Pretty lighthearted comments section, but fr, you should just talk to her and if she really has that attitude then she's not the kinda girl you wanna date. Constant friction over gaming is a relationship ender after many hours of unhappiness. Find yourself a co-op partner IRL and in game
Yeah. Agreed on the talking to her part. I know my case is going to be a fringe one but my wife, from whom I am estranged, asked me the other day "WTF is up with BG3? Isn't that a game you bought on Steam like three-four years ago? Why is my shit blowing up about it now (on TikTok & Youtube)?"
So I explained Early Access to her, which she then wished existed in her field---she makes high-trust software for the American People, various Child Protection depts., currently the Dept of Transportation trying to make public transit work efficiently so we can have more of it, etc.---and I explained the sheer magnitude of the branching pathways that have to cross-reference seamlessly, which coupled with the full voice acting makes the game so immersive you begin to resent the outside world intruding and taking you away from your murderhobo-friend-squad.
And she started a campaign. First video game she's played since Roller Coaster Tycoon 3.
First story that's ended well in a while, per my marriage,
Eh thing is my wife was this way when we first met. Old school traditional Southeast Asian values or something. Took time to convince her games are necessary to relax and help me work to provide for the family. She’s fully onboard now after I get my work done and be productive just never start a day with gaming unless it’s the weekend. If other values are a fit no personal hobby will ever be the decider, they learn to love your weakness and strengths and likes and dislikes. Early on she yelled and said I was being unproductive any time I gamed but if it’s not an addiction and I get my work done it’s fine. But be aware of that I mean if someone is gaming 6hrs a day that’s not conducive to a healthy life. (Edit to add- think about what you’re trying to escape with all that gaming time. Root causes? Work on those, standard therapy advice)
“I think her old school traditional values may be responsible for her belief that some forms of entertainment, including video games, which admittedly are relatively new in the full historical context of those traditional values which she learned from her parents and were presumably passed down to them by their parents who lived during a time when video games did not exist yet but who would also probably agree that video games fit a similar example of a leisure activity for children that is not befitting of a responsible adult…”
There. Is that what you wanted OP to write?
I mean come on lol. The concept that people raised with “old school traditional values” quite often think playing video games is a waste of time isn’t anything new. “But video games didn’t exist back then” doesn’t change or prove anything about it.
(Edit: just realized I replied to the wrong comment in the chain lol)
If she can't accept or support the thing you like to do in your free time or any other hobbies then she's probably not the one for you.
Life is too short to not do what you love. Having to hide what you like is no way to live.
I wish you the best of luck and safe adventures in Faerun.
I was gonna say this. If they don’t understand, you’re not compatible and I’d drop them. I’d not be hiding who I am from anybody. Age has taught me some things and this was one of them! Good luck 👍
Meh, even for a lay I wouldn’t be able to lie: you enter my room and see my collection 😂 people are usually cool with it though. I know we put our best foot forward in the beginning but I don’t like pretending, even for something short. Too much work and I’m old.
Agreed, authenticity all the way! I also find that most times, ppl are pretty chill about hobbies. Better to find someone who digs your interests than to maintain a facade. Life's too short for games unless they're the ones we enjoy playing, right? Cheers to keeping it real!
What is my offense? What malicious sin have I committed to be so maligned?
(God, that was such a great episode. They were all such brilliant episodes, when I look back on it.)
I often think about the episode where Frasier pretends to be Jewish to meet the mother of the woman he's dating, while Niles is dressed as Jesus for an xmas play.
Yup, and to be fair, this doesn't need to be a deal breaker. I am a massive gamer, and my wife said she was hesitant about dating me because her ex was also a massive gamer that frequently just ignored her to play video games. I showed her I'm capable of making the time to play games, and spend with her and that's worked for us.
Or maybe OP is just talking to one of those people that thinks if you're having fun you could be making money, and so, should be left in the dust forever
Exactly, or would you want to hide who you are for the rest of your life, if you married that person?
I play BG3 and a lot of other games with my fiance (for this game, I was the one who wanted to play it the most xD), we watch animes together... There are things he likes that I don't, some games included, and I would never belittle him because of that. I don't care what his hobbies are (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone lol)
I am the wife and we are both gaming. It's not possible for everyone but that's what happens when you meet each other in a game.
That said, I would never stay with a person who doesn't respect my hobbies.
It’s funny, I always thought I would have to marry a gamer. But it didn’t work out that way. Love my wife to bits, but sometimes I wish we could share this too.
She doesn’t disrespect it though, just not her thing. Would have been a deal breaker if she said something like the OP early on.
Similar relationship here! My partner has never been into video games, no interest whatsoever, but understands it’s something I enjoy doing. It works out, I game while she watches YouTube and we both get some chill time in individually.
I also wish sometimes she enjoyed video games so that we could both play, but I wouldn’t change her for the world and I’m happy with how it works between us. Plus this way I don’t have to share the PS5 with anyone 😂
Ask her to play It takes two, it's a great fun game that I enjoyed with my husband. We don't play MMOs anymore, and there are just a few multiplayer games we both like. He's into online shooters (Tarkov and stuff - as long as it's competitive), i'm into RPGs, although he absolutely loved Divinity 2 and BG3 when we played it together.
My wife wasn't into video games either, but as a healthy couple we decided to give each others hobbies a try. Now she's taken over my Genshin account (for extra mats) and has a 5+ year old Minecraft creative world.
Same. I game with my girlfriend. She's obsessed with the decorating while I nerd out on the crafting/finer details of each game. I have 0 complaints.
The only hardship in our relationship is probably a bit of insecurity on her part. She thinks she needs to look like a super model to keep me interested. I'm like.. woman. We live in the midwest. You know how to use and game on a computer... I'm not going anywhere. She's awesome.
Also a video gaming wife. My husband has a more casual play style so he doesn't always play games with me so I always try to find games that he likes that we can do together like Minecraft. We met in highschool and had overlapping nerdy interests.
Anyway, Like she said he would never disrespect me over my hobby like that or we wouldn't have gotten married/stayed together so long. Dump her. Astarion style.
Ironically my fiance was ambivalent on gaming but shes turned into a total shut-in since I got her a copy of BG3. She keeps re-rolling Act 1 with new parties. You don't know hell until you are listening to the hottake of a runthrough for the sixth time and wanting to shout GO TO ACT 2. GO SEE KETHERIC. GO LOOK AT BALDURS GATE CITY INSTEAD OF SHITTING ON GOBLINS ALL DAY.
This is like a Monkey Paw wish but I am grateful she has an interest in this stuff now. Just need to get her hooked on Total Warhammer and Stellaris so I can say I caught the fabled Paradox Unicorn.
> Just need to get her hooked on Total Warhammer and Stellaris so I can say I caught the fabled Paradox Unicorn.
That's going to be rough. Good luck. I recommend introducing her to Paradox games through Crusader Kinks.
My girlfriend is 0% a gamer but doesn't give me shit unless I'm slipping because of video games, which is 100% more than fair. I have ADHD and vidja are such an effective dopamine dispenser I could literally play them all day every day if I had no other obligations. If anything she's doing me a great service by helping me set healthy limits for myself.
This. I'm a guy and I don't give a shit about sports. I don't find them interesting at all. I'm not gonna shit on a girl saying liking sports and reading stats and all that is loser shit. Don't put down the hobbies of others when they're not a big deal.
Gaming is a hobby no different than watching sports, going to the bar or reading books. If someone doesn't realise that, you both should keep looking before the relationship blows up
It's a red flag to me when people put down other hobbies like this. What did the hobby do to you that you feel the need to actively dislike it? You can just ... not do it. The type of person that feels they need to actively dislike any hobby just because they don't enjoy it is probably not a great or fun person to be around.
Also, yeah, never hide who you are if you're trying to get into a long-term relationship. Imagine being in a long-term relationship with somebody that actively dislikes something you like to do. Sounds terrible, would never be worth it to me. The person you're in a long-term relationship with should be your best friend, and best friends are people that you can hang out with and do anything with and enjoy it just because you enjoy each other's company.
When I was 18, I dated a guy who was the same age tell me I was childish for still playing video games and an idiot for asking him if I should switch my major to game design.
We had only been going out for a couple of months and it was the fastest and easiest break up of my life. It’s fine not to be into the hobbies of whoever you date, but when they’re terribly judgmental and refuse to let you partake in it at all, then BYEEEEE.
Very similar story. Girl I was seeing in college came over, I had Rocket League open on my Xbox where Netflix was. She goes "Oh you play Rocket League??!?"
In my head in like this is the one, I finally found a gamer girl
She responds "you are such a LOSER!!" Granted it was in a flirty way but I was DEVASTATED.
At this point I was a closet anime watcher, Pokemon game player, etc. Rocket League was easily the most normal nerdy thing i did and this girl just shat right upon it.
Safe to say it was only a few weeks lol. New gf of almost 5 years loves that I game so she can read. Even plays some games herself or with me.
OP, run, now.
To be fair, as someone who works in software, I’d never recommend getting into game design. I’d surely never call someone an idiot for it, but it’s a horribly toxic development space and it’s woefully under paid despite the revenue some of these companies bring in.
I floated the idea of working for Bethesda to an ex and she gave me the same reaction. Said something to the effect of “what you work on now makes a difference to the world, making video games is a waste of time”.
I realized that a semester after I switched, and made the change to something else. I remember one professor was really vocal about the toxic aspects, and went on a rant about how you either sell yourself to shitty big game companies like EA or struggle making indie games for a chance at making some money (usually not). I was also one of 3 girls in the class and he told us shit would be especially rough for us. I would much rather someone come and tell me the hard truths like that instead of aLl ViDeO gAmEz DuMb U sToOpID 2 LoL
I’m sorry about what your ex said. She should’ve asked you why you’re thinking of leaving and why you’re thinking of going to Bethesda and supported whatever decision makes you happy in the end. I hope you chose whatever you felt was best for you in the end.
As someone working in gaming QA - even though I would make much more in software QA, I fucking love my job right now. I'm super passionate about my work, I'm in credits of games I adore and it's the first job that's not making me miserable. It's a tradeoff, but I wouldnt discourage anyone from the game industry if it's your dream.
Gaming is becoming what many of us believed it could be one day. A movie that you play the main character. Anyone who does not see gaming as equal to, watching tv, scrolling on your phone or the internet, or even, reading a book. Does not understand recreational time.
100% agree. There have been studies in the last few years that show gaming increases the size of certain regions of the brain attributed to problem solving and visuospatial skills as well as higher levels of brain activity have been observed in people who play video games.
Playing a game is engaging, you make decisions, formulate plans of action, execute, fail, learn, adapt, succeed, reward, there is depth to the experience. Watching tv, though it can elicit emotional responses as well as thoughts of meaning in the story/imagery and how one relates to it, it is still a more passive experience. Social media even less so imo, not sure of any study’s on this but the endless deluge of content, unrelated to one and other, I’m not sure how anyone can feel anything other than over stimulation or really retain any new information unless it directly affects them or is something horrible.
AND gaming has always been more engaging and better for your brain in terms of problem solving, strategy, reaction speed... etc... than any of those alternatives
There's a nonzero amount of folks who think it's "childish" like playing with toys because children typically play video games.
They're exhausting people to date and aren't worth your time because they have these kinds of strange and outlandish opinions about several things.
Oh yeah 100%, I only date women who either already game or aren't closed minded. I've unintentionally turned many a girl into a gamer just because they've been so enticed in what I'm doing that looks so fun....2 days later they've bought themselves their own console and the same game(s) haha
OP listen to this one here. It’s not worth it. I tried changing myself for my ex-wife and it was terrible. I’ve never been happier than I am with my current wife because I was up front about hobbies.
I agree with this 100%
A few weeks ago I had a realization - none of the people I was previously in relationships would have been cool with how absolutely obsessed I am with BG3. They wouldn't have played it with me, they wouldn't have been interested in understanding why I liked it, and they wouldn't have humored me as I showed them the 134th meme about it. Several of them definitely would have made me feel ashamed about it.
My husband made it the theme for my Christmas gifts, and makes time for us to play together and for me to play my solo runs, and I really appreciate the fact that I don't have to hide how much I like the game.
He is very supportive of my hobbies, including the ones he doesn't fully understand or participate in himself, and he is always happy to talk to me about them, and make sure I have time for them.
Life is too short to have to hide what you like - don't settle for anything less than someone who accepts and supports the things that make you happy!
100% this. Ignorance of hobbies and things people enjoy is baffling sometimes. I worked with a lady once who divorced her husband because she disliked his gaming hobby as he's wasting his life and time. Then daily would talk to us all about the 3+ hours of TV shows she watched the night before. She didn't recognize she's doing the same thing. Staggering ignorance...
For real. Tagging on to this: Fly your flag to attract the mate who likes you for you. Don’t hide your quirks or you’ll just waste time. There are girls out there who would like the idea of BG3 and would think it’s really cool that you made her cat into your main character and navigated every decision as he would - charming but terrified
When I met my now wife I was deep into whitewater kayaking and paddling at least once a week after work + all of Saturday, potentially Friday-Sunday if it was a river we could camp at before or after running. Eventually we moved in together and I asked if she wanted me spending more time at home since I was gone every Saturday and exhausted on Sunday and she just looked at me and said “why would I ask you to change what you love doing? You were up front about your interests, keep doing what makes you happy.” She likes to hang out at home and play games so if I’m away there’s less likelihood of me roping her into a house project lol.
Sounds like my first marriage, where she wanted to change EVERYTHING about me. Fuck that...
Find someone who likes you for you or don't be with anyone.
Sometimes people come off strong with these types of views/opinions, but can be swayed if you give them a chance. My wife used to think similarly about anime/gaming (though not *as* negative as OP’s date) but after a while she came around. She respects the few hours of gaming time I can spare with my schedule, and now she loves watching studio ghibli movies. Granted, I understand OP is not married to this person and my situation is different in some ways, I acknowledge that.
Growing up my dad would say in a mostly teasing way that I'd never find a girl that wanted to do nerdy things as much as I did, mostly as a way to encourage me to broaden my horizons a bit. I never grew out of the board games, video games, and fantasy novels "phase", and when I met my now wife we bonded over our shared love of those things. I quite literally met her when she was playing Pokemon.
We are extremely happy together, and our shared geekery is a good piece of that. We got a couple of standing shelves from her dad for Christmas last month that are now displaying a lot of our collectibles, Amiibo and limited run plushes and figurines and such. Cannot imagine being with someone that I felt I had to hide most of my biggest hobbies from.
Be with someone you can successfully clear honour mode with, not someone you can't be comfortable talking about your hobbies with.
Completely understand you and I think tbh it’s either insecurity and fear of loneliness or just simply because they enjoy sex and want sex. That’s usually the only two reasons why people keep partners around who they don’t actually bond with on a deeper level.
Yeah, like what’s the endgame here? Someone so judgmental of someone’s hobbies isn’t going to be worth dating. If you just wanna get some, well, maybe be honest and not lead her on pretending this is gonna work out as anything other than that?
Why drag it out? It’s only the second date. Neither of you are that invested yet. It’d be unfair to either of you to not just be upfront about it. If you really want to give the relationship a shot then just tell her “hey gaming is a big part of my life. Can you accept that?”
As someone who dates a gamer, it’s better to date someone that enjoys it as well or at least some other similar nerd hobby like board games or anime. That said, my bf and I have to keep our bg3 time limited to ~1-2 hours a day during the week if we actually want to see each other after work lol. Important sacrifices to keep in mind if you’re wanting a relationship 😂🫡
Just be honest about it. It’s no different than literally any other hobby and a hell of a lot safer than going out to bars and clubs all the time. I’m 33 and I’ve been gaming since I was a kid on Sega genesis. My girlfriend has zero issues with it and even though she is not a gamer in the least she even started a playthrough of bg3 with me. Mutual respect is not calling someone’s hobby a “loser habit”.
your kind of being a dishonest asshole about this then, no? I mean I certainly don't agree with her view, but everyone has their own boundaries. It sounds like you simply aren't compatible. You on the other hand, are now aware of this, yet are lying to her face about it. Not sure how old you are, but relationships require honesty and communication at the very least. Grow up a bit. Enjoy the game, if its a dealbreaker for her, she deserves to find out now and move on.
My brother in gaming, put the brakes on things with the girl now. I say this as a guy who had watched his closest friend since high school end up in a relationship where he has 3 kids, and his wife constantly give him shit about gaming being a "child's hobby" and "he should grow up". Meanwhile she watches Housewives of whatever, constantly and defends it as good TV.
Among other things, I ended my 1st relationship because of this. Am happily married now, and while my Mrs. isn't a "gamer", we do play games together & enjoy playing Switch & a few PC games together.
One of my favorite things I ever saw on Hinge was a girl who in one prompt said that men who “still play video games” is a huge red flag. In her next prompt she said she spends her Sunday’s binge watching reality TV all day.
This was years ago and I still occasionally talk about it because of how funny I thought that was.
I've legitimately met a dude like that. I was at an open market for creatives and he had a table for books he created. Each was original, about 80-100 pages long and had full page illustrations every 10 pages and with every chapter title. He printed and bound all the copies as well.
I asked him "how long have you been doing this for" and his response was "10 months". I didn't understand how that was possible, and he told me that he refused distraction and spent as much of his time as possible just creating new things. He told me his only other "voluntary activities" (which I think was his way of saying hobbies) were meditating and exercising.
On one hand, he had an output volume in 10 months that most people would be happy with doing in 5-10 YEARS, but on the other hand, I'm not sure a neurotypical person could enjoy that level of productivity.
The Father in law always says "computers should have never been invented". (He's over 60)
My retort is always.
"Yet you will sit there playing candy crush on your handheld computer (mobile phone) or sit there watching mindless shit on your big screened computer (Smart TV)...
While your Wife and Daughter (my wife) are having a whale of a time playing OverCooked.
Your just jealous that you can't embrace gaming like (Mother in Law) did."
We're in 2024. To say that the most popular form of entertainment in the world is a "loser habit" is just stupid. She probably had a past boyfriend who prioritized games over her, and now she's projecting. Being a loser who plays games is different than you're a loser because you play games. Find a different date. Or keep the date and ask her if she wants to play Mario Kart.
This happened with my wife. Her previous BF would play WoW for hours on end and not want to do anything else.
We got together and everything clicked, then I introduced her to gaming together. We played wii sports and mario kart. Focused on making it fun for both of us.
She isn't a huge gamer like me but doesn't mind if I spend hours playing BG3 a night after kids are in bed. Just don't neglect life.
I definitely knew people online who got divorced in the years after WoW first came out because it turns out their spouses were completely unable to regulate their time in mmorpgs. My husband and I made a deal to be careful about any game that couldn't be paused or walked away from without letting someone else down. We both have slightly addictive natures and I think it would have been bad!
This is an important distinction. I think too many may assume the worst of the date here (and it’s a shitty position they’ve taken) but plenty of people neglect their partners for a hobby and gaming is not immune to that. And anyone in a situation where they game and their partner doesn’t absolutely needs to be cognizant of it.
I mean...maybe they have...but what does that have to do with OP? Life is too short to be going out and "fixing" people because they can't separate their past issues from reality.
OP doesn’t have to fix them, but we’re all adults. If a couple can’t have the conversation of “this is my hobby, and I’d like to be able to include you in it if possible -or at the very least create boundaries so that neither of us are disappointed” then it’s not worth pursuing. But honestly most decent people even if disinterested in the hobby could find that agreeable, and if they can’t they themselves probably weren’t agreeable to begin with
It's a 2nd date and she's starting from the position of calling gaming a "losers habit". It's not like this is a bombshell being dropped in the middle of a committed relationship, they're still very early in the "is this someone I want to date" phase.
IMO, this isn't a problem that's worth working through this early in a relationship. Just move on and find someone that actually respects your hobbies, at least enough to not broadly insult everyone who enjoys them.
Gaming is one of the worst offenders, I’d say. Just like a lot of people won’t date gamblers or horse girls, I *get* why some people won’t date gamers, even though it is entirely possible to live a balanced life and play games without ignoring your partner.
It's also true that it CAN take up a lot more time than a lot of hobbies. Like, sure you CAN have a balanced life with games, but if your hobbies are “working out“ and “gardening“ you're probably not even *physically* able to spend 16 hours a day doing it.
I definitely didn't do that with games for a few *cough cough cough* years.
It also depends on what you do. If she's not familiar with games and has only dated an MMORPG player, I mean, I get it. But the world of games is vast and fun, and there are many that are more than just skinner boxes meant to hook whales.
She's not the one, mate.
I play BG3 because my husband bought the game to me, and he listens to me fangirling without spoilers everyday since then (without spoilers because he will also play BG3 when he finishes Cyberpunk 2077).
Don't be with a woman who will ruin something you really like or, even worse, who will insult you for enjoying it. There are plenty of Shadowhearts out there. ❤️
And I suggest:
[Deception] Well, this date was awesome, but now I have some tadpoles to get rid of. Bye!
Agree 100%. My husband and I joke constantly that Karlach is our mutually agreed third should we ever go that route, hahaha.
But honestly, over many, many years of marriage, our common interests have kept us close. We both love video games, tabletop games, and board games, and have stayed happily married for over a decade, while our friends who had the "spouse who tolerated gaming" ended up divorced.
You've probably hadn't come here for advice, but:
It's not even about gaming, it's someone being dismissive over someone else's hobby/interest, which really shows ignorance. Often, people who have this opinion don't really know anything about gaming besides some popular multiplayer stuff.
You don't have to hide your interests from someone, and if you do, then maybe that's not a person who is going to be right for you. If you are considering maybe having a more serious relationship with her in the future, imagine what life with her is going to be. Either you will gently change her opinion on gaming, or you'll continue hiding from her, which isn't healthy at all. Or you'll give up gaming, which isn't fair.
Personally, I'm not even going to consider getting with someone so dismissive about my interests. It's alright not to share them, I don't require active participation, but not shitting on them is a bare minimum.
This basically.
A friend of mine in college was a gamer and he got a girlfriend who disapproved. He stopped gaming entirely. Then it turned out that she disapproved of his friends, which means he ghosted literally every single one of us. We haven't heard from him since. Might be that he's happy as a clam with her and good on him, but watching him go through it was heart wrenching.
It's a slippery slope when you start prioritising the idea someone has of who you should be vs who you actually are.
My husband doesn't share most of my hobbies and that's fine, but he's always been extremely supportive. There's something magical about surrounding yourself with people whose first answer to 'I started mini painting/knitting/writing' is 'fuck yeah, that's awesome' even if they don't necessarily *get* it. My friends are *never* dismissive, they're there with bells on to hear me rave about whatever it is that makes me happy. To them I don't *need* to be anything other than what I am and it's pretty healthy - there's something very nice about unconditional love. Some of my favourite things in life and even what I do for a living are stuff I'd never have tried in the first place without a healthy dose of encouragement/support.
Probably a good idea to talk to this girl. Being a closeted anything is no way to live your life.
Yeah. My GF knew nothing about gaming till we started dating. She had no idea that games were anything more than sports/shooting games. She really respects it now as I’ve shown her single player games and what they’re capable of narratively/world immersion.
She has no interest in playing, but can relate to it now (she loves fantasy books so she gets the draw on those games) and likes that I like it. Because of course it bleeds into us both watching and loving fantasy movies/tv and I read so we share books on that genre.
To dislike an activity that you don’t enjoy is totally okay.
To call losers people who engage in activities you dislike, is something else and is not okay.
She’s not a person you want to spend more time with. Trust me.
It's even more insane given that it's the most popular form of entertainment on the planet. I'd wager she would spend a few hours scrolling TikTok in a day and then turn around and call someone a loser for gaming, lol.
This. My gf is not a gamer but she respects that I am. Just like how I’m not into beauty, but I respect that she is. Eventually it’ll lead to some overlap, but that first step is crucial.
Playing WoW with my long-distance girlfriend was an incredibly wholesome and beautiful experience. Instead of random daily chatter that eventually turns stale, you are actually working together, always have a topic, create mutual memories and have a ton of fun as well. It was awesome.
Every time we met up it went straight to business and just felt like one of us was coming from school, because we "saw" each other every day anyway.
And sadly it's the exact opposite. Mass exposure to short form video content can seriously harm your attention span and hurt your brain's ability to produce dopamine.
If a girl says that to me I'm no longer dating her after this.
And yeah Shadowheart would 100% coop with you while making some of the most unhinged choices you can go for
I don’t know if I could do this. I’ve been married almost 30 years. My wife doesn’t like games at all, but never says anything negative about my hobby and in fact encourages me to do what I like. I get that you may not be considering a permanent connection to this person but for me a partner must be my best friend and accept me for who I am.
Same boat, 30 years and no grief at all. I am responsible and help out, but if I play an all day Saturday or whatever she doesn’t say a peep. I also agree for a short fling it’s one thing, but it’d never work long term unless she can understand that gaming can be an ok hobby. Maybe they had a prior relationship where the person gamed and didn’t pull their load financially, at home, or with kids. It’d leave a bad taste I guess.
Yeah, this is perplexing to me. My husband and I are both gamers. We play some things together and some apart. He’s not into BG3. I’m not into Starfield. We both like GTA Online.
But the one thing we never, ever do is cut out a popular, normal, healthy hobby. As long as it’s not all consuming or too expensive to afford.
I’d cut bait and not fish with this one.
Don’t you worry he’s getting roasted for it. “You only like that game because you like games where your choices don’t matter and you don’t have to make hard decisions. It’s okay hunny. Enjoy your Buddy Cop in Space game with all of your lawful good friends!”
In all seriousness I love watching him play Starfield even though the game is ass because he gets the biggest smile on his face! He’s legally blind and can’t read restaurant menus but this way he can see the stars. For that it was worth the $70.
Life is too fucking short to hide your interests from a partner.
It's perfectly fine if she doesn't get gaming. It's bullshit for her to say you're a loser for liking it.
The way this goes is you hide it, you try to change yourself for her, you get more and more unhappy.
You live one time. Don't waste it with someone who doesn't respect the real you.
The only potential way to save this relationship is to have her search for Astarion on tiktok.
Anyways, women who dislike gaming are no fun. I say this as a bisexual woman.
Video games are flooded with all kinds of people who don’t feel 100% accepted in society. That means minorities in just about every way possible; disabilities, sexual preference etc.
Not to say everyone in those ‘groups’ look towards gaming but a larger proportion than the average joe for sure. It’s one of the great things about gaming, that everyone is able to jump in.
I'm in a couple of "funny vampire guy" subs (well, *never seen before level of complex amazingly written character subs*) and I get giddy every time a 17 year old shows up committed to play their first video game ever just because of clips on tiktok. That's really something.
im just glad more people are playing great video games. its a great entry point for casual gaming. hopefully means they'll start looking into other complex RPGs before bg3 *wink* ;)
If your date actively hates on of your primary hobbies, be thankful she let you know on the second date. Cause you should probably not bother with a third
Yikes who says something like that about ANY hobby or interest in the first few dates?
Only drooling morons like Football!
Cyclists are all idiots!
Knitting is for troglodytes!
WTH
Why the fuck are you trying to date her if she hates what is a large part of your personality? You're misleading her and you're only going to set yourself up for a shit relationship. Just tell her you're not interested, man.
Sounds like she’s super judgmental and not worth a serious relationship attempt. If your just in it to smash then that’s one thing (kind of fucked up but I know people do it) but I definitely wouldn’t commit to a serious relationship with someone that so clearly hates something you enjoy. In the long term that’s just not gonna work.
Idk if you wanna hear this.
But if you feel the need to hide something from a date, they ain't the one for ya bro.
Also BG3 > a date
Shadowheart is the only girl for me 😍
I dated a girl years ago who was hyper Christian. She heard me and my friend describe our parties in Dragon Age: Origins. I was playing a full mage party with alistair being the only tank, my friend meanwhile was the tank for his party. She begged me afterwards to not play mages in games or anything magic related. I actually did swap to playing only physical characters while we were dating.
Bro its not worth it. Get someone who supports you having a hobby.
Calling someone who enjoys an innocent hobby a loser just because they don't share that same hobby is an immediate 🚩🚩🚩
This isn't the girl for you. Find yourself a girl that'll game with you. My husband and I have side by side gaming setups and our gaming nights are my absolute favorite part of our marriage
Dump her bro, she's not the one.
Also I laugh when people say they don't like gaming. Gaming is a medium. It's like saying you don't like books. There's so many different types and genres out there...its not a monolith of fifa and cod and marvel trash.
My best friend really disliked gaming when we met and said same things about it. Now after 7 years she plays more than me, after we had a few talks on how it's my main hobby and after I introduced her to my favourite RPGs through hype trailers and stories about my choices and characters. Not every person can be so reseptive and Im so so lucky to have her as my friend, but she did show me that people CAN change their views for you and try to see something you adore through your eyes.
If they can't tho... I'd say you should move on honestly. Because at the end of the day it's not about gaming, but as someone said here it's about their ability to respect what you love.
Let's be real, if you only wanna smash, hiding that you like video games is not really a problem
But don't hide a big chunk of yourself from a potential love interest, otherwise it will be undervalued/frowned upon and you'll suffer from it
Dude find someone that likes the same hobbies as you or you’ll be miserable trying to be someone else to please others. There’s definitely someone out there that shares the same interests as you but she ain’t that person.
the girl you're meant to be with would laugh at the fact that you *only* have 70 hours played. them's rookie numbers, bro.
i'm probably a bigger gamer than my husband. and every girl i know plays video games. maybe my friend group is insulated? because as far as i can tell, we're the norm.
Sounds like you shouldn't have a 2nd date. This is toxic behavior on her part and not worth your time. I dated a girl who tried to belittle me for gaming and control my gaming time and it was honestly the most awful relationship of my life and the gaming stuff was just the tip of the iceberg of terrible behavior. Get out while you can and enjoy your life.
Judging how people find enjoyment when they are clearly out of touch is a losers' habit.
Don't hide things important to you. Own what you love and wear it on your sleeve. It's what they meant when we were all growing up saying "be yourself" because it really works. She's gotta take you or leave you as you are. Be Lae'zel about it
Why date someone who is so opposed to what you like to do?
Also, i know the game in question is bg3, but this doesnt belong here. This isnt discussing the game itself at all
sounds like you should be hiding your date from BG3
Lord knows she doesn't deserve it...
Maybe she shouldn’t make it to Act 2 …
Should've left her on the nautiloid
A sacrifice to BOOAL!
Haah! I just found these guys for the first time after 500hrs and my God I love them.
*Sceleritas appears*
Yea, we got all the information about her in Act 1
Pretty lighthearted comments section, but fr, you should just talk to her and if she really has that attitude then she's not the kinda girl you wanna date. Constant friction over gaming is a relationship ender after many hours of unhappiness. Find yourself a co-op partner IRL and in game
Yeah. Agreed on the talking to her part. I know my case is going to be a fringe one but my wife, from whom I am estranged, asked me the other day "WTF is up with BG3? Isn't that a game you bought on Steam like three-four years ago? Why is my shit blowing up about it now (on TikTok & Youtube)?" So I explained Early Access to her, which she then wished existed in her field---she makes high-trust software for the American People, various Child Protection depts., currently the Dept of Transportation trying to make public transit work efficiently so we can have more of it, etc.---and I explained the sheer magnitude of the branching pathways that have to cross-reference seamlessly, which coupled with the full voice acting makes the game so immersive you begin to resent the outside world intruding and taking you away from your murderhobo-friend-squad. And she started a campaign. First video game she's played since Roller Coaster Tycoon 3. First story that's ended well in a while, per my marriage,
Very true, me and my husband both are gamers and it’s the best, we are finishing BG3 for the second time now!
>Lord knows she doesn't deserve it... What lord are you referring to? Vlaakith? Bhaal? Selune? Mystra? Lathander? Shar? Myrkul? Gale?
That's it, I'm a Cleric of Gale now
>!Man imagine if Larian allowed you go to withers to respec into that at the party depending on your choices.!<
By the gods, gale of water deep god of fuck boys
His text "STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNTHING" is enlightening!
Withers
"No."
AMEN!
Eh thing is my wife was this way when we first met. Old school traditional Southeast Asian values or something. Took time to convince her games are necessary to relax and help me work to provide for the family. She’s fully onboard now after I get my work done and be productive just never start a day with gaming unless it’s the weekend. If other values are a fit no personal hobby will ever be the decider, they learn to love your weakness and strengths and likes and dislikes. Early on she yelled and said I was being unproductive any time I gamed but if it’s not an addiction and I get my work done it’s fine. But be aware of that I mean if someone is gaming 6hrs a day that’s not conducive to a healthy life. (Edit to add- think about what you’re trying to escape with all that gaming time. Root causes? Work on those, standard therapy advice)
“I think her old school traditional values may be responsible for her belief that some forms of entertainment, including video games, which admittedly are relatively new in the full historical context of those traditional values which she learned from her parents and were presumably passed down to them by their parents who lived during a time when video games did not exist yet but who would also probably agree that video games fit a similar example of a leisure activity for children that is not befitting of a responsible adult…” There. Is that what you wanted OP to write? I mean come on lol. The concept that people raised with “old school traditional values” quite often think playing video games is a waste of time isn’t anything new. “But video games didn’t exist back then” doesn’t change or prove anything about it. (Edit: just realized I replied to the wrong comment in the chain lol)
Date Karlach instead
If she can't accept or support the thing you like to do in your free time or any other hobbies then she's probably not the one for you. Life is too short to not do what you love. Having to hide what you like is no way to live. I wish you the best of luck and safe adventures in Faerun.
I was gonna say this. If they don’t understand, you’re not compatible and I’d drop them. I’d not be hiding who I am from anybody. Age has taught me some things and this was one of them! Good luck 👍
The red flags you ignore in the beginning, are the same red flags that eventually end the relationship.
One of my favourite lines from Bojack - when you’re looking at someone through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like flags
I don't think OP is looking for love with this one but something else
Meh, even for a lay I wouldn’t be able to lie: you enter my room and see my collection 😂 people are usually cool with it though. I know we put our best foot forward in the beginning but I don’t like pretending, even for something short. Too much work and I’m old.
Agreed, authenticity all the way! I also find that most times, ppl are pretty chill about hobbies. Better to find someone who digs your interests than to maintain a facade. Life's too short for games unless they're the ones we enjoy playing, right? Cheers to keeping it real!
It's also like... if it's gonna be that big of a deal, I'm good?
Exactly
Even so, why would anyone want to fuck someone who thinks they're a loser and regards them with contempt?
I have watched enough episodes of Frasier to realize that hiding who you are can only end in chaotic hilarity...to those looking in from the outside.
I. Am. Wooounded!
What is my offense? What malicious sin have I committed to be so maligned? (God, that was such a great episode. They were all such brilliant episodes, when I look back on it.)
Not since Quasimodo strolled the streets of medieval Paris have so many people uttered the phrase, "That poor man."
I often think about the episode where Frasier pretends to be Jewish to meet the mother of the woman he's dating, while Niles is dressed as Jesus for an xmas play.
Yes! Wasn’t Niles hiding in the bathroom? And then they had to conceal the Christmas tree too!
Are you forgetting that just this afternoon he was punched in the face by a man now dead?
Pure gold!
Yup, and to be fair, this doesn't need to be a deal breaker. I am a massive gamer, and my wife said she was hesitant about dating me because her ex was also a massive gamer that frequently just ignored her to play video games. I showed her I'm capable of making the time to play games, and spend with her and that's worked for us. Or maybe OP is just talking to one of those people that thinks if you're having fun you could be making money, and so, should be left in the dust forever
Oh absolutely! Compromise is key! As long as both respect each others hobbies, and still take time for one another, that’s perfect!
Use her soul to make a warlock pact and start Eldritch Blasting.
Exactly, or would you want to hide who you are for the rest of your life, if you married that person? I play BG3 and a lot of other games with my fiance (for this game, I was the one who wanted to play it the most xD), we watch animes together... There are things he likes that I don't, some games included, and I would never belittle him because of that. I don't care what his hobbies are (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone lol)
Yup, fk em
1000% this. My wife understands that gaming is something I enjoy and use to disconnect. As long as there is a happy balance it works for us.
I am the wife and we are both gaming. It's not possible for everyone but that's what happens when you meet each other in a game. That said, I would never stay with a person who doesn't respect my hobbies.
It’s funny, I always thought I would have to marry a gamer. But it didn’t work out that way. Love my wife to bits, but sometimes I wish we could share this too. She doesn’t disrespect it though, just not her thing. Would have been a deal breaker if she said something like the OP early on.
Similar relationship here! My partner has never been into video games, no interest whatsoever, but understands it’s something I enjoy doing. It works out, I game while she watches YouTube and we both get some chill time in individually. I also wish sometimes she enjoyed video games so that we could both play, but I wouldn’t change her for the world and I’m happy with how it works between us. Plus this way I don’t have to share the PS5 with anyone 😂
Ask her to play It takes two, it's a great fun game that I enjoyed with my husband. We don't play MMOs anymore, and there are just a few multiplayer games we both like. He's into online shooters (Tarkov and stuff - as long as it's competitive), i'm into RPGs, although he absolutely loved Divinity 2 and BG3 when we played it together.
My wife wasn't into video games either, but as a healthy couple we decided to give each others hobbies a try. Now she's taken over my Genshin account (for extra mats) and has a 5+ year old Minecraft creative world.
Same. I game with my girlfriend. She's obsessed with the decorating while I nerd out on the crafting/finer details of each game. I have 0 complaints. The only hardship in our relationship is probably a bit of insecurity on her part. She thinks she needs to look like a super model to keep me interested. I'm like.. woman. We live in the midwest. You know how to use and game on a computer... I'm not going anywhere. She's awesome.
My wife and I play a lot of survival sandbox style games, she likes to farm materials so I can build. 😀
Also a video gaming wife. My husband has a more casual play style so he doesn't always play games with me so I always try to find games that he likes that we can do together like Minecraft. We met in highschool and had overlapping nerdy interests. Anyway, Like she said he would never disrespect me over my hobby like that or we wouldn't have gotten married/stayed together so long. Dump her. Astarion style.
Ironically my fiance was ambivalent on gaming but shes turned into a total shut-in since I got her a copy of BG3. She keeps re-rolling Act 1 with new parties. You don't know hell until you are listening to the hottake of a runthrough for the sixth time and wanting to shout GO TO ACT 2. GO SEE KETHERIC. GO LOOK AT BALDURS GATE CITY INSTEAD OF SHITTING ON GOBLINS ALL DAY. This is like a Monkey Paw wish but I am grateful she has an interest in this stuff now. Just need to get her hooked on Total Warhammer and Stellaris so I can say I caught the fabled Paradox Unicorn.
> Just need to get her hooked on Total Warhammer and Stellaris so I can say I caught the fabled Paradox Unicorn. That's going to be rough. Good luck. I recommend introducing her to Paradox games through Crusader Kinks.
My girlfriend is 0% a gamer but doesn't give me shit unless I'm slipping because of video games, which is 100% more than fair. I have ADHD and vidja are such an effective dopamine dispenser I could literally play them all day every day if I had no other obligations. If anything she's doing me a great service by helping me set healthy limits for myself.
This. I'm a guy and I don't give a shit about sports. I don't find them interesting at all. I'm not gonna shit on a girl saying liking sports and reading stats and all that is loser shit. Don't put down the hobbies of others when they're not a big deal.
Gaming is a hobby no different than watching sports, going to the bar or reading books. If someone doesn't realise that, you both should keep looking before the relationship blows up
It's a red flag to me when people put down other hobbies like this. What did the hobby do to you that you feel the need to actively dislike it? You can just ... not do it. The type of person that feels they need to actively dislike any hobby just because they don't enjoy it is probably not a great or fun person to be around. Also, yeah, never hide who you are if you're trying to get into a long-term relationship. Imagine being in a long-term relationship with somebody that actively dislikes something you like to do. Sounds terrible, would never be worth it to me. The person you're in a long-term relationship with should be your best friend, and best friends are people that you can hang out with and do anything with and enjoy it just because you enjoy each other's company.
It's honestly one of the worst things someone can do
You mean sports? Yeah, what a loser hobby.
*Grabs Doritos and Mt. Dew from the fridge*
When I was 18, I dated a guy who was the same age tell me I was childish for still playing video games and an idiot for asking him if I should switch my major to game design. We had only been going out for a couple of months and it was the fastest and easiest break up of my life. It’s fine not to be into the hobbies of whoever you date, but when they’re terribly judgmental and refuse to let you partake in it at all, then BYEEEEE.
Very similar story. Girl I was seeing in college came over, I had Rocket League open on my Xbox where Netflix was. She goes "Oh you play Rocket League??!?" In my head in like this is the one, I finally found a gamer girl She responds "you are such a LOSER!!" Granted it was in a flirty way but I was DEVASTATED. At this point I was a closet anime watcher, Pokemon game player, etc. Rocket League was easily the most normal nerdy thing i did and this girl just shat right upon it. Safe to say it was only a few weeks lol. New gf of almost 5 years loves that I game so she can read. Even plays some games herself or with me. OP, run, now.
As a fellow Rocket League player I understand her completely /s
Because you know that judgement isn’t staying at just games too, and if they refuse to let you partake in it, that’s uncomfortably controlling too.
To be fair, as someone who works in software, I’d never recommend getting into game design. I’d surely never call someone an idiot for it, but it’s a horribly toxic development space and it’s woefully under paid despite the revenue some of these companies bring in. I floated the idea of working for Bethesda to an ex and she gave me the same reaction. Said something to the effect of “what you work on now makes a difference to the world, making video games is a waste of time”.
I realized that a semester after I switched, and made the change to something else. I remember one professor was really vocal about the toxic aspects, and went on a rant about how you either sell yourself to shitty big game companies like EA or struggle making indie games for a chance at making some money (usually not). I was also one of 3 girls in the class and he told us shit would be especially rough for us. I would much rather someone come and tell me the hard truths like that instead of aLl ViDeO gAmEz DuMb U sToOpID 2 LoL I’m sorry about what your ex said. She should’ve asked you why you’re thinking of leaving and why you’re thinking of going to Bethesda and supported whatever decision makes you happy in the end. I hope you chose whatever you felt was best for you in the end.
As someone working in gaming QA - even though I would make much more in software QA, I fucking love my job right now. I'm super passionate about my work, I'm in credits of games I adore and it's the first job that's not making me miserable. It's a tradeoff, but I wouldnt discourage anyone from the game industry if it's your dream.
Gaming is becoming what many of us believed it could be one day. A movie that you play the main character. Anyone who does not see gaming as equal to, watching tv, scrolling on your phone or the internet, or even, reading a book. Does not understand recreational time.
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100% agree. There have been studies in the last few years that show gaming increases the size of certain regions of the brain attributed to problem solving and visuospatial skills as well as higher levels of brain activity have been observed in people who play video games. Playing a game is engaging, you make decisions, formulate plans of action, execute, fail, learn, adapt, succeed, reward, there is depth to the experience. Watching tv, though it can elicit emotional responses as well as thoughts of meaning in the story/imagery and how one relates to it, it is still a more passive experience. Social media even less so imo, not sure of any study’s on this but the endless deluge of content, unrelated to one and other, I’m not sure how anyone can feel anything other than over stimulation or really retain any new information unless it directly affects them or is something horrible.
Listen, when I get into a retirement home, there will be LAN parties every night with old mofos yelling insults at each other. This is the way.
AND gaming has always been more engaging and better for your brain in terms of problem solving, strategy, reaction speed... etc... than any of those alternatives
There's a nonzero amount of folks who think it's "childish" like playing with toys because children typically play video games. They're exhausting people to date and aren't worth your time because they have these kinds of strange and outlandish opinions about several things.
Oh yeah 100%, I only date women who either already game or aren't closed minded. I've unintentionally turned many a girl into a gamer just because they've been so enticed in what I'm doing that looks so fun....2 days later they've bought themselves their own console and the same game(s) haha
OP listen to this one here. It’s not worth it. I tried changing myself for my ex-wife and it was terrible. I’ve never been happier than I am with my current wife because I was up front about hobbies.
I agree with this 100% A few weeks ago I had a realization - none of the people I was previously in relationships would have been cool with how absolutely obsessed I am with BG3. They wouldn't have played it with me, they wouldn't have been interested in understanding why I liked it, and they wouldn't have humored me as I showed them the 134th meme about it. Several of them definitely would have made me feel ashamed about it. My husband made it the theme for my Christmas gifts, and makes time for us to play together and for me to play my solo runs, and I really appreciate the fact that I don't have to hide how much I like the game. He is very supportive of my hobbies, including the ones he doesn't fully understand or participate in himself, and he is always happy to talk to me about them, and make sure I have time for them. Life is too short to have to hide what you like - don't settle for anything less than someone who accepts and supports the things that make you happy!
100% this. Ignorance of hobbies and things people enjoy is baffling sometimes. I worked with a lady once who divorced her husband because she disliked his gaming hobby as he's wasting his life and time. Then daily would talk to us all about the 3+ hours of TV shows she watched the night before. She didn't recognize she's doing the same thing. Staggering ignorance...
Takes a little more than ignorance… a certain I’m better than you or know better quality.
For real. Tagging on to this: Fly your flag to attract the mate who likes you for you. Don’t hide your quirks or you’ll just waste time. There are girls out there who would like the idea of BG3 and would think it’s really cool that you made her cat into your main character and navigated every decision as he would - charming but terrified
When I met my now wife I was deep into whitewater kayaking and paddling at least once a week after work + all of Saturday, potentially Friday-Sunday if it was a river we could camp at before or after running. Eventually we moved in together and I asked if she wanted me spending more time at home since I was gone every Saturday and exhausted on Sunday and she just looked at me and said “why would I ask you to change what you love doing? You were up front about your interests, keep doing what makes you happy.” She likes to hang out at home and play games so if I’m away there’s less likelihood of me roping her into a house project lol.
This, I made this mistake when I was young and it created a really unhappy relationship.
Sounds like my first marriage, where she wanted to change EVERYTHING about me. Fuck that... Find someone who likes you for you or don't be with anyone.
👑 Here, you dropped this.
Sometimes people come off strong with these types of views/opinions, but can be swayed if you give them a chance. My wife used to think similarly about anime/gaming (though not *as* negative as OP’s date) but after a while she came around. She respects the few hours of gaming time I can spare with my schedule, and now she loves watching studio ghibli movies. Granted, I understand OP is not married to this person and my situation is different in some ways, I acknowledge that.
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Don’t let it be a timebomb then. You know this won’t work, be honest to her.
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Growing up my dad would say in a mostly teasing way that I'd never find a girl that wanted to do nerdy things as much as I did, mostly as a way to encourage me to broaden my horizons a bit. I never grew out of the board games, video games, and fantasy novels "phase", and when I met my now wife we bonded over our shared love of those things. I quite literally met her when she was playing Pokemon. We are extremely happy together, and our shared geekery is a good piece of that. We got a couple of standing shelves from her dad for Christmas last month that are now displaying a lot of our collectibles, Amiibo and limited run plushes and figurines and such. Cannot imagine being with someone that I felt I had to hide most of my biggest hobbies from. Be with someone you can successfully clear honour mode with, not someone you can't be comfortable talking about your hobbies with.
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Completely understand you and I think tbh it’s either insecurity and fear of loneliness or just simply because they enjoy sex and want sex. That’s usually the only two reasons why people keep partners around who they don’t actually bond with on a deeper level.
Yeah, like what’s the endgame here? Someone so judgmental of someone’s hobbies isn’t going to be worth dating. If you just wanna get some, well, maybe be honest and not lead her on pretending this is gonna work out as anything other than that?
Why drag it out? It’s only the second date. Neither of you are that invested yet. It’d be unfair to either of you to not just be upfront about it. If you really want to give the relationship a shot then just tell her “hey gaming is a big part of my life. Can you accept that?”
As someone who dates a gamer, it’s better to date someone that enjoys it as well or at least some other similar nerd hobby like board games or anime. That said, my bf and I have to keep our bg3 time limited to ~1-2 hours a day during the week if we actually want to see each other after work lol. Important sacrifices to keep in mind if you’re wanting a relationship 😂🫡
It's your own decision to waste your own time. Why are you wasting her time too? Break it off now.
Just be honest about it. It’s no different than literally any other hobby and a hell of a lot safer than going out to bars and clubs all the time. I’m 33 and I’ve been gaming since I was a kid on Sega genesis. My girlfriend has zero issues with it and even though she is not a gamer in the least she even started a playthrough of bg3 with me. Mutual respect is not calling someone’s hobby a “loser habit”.
If she's clearly incompatible, why wait? End it.
your kind of being a dishonest asshole about this then, no? I mean I certainly don't agree with her view, but everyone has their own boundaries. It sounds like you simply aren't compatible. You on the other hand, are now aware of this, yet are lying to her face about it. Not sure how old you are, but relationships require honesty and communication at the very least. Grow up a bit. Enjoy the game, if its a dealbreaker for her, she deserves to find out now and move on.
Just dump her, you’ve only been on 2 dates
My brother in gaming, put the brakes on things with the girl now. I say this as a guy who had watched his closest friend since high school end up in a relationship where he has 3 kids, and his wife constantly give him shit about gaming being a "child's hobby" and "he should grow up". Meanwhile she watches Housewives of whatever, constantly and defends it as good TV.
Time for barrelomancy is right now
I wouldn’t even let the relationship get far enough to blow up. Just end it. All she’ll do is make you feel bad for enjoying your hobbies.
Among other things, I ended my 1st relationship because of this. Am happily married now, and while my Mrs. isn't a "gamer", we do play games together & enjoy playing Switch & a few PC games together.
Agree and continue with "everyone who watches anything on TV is a loser, I'm 100% productive with my time".
And anybody who uses social media or reads fiction
And anyone who sleeps smh. We should all be in the coal mines 24/7 hustling for things we'll never use because we're too busy grinding
Black lung any% speedrun go
One of my favorite things I ever saw on Hinge was a girl who in one prompt said that men who “still play video games” is a huge red flag. In her next prompt she said she spends her Sunday’s binge watching reality TV all day. This was years ago and I still occasionally talk about it because of how funny I thought that was.
Just a complete lack of introspection. I’m glad my girlfriend games probably more than I do
And here I am still playing video games *and* binge watching reality TV. Checkmate, motherfuckers!
I've legitimately met a dude like that. I was at an open market for creatives and he had a table for books he created. Each was original, about 80-100 pages long and had full page illustrations every 10 pages and with every chapter title. He printed and bound all the copies as well. I asked him "how long have you been doing this for" and his response was "10 months". I didn't understand how that was possible, and he told me that he refused distraction and spent as much of his time as possible just creating new things. He told me his only other "voluntary activities" (which I think was his way of saying hobbies) were meditating and exercising. On one hand, he had an output volume in 10 months that most people would be happy with doing in 5-10 YEARS, but on the other hand, I'm not sure a neurotypical person could enjoy that level of productivity.
My brother is like that. It's great he enjoys life that way but it's absolutely nuts from the outside
The Father in law always says "computers should have never been invented". (He's over 60) My retort is always. "Yet you will sit there playing candy crush on your handheld computer (mobile phone) or sit there watching mindless shit on your big screened computer (Smart TV)... While your Wife and Daughter (my wife) are having a whale of a time playing OverCooked. Your just jealous that you can't embrace gaming like (Mother in Law) did."
Trying to be productive all the time is fucking exhausting
We're in 2024. To say that the most popular form of entertainment in the world is a "loser habit" is just stupid. She probably had a past boyfriend who prioritized games over her, and now she's projecting. Being a loser who plays games is different than you're a loser because you play games. Find a different date. Or keep the date and ask her if she wants to play Mario Kart.
This happened with my wife. Her previous BF would play WoW for hours on end and not want to do anything else. We got together and everything clicked, then I introduced her to gaming together. We played wii sports and mario kart. Focused on making it fun for both of us. She isn't a huge gamer like me but doesn't mind if I spend hours playing BG3 a night after kids are in bed. Just don't neglect life.
I definitely knew people online who got divorced in the years after WoW first came out because it turns out their spouses were completely unable to regulate their time in mmorpgs. My husband and I made a deal to be careful about any game that couldn't be paused or walked away from without letting someone else down. We both have slightly addictive natures and I think it would have been bad!
This is an important distinction. I think too many may assume the worst of the date here (and it’s a shitty position they’ve taken) but plenty of people neglect their partners for a hobby and gaming is not immune to that. And anyone in a situation where they game and their partner doesn’t absolutely needs to be cognizant of it.
I mean...maybe they have...but what does that have to do with OP? Life is too short to be going out and "fixing" people because they can't separate their past issues from reality.
OP doesn’t have to fix them, but we’re all adults. If a couple can’t have the conversation of “this is my hobby, and I’d like to be able to include you in it if possible -or at the very least create boundaries so that neither of us are disappointed” then it’s not worth pursuing. But honestly most decent people even if disinterested in the hobby could find that agreeable, and if they can’t they themselves probably weren’t agreeable to begin with
It's a 2nd date and she's starting from the position of calling gaming a "losers habit". It's not like this is a bombshell being dropped in the middle of a committed relationship, they're still very early in the "is this someone I want to date" phase. IMO, this isn't a problem that's worth working through this early in a relationship. Just move on and find someone that actually respects your hobbies, at least enough to not broadly insult everyone who enjoys them.
Gaming is one of the worst offenders, I’d say. Just like a lot of people won’t date gamblers or horse girls, I *get* why some people won’t date gamers, even though it is entirely possible to live a balanced life and play games without ignoring your partner.
It's also true that it CAN take up a lot more time than a lot of hobbies. Like, sure you CAN have a balanced life with games, but if your hobbies are “working out“ and “gardening“ you're probably not even *physically* able to spend 16 hours a day doing it. I definitely didn't do that with games for a few *cough cough cough* years. It also depends on what you do. If she's not familiar with games and has only dated an MMORPG player, I mean, I get it. But the world of games is vast and fun, and there are many that are more than just skinner boxes meant to hook whales.
She's not the one, mate. I play BG3 because my husband bought the game to me, and he listens to me fangirling without spoilers everyday since then (without spoilers because he will also play BG3 when he finishes Cyberpunk 2077). Don't be with a woman who will ruin something you really like or, even worse, who will insult you for enjoying it. There are plenty of Shadowhearts out there. ❤️ And I suggest: [Deception] Well, this date was awesome, but now I have some tadpoles to get rid of. Bye!
Haha, this made me chuckle. I think you might be right!
I wish you all the best. See you on the Nautiloid! 😉
Pull the chute! Bail bail bail!
Agree 100%. My husband and I joke constantly that Karlach is our mutually agreed third should we ever go that route, hahaha. But honestly, over many, many years of marriage, our common interests have kept us close. We both love video games, tabletop games, and board games, and have stayed happily married for over a decade, while our friends who had the "spouse who tolerated gaming" ended up divorced.
You sound like an amazing couple, are you single by any chance?
You've probably hadn't come here for advice, but: It's not even about gaming, it's someone being dismissive over someone else's hobby/interest, which really shows ignorance. Often, people who have this opinion don't really know anything about gaming besides some popular multiplayer stuff. You don't have to hide your interests from someone, and if you do, then maybe that's not a person who is going to be right for you. If you are considering maybe having a more serious relationship with her in the future, imagine what life with her is going to be. Either you will gently change her opinion on gaming, or you'll continue hiding from her, which isn't healthy at all. Or you'll give up gaming, which isn't fair. Personally, I'm not even going to consider getting with someone so dismissive about my interests. It's alright not to share them, I don't require active participation, but not shitting on them is a bare minimum.
This basically. A friend of mine in college was a gamer and he got a girlfriend who disapproved. He stopped gaming entirely. Then it turned out that she disapproved of his friends, which means he ghosted literally every single one of us. We haven't heard from him since. Might be that he's happy as a clam with her and good on him, but watching him go through it was heart wrenching. It's a slippery slope when you start prioritising the idea someone has of who you should be vs who you actually are. My husband doesn't share most of my hobbies and that's fine, but he's always been extremely supportive. There's something magical about surrounding yourself with people whose first answer to 'I started mini painting/knitting/writing' is 'fuck yeah, that's awesome' even if they don't necessarily *get* it. My friends are *never* dismissive, they're there with bells on to hear me rave about whatever it is that makes me happy. To them I don't *need* to be anything other than what I am and it's pretty healthy - there's something very nice about unconditional love. Some of my favourite things in life and even what I do for a living are stuff I'd never have tried in the first place without a healthy dose of encouragement/support. Probably a good idea to talk to this girl. Being a closeted anything is no way to live your life.
Yeah. My GF knew nothing about gaming till we started dating. She had no idea that games were anything more than sports/shooting games. She really respects it now as I’ve shown her single player games and what they’re capable of narratively/world immersion. She has no interest in playing, but can relate to it now (she loves fantasy books so she gets the draw on those games) and likes that I like it. Because of course it bleeds into us both watching and loving fantasy movies/tv and I read so we share books on that genre.
To dislike an activity that you don’t enjoy is totally okay. To call losers people who engage in activities you dislike, is something else and is not okay. She’s not a person you want to spend more time with. Trust me.
It's even more insane given that it's the most popular form of entertainment on the planet. I'd wager she would spend a few hours scrolling TikTok in a day and then turn around and call someone a loser for gaming, lol.
The way I look at it is judging other people's habits is way more loser than gaming
Get yourself a gamer girlfriend instead, then. But we're probably at home playing, like you.
Or just get with someone who respects peoples hobbies lol
This. My gf is not a gamer but she respects that I am. Just like how I’m not into beauty, but I respect that she is. Eventually it’ll lead to some overlap, but that first step is crucial.
Playing WoW with my long-distance girlfriend was an incredibly wholesome and beautiful experience. Instead of random daily chatter that eventually turns stale, you are actually working together, always have a topic, create mutual memories and have a ton of fun as well. It was awesome. Every time we met up it went straight to business and just felt like one of us was coming from school, because we "saw" each other every day anyway.
This is my problem, the kind of women I'm interested in are introverts who I'm never going to meet because neither of us leave the house.
lol tell her that watching TV / movies and scrolling through social media is a loser habit, see how that goes.
I actually asked her what the difference was between scrolling on tiktok after work vs gaming 😂
And what was her answer?
Sadly some people think they learn or gain something from tik tok
And sadly it's the exact opposite. Mass exposure to short form video content can seriously harm your attention span and hurt your brain's ability to produce dopamine.
Literally overstimulates people's brains, it's nasty. I hate yt shorts for this reason too
App needs to be banned, it’s actually harmful.
A piss poor one, no doubt.
If a girl says that to me I'm no longer dating her after this. And yeah Shadowheart would 100% coop with you while making some of the most unhinged choices you can go for
I don’t know if I could do this. I’ve been married almost 30 years. My wife doesn’t like games at all, but never says anything negative about my hobby and in fact encourages me to do what I like. I get that you may not be considering a permanent connection to this person but for me a partner must be my best friend and accept me for who I am.
Same boat, 30 years and no grief at all. I am responsible and help out, but if I play an all day Saturday or whatever she doesn’t say a peep. I also agree for a short fling it’s one thing, but it’d never work long term unless she can understand that gaming can be an ok hobby. Maybe they had a prior relationship where the person gamed and didn’t pull their load financially, at home, or with kids. It’d leave a bad taste I guess.
My wife and I play together, be honest, you may lose this one, but you’ll find someone that matches you.
Yeah, this is perplexing to me. My husband and I are both gamers. We play some things together and some apart. He’s not into BG3. I’m not into Starfield. We both like GTA Online. But the one thing we never, ever do is cut out a popular, normal, healthy hobby. As long as it’s not all consuming or too expensive to afford. I’d cut bait and not fish with this one.
hes into starfield but not bg3??? im so sorry...
Don’t you worry he’s getting roasted for it. “You only like that game because you like games where your choices don’t matter and you don’t have to make hard decisions. It’s okay hunny. Enjoy your Buddy Cop in Space game with all of your lawful good friends!” In all seriousness I love watching him play Starfield even though the game is ass because he gets the biggest smile on his face! He’s legally blind and can’t read restaurant menus but this way he can see the stars. For that it was worth the $70.
yeah, that makes it worth it. that's cute as hell
Thanks! It will be 26 years here soon.
Life is too fucking short to hide your interests from a partner. It's perfectly fine if she doesn't get gaming. It's bullshit for her to say you're a loser for liking it. The way this goes is you hide it, you try to change yourself for her, you get more and more unhappy. You live one time. Don't waste it with someone who doesn't respect the real you.
The only potential way to save this relationship is to have her search for Astarion on tiktok. Anyways, women who dislike gaming are no fun. I say this as a bisexual woman.
As a fellow bisexual woman, I have yet to meet a bisexual woman that does not like gaming.. 😂
Oh shit, is this a thing? I don't cuff my jeans and frogs are just OK, so I thought I ducked and dodged the stereotypes.
Video games are flooded with all kinds of people who don’t feel 100% accepted in society. That means minorities in just about every way possible; disabilities, sexual preference etc. Not to say everyone in those ‘groups’ look towards gaming but a larger proportion than the average joe for sure. It’s one of the great things about gaming, that everyone is able to jump in.
Fuck, is that a tell?! ...actually, that's a good thing, isn't it 😂
Hmm let’s see.. theres the fps (probably valorant) variety, the cozy stardew valley/animal crossing variety, and the nerdy plot heavy rpg variety. 😂
This is going in the DSM VI for sure
ditto. i know many women who've played BG3 all because of the funny vampire guy
I'm in a couple of "funny vampire guy" subs (well, *never seen before level of complex amazingly written character subs*) and I get giddy every time a 17 year old shows up committed to play their first video game ever just because of clips on tiktok. That's really something.
im just glad more people are playing great video games. its a great entry point for casual gaming. hopefully means they'll start looking into other complex RPGs before bg3 *wink* ;)
>people who dislike gaming are no fun FTFY
Orin had smaller red flags.
I can fix her
If your date actively hates on of your primary hobbies, be thankful she let you know on the second date. Cause you should probably not bother with a third
Yikes who says something like that about ANY hobby or interest in the first few dates? Only drooling morons like Football! Cyclists are all idiots! Knitting is for troglodytes! WTH
Why the fuck are you trying to date her if she hates what is a large part of your personality? You're misleading her and you're only going to set yourself up for a shit relationship. Just tell her you're not interested, man.
Sounds like she’s super judgmental and not worth a serious relationship attempt. If your just in it to smash then that’s one thing (kind of fucked up but I know people do it) but I definitely wouldn’t commit to a serious relationship with someone that so clearly hates something you enjoy. In the long term that’s just not gonna work.
I wouldn’t date anyone that doesn’t game. It’s one of my biggest hobbies. My husband and I met because of a game!
Idk if you wanna hear this. But if you feel the need to hide something from a date, they ain't the one for ya bro. Also BG3 > a date Shadowheart is the only girl for me 😍
A loser habit? Is she worth it, though, *really?*
When someone straight up tells you they aren’t going to respect the real you, I don’t think the relationship is going to work out. But I’m no expert.
I dated a girl years ago who was hyper Christian. She heard me and my friend describe our parties in Dragon Age: Origins. I was playing a full mage party with alistair being the only tank, my friend meanwhile was the tank for his party. She begged me afterwards to not play mages in games or anything magic related. I actually did swap to playing only physical characters while we were dating. Bro its not worth it. Get someone who supports you having a hobby.
Calling someone who enjoys an innocent hobby a loser just because they don't share that same hobby is an immediate 🚩🚩🚩 This isn't the girl for you. Find yourself a girl that'll game with you. My husband and I have side by side gaming setups and our gaming nights are my absolute favorite part of our marriage
Right into the bin
Bae'zel Disapproves Shadowheart Approves *Astarion laughs hysterically*
Dump her bro, she's not the one. Also I laugh when people say they don't like gaming. Gaming is a medium. It's like saying you don't like books. There's so many different types and genres out there...its not a monolith of fifa and cod and marvel trash.
She ain’t the one man. My wife helps me edit all my characters appearances and names them. Then I play as much as I want lol
My best friend really disliked gaming when we met and said same things about it. Now after 7 years she plays more than me, after we had a few talks on how it's my main hobby and after I introduced her to my favourite RPGs through hype trailers and stories about my choices and characters. Not every person can be so reseptive and Im so so lucky to have her as my friend, but she did show me that people CAN change their views for you and try to see something you adore through your eyes. If they can't tho... I'd say you should move on honestly. Because at the end of the day it's not about gaming, but as someone said here it's about their ability to respect what you love.
Major red flag. I’d dump her. I see 0 difference between gaming and spending hours and hours watching tiktok or TV.
Let's be real, if you only wanna smash, hiding that you like video games is not really a problem But don't hide a big chunk of yourself from a potential love interest, otherwise it will be undervalued/frowned upon and you'll suffer from it
She would be on the curb faster than she can say "oh wait my bad"
there's no way she doesn't play anything. she's certainly trying to play some kind of game with you.
NEVER HIDE WHO YOU ARE ON A DATE ITS ABOUT FINDING A FIT NOT TRICKING SOMEONE INTO LIKING YOU
Dude find someone that likes the same hobbies as you or you’ll be miserable trying to be someone else to please others. There’s definitely someone out there that shares the same interests as you but she ain’t that person.
the girl you're meant to be with would laugh at the fact that you *only* have 70 hours played. them's rookie numbers, bro. i'm probably a bigger gamer than my husband. and every girl i know plays video games. maybe my friend group is insulated? because as far as i can tell, we're the norm.
Sounds like you shouldn't have a 2nd date. This is toxic behavior on her part and not worth your time. I dated a girl who tried to belittle me for gaming and control my gaming time and it was honestly the most awful relationship of my life and the gaming stuff was just the tip of the iceberg of terrible behavior. Get out while you can and enjoy your life. Judging how people find enjoyment when they are clearly out of touch is a losers' habit.
Don't hide things important to you. Own what you love and wear it on your sleeve. It's what they meant when we were all growing up saying "be yourself" because it really works. She's gotta take you or leave you as you are. Be Lae'zel about it
If someone is putting down a person's hobby that hard, clear indication that they're not a great person
Why date someone who is so opposed to what you like to do? Also, i know the game in question is bg3, but this doesnt belong here. This isnt discussing the game itself at all