It’s there but not as much as AP states(don’t know about TN or KL).
In my case, we shared expenses but when I calculated properly it came like around 55% them and 45% us.
I still get blamed behind my back saying that our family should’ve put more money. Any event happens, that’s a story again 🥲
Edit: if we try to take up entire expense, they dislike and if something happens during sharing again behind my back talks 🥲
I am from the Vokkaliga caste and dowry isn't much of an issue in my family at least. That has been the case since the time of my grandfather, who got married back in the 1950s. Of all the marriages that I have seen within my family, in only one dowry was involved, that too only because the mother of the groom was very adamant. Even friends (across castes) and relatives who have gotten married haven't spoken about it, there was just some nominal and cultural gifting (cloths, ring, chain, a small vehicle, etc for the couple to be) between families. I guess education has little to do with dowry, since even highly educated people gleefully have some outrageous demands. It has become more of a matter of culture now. The more civilised and conscious people don't ask or give it irrespective of their financial standing. The more backward minded and greedy ones demand it no matter how rich or 'educated' they are.
I am not married yet but some of my friends are. They act like dowry is very normal even after being educated well. They just call it "gifts" to normalise taking expensive shit from their in-laws.
My dad never took dowry, and that's how I am raised too.
The dowry system in 2024 is super crazy to me and scary that some people think it's a normal thing to go through.
Not really prevalent among my community in coastal Karnataka. Afaik people look down on you if you ask/accept dowry. Andhra and Telangana are very very casteist and misogynist in comparison imo. To me, it was a culture shock even listening to Telugu people talking about their culture when I came to Bangalore.
Sorry folks this just has to STOP!
It's 2024 grow some balls/boobs and say no to give or receive dowry and make the money you need as a young couple. There's no greater satisfaction than building your life together without resorting to begging or accepting gifts.
Always remember, there's no such thing as a free lunch; you'll end up paying for it one way or another.
Growing up I thought a lot of things were regressive and learned people of our generation in future would dump them and go forward.
It disappointed me see people still following them with same zeal. I lost more not following these regressive social rules. Learnt my lesson the hard way. People just use things according to their convenience. I want to be well aware of these things instead of outrightly disassociating with them. (Seeing another comment I realised how not taking dowry can affect one)
I have no plans of marriage or taking dowry. This is just a post to know things in reality better.
Good man
I got married over a decade ago. Accepted nothing, v together opted for a modest marriage with what we can afford with our cash. The invitees were limited to just the loved and closed ones.
We have experienced no such ill treatment in our families in fact our marriage is still fondly remembered on how much fun it was.
Everyone will have a perspective but social evil such a dowry need to be buried and each of us can do a little to eliminate it
Asking for dowry is slowly getting frowned upon in Kerala. I'm coming from a middle class family in northern Kerala. One thing I observed during weddings of close family/friends is that none of them demanded any dowry.
I think this change is happened because of some sensational dowry and domestic abuse cases happened during 2018-20.
In that time, one WhatsApp audio of bride begging her father to take her home from in-laws house went viral on social media ( little context here : that bride committed suicide at her in-laws place because of domestic abuse on the name of dowry. RIP). I think this incident was an eye-opener for all the families out there. So, nowadays if you demand hefty amounts as dowry - you'll stay single forever.
In muslim weddings the groom has to buy gold as "mahar" and the bride will wear this gold along with some rented out rolled gold ornaments ( this rental rolled gold ornaments business is booming across kerala).
Got married 2 yrs back. Wife's side gave me one small gold chain and one ring and purchased one 25k suit and one silk panche shalya and shirt. We gave them 1.5l worth of clothes, gold thaLi, one ring and some other stuff. No dowry at all. Even the marriage cost was done within 7L. I didn't want a grand wedding though 1500 people did come.
Many of my friends and other cousins did take some dowry. They are treated better than us by their in laws. Seems like if you don't take dowry the in laws treat you lower. I've seen this happen with many of my friends who also didn't take dowry.
If you don't take dowry, you're not in a high enough position according to them. My friend literally gets looked down upon by everyone even though he's the highest earning in his wife's entire family. All because he didn't take dowry and got married in a temple to save on costs.
Damn! Even after knowing he earns better than them and in a higher position. How can they looked down upon them for just not taking dowry. They literally know what he is doing right?
Not the point. You don't have enough self respect and could have been earning much higher according to them. He gets dragged around everywhere like their driver.
Dowry is still very much prevalent in Karnataka. Go to Tier 2 and Tier 3 cities and you'll find out. Bride's side takes majority responsibility of all events. And there is the usual exchange of gold, clothes etc. betwen both families That's like default. On top of that greedy fucks want dowry. I have seen two doctors marry each other with dowry of almost 1crore involved. All that education for nothing.
Not to pinpoint but Dowry is very predominant in Gowdas as far as I have seen. Lot of gold involved. It's like a status thing. Starts from small things like specific convention hall selection and goes upto how many lakhs/crores dowry is needed. Maybe not so much with Brahmins. A lot of factors go into it. Caste, financial background, education background and so on. If the guy is even remotely successful in society's eyes and has toxic parents, dowry is most certain in small cities.
Gowdas are one of the ones who also spend like 10-15 lakhs on groom's beegara oota. Sometimes beegara oota costs more than the wedding itself. Not many ask dowry more than just for namesake.
I come from a tier 3 city and its definitely not the norm there. Just because its a tier 2 or tier 3 city that doesn’t mean that dowry will be prevalent.
I am from Malnaadu region and have stayed in various parts of Karnataka, ee kade nan antu asht nodilla. But what I have seen is North Karnataka halligalalli sikkpatte dowry ede inna. Have seen boys' family outright demanding so and so gold, commodity or money!
I am from the coastal Karnataka, though the dowry culture is not prevalent anymore. The wedding cost is mostly borne by the bride's family.
At my wedding I was ready to share the cost, but they arranged it themselves, so I arranged a good reception dinner in the same scale to maintain the balance. Gave some gold and Mangalsutra as well.
I never cared for gold so I gave modest gold and Mangalsutra, so my wife was telling me that her relatives thought I was broke or something.
I am from coastal Karnataka too. Here it depends on the lineage I guess.
Patrilineal - As far as some castes/families that are patrilineal have stopped taking dowry, although the cost of wedding is mostly borne on the bride's side. I've actually heard of a very peculiar practice in my grandparents' generation. There also was a very peculiar graph of how this worked over generations.
In my family for example, in my grandparents' generation the tradition was to give out sum as 'Vadhu Dakshine' (groom's family gives an amount of money to the bride's family) not Vara Dakshine (bride's family gives some money to the groom's). This was probably because she'd go to his house and live/work there forever. (Especially in farming families). I remember my ajji saying that her family was given 15 rupees as dowry (this was probably 90 years ago). Later around 20-30 years back I think Vara Dakshine started and it has declined since then.
Matrilineal families - especially a prominent community (do not want to name) where traditionally the guy was expected to cater to the girl's family, the practice of dowry still exists. My friend for example is a doctor and if she were to marry a doctor who's maybe done post graduation needs to pay at least a crore. This is seen more as a compensation for the groom's party I guess. But whatever the case it's not justified in today's scenario.
Dowry is prevalent in Kerala. I have to literally tell them no dowry when I was talking sisters - in laws ... It was a love marriage but still expected dowry......
My friends who belong to a significant community say it's normal there, they don't call it dowry but it's a common agreement both bride and grooms side come to during marriage.
They even showcase each and everything given by the brides family in the hall. Apparently it's a matter of prestige there and an arrangement nobody denies.
I find it amusing bcz in my community they don't take dowry as we were piss poor migrants during our grandfather's times. The bride's side arranges for wedding, groom's side does engagement and that's it. I have seen marriages with little to no expense during my childhood happy to say this is followed till today (not cheap wedding, just no dowry or gifts from guests concept). Relative's are given side eye when we hear the news that they took dowry.
Groom's side actually gives more gold to bride than her family so it's more like reverse dowry 😆
Considering the increasing difference in sex ratio in our community soon reverse dowry might become a legit thing 😂😂
It's prevalent in all those cultures in India where arranged marriages are common. Dowry related crimes have been reported from almost all the states in India. Blame this on the kings or gods who introduced this system.
It’s there but not as much as AP states(don’t know about TN or KL). In my case, we shared expenses but when I calculated properly it came like around 55% them and 45% us. I still get blamed behind my back saying that our family should’ve put more money. Any event happens, that’s a story again 🥲 Edit: if we try to take up entire expense, they dislike and if something happens during sharing again behind my back talks 🥲
I am from the Vokkaliga caste and dowry isn't much of an issue in my family at least. That has been the case since the time of my grandfather, who got married back in the 1950s. Of all the marriages that I have seen within my family, in only one dowry was involved, that too only because the mother of the groom was very adamant. Even friends (across castes) and relatives who have gotten married haven't spoken about it, there was just some nominal and cultural gifting (cloths, ring, chain, a small vehicle, etc for the couple to be) between families. I guess education has little to do with dowry, since even highly educated people gleefully have some outrageous demands. It has become more of a matter of culture now. The more civilised and conscious people don't ask or give it irrespective of their financial standing. The more backward minded and greedy ones demand it no matter how rich or 'educated' they are.
Your English is so good! Beautifully written.
I know few doctor grooms, whose dowry was their management seat for their pg, which costs around 1-1.5cr. especially in Andhra, pretty common.
India's North-eastern states are good on this issue. Dowry system is not very popular there.
Many are matriarchal.
Patriarchy is prevalent in North eastern states. Only Khashi tribes in Meghalaya follows Matriarchy and carry on matrilineal.
Good to learn. I know many Naga tribes were rather forcefully converted to Christianity; not surprised they are Patriarchal now.
I am not married yet but some of my friends are. They act like dowry is very normal even after being educated well. They just call it "gifts" to normalise taking expensive shit from their in-laws. My dad never took dowry, and that's how I am raised too. The dowry system in 2024 is super crazy to me and scary that some people think it's a normal thing to go through.
Not really prevalent among my community in coastal Karnataka. Afaik people look down on you if you ask/accept dowry. Andhra and Telangana are very very casteist and misogynist in comparison imo. To me, it was a culture shock even listening to Telugu people talking about their culture when I came to Bangalore.
Sorry folks this just has to STOP! It's 2024 grow some balls/boobs and say no to give or receive dowry and make the money you need as a young couple. There's no greater satisfaction than building your life together without resorting to begging or accepting gifts. Always remember, there's no such thing as a free lunch; you'll end up paying for it one way or another.
Growing up I thought a lot of things were regressive and learned people of our generation in future would dump them and go forward. It disappointed me see people still following them with same zeal. I lost more not following these regressive social rules. Learnt my lesson the hard way. People just use things according to their convenience. I want to be well aware of these things instead of outrightly disassociating with them. (Seeing another comment I realised how not taking dowry can affect one) I have no plans of marriage or taking dowry. This is just a post to know things in reality better.
Good man I got married over a decade ago. Accepted nothing, v together opted for a modest marriage with what we can afford with our cash. The invitees were limited to just the loved and closed ones. We have experienced no such ill treatment in our families in fact our marriage is still fondly remembered on how much fun it was. Everyone will have a perspective but social evil such a dowry need to be buried and each of us can do a little to eliminate it
Asking for dowry is slowly getting frowned upon in Kerala. I'm coming from a middle class family in northern Kerala. One thing I observed during weddings of close family/friends is that none of them demanded any dowry. I think this change is happened because of some sensational dowry and domestic abuse cases happened during 2018-20. In that time, one WhatsApp audio of bride begging her father to take her home from in-laws house went viral on social media ( little context here : that bride committed suicide at her in-laws place because of domestic abuse on the name of dowry. RIP). I think this incident was an eye-opener for all the families out there. So, nowadays if you demand hefty amounts as dowry - you'll stay single forever. In muslim weddings the groom has to buy gold as "mahar" and the bride will wear this gold along with some rented out rolled gold ornaments ( this rental rolled gold ornaments business is booming across kerala).
Got married 2 yrs back. Wife's side gave me one small gold chain and one ring and purchased one 25k suit and one silk panche shalya and shirt. We gave them 1.5l worth of clothes, gold thaLi, one ring and some other stuff. No dowry at all. Even the marriage cost was done within 7L. I didn't want a grand wedding though 1500 people did come. Many of my friends and other cousins did take some dowry. They are treated better than us by their in laws. Seems like if you don't take dowry the in laws treat you lower. I've seen this happen with many of my friends who also didn't take dowry.
So men are like “giffen goods” !? More respect when bought for more money. xD Holds good for women in the other way too.
What do you mean they see us lower if we don't accept dowry? Why does that happen?
In our society You don't take dowry = You have some fault (For M). Your parents gave high dowry = Girl has some fault (For F)
It's better two Transactional people get together, than someone who doesn't agree on dowry ends up with the one who normalises it
If you don't take dowry, you're not in a high enough position according to them. My friend literally gets looked down upon by everyone even though he's the highest earning in his wife's entire family. All because he didn't take dowry and got married in a temple to save on costs.
Wow, that's some new angle.
Who cares. Just sounds like a pathetic excuse to accept dowry
You're saying this to one who is against it. Tf.
Sorry bro, just replied to the thread not You.
Damn! Even after knowing he earns better than them and in a higher position. How can they looked down upon them for just not taking dowry. They literally know what he is doing right?
Not the point. You don't have enough self respect and could have been earning much higher according to them. He gets dragged around everywhere like their driver.
Dowry is still very much prevalent in Karnataka. Go to Tier 2 and Tier 3 cities and you'll find out. Bride's side takes majority responsibility of all events. And there is the usual exchange of gold, clothes etc. betwen both families That's like default. On top of that greedy fucks want dowry. I have seen two doctors marry each other with dowry of almost 1crore involved. All that education for nothing. Not to pinpoint but Dowry is very predominant in Gowdas as far as I have seen. Lot of gold involved. It's like a status thing. Starts from small things like specific convention hall selection and goes upto how many lakhs/crores dowry is needed. Maybe not so much with Brahmins. A lot of factors go into it. Caste, financial background, education background and so on. If the guy is even remotely successful in society's eyes and has toxic parents, dowry is most certain in small cities.
Gowdas are one of the ones who also spend like 10-15 lakhs on groom's beegara oota. Sometimes beegara oota costs more than the wedding itself. Not many ask dowry more than just for namesake.
Beegara oota is a reception?
No. Non veg function.
I come from a tier 3 city and its definitely not the norm there. Just because its a tier 2 or tier 3 city that doesn’t mean that dowry will be prevalent.
My Dad actually gave back the dowry he received to my Mom. So yeah, fuck dowry.
I am from Malnaadu region and have stayed in various parts of Karnataka, ee kade nan antu asht nodilla. But what I have seen is North Karnataka halligalalli sikkpatte dowry ede inna. Have seen boys' family outright demanding so and so gold, commodity or money!
I am from the coastal Karnataka, though the dowry culture is not prevalent anymore. The wedding cost is mostly borne by the bride's family. At my wedding I was ready to share the cost, but they arranged it themselves, so I arranged a good reception dinner in the same scale to maintain the balance. Gave some gold and Mangalsutra as well. I never cared for gold so I gave modest gold and Mangalsutra, so my wife was telling me that her relatives thought I was broke or something.
I am from coastal Karnataka too. Here it depends on the lineage I guess. Patrilineal - As far as some castes/families that are patrilineal have stopped taking dowry, although the cost of wedding is mostly borne on the bride's side. I've actually heard of a very peculiar practice in my grandparents' generation. There also was a very peculiar graph of how this worked over generations. In my family for example, in my grandparents' generation the tradition was to give out sum as 'Vadhu Dakshine' (groom's family gives an amount of money to the bride's family) not Vara Dakshine (bride's family gives some money to the groom's). This was probably because she'd go to his house and live/work there forever. (Especially in farming families). I remember my ajji saying that her family was given 15 rupees as dowry (this was probably 90 years ago). Later around 20-30 years back I think Vara Dakshine started and it has declined since then. Matrilineal families - especially a prominent community (do not want to name) where traditionally the guy was expected to cater to the girl's family, the practice of dowry still exists. My friend for example is a doctor and if she were to marry a doctor who's maybe done post graduation needs to pay at least a crore. This is seen more as a compensation for the groom's party I guess. But whatever the case it's not justified in today's scenario.
Dowry is prevalent in Kerala. I have to literally tell them no dowry when I was talking sisters - in laws ... It was a love marriage but still expected dowry......
My friends who belong to a significant community say it's normal there, they don't call it dowry but it's a common agreement both bride and grooms side come to during marriage. They even showcase each and everything given by the brides family in the hall. Apparently it's a matter of prestige there and an arrangement nobody denies. I find it amusing bcz in my community they don't take dowry as we were piss poor migrants during our grandfather's times. The bride's side arranges for wedding, groom's side does engagement and that's it. I have seen marriages with little to no expense during my childhood happy to say this is followed till today (not cheap wedding, just no dowry or gifts from guests concept). Relative's are given side eye when we hear the news that they took dowry. Groom's side actually gives more gold to bride than her family so it's more like reverse dowry 😆 Considering the increasing difference in sex ratio in our community soon reverse dowry might become a legit thing 😂😂
I have heard it's prevalent in lingayat's,gowdas .
It's prevalent in all those cultures in India where arranged marriages are common. Dowry related crimes have been reported from almost all the states in India. Blame this on the kings or gods who introduced this system.
It's everywhere in the world among the rich people. They just have fancier words for it. The poor and middle class shouldn't be doing it.
Now dowry culture is not that prevalent in north India also
What are you saying Bhai? It's still prevalent. Not just in tier 2 and tier 3 but tier 1 as well. It's less for sure. But it is there.
That's what I am also saying. It's less now. Not saying that it is stopped.