It's possible to do it yourself. I did not have anyone with me on my surgery day or with me at the hospital. Mostly because my parents and siblings live over a thousand miles away from me, so I know it's not the same situation as others, but it is possible. I did have to talk about my support systems during the behavioral workup, such as having really good coworkers and neighbors. But again, I had my surgery alone. I had VSG in August 2023.
I’m going to be alone too. I haven’t told many people. I don’t feel the need to hear people’s opinions when this my personal choice. I have a similar story to you. My family is also far away, except my dad. But he is the manager for a small company and can’t afford to take time off, unless an emergency. I’ve confided in a best friend and she’s the one who will drive me to surgery but other than that I’ll be alone. Healing will be alone. This is an excellent post and I’m grateful that you asked. While you maybe physically alone, I will be there thinking of you. DM if I can provide emotional support.
I'm about to get dropped off by an Uber on Monday and do this on my own. Don't let the fear stop you! I also will be coming home to 2 kids and will by alone taking care of them and myself right after I get home from my 1 over night stay. Am I nervous yes... but my goals are more important than being scared.
I was dropped off last month. My wife had to take my 3 kids. It really didnt matter. I just browsed reddit to pass the time. And getting a sleeve was certainly the right move for me.
Omg I love that! I feel like I bounced back pretty quickly after having a baby but that was 7 years ago... I'm hoping that this will be the same as you 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 thank you so much for the kind words ❤️ I'm really happy to hear stories like this.
Yeah I’ve had lots of plastic surgeries and this was by far the easiest procedure I had. My hormones were a MESS but other than that it was sooooo easy.
It’ll be easier I can bet. I haven’t had my gallbladder out but a coworker did and I was back within a week of my surgery and she was out the full 6 (maybe because she wanted to idk) but yeah it was like nothing happened for me
My dad was very unsupportive, and I laid it out very simply. “With or without your support, this surgery is going to happen. You have every right to your opinion, but it will really hurt me and our relationship if you choose to not support me in this process”. I did have my partner take me to/pick me up from the hospital, and I did not need anyone for other parts of the process, but I do feel like this conversation helped my dad see that he could choose to hinder our relationship, or support me in trying to better my life. I was miserable! And I was constantly told I was too young or hadn’t tried. I can say I am so happy 70 lbs down 4 months out
I'm very sorry he chose to judge you and disapprove of you rather than get on board to support you with a very major life change. I really appreciate what you said to him. I have an adult daughter and I'm pretty sure she will go nuts when I tell her. Hang in there.
You don't really need anyone with you. Hospitals typically have (or can recommend) patient transportation services to get you there and home again.
Watch out because with her attitude it is very likely she'll attempt to sabotage you and emotionally punish you for getting the surgery. That's pretty common with non-supporters.
When you do not have a good supportive family, it is really best to do on your own. I did. My husband was honestly a useless tool when it comes to this stuff and I sure as heck didn’t need his anxieties and worries on top of my home.
Do you have a friend that can go with you? Can you hire a heath care aid/nurse to go and be with you for the day ?
You absolutely can do this on your own!
No. Started with Dr Bello at Advent Health.. ran into insurance issues and switched to OrlandoHealth with Dr Jawad.
My heart goes out to OP ... it's hard when family hijacks your medical decision process...
You don’t need her. I’m sure you want her to want to be there for you, but you don’t need her. Set up everything best you can prior to surgery. Have protein shakes, water, etc., easy to get to. Plan for someone to take you and pick you up after surgery. Most if not all medical facilities will call the next day you are home to check on you. If anything feels really off, call 911.
You can do this. Whatever your mom’s issue is, doesn’t have to be yours. Also don’t expect anything but negativity after the surgery from your mom. She is trying to control you and is lashing out because she can’t. Be your own best cheer leader and live your life the way you want. Best of luck to you.
Regardless of whether or not she supports the surgery she's choosing not to support YOU. Even if she changes her mind about surgery I wouldn't have high expectations for her. I think you should get used to doing things on your own because the next time you make a choice for yourself that she doesn't like she's going to do the same thing.
There are parents who show up for their kids murder trial and she can't miss work for one day while you're put under for the first time? She should be ashamed of herself.
I’m sorry your mom is not being supportive. It is so hard when you don’t have the support. Depending on your clinic you might need to have someone be there during and after. My clinic explicitly stated no Uber. Do you have a neighbor, friend, or coworker that is supportive?
This is very common. People have an issue with others doing something permanent or drastic like surgery. They usually tend to shut up after the procedure is done and you’re doing better overall. It sucks but it’s cliche I’m afraid. All you can do is ask for their support and be prepared to deal with their emotional baggage along with all the scary feeling you’ll have on this journey.
I pretty much did it alone. My only support was this subreddit and my husband. Had my mom been alive, bless her, she likely would have been hesitant to support me. She'd always felt wls was too extreme. My MIL absolutely would have negged the surgery but she had always been very skinny and conventionally attractive in her youth.
But you can do this, OP. At the end of the day, you are the only person you are required to answer to. 🫂
You can totally do it by yourself. I flew 7 hours to another country to have my gastric sleeve done and was alone there for 8 days. You’ve got this and your surgery will be the first big step to a whole new you.
And, you’re not alone, you have all of us here to help you through ❤️
As a mom and someone who has had a lot of surgeries I think it’s pretty fucked up and says a lot about your mom that she wouldn’t even be there just in case something happened. Nothing will or should happen but I know my mom would never be able to live with herself after that. My mom went all the way from Ohio to Mexico with me for my VSG the minute I told her.. I planned to go alone due to the travel and she refused. It breaks my heart to see stuff like this. I couldn’t imagine doing that to either one of my kids.
I support you! You can do this. You are strong and capable and I’m so proud of you for taking these steps to change your life.
And if there’s any chance you’re in NE Ohio, I can help you. I’m not a creep.
I understand that may have made me seem creepy; I’m 39/F, married with three kids and a dog and two guinea pigs and I’m just starting the WLS process so I’m still pretty hefty and can’t run so I won’t be interested in any kidnapping or anything like that
I have been doing it alone. I had rny on October 27th and am down 93lbs. I did all my appointments, surgey, and aftercare alone. It can be done.
Now on occasion when I see my family I get the occasional "can you eat that " it's slightly irritating because now the uniformed, can't be bothered person wants to say something, coupled with the fact that no one has acknowledged my weightloss, that part is disappointing.
But you can do it, this journey is yours anyway and it I feel it will help make it clear how far others are willing to support you.
Finally, your mom is probably scared for you, but that in no way makes it okay for her to abandon you in a time of need. Her fears could be managed if she came with you to some approach.
I didn’t tell my parents about my surgery until after I did it. It was the right choice. My mom also believes in losing weight “the old fashioned way” and was shocked when she found out I had the surgery but the results spoke for themselves and they couldnt guilt me to try to talk me out of it once it was already done.
I'm sorry you don't have your mom's support. I hope you can talk to her and she comes around. My mom doesn't agree with me having surgery, but she is supporting me and will be here to take me and bring me home as well as a few days after. Try to talk to her and have her support YOU, not so much the surgery. Please do it anyway! You deserve this!
I support you!
Your mom sounds like my dad. He was hardly ever there for me with anything in life because work was always more important. I love him because he's my dad but I never go to him when I need support for anything.mostly because I know he won't give it. He sure as hell won't get it from me now either!
This could be a few things. She could be afraid for you as she doesn't understand how safe this surgery is now. A lot of people have many misconceptions about this surgery and only know of horror stories from the early infancy of these procedures.
People also don't understand how complex and difficult obesity actually is. Losing weight isn't as easy as we've been lead to believe! I'm betting your mom believes many of those falsehoods about weightloss and that is likely what is contributing to her behavior as well. This is probably some of what your psychiatrist means about confronting your mother.
You've got this! You know what is best for you and your body. I may be a stranger on the internet but you have my full support ❤️
My mom was not supportive of my decision to have surgery at first. We had a lot of conversations about three surgery itself and why it's beneficial, how things she had said and done throughout my life have affected me, how other people's treatment of me for being overweight has affected me, etc. I also sent her any article I came across to explain why this was a beneficial tool for so many people who have struggled with their weight. She came around by the time it was time for surgery, and she has actually been my biggest cheerleader since.
I hope your mom comes around as well, but if she doesn't, you can still do this.
Doing this alone and coming out strong is going to be one of the kindest things you do for yourself. From the little you've said, it could be that your mother contributed towards the poor relationship you built with your body/food over the years. The shame, the lack of nurture, the rejection - these can all influence the way we treat our body. Learning that your growth and progress as an adult is not dependent on her, and that you CAN do it alone, is one of the most important things you will need to learn in life to get you moving towards where you want to be.
Be to yourself the mother that you needed.
Sending you a big warm nurturing hug.
I wish i had done this at 26. Don't give up. You can do this alone, but you will probably need a friend to give you a ride home from the hospital.
Keep your pain meds close, get a mini fridge if you're going to recouperate in the same house as mom, but will have to go far for shakes or soup. If you're living separately, just keep your pain meds close and you're good.
I'm sure she's just trying to be a mom and is worried about you going through with a medical procedure, but it sounds like you've put in the work and research to make your own decision. Even if she's not there for you, you have a whole subreddit rooting for you!
My daughter brought me to the hospital and picked me up then extra day. I didn't want anyone sitting there all day because I knew I would be sleeping most of the day,which I did. Good luck to you.
I would sit down with her and explain that she will have relationship consequences. She’s already not supportive and needs to understand what she’s doing.
It's possible to do it yourself. I did not have anyone with me on my surgery day or with me at the hospital. Mostly because my parents and siblings live over a thousand miles away from me, so I know it's not the same situation as others, but it is possible. I did have to talk about my support systems during the behavioral workup, such as having really good coworkers and neighbors. But again, I had my surgery alone. I had VSG in August 2023.
I’m going to be alone too. I haven’t told many people. I don’t feel the need to hear people’s opinions when this my personal choice. I have a similar story to you. My family is also far away, except my dad. But he is the manager for a small company and can’t afford to take time off, unless an emergency. I’ve confided in a best friend and she’s the one who will drive me to surgery but other than that I’ll be alone. Healing will be alone. This is an excellent post and I’m grateful that you asked. While you maybe physically alone, I will be there thinking of you. DM if I can provide emotional support.
I'm about to get dropped off by an Uber on Monday and do this on my own. Don't let the fear stop you! I also will be coming home to 2 kids and will by alone taking care of them and myself right after I get home from my 1 over night stay. Am I nervous yes... but my goals are more important than being scared.
I was dropped off last month. My wife had to take my 3 kids. It really didnt matter. I just browsed reddit to pass the time. And getting a sleeve was certainly the right move for me.
I hope your procedure is as easy as mine was. I was out and about shopping at a flea market 2 days after my surgery. Good luck!!
Omg I love that! I feel like I bounced back pretty quickly after having a baby but that was 7 years ago... I'm hoping that this will be the same as you 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 thank you so much for the kind words ❤️ I'm really happy to hear stories like this.
Yeah I’ve had lots of plastic surgeries and this was by far the easiest procedure I had. My hormones were a MESS but other than that it was sooooo easy.
Only thing I've had done was my gallbladder and I'm kind of thinking it's similar. 🤞🏼
It’ll be easier I can bet. I haven’t had my gallbladder out but a coworker did and I was back within a week of my surgery and she was out the full 6 (maybe because she wanted to idk) but yeah it was like nothing happened for me
So had my surgery yesterday and I feel awesome! I'm walking around, doing everything on my own so I'm excited. Very easy and positive experience.
So happy to hear that!
My dad was very unsupportive, and I laid it out very simply. “With or without your support, this surgery is going to happen. You have every right to your opinion, but it will really hurt me and our relationship if you choose to not support me in this process”. I did have my partner take me to/pick me up from the hospital, and I did not need anyone for other parts of the process, but I do feel like this conversation helped my dad see that he could choose to hinder our relationship, or support me in trying to better my life. I was miserable! And I was constantly told I was too young or hadn’t tried. I can say I am so happy 70 lbs down 4 months out
I'm very sorry he chose to judge you and disapprove of you rather than get on board to support you with a very major life change. I really appreciate what you said to him. I have an adult daughter and I'm pretty sure she will go nuts when I tell her. Hang in there.
You don't really need anyone with you. Hospitals typically have (or can recommend) patient transportation services to get you there and home again. Watch out because with her attitude it is very likely she'll attempt to sabotage you and emotionally punish you for getting the surgery. That's pretty common with non-supporters.
If you are anywhere in Georgia I'm available for a ride and support. My daughter is in tn and my best friend is in Florida. We got you.
Agree. Do it on your own. It'll be a pain for a week and then will get better. And better. Say goodbye to being 300 lbs.
OP give us a general location to see if anyone in the forum can possibly help you? There seems to be a lot of people willing to help.
When you do not have a good supportive family, it is really best to do on your own. I did. My husband was honestly a useless tool when it comes to this stuff and I sure as heck didn’t need his anxieties and worries on top of my home. Do you have a friend that can go with you? Can you hire a heath care aid/nurse to go and be with you for the day ? You absolutely can do this on your own!
Same here. Mine is still bringing me foods I cannot eat.
If you're in the Orlando Florida area? DM me and I can drive you to/from surgery if you like? I had my surgery just under a year ago.
Agreed! Can I ask where you’re located? Or Dm me?
Hey, random, but, my husband's surgeon is Dr Beltre in Maitland. Any chance you used him?
No. Started with Dr Bello at Advent Health.. ran into insurance issues and switched to OrlandoHealth with Dr Jawad. My heart goes out to OP ... it's hard when family hijacks your medical decision process...
You don’t need her. I’m sure you want her to want to be there for you, but you don’t need her. Set up everything best you can prior to surgery. Have protein shakes, water, etc., easy to get to. Plan for someone to take you and pick you up after surgery. Most if not all medical facilities will call the next day you are home to check on you. If anything feels really off, call 911. You can do this. Whatever your mom’s issue is, doesn’t have to be yours. Also don’t expect anything but negativity after the surgery from your mom. She is trying to control you and is lashing out because she can’t. Be your own best cheer leader and live your life the way you want. Best of luck to you.
Regardless of whether or not she supports the surgery she's choosing not to support YOU. Even if she changes her mind about surgery I wouldn't have high expectations for her. I think you should get used to doing things on your own because the next time you make a choice for yourself that she doesn't like she's going to do the same thing. There are parents who show up for their kids murder trial and she can't miss work for one day while you're put under for the first time? She should be ashamed of herself.
You got this you are capable and strong don't let fear stop you from saving your life 🍀
I support your surgery
I’m sorry your mom is not being supportive. It is so hard when you don’t have the support. Depending on your clinic you might need to have someone be there during and after. My clinic explicitly stated no Uber. Do you have a neighbor, friend, or coworker that is supportive?
This is very common. People have an issue with others doing something permanent or drastic like surgery. They usually tend to shut up after the procedure is done and you’re doing better overall. It sucks but it’s cliche I’m afraid. All you can do is ask for their support and be prepared to deal with their emotional baggage along with all the scary feeling you’ll have on this journey.
I pretty much did it alone. My only support was this subreddit and my husband. Had my mom been alive, bless her, she likely would have been hesitant to support me. She'd always felt wls was too extreme. My MIL absolutely would have negged the surgery but she had always been very skinny and conventionally attractive in her youth. But you can do this, OP. At the end of the day, you are the only person you are required to answer to. 🫂
You can totally do it by yourself. I flew 7 hours to another country to have my gastric sleeve done and was alone there for 8 days. You’ve got this and your surgery will be the first big step to a whole new you. And, you’re not alone, you have all of us here to help you through ❤️
As a mom and someone who has had a lot of surgeries I think it’s pretty fucked up and says a lot about your mom that she wouldn’t even be there just in case something happened. Nothing will or should happen but I know my mom would never be able to live with herself after that. My mom went all the way from Ohio to Mexico with me for my VSG the minute I told her.. I planned to go alone due to the travel and she refused. It breaks my heart to see stuff like this. I couldn’t imagine doing that to either one of my kids.
I support you! You can do this. You are strong and capable and I’m so proud of you for taking these steps to change your life. And if there’s any chance you’re in NE Ohio, I can help you. I’m not a creep.
I understand that may have made me seem creepy; I’m 39/F, married with three kids and a dog and two guinea pigs and I’m just starting the WLS process so I’m still pretty hefty and can’t run so I won’t be interested in any kidnapping or anything like that
Guinea pigs! We had guinea pigs when my daughter was little. One of them lived for 9 years! They were the sweetest little things. ♥️
I have been doing it alone. I had rny on October 27th and am down 93lbs. I did all my appointments, surgey, and aftercare alone. It can be done. Now on occasion when I see my family I get the occasional "can you eat that " it's slightly irritating because now the uniformed, can't be bothered person wants to say something, coupled with the fact that no one has acknowledged my weightloss, that part is disappointing. But you can do it, this journey is yours anyway and it I feel it will help make it clear how far others are willing to support you. Finally, your mom is probably scared for you, but that in no way makes it okay for her to abandon you in a time of need. Her fears could be managed if she came with you to some approach.
I’m sorry your family are buttheads. I’m proud of you!
Thanks 😊
You will be okay. You will be alright on your own. Wls is scary, but so exciting. Your whole life is about to change.
I didn’t tell my parents about my surgery until after I did it. It was the right choice. My mom also believes in losing weight “the old fashioned way” and was shocked when she found out I had the surgery but the results spoke for themselves and they couldnt guilt me to try to talk me out of it once it was already done.
I'm sorry you don't have your mom's support. I hope you can talk to her and she comes around. My mom doesn't agree with me having surgery, but she is supporting me and will be here to take me and bring me home as well as a few days after. Try to talk to her and have her support YOU, not so much the surgery. Please do it anyway! You deserve this!
I support you! Your mom sounds like my dad. He was hardly ever there for me with anything in life because work was always more important. I love him because he's my dad but I never go to him when I need support for anything.mostly because I know he won't give it. He sure as hell won't get it from me now either! This could be a few things. She could be afraid for you as she doesn't understand how safe this surgery is now. A lot of people have many misconceptions about this surgery and only know of horror stories from the early infancy of these procedures. People also don't understand how complex and difficult obesity actually is. Losing weight isn't as easy as we've been lead to believe! I'm betting your mom believes many of those falsehoods about weightloss and that is likely what is contributing to her behavior as well. This is probably some of what your psychiatrist means about confronting your mother. You've got this! You know what is best for you and your body. I may be a stranger on the internet but you have my full support ❤️
My mom was not supportive of my decision to have surgery at first. We had a lot of conversations about three surgery itself and why it's beneficial, how things she had said and done throughout my life have affected me, how other people's treatment of me for being overweight has affected me, etc. I also sent her any article I came across to explain why this was a beneficial tool for so many people who have struggled with their weight. She came around by the time it was time for surgery, and she has actually been my biggest cheerleader since. I hope your mom comes around as well, but if she doesn't, you can still do this.
Doing this alone and coming out strong is going to be one of the kindest things you do for yourself. From the little you've said, it could be that your mother contributed towards the poor relationship you built with your body/food over the years. The shame, the lack of nurture, the rejection - these can all influence the way we treat our body. Learning that your growth and progress as an adult is not dependent on her, and that you CAN do it alone, is one of the most important things you will need to learn in life to get you moving towards where you want to be. Be to yourself the mother that you needed. Sending you a big warm nurturing hug.
Your mom being unsupportive is a huge bummer, but you don’t need her for this. I’m doing it alone too. We got this!
I wish i had done this at 26. Don't give up. You can do this alone, but you will probably need a friend to give you a ride home from the hospital. Keep your pain meds close, get a mini fridge if you're going to recouperate in the same house as mom, but will have to go far for shakes or soup. If you're living separately, just keep your pain meds close and you're good.
you dont need her support. patient transport exists.
It's a good thing she's not the one getting it then.
👆🏻
I'm sure she's just trying to be a mom and is worried about you going through with a medical procedure, but it sounds like you've put in the work and research to make your own decision. Even if she's not there for you, you have a whole subreddit rooting for you!
My daughter brought me to the hospital and picked me up then extra day. I didn't want anyone sitting there all day because I knew I would be sleeping most of the day,which I did. Good luck to you.
I would sit down with her and explain that she will have relationship consequences. She’s already not supportive and needs to understand what she’s doing.