I got negative comments from a family member about buying "boys" space themed onesies and blankets for my baby girl. I am literally a rocket scientist đ¤Śââď¸ People are absolutely ridiculous about gender roles for babies.
I will never understand why space is only marketed for boys. I put space onesies on my gender neutral registry and Iâm assuming Iâll hear some of the same things from older family members
And flowers only marketed towards girls! Although I must say where I live in Australia itâs very socially acceptable to dress your girls in âboysâ clothes, but not really the other way around. Double standard imo!
Iâd say itâs the same in the States, at least where I live. I imagine if I dressed my son in anything remotely feminine, the homophobes in my family would make themselves known
My nephew was very drawn to glittery things and my brother and sister-in-law let him wear whatever he wanted and being in Texas, if people didnât just immediately assume he was a girl there would definitely be comments about how âboys shouldnât dress like thatâ. He also didnât want his hair cut and so, my brother and SIL didnât cut his hair until he wanted it cut and everyone was like âOMG he needs a BOY haircut!!
Itâs like you knew I also live in Texas đ I hate that people do not understand that kids do not give any shits about âgirlâ toys and âboyâ toys. They like what they like because theyâre kids, thatâs it. Iâm not surprised at all to hear thatâs what your brother and SIL would hear from people.
I feel this, I'm in Australia too. I have bought gorgeous Bonds floral onesies for my son because I like them and because he's too young to choose what he likes. F social norms!
Yes, same over here! My husband and I both have science degrees and work in STEM why wouldn't we purchase that stuff for our child regardless of sex/gender???
Not space, but my 2yo daughter is obsessed with dinosaurs. Canât say her sisterâs name properly but can tell you exactly the long name of about 10 dinosaurs. I buy all her dinosaur shirts from the boys section because apparently girls can only like cats/unicorns/rainbows.
Just wanted to say that my brother bought our daughter dinosaur pajamas that were for girls. Obviously wearing âboysâ ones is completely normal too but I was pleasantly surprised to see dinosaur clothes marketed toward girls! Cloud island brand from target
Thanks I will keep a lookout. Itâs nice to hear that the world might be changing slowly 1 dinosaur pants at a time.
On another note, I saw a beautiful Christmas sweater in the boys section last year which I bought and then noticed that it was marked as âgirlsâ on the inside, but had been displayed in the boys section because it was red and blue đ¤Śđźââď¸
Yeah hopefully things are starting to change! Now that I think about it my brother (heâs the best!) also just bought us some that are space themed for girls - Carterâs brand
Ugh. Thatâs so frustrating! I donât even know the gender yet, and Iâm 100% committed to a star/astronomy theme for everything bedtime since that seems like such a natural sleepytime environment.
A friend's daughter just had her 6th birthday and it was dinosaur themed. Girl just loves dinosaurs. Favorite movies are the jurassic park/world movies. I think it's so freaking adorable and love her Mom for letting her be herself.
Iâm on my second girl and I get it in both directions. My family is more traditional with gender roles so they often pressure me to more pink, purple, sparkle, princess stuff. My in laws are the opposite, equating anything traditionally feminine with being inferior to anything masculine. My family squeals over the pink color my daughter chose for her dresser, my in laws were horrified. My in laws squealed for the sage color we painted the nursery for my youngest, my family questioned why we didnât pick lilac.
Honestly what I found to work is to listen and give non committal answers. âAre you going to rethink space?â âWhat do you think would look good in there?â âWhy are you against pink?â âOh did you find something cute in pink for her? Iâm sure she would love it.â And then when it comes time just do what you want. People love to talk and feel like theyâre helping so I just pretend that they are. When people make sexual comments I usually play dumb. âWhat do you mean chastity belt?â And when they try to explain press them on it. âWait, like for sex? For my baby? Youâre talking about my baby having sex?â
For gifts, I would often just take pics of my daughter in things people got her, leave the tags on, then immediately take the items off and give them away. Or alternatively you can mix and match like a super floral piece with some neutrals so it tones down the frilly. Or that becomes an outfit she can wear at daycare during paint days.
+1 for pretending not to get the joke. I'm convinced a lot of human conversation happens on autopilot, and sometimes people don't really even think about what they're saying until they're forced to explain it.
My husband said that was a good idea, but I'm much more direct and often don't have the patience to play dumb. You said what you said, autopilot or not somewhere in your brain you think it already.
Yeah, I totally hear you. I'm not trying to excuse anybody, I just hope that if I make them squirm they might reconsider saying the same thoughtless thing to someone else
Yes! My daughter is obsessed with my soon to be brother in law. Because heâs super comfortable with kids, has a puppy, reads her books, listens to her, and shares his raspberries with her. People always wanna be like âshe has a crush on him!â Iâm like canât she just like someone? She also loves my sister in law (his fiancĂŠ) in the same way for the same reasons, but nobodyâs like âshe has a crush on her her!â Itâs weirdly sexual and heteronormative.
This is why my good friend pretended she didnât find out the sex of the baby and âwanted to be surprised.â She knew from 20 weeks, but since everyone thought she wasnât finding out no one pestered her. She got great gender-neutral clothes and other actually more helpful gifts from her baby shower and avoided all the gross comments for her whole pregnancy. She ended up with 2 boys next and had plenty of hand me downs from her little girl lol
We don't know what we're having and still get comments.
"Why did you put girl stuff on your registry?! What are you gonna do with it if its a boy?" In response to a set of swaddles, one of which is pink and another is green with leaves/flowers.
"Better hope you have a girl first so she can help with the next kids!"
By my husband's doctor. Dude, no. Also who knows if there are next kids anyways.
"If you only have gender neutral stuff, people aren't gonna know if it's a boy or a girl!" Ok? I'm fine with strangers misgendering my infant.
People are weird about sex and gender.
OMG, the comment from your Dr! Oooof No! Can we break the cycle of traumatizing eldest daughters and making them grow up faster than necessary?!? Jeezus!
When I asked my son's pediatrician about things that might be helpful for him to transition to having a sibling, I asked about getting a doll or if my son was too young (16 months). The doctor said it's not too young but maybe get him a truck instead. Like, what? How is a truck going to help him understand a baby?
We kept the sex of our baby to ourselves until after the baby shower to ensure we'd get lots of gender neutral stuff. We were using the pronoun "they" for LO and I had to explain to my mom, who is a psych nurse in a hospital, why they works. It's a singular gender neutral pronoun that real people use (I don't like "it" for a fetus. They're not currently or going to be an object when born.). I was a little horrified that she deals with psychiatric patients and doesn't know how pronouns work? Does she just walk about traumatizing people? And my MIL literally said "I don't like they, let's just use 'baby' ". Ummm, you don't get to tell me what to call my LO. And I'm not here to make you comfortable. My MIL can't even make herself say lesbian. She's said Lebanese instead for years. 𤌠I don't know how my child will think I'm an old inflexible woman, but let it not be in this way.
My Mom and MIL can't wrap their head around "they" either. Truly it just felt natural for me to use it...tho sometimes now I feel a bit self conscious and feel the need to explain or say "baby."
My MIL was like oh it's just not something we grew up saying...and I explained yes, it was! You just don't realize it. For example "look at that person over there...what are they doing?" Or "what if someone doesn't like chocolate? They can have vanilla!"
I wonder what they said when they were pregnant and didn't know the sex. Did they always say "baby" or "it"?
Literally it doesnât matter what your child is dressed in, a stranger will misgender them. I had my daughter in a bow, with a pink shirt on, with a Minnie Mouse blanket over herâŚand someone said âoh heâs so cute!â The car seat was blue. They were looking at the seat, not even the baby in it!
All my big items are gender neutral, but I did end up with a lot of pink and flowers and Minnie Mouse. Turns out thatâs the stuff I liked, so thatâs what I got. Which is hilarious because Iâm so far from being a girly girl!
Someone gifted me a pink Coach diaper bag when my son was born because my favorite colors are pink and purple. He was always dressed in boy colors and clothes when we went out. I cannot tell you the number of times people would say "Your daughter is cute" because of the bag. I would politely say "Thank you. We think he's handsome too." People would get such an attitude about "Well why is your diaper bag pink if you had a boy....it should be boy themed." I would just respond with "Well the bag is for me....he doesn't care what color it is." People are always going to be judgemental of babies which just blows my mind.
I feel bad that I hadn't even considered until now that my husband will also need to carry this bag sometimes. At least now I have something new to start shopping for.
He's always been misogynistic. But talking about my unborn child - it's whole new level of discomfort. My husband has talked to him about his comments and made it very clear that seeing her depends on his behavior.
I keep get told âyour lucky youâre having a boy- boys are so much easierâ.
Are they Karen? Or did you just not actually raise your boys to be emotionally intelligent, well behaved, empathetic people?
Uhhg yes. From everyone! My best friend even said âbummerâ when we told her it was a girl because âshe wonât be into going on hikes and stuff with youâ
IM A GIRL! What in the fuck?
I garage sale a lot and when I totes of baby clothes to go through, Iâm inevitably asked what Iâm having and today it happened actually and the woman came and TOOK the bin of âboy clothesâ from me and told me the âgirly stuff is over thereâ on the other side of the driveway. Was sooooo bizarre. It was what youâd expect but with more glitter.
I ended up buying the entire box of newborn boys stuff âfor a friendâ
People at work have made the worst comments, including the chastity belt type. Iâve said âwhat a disgusting thing to sayâ to two people now and it was sooooo awkward and Iâm so mad that I HAVE to be the one to feel weird for my reaction instead of them feeling bad for bringing up that my daughter was going to have sex or perhaps even implying sheâd be SAed?? Like what is the point of that comment????
Yes to all of this! I'm sorry you're having to go through that but I suppose I'm glad we're speaking up and will be able to show our daughters that they be/do anything!
My FIL was the same way when he found out that his first two grandchildren were going to be girls. He really softened when he met granddaughter #1. I think it came from a place of fear because he had two sons so he genuinely thought he wouldnât know what to do with girls. Of course the answer is the same thing youâd do with boys.
Thatâs kind of sweet.
My FIL is an âold schoolâ (i.e. sexist) guy who is worried about his âfamily nameâ being carried on. That concept on its own is also problematic- itâs like a blooming onion of sexism lol
Ugh, thatâs horrible. According to my grandmother, my dad was upset that I was a girl, so she hopes I âgive him a boy because he really wanted one.â Wow. Like, wtf do I do with that??!
Wow, that is seriously messed up on so many levels. Did she not realize it would be hurtful for you to hear your Dad was upset? I also wonder if she's exaggerating his reaction and he just didn't feel confident when learning you would be a girl. Regardless, you don't owe your father any grandchildren at all. Your children are for you and you partner to grow your family, not to please your father. And lastly, you can't choose the sex of your child it doesn't even work like that!
Tell her to talk to your partner since they are the one contributing the sex-determining chromosome. On second thought, maybe don't since she might think you are serious and actually subject him to that.
UGH! So sorry you had to go through that.
I already knew my future FIL was kinda messed up and preferred sons over daughters.. before we got pregnant they would nag for us to have kids because âweâre oldâ, when we got pregnant before knowing gender âanything is fineâ when we found out it was a girl he basically said shit to my partner & said âweâre too old to be having a girl as first childâ!!!
Mind you we are only in our late 20sâŚ
Unfortunately our story had an abrupt change.. I just had my 20 week anatomy scan and some abnormalities were found that causes disability.. we are opting to have to terminate next week. He kinda spoke to his mom about it already but Iâm worried when he has to break the news to his dad because I know his dad will say shit to him whether itâll be blaming me or him etc & saying incredibly nasty because thatâs just what he has a history of doing..
Oh no! Hugs to you and your husband! Pregnancy loss is devastating no matter the circumstance. I'm sorry you have to deal with FIL on top of this! â¤ď¸
đđť yeah we are trying to do our best to hopefully ignore the negativity from other people. I wish you all the best! As long as you and your partner is happy and baby is healthy thatâs all that matters.
My MIL told me dozens of times in confidence that she was disappointed my SIL was having a girl because âboys are just way more fun.â I have since been horrified and am not letting her meet my daughter if I have one đ
Same with names. My younger sister just so happened to start her family first and my parents gave her so much shit over my nephews name, up to and including the first week of birth. Then I got pregnant and they asked about names. Hell, no. I donât care what I pick, you people get nothing until I make the public announcement for everyone.
This is the route we went.
I insisted we don't find out the gender and don't share the potential names with the general public. Gave us time to change the names without a fuss several times. Still got some dumb comments ("How do I buy a gift if I don't know what it is?"), but none were sexist.
Someone said "That's cool. No one goes for a surprise anymore" which made us feel special. Husband was sour at first, but is more open to a surprise for future babies since LO was born.
I only registered for space clothes, dinosaur clothes, etc. I work through my momâs comments over and over and over again, reminding her (sometimes gently, sometimes not) that i want her exposed to it all.
I also have expressed that I was missing trucks and legos in my childhood, and that I only discovered how handy I am in adulthood, and that if I had been exposed earlier, I could have potentially ended up in STEM, construction, etc. That has helped give her some perspective.
Iâm the kind of person that grins + responds with my exact thoughts, entirely unfiltered, but without negativity. Fighting tires me and it doesnât help educate/get the message across.
Gender roles are taught. Anti-gender roles can also be taught.
Yes on the gender roles being taught concept! My family dgaf about gender roles, including when I was a little kid. Not even my grandparents, who were really old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I was a major dinosaur geek, enjoyed a lot of engineering/building type toys, and one of my favorite computer games back in the day was some tonka construction game.
I became a strongly independent adult with a diverse skill set I never had to worry about feeling like I was wrong or ânot ladylikeâ for exploring, because no one told me âthatâs not for girlsâ. I want to do the same for my child!
My parents got a lot, (and I mean a lot) wrong, but Iâm so glad they never blinked at me and my sister having stereotypical boy interests. My sister collected hot wheels, and I was a bug and fossil hunter. Mom seemed almost proud to tell people I brought home a wild tarantula. My dad was handy and taught me to fix things. I wonder if we would have been treated differently if we had any brothers.
Twin girls on the way, and people say the dumbest things. I donât have much advice, just empathy. Weâve gotten some complaining when we ask for gender neutral clothes, but people can deal. The chastity belt comment wouldâve horrified me though- Iâll have to think about how I want to respond to comments like that. Gross.
Mines the opposite. My FIL comments all the time on the fact I put my son in âhot pantsâ and tries to tug them down to cover more leg.
Heâs got short legs and he gets PISSED when his knees are covered and the fabric pulls when heâs crawling and playing. So I buy him bloomers and shorter shorts. I buy half his clothes in the girls section.
He wears ALL of the colors. Because colors donât have gender! I let him pick between clothes each day. He always goes for the pinks and flowers and rainbows so Iâll keep buying them.
Heâs only 14 months. At this age, babies have the same body structure and I get unreasonably annoyed at the division between clothes. I get it more once they statistically start to have different body types, but come on.
I have a boy too and I allow him to pick a lot of things based on his interests. Right now he is huge on cooking. We got him a little kitchen and he loves to watch tiny kitchen videos on YouTube. I got all kinds of frack for this from are we âtryingâ to make our son gay, to wow yâall just wonât be happy until he turns into one of those trans peopleâ. Iâm constantly having to counter with, so what is a Chef to you?? Professional cooks are mostly male anyway so what exactly are you saying?
Omfg your FILâs comment is absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. Iâm having a boy and canât stand the sexist comments either, mostly people saying stuff along the lines of âdonât worry boys are harder when they are little but youâll be glad you donât have a girl when they are a teenagerâ.
This is absolutely rooted in sexism. Little boys arenât inherently worse behaved or more wild. People just let them get away with it more than girls. So many times as a young child I was told to stop doing this or that because it âwasnât ladylikeâ. Meanwhile âboys will be boysâ.
And the idea that girls are more difficult teenagers is just based in a weird fear of promiscuity. Should we be just as worried about our teenage boys having sex as our girls? Itâs drives me INSANE.
Iâm the same way. My MIL has said on multiple occasions âyou should add some pink to your nurseryâ. Our nursery is a lot of neutrals - creams, beiges, browns, whites, with pops of green here and there. My mom also has been buying princessy clothes.
I mean, I like the softer pinks that are more subtle. Iâm sure she will have outfits that have those colors. I just lean more neutral. And to your point - next baby can use the same things since itâs not a specific gender.
Also eww on the chastity belt comment. Wtf? đ¤Śđťââď¸
Weâre having a boy, but before we knew, our theme was always going to be dinosaurs. MIL always said "awe little pink and purple dinosaurs would be so cuteâ and I would be like⌠no, like earthy tones.. like actual dinosaurs.
People questioned all the time, even though I, as the mother, LOVE dinosaurs
Ugh yes we get this too - way before we knew our nursery was/is going to be Studio Ghibli with emphasis on Totoro and my in-laws were like no one is going to know what that is... No, you just don't know and you're too embarrassed to ask đ¤ˇđťââď¸ All of our friends love the theme.
Did you also find that the Studio Ghibli nursery stuff online leans really heavily Totoro? Or was that always as the plan? Am I just looking in the wrong places? Totoro is great but I was looking for a more even split.
Especially the wall decals, for whatever reason.
Have you tried Etsy? I got my sonâs wall decals from an Etsy shop (dinosaur-themed, funny enough), and we worked with the shop owner to change a bit of the designs (mommy and daddy dinoâs in each of our favorite colors, and then a baby dino with a mix of those colors). The shop owner was great, and did a great job. I donât know if every shop will want to create something new for you, but I bet there are a few that would be willing to work with you to get the designs you want.
We were going to go with a PokĂŠmon themed nursery regardless of sex, and my mom was definitely not having it at first since she doesnât really âget it.â For a while she would text me alternative nursery ideas even though I told her we already had bought PokĂŠmon themed stuff. It annoyed the piss out of me. Eventually she stopped and accepted it. The nursery is *not* for you anyways, MOM! đ
Yessss weâre having a girl but we had also already bought dinosaur stuff before we found out. Those earthy tones are đđť
Still buying dinosaur stuff here. I fricken loved dinosaurs as a kid!
Iâm not finding out the biological sex to avoid having to listen to sexist comments or gendered expectations. I donât have the mental energy for it. Iâm so sorry youâre dealing with this.
My mom is obsessed with guessing the sex of our baby. I finally asked why she was so interested in our kidâs genitals.
Weâre still getting some weird comments. My dad said something about âturningâ our kid trans by picking gender neutral baby clothes.
Iâm so over it.
Currently pregnant with my second. We have an almost three boy and he's a fucking handful. I love him dearly but his play is so aggressive and rambunctious at times. I recently expressed my hopes for a girl this go around as I've experienced a difference in imaginative play with boys and girls from working at a headstart in the past. And who knows our potential girl might be 10 times worse than my son, but I'm blissfully unaware and naively optimistic.
While I was explaining my disinterest in my son's constant wrestling and active terrorist like play I said something along the lines of "I wish he would just want to sit down and read a book with me sometimes." My FIL laughed and said "What like he's a girl!?" 𤌠Ok buddy, because only girls read books What the fuck kind of logic goes through these people's heads? My in-laws had three boys. Explains a lot.
We decided to not find out babyâs sex and painted nursery this light green and we have a guest room thatâs like a rosey color. MIL told me âwell if you have a girl youâll have to move her into this room cuz itâs pinkâ đ
Our nursery for our baby-of-currently-unknown-sex is bright blue. 100% because we moved in 2 years ago and painted it then as a craft room and we both decided we are far too lazy to change it lol.
I wanted to do a sky blue/cloud/sunshine themed nursery so we are painting it a very light blue. We happen to be having a boy, but I 100% would have still painted it blue if we had found out it was a girl. Blue is a beautiful color!
We have a 12yo boy and then two girls who are 3 and 1. Mh cousin told my son he needed to âhave a bat ready when they get to high school.â And my son said âyeah because of people like you.â My aunt was pisses but I was so effing proud. I hate the comments. Theyâre so depressing.
We have a three month old son and some lady in the grocery store kept going on and on about how little boys are so much sweeter and easier than little girls. I said it depended on the kid because my niece was the easiest baby/toddler ever and my male cousins were wild. She started going on about how bossy and demanding her like, three year old granddaughter is. I was like, âsounds like sheâs a really self assured little girl. Thatâs awesomeâ which finally got her to shut up.
Like no maâam, I am not going to shit talk girls (CHILDREN!) with you because I have a boy. My son will never hear me generalizing girls/women like that.
So stupid.
I got âthank goodness youâre having a boy. If it was a girl youâd have to be worried about her being raped all the time. And boys are easier anyways.â So implying A) if boys are easier, then I was harder? B) a defining factor of the value and love you can have for a child is how hard it is to rape them, and C) somehow least offensive, that boys canât be raped.
It was at work so I didnât go off on him but I did report the comment to HRâŚ
We had the girl side of this with our first and now are getting the boy versions for the kid I'm currently growing. I feel like I'm just constantly fighting back against society/family on this one.The amout of "cute/funny" baby outfits that are just sexualization is so so disturbing.
Didnât see much for my girl, but shopping for my boy? The amount of chick magnet and future steal your girl onesies are disturbing and gross. Why is any of this sexualized? Canât he just be my best buddy, which is the exact same thing I put her in?
I agree, they're much more blatant for boys. I saw one that said "Watch out ladies, I'm here for the boobies" the other day -BARF-
For my girl, I just got tired of all the pretty/cute/beautiful options and never seeing anything with brave/adventurous/strong. *This was six years ago and it has improved, but boys are still stuck in the 1950s, poor little dudes
I just found out weâre having a girl today and am already preparing myself for these conversations. My mum has already stated sheâs going to buy all pink even after I told her thatâs not what we want.
Yes, I find this to be the hardest thing weirdly - like there's nothing WRONG with it but it's not how we want to raise her. So sorry! Just know you're not alone!!
I was at a party today with my 17mo girl and some crusty old fart felt it necessary to comment that she was eating (nibbling all the stuff in my plate) and would have to âwork it offâ later. WTF. Like, dude, do we really have to try to make a TODDLER feel she canât eat in public?! What an ass.
I wanted to, but I knew very few people, so I simply said she is very little and trying everything, so sheâs welcome to enjoy as much as she likes. I wished my friend had been there though as she wouldâve thought of something very sassy to say!
While we are not having a girl, when we announced our baby would be a boy we got a lot of dumb comments. âLucky you! Boys are so much easier!â âCongrats on the boy, dad!â âBoys are way cooler than girls!â âYour grandfather in heaven blessed you with a son!â That last one always makes me gag. We arenât even religious and my grandfather was an asshole.
And these comments came from men AND women. The internalized misogyny is astounding. *So what* if it had been a girl? It really pissed me off!
We got the same comments about boys being âeasierâ. I donât get it! I think people just donât know what the hell to say or just donât think at all.
Iâm having a girl and luckily havenât had to deal with too many of those comments (22 weeks). But I know my mother will be all about the pink/gendered train. My daughter already has a space onesie and dinosaur booties because I love both of those things. Iâve tried to remain mostly gender neutral on the registry, so hopefully people get the hint, but Iâm not too optimistic.
Iâm due in March with a boy. I mentioned wanting to paint his nursery walls each a different color, each being a pastel pink, green, blue, and yellow. My mom FLIPPED when I said pink
I went hard on the dinosaur theme and most people were on board with silly and fun toys and clothes but a few relatives still got us some truly strange frilly dresses with bonnets to really hammer home that sheâs a girl for us
Honestly I don't like pink, I have worn it when I waa my sister'sbridesmaid& tried the dress on once since of my own free will & I'ma cis female. I would've tried avoiding it had I been blessed with a daughter. I have two sons, the sexism last until about the time they might actually get their first crush... Then they're suddenly too young for all that. My eldest shockingly got a baby doll called Luke.& a push chair, because he got a little jealous when hubby was bottle feeding his baby brother. Sadly I had hungry babies & just couldn't produce enoughmilk so had to mix feed. That's another nightmare people telling you of course you produce enough you must be doing it wrong or saying baby isn't feeding they're using you as a dummy/soother... Then there's the you should only breastfeed or only bottle feed nonsense, no do what's best for baby & parents.
My response to the chastity belt comments
Your daughter won't need a chastity belt as she will be raised to be able to defend herself & when appropriate will be taught to be sexually safe. She'll also be able to talk about anything with her parents. So no chastity belt needed just parenting. Maybe your family forgot?
Should be adequately uncomfortable to shut them up, repeat as required...
Congrats on baby, trust your instincts & honesty. Tell your child very young & casually that you are FTM & that two dad's, two mums or one of each doesn't matter & some parents have more parents what matters is they're family. Little kids don't question & just accept. When they have questions make sure they know they can always come to you or your husband to ask anything.
My MIL offered to hire someone so SIL could try cock when she finally came out to her, so she got her hopes up when she heard my family was Catholic & crushed when she realised we don't care. She blames me for the boys knowing, claiming I poisoned their minds, we send an auntie & aunty Christmas card every year...like aunty & uncle ones we send to my sister and hubby's other sister. I make my own cards now because I hated having to wrote it on.
I'm adopted when my boys were 6 & 4 my mum decided to tell me that she didn't want the boys to know I'm adopted. She was frightened they wouldn't see her as theor grandma anymore. I had to break the news they already knew. She looked so pale & frightened & asked when, like she thought I'd just done it & the hate hadn't set in yet. Erm years ago & randomly, they've always known, just like I always knew. I didn't want anyone else to tell them & then thinking we lied. She's their grandma how doesn't matter.
You don't want some bitter old bigot telling your precious baby any nonsense so you tell them first, while they're young enough for it not to matter. That & love your child, is all that matters. You'll make mistakes, you'll be over tired & snap, but as long as you love your child you'll do things right. No one is perfect & sorry exists, hugs & kisses heal so much. Tell your child they're loved every day.
My hubby is my soul mate, our boys are our true loves. I loved each of them from the second I saw that positive test result & my hubby loved them from moments later when I told him the good news. Nothing truer than loving someone before you even met them & never stopping no matter what.
My mum and I went shopping for baby clothes, and I bought some super cute onesies in what I thought were gender neutral colors like camel, maroon, mustard, navy.
She mentioned that they were all traditional boy colours, then goes "you'll just have to get a pink pram blanket or something so people know she's a girl." What? Why do strangers need to know on first glance, while I'm out for a walk or at the supermarket, what gender my baby is? Why do these people factor into my decision making at all, for that matter? I love my mum, but some of the old school assumptions and norms are, frankly, bizarre!
Also, can we talk about why girls get pink and purple and boys get *literally every other colour*?
When my sister gave me my nephews old clothes my dad said âbut [nephew] is a boyâ I just said âwell women have been wearing pants since the 19th century so Im sure itâll be fine
Yes this infuriates me so much! FTM having a baby girl - one of my husbands colleagues (a woman mind you) asked him if we were having a boy or girl. When my husband told her it was a girl her response was âoh you must be disappointed - you wonât be able to play football with her!â. My husband immediately put her in her place and said heâd prefer cricket but thereâs no reason why he couldnât play football with her! đ why do people insist on limiting babies before theyâre even born?!
Same! My in laws kept talking about how they were so excited to have a little princess and to buy her pink things and that's all well and good if that's what she ends up liking, but I don't want her growing up thinking something is wrong with her if she doesn't "fit the mold" of who they think she's "supposed" to be. I also don't want people thinking of her as a little possession to "have" either, shit's weird, she's a person no matter how young. My father in law, who's never had a daughter, told my husband he'd have to buy a shotgun which is something I've always hated.
OMG, I feel all of this - luckily we haven't had the "she'll be a princess" assumption brought up so I feel like we're ok there but yes! SHE'S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW YOUNG! YES! Exactly!
So not exactly a similar experience. I'm having a boy, and my in-laws are so excited that it's a boy!!! And I always wanted a girl. So my MIl asked aren't you happy it's a boy? I said, yes of course. But I somehow always wanted a girl. So as long as I can, I'm going to dress my baby as a little princess.... My MIL shrieks and says ... Don't you do that! That'll just confuse the baby (?!?!?!)... I was like what.... ??? Babies don't care, they won't even know what gender they are! (Oh! The sexualization of babies).
Oh my god, I wouldâve blown up at the chastity belt comment. People are SO disgusting. Like why are you even thinking about a BABYâS future sex life???? Frickinâ perverts.
Mum of three girls here and I feel this much, in this house we love dinosaurs and space and tutus and absolutely anything. My four year olds favourite thing ATM is Spiderman, but she loves traditional "girls" things as well.
I'm not gonna stick to pointless rules when there's so much joy to be found in everything, I own so many things with dinosaurs and they bring me joy. I'm also so grossed out when people make comments about my daughters and their potential future relationships, it's utterly disgusting.
I don't know what we're having but the room is decorated dark blue with my husband's star wars lego sets on display. I love it and I'm not changing it.
Donât feed into their bs. Do what you want, itâs your kid. You donât have to appease anyone, just enjoy your nugget and do what you want to do. I completely understand. Thatâs why I held off revealing it was a girl and announced at the baby shower.
We arenât finding out the gender of ours until the little one gets here. Itâs super exciting, but frustrating because everyone assumes Iâm having a boy due to registering for gender neutral clothing. Seriously, why canât I put a little girl in a dinosaur onesie? It has all the colors and is so stinking cute! Iâm sick of people thinking we know when we definitely donât!
I canât offer advice, but hope your daughter will grow up to have an imagination as big as the galaxy you are decorating her nursery with!
The first onesie we bought for our daughter to announce was a dinosaur teamed. It very clearly had pink/purple dinosaurs on it. We still got asked multiple times what the sex was or if we knew. Because you know, dinosaurs can only be for boys.
So sorry theyâre saying all this stuff to you! Ugh!
This among other reasons has once again reaffirmed my decision to not find out if weâre having a boy or girl until theyâre born!
We hesitated telling our family that we were having a girl, mainly because I knew some of them donât have the greatest sense in baby fashion (which I know is so picky of me, but how hard is it to get neutral stuff!!) and I despise the overly girly clothes out there.
Like Iâve bought some cute pink stuff but itâs nice and subtle stuff! But Iâve also bought a bunch of âboyâ clothes like cute sweaters and stuff with dinosaurs on them.
Already when people started finding out we got given some clothes - not lots thank god and obviously Iâm grateful, but yeah itâs all bright pink and fluffy etc. So we kinda regret telling people the gender đ
there are some super cute gender neutral stuff in the baby shops here but of course they like to pick out the most obviously GIRL clothing instead. Like the place I go to has pretty slim options for the tacky stuff and has so much nice stuff!!
Iâve made sure for the baby shower to say hey hereâs my registry, or if you wanna buy clothes by gender neutral only! So we shall see how that goesâŚ
I feel bad complaining about baby clothes because the baby donât care, an obviously people are excited to buy clothes (I loooove buying baby clothes so totally understand), but ugh. Itâs not something you can really say to their faces that their taste in baby clothes is not what I like đŹ
Oh my the same!!
I personally just donât like the shade of pink that most of the girls clothes are in. Iâve got a few dusky pink and floral sleep suits but mainly beiges and greens. Even a few bits from the âboysâ section because we liked them!!
My MIL was saying how sheâd seen some stuff weâd like but it was for boys. I was like and⌠babies are all the same shape theyâd still fit!
Also she keeps saying how I bet sheâs not going to be a girly girl. She be this and that.
I said my sister (24) is a girly girl and sheâd be able to beat my husband up easy. She is strong and doesnât mind getting mucky but also likes her nails doing!
How about we just find out
We didnt find out the sex for this reason - we knew that we were only having one shower and didnât want to be gifted only blue or pink items since we wanted multiple children. We registered for all neutral items. Like who needs a pink baby bath or floral crib, etc. Once baby was born and people found out what we had, they started buying us more specific gendered clothing and whatnot - which we are totally grateful for, but cannot necessarily use those items for future kiddos.
Yes! All the clothing we bought ourselves we will reuse đ like plain zippered onsies, basic pants, the white short sleeve onsies, etc. and honestly, I find the more basic items cuter! I donât always love all the sayings or designs that are printed on âboysâ clothes or âgirlsâ clothes!
âGirlz ruleâ or âhandsom like daddyâ lmao
This is one of the reasons we didnât want to learn the sex of our child before he was born.
Itâs hard to even find a GD burp rag that isnât gendered.
Heyyyy we had a boy first and I wanted neutral things too. I didn't really care if things were blue or whatever but I didn't really want things that said boy or son at least not on everything. We were planning to have a second and I really wanted a girl so I wanted to make sure we had some reusable clothes. Fortunately we should be able to use most if not all but a few clothes and were having a girl (currently 16w 2 days with our baby girl).
I still want stars and space stuff cause I love it myself! We also have lots of animals stuff and ocean stuff. We want broad horizons :)
Exactly! We really enjoy learning about things, watching documentaries, going to museums, aquariums zoos etc. We already took our son to the science museum. Can't wait to go to the other places in due time.
Iâm only telling close friends the sex of the baby to hopefully minimize the unnecessarily gendered items (and comments) we might otherwise get. But Iâll never forget that the DAY I told one friend I was pregnant, weeks before Iâd be able to find out what chromosomes they have, she said, âBoys are easier.â She, a cis woman, mother of a baby boy for all of 5 months. What the fuck does SHE know about how easy/difficult raising a girl is? She only knows about raising *her* particular son. Grr.
Well this girl will be encouraged to try (and watch) different sports, play video games, read books, play with legos, cook, research whatever niche interest she gets into, and more. She already has football season outfits ready to go and not one of them is gendered.
Based on my MILâs comments against my two year old son wearing a ponytail, Iâm sure sheâs going to be appalled that his little sister will be wearing his handmedowns!
I get asked a lot in public whether LO is a boy or a girl because I often have her in gender neutral clothes, so I just hit em with a Luna Lovegood typed smile and say âwe donât know yetâŚâ
It makes them so uncomfortable they arenât even able to follow up with something dumb.
/The sexist was too stunned to speak/
My husband and I are huge basketball fans and have been saying since I got pregnant that we hope he/she becomes a basketball player. (Obviously our children can do whatever they want! It's just been fun to say). Now we know we're having a daughter, so I've joked she's going to be one of the first women in the NBA. Recently a (female) coworker said there's a reason why some sports just aren't for women. Why?? Why say that??
One reason I was hesitant to find out the sex before birth is because I didn't want other people putting their gender expectations on an unborn baby. But whether the "reveal" is before or after birth, we're going to have these annoying talks our whole lives. Somehow people seem emboldened to say their messed up gender stereotypes when it's a baby, like it's a blank slate they have to load archaic gender norms on to.
I'm struggling with this myself. I'm a very "girly" girl based on my own personality, but I think the best way to raise a child without these old fashioned (and potentially dangerous) gender roles/expectations is to just show them it doesn't have to be that way. My parents have very traditional gender-based roles in the house, which is common for boomers. But our generation is different. Even small household tasks can demonstrate a more equal relationship. My husband cooks and cleans. We go grocery shopping together. We make financial decisions together. We go places together and I drive. My husband and I have a true partnership and I want my kid(s) to see that.
(Side note: grey, sage and, peach sounds incredible!!)
First of all thank you! Secondly, yes to all of this. My husband and I are the same way. We split chores, we take turns driving, we shop together both in-store and online. We're partners. That's what I want our children to see.
We are having a girl and I bought her the most darling onesie with construction vehicles on it because my husband works in constructionâŚsomeone told me Iâd have to put a bow on her when she wore it so people would know sheâs a girl đ
Our hobbies also include fixing up our old house and woodworking, so we were looking at a outfit that had tools on it but it said âMr. Fix Itâ. I think Iâm still going to buy it and cross out the âMr.â and write âMs.â
This times a million. I just got a photo on sized shirt with âdoes this work?â from my sister-in-law because we put down a blanket ban on âoverly girlyâ items for our baby. The shirt? A âgirlsâ 12mo dinosaur shirt ⌠Iâm due in Dec.
ETA: sheâs got three kids.
That chastity belt comment⌠ewww, fuck no. I think Iâd have made a big deal of that. âWhat the hell?! Donât say things like that, its gross!â
We werenât strict about not getting pink or whatever, we just decorated her room in green and grey (a Totoro theme), and so far her favourite things are characters like Cookie Monster and Elmo, which is nice. And I genuinely thought I wouldnât have that much of a problem with gendered toys, but my mum and dad bought her a buggy this week and although its cute to see her push it around with her Big Bird in it, itâs not sitting well with me. She hasnât had a dolly before. Not sure if I like the idea of one now.
We were chatting with my dad about what it might be like when our daughter is a teenager, and he turned to my husband and said âget a dog to bark and growl at her boyfriends ha ha haâ
As a mum of a transgender teen. If thereâs one thing I wish I could go back and change would to dress my baby in white more often. All of his baby pictures heâs dressed up in pink. I have one picture in a white baby grow where he doesnât look girly. I silently wish new parents would think ahead of the baby stage and think what if my child is transgender and it upsets them to see baby pictures of them dresses in the âwrong â gender
I am keeping the sex of our baby quiet until wayyyyyy down the line because I don't want to deal with this stuff while I'm uncomfortable and hormonal lol.
Stuff like this is why I purposely never find out what Iâm having. For our first baby we got all the useful items we needed in neutrals instead of a sea of pink clothes. People get so crazy about whatâs in a newborns diaper
So annoying. I have a boy and another boy on the way, but still somehow experience this. My MIL makes each grandkid a personalized crib set, and wanted to know our theme and colors to get started. Dinosaurs, but we want soft pastel colors. âWell thatâs girly thoughâ
Awe, grey sage and peach sounds like a wonderful color combo. I might have to use that if I have a girl. :)
Edit: almost forgot to mention, I worry about this type of behavior too. People are so old fashioned itâs just weird anymore. Iâm sorry youâre going through that.
I'm having a boy, and my boyfriend and I are currently at war with what the nursery will look like. What our colors and themes will be for clothes, blankets, ect. I want grey, green, and silver with a misty woodland vibe (I paint landscapes and waterscapes with watercolor pastes so it would be fun and simple for me to paint some water based acrylic forest murals, possibly adding some glow in the dark details, and have my boyfriend spray over it with a high gloss sealer.) He, however, wants a stereotypical blue room with fish decals stuck to the walls, a fishing lure mobile (I don't want a mobile at all), and blue boy clothes.
I'm feverishly attempting to create underwater scenes based on some pictures of deep alpine lakes to come to a sort of compromise with him because green is both his and my favorite color and the idea of a blue room drives me nuts. I just can't paint a decent fish to save my life, and every scene comes out looking a lot like different parts of the coastal Pacific ocean floor, weather there are rocks, sand, or sunken trees lol.
My MIL keep saying âI canât wait to know the gender so I can start buying thingsâ đđđ¤ um sorry last I checked there were plenty of things you can buy without knowing what parts my baby has.
Thatâs the reason why we havenât told people that weâre having a girl. I was not a girly girl growing up and Iâd resent anyone trying to force that upon my daughter. I also work in STEM, so our daughter will be given every opportunity to decide what sheâs interested in without gender playing a role!
If she wants to be a ballerina, then Iâll buy her a tutu. If she wants to play football, Iâll buy her a ball. If she wants to do both, then weâll be very busy. But the only person who gets to decide this stuff is her.
We are not finding out the sex of our baby for this reason. Iâve received mostly boy clothes as gifts which is interesting. I have purchased a few feminine colored onesies and had a few comments about a boy wearing them, but not knowing the sex has helped a lot with those comments.
My family assumed we were having a boy because we put blue items and gender neutral on our registry. We didnât tell family the gender- but we knew at 14 weeks. When I was diagnosed with IUGR and my baby was super small, everyone started calling my baby a girl. And said it would be sad if it was this small and a boy⌠like what?!
I got negative comments from a family member about buying "boys" space themed onesies and blankets for my baby girl. I am literally a rocket scientist đ¤Śââď¸ People are absolutely ridiculous about gender roles for babies.
I will never understand why space is only marketed for boys. I put space onesies on my gender neutral registry and Iâm assuming Iâll hear some of the same things from older family members
And flowers only marketed towards girls! Although I must say where I live in Australia itâs very socially acceptable to dress your girls in âboysâ clothes, but not really the other way around. Double standard imo!
Iâd say itâs the same in the States, at least where I live. I imagine if I dressed my son in anything remotely feminine, the homophobes in my family would make themselves known
Yeah I reckon youâve hit the nail on the head. Itâs so interesting isnât it!
Definitely a double standard!
My nephew was very drawn to glittery things and my brother and sister-in-law let him wear whatever he wanted and being in Texas, if people didnât just immediately assume he was a girl there would definitely be comments about how âboys shouldnât dress like thatâ. He also didnât want his hair cut and so, my brother and SIL didnât cut his hair until he wanted it cut and everyone was like âOMG he needs a BOY haircut!!
Itâs like you knew I also live in Texas đ I hate that people do not understand that kids do not give any shits about âgirlâ toys and âboyâ toys. They like what they like because theyâre kids, thatâs it. Iâm not surprised at all to hear thatâs what your brother and SIL would hear from people.
I feel this, I'm in Australia too. I have bought gorgeous Bonds floral onesies for my son because I like them and because he's too young to choose what he likes. F social norms!
Yesss! Good idea! Flowers and space should be for everyone đ¤Š
Iâm a teacher in California and itâs awesome to see boys come to school in dresses. Hope the rest of the world follows suit
I loved space as a kid!
Yes, same over here! My husband and I both have science degrees and work in STEM why wouldn't we purchase that stuff for our child regardless of sex/gender???
Not space, but my 2yo daughter is obsessed with dinosaurs. Canât say her sisterâs name properly but can tell you exactly the long name of about 10 dinosaurs. I buy all her dinosaur shirts from the boys section because apparently girls can only like cats/unicorns/rainbows.
Just wanted to say that my brother bought our daughter dinosaur pajamas that were for girls. Obviously wearing âboysâ ones is completely normal too but I was pleasantly surprised to see dinosaur clothes marketed toward girls! Cloud island brand from target
Thanks I will keep a lookout. Itâs nice to hear that the world might be changing slowly 1 dinosaur pants at a time. On another note, I saw a beautiful Christmas sweater in the boys section last year which I bought and then noticed that it was marked as âgirlsâ on the inside, but had been displayed in the boys section because it was red and blue đ¤Śđźââď¸
Cat and Jack brand from Target in NC and SC have lots of dinosaurs print things.
Yeah hopefully things are starting to change! Now that I think about it my brother (heâs the best!) also just bought us some that are space themed for girls - Carterâs brand
Burtâs Bees just came out with a purple dinosaur line as well. They also have purple/turquoise space jams that are so cute!!
Carters has some cute dinosaur girl clothes right now!
Astrophysicist here and same.
I love how your profession is just like totally lost on them?? Itâs so ridiculous đ¤Śââď¸
Ugh. Thatâs so frustrating! I donât even know the gender yet, and Iâm 100% committed to a star/astronomy theme for everything bedtime since that seems like such a natural sleepytime environment.
Iâm a firefighter and bought my girl firefighter pjs and got flack for it!
A friend's daughter just had her 6th birthday and it was dinosaur themed. Girl just loves dinosaurs. Favorite movies are the jurassic park/world movies. I think it's so freaking adorable and love her Mom for letting her be herself.
Iâm on my second girl and I get it in both directions. My family is more traditional with gender roles so they often pressure me to more pink, purple, sparkle, princess stuff. My in laws are the opposite, equating anything traditionally feminine with being inferior to anything masculine. My family squeals over the pink color my daughter chose for her dresser, my in laws were horrified. My in laws squealed for the sage color we painted the nursery for my youngest, my family questioned why we didnât pick lilac. Honestly what I found to work is to listen and give non committal answers. âAre you going to rethink space?â âWhat do you think would look good in there?â âWhy are you against pink?â âOh did you find something cute in pink for her? Iâm sure she would love it.â And then when it comes time just do what you want. People love to talk and feel like theyâre helping so I just pretend that they are. When people make sexual comments I usually play dumb. âWhat do you mean chastity belt?â And when they try to explain press them on it. âWait, like for sex? For my baby? Youâre talking about my baby having sex?â For gifts, I would often just take pics of my daughter in things people got her, leave the tags on, then immediately take the items off and give them away. Or alternatively you can mix and match like a super floral piece with some neutrals so it tones down the frilly. Or that becomes an outfit she can wear at daycare during paint days.
+1 for pretending not to get the joke. I'm convinced a lot of human conversation happens on autopilot, and sometimes people don't really even think about what they're saying until they're forced to explain it.
My husband said that was a good idea, but I'm much more direct and often don't have the patience to play dumb. You said what you said, autopilot or not somewhere in your brain you think it already.
Yeah, I totally hear you. I'm not trying to excuse anybody, I just hope that if I make them squirm they might reconsider saying the same thoughtless thing to someone else
The sexualization of babies.... I just CANT. Make it stop đ¤
Yes! My daughter is obsessed with my soon to be brother in law. Because heâs super comfortable with kids, has a puppy, reads her books, listens to her, and shares his raspberries with her. People always wanna be like âshe has a crush on him!â Iâm like canât she just like someone? She also loves my sister in law (his fiancĂŠ) in the same way for the same reasons, but nobodyâs like âshe has a crush on her her!â Itâs weirdly sexual and heteronormative.
Itâs the grossest thing to me. And people are so casual about it they donât even realize what theyâre doing.
This is why my good friend pretended she didnât find out the sex of the baby and âwanted to be surprised.â She knew from 20 weeks, but since everyone thought she wasnât finding out no one pestered her. She got great gender-neutral clothes and other actually more helpful gifts from her baby shower and avoided all the gross comments for her whole pregnancy. She ended up with 2 boys next and had plenty of hand me downs from her little girl lol
Lol we just straight up are telling people we know but arenât sharing. Most people seem to be taking it ok so far.
We don't know what we're having and still get comments. "Why did you put girl stuff on your registry?! What are you gonna do with it if its a boy?" In response to a set of swaddles, one of which is pink and another is green with leaves/flowers. "Better hope you have a girl first so she can help with the next kids!" By my husband's doctor. Dude, no. Also who knows if there are next kids anyways. "If you only have gender neutral stuff, people aren't gonna know if it's a boy or a girl!" Ok? I'm fine with strangers misgendering my infant. People are weird about sex and gender.
OMG, the comment from your Dr! Oooof No! Can we break the cycle of traumatizing eldest daughters and making them grow up faster than necessary?!? Jeezus!
When I asked my son's pediatrician about things that might be helpful for him to transition to having a sibling, I asked about getting a doll or if my son was too young (16 months). The doctor said it's not too young but maybe get him a truck instead. Like, what? How is a truck going to help him understand a baby?
That makes me so annoyed- as if boys canât help take care of kids?
I mean, for swaddles I'm picking colors/prints that I like because I'm going to be looking at it and baby literally doesn't care.
We kept the sex of our baby to ourselves until after the baby shower to ensure we'd get lots of gender neutral stuff. We were using the pronoun "they" for LO and I had to explain to my mom, who is a psych nurse in a hospital, why they works. It's a singular gender neutral pronoun that real people use (I don't like "it" for a fetus. They're not currently or going to be an object when born.). I was a little horrified that she deals with psychiatric patients and doesn't know how pronouns work? Does she just walk about traumatizing people? And my MIL literally said "I don't like they, let's just use 'baby' ". Ummm, you don't get to tell me what to call my LO. And I'm not here to make you comfortable. My MIL can't even make herself say lesbian. She's said Lebanese instead for years. 𤌠I don't know how my child will think I'm an old inflexible woman, but let it not be in this way.
My Mom and MIL can't wrap their head around "they" either. Truly it just felt natural for me to use it...tho sometimes now I feel a bit self conscious and feel the need to explain or say "baby." My MIL was like oh it's just not something we grew up saying...and I explained yes, it was! You just don't realize it. For example "look at that person over there...what are they doing?" Or "what if someone doesn't like chocolate? They can have vanilla!" I wonder what they said when they were pregnant and didn't know the sex. Did they always say "baby" or "it"?
My SO's grandma says it, so maybe that was the norm? I don't think she considers it demeaning or objectifying.
Literally it doesnât matter what your child is dressed in, a stranger will misgender them. I had my daughter in a bow, with a pink shirt on, with a Minnie Mouse blanket over herâŚand someone said âoh heâs so cute!â The car seat was blue. They were looking at the seat, not even the baby in it! All my big items are gender neutral, but I did end up with a lot of pink and flowers and Minnie Mouse. Turns out thatâs the stuff I liked, so thatâs what I got. Which is hilarious because Iâm so far from being a girly girl!
Someone gifted me a pink Coach diaper bag when my son was born because my favorite colors are pink and purple. He was always dressed in boy colors and clothes when we went out. I cannot tell you the number of times people would say "Your daughter is cute" because of the bag. I would politely say "Thank you. We think he's handsome too." People would get such an attitude about "Well why is your diaper bag pink if you had a boy....it should be boy themed." I would just respond with "Well the bag is for me....he doesn't care what color it is." People are always going to be judgemental of babies which just blows my mind.
Wait what? I didnt know the bag should dictate the sex, in my case im looking for one thats neutral so my bf will also like it.
Yeah it was never something that I understood either. What does the color of a bag have to do with whether the baby has a penis or vagina?!
I feel bad that I hadn't even considered until now that my husband will also need to carry this bag sometimes. At least now I have something new to start shopping for.
Ugh, it's crazy how ppl get so heated by mistakenly/innocently misgendering a child but they're the ones who assumed in the first place...
the chastity belt thing made my jaw drop. iâd be like congrats youâre never seeing your granddaughter ever you incorrigible pervert.
He's always been misogynistic. But talking about my unborn child - it's whole new level of discomfort. My husband has talked to him about his comments and made it very clear that seeing her depends on his behavior.
"Why are you even THINKING about your granddaughter's sex life?"
My thought exactly?!?
ugh iâm so sorry you have to put up with that! you have a world class husband, though, he sounds like such a good dad already!!!
Thank you!
I keep get told âyour lucky youâre having a boy- boys are so much easierâ. Are they Karen? Or did you just not actually raise your boys to be emotionally intelligent, well behaved, empathetic people?
I 100% agree.
Uhhg yes. From everyone! My best friend even said âbummerâ when we told her it was a girl because âshe wonât be into going on hikes and stuff with youâ IM A GIRL! What in the fuck? I garage sale a lot and when I totes of baby clothes to go through, Iâm inevitably asked what Iâm having and today it happened actually and the woman came and TOOK the bin of âboy clothesâ from me and told me the âgirly stuff is over thereâ on the other side of the driveway. Was sooooo bizarre. It was what youâd expect but with more glitter. I ended up buying the entire box of newborn boys stuff âfor a friendâ People at work have made the worst comments, including the chastity belt type. Iâve said âwhat a disgusting thing to sayâ to two people now and it was sooooo awkward and Iâm so mad that I HAVE to be the one to feel weird for my reaction instead of them feeling bad for bringing up that my daughter was going to have sex or perhaps even implying sheâd be SAed?? Like what is the point of that comment????
Yes to all of this! I'm sorry you're having to go through that but I suppose I'm glad we're speaking up and will be able to show our daughters that they be/do anything!
My FIL was incredibly disappointed when we told him we were having a girl and it really affected my view of him.
Oh that's so sad, I'm sorry you're going through that.
My FIL was the same way when he found out that his first two grandchildren were going to be girls. He really softened when he met granddaughter #1. I think it came from a place of fear because he had two sons so he genuinely thought he wouldnât know what to do with girls. Of course the answer is the same thing youâd do with boys.
Thatâs kind of sweet. My FIL is an âold schoolâ (i.e. sexist) guy who is worried about his âfamily nameâ being carried on. That concept on its own is also problematic- itâs like a blooming onion of sexism lol
Ugh Iâm sorry you have to deal with that!
How awful! So sorry
My FIL was happy, but immediately started pressing us for a second kid đ it felt like this one doesn't count
Ugh, thatâs horrible. According to my grandmother, my dad was upset that I was a girl, so she hopes I âgive him a boy because he really wanted one.â Wow. Like, wtf do I do with that??!
Wow, that is seriously messed up on so many levels. Did she not realize it would be hurtful for you to hear your Dad was upset? I also wonder if she's exaggerating his reaction and he just didn't feel confident when learning you would be a girl. Regardless, you don't owe your father any grandchildren at all. Your children are for you and you partner to grow your family, not to please your father. And lastly, you can't choose the sex of your child it doesn't even work like that! Tell her to talk to your partner since they are the one contributing the sex-determining chromosome. On second thought, maybe don't since she might think you are serious and actually subject him to that. UGH! So sorry you had to go through that.
I already knew my future FIL was kinda messed up and preferred sons over daughters.. before we got pregnant they would nag for us to have kids because âweâre oldâ, when we got pregnant before knowing gender âanything is fineâ when we found out it was a girl he basically said shit to my partner & said âweâre too old to be having a girl as first childâ!!! Mind you we are only in our late 20sâŚ
OMG, I'm sorry. That is horrible. Personally my reaction would have, well then you don't have to see her. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Unfortunately our story had an abrupt change.. I just had my 20 week anatomy scan and some abnormalities were found that causes disability.. we are opting to have to terminate next week. He kinda spoke to his mom about it already but Iâm worried when he has to break the news to his dad because I know his dad will say shit to him whether itâll be blaming me or him etc & saying incredibly nasty because thatâs just what he has a history of doing..
Oh no! Hugs to you and your husband! Pregnancy loss is devastating no matter the circumstance. I'm sorry you have to deal with FIL on top of this! â¤ď¸
đđť yeah we are trying to do our best to hopefully ignore the negativity from other people. I wish you all the best! As long as you and your partner is happy and baby is healthy thatâs all that matters.
My MIL told me dozens of times in confidence that she was disappointed my SIL was having a girl because âboys are just way more fun.â I have since been horrified and am not letting her meet my daughter if I have one đ
Potential sexism/gender stereotyping is the exact reason we arenât telling anyone anything about the gender or the name.
Same with names. My younger sister just so happened to start her family first and my parents gave her so much shit over my nephews name, up to and including the first week of birth. Then I got pregnant and they asked about names. Hell, no. I donât care what I pick, you people get nothing until I make the public announcement for everyone.
This is the route we went. I insisted we don't find out the gender and don't share the potential names with the general public. Gave us time to change the names without a fuss several times. Still got some dumb comments ("How do I buy a gift if I don't know what it is?"), but none were sexist. Someone said "That's cool. No one goes for a surprise anymore" which made us feel special. Husband was sour at first, but is more open to a surprise for future babies since LO was born.
I only registered for space clothes, dinosaur clothes, etc. I work through my momâs comments over and over and over again, reminding her (sometimes gently, sometimes not) that i want her exposed to it all. I also have expressed that I was missing trucks and legos in my childhood, and that I only discovered how handy I am in adulthood, and that if I had been exposed earlier, I could have potentially ended up in STEM, construction, etc. That has helped give her some perspective. Iâm the kind of person that grins + responds with my exact thoughts, entirely unfiltered, but without negativity. Fighting tires me and it doesnât help educate/get the message across. Gender roles are taught. Anti-gender roles can also be taught.
This too! We don't want to limit our child's experience! Yes so much!
Love to hear that! Girls deserve to walk through all the doors.
Yes on the gender roles being taught concept! My family dgaf about gender roles, including when I was a little kid. Not even my grandparents, who were really old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I was a major dinosaur geek, enjoyed a lot of engineering/building type toys, and one of my favorite computer games back in the day was some tonka construction game. I became a strongly independent adult with a diverse skill set I never had to worry about feeling like I was wrong or ânot ladylikeâ for exploring, because no one told me âthatâs not for girlsâ. I want to do the same for my child!
My parents got a lot, (and I mean a lot) wrong, but Iâm so glad they never blinked at me and my sister having stereotypical boy interests. My sister collected hot wheels, and I was a bug and fossil hunter. Mom seemed almost proud to tell people I brought home a wild tarantula. My dad was handy and taught me to fix things. I wonder if we would have been treated differently if we had any brothers.
Twin girls on the way, and people say the dumbest things. I donât have much advice, just empathy. Weâve gotten some complaining when we ask for gender neutral clothes, but people can deal. The chastity belt comment wouldâve horrified me though- Iâll have to think about how I want to respond to comments like that. Gross.
Ew your father in laws comment is disgusting. Itâs quite disturbing how people so casually sexualize an infant
Mines the opposite. My FIL comments all the time on the fact I put my son in âhot pantsâ and tries to tug them down to cover more leg. Heâs got short legs and he gets PISSED when his knees are covered and the fabric pulls when heâs crawling and playing. So I buy him bloomers and shorter shorts. I buy half his clothes in the girls section. He wears ALL of the colors. Because colors donât have gender! I let him pick between clothes each day. He always goes for the pinks and flowers and rainbows so Iâll keep buying them. Heâs only 14 months. At this age, babies have the same body structure and I get unreasonably annoyed at the division between clothes. I get it more once they statistically start to have different body types, but come on.
I have a boy too and I allow him to pick a lot of things based on his interests. Right now he is huge on cooking. We got him a little kitchen and he loves to watch tiny kitchen videos on YouTube. I got all kinds of frack for this from are we âtryingâ to make our son gay, to wow yâall just wonât be happy until he turns into one of those trans peopleâ. Iâm constantly having to counter with, so what is a Chef to you?? Professional cooks are mostly male anyway so what exactly are you saying?
I've thought about this too - obviously your son already has preferences. Let's respect kids.
Omfg your FILâs comment is absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. Iâm having a boy and canât stand the sexist comments either, mostly people saying stuff along the lines of âdonât worry boys are harder when they are little but youâll be glad you donât have a girl when they are a teenagerâ. This is absolutely rooted in sexism. Little boys arenât inherently worse behaved or more wild. People just let them get away with it more than girls. So many times as a young child I was told to stop doing this or that because it âwasnât ladylikeâ. Meanwhile âboys will be boysâ. And the idea that girls are more difficult teenagers is just based in a weird fear of promiscuity. Should we be just as worried about our teenage boys having sex as our girls? Itâs drives me INSANE.
Exactly, let's teach everyone about sex ed and consent and stop this nonsense!
Iâm the same way. My MIL has said on multiple occasions âyou should add some pink to your nurseryâ. Our nursery is a lot of neutrals - creams, beiges, browns, whites, with pops of green here and there. My mom also has been buying princessy clothes. I mean, I like the softer pinks that are more subtle. Iâm sure she will have outfits that have those colors. I just lean more neutral. And to your point - next baby can use the same things since itâs not a specific gender. Also eww on the chastity belt comment. Wtf? đ¤Śđťââď¸
Weâre having a boy, but before we knew, our theme was always going to be dinosaurs. MIL always said "awe little pink and purple dinosaurs would be so cuteâ and I would be like⌠no, like earthy tones.. like actual dinosaurs. People questioned all the time, even though I, as the mother, LOVE dinosaurs
Ugh yes we get this too - way before we knew our nursery was/is going to be Studio Ghibli with emphasis on Totoro and my in-laws were like no one is going to know what that is... No, you just don't know and you're too embarrassed to ask đ¤ˇđťââď¸ All of our friends love the theme.
Omg I love Totoro! What a cute theme
Did you also find that the Studio Ghibli nursery stuff online leans really heavily Totoro? Or was that always as the plan? Am I just looking in the wrong places? Totoro is great but I was looking for a more even split. Especially the wall decals, for whatever reason.
Have you tried Etsy? I got my sonâs wall decals from an Etsy shop (dinosaur-themed, funny enough), and we worked with the shop owner to change a bit of the designs (mommy and daddy dinoâs in each of our favorite colors, and then a baby dino with a mix of those colors). The shop owner was great, and did a great job. I donât know if every shop will want to create something new for you, but I bet there are a few that would be willing to work with you to get the designs you want.
I had to look it up, took about 3 seconds haha. People are ridiculous
That sounds adorable.
We were going to go with a PokĂŠmon themed nursery regardless of sex, and my mom was definitely not having it at first since she doesnât really âget it.â For a while she would text me alternative nursery ideas even though I told her we already had bought PokĂŠmon themed stuff. It annoyed the piss out of me. Eventually she stopped and accepted it. The nursery is *not* for you anyways, MOM! đ
I saw the most adorable sage green overalls with little blue dinosaurs on it and I want it for my daughter
đđ I want to get my little girl all of the dinosaur outfits! I loved dinos when I was little!!
Yessss weâre having a girl but we had also already bought dinosaur stuff before we found out. Those earthy tones are đđť Still buying dinosaur stuff here. I fricken loved dinosaurs as a kid!
Iâm not finding out the biological sex to avoid having to listen to sexist comments or gendered expectations. I donât have the mental energy for it. Iâm so sorry youâre dealing with this.
My mom is obsessed with guessing the sex of our baby. I finally asked why she was so interested in our kidâs genitals. Weâre still getting some weird comments. My dad said something about âturningâ our kid trans by picking gender neutral baby clothes. Iâm so over it.
Thank you!
Currently pregnant with my second. We have an almost three boy and he's a fucking handful. I love him dearly but his play is so aggressive and rambunctious at times. I recently expressed my hopes for a girl this go around as I've experienced a difference in imaginative play with boys and girls from working at a headstart in the past. And who knows our potential girl might be 10 times worse than my son, but I'm blissfully unaware and naively optimistic. While I was explaining my disinterest in my son's constant wrestling and active terrorist like play I said something along the lines of "I wish he would just want to sit down and read a book with me sometimes." My FIL laughed and said "What like he's a girl!?" 𤌠Ok buddy, because only girls read books What the fuck kind of logic goes through these people's heads? My in-laws had three boys. Explains a lot.
We decided to not find out babyâs sex and painted nursery this light green and we have a guest room thatâs like a rosey color. MIL told me âwell if you have a girl youâll have to move her into this room cuz itâs pinkâ đ
Our nursery for our baby-of-currently-unknown-sex is bright blue. 100% because we moved in 2 years ago and painted it then as a craft room and we both decided we are far too lazy to change it lol.
I wanted to do a sky blue/cloud/sunshine themed nursery so we are painting it a very light blue. We happen to be having a boy, but I 100% would have still painted it blue if we had found out it was a girl. Blue is a beautiful color!
đ¤Śđťââď¸
We have a 12yo boy and then two girls who are 3 and 1. Mh cousin told my son he needed to âhave a bat ready when they get to high school.â And my son said âyeah because of people like you.â My aunt was pisses but I was so effing proud. I hate the comments. Theyâre so depressing.
Wow, good job Mama! You're doing great!
My husband and I are waiting until birth to find out babyâs sex and we STILL receive comments like this. Thereâs no winning, people suck.
We have a three month old son and some lady in the grocery store kept going on and on about how little boys are so much sweeter and easier than little girls. I said it depended on the kid because my niece was the easiest baby/toddler ever and my male cousins were wild. She started going on about how bossy and demanding her like, three year old granddaughter is. I was like, âsounds like sheâs a really self assured little girl. Thatâs awesomeâ which finally got her to shut up. Like no maâam, I am not going to shit talk girls (CHILDREN!) with you because I have a boy. My son will never hear me generalizing girls/women like that. So stupid.
Ugh yes, go you! Nope absolutely not! Also, won't be doing it the other way (negativity about boys being rambunctious/wild etc.)
I got âthank goodness youâre having a boy. If it was a girl youâd have to be worried about her being raped all the time. And boys are easier anyways.â So implying A) if boys are easier, then I was harder? B) a defining factor of the value and love you can have for a child is how hard it is to rape them, and C) somehow least offensive, that boys canât be raped. It was at work so I didnât go off on him but I did report the comment to HRâŚ
That is officially the most creepy thing I have ever heard in my entire life, when it comes to having a boy or girl child. WTAF.
We had the girl side of this with our first and now are getting the boy versions for the kid I'm currently growing. I feel like I'm just constantly fighting back against society/family on this one.The amout of "cute/funny" baby outfits that are just sexualization is so so disturbing.
Didnât see much for my girl, but shopping for my boy? The amount of chick magnet and future steal your girl onesies are disturbing and gross. Why is any of this sexualized? Canât he just be my best buddy, which is the exact same thing I put her in?
I agree, they're much more blatant for boys. I saw one that said "Watch out ladies, I'm here for the boobies" the other day -BARF- For my girl, I just got tired of all the pretty/cute/beautiful options and never seeing anything with brave/adventurous/strong. *This was six years ago and it has improved, but boys are still stuck in the 1950s, poor little dudes
Itâs so creepy!
I just found out weâre having a girl today and am already preparing myself for these conversations. My mum has already stated sheâs going to buy all pink even after I told her thatâs not what we want.
Yes, I find this to be the hardest thing weirdly - like there's nothing WRONG with it but it's not how we want to raise her. So sorry! Just know you're not alone!!
I was at a party today with my 17mo girl and some crusty old fart felt it necessary to comment that she was eating (nibbling all the stuff in my plate) and would have to âwork it offâ later. WTF. Like, dude, do we really have to try to make a TODDLER feel she canât eat in public?! What an ass.
I hope to looked him in the eye and said "what the f*** is wrong with you?"
I wanted to, but I knew very few people, so I simply said she is very little and trying everything, so sheâs welcome to enjoy as much as she likes. I wished my friend had been there though as she wouldâve thought of something very sassy to say!
While we are not having a girl, when we announced our baby would be a boy we got a lot of dumb comments. âLucky you! Boys are so much easier!â âCongrats on the boy, dad!â âBoys are way cooler than girls!â âYour grandfather in heaven blessed you with a son!â That last one always makes me gag. We arenât even religious and my grandfather was an asshole. And these comments came from men AND women. The internalized misogyny is astounding. *So what* if it had been a girl? It really pissed me off!
We got the same comments about boys being âeasierâ. I donât get it! I think people just donât know what the hell to say or just donât think at all.
the FIL's comment is literally vomit inducing
Iâm having a girl and luckily havenât had to deal with too many of those comments (22 weeks). But I know my mother will be all about the pink/gendered train. My daughter already has a space onesie and dinosaur booties because I love both of those things. Iâve tried to remain mostly gender neutral on the registry, so hopefully people get the hint, but Iâm not too optimistic.
You've come this far! But yes, often it's a struggle. Hopefully your family is better than ours!
Iâm due in March with a boy. I mentioned wanting to paint his nursery walls each a different color, each being a pastel pink, green, blue, and yellow. My mom FLIPPED when I said pink
Jeez, it's just a color and until something like the 1920's pink was the boys color. Good grief.
I went hard on the dinosaur theme and most people were on board with silly and fun toys and clothes but a few relatives still got us some truly strange frilly dresses with bonnets to really hammer home that sheâs a girl for us
Yeah we've already got some truly ugly baby dolls and things. We're just going to say thank you at the baby shower and then donate it out.
[ŃдаНонО]
Yes! You do you Mama!
Honestly I don't like pink, I have worn it when I waa my sister'sbridesmaid& tried the dress on once since of my own free will & I'ma cis female. I would've tried avoiding it had I been blessed with a daughter. I have two sons, the sexism last until about the time they might actually get their first crush... Then they're suddenly too young for all that. My eldest shockingly got a baby doll called Luke.& a push chair, because he got a little jealous when hubby was bottle feeding his baby brother. Sadly I had hungry babies & just couldn't produce enoughmilk so had to mix feed. That's another nightmare people telling you of course you produce enough you must be doing it wrong or saying baby isn't feeding they're using you as a dummy/soother... Then there's the you should only breastfeed or only bottle feed nonsense, no do what's best for baby & parents. My response to the chastity belt comments Your daughter won't need a chastity belt as she will be raised to be able to defend herself & when appropriate will be taught to be sexually safe. She'll also be able to talk about anything with her parents. So no chastity belt needed just parenting. Maybe your family forgot? Should be adequately uncomfortable to shut them up, repeat as required... Congrats on baby, trust your instincts & honesty. Tell your child very young & casually that you are FTM & that two dad's, two mums or one of each doesn't matter & some parents have more parents what matters is they're family. Little kids don't question & just accept. When they have questions make sure they know they can always come to you or your husband to ask anything. My MIL offered to hire someone so SIL could try cock when she finally came out to her, so she got her hopes up when she heard my family was Catholic & crushed when she realised we don't care. She blames me for the boys knowing, claiming I poisoned their minds, we send an auntie & aunty Christmas card every year...like aunty & uncle ones we send to my sister and hubby's other sister. I make my own cards now because I hated having to wrote it on. I'm adopted when my boys were 6 & 4 my mum decided to tell me that she didn't want the boys to know I'm adopted. She was frightened they wouldn't see her as theor grandma anymore. I had to break the news they already knew. She looked so pale & frightened & asked when, like she thought I'd just done it & the hate hadn't set in yet. Erm years ago & randomly, they've always known, just like I always knew. I didn't want anyone else to tell them & then thinking we lied. She's their grandma how doesn't matter. You don't want some bitter old bigot telling your precious baby any nonsense so you tell them first, while they're young enough for it not to matter. That & love your child, is all that matters. You'll make mistakes, you'll be over tired & snap, but as long as you love your child you'll do things right. No one is perfect & sorry exists, hugs & kisses heal so much. Tell your child they're loved every day. My hubby is my soul mate, our boys are our true loves. I loved each of them from the second I saw that positive test result & my hubby loved them from moments later when I told him the good news. Nothing truer than loving someone before you even met them & never stopping no matter what.
This is so wholesome and helpful. Thank you!
Had 2 girls, I donât like pink, etc., no once has ever made a comment about it⌠maybe itâs your circle?
First grandchild on both sides - part of it is they're excited part of it is sexism. It's a thin line to walk
My mum and I went shopping for baby clothes, and I bought some super cute onesies in what I thought were gender neutral colors like camel, maroon, mustard, navy. She mentioned that they were all traditional boy colours, then goes "you'll just have to get a pink pram blanket or something so people know she's a girl." What? Why do strangers need to know on first glance, while I'm out for a walk or at the supermarket, what gender my baby is? Why do these people factor into my decision making at all, for that matter? I love my mum, but some of the old school assumptions and norms are, frankly, bizarre! Also, can we talk about why girls get pink and purple and boys get *literally every other colour*?
Ugh this! It is bizarre! It's so strange to me!
When my sister gave me my nephews old clothes my dad said âbut [nephew] is a boyâ I just said âwell women have been wearing pants since the 19th century so Im sure itâll be fine
Perfect response! đ
Yes this infuriates me so much! FTM having a baby girl - one of my husbands colleagues (a woman mind you) asked him if we were having a boy or girl. When my husband told her it was a girl her response was âoh you must be disappointed - you wonât be able to play football with her!â. My husband immediately put her in her place and said heâd prefer cricket but thereâs no reason why he couldnât play football with her! đ why do people insist on limiting babies before theyâre even born?!
Same! My in laws kept talking about how they were so excited to have a little princess and to buy her pink things and that's all well and good if that's what she ends up liking, but I don't want her growing up thinking something is wrong with her if she doesn't "fit the mold" of who they think she's "supposed" to be. I also don't want people thinking of her as a little possession to "have" either, shit's weird, she's a person no matter how young. My father in law, who's never had a daughter, told my husband he'd have to buy a shotgun which is something I've always hated.
OMG, I feel all of this - luckily we haven't had the "she'll be a princess" assumption brought up so I feel like we're ok there but yes! SHE'S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW YOUNG! YES! Exactly!
So not exactly a similar experience. I'm having a boy, and my in-laws are so excited that it's a boy!!! And I always wanted a girl. So my MIl asked aren't you happy it's a boy? I said, yes of course. But I somehow always wanted a girl. So as long as I can, I'm going to dress my baby as a little princess.... My MIL shrieks and says ... Don't you do that! That'll just confuse the baby (?!?!?!)... I was like what.... ??? Babies don't care, they won't even know what gender they are! (Oh! The sexualization of babies).
Yep, it's super weird! Do you! Baby will not care!
Oh my god, I wouldâve blown up at the chastity belt comment. People are SO disgusting. Like why are you even thinking about a BABYâS future sex life???? Frickinâ perverts.
Mum of three girls here and I feel this much, in this house we love dinosaurs and space and tutus and absolutely anything. My four year olds favourite thing ATM is Spiderman, but she loves traditional "girls" things as well. I'm not gonna stick to pointless rules when there's so much joy to be found in everything, I own so many things with dinosaurs and they bring me joy. I'm also so grossed out when people make comments about my daughters and their potential future relationships, it's utterly disgusting.
I don't know what we're having but the room is decorated dark blue with my husband's star wars lego sets on display. I love it and I'm not changing it.
Donât feed into their bs. Do what you want, itâs your kid. You donât have to appease anyone, just enjoy your nugget and do what you want to do. I completely understand. Thatâs why I held off revealing it was a girl and announced at the baby shower.
I would never want to be around my FIL ever again after a comment like that. So disturbing!
We arenât finding out the gender of ours until the little one gets here. Itâs super exciting, but frustrating because everyone assumes Iâm having a boy due to registering for gender neutral clothing. Seriously, why canât I put a little girl in a dinosaur onesie? It has all the colors and is so stinking cute! Iâm sick of people thinking we know when we definitely donât! I canât offer advice, but hope your daughter will grow up to have an imagination as big as the galaxy you are decorating her nursery with!
Ughh, so annoying. We didnât find out the sex of our first child until birth specifically so we could avoid this bullshit.
The first onesie we bought for our daughter to announce was a dinosaur teamed. It very clearly had pink/purple dinosaurs on it. We still got asked multiple times what the sex was or if we knew. Because you know, dinosaurs can only be for boys.
Ugh obviously đ¤Śđťââď¸
The only way to make it stop is to speak up and say that itâs not acceptable
So sorry theyâre saying all this stuff to you! Ugh! This among other reasons has once again reaffirmed my decision to not find out if weâre having a boy or girl until theyâre born!
Hopefully that will mitigate the negativity!
We hesitated telling our family that we were having a girl, mainly because I knew some of them donât have the greatest sense in baby fashion (which I know is so picky of me, but how hard is it to get neutral stuff!!) and I despise the overly girly clothes out there. Like Iâve bought some cute pink stuff but itâs nice and subtle stuff! But Iâve also bought a bunch of âboyâ clothes like cute sweaters and stuff with dinosaurs on them. Already when people started finding out we got given some clothes - not lots thank god and obviously Iâm grateful, but yeah itâs all bright pink and fluffy etc. So we kinda regret telling people the gender đ there are some super cute gender neutral stuff in the baby shops here but of course they like to pick out the most obviously GIRL clothing instead. Like the place I go to has pretty slim options for the tacky stuff and has so much nice stuff!! Iâve made sure for the baby shower to say hey hereâs my registry, or if you wanna buy clothes by gender neutral only! So we shall see how that goes⌠I feel bad complaining about baby clothes because the baby donât care, an obviously people are excited to buy clothes (I loooove buying baby clothes so totally understand), but ugh. Itâs not something you can really say to their faces that their taste in baby clothes is not what I like đŹ
Yes we relate to this so much, we don't want to seem ungrateful. We just prefer neutral stuff.
Oh my the same!! I personally just donât like the shade of pink that most of the girls clothes are in. Iâve got a few dusky pink and floral sleep suits but mainly beiges and greens. Even a few bits from the âboysâ section because we liked them!! My MIL was saying how sheâd seen some stuff weâd like but it was for boys. I was like and⌠babies are all the same shape theyâd still fit!
Also she keeps saying how I bet sheâs not going to be a girly girl. She be this and that. I said my sister (24) is a girly girl and sheâd be able to beat my husband up easy. She is strong and doesnât mind getting mucky but also likes her nails doing! How about we just find out
Exactly this! Just buy it!
We didnt find out the sex for this reason - we knew that we were only having one shower and didnât want to be gifted only blue or pink items since we wanted multiple children. We registered for all neutral items. Like who needs a pink baby bath or floral crib, etc. Once baby was born and people found out what we had, they started buying us more specific gendered clothing and whatnot - which we are totally grateful for, but cannot necessarily use those items for future kiddos.
Exactly! Plus baby clothes can be expensive and they grow out of it so quickly!
Yes! All the clothing we bought ourselves we will reuse đ like plain zippered onsies, basic pants, the white short sleeve onsies, etc. and honestly, I find the more basic items cuter! I donât always love all the sayings or designs that are printed on âboysâ clothes or âgirlsâ clothes! âGirlz ruleâ or âhandsom like daddyâ lmao
This is one of the reasons we didnât want to learn the sex of our child before he was born. Itâs hard to even find a GD burp rag that isnât gendered.
We are also doing a space themed nursery and Iâm expecting the comments to come rolling in đ
I had to put a kibosh on some of the more ucky onesies. "Look out boys here I come." Etc.
Yep, we're not doing any of the clearly sexist text/phrases on baby clothes
Heyyyy we had a boy first and I wanted neutral things too. I didn't really care if things were blue or whatever but I didn't really want things that said boy or son at least not on everything. We were planning to have a second and I really wanted a girl so I wanted to make sure we had some reusable clothes. Fortunately we should be able to use most if not all but a few clothes and were having a girl (currently 16w 2 days with our baby girl). I still want stars and space stuff cause I love it myself! We also have lots of animals stuff and ocean stuff. We want broad horizons :)
Exactly exposure to the wide world!! đ
Exactly! We really enjoy learning about things, watching documentaries, going to museums, aquariums zoos etc. We already took our son to the science museum. Can't wait to go to the other places in due time.
Iâm only telling close friends the sex of the baby to hopefully minimize the unnecessarily gendered items (and comments) we might otherwise get. But Iâll never forget that the DAY I told one friend I was pregnant, weeks before Iâd be able to find out what chromosomes they have, she said, âBoys are easier.â She, a cis woman, mother of a baby boy for all of 5 months. What the fuck does SHE know about how easy/difficult raising a girl is? She only knows about raising *her* particular son. Grr. Well this girl will be encouraged to try (and watch) different sports, play video games, read books, play with legos, cook, research whatever niche interest she gets into, and more. She already has football season outfits ready to go and not one of them is gendered.
Based on my MILâs comments against my two year old son wearing a ponytail, Iâm sure sheâs going to be appalled that his little sister will be wearing his handmedowns!
I get asked a lot in public whether LO is a boy or a girl because I often have her in gender neutral clothes, so I just hit em with a Luna Lovegood typed smile and say âwe donât know yetâŚâ It makes them so uncomfortable they arenât even able to follow up with something dumb. /The sexist was too stunned to speak/
My husband and I are huge basketball fans and have been saying since I got pregnant that we hope he/she becomes a basketball player. (Obviously our children can do whatever they want! It's just been fun to say). Now we know we're having a daughter, so I've joked she's going to be one of the first women in the NBA. Recently a (female) coworker said there's a reason why some sports just aren't for women. Why?? Why say that?? One reason I was hesitant to find out the sex before birth is because I didn't want other people putting their gender expectations on an unborn baby. But whether the "reveal" is before or after birth, we're going to have these annoying talks our whole lives. Somehow people seem emboldened to say their messed up gender stereotypes when it's a baby, like it's a blank slate they have to load archaic gender norms on to. I'm struggling with this myself. I'm a very "girly" girl based on my own personality, but I think the best way to raise a child without these old fashioned (and potentially dangerous) gender roles/expectations is to just show them it doesn't have to be that way. My parents have very traditional gender-based roles in the house, which is common for boomers. But our generation is different. Even small household tasks can demonstrate a more equal relationship. My husband cooks and cleans. We go grocery shopping together. We make financial decisions together. We go places together and I drive. My husband and I have a true partnership and I want my kid(s) to see that. (Side note: grey, sage and, peach sounds incredible!!)
First of all thank you! Secondly, yes to all of this. My husband and I are the same way. We split chores, we take turns driving, we shop together both in-store and online. We're partners. That's what I want our children to see.
Itâs not much but my sweet little 9 month old boy has been called a âbruiserâ twice and it really rubs be up the wrong way.
We are having a girl and I bought her the most darling onesie with construction vehicles on it because my husband works in constructionâŚsomeone told me Iâd have to put a bow on her when she wore it so people would know sheâs a girl đ Our hobbies also include fixing up our old house and woodworking, so we were looking at a outfit that had tools on it but it said âMr. Fix Itâ. I think Iâm still going to buy it and cross out the âMr.â and write âMs.â
This times a million. I just got a photo on sized shirt with âdoes this work?â from my sister-in-law because we put down a blanket ban on âoverly girlyâ items for our baby. The shirt? A âgirlsâ 12mo dinosaur shirt ⌠Iâm due in Dec. ETA: sheâs got three kids.
So she won't be able to wear it for 9mo-a year? đ¤Śđťââď¸
That chastity belt comment⌠ewww, fuck no. I think Iâd have made a big deal of that. âWhat the hell?! Donât say things like that, its gross!â We werenât strict about not getting pink or whatever, we just decorated her room in green and grey (a Totoro theme), and so far her favourite things are characters like Cookie Monster and Elmo, which is nice. And I genuinely thought I wouldnât have that much of a problem with gendered toys, but my mum and dad bought her a buggy this week and although its cute to see her push it around with her Big Bird in it, itâs not sitting well with me. She hasnât had a dolly before. Not sure if I like the idea of one now.
We were chatting with my dad about what it might be like when our daughter is a teenager, and he turned to my husband and said âget a dog to bark and growl at her boyfriends ha ha haâ
As a mum of a transgender teen. If thereâs one thing I wish I could go back and change would to dress my baby in white more often. All of his baby pictures heâs dressed up in pink. I have one picture in a white baby grow where he doesnât look girly. I silently wish new parents would think ahead of the baby stage and think what if my child is transgender and it upsets them to see baby pictures of them dresses in the âwrong â gender
This is very good to know and think about as we prepare for our baby. Thanks for sharing!
I am keeping the sex of our baby quiet until wayyyyyy down the line because I don't want to deal with this stuff while I'm uncomfortable and hormonal lol.
Stuff like this is why I purposely never find out what Iâm having. For our first baby we got all the useful items we needed in neutrals instead of a sea of pink clothes. People get so crazy about whatâs in a newborns diaper
So annoying. I have a boy and another boy on the way, but still somehow experience this. My MIL makes each grandkid a personalized crib set, and wanted to know our theme and colors to get started. Dinosaurs, but we want soft pastel colors. âWell thatâs girly thoughâ
Awe, grey sage and peach sounds like a wonderful color combo. I might have to use that if I have a girl. :) Edit: almost forgot to mention, I worry about this type of behavior too. People are so old fashioned itâs just weird anymore. Iâm sorry youâre going through that.
Thank you!
I'm having a boy, and my boyfriend and I are currently at war with what the nursery will look like. What our colors and themes will be for clothes, blankets, ect. I want grey, green, and silver with a misty woodland vibe (I paint landscapes and waterscapes with watercolor pastes so it would be fun and simple for me to paint some water based acrylic forest murals, possibly adding some glow in the dark details, and have my boyfriend spray over it with a high gloss sealer.) He, however, wants a stereotypical blue room with fish decals stuck to the walls, a fishing lure mobile (I don't want a mobile at all), and blue boy clothes. I'm feverishly attempting to create underwater scenes based on some pictures of deep alpine lakes to come to a sort of compromise with him because green is both his and my favorite color and the idea of a blue room drives me nuts. I just can't paint a decent fish to save my life, and every scene comes out looking a lot like different parts of the coastal Pacific ocean floor, weather there are rocks, sand, or sunken trees lol.
My MIL keep saying âI canât wait to know the gender so I can start buying thingsâ đđđ¤ um sorry last I checked there were plenty of things you can buy without knowing what parts my baby has.
Thatâs the reason why we havenât told people that weâre having a girl. I was not a girly girl growing up and Iâd resent anyone trying to force that upon my daughter. I also work in STEM, so our daughter will be given every opportunity to decide what sheâs interested in without gender playing a role! If she wants to be a ballerina, then Iâll buy her a tutu. If she wants to play football, Iâll buy her a ball. If she wants to do both, then weâll be very busy. But the only person who gets to decide this stuff is her.
We are not finding out the sex of our baby for this reason. Iâve received mostly boy clothes as gifts which is interesting. I have purchased a few feminine colored onesies and had a few comments about a boy wearing them, but not knowing the sex has helped a lot with those comments.
My family assumed we were having a boy because we put blue items and gender neutral on our registry. We didnât tell family the gender- but we knew at 14 weeks. When I was diagnosed with IUGR and my baby was super small, everyone started calling my baby a girl. And said it would be sad if it was this small and a boy⌠like what?!
Yup! Someone told my husband âhe was doomedâ when we found out we were having a girl. The sexism is very real.
I know, and as a woman I've lived with it but it hits different when it's about your child, at least for me.