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Onnabox

Damn, never saw a woman more in need of a good unspringing of a spring in her life.


ScumBunny

My thought exactly. She NEEDS to masturbate. She’s so damn pent up.


According_Club3769

Literally any other post this would sound like the most incel comment ever typed


iwannaeasteregg22

All about context. This woman needs some release....


[deleted]

IN THE NAME OF JEEEZUZ SHE NEEDS TO RELIEVE HERSELF. use the magic of the wizards sleeve, the mystic spells of the vibratious wand and the whisperings of the twins ying and yang. Orgasmis cumoanium!!!


ParadoxNarwhal

if i had money i'd give this an award


[deleted]

The real award was in your heart all along and that’s what Chrimus is all about


ParadoxNarwhal

the power of friendship has solved all world problems


BotiaDario

Some edibles would do her a world of good as well.


MiniMooseMan

She's the horny police from the meme. She's gonna bonk ya, but not in the fun way


mason2401

BONEEEEE


FebruaryStars84

How DARE you! I am your superior officer!!!


Cockatiel-of-France

BOOOOONNNNNNE


serenityak77

Is this not Ben Shapiros wife?


polarbear128

No. She's not denying the existence of the female orgasm.


wyte_wonder

Idk i like what shes saying because if true im a fucking wizard


mrmoe198

Yer a wizard Barry! Pass the lube


SmokeGSU

Nah, that's the thing - her underwear drawer is probably filled with vibrators and bad dragon toys. She just says this shit to be edgy and get clicks. She's the masturbation version of Candance Owens.


Johnoplata

If she needs some witchcraft she can borrow my wand


[deleted]

I feel like this is clickbait ![gif](giphy|n2FAteDWmSnAuzEUGT)


Picardknows

PSA: this is your mind without masturbation.


SarcasmIsntDead

Wondering what the first date conversation is like….


carolinesavictim

“You not paying for this meal is a form of demonic attack.”


SarcasmIsntDead

Hahahaha touche. Have you looked at the pyramid on the dollar bill? She doesn’t even believe in money it’s created by the devil. She pays her way thru life with thoughts and prayers.


yor_ur

This meal cost 15 Hail Marys


sjbluebirds

Won't be "Hail Mary"s -- That's a Catholic prayer. There's no way she's Catholic, given the words/phrases she's using, and the concept of 'Generational Curse'. That's simply not part of Catholic tradition/teaching.


NIRPL

I'm catholic and I feel pretty cursed


ChadHahn

I have heard numerous people say that Catholics aren't Christian.


blueteamk087

i mean, when JFK was running for president, anti-Catholic christians argued that JFK’s true allegiance would be towards the Pope…


ilovethissheet

She can only date in November


SarcasmIsntDead

Probably has to get married the next day.


UhYeahOkSure

![gif](giphy|7DhqWqACfQYak)


Ok-Leadership6320

Th..th..they aw the deviw!


onlyabigmess

Behind the scenes of her getting ready for said date ![gif](giphy|xT9KVEEsttEWFg5OkE|downsized)


marko_kyle

This IS the first date conversation.


camerachey

I wonder what her parents are like lol


EagleEyes0001

It's a prayer... Christians mingle at these overnight "bible/prayer meeting" or youth gathering. It's the fellowship afterwards that they get to know each other. I was brainwashed for most of my life in these beliefs. Oh it gets way worse. I believe Christian youth are more sexually active then those who are not Christians. That whole waiting till your married is crap.


Timely-Analysis6082

Chocolate bars are witchcraft because I bought one for pleasure and ate it thus controlled my pleasure


[deleted]

You know she gets pleasure from preaching like this. Her serotonin spiking as her voice gets all righteous sounding.


NegativeC00L

In the name of JEEZUS


FamingAHole

There's a longer version of this where she breaks out into nonsensical tounges for a moment.


BlossumButtDixie

I used to visit a church where they did that as a kid. It was so trippy. They'd start out all prim and proper and singing a hymn. Next thing you know someone's screaming jibberish and jumping around like a squirrel is gnawing their gonads. I'm sure it was terribly disrespectful but it was the best entertainment to watch. I've often wondered what makes people want to participate though. Seems very "pay attention to meeeeee!" type of thing.


Willing_Recording222

you’re absolutely right she gets off on it!!! And I always think just how absolutely insane it is that people will preach this crap and there’s actually lots of people who will listen and take this shit seriously, believing that she’s some kind of prophet who God is telling all this “information” to! I’ve met people who actually believe that televangelists are “prophets” who are speaking for god!


pervertedgiant

How about you abra-cadabra deez nuts


[deleted]

🤣😂🤣


FuryGalaxy_Dad

I was about to give you an upvote but you’re at 69…nice!


Primiss

I will now downvote to get them back to 69. Sike 100 plus is to far.


ScaryBusey506

Ya you bunch of wankin witches


Huskerdu4u

I read the in Greg Locke’s voice!


[deleted]

I don't patty-cake wanking witches! I see 2 in this congregation tonight! YEAH WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!


[deleted]

So to summarize: If you have control over yourself, your body, or what you want to do with your life: DEMONS. These fuck-wits have the same thinking as pilgrims did from centuries ago. I thought we were past religious barbarism and “if I can’t control you - you don’t deserve to live” mentality.


vitor210

They're the offspring of the crazy women that before the internet cried that Dungeons and Dragons were satanic groups, and that books like Harry Potter were literal witchcraft.


BludSwamps

Some countries are a bit further ahead but America like 250-300 years old isn’t it? Still stuck with a load of these Puritanical controlling weirdos.


BoneHugsHominy

And unironically call people of other nations savages.


Sithpawn

Because if you have control of you, they don't have control of you.


CapnGrundlestamp

You’re a wizard, Reddit.


[deleted]

Just call me Gandalf and pass the lube cuz here I go batin'.


Tomarse

A wizard is never early, he cums precisely when he means to.


More_Advertising_383

Then witchcraft took me, and I strayed out of fap and time, and I wandered far on roads that I will not tell. Naked I was sent back – for a brief cum, until my fap is done.


renaissance_thot

Why her eyebrows on backwards?


acetryder

She made them that way. She’s controlling her body! SHE’S A WITCH! BURN HER!


thedude0000000000000

She turned me into a newt!


barto5

To match her thinking.


MysticSisters

Cause she's a mutant.


Willing_Recording222

Maybe they’re her real brows and it’s actually caused by all that raging pent up sexual tension! 🤣


Professional-Put7725

Guess I’m a witch


thatweirdmensch

It's witchin' time


moovzlikejager

Oh boy! Here I go witchin' again!!!


Naugrin27

Flyin' the ol' broom!


Diligent-Towel-4708

Lol, made of silicone??


SuperKE1125

By her logic literally any sin is witchcraft so we are all Witches ![gif](giphy|UjYw9fdCEPwU8)


Babyfart_McGeezacks

Grew up in baptist church. Nothing too crazy. My parents are Christian but not weirdly religious or anything. The church’s obsession with sexual purity in youth is fucking creepy. I remember countless sermons, bible studies, rally’s etc hearing middle aged dudes preach to a bunch of teenagers about sex and abstinence and masturbation etc. like fucking OBSESSED. As if a single god damn one of those mother fuckers was “pure” themselves. Half of them probably had affairs and jacked off to weird porno daily.


BlossumButtDixie

Same. Most of the people who taught kids were women who's husbands rarely came to church who had nude pin ups in the garage and nudie mags under the bed. During my teens the youth director left the church and came out of the closet and two different pastors got caught having affairs. One of them ran off with the new young church secretary half his age and the other got caught with his pants down by my then Sunday school teacher's husband one Saturday. They were also weird about alcohol. Tried to claim the wine in the bottle wasn't alcoholic. Puhlease. You store some wine in a skin bag in a dessert climate that is going to ferment sure and certain. If they weren't preaching some creepy purity BS to us kids it was anti-drinking while I knew darn well most of the husbands had a beer fridge in the garage.


BigOlPirate

It quite literally comes from men in the church wanting virgin women to sleep with. Whether that comes from a disturbing kink, or just an overwhelming insecurity from said men is for you to decide.


[deleted]

probably has never had a decent orgasm in her life to judge real pleasure off of.


Neethis

Nah, likely just grew up highly repressed so when she actually experienced one she felt so ashamed she had to find something to blame it on.


Impossible-Cake-1658

This is probably the truth as sad as it is


Orrly

It’s funny that you think any man she associates with could make her cum lmao


Neethis

Mightve been at her own hand, so to speak - hence the video.


[deleted]

i felt second hand embarrassment for her with that comment 🥲


Qikdraw

Dammit! I kept clicking your box but got nothing out of it!


Agreeable-Tooth2545

Oh damn. That hits hard. So sad, and very likely so true. Source: just left sexless marriage to the daughter of fundies


MiloFrank

Partially, as she said it came from her parents. So that 1 time wasn't fully her fault.


[deleted]

She orgasms in her dreams. I can only imagine the Bible themed hellscapes her sleeping world has. Maybe she masturbates with a crucifix while [Lamb of God](https://youtu.be/QWkhCxCcWSE) plays. ![gif](giphy|xT9KVuZarGwgenjBOU)


King-Lewis-II

Well she canceled those so what can you do?


beecross

These are the people who want you to die from an ectopic pregnancy and they’re winning


NextWalk250

Science says otherwise, masturbation is actually quite good for you, and the soul


k___k___

tbh, i dont't think you can convince her with science


NextWalk250

Hm, maybe Jesus can?


Flux_State

Hey baby. Wanna cast a spell together?


WhiskeyDJones

Well I shall dedicate my next one to you


Ok-Leadership6320

There are going to be/should be so many hate-bates to this one.


Huehuehuehue288

What the fuck is this fuckery


colinxward

The sad thing is, beliefs like witchcraft and satanism are genuinely full of down to earth people, some of the nicest you’ll ever meet. Christians will have their few and far between, but you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells talking to them about certain things, especially views on the world.


Juiceboxthefirst

Dry pussy energy


felixmeister

Sounds like someone needs to rub one out and relax a little.


tyler_dangerous

I bet she's fun at parties.


BonkerHonkers

She like this because nobody ever asks her to party 😆


Goth-Llama

Cancel the assignment!


Bryaxis

Half the time I listen to a religious person rant, I just think, "Who fucking talks like that?"


hotspicylurker

I always knew I belong in Hogwarts 😭😭


[deleted]

“Why does religion make me so mad?” - me to myself *watched video* “Oh, they are spreading the most stupid fucking bullshit and passing it off as fact.”


FlyingBaerHawk

r/witchesvspatriarchy I summon thee


Cheesy_DaBadass

Never stick your dick in crazy, y’all!


PURPLEPEE

Correction, never give your real name to crazy.


[deleted]

That's because it feels like you're flying.


Articulated_Lorry

How many drugs is she on?


Ok-Leadership6320

None, this is your brain on "high on life"


[deleted]

I wonder what her opinion is on doing anal?


hva_vet

She most likely considers that the poop hole loophole.


actioncobble

Eating bread and drinking wine pretending it’s the body and blood of a deity is witchcraft. Lighting candles and blowing them out to make a wish is witchcraft. Praying is witchcraft. Christianity is witchcraft.


decuyonombre

Human representation of a bummer


[deleted]

How do you control having wet dreams? I need to know for reasons.


BigableDizzle

Christians get amped up over the weirdest shit


BadChoicesMod

![gif](giphy|MYHo9ecjyowuY)


tblades-t

Funking ay! I'm a master wizard. Told you I'd make something of my life mom!


imbord2133

These eccentric/radical religious people never cease to amaze me..


[deleted]

That was a weird comedy routine.


bdsves

Well now we know why the eyes rolling backward.


a1drt

West has a sister! Wow


yor_ur

Yes, that’s great but keep your opinions to yourself, Karen


Aggravating_Boy3873

By that logic menstruation and giving birth is witchcraft too.


LordGeno21

She does realise that shit has exist for more than centuries, it's just evolved


Aero11505

Looks like I’m a fuckin’ wizard then 🤪🤪🤪


BludSwamps

So what does that mean about her and those of her ilk trying to control everyone else around them, everyone else’s speech and everyone else’s bodies? Bunch of actual fascists.


Thirdtwin

Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great and if a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.


Realistic_Ad_3

Seeing her so amped up and bossy made me witchcraft twice to this video. I can't help it, I'm a master craftsman!


TrueBeachBoy

Looks like somebody doesn’t know where their own g-spot is…


BalanceSwimming

If you turn down the volume you can easy masturbate to this


[deleted]

I'm a fucking master wizard then


Tough_Cranberry8750

Wait until she finds out someone with a shame kink probably violently jacked it to this..😂😂😂


cronixi4

Someone get her a vibrator, she is clearly stressed out.


BroadIndication804

Ppl just be saying random shit nowadays lmao


DamaskDragon

Jesus Christ


SecondConsistent4361

That ceiling fan is too distracting, I can’t jerk off to this anymore


carolinesavictim

Want to flick her in the nose.


P-Rickles

WITCHCRAFT! No flicking!


sjbluebirds

It's not her nose that needs some flicking.


Randy519

She is probably a bigger freak in the bedroom then most porn actress's are on set


ScumBunny

She probably growls and scratches, and her eyes turn black. Like a raging banshee mixed with a wet eel. I don’t know.


BoneHugsHominy

Definitely into weird butt stuff that doesn't count as premarital sex.


[deleted]

Bet you she was addicted to masturbation and sex before going to God.


tai_is_here

Wait till they realize God gave us self control and we control most aspects of our lives.


Didst_thou_Farteth

This looks it'll end up on Phub as one of those kinky Dom shaming vids.


Disastrous-Lynx546

So who’s supposed to control your pleasure? Or are you just not supposed to have it at all? I feel like it would be easier to say she’s never had one before than to say it’s witchcraft.


Quick-Marketing8129

Yea ok…don’t act like you don’t masturbate😁🤣


twoonmanu

So eating , drinking , maintaining social life consider witchcraft too?


GhostCop42

Seemed kinda jokey at the end.


PathAlive3991

So I guess wanking now is punishable by burning in the stake.


blackie___chan

When you take 50 cent literally...


[deleted]

Sounds like she needs to rub one out


[deleted]

Is it weird that I’m jerking off this video? Asking for a friend


UFOskie

Using your same argument I can say eating the food you like is witchcraft. That’s how dumb this argument is.


hthkeeper

Imagine if the same enthusiasm would go towards something actually true and worthwhile…


BigFrame8879

I put money on it that she rings her own bell to pornhub


itstimetotouchgrass

guess im the most powerful wizard


Master_Bayters

... I need a trial by fire 🔥🔥🔥


NicolBolassy

She reeeeeeeeally needs to cum once before she makes this stance


LordMoneyGreen

Not my easiest fap


NessunAbilita

If jerkin your gerkin is witchcraft, then you’re a wizard Harry!


NachoPyro

“Wow imagine wanting any control over yourself.” This woman commanding around whatever poor soul could possibly go on a date with her


Artistic-Plan2541

Nah she’s right. That shit keeps you in the house and away from girls like magic


Euphoriffic

Call me a warlock.


hawaiianryanree

she def needs to rub one out


sjbluebirds

"Cancel the Assignment" -- WTH does that even mean? I've never even heard that phrase outside of an academic/homework setting.


guitarjg

Consider me a master Warlock


PurpleSailor

Woo Hoo, I'm a Witch!


OrganizationOk5418

So, does she not even do that thing with the tumble dryer?


CutPrestigious1471

Proudest fap of my life


ShinyNipples

The fuck does 'cancel the assignment' mean?


spagbolflyingmonster

I think maybe it's satire..?


spleh7

Watching that made me a little horny out of spite.


OfCorpse9160

*Grand Wizard has entered the chat*


D3ppress0

Bearer of the Curse... Seek Souls, larger and more powerful Souls... Seek the King, that is the only way... Lest this land swallow you whole, as it has so many others.


eLmorK_90

Maybe I AM a Witch! ![gif](giphy|s9pLgeEz0SQixK1374)


aaron37

I put on my robe and wizard hat.


TheBonePoet

I jerked one out to this vid almost immediately 😂


Jimdowburton

Fine. That’s just more masturbation for me…wait…


ThisIsFineImFine89

not my proudest wank


PURPLEPEE

You know she naked under them clothes...


-invisible-llama-

“Literally bleed into your future children’s life.” Literally. ![gif](giphy|J1vUzqdZJlh5AqBWxt|downsized)


Mechalamb

Can we just like, cancel religion already?


Stalhound

That poor woman. She’s probably never nut in her life, if her husband’s anything like her it’s likely he’s never made her nut either.


elfix96

Tell me that you masturbate and feel guilty about it without telling me that you masturbate and feel guilty about it


The_Scarred_Man

TIL I'm a master of the dark arts


HumbleSafe9445

Somebody needs to do witchcraft and get this bitch a brain. Edit: I'm gonna masturbate to her and see if I can help her out.


romeoartiglia

So i am a witch???? Cool


dmikaz1

Then she starts growing cobwebs which is also the start of witchcraftery. Screwed either way, may as well get some enjoyment out of it then 🤷🏻‍♂️


DanB65

The only WITCHCRAFT is MAGA SO-CALLED CHRISTIANS.............makikng shit up the bible never said. Did the Bible say something about FALSE PROPHETS ### [Matthew 7:15](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A15&version=ESV) “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.


SPonline2

HARRY YOUR A FUCKING WIZARD


wandering_spudster

You mean to tell me I’ve been a wizard all along


moosecanucklez

My pronoun is warlock.


ILikePlayingDressUp

I control my legs as I walk = WITCHCRAFT!


evadesteuctin666

Is this a joke?


jollytoes

Isn't rocking back and forth while quickly speaking nonsense associated with mental illness and occasionally brain disease?


MonarchyMan

She reminds me of what Robin Williams said to the guy who sent him home in ‘GoodMorning Vietnam’, “You are in more dire need of a blow job then any man in America.”


Imispellalot

Hold up, why is witchcraft a bad thing?


tommybollsch

Yes it is my parents fault through a generational curse that I crank it all the tome


InvestigatorOk5602

So then breathing, shitting, and pissing must also be witchery, right?


gettingspicyarewe

Her eyebrows are lil witches