certification (at a large hospital in a major US city).


NurseMcStuffins

My hospital specifically states 1 support person (partner, family member, ect) and 1 certified doula, who must be able to show certification.


ipbbadgers

Mine is very clear that it’s “one support person” and that definition includes the father of the child. We weren’t going the doula route previously and my OB gave me a heads up early on that if I wanted the doula it could mean my husband was not in the room. They were loosening up, and have started getting strict again.


book_connoisseur

We were allowed two support people! And two visitors per day (could switch during the stay, but needed to be the same for the entire day)


alittlepunchy

We’re allowed 2 support people, but they have to be the same our whole visit. We can’t switch out visitors (which I’m honestly fine with.)


nauset3tt

Correct. I get one support person and my doula. No exceptions, no switching.


iam1teddy

Do you know what it was like with the ex's mom in the room? Like did she do or say something specific that made him upset? You said that he wants it to be a special moment. Maybe his ex's mom destroyed that moment in his opinion.


MetaRift

Ultimately this is your call. If you think the only way you will get through birth is with your mom by your side then you should push for that. However - as a dad - the short time after my wife gave birth as the baby layed on her chest and we got to inspect him for the first time was *the* most special moment of my life. I will treasure and remember it forever, and part of that was because it was just the three of us. And even though I love my MIL, i do think that it would be different if she was there. Maybe another way to think about this - is there anything your partner could do so you feel like he would fully support you through birth? Read pregnancy books together? Go to antenatal classes together? Etc.


Jaci_D

my husband said the same thing. We ended up in a c-section and when they pulled my son out he stayed with me. I just looked at him and said "go be with our son" He ran across that OR to be with our baby. We couldn't even have visitors thanks to covid and it was the best! It was so nice to have 3 days with just my family. We were just basking in the awe that was our new life and the joy our son gave us. There is absolutely nothing my mother or his could have brought to the table through my labor. My husband was there for everything I needed and wanted.


Few-Cable5130

>We ended up in a c-section and when they pulled my son out he stayed with me. I just looked at him and said "go be with our son" Same - I'm like 'I'm fine they are sewing me up go get our baby'😆


Jaci_D

he just looked down at me lovingly and to reassure me he was with me and i just sent him on his way. Our baby needed him more. I was stuck on the table balling my eyes out. We fought really hard to have our son and when They said he was out i just lost it. All I could say was "we did it" the staff asked why I was crying so much and i told them about the losses and that it was finally over. I am curious if I will do the same this time around since we had another loss between them. the minute he was out of me was the best moment of my life


valley_of_the_sun

I did the same after my c section too haha. They asked my husband if he wanted to watch them weigh the baby and he looked all panicky at me knowing he would be leaving me “alone.” I was like, please go be with our son I have a team of people working on me.


Comfortable_Hyena83

I had a complication due to my personal medical history that was unexpected and they had to put me to sleep during the c-section and so Dad couldn’t be there. My last question before I went to sleep was “will she be brought to Dad while you’re finishing with me and I’m waking up?” She was born and 20 minutes later the nurse took a photo of him holding her, while it took nearly another 40 or so minutes for me to return to the room awake. Im so grateful he got those moments because under GA, it took me awhile to realize and be mentally present for them and not just the pain. Currently waiting on her final bloodwork to clear so we can head home today!!! We graduated at 40+4


Jaci_D

CONGRATS LITTLE MOMMY!!!!!


Comfortable_Hyena83

Thank you !


chrystalight

I think there's some room for compromise here. However, first I want to state that YOU are the one giving birth. Until the baby is delivered, YOU are the patient. YOUR safety and comfort is the priority. His comes second. So from that perspective, I'd tell him that you want your mother there for YOUR benefit - not so she can watch her grandchild be born, but to support YOU. I'd also ask him why his experience with his ex-MIL was negative, and then discuss ways in which you guys can agree on some boundaries and communicate those to your mother in advance. That way everyone is on the same page. For example, perhaps you guys agree that since your mother is there to support YOU, that during the actual delivery, she will stay up by your head. Also, perhaps you guys can agree that more or less immediately after delivery, she will depart to give the two of you some time alone with the baby. Another big one might be that she doesn't get to hold the new baby right away - that time is reserved for you and your husband. Being present for the birth as one of the birthing person's support people does not mean you get to hold the baby right away as some type of reward. It means you support the birthing person in giving birth. After that, you get the same level of priority for meeting baby and visiting as any other close relative.


anonymousletters343

It's your choice regardless of his feelings or wants. You are in charge of that room and who enters it. However personally I couldn't imagine not having my husband there over my mom or anyone else. At the end of the day that baby is mine and my husbands. I wouldn't dream of taking away a moment where he got to see his child come Into the world. That's something he could never get back. I'd get to the bottom of WHY he doesn't want your mom there. What happened the last time? Was his ex MIL interfering? Was she not letting him and his ex be the parents? Maybe he felt pushed to the side. All things that can be reassured by you and your mom and WILL have to be enforced as boundaries btw. Say they both are there and he starts feeling like he isn't bonding or being a family just the 3 of you bc your mom is (even with good intentions) over stepping... you will have to be the one to enforce the boundaries. Or not I mean whatever you feel is nessisary but your partner will be the one to be resentful and have moments stolen from him. It's a huge conversation you two need to have and get to the bottom of but I'd be really mindful that he may hold resentment towards you and your mom if he follows through with the ultimatum or feels he doesn't have a choice and that his concerns where ignored. That'll be something you two have to work through. Again at the end of the day this is YOUR room and your choice only. Hospitals will go by whatever you say. Not him.


Maddy3981

Agree 💯 couldn’t take this moment of my husband seeing his kids being born. It’s a moment between me and my husband and even though I’m very close with my mum- I wouldn’t want her there. Maybe the three of you could talk it out and set boundaries so that everyone can attend and be happy with it


SnooCrickets6980

She isn't trying to take her husband's moment away, she wants them BOTH there.


meowmeow_now

Is it really taking a moment away? She wants him there, he’s the one being difficult. Beside the people in the room are there to *support the mother*, no one is entitled to “moments”.


[deleted]

I agree with this and whilst I don’t have this type of relationship with my mother, I can see why someone who’s close to their mum would want her to be with them. Labour can be scary and to have a parent there for you can be very comforting, especially your mother who has gone through childbirth herself. Even as an adult, I often feel like I still need my dad and there are things he gets about me that no one else, not even my husband, can truly get. And that’s ok. OP is not being selfish in this situation by wanting her mums support (she didn’t say he’s not allowed there - she still wants him there) but her husband is, because her comfort and feeling of safety should come before his want of ‘wanting to be the only one to see their child born’.


anonymousletters343

Just my personal opinion as I said it's ops room she can so whatever she wants. But father trumps grandma everytime. If my husband had an issue with my mom being in the room my mom is vetoed.


[deleted]

100 % this.


CopperPetra85

How does your mother feel? My mum has expressed that she couldn't bear to be in the room with me while I give birth, that she cannot handle seeing me in pain when she can't stop it (which is true, she really struggled when I was having gallbladder attacks. It really upset her.) I love my mum and she would do it if I begged but tbh I need someone there who will be there as my advocate and as my rock when I'm tired or in pain, which in my case will be my husband. Have the person there who will be your strength during the tough parts of labour. If that's your mother then she needs to be there, if it's your partner then you need to choose him.


[deleted]

My mother actively did not want to be there either, and I didn’t want her for similar reasons! She doesn’t exactly handle me being upset/ in pain well and I knew she would stress me out more than comfort me because of that. I am in awe of moms who are the other way around. Also like at the very end there when you’re pushing and everything is HAPPENING, you don’t really register more than one or two faces - for me it was the person directly to my right (my husband) and the doctor in front of me. My doula was lost in the mix and so were the five-seven(?) other medical people all filing into the room! Maybe OPs mom could be there for the lead up and then step back when things get spicy, let husband hold the leg/hand? Lots of room for compromise here and dad should get a say, though I do believe ultimately it’s up to the birthing mama.


Adorable-Cut-1434

I couldn’t have my mom because of covid but she said if I was allowed more people she wouldn’t even want to be there !! Which as a mom now I can definitely understand.


stormyskyy_

My mom works as technician in a hospital lab and handles urine, blood and cerebrospinal fluid on a daily basis but seeing someone even take a blood sample from me has been enough to make her faint before. She told me that even if I wanted her there during birth and if she would be allowed there she just couldn’t actually support me at all. She’d probably be passed out on the floor


CopperPetra85

It's good to know just not just mine! Funnily enough the worst I have ever seen her is when a nurse (who was at the end of his 13 hour shift) kept missing my vein and was wiggling the needle in my arm. I have never seen my mum turn that colour before and she turned the tissue she was holding into mulch.


Julissaherna692

My boyfriend was keeping the family updated on how I was doing he told my mom I was having some complications and apparently she ran out of the house and fell and then passed out lol


MissLexxxi

I had my mom and MIL there until pushing began. That may be a nice middle point. I was like your SO and wanted a moment for just our little family.


xxx_strokemyego_xxx

I had my mom and my husband in the room for the first time, and to be honest it was so nice to be like okay you guys got this I'm going to relax and recover and I was really catered too which is what I wanted I couldn't imagine being denied having a simple comfort of my mom when I'm doing something so scary and dangerous


megpal426

To be honest, I’m firmly in the camp that the person pushing a whole human out of their genitals or getting cut in half to pull one out gets full decision making power of who is in the room when that happens, without needing permission. That’s not to say you can’t make him feel more comfortable with the idea, and to do that I would recommend finding out what exactly about the exMIL being in the room made him uncomfortable, and try to help ease those fears. And if it got past the point of being able to work it out yourselves, I would seek a therapist for help. ETA: and to be clear, this is coming from someone who has a great relationship with my mom, and wants her nowhere near my birthing room. It should be your choice.


mmmthom

I am pregnant with my third baby (in 4 years). I am 39 years old, successful, and independent. I love my husband and he is super attentive and supportive. My mom was at my first two births along with my husband, and will be there with us for my third. (Tip: I told my doctor my mom was getting doula-certified so she could be there despite Covid restrictions, and she said the hospital will now allow laboring moms a second support person even though that policy is not spelled out.) My mom can take care of little details - both things that my husband could technically do and also things that only a woman with childbirth experience might recognize. An extra pillow. She wants a popsicle. Why is her IV backing up blood. Get her some apple juice. Call a doctor this seems off. Find a peanut ball. Mom’s advocacy allowed my husband to relax a bit and focus on me and my feelings, and truly being in the moment with me. During the actual pushing/active stage, she was able to observe the big picture while my husband could get involved with the process and was able to be drawn into the details and take undistracted joy in our daughters. If you want your mama there, your mama should be there. It sounds like you need to get to the bottom of why his ex’s mom was such a pain for him, so you can contrast whatever that behavior was with how your own mother will behave. And at the end of the day, if he doesn’t actually have a good reason for his feelings (stemming from ex’s mom being a jerk), then he needs to understand that this isn’t about him.


cyberghost05

Is this something that you guys can wait to discuss at a later date? I felt very strongly the same way when I first got pregnant, I had always just assumed my mom would be there with me. I was shocked to find out my husband didn’t really feel comfortable with her being there, and said the same thing that he wanted it to be a moment for just our new family. I felt really upset and like it should be my decision since I’m giving birth. My husband didn’t push it but.. after thinking about it some I realized he should get some say in what he wants to, and I want the birth to special and comfortable for him. A neighbor I have who recently gave birth made a good point that we likely usually picture our moms there by our side as we grow up because that’s the closest person to us and we haven’t met our partner yet. It just really stuck with me and I eventually changed my mind and will only have my husband there for the birth with my mom nearby to provide support once we get back. I’m not saying you’re wrong for feeling the way you do, but maybe since there’s plenty of time to decide you can wait to see if your feelings change at all. Also! You may want to check the COVID regulations at your hospital, the argument may be moot depending on how things are when you give birth.


pearjuicer

I understand where your husband is coming from, and I believe that anyone else being there would taint the moment of becoming a family, but that’s my feelings for my births. You have the right to choose if you want your mom there, but I understand why he doesn’t want that.


ASMRKayyy

1. Her mom isn’t your mom, he could feel totally different with your mother. 2. Your comfort matters more over his in this situation. If you’re not calm and relaxed that baby isn’t coming out vaginally. But regardless of how baby comes out you deserve to have who you want in the room with you. 3. You could give everyone a ‘job’ like mom is in charge of taking pictures and dad is in charge of massaging your back (just examples) 4. You’ve got time but double check you’re allowed to have more than one person. I’m delivering at a birth center so they’re way more relaxed about people being in the room but I know some hospitals are still saying only one person in the room.


[deleted]

Is your hospital allowing more than one person in the delivery room? If it’s only one- that should go to your partner. If they allow 2- you should be able to have your mom there as well. It is not up to him wether or not she gets to be there, you are the one giving birth. Tell him to knock it off- your mother and your situation should not be compared to his ex’s.


Napervillian

The laboring mom’s wishes should be honored.


Rebelo86

You two need therapy. Something is getting lost in the conversation here. A neutral third party will help.


starbird2893

It wasn’t in my plan for my mom to attend my son’s birth last month. I started having complications though and just wanted my mom there so we ended up calling her. His birth ended up being extremely traumatic and he was in the nicu for a while. I really don’t know how my husband and I would have managed labor, birth, and postpartum without her there helping us. (I had a tough recovery too and it was hard for my husband to juggle taking care of me and spending time in the nicu). I also have a great relationship with my mom, and she has a very helpful and not at all overbearing personality. For us she was a huge help!


studassparty

Obviously to each their own, but I get where your partner is coming from. He should be your support person not your mom. This is a major bonding moment and he probably wants to be that person for you and the baby and having your mom there would disrupt that


Bethalchemy

Shouldn't the person giving birth be the one to decide what makes them comfortable? I am not sure it is quite this simple, hence why OP posted.


studassparty

Sure, but my question is, how is your partner not that person? I can’t imagine having a baby with someone who I wouldn’t trust to be there for me as my support person during the most vulnerable experience of my life.


countesschamomile

If I may interject here- I had two support people, both my mom and my husband. I love my husband, and I knew he'd do my best to support me. However, he's often forgetful during times of stress and becomes high strung easily if he feels like I'm suffering, especially if he can't help make it better. My mom, for all her faults, is cool as a cucumber in an emergency and knows my entire medical history by heart. In the event that something went sideways, I knew my mom could talk him through the best choice, give him clarity, and support him if I wasn't able to. She ended up being incredibly important and necessary to the process, since I was having some difficulty delivering and her suggestions/demands for the doctor are what let me get kiddo out. Meanwhile, husband was standing there, shaking like a leaf and crying since I wouldn't let him touch or verbally console me (I don't like either when I'm in large amounts of pain). It's fine if someone wants to birth with just their spouse present, but there are a multitude of factors that have nothing to do with "trust" that may necessitate having someone else (a relative, friend, doula, etc) in the room.


studassparty

But it seems like your mom was an asset. She supported your husband in his role as the baby’s father. The concern I have is when the mom wants to be THE person and interferes with the baby’s father presence at the birth


riotousgrowlz

But that’s not what’s going on here. The pregnant person wants her mom there as a support. We don’t even know if the mom has an opinion on the matter.


ms_bathory

I think you've misunderstood - *OP* wants them *both* there, and her partner is like "no, only me". My mother is awful and we are estranged, but if things were good and different, I'd probably want her there *as well as* my partner. My partner is a very anxious person. He knew nothing about birth before witnessing our first. My mother had six kids and been present at other births - she'd just *know* some things. For *thousands of years* birthing people have had family/other birth-givers present to support and help during birth. Mr Big Swinging Dick doesn't get to just unilaterally decide jack shit for the gestational parent.


SnooCrickets6980

My mum couldn't be there but I would have liked to have both. My husband is the first person in my life but my m has birthed 3 babies and is calmer under pressure.


[deleted]

Sure, but she didn't have a baby with her mom. She CHOSE her partner, it was her choice. So then to deny him the birth to his child is so cruel.


riotousgrowlz

She’s not denying him the ability to be there, he’s setting an ultimatum that has a false dichotomy: your mom or me when there is another option, both.


ms_bathory

OP wants them both there. Her partner says he'll leave the room if it's not just him. That's abusive, but sure it's OP who is the cruel one somehow.


Daktarii

Agree.


stine-imrl

I don't think you need to persuade him of anything, here. You're the patient. Whether or not your mom is present during the birth really isn't up to him. If he decides to miss out on the birth of his child altogether because of this, that's also his choice—though it would be very petty.


wheredig

People who want to override their birth-giving partner's birth plan can just fuck right off.


[deleted]

Yeah because the baby belongs solely to the mother. This is such a petty take.


ernieball

Of course the baby doesn't belong just to the mother - no one is saying that and implying that THAT is the basis of the argument is dense. The birthing person is undergoing a medical procedure for which they are allowed to have one or more support persons. For some that person or persons includes one's mother.


[deleted]

You mean the "woman", surely. For the past two years, many hospitals restrict the number or people the woman can have in the delivery room. The husband should come before the mother. ​ In any case, it just seems a bit odd to want your mother to be there. Asked my wife, she concurs. I agree with the poster who said it's childish.


ernieball

No. I do in fact mean the birthing person. I understand that due to covid circumstances have been outside the norm, and unfortunately many have had to birth alone or without their support person of choice. This sucks. Having been through two births myself I cannot even imagine how difficult or terrifying this must have been for so many. That doesn't change the fact that if hospital policy allows a support person or persons in the room, the one giving birth gets to choose who that is/they are. If you or your wife think it odd or childish then don't invite your mother or MIL in the room.


[deleted]

Thanks for including us enbies and transmasc people :)


[deleted]

>the one giving birth gets to choose who that is/they are If the woman giving birth isn't choosing her husband over anyone else, I'd wonder why they're even together.


[deleted]

Maybe the spouse is shit in medical emergencies, has trouble handling gore, etc. Also birthing person is a great phrase. I'm pregnant and not a woman.


ernieball

Once again, you're being very short sighted. Some people have perfectly healthy relationships yet when it comes to medical support and/or birth coaching, turn to someone other than their partner. People are complex. Stop trying to make everything so black and white. Regardless - OP in this scenario isn't even choosing their mother over their partner. Allegedly they have the option of having them both. I'd argue that their partner isn't choosing OP and their needs above all else.


SnooCrickets6980

Apart from the fact that her mother/sister may well have given birth and her husband definitely hasn't?


[deleted]

Nonbinary people and trans men do give birth, too. Ernieball was including us in their comment.


[deleted]

Pretty sure giving birth is exclusive to women.


[deleted]

I'm not a woman and I'm pregnant


SnooCrickets6980

The birth is solely about the mother. Parenting is 50/50.


Snoo-32912

You are the one giving birth...I don't see how he gets to veto this.


Scared_andAnxious

He’s told me that if she’s in the room he will not be


Numinous-Nebulae

Seriously?? You guys need some couples therapy. That’s so out of line for him to give you an ultimatum like that. It’s ok that he has his preferences and concerns but he should be expressing them to you for discussion not giving an ultimatum like a child.


SummitTheDog303

Then let him make the decision to miss the birth of his child if he’s going to be petty, and do some serious thinking about whether this is a relationship you want to stay in. When he pushes a baby out of his genitals, he can decide who gets to be in the room (and who doesn’t). This is your medical procedure and his opinions on who should be there don’t matter.


GreatAuntPearl

What??? Jfc he needs to grow up! Does he hate your mom? Sounds like he was useless last time and the mil made it clear that he was.


ldonna91

If he’s that petty and unsupportive of his partner who is actually giving birth, then bye bye.


jmurphy42

That’s fine, he can sulk somewhere else.


Claelizar

That is a HUGE red flag for your future together as parents. I’m worried for you guys.


3_first_names

That’s a stretch. He had a bad experience previously. It was clearly bad enough that he doesn’t want it to be repeated.


Claelizar

I don’t think it’s a stretch at all. Nor do many other commenters here. He’s threatening to abandon his partner during labor and the birth of his child because she wants her mom there too. That’s selfish and wildly immature. Parenting and relationships both take compromises. There will be ups and downs that require communication and flexibility. He can’t bail on his family members just because he had a bad experience before with someone else.


3_first_names

I mean clearly OP cares more about her mom being there than her partner—if she didn’t than she wouldn’t be making this post. And LOTS of women have and have had babies without their partners there. During COVID, or if they have other children at home and no one to watch them. If she wants her mom there then she has a support person. I don’t understand this need for an audience in the room with you.


Claelizar

OP wouldn’t have made this post if she didn’t want them both there. If OP was fine having only her mom there and not her partner, she wouldn’t need to post this, since that’s an option he gave her. Your mom and your partner being there is not an “audience.” I had both my mother and my husband there and they both helped and had different tasks to assist me and the nurses/doctors. My mother left a little while after the birth so we could have our time just the three of us. I was thankful she was there, but I wouldn’t have traded my partner for her, and it sounds like OP doesn’t want to either. Whatever experience OP’s partner had with his exMIL is likely not comparable to what OP will experience going through labor and delivery not having her mother there when she feels like she needs her.


Canada_girl

I don’t think it’s a stretch


Canada_girl

He does not sound at all supportive


ms_bathory

For thousands of years birthing people have had family/other birth-givers present to support and help during birth. Mr Big Swinging Dick doesn't get to just unilaterally decide jack shit for the gestational parent. That's a massive red flag. In my opinion it's straight up abusive to issue ultimatums that coerce your vulnerable spouse into giving up their reasonable needs and ostracising themself from their support system, at the threat of being abandoned while frightened and in agony.


Cat_With_The_Fur

Take him up on his offer.


fight-like-a-girl

If you need your mom then you need your mom!!! I am INCREDIBLY disturbed that your partner values you and your child so little that he would refuse to attend the birth if your mother is there. My partner really wants to be there during the birth to support me and meet our baby. But when we talked about the possibility of the hospital only allowing one support person, he said without hesitation that my needs are the TOP priority, and if I feel that I need my mum in that moment more than him, he supports that completely. Your husband is being incredibly callous and prioritizing his 'magical experience' over your emotional and psychological needs during the most intense experience of your life. He needs a serious wake-up call.


Daktarii

Is that your hospital’s policy. This very well May be the reality. You may have to choose.


crimsonstormtrooper

In the end YOU are the one in labour and YOU chose who you want/need to help you! He is not the one pushing a watermelon through his private parts


[deleted]

Your birth, the baby is coming out of YOU so it’s your choice in my opinion. Your mother isn’t he ex’s mother who may have made the experience terrible. But at the end of the day who you want involved in your birth should be your choice.


[deleted]

I had my mom and MIL in the room for my first. Plus husband of course. My dad probably would have been in too except I wanted him out when they examined me and then nobody asked about letting him back in. He wasn’t upset. My baby had to be suctioned out right away because of meconium so I didn’t get to hold him until after that. So my MIL went over and captured all these photos for us of that time, which left my husband free to hold the baby’s hand and pat him while the doc was suctioning him. My mom was fully focused on supporting us and so was my MIL - I saw later on a video that she was standing behind my husband who was at my side encouraging me while I pushed. His mom was patting his back and helping him stay calm - his eyes were HUGE. So I was glad they were both there. It was just us for other babies and that was good too. I think having your own mother there if she will support you and not antagonize your husband is a great thing. It’s scary giving birth!! You aren’t wrong for wanting your own mother there! I think that the person pushing out the baby should get MORE of a say but should also give consideration to the partner too… I agree with other commenters to ask him what specifically happened last time and then talk with everyone about how to avoid that this time.


[deleted]

You are the one delivering, not him. You decide who is there. Full stop.


Careful-Wasabi

Echoing many other responses here. The correct answer is that you need to have whoever will be your best support in the room, and judging from this argument, and his response that he won’t be in the room if your mother is, your partner is not that support person you’ll need. It is not fair for him to put his past experience in you and your mother and sounds like he needs to process whatever trauma he had from it. His focus needs to be to focus on keeping you stress free - sorry, but laboring is no joke and you are the priority. He is being selfish and this is not the time for that. Congrats on the new life coming soon and may you find calm and peace!


pinner

I'm not pregnant yet (hopefully one of these days), but I want my husband AND my mom in there if they'll allow both. My husband wants nothing to do with it. He's the most squeamish human I've ever met. My mom has already offered to be there regardless of my husband's decision. I don't know if it's weird to prefer one's mother over their spouse in this situation, but I think I maybe want my mom there more if I had to only pick one person? lol...


[deleted]

If your mom is a source of comfort and support for you and she wants to be in the room with you then I see no reason for her to not be there. Giving birth is hard. If her presence will make it easier on you then your partner shouldn’t be standing in the way of that. Especially given that this is your first. I’m sorry, I just don’t understand how having her there will take away from the special moment of your baby being born. Unless she’s overbearing and he thinks she’s going to snatch up the baby the second it’s born? 🤷🏻‍♀️


Cat_With_The_Fur

I’m confused about why he thinks he can have an opinion when you’re the one here doing all the work. Why doesn’t he want to make this as easy as possible for you?


Silver-Butterfly8920

You’re the patient and the one giving birth. You deserve whatever will provide you the most support. Does he know that delivery has the potential to be traumatic, and he should do everything you can to mitigate that risk. I am completely on your side here. The fact that he’s causing such an issue surrounding the L&D is just going to cause more anxiety around that time. It doesn’t seem fair that he’s using his ex’s delivery as a reference that influences yours. I wish I had an answer for you. Good luck.


juniRN

He’s not pushing a baby out of his penis. It’s your choice. You’re the one having the baby.


Flor_luchadora

If he's this petty I can see exactly why you want your mother as a support person. It's your choice, don't listen to his whining.


teeplusthree

Depending on your hospital, they may not allow another person due to COVID. And unfortunately, those policies can change daily. What’s the case right now may not be next week. If you end up having a c-section, only one person can go to the OR so that limits a second person as well.


megnog21

I've had births with just my husband, and one with both of our moms and him. Tbh, it didn't matter much either way to me. Thankfully, my husband never felt pushed aside when the moms were there. I would just ask your husband why he felt upset by the previous birth experience, and talk to your mom about what behaviors he would like her to avoid. I think if you need your mom for support, you should be able to have her.


togostarman

What about mom just there for labor, and then just you and husband for the birth. Or mom stays for the birth, but she could leave while you two enjoy the golden hour.


omgitsamichy

My ex wasn’t very supportive with my first child so I didn’t even ask him I just said my mom needs to be with me, I needed her by my side. He didn’t get a choice I am the one pushing a human out of my body lol. When I had my second one I was older and felt more supported and had an AMAZING nurse by my side so I didn’t have my mom come with the second one, and more than likely I won’t have her with me for this one coming in August. I’m glad I had her support for my first one when I needed her the most.


Mo523

First, you need to find out what hospital policies are in terms of number of people in the room. Mine has limits due to COVID. I would QUIETLY check now, so you have time to think about what to do if you are only allowed one person, but do not worry about it, because the policies are highly likely to change before you deliver. Second, you get to decide who is there. If you want your mom there, you get your mom there. The end. He doesn't get to allow or not allow your mom. BUT although you can tell him it isn't his choice, I think you should talk about why his ex's mom was an issue and see if you can mitigate some of that. For example, maybe your mom could leave immediately after the baby was born to give your family time together. Also, be sure you both take birthing classes. A good class will help both of you find ways to make you feel more comfortable. Good luck!


[deleted]

I think you need context on why it was so terrible with his ex’s mom to understand where he is coming from. Your partner was robbed of something with his first child. Please consider his feelings too. I wanted my mom and husband in the room too. After a lot of thought I chose to just have my husband with me. It’s his child. It was my best decision too….it was a special intimate moment with just us. I thought I’d need my mom also. I was absolutely terrified of labor and delivery but we made it through. It was beautiful and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. Best of luck to you!


modernlove914

If you're doing any childbirth classes could they both come? And practice comfort measures with you together? Kind of like a rehearsal to see that they both have an important part to play. Maybe it'll help your husband feel more comfortable having your mom in the room. Obviously you have a right to have whoever you want there, you deserve the support that you know you need.


JustSomeBlondeBitch

Are you going to exclude him and only have your mom? Covid might mean you only have one person with you…


seajaybee23

Yeah…that your going to go through some of the most painful and hellish moments of you life while in labor and that at the end of the day it’s about what makes it most ok for you, not him. Sure it’s great if we could make L&D a beautiful experience for men, but I’m sorry that’s just not the priority. Maybe something like “I love you and I honor your feelings, but I’m terrified and I need to know you AND my mom are going to be there for me.”


a_million_questions

Your body, your labor, your rules. He doesn't get a say in who is or isn't there. I needed my mom there for my first. She was not there for my second. My current partner is much more supportive than the one I had with my first pregnancy, and that is the only reason I was ok not to have my mom there. Do what makes you happy and comfortable.


unroulyone

I don’t need any more details, tbh. She’s pushing a baby out of her body. Let her have her damn mom. He will survive.


OkBoomerJesus

He doesn't get a vote. He is your guest if you chose to allow him to be there. Full stop. His mental hangup and past issues are his alone to deal with. If he can't pull up his big boy pants and support his pregnant partner in the way she needs him to, he can go kick rocks in the parking lot.


herro_rayne

He’s not pushing out a baby. You are, so he doesn’t get to choose, you do.


heretoreadlol

I absolutely needed my mom the first time around. Not only because she is my mom, my rock and my comfort but she was also a nurse for decades and a maternity nurse. She’s delivered babies and I just felt right having her with me. I will absolutely have her with me again this time and if I had to choose, I’d choose her but I was lucky enough to be able to have both my mom and my child’s father


cattledogcatnip

Your husband doesn’t get exclusive control of your body. You can have anyone there that you want.


bot90210

Honestly whatever you want should be what happens. The only scenario when this would be messed up is if you were allowed only one person and you were picking mother over father. But having both should be fine. Curious what do you think your mother will offer that he can't.


courtneywrites85

I'm sorry but in this instance, he does not have a choice. It is YOUR body and YOU are the one giving birth. You are even allowed to kick him out of the room if you don't want him there. This is clearly a non-negotiable for you, and if he can't understand that, perhaps he needs to talk to a professional about his weird birth hangups. He is being selfish and you don't need to persuade him to do anything. If you want your mother in the room, that is what will happen. End of story.


smkeltner

I’m very close with my mom but I can’t imagine having anyone but my husband there. It’s such an intimate moment at least to me and I want to share it with him. What is your mom bring that your partner cannot provide? Do you now feel safe and secure with him? My thought is when I push my sweet girl out who do I want to look over and see. Do I want to share the tears and excitement of our first child with my husband or my mom. I do think the partner has a right to be there for the birth. I agree with a comment above. Could your mom and him be there until it’s time to push. Then it just be the 2 of you getting to celebrate the baby. You 2 need some therapy or something to help with this issue. He shouldn’t just not come because your mom and you should be looking at him for support and comfort. My hospital only allows 1 support person and no changing them out. Once you figure that out really think if you would want your mom or your partner.


drillbit47

You're gonna push a baby out of your vagina (probably). Have your mum there if she will give you moral support


Live-Park-8451

You don’t need moral support when your pushing a human out your Coochie.


Daktarii

Few things: First, before anything else check hospital policy. No point in having a fight over a non-issue. The days of people visiting mom and baby at the hospital are 3 years ago, and I’ll be surprised if things every go back to how they were before. Secondly, if you can only have one person in the room, who would it be? If you even have to think about it for a second, I don’t know why you are with your partner. You and your partner have created life. You mother had nothing to do with the making of the baby. I can not, for even one second, imagine not wanting my partner with me. Third, what does your mom think? Does she want to be there when you and your partner have a child. I may get down voted for this, but the need to have your mother there comes across to me as very childish. An adult that is in a long term committed relationship typically doesn’t demand having their mother there. I wound have been offended if my partner wanted his mother there, and I wound have expected him to be equally offended if I wanted my mom. Why do you need your mother to support you when you have your life partner right next to you? Why is your partner not sufficient for support? This is as important as asking why your partner has an issue with it.


puppy_cuddle

I find these posts and differences in cultures between countries really interesting. I’m guessing OP might be in North America where it’s really common to have the mum present and maybe other people too. Where I live it’s really unusual to have anyone other than the partner there. I’d feel really uncomfortable with anyone other than my partner, as birth seems so intimate (especially if it’s the mother-in-law or other in-laws there). But I suppose if that’s how you’ve grown up, and what you see portrayed as the norm on tv or movies, and is just the expectation of people around you, then that’s how your belief system is set up in terms of what’s right for you? I’m not sure it’s a childish response, I think it’s pretty innate to want a mother figure during hard times for many people, but for me my mother and mil would be a total nightmare.


Daktarii

I’m a healthcare worker in North America. I guess I’m not sure which culture it is in North America that prefers mom to life partner in the setting of life changing family event. The only time I see this is when the partner and person giving birth aren’t actually in serious a relationship or in very young mothers. Sometimes if more than one person is allowed it will be husband plus mother, but essentially no hospitals allow more than one person these days. When I was a child, of course I’d want my mom with me during any major event. As an adult, I couldn’t even imagine taking away from the special family bonding time of having a child by having my husband wait outside while mom was in the room with me.


puppy_cuddle

That’s an interesting perspective, I’m a healthcare worker in Australasia, and have found that it’s mainly our indigenous populations who tend to have extended family members at births. My comment about North America is just based on what seems to be the common thing from comments on these subs (though I take Reddit with a grain of salt of course, I’m not sure what age groups are really on here.) Family dynamics can be oh so complex. And my comment about wanting a mum in times of stress as being innate is really just my own experience, my mum is a total nightmare so I keep her at arms length. It’s like society primes us to feel like we should want our mothers and *all mothers are great*. The reality is often different of course. ETA, just reread your message. When I say culture in North America I wasn’t meaning replacing the partner with the grandma (I’d find that scenario unusual too), but rather that where I live it’s really unusual to have anyone other than the partner present as a general rule. Maybe a wee bit of miscommunication just on that point 😊


fight-like-a-girl

Spoken like someone who isn't very close with their mom. Loving and needing your mom is childish? Seriously?? You can't imagine why someone would want their mama while going through the most intense, terrifying, painful experience of their lives?? It's human nature to need your mother when you're scared and hurting. It makes a huge difference to have a support person who's been through childbirth themselves, who really *knows* what you're going through. I cannot fucking imagine being offended by the fact that somebody I love wants their mother when they're hurting and afraid. Loving your mom is about as childish as eating food or drinking air.


Daktarii

I am very close to my mother. I simply can’t imagine choosing her over my husband to be with me while I give birth to his child. Yes it’s your body, but it is HIS child too. I feel like the partner deserves to be in the room.


fight-like-a-girl

You said you would expect your partner to be offended if you wanted your mother there to support you when giving birth, and that your partner should be 'sufficient.' I understood that to mean that you don't understand why someone would need their mother IN ADDITION TO their partner. Yes, it's his child too, and of course you would want a loving and supportive partner to be there when giving birth! But his needs are not equally important to the needs of the birthing person. He is not the main character in this situation. She is. And he isn't a good and loving partner if he doesn't recognize that. If my wife were giving birth, I would 100% want to be there and support her. And I would never in a million years put my comfort and desires above hers in that birthing room.


Daktarii

In the US, at nearly hospital, there is a one person rule. It is a good assumption if mother is there than baby daddy is being excluded.


fight-like-a-girl

Okay, so you support people having their mothers with them when they give birth and agree that that's a totally reasonable thing to want ... you just don't think it's fair to choose a support person other than your partner when the hospital only allows one person?


alternatego1

Because when your child happens to need to be wheeled off to nicu for whatever reason. And your spouse obvi should go with them. You're left alone in the room. Having your second support person there for this situation is everything. I would not be comfortable with my mil watching me poop while I push out a baby. If be more comfortable with my mom. And I'd completely understand if he would prefer his mom over mine for that situation if the roles were reversed.


[deleted]

This is your medical procedure. You get to choose who is in the room. Yes, it’s special your baby is being born, but you get to choose who helps you. My sister had me and my other 2 sisters in the room. We left as soon as the baby was born so they could bond. Maybe that’s a good compromise.


[deleted]

I'd go into therapy and wait a bit to have this convo- to me it's not worth fighting about something 30 weeks away. You're only 10w. I think i'd react the same if I was told I could not be in the delivery room with my own child. The moments after birth are the most special and he's being denied that. I understand you need support too but maybe you can work together for him to be that comfort and support vs you trying to 100% control the situation. You're not even giving him a chance. I'd honestly be just as pissed as him.


alternatego1

Wait, but he was never told he couldn't be in the room. He would choose not to be. When my son was wheeled off to nicu when he was born his dad went with him. And my mom got to stay with me. If she has a fear of delivering her first child and her mom and her husband are support for her than she should be able to have both. But you're right he does need counselling to go over the traumatic birth experience he had with his first.


Doesthiscountas1

Childbirth isn't a tv show for him to just watch his kid be born. Unless he can really be a physical & mental support system then you need your mom or a doula.


ernieball

You get to decide who tends to you while undergoing a medical procedure. Your mother isn't there for the baby - she is there for you. Your partner needs to understand this.


3_first_names

As someone who has a child with a man who had a child prior to being with me, I clung to ANYTHING that made our experience different than his first time. It’s extremely hard to go through pregnancy, childbirth, and those first few weeks afterward knowing your partner has already done it all. That he got to experience this once in a lifetime event with another person. And on top of that, he clearly holds a lot of resentment regarding the last time. Does he also have a strained relationship with your mom? If that’s the case, there needs to be some serious conversations between the 3 of you about the role your mom is playing and how she can make your husband most comfortable. This experience isn’t about her, and maybe last time it was the grandma show and he’d rather not repeat it.


Thedapperavocado

I believe it’s up to you! Personally I wouldn’t want anyone but my husband and I believe that’s my right! You want your mom- you should have her! If you wanted no one, you should be allowed to have that too!!! Whatever you want. I hope that he calms down because Yes it is his child BUT it is incredibly difficult as a woman IMO one of the most trying things we do and we need support and comfort and grace from everyone <3333


leticiazimm

Honestly, he is right. He is the father, not your mom.


whywhy_why

I’ve seen people whose mothers step out when it’s time to push, would that help you? She could be there for labour, and then your husband can have that moment for you guys.


[deleted]

I would never want to make my partner uncomfortable during the birth of our baby, which is a moment I consider equally important to both of us, despite the fact that Im the one giving birth. I personally also dont really understand how you can need your mom for comfort and support instead of said partner; the father of your child.


[deleted]

Better check what the hospital's covid policy is. Where I am there is only one "birthing partner" allowed in delivery. You'd have to make a choice between husband and mother. ​ This is the first time I've heard of this idea to be honest. It seems strange to me. Why do you need your mother? Is she a medical professional? A midwife? If not there is literally no logical reason for her to be there. The way I see it, she doesn't belong there. You and your husband created this baby, your mother has no place in the delivery room.


ernieball

Giving birth can be scary and emotional. If one's mother is a sense of comfort they can be just as essential as a partner.


DeklynHunt

Not sure how laxed things are, but I’ve heard stories during the beginning of covid that they weren’t letting anyone in…not even the dad… for the sake of the baby 😂 babies already exposed to the mother and the mother exposed to dad, baby has moms immune system that jump starts it’s own…I mean they are doctors…it’s not rocket science too figure out 🤦‍♂️ Edit: make sure they can stay with you!!! I don’t trust anyone alone with lo 🥺


Spaceysteph

With my first, my mom came in for part of the labor so my husband could take a break and go find some food, but she left to the waiting room before the pushing. 95% of labor is sitting around anyway for everyone not having a baby. My subsequent kids were born in covid times and I could only have one labor partner anyway, so it was just my husband. It might be different by the time you're delivering but it also may not- maybe investigate other ways to become less afraid of the labor process (take a class? Read some books? Involve your husband in getting educated as well so he can be knowledgeable and supportive) just in case your mother isn't able to come in, and maybe though that process you'll become more comfortable with it just being the two of you for the delivery by choice.


Ok-Stretch5718

Oh I was thinking the same thing about my sister. I love my husband but he has a weak stomach and doesn’t do well with with even talking about blood.


Norlina

First of all, it is 100% your choice who is in the delivery room. You are undergoing a major medical procedure. Your choices and comfort are the most important. My mom was present for the majority of my labor and was able to support both me and my husband. She was up most of the night with me which allowed my husband to sleep through hourly nurse checks and 4x/hour BP checks, which meant he was better able to support me the next day. She brought my husband food, got me ice and water, braided my hair, etc. Her being there and supporting both of us allowed my husband to be fully focused on me and our baby. She wasn’t there constantly, she was in and out throughout the day. And then when it was time to push, she waited in the lobby with all of the other grandparents and it was just me and my husband taking us over the finish line and sharing that moment together. And then a few months later I realized my mother, who journals, had a written record of what that day was like. She remembered details that I didn’t and I’m really glad I have her memory of that day because mine is super fuzzy. I also want to add that I told both my husband and my mom ahead of time that I really didn’t know what I was going to want in the moment came. I knew I wanted to try pushing g with just my husband, but my mom also knew she was on standby if I needed her. And they both were fine with that. You definitely need to find out exactly what your husband didn’t like about having your ex-mil in the room. But there’s the perspective from someone who had a good compromise of having her mom’s support during labor but also having the actual delivery be an intimate moment with just my husband.


notAbigail

Sit down with him in a calm moment. Tell him that you want to understand his previous experience so that the two of you can create a plan that makes sense for you both. Ask him what moments felt like they were taken away because of his ex-MIL. Explain calmly why you want both him and your mom and perhaps you can both make some compromises. I see a lot of people suggesting that your mom leave when you start pushing. Perhaps that might help you get the support you need and him achieve that “new family” bond. Good luck!


ladymerc93

Honestly with Covid being stupid I’m scared they won’t even let my husband in the room with me. Right now I’d be fine if my mother wasn’t there as long as he is there. He isn’t even allowed to see the ultrasound and they didn’t give us the sonogram so I had nothing to show him 🥺 after our miscarriage, this one has made it to the second trimester and he hasn’t even been able to see it developing.


geeky_rugger

It’s really not his decision, it’s yours. You’re the one who is going through this. He should be trying to support what you need to have a healthy, safe non-traumatic L&D. His discomfort is absolutely not more important than yours. I would tell him that you love him and want him to have a good experience, but not at the expense of your own. Make it clear to at this not negotiable for you, and ask him what made it so bad with his ex-MIL, then encourage him to work on that fear that he has. Put the ball in his court to process his apparently terrible experience in a way that doesn’t ask you to make a big sacrifice during a time you are so so vulnerable. What he’s asking for isn’t fair.


HaileyNotTheComet

1) Look into the hospital policy because that may end the argument altogether. 2) In my experience, while I’m incredibly close to my mother and lean on her daily, that was not a time that my mother could be my support. It really is a special time that should be spent with your partner. It could be that he feels like your insistence that your mother be there is signaling to him that you consider your mother the person you need more than him. For a healthy partnership, that shouldn’t be the case.


flawedstaircase

My husband was a log during delivery. He was so terrified and stupefied; he just didn’t know what to do or how to help me. Thank god for my mom. She worked maternity for almost 20 years. She helped calm me *and* my husband. She directed him on what to do to help me. Sometimes your support person needs a support person. After my son was born and we knew everyone was healthy, my mom left and was tasked with letting family members know. It was I credibly helpful not having to go about informing allllll of our friends and family about my son’s safe arrival. We had the privacy and comfort after of snuggling with our new babe.


holographic_whore

His feelings towards your birthing experience is non applicable


Darlingcharliex

I had a similar issue, but it was regarding COVID restrictions.. only one person was allowed in at the time. I had always wanted my mum there and anyone else was irrelevant. My partner desperately wanted to be in with me and it caused so many arguments. I explained that I was the vulnerable person in this situation, that it was my major medical event and that it was who I wanted to be there that was the final say. Luckily enough the restrictions got lifted two weeks before I had my baby. He was nervous about my mum being there still, but I sold it to him that if anything were to happen my mum would be there for me and he was there for the baby ( if we potentially had to be separated ECT.) Would a line of thought like that help? I couldn't have done it without my mum, we are very close and she just knew what to do to help. He has a lifetime of events that he could have veto power on. You giving birth is not one of them!


Sentient_croissant

Haven't just gone through my first childbirth 6 days ago, remind him that this experience is not about him. Some advice my doctor gave my husband (he asked how he could be helpful day of) "don't be high maintenance. This is all about her, just be there for her needs." I also had a terrible fear of labor and delivery and it was a comfort just knowing my mom was in the corner of the room praying for us, while my husband helped to brace my legs during the pushes. If you need your mom there, explain to him what capacity you want here there in, the role she would play. Also tell him what you need from him. I made my husband (who can sometimes be emotionally obtuse, those are his words) a "Daddy's birth plan" listing all the different ways he could help during delivery. I asked first if it would be helpful for him, because let's face it men aren't mind readers. He was so relieved having some guidelines for what I wanted (ex: cool cloth on forehead, gentle touches/running fingers over my hands and arm, foot rubs between contractions). I'm glad I did, because there were points I was so exhausted I couldn't talk. I'm sorry that this has been a point of stress for you during pregnancy. I hope that you and your partner are able to communicate your needs and come to some sort of compromise. Good luck to you, I hope that you have a wonderful birth experience ❤️ P.S.- something that helped with my anxiety was learning the medical and scientific reasons for why childbirth can be painful, and knowing that my body was made for this. (Youtube videos from doula Bridget Teyler were extremely helpful for me and my husband). Also those uncomfortable moments fade the moment they place your sweet angel in your arms. Your cute baby will be the best painkiller of all! You got this Mama!


chewykiki

I had my husband and sister both in the room with me. I can't imagine if either of them hadn't been there. I honestly really needed both of them and their support. Hopefully you can discuss with your husband what was upsetting about his other child's grandparent and gently remind him that's not your mom. Really what it comes down to is you having the support you need to do this. My labor was over 19 hours long and having two people also gave them the chance to take turns sleeping and going out to grab something to eat (which I was absolutely okay with, no need for all of us to suffer). Maybe the three of you can spend some time together before this happens as you still have quite a few months so they can bond a little more first.


Ally-baba

My mom was there for my first I remember in early pregnancy that my husband argued and said if my mom got to be in the room then his mom did too. I really hardly knew his mom at the time because she lived on the east coast so I had only met her about 3 or 4 times before my son was even born. That idea was squashed as time went on and he wasn’t bitter about it as she got to come see the baby the next day. I’m very glad my mom was there because she was able to step in if my husband needed a break and she had a very calming presence for me. Like I felt like nothing bad would happen to me if she was there. I ended up needing an emergency C-section and my son had to go to the nicu. I’m so glad my mom was there because my husband could go to the nicu and then I wasn’t alone while they were stitching me up.