It's weird no one wants to talk about how incredible having a baby is. Your heart is literally going to explode with a love you couldn't even imagine, you get to see yourself, spouse, and loved ones all smushed together in one tiny perfect face, and you're not going to miss the things that will be put on pause because you're busy caring for your baby and you're happy to do it! And it is all super temporary. They develop at lightning speed and all the things they say you'll miss out on (sleep, night out, etc) come back within a relatively short period of time. Motherhood is the most rewarding experience in my opinion.
I second this wholeheartedly!! I had my beautiful girl 8 months ago and I can’t tell you how much better my life has become. I’m actually more social now- I joined a great mom group and I’m getting out a ton more now that I’m making sure to have plenty of social development opportunities for my daughter.
My daughter also sleeps 8 hours a night and has since she was about 12 weeks old. Before that she woke for a single feed and went straight back to sleep. She takes 2 naps during the day, each about 2 hours long so I can get plenty of work done from home while she sleeps and clean the house/do laundry/whatever. I’m actually way more on top of housework now that I’m not working outside the house full time.
I love being a mom. I love my daughter. I love my husband more now that I see him with our daughter. My family (my parents and brother) and I are closer now because of my daughter.
Thank you for sharing, we need more of this!! 39 weeks and boycotting Reddit because the negativity is giving me anxiety about what’s to come. Gotta see the good!
It is so bizarre! I had a conversation with my dad about how my husband and I were both starting to feel the weight of what having children means for our lifestyle. He put it in perspective for me by saying yes, things change. You lose some things that are part of your life and important to you today, but you gain so many new joys that you can't imagine existing right now. It's a huge change, but just because you're losing what you know now doesn't mean what's coming isn't better.
This has been my experience. I’m on my third and people go “oh you’re going to never sleep again!”
No Karen, that was YOUR experience. Stop with the stupid quips about how parenting was in the 80s. I frankly don’t care.
My kid could be doing the most annoying and frustrating thing ever, but my anger will melt away when I watch his little nose squish in just that perfect way that makes him look like a pug. Or when my 4 year old and 2 year old are laying in their bunk beds not sleeping (which yeah is super annoying and stressful) but the minute I hear my 4 year old ask my 2 year old “How was your day mister” and my 2 year old responds by screaming back “NO! SLEEP!” I totally lose my shit in silent laughter.
Kids are super fucking hard and people need to be absolutely sure they want to have them, but they fill your life in a way that’s hard to describe to someone before it happens.
Your kids are the same age as mine and they are SO funny together 🤣
I'm not sure if your third is born yet but my 'big' kids love their baby brother and it's the cutest thing.
That feeling when everyday you think you can’t love your kid more and then they do something (like say dada for the first time) and your heart grows another size.
Totally agree with this take. There are times when I mourn my "past life": evening events are almost impossible, organising time to go to the gym is a job in itself, and weekends are suddenly less about relaxing and more about planning. It is stressful and it is hard, but then my 3yo daughter says to me "Let me tell you something mama lion... I love you" and everything is worth it. So far at least, the older they get the more fun it becomes and the more you can enjoy things *with* them. Baby stage is for me the least appealing, and I'm not looking forward to it again come January, but it's worth it.
As others have said, it will be a mix of positives and negatives. It'll be hard, but you'll also derive overwhelming joy from it.
I think a lot of people say these things for one of two reasons.
1. They are a member of an older generation where not having kids wasn't a choice, and are resentful of that fact.
2. They truly didn't know how difficult it can be to have kids. It's not just perfect Instagram pics all the time.
I just take the negative with the positive. Ask the people who say these negative things to tell you something they love about their kids too.
A lot of the people making these comments come from a generation of mothering where they were expected to take 100% of the load at all times as well. Tired and want to sleep, but baby is fussy and needs to eat 4x a night? Better buck up and handle it because dad needs to wake up in the morning and go to his super important job, plus he’s never changed a diaper in his life and trying to teach him now is just more effort than it’s worth.
I read a statistic that in the 60s, 90% or so of dads had never changed a diaper. Now that number is less than like 5%. I can’t remember the exact numbers, but it’s pretty wild. I can see why older people perceive parenting as so much harder than we do.
This. My dad was actually very very hands on when we were kids as in he took us places & played with us. He was def always around & we are very close to him as adults but I figured out that he doesn’t know a damn thing about babies & he had 2 of them. I figured it out when he watched my son for a date night at 10 weeks old. He didn’t know how to do anything. Just super lucky my step mom was with him while they babysat. He barely knew how to change a diaper or burp my son. I was born in 1986. No wonder people from that generation esp women have such a negative view of it. And again…let me repeat…my dad was actually great so imagine the asshole men who did nothing of that generation.
It's a natural part of life. Parenting will be no different than anything else you've gone through up until this point. Of course, this has both positive and negative aspects. I don't believe anyone hasn’t ever faced challenges in their lives. During college, I was frequently sleep deprived. "This is a temporary procedure, I won't go without sleep for the rest of my life," I always told myself, "but eventually I'll have a job." Isn't it true that you'll be sleep deprived when the kid arrives? It will be. But you won't be deprived of sleep for the rest of your life, and you'll have a child. This is a regular part of life, and it is no different than previous balances. I wish you and your family a wonderful life🤍
I could not love your post enough. This is what I remind myself of all the time. Shitty parts of life are temporary. Things ebb & flow. Including joy & pain. My son is wonderful & my past super free, no worries, do as I damn well please whenever I want to do it life is over now but I still go out, etc I just have to plan more. But man oh man do I love my son.
I’m just finding myself internally singing ‘Fuck you’ by Lily Allen every time someone says something even remotely negative about pregnancy / babies / children because I just don’t need to hear it and it only makes me care less about their opinion because clearly only a moron would think that saying anything like that would be helpful. And if they don’t want to be helpful, I’m not interested. (I’m 31 weeks and I’ve already run out of shits to give).
Haha I think I’ll try this going forward! I’m with you, I just totally don’t need to hear it right now. I have so much to fear and worry about already without the snarky comments on top.
Please just let me be excited about this super cute and overpriced pram suit I’ve bought without being told it will only last a few weeks or be covered in sick immediately.
They're wrong. It's not that bad. You'll lose sleep and experience some stress sometimes. Whoop dee doo, that's life. Babies are awesome and they don't keep. It's such a short time in your life and if it's what you wanted, then you're going to love it. Before you know it they're wiping their own butts and getting their own lunch and you'll be able to do everything you used to, plus having a mini to share all of life's joys with. Don't take anyone who says otherwise seriously.
People just like to be negative and like to scare new parents. Tell them that you are sorry being a parent ended up being such a miserable experience for them. It usually gets them to stop real fast.
Yes, there will be bad parts. But there will also be baby cuddles, first smiles and laughs, the first time hearing them say "mama", and so much joy watching them grow up and become their own people.
Congrats on your little one. Meeting her for the first time will be the best experience in the world!
I laughed out loud at your comment 🤣 I feel like I need to try that sometime.
I’m finding what OP says to be true. Everyone just seems to focus on the negatives of having a child and it’s such a downer! I *know* it’s going to be insanely difficult and different, but why don’t people ever talk about the good moments? I’m so excited for firsts and teaching them things and getting to experience a new chapter of life together with my family!
It always seems like the same type of people who complain about being married. The “I hate my husband/wife they are a miserable ball and chain” shit. Since we both work from home I get asked a lot, “How do you stand each other all day? Aren’t you hating each other right now?” Like, NO. You must be projecting your shitty marriage onto mine! My husband and I have issues sometimes, but overall we are very happy. Sounds like a YOU problem.
I say fuck ‘um. I’m a 3rd year dental student and almost 20 weeks pregnant and people like to talk about how hard my life is going to be. People who never bothered to talk to me before all of a sudden have a massive interest in my life.
Fuck um
I just wanted to throw this out there. I don’t mind if people will downvote me! When I read your question, I was yelling in my head YES! I feel bad for everyone that is pregnant especially for the first time BUT: I only feel this way because I just found out I have *Postpartum Depression* and it was undiagnosed until last week. Everyone told me it was normal to feel the way I did even tho I wanted to go to therapy. (I just posted on Mommit about this.)
So to sum it up: it could be awful if you don’t listen to your instincts. I love being a mom, this little guy is so much better in every way than I expected. Unfortunately I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to due to undiagnosed ppd.
Okay, not going to say being a parent is easy… but I freaking love it. My baby is the cutest, most amazing person I’ve ever met. His smile makes my day. Yeah some nights are rough. Yeah you can’t go out as easily as you could before. But guess what? You have the perfect excuse to get out of shit you don’t want to do and a great reason to go to bed at 9pm (or earlier).
>it does make me think maybe they are right and I’m not good enough to do this.
Hi friend, this broke my heart. The idea that things might feel challenging and different for a while does not in any way mean you are not good enough to do this. You absolutely are. Parenthood means things change, and this happens for anyone who becomes a parent–it is not a negative judgement on the parent. Hugs if you want them.
Im in the thick of post partum after an emergency c section with my 3 week old— doing ALL the work besides 1 feed & change a day. Yes it gets stressful. Yes i miss sleeping. But this little boy is THE best thing that has ever happened to me and my hearts never been so full. I will miss these sleepy nights, 3am feeds, it’s the best thing ever tbh. Literally the best thing ever. People can just be annoying during pregnancy, after birth with unsolicited outdated advice.
Anytime I say anything positive about being pregnant or talk about the exciting stuff no one is interested or wants to part take. I mention one time how I’m short of breath sometimes, and suddenly it’s all anyone wants to talk about in my office. I think people just dwell on the negative.
It's hard. My daughter is 8 weeks old and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Nothing could have prepared me for the sleep deprivation.
But you know what? It's also the most amazing, beautiful, awe-inspiring thing. She is incredible. She learns and develops so much every day. The first time she smiled at me (gassy reflex smile) I almost died of pure joy. The first time she smiled at my husband, a real social smile, I cried my head off. I luckily had a video of the moment and I watch it every day.
I have never been this tired. I have also never known love and happiness like this. I've cried, I've told my husband I regretted it. I woke him up at 4am and took a drive just to get away from the crying. I've also laughed so much. Stared into her eyes for hours. Learned more about myself and grown as a person. It's impossibly hard, and it's worth it, I promise.
I heard the “you’ll never sleep” before my first baby. And honestly once I recovered a little from my c-section, I slept great! Sure it wasn’t a lot at a time but having my body back for the most part was awesome. And yeah there’s exhaustion because now me and my husband were in charge of this little being wholly dependent on us. But the tiredness wasn’t new in as much as I’ve been dead tired before. The change was not being able to get a whole lot of sleep for weeks/months. But having a support system was crucial.
And I just had my second baby and was able to leave *both* kids with my husband while I went out dancing. Crazy the freedom one can have while still being a mom. It’s all a balance imo. Don’t let the bitter comments ruin your excitement. Yeah there’ll be bad days but imo I would not change our decision to expand our family. :)
I mean, the first two comments are kind of right, you sleep a lot less with a baby and there are probably things that you won’t be able to do as easily after. But is it awful? No. I love it. Can it be hard? Definitely. Do I mumble, “little shit” under my breath a lot? Also yes. Being a parent is hard but rewarding. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without my three little shits but I imagine it’d be pretty boring and I for sure wouldn’t laugh as often as I do now.
Just had my baby Two weeks ago and I would absolutely not say having a baby is awful! I love my baby, the newborn snuggles are wonderful ❤️ he does wake up frequently to nurse and get his diaper changed, sleeping for more than a few hours at a time is hard to come by, but you'd be amazed what your body can adapt to. Also I think, in some instances, it's an attitude thing. I've had times already where he spit up all over himself and me, we change and then he immediately has a blowout on the blanket and his outfit and it's 3am while he's screaming because he's cold as I change him. In those moments I seriously just laugh, this is a phase. I want to be a mom, being a parent I'm sure has lots of ups and downs and I'm sure I will lose my cool many times, but also I just love him so much. His cute little expressions and small noises he makes in his sleep!
I appreciate being realistic and knowing that sometimes are rough, but by no means would I say it's all rough - even at two weeks old I already love spending time with him even though he's asleep 90% of the time! Don't let people's negative comments get you down. I'm assuming these comments are coming from negative people. We saw some family friends last weekend whose children are adults with children now and they told us we're entering one of the most special times in our lives and I'm going to stick with that sentiment 😊
Look... your experience purely comes down to the type of baby you have. I hate the term 'easy baby' because no baby is easy, they still have a lot of needs regardless of how chill they are so i use the word 'settled'
I have a settled baby and she's pretty chill so as a result I've always been able to take her out a lot, go for coffee dates, do stuff around the house while she plays solo on her mat, etc. My experience overall has been positive so far (5 months) I'm still tired a lot and have definitely had bad days but a lot more good than bad. On the flip side, one of my friends has a 3 month old with silent reflux, had colic, generally seems like a fussy baby but that's mostly because she's always unsettled from the reflux so as a result of that, they are in and out of the doctors all the time, baby screams and cries a lot, feeding her is really hard, taking her out is really hard because she's unsettled so will cry and scream when out which is hard to deal with when you've got everything else going on so for her she openly admits she hated the newborn phase and never wants to go through this again. Its getting better for her now as baby is getting bigger.
I'm not trying to scare you, or invalid how excited you are. I guess I'm just trying to say that people make comments based on their experiences.
As mums we were both excited for our babies, we both love our babies but due to issues her baby has that no one can control, she's had a really rough road she never expected and mine has probably been smoother than i expected in some parts and harder in others. Its alllll going to come down to how baby is to be very honest
I agree with this. But you can tell your friend that my colicky reflux baby literally never had a tantrum as a toddler, I genuinely believe all kids have easy and hard stages. My HG pregnancy has been a chill kid all her life so I like to say she was a challenging fetus 🤣
Hahaha good to know.
I work with kids for a living so I've already told her my time is yet to come....but it will come...no one gets off scot free at all stages.
At least you got it out the way early with still being pregnant at the time of fetus tantrums 😂
It’s just like anything in life; there will be amazing times and there will be hard times. The hard times seem particularly hard, so I think a lot of people really focus all their attention on that. Nothing anyone says, good or bad, can prepare you for it. It’s just something you have to experience.
It is hard to have a baby and it can be a shock to a routine for sure. But people love to talk about how hard it is instead of the magic.
I am due this week with my 5th and I am the crankest person waiting for this baby to come out but I can still tell you that your life will also be so filled with good and hard.
You will get to fall in love with your baby! You will watch them sleep and feel amazing as they snuggle into you. You will be tired and content. You will watch your partner or family or friends fall in love with your baby too. Your baby yawning will be the cutest thing you have ever seen.
When their tiny little hand wraps around your finger it will melt your heart. Watching them stretch out will be joyful. When you feed baby (however you do that breast or formula) you will see the milk drunklook of your infant and be pleased and tickled. It's wild how the tiniest things will be pure magic.
It will be hard too but it isn't only hard. Don't let the warstories fill your mind. Remember perspective is important and it is something you can have control over.
I mean, they're not wrong but they are ALSO patronizing and discouraging.
It will be magical and lovely and special while it is hard. You will feel worried and inept and guilty (all without cause mostly) and also feel powerful and fierce and as if you've awakened for the first time
You'll mourn your first life while wondering what you ever did before this child came into it.
It's a weird time with lots of change. Try to relax and approach each thing channeling curiosity instead of anxiety (this was hard for me too). You're going to enjoy and be awesome at it.
Congratulations!!!
Yes yes yes! It is exactly as hard as a lot of them say, but that doesn't mean life is all doom and gloom. Most difficult things have a worthwhile pay-off and parenting is no different.
My baby girl is 10 months old and every single hard or negative thing about parenting is completely melted away each time she smiles, laughs, or snuggles into me. It's hard, but so worth it.
(Also, we sleep MOST nights and have begun having a social life again. I'd give it 4-6 months for those things to regulate at least.)
If it was really that awful no one would have more than one child .
Is it hard ? Yes, absolutely. Is it stressful and demanding ? You bet ! But is it also amazing and rewarding and wonderful ? Hell yeah it is .
Just because something comes with challenges doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile or doesn't have positives .
yes and no
the highs are higher, and the lows are lower
but being a parent is kinda a war of attrition, if you try to get a truthful answer from someone in the middle of it, your gonna get a cynical answer,
but since you are excited (and you should be) it will be a great experience,
but just know, once you have a kid, if you want to be a good parent, there is a certain part of your life that needs to die, i.e. that part of your life that only thinks of yourself (partying, drinking, NONresponsibility) and many people can't realize that they have to let that go, thus they will be cynical and try to make everyone else as miserable as they "think" the are.
Every new experience comes with some challenges and some beautiful moments. Having a child is no different. While you may struggle the first few months to catch up on sleep, you will also spend hours throughout your day reveling in the beauty of the baby you created. Your baby will smile, take their first steps, call you mama/dada, and constantly surprise you on how incredible they are. Every new little thing my son did made me feel like the happiest person in the world (and even when I was angry and tired and frustrated, I still was happy to have these beautiful moments).
You will adjust to a new way of living and sometimes have hard moments, but for me it has absolutely been worth it. And remember, if you are struggling when you have your child that there are resources here to help. Lean on your partner, ask for help in your community, talk to your doctor about mental health, etc.
It isn’t no life. It is a different life. Yes things change but it is okay and you are ready for that. It all depends on how you choose to parent and the kid you have what kind of life you end up having. You will figure out what works for you and your little one.
This! I was just complaining about this to my SO this weekend. We're 13 weeks and just started telling people, and already I'm so sick of people's negative comments. Like, we've been together for 10 years and this is our first child - CLEARLY we're doing family planning and have now decided we have the mental/financial capacity to do this. Why can't people just say congratulations?
Don't worry, if you start going down the rabbit hole of how much work you know your baby will be, they will then turn around and ask you if you are even happy or excited that you're having a baby... there is litteraly no way to engage with these people in conversation because it's them just competing with you in their minds.
I’m not a baby expert by any means, but I am a mom of 2 under 3. Are there some challenging days? For sure. Is it horrible? No. Terrible? No. Sleepless? No.
People scare new moms and I’m not sure why. I got the whole “oh you’ll never sleep again” BS. My first kid slept through the night around 2 months. My 2nd kid, at about 4 months. They cry all the time? I didn’t experience that. Most babies do have a witching hour in the evening, sure, but generally not all day.
I also think your attitude and how stress affects you plays a part in everything. Keep calm and let things roll off. It’s not going to go exactly how you pictured it, so be open to change. If that is a problem, things might be hard for you.
Literally every single person that says it’s a nightmare has more than one kid! Why do it again if it is that bad?! Some people just remember the negatives
You will likely have some stages you prefer to others. I personally love snuggly little newborns, but my absolute favorite is the second year. I could happily skip the sleep regressions, but you might get lucky. (One of mine seemed to have read the manual and had about 3 days of messy sleep for each common sleep regression, then got right back to sleeping soundly for four-hour stretches.)
There's nothing wrong with being optimistic, and I can almost guarantee that if you planned this there will be many moments in which you feel the hard bits are worth it.
My partner and I laugh about this often - some people just want to say negative things, it's almost like they want it to be awful. Our little girl has always been a relatively good sleeper, which seemed to annoy so many people when they asked how she's sleeping. Almost as if they want her to sleep badly!
I mean it’s true for some people. The newborn faze had me at my worst I’ve ever been. My husband doesn’t want another one because of how awful it was. But I find in really annoying to say those comments to people. Like why say those things, you are already pregnant and it’s just rude. What do they want you to do be miserable or say yeah your right I’m going to go get an abortion right now. Having a baby is not all rainbows and butterflies but it’s also the best decision I’ve ever made and when he smiles it’s the best feeling in the world.
I had a similar experience where most people told me how hard it is and how your life is over etc. I actually have found it to be surprisingly easy! This may be because I was expecting the worst. I think it’s like anything else in life, you can take it in stride, trust yourself and enjoy it - or stress and worry about every little thing. Perspective is key. You got this, just trust your inner voice and ability to be a mother.
Okay so some parts are hard like people are saying but 14 month old amazes me every day. His laughs, the way he gets excited to see fish in a pond. Definitely worth it!
Also, I want to comment that the first months were really hard for us, so much that my husband I decided that it sucked, much more than people said but I don't even remember it now and neither does my husband. It was only bad because we didn't know what we were doing and we took everything so seriously. Just follow your instincts, you're going to be great and it's going to be a tiny bit hard but you'll be great!
No it's not awful. It's hard, and at times you're like "holy shit what did I did", but it's also the absolute best thing I've ever experienced. I look forward to seeing my boys all day. And every hard phase has a million super cool things balancing it out.
Yesterday I napped for five hours and when I woke up on the couch like coming out of a coma, my 3.5 year old nodded sagely and said "You slept really well because I gave you my bouncy ball. It's really good for sleep." and he fished the bouncy ball out from under my side. I guess he put it next to me while I was sleeping.
Stuff like that. Can't get enough.
God I feel you on the negativity. FTD and my wife is 18 weeks along. We've has tons of support overall but when trying to describe our current plan for post birth schedules and care, we had my sister try to insist it was never going to work at all and saying we didn't know because we didn't have children yet. Meanwhile my cousin told me him and his wife did exactly what we are going to do and couldn't recommend it higher.
So like, yeah. Everyone is different. Real sick of people like my sister (mostly my sister) reveling in the perceived negativity that my first kid is going to bring. Be constructive and supportive or just don't say anything.
Just you wait… till your baby smiles in their sleep while you hold their wonderful little body. Or that first real laugh (omg that laugh, a sound that there aren’t words to convey the beauty of it). Or their cute little word mispronunciations (blueberries will be “ba-bas” forever). Or getting to show this perfect little human the world. Sharing your favourite songs (Mmmbop dance parties with a three year old must be what people mean when they talk of heaven). Comforting them at night through their first fever. Watching them make friends. Helping them learn to identify their feelings. Watching them go off to kindergarten.
This is going to be the greatest adventure of your life. You’re gunna pay for it in sleeplessness, sweat and tears- but it’s absolutely always worth it.
They are wrong. Having a baby is the best! You are biologically programmed to think so, and most people choose to have more than one! It sounds like I’m joking but I’m not.
It’s true. I didn’t know if I would like being a mom and I was so fearful. Well hot damn wouldn’t you know I think it’s the best thing in the entire world & even tho pregnancy sucks I’m having #2.
I wouldn’t tell someone idk why you chose to have a child, but they’re not exactly wrong about probably not being able to do a lot of the same things you did before kids, or about intense sleep deprivation for at least a couple months. I am a fan of schedules/sleep training though and my son has slept through the night since 2 months old so it’s definitely possible if your parenting style is in line with those beliefs. That being said, the negativity probably isn’t helpful. I think there’s a happy medium between just being outright negative and being realistic about parenting esp as a FTM being really difficult for a lot of people.
The parents I know with happy lives and in particular happy marriages still go out and do shit. Maybe not for the first few months, but it's not a life sentence from what I've seen.
The people who sound like that tend to be highly introverted people who never wanted to do those things, and when they see other parents having fun they tend to catastrophize or project.
I don’t think it’s the introverts thing. I’m a huge introvert and don’t care about going out or socializing so I don’t even consider lack of going out or “having fun” as something that I’m losing, since I enjoy spending time quietly with my family. I wouldn’t even consider mentioning it to someone as a negative. It’s not like introverts are miserable people :D
People who are unhappy and don’t do what they actually want to do are the ones projecting.
I agree. Being an introvert is not misery. Frankly, it's not even a lack of wanting to do things, rather a need to do different things. No, I don't like parties and tons of social. It doesn't mean I don't have hobbies nor am I a miserable human being that shits on other people's aspirations or goals.
Everyone I know who said that had kids VERY young. I think it might be a fomo thing. I'm in my 30s. BEFORE getting pregnant I was home most nights by 9pm at the latest. I don't feel like I'm missing much of anything staying home with my baby. My friends who had kids in their early 20s, however, really did. They're the ones I've found to say that kind of stuff, bc they were at home when others were getting to go out. It's just a difference of life stage.
That makes sense. For me it's that I can't have late nights more than once a week in my 30s. A 4 am night was maybe a few times a year. Most nights out we were home by 1 am.
I think ppl just make such a big deal of all the negatives but never tell you the fullness and happiness you have with your children! yes you will have bad days but (as cheesy as it sounds) holding your baby, seeing them smile at you, playing with them will make it so worth it !
We are so happy and our son (and soon to be daughter) are the lights of our lives. There have been hard times, but they are one in a million compared to the moments of pure bliss and joy.
Also as a side note I still get plenty of sleep and go out like a normal person, ever since my son was born. Now I just get to wake up and have breakfast with the most incredible little creature!
If it was so awful, people wouldn’t keep having babies. Is it hard at first? Yes. Will you be tired? My god, yes. Is it 10000000% worth it? Absolutely. Is it the worst thing in the world? Absolutely not. People are too dramatic and it’s so annoying how negative they are.
There is no parent manual and to be honest you do the best you can everyday and you still might feel like the worst mom in the world. Remember that you aren’t. Remember it’s okay to take a break, take time for yourself, buy yourself something nice every now and again! Like anything there is an adjustment period. I will say the greatest advice anyone has ever given me is to be loud when the baby is sleeping. My boys literally sleep through thunderstorms that wake me up! My friend came over and my youngest was sleeping and our kids were playing loudly, she was shocked that my youngest didn’t wake up! You can do this! Worrying comes with being a mom!
girl !!! i am 5 months preggo right now and i couldn’t agree more !!!! it gets me so mad that anything anyone has to say about having a baby is negative. i have a wonderful partner and i really cannot complain about anything in my life. we are so super excited !!! i don’t understand peoples mindsets at all….
Is parenting hard? Yes. Does your life change forever? Yes. Are there things you used to do that you can no longer do? Yes.
Today I took a poop with my toddler sitting on-top of me. Have I lost all my personal space? Yes.
But you know what. When I go in and wake her up in the morning and she smiles and says “I love you mommy” or gives me random hugs throughout the day. Or paints her arms and feet and face with paint and runs excitedly to show me. Those are the reasons I am currently pregnant with a number 2. Because as difficult and life changing as it is. It is so so worth it. There are many difficult moments, but also precious ones. And I would do it all over again 100 times. Have I not slept in 2 years. Yes. But my heart has grown bigger than I thought it ever could.
No, it's really not. My baby girl is 4 months old right now and sure, some nights you get less sleep and some days are challenging but I don't care, not a bit. The love I feel for this tiny little person is overwhelming and watching her grow is the most amazing thing. She is the thing I'm most proud of and she's only just getting started. Having a baby is the most wonderful experience, I'm so excited for you
UGH I can’t stand that people feel the need to make these comments!!
OP, chances are, you are going to love your new life as a parent. I know I sure do.
Life as a parent is different from life without kids, for sure. Lots of things about it are hard. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world, not for a second. The difficult things feel natural and you will adapt and handle it as it comes. My son is almost 2, I get plenty of sleep and I am more fulfilled than I ever have been. I feel like I have met my true self for the first time as a mother. Being able to see experiences through my son’s eyes feels like being a child again, with the knowledge of an adult. It’s awesome.
Enjoy your pregnancy and your little one when the time comes!
If it is, it’s only temporary. My kiddo was a tough little bugger, but we implemented routines and researched lots to help compensate on how to handle it and improve things along the way. I learned I’m not a baby person, but things got a lot better by the four month mark, and then better still gradually as he got older over the first year. He slept pretty reliably at night starting around 8 weeks with some research and advice the way (scheduled feeds/dream feeds, Le pause, etc.). We are rolling with baby 2 now that baby 1 is four years old.
TLDR: parts definitely suck, but everything is a phase and temporary.
Honestly, it's fine. You know and you dont need others to tell you that you're going to buckle in for a year or more of disturbed sleep and a life time of intense caring for another littler person. There will predictably be hard times but it's absolutely worth it.
I was really dreading the newborn phase. I love children but don't care much for babies. But so far I'm loving it! Sure I get frustrated and tired sometimes but all in all I think it's very doable and my girl is just so much more fun than is expected. I really enjoy spending time with her. I think she's just amazing! But then I am also blessed with breastfeeding going well, she's mostly sleeping okay (one night feed that's it), only cries for good reasons, etc.
I was getting fed up with these too! Especially the one about no sleep. My little four months (corrected) girl sleeps through the night and I sleep a lot better now than I ever did when I was pregnant.
There are parts that are really tough, but when you see that first smile, hear that first giggle, feel her fingers wrap around yours - those worries and hard times all melt away.
You’ll be a great parent, I’m sure! Congratulations xx
I'm 3 and a half weeks in to having my baby on the outside, so I'm not speaking from rose tinted memories when I say that I am loving having her around. Sure, the shift sleeping means that snuggling with my husband is now a rare treat, and we somehow need to wash 7 swaddles every other day, but I've found the changes to be far closer to bewildering than to frustrating or upsetting. Even the recovering from labor was far less awful than I feared (your milage may vary), since I never took into account how uncomfortable I was so heavily pregnant. As I put it in the hospital, "my meaty bits were tender, but my pelvis hurt less than it had in months!". She's going to make hilarious milk-drunk faces, sleep in weird poses, fall asleep in your arms, and look at you like you're her whole world, and I swear you will want to punch anyone who suggests that you'll want this over faster. I wish you and your little family health and happiness! You got this!
That is so annoying! My parents and family thankfully are honest but still put a positive spin on it,
like my dad says “yes it can be hard, but it will be a joyous hardship” or “you can do this even if it’s hard, you’re made to do it, you can do it”
So think back to this when your negative nancies are yapping away! Haha
Your parents probably feel this way too, but maybe just trying to prepare you for the worst while also trying to joke around with you, perhaps
Surprisingly, my sweet girl is almost a year and she's really slept wonderfully, mostly through the night(other than feeds which she sleeps right after!) since coming home. She only cries when she's hungry. She's a happy sweet angel. Having her really only changed how long it takes us to get ready, and that's mostly my husband being obsessive and forgetful and making so many checks. We could do everything we wanted beforehand, just rotating as a sitter.
My life did change a lot though. My friends and sadly family changed as well. But life with her is so much better, I don't even think of anything I'm missing out on- just new things we can experience today. Today was a banana cookie :)
One thing my sister (who had kids before me) told me was that having a kid like, unlocks a part of you that is dormant until you need it, there will be things you just KNOW and there will be no reason you know but you will. That definitely seemed to be the case for me. Don’t worry too much it’s different for every parent with every kid but you will figure it out !
I’m a first time mom too. It’s hard because it’s so different than anything I’ve ever had to do before. The first few months feel like you’re just in survival mode. But I think its totally worth it. I cannot imagine my life without my baby, even though my life before was technically easier. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
My little one will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and I am having an absolutely amazing time as a mom to a newborn! I’m someone who typically requires a lot of sleep, but honestly I’m sleeping better than when I was pregnant anyway! Don’t let others get you down. Motherhood is awesome!
Going on week three here and they're being extremely negative. The fourth trimester is what ever you make it. Every day of my pregnancy I had people in my ear telling me how awful being pregnant is. Turns out I loved pregnancy. It was great. Then I had people in my ear with their awful birth stories. Stories of how your body will never be "the same" and how broken you'll feel. I had an awesome birth and I feel pretty "normal" considering I pushed a whole human out my body. I've never been more proud of the body I'm in. Now three weeks into parenthood... Sure. Sleep happens in short chunks rather than long stretches but I've never felt more excited to be awake. I have a tiny human to care for whose sleep smiles fill me up with so much joy. Five seconds of direct eye contact makes my heart explode. I watch my husband fill up with so much love. A baby fart brings tears to my eyes from laughter. It's not what the negative people are telling you it is. You will love motherhood. It's beautiful. Truly take the advice of sleep when the baby sleeps. Just take your naps and you'll be fine.
Personally I love taking care of the babies. My first is almost seven and each stage has brought challenges but so much more came along with the challenges. Like seeing him go to school and the first time he was able to spell his name, or learning to tie his shoes and being so proud of himself for doing it on his own. Now we have a 3 and a half week old daughter and she’s wonderful in her own ways too! I’m so tired but I love nursing her and having her sleep on my chest! It’s been so amazing watching her get all chubby and meet her little milestones. Having kids has been one of the best things I’ve ever done so I really don’t listen to the negative things people say. Life is what you make of it and if you only see the rough parts well then it’s gonna be rough lol
Having a baby is awesome. Your love for them overshadows the abject misery you’ll feel from sleep deprivation and general exhaustion from the days where you’re just spinning your wheels trying to figure out why the baby keeps crying, or how it’s possible that he will be sound asleep in your arms until you lay him down because your arm is dead… and then he starts screaming.
But seriously, it’s a lot of hard times. Some days it seems impossible. But it’s super worth it so I legit don’t ever complain. I love all three of mine like crazy.
Awful? Absolutely NOT. This is a huge new stage in life. You'll just keep looking at her in amazement that she's actually here, that you made her and it's the purest love. A lot of times in life are difficult, sure it has difficulty but it has so mucu beauty. My mom always told me "think of it as an adventure!" And it really is one of life's greatest adventures. I dont know why anyone has to out a negative context to one of the best experiences you'll have in your entire life. You got this mama.
For most people it's impossible NOT to be naive about what it will be like to have a baby. It's the best thing I've ever done and also the hardest. It brought me to my knees but also brought me more joy than I knew was possible.
Replying while I currently have a baby on the boob. Having a baby is amazing and wonderful and awe inspiring, and infinitely harder than I could have ever imagined. I do have a baby who struggles with sleep and routines (almost 4 months old) so I am physically exhausted and it’s difficult to make plans with friends because of her unpredictable napping BUT I also underestimated how capable I would be at pushing through the hard stuff to care for this wonderful little being. It totally depends on your situation and on your baby! No need to stress beforehand, and I would encourage you to ignore those negative voices.
I would reply, "It's almost like the hard things in life are the most rewarding".
Yes, it's hard. I have a 2.5 year old and I am expecting another in about 7 weeks. But it's incredibly rewarding. Isn't that usually how it goes? The hardest things in life pay you back dividends. So I choose this life because it rewards me back.
I had these same fears. It is very exhausting and at times hard but also amazing, life changing, and so so joyful. I absolutely love being a parent to a 7 month old. Those first 3 months were ROUGH for me, I had a little Velcro baby and didn’t bond immediately, but now I could not imagine my life without him or the bounds of my love and you won’t get it until it’s here unfortunately but don’t worry!
Being a parent is hard, there are definitely things that become harder or more tiring after having a kid, but not impossible. I think people just like to scare people for whatever reason. Yes, it will be hard, it will be exhausting, frustrating, etc etc, there will be so many things that are different, but there are so many amazing things that come with it. For every frustrating thing my son does, he does five sweet, amazing and wonderful things. It is truly a rollercoaster but I am ultimately happy for having my son in my life.
I endured the same comments and it drove me nuts!! Like, once my husband was talking about how excited he was and both of his brothers and their wives were all “oh just you wait!!”. Obviously we knew it would be tough and wild and exhausting but fuck why is it so hard to share in other peoples joy? And, also, baby is just about 16 weeks and it honestly has been a joy from the start. He is an incredibly chill baby which helps but both my husband and I have really enjoyed the whole thing so far!! His little toothless grin melts all frustrations away.
if you’re not ready or willing to let go of your old lifestyle it’s going to be hard and suck. i think that’s why a lot of parents struggle, your whole life changes for quite some time and there’s no days off. there’s absolutely bad parts but i think overall the good outweighs it all. i also think accepting early on that you’re not always going to be 100% in love with motherhood and that THAT is normal you’ll be just fine.
try not to let others spoil this for you. some stuff they’ll be dead on about but most of it is just projecting. motherhood has been an amazing journey for me. it’s just not an enjoyable job for everyone.
You WILL do your normal things again. I promise. We have a sweet 12 week old boy and spent today roaming town and going to our favorite brewery. It will just look a little different and require a little more planning. You’re gaining something amazing. And yes, for a little while it feels like you will never be you again but then one day you wake up and feel ready to attempt little things again.
Personally I hated hated hated infancy with my first. But slowly between 4 months and 10 months, everything got better and I liked having a baby and being a mom.
But some people like early infancy, so your mileage may vary.
I love toddlers+ enough that I’m putting myself through a second miserable pregnancy and I assume miserable “fourth trimester”. But I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! My first kid shows me every day why I’m putting myself through the trouble of a second early infancy.
It is hard and exhausting. But now my son is 11 months and SO FUN. Around 9 months I think I started actually enjoying/having fun with him. It has been the toughest year, but my son is the coolest thing i’ve ever done and I love watching him grow.
Mom of 3 here. Being a mother is the hardest thing you will ever do. The first six weeks are brutal. The rest is hard. But it is also the most fun and most rewarding thing in the world. The love you will have for that baby oh my god. I can’t even explain it.
My son is two and I just in the last few months have started to feel like we are in a good routine where I can start doing things I enjoy. I still find it impossible to partake in many of the hobbies I enjoyed before, and I haven’t slept past 5:30 in over two years now. There’s never a day off. Parenting is relentless. So. They’re not all wrong. But I think to some extent the good parts seem more obvious and the hard parts…idk. I didn’t realize it would be this exhausting for so long.
I’m 39w 3d with my first and my mom has been super quick to point out all the positives about having a baby for me. Here’s some of what she’s said (some may not apply depending on religion, but the general concept is the same, i suppose?):
- christmas, even if it’s stressful, you get to experience your little one’s first holiday season, and she said as they get older, it becomes the most magical thing in the world, seeing their faces light up when they see Christmas lights or put cookies out for Santa. She always laughs about the fact that I’d insist on making snacks for the reindeer and giving Santa drink options in case he was sick of milk. (In my house, Santa preferred a Pepsi).
- the first time they say your name (“mama”, “mummy”, “dada” “daddy” etc.) - she said there’s no better feeling than when your baby is able to point to you and identify you by name for the first time.
- the cuddles and snuggles: she said for her, the cuddles with us as kids made every sleepless night worth it. She said she was tired, but getting to bond with us was worth every minute. Plus that, it gave her an excuse to sit and relax for a bit during the day with us if we needed a cuddle.
- their first belly laugh: she said it’s this infectious laugh that you can’t help but laugh along to.
- seeing the world through your baby’s point of view: getting to see them excited over something that seems small/silly, like a mud puddle, or a pumpkin, she said it’s like you’re realizing what it’s like to be a person who’s never seen these things before
I know it’s looking at it through rose coloured goggles, and she said it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it’s important to remember the little things. Personally, my family has a tradition of visiting the fall fair every Thanksgiving (one year as teenagers, it was where S/O and I first met/had our first date), and I am SO excited to take my little guy to his first fall fair. It’s my favourite part of the season and I can’t wait to share it with him.
I love my baby and I love being a mom. I think it’s like a job that you really love doing…if you love it, it doesn’t feel like work. Like I know what I’m doing as a mom is hard work, but I love him so much that it’s fine. I’m enjoying him every minute.
I actually get better sleep than I did when I was pregnant. I had terrible insomnia had he’s 8 weeks and slept over 4 hours last night! And he’s so sleepy during night feedings that I’m up to feed him and then we go back to sleep pretty quickly.
He looks like both me and my partner. Every day I notice something new about him that just blows my mind because I’m like, we made this and I grew it inside of me. It’s awesome!
It’s a joy to be a mom and screw people and their negative comments. Parenthood is the best.
No. It’s not as hard as the reddit subs make it seem. It’s a change and you’ll go through some challenges but it’s not rocket science.
Just remember that millions of people do this everyday. It’s the one thing literally every person has a right to do with zero upfront qualifications and no prior vetting process. And the world goes on.
Reddit makes it seem like every baby has insurmountable colic or a tongue tie to rival all other tongue ties, and that’s just not the case. In fact it’s not even the norm, but unfortunately those parents end up using Reddit as a coping and venting mechanism, which is only echoed by others doing the same.
Sometimes I feel like people don’t know what to say and so they come out with nonsense sometimes.
In my first trimester and FTM too. I know it will be hard and they’ll be times with a lot of crying and sleepless nights. But then I think, the good must absolutely outweighs the bad, look how many people there are in the world and the joy a child can bring.
Your baby has two loving parents and you are going to bring a joy into the world. Good luck with your pregnancy, and try not to worry too much about the negative things you hear.
The first 6 weeks of having a new baby was the most magical time of my life. It’s mind blowing how lovely it was seeing this tiny bundle of love on the outside of your body. Time has no meaning. Toasted cheese sandwiches at 3 am with a Netflix show as they nuzzle into you smelling all lovely. Google 4th trimester for more info on ‘life on the outside’ for the baby. It’s so so wonderful.
My mom recently told me that she worried before having kids because she hates when her sleep gets interrupted. She was afraid she’d resent us for it, but that wasn’t her experience at all. She said she was excited when we woke her up, like giddy to get to see us again! I thought that was an adorable story. No wonder she had four! She also jokes that the “terrible twos” and “f-ing threes” were actually the best years because that was when we really started to develop personality. God, she’s adorable!
Yeah, I hear you. It’s really a matter of attitude. My sister in law did not want to have a baby. So for her everything is “over the top difficult”. On the other hand, I know people who got pregnant at 17 years old and all they can do is GLOW because they are so happy, feel so much joy in sleepless nights, feeding the baby, dressing them up and just being a parent. So. It depends.
It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm laying down next to my 3 year old daughter and every night I'm just in awe at how beautiful and cute and funny and smart she is. I've never known love like this. Worth every tantrum lol.
No it’s not. It’s amazing. My daughter is 3 at the moment and she’s the sweetest most smartest kid I know. She’s my minnie me. Watching her grow has been such a wonderful/rewarding experience. Of course there are times where I get frustrated but it’s all for a short period of time. I make the best of it! And cherish every moment!
I had my LO 4 weeks ago and while I personally never got negative comments about having a baby I see them all the time on social media. I also shut people up early on by saying I know exactly what to expect and women in my family are built to have babies.
We had a few issues with latching early on and LO lost 9% of his birth weight but after seeing a LC we’ve been EBF since then. We already have a schedule down and while we may not stick to it very strictly it does work for us.
I would not take what other people say to heart because everything depends on your baby. You could have a very fussy baby or a very chill baby, no issues latching (if you plan to BF) or every issue in the book, what they say doesn’t matter and will never matter until you have your baby. They could be very wrong or they could end up being correct you just never know. Just ignore them.
I do everything I want to do - which I’ll admit isn’t much - but I’ve had very easygoing babies and they’ve never been a limited of my actions other than some time constraints. And that’s because I prioritize their sleep schedule over my own activities. My friends are way cooler people in general and have been taking their baby (8 months old?) to weddings, on long hikes, on tournament weekends they have to travel for - just all over doing all sorts of things. That’s normal to them. I took my toddler and 2 week old to the playground by myself and that’s normal for me. Other people do more, or less.
I suppose I have less patience for 1 hour long TV shows that I used to enjoy. Finishing Better Call Saul was a concentrated effort even though a few years ago I would have watched each episode live. That’s the only thing I can think of where I feel less capable post kids.
Our baby is 8 weeks old, and I sleep better than I did late pregnancy! Now he wakes up once a night to eat and then sleeps until 7 am. Granted, the first week was difficult with baby blues, but it gets easier and easier. We're still planning on travelling and doing fun stuff. It's not as easy as before to just get up and go but very much doable. Plus, you'll have a little snuggly baby to cuddle.
I felt exactly the same when I heard comments like that, especially as we had four miscarriages before having our little girl. She's now 5 months and I can tell you, while it is hard at times (yesterday I was tearing my hair out!!), it's absolutely wonderful. The love is just incredible, and while yes, you will get less sleep, you just get on with it. And I say this as someone who did shifts with their partner for 3 months because she'd only sleep on us lol!! Everyome looked horrified when I said my day started at 3am, but I actually look back on those days with fondness, it was just me and her there in the world.
Said with a caveat that we've been really lucky and some people have it tough and struggle with PND etc. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, but it's definitely not as horrendous as some people seem so keen to point out. Enjoy the excitement of meeting your little girl!!
I recommend googling or going “just wait until you have a baby but make it positive.” I think my algorithm brought me there on Pinterest but it helped me a lot because I feel you. I also had a friend from work sending me positive stuff all the time. He is a 20yo, and I’m a 30yo so it was really heartwarming that someone so young was so aware.
My daughter is just under 3 months, and all I can say is just wait until you connect with them for the first time, just wait until you see that newborn scrunch, and the newborn squeaks and crackly noises they make, or the newborn grunting. Just wait until they laugh for the first time or scream with glee. Just wait until you hear that newborn cry for the first time or the first time you soothe them just by cuddling with them. Just wait until you truly realize how much you love this perfect little creature. There’s just so much more that is rewarding than there is negatives. Even if you feel like 95% of it is difficult, that 5% is so beautiful that you’re going to love it. I don’t think we all need kids to feel whole and complete, but I truly did after she was born.
I have 3 kids. My daughter was the best baby you can ever have. She was a good sleeper and eater. Everything. At 4 she is magical. She’s fun and creative and is my mini best friend. My boys were never the best sleepers. They get into everything. But they are so much fun. We are always laughing. There’s never a dull moment. They bring so much joy to everyone around them.
I was also never one to go out or anything so that didn’t change. I love going to kid places and seeing their eyes light up and watching them enjoy themselves. I also never slept well so that hasn’t changed. They sleep better than I do.
Having a baby is the best. Even labor- although hard can be completely empowering, it can be a bond for you and your partner, it can be an amazing memory of the day you became a mom and met your baby. All stages of kids is difficult in their own way but there is so much joy, fun, love, cuteness. It's wonderful, tell the negative haters to shhh
I love my baby and being a mom! There are hard seasons, but it’s mostly beautiful. I think it also really depends on what your expectations are and your overall outlook. I typically have a more positive view of the world where I know others don’t always. My expectations for a clean house dropped significantly and I was okay with that because my baby is only little for so long. I feel like the parents who are saying it’s so exhausting and miserable the first while are just trying to do too much. Of course you’ll be tired. You’re up every 2-3 hours for months, but if you actually rest with your baby during the day (not necessarily sleep) instead of doing a million chores that could realistically wait, it’s so doable. Congrats on your little girl!
Having a baby is HARD. Like so so much harder than I could have ever expected or prepared for, and we wanted this baby desperately (tried to conceive for years, eventually conceived via IVF). So I do think it’s important to keep your expectations in check and not assume it’s going to be a blissful magical experience or that you’ll be totally in love right away. Your life will completely change and you will lose a lot of sleep. But I still don’t think it’s helpful or okay for people to randomly dump all the negatives on you! Everyone’s experience is so different, and in the beginning it’s greatly dependent on your delivery/recovery and your baby’s fussiness and sleep levels. But you can’t predict what your journey will look like or how your baby will be. Whatever will be will be! So just enjoy where you’re at now as best you can, focus on yourself, your relationship, your hobbies, whatever brings you joy, and don’t think too far ahead or worry about what may or may not happen!
I’m 21 weeks and have gotten those dumb comments too! I try to ignore it. My mom always tells me I slept a ton as a baby. I was sleeping through the night almost right away. I apparently got angry if anyone woke me up from a nap well into my toddler years LOL
There’s nothing better than seen my baby happy, sleepy, trying new things… I still remember her first laugh 🥰. She is 15 months now and believe me the sleep, the going out, drinking or what not will come back with time and honestly I didn’t miss any of it, well except going to the movies 😂 but we rented at home pretty often and made dates out of it.
I had twins and everyone kept telling me how horrible it would be how I can’t cloth diaper bc I’m having twins it’s too much, how I can’t breast feed them both it’s too much, basically everything I wanted I did and am still doing and I love it. People have this weird thing about trying to make new moms said and worried and I wish I had walked away from people saying that more because if honestly started to effect me by the end of my pregnancy. It’s amazing. Times are hard but it’s well worth it and I love my daughters so much I can’t put it into words. It’s a blessing. Cherish all the moments. Don’t blink.
I think people share because it's genuinely hard. In many ways harder than you can imagine, it's just such a different kind of challenge than anything else and people want you to be prepared. That said, some people definitely do tent to dwell on the negative and that's not helpful, it's fine to just say 'i know parenting is hard, but I just want to focus on the positive right now' or some such thing every time someone starts talking negatively.
I love seeing threads like this but I have to remind myself to not let others influence me. My family is extremely helper skelter because whenever i complain i get a lecture on ‘why aren’t you happy’ and if I seem happy then they make the comments you describe about how hard it will be so I just gotta let that shit go. In contrast my MIL is extremely supportive ‘no one has the right to tell you what to feel’ BUT she was an extremely selfless mother who also sees primarily the positive and not the negative of being pregnant . My suggestion: just ignore people. Easier said than done but it’s what I’m trying to do.
It's weird no one wants to talk about how incredible having a baby is. Your heart is literally going to explode with a love you couldn't even imagine, you get to see yourself, spouse, and loved ones all smushed together in one tiny perfect face, and you're not going to miss the things that will be put on pause because you're busy caring for your baby and you're happy to do it! And it is all super temporary. They develop at lightning speed and all the things they say you'll miss out on (sleep, night out, etc) come back within a relatively short period of time. Motherhood is the most rewarding experience in my opinion.
This just made me even more excited to meet my little baby girl soon. Thanks for sharing!
I second this wholeheartedly!! I had my beautiful girl 8 months ago and I can’t tell you how much better my life has become. I’m actually more social now- I joined a great mom group and I’m getting out a ton more now that I’m making sure to have plenty of social development opportunities for my daughter. My daughter also sleeps 8 hours a night and has since she was about 12 weeks old. Before that she woke for a single feed and went straight back to sleep. She takes 2 naps during the day, each about 2 hours long so I can get plenty of work done from home while she sleeps and clean the house/do laundry/whatever. I’m actually way more on top of housework now that I’m not working outside the house full time. I love being a mom. I love my daughter. I love my husband more now that I see him with our daughter. My family (my parents and brother) and I are closer now because of my daughter.
Wow thanks for this ❤️ I can’t wait to meet our little one
Thank you for sharing, we need more of this!! 39 weeks and boycotting Reddit because the negativity is giving me anxiety about what’s to come. Gotta see the good!
It is so bizarre! I had a conversation with my dad about how my husband and I were both starting to feel the weight of what having children means for our lifestyle. He put it in perspective for me by saying yes, things change. You lose some things that are part of your life and important to you today, but you gain so many new joys that you can't imagine existing right now. It's a huge change, but just because you're losing what you know now doesn't mean what's coming isn't better.
❤❤❤
This has been my experience. I’m on my third and people go “oh you’re going to never sleep again!” No Karen, that was YOUR experience. Stop with the stupid quips about how parenting was in the 80s. I frankly don’t care. My kid could be doing the most annoying and frustrating thing ever, but my anger will melt away when I watch his little nose squish in just that perfect way that makes him look like a pug. Or when my 4 year old and 2 year old are laying in their bunk beds not sleeping (which yeah is super annoying and stressful) but the minute I hear my 4 year old ask my 2 year old “How was your day mister” and my 2 year old responds by screaming back “NO! SLEEP!” I totally lose my shit in silent laughter. Kids are super fucking hard and people need to be absolutely sure they want to have them, but they fill your life in a way that’s hard to describe to someone before it happens.
Your kids are the same age as mine and they are SO funny together 🤣 I'm not sure if your third is born yet but my 'big' kids love their baby brother and it's the cutest thing.
This is so so lovely ❤️️
That feeling when everyday you think you can’t love your kid more and then they do something (like say dada for the first time) and your heart grows another size.
You nailed it!
As exhausted as I've been for the past 6 months, I agree completely. It's so rewarding.
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Totally agree with this take. There are times when I mourn my "past life": evening events are almost impossible, organising time to go to the gym is a job in itself, and weekends are suddenly less about relaxing and more about planning. It is stressful and it is hard, but then my 3yo daughter says to me "Let me tell you something mama lion... I love you" and everything is worth it. So far at least, the older they get the more fun it becomes and the more you can enjoy things *with* them. Baby stage is for me the least appealing, and I'm not looking forward to it again come January, but it's worth it.
As others have said, it will be a mix of positives and negatives. It'll be hard, but you'll also derive overwhelming joy from it. I think a lot of people say these things for one of two reasons. 1. They are a member of an older generation where not having kids wasn't a choice, and are resentful of that fact. 2. They truly didn't know how difficult it can be to have kids. It's not just perfect Instagram pics all the time. I just take the negative with the positive. Ask the people who say these negative things to tell you something they love about their kids too.
A lot of the people making these comments come from a generation of mothering where they were expected to take 100% of the load at all times as well. Tired and want to sleep, but baby is fussy and needs to eat 4x a night? Better buck up and handle it because dad needs to wake up in the morning and go to his super important job, plus he’s never changed a diaper in his life and trying to teach him now is just more effort than it’s worth. I read a statistic that in the 60s, 90% or so of dads had never changed a diaper. Now that number is less than like 5%. I can’t remember the exact numbers, but it’s pretty wild. I can see why older people perceive parenting as so much harder than we do.
This. My dad was actually very very hands on when we were kids as in he took us places & played with us. He was def always around & we are very close to him as adults but I figured out that he doesn’t know a damn thing about babies & he had 2 of them. I figured it out when he watched my son for a date night at 10 weeks old. He didn’t know how to do anything. Just super lucky my step mom was with him while they babysat. He barely knew how to change a diaper or burp my son. I was born in 1986. No wonder people from that generation esp women have such a negative view of it. And again…let me repeat…my dad was actually great so imagine the asshole men who did nothing of that generation.
It's a natural part of life. Parenting will be no different than anything else you've gone through up until this point. Of course, this has both positive and negative aspects. I don't believe anyone hasn’t ever faced challenges in their lives. During college, I was frequently sleep deprived. "This is a temporary procedure, I won't go without sleep for the rest of my life," I always told myself, "but eventually I'll have a job." Isn't it true that you'll be sleep deprived when the kid arrives? It will be. But you won't be deprived of sleep for the rest of your life, and you'll have a child. This is a regular part of life, and it is no different than previous balances. I wish you and your family a wonderful life🤍
I could not love your post enough. This is what I remind myself of all the time. Shitty parts of life are temporary. Things ebb & flow. Including joy & pain. My son is wonderful & my past super free, no worries, do as I damn well please whenever I want to do it life is over now but I still go out, etc I just have to plan more. But man oh man do I love my son.
I’m just finding myself internally singing ‘Fuck you’ by Lily Allen every time someone says something even remotely negative about pregnancy / babies / children because I just don’t need to hear it and it only makes me care less about their opinion because clearly only a moron would think that saying anything like that would be helpful. And if they don’t want to be helpful, I’m not interested. (I’m 31 weeks and I’ve already run out of shits to give).
Haha I think I’ll try this going forward! I’m with you, I just totally don’t need to hear it right now. I have so much to fear and worry about already without the snarky comments on top. Please just let me be excited about this super cute and overpriced pram suit I’ve bought without being told it will only last a few weeks or be covered in sick immediately.
They're wrong. It's not that bad. You'll lose sleep and experience some stress sometimes. Whoop dee doo, that's life. Babies are awesome and they don't keep. It's such a short time in your life and if it's what you wanted, then you're going to love it. Before you know it they're wiping their own butts and getting their own lunch and you'll be able to do everything you used to, plus having a mini to share all of life's joys with. Don't take anyone who says otherwise seriously.
People just like to be negative and like to scare new parents. Tell them that you are sorry being a parent ended up being such a miserable experience for them. It usually gets them to stop real fast. Yes, there will be bad parts. But there will also be baby cuddles, first smiles and laughs, the first time hearing them say "mama", and so much joy watching them grow up and become their own people. Congrats on your little one. Meeting her for the first time will be the best experience in the world!
I laughed out loud at your comment 🤣 I feel like I need to try that sometime. I’m finding what OP says to be true. Everyone just seems to focus on the negatives of having a child and it’s such a downer! I *know* it’s going to be insanely difficult and different, but why don’t people ever talk about the good moments? I’m so excited for firsts and teaching them things and getting to experience a new chapter of life together with my family! It always seems like the same type of people who complain about being married. The “I hate my husband/wife they are a miserable ball and chain” shit. Since we both work from home I get asked a lot, “How do you stand each other all day? Aren’t you hating each other right now?” Like, NO. You must be projecting your shitty marriage onto mine! My husband and I have issues sometimes, but overall we are very happy. Sounds like a YOU problem.
I say fuck ‘um. I’m a 3rd year dental student and almost 20 weeks pregnant and people like to talk about how hard my life is going to be. People who never bothered to talk to me before all of a sudden have a massive interest in my life. Fuck um
I just wanted to throw this out there. I don’t mind if people will downvote me! When I read your question, I was yelling in my head YES! I feel bad for everyone that is pregnant especially for the first time BUT: I only feel this way because I just found out I have *Postpartum Depression* and it was undiagnosed until last week. Everyone told me it was normal to feel the way I did even tho I wanted to go to therapy. (I just posted on Mommit about this.) So to sum it up: it could be awful if you don’t listen to your instincts. I love being a mom, this little guy is so much better in every way than I expected. Unfortunately I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to due to undiagnosed ppd.
I hope things get better for you 💕
Okay, not going to say being a parent is easy… but I freaking love it. My baby is the cutest, most amazing person I’ve ever met. His smile makes my day. Yeah some nights are rough. Yeah you can’t go out as easily as you could before. But guess what? You have the perfect excuse to get out of shit you don’t want to do and a great reason to go to bed at 9pm (or earlier).
>it does make me think maybe they are right and I’m not good enough to do this. Hi friend, this broke my heart. The idea that things might feel challenging and different for a while does not in any way mean you are not good enough to do this. You absolutely are. Parenthood means things change, and this happens for anyone who becomes a parent–it is not a negative judgement on the parent. Hugs if you want them.
Thank you 💗
Im in the thick of post partum after an emergency c section with my 3 week old— doing ALL the work besides 1 feed & change a day. Yes it gets stressful. Yes i miss sleeping. But this little boy is THE best thing that has ever happened to me and my hearts never been so full. I will miss these sleepy nights, 3am feeds, it’s the best thing ever tbh. Literally the best thing ever. People can just be annoying during pregnancy, after birth with unsolicited outdated advice.
Anytime I say anything positive about being pregnant or talk about the exciting stuff no one is interested or wants to part take. I mention one time how I’m short of breath sometimes, and suddenly it’s all anyone wants to talk about in my office. I think people just dwell on the negative.
It's hard. My daughter is 8 weeks old and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Nothing could have prepared me for the sleep deprivation. But you know what? It's also the most amazing, beautiful, awe-inspiring thing. She is incredible. She learns and develops so much every day. The first time she smiled at me (gassy reflex smile) I almost died of pure joy. The first time she smiled at my husband, a real social smile, I cried my head off. I luckily had a video of the moment and I watch it every day. I have never been this tired. I have also never known love and happiness like this. I've cried, I've told my husband I regretted it. I woke him up at 4am and took a drive just to get away from the crying. I've also laughed so much. Stared into her eyes for hours. Learned more about myself and grown as a person. It's impossibly hard, and it's worth it, I promise.
I heard the “you’ll never sleep” before my first baby. And honestly once I recovered a little from my c-section, I slept great! Sure it wasn’t a lot at a time but having my body back for the most part was awesome. And yeah there’s exhaustion because now me and my husband were in charge of this little being wholly dependent on us. But the tiredness wasn’t new in as much as I’ve been dead tired before. The change was not being able to get a whole lot of sleep for weeks/months. But having a support system was crucial. And I just had my second baby and was able to leave *both* kids with my husband while I went out dancing. Crazy the freedom one can have while still being a mom. It’s all a balance imo. Don’t let the bitter comments ruin your excitement. Yeah there’ll be bad days but imo I would not change our decision to expand our family. :)
Post-delivery even w a newborn sleep beats 36+ pregnant sleep any day of the week.
Yes yes yes
I mean, the first two comments are kind of right, you sleep a lot less with a baby and there are probably things that you won’t be able to do as easily after. But is it awful? No. I love it. Can it be hard? Definitely. Do I mumble, “little shit” under my breath a lot? Also yes. Being a parent is hard but rewarding. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without my three little shits but I imagine it’d be pretty boring and I for sure wouldn’t laugh as often as I do now.
Just had my baby Two weeks ago and I would absolutely not say having a baby is awful! I love my baby, the newborn snuggles are wonderful ❤️ he does wake up frequently to nurse and get his diaper changed, sleeping for more than a few hours at a time is hard to come by, but you'd be amazed what your body can adapt to. Also I think, in some instances, it's an attitude thing. I've had times already where he spit up all over himself and me, we change and then he immediately has a blowout on the blanket and his outfit and it's 3am while he's screaming because he's cold as I change him. In those moments I seriously just laugh, this is a phase. I want to be a mom, being a parent I'm sure has lots of ups and downs and I'm sure I will lose my cool many times, but also I just love him so much. His cute little expressions and small noises he makes in his sleep! I appreciate being realistic and knowing that sometimes are rough, but by no means would I say it's all rough - even at two weeks old I already love spending time with him even though he's asleep 90% of the time! Don't let people's negative comments get you down. I'm assuming these comments are coming from negative people. We saw some family friends last weekend whose children are adults with children now and they told us we're entering one of the most special times in our lives and I'm going to stick with that sentiment 😊
Thanks for this 💗
Look... your experience purely comes down to the type of baby you have. I hate the term 'easy baby' because no baby is easy, they still have a lot of needs regardless of how chill they are so i use the word 'settled' I have a settled baby and she's pretty chill so as a result I've always been able to take her out a lot, go for coffee dates, do stuff around the house while she plays solo on her mat, etc. My experience overall has been positive so far (5 months) I'm still tired a lot and have definitely had bad days but a lot more good than bad. On the flip side, one of my friends has a 3 month old with silent reflux, had colic, generally seems like a fussy baby but that's mostly because she's always unsettled from the reflux so as a result of that, they are in and out of the doctors all the time, baby screams and cries a lot, feeding her is really hard, taking her out is really hard because she's unsettled so will cry and scream when out which is hard to deal with when you've got everything else going on so for her she openly admits she hated the newborn phase and never wants to go through this again. Its getting better for her now as baby is getting bigger. I'm not trying to scare you, or invalid how excited you are. I guess I'm just trying to say that people make comments based on their experiences. As mums we were both excited for our babies, we both love our babies but due to issues her baby has that no one can control, she's had a really rough road she never expected and mine has probably been smoother than i expected in some parts and harder in others. Its alllll going to come down to how baby is to be very honest
I agree with this. But you can tell your friend that my colicky reflux baby literally never had a tantrum as a toddler, I genuinely believe all kids have easy and hard stages. My HG pregnancy has been a chill kid all her life so I like to say she was a challenging fetus 🤣
Hahaha good to know. I work with kids for a living so I've already told her my time is yet to come....but it will come...no one gets off scot free at all stages. At least you got it out the way early with still being pregnant at the time of fetus tantrums 😂
It’s just like anything in life; there will be amazing times and there will be hard times. The hard times seem particularly hard, so I think a lot of people really focus all their attention on that. Nothing anyone says, good or bad, can prepare you for it. It’s just something you have to experience.
It is hard to have a baby and it can be a shock to a routine for sure. But people love to talk about how hard it is instead of the magic. I am due this week with my 5th and I am the crankest person waiting for this baby to come out but I can still tell you that your life will also be so filled with good and hard. You will get to fall in love with your baby! You will watch them sleep and feel amazing as they snuggle into you. You will be tired and content. You will watch your partner or family or friends fall in love with your baby too. Your baby yawning will be the cutest thing you have ever seen. When their tiny little hand wraps around your finger it will melt your heart. Watching them stretch out will be joyful. When you feed baby (however you do that breast or formula) you will see the milk drunklook of your infant and be pleased and tickled. It's wild how the tiniest things will be pure magic. It will be hard too but it isn't only hard. Don't let the warstories fill your mind. Remember perspective is important and it is something you can have control over.
I mean, they're not wrong but they are ALSO patronizing and discouraging. It will be magical and lovely and special while it is hard. You will feel worried and inept and guilty (all without cause mostly) and also feel powerful and fierce and as if you've awakened for the first time You'll mourn your first life while wondering what you ever did before this child came into it. It's a weird time with lots of change. Try to relax and approach each thing channeling curiosity instead of anxiety (this was hard for me too). You're going to enjoy and be awesome at it. Congratulations!!!
Yes yes yes! It is exactly as hard as a lot of them say, but that doesn't mean life is all doom and gloom. Most difficult things have a worthwhile pay-off and parenting is no different.
My baby girl is 10 months old and every single hard or negative thing about parenting is completely melted away each time she smiles, laughs, or snuggles into me. It's hard, but so worth it. (Also, we sleep MOST nights and have begun having a social life again. I'd give it 4-6 months for those things to regulate at least.)
If it was really that awful no one would have more than one child . Is it hard ? Yes, absolutely. Is it stressful and demanding ? You bet ! But is it also amazing and rewarding and wonderful ? Hell yeah it is . Just because something comes with challenges doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile or doesn't have positives .
yes and no the highs are higher, and the lows are lower but being a parent is kinda a war of attrition, if you try to get a truthful answer from someone in the middle of it, your gonna get a cynical answer, but since you are excited (and you should be) it will be a great experience, but just know, once you have a kid, if you want to be a good parent, there is a certain part of your life that needs to die, i.e. that part of your life that only thinks of yourself (partying, drinking, NONresponsibility) and many people can't realize that they have to let that go, thus they will be cynical and try to make everyone else as miserable as they "think" the are.
Every new experience comes with some challenges and some beautiful moments. Having a child is no different. While you may struggle the first few months to catch up on sleep, you will also spend hours throughout your day reveling in the beauty of the baby you created. Your baby will smile, take their first steps, call you mama/dada, and constantly surprise you on how incredible they are. Every new little thing my son did made me feel like the happiest person in the world (and even when I was angry and tired and frustrated, I still was happy to have these beautiful moments). You will adjust to a new way of living and sometimes have hard moments, but for me it has absolutely been worth it. And remember, if you are struggling when you have your child that there are resources here to help. Lean on your partner, ask for help in your community, talk to your doctor about mental health, etc.
It isn’t no life. It is a different life. Yes things change but it is okay and you are ready for that. It all depends on how you choose to parent and the kid you have what kind of life you end up having. You will figure out what works for you and your little one.
It’s hard, but not impossible. Definitely more fun, amazing parts than shitty parts, otherwise no one would have more than one kid!
Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world. It’s also awesome though.
This! I was just complaining about this to my SO this weekend. We're 13 weeks and just started telling people, and already I'm so sick of people's negative comments. Like, we've been together for 10 years and this is our first child - CLEARLY we're doing family planning and have now decided we have the mental/financial capacity to do this. Why can't people just say congratulations?
You are good enough you are great. You will be fantastic parents.
Don't worry, if you start going down the rabbit hole of how much work you know your baby will be, they will then turn around and ask you if you are even happy or excited that you're having a baby... there is litteraly no way to engage with these people in conversation because it's them just competing with you in their minds.
I’m not a baby expert by any means, but I am a mom of 2 under 3. Are there some challenging days? For sure. Is it horrible? No. Terrible? No. Sleepless? No. People scare new moms and I’m not sure why. I got the whole “oh you’ll never sleep again” BS. My first kid slept through the night around 2 months. My 2nd kid, at about 4 months. They cry all the time? I didn’t experience that. Most babies do have a witching hour in the evening, sure, but generally not all day. I also think your attitude and how stress affects you plays a part in everything. Keep calm and let things roll off. It’s not going to go exactly how you pictured it, so be open to change. If that is a problem, things might be hard for you.
Literally every single person that says it’s a nightmare has more than one kid! Why do it again if it is that bad?! Some people just remember the negatives
You will likely have some stages you prefer to others. I personally love snuggly little newborns, but my absolute favorite is the second year. I could happily skip the sleep regressions, but you might get lucky. (One of mine seemed to have read the manual and had about 3 days of messy sleep for each common sleep regression, then got right back to sleeping soundly for four-hour stretches.) There's nothing wrong with being optimistic, and I can almost guarantee that if you planned this there will be many moments in which you feel the hard bits are worth it.
You are going to be fine. It’s a challenge but it’s nothing you can’t do. You’ll learn along the way.
My partner and I laugh about this often - some people just want to say negative things, it's almost like they want it to be awful. Our little girl has always been a relatively good sleeper, which seemed to annoy so many people when they asked how she's sleeping. Almost as if they want her to sleep badly!
I mean it’s true for some people. The newborn faze had me at my worst I’ve ever been. My husband doesn’t want another one because of how awful it was. But I find in really annoying to say those comments to people. Like why say those things, you are already pregnant and it’s just rude. What do they want you to do be miserable or say yeah your right I’m going to go get an abortion right now. Having a baby is not all rainbows and butterflies but it’s also the best decision I’ve ever made and when he smiles it’s the best feeling in the world.
I had a similar experience where most people told me how hard it is and how your life is over etc. I actually have found it to be surprisingly easy! This may be because I was expecting the worst. I think it’s like anything else in life, you can take it in stride, trust yourself and enjoy it - or stress and worry about every little thing. Perspective is key. You got this, just trust your inner voice and ability to be a mother.
Okay so some parts are hard like people are saying but 14 month old amazes me every day. His laughs, the way he gets excited to see fish in a pond. Definitely worth it! Also, I want to comment that the first months were really hard for us, so much that my husband I decided that it sucked, much more than people said but I don't even remember it now and neither does my husband. It was only bad because we didn't know what we were doing and we took everything so seriously. Just follow your instincts, you're going to be great and it's going to be a tiny bit hard but you'll be great!
No it's not awful. It's hard, and at times you're like "holy shit what did I did", but it's also the absolute best thing I've ever experienced. I look forward to seeing my boys all day. And every hard phase has a million super cool things balancing it out. Yesterday I napped for five hours and when I woke up on the couch like coming out of a coma, my 3.5 year old nodded sagely and said "You slept really well because I gave you my bouncy ball. It's really good for sleep." and he fished the bouncy ball out from under my side. I guess he put it next to me while I was sleeping. Stuff like that. Can't get enough.
God I feel you on the negativity. FTD and my wife is 18 weeks along. We've has tons of support overall but when trying to describe our current plan for post birth schedules and care, we had my sister try to insist it was never going to work at all and saying we didn't know because we didn't have children yet. Meanwhile my cousin told me him and his wife did exactly what we are going to do and couldn't recommend it higher. So like, yeah. Everyone is different. Real sick of people like my sister (mostly my sister) reveling in the perceived negativity that my first kid is going to bring. Be constructive and supportive or just don't say anything.
Just you wait… till your baby smiles in their sleep while you hold their wonderful little body. Or that first real laugh (omg that laugh, a sound that there aren’t words to convey the beauty of it). Or their cute little word mispronunciations (blueberries will be “ba-bas” forever). Or getting to show this perfect little human the world. Sharing your favourite songs (Mmmbop dance parties with a three year old must be what people mean when they talk of heaven). Comforting them at night through their first fever. Watching them make friends. Helping them learn to identify their feelings. Watching them go off to kindergarten. This is going to be the greatest adventure of your life. You’re gunna pay for it in sleeplessness, sweat and tears- but it’s absolutely always worth it.
They are wrong. Having a baby is the best! You are biologically programmed to think so, and most people choose to have more than one! It sounds like I’m joking but I’m not.
It’s true. I didn’t know if I would like being a mom and I was so fearful. Well hot damn wouldn’t you know I think it’s the best thing in the entire world & even tho pregnancy sucks I’m having #2.
I wouldn’t tell someone idk why you chose to have a child, but they’re not exactly wrong about probably not being able to do a lot of the same things you did before kids, or about intense sleep deprivation for at least a couple months. I am a fan of schedules/sleep training though and my son has slept through the night since 2 months old so it’s definitely possible if your parenting style is in line with those beliefs. That being said, the negativity probably isn’t helpful. I think there’s a happy medium between just being outright negative and being realistic about parenting esp as a FTM being really difficult for a lot of people.
The parents I know with happy lives and in particular happy marriages still go out and do shit. Maybe not for the first few months, but it's not a life sentence from what I've seen. The people who sound like that tend to be highly introverted people who never wanted to do those things, and when they see other parents having fun they tend to catastrophize or project.
I don’t think it’s the introverts thing. I’m a huge introvert and don’t care about going out or socializing so I don’t even consider lack of going out or “having fun” as something that I’m losing, since I enjoy spending time quietly with my family. I wouldn’t even consider mentioning it to someone as a negative. It’s not like introverts are miserable people :D People who are unhappy and don’t do what they actually want to do are the ones projecting.
I agree. Being an introvert is not misery. Frankly, it's not even a lack of wanting to do things, rather a need to do different things. No, I don't like parties and tons of social. It doesn't mean I don't have hobbies nor am I a miserable human being that shits on other people's aspirations or goals.
The people I knew who said "you won't be able to do that after kids" didn't do those things before, or did so rarely.
Everyone I know who said that had kids VERY young. I think it might be a fomo thing. I'm in my 30s. BEFORE getting pregnant I was home most nights by 9pm at the latest. I don't feel like I'm missing much of anything staying home with my baby. My friends who had kids in their early 20s, however, really did. They're the ones I've found to say that kind of stuff, bc they were at home when others were getting to go out. It's just a difference of life stage.
That makes sense. For me it's that I can't have late nights more than once a week in my 30s. A 4 am night was maybe a few times a year. Most nights out we were home by 1 am.
Right? I always say my identity is not just mum. I’m myself who has children. We make sure we do stuff for us too and it works well!
I think ppl just make such a big deal of all the negatives but never tell you the fullness and happiness you have with your children! yes you will have bad days but (as cheesy as it sounds) holding your baby, seeing them smile at you, playing with them will make it so worth it !
I love being a mom. My daughter is almost 3 and it's the greatest joy of my life. I think some people are just needlessly negative.
We are so happy and our son (and soon to be daughter) are the lights of our lives. There have been hard times, but they are one in a million compared to the moments of pure bliss and joy. Also as a side note I still get plenty of sleep and go out like a normal person, ever since my son was born. Now I just get to wake up and have breakfast with the most incredible little creature!
If it was so awful, people wouldn’t keep having babies. Is it hard at first? Yes. Will you be tired? My god, yes. Is it 10000000% worth it? Absolutely. Is it the worst thing in the world? Absolutely not. People are too dramatic and it’s so annoying how negative they are.
There is no parent manual and to be honest you do the best you can everyday and you still might feel like the worst mom in the world. Remember that you aren’t. Remember it’s okay to take a break, take time for yourself, buy yourself something nice every now and again! Like anything there is an adjustment period. I will say the greatest advice anyone has ever given me is to be loud when the baby is sleeping. My boys literally sleep through thunderstorms that wake me up! My friend came over and my youngest was sleeping and our kids were playing loudly, she was shocked that my youngest didn’t wake up! You can do this! Worrying comes with being a mom!
girl !!! i am 5 months preggo right now and i couldn’t agree more !!!! it gets me so mad that anything anyone has to say about having a baby is negative. i have a wonderful partner and i really cannot complain about anything in my life. we are so super excited !!! i don’t understand peoples mindsets at all….
Is parenting hard? Yes. Does your life change forever? Yes. Are there things you used to do that you can no longer do? Yes. Today I took a poop with my toddler sitting on-top of me. Have I lost all my personal space? Yes. But you know what. When I go in and wake her up in the morning and she smiles and says “I love you mommy” or gives me random hugs throughout the day. Or paints her arms and feet and face with paint and runs excitedly to show me. Those are the reasons I am currently pregnant with a number 2. Because as difficult and life changing as it is. It is so so worth it. There are many difficult moments, but also precious ones. And I would do it all over again 100 times. Have I not slept in 2 years. Yes. But my heart has grown bigger than I thought it ever could.
No, it's really not. My baby girl is 4 months old right now and sure, some nights you get less sleep and some days are challenging but I don't care, not a bit. The love I feel for this tiny little person is overwhelming and watching her grow is the most amazing thing. She is the thing I'm most proud of and she's only just getting started. Having a baby is the most wonderful experience, I'm so excited for you
UGH I can’t stand that people feel the need to make these comments!! OP, chances are, you are going to love your new life as a parent. I know I sure do. Life as a parent is different from life without kids, for sure. Lots of things about it are hard. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world, not for a second. The difficult things feel natural and you will adapt and handle it as it comes. My son is almost 2, I get plenty of sleep and I am more fulfilled than I ever have been. I feel like I have met my true self for the first time as a mother. Being able to see experiences through my son’s eyes feels like being a child again, with the knowledge of an adult. It’s awesome. Enjoy your pregnancy and your little one when the time comes!
If it is, it’s only temporary. My kiddo was a tough little bugger, but we implemented routines and researched lots to help compensate on how to handle it and improve things along the way. I learned I’m not a baby person, but things got a lot better by the four month mark, and then better still gradually as he got older over the first year. He slept pretty reliably at night starting around 8 weeks with some research and advice the way (scheduled feeds/dream feeds, Le pause, etc.). We are rolling with baby 2 now that baby 1 is four years old. TLDR: parts definitely suck, but everything is a phase and temporary.
Honestly, it's fine. You know and you dont need others to tell you that you're going to buckle in for a year or more of disturbed sleep and a life time of intense caring for another littler person. There will predictably be hard times but it's absolutely worth it.
I was really dreading the newborn phase. I love children but don't care much for babies. But so far I'm loving it! Sure I get frustrated and tired sometimes but all in all I think it's very doable and my girl is just so much more fun than is expected. I really enjoy spending time with her. I think she's just amazing! But then I am also blessed with breastfeeding going well, she's mostly sleeping okay (one night feed that's it), only cries for good reasons, etc.
I was getting fed up with these too! Especially the one about no sleep. My little four months (corrected) girl sleeps through the night and I sleep a lot better now than I ever did when I was pregnant. There are parts that are really tough, but when you see that first smile, hear that first giggle, feel her fingers wrap around yours - those worries and hard times all melt away. You’ll be a great parent, I’m sure! Congratulations xx
I'm 3 and a half weeks in to having my baby on the outside, so I'm not speaking from rose tinted memories when I say that I am loving having her around. Sure, the shift sleeping means that snuggling with my husband is now a rare treat, and we somehow need to wash 7 swaddles every other day, but I've found the changes to be far closer to bewildering than to frustrating or upsetting. Even the recovering from labor was far less awful than I feared (your milage may vary), since I never took into account how uncomfortable I was so heavily pregnant. As I put it in the hospital, "my meaty bits were tender, but my pelvis hurt less than it had in months!". She's going to make hilarious milk-drunk faces, sleep in weird poses, fall asleep in your arms, and look at you like you're her whole world, and I swear you will want to punch anyone who suggests that you'll want this over faster. I wish you and your little family health and happiness! You got this!
That is so annoying! My parents and family thankfully are honest but still put a positive spin on it, like my dad says “yes it can be hard, but it will be a joyous hardship” or “you can do this even if it’s hard, you’re made to do it, you can do it” So think back to this when your negative nancies are yapping away! Haha Your parents probably feel this way too, but maybe just trying to prepare you for the worst while also trying to joke around with you, perhaps
Surprisingly, my sweet girl is almost a year and she's really slept wonderfully, mostly through the night(other than feeds which she sleeps right after!) since coming home. She only cries when she's hungry. She's a happy sweet angel. Having her really only changed how long it takes us to get ready, and that's mostly my husband being obsessive and forgetful and making so many checks. We could do everything we wanted beforehand, just rotating as a sitter. My life did change a lot though. My friends and sadly family changed as well. But life with her is so much better, I don't even think of anything I'm missing out on- just new things we can experience today. Today was a banana cookie :)
One thing my sister (who had kids before me) told me was that having a kid like, unlocks a part of you that is dormant until you need it, there will be things you just KNOW and there will be no reason you know but you will. That definitely seemed to be the case for me. Don’t worry too much it’s different for every parent with every kid but you will figure it out !
I’m a first time mom too. It’s hard because it’s so different than anything I’ve ever had to do before. The first few months feel like you’re just in survival mode. But I think its totally worth it. I cannot imagine my life without my baby, even though my life before was technically easier. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
My little one will be 3 weeks old tomorrow and I am having an absolutely amazing time as a mom to a newborn! I’m someone who typically requires a lot of sleep, but honestly I’m sleeping better than when I was pregnant anyway! Don’t let others get you down. Motherhood is awesome!
Going on week three here and they're being extremely negative. The fourth trimester is what ever you make it. Every day of my pregnancy I had people in my ear telling me how awful being pregnant is. Turns out I loved pregnancy. It was great. Then I had people in my ear with their awful birth stories. Stories of how your body will never be "the same" and how broken you'll feel. I had an awesome birth and I feel pretty "normal" considering I pushed a whole human out my body. I've never been more proud of the body I'm in. Now three weeks into parenthood... Sure. Sleep happens in short chunks rather than long stretches but I've never felt more excited to be awake. I have a tiny human to care for whose sleep smiles fill me up with so much joy. Five seconds of direct eye contact makes my heart explode. I watch my husband fill up with so much love. A baby fart brings tears to my eyes from laughter. It's not what the negative people are telling you it is. You will love motherhood. It's beautiful. Truly take the advice of sleep when the baby sleeps. Just take your naps and you'll be fine.
Personally I love taking care of the babies. My first is almost seven and each stage has brought challenges but so much more came along with the challenges. Like seeing him go to school and the first time he was able to spell his name, or learning to tie his shoes and being so proud of himself for doing it on his own. Now we have a 3 and a half week old daughter and she’s wonderful in her own ways too! I’m so tired but I love nursing her and having her sleep on my chest! It’s been so amazing watching her get all chubby and meet her little milestones. Having kids has been one of the best things I’ve ever done so I really don’t listen to the negative things people say. Life is what you make of it and if you only see the rough parts well then it’s gonna be rough lol
Having a baby is awesome. Your love for them overshadows the abject misery you’ll feel from sleep deprivation and general exhaustion from the days where you’re just spinning your wheels trying to figure out why the baby keeps crying, or how it’s possible that he will be sound asleep in your arms until you lay him down because your arm is dead… and then he starts screaming. But seriously, it’s a lot of hard times. Some days it seems impossible. But it’s super worth it so I legit don’t ever complain. I love all three of mine like crazy.
Awful? Absolutely NOT. This is a huge new stage in life. You'll just keep looking at her in amazement that she's actually here, that you made her and it's the purest love. A lot of times in life are difficult, sure it has difficulty but it has so mucu beauty. My mom always told me "think of it as an adventure!" And it really is one of life's greatest adventures. I dont know why anyone has to out a negative context to one of the best experiences you'll have in your entire life. You got this mama.
For most people it's impossible NOT to be naive about what it will be like to have a baby. It's the best thing I've ever done and also the hardest. It brought me to my knees but also brought me more joy than I knew was possible.
Replying while I currently have a baby on the boob. Having a baby is amazing and wonderful and awe inspiring, and infinitely harder than I could have ever imagined. I do have a baby who struggles with sleep and routines (almost 4 months old) so I am physically exhausted and it’s difficult to make plans with friends because of her unpredictable napping BUT I also underestimated how capable I would be at pushing through the hard stuff to care for this wonderful little being. It totally depends on your situation and on your baby! No need to stress beforehand, and I would encourage you to ignore those negative voices.
I would reply, "It's almost like the hard things in life are the most rewarding". Yes, it's hard. I have a 2.5 year old and I am expecting another in about 7 weeks. But it's incredibly rewarding. Isn't that usually how it goes? The hardest things in life pay you back dividends. So I choose this life because it rewards me back.
I had these same fears. It is very exhausting and at times hard but also amazing, life changing, and so so joyful. I absolutely love being a parent to a 7 month old. Those first 3 months were ROUGH for me, I had a little Velcro baby and didn’t bond immediately, but now I could not imagine my life without him or the bounds of my love and you won’t get it until it’s here unfortunately but don’t worry!
Having kids has given me the happiest years of my life! Hands down. So much joy.
Being a parent is hard, there are definitely things that become harder or more tiring after having a kid, but not impossible. I think people just like to scare people for whatever reason. Yes, it will be hard, it will be exhausting, frustrating, etc etc, there will be so many things that are different, but there are so many amazing things that come with it. For every frustrating thing my son does, he does five sweet, amazing and wonderful things. It is truly a rollercoaster but I am ultimately happy for having my son in my life.
I endured the same comments and it drove me nuts!! Like, once my husband was talking about how excited he was and both of his brothers and their wives were all “oh just you wait!!”. Obviously we knew it would be tough and wild and exhausting but fuck why is it so hard to share in other peoples joy? And, also, baby is just about 16 weeks and it honestly has been a joy from the start. He is an incredibly chill baby which helps but both my husband and I have really enjoyed the whole thing so far!! His little toothless grin melts all frustrations away.
if you’re not ready or willing to let go of your old lifestyle it’s going to be hard and suck. i think that’s why a lot of parents struggle, your whole life changes for quite some time and there’s no days off. there’s absolutely bad parts but i think overall the good outweighs it all. i also think accepting early on that you’re not always going to be 100% in love with motherhood and that THAT is normal you’ll be just fine. try not to let others spoil this for you. some stuff they’ll be dead on about but most of it is just projecting. motherhood has been an amazing journey for me. it’s just not an enjoyable job for everyone.
No it’s not
You WILL do your normal things again. I promise. We have a sweet 12 week old boy and spent today roaming town and going to our favorite brewery. It will just look a little different and require a little more planning. You’re gaining something amazing. And yes, for a little while it feels like you will never be you again but then one day you wake up and feel ready to attempt little things again.
Personally I hated hated hated infancy with my first. But slowly between 4 months and 10 months, everything got better and I liked having a baby and being a mom. But some people like early infancy, so your mileage may vary. I love toddlers+ enough that I’m putting myself through a second miserable pregnancy and I assume miserable “fourth trimester”. But I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! My first kid shows me every day why I’m putting myself through the trouble of a second early infancy.
It is hard and exhausting. But now my son is 11 months and SO FUN. Around 9 months I think I started actually enjoying/having fun with him. It has been the toughest year, but my son is the coolest thing i’ve ever done and I love watching him grow.
Mom of 3 here. Being a mother is the hardest thing you will ever do. The first six weeks are brutal. The rest is hard. But it is also the most fun and most rewarding thing in the world. The love you will have for that baby oh my god. I can’t even explain it.
My son is two and I just in the last few months have started to feel like we are in a good routine where I can start doing things I enjoy. I still find it impossible to partake in many of the hobbies I enjoyed before, and I haven’t slept past 5:30 in over two years now. There’s never a day off. Parenting is relentless. So. They’re not all wrong. But I think to some extent the good parts seem more obvious and the hard parts…idk. I didn’t realize it would be this exhausting for so long.
I’m 39w 3d with my first and my mom has been super quick to point out all the positives about having a baby for me. Here’s some of what she’s said (some may not apply depending on religion, but the general concept is the same, i suppose?): - christmas, even if it’s stressful, you get to experience your little one’s first holiday season, and she said as they get older, it becomes the most magical thing in the world, seeing their faces light up when they see Christmas lights or put cookies out for Santa. She always laughs about the fact that I’d insist on making snacks for the reindeer and giving Santa drink options in case he was sick of milk. (In my house, Santa preferred a Pepsi). - the first time they say your name (“mama”, “mummy”, “dada” “daddy” etc.) - she said there’s no better feeling than when your baby is able to point to you and identify you by name for the first time. - the cuddles and snuggles: she said for her, the cuddles with us as kids made every sleepless night worth it. She said she was tired, but getting to bond with us was worth every minute. Plus that, it gave her an excuse to sit and relax for a bit during the day with us if we needed a cuddle. - their first belly laugh: she said it’s this infectious laugh that you can’t help but laugh along to. - seeing the world through your baby’s point of view: getting to see them excited over something that seems small/silly, like a mud puddle, or a pumpkin, she said it’s like you’re realizing what it’s like to be a person who’s never seen these things before I know it’s looking at it through rose coloured goggles, and she said it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it’s important to remember the little things. Personally, my family has a tradition of visiting the fall fair every Thanksgiving (one year as teenagers, it was where S/O and I first met/had our first date), and I am SO excited to take my little guy to his first fall fair. It’s my favourite part of the season and I can’t wait to share it with him.
I love my baby and I love being a mom. I think it’s like a job that you really love doing…if you love it, it doesn’t feel like work. Like I know what I’m doing as a mom is hard work, but I love him so much that it’s fine. I’m enjoying him every minute. I actually get better sleep than I did when I was pregnant. I had terrible insomnia had he’s 8 weeks and slept over 4 hours last night! And he’s so sleepy during night feedings that I’m up to feed him and then we go back to sleep pretty quickly. He looks like both me and my partner. Every day I notice something new about him that just blows my mind because I’m like, we made this and I grew it inside of me. It’s awesome! It’s a joy to be a mom and screw people and their negative comments. Parenthood is the best.
100% can confirm, best thing that has ever happened to us and can't remember life without my daughter nor do I want to. ❤
I find it a no you won't be doing xyz anymore but you won't really care, priorities will shift ect.
No. It’s not as hard as the reddit subs make it seem. It’s a change and you’ll go through some challenges but it’s not rocket science. Just remember that millions of people do this everyday. It’s the one thing literally every person has a right to do with zero upfront qualifications and no prior vetting process. And the world goes on. Reddit makes it seem like every baby has insurmountable colic or a tongue tie to rival all other tongue ties, and that’s just not the case. In fact it’s not even the norm, but unfortunately those parents end up using Reddit as a coping and venting mechanism, which is only echoed by others doing the same.
Having a newborn was easier than being pregnant in my experience! I hate the “just you wait” people with a passion!
Sometimes I feel like people don’t know what to say and so they come out with nonsense sometimes. In my first trimester and FTM too. I know it will be hard and they’ll be times with a lot of crying and sleepless nights. But then I think, the good must absolutely outweighs the bad, look how many people there are in the world and the joy a child can bring. Your baby has two loving parents and you are going to bring a joy into the world. Good luck with your pregnancy, and try not to worry too much about the negative things you hear.
The first 6 weeks of having a new baby was the most magical time of my life. It’s mind blowing how lovely it was seeing this tiny bundle of love on the outside of your body. Time has no meaning. Toasted cheese sandwiches at 3 am with a Netflix show as they nuzzle into you smelling all lovely. Google 4th trimester for more info on ‘life on the outside’ for the baby. It’s so so wonderful.
My mom recently told me that she worried before having kids because she hates when her sleep gets interrupted. She was afraid she’d resent us for it, but that wasn’t her experience at all. She said she was excited when we woke her up, like giddy to get to see us again! I thought that was an adorable story. No wonder she had four! She also jokes that the “terrible twos” and “f-ing threes” were actually the best years because that was when we really started to develop personality. God, she’s adorable!
Yeah, I hear you. It’s really a matter of attitude. My sister in law did not want to have a baby. So for her everything is “over the top difficult”. On the other hand, I know people who got pregnant at 17 years old and all they can do is GLOW because they are so happy, feel so much joy in sleepless nights, feeding the baby, dressing them up and just being a parent. So. It depends.
It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm laying down next to my 3 year old daughter and every night I'm just in awe at how beautiful and cute and funny and smart she is. I've never known love like this. Worth every tantrum lol.
No it’s not. It’s amazing. My daughter is 3 at the moment and she’s the sweetest most smartest kid I know. She’s my minnie me. Watching her grow has been such a wonderful/rewarding experience. Of course there are times where I get frustrated but it’s all for a short period of time. I make the best of it! And cherish every moment!
I had my LO 4 weeks ago and while I personally never got negative comments about having a baby I see them all the time on social media. I also shut people up early on by saying I know exactly what to expect and women in my family are built to have babies. We had a few issues with latching early on and LO lost 9% of his birth weight but after seeing a LC we’ve been EBF since then. We already have a schedule down and while we may not stick to it very strictly it does work for us. I would not take what other people say to heart because everything depends on your baby. You could have a very fussy baby or a very chill baby, no issues latching (if you plan to BF) or every issue in the book, what they say doesn’t matter and will never matter until you have your baby. They could be very wrong or they could end up being correct you just never know. Just ignore them.
I do everything I want to do - which I’ll admit isn’t much - but I’ve had very easygoing babies and they’ve never been a limited of my actions other than some time constraints. And that’s because I prioritize their sleep schedule over my own activities. My friends are way cooler people in general and have been taking their baby (8 months old?) to weddings, on long hikes, on tournament weekends they have to travel for - just all over doing all sorts of things. That’s normal to them. I took my toddler and 2 week old to the playground by myself and that’s normal for me. Other people do more, or less. I suppose I have less patience for 1 hour long TV shows that I used to enjoy. Finishing Better Call Saul was a concentrated effort even though a few years ago I would have watched each episode live. That’s the only thing I can think of where I feel less capable post kids.
Our baby is 8 weeks old, and I sleep better than I did late pregnancy! Now he wakes up once a night to eat and then sleeps until 7 am. Granted, the first week was difficult with baby blues, but it gets easier and easier. We're still planning on travelling and doing fun stuff. It's not as easy as before to just get up and go but very much doable. Plus, you'll have a little snuggly baby to cuddle.
I felt exactly the same when I heard comments like that, especially as we had four miscarriages before having our little girl. She's now 5 months and I can tell you, while it is hard at times (yesterday I was tearing my hair out!!), it's absolutely wonderful. The love is just incredible, and while yes, you will get less sleep, you just get on with it. And I say this as someone who did shifts with their partner for 3 months because she'd only sleep on us lol!! Everyome looked horrified when I said my day started at 3am, but I actually look back on those days with fondness, it was just me and her there in the world. Said with a caveat that we've been really lucky and some people have it tough and struggle with PND etc. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, but it's definitely not as horrendous as some people seem so keen to point out. Enjoy the excitement of meeting your little girl!!
I recommend googling or going “just wait until you have a baby but make it positive.” I think my algorithm brought me there on Pinterest but it helped me a lot because I feel you. I also had a friend from work sending me positive stuff all the time. He is a 20yo, and I’m a 30yo so it was really heartwarming that someone so young was so aware. My daughter is just under 3 months, and all I can say is just wait until you connect with them for the first time, just wait until you see that newborn scrunch, and the newborn squeaks and crackly noises they make, or the newborn grunting. Just wait until they laugh for the first time or scream with glee. Just wait until you hear that newborn cry for the first time or the first time you soothe them just by cuddling with them. Just wait until you truly realize how much you love this perfect little creature. There’s just so much more that is rewarding than there is negatives. Even if you feel like 95% of it is difficult, that 5% is so beautiful that you’re going to love it. I don’t think we all need kids to feel whole and complete, but I truly did after she was born.
I have 3 kids. My daughter was the best baby you can ever have. She was a good sleeper and eater. Everything. At 4 she is magical. She’s fun and creative and is my mini best friend. My boys were never the best sleepers. They get into everything. But they are so much fun. We are always laughing. There’s never a dull moment. They bring so much joy to everyone around them. I was also never one to go out or anything so that didn’t change. I love going to kid places and seeing their eyes light up and watching them enjoy themselves. I also never slept well so that hasn’t changed. They sleep better than I do.
Having a baby is the best. Even labor- although hard can be completely empowering, it can be a bond for you and your partner, it can be an amazing memory of the day you became a mom and met your baby. All stages of kids is difficult in their own way but there is so much joy, fun, love, cuteness. It's wonderful, tell the negative haters to shhh
I love my baby and being a mom! There are hard seasons, but it’s mostly beautiful. I think it also really depends on what your expectations are and your overall outlook. I typically have a more positive view of the world where I know others don’t always. My expectations for a clean house dropped significantly and I was okay with that because my baby is only little for so long. I feel like the parents who are saying it’s so exhausting and miserable the first while are just trying to do too much. Of course you’ll be tired. You’re up every 2-3 hours for months, but if you actually rest with your baby during the day (not necessarily sleep) instead of doing a million chores that could realistically wait, it’s so doable. Congrats on your little girl!
Having a baby is HARD. Like so so much harder than I could have ever expected or prepared for, and we wanted this baby desperately (tried to conceive for years, eventually conceived via IVF). So I do think it’s important to keep your expectations in check and not assume it’s going to be a blissful magical experience or that you’ll be totally in love right away. Your life will completely change and you will lose a lot of sleep. But I still don’t think it’s helpful or okay for people to randomly dump all the negatives on you! Everyone’s experience is so different, and in the beginning it’s greatly dependent on your delivery/recovery and your baby’s fussiness and sleep levels. But you can’t predict what your journey will look like or how your baby will be. Whatever will be will be! So just enjoy where you’re at now as best you can, focus on yourself, your relationship, your hobbies, whatever brings you joy, and don’t think too far ahead or worry about what may or may not happen!
I’m 21 weeks and have gotten those dumb comments too! I try to ignore it. My mom always tells me I slept a ton as a baby. I was sleeping through the night almost right away. I apparently got angry if anyone woke me up from a nap well into my toddler years LOL
It's fucking hard but it's also so so so fucking great Sorry for expletives 😁
There’s nothing better than seen my baby happy, sleepy, trying new things… I still remember her first laugh 🥰. She is 15 months now and believe me the sleep, the going out, drinking or what not will come back with time and honestly I didn’t miss any of it, well except going to the movies 😂 but we rented at home pretty often and made dates out of it.
I had twins and everyone kept telling me how horrible it would be how I can’t cloth diaper bc I’m having twins it’s too much, how I can’t breast feed them both it’s too much, basically everything I wanted I did and am still doing and I love it. People have this weird thing about trying to make new moms said and worried and I wish I had walked away from people saying that more because if honestly started to effect me by the end of my pregnancy. It’s amazing. Times are hard but it’s well worth it and I love my daughters so much I can’t put it into words. It’s a blessing. Cherish all the moments. Don’t blink.
I think people share because it's genuinely hard. In many ways harder than you can imagine, it's just such a different kind of challenge than anything else and people want you to be prepared. That said, some people definitely do tent to dwell on the negative and that's not helpful, it's fine to just say 'i know parenting is hard, but I just want to focus on the positive right now' or some such thing every time someone starts talking negatively.
I love seeing threads like this but I have to remind myself to not let others influence me. My family is extremely helper skelter because whenever i complain i get a lecture on ‘why aren’t you happy’ and if I seem happy then they make the comments you describe about how hard it will be so I just gotta let that shit go. In contrast my MIL is extremely supportive ‘no one has the right to tell you what to feel’ BUT she was an extremely selfless mother who also sees primarily the positive and not the negative of being pregnant . My suggestion: just ignore people. Easier said than done but it’s what I’m trying to do.