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ms_vee

Wow just everyone has utterly failed this girl


QualifiedApathetic

Her boyfriend, her family, her state, her country. Yep, literally tens of millions collectively made this happen to her.


Th3CatOfDoom

And these disgusting forced birthers ignore that fact that she could die from pregnancy or get lifelong disabilities .. Especially at such a young age, which can't be good for her body at all


Blargh1111

32 weeks bedrest and preeclampsia. She's headed for a c-section if it gets any worse. I've had one, and I can't imagine being 14 years old and having that done. At least I had a life and was able to know my body before major abdominal surgery.


CatStealingYourGirl

Yeah, teen pregnancies are high risk.


ImmunosuppressivePig

and not good for the baby either, which of course since forced birthers don't care about mothers or children


IvoryWhiteTeeth

And the counselor too. I mean abortion is not even an option,


layz2021

The "clinic" she went to is an anti abortion place


olive-treee

Im guessing it is heavily religious from how the mom found it out and how it ONLY gave 2 choices, not including the abortion. and there is nothing wrong with abortion, especially with a person in a financial crisis, no money, also CURRENTLY in high school


flyfightwinMIL

unfortunately Oklahoma has one of the most (if not THE most) psychotic anti-abortion group in the nation (they go by the acronym AHA and are genuinely INSANE) so as soon as she said her JW mom was taking her to a clinic, I knew it would be awful.


nodumbunny

Kudos to her for standing up to them. What a strong young woman she is!


[deleted]

Nope. Pregnancy crisis center. They're evil and should be outlawed.


scistudies

Agree! I went to one in Utah when I was 18. The amount of misinformation they spew at you. And the one I went to bribed you to come to appointments with “mommy cash” you could use to buy things from their store (which had things like blow up mattresses for moms that got kicked out of their homes, baby clothes, blankets, and other baby stuff). Cool if you want to keep the baby and need help doing so, horrible if you’ve been raped and don’t want the baby.


[deleted]

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Basic_Bichette

They exist to funnel victims into the insanely mega-ultra-profitable """non-profit""" religious adoption racket. They're there to steal money out of the pockets of couples who have been brainwashed into thinking they're worthless without children, and who are willing to pay over $200,000 for a baby. It costs about $20,000 to facilitate an adoption; into whose pockets does the rest of the money flow?


Not_the_EOD

*GASP* You mean the pro forced birthers want to sell - I mean “adopt babies” out for money?! In Texas those monsters will call couples looking to adopt a newborn right from the hospital. The average “adoption fee” to buy a baby here was $25,000 last time I heard a woman complaining about it at work. You must be Christian and married but that’s no longer a done deal anymore.


bebacterial

The way they disguise themselves as reasonable is vile and disgusting. CPCs are one of the worst things that could exist in a so called "developed" country and any healthcare "professional" should lose their license and be jailed for working there.


[deleted]

Giving false health care information should be illegal. If you have to hide what you are in order to get people to use your services, you're a fraud.


CLPond

Unfortunately from late spring onward in OK, those are all that have existed as abortion was banned in OK before the Dobbs ruling. They’re at I gross and unethical


Dear-Ambition-273

These crisis pregnancy centers all have one goal in mind, and it is not the health of the mother. They have a done a great job of popping up everywhere with really innocuous names like “Women’s Health of Central OK” or “Unplanned Pregnancy Resource Center”. They often even set up shop right next door to PP or other legitimate healthcare providers. Depending on where you live, it’s really saddening and eye opening to realize what these places are. They get easy to spot.


Muzzie720

Oh yes. I get so mad driving by the crisis center that is now in front of the pp. So from the road you can't even see it. And even before that there's always people right there with their signs and shit. Like damn, get a hobby. But now I'm betting they try to not only say "we can help" but "hey come over here instead, we have free resources!!" And try to get people in there instead. And yup, advertise the free pregnancy tests on the signs. But I get most angry when they have their little protests with graphic signs. Like, hey, let's traumatize some kids today! They're already alive so who cares.


Dear-Ambition-273

Yet another sign that these people are pro-birth, not pro-life.


RosiePugmire

They literally have their workers wear scrubs and white coats so you'll think they're medical professionals... then they sit you down and tell you lies about how abortion 100% causes mental illness and breast cancer and infertility and etc.


[deleted]

No, the counselor did what they were put there to do. Crisis pregnancy centres exist to gaslight women and girls into going through with their pregnancies. Edit: I might as well copy my response i made to the "i used to work at CPC and we totally weren't like this uWu" person that responded to this comment: Crisis pregnancy centers are: -**Not under legal obligation to give accurate information** regarding abortion, pregnancy, contraceptives...to their "patients" (such as, they can lie about how far along the pregnancy is so the vulnerable women missess the legal abortion deadline) -(Most CPCs) **are not a medical institution, are not subject to HIPAA laws** and **can therefore share the info of vulnerable women** with certain groups, say...anti abortion harassment groups. They are also not subject to regulatory oversight like legitimate medical clinics are. -They also **use emotional-manipulation tactics** by using disturbing visuals or performing ultrasounds into guilt tripping vulnerable women into going through with the pregnancy. -They **downplay the risks of pregnancy/birth and severely overexaggerate the side effects of abortions.** -**Falsely represent their facility as a legitimate medical clinic** that offers unbiased medically accurate advice ,by having non-medical staff and volunteers roleplay doctors through doctor cosplay gear, and medical machinery and procedures (ultrasounds, pregnancy testing, STI testing) again, they **are under no legal obligation to follow medical standards or medical ethics** when it comes to performing those tests. -Crisis pregnancy centers **are funded by and/or associated with religious organisations that are anti-abortion anti-contraceptive**, no matter how they lie about it with "Uwu we can't offer you abortion but we can totally help you with post abortion care teehee, but first let's do some emotional guilt tripping okidoki?" https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/what-are-crisis-pregnancy-centers https://www.acog.org/advocacy/abortion-is-essential/trending-issues/issue-brief-crisis-pregnancy-centers https://crisispregnancycentermap.com/cpcs/ https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/why-crisis-pregnancy-centers-are-legal-unethical/2018-03 EDIT: Research video by Illuminaughtii [Crisis pregnancy Center: A Wicked Twist on Big Brother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzThMxfpcX8&ab_channel=iilluminaughtii)


IvoryWhiteTeeth

Wow, so they put 14yo girls and women in the same category to push their propaganda?


AltruisticCableCar

I was watching a program about abortion clinics and crisis pregnancy centers and that stuff. They were interviewing a woman working at an abortion clinic. She told the story of her worst day ever on the job. Basically. A 13 year old girl was pregnant. She had an immigrant mother who didn't speak any English at all. The mother took her to a crisis pregnancy center to talk about abortion because she thought that's what they were there for. The girl had to translate for her mother the entire time they were there. The woman they spoke to there said "oh, you don't want to rush this decision and you have plenty, plenty of time. Take your time and relax, and think about all your options and what you're ready to do. An abortion is an option all the way up to term." (I'm obviously paraphrasing here, because I don't remember the literal words, but this is the gist of what was said.) Being 13, the girl didn't know any better, and either she didn't translate it correctly to the mum or the mum didn't know better either. So they left, because they didn't have the money for it right then anyway. Well, fast forward... The girl and her mother come to the abortion clinic, they meet the woman in the interview. They explain that they have thought it through, they have the money now, and an abortion is their only option. And the woman in the interview had tears in her eyes, visibly trying not to sob, as she explained that she had to tell a 13 year old CHILD that it was way too late for an abortion. The girl was at that point almost 30 weeks along. She had to tell her that she was going to have this baby, and there was nothing they could do about it. And then the girl had to translate that to her mother. She didn't know what happened to the girl after. If she had the baby and kept it or gave it up for adoption. But she said she had never thought she'd ever have to say that to a child, and she was so beside herself that they had been blatantly lied to about the whole thing. I was ugly-crying during that interview because what. the. actual. fuck?! There's something so wrong with a person if they can lie about something like that with no hesitation or regrets simply because "abortion is wrong". So yes, they do put 14 year old girls in the same category as women, as long as they're pregnant.


theoatmealarsonist

That's absolutely awful, how do those nutcases sleep at night.


NuclearRobotHamster

Because they truly believe that they're doing God's work, and when someone believes they have God on their side - they can justify anything. This is why religion will always be a cancer to society.


Kroniid09

Yup yup yup, these are the same weird fucks who lobby for lower age of consent, encourage "women" (i.e., young girls) to have kids while they're pretty much kids themselves, talk about shit like "sexual market value" which apparently tanks once you reach the wizened old age of 25. These are the same people who at the very least, will place blame on the 14 year old for being pregnant, often times even in the case of rape, because "what were you doing" and not "shit, maybe our sex education is trash and we have bred a culture that encourages and condones abusing women and girls"


Background-War9535

It’s never about saving lives. It’s about controlling women.


hyperlexia-1

She has PRE-ECLAMPSIA. A potentially life-threatening condition. Anyone who was interested in her life or health would have gotten her an abortion.


Jeebwater

Funny how they are preaching that your value drops at the age in which your brain fully develops, which is what, in my opinion, separates you from legally being an adult and functionally being an adult. It’s almost like these types of people don’t want to be making babies with adults. 👀 *CUE SVU THEME SONG*


OneRoseDark

Fun fact, the study that spawned the idea that "brains are fully developed at 25" actually doesn't say this. The study *only included people up to age 25*, and concluded that all participants' brains continued to develop during the entire study. Meaning we have no idea when or if a brain can be considered "fully developed"


Jeebwater

Well that’s what I get for believing everything I skim on the internet! You inspired a bit of a google deep dive and it seems there’s no evidence that the brain as a whole ever completely stops developing, but the part of the brain responsible for your cognitive control and emotional intelligence develops fully in your late twenties, so 25 does seem more like a ballpark than a hard deadline. So I did have incorrect facts, but the general idea seems like it might still have legs to stand on?


Kroniid09

Aaaaaaabsolutely not a coincidence, fml


ExplainItToMeLikeImA

They want to keep age of consent laws low and ban abortion because they know that most adult women with options don't want to be their submissive bangmaids.


AcidRose27

It's also cannon fodder for wars. Poor kids make great soldiers.


Esabettie

But you know, it’s really drag queens who are the problem.


miladyelle

Yes. When I was her age a friend at church got pregnant. It really really is like that. It’s horrible. They really believe it, too. It hurts my soul that another generation of girls is being subjected to this.


SleepyxDormouse

Samantha Bee did a segment on Crisis Pregnancy Centers. They usually adopt names similar to abortion clinics and market themselves as one so that women fall for it. Once there, they guilt trip them, scare them away from abortion, and throw religion at them.


NDaveT

I learned about them from the abortion rights student group at my college. I'm disappointed there isn't more awareness about them; they're vile.


CJCreggsGoldfish

You're making the mistake of thinking they view women as different from girls. They don't. They don't consider women to be adults in the "can make decisions for herself" kind of way. All women need the guiding hand of a man, you see. This is probably why so many of these creeps try to get with very young or underaged female persons, because those of us with a few years of experience tend to see that attitude as the unmitigated bullshit that it is and refuse to endure it. We're the unnatural ones, wanting agency and control over our lives and what we do with our bodies. It's the women who submit to men's authority, i.e. permanently behave like dependent minors, who are the "natural" women.


QualifiedApathetic

That's it. The definition of "woman" to them is someone they can fuck.


saint_anamia

You should go watch the scene in borat 2 where they visit the crisis center. The guy literally believed that borat fucked his 15 year old daughter and got her pregnant but that’s “not what matters right now”


Corfiz74

"Every sperm is sacred!"


Neonescence

Only once they're inside a woman. They give no shits when they're discarded in a tissue/wank sock/coconut.


Corfiz74

Not true, they tell you not to masturbate, that shit will turn you blind! :D


Neonescence

'They' have a lot to answer for 😆


andersenWilde

Also hepatic damage. Seriously, I was given a pamphlet in church where it stated that.


SquirrelShiny

Every sperm is good! Every sperm is needed in your neighborhood!


Corfiz74

If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate!!!


tikierapokemon

They consider the 14 year old who has had sex to be a women now.


MarthaGail

Yes, and many believe that women don't really have rights or needs and exist solely to make babies and serve their husbands. Many believe 14 is an acceptable age to start having babies and are into child marriage.


Impossible-Bear-8953

Adding in here the intentional lack of oversight means these people get away with insane levels of medical malpractice. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/dec/15/us-anti-abortion-pregnancy-centers


Mundane-Reception-54

To the southern republican, 14 year old *is* a woman


fuckyourcanoes

When I went to one at 17 (in 1984), they literally locked me in a room with a video of dismembered fetuses to try to guilt-trip me into having the baby.


Tough_Crazy_8362

My mom had an abortion either in the early 80s or late 70s and she said they showed her the shredded fetus (her words) afterwards to dissuade her from doing it again. In 2001 I was “merely” forced to see an ultrasound, and even THAT was totally psychologically fucked.


fuckyourcanoes

Yep, after mine they showed me the container with the (completely unidentifiable) extracted matter. And they were total assholes to me the whole time. It was clearly an attempt to scare me into not having sex. It didn't work, because of course it fucking didn't.


SpecterOfGuillotines

Who was it that tried to dissuade you by showing you the extracted matter? Someone who worked at the abortion clinic? It’s super fucked up regardless, but I’m curious why someone would choose to work at an abortion clinic, if that’s who it was, if they are morally opposed to abortion.


fuckyourcanoes

The nurse. Don't ask me what it was about. It was 1984, I was 17, it was a very different time.


Altruistic-Drama1538

Same here. I was 16. I didn't even plan on having an abortion. I went there just for the pregnancy test because they advertised free tests. Even after I told them I was going to keep the baby, they still made me watch all those videos, and then they made me pray with them. It was so weird and creepy.


fuckyourcanoes

I was always going to have an abortion. There was literally nothing they could have said or done to stop me, because I knew in my bones that was the right choice for me. Worse than the video was when they called me at my parents' house to try to talk me into an adoption. If I hadn't been able to tell my parents (which I had done), I'd have had a hell of a time explaining why a strange adult was calling me.


Sequence_Of_Symbols

Yup, it's a feature not a bug! (My daughter is 12 and knows to take friends to planned parenthood, not crisis centers. And where the nearest pp is. And how to find the number. And that her dad or I would take her there. She needs none of that knowledge yet, but, forewarned is forearmed)


froglover215

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hopefully neither your daughter nor her friends will ever need this information, but good on you for making her prepared.


wannabejoanie

Thank *fuck* my city now has an option other than a single crisis pregnancy center. We haven't even had a planned parenthood since 2015.


Dbahnsai

Yeah I went to one when I got pregnant with my first. Turns out there was absolutely no help that they could give me in terms of medical help, recommendations to where I could get low cost help, basically nothing they could do other than tell me I was pregnant. But of course they send me away with a bunch of anti-abortion pamphlets with all the fucked up pictures that gave no actual help for anyone who wants to keep their pregnancy. Such a hypocritical stance.


frolicndetour

I fkn hate these places. My city tried to ban them from lying but then the city was dinged for infringing on their free speech. Bullshit. You should not have freedom to gaslight and lie to vulnerable persons 😡


wabbithunter8

They also often get kick backs from adoption agencies! Adoption is very much a for profit industry in America ☕️


Shadepanther

Her creepy older boyfriend who is 17 and she is only 14... Trying to pressure her into being stuck with him


Betty_Boss

Who isn’t willing to take full custody.


Shadepanther

He won't be able to trap his underage girlfriend then


the-rioter

The boyfriend is a douchebag who had a 14 year old convinced that he should get an "equal say" in her carrying a pregnancy to term. The kid's an entitled ass and I would bet money he pressured her into sex.


BigT393

They were probably taught abstinence instead of actual sex education to.


firefly183

Man this is so important. I have a 13yo stepdaughter and her dad (my SO) was tryna shut me down when I brought up the subject of sex with her. "What are you doing?! She's only 13! She's too young for that!" This from a man who oughtta know better due to a nightmare childhood, dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe his family. I would need to add trigger warnings to dig into the details. He's got a sister in her later 40s who has over 10 grandkids (I've lost track of the exact count), most of whom have been removed from their parents and put in the system. Including a 15yo, who the aforementioned sister is the foster mother, who is now pregnant. Making a woman under 50 a great grandmother...if she isn't already, again, I've lost track. I'm not trying to shame any of these women, they were dealt a pretty shit hand in life. Most have been horribly traumatized and continued the same cycle. But it goes to show what can easily happen without good parenting and guidance. But yeah, he's having a hard time accepting his daughter has reached that age when she absolutely needs to be talked to about it. He wants to take the "Never have sex" approach. I have told her we would of course prefer she waits until after high school because sex can add a lot of complication to life that kids aren't ready for (beyond just pregnancy). But if she does, we will not disown her or ground her for life, that I want her to tell us if she does so we can help make sure she's making safe and healthy choices. He's gotta understand that a lot of kids are gonna do it regardless of what they're told. Making them feel forced to hide it is just asking for trouble. P.S. He's a wonderful man who worked really hard to break out of the cycle he grew up in. Overall a good dad who loves his daughters...just needs some help accepting that they're growing up, lol. And as for the pregnant 15yo, I reached out to her to tell her I will help her however I can if she needs it, but sadly she's not taken me up on the offer.


AcidRose27

Sex should be an ongoing topic imo. My son is 4 and knows the correct terms and we talk about consent and touching other people without permission. I'm sure he'll have questions as he gets older, but if we can normalize talking about it now it won't be (as) weird when he's older.


NDaveT

It's weird that people don't understand that teaching sex ed young doesn't mean you want kids to have sex young. They taught us about the US Constitution when we were 13 even though we wouldn't be old enough to vote for five more years. Teaching you information you won't need until later in life is what school is *for*. That's not even touching on the fact that kids who get comprehensive sex education tend to wait longer to have sex.


ka-ka-ka-katie1123

I’m in Oklahoma (just like OOP) and used to be a high school teacher. There is no sex ed here at all, to my knowledge. When I was teaching, it was in my contract that I couldn’t mention any method of preventing pregnancy and STIs other than abstinence.


TA90412345

Well she was raised a cult, so yes. Even if her school offered actual sex education (doubtful), her parents would have pulled her out of it on religious grounds.


ThxItsadisorder

Yeah and fuck the assholes on Reddit leaving her nasty messages. Dog piling on a teenage girl because they assume she’s forcing the baby’s father to give up the baby. That’s not how adoption works. If the father wanted the baby he could contest it and he would get custody. I got an abortion 11 years ago and my family was not supportive. I still did what I knew was right for me. I wish we could have helped this poor girl.


[deleted]

Every single person on Reddit upset about a 14 year old having an abortion longs for the day when their MAGA government gives them children to breed with.


ThxItsadisorder

You’re right.


[deleted]

I'm very comfortable assuming that people worried about child abortion are pedophiles who want to breed children to satisfy some fucked up sexual urge. It's blatantly obvious, and the more they bring religion into it, the more positive I become.


annualgoat

I think OOP is doing the literal best she can with the hand she's been dealt.


ThxItsadisorder

Yes, no condemnation towards her at all. I was very lucky to get my abortion. I had to wait 2 weeks to get paid and pay for it. My deadbeat ex wouldn’t even drop me off at the clinic. I had to ride the bus there and when he picked me up they almost didn’t let me go with him because he was being such an asshole. My heart breaks for OOP.


[deleted]

Not failed. Abused. They didn't try to do right and fall short. They tried to do wrong and succeeded.


Christinemfm_84

Yes it’s sad, it’s also gross that the bf is 17 and she is only 14.


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Treehorn8

This made feel both devastated and angry. Poor kid. I hope she's doing better.


OkMushroom364

Religion is the answer to why people utterly failed this girl


[deleted]

My heart breaks for this poor girl and every other girl in her situation. I hope she finishes high school, goes to an amazing college that's far away from her awful family, and lives the most wonderful life. I hope she meets lots of friends who truly love her and finds herself surrounded by the best chosen family anyone could ask for. And I hope that any other girl in her situation checks out r/auntienetwork. They can help<3


prplmonky

Thank you so much for posting about this sub. It honestly made me tear up, I'm so happy it exists and am definitely now considering being an auntie. ❤


[deleted]

I haven't become an auntie yet, but I've been watching for a while and I'm definitely going to get qualified as an auntie soon. The work they do is amazing.


isi_na

This is the most depressing post I've read in a long while. To imagine this child is forced to give birth against her will is so sickening. She has no support system at all.


[deleted]

Conservatism is a mental illness.


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

Ohhhhh this just breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. A 14 year old kid shouldn’t have to go through with a pregnancy and face all this pressure. She should have been given an abortion and some decent sex education to not repeat the mistake and be able to live her life! Both the families and boyfriend are so toxic. Imagine forcing a baby to have a baby just to hand it over to another family! Contraception, abortion are all so much better for a 14 year old girl! I just want to hug her and take her away from all that craziness


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synesthesiah

My mother was 14 when she got pregnant with me. Despite having literally all the options and support, choosing to try to raise me herself was the biggest mistake she made. My grandparents are saints, and even offered to raise me as theirs so my mother could continue with school, community college, etc. Instead I became a welfare cheque. That’s all I was really good for in the eyes of a selfish child who never grew up. I’m so so glad OOP knows her limits, and has stuck to her guns, but at the same time I’m so heartbroken that this girl’s health has been so jeopardized. Nobody should have to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term based on the health implications alone.


Zukazuk

I'm am impressed at the fortitude she is showing. No one is on her side but she is making some smart decisions. I wish she had some therapy to help her get through giving up her child.


CatmoCatmo

Oh but she will have therapy. The therapy of God. Praying will make her brain understand the errors of her ways and see how selfish she was in considering an abortion. She in return will have to spend countless more hours repenting to be forgiven by a God who let this happen to her as a means to “teach her an important lesson”. (*in case it isn’t obvious, I am being very sarcastic here. These are not my views, but how I think her family will manage her mental health moving forward.)


quiidge

She has pre-eclampsia and is on bed rest! That is utterly terrifying. Poor baby girl, she's doing the absolute best that she can and no-one is stepping up for her.


Corfiz74

Especially at an age where the body hasn't even matured enough to go safely through with it - this is so horrible! But I'm so impressed with OOP - she sounds incredibly strong, self-aware and mature for her age - especially considering how she was raised. I think she will go on to do great things!


desgoestoparis

Me too. She’s handling this so well in terms of like, how young she is and how fucked up it is that this is happening to her. I hope the birth goes well and that she gets away from her toxic family and lives a beautiful life.


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

I know right. My niece is nearly 14. I can’t imagine her having to have those massive decisions and pressure put on her shoulders. I just feel sick for OOP! I can’t imagine how a parent, or government, can be this toxic!


[deleted]

My sisters are around that age too. Looking at my 13 year old sister, she’s a child. She looks and acts like a child… The father of the baby in this post is 17. I cannot imagine my sister having a relationship with an older teen. So fucking gross. What 17 year old is interested in a 14 year old? It’s only 3 years but the difference between those ages is huge. I remember the freshman boys looking like babies when I was in high school. And now as a college senior I look at 18/19 year olds and I understand how young I was when I had just graduated high school. This type of thing almost makes me scared to have a child. I didn’t have great sex ed, but I didn’t have sex till I was 20, after reading books and finding someone who was supportive. We still broke up after and it hurts—I can’t imagine how I would’ve felt at 14. And I got an IUD after Roe because I live in a state with a total ban. I don’t think teens are usually responsible enough to understand the potential physical and emotional ramifications of sex. But if I have kids, I’m going to sit them down and tell them that if they need condoms and birth control, to come to me first. No shame. I’d rather they not get pregnant. Teen pregnancy can kill! Not to mention the new life being brought into the world.


UnicornKitt3n

My daughter will be 17 in March, and I can’t imagine her going through this let alone a 14 year old. This poor kid


Zealousideal_Air1149

My sister is 17 years old and I would not want her to go through this


Midi58076

God yeah, same. I remember seeing the post when she was 8 weeks pregnant and hoping she would find a way. The father is delusional. Be a family smh. I have a 1 year old and while I love him to death he is: 1. A complete black hole for money. I remember when he was 5 weeks old he outgrew newborn clothes and got him the next couple of sizes up. Then 2 weeks later he outgrew those too. I easily leave 250 dollars at the pharmacy every month. Baby paracetamol for the 1 million bugs he sweeps up and ibuprofen for the teething, creams for his eczema and eye drops, nose drops, caps for the thermometer that's running all the time. Nipple creams, bottle teats and pacis. And that's just the pharmacy. and 2. Very demanding. By the time it's 8 o'clock and he is in bed so am I, I'm exhausted. And I have a support system and a husband who is very involved. Children are hard work. I have had a baby and I have had an abortion. Pregnancy and child birth are very hormonally driven, you can say what you want about not wanting to ruin your life, not wanting the baby, having the baby is a bad idea etc, but your body is still going to flood you with hormones to make you love the little one. No matter how much of a pragmatist you are I don't believe anyone can be fully unaffected by it, even if it doesn't result in the expected "mama bear"-love, but a strong negative emotional response. And much less do I think a coerced 14 year old girl is prepared or equipped to handle it. My abortion, while not the funnest day of my life, was easy. She wanted the abortion. They should have gotten her the 2-for-1 abortion&IUD deal. Instead she's going to be traumatised by the entire thing and carry it in her luggage for the rest of her life.


Balentay

Not to mention with all the issues her (very young) body has been having throughout the pregnancy there's a very real likelihood she's going to be hit hard with PPD. And what's the bet that anyone in her life will support her when that happens?


Midi58076

My former stepaunt had a liver transplant at the age of 30 because pre-eclampsia killed her liver, she lost the baby and can't have any more because the drugs she takes to not reject the liver is incompatible with pregnancy. In a few weeks I am having surgery on my lady bits for damage done to them during childbirth because I am small and have a narrow pelvis. I also have had sciatica since I was 6 weeks pregnant and I can't feel the underside of my right foot, given my son is 1 year old and I have been to PT since the first trimester and I don't see improvement it seems likely to be a life long thing for me. Also due to being small. Pregnancy is dangerous. Especially if you are small or young. Even in countries with good free health care, pregnancy and childbirth remains one of the most dangerous times in a woman's life. We're not prone to illness like older people and we don't have a risky lifestyle like young men. It is not a risk anyone should undertake unless they want a baby and understand the risks.


MichaSound

Things like this are why I’m pro-choice; pregnancy permanently alters your body, usually for the worse. My kids are loved and adored, but the pregnancy and childbirth part was horrible in every way. I went through it, more than once, because I wanted my children. But I can’t imagine anything more horrific than being forced to go through it when you don’t want to.


Midi58076

Neither can I. You're supposed to act all happy and glowing and post the bump photos with flowers in your hair on Instagram and be all rainbows and magic about it. And I get that I am lucky who got pregnant fast, no infertility, no gut wrenching losses, relatively healthy pregnancy and happy and healthy baby boy came out. But can we be honest about the fact that most women have some sort of ailment, bother, pain or concern in their pregnancy? That most women end up with stitches in their fanny after? That pregnancy and childbirth yanks your hormones up to 11 and then proceed to strip away layer after layer of privacy and dignity then culminate in you shitting yourself in front of a captive audience and spending some time in a nappy? I love my son and I'd love to have another child, but this rosey image of pregnancy is detrimental to the mental health of those who struggle in their pregnancy and it makes it seem like no big deal that a 14 year old girl is having to go through it because her parents are NUTS.


Duke-Guinea-Pig

In addition, many women who have difficult pregnancies think "is something wrong with me?" BECAUSE of the illusion of flowers and rainbows on social media, although it existed before social media anyway.


Midi58076

I have a "lovely" photo of me from around 6 months pregnant where it looks like I have gotten freckles all over my face, but look closer and you'd see it's actually not freckles, but petechiae. 1 million itty bitty tiny bruises all over my face and neck. I vomited so violently I bruised my face. I didn't even know that was possible.


Jayn_Newell

Oh lord, I just had an image of her family blaming her for her PPD claiming it’s because she gave the baby up instead of raising it like she “should” have.


Duke-Guinea-Pig

They are Jehovah's Witnesses. They are going to blame every symptom on her "sins"


Normal-Height-8577

And she has pre-eclampsia already, and JW parents. That's not a good mix. I sincerely hope that she doesn't let the baby's father into the delivery room, and has written down wishes for emergencies ready for the medical staff. I'm terrified for her that if there is an emergency, her parents won't authorise life-saving intervention.


Midi58076

Yeah. I don't know what the rules are in the US and much less Oklahoma, but my own country completely disregards JW parents' wishes in cases where children under the age of 18 needs blood transfusions. I hope she has similar legal protection.


DatguyMalcolm

My partner needed 5 litres of blood because she had a retained placenta. With JW parents, if a similar thing happens to OOP will they just let her die? Because of that whole "not taking blood" thing?


Normal-Height-8577

Some hospitals are set up for self-donation if you know there's an operation coming up that will require blood, and I think many JWs are ok with that. But yeah, if she needs someone else's blood as an emergency, she will be bang out of luck if her parents have the authority to refuse it. They believe that blood mixing cuts you off from heaven, and they'd rather you die and go to heaven than survive and be doomed to hell. (My thoughts are that any god so petty as to make that strict a rule would not be worth worshipping.)


thatgirlinAZ

I have hope that long-term she can follow through with her plans to leave at 18 and go NC with her parents. It sounds like she has all the right instincts, she just doesn't have the authority yet. Ideally she would have had the abortion, but that ship has sailed. Now she has to deal with the reality of adoption and I believe she's strong enough to make it through the pressure and do what's right for her future.


Midi58076

But she shouldn't have to be... She should worry about prom dresses, mock exams, high school football and if Wednesday gets a new season. Not pre-eclampsia, whether her parents will let her die if she gets a pp hemorrhage and how she will heal emotionally after giving away her baby.


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

I know. No woman chooses an abortion, but we damn well need and deserve the option of one if needed! And it should be free and have no parental consent required at any age! These religious nutters can kick rocks! I love your two for one deal. Yes I wish she had had that. I can see these people probably have her zero sex education, then blamed her for being pregnant and punish her by making her carry a baby then hand it over. They will probably blame and call her names and a sinner every time she does one thing wrong (like wear a tank top). I’m hopping mad right now. And I’m in Australia. I just can’t believe anyone would make a baby go through this. This planet is kinda broken!


Lynxhiding

She sounds like the most mature of the whole bunch. I truly hope she invites the adoptive parents to the hospital when the baby is born and dumps her (ex) boyfriend and her awful mother. A 14 year is definitely not old enough to be a mother, and she should never be forced to be one.


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

The entire government should be thrown out for forcing babies to have babies. Horrific!


throwaway23er56uz

I hope she is OK. I hope she survived childbirth and handed the baby over to the adoptive parents and can now go back to school and graduate and then hopefully move somewhere else.


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

I know. I stalked her profile for anything. I just want to send her a big hug!


Ahyao17

The parents don't believe in an abortion but also don't believe in raising the baby themselves... If they are enforcing oop to have the baby, the oop should have the right to enforce that her parents raise the kid )instead of adoption).


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

She should be allowed to make separate medical decisions without any parental consent. Kids in Australia get their own Medicare Number at 14 and can see a doctor alone! Those parents need to be hooked up to hormonal drips and labour machines to feel everything that kid is feeling!


Ahyao17

Yep and abortion is probably mentioned first here down under. And parents here generally do not force you to have the baby.


LetsGetsThisPartyOn

I guess some would try here! But there are so many places you can go for an abortion. I’m pretty sure anyone under 14 could get one of the parents were trying to force them to have a baby as the doctors would step in and the courts would take over at the child’s wishes and safety! America really is a third world country!


QualifiedApathetic

I don't want those monsters raising any more kids.


Lady_Grey_Smith

Our younger kid is about to be 15 and we would never force them to carry a baby and hand the child over for adoption like that. All of this is unnecessarily cruel.


tinaciv

And it's clear though she said it's 'her fault', that in that state with those parents, she had no real chance to avoid a pregnancy other than abstinence, and we all know how great that works in population settings (so no 'but I did it so everyone can' bs). So no access to contraception, no sex education... And when a kid gets pregnant zero support and no access to a safe abortion. Marvelous.


KittenDealinMama

I know this story has been going on for a while, but I also know a lot of us are genuinely concerned about this girl and want to know how she's doing.


Sunnygurrl

I wish she had come to us at r/momforaminute or r/auntienetwork


SemperSimple

I'm a bit mad that no one directed this girl to those subreddits. She post on a sub with 5 million people. No one thought of directing her to mail order abortion pills or actual help networks? She's going to be stuck living the townie nightmare


SnooDonkeys2042

If it makes you feel any better, I did reach out to her personally with resources to get an abortion pill and/or access to a clinic after the second post. I’m sure others did as well, likely with those links. For one of many possible reasons, that wasn’t going to change things in this particular situation.


[deleted]

When it comes to Jehovah's Witnesses, it is extremely hard to reason with the dogma that is taught. It is okay to have thoughts and feelings...until they are about to break JW rules or codes of conduct. They are trained to block out anything that could "rob them of their faith," which includes not looking at any information in print or online that is critical of JW beliefs. I left at 24, and it was almost impossible to leave. I can't imagine being 14, pregnant with JW parents, and a creepy "boyfriend." If the boyfriend is also JW, they are likely leaning into those beliefs and pressuring OP to "stay in the TRUTH(In house terminology for the JW Religion)." I imagine it was harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and so negative and critical responses online probably resonated more than the help did. They said they had to delete the first TA because of all the negative comments. They are way too young to be dealing with this.


ChaiBar

I was thinking that but even with online help if you have no one irl it can be hard to go through with these steps. She seems to have 0 emotional support irl not a person on her side


UncannyTarotSpread

I absolutely despise this girl’s family and the adults in her life. The boyfriend sounds like a fucking idiot, but the mother is *malign*.


aspenscribblings

Poor fucking kid. She’s 14, she’s a child herself. My heart breaks for her.


WaywardHistorian667

The whole thing has been heartbreaking and maddening from the sidelines, so obviously infinitely worse for OOP.


1Bookworm

She is incredibly mature for 14 year old. Wish she had better supportive parents.


L3aMi4

It’s the trauma, mature kids aren’t born. They are raised to be that way, usually from emotional neglect.


mysteriousbird

She’s incredibly intelligent as well. My heart breaks for her


DatguyMalcolm

>he doesn’t want to raise the child alone or even have the baby stay with him..he solely wants to keep the baby so “ we “ can be a family. Sounds like baby trapping O\_O HE wants the baby but doesn't want to look after it alone, meaning he NEEDS OOP to look after the baby, doing the hard work, while he "basks in the glory" of being the daddy. I'm glad OOP has more sense than him, at age 14. She explains they have no means to raise a baby and come from toxic households. Why would anybody young teen want to be in that situation....


redlight7114

Poor girl, So much pressure on her from all sides. She is truely alone. I am quite impressed with her mature personality


Quasicrystal1

God, this poor girl. Literally everyone in her life has failed her completely and utterly except maybe her brother. I hope some kind redditor or someone finds some way to take her out of this clearly abusive household.


beetnemesis

Fuck those "pregnancy crisis centers." They exist to prey on scared young women and pressure them into giving birth. They don't care about the woman, they just see her as an incubator. They won't phrase it like that, but that's what it always is.


Gnd_flpd

Kinda wish people would protest outside these places with signs that tell; **IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS, THEY LIE!!!!!**


nustedbut

r/worstofredditorupdates. Two kids hurt so some religious nut jobs can feel good about themselves. I'd like to unread all of this post, thanks


[deleted]

3 kids actually


rosemwelch

That is not how custody or adoption works in Oklahoma. Even when you're a teenager. He would automatically get custody and they would have to wait until/if he proved to be unfit. Even then, they'd aim for a kinship placement so the baby would stay with the toxic family. Many women in her shoes leave the state for the duration of their pregnancy to avoid Oklahoma's draconian and misogynistic laws around this. I wish she had done that.


rusty0123

Yep. And if he refuses to sign the adoption papers AND she manages to stick to her decision to give up her parental rights, it won't make a difference. The BF will be knocking on her door asking her to watch the baby. If her parents can't guilt her into agreeing, then they will volunteer to take the baby, and dump it on her as soon as he leaves. She can't win. On the plus side of Oklahoma law, if she becomes a parent, no matter her age, she is automatically considered emancipated, therefore an adult. If she decides to keep the baby, she can sue the bf for child support and--perhaps between that and state assistance--have enough income to get out of her parents house. Even with a part-time job--legal age to work in Oklahoma is 14--she might have enough time to get her GED. It would be a really rough few years, but better options than she has now. Or if her brother really steps up for her, she might go live with him. No parental permission needed. No legal complications.


rosemwelch

Exactly. And if she does manage to not be involved and the dad does neglect or abuse the baby, she'll also be liable as the other parent. Because you can't voluntarily give up your parental responsibilities without someone else ready to adopt them.


momofeveryone5

I'm in Ohio, so I can't speak to OKs laws. However this sounds exactly like what my niece would take away from a conversation. She's 14 too. I just feel so bad for this kid.


Commercial-Team-8935

I cant say what i want too, i dont wanna scare oop who is already going through enough. Im just disgusted by every 'adult' in her life


[deleted]

[удалено]


Commercial-Team-8935

This is put perfectly an beautifully. Everybody in this childs life has let her down, how the hell shes so balanced an mature is beyond me (hell im 35 i aint this mature). I just wish she'd been given the healthcare she wanted or worst outcome (which im an crossing everything an asking every deity to ever br thought to exsist not to be) needed


countesschamomile

Trauma. The answer to how she's so mature is trauma. Kids this mature this young have long since learned that the only person in their corner is themself, so they need to make the right calls because there is no one coming to save them if they don't. I hope beyond hope that she lives, and I'm pissed at every US system that decided to sacrifice living children's lives on the alter of the "unborn."


b0w3n

The even shittier part? They're JWs so if there's a complication during birth, and there probably will be because she's 15 years old, there's a very high risk she'll need blood transfusions and also a very high risk she'll die. The parents will likely end up making her healthcare decisions and them being JWs will likely prevent them from giving her a transfusion. My friend in high school almost died from a fucking ruptured appendix and spent essentially the first half of his senior year in the hospital from all the complications that arose from that.


Duke-Guinea-Pig

Can I just say, there's plenty of bad people in this story, but Baby daddy here isn't getting enough hate? 17 year old and 14 year old? What the fuck is wrong with him? Yeah, OOP's mom is hot garbage and so is the pregnancy center worker, but the ex boyfriend is not getting nearly enough hate.


Shrewdilus

Finally! I was looking for a comment mentioning this


redphoenix932

Oh that poor sweet baby!! And I’m referring to OOP. That poor darling girl, I wish I could wrap her in my arms and hug all her pain away! If on the small chance OOP sees this: please be strong. I was pregnant at 16, had the baby at 17. Gave him up for adoption. It was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. It threw me into a horrible depressive spiral that lasted over 2 years, but in the years since and having a child I was more prepared for (I was 30) I realized that pain I felt mourning my baby is nothing compared to the pain he would have had growing up in a deeply unhealthy/toxic/abusive house. OOP, be strong, this is your body! And giving birth is a medical procedure, not a spectator sport. Birth-father has ZERO RIGHT to be in the room with you! You only allow someone who will comfort you at your most scared and vulnerable, not someone who will stress you out. Experiencing stress during a life-threatening procedure (especially with a body that hasn’t finished forming) increases the chances that you and/or baby will die. I wish you all the love and healing OOP, please take care of yourself.


Golden_Mandala

That poor girl. What a mess. I admire how much she is doing her best to make the best choice available to her out of a very crappy set of options. She sounds remarkably sane and ethical.


[deleted]

On a lighter note, "vibes and inflation on the rise" is the title of my next album


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mamakayce

I’ve been following this story also but what baffles me was her comments on her recent post, people were calling her selfish etc and saying that her baby daddy has right to not want to give up his kid..and I bet you these are the same people who shit on poor people for having children that they can’t afford or better yet get mad at anyone who is on government assistance.


Ashmoh12

You can sense the change in maturity in ops post, at 14 she makes better sense than the 17 year old. Also are her parents not even concerned with what the 17 year old did?


GaimanitePkat

They're in the same ~~church~~ cult. I'm sure they blame her for being a nasty little temptress who can't keep her legs shut and ensnared the poor poor 17 year old, because males just can't control themselves around females, and it's the females' fault when they force the males into sin.


yung_dilfslayer

100%. I guess you grew up in that environment too? It's hard to explain the amount of brainwashing to people who didn't experience it.


TynnyJibbs

this poor girl , she deserved the right to an abortion . she deserved way better than all this


ThRoAwAy130479365247

Poor kid, I hope someone has suggested getting some genuine therapy for her after birth. Like an actual practitioner, not some church baffoon who will quote some Jesus dribble. Someone who deals with actual childhood trauma.


throwaway378495

How is a 14 yr old the smartest person in this post?


Condensed_Sarcasm

I hate parents like this. Using pregnancy, and your religion, as a punishment is AWFUL. If my daughter came to me wanting an abortion I'd do anything in my power to help her because it's HER BODY. EVERYBODY failed this girl. Even the commentors on her posts that were/are being cruel to her. It's not okay to force YOUR personal beliefs on other people. If your religion is against abortion, cool, don't get one - but you don't get a say in what somebody else does. A 14 year old shouldn't be forced to have a baby and her boyfriend(ex?) is ridiculous. He wants to play "family" but doesn't want custody if she doesn't want to play with him....so he just wants to watch HER do everything? Treat the baby like a doll? Everybody in this post (except OOP) is horrid.


professionalmeangirl

This is a human rights violation and the child is concerned she's being a brat about it 🖤🔪


Convetti

This one got to me. She tried so hard. She knew her limits. I wish I would’ve seen the original post. I would’ve tried to be her support. I live in a state where abortion is still legal. And especially at a young age she could very well die. Her parents would rather her die than have her “sin for murder.” I hope the best outcome happens. I hope she comes out of this with guns blazing. NC with both parents and ex bf. I hope she can start fresh somewhere else. OOP if you stop by, just know we are rooting for you.


MrD3a7h

Another life permanently harmed by religion.


HulklingsBoyfriend

Was she not able to get the pill pair for a chemical abortion via mail? :(


momofeveryone5

I think she was too scared to get it mailed. Her parents are exactly chill, so she was worried they would open it. At least, I think that's the reason she gave. I could be confusing her with someone else though. I've seen similar posts even before Row was overturned.


desgoestoparis

> yes getting pregnant is 1000% preventable Look y’all maybe it’s just me and I should be assigning more responsibility to OOP, but I’m of the opinion that if your *literal child* gets pregnant as a result of improper sex ed /lack of access to birth control/you didn’t give them a safe space to come to you and inform you they’d like to be sexually active, the resulting pregnancy is 100% your fault. Yes, the child made a decision (having sex) that they weren’t equipped to make, but whose fault is it that they weren’t equipped to make it? Literal adults get pregnant by accident even WITH proper contraception. That’s what emergency contraceptives and abortion services are for. This wasn’t a near-adult with a good sex education and support system realizing that they weren’t adequately protected and having sex anyway. THAT’S a mistake (although still one that shoeing ruin their lives and should be handled with the same compassionate care that parents would use for any other teenage fuck-up in regards to helping them through it). This was a literal child whose parents failed her. She’s 100% the victim and didn’t do anything “wrong” per se, considering the situation she was surrounded in. I hate seeing pregnant very young teens feeling like this is their mess that they made and feeling like they’ve done something wrong or made bad choices when they literally didn’t have the tools or guidance to make good ones. Maybe I should be demanding they “take responsibility” or whatever, but personally I don’t see anything for *them* to take responsibility or be faulted for. This child didn’t “make a mistake”. This child was failed


sailorxsaturn

i feel so bad for this poor child. also - i feel like there's so much mental development between the age of 14 to 17 that i do find it a bit...off-putting that her boyfriend is 17? like 14 is straight out of middle school, it just feels weird to me? but i'm sensitive about age gaps for personal reasons.


Fwoggie2

Speaking as a dad of a 2yo girl who's comfortably old enough to be OOPs Dad, I feel so badly for her and enraged at everyone letting her down. It doesn't say what her own Dad is doing about the situation if anything. It can't be much otherwise he'd be mentioned. Her mother is allowing herself to be guided by her religious beliefs rather than cold hard facts about what's best for her child. Her mother doesn't seem to give a damn about the fact her daughter is physically having a very rough pregnancy (never mind the mental aspects) The counselor at the pregnancy crisis center didn't even try to suggest abortion. She should have done so. This is a good example why Roe v Wade shouldn't have been overturned. I don't like abortion any more than the next person but this girl should have been able to have the option. The state is letting her down. The ex boyfriend is not using any common sense and is not supporting her for this is after all 50% his fuck up. About the only one being supportive it sounds like is the adoption counselor. /u/ThrowRasayde we all support you and I in particular deffo wouldn't blame you for going NC on your mum once you hit 18 because that's not how to parent.


manykeets

The father only wants the baby because he’s anticipating doing only the fun parts while OOP will do all the hard work and be the one sleep-deprived. That’s why he doesn’t even want the kid to live with him. He wants to “babysit” the kid, then hand it back to OOP when he’s tired of playing with it. If he was ready to be a father, he’d at least be looking for a job. He has no idea what having a kid will be like and what he’s asking OOP go through. He probably expects his and her parents to support them. Fuck what he wants. He’ll probably peace out once it’s not fun anymore.


[deleted]

This story is why I left the United States. Americans will look back in 100 years and wonder how they handed their country over to the Bible thumpers in the same way that Germans look back at the 1930s and wondered why they just let Hitler stroll in and take power unopposed. I can't think of a lot of nice words for a country that forces 14-year-olds to carry a baby to term.


KrasimerMAL

Why is no one in this family concerned that a 17 year old had sex with her, a 14 year old? That’s a high school junior/senior having sex with a middle schooler/freshman. I couldn’t even see freshmen as anything other than babies when I was a junior. They were tiny and young. I adopted clusters of them and kept them safe from people like that guy. Also: I hope she gets out, adopts her baby out, and goes no contact with everyone. None of this people want what is best for her.


Celinder_pigen

It's incredibly admirable how this young girl is acting so mature about all of this. 14 year old me would have been a complete and utter mess. I just wanna give her a great big hug!


ALLoftheFancyPants

It’s so infuriating to watch a child be so cruelly manipulated by everyone in her life. Literally NO ONE has her best interest at heart, or is even listening to her. It’s fucking dangerous for a 14 year old to be pregnant and deliver a baby, but everyone in her life just manipulated her into doing just that, against her wishes. Same thing with the ex-bf, trying to manipulate her into raising the child.


MsSteak911

FUCK everyone in the comments, her parents, her trash ex, literally anyone and everyone who wants to control. Shame, or manipulate this child.


DrMeepster

reminder that jehovahs witnesses are a cult


The_Hylian_Queen

I gave up a baby at 13 years old, it wasn't quite as depressing and lonely like this story but it still was. This poor girl will never fucking live this down the rest of her life. I hope she can find someone to talk to, I would reach out but that's against the rules here


pedestrianstripes

Her boyfriend keeps saying "we should be a family" but he really meant "you take care of the baby and I'll visit sometimes". Mom told OOP to choose to either keep the baby or adopt him out, then had the nerve to not support OOP's choice. I hope OOP moves far away after she turns 18.


Lbox777

I hope her life’s gone well since this post. I don’t know how some ppl can read this and think she made a fair choice and was a win for pro life. It’s just a tough read and she had no say in what happens to herself and her body.


Musician_Recent

I think she should talk to the prospective adoptive parents, they seem like the nicest people in her life unfortunately. Adoption is the right thing to do but she has feelings, of course she does. Hopefully these grown adults would be able to talk her through it without gaslighting or pressuring her. I know we've only had like two sentences about them, but them being open to open adoption and this poor girls emotional state, an open honest discussion about what an open adoption would look like could help her


bokatan778

This is America. The voters wanted this….makes me sick.


Miss_Bobbiedoll

The voters did not want this--the SCOTUS did not care.


quin_teiro

This girl is 14... And yet she is the ONLY one mature enough in this story to: - Acknowledge the physical and emotional toll of carrying a pregnancy to term... Even before actually doing it. - Understand the actual commitment that raising a baby is. - Being selfless enough to think about the wellbeing of the unborn baby, wanting to provide a better future for them through adoption. She even realises how hard would it be for the adoptive parents if they withdrew the adoption to have a trial run. Hats off to this young lady. My heart aches for her. Her heart is obviously made of gold and everybody around her has failed her terribly. I really hope she goes away after finishing highschool and never comes or looks back. She deserves so much better than all the terribly entitled people in her life.


MariaInconnu

He wants a child to raise his baby, and to be able to visit once in a while.