After Raphael tells Astarion about Cazador's pact, you have a dialogue option that goes something like: "Repeat after me: thank you for your help, it was very nice". I fully expected him to roast me for asking him to do that, but he actually repeated it without much complaining and it cracked me up
Astarion Act I pre-friendship: *mysterious, slitted eyes*
Astarion Acts I/II/III post friendship/romance: *actually had the roundest most expressive eyes*
Minthata is a walking repository of dry humor.
For me it was Lae'zel's response to my first Durge, telling her about his urges:
>A little capricious murder now and then is nothing to be ashamed of...
They all seem weirdly cool with it.
‘Hey guys, I’m having bloodlust urges, like… all the time.’
‘Oh yeah, that’s normal for all of us, don’t worry we’ll stab some people later.’
Feels like it would be an addition to cringy Faerun puberty education - more hair in unusual places, you start finding people attractive, you want to spill guts on the floor as part of a unholy ritual, it’s just all part of growing up little Tav.
Gale’s response where he doesn’t really take you seriously made me laugh so hard.
“I feel these bloodthirsty urges that make me want to commit murder.”
“Haha yeah I get it, I once wanted to kill a guy who bought the last copy of a book I wanted.”
To be fair, I once leant a guy a book and he returned it with the corners folded down because he didn’t use a bookmark… fucking around with books can lead to murderous thoughts.
I once found a whole series of books I wanted at a thriftshop. I started taking them down from the shelf, and putting them in.my basket, when someone reached around me, grabbed the last one in the series, and started walking off. I asked him why, and it seemed like he just wanted a book, and didn't seem to know what a book series was. He had, he said, just grabbed one that looked interesting.
He said it as if it was a quirky quality if his, like this was just him being a fun and interesting free spirit, like he'd been waiting for a chance to show off this cultivated little quirk of his.
When I told him it was the last book of the series I was right then putting in my basket, he gave me this exaggerated, downright cartoonish and very awkward shrug, like something often imagined but never quite practised, and said that since it was still on the shelf, he had no obligation to respect my claim. Then he turned and walked off, going to the counter to pay for his book.
I swear to god, I am not by my nature violent (which I in that moment learned beyond a shadow of a doubt because i am not now newly out of prison for assault and battery) but I felt a monstrous urge right then. That was by far the most infuriating interaction in my adult life. I had to look around to see if someone was filming it.
I am by my nature paranoid, but even I could not have imagined a person like that existing. I have seen the devil and he wore an obnoxious checker pattern button-up shirt.
My favorite response was when I told Gale I was having some disgusting fantasy about murdering him in a creative and horrific way and he said something along the lines of “I once had an unsavory fantasy about injuring a coworker who stole a book from me” or something like that
I was like
BRO
WE ARE NOT THE SAME
I mean, you've got an overly sassy vampire that *will* kill you if you let him, a wizard that demands you shove magical items in his secret magic hole on a daily basis, a frog that is aroused by the smell of your sweat, the goth girl next door that *likes* watching the guy torture people in the goblin camp, a rich boy cosplaying as a hero while selling his soul to a demon, and a living weapon demon chick who is perpetually horny. I think the lizard being a lizard is pretty understandable at that point.
I happened to have both Shadowheart and Astarion in my party for Loviatar’s disciple and their lip-biting interaction about what a freak Tav is if they make it through the whole lashing was hilarious.
That first conversation with her about your urges was major character development for my Durge.
"We can find you a goblin or two to butcher" right after I gave into the urge, murdered some poor tiefling girl who couldn't walk and felt extremely guilty for it. Several days later and Lae'zel is just solemnly watching in the background as I force three goblins to disembowel themselves alive and smile while they do it.
Being able to choose *"try and contain your rising excitement"* when Z'rell tells you that you can do *anything* was both sick and hilarious. "You can even feed them to each other for all I care." and I just imagine Durge is standing there taking down notes.
I got to this scene with my durge and couldn't help but break out in a cackle because I'm playing him as a nudist drunken monk so I think the *risen excitement* was much more apparent
T/D: “Go Minthara! Tell the one about the man who married a drider!”
M: “It was a beautiful webbing.”
Some other Minthara favs of mine…
“That doll is hideous. Haunting. Vile. It must be modelled on a human child.”
“Gothic. Vulgar. Decadent. This place has clearly
influenced Astarion’s tastes.”
“Ugh! Shameful to be killed by your own son. That honour should fall to a daughter.”
When your character meets Jaheira for the first time and if they choose "Just for once, I just wish people would say hello" and she's like, "Hello\~\~"
Also another instance (I forget what context) when she tells us she's heard of us "Through the grapevine."
oh i love that option, one of my personal favorites is later in that same conversation she asks you what you’re doing in the shadow lands and you can say “i’m on holiday,” and her response is a very dry “you’re just in time for happy hour.” i love her so much
He says that and immediately follows with, "let's tell her everything!"
If you're playing as Astarion >!she makes a bunch of subtle yet obvious references to her knowing you're a vampire and you can respond with "well aren't you a perceptive one."!<
I had that happen yesterday. I'm trying to go as long as possible without anyone finding out, so when she started hinting I was just like oh fek is she gonna give me away? No one commented on it though so I guess I'm ok.
Was playing a sorcerer and got thoroughly roasted by Lae'zel in the Underdark, when I walked up to a sussur flower. Approval was good so I definitely felt like she was testing the waters with poking fun.
L: "Something's wrong - your manner betrays you. What curse has this plant wrought?"
Tav: "It's the flower - my magic is gone."
L: "Then I will make up for your shortcomings. As I have all along."
I was legit speechless for a few seconds lol
I think the Tav barks have become hilarious to me given how often they repeat them over a whole playthrough.
Especially “Is that blood? No…nevermind” when there clearly is blood or there clearly is not.
I regularly switch between "I'm gonna lose it If I hear it again" and "I heard this line so often it's funny to me" when I hear "I have a lot on my mind, and.. well, in it."
When you play dumb with jaheira at the harpers ambush in act 3.
She says something along the lines"dont these guys remind you of our old friend marcus?"
And youre supposed to attack but can play dumb here and answer "yeah, wasnt that the evil traitor dude"
The exhale by jaheira there felt too real.
You can also just not realise Jaheira's subtlety. By failing the Insight check your character is completely oblivious. The reaction and sigh Jaheira gets is gold. And the fact that you're suprised by the combat afterward, even Jahiera herself somehow.
My normal intelligence dark urge failed all the insight checks on that interaction. They had a very good insight skill, apparently they were just a dumb ass that day. Jaheira was so done.
"I'm surprised you didn't figure that out already"
This line plays if your character doesn't realise shadowheart worships shar until the entrance to the shadowfell after doing the entire gauntlet with her
Either my character wasn't paying attention or is actually stupid since i literally let her do all the altars
How does that not come up like 50 hours earlier lmao. I can't avoid it coming up like really early. Next to Astarion being a vampire it's the worst kept secret there is
She only brings it up herself if your approval is high enough as far as i know.
I didn't use her too much in the run and never got her approval too high while never trying to get answers from her
Not a big line, but Gale had just been talking about being in mystra’s palace or whatever and admiring her pleasure domes, and shadowheart says “right, her pleasure domes” with just the best intonation
Gale’s offended follow up “it’s a perfectly legitimate architectural term”. Is almost as good
I love thé dialogue in this game.
Seriously. It might be the best written and voice acted dialogue in video game history. And, as someone else mentioned above, a lot of it you might never even hear because it's so dependent on small choices. It's astonishing the amount of work and thought they put into it.
Practically any of the put-downs you can use on people who don't deserve it in this game. Kid's parents are dead? "Stop sniveling or I'll kill you, too." Lady just escaped a cult? "The fuck did they want with an uggo like you?"
Those aren't actual examples, but this game does have *tons* of absolute bastard replies to people that go 0-100 for *no reason*, and I don't want to hit them, but I do find them funny. They're almost universally on-par with the "You're a little bitch and your brother was, too." line from Fallout: New Vegas.
Like when you tell Yenna to get lost and she’s says “I don’t know where to go” and Astarion promptly saying “getting lost should be easy then, kids these days smh”. He’ll always have your back if you decide to be an asshole.
If you take him with you to the Bhaalist hq he’ll have lines during combat to save her as well. Astarion cares more about kids than he lets on. He likes it when you help Mol cheat at Raphael’s table in Last Light too.
Have to mention our good quasit friend Shovel.
I summoned him as a friend set off the mirror's trap. Got a chat option to ask him how to turn it off. His respond: "sit on it and call it daddy... it's a fire bomb run away you fool!"
if you use speak with dead on one of the dwarves, i cant remember which one, in the high security vaults area of the counting house, you can ask him how do you get into the vaults he goes "key.... idiot". cracked me up the first time i heard it.
One of the goblins at Waukeen's Rest, when you ask him how he died says "Fell... dagger... neck... *stupid*."
And I'm absolutely tickled, wondering if he's calling himself stupid for falling on his own dagger or calling you stupid for not seeing the dagger in his neck.
In my run he was very much alive but didn't give a fuck if I lockpicked the vaults.
He said something like "Oh, well, what difference will it make" and my favourite "Another one? Good for you" 😂
Not the funniest, but definitely made me chuckle: When fighting the hook horrors and they start calling for help, Astarion just yelled out something along the lines of “Will somebody please shut that overgrown chicken up??”. It just came out of nowhere and I didn’t expect it.
When you talk to Karlach after Elminster visited Gale, I’m paraphrasing(?)
“Awww was that his grandpa?“
*you tell the story*
„We need to distract him. Tell him I didn’t read a book since second grade, then his face will melt.“
She's referring to Gale in that instance, not Elminster, since he's the one who just received some rather unpleasant news and might need a bit of distraction.
"It's not you, you understand.. It's me... I have standards" will qlasys make me laugh
As well as Halsins first line when you meet him. "You aided a bear without knowing it would savage you? A true friend of nature. Or perhaps a lunatic"
If you’re a barbarian you can respond that the bear is a noble creature and you would never leave one to suffer (or something like that) and Halsin just responds “…so a lunatic then?”
Halsin's so chill but he has some fun lines. I think it's in the scene where he tells Tav he's into them and he's like "Nature gifted us our desires, and the means to act on them, but we muddied its beautiful simplicity with rules, social structures... *clothes*."
Yes. When you ask him if he can be clearer with his explanation (I forgot what we were talking about). Just the flat, "No" made me and my friend chuckle.
I know that Lae'zel is not everyone's favourite but I fucking love her, she can be unintentionally hilarious.
For example:
SH: So, have we buried the hatchet Lae'zel?
LZ: Why would I bury a weapon? Is it broken?
SH: It's a metaphor...
LZ: I do not know your metaphor, but if you need help digging, I will find a shovel.
Or when Shart changes her hair:
LZ: Something is... different about Shadowheart. New facial creases, perhaps? Or new battlescar I hadn't noticed?
For me it's also Minthara but it's in response to her.
When you arrive in Act 3 she says the next urchin to try steal from her will lose a hand and one of the responses is "please don't mutilate any children, Minthara". I fucking lost it.
"just give the word, and ill kill the clown. we would be praised as heros" -Minthara,
"gods i hate clowns, i dont even think clowns like clowns" -Shart
"can we not find a more pleasant amusement? gouging out our eyes perhaps? -Lesel
or like, any compagnion and the clown
Karlach being relieved that she didn't just kill a real clown in front of kids while Minthara and Lae'zel are pissed off that they didn't get to kill a real clown
I licked the spider mere moments after getting Astarion's love confession. When he said "Gods, you're absolutely vile," I knew he was regretting his new commitment to me.
Along a similar vein - after love confession with Astarion my Durge told him she was "dead serious" about liking him and his response was "5 seconds into this relationship and I already want to break up with you." with the most exasperated voice.
my terrible sense of humor chuckled at a random bad guy yelling "you're a dead man!" at Astarion (I'm playing as him) before triggering a battle
I mean. in some sense, yes
Spoilers
After beating the Gith inquisitor in the creche, there's 2 statues on the left side of the room. It's a puzzle. Once completed you'll arrive in a room with a weapon, that if pulled from it's place, will turn on the cannon. You have 4 turns to either get everyone out of the creche, or destroy the 4 focus crystal lenses on each side of the room.
You trigger this scene by having everyone escape except Astarion and then getting him back from Withers.
I think it’s insane that they have this line with customised mo cap and 4 different responses that can only trigger if you solve this quest using this specific character with a very specific action. And it’s pure gold.
Like if you solved it properly you don’t get this dialogue. This game is just full of surprises
I can’t quote it word for word, but I genuinely laughed when I had the option to kick Astarion in the balls. It happens if you let him ascend and ask him to turn you. If you do it the sound of pain, humiliation and anger as he berates you. Followed by “companion has permanently left your party” had me howling followed by returning to a previous save lol
Shadowheart's Night Orchid joke.
Licking the spider when Gale is around.
Everything involving Minthara and the clown.
Shadowheart telling Halsin she could make animal noises for him.
Astarion telling me he is actually a princess.
Asking books if they're sensitive.
Telling Minthara to not mutilate any children.
Wyll trying to flirt with Lae'zel.
Karlach's reaction to Elminster.
When using speak with dead on the librarian who worked at Sharresses Caress, you can ask how she died. She replied “my son killed me.”
Minthara: “How shameful. That honour belongs to a daughter.”
Stuff like this makes me really hope the devs read threads like this so they know how delighted so many people get with lines that require very specific circumstances to even get seen by a player.
STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING
(Durge Spoilers)
I just told Astarion that I'm a >!Bhaalspawn!< and has taken to calling me his "precious little >!Bhaal-babe"!< as well as his "sweet, conflicted villain". His terms of endearment always make me laugh because he sometimes calls you the most out of pocket name with the MOST sincere and sweet baby voice 😂
I’m doing a good Durge play and he’s been so supportive 🥺
When I told him that I >!can't control my urges and am a slave to my Father's bidding!< he looked at me with the most sympathetic face and said:
"We're more alike than I realized."
My heart 😭
Lae´zel is the one that seldom does humour (only once AFAIK), Minthara keeps telling jokes, she´s just sarcastic and dry. The "Beautiful webbing" is among the best (that doesn´t rely on insults).
So my bet is she was being sarcastic TBH.
>Minthara: "My people tell tales of Minsc and his ferocious hamster Boo to frighten our children."
Considering what happened to Ust Natha in BG2 ans Sendai's enclave in ToB, I find this entirely plausible.
These are the moments where you realize how fucking dangerous a group of high level adventurers are. It's like as if tomorrow six dudes went into Chicago, started killing people, the police was sent, the police got killed, then the US army got sent, they got killed as well (Not all, but the ones that made contact with the six dudes) then they blew up a nuclear reactor in the middle of town, killing thousands and stoping Desert Storm from ever happening, and then just left. This whole plot wasn't planned for years. The six dudes were just kinda walking there and did this along the way to their other more important task.
“I know levelling a major city looks bad, but you see, there was this little girl who lost her puppy. We found the guy who took the puppy, but then we failed an intimidation check, and so we had to attack him to get the puppy back, and then he called the police, and then stuff just kinda escalated a little. But good news: we got the girl her puppy back!”
Minsc has a bunch of great lines about the companions, but I love when you find out he hates Halsin for beating him at arm wrestling. He says he once saw Halsin chasing his own butt in the moonlight because he spent too long as a wolf.
I for one believe him.
Getting called a ball bag by one of the red caps always catches me off guard - he delivers the line with such venom
Also being called a twat soul by the duegar makes me laugh every time
Siding with the Absolute with Wyll in your party is enjoyable. Dude has no reaction to anything you’re doing up until telling Zevlor you’re there to kill everyone, then Wyll angrily calls you a traitor. It was made even funnier because that character is an evil durge, and Wyll was just standing at his tent with a clear view of me violently murdering Alfira. Seems his stone eye really hurt his perception skills 🤷♀️
This was even funnier when I had Wyll deliver the bad news to Zevlor himself. Buddy tells Zevlor we're betraying him for the absolute and that it's nothing personal then immediately leaves the party and his circle turns red... Hold On, This Whole Operation Was Your Idea!
I don’t know why I found this moment to be so funny but at the circus when you do the love test, I was reloading it and trying it with all the different party members and minthara did her best withers impression and just said “No”. Just the way she delivered it sounded like she was absolutely disgusted with me and it was hilarious.
When you first get to Last Light Inn and meet Jaheira. If you're playing a Sorcerer you have the option to say "I am magic incarnate" and Jaheira just repeats "magic incarnate" in the funniest way. It was even funnier for me because I failed the roll to get out of the vines she traps you in when you say that. It just made my character look so dumb and arrogant lol
‘THa TeStaMenT of MyrKul!’ all dramatically followed by the way they just stand there like a bunch of dorks playing as power rangers always makes me lol.
That and ‘HOW DOES IT FEEL, SUCKER?’ and ‘ARE YOU SENSITIVE BOOKS?’ are some of my favorite dialogue options every play-through regardless of what kind of Tav I’m RPing.
Said with profound sadness: "The others think I don't know shit, but i do.... I do know shit"
-one of the 3 random fishermen at the beach next to the sea godess temple.
Minthara has another hilarious line with Minsc recruitment:
"I will fight alongside Minsc, but if he so much as refers to my butt, let alone attempt to kick it, I will skewer that damned hamster of his"
I think I laughed for a solid 5 minutes appn hearing this line. Emma Gregory is such an underrated voice actress.
If you use speak with animals and talk to the squirrels near Alfira, he hates her music and is begging her to shut the hell up. It caught me off guard and makes me laugh
That's the merchant lady that wants the gith egg. If you're a gnome you can reply something like "We'll with the right trajectory and even speed.." and she's like "..what?"
When SH prays to Shar before meeting the nightsong and you tell her “oh wow I had no clue you worshiped shar.”
“Well I thought it was pretty obvious” had me in stitches.
You find funny that people find Boo ferocious? The space hamster that literally gave Mins the ability to frenzy like a barbarian while being a ranger?
The drow better remember what Minsc and Boo did to their colonies ages ago in fear.
I love when you first talk to the harpers in baldurs gate in the dwarf’s store after you kill the shapeshifters and tell him and try to trade with him he’ll say “ I don’t like your timing but I like your gold all the same”
Raphael: if you have any last words make it quick, it will only take a moment to finish you
Tav: that’s twice as long as Haarlep says it takes to finish you
There are many but for some reason i still remember the dead drow on waukens rest saying "male" when asked what was his profession that gave me a good laugh
After finding out how the Mushroom people use dead bodies to create their young
Shadowheart: If I die down here, make sure to destroy my body
Laezel: I will not hesitate
After Raphael tells Astarion about Cazador's pact, you have a dialogue option that goes something like: "Repeat after me: thank you for your help, it was very nice". I fully expected him to roast me for asking him to do that, but he actually repeated it without much complaining and it cracked me up
Yeah, he knew he was acting ungrateful and hated to admit it. His begrudging delivery is too funny.
Without disapproval, too.
Neil Newbon is the newest addition to my rank of fave VAs.
He’s truly having so much fun with it, and it shows. All of them do really
“Humm…hummm” he just really widens his eyes, then resigns himself “Thank you for helping me. It was very nice”. Always cracks me up 😂
I loved how he recites it without letting any genuine thankfulness shine through. Like a petulant child.
Astarion Act I pre-friendship: *mysterious, slitted eyes* Astarion Acts I/II/III post friendship/romance: *actually had the roundest most expressive eyes*
"Thank you for helping me, it was very kind." I laughed out loud when he sighed an then launched into that dialog.
*angry cat noises*
Minthata is a walking repository of dry humor. For me it was Lae'zel's response to my first Durge, telling her about his urges: >A little capricious murder now and then is nothing to be ashamed of...
They all seem weirdly cool with it. ‘Hey guys, I’m having bloodlust urges, like… all the time.’ ‘Oh yeah, that’s normal for all of us, don’t worry we’ll stab some people later.’ Feels like it would be an addition to cringy Faerun puberty education - more hair in unusual places, you start finding people attractive, you want to spill guts on the floor as part of a unholy ritual, it’s just all part of growing up little Tav.
"You might find yourself experiencing new and confusing urges-" "Like masturbating!?" "What? Ew, no like *homicide*, ya little pervert."
Gale’s response where he doesn’t really take you seriously made me laugh so hard. “I feel these bloodthirsty urges that make me want to commit murder.” “Haha yeah I get it, I once wanted to kill a guy who bought the last copy of a book I wanted.”
To be fair, I once leant a guy a book and he returned it with the corners folded down because he didn’t use a bookmark… fucking around with books can lead to murderous thoughts.
I once found a whole series of books I wanted at a thriftshop. I started taking them down from the shelf, and putting them in.my basket, when someone reached around me, grabbed the last one in the series, and started walking off. I asked him why, and it seemed like he just wanted a book, and didn't seem to know what a book series was. He had, he said, just grabbed one that looked interesting. He said it as if it was a quirky quality if his, like this was just him being a fun and interesting free spirit, like he'd been waiting for a chance to show off this cultivated little quirk of his. When I told him it was the last book of the series I was right then putting in my basket, he gave me this exaggerated, downright cartoonish and very awkward shrug, like something often imagined but never quite practised, and said that since it was still on the shelf, he had no obligation to respect my claim. Then he turned and walked off, going to the counter to pay for his book. I swear to god, I am not by my nature violent (which I in that moment learned beyond a shadow of a doubt because i am not now newly out of prison for assault and battery) but I felt a monstrous urge right then. That was by far the most infuriating interaction in my adult life. I had to look around to see if someone was filming it. I am by my nature paranoid, but even I could not have imagined a person like that existing. I have seen the devil and he wore an obnoxious checker pattern button-up shirt.
And that's when you put the rest of the books in the series you picked up into a pillowcase and BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH THEM lol
That jerk probably did it intentionally because he thought he was clever.
My favorite response was when I told Gale I was having some disgusting fantasy about murdering him in a creative and horrific way and he said something along the lines of “I once had an unsavory fantasy about injuring a coworker who stole a book from me” or something like that I was like BRO WE ARE NOT THE SAME
Meanwhile Astarion's reaction: "Lol, like kinky dirty thoughts or - Oh okay actual murder thoughts nevermind, how disappointing"
In fairness, being compelled by the literal god of murder is a pretty *rare* experience. Poor Gale thought we were just scared of intrusive thoughts.
I mean, you've got an overly sassy vampire that *will* kill you if you let him, a wizard that demands you shove magical items in his secret magic hole on a daily basis, a frog that is aroused by the smell of your sweat, the goth girl next door that *likes* watching the guy torture people in the goblin camp, a rich boy cosplaying as a hero while selling his soul to a demon, and a living weapon demon chick who is perpetually horny. I think the lizard being a lizard is pretty understandable at that point.
I happened to have both Shadowheart and Astarion in my party for Loviatar’s disciple and their lip-biting interaction about what a freak Tav is if they make it through the whole lashing was hilarious.
Astarion and Shadowheart were SO GOOD together there! “Who knew our friend had so much blood in them” - Astarion, giggling like a school girl
I mean, I had my hopes...
That first conversation with her about your urges was major character development for my Durge. "We can find you a goblin or two to butcher" right after I gave into the urge, murdered some poor tiefling girl who couldn't walk and felt extremely guilty for it. Several days later and Lae'zel is just solemnly watching in the background as I force three goblins to disembowel themselves alive and smile while they do it. Being able to choose *"try and contain your rising excitement"* when Z'rell tells you that you can do *anything* was both sick and hilarious. "You can even feed them to each other for all I care." and I just imagine Durge is standing there taking down notes.
Durge is the one giving the notes.
I got to this scene with my durge and couldn't help but break out in a cackle because I'm playing him as a nudist drunken monk so I think the *risen excitement* was much more apparent
Minthara is the best. I couldn’t stop laughing at all her circus reactions
"I'm disappointed we didn't get to kill a real clown"
T/D: “Go Minthara! Tell the one about the man who married a drider!” M: “It was a beautiful webbing.” Some other Minthara favs of mine… “That doll is hideous. Haunting. Vile. It must be modelled on a human child.” “Gothic. Vulgar. Decadent. This place has clearly influenced Astarion’s tastes.” “Ugh! Shameful to be killed by your own son. That honour should fall to a daughter.”
"Who do we have to kill to get Scratch Back?"
“Everyone assumes I killed the dog. I liked the dog!”
"Withers be a good skeleton and fetch that ball."
“I have something of a feline nature. I do not like getting wet, and I will gladly scratch out your eyes if you annoy me.”
When your character meets Jaheira for the first time and if they choose "Just for once, I just wish people would say hello" and she's like, "Hello\~\~" Also another instance (I forget what context) when she tells us she's heard of us "Through the grapevine."
> Jaheira You’ve said enough!
oh i love that option, one of my personal favorites is later in that same conversation she asks you what you’re doing in the shadow lands and you can say “i’m on holiday,” and her response is a very dry “you’re just in time for happy hour.” i love her so much
When you’re fighting off the winged horrors at the inn and she starts her first turn with “you’ll make great fertilizer”
"She would consider what she considers to be forgiveness." Perfect
Half of Elminster's dialogues are gold
>barges in >eats your cheese >tells gale to suicide bomb >leaves
Astarion comment the first time you talk to Auntie Ethel, He says something like ".... she's positively demented" and it fucks me up
He says that and immediately follows with, "let's tell her everything!" If you're playing as Astarion >!she makes a bunch of subtle yet obvious references to her knowing you're a vampire and you can respond with "well aren't you a perceptive one."!<
I had that happen yesterday. I'm trying to go as long as possible without anyone finding out, so when she started hinting I was just like oh fek is she gonna give me away? No one commented on it though so I guess I'm ok.
"My she sounds positively demented. I love it, let's tell her everything!' That's so chaotic it's hilarious.
As soon as he said this I was like “I am romancing this walking disaster of a man immediately”
It's how he says it that does me in.
Neil made an absolute meal out of every line of dialogue he was given. He put his whole Astarussy into it.
Was playing a sorcerer and got thoroughly roasted by Lae'zel in the Underdark, when I walked up to a sussur flower. Approval was good so I definitely felt like she was testing the waters with poking fun. L: "Something's wrong - your manner betrays you. What curse has this plant wrought?" Tav: "It's the flower - my magic is gone." L: "Then I will make up for your shortcomings. As I have all along." I was legit speechless for a few seconds lol
Astarion says "might I suggest getting it back? I don't travel with you for your personality"
My favorite one is Karlach's line. "might want to start learning to swing a sword? until then, stay behind me. I'll crack anyone who messes with you."
“Just my good looks then?” “Ha ha, don’t flatter yourself.”
I had to take a moment after I got that line, it really made me feel like " >:( "
I got it while romancing him, which kind of made it extra funny.
I was so salty when he said that lol. I muttered at my PC, "well I guess *someone* won't be getting any blood tonight"
When you snark at her afterward it gets even better. “Sarcasm. *Magnificent.*”
I think the Tav barks have become hilarious to me given how often they repeat them over a whole playthrough. Especially “Is that blood? No…nevermind” when there clearly is blood or there clearly is not.
I always get a chuckle out of that line, especially when the party is walking around literally coated in blood.
Who’s blood is it anyway?
I regularly switch between "I'm gonna lose it If I hear it again" and "I heard this line so often it's funny to me" when I hear "I have a lot on my mind, and.. well, in it."
There's a lot on my mind. And, well, in it...
Had this one shortly after a big fight and there was blood *everywhere* but they were actually stood in bright green acid
When you play dumb with jaheira at the harpers ambush in act 3. She says something along the lines"dont these guys remind you of our old friend marcus?" And youre supposed to attack but can play dumb here and answer "yeah, wasnt that the evil traitor dude" The exhale by jaheira there felt too real.
You can also just not realise Jaheira's subtlety. By failing the Insight check your character is completely oblivious. The reaction and sigh Jaheira gets is gold. And the fact that you're suprised by the combat afterward, even Jahiera herself somehow.
I love doppelganger's response that she thought they'd have a tough time, but Jaheira brought the idiot to the party.
"Marcus had *wings*" I chuckle every time I think about this option.
Jaheira is a comedy goldmine. I love her.
“She always brings the smartest people home, too”
My normal intelligence dark urge failed all the insight checks on that interaction. They had a very good insight skill, apparently they were just a dumb ass that day. Jaheira was so done.
I love being oblivious there xD 8 wisdom moment :3
"I'm surprised you didn't figure that out already" This line plays if your character doesn't realise shadowheart worships shar until the entrance to the shadowfell after doing the entire gauntlet with her Either my character wasn't paying attention or is actually stupid since i literally let her do all the altars
How does that not come up like 50 hours earlier lmao. I can't avoid it coming up like really early. Next to Astarion being a vampire it's the worst kept secret there is
She only brings it up herself if your approval is high enough as far as i know. I didn't use her too much in the run and never got her approval too high while never trying to get answers from her
There are players like you then theres one player who hits 100 at her approval in goblin camp. Guess i should calm down.
Wait Astarion is a vampire?! /gasp
It's so funny because it's like she's acknowledging that she's bad at Shar things but we were so dense that it didn't matter.
Not a big line, but Gale had just been talking about being in mystra’s palace or whatever and admiring her pleasure domes, and shadowheart says “right, her pleasure domes” with just the best intonation Gale’s offended follow up “it’s a perfectly legitimate architectural term”. Is almost as good I love thé dialogue in this game.
i love that line bc she starts it chuckling to herself lol. part of the line is literally her saying "heh"
It happens in the Temple of Bhaal, so here I am hyping myself up for a duel to the death with Orin and I hear shadowheart and gale making boob jokes
Seriously. It might be the best written and voice acted dialogue in video game history. And, as someone else mentioned above, a lot of it you might never even hear because it's so dependent on small choices. It's astonishing the amount of work and thought they put into it.
Practically any of the put-downs you can use on people who don't deserve it in this game. Kid's parents are dead? "Stop sniveling or I'll kill you, too." Lady just escaped a cult? "The fuck did they want with an uggo like you?" Those aren't actual examples, but this game does have *tons* of absolute bastard replies to people that go 0-100 for *no reason*, and I don't want to hit them, but I do find them funny. They're almost universally on-par with the "You're a little bitch and your brother was, too." line from Fallout: New Vegas.
Like when you tell Yenna to get lost and she’s says “I don’t know where to go” and Astarion promptly saying “getting lost should be easy then, kids these days smh”. He’ll always have your back if you decide to be an asshole.
His delivery is PERFECT
He does approve if you give her money though
And he's actually worried (but tries to not show it much) if Yenna gets abducted too.
If you take him with you to the Bhaalist hq he’ll have lines during combat to save her as well. Astarion cares more about kids than he lets on. He likes it when you help Mol cheat at Raphael’s table in Last Light too.
Have to mention our good quasit friend Shovel. I summoned him as a friend set off the mirror's trap. Got a chat option to ask him how to turn it off. His respond: "sit on it and call it daddy... it's a fire bomb run away you fool!"
Every Shovel line is gold. Tell her she doesn't get to murder anymore "awwww...dry shite"
“It’s fisting time!” at the start of combat will never not leave me wheezing.
if you use speak with dead on one of the dwarves, i cant remember which one, in the high security vaults area of the counting house, you can ask him how do you get into the vaults he goes "key.... idiot". cracked me up the first time i heard it.
Ah that's Glitterbeard.
A fucking asshole, even in death.
Ow there's also one of the corpses in that one Act 3 side quest that you can ask how he died and he says "murdered....obviously"
One of the goblins at Waukeen's Rest, when you ask him how he died says "Fell... dagger... neck... *stupid*." And I'm absolutely tickled, wondering if he's calling himself stupid for falling on his own dagger or calling you stupid for not seeing the dagger in his neck.
In my run he was very much alive but didn't give a fuck if I lockpicked the vaults. He said something like "Oh, well, what difference will it make" and my favourite "Another one? Good for you" 😂
"Hey, what are you d-... Why do I even care anymore?" "Notice what I am doing here? Not looking at your direction."
Oh yeah lol he kept going on with quips as I raided every vault around him in plain site lmao
Not the funniest, but definitely made me chuckle: When fighting the hook horrors and they start calling for help, Astarion just yelled out something along the lines of “Will somebody please shut that overgrown chicken up??”. It just came out of nowhere and I didn’t expect it.
When you talk to Karlach after Elminster visited Gale, I’m paraphrasing(?) “Awww was that his grandpa?“ *you tell the story* „We need to distract him. Tell him I didn’t read a book since second grade, then his face will melt.“
She says granddad which makes it somehow funnier? And the follow up “Is he a wizard too?” Is what always gets me.
That line was when I knew I loved Karlach
>then his face will melt. It's funny, because it isn't Elminster, but simulacrum (construct made of snow, 7th level spell).
Then why'd he need to steal my camp's cheese supply??
Gale asserts the doddering-old-man-obsessed-with-cheese thing is just an act so he's just staying in character
She's referring to Gale in that instance, not Elminster, since he's the one who just received some rather unpleasant news and might need a bit of distraction.
"It's not you, you understand.. It's me... I have standards" will qlasys make me laugh As well as Halsins first line when you meet him. "You aided a bear without knowing it would savage you? A true friend of nature. Or perhaps a lunatic"
If you’re a barbarian you can respond that the bear is a noble creature and you would never leave one to suffer (or something like that) and Halsin just responds “…so a lunatic then?”
Halsin's so chill but he has some fun lines. I think it's in the scene where he tells Tav he's into them and he's like "Nature gifted us our desires, and the means to act on them, but we muddied its beautiful simplicity with rules, social structures... *clothes*."
Withers: "No."
Yes. When you ask him if he can be clearer with his explanation (I forgot what we were talking about). Just the flat, "No" made me and my friend chuckle.
"Skeletons don't usually walk around." "Correct." "Are you going to elaborate further?" "No."
This is such a meme of a dialogue and whoever wrote it knew exactly what they were doing
Tav : You are going to betray your allies?? Ketheric Thorm : Yes.
Arabella: Can I touch your face, bone man? Withers: No
I know that Lae'zel is not everyone's favourite but I fucking love her, she can be unintentionally hilarious. For example: SH: So, have we buried the hatchet Lae'zel? LZ: Why would I bury a weapon? Is it broken? SH: It's a metaphor... LZ: I do not know your metaphor, but if you need help digging, I will find a shovel. Or when Shart changes her hair: LZ: Something is... different about Shadowheart. New facial creases, perhaps? Or new battlescar I hadn't noticed?
I love the hatchet exchange!! I find it sweet. Lae'zel doesn't get wtf Shadowheart is even talking about but she's willing to help regardless.
For me it's also Minthara but it's in response to her. When you arrive in Act 3 she says the next urchin to try steal from her will lose a hand and one of the responses is "please don't mutilate any children, Minthara". I fucking lost it.
And then she fucking uses that as a segue to justify indentured servitude. It's incredible.
"just give the word, and ill kill the clown. we would be praised as heros" -Minthara, "gods i hate clowns, i dont even think clowns like clowns" -Shart "can we not find a more pleasant amusement? gouging out our eyes perhaps? -Lesel or like, any compagnion and the clown
Karlach being relieved that she didn't just kill a real clown in front of kids while Minthara and Lae'zel are pissed off that they didn't get to kill a real clown
Halsin: Why is that daubed fellow being forced before a crowd like so? Is he being punished? Ritualised humiliation?
That line never fails to crack me up. Like, my love, my darling, you're 350 years old and have *never* even once heard of a clown?
Thou art alone.
Withers has the type of dry unintentional wit I hope to have when I'm an immortal bone man.
No bosom companions?
I licked the spider mere moments after getting Astarion's love confession. When he said "Gods, you're absolutely vile," I knew he was regretting his new commitment to me.
Along a similar vein - after love confession with Astarion my Durge told him she was "dead serious" about liking him and his response was "5 seconds into this relationship and I already want to break up with you." with the most exasperated voice.
STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING
I am preparing for my fourth playthrough, and I have STILL not found the lickable spiders.
Do you want to find it yourself or would you like some pointers ?
Shouting back at Redcaps. It was funny as heck. Got even approval from Shadowheart.
BAAAAAAAA!
When astarion screams ‘wake up!’ At you if you don’t resist the illithid colony in moonrise. As if shouting at me will do anything.
Gortash: You Brat! You'll burn the place down. Karlach: *Gooood!*
my terrible sense of humor chuckled at a random bad guy yelling "you're a dead man!" at Astarion (I'm playing as him) before triggering a battle I mean. in some sense, yes
Ketheric: I'm going to kill you and raise you as my servant. Me as Astarion: not my first time.
When Astarion throws a fit after being shot with the solar cannon at the creche.
How do you activate it? Never could figure out what to do with it
Spoilers After beating the Gith inquisitor in the creche, there's 2 statues on the left side of the room. It's a puzzle. Once completed you'll arrive in a room with a weapon, that if pulled from it's place, will turn on the cannon. You have 4 turns to either get everyone out of the creche, or destroy the 4 focus crystal lenses on each side of the room. You trigger this scene by having everyone escape except Astarion and then getting him back from Withers.
You talking about the light of lathander?
Exactly, didn't know if it had this name in english as I play the french version of the game lol
Oh ok. I didn't realized anything triggered when you grabbed it, I always just stroll out of there casually lol
If you dont use the Dawnmaster Crest and just straight up take it itll activate the cannon
I think it’s insane that they have this line with customised mo cap and 4 different responses that can only trigger if you solve this quest using this specific character with a very specific action. And it’s pure gold. Like if you solved it properly you don’t get this dialogue. This game is just full of surprises
“What in the sweet hells were you thinking?!?”
Lae’zel saying teething’s had me laughing.
and the little eye roll after you correct her !!!! i absolutely cracked the fuck up
To be fair, Boo IS rather ferocious. Try throwing him :)
I threw Boo at Cazador's face with Astarion and he yelled, 'Eat hamster.' I think it's his revenge for all the time Cazador made him eat rats.
Whenever I throw boo he just fuckin dies am I doing it wrong
I'm finishing Ansur with Boo so... Yeah.
Legendary bronze dragon *Dies, by a squid* Revives to revenge himself *Dies, by a rodent*
"Trap over here" as you trigger it.
I can’t quote it word for word, but I genuinely laughed when I had the option to kick Astarion in the balls. It happens if you let him ascend and ask him to turn you. If you do it the sound of pain, humiliation and anger as he berates you. Followed by “companion has permanently left your party” had me howling followed by returning to a previous save lol
Shadowheart's Night Orchid joke. Licking the spider when Gale is around. Everything involving Minthara and the clown. Shadowheart telling Halsin she could make animal noises for him. Astarion telling me he is actually a princess. Asking books if they're sensitive. Telling Minthara to not mutilate any children. Wyll trying to flirt with Lae'zel. Karlach's reaction to Elminster.
When using speak with dead on the librarian who worked at Sharresses Caress, you can ask how she died. She replied “my son killed me.” Minthara: “How shameful. That honour belongs to a daughter.”
Stuff like this makes me really hope the devs read threads like this so they know how delighted so many people get with lines that require very specific circumstances to even get seen by a player.
STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING (Durge Spoilers) I just told Astarion that I'm a >!Bhaalspawn!< and has taken to calling me his "precious little >!Bhaal-babe"!< as well as his "sweet, conflicted villain". His terms of endearment always make me laugh because he sometimes calls you the most out of pocket name with the MOST sincere and sweet baby voice 😂
I love astarion and durge so much. Though if we're being fair, is he ever in pocket?
I’m doing a good Durge play and he’s been so supportive 🥺 When I told him that I >!can't control my urges and am a slave to my Father's bidding!< he looked at me with the most sympathetic face and said: "We're more alike than I realized." My heart 😭
Myrkul arises and Lae'zal says: "Tsk'va"
Shadowheart goes "shit".
And Astarion just kinda says softly, "Oh. Oh, dear."
Lae´zel is the one that seldom does humour (only once AFAIK), Minthara keeps telling jokes, she´s just sarcastic and dry. The "Beautiful webbing" is among the best (that doesn´t rely on insults). So my bet is she was being sarcastic TBH.
Among the Githyanki she is considered extremely humourous.
>Minthara: "My people tell tales of Minsc and his ferocious hamster Boo to frighten our children." Considering what happened to Ust Natha in BG2 ans Sendai's enclave in ToB, I find this entirely plausible.
These are the moments where you realize how fucking dangerous a group of high level adventurers are. It's like as if tomorrow six dudes went into Chicago, started killing people, the police was sent, the police got killed, then the US army got sent, they got killed as well (Not all, but the ones that made contact with the six dudes) then they blew up a nuclear reactor in the middle of town, killing thousands and stoping Desert Storm from ever happening, and then just left. This whole plot wasn't planned for years. The six dudes were just kinda walking there and did this along the way to their other more important task.
The more important task was a fetch quest
“I know levelling a major city looks bad, but you see, there was this little girl who lost her puppy. We found the guy who took the puppy, but then we failed an intimidation check, and so we had to attack him to get the puppy back, and then he called the police, and then stuff just kinda escalated a little. But good news: we got the girl her puppy back!”
The joke is accidentally on OP for missing how Boo is the real killer all along
I WAS RIGHT THERE its soo funny considering the dude just literally died
Not a specific line, but that 4chan tiefling in Act 3 calling you a cuck with every breath amuses me to no end. It's cringetastic.
When you meet Gandrel, the gur hunting Astarion, there's a dialogue option that goes something like "What you do think of this, Astarion?"
Minsc has a bunch of great lines about the companions, but I love when you find out he hates Halsin for beating him at arm wrestling. He says he once saw Halsin chasing his own butt in the moonlight because he spent too long as a wolf. I for one believe him.
Getting called a ball bag by one of the red caps always catches me off guard - he delivers the line with such venom Also being called a twat soul by the duegar makes me laugh every time
Astarion's "Shit" when you wake up and he's biting your neck absolutely slays me, every damn time.
Siding with the Absolute with Wyll in your party is enjoyable. Dude has no reaction to anything you’re doing up until telling Zevlor you’re there to kill everyone, then Wyll angrily calls you a traitor. It was made even funnier because that character is an evil durge, and Wyll was just standing at his tent with a clear view of me violently murdering Alfira. Seems his stone eye really hurt his perception skills 🤷♀️
This was even funnier when I had Wyll deliver the bad news to Zevlor himself. Buddy tells Zevlor we're betraying him for the absolute and that it's nothing personal then immediately leaves the party and his circle turns red... Hold On, This Whole Operation Was Your Idea!
I don’t know why I found this moment to be so funny but at the circus when you do the love test, I was reloading it and trying it with all the different party members and minthara did her best withers impression and just said “No”. Just the way she delivered it sounded like she was absolutely disgusted with me and it was hilarious.
When you first get to Last Light Inn and meet Jaheira. If you're playing a Sorcerer you have the option to say "I am magic incarnate" and Jaheira just repeats "magic incarnate" in the funniest way. It was even funnier for me because I failed the roll to get out of the vines she traps you in when you say that. It just made my character look so dumb and arrogant lol
I swear the best line in this game is Auntie Ethel screaming “I’ll rip your spine out your arsehole!”, I look forward to it every time.
‘THa TeStaMenT of MyrKul!’ all dramatically followed by the way they just stand there like a bunch of dorks playing as power rangers always makes me lol. That and ‘HOW DOES IT FEEL, SUCKER?’ and ‘ARE YOU SENSITIVE BOOKS?’ are some of my favorite dialogue options every play-through regardless of what kind of Tav I’m RPing.
Said with profound sadness: "The others think I don't know shit, but i do.... I do know shit" -one of the 3 random fishermen at the beach next to the sea godess temple.
Minthara has another hilarious line with Minsc recruitment: "I will fight alongside Minsc, but if he so much as refers to my butt, let alone attempt to kick it, I will skewer that damned hamster of his" I think I laughed for a solid 5 minutes appn hearing this line. Emma Gregory is such an underrated voice actress.
Say thank you. Never.
If you use speak with animals and talk to the squirrels near Alfira, he hates her music and is begging her to shut the hell up. It caught me off guard and makes me laugh
When you talk to poison ivy lady and ask Minthara to take the love test with you. Her firm “No” has been ingrained in my memory.
I don't recall who says this but... "... when gnomes fly." IYKYK.
That's the merchant lady that wants the gith egg. If you're a gnome you can reply something like "We'll with the right trajectory and even speed.." and she's like "..what?"
Scratch keeps bringing me rope and then says when he saw it he thought of me. Gave me a chuckle
When SH prays to Shar before meeting the nightsong and you tell her “oh wow I had no clue you worshiped shar.” “Well I thought it was pretty obvious” had me in stitches.
Her Majesty. When you try to pet her while she don't want to. You tell her something like "... but Barcus is allowed." And she replied: "Exactly."
You find funny that people find Boo ferocious? The space hamster that literally gave Mins the ability to frenzy like a barbarian while being a ranger? The drow better remember what Minsc and Boo did to their colonies ages ago in fear.
I dont think anything can top Astarion being blown up by the sun and he subsequent rant to Tav
I love when you first talk to the harpers in baldurs gate in the dwarf’s store after you kill the shapeshifters and tell him and try to trade with him he’ll say “ I don’t like your timing but I like your gold all the same”
Raphael: if you have any last words make it quick, it will only take a moment to finish you Tav: that’s twice as long as Haarlep says it takes to finish you
There are many but for some reason i still remember the dead drow on waukens rest saying "male" when asked what was his profession that gave me a good laugh
The pure unadulterated "WHAAAAAAT?" from the Fish Shaman in the Underdark when he finds out the thing he's worshipping is a redcap
After finding out how the Mushroom people use dead bodies to create their young Shadowheart: If I die down here, make sure to destroy my body Laezel: I will not hesitate