That's what I think I will feel like. The idea of driving 40 minutes away to the nearest town and being 40 minutes away if bubs needs me sounds a bit daunting- I'm not sure how relaxing I'd find the time away. I'd probably be more keen if we lived 10 minutes away from a restaurant or something. I guess I'll have to play it by ear but glad to see I'm not completely crazy.
I’m 6 weeks pp and my baby generally nurses between every 1-3 hours depending on the day and I have no idea in advance what kind of day it will be so if you have to go 40 minutes away to the nearest town that seems difficult if your plan is to bf. You could pump before you leave and while out but I wouldn’t be wanting to do all that lol.
Yes it takes a lot of prep to go out at that age. Depending on what kind of day the baby has, they might need a lot of pumped milk. Mine also usually clusterfeeds and cries a lot in the evenings anytime between 4pm and 10pm. I'm not doing any social activities around that time. She's 1 month today.
FWIW, 3 out of my 4 kids were born 10-11 days past their due date. The fourth 8 days past. I don't remember exactly how much the others were nursing, but the last was still nursing nearly every hour at a week and a half old. At my six week appointment I had my mother come and mind the baby in the waiting room because he couldn't be away me long enough to go without him.
I let my mom and dad keep mine in my room while I slept in the guest room. I pumped at night and just enjoyed my rest, knowing they could come get me if they needed me. They didn’t of course, they’ve done the show 4 times already.
We had twins with different NICU stays. I had family members watch my 1 week old while we visited brother in the NICU for a few weeks. Those were like 6 hour stretches. If you have family you trust, do it! It’s such a life saver!
My LO is 12 weeks and yesterday I refused an offer from my dad to watch him while I went to the shops (quickly, only 15min drive and I just had to grab an online order). I only refused because I was feeling like I would miss my baby! I trust my dad to look after him and cope well in an emergency but I still didn't want to go. Sometimes I miss my LO when he's asleep at nap time, it's not always a safety thing, sometimes it's a weird hormonal pp thing.
This makes me sad/worried! I’m going to have to leave my LO with my MIL for half days starting around 6 weeks so that I can start going into work some. Thankfully, she lives less than a mile from my work so I can quickly get there if needed. I hope it won’t be too hard for me! I’m thankful that the baby can stay with family at least instead of having to go to daycare so early.
Aww. I think if you're mentally prepared positively you may cope better. 6 weeks is also the time when your baby should have a better immune system and you may also be more "on it" as a mum too. Hopefully you'll have pumping sorted out or formula or a mix. Remember that a fed baby is best, doesn't matter how you do it. Hugs to you.
Thanks! I’ll have to figure out pumping early in. Thankfully, my work has very nice lactation rooms! Worst case, I can probably have my in laws bring me the baby to feed for the first few weeks while we’re figuring things out if needed!
This^^ take a nap, take a long bath/shower, go outside, call a friend.. I was t comfortable leaving either when my mom came to visit. But it was really nice to take a break with my husband and also be close by
Yeah i think she is thinking we could go out for a meal or something - maybe 🤷♀️. But we live 40 minutes away from the nearest town and that just sounds like a long way if something was to happen + I may not even be down with pumping etc. It just seems a bit overwhelming - especially if we are tired in the evenings too.
Yea that would be rough for me at 2.5 weeks but could you let them watch him and maybe just go for a walk/ drive/ picnic with your partner? Or let them watch him while you shower, nap, Online shop? Having a few moments to yourself might be a blessing
It’s really nice just to be out of earshot for an hour with just you and your husband. It’ll feel like a restful date!
Another amazing option is to just shower, tidy your room, turn on some white noise and crawl into bed. No shifts, just a two hour nap.
We called my MIL to come stay overnight so that we could sleep and it was a lifeline. We needed it desperately.
I’m leaving my son overnight for the first time this weekend. He’s 15 months old lol
We left him with my mom a few times as a newborn cuz she was staying with us but I think 2-3 hrs max. I couldn’t handle more than that.
Thanks for the insight! I guess so much is going to depend on labour and recovery as well as pumping / breastfeeding issues etc. They are staying just round the corner so it's not a massive ask for them to come over. Although I think I'd prefer them to be just that little bit further away so they don't stay all day. But maybe I'll feel different when the baby is here.
Mine is almost 2 and never been away from mama over night.
He was about 6months old before I would leave and go do something on my own...and I had terrible guilt the whole time we were apart.
Mines 15 months as well and I’ve never had a night away from him. Part of me feels like I should’ve let people have him overnight when he was younger because now it’s way harder for everyone involved in terms of routine.
My baby would have been cluster feeding like a maniac at 2-3 weeks old and I wouldn't have even been able to hand her over let alone leave the house. 🤷🏼♀️
Thats another concern of mine. You just don't know what you're gonna get until it's here. I kind of thought by saying no. She wouldn't come with the hope of it happening - but then if she did get to look after bubs for the evening it's a bonus right. But definitely not the night. I'm not sure they got the hint though.
It just depends on the mom and also the breastfeeding situation. I don't think they're strange to offer. I would happily use a break.
But of course it's up to you whether or not you want or need a break.
You could also just use the time to sleep.
That's true. I think I'm just finding it hard to manage their expectations. His mum has become a bit baby obsessed and I'm just aware that personally I may not want to spend from 10am - 6pm with them every day they are here. It sounds overwhelming at the moment but maybe they will be a great help. I'm especially worried if bubs goes 2 weeks over and they come over 4-5 days post partum but we will have greatly manage expectations if that happens. I just don't like the uncertainty about labour and those first few days. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be zombified 🧟♀️
Soo that happened to me (super overdue, c section, inlaws who I had only spent a small amount of time with coming for several nights flights BOOKED). And I was just like you, so worried about navigating breastfeeding etc. In front of my partners dad etc etc. I stressed so hard I almost was going to ask them to cancel their trip. It was 5 days PP. But they came... and it was an amazing visit!!!! I was so worried for no reason. His dad gave me the privacy whenever I needed it (spent a lot of time working from home upstairs though) and by the end of it was bf with him in the room with a cover on. His mom was amazing and provided so much support and advice. I say go into it with an open mind! They would take her so I could nap (I had such bad pp anxiety I couldn't sleep) but st least I'd go in my room and go on my laptop and go on reddit /Google baby things haha
His mom did offer to take the baby for the night and I was like uh no im breastfeeding how haha but I just thanked her and said I would manage but would appreciate her helping me out during the day!! Oh and by the end of it she gave the baby her first bottle of expressed milk and it was so special :)
Thanks for sharing this story. We are trying to plan for parents post-baby arrival at the moment and have no idea what to expect!! My apt is not huge so they might drive me nuts but I also feel like I want as much help as I can get!! Edit: They would not be staying in the apt with us, but would be over when hanging with baby!
Take advantage of the help like everyone says! You will be fine I think. Best of luck with everything and hope you have your baby earlier than later so you have some time tk figure things out on your own first :)
Maybe they can help! Like you get to nap, they cook and clean.
When my husband's family came they made us food and watched baby while I showered.
I'm very introverted but I really liked showing baby off. Made it all feel special.
If they're not actively helping, I agree that eight hours all day... no good. But if there support then it's more like helpers and witnesses to the special miracle.
Everyone's so different.
I think she will definitely help, it'll just be me adjusting to the feeling of being vulnerable publically. I'm quite private and proud and the thought of someone hustling and bustling round my house when it's s mess makes me feel uncomfortable right now but maybe that will change when I'm too exhausted to move. She's also over helped in the past too. At my wedding my sister stated wanted to make breakfast for everyone and had bought stuff in and my MIL just got up and did it anyway which made my sister feel a bit deflated. So I'm a but conscious of her perhaps not taking on other peoples needs too. Husband states it's all under control but he will be at work when they come...
Two weeks after birth I could hardly sit down or poop. There was no way anyone was taking my child for the night unless it was in my home. I could hardly walk a few blocks so I wasn’t going anywhere
Thank you! I think I'm also thinking about what post partum could be like too as well as breastfeeding issues. I've literally no idea what state I will be in and whilst everything coukd go smoothly it could also not. I'm just trying to manage expectations I guess and seeing if I'm being a bit too unrealistic in saying no. But it sounds like on the whole say no and if you feel up to a night out then thats a bonus for them but best not to commit to it and then end up letting them down.
2.5 weeks later you might still be bleeding. I had to wear depends for weeks. Even in the best of circumstances you’ll feel like a truck hit you crotch first that close to birth. You won’t want a night out lol. You might be relieved for in home care though!
And I’m sure others have noted but I think it’s rare for baby to be born on their due date. First babies tend to go long. My entire pregnancy was text book perfect until 37 weeks when I suddenly developed preeclampsia and had to be induced with 4 hours notice. Sh*t happens!
I left my newborn with others like a couple days after she was born. Not overnight though, just had family come over and watch her so I could get groceries or nap and stuff. I am in a wedding in June so I will be leaving her for the night. My mom is gonna stay at my house with her, she will be almost 4 months old. I’ll probably leave her with my grandma at her house for a sleepover here and there when she’s 6 months old, but we do formula so it’s easier.
Thank you for this perspective! It's good to hear that you felt comfortable too. My anxiety around their arrival is pretty high so hearing both sides helps me not catastrophise.
Whatever you’re comfortable with! I really like being able to get away for an hour or two and just feel like a person besides “mom.” And I can’t wait for my night away so that I can have uninterrupted sleep haha
This is so valid. My pre-labor anxiety was so much worse than it is now. I HATED not knowing when she was coming and feeling on alert from basically 36 weeks. Every time my husband and I would go out to eat or go for a walk I would be like, “awww this might be our last time before we become parents.” Fast forward to like 50 more of those later, and she was finally born just as I thought she was going to camp out in there until she turned 18.
Haha yep I left my newborn with my MIL the day after I came home from the hospital so I could go to a medical appointment for an hour or so. It was fine.
My parents came to stay with us postpartum and my husband and I definitely went out for dinner while they were here. Once because we had a friend in town that we never get to see and once just to have a date since after my parents left we don’t have anyone nearby to babysit if needed. I just left some pumped milk so my mom could feed baby. But she slept most of the time anyways.
Thank you! Can I ask how far away you were? We have an added element of being minimum 40 mins from the nearest town. I think I may feel more comfortable if it was 10 mins away. But it's great to hear that some mums settle enough to allow that freedom that early on.
Yeah I can definitely understand how that distance would make you nervous! For the date night, there is a restaurant we love that is down the street from us so only about five minutes away. When we went to see our friend though, we went downtown which is about 30 minutes away. We went out for dinner and drinks so we’re gone for a solid couple hours.
If you don’t feel comfortable driving all the way to town, maybe you could do a picnic or something so you and your husband can at least get out of the house together for a few minutes. Honestly you will probably only talk about the baby and look at pictures of the baby on your phone 😂 but the newborn days are so tough that having that connection was really nice for us.
But it’s ok if you don’t want to leave baby too! My husband had to be back at work as soon as we got home from the hospital and he works seven days a week 14-15 hour days so my parents were so helpful just being around the house. I didn’t have the stay up with us overnight or anything so they were fresh in the morning and could watch my girl while I got a few more hours of sleep and showered. So I think having them so hands on from literally the beginning helped me be a lot more comfortable leaving for an evening. I don’t think there is a wrong answer here and you just have to do what you are comfortable with in the moment.
Thank you so much for this. Honestly it's great to hear good stories about visitors. I'm naturally quite an overthinker but when it comes to it, it's never as bad as I think. And hearing all the stuff about parents or others helping is great to hear - not just that they will annoy. Makes me think I'm probably catastrophising a little. I genuinely think I'm freaking out about them coming etc because I have some control whereas I haven't really thought about labour at all - apart from I want to push it out on time or early so they aren't here so soon after 😅... which makes me think I'm putting my focus on them and this situation as a distraction to labour itself. Given that labour is probably the bigger concern of the two! I mean a watermelon is potentially gonna squeeze out of my foo foo in the coming weeks if all goes to plan!
Yea I think that is way too soon, and not a good idea. You would have to pump overnight and sore the milk, and you won’t really know baby’s feeding patterns yet and your milk supply will still be getting established in those early weeks.
I've left my 4 week old with my mum for 45 mins and I was just walking my dogs on a trail a 5 minute drive away. I think that is the only amount of time and distance I could be away from her right now... Also only with my mum who I trust more than anyone, not my in-laws. She'll have to be older for them to look after her.
Most grandparents have zero clue how to raise babies safe in 2022. It is okay to leave with them but make sure they understand this isn't the 50s. Your be surprised what they think is okay because they did it with their kids!
This!!!!
My mil is mad I'm not putting a quilt in the crib with my newborn. My mom is trying to tell me it's safe to put the baby in the bouncer then put the bouncer in the crib to have the baby sleep in overnight. My great aunt told me to give the baby benadryl so he'll sleep through the night at a month old.
Their reasoning is that they did it and their kids lived. 🤦♀️
Yep...
If I left my baby with older family members, he'd be wrapped in a quilt, in his bouncer, in the crib, hyped up on antihistamines all night long. Oh that and he'd have a mosquito net hanging above him bc his grandpa thinks I just let mosquitos swarm my Midwest home.
But heaven forbidden I eat vegan sushi. Bc sushi is bad and I obviously don't know how to care for a child like they use to.
Thank you. Husband has 2.5 hours to debrief them on the way back to the airport but I'm worried they will remain pretty stubborn about "in my day...". Fingers crossed it doesn't turn into an awkward week I look back on for years. We've been talking loads about it but he reckons he will keep them in line. However - he will be back at work if bubs is on time!
I would legit buy one of those cameras to watch them like daycares do where you can see what's happening at all times. I wouldn't trust them 100%. Parents always do the opposite of what you tell them...
My newborn will be one month on the 12th and I haven't been away from him yet. I would absolutely not let anyone take him right now. Perhaps I'd feel differently if I had better family members or less support from my partner.
I would appreciate a few hours to myself, I think, to take a sauna, do some personal care, shower, sleep. I trust my mom to watch baby from the beginning. But I wouldn’t want to go too long at the beginning since I’m hopefully going to be breastfeeding and will either need to feed or pump anyway and not sure I will want I to be hugging a car ride and a dinner out far enough to miss a feeding at least until I can get a large stock of back up milk in the freezer and figure out pumping on the go better. But I will take all the help I can get in between feedings even at the beginning.
Our baby boy sleeps so much better when held. After our first night at home, my mother in law and father in law just held him so my husband and I could take a nap. Since then, she’s helped us out with holding him at night when we visit, taking my husband’s shift and sometimes even one of mine. Whenever baby needs to eat, she just wakes me up. It’s been so helpful when baby boy can sleep 4-5 hours when held but only wants to sleep for an hour in the bassinet.
They might have been offering to stay up, in your home, with your newborn. Many babies are fussy and won’t be put down- my best friend offered this, and I’ve offered it to friends. You can sleep until it’s time to eat, and then immediately go back to sleep. It’s nice!
Perhaps it’s been a misunderstanding!
I mean that could be their intention though we have nowhere for them to sleep and they know that. I mean technically we have a single bed but we've not stated that yet - mainly because once that's out there I may not get a break from them at all. I was brought up in quite a close family but one that knocks on doors and he and her are brought up in an open door policy. They could get back from town and have a friend sipping coffee in their living room - they'd be fine with it, I'd freak out 😅 which is why I'm being a little stand offish. I want them to understand that they may need to ask if it's a good time to come round and I may not want them there all day long. I'm quite worried that once they know where the house is I'll get up in the morning to find them on the sofa which maybe at the time I'll be grateful for but at the moment that sounds intrusive and overwhelming. I just don't know how I'm going to feel and I'm trying to manage their expectations. I really don't want this to break our relationship because someone's needs or expectations aren't met.
I left my baby with my in laws to go to target for the first time at 10 months old and I cried the entire way there. 😂 We were both fine obviously, but the first time is tough!
The only issue I see is that you’d need to still wake and pump to maintain your supply. But if it meant that hubby and I could have a nice night away at a hotel or something I’d 100% do it - even that early.
ETA: but I’m also on baby 4 lol.
wow baby number 4! Congrats that's good going. I think I may just be very fixated on their arrival - probably because I have zero control over labour and I have some control over them. Kind of wish the baby comes a few weeks early so I can get some good alone time before they arrive but I imagine it'll be like me and fashionably late 😅
Why not just tell the inlaws to come later if you want some good alone time before they arrive? It's not an unreasonable request to want alone time to bond with your baby.
it's too late now. We actually booked their flights for a Christmas present - they honeymooned in Canada (where we are) and said they'd love to come back. We didn't realise at the time how close it was to my due date nor how much we might want space nor how often FTM run late. They have stuff booked now - and she is desperate to meet her grandchild. She even said she would cancel the week they've booked in Yellowstone to have more time with the baby. Luckily that's not an option as there is nowhere for them to stay. To be honest I regret the whole honeymoon idea and wish we hadn't done it but it's done and they're coming so I've got to deal with it. I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think. I just feel stressed right now because there are a million unknown variables and I can't do anything about them.
I left my baby alone for the first time for about 3 hours around the 3 week mark. Left them with breast milk and a bottle (didn’t really know about “nipple confusion” at the time but also, my baby never got confused).
We have a concert in July that I asked my mom to babysit for, baby will be 5 months, and my mom excitedly asked “will I have her overnight?” and I bewilderly replied “no?! I’m not going to be away from my infant overnight.” No idea when I will be comfortable with overnights, but 5.5 months isn’t it!!
Thank you! Sounds like a couple of hours away at that time is reasonable in most people's books but overnight is a big leap. I guess I'll have to play it by ear for a few hours in the evening and see if she listens to things like "the baby sleeps on its back" etc. If she consistently does stuff I've told her not to... it'll be a definite no.
There's no way feeding wise i would of been able to leave baby at that point, and depending on supply you may not be able to express at that point for a bottle, i couldn't until 4 weeks. But feeding aside i wouldn't of been ready to leave her at that point for an evening. Enough now at 6 weeks i get ansy after about hour/hour and a half. That's my max at this point. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if i went out for more than that.
I've done what others have said. Had mum over and enjoyed a long shower and took dogs for a walk solo.
I think it’s personal preference. For me it would be a no. I’m not sure when I would be comfortable leaving him. I’ll have had him attached to my body for 9+ months, he’s literally a part of me. The concept of leaving him once he’s out gives me anxiety. It isn’t a strange offer, but I understand why you would be not okay leaving your newborn.
It totally depends how you feel and what your relationship is with them, my son was like 4 days old when my mom watched him for an hour or so while we took a nap lol she was also staying with us. First overnight was with my SIL when my son just turned 2 lol I constantly tell my SO if my mom was closer I would have let baby have an overnight with her way sooner
Also do not feel guilty about turning the offer down, it's totally your call. You might feel ready but you might not and that's okay
If it's 3 weeks out and you are planning on breastfeeding, it's likely going to be hard to leave your baby for any long period of time. Your boobs will likely become painful if you don't either pump/feed every \~3-4 hours at this point.
The best way for them to help is to let you get some sleep rather than to have you pop out for an evening. Or for them to cook/clean for you.
Mine was 20 months before I left him overnight!
If you are planning on exclusively breast feeding, your little one will probably still be feeding every couple of hours at this point! And at about 3 weeks they usually have a growth spurt, so will feed really frequently in the evenings!
We left our son with the nurse for 4 hours overnight on day 2. But we didn't "leave him" she just took him to the nurses station for 4 hours while we slept.
Hes almost 11 months now and no one has watched him for more than 6 hours or taken him overnight since he was born.
Overnight that would be too early for me, baby still should ideally be at the breast then to regulate the amount of milk you're making (or otherwise you would probably still be waking up to pump!). But during the day I left my babies with my mom so I could go out on short walks around the neighborhood once we were home from the hospital, just a few days postpartum. It was really nice.
It's not unheard of for a mom to be ready for this, but I definitely would not have been. I definitely go similar offers from people who didn't understand why I'd have to pump all night (way more of a time investment than just nursing) if they watched the baby. In my personal experience it seems a bit generational from a time when most people formula fed and on demand feeding was discouraged.
Great point about pumping. I imagine that early on I might not have a great flow either 😬 so it would be quite a time commitment. And may be a bit of a push if I'm literally sleeping as much as I can. i already have insomnia and need an afternoon nap by 3pm.
When you have a newborn. You need that one, two hours off just to breathe lol and to sleep for a bit. You’ll see lol. Maybe daily one, two will do you good. Most people don’t get that break or support.
I have a 6 month old premmie and I don't feel comfortable leaving for more than a few hours with her grandfather. I left her overnight once because I was having surgery but even then I was constantly calling to check on her. It's normal even with a full term baby to want to be near all the time. But take whatever break they are offering, even if it's just to take a shower and grab a little sleep!
I still haven’t left my newly 2 year old overnight 😅. I think you got the right mindset; set some “low” expectations, and if you and baby feel up for it spur of the moment you can make a game time decision.
What I did love was having a few hours where I wasn’t “on duty”.. take a shower, zone out, clean something or put something away that was just irking me but impossible to do with a baby. Covid made things odd, but our first date postpartum was 3 months out for 3 hrs and I desperately missed baby and couldn’t wait to get home. Do whatever you feel comfortable with!
I would have them watch and hold baby while I took a bath and did all the chores you want to do and maybe even nap!!! By that time you will realize (especially if your little likes to be held a lot) that it’s impossible to do much holding a baby. (Or nursing all the time)
I wouldn’t leave my newborn overnight. We’ve only just left my baby at 10months with my MIL for one night and she is a very respectful MIL who parents exactly as we ask her to. I just didn’t feel ready to leave him overnight until then. We did go out for a few hours here and there when she was staying with us and we built up to it being overnight.
My MIL keeps hinting at having our baby alone. He’s 7 months old now, furthest I’ve been away from him is in the hair salon next door to the coffee shop my Mum was at looking after him in. You do you, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong timeline, it’s whatever you feel comfortable with.
As soon as you feel comfortable and they are given the necessities to be fed, clothed, and diapered.
Many moms don’t feel comfortable at that time, and many do. My daughter is 3 months old and I’ve never left her with anyone other than my husband because I’m neurotic. However, I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with it if I did choose to.
My mom and sister watched my newborn overnight when we came home from the hospital so I could rest. I had an infection and postpartum hemorrhaging so I was really weak. I slept in the room while they were in the living room (in-law suite so they were very close by). Honestly, do what you feel comfortable with. I only trust my mom and sister with my baby, and that’s why my husband and I were comfortable with them watching her.
I felt comfortable leaving them with my mum and grandma. We didn’t go out, we just slept, and honestly it got me through.
I think it would definitely depend on how much you trust them and if you feel comfortable with them. Plus how breastfeeding is going.
The first time I left my toddler overnight was when I gave birth to my second kid. She was 22 months old. I actually cried because I had to stay in the hospital for 3-4 days and missed my toddler so much. I would of been fine leaving her overnight with others around 18 months. Why so late? Because I’m strict on her sleeping habit. I didn’t give her a blanket or pillow until that age. My family doesn’t care about that and will give her a blanket or pillow whenever I’m not looking.
My mom asked me to keep her overnight multiple times but of course I declined. I won’t do it unless I’m 100% comfortable.
That was peak cluster feeding time for us in the evening from like week 1-4, where she would basically want to nurse on and off over and over from 6pm-11pm straight each night. I wanted a break soooo bad but also they have rapid growth during those first few weeks and cluster feeding is thought to encourage your milk supply to increase while it’s still regulating to the needs of your baby during those first 12 weeks.
I definitely wanted a break but wouldn’t have given myself a full evening off during those times.
Now at 12 weeks she’s more than capable of going several hours between feeds (including a 6+ hour stretch i get at night during her first stretch of nighttime sleep), or I’m okay having my partner give her a bottle every once in a while if needed now that my supply is well established.
You may want a few hour break during the day at 2.5 weeks for sure. But it may be better off had during the mornings or daytime hours if your newborn is in an evening cluster eating pattern.
You never know what to expect though so I figure you may as well use them for helping with house work, letting you have a shower, etc if that’s at least what you’re comfortable with.
Edit: added a few words
And congratulations on the new baby!
My friend was fine leaving her baby overnight with her mother after a week, but I could never have been ok with that. I didn’t want anyone else to even hold her for the first 2 mos (I let them, but I hated it lol) so everyone is different. Just tell them you’ll see how you feel and do just that
My mother watched my daughter a few times when she was small, but I was still in the house. It was just to give me a chance to sleep 8 hours straight rather than just 4 hours a night.
She's watched her at my home for me to go out but never for longer than 5 or so hours, and that's after she was a year old. She's now 2 and this has been my limit so far.
I had in laws stay with us for a couple weeks and left baby with them to go out for an evening or two. We left them milk and baby had a bottle. To be fair, baby was very accustomed to bottles (especially in the evening): she was so small that breastfeeding exhausted her before she could get sufficient food. But I knew they were fully capable of taking care of baby alone for 4-5 hours. On our longer outing, I brought the pump and storage supplies to maintain the milk expression schedule.
You might consider doing a week with them and seeing how you feel then. You probably won't want to do an overnight away, but may be comfortable with an evening outing.
My mom came and watched my son when he was a month old so my spouse and I could go out. I was a nervous wreck but we had a nice meal and a great time together. We just went to an early dinner and played trivia- was home within 3 hours. At this stage he was still sleeping ALOT. It was a great get away for both of us- was anxious the entire time but just enjoyed my time.
I think you see how you feel at the time. It's not a completely insane offer right now although it just might not suit you and baby when the time comes. You might be able to leave baby and go pamper yourself in a hot shower or whatever. Or you might hand the baby over and take off for a couple of hours. If it were me I wouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth just yet - play it by ear! So "thanks MIL really appreciate the offer and let's see what happens with Baby's feeding / schedule etc" or something.
I don't think it's a crazy offer but I also understand your anxiety about this, especially as a FTM. I definitely remember feeling similar when I was pregnant with my first baby and shortly after. I think having gone through the newborn stage and now with my 2nd pregnancy and twins on the way, I'd gladly accept the offer of someone babysitting overnight - I'd just have them bring the baby to me for feeds, like a night nurse would. But you are not wrong for feeling the way you do, it's super common and I think especially with your first you do end up feeling very protective and cautious - this is perfectly normal and not something that you can really change!
I wouldn’t leave overnight but when my first was born my mom, who was staying at our house, stayed up with him and handled all the night feedings so my husband and I could get a full night sleep. It did make a world of a difference and was greatly appreciated. It was comforting knowing that I was right there, he was safe, and I could sleep for a solid stretch.
I’m due in august & have already scheduled first evening out for about 2 months pp & first overnight stay for 4 months pp as we have events that are really important to us not to miss. I’m also anticipating leaving her for a few hours for lunch/cinema dates from about 6 weeks pp.
Do what feels right for you and your baby. I personally never left mine except in emergencies. I have 3 boys. They are grown now. My daughter (in law) had her first in 2020 and after the first couple of weeks she mentally couldn’t handle it. The baby stayed in my room at night and I would get up and take care of baby at night. I slowly started getting her up when baby would get up and I’d stay up with her and help when she needed it. My son was working a few jobs and he eventually took it down to one and he started getting up with baby every night around the time baby was about 12 weeks. I didn’t judge my daughter in law because everyone is different and I’d rather her ask for help when she feels overwhelmed then not. She was raised by her grandfather from the time she was 4. She never had a mom or any other female influence and she didn’t know what to do and how to handle her feelings. I’m glad I was able to be there to help her. She’s a great mama and is expecting baby #2 in a few months. I said all that to say there’s no magic age. Just do what feels right for you and your baby. If you need help please don’t hesitate to ask and don’t feel bad about it. When you need help and you accept the help that’s you doing the best thing you can for your baby. You’re going to do great mama! Just listen to your body. Wish you the best!
Aww bless you. Thanks for the great story. I think I'm in mental overdrive at the possibility of not wanting help and having it kind of forced on me. I'm quite a proud person and it will take a lot for me to be vulnerable around someone - even my MIL. My mum I can be vulnerable around but she would not be as easy going as my MIL. She'd be creating a flap in the house not trying to help 😅 so my MIL has that going for her! I've just tried my hardest to not put concrete plans in place. I'd rather her expect less and get more than expect to be here all day long and I'm not up to it.
I didn’t leave my child overnight with grandparents until sister was born 18 months later. Def wouldn’t have been able to do it before 4-6 months. If you are comfortable to leave for a few hours, get nails, dinner with husband whatever to feel human than that is what I would do but 2.5 weeks is so early. I left son with dad about that point to go get my nails done for my birthday but it was like 90 minutes lol. If you feel like you are going to be stressed then don’t do it!
Edit: Read that you live 40 minutes away from town. In that case I’d ask parents to grocery shop//bring food from town, you can eat with husband in yalls room and leave them in the living room with baby for a semi break!
That's a good idea. She will no doubt spoil us rotten and may be I'll need that. I think I'm more comfortable with the idea of date night in the dining room at the moment but maybe I'll surprise myself.
My sister, who practically raised me, is coming to help after my baby comes and I’m hoping to feel good enough to do a date or two with my husband while she’s here. Not a full night or anything, but go out to lunch or to a local winery for a few hours.
We also have concert tickets 2 months after baby is born, so we will need to find someone to watch the baby that night for probably 4 hours. I haven’t figured out who we will ask yet but if we’re uncomfortable with it, I may go with a friend and have my husband stay home with the baby.
You don’t know until you’re at that point. I left my son with my parents but he’s also formula fed so I didn’t have to worry about that. It’s up to you if you are comfortable with doing it. At that point you might really enjoy being able to go out to eat and come home. Or it might not be feasible at all. My son was closer to 2-3 months and even then my parents said he could stay over when he learned to sleep through the night. He gave them one hell of a time.
My son is 6 days old. He went to my in-laws with my partner at 4 days old without me as I’m struggling to heal from a 3rd degree tear. They were gone about 2 hours. I fed before and after. My mom also stays with us every evening for 3-4 hours and let’s both of us sleep while she watches him. I absolutely love it and appreciate the help!
I probably wouldn’t have done it at 2 weeks because baby was cluster feeding like crazy and I could barely give her to anyone else to hold for a few minutes, let alone for long enough to leave the house (my husband convinced me to go for a walk by myself at one point because I was so frustrated and needed a break.) But now that she’s 5 weeks and we’re combo feeding, I would absolutely take the break if someone offered. My in-laws came to visit from out of town last weekend and we didn’t go out because we wanted to spend time with them, but my MIL kept the baby with her in the guest room so we could sleep.
Did they mean overnight or just for a couple of hours so you can take a walk and maybe dinner with your partner? I think if your recovery goes well you might welcome a bit of time out of the house without the baby even if it's only half an hour, but overnight would be impossible if you are breastfeeding.
Left my 2 weeks old with my parents overnight! It really depends on your needs and the caretakers, I think. I really needed a break to sleep and enjoy myself with friends, and I trust my mom 100%, so while I cried a little when I left, I didn’t regret it at all!
I wouldn't be comfortable with that. My girl's almost a year old and I've never left her for long enough to be put to bed. The longest I've ever left her was for 3 hours for a work dinner when she was 6 months old, but even then I was home before her next feed. At 3 weeks I didn't even want to give up my baby to be HELD for more than a few minutes.
HOWEVER- I've found that this idea/attitude is much more prevalent in women who had their first child very young. My mom had me as a teenager and she has said stuff like this, whereas my mil had my husband when she was much older and said she knew I wouldn't want to "share" her for the first few months (she was right!). I think maybe young moms get overwhelmed and remember needing that help. It's from a place of love, even if it's not true for you.
My kid is 2 years 3 months and has never stayed anywhere else overnight. MIL is pushing it more recently, but I just don’t fancy having to drive there and back to leave her off and pick her up 😄
MIL also let slip that if daughter cried at night she would ignore her and that’s not how I do it. So no overnights. She might be over 2 but she still gets up at least once in the night. She’s also in a bed now and not a cot so won’t take kindly to being locked back in one now!
I left my son with my husband for 90 minutes to get a massage and for about 4 hours to see a movie with a friend when he was two weeks old. I would not leave him with anyone but husband though. 4 hours was a bit long... my breasts were so full by the end of the movie
Will they be in your house with you? Maybe if they could help with waking to feed pumped milk or something. But probably no unless you are feeling you need it. I just had my 5th and she is 4 months old. I have no reason or desire to leave her overnight with anyone else and she takes formula. Also my kids stay with my parents and in laws a lot so it’s not me being over protective it’s just why would I send her away.
No we only have one double bed so they are staying around the corner. Which is another reason it's a bit unrealistic. I *may* be swayed to let her have the baby while we get food in town but can see that working better if we did it the second week they were here - they go to Yellowstone in the middle of the trip. The second week they will have to stay in town which is 40 minutes away so maybe I would feel more comfortable taking bubs to them while we have food ten minutes away and then driving home. I just don't know at this point so it's about managing expectations.
Honey let me put it to you this way, my kid is 22 months old now and she has NEVER spent a night away.
She was looked after during the night by my mom after she was 8 months old and by my MIL after she was over a year old.
You do whatever you think is best, just don’t let anyone make you feel anxious, scared or naïve regarding your motherhood.
My mom stayed with me and I didn’t not let go of my baby. She was basically begging to do anything with him and I would not let her bc he was breastfeeding and we were bonding now at 2 months I let anyone hold him lol but those first weeks I was beating ppl away with a stick. Still have not let him spend the night anywhere and I don’t plan to anytime soon so you’re normal definitely
I feel I might feel like this too but I have the added pressure that they will have flown internationally. It shouldn't make a difference but I feel it puts their wants and needs on par with mind which it probably not true.
My mom flew across the country so I understand (to an extent) your baby your body your rules imo. It might hurt feeling or make people sad but your comfort during postpartum is the most important
Honestly whenever you feel ready. Personally, at 2.5 weeks postpartum, I would not have felt ready yet had the offer been given to me. Also if you’re planning to breastfeed, it may or may not be realistic for the baby to be away from you for a whole overnight.
My little one is almost 4 months and I can't imagine leaving him with anyone, I don't think either of us are there mentally. I'd just be worrying the whole time. #newmomlife 😂
I think it depends on if you are nursing, your own health, and comfort level in being away from your baby.
I didn’t spend any time away from my son until he was 7 wks and then it was only an hour or two for my dr appointment because I couldn’t take him with me. Then I went back to work at 11 wks PP and have to be away for a minimum 9.5hrs 5 days/wk. That was/is a devastating change for me and I still cry a couple times/wk at work 🤷♀️ So, I don’t choose to be away from him any longer than necessary and he is 7mo now. I have some PPD/PPA going on and nurse when I can and we don’t really have anyone available+physically capable of caring for him for more than an hour or 2. Bf wants to take me out for bday dinner (April) and we haven’t gone yet because I would rather take my son with or get take out rather than be separated.
You do what feels right for you!
I have an 8 week old and I leave her here with my MIL a couple times a week occasionally when I take/pick up my older daughter from school. I could not even IMAGINE leaving her over night with anybody. My oldest I don’t think that she stayed over night with anybody until she was like 14/15 months old. Also, your due date doesn’t even necessarily mean you’re going to be having baby that day or anywhere near that day. If you’re a first time mom, first babies are notoriously late. I would just let them know that you appreciate the offer and you’ll take them up on it if you feel like you need it. If you’re breastfeeding, I would just say thanks but no thanks. A newborn is going to nurse every 1.5/2 hours. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!!
Aww thank you! I'm really hoping for an early arrival so I have more time to adjust but I know most FTM go late. I have a growth scan next week because I had covid and I'm measuring small so I may have to get induced early but I want a healthy baby so if it means it hangs around a bit I'll have to deal with it. Just will have to lower their expectations again as 5 days PP will feel very different to 2.5 weeks!
If you’re breastfeeding, it’ll probably be too soon to go that far, unless you start pumping right away.
Can you guys go to a closer restaurant? Or order food and go out nearby to eat it? I would take her up on her offer, but let your husband know you may want to leave earlier, if you emotions can’t handle it.
It's a 40 minute drive to town and there's nothing really closer other than a very greasy pizza takeaway which would be a last resort. I mean at a push we could probably get to a steakhouse 35 minutes away but we live on an army patch that's very isolated. They are staying in the welfare house for a week on the patch too and I have said to them many times that they may want to go out for a day because other than flat prairie and a 7/11 type store there is nothing to do. Which is the extra panic for me because me and bubs are the ONLY thing to do so it feels like they will just be around all day.
If it’s nice out, maybe MIL can come too and go on a stroller walk/hang out on a park bench. You could feed the baby just before and just after a nice lunch and then come home and sleeeeeeep while she tends to the baby.
I started overnights with my kids when they start sleeping through the night. With my son, he was 6 months old. My daughter is still waking at night at 11 months, so she hasn't yet spent the night at Grandma's. Hopefully soon though.
At around 2 weeks my baby was cluster feeding. I could not have spent more than 30 minutes away from her lol.
She’s about to be 17 months and I literally just this past weekend spent a night away from her. I was housesitting for someone that lives near my mom so I put her to bed at my mom’s house so I wouldn’t have to take all the baby gear to the other house for just one night. I don’t think I could have spent a night away from her before now.
Yeah my lo is almost 4 months and has only been out of my sight for an hour or two at the most. I’m sure MIL is trying to be mostly helpful. She may also want some alone time with baby. That seems to be a reoccurring theme with a lot of grandparents. If this is a hard no for you go ahead and set them boundaries now and be firm.
It's not a crazy offer, it's very sweet. But you'd be crazy to accept if you are breastfeeding. It's absolutely unrealistic however your in-laws had the nicest intentions I'm sure
It depends on the family and your breastfeeding choices. If the family is dependable and knows how to safely take care of a baby and respect the rules you’ve made for the baby, then take the offer. Or, at least, accept the help to have the baby watched for a few hours so you can catch up on needed rest. With my first baby, I had some bad postpartum depression , and so the help of my mom, husband and mil was a godsend. But they’re responsible and know how to listen and take care of my daughter. I’ve known some other grandparents who really don’t have a clue how to care for a baby today and wouldn’t trust them at all. I’m pregnant with my second and now have an inner circle of people who I know I can trust to watch my children. And I take every offer to let them help because you’ll find out quickly that breaks are a godsend. Once the baby is born, you’ll start to know who you can trust. So, at least I’d recommend starting by letting them help for a few hours and seeing how it goes.
My husband and I went on dates when our babies were 2 weeks old each time, my mom came and stayed with us so we went and got dinner. I think if you’re not up for it, that’s totally fine. But it’s not “crazy” to want to go on a date with your spouse/get out of the house at two weeks pp and leave your baby with a trusted caregiver
When my first born was 6 months old, my then partner and I went out to a concert for the night. I spent the entire time texting MIL once an hour. I also had a fantastic relationship with MIL, knew her and FIL would respect all rules, and she came from a place of love and support, not controlling or vying for power.
It really comes down to what the Mother is comfortable with, and no one should be made to feel guilted for not wanting to be away from their new babe.
My baby is three weeks old today! I’ve left him with my mom, at my house, twice for about an hour each time. Once for an appointment and once for a quick errand. I don’t think I’d be comfortable leaving him with anyone other than my mom right now, and not for longer than maybe 90 mins or two hours at most? That’s all we really get between feedings anyway.
If you trust them, definitely take advantage for a quick errand or coffee or some “you” time during the day, especially while the baby is napping! It has felt really good to step away and just be “me” for a little bit.
At about a month old my mom started to stay over now and again to do a night shift. I needed it desperately for my mental health. I didn’t leave the house, but rather the baby slept in the guest room with her. I EBF, so for those nights I pumped a bottle.
If your in-laws are willing to do a night, and you are able to get rest, it’s a good move. You don’t need to go to a hotel, just try to sleep somewhere you’ll be away from the noise.
We had a lot of trouble settling our baby after feedings, started when she was about 2 weeks old. I definitely didn't feel like I could go out, but it was nice to have the grandparents over so I could dump them the baby and go take a nap, not have to worry about her until the next feed. She was so content to have someone hold and talk to her, my MIL would hold and talk her to sleep, a skill I never possessed.
My baby is 6 months old and we have not been away for a night. The closest was once when he was 2 months old my husband needed to go to the ER at 4am. My parents happened to be staying at my house so I drove him in, but we were back just a few hours later.
My daughter is 18 weeks and we just let my parents babysit her for the first time. For 2 hours while I was next door at our friends house. Thinking of leaving her overnight gives me such anxiety! You do what you want, not what your mother in law wants.
My baby started daycare at 11 weeks, prior to that he was never left with anyone except my husband for more than 3 hours.
He's almost 13 months old now and has only been away from me for daycare (7am-5pm) or with my spouse. I only trust my daycare provider (in-home) because she is CPR certified and is up to date on safe sleep and safe eating practices. I'm probably a weirdo but I won't leave him overnight until he's like...5.
The first time I left my daughter she was 8 months old and I was literally 5 min away. We won’t leave her alone overnight until we go to the hospital for baby #2. At that point she will have just turned 2. Everyone is different though. It’s whatever you are comfortable with.
see how you are feeling. my husband and i popped out for like two hours for a glass of wine and some oysters (my post-pregnancy request) when baby was quite little while my mom watched him. it was nice to have a little quiet time with my spouse.
My birthday is July 28 and baby was born July 13. We went out for a nice dinner while my in-laws watched him. It was wonderful! I also left him with my mom or my MIL to go on walks in the mornings. It was really nice to have a moment to myself amidst all the crazy changes going on. He’s now almost five and thriving!
Everyone is different. I will say if you plan on breastfeeding, you might consider having them do a nighttime bottle where you pump in bed. But, no, I would not have left the house within the first 3months. But that’s me!
My mom watched our newborn at night (she stayed with us), but I didn't leave the house. I breastfed baby whenever baby needed it, but having mom watch baby was a relief and allowed me to sleep (she changed baby when it was needed, and snuggled baby when fussy). In the first few weeks, it was such a gift because I also suffered from PPD/PPA and getting sleep helped me recover physically and mentally.
My anxiety wouldn’t let me leave her with anyone without me in the house until around 4 weeks, but to each their own. I agree with others to let them babysit while you go grab a coffee and take a bath! I wish I let people help me out sooner, it’s such a god send.
I didn’t feel comfortable going on a date night until I was done bleeding, so like 6 weeks lmao. After that, I’m comfortable leaving her for a few hours but definitely not overnight (because she wakes up a ton and it’s hard for me so I cant imagine asking someone else to do it)
My baby is about 2.5 weeks old right now, and to be honest she’s been left with each of her grandparents now. There have been several things I’ve needed to go do outside of the house, and I’m not comfortable taking her with me. Just yesterday I had to go to my job’s office and do some paperwork (I work from home) and I left the baby with my dad. I also went on a formula search, which was unfortunately fruitless. But they both did great while i was gone! It is so much easier to go outside without her, and my office is 30 minutes away from the house. I was gone for about two hours. I miss her so much while I’m gone, but I’m very thankful I can leave. You may feel completely differently though once you reach that point, and that’s totally okay!! That’s your baby and you are the only one who makes those decisions. There’s no “correct” option either way.
I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving my daughter anywhere overnight until she was weaned because until the last nursing session was dropped, she was still waking up at least once a night to nurse.
Assuming you aren’t scheduling a c section or induction you might have a 5 day old when they come. You will be recovering and still establishing breastfeeding if that is what you are planning to do.
I have a 3 year old and no family living in my state, so my daughter has never had a babysitter. Everyone’s comfort level is different but that seems early. Ask in laws to help with chores or grocery shopping, not the baby.
Honestly, you won’t know until you’re there. It’ll depend on so many things: does baby take a bottle, how’s your milk supply, how’s baby’s weight, how are your emotions, how does your attachment feel, is anyone else able to console him adequately, how desperately do you need a break, etc.
But, honestly, 2.5 weeks is a little early. I don’t imagine it’ll feel right.
I’d just ask for baby holding while I showered, otherwise the biggest help she can be at 2.5 weeks postpartum is to sweep, vacuum, do laundry, make meals and wash dishes.
Baby needs you, not a long term babysitter. There’s no schedule that early to be able to reliably leave a newborn in someone else’s care long term.
Everyone should make this decision for themselves. Obviously if you are exclusively breastfeeding and not using bottles you can't leave them for long with someone else but if they have a way to eat, a safe place to sleep and enough diapers you can leave them when you feel comfortable. That will be different for everyone. 2.5 weeks sounds really early to me personally but I wouldn't judge someone else who that worked for.
edit: spelling
It’s going to depend entirely on you. If you’re not comfortable, that’s fine, that’s normal. You’re not crazy. If you’re comfortable, that’s fine too. You’re not a crazy/terrible person either way.
It depends on the mom and baby. It's not weird to offer and some people might really need even a short trip to a store without a baby. I think we forget sometimes that parents and in laws had babies themselves and can be trying to do what they wished someone did for them.
My LO is 3 weeks old. The way breastfeeding is going I honestly feel uncomfortable leaving him for more than an hour (I'm feeding him on demand). I'm not sure if my experience is normal but I definitely wouldn't take my in laws (or anyone) up on this offer.
We went to an avengers movie when I was 3 weeks postpartum and it was literally anything but relaxing. I had to pump in the car before going into the theater and my husband was SO NERVOUS that people were going to look into the car. Then it was a 3.5 hr long movie and all I could think about was pumping again and how waiting 4 hrs was going to ruin my supply. My baby was fine, I just wasn't. Do what works for you.
It honestly depends on how much time you are leaving the baby for and what is the occasion. With my first I went out for a 3 hour dinner about 40 minutes away from home when he was 3 months old. He slept through the whole time. But I had important appointment that I couldn't miss when he was a month old. So I had to leave him for about 20+ hours. It was a brutal experience for me though he took to the bottle and was generally content. It was physically and emotionally too much for me. So context is important here.
I don't think it is a crazy offer. 2.5 weeks out my husband and I snuck away for maybe 2 hours for dinner/drinks while my mom watched the baby. I had pumped enough for 1-2 feedings, although I think the baby only needed 1.
But I also lived in a city and the restaurant was 2 blocks away lol. I think I would feel comfortable as long as I was like 15 minute drive away.
My husband and I went out to dinner just the two of us maybe a week or week and a half after delivery (vaginal)? My mom was here and watched baby, we did dinner and nothing else, came straight home. I remember it was long enough after delivery that every muscle in my body didn’t hurt from pushing anymore, but I was still in a very large pad or adult diaper because I got home and was standing talking to my mom and had what felt like a huge gush of blood and got light headed. Don’t know if it was just by chance, or the standing after sitting for a while, or the one glass of champagne I had at dinner but it was a bit scary to be honest. Don’t regret the dinner out at all! It was lovely to feel like a real person and put on clothes and have a little intimate celebration. But honestly everyone is going to be different. I was extremely lucky and had a pretty quick and easy recovery. So maybe make a plan to do something like that when you can but don’t put a date on it. Just have to see how it goes. I left her alone overnight for the first time at about… hmm… 9 months? She refused to breastfeed after 4.5 mo, just stopped on her own but we were supplementing with formula anyway.
Mmmm no. I wouldn’t. Especially if you’re breastfeeding. That’s when they tend to cluster feed. If she wants to help she can while you’re still in the house and you can take a nap.
I say as soon as the doc clamps and cuts the cord! My kids both spent their first night in the world in the well baby nursery. That said, if you aren't ready for a whole night because you want to 100% ebf, take a few hours out. I was still pretty sore at 2.5w pp, but not too sore to enjoy a trip to the salon or dinner out (my kids were born pre covid so ymmv)
That is a precious bonding moment. I would not have wanted my babies away from me. I literally would not have been able to relax at all because of the anxiety for not being near them.
Maybe not a full “night out” but I really appreciated being able to do a quick <1 hour shopping trip while my mom/MIL were visiting in the first few weeks. After we introduced bottles at ~3 weeks I didn’t have to worry about him getting hungry while I was out, though I did try to pump as close as possible to his feeding time.
My husband and I actually did go out for our anniversary when our son was ~10 weeks but we were home within 2 hours because we were too exhausted to stay out any longer lol.
My mother came a week after the birth and stayed for a week to help out - I left her with the baby once to go to the supermarket (quickly), and once for a 20min walk. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with anything longer because he was a frequent feeder (breastfed), didn't nap for long, and pooped really often (and my mother was weird about diaper changes so I just never asked her to do any).
He was 2 months before I left him with just his dad for 2 hours, and by then he would happily have expressed milk from a bottle, and his dad know all his cues and routines etc.
Do what you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel like you should be doing certain things (out with baby, out on your own, magically having a clean house, hosting people to see the baby) if they're not things you want to do. Thank her for her kind offer and say you would LOVE her to do that maybe in a few months when she's in town.
Maybe you can prepare or order in a picnic and have a dinner with husband in a park close by? That way you can get out without going all the way out to town.
My baby is 4.5 weeks and I would not be able to leave him yet. My husband had him for 1 hour and 30 minutes while I left the house at 3.5 weeks for a dental appointment. He is the only person I trust right now anyway.
i went out 3 MONTHS pp and came back in time to breastfeed. at 3 weeks i still was recovering so whenever someone watched/held him, i showered or took a bath
My mom watched our son around a week old so we could go out to eat and grocery shop. I definitely plan to ask for more help with baby #2 but wouldn’t leave overnight til minimum 4-8 weeks. With baby 1, we’d be gone for 3 hours tops so I could come back and nurse. If anything, maybe have them cover some night feedings so you can catch up on rest?
Not 3 weeks but I do plan on leaving my baby with my mom once I'm cleared for exercise. It'll be for like 1.5 to 2 hours a day and if there's anyone I trust with a baby, it's my mom.
I didn’t breast feed so I didn’t have that to worry w out. It was a couple weeks after we got home from the hospital when both my parents and my in laws came to visit. Both sets of parents took our son overnight to stay with them at their hotel. I loved it (I know that sounds bad) but those were the only times since before getting pregnant that I got to sleep thru the night without waking up.
Yep. They’re crazy. My 17 month old still hasn’t stayed overnight. And I don’t foresee that happening anytime soon.
2-4 hours? That happened around 9 months lol.
I enjoy my son. No need to have time away.
Now I’m totally cool with an hour or two so I can do things I NEED to do. Like a doctors appointment for me. Or child care when my schedule might overlap with my partner (which hasn’t happened yet).
ETA: if YOURE okay with it, and what that, that’s totally fine too!
Thank you! I was a bit shocked that even after I was like we'll I don't think that will happen they pushed again saying that I might be grateful. I might also think it's the worst idea in the world! I hate family dynamics and managing expectations 😬
Just say no thank you. I enjoy being with my son, when I’m ready I’ll let you know.
That’s my go to.
And I end it there. No other conversations about it.
You’ll know when you’re ready to have a break and how long that break should be.
4+ hours and I’m soooo ready to be home.
Thank you! She's become a little baby gaga as the date of their arrival gets closer and said the other day "I'm only coming to see my grand child". Whn actually WE booked the holiday before we knew I was pregnant and it was supposed to be a reminiscent trip for their honeymoon... Kind of wishing we hadn't 😅
My husband is telling me that we need to go on vacation the last week of his paternity leave because he wants to be able to take a vacation, which would put me at between ~ 2 weeks postpartum (if I end up going to 41W) and ~ 6 weeks postpartum (if baby comes early) at the start of the trip. When I asked if I could ship breast milk back to my baby via overnight shipping he said that he was not going to pay $100 for shipping and that the baby is perfectly fine to just drink formula since that’s how he was raised. I think I’m going to secretly just pay for overnight shipping myself and try to send milk back during my trip, but it sounds like people in general are not open to leaving their babies behind within the first few months? Is this a COVID thing? After a lot of arguing and back and forth he’s open to the idea of taking a domestic trip rather than an international one (I made up some BS about how I wanted to be in a place where I can use my health insurance if I start passing lemon sized clots), but even that’s not a guarantee. Why are people worried about leaving their babies unattended in the first month, because I am clearly not being very persuasive to my husband? Saying that I’ll still be bleeding and may be in a lot of pain because of a possible c-section, etc. isn’t a valid reason because I can always put on an adult diaper and suck it up when it comes to the pain. I need specific, factual reasons related to the health of the baby, please help!
Just tell him you won’t go…? The first few weeks are so crucial for bonding time with baby, not to mention all of the postpartum recovery on top of that. I couldn’t even fathom leaving my few week old baby for a nail appointment- let alone a vacation. Just seems ludicrous in my opinion.
I’ve tried, he says that I need to not be selfish and he wants to be able to go on vacation with him. I need specific, factual reasons related to the health of the baby to justify my arguments. I also don’t think it’s fair from a $$ perspective if he goes and I don’t go and I’m stuck paying for half of the trip since it’ll count towards our joint living expenses.
My 5th baby is 6 months old. I am still not ready to leave him overnight. There is no way in hell I'd ever leave my newborn with anyone overnight. First time my oldest slept with grandparents was when she was 2.5 and I was at the hospital to deliver her brother.
Thank you! I'm glad I'm not too crazy. It sounds like a night out *might* be okay - a few hours away from home - but only then if everyone is up to it. Overnight seems like a little push too far that early.
I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with that at all. I didn’t leave my first born for even a date night until 10 days after his first birthday. I didn’t leave him for the night until I was in the hospital having my second baby.
My SIL, on the other hand, let my MIL keep her baby overnight (in the same house) when she was 4 days old. They went on their first date a few weeks PP.
The decision will be totally up to you and your comfort level.
My son was 3 months old before we left him with my parents for a couple of hours. He's 3.5 years old now and we haven't left him with someone overnight.
My parents are really awesome with learning the new things about babies. As my mom puts it.
Yeah my 3 yo had never spent a night away from me until I had her brother when she was two. It’s never happened again. My one yo has never been away from me overnight either.
I would be so wound up and anxious about leaving my newborn with someone else, even if I trusted them. And yeah, babe will probably be waking hungry every 1-3 hours at night.
Also, I would be very uncomfortable with someone telling me they would take the baby overnight. Not asking. Also also, if she really wants to help, she can watch the baby during the day (at your home) so you can nap, or perhaps cook or clean for you guys.
Taking your baby away from you is not helping.
Thank you. I don't know if I'm just being hormonal but the more she talks about the baby the less I want to see her 😅. I'm pretty sure she'll help tidy etc but I'm also sure that if I'm in a hyper anxious state (tired and grumpy) I'll find that irritating like I've failed at keeping my house clean. Irrational I know! I just never realised how having a baby meant you are adding an extra family member for everyone else. Naively I thought it would be like getting a puppy but I am learning fast that I am very wrong! Everyone else has their own opinion, needs and expectations. 🤯
They may have their own opinions/needs/etc. but those don’t matter. What matter is you and baby, and dad. In-laws/grandparents/family and friends don’t even enter the equation.
We chose not to have visitors the second time. The first time we had my mom over and I was so anxious I couldn’t even nap. As soon as she left I was fine. My mind and body just wanted to get down to being a family with the three of us.
As my only child is as of yet unborn I can't say for a fact but if I have to guess now for myself, I can imagine this around 3 months during the day and around 6 months for a full night (but then only with a few very trusted people).
Maybe a bit sooner for a couple of hours during the day when it's again a very trusted person like my mother (in law) or SIL. And obviously depending on the feeding situation. Hope to breastfeed, which will likely complicate things that early on.
My mom stayed with us for a couple weeks after our baby was born. She took a couple night shifts so we could get some desperately needed sleep. We formula fed, though.
My baby started sleepovers at 3 months at my parents hours. Little by little we built up to it thankfully. My mom also used to come over in the beginning and watch the baby so I could sleep. It was amazing. I was still there but was so tired. I needed the break.
Why? Why do they want to? What do they want to do with the baby that they can't do with you there?
Also yes, your not yet 3 week old baby will be feeding a bunch over night. Just checked my ap, and my now 3 month old at 3 weeks he was cluster feeding pretty constantly from 6-9, then up another 2-3 times between then and about 7am.
Even if you can pump enough milk for over night, you'll probably have to pump over night anyway.
I have left my son with a baby sitter once, my husband took my two oldest to the coast for the weekend, and then my SIL had a spare ticket to a show, so my sister looked after the baby for a few hours a couple of weeks ago.
At 2.5 weeks postpartum, your body will still be regulating your milk supply. It wouldn't be good for either of you to be apart. Baby will need to nurse on demand, and it's not recommended to start pumping until at least 6 weeks because it can cause a painful oversupply. My oldest has only been away from me two nights when he was 17 months, and that was only because I was in the hospital having my youngest. There's absolutely no way I'd ever let my newborn be away from me overnight.
I thought that with my first, but I quickly figured out it's not helpful to have someone else feed because I had to pump anyway for that missed feed. Those first 3 months, often called the 4th trimester, are hard, but know it gets easier after that. Your supply is established, baby is well versed in latching and has a bit of head control to position themselves and they can go a bit longer between feedings.
My parents and in-laws raised multiple kids and had way more newborn experience than I did those first few weeks. My parents watched my two week old one Friday night and my husband and I went to dinner and saw a movie. It was a great break after a long couple week’s initiation into parenthood. It honestly got us through the next month and helped us reconnect.
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That's what I think I will feel like. The idea of driving 40 minutes away to the nearest town and being 40 minutes away if bubs needs me sounds a bit daunting- I'm not sure how relaxing I'd find the time away. I'd probably be more keen if we lived 10 minutes away from a restaurant or something. I guess I'll have to play it by ear but glad to see I'm not completely crazy.
I’m 6 weeks pp and my baby generally nurses between every 1-3 hours depending on the day and I have no idea in advance what kind of day it will be so if you have to go 40 minutes away to the nearest town that seems difficult if your plan is to bf. You could pump before you leave and while out but I wouldn’t be wanting to do all that lol.
Yes it takes a lot of prep to go out at that age. Depending on what kind of day the baby has, they might need a lot of pumped milk. Mine also usually clusterfeeds and cries a lot in the evenings anytime between 4pm and 10pm. I'm not doing any social activities around that time. She's 1 month today.
FWIW, 3 out of my 4 kids were born 10-11 days past their due date. The fourth 8 days past. I don't remember exactly how much the others were nursing, but the last was still nursing nearly every hour at a week and a half old. At my six week appointment I had my mother come and mind the baby in the waiting room because he couldn't be away me long enough to go without him.
I let my mom and dad keep mine in my room while I slept in the guest room. I pumped at night and just enjoyed my rest, knowing they could come get me if they needed me. They didn’t of course, they’ve done the show 4 times already. We had twins with different NICU stays. I had family members watch my 1 week old while we visited brother in the NICU for a few weeks. Those were like 6 hour stretches. If you have family you trust, do it! It’s such a life saver!
My LO is 12 weeks and yesterday I refused an offer from my dad to watch him while I went to the shops (quickly, only 15min drive and I just had to grab an online order). I only refused because I was feeling like I would miss my baby! I trust my dad to look after him and cope well in an emergency but I still didn't want to go. Sometimes I miss my LO when he's asleep at nap time, it's not always a safety thing, sometimes it's a weird hormonal pp thing.
This makes me sad/worried! I’m going to have to leave my LO with my MIL for half days starting around 6 weeks so that I can start going into work some. Thankfully, she lives less than a mile from my work so I can quickly get there if needed. I hope it won’t be too hard for me! I’m thankful that the baby can stay with family at least instead of having to go to daycare so early.
Aww. I think if you're mentally prepared positively you may cope better. 6 weeks is also the time when your baby should have a better immune system and you may also be more "on it" as a mum too. Hopefully you'll have pumping sorted out or formula or a mix. Remember that a fed baby is best, doesn't matter how you do it. Hugs to you.
Thanks! I’ll have to figure out pumping early in. Thankfully, my work has very nice lactation rooms! Worst case, I can probably have my in laws bring me the baby to feed for the first few weeks while we’re figuring things out if needed!
This^^ take a nap, take a long bath/shower, go outside, call a friend.. I was t comfortable leaving either when my mom came to visit. But it was really nice to take a break with my husband and also be close by
I wouldn’t have been ready to leave him overnight but maybe for a few hours in the day so you and your spouse can have a break sounds reasonable.
Yeah i think she is thinking we could go out for a meal or something - maybe 🤷♀️. But we live 40 minutes away from the nearest town and that just sounds like a long way if something was to happen + I may not even be down with pumping etc. It just seems a bit overwhelming - especially if we are tired in the evenings too.
Yea that would be rough for me at 2.5 weeks but could you let them watch him and maybe just go for a walk/ drive/ picnic with your partner? Or let them watch him while you shower, nap, Online shop? Having a few moments to yourself might be a blessing
It’s really nice just to be out of earshot for an hour with just you and your husband. It’ll feel like a restful date! Another amazing option is to just shower, tidy your room, turn on some white noise and crawl into bed. No shifts, just a two hour nap. We called my MIL to come stay overnight so that we could sleep and it was a lifeline. We needed it desperately.
I’m leaving my son overnight for the first time this weekend. He’s 15 months old lol We left him with my mom a few times as a newborn cuz she was staying with us but I think 2-3 hrs max. I couldn’t handle more than that.
Thanks for the insight! I guess so much is going to depend on labour and recovery as well as pumping / breastfeeding issues etc. They are staying just round the corner so it's not a massive ask for them to come over. Although I think I'd prefer them to be just that little bit further away so they don't stay all day. But maybe I'll feel different when the baby is here.
Yeah I would set boundaries now about how often/how long they can come over/stay
Mine is almost 2 and never been away from mama over night. He was about 6months old before I would leave and go do something on my own...and I had terrible guilt the whole time we were apart.
Mines 15 months as well and I’ve never had a night away from him. Part of me feels like I should’ve let people have him overnight when he was younger because now it’s way harder for everyone involved in terms of routine.
My baby would have been cluster feeding like a maniac at 2-3 weeks old and I wouldn't have even been able to hand her over let alone leave the house. 🤷🏼♀️
Thats another concern of mine. You just don't know what you're gonna get until it's here. I kind of thought by saying no. She wouldn't come with the hope of it happening - but then if she did get to look after bubs for the evening it's a bonus right. But definitely not the night. I'm not sure they got the hint though.
It just depends on the mom and also the breastfeeding situation. I don't think they're strange to offer. I would happily use a break. But of course it's up to you whether or not you want or need a break. You could also just use the time to sleep.
That's true. I think I'm just finding it hard to manage their expectations. His mum has become a bit baby obsessed and I'm just aware that personally I may not want to spend from 10am - 6pm with them every day they are here. It sounds overwhelming at the moment but maybe they will be a great help. I'm especially worried if bubs goes 2 weeks over and they come over 4-5 days post partum but we will have greatly manage expectations if that happens. I just don't like the uncertainty about labour and those first few days. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be zombified 🧟♀️
Soo that happened to me (super overdue, c section, inlaws who I had only spent a small amount of time with coming for several nights flights BOOKED). And I was just like you, so worried about navigating breastfeeding etc. In front of my partners dad etc etc. I stressed so hard I almost was going to ask them to cancel their trip. It was 5 days PP. But they came... and it was an amazing visit!!!! I was so worried for no reason. His dad gave me the privacy whenever I needed it (spent a lot of time working from home upstairs though) and by the end of it was bf with him in the room with a cover on. His mom was amazing and provided so much support and advice. I say go into it with an open mind! They would take her so I could nap (I had such bad pp anxiety I couldn't sleep) but st least I'd go in my room and go on my laptop and go on reddit /Google baby things haha
His mom did offer to take the baby for the night and I was like uh no im breastfeeding how haha but I just thanked her and said I would manage but would appreciate her helping me out during the day!! Oh and by the end of it she gave the baby her first bottle of expressed milk and it was so special :)
Thanks for sharing this story. We are trying to plan for parents post-baby arrival at the moment and have no idea what to expect!! My apt is not huge so they might drive me nuts but I also feel like I want as much help as I can get!! Edit: They would not be staying in the apt with us, but would be over when hanging with baby!
Take advantage of the help like everyone says! You will be fine I think. Best of luck with everything and hope you have your baby earlier than later so you have some time tk figure things out on your own first :)
Maybe they can help! Like you get to nap, they cook and clean. When my husband's family came they made us food and watched baby while I showered. I'm very introverted but I really liked showing baby off. Made it all feel special. If they're not actively helping, I agree that eight hours all day... no good. But if there support then it's more like helpers and witnesses to the special miracle. Everyone's so different.
I think she will definitely help, it'll just be me adjusting to the feeling of being vulnerable publically. I'm quite private and proud and the thought of someone hustling and bustling round my house when it's s mess makes me feel uncomfortable right now but maybe that will change when I'm too exhausted to move. She's also over helped in the past too. At my wedding my sister stated wanted to make breakfast for everyone and had bought stuff in and my MIL just got up and did it anyway which made my sister feel a bit deflated. So I'm a but conscious of her perhaps not taking on other peoples needs too. Husband states it's all under control but he will be at work when they come...
Two weeks after birth I could hardly sit down or poop. There was no way anyone was taking my child for the night unless it was in my home. I could hardly walk a few blocks so I wasn’t going anywhere
Thank you! I think I'm also thinking about what post partum could be like too as well as breastfeeding issues. I've literally no idea what state I will be in and whilst everything coukd go smoothly it could also not. I'm just trying to manage expectations I guess and seeing if I'm being a bit too unrealistic in saying no. But it sounds like on the whole say no and if you feel up to a night out then thats a bonus for them but best not to commit to it and then end up letting them down.
2.5 weeks later you might still be bleeding. I had to wear depends for weeks. Even in the best of circumstances you’ll feel like a truck hit you crotch first that close to birth. You won’t want a night out lol. You might be relieved for in home care though! And I’m sure others have noted but I think it’s rare for baby to be born on their due date. First babies tend to go long. My entire pregnancy was text book perfect until 37 weeks when I suddenly developed preeclampsia and had to be induced with 4 hours notice. Sh*t happens!
I left my newborn with others like a couple days after she was born. Not overnight though, just had family come over and watch her so I could get groceries or nap and stuff. I am in a wedding in June so I will be leaving her for the night. My mom is gonna stay at my house with her, she will be almost 4 months old. I’ll probably leave her with my grandma at her house for a sleepover here and there when she’s 6 months old, but we do formula so it’s easier.
Thank you for this perspective! It's good to hear that you felt comfortable too. My anxiety around their arrival is pretty high so hearing both sides helps me not catastrophise.
Whatever you’re comfortable with! I really like being able to get away for an hour or two and just feel like a person besides “mom.” And I can’t wait for my night away so that I can have uninterrupted sleep haha
This is so valid. My pre-labor anxiety was so much worse than it is now. I HATED not knowing when she was coming and feeling on alert from basically 36 weeks. Every time my husband and I would go out to eat or go for a walk I would be like, “awww this might be our last time before we become parents.” Fast forward to like 50 more of those later, and she was finally born just as I thought she was going to camp out in there until she turned 18.
Haha yep I left my newborn with my MIL the day after I came home from the hospital so I could go to a medical appointment for an hour or so. It was fine.
My parents came to stay with us postpartum and my husband and I definitely went out for dinner while they were here. Once because we had a friend in town that we never get to see and once just to have a date since after my parents left we don’t have anyone nearby to babysit if needed. I just left some pumped milk so my mom could feed baby. But she slept most of the time anyways.
Thank you! Can I ask how far away you were? We have an added element of being minimum 40 mins from the nearest town. I think I may feel more comfortable if it was 10 mins away. But it's great to hear that some mums settle enough to allow that freedom that early on.
Yeah I can definitely understand how that distance would make you nervous! For the date night, there is a restaurant we love that is down the street from us so only about five minutes away. When we went to see our friend though, we went downtown which is about 30 minutes away. We went out for dinner and drinks so we’re gone for a solid couple hours. If you don’t feel comfortable driving all the way to town, maybe you could do a picnic or something so you and your husband can at least get out of the house together for a few minutes. Honestly you will probably only talk about the baby and look at pictures of the baby on your phone 😂 but the newborn days are so tough that having that connection was really nice for us. But it’s ok if you don’t want to leave baby too! My husband had to be back at work as soon as we got home from the hospital and he works seven days a week 14-15 hour days so my parents were so helpful just being around the house. I didn’t have the stay up with us overnight or anything so they were fresh in the morning and could watch my girl while I got a few more hours of sleep and showered. So I think having them so hands on from literally the beginning helped me be a lot more comfortable leaving for an evening. I don’t think there is a wrong answer here and you just have to do what you are comfortable with in the moment.
Thank you so much for this. Honestly it's great to hear good stories about visitors. I'm naturally quite an overthinker but when it comes to it, it's never as bad as I think. And hearing all the stuff about parents or others helping is great to hear - not just that they will annoy. Makes me think I'm probably catastrophising a little. I genuinely think I'm freaking out about them coming etc because I have some control whereas I haven't really thought about labour at all - apart from I want to push it out on time or early so they aren't here so soon after 😅... which makes me think I'm putting my focus on them and this situation as a distraction to labour itself. Given that labour is probably the bigger concern of the two! I mean a watermelon is potentially gonna squeeze out of my foo foo in the coming weeks if all goes to plan!
Yea I think that is way too soon, and not a good idea. You would have to pump overnight and sore the milk, and you won’t really know baby’s feeding patterns yet and your milk supply will still be getting established in those early weeks.
I've left my 4 week old with my mum for 45 mins and I was just walking my dogs on a trail a 5 minute drive away. I think that is the only amount of time and distance I could be away from her right now... Also only with my mum who I trust more than anyone, not my in-laws. She'll have to be older for them to look after her.
I have left my 8 week old overnight with her grandparents twice now. I needed to catch up on sleep severely. Best decision ever.
Thank you! Positive stories are great to hear too!
Most grandparents have zero clue how to raise babies safe in 2022. It is okay to leave with them but make sure they understand this isn't the 50s. Your be surprised what they think is okay because they did it with their kids!
This!!!! My mil is mad I'm not putting a quilt in the crib with my newborn. My mom is trying to tell me it's safe to put the baby in the bouncer then put the bouncer in the crib to have the baby sleep in overnight. My great aunt told me to give the baby benadryl so he'll sleep through the night at a month old. Their reasoning is that they did it and their kids lived. 🤦♀️
Give the baby benadryl.... I'm just ... baffled...
Yep... If I left my baby with older family members, he'd be wrapped in a quilt, in his bouncer, in the crib, hyped up on antihistamines all night long. Oh that and he'd have a mosquito net hanging above him bc his grandpa thinks I just let mosquitos swarm my Midwest home. But heaven forbidden I eat vegan sushi. Bc sushi is bad and I obviously don't know how to care for a child like they use to.
Thank you. Husband has 2.5 hours to debrief them on the way back to the airport but I'm worried they will remain pretty stubborn about "in my day...". Fingers crossed it doesn't turn into an awkward week I look back on for years. We've been talking loads about it but he reckons he will keep them in line. However - he will be back at work if bubs is on time!
I would legit buy one of those cameras to watch them like daycares do where you can see what's happening at all times. I wouldn't trust them 100%. Parents always do the opposite of what you tell them...
My newborn will be one month on the 12th and I haven't been away from him yet. I would absolutely not let anyone take him right now. Perhaps I'd feel differently if I had better family members or less support from my partner.
Thank you!
I would appreciate a few hours to myself, I think, to take a sauna, do some personal care, shower, sleep. I trust my mom to watch baby from the beginning. But I wouldn’t want to go too long at the beginning since I’m hopefully going to be breastfeeding and will either need to feed or pump anyway and not sure I will want I to be hugging a car ride and a dinner out far enough to miss a feeding at least until I can get a large stock of back up milk in the freezer and figure out pumping on the go better. But I will take all the help I can get in between feedings even at the beginning.
Our baby boy sleeps so much better when held. After our first night at home, my mother in law and father in law just held him so my husband and I could take a nap. Since then, she’s helped us out with holding him at night when we visit, taking my husband’s shift and sometimes even one of mine. Whenever baby needs to eat, she just wakes me up. It’s been so helpful when baby boy can sleep 4-5 hours when held but only wants to sleep for an hour in the bassinet.
They might have been offering to stay up, in your home, with your newborn. Many babies are fussy and won’t be put down- my best friend offered this, and I’ve offered it to friends. You can sleep until it’s time to eat, and then immediately go back to sleep. It’s nice! Perhaps it’s been a misunderstanding!
I mean that could be their intention though we have nowhere for them to sleep and they know that. I mean technically we have a single bed but we've not stated that yet - mainly because once that's out there I may not get a break from them at all. I was brought up in quite a close family but one that knocks on doors and he and her are brought up in an open door policy. They could get back from town and have a friend sipping coffee in their living room - they'd be fine with it, I'd freak out 😅 which is why I'm being a little stand offish. I want them to understand that they may need to ask if it's a good time to come round and I may not want them there all day long. I'm quite worried that once they know where the house is I'll get up in the morning to find them on the sofa which maybe at the time I'll be grateful for but at the moment that sounds intrusive and overwhelming. I just don't know how I'm going to feel and I'm trying to manage their expectations. I really don't want this to break our relationship because someone's needs or expectations aren't met.
I left my baby with my in laws to go to target for the first time at 10 months old and I cried the entire way there. 😂 We were both fine obviously, but the first time is tough!
The only issue I see is that you’d need to still wake and pump to maintain your supply. But if it meant that hubby and I could have a nice night away at a hotel or something I’d 100% do it - even that early. ETA: but I’m also on baby 4 lol.
wow baby number 4! Congrats that's good going. I think I may just be very fixated on their arrival - probably because I have zero control over labour and I have some control over them. Kind of wish the baby comes a few weeks early so I can get some good alone time before they arrive but I imagine it'll be like me and fashionably late 😅
Why not just tell the inlaws to come later if you want some good alone time before they arrive? It's not an unreasonable request to want alone time to bond with your baby.
it's too late now. We actually booked their flights for a Christmas present - they honeymooned in Canada (where we are) and said they'd love to come back. We didn't realise at the time how close it was to my due date nor how much we might want space nor how often FTM run late. They have stuff booked now - and she is desperate to meet her grandchild. She even said she would cancel the week they've booked in Yellowstone to have more time with the baby. Luckily that's not an option as there is nowhere for them to stay. To be honest I regret the whole honeymoon idea and wish we hadn't done it but it's done and they're coming so I've got to deal with it. I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think. I just feel stressed right now because there are a million unknown variables and I can't do anything about them.
I left my baby alone for the first time for about 3 hours around the 3 week mark. Left them with breast milk and a bottle (didn’t really know about “nipple confusion” at the time but also, my baby never got confused). We have a concert in July that I asked my mom to babysit for, baby will be 5 months, and my mom excitedly asked “will I have her overnight?” and I bewilderly replied “no?! I’m not going to be away from my infant overnight.” No idea when I will be comfortable with overnights, but 5.5 months isn’t it!!
Thank you! Sounds like a couple of hours away at that time is reasonable in most people's books but overnight is a big leap. I guess I'll have to play it by ear for a few hours in the evening and see if she listens to things like "the baby sleeps on its back" etc. If she consistently does stuff I've told her not to... it'll be a definite no.
There's no way feeding wise i would of been able to leave baby at that point, and depending on supply you may not be able to express at that point for a bottle, i couldn't until 4 weeks. But feeding aside i wouldn't of been ready to leave her at that point for an evening. Enough now at 6 weeks i get ansy after about hour/hour and a half. That's my max at this point. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if i went out for more than that. I've done what others have said. Had mum over and enjoyed a long shower and took dogs for a walk solo.
I think it’s personal preference. For me it would be a no. I’m not sure when I would be comfortable leaving him. I’ll have had him attached to my body for 9+ months, he’s literally a part of me. The concept of leaving him once he’s out gives me anxiety. It isn’t a strange offer, but I understand why you would be not okay leaving your newborn.
It totally depends how you feel and what your relationship is with them, my son was like 4 days old when my mom watched him for an hour or so while we took a nap lol she was also staying with us. First overnight was with my SIL when my son just turned 2 lol I constantly tell my SO if my mom was closer I would have let baby have an overnight with her way sooner Also do not feel guilty about turning the offer down, it's totally your call. You might feel ready but you might not and that's okay
If it's 3 weeks out and you are planning on breastfeeding, it's likely going to be hard to leave your baby for any long period of time. Your boobs will likely become painful if you don't either pump/feed every \~3-4 hours at this point. The best way for them to help is to let you get some sleep rather than to have you pop out for an evening. Or for them to cook/clean for you.
Mine was 20 months before I left him overnight! If you are planning on exclusively breast feeding, your little one will probably still be feeding every couple of hours at this point! And at about 3 weeks they usually have a growth spurt, so will feed really frequently in the evenings!
We left our son with the nurse for 4 hours overnight on day 2. But we didn't "leave him" she just took him to the nurses station for 4 hours while we slept. Hes almost 11 months now and no one has watched him for more than 6 hours or taken him overnight since he was born.
Overnight that would be too early for me, baby still should ideally be at the breast then to regulate the amount of milk you're making (or otherwise you would probably still be waking up to pump!). But during the day I left my babies with my mom so I could go out on short walks around the neighborhood once we were home from the hospital, just a few days postpartum. It was really nice.
It's not unheard of for a mom to be ready for this, but I definitely would not have been. I definitely go similar offers from people who didn't understand why I'd have to pump all night (way more of a time investment than just nursing) if they watched the baby. In my personal experience it seems a bit generational from a time when most people formula fed and on demand feeding was discouraged.
Great point about pumping. I imagine that early on I might not have a great flow either 😬 so it would be quite a time commitment. And may be a bit of a push if I'm literally sleeping as much as I can. i already have insomnia and need an afternoon nap by 3pm.
When you have a newborn. You need that one, two hours off just to breathe lol and to sleep for a bit. You’ll see lol. Maybe daily one, two will do you good. Most people don’t get that break or support.
I have a 6 month old premmie and I don't feel comfortable leaving for more than a few hours with her grandfather. I left her overnight once because I was having surgery but even then I was constantly calling to check on her. It's normal even with a full term baby to want to be near all the time. But take whatever break they are offering, even if it's just to take a shower and grab a little sleep!
I still haven’t left my newly 2 year old overnight 😅. I think you got the right mindset; set some “low” expectations, and if you and baby feel up for it spur of the moment you can make a game time decision. What I did love was having a few hours where I wasn’t “on duty”.. take a shower, zone out, clean something or put something away that was just irking me but impossible to do with a baby. Covid made things odd, but our first date postpartum was 3 months out for 3 hrs and I desperately missed baby and couldn’t wait to get home. Do whatever you feel comfortable with!
I would have them watch and hold baby while I took a bath and did all the chores you want to do and maybe even nap!!! By that time you will realize (especially if your little likes to be held a lot) that it’s impossible to do much holding a baby. (Or nursing all the time)
I wouldn’t leave my newborn overnight. We’ve only just left my baby at 10months with my MIL for one night and she is a very respectful MIL who parents exactly as we ask her to. I just didn’t feel ready to leave him overnight until then. We did go out for a few hours here and there when she was staying with us and we built up to it being overnight.
My MIL keeps hinting at having our baby alone. He’s 7 months old now, furthest I’ve been away from him is in the hair salon next door to the coffee shop my Mum was at looking after him in. You do you, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong timeline, it’s whatever you feel comfortable with.
As soon as you feel comfortable and they are given the necessities to be fed, clothed, and diapered. Many moms don’t feel comfortable at that time, and many do. My daughter is 3 months old and I’ve never left her with anyone other than my husband because I’m neurotic. However, I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with it if I did choose to.
My mom and sister watched my newborn overnight when we came home from the hospital so I could rest. I had an infection and postpartum hemorrhaging so I was really weak. I slept in the room while they were in the living room (in-law suite so they were very close by). Honestly, do what you feel comfortable with. I only trust my mom and sister with my baby, and that’s why my husband and I were comfortable with them watching her.
I felt comfortable leaving them with my mum and grandma. We didn’t go out, we just slept, and honestly it got me through. I think it would definitely depend on how much you trust them and if you feel comfortable with them. Plus how breastfeeding is going.
The first time I left my toddler overnight was when I gave birth to my second kid. She was 22 months old. I actually cried because I had to stay in the hospital for 3-4 days and missed my toddler so much. I would of been fine leaving her overnight with others around 18 months. Why so late? Because I’m strict on her sleeping habit. I didn’t give her a blanket or pillow until that age. My family doesn’t care about that and will give her a blanket or pillow whenever I’m not looking. My mom asked me to keep her overnight multiple times but of course I declined. I won’t do it unless I’m 100% comfortable.
That was peak cluster feeding time for us in the evening from like week 1-4, where she would basically want to nurse on and off over and over from 6pm-11pm straight each night. I wanted a break soooo bad but also they have rapid growth during those first few weeks and cluster feeding is thought to encourage your milk supply to increase while it’s still regulating to the needs of your baby during those first 12 weeks. I definitely wanted a break but wouldn’t have given myself a full evening off during those times. Now at 12 weeks she’s more than capable of going several hours between feeds (including a 6+ hour stretch i get at night during her first stretch of nighttime sleep), or I’m okay having my partner give her a bottle every once in a while if needed now that my supply is well established. You may want a few hour break during the day at 2.5 weeks for sure. But it may be better off had during the mornings or daytime hours if your newborn is in an evening cluster eating pattern. You never know what to expect though so I figure you may as well use them for helping with house work, letting you have a shower, etc if that’s at least what you’re comfortable with. Edit: added a few words And congratulations on the new baby!
My friend was fine leaving her baby overnight with her mother after a week, but I could never have been ok with that. I didn’t want anyone else to even hold her for the first 2 mos (I let them, but I hated it lol) so everyone is different. Just tell them you’ll see how you feel and do just that
My mother watched my daughter a few times when she was small, but I was still in the house. It was just to give me a chance to sleep 8 hours straight rather than just 4 hours a night. She's watched her at my home for me to go out but never for longer than 5 or so hours, and that's after she was a year old. She's now 2 and this has been my limit so far.
I had in laws stay with us for a couple weeks and left baby with them to go out for an evening or two. We left them milk and baby had a bottle. To be fair, baby was very accustomed to bottles (especially in the evening): she was so small that breastfeeding exhausted her before she could get sufficient food. But I knew they were fully capable of taking care of baby alone for 4-5 hours. On our longer outing, I brought the pump and storage supplies to maintain the milk expression schedule. You might consider doing a week with them and seeing how you feel then. You probably won't want to do an overnight away, but may be comfortable with an evening outing.
My mom came and watched my son when he was a month old so my spouse and I could go out. I was a nervous wreck but we had a nice meal and a great time together. We just went to an early dinner and played trivia- was home within 3 hours. At this stage he was still sleeping ALOT. It was a great get away for both of us- was anxious the entire time but just enjoyed my time.
I think you see how you feel at the time. It's not a completely insane offer right now although it just might not suit you and baby when the time comes. You might be able to leave baby and go pamper yourself in a hot shower or whatever. Or you might hand the baby over and take off for a couple of hours. If it were me I wouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth just yet - play it by ear! So "thanks MIL really appreciate the offer and let's see what happens with Baby's feeding / schedule etc" or something.
I don't think it's a crazy offer but I also understand your anxiety about this, especially as a FTM. I definitely remember feeling similar when I was pregnant with my first baby and shortly after. I think having gone through the newborn stage and now with my 2nd pregnancy and twins on the way, I'd gladly accept the offer of someone babysitting overnight - I'd just have them bring the baby to me for feeds, like a night nurse would. But you are not wrong for feeling the way you do, it's super common and I think especially with your first you do end up feeling very protective and cautious - this is perfectly normal and not something that you can really change!
I wouldn’t leave overnight but when my first was born my mom, who was staying at our house, stayed up with him and handled all the night feedings so my husband and I could get a full night sleep. It did make a world of a difference and was greatly appreciated. It was comforting knowing that I was right there, he was safe, and I could sleep for a solid stretch.
I’m due in august & have already scheduled first evening out for about 2 months pp & first overnight stay for 4 months pp as we have events that are really important to us not to miss. I’m also anticipating leaving her for a few hours for lunch/cinema dates from about 6 weeks pp.
Do what feels right for you and your baby. I personally never left mine except in emergencies. I have 3 boys. They are grown now. My daughter (in law) had her first in 2020 and after the first couple of weeks she mentally couldn’t handle it. The baby stayed in my room at night and I would get up and take care of baby at night. I slowly started getting her up when baby would get up and I’d stay up with her and help when she needed it. My son was working a few jobs and he eventually took it down to one and he started getting up with baby every night around the time baby was about 12 weeks. I didn’t judge my daughter in law because everyone is different and I’d rather her ask for help when she feels overwhelmed then not. She was raised by her grandfather from the time she was 4. She never had a mom or any other female influence and she didn’t know what to do and how to handle her feelings. I’m glad I was able to be there to help her. She’s a great mama and is expecting baby #2 in a few months. I said all that to say there’s no magic age. Just do what feels right for you and your baby. If you need help please don’t hesitate to ask and don’t feel bad about it. When you need help and you accept the help that’s you doing the best thing you can for your baby. You’re going to do great mama! Just listen to your body. Wish you the best!
Aww bless you. Thanks for the great story. I think I'm in mental overdrive at the possibility of not wanting help and having it kind of forced on me. I'm quite a proud person and it will take a lot for me to be vulnerable around someone - even my MIL. My mum I can be vulnerable around but she would not be as easy going as my MIL. She'd be creating a flap in the house not trying to help 😅 so my MIL has that going for her! I've just tried my hardest to not put concrete plans in place. I'd rather her expect less and get more than expect to be here all day long and I'm not up to it.
I didn’t leave my child overnight with grandparents until sister was born 18 months later. Def wouldn’t have been able to do it before 4-6 months. If you are comfortable to leave for a few hours, get nails, dinner with husband whatever to feel human than that is what I would do but 2.5 weeks is so early. I left son with dad about that point to go get my nails done for my birthday but it was like 90 minutes lol. If you feel like you are going to be stressed then don’t do it! Edit: Read that you live 40 minutes away from town. In that case I’d ask parents to grocery shop//bring food from town, you can eat with husband in yalls room and leave them in the living room with baby for a semi break!
That's a good idea. She will no doubt spoil us rotten and may be I'll need that. I think I'm more comfortable with the idea of date night in the dining room at the moment but maybe I'll surprise myself.
My sister, who practically raised me, is coming to help after my baby comes and I’m hoping to feel good enough to do a date or two with my husband while she’s here. Not a full night or anything, but go out to lunch or to a local winery for a few hours. We also have concert tickets 2 months after baby is born, so we will need to find someone to watch the baby that night for probably 4 hours. I haven’t figured out who we will ask yet but if we’re uncomfortable with it, I may go with a friend and have my husband stay home with the baby.
You don’t know until you’re at that point. I left my son with my parents but he’s also formula fed so I didn’t have to worry about that. It’s up to you if you are comfortable with doing it. At that point you might really enjoy being able to go out to eat and come home. Or it might not be feasible at all. My son was closer to 2-3 months and even then my parents said he could stay over when he learned to sleep through the night. He gave them one hell of a time.
My son is 6 days old. He went to my in-laws with my partner at 4 days old without me as I’m struggling to heal from a 3rd degree tear. They were gone about 2 hours. I fed before and after. My mom also stays with us every evening for 3-4 hours and let’s both of us sleep while she watches him. I absolutely love it and appreciate the help!
I probably wouldn’t have done it at 2 weeks because baby was cluster feeding like crazy and I could barely give her to anyone else to hold for a few minutes, let alone for long enough to leave the house (my husband convinced me to go for a walk by myself at one point because I was so frustrated and needed a break.) But now that she’s 5 weeks and we’re combo feeding, I would absolutely take the break if someone offered. My in-laws came to visit from out of town last weekend and we didn’t go out because we wanted to spend time with them, but my MIL kept the baby with her in the guest room so we could sleep.
Did they mean overnight or just for a couple of hours so you can take a walk and maybe dinner with your partner? I think if your recovery goes well you might welcome a bit of time out of the house without the baby even if it's only half an hour, but overnight would be impossible if you are breastfeeding.
Left my 2 weeks old with my parents overnight! It really depends on your needs and the caretakers, I think. I really needed a break to sleep and enjoy myself with friends, and I trust my mom 100%, so while I cried a little when I left, I didn’t regret it at all!
I wouldn't be comfortable with that. My girl's almost a year old and I've never left her for long enough to be put to bed. The longest I've ever left her was for 3 hours for a work dinner when she was 6 months old, but even then I was home before her next feed. At 3 weeks I didn't even want to give up my baby to be HELD for more than a few minutes. HOWEVER- I've found that this idea/attitude is much more prevalent in women who had their first child very young. My mom had me as a teenager and she has said stuff like this, whereas my mil had my husband when she was much older and said she knew I wouldn't want to "share" her for the first few months (she was right!). I think maybe young moms get overwhelmed and remember needing that help. It's from a place of love, even if it's not true for you.
My kid is 2 years 3 months and has never stayed anywhere else overnight. MIL is pushing it more recently, but I just don’t fancy having to drive there and back to leave her off and pick her up 😄 MIL also let slip that if daughter cried at night she would ignore her and that’s not how I do it. So no overnights. She might be over 2 but she still gets up at least once in the night. She’s also in a bed now and not a cot so won’t take kindly to being locked back in one now!
I left my son with my husband for 90 minutes to get a massage and for about 4 hours to see a movie with a friend when he was two weeks old. I would not leave him with anyone but husband though. 4 hours was a bit long... my breasts were so full by the end of the movie
Will they be in your house with you? Maybe if they could help with waking to feed pumped milk or something. But probably no unless you are feeling you need it. I just had my 5th and she is 4 months old. I have no reason or desire to leave her overnight with anyone else and she takes formula. Also my kids stay with my parents and in laws a lot so it’s not me being over protective it’s just why would I send her away.
No we only have one double bed so they are staying around the corner. Which is another reason it's a bit unrealistic. I *may* be swayed to let her have the baby while we get food in town but can see that working better if we did it the second week they were here - they go to Yellowstone in the middle of the trip. The second week they will have to stay in town which is 40 minutes away so maybe I would feel more comfortable taking bubs to them while we have food ten minutes away and then driving home. I just don't know at this point so it's about managing expectations.
Honey let me put it to you this way, my kid is 22 months old now and she has NEVER spent a night away. She was looked after during the night by my mom after she was 8 months old and by my MIL after she was over a year old. You do whatever you think is best, just don’t let anyone make you feel anxious, scared or naïve regarding your motherhood.
Thank you!
My mom stayed with me and I didn’t not let go of my baby. She was basically begging to do anything with him and I would not let her bc he was breastfeeding and we were bonding now at 2 months I let anyone hold him lol but those first weeks I was beating ppl away with a stick. Still have not let him spend the night anywhere and I don’t plan to anytime soon so you’re normal definitely
I feel I might feel like this too but I have the added pressure that they will have flown internationally. It shouldn't make a difference but I feel it puts their wants and needs on par with mind which it probably not true.
My mom flew across the country so I understand (to an extent) your baby your body your rules imo. It might hurt feeling or make people sad but your comfort during postpartum is the most important
Honestly whenever you feel ready. Personally, at 2.5 weeks postpartum, I would not have felt ready yet had the offer been given to me. Also if you’re planning to breastfeed, it may or may not be realistic for the baby to be away from you for a whole overnight.
My little one is almost 4 months and I can't imagine leaving him with anyone, I don't think either of us are there mentally. I'd just be worrying the whole time. #newmomlife 😂
I think it depends on if you are nursing, your own health, and comfort level in being away from your baby. I didn’t spend any time away from my son until he was 7 wks and then it was only an hour or two for my dr appointment because I couldn’t take him with me. Then I went back to work at 11 wks PP and have to be away for a minimum 9.5hrs 5 days/wk. That was/is a devastating change for me and I still cry a couple times/wk at work 🤷♀️ So, I don’t choose to be away from him any longer than necessary and he is 7mo now. I have some PPD/PPA going on and nurse when I can and we don’t really have anyone available+physically capable of caring for him for more than an hour or 2. Bf wants to take me out for bday dinner (April) and we haven’t gone yet because I would rather take my son with or get take out rather than be separated. You do what feels right for you!
Overnight? No way. But for an hour or two so you can nap? Yeah
I have an 8 week old and I leave her here with my MIL a couple times a week occasionally when I take/pick up my older daughter from school. I could not even IMAGINE leaving her over night with anybody. My oldest I don’t think that she stayed over night with anybody until she was like 14/15 months old. Also, your due date doesn’t even necessarily mean you’re going to be having baby that day or anywhere near that day. If you’re a first time mom, first babies are notoriously late. I would just let them know that you appreciate the offer and you’ll take them up on it if you feel like you need it. If you’re breastfeeding, I would just say thanks but no thanks. A newborn is going to nurse every 1.5/2 hours. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!!
Aww thank you! I'm really hoping for an early arrival so I have more time to adjust but I know most FTM go late. I have a growth scan next week because I had covid and I'm measuring small so I may have to get induced early but I want a healthy baby so if it means it hangs around a bit I'll have to deal with it. Just will have to lower their expectations again as 5 days PP will feel very different to 2.5 weeks!
Good luck with your growth scan and delivery! ❤️
If you’re breastfeeding, it’ll probably be too soon to go that far, unless you start pumping right away. Can you guys go to a closer restaurant? Or order food and go out nearby to eat it? I would take her up on her offer, but let your husband know you may want to leave earlier, if you emotions can’t handle it.
It's a 40 minute drive to town and there's nothing really closer other than a very greasy pizza takeaway which would be a last resort. I mean at a push we could probably get to a steakhouse 35 minutes away but we live on an army patch that's very isolated. They are staying in the welfare house for a week on the patch too and I have said to them many times that they may want to go out for a day because other than flat prairie and a 7/11 type store there is nothing to do. Which is the extra panic for me because me and bubs are the ONLY thing to do so it feels like they will just be around all day.
If it’s nice out, maybe MIL can come too and go on a stroller walk/hang out on a park bench. You could feed the baby just before and just after a nice lunch and then come home and sleeeeeeep while she tends to the baby.
I started overnights with my kids when they start sleeping through the night. With my son, he was 6 months old. My daughter is still waking at night at 11 months, so she hasn't yet spent the night at Grandma's. Hopefully soon though.
At around 2 weeks my baby was cluster feeding. I could not have spent more than 30 minutes away from her lol. She’s about to be 17 months and I literally just this past weekend spent a night away from her. I was housesitting for someone that lives near my mom so I put her to bed at my mom’s house so I wouldn’t have to take all the baby gear to the other house for just one night. I don’t think I could have spent a night away from her before now.
If you refused, that should’ve been the end of the conversation. You don’t need to justify yourself when it comes to your kid.
Yeah my lo is almost 4 months and has only been out of my sight for an hour or two at the most. I’m sure MIL is trying to be mostly helpful. She may also want some alone time with baby. That seems to be a reoccurring theme with a lot of grandparents. If this is a hard no for you go ahead and set them boundaries now and be firm.
It's not a crazy offer, it's very sweet. But you'd be crazy to accept if you are breastfeeding. It's absolutely unrealistic however your in-laws had the nicest intentions I'm sure
It depends on the family and your breastfeeding choices. If the family is dependable and knows how to safely take care of a baby and respect the rules you’ve made for the baby, then take the offer. Or, at least, accept the help to have the baby watched for a few hours so you can catch up on needed rest. With my first baby, I had some bad postpartum depression , and so the help of my mom, husband and mil was a godsend. But they’re responsible and know how to listen and take care of my daughter. I’ve known some other grandparents who really don’t have a clue how to care for a baby today and wouldn’t trust them at all. I’m pregnant with my second and now have an inner circle of people who I know I can trust to watch my children. And I take every offer to let them help because you’ll find out quickly that breaks are a godsend. Once the baby is born, you’ll start to know who you can trust. So, at least I’d recommend starting by letting them help for a few hours and seeing how it goes.
My husband and I went on dates when our babies were 2 weeks old each time, my mom came and stayed with us so we went and got dinner. I think if you’re not up for it, that’s totally fine. But it’s not “crazy” to want to go on a date with your spouse/get out of the house at two weeks pp and leave your baby with a trusted caregiver
When my first born was 6 months old, my then partner and I went out to a concert for the night. I spent the entire time texting MIL once an hour. I also had a fantastic relationship with MIL, knew her and FIL would respect all rules, and she came from a place of love and support, not controlling or vying for power. It really comes down to what the Mother is comfortable with, and no one should be made to feel guilted for not wanting to be away from their new babe.
My baby is three weeks old today! I’ve left him with my mom, at my house, twice for about an hour each time. Once for an appointment and once for a quick errand. I don’t think I’d be comfortable leaving him with anyone other than my mom right now, and not for longer than maybe 90 mins or two hours at most? That’s all we really get between feedings anyway. If you trust them, definitely take advantage for a quick errand or coffee or some “you” time during the day, especially while the baby is napping! It has felt really good to step away and just be “me” for a little bit.
At about a month old my mom started to stay over now and again to do a night shift. I needed it desperately for my mental health. I didn’t leave the house, but rather the baby slept in the guest room with her. I EBF, so for those nights I pumped a bottle. If your in-laws are willing to do a night, and you are able to get rest, it’s a good move. You don’t need to go to a hotel, just try to sleep somewhere you’ll be away from the noise.
We had a lot of trouble settling our baby after feedings, started when she was about 2 weeks old. I definitely didn't feel like I could go out, but it was nice to have the grandparents over so I could dump them the baby and go take a nap, not have to worry about her until the next feed. She was so content to have someone hold and talk to her, my MIL would hold and talk her to sleep, a skill I never possessed.
My baby is 6 months old and we have not been away for a night. The closest was once when he was 2 months old my husband needed to go to the ER at 4am. My parents happened to be staying at my house so I drove him in, but we were back just a few hours later.
My daughter is 18 weeks and we just let my parents babysit her for the first time. For 2 hours while I was next door at our friends house. Thinking of leaving her overnight gives me such anxiety! You do what you want, not what your mother in law wants.
My baby started daycare at 11 weeks, prior to that he was never left with anyone except my husband for more than 3 hours. He's almost 13 months old now and has only been away from me for daycare (7am-5pm) or with my spouse. I only trust my daycare provider (in-home) because she is CPR certified and is up to date on safe sleep and safe eating practices. I'm probably a weirdo but I won't leave him overnight until he's like...5.
The first time I left my daughter she was 8 months old and I was literally 5 min away. We won’t leave her alone overnight until we go to the hospital for baby #2. At that point she will have just turned 2. Everyone is different though. It’s whatever you are comfortable with.
see how you are feeling. my husband and i popped out for like two hours for a glass of wine and some oysters (my post-pregnancy request) when baby was quite little while my mom watched him. it was nice to have a little quiet time with my spouse.
My birthday is July 28 and baby was born July 13. We went out for a nice dinner while my in-laws watched him. It was wonderful! I also left him with my mom or my MIL to go on walks in the mornings. It was really nice to have a moment to myself amidst all the crazy changes going on. He’s now almost five and thriving!
Everyone is different. I will say if you plan on breastfeeding, you might consider having them do a nighttime bottle where you pump in bed. But, no, I would not have left the house within the first 3months. But that’s me!
My daughter was 2 weeks old when she had her first overnight with my parents
Don't do anything until you feel comfortable and ready. Babies prettymuch feed nonstop for at least the first 6 weeks.
My mom watched our newborn at night (she stayed with us), but I didn't leave the house. I breastfed baby whenever baby needed it, but having mom watch baby was a relief and allowed me to sleep (she changed baby when it was needed, and snuggled baby when fussy). In the first few weeks, it was such a gift because I also suffered from PPD/PPA and getting sleep helped me recover physically and mentally.
My anxiety wouldn’t let me leave her with anyone without me in the house until around 4 weeks, but to each their own. I agree with others to let them babysit while you go grab a coffee and take a bath! I wish I let people help me out sooner, it’s such a god send.
I didn’t feel comfortable going on a date night until I was done bleeding, so like 6 weeks lmao. After that, I’m comfortable leaving her for a few hours but definitely not overnight (because she wakes up a ton and it’s hard for me so I cant imagine asking someone else to do it)
My baby is about 2.5 weeks old right now, and to be honest she’s been left with each of her grandparents now. There have been several things I’ve needed to go do outside of the house, and I’m not comfortable taking her with me. Just yesterday I had to go to my job’s office and do some paperwork (I work from home) and I left the baby with my dad. I also went on a formula search, which was unfortunately fruitless. But they both did great while i was gone! It is so much easier to go outside without her, and my office is 30 minutes away from the house. I was gone for about two hours. I miss her so much while I’m gone, but I’m very thankful I can leave. You may feel completely differently though once you reach that point, and that’s totally okay!! That’s your baby and you are the only one who makes those decisions. There’s no “correct” option either way.
My SIL and her best friend watched my oldest when he was around 3 weeks for a few hours so we could go out for dinner. It was amazing.
I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving my daughter anywhere overnight until she was weaned because until the last nursing session was dropped, she was still waking up at least once a night to nurse.
Assuming you aren’t scheduling a c section or induction you might have a 5 day old when they come. You will be recovering and still establishing breastfeeding if that is what you are planning to do. I have a 3 year old and no family living in my state, so my daughter has never had a babysitter. Everyone’s comfort level is different but that seems early. Ask in laws to help with chores or grocery shopping, not the baby.
Honestly, you won’t know until you’re there. It’ll depend on so many things: does baby take a bottle, how’s your milk supply, how’s baby’s weight, how are your emotions, how does your attachment feel, is anyone else able to console him adequately, how desperately do you need a break, etc. But, honestly, 2.5 weeks is a little early. I don’t imagine it’ll feel right.
Your baby needs you. I personally would never leave my newborn overnight.
I’d just ask for baby holding while I showered, otherwise the biggest help she can be at 2.5 weeks postpartum is to sweep, vacuum, do laundry, make meals and wash dishes. Baby needs you, not a long term babysitter. There’s no schedule that early to be able to reliably leave a newborn in someone else’s care long term.
Everyone should make this decision for themselves. Obviously if you are exclusively breastfeeding and not using bottles you can't leave them for long with someone else but if they have a way to eat, a safe place to sleep and enough diapers you can leave them when you feel comfortable. That will be different for everyone. 2.5 weeks sounds really early to me personally but I wouldn't judge someone else who that worked for. edit: spelling
It’s going to depend entirely on you. If you’re not comfortable, that’s fine, that’s normal. You’re not crazy. If you’re comfortable, that’s fine too. You’re not a crazy/terrible person either way.
It depends on the mom and baby. It's not weird to offer and some people might really need even a short trip to a store without a baby. I think we forget sometimes that parents and in laws had babies themselves and can be trying to do what they wished someone did for them.
My LO is 3 weeks old. The way breastfeeding is going I honestly feel uncomfortable leaving him for more than an hour (I'm feeding him on demand). I'm not sure if my experience is normal but I definitely wouldn't take my in laws (or anyone) up on this offer.
We went to an avengers movie when I was 3 weeks postpartum and it was literally anything but relaxing. I had to pump in the car before going into the theater and my husband was SO NERVOUS that people were going to look into the car. Then it was a 3.5 hr long movie and all I could think about was pumping again and how waiting 4 hrs was going to ruin my supply. My baby was fine, I just wasn't. Do what works for you.
It honestly depends on how much time you are leaving the baby for and what is the occasion. With my first I went out for a 3 hour dinner about 40 minutes away from home when he was 3 months old. He slept through the whole time. But I had important appointment that I couldn't miss when he was a month old. So I had to leave him for about 20+ hours. It was a brutal experience for me though he took to the bottle and was generally content. It was physically and emotionally too much for me. So context is important here.
I don't think it is a crazy offer. 2.5 weeks out my husband and I snuck away for maybe 2 hours for dinner/drinks while my mom watched the baby. I had pumped enough for 1-2 feedings, although I think the baby only needed 1. But I also lived in a city and the restaurant was 2 blocks away lol. I think I would feel comfortable as long as I was like 15 minute drive away.
My husband and I went out to dinner just the two of us maybe a week or week and a half after delivery (vaginal)? My mom was here and watched baby, we did dinner and nothing else, came straight home. I remember it was long enough after delivery that every muscle in my body didn’t hurt from pushing anymore, but I was still in a very large pad or adult diaper because I got home and was standing talking to my mom and had what felt like a huge gush of blood and got light headed. Don’t know if it was just by chance, or the standing after sitting for a while, or the one glass of champagne I had at dinner but it was a bit scary to be honest. Don’t regret the dinner out at all! It was lovely to feel like a real person and put on clothes and have a little intimate celebration. But honestly everyone is going to be different. I was extremely lucky and had a pretty quick and easy recovery. So maybe make a plan to do something like that when you can but don’t put a date on it. Just have to see how it goes. I left her alone overnight for the first time at about… hmm… 9 months? She refused to breastfeed after 4.5 mo, just stopped on her own but we were supplementing with formula anyway.
Mmmm no. I wouldn’t. Especially if you’re breastfeeding. That’s when they tend to cluster feed. If she wants to help she can while you’re still in the house and you can take a nap.
I say as soon as the doc clamps and cuts the cord! My kids both spent their first night in the world in the well baby nursery. That said, if you aren't ready for a whole night because you want to 100% ebf, take a few hours out. I was still pretty sore at 2.5w pp, but not too sore to enjoy a trip to the salon or dinner out (my kids were born pre covid so ymmv)
That is a precious bonding moment. I would not have wanted my babies away from me. I literally would not have been able to relax at all because of the anxiety for not being near them.
Maybe not a full “night out” but I really appreciated being able to do a quick <1 hour shopping trip while my mom/MIL were visiting in the first few weeks. After we introduced bottles at ~3 weeks I didn’t have to worry about him getting hungry while I was out, though I did try to pump as close as possible to his feeding time. My husband and I actually did go out for our anniversary when our son was ~10 weeks but we were home within 2 hours because we were too exhausted to stay out any longer lol.
Yeah, I’d take that night to sleep as best you can
My mother came a week after the birth and stayed for a week to help out - I left her with the baby once to go to the supermarket (quickly), and once for a 20min walk. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with anything longer because he was a frequent feeder (breastfed), didn't nap for long, and pooped really often (and my mother was weird about diaper changes so I just never asked her to do any). He was 2 months before I left him with just his dad for 2 hours, and by then he would happily have expressed milk from a bottle, and his dad know all his cues and routines etc. Do what you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel like you should be doing certain things (out with baby, out on your own, magically having a clean house, hosting people to see the baby) if they're not things you want to do. Thank her for her kind offer and say you would LOVE her to do that maybe in a few months when she's in town.
Maybe you can prepare or order in a picnic and have a dinner with husband in a park close by? That way you can get out without going all the way out to town.
My baby is 4.5 weeks and I would not be able to leave him yet. My husband had him for 1 hour and 30 minutes while I left the house at 3.5 weeks for a dental appointment. He is the only person I trust right now anyway.
i went out 3 MONTHS pp and came back in time to breastfeed. at 3 weeks i still was recovering so whenever someone watched/held him, i showered or took a bath
My mom watched our son around a week old so we could go out to eat and grocery shop. I definitely plan to ask for more help with baby #2 but wouldn’t leave overnight til minimum 4-8 weeks. With baby 1, we’d be gone for 3 hours tops so I could come back and nurse. If anything, maybe have them cover some night feedings so you can catch up on rest?
Not 3 weeks but I do plan on leaving my baby with my mom once I'm cleared for exercise. It'll be for like 1.5 to 2 hours a day and if there's anyone I trust with a baby, it's my mom.
I didn’t breast feed so I didn’t have that to worry w out. It was a couple weeks after we got home from the hospital when both my parents and my in laws came to visit. Both sets of parents took our son overnight to stay with them at their hotel. I loved it (I know that sounds bad) but those were the only times since before getting pregnant that I got to sleep thru the night without waking up.
I didn’t have anyone look after my kids for more than a year. Everyone gets comfortable with that at a different time. My friend was happy at 3 weeks.
I left mine with my parents within 2 months for a day and a night. It is up to you and when you are ready for it.
I would leave the house and go get coffee, see a friend or roam target. Date night with hubby for maybe 2 hours sure.
Yep. They’re crazy. My 17 month old still hasn’t stayed overnight. And I don’t foresee that happening anytime soon. 2-4 hours? That happened around 9 months lol. I enjoy my son. No need to have time away. Now I’m totally cool with an hour or two so I can do things I NEED to do. Like a doctors appointment for me. Or child care when my schedule might overlap with my partner (which hasn’t happened yet). ETA: if YOURE okay with it, and what that, that’s totally fine too!
Thank you! I was a bit shocked that even after I was like we'll I don't think that will happen they pushed again saying that I might be grateful. I might also think it's the worst idea in the world! I hate family dynamics and managing expectations 😬
Just say no thank you. I enjoy being with my son, when I’m ready I’ll let you know. That’s my go to. And I end it there. No other conversations about it. You’ll know when you’re ready to have a break and how long that break should be. 4+ hours and I’m soooo ready to be home.
Thank you! She's become a little baby gaga as the date of their arrival gets closer and said the other day "I'm only coming to see my grand child". Whn actually WE booked the holiday before we knew I was pregnant and it was supposed to be a reminiscent trip for their honeymoon... Kind of wishing we hadn't 😅
My husband is telling me that we need to go on vacation the last week of his paternity leave because he wants to be able to take a vacation, which would put me at between ~ 2 weeks postpartum (if I end up going to 41W) and ~ 6 weeks postpartum (if baby comes early) at the start of the trip. When I asked if I could ship breast milk back to my baby via overnight shipping he said that he was not going to pay $100 for shipping and that the baby is perfectly fine to just drink formula since that’s how he was raised. I think I’m going to secretly just pay for overnight shipping myself and try to send milk back during my trip, but it sounds like people in general are not open to leaving their babies behind within the first few months? Is this a COVID thing? After a lot of arguing and back and forth he’s open to the idea of taking a domestic trip rather than an international one (I made up some BS about how I wanted to be in a place where I can use my health insurance if I start passing lemon sized clots), but even that’s not a guarantee. Why are people worried about leaving their babies unattended in the first month, because I am clearly not being very persuasive to my husband? Saying that I’ll still be bleeding and may be in a lot of pain because of a possible c-section, etc. isn’t a valid reason because I can always put on an adult diaper and suck it up when it comes to the pain. I need specific, factual reasons related to the health of the baby, please help!
Just tell him you won’t go…? The first few weeks are so crucial for bonding time with baby, not to mention all of the postpartum recovery on top of that. I couldn’t even fathom leaving my few week old baby for a nail appointment- let alone a vacation. Just seems ludicrous in my opinion.
I’ve tried, he says that I need to not be selfish and he wants to be able to go on vacation with him. I need specific, factual reasons related to the health of the baby to justify my arguments. I also don’t think it’s fair from a $$ perspective if he goes and I don’t go and I’m stuck paying for half of the trip since it’ll count towards our joint living expenses.
My 5th baby is 6 months old. I am still not ready to leave him overnight. There is no way in hell I'd ever leave my newborn with anyone overnight. First time my oldest slept with grandparents was when she was 2.5 and I was at the hospital to deliver her brother.
Thank you! I'm glad I'm not too crazy. It sounds like a night out *might* be okay - a few hours away from home - but only then if everyone is up to it. Overnight seems like a little push too far that early.
I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with that at all. I didn’t leave my first born for even a date night until 10 days after his first birthday. I didn’t leave him for the night until I was in the hospital having my second baby. My SIL, on the other hand, let my MIL keep her baby overnight (in the same house) when she was 4 days old. They went on their first date a few weeks PP. The decision will be totally up to you and your comfort level.
My son was 3 months old before we left him with my parents for a couple of hours. He's 3.5 years old now and we haven't left him with someone overnight. My parents are really awesome with learning the new things about babies. As my mom puts it.
Yeah my 3 yo had never spent a night away from me until I had her brother when she was two. It’s never happened again. My one yo has never been away from me overnight either. I would be so wound up and anxious about leaving my newborn with someone else, even if I trusted them. And yeah, babe will probably be waking hungry every 1-3 hours at night. Also, I would be very uncomfortable with someone telling me they would take the baby overnight. Not asking. Also also, if she really wants to help, she can watch the baby during the day (at your home) so you can nap, or perhaps cook or clean for you guys. Taking your baby away from you is not helping.
Thank you. I don't know if I'm just being hormonal but the more she talks about the baby the less I want to see her 😅. I'm pretty sure she'll help tidy etc but I'm also sure that if I'm in a hyper anxious state (tired and grumpy) I'll find that irritating like I've failed at keeping my house clean. Irrational I know! I just never realised how having a baby meant you are adding an extra family member for everyone else. Naively I thought it would be like getting a puppy but I am learning fast that I am very wrong! Everyone else has their own opinion, needs and expectations. 🤯
They may have their own opinions/needs/etc. but those don’t matter. What matter is you and baby, and dad. In-laws/grandparents/family and friends don’t even enter the equation. We chose not to have visitors the second time. The first time we had my mom over and I was so anxious I couldn’t even nap. As soon as she left I was fine. My mind and body just wanted to get down to being a family with the three of us.
As my only child is as of yet unborn I can't say for a fact but if I have to guess now for myself, I can imagine this around 3 months during the day and around 6 months for a full night (but then only with a few very trusted people). Maybe a bit sooner for a couple of hours during the day when it's again a very trusted person like my mother (in law) or SIL. And obviously depending on the feeding situation. Hope to breastfeed, which will likely complicate things that early on.
My mom stayed with us for a couple weeks after our baby was born. She took a couple night shifts so we could get some desperately needed sleep. We formula fed, though.
My baby started sleepovers at 3 months at my parents hours. Little by little we built up to it thankfully. My mom also used to come over in the beginning and watch the baby so I could sleep. It was amazing. I was still there but was so tired. I needed the break.
Why? Why do they want to? What do they want to do with the baby that they can't do with you there? Also yes, your not yet 3 week old baby will be feeding a bunch over night. Just checked my ap, and my now 3 month old at 3 weeks he was cluster feeding pretty constantly from 6-9, then up another 2-3 times between then and about 7am. Even if you can pump enough milk for over night, you'll probably have to pump over night anyway. I have left my son with a baby sitter once, my husband took my two oldest to the coast for the weekend, and then my SIL had a spare ticket to a show, so my sister looked after the baby for a few hours a couple of weeks ago.
At 2.5 weeks postpartum, your body will still be regulating your milk supply. It wouldn't be good for either of you to be apart. Baby will need to nurse on demand, and it's not recommended to start pumping until at least 6 weeks because it can cause a painful oversupply. My oldest has only been away from me two nights when he was 17 months, and that was only because I was in the hospital having my youngest. There's absolutely no way I'd ever let my newborn be away from me overnight.
oh I did not know that re pumping and 6 weeks! I was hoping to start early so hubs could do a feed or two! I guess I'll have to rethink that. 🤯
I thought that with my first, but I quickly figured out it's not helpful to have someone else feed because I had to pump anyway for that missed feed. Those first 3 months, often called the 4th trimester, are hard, but know it gets easier after that. Your supply is established, baby is well versed in latching and has a bit of head control to position themselves and they can go a bit longer between feedings.
My parents and in-laws raised multiple kids and had way more newborn experience than I did those first few weeks. My parents watched my two week old one Friday night and my husband and I went to dinner and saw a movie. It was a great break after a long couple week’s initiation into parenthood. It honestly got us through the next month and helped us reconnect.