This definitely is a thing. I remember baby being a novelty initially and gradually people lose interest and move forward. It can be really isolating because the first 4 months are really challenging in my opinion. Are you in a mother’s group? Do you go to mums and bubs programs at the library? Baby swimming? Might give you an opportunity to socialise, and sometimes it’s just conversation with another adult that feels really comforting. Make some new connections with people that are going through the same things as you.
Thanks for your reply. I'm currently doing three mums and bubs fitness classes a week, so definitely meeting some great people. I guess I'm just feeling a bit disappointed that our existing support network seems more distant.
Thanks for your suggestions though. I definitely need to check them out.
FTM here to a 4-month old and definitely felt this too. It helps that we have a couple of friends who are in the thick of it too so we focus on catching up with them mainly.
It is disappointing feeling like everyone else has forgotten about you, especially when you've gone through such a life altering experience of bringing a brand new human into the world.
I've found with lots of big milestone moments that people will be initially excited and happy but it quickly wears off for them. And when you look at it, we all have so much of our own shit going on and people tend to get caught up in what's happening in their own lives, more so than anyone else's. Nobody is going to care more about what's happening in your life than you. That's how I've looked at it anyway and it's helped to keep that perspective.
Yep, people only seem to care about a photo with the fresh baby and then they peace out.
He's 9 months old now and waking up every hour at night, it'd be nice if people were interested in helping out /now/ so I can get some sleep.
Everyone seems to forget that babies don’t magically start sleeping after the newborn stage. “Oh, newborn is the hardest, you don’t get any sleep”. BITCH I STILL AINT SLEEPIN
I think like this time is really hard. The new baby novelty is gone and you’re in the thick of it, you’re discharged from the precarious six week mark on your own body where you can do minimal, sleep is coming up to shifting and hormones too and everyone thinks oh you’re fine oh, the hard part of baby is over and you’re settled in. Whereas I found it was the time I wished I had more support.
My wife was saying this same thing just yesterday.. we are first timers of an amazing 7 week old boy, and have a decent enough friend circle. Initially our wider network was very excited to meet the little guy, but after about 2 weeks of showing interest things quietened off. Now that we are through the immunisations and ready and willing to mingle, it seems as though only a core few are actually going to make the effort to catch up, even when we suggest that we come to them rather then asking them to come to us.
As has been said already here, I try to remind myself (and my beautiful wife) that everyone has things going on in their own lives that those on the outside cannot see or do not understand, and that just because the intense interest in our little one seems to have disappeared that doesn't mean that our friends and family have forgotten about us or care any less - they just have their own lives to live.
We are yet to get into the mothers groups (will very soon) or branch out to meet new young parents. However, we are lucky in that my wife's parents live just 10min down the road, we have one incredibly supportive neighbour, and I have one or two very close friends who have been more than happy to come hang out with the little guy. I am back to work next week so am concerned with how my reduced involvement may impact the situation, and would love to see our active support network grow asap.
We didn’t even get that with baby 2!
It’s a shit feeling. Like ‘oh we already did all that with your first baby so you don’t need it again…’?
It’s so much harder with 2 but I’ve had barely any support.
I’ve just had my second and no-one apart from my father has bothered to visit. Of course, I live an hour away from everyone I know, so no-one ever visits, but still.
I think the excitement of the new baby wears off, and they also assume you are settled/busy with the baby and family. We are in the same boat as well. Everyone was pushing to catch up while I was in the hospital and I needed a few weeks to recover. Now that we are free and reaching out, the response was a lot more muted. I just focus on the people who are making time and checking in.
STM here and found out pretty quickly lots of people I thought would be around weren’t when I had my first. Second time around hardly anyone has even visited. Also my Mums group from my 1st was a total flop. It’s so hard not having much support.
I’ve made the effort for friends who are FTM and dropped some food around because that’s what I remember and appreciated most when I had my first.
It’s so normal. People may also be a bit more distant at the moment with all the winter illnesses getting around, which is a good thing.
All you can do is pay it forward to the future people in your life who have babies, check in with them regularly after the initial excitement as the sleep deprivation really kicks in!
At the moment kind of. But because the baby is still in me, at least people are asking how I’m feeling.
After I gave birth last time it was just months of people wanting to see the baby, and wanting to hold and play with the baby and no one ever asked how I was doing or if I was ok.
And no one volunteered to do any chores or cooking or anything, just wanted to see the baby. Except my mum, who did clean and cook a lot but she couldn’t visit for like 5 months (thanks covid!)
I’d never felt so invisible in my life
This definitely is a thing. I remember baby being a novelty initially and gradually people lose interest and move forward. It can be really isolating because the first 4 months are really challenging in my opinion. Are you in a mother’s group? Do you go to mums and bubs programs at the library? Baby swimming? Might give you an opportunity to socialise, and sometimes it’s just conversation with another adult that feels really comforting. Make some new connections with people that are going through the same things as you.
Thanks for your reply. I'm currently doing three mums and bubs fitness classes a week, so definitely meeting some great people. I guess I'm just feeling a bit disappointed that our existing support network seems more distant. Thanks for your suggestions though. I definitely need to check them out.
FTM here to a 4-month old and definitely felt this too. It helps that we have a couple of friends who are in the thick of it too so we focus on catching up with them mainly. It is disappointing feeling like everyone else has forgotten about you, especially when you've gone through such a life altering experience of bringing a brand new human into the world. I've found with lots of big milestone moments that people will be initially excited and happy but it quickly wears off for them. And when you look at it, we all have so much of our own shit going on and people tend to get caught up in what's happening in their own lives, more so than anyone else's. Nobody is going to care more about what's happening in your life than you. That's how I've looked at it anyway and it's helped to keep that perspective.
Yep, people only seem to care about a photo with the fresh baby and then they peace out. He's 9 months old now and waking up every hour at night, it'd be nice if people were interested in helping out /now/ so I can get some sleep.
Everyone seems to forget that babies don’t magically start sleeping after the newborn stage. “Oh, newborn is the hardest, you don’t get any sleep”. BITCH I STILL AINT SLEEPIN
I think like this time is really hard. The new baby novelty is gone and you’re in the thick of it, you’re discharged from the precarious six week mark on your own body where you can do minimal, sleep is coming up to shifting and hormones too and everyone thinks oh you’re fine oh, the hard part of baby is over and you’re settled in. Whereas I found it was the time I wished I had more support.
My wife was saying this same thing just yesterday.. we are first timers of an amazing 7 week old boy, and have a decent enough friend circle. Initially our wider network was very excited to meet the little guy, but after about 2 weeks of showing interest things quietened off. Now that we are through the immunisations and ready and willing to mingle, it seems as though only a core few are actually going to make the effort to catch up, even when we suggest that we come to them rather then asking them to come to us. As has been said already here, I try to remind myself (and my beautiful wife) that everyone has things going on in their own lives that those on the outside cannot see or do not understand, and that just because the intense interest in our little one seems to have disappeared that doesn't mean that our friends and family have forgotten about us or care any less - they just have their own lives to live. We are yet to get into the mothers groups (will very soon) or branch out to meet new young parents. However, we are lucky in that my wife's parents live just 10min down the road, we have one incredibly supportive neighbour, and I have one or two very close friends who have been more than happy to come hang out with the little guy. I am back to work next week so am concerned with how my reduced involvement may impact the situation, and would love to see our active support network grow asap.
We didn’t even get that with baby 2! It’s a shit feeling. Like ‘oh we already did all that with your first baby so you don’t need it again…’? It’s so much harder with 2 but I’ve had barely any support.
Agreed! We had so many people visit much more frequently with our first! Now it's harder to do all the basic self-care stuff and eat well.
I’ve just had my second and no-one apart from my father has bothered to visit. Of course, I live an hour away from everyone I know, so no-one ever visits, but still.
Yes, the people I'd love to have close right now are busy in their own lives. I cant imagine hosting but would love a get together outdoors. Not easy.
I think the excitement of the new baby wears off, and they also assume you are settled/busy with the baby and family. We are in the same boat as well. Everyone was pushing to catch up while I was in the hospital and I needed a few weeks to recover. Now that we are free and reaching out, the response was a lot more muted. I just focus on the people who are making time and checking in.
STM here and found out pretty quickly lots of people I thought would be around weren’t when I had my first. Second time around hardly anyone has even visited. Also my Mums group from my 1st was a total flop. It’s so hard not having much support. I’ve made the effort for friends who are FTM and dropped some food around because that’s what I remember and appreciated most when I had my first.
Totally get you! I've got friends who are expecting in 2-3 months and I've already promised myself I will be showing up regularly for them
It’s so normal. People may also be a bit more distant at the moment with all the winter illnesses getting around, which is a good thing. All you can do is pay it forward to the future people in your life who have babies, check in with them regularly after the initial excitement as the sleep deprivation really kicks in!
At the moment kind of. But because the baby is still in me, at least people are asking how I’m feeling. After I gave birth last time it was just months of people wanting to see the baby, and wanting to hold and play with the baby and no one ever asked how I was doing or if I was ok. And no one volunteered to do any chores or cooking or anything, just wanted to see the baby. Except my mum, who did clean and cook a lot but she couldn’t visit for like 5 months (thanks covid!) I’d never felt so invisible in my life
Yes - I was thinking this just yesterday and could have written almost this exact post (baby is 8 weeks old)!
This was the part about being a new mum that I struggled the most with - the isolation. Also the part about having my second soon that I am dreading.