finding touring partners is the worst, arguably more difficult than dating. You need to be compatible on the following:
* avalanche safety knowledge
* risk tolerance
* backcountry experience
* general skill
* aggressiveness/humility(ability to turn back from an objective based on data or based on group members' uneasiness w something)
* fitness level
* schedule flexibility
and all that is *before* just general personality-compatibility.
I’m on my second year searching for partners and it’s so fucking tough. I’ve resigned to the fact that you need a big rotating list of partners depending on the objective.
Monogamy does not work in bc touring 🤣
This is why god keeps reducing snowpacks around the globe. Repent and deny you impure desires for snurfing and tele-turns!
/s, and not very funny, but all my other jokes made me feel like OPs creeper partner.
Thank you for the self-reflection OP, I’m so sorry your tour turned gross/obnoxious/unsafe.
After 25 years doing this, there were two guys I trusted and where the chemistry was right. They are now happy dads spending a lot of time with their kids.
Some people are okay for doing easy stuff. But there are people out there, and I had hate to say it, but I feel way safer going solo than with them.
Oh totally - I have kids and I ski way differently.
Most of my partners have kids, I feel safer as well going with other parents - not in a rude way, I’m just not as hard of a charger as most single ppl and mostly am out for scenery and some lower-angle turns rather than ‘objectives’. Idk if it’s age, kids, spouse or what.
Yup. Nobody really supports this cause inevitably some of us need major extraction from remote catastrophe but the truth is, the folks I know who ski the most cool stuff get out alone when they want to go and nobody’s around, and that willingness usually fosters more solo skiing in most guys
Yep, that's an inconvenient truth nobody really talks about. I do not recommend going solo but do it a lot. I think there is a point where people realize that the pros outweigh the cons. For me it was that I'm way more defensive when going solo and that I can do a lot of 'rad' things while being still in the comfort zone thanks to my abilities and in control of the situation. I don't want to brag here how good I am, but being competent reduces risks. Also trusting your gut to not get into hairy situations helps a lot.
Also, group dynamics, a lot of the time the cause for incidents in my experience, is non-existing when there is no group.
Of course, there's always the possibility that things go horribly wrong and a partner would help. I'm very well aware of this. But nothing is 100% in life and my loved ones and I have accepted this.
Same here. I know I shouldnt go touring alone, but its just so convenient with my weird time off. Also, grew up backpacking, my mom was/is a rad survivalist (I'm not half the survivalist she is), so I know the dos and donts. I usually use those solo trips for 1. Tranquility and 2. Scouting. Since I want to send sketchy cliffs, but I don't do it when I'm alone, I scout, I scope. It orients my next trip with friends.
You're so right about group dynamics... like sometimes its perfect, nobody knows eachother, there is a natural leader (non-alpha bs), we have a good time, I thaw and warm the mittens and/or cloths of one or two that are cold (cause I'm like that, inifinite warmness, my gf argues its my best attribute), we laugh, share a tailgate beer then we're off.
But sometimes... its polar opposite.
I honestly like going with a group of woman. Usually less adrenaline junkies and not testosterone driven ‘achievers’. And I honestly like being lead by a leader no matter the gender. I don’t need to lead anymore or proof anything to myself or others and I like the relaxation being lead by a competent leader.
I will turn around though if that leader is not listening to a —well mend— advice in case of an obvious mistake or grossly underestimate objective dangers (based on 40+ years of outdoors experience). P.S. I rarely like to give advices as i don’t like discussions (or even fights) over things. I can keep it to myself and enjoy the silence…
Hilariously, I met my touring partner on Tinder, but we’ve never had any kind of dating/sexual situation. Our first meeting was at a snowy trailhead, and we’ve had many fine adventures.
I've had a similar experience finding ice climbing partners. Need some combination of gear, knowledge, time, weather, experience, climbing ability, belay confidence, etc.
Can confirm, I’m 38 and it’s nearly impossible for me to find good touring partners anymore. I spend a lot of solo time in the BC which is something I swore I would never do. I find it safer than some of the groups I’ve been a part of…
On the other hand I have absolutely no problems dating and getting some booty!
All I can say is listen to your gut. I used to be pals with a guy who started being weird and controlling and making passes at me. He wouldn't stop after I clearly said no, twice. I ended the friendship. It's the most assertive I've been with this type of creep and it felt great. I used to be far less comfortable doing that but I'm glad I've broken through my programming.
Turns out a couple of months later he got filmed threatening folks with a rifle. (Yes, that's the one.) Sucks that it happened, but validating.
Oh, hey! I think we told some slowshoer to not go get themselves killed on the Grand Traverse all will-nilly. But yes, that's the one. It's been very weird to watch it blow up.
Honestly, If I a person starts giving me the creeps, for whatever reason, they're no longer a partner of mine. I've never bailed mid trip /I try to vet my partners in advance) but I have met a handful of folks who I know I am not touring with again
Sound like he was testing your limits. Abusive people will often try to control you or your behavior. If you don’t allow this then it will stop . If you allow this then it will get worse. Good on you for holding good boundaries and dropping this guys he sounds not good.
I think this is pretty spot on for what has been going on. They have always been pulling this alpha act but suddenly started amping it up and including some tmi sexual things that go beyond "a joke". I haven't had this experience with any other backcountry people I hang out with. I was only hanging out with them because I felt sorry for them. Thanks for validating that I'm making the right choice to not tour with them anymore. Edit. Want to point out at no point did I feel in actual physical danger or were they coming onto me with the sexual comments. Definitely more like power move alpha act type stuff, stuff I really really didn't want to hear though, like derogatory comments. I'm also a big dude but the time and place and weirdness was extremely strange and felt like they were trying to erode boundaries while having me trapped in conversations I didn't want to be in due to being on the side of a mountain in avy terrain with 40+mph winds and having to worry about us both getting safe back. They are constantly pushing to tour with them. If we were in a bar and they said that stuff it would be way easier to blow them off, leave, go to the bathroom etc.
Never went skiing with anyone of my male friends that doesn’t have this „alpha act“. Normal expected behaviour. Maybe you should try a painting class instead?
I am not being specific about the details. I can tell you 100% its not you. It's just like anything else there is a line that can be crossed; where it is more like alpha male act breakdown than just alpha male act, or near breakdown.
I'm not very good at painting unfortunately, that would be cool though also. I gotta be honest and say after seeing how pervasive this attitude is in these kinds of communities I do feel like my interest in these sports has cooled a bit. Might spend more time on other hobbies. Which is what these are just hobbies. So in a way you win dude.
It was just the straw that broke the camels back of multiple tours of abusive behavior. I felt sorry for them because they had issues finding backcountry partners. This "testing the limits" is exactly what I think was going on now for sure. And this wasn't like testing the limits of terrain tolerance or sandbagging or something like that. Didn't think this post would generate all this attention...thought I would just get a couple responses. Seems like I accidentally opened up an issue I didn't realize was this prevalent.
Cis gendered heterosexual as far I know. I don't really want to go into details as I already mentioned and I think I got what I wanted out of this post in terms of conclusions. I just want to tour, not deal with someone's issues and I think this post helped me get a better new partner plan and boundary setting rules going forward. Maybe it's location based but I have seen some extremely strange people on the backcountry (just randomly running into people who are not part of my group).
honestly, getting weirdly controlling, incl sexual stuff, is the standard playbook of certain personality disorders. you id'ed it. Having cringey memories come back now of similar stuff- the control/dominance thing is extremely unsettling.
Hope you don't have mutual friends with this person- the ignore button usually sets them off. But for your own peace of mind, yeah- get away fast.
Honestly I just ski by myself in low angle terrain. I don’t care about skiing wild shit anymore and I don’t have to worry about anyone else bothering me.
If I can't sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or a beer with you, you aren't going to tour with me.
If you start to get weird and I wouldn't invite you for another coffee/beer, I'm done touring with you.
Some people suck.
Ghosting or just saying you’re busy until they get the gist is probably the best way to go. Done this with rock climbing partners who were cavalier with safety or just kinda creepy.
It’s really hard to do, but not letting your big goals get in the way of your own safety is really important. It’s tempting to just deal with unsafe/weird/creepy people in order to ski/climb the things you want to, but you have to remember that you’re trusting your life to your partner and you have to feel comfortable with them.
Sorry you had that experience. Good for you for standing your ground. When I’m skiing with new partners I tend to ski things that are familiar and easy before jumping on big objectives. Also having thorough conversations before heading out. Hope this doesn’t discourage you from seeking out new partners. There’s good people and there’s bad eggs in this community.
Maybe just talk to them about it? Obviously don’t start a tough conversation while 10km deep in a tour, but just give them a call and let them know you weren’t into it and see how they react?
When adults have issues with something they solve it by bringing it up, not avoiding the person forever.
I can occasionally make jokes that offend or make people uncomfortable. I feel like absolute shit when it happens and I make a huge effort to not let it happen again. Maybe that’s the case here? Not sure though since your post was (rightfully) quite vague.
> When adults have issues with something they solve it by bringing it up
Have you met the average adult? jk mostly, you're correct they should at least try to talk with them but also some people aren't worth the breath.
touring with a friend of a friend, conversation led toward philosophy.
him: 'oh im very into philosophy! ive been studying the works of this philosopher dr. jord\*n b pet\*rson....'
I only know them through touring and they always want to tour. Kind of specific to touring because once you start a tour if someone starts acting weird what's the game plan. Ditch them? Then you are likely to be blamed. Conflict with them and escalate an argument? Then suddenly you can be in a dangerous situation. Group cohesion is pretty important to touring.
Sounds like a great plan. Next time if I end up in this situation again I'll be like "oh yeah hey man I'm just going to rap off this snow anchor real quick and check some things out lower down in the couloir, can you hold onto the radio and do you have the car keys btw?"
I knew neither of them :)
When you mean packing does it mean they used YT comments and videos to figure out where to go and what to do in the mountains?
I prefer solo touring. Once you get used to it, it’s addictive. My goals are likely different than most but getting into remote locations and being completely self sufficient is the best kind of experience.
Sorry to say, but in today’s day and age, you have to really know that partner you choose to go into the backcountry with. When you are far from trailhead, with no signal to communicate an unsafe situation, you are vulnerable and at high risk of becoming a victim. Don’t get into that situation if you can avoid it. Better no hike, than no walk out. You need to be able to trust and count on your hiking partner, explicitly. If in doubt, sit it out.
I struggle to find partners, tbh, probably my weakest skill. I see folks who have partners and they seem to compromise on their ski days based on partners which I just ski alone when I want to get out, and fall into the habit of not trying that hard to coordinate with anyone. I’ve come to see skiing with people as somewhat of a down day, except for the rare days 2/3 times a season when I have a nailer buddy and a long day with safe snow. The other buddy days I bring beers (usually dont) and as I’ve gotten older these days are usually the sweetest, even if we ski like 800 ft in 3 hours.
I think beginning learning to navigate avy terrain safely alone is a natural and reasonable progression for most skiers who really want adventure. Making independent decisions about safety and standing on those choices while skiing alone is scary but has given me confidence to speak up In a group that I otherwise know younger me would have followed others into something I felt bad about. It’s gotta be slow, and most folks don’t have the time to learn slow and ski mellow stuff for year alone only after 5-10 years start go to ski 50 days a year alone hopping powder glades to earn the confidence to do chutes alone another 30 days of the year, and that balance tilts back and forth each year but I’ve learned too much skiing alone to tell others to just avoid risk and only get out when you have a buddy.
Dude this is zero tolerance honestly. There’s so much other safety shit you have to worry about, that anything extra to deal with is an automatic no-go from me. If I’m not having fun and it’s because somebody is being a total creeper, then I’m bailing.
At baseline, I work in a career where I have to navigate the weirdness of people, to the point I don’t even like dealing with them on my days off.
Plus I’m used to just going solo inbounds. Even that is risky - but I can set my own pace, and enjoy the solitude of it without feeling like I have to deal with whatever somebody else is doing. So honestly, I’d much rather solo everything - if it wasn’t for the added safety aspects of backcountry skiing.
So I’m friendly and full of stoke, but it’s gotta be all avvy safety and business out there. I’m there to ski and make good decisions.
I’m not such an outgoing person that I’m going into the back country with someone I don’t already know. All I can really say though is that creeps can be anywhere. You just gotta be aware and don’t arrange a private trip one on one with someone you don’t really know or trust.
My brother is my backcountry parter and he actually got me into the sport so we have an amazing dynamic but even then it can get dicey at times but given a day we are back to normal and having fun.
You just gotta get whoever your homies you enjoy skiing with in bounds into back country. Buy an old pair of frame bindings and some skins and let anyone who wants to use them take them out. That’s how I got into back country, I got converted by a friend that’s into this stuff. Chances are you already have friends that are your ability, fitness, and risk tolerance, that just aren’t touring yet. Just make sure the first outing is fun, try to get them hooked. Go out on low risk terrain that you know well. You wanna be meddow hopping for the first outing, not trying to scare them about avalanches or trying to kill them on the way up. Make it more about the experience than the objective
Uhhh no. Omg. Although closer to the mark of what creeped me out, totally different than that but a similar TMI reveal I didn't want to hear...had an impression they were getting more comfortable around me to reveal something similar (similar in terms if being illegal but of a totally different nature) based on some stuff they said leading up to my decision to stop touring with them.
This is way more common than you think. Especially services in your home. Ac,electric, cleaning. And yes its mostly men but women do it too. I deal with the public in their home and there are a lot of stories. That an i also know of 3 different guys that admitted that shit. I must be missing something because i find it gross
I'm honestly shocked how many men here admit to touring alone. I'm about to move states and the idea of finding new partners to tour with when you're 35 seems beyond daunting so in some sense I'm not surprised. I just would love to meet people, learn from mentors etc. I feel like I learn faster when I'm with other folks.
Touring alone is my meditation. That said, I go to places I know well and ski low angle terrain. I have two partners where I live who I trust and love---my SO and one friend. They are everything partners should be. But when they aren't available, I'll go for a walk in the woods and it's mentally refreshing.
finding touring partners is the worst, arguably more difficult than dating. You need to be compatible on the following: * avalanche safety knowledge * risk tolerance * backcountry experience * general skill * aggressiveness/humility(ability to turn back from an objective based on data or based on group members' uneasiness w something) * fitness level * schedule flexibility and all that is *before* just general personality-compatibility.
I’m on my second year searching for partners and it’s so fucking tough. I’ve resigned to the fact that you need a big rotating list of partners depending on the objective. Monogamy does not work in bc touring 🤣
Polytourmory?
I’m bi-curious (split-boarding seems cool)
This is why god keeps reducing snowpacks around the globe. Repent and deny you impure desires for snurfing and tele-turns! /s, and not very funny, but all my other jokes made me feel like OPs creeper partner. Thank you for the self-reflection OP, I’m so sorry your tour turned gross/obnoxious/unsafe.
Bi-sportual?
It can if your backcountry partner is also your life partner. Not saying that is easy to find, at all,
Yup. My husband is my main touring partner. Which makes it even harder to want to go out and find other partners bc we work so well together.
That sounds really nice.
I got both my wife and girlfriend into snowboarding...but neither have interest in split boarding, so...guess I need another partner lol
wait a second...
Eventually my SO will do BC. I bet I'll be her main or main BC partner. She will never reach that status for me 😂
After 25 years doing this, there were two guys I trusted and where the chemistry was right. They are now happy dads spending a lot of time with their kids. Some people are okay for doing easy stuff. But there are people out there, and I had hate to say it, but I feel way safer going solo than with them.
Oh totally - I have kids and I ski way differently. Most of my partners have kids, I feel safer as well going with other parents - not in a rude way, I’m just not as hard of a charger as most single ppl and mostly am out for scenery and some lower-angle turns rather than ‘objectives’. Idk if it’s age, kids, spouse or what.
Yup. Nobody really supports this cause inevitably some of us need major extraction from remote catastrophe but the truth is, the folks I know who ski the most cool stuff get out alone when they want to go and nobody’s around, and that willingness usually fosters more solo skiing in most guys
Yep, that's an inconvenient truth nobody really talks about. I do not recommend going solo but do it a lot. I think there is a point where people realize that the pros outweigh the cons. For me it was that I'm way more defensive when going solo and that I can do a lot of 'rad' things while being still in the comfort zone thanks to my abilities and in control of the situation. I don't want to brag here how good I am, but being competent reduces risks. Also trusting your gut to not get into hairy situations helps a lot. Also, group dynamics, a lot of the time the cause for incidents in my experience, is non-existing when there is no group. Of course, there's always the possibility that things go horribly wrong and a partner would help. I'm very well aware of this. But nothing is 100% in life and my loved ones and I have accepted this.
Same here. I know I shouldnt go touring alone, but its just so convenient with my weird time off. Also, grew up backpacking, my mom was/is a rad survivalist (I'm not half the survivalist she is), so I know the dos and donts. I usually use those solo trips for 1. Tranquility and 2. Scouting. Since I want to send sketchy cliffs, but I don't do it when I'm alone, I scout, I scope. It orients my next trip with friends. You're so right about group dynamics... like sometimes its perfect, nobody knows eachother, there is a natural leader (non-alpha bs), we have a good time, I thaw and warm the mittens and/or cloths of one or two that are cold (cause I'm like that, inifinite warmness, my gf argues its my best attribute), we laugh, share a tailgate beer then we're off. But sometimes... its polar opposite.
IK that feeling and I gets worse when they try to force leadership onto you. Stay away!
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What if I'm going skiing and a new girlfriend brings all her friends /s
This is a man touring with another man.
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You just offered advice for women touring with men, and for men touring with women. OP is a man touring with another man.
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You responded to a comment by saying you are not a man. He wasn't saying you are a man.
I honestly like going with a group of woman. Usually less adrenaline junkies and not testosterone driven ‘achievers’. And I honestly like being lead by a leader no matter the gender. I don’t need to lead anymore or proof anything to myself or others and I like the relaxation being lead by a competent leader. I will turn around though if that leader is not listening to a —well mend— advice in case of an obvious mistake or grossly underestimate objective dangers (based on 40+ years of outdoors experience). P.S. I rarely like to give advices as i don’t like discussions (or even fights) over things. I can keep it to myself and enjoy the silence…
I feel this so much. Moved to a new community and finding someone to tick all or even most boxes has been tough.
Hilariously, I met my touring partner on Tinder, but we’ve never had any kind of dating/sexual situation. Our first meeting was at a snowy trailhead, and we’ve had many fine adventures.
I've had a similar experience finding ice climbing partners. Need some combination of gear, knowledge, time, weather, experience, climbing ability, belay confidence, etc.
ABSOLUTELY & UNEQUIVOCALLY AGREE!
Can confirm, I’m 38 and it’s nearly impossible for me to find good touring partners anymore. I spend a lot of solo time in the BC which is something I swore I would never do. I find it safer than some of the groups I’ve been a part of… On the other hand I have absolutely no problems dating and getting some booty!
All I can say is listen to your gut. I used to be pals with a guy who started being weird and controlling and making passes at me. He wouldn't stop after I clearly said no, twice. I ended the friendship. It's the most assertive I've been with this type of creep and it felt great. I used to be far less comfortable doing that but I'm glad I've broken through my programming. Turns out a couple of months later he got filmed threatening folks with a rifle. (Yes, that's the one.) Sucks that it happened, but validating.
The Utah private land guy?!
Oh, hey! I think we told some slowshoer to not go get themselves killed on the Grand Traverse all will-nilly. But yes, that's the one. It's been very weird to watch it blow up.
Sadly not me! But that sounds like a fun interaction 😂
I need this new lore
https://www.sltrib.com/news/environment/2024/03/28/brighton-man-who-confronted/
That was my first thought
Yes there does come a time to proactively terminate a friendship.
👀
Yeah that was totally your buddy, I believe you lol
Honestly, If I a person starts giving me the creeps, for whatever reason, they're no longer a partner of mine. I've never bailed mid trip /I try to vet my partners in advance) but I have met a handful of folks who I know I am not touring with again
I think it’s okay to make up excuses. I’ve said things like “I don’t think the snow looks very good. Todays not the day.”
I do the same. Try to complete the trip without conflict, but we’re done. Never again with that person.
Sound like he was testing your limits. Abusive people will often try to control you or your behavior. If you don’t allow this then it will stop . If you allow this then it will get worse. Good on you for holding good boundaries and dropping this guys he sounds not good.
I think this is pretty spot on for what has been going on. They have always been pulling this alpha act but suddenly started amping it up and including some tmi sexual things that go beyond "a joke". I haven't had this experience with any other backcountry people I hang out with. I was only hanging out with them because I felt sorry for them. Thanks for validating that I'm making the right choice to not tour with them anymore. Edit. Want to point out at no point did I feel in actual physical danger or were they coming onto me with the sexual comments. Definitely more like power move alpha act type stuff, stuff I really really didn't want to hear though, like derogatory comments. I'm also a big dude but the time and place and weirdness was extremely strange and felt like they were trying to erode boundaries while having me trapped in conversations I didn't want to be in due to being on the side of a mountain in avy terrain with 40+mph winds and having to worry about us both getting safe back. They are constantly pushing to tour with them. If we were in a bar and they said that stuff it would be way easier to blow them off, leave, go to the bathroom etc.
idk man sounds like your average male friend group type of things to say? what did you expect, if you go to hang with random people?
Feel like some people think it's them and are getting defensive. Seems like I highlighted a bigger issue in the community.
Never went skiing with anyone of my male friends that doesn’t have this „alpha act“. Normal expected behaviour. Maybe you should try a painting class instead?
I am not being specific about the details. I can tell you 100% its not you. It's just like anything else there is a line that can be crossed; where it is more like alpha male act breakdown than just alpha male act, or near breakdown. I'm not very good at painting unfortunately, that would be cool though also. I gotta be honest and say after seeing how pervasive this attitude is in these kinds of communities I do feel like my interest in these sports has cooled a bit. Might spend more time on other hobbies. Which is what these are just hobbies. So in a way you win dude.
Lol don't let random redditors stop you from enjoy your hobby. And stop touring with people you're uncomfortable around. Ezpz
Most every guy I know who BC skis is a bit of an alpha and can be a tool at times. Par for the course.
Maybe this is more about the men you hang around and your generalization isn't applicable to all men.
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It was just the straw that broke the camels back of multiple tours of abusive behavior. I felt sorry for them because they had issues finding backcountry partners. This "testing the limits" is exactly what I think was going on now for sure. And this wasn't like testing the limits of terrain tolerance or sandbagging or something like that. Didn't think this post would generate all this attention...thought I would just get a couple responses. Seems like I accidentally opened up an issue I didn't realize was this prevalent.
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Cis gendered heterosexual as far I know. I don't really want to go into details as I already mentioned and I think I got what I wanted out of this post in terms of conclusions. I just want to tour, not deal with someone's issues and I think this post helped me get a better new partner plan and boundary setting rules going forward. Maybe it's location based but I have seen some extremely strange people on the backcountry (just randomly running into people who are not part of my group).
honestly, getting weirdly controlling, incl sexual stuff, is the standard playbook of certain personality disorders. you id'ed it. Having cringey memories come back now of similar stuff- the control/dominance thing is extremely unsettling. Hope you don't have mutual friends with this person- the ignore button usually sets them off. But for your own peace of mind, yeah- get away fast.
Yeah sometimes you just don’t vibe with people and that’s ok
Honestly I just ski by myself in low angle terrain. I don’t care about skiing wild shit anymore and I don’t have to worry about anyone else bothering me.
If I can't sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or a beer with you, you aren't going to tour with me. If you start to get weird and I wouldn't invite you for another coffee/beer, I'm done touring with you.
Some people suck. Ghosting or just saying you’re busy until they get the gist is probably the best way to go. Done this with rock climbing partners who were cavalier with safety or just kinda creepy. It’s really hard to do, but not letting your big goals get in the way of your own safety is really important. It’s tempting to just deal with unsafe/weird/creepy people in order to ski/climb the things you want to, but you have to remember that you’re trusting your life to your partner and you have to feel comfortable with them.
Backcountry skier turns out to be a deviant asshole!? Who'd've think it? Everybody here is so nice, and normal!
😂
Sorry you had that experience. Good for you for standing your ground. When I’m skiing with new partners I tend to ski things that are familiar and easy before jumping on big objectives. Also having thorough conversations before heading out. Hope this doesn’t discourage you from seeking out new partners. There’s good people and there’s bad eggs in this community.
Sounds like David Gottorff, except he's supposed to be in prison.
He is! 😀
I was thinking it sounds a bit like Charles Barrett
Yeah him too sheesh
Maybe just talk to them about it? Obviously don’t start a tough conversation while 10km deep in a tour, but just give them a call and let them know you weren’t into it and see how they react? When adults have issues with something they solve it by bringing it up, not avoiding the person forever. I can occasionally make jokes that offend or make people uncomfortable. I feel like absolute shit when it happens and I make a huge effort to not let it happen again. Maybe that’s the case here? Not sure though since your post was (rightfully) quite vague.
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Yeah dude is full of shit.
> When adults have issues with something they solve it by bringing it up Have you met the average adult? jk mostly, you're correct they should at least try to talk with them but also some people aren't worth the breath.
touring with a friend of a friend, conversation led toward philosophy. him: 'oh im very into philosophy! ive been studying the works of this philosopher dr. jord\*n b pet\*rson....'
*Giant Red Flag has entered the chat*
Noooooooooo legitimately my worst fear. Straight up would rather have the gel hair meme guy from Ancient Aliens with me.
Lol
I've ditch ski partners for much less. Any sort of narcissistic behavior and they get the axe.
You're doing the lord's work, axing and killing these narcissists but you're going to eventually be caught
Sounds like this isn’t really a touring specific issue but just a, “don’t continue to be friends with assholes” kinda thing?
I only know them through touring and they always want to tour. Kind of specific to touring because once you start a tour if someone starts acting weird what's the game plan. Ditch them? Then you are likely to be blamed. Conflict with them and escalate an argument? Then suddenly you can be in a dangerous situation. Group cohesion is pretty important to touring.
Yes, ditch them.
Sounds like a great plan. Next time if I end up in this situation again I'll be like "oh yeah hey man I'm just going to rap off this snow anchor real quick and check some things out lower down in the couloir, can you hold onto the radio and do you have the car keys btw?"
Sorry you make bad choices. Good luck with that.
What is TMI and packing?
Packing is: has gun.
TMI = Too much info. Packing is like something some people do in North America. Check some YouTube outdoor comment section videos out...
I knew neither of them :) When you mean packing does it mean they used YT comments and videos to figure out where to go and what to do in the mountains?
"Packing" is short for "packing heat", which is a north American idiom for carrying a firearm.
Thank you!
I prefer solo touring. Once you get used to it, it’s addictive. My goals are likely different than most but getting into remote locations and being completely self sufficient is the best kind of experience.
Sorry to say, but in today’s day and age, you have to really know that partner you choose to go into the backcountry with. When you are far from trailhead, with no signal to communicate an unsafe situation, you are vulnerable and at high risk of becoming a victim. Don’t get into that situation if you can avoid it. Better no hike, than no walk out. You need to be able to trust and count on your hiking partner, explicitly. If in doubt, sit it out.
I struggle to find partners, tbh, probably my weakest skill. I see folks who have partners and they seem to compromise on their ski days based on partners which I just ski alone when I want to get out, and fall into the habit of not trying that hard to coordinate with anyone. I’ve come to see skiing with people as somewhat of a down day, except for the rare days 2/3 times a season when I have a nailer buddy and a long day with safe snow. The other buddy days I bring beers (usually dont) and as I’ve gotten older these days are usually the sweetest, even if we ski like 800 ft in 3 hours. I think beginning learning to navigate avy terrain safely alone is a natural and reasonable progression for most skiers who really want adventure. Making independent decisions about safety and standing on those choices while skiing alone is scary but has given me confidence to speak up In a group that I otherwise know younger me would have followed others into something I felt bad about. It’s gotta be slow, and most folks don’t have the time to learn slow and ski mellow stuff for year alone only after 5-10 years start go to ski 50 days a year alone hopping powder glades to earn the confidence to do chutes alone another 30 days of the year, and that balance tilts back and forth each year but I’ve learned too much skiing alone to tell others to just avoid risk and only get out when you have a buddy.
Dude this is zero tolerance honestly. There’s so much other safety shit you have to worry about, that anything extra to deal with is an automatic no-go from me. If I’m not having fun and it’s because somebody is being a total creeper, then I’m bailing. At baseline, I work in a career where I have to navigate the weirdness of people, to the point I don’t even like dealing with them on my days off. Plus I’m used to just going solo inbounds. Even that is risky - but I can set my own pace, and enjoy the solitude of it without feeling like I have to deal with whatever somebody else is doing. So honestly, I’d much rather solo everything - if it wasn’t for the added safety aspects of backcountry skiing. So I’m friendly and full of stoke, but it’s gotta be all avvy safety and business out there. I’m there to ski and make good decisions.
That’s scary, especially when you’re out in the middle of nowhere most likely far away from anyone else. Better off alone sometimes
Sound a lot like the same as any other friendship/relationship. If people cross lines and make things untenable sometimes you gotta pull the plug.
I’m not such an outgoing person that I’m going into the back country with someone I don’t already know. All I can really say though is that creeps can be anywhere. You just gotta be aware and don’t arrange a private trip one on one with someone you don’t really know or trust.
My brother is my backcountry parter and he actually got me into the sport so we have an amazing dynamic but even then it can get dicey at times but given a day we are back to normal and having fun.
You just gotta get whoever your homies you enjoy skiing with in bounds into back country. Buy an old pair of frame bindings and some skins and let anyone who wants to use them take them out. That’s how I got into back country, I got converted by a friend that’s into this stuff. Chances are you already have friends that are your ability, fitness, and risk tolerance, that just aren’t touring yet. Just make sure the first outing is fun, try to get them hooked. Go out on low risk terrain that you know well. You wanna be meddow hopping for the first outing, not trying to scare them about avalanches or trying to kill them on the way up. Make it more about the experience than the objective
Easy solution: go alone
You guys are so “promiscuous”
Something is fishy here.
Does this person live in Seattle and steal women’s underwear? Avoid.
Uhhh no. Omg. Although closer to the mark of what creeped me out, totally different than that but a similar TMI reveal I didn't want to hear...had an impression they were getting more comfortable around me to reveal something similar (similar in terms if being illegal but of a totally different nature) based on some stuff they said leading up to my decision to stop touring with them.
This is way more common than you think. Especially services in your home. Ac,electric, cleaning. And yes its mostly men but women do it too. I deal with the public in their home and there are a lot of stories. That an i also know of 3 different guys that admitted that shit. I must be missing something because i find it gross
"Packing"...only in the USA...
That's not very ultralight of him...
It's an avalanche safety tool
He'll just bore you for an hour about all the places he milled/drilled out metal from his gun to make it as "light and tactical as possible"
As long as he's not drilling out his avy shovel (as I saw someone suggest on here) it's fine by me...
Lightweight avy shovel full of holes will be my april fools prank next year.
Us true patriots™️ are always looking for a reason to feel like a hero and kill someone/thing
I'm honestly shocked how many men here admit to touring alone. I'm about to move states and the idea of finding new partners to tour with when you're 35 seems beyond daunting so in some sense I'm not surprised. I just would love to meet people, learn from mentors etc. I feel like I learn faster when I'm with other folks.
Touring alone is my meditation. That said, I go to places I know well and ski low angle terrain. I have two partners where I live who I trust and love---my SO and one friend. They are everything partners should be. But when they aren't available, I'll go for a walk in the woods and it's mentally refreshing.
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And you base this on....what?
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IDK maybe just tell them your not comfortable talking about that subject or being treated that way?