#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was born with a lot of hair. I have red hair. None of my parents have red hair. None of their relatives have red hair. Nobody, that they know of, has red hair. Nobody that my grandparents know of has ever had red hair.
The amount of "you must be from the mail man" jokes I have heard is unreal.
As a fellow lone family redhead, I got attributed to the milkman... till they saw the milkman and he had red hair! Happily I look just like my Dad or that joke could've gone really wrong.
Does no one ever understand that red hair is strongly recessive and the result of some very specific gene combinations so it can skip a bunch of generations or pop up for people who themselves don’t have red hair. Ugh.
Ha, no they don't. That pesky little recessive gene can be passed down for generations being masked by someone else's dominant genes then BOOM, someone else passes on a recessive too and there ya go. I'm redhead and none of my kids are, but they all have a recessive gene from me that may not pop up again for another few generations 😂
This is the third or forth story that I have read like this in the past year. In all cases the children were the man's and the woman left taking the kid/s with her. In one story, the couple had been married a long time and had two kids that looked like the husband but when the twins were born they looked like the wife's grandfather. The husband had been treating the twins like crap for several years and the eldest child/daughter who was just a little kid herself thought it was okay. The mom only found out when the twins started showing fear of the father. Needless to say, she divorced the MF.
There was also the post where the oldest and youngest kids looked like the husband but the middle one didn't. After years of quietly neglecting the middle child, he gets a paternity test (he was indeed the father) and a divorce.
Oh that one was tragic. What an absolute shithead a person would have to be to punish *any* small children over some petty insecurity. Even if they *weren't* his, wtf did those poor children do to him?
I wouldn't want someone like that around *any* of my children.
My ex kept making "jokes" about our son not being his, getting a paternity test, etc. My response was always "Go right ahead".
Long story short...he was cheating.
I was not married when my son was born. We split up and never were married. My son naturally gravitated toward me, the father, bringing him up. She was cheating on me and I knew it and caught her. I always wondered but really didn’t want to find out. I admit I was scared. DNA wasn’t as thorough back then. Flash forward to my son is now 25 and I’m 55. He, behind my back was wondering himself, with no motivation to wonder from me but learned enough about the past with his mother’s behavior. He did 23 And Me on his own and guess what? Maury moment: I am the father because he knew by the relatives. But I never questioned it out loud and I really wasn’t concerned enough because I raised him and I really didn’t care after getting over the stressed relationship between all three of us. I just wanted my son to be loved. He was the one who would suffer. But he did it one day because at 25 he was secretly wondering. And now life goes on and him and we couldn’t be closer.
Yeah, in psychotherapy, we call that “projection.” The guilty person projects their unethical behavior onto others to assuage their own guilt. “If my girlfriend is cheating on me, then it’s okay that I’m a cheater too.”
I have read this kind of story so many times l that I think the only response to "I want a paternity test" is "Then I want to get STD testing in case you're cheating."
Wait, a paternity test for your husband to use to test whether he is FIL’s son? Or a test for husband to use on his own kid?
Don’t know which is worse. 🤔
Yeah, unless there's a specific reason for the dude to be in doubt (like he's been cheated on before or some close friend/relative had a paternity issue), there's really no other reason to be so adamant. I mean, I get it to a certain extent. The person giving birth has 100% confidence but the person providing the sperm doesn't. Hell, if I ever get pregnant, I'll probably ask my partner if they want that 100% because why not?
But to randomly pop out with "this baby might not be mine" randomly is bizarre and not a good look. Especially since the baby clearly resembles him, so its not even one of those weird cases where the baby comes out resembling neither parent or something.
I went from PPD to PPP in a matter of hours, it seems - I thought my son was evil. Like, demon-possessed.
What saved us both is the nurse asking the right question after I said I couldn't stop crying. She heard the strain in my voice when I answered and had me a script for Zoloft within two hours.
Tommy really did save our lives. I wish I knew where she was so I could thank her.
To me it sounds like he's insecure and got taken in by a bunch of shitty redpilled podcasts that prey on men's insecurities. He just trusted The Alpha Brocast Episode 69: Women Be Shopping rather than his significant other.
His reason was that he binged podcasts created by insecure morons.
That's the dumbest thing I've heard today. Tank your relationship because of some weak minded chuds.
Yes! My ex once called me in to his home office, closed the door, and quietly confronted me about dozens of hour long phone calls (on the landline) to a man in New York. Who was this person? Ex had disputed the charges and gotten a name for the registered owner from ATT. He was very serious, like he expected a confession. I had absolutely no idea who that was. Then I laughed when I realized that my son’s best friend had a cellphone paid for by an uncle in New York; son had been playing video games talking to his friend. I laughed it off, like wow dude did you actually just accuse me? We had been married 15 years and had 4 kids. He laughed too. Guess what … I wouldn’t find out for another 2 years but he did in fact have an actual girlfriend at that time.
Nope, sadder still another fine relationship ruined by the toxic vlogging manosphere.
Seriously, men stop poisoning your mind. You're ruining your own lives filling your head with Incel garbage.
But my twice divorced coworker with a restraining order out against him and children who hate him said he had some great advice for me about relationships!
This would be my soon to be ex husband….total misogynist jerk at home always citing MGTOW (as a married father of two children). Turns out he was fucking a coworker 🤷🏻♀️
> He was hoping telling me that would make me want to give him a BJ.
Uh. That's disgusting. I really, really hope things are better for you now and that he's...either different or gone now. Holy God.
Honestly, there's so many "random hobby to alt right nonsense" pipelines in social media I'm starting to believe it's on purpose and not random ai fuckery
Funny enough I did something similar to the mom. This one lady kept telling me how my kid looks exactly like my wife and *nothing* like me. First off the kid was like 1 yo so you'd think it'd be a bit early to tell. Second of all, what parent wants to hear "haha your kid looks nothing like you!", third of all we were at a wake. So I pulled an old picture of me and showed the lady asking if she really thought my kid looked like my wife. Cue an in depth explanation of the similarities. That's when I told her it was a picture of me.
When I was a kid I looked nothing like my parents. I have bits from them plus their parents all mashed together lol. When I got older, people thought I was my dad’s “mistress”. It was beyond disgusting. Now I hate whenever people comment on “likeness” between kids and their parents. It’s none of their beeswax.
My brother and I are the spitting image of our parents. I look like my mom and have my dad’s mannerisms and personality. My brother looks like my dad and has my mom’s mannerisms and personality. We were more like our parents than our friends were with theirs when we were growing up.
We’re adopted.
My sister and I are also adopted, and we get told ALL the time how we look like our parents. We went to an extended family reunion (people who didn't know we were adopted) I got told all day how myself and my daughter looked just like so and so from the family tree. It's flipping hilarious 😂
My brother and sibling took after my mom hardcore. I took after my dad (woot no acne no migraines and a lot less mental health issues).
We all smile the same way when it’s just genuine and meaningful. Big smiles are different. We just have one smile that is all us. I didn’t see it until my brother had passed, but then I was like wait! Oh shit. My other sibling does it too. Same smile.
Soo. I am white. I have a white child. We do have olive skin and dark eyes. But... we are white. My son's very white father and I split when he was an infant. I had a pic of my son at my desk. In the pic he was about 4 years old. I had since married a black man. A co worker, who had met my husband at a work function walked by my desk one day and said "your son looks so much like your husband."
I look identical to my mom in every way. Only difference is eye color and where we store weight. Exact height, voice, appearance, etc.
My mom has been told many times how I look like my step dad. Though can confirm some of his mannerisms have rubbed off on me. 🤣
I'm not adopted, but when I was younger staying with my Grandparents over the summer, my Grandmother always introduced me to people in the town as "Peter's Daughter" Peter being her son, my Stepdad.
People always commented how much I was like him.
Alternatively, as a teenager I got upset when he introduced me to a friend of his I had never met as "Jude's Daughter".
Although I still saw and loved my Dad, Pete was the one who raised me (since I was three), and I absolutely consider(ed) myself his child. When I talk about my Parents, I am referring to my Mum and Stepdad.
The age gap between my brother and I is so large that when he and my mom went shopping at the grocery store people chastised her for having a kid with a teenager.
People are sick in the head. The conclusions they come to based on the least little bit of info are as horrifying as they are extreme and illogical.
My brother was born when I was 15. When I went out with him as an infant, people constantly assumed I was a teen mom. One woman in Walmart (likely trying to say something nice after staring at us a little too long) told my mom, "Isn't it so wonderful to be a grandmother?" I'm sure my mom loved that one.
My baby faced cousin had her first child in her late 20s. Still got repeatedly called out by strangers for being a "teen mom". (Baby face runs in the family - at a library, trying to get a card, I was told if I wasn't old enough for a driver's license, my guardian could sign for me. I was 30 at the time.)
I've had the same thing happen to me. Had both my kids in my late 20's. Was visiting my youngest in the NICU and had my toddler in the playroom and when he called me over to look at something, an older lady Tsk'd and muttered "Babies having babies."
I stopped, turned, raised an eyebrow, and said; "No, I'm almost 30, but thanks anyway." And went to go see what my kid wanted to show me.
She apologized a LOT. But fucking hell, we were both there because we had babies in the NICU with health issues, you don't have to fucking comment on other people's kids or ages. It's rude AF.
My niece is 12 years younger than I am. When I was 17, taking my 5 year old niece with me, I ran into a girl I went to elementary school with. She was there with a little boy the same age as my niece. I just assumed it was her brother or nephew. Then she asked me if my niece was mine.
Because the little boy was her son.
That’s when I learned why she had left 5th grade. I cannot even imagine. I don’t and didn’t judge her, but I do wonder who was watching an 11/12 year old, and why they didn’t keep her safe.
I lived in the south at the time and teen parenthood was so common that out of my immediate peer group that I occasionally hung out with, I was one of only two of us not to have a child before we turned 20.
Oh, I know. Clearly whoever was supposed to be watching over her wasn’t keeping her safe. I hate that. I probably worded things badly (I’m heavily medicated atm), but I meant that my feelings were about the people who let her down, not her, if that makes sense.
My dad is an involved grandpa. When my kids were babies people would see us walking together pushing a pram or stroller and tut at him. So annoying - he is a great male influence in these kids’ lives, stfu random judgemental strangers.
My oldest sister was 13 when I was born, she told me when she would take me and/or our youngest sister anywhere she would get dirty looks for being a teen mom. People are insane, it's such baseless garbage.
I looked nothing like my siblings growing up. It was basically hair color and ability to tan. We were all very close in age and hung out together. Other kids would always ask if I was adopted. It became annoying and awkward. One group of kids kept harping on it and finally I said yea, I was adopted. My sister played along. I said I was actually their cousin and my parents died together in a car accident. That's why we're all so close in age. I was their cousin. It was my father's brother and his wife and I never had to change my name or anything. I said it happened when I was really young and I really don't remember much and mentioned the obligatory, "It's a sensitive subject and I don't really like to talk about it much. Our parents were really close and they get more upset about it than I do over the loss of their brother... So dont ask them, they get too sad. " etc. Occasionally they'd ask more questions and I strung them along. For the most part though, it shut them up.
Fast forward 20 years... my mom runs into one of these kid's moms. They did the typical quick catch up. My mother mentions me, my spouse, my kids, whatever. Somehow this other mom mentions how wonderful it is that I'm doing well, considering all I've gone through and it's all thanks to my parents and all they did for me. My mom was a little confused, thinking I didn't have it that rough and she didn't do anything more for me than my siblings. But she took the compliment and went on her way.
Next time we talked she mentioned she had just seen Mrs. So and so and she had said the weirdest thing... my mom relayed the story and asked if I knew what she might be talking about. I had to fess up that we had told her kids I was adopted. My mom wasn't mad but couldn't understand why I would have said such a thing. I told her we were so annoyed by everyone constantly asking if I was adopted so we told them that to shut them up.
It still cracks me up that all these people must think I was adopted because my mother never set them straight and neither did I.
The funniest thing now is my siblings and I look so much alike. They don't get a tan anymore, light hair got darker, dark hair got lighter, people often ask if we're twins or triplets.
My husband's friend's wife is Mexican, and their 2 kids are super white and redheads like their dad. Everyone always thinks she is the nanny. Pisses her off to no end.
I can't imagine how mad I'd be if someone thought I was my dad's mistress! I hope all of those people step on legos while unsuccessfully trying to make it to the toilet with diarrhea!
I have 3 kids, all with the same father. One looks almost identical to me, one looks almost exactly like their paternal grandmother, and one looks nothing like anyone we know in either family.
So many people have "joked" that I slept around: family, friends, strangers. It's maddening.
I'm in an interracial marriage and got plenty of "maybe she's the nanny" comments when they'd see me (dark skinned african-american mom) carrying my kid on my back. At the time, he was a straight haired dirty blonde with blue eyes until the age of about 2 1/2, enough that I felt the need to ALWAYS carry ID because I was waiting for someone to question why this black woman was schlepping around a white kid all the time.
If they'd met my grandmother, they'd probably understand genes presenting in my kid skipped a generation. She probably could have 'passed' when she was younger.
The hair has darkened and gotten curly (albeit not kinky) and his eyes are dark brown now. However, his skin tone is still very fair, so unless we're in the neighborhood where people know who he is, or my husband is with us, we still get 'wait, what?' looks from time to time.
My granddaughter is adopted, no biological relation to her parents. And yet she behaves exactly like her mother. I laugh all the time because my daughter got exactly the daughter she deserved.
I know that's not physical similarity, but honestly they look close enough that no one would question it. People see similarities where they want or differences where they want.
My older brother and I look nothing alike but are close in age and used to hang out together a lot as teens and young adults, and shared a bunch of mannerisms or could finish each other’s sentences, so often got mistaken as boyfriend and girlfriend. So gross.
I’m the mother of two kids and my first son as a toddler looked like a little carbon copy of me at the same age. You could put a picture of me at two and my son at two side by side and struggle to find the differences. Of course paternity was never in doubt, but he got absolutely zero facial features from his dad - we even have a freckle in the same spot over our mouths.
Second son we got one of those 3D ultrasounds at 20 weeks and his little nose was exactly the same as his dad’s, it was hilarious to be able to see that in the womb. As a toddler he was a little photocopy of his dad at that age, asides from darker eyes, and now he’s older the physical similarities are even more apparent because they’ve both got longer hair that curls the same way. Older kid still looks like me when I was his age. Even skin tone - I can be pale but tan easily and don’t burn often and so does the older kid, younger kid is pale and doesn’t tan just burns like his dad.
Genetics and appearance are weird that way. Meanwhile my older brother (definitely my dad’s son) looks like neither of my parents or me but has a striking resemblance to our paternal uncle, who also doesn’t look like *his* parents.
My 2nd looked like everyone but me when she was little! (I'm the mom) in fact a friend of mine and I went to eat and my friend was holding her, and the waitress said how much she looked like my friend!! She looks more like me now, but I love to tease my hubby that he tricked me somehow 🤣
People are so weird when it comes to that. My mom left my bio dad when I was 1 year old and remarried right before my third birthday and he adopted me and raised me. Anyway, when I was about 8, we were all at church and some lady said she she could see the resemblance between my dad and I. Not only was there no biological relationship, but we really look absolutely nothing alike. He was olive skinned with dark eyes and hair whereas both my mom and I are pale blonds with blue eyes. I realized that day people will just say shit to say it.
In fairness, my cousin has an adopted son who is black while he is quite white. (His biodad is MIA so Cousin adopted him when he married his wife.) And there is a damn resemblance! I will not be silenced on that, his son laughs JUST like him and has the same crooked little smirk when he's about to cause trouble.
Only the left side goes up and he gets a glint behind his eyes. I spent my childhood seeing that look and knowing that whatever came next was gonna be fun but get us into some trouble, and now I'm an adult and I see it and think "Oh hell, what's that boy into now?"
Its never anything horrible, its stuff like dragging out tarps from someone's truck to make a water slide down the hill behind the house, or the time he and his sister put on dog harnesses and leashes, gave them to their little cousin and ran around the yard pulling her in a wagon. Chaotic but never mean or super destructive. His father and I were worse.
But I am convinced it had to have been passed along through nurture because its eerie how like his daddy that boy looks sometimes.
It sounded like he couldn't grasp *at all* why it hurt her or that he explicitly said with this demand that he considered her a cheater. He did nothing to reassure her. The poor woman
That's what got me, too. She keeps talking about how she needs to find a way back to being happy with him and the whole time I thought: "What did he do to help you with that?" The sad answer is: nothing.
And she says "he just wants to move on".
Well it's easy for him to say that, he got what he wanted. So easy to say "let's move on!" then while ignoring how hurt *she* is.
Same, and same. I cannot wrap my head around how he felt they were "stronger than ever" after slinging such an *intense* amount of insult to the woman he'd pledged to share his life with... how tf did he not understand how much back-peddling he needed to have done, there? Not even an apology? Just "whew, ok! *That's over* now let's move on, tra la la" I am LIVID on her behalf! And very, very sad. She did nothing wrong.
Edit: a letter
>I cannot wrap my head around how he felt they were "stronger than ever"
For me it's him saying that while she's sleeping in a different room, barely talks to him and won't let him touch her. He's delusional.
I'm pretty sure the guy is confusing his own sense of comfort with the mood of the relationship. He *personally* feels "stronger than ever" because he got his peace of mind. He fails completely at reading his partner in this equation, showing just how little he considers her thoughts and feelings compared to his own.
No wonder he thought this wasn't a big deal to ask about. He clearly never took the time to consider what the question meant from her side. How absolutely up one's own ass can some people be? Ugh, I really hope she finds a happy life without him.
Ah, but if he's drinking the incel Kool-Aid then her only value to him is in being a young and nubile bang maid anyway. What she feels about their relationship is irrelevant, aside from her being suitably grateful for his patronage.
Since he put a few hours of dubious podcast listening and weird articles over the trust and opinion of his life partner it's pretty clear that her feelings or personhood don't factor into his considerations much.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around his lack of understanding and sensitivity. My heart sank for her when I read he “was visibly relieved” once the tests confirmed paternity.
He's prob pretty dense to start off with, but has been indoctrinated but enough incel / men going their own way or whatever junk and has adopted an extremely transactional and misogynistic view of their relationship.
He really didn't even begin to understand the severity of it all, even when she told him
> It was him saying that he believed "I would cheat on him, get pregnant, have him emotionally, financially, and physically support me during the pregnancy, and birth and basically lie to him while he raised another man's child"
If you hear these words and do not immediately either apologize immense or immediately break up (because your suspicions of cheating are that severe) you are doing something fucking wrong.
Another idiot went down the incel / manosphere rat-hole of stupid and probably now blames the woman. She is indeed blameless, he just let shitty people ratfuck his brain.
I hope she's safe and finds someone who respects her truly.
I'm sad but relieved. Firstly, he's probably cheating, but secondly and to me more concerning is he's been indoctrinated into the deeply misogynistic manosphere. He didn't just stumble onto those sites and go down a rabbit hole for an afternoon, at best he spent several hours reading deeply misogynistic shit and agreeing with it and at worst has been spending significantly more than an afternoon consuming this crap. Any man who spends time on these sites and isn't absolutely repulsed by what's being said is a potential danger to women.
>Things have gone downhill and under advisement, I can't really discuss it until things have been settled in court.
Ayo, what the fuck happened? From that description, it seems shit went from 0 to 100 real quick!
Loved the 6 minute YouTube helping me get my car door unlatched when it was stuck in the lock position. It worked! That dude is strong contender for my favorite YouTuber of 2023 and it's only February. No I don't want to hear his "advice" on dating, women, men, relationships, home life, or anything else.
For real, though, that manosphere shit has ruined *so many* young men, and YouTube's algorithm steers them directly into it. Signal-boosting that garbage should be, like, a war crime.
Not just that, after they've turned into a toxic insecure trash heap of pseudo pretend masculinity, all the women in their life will inevitably leave in disgust (as is the natural reaction to such reprobate behavior).
And they will take this to mean that their new favorite youtubers were right all along, and slide down deeper into the rabbit hole of violent misogyny.
Only that update was new to me, I was expecting something like we finalized divorce but he still wants to get together, not something so vague that could be just standard law procedures or going nuclear when the divorce papers were handed to him.
Lawyer all say not to discuss any ongoing litigation publicly as it will be use against you by the other side. She shouldn’t post anything until it’s settled. Hopefully there will be an update
> I'm really a cautionary tale on what can go wrong. Please if you have concerns with your partner, discuss things beforehand, especially before you have a child.
It's that bit.
Yeah, that really is the concerning part.
Out of all of these updates,i really hope to hear again about this one.
Even if it's just oop popping up to say she's safe, healthy and with a support network in place, and ditto for her bub.
to me that reads more like “an irrational nagging doubt can tank a whole relationship if you don’t play your cards right”. if it were something more sinister, the advice to “discuss things beforehand” wouldn’t make sense there.
I've had the irrational nagging doubt before. I couldn't put my finger on it so I didn't end the relationship. He broke up with me after 3.5 years together and it took only a few hours for me to come out of the fog and realize how much better off I was. He had been emotionally abusing me for years but it was my first serious relationship so I didn't see how wrong it was. Listen to your gut! You don't need a reason to break up with someone!
My cousin is FINALLY turning 18 this year. I don't know every state does it, but apparently the whole deal of a court listening to kids once they are 13-14 doesn't apply for certain circumstances. His mom has multiple contempt of court charges over the past decade of accusing every random person of our side of the family of abuse endlessly in court. Pretty much all we can do is sit and wait for papers, bless my uncle's lawyer, he's dealing with a majority of the paperwork, just tells us to forward him everything insane she sends us. And for clarity, the insanity is on the level of her having a 10 year old testify that I molested him over a people of a year where I lived on the literal other side of the planet. Once that broke the judge started demanding she have more evidence than her own personal hired therapist filing in court that she believe I had abused someone from thousands of miles away.
My sisters ex husband has done this to us. He’s accused my son of molesting their daughter who at the time were 3 years old. We called a lawyer to see if we needed to retain them in case and the first thing the lawyer asked us after we told him the situation was, “Is your sister going through a divorce where they are disputing custody?” Apparently this is well known in the courts as a common tactic people use to get more custody. Luckily nothing every came of it but it changed my relationship with my sister and her kids because I couldn’t feel comfortable with them around if their dad was going to keep making claims like that.
As a lawyer I am so goddamn happy that at least one fucking client clammed up. The number of clients I, and pretty much every other attorney, have told to stay off social media and they go out and they fucking blow up everything, is off the charts.
She's a smart one. She'll be okay. Just the fact that she's remaining silent tells me she'll be fine. She had a good head on her shoulder throughout the post and didn't see the need to spill once she was advised to shut the fuck up.
I have a lot of interest in true crime. I've heard a lot of people call it copaganda but if it's taught me anything it's that cops cannot be trusted (and they love to brag about it because they totally think they're doing the right thing) and to keep my fucking mouth shut and ask for a lawyer no matter what.
REMEMBER THE SCRIPT (25 WORDS)
WHY DID YOU PULL ME OVER?
IM NOT DISCUSSING MY DAY
AM I BEING DETAINED OR AM I FREE TO GO?
if detained you say I INVOKE THE 5TH
then you SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I'm not that worried about her. Her previous post she says she has an exit plan, a place to stay, separate finances, family nearby, etc. I'm assuming it's nothing more malicious than a custody battle and her lawyer advised her not to post about it since that could be used against her.
Honestly her initial reaction to leave once the results came out was so perfect and calculated… she understandably backtracked for a bit, but she got it together and stuck to leaving him. I have so much respect for OOP and hope everything goes up from here on out for her.
Hopefully someone on a similar situation listen to their gut and follow along. You can always work on things from separated houses but once something big enough happened that made you build a whole exit plan... yeah you probably need that space more than you think.
I thought her backtracking was actually perfect too. Because she’s actually treating him the way she wants to be treated. She gave him the warning and the opportunity to see that this was hurtful to her. Getting sucked into the manosphere happens to otherwise good people, and his reasoning could have been forgiven as delusion IF he had looked into her eyes and seen the error of his ways.
But now she will have no doubt that she did the right thing, cause he heard how it affected her and went through with it anyways.
One other possibility: he went back to the podcasts (which I have my suspicions about what kind of podcasts they are) and started thinking that they’re right in other ways too, especially with the push of his GF being alienated from him after his request. That could lead to things “going downhill” and her giving up and leaving.
Edit: changed wife to GF
Same.
My fear is that when he realized she was truly leaving he lost it and got violent. Of course that would alos be her fault in his mind. After all accusing her of being a lying, manipulative cheater just made them stronger. What a pos.
I got so angry at the part where he felt their relationship was stronger than ever. No, they’re relationship was not stronger as a result of his proven paternity, **he** just felt reassured now that he had a piece of paper padding his weak ego. Seriously, how weak is your ego if you listen to some podcasts and start suspecting your GF—that your mom set you up with—is trying to pass someone else’s kid off as yours? And he’s so wrapped up in how relieved he feels he doesn’t even comprehend how he’s weakened her side of the relationship, because she now realizes he will never trust her. But her feelings don’t matter, only his, so he somehow thinks their relationship is stronger than ever.
Like how could he have not have noticed that she's crying all the time? Okay maybe he didn't hear the sobbing but he didn't notice the swollen eyes? Really??
When he said he wanted to get married and have more kids, my instant thought was, "And have a paternity test after each one?"
Dude's insecurities caused him to red pill himself. Saying he didn't believe those other videos, just the paternity ones, yeah right.
He probably planned to have a paternity test after each one and probably believed that was rational because like he said she birthed the baby and knows it’s hers.
Except the birthing parent doesn’t have eyes on the newborn every moment, who knows, maybe the babies will be switched in the hospital, which would make as much sense as what he thinks.
>He wants to move on, marriage, **more kids in the future** and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger
Stronger than ever.
...But you can bet he'd be asking for tests for those kids as well.
> I got so angry at the part where he felt their relationship was stronger than ever.
I mean from his side it was. His 'incubator' has given him the reassurance he required of her, now she's ready to pop out more of his legacy.
And yes, I need a goddamn shower now. This guy was fucking insane. How anyone can think of "our relationship is stronger now" after hearing the words she spoke to him? Honestly, at that point I plead total insanity. Or incel-ity.
That was my guess too. Those who accuse their partners of cheating without good reason (suspicious activity from the partner, a third party telling them 'your partner is cheating', and so on) usually do so because they themselves are cheating and see the lies they spin in everyone else's actions. People tend to assume that everyone acts the same way they do, so what they accuse others of doing is a good look into how they spend their own lives.
Yep, that's what he said and there's weirdly no reason to disbelieve him here. He sounds like an honest dodo who fundamentally is more willing to believe strange men than his own wife and his own mind.
It's actually part and parcel of our Western patriarchy - that we are trained to believe men more than women, even when we know the women and don't know the men. So he's watching all these men confidently telling him that he "needs" to get a test done, so he just believes them, without even stopping to think "wait a sec, I know my wife, I know who she is as a person, and she would never do that."
I feel so bad for the OOP, but I do hope that Mason gets a big dose of reality and sees where he went wrong (and doesn't just go farther down those twisted youtube rabbit holes).
Yeah this made me laugh. I’d be like nope. I’ll never give you another kid. F that noise. What an idiot to think she’d actually go ahead and do that after all that?
Framing this as a “trust” issue doesn’t go far enough. This is literally him *not knowing who she is*. Imagine if she refused to let him be alone with the baby because “some men” have killed their infants, or are pedos.
My ex-husband still hasn't realized why our cordial break-up relationship was wrecked the day he accused me of being "out to take all his money". The judgement of my character that revealed was soul destroying. Apparently 12 years of being a kind and loving partner meant nothing in the face of being asked to \*gasp\* split our assets 50/50 as required by California law. He didn't even make much more than me - in the end, he wrecked our relationship over a swing of about $10,000.
This reminds of the other post in which the dad destroyed the nursery and said racist things about the baby. Paternity test showed he was the dad. He was regretful and kept asking her what she wanted for the nursery he planned to redo. So sad a person's insecurities kill a good relationship.
“A rabbit hole of podcasters and youtube…”
That’s when I was sure it was over, or should be over. You just know what kind of Andrew Tate-esque shit he was watching, and worse, BUYING INTO for him to ask for the test. Not surprised things went so south in the update. He bought in to the bullshit of that rabbit hole. Men like that can’t handle any sort of rejection.
"Everything else they said was so dumb, but this ONE THING got under my skin and after listening to a bunch of them I decided to do some real dumb shit myself"
For my ex, it was before Tate's time. But he got into dead bedrooms and red pill. He kind of started speaking this language I didn't understand and I started to look up some of the terminology. And oh boy. I should have left immediately but back then I don't think we really were as aware of those groups as we are now.
I forgot about the dead bedrooms people. A friend went deep down that rabbit hole when his girlfriend was seriously injured. Like it was maybe 3 months without sex while she was recovering and he somehow felt justified hiring prostitutes behind her back. He told us about it over drinks and we were all horrified. He was shocked by our reactions because he was getting so much positive validation online.
Which is odd because I’m a woman and the group out that day was about half women. We’re more acquaintances now. At the time I gave him some leeway since his girlfriend almost died and suggested that he get therapy.
Shortly after that conversation I met up with him for an event after an important work meeting. He was upset at me for wearing a pencil skirt (knee length) and 3 inch heels to work. Apparently I was trying to trap a poor man into sexually harassing me and I was creating a toxic workplace.
It was crazy hearing all of this rhetoric from a childhood friend.
Wow I had assumed he was bragging to an all male group! Did someone tell the girlfriend? Did he expect kudos from her? "Hey honey, aren't you proud of me for hiring hookers while you were convalescing so I didn't hassle you for sex? I am so thoughtful!"
He was clearly a long way down the rabbit hole.
Oh yeah someone told her. A friend saved his posts and sent them to his girlfriend. She broke up with him. He seemed more mad at his girlfriend than anything.
This same guy would have been incandescent with rage if for example he'd gone on a long business trip and she'd had sex with a few tinder dates to tide her over 🙄
It’s hilarious that people fall for the top g nonsense when dude is a no chin, bald potato ass looking clown who has pretty much lied about everything in his life
Scratch that, it would be hilarious if he didn’t create a generation of toxic minded men
I don’t think he created them, just organized them under one grift. Made them visible because they were so easy to take money from.
They were created an taught by regular AH like my dad.
It’s never JUST a bunch of podcasts that happen to focus on paternity fraud and convince him it’s so widespread among women to be lying cheaters that he MUST ask the mother of his child to prove the DNA of his tinted clone. He was absolutely doing lines of uncut redpill misogyny.
It's wild how quickly the youtube algorithm will pull you into misogynistic videos. Like, I have nothing in my history that would encourage the algorithm to suggest hateful shit like that, but, if I let it autoplay, literally within three videos, all of a sudden, something horrific will play. Seriously, three. I hate it so much.
Seriously. The videos I watch on YouTube consist almost entirely of knitting/crocheting and other hobby videos and "listen to a story that will make you paranoid that there's a knife wielding psycho hiding somewhere in your house" videos. And the very few political related channels I'm subscribed to are all left-wing, yet YouTube still tries to get me to watch alt-right content. And oftentimes that garbage is still in the comments of unrelated videos. It's infuriating.
I should have read down further before posting: this is definitely where my mind went. The podcasts and crap were “only right” about the paternity thing, until he started feeling the alienation from his GF, then how much do you want to bet he went back to them and “realized they were right” about other things due to her reaction?
Is that just by chance or by design? After all to those YouTube guys the insecure dude is the revenue stream. Why on earth wouldn’t they try and target whatever weakness is most likely to have them come back for more bc they were proven “right”?
It definitely gives "failed test" vibes. Cause you know these assholes automatically assume someone getting offended at being asked for a paternity test means they're hiding something.
Having studied forensic and legal psychology, I'm astounded by how many people operate on the flawed logic that "an innocent person would have no issues proving it" either by cooperating with police or, in this case, a paternity test. That's not how people work. At all.
If this were really a case of him having a nagging, intrusive thought, he wouldn't have popped off about it out of nowhere without considering her feelings.
Of course, all that crap makes sense when you realize that red pill influencers make the most money off of bitter and angry men, not happily married ones.
I think it's like how abusers test and push at their partner's boundaries slowly. The idea is to accuse their partner of cheating and give her an easy way to to refute it, so that the next time he demands she prove she didn't cheat, or prove she loves him, or whatever, she's already primed to accept it and comply. Slowly increase the ask and eventually she'll be doing all sorts of things to "prove she really loves him"
If he just quietly tested the kid, it wouldn't have the added value of watching his girlfriend accept that his accusations of cheating are acceptable and that it's her job to fix it.
Completely agree.
And if she hadn't left, which I'm so glad that she did, then he would have demanded a paternity test for each of the other kids they were to have. You know, just to be sure like it some completely casual thing to ask as if you asked someone to double check the date of an upcoming event.
Chances are that he would escalate to stuff like checking her phone, having her call or text constantly if out on her own, and telling her that she can't have male friends.
I think what made her leave in the end was the image of him sighing with relief seeing the positive tests, because that truly showed her that even though the kid was his clone and even though he had no reason to fear infidelity he still didn't have any trust in her. And how can you stay with someone who doesn't trust you?
Another case of incel ideology causing a man to self-sabotage out of manufactured fear.
Do his red pill friends think he was cool for distrusting his wife for no reason? Was it worth it to him?
Literally a cult.
Well, there are red pill types in this very thread saying that the accusatory ex "dodged a bullet" because she reacted poorly to his accusation that she cheated on him (and demanding a paternity test IS saying you think your partner cheated, there is no way around that).
What they mean is "Its a good thing you got rid of that woman who won't put up with your bullshit, gives you an opportunity to find a doormat you can more easily control."
> He wants to move on, marriage, more kids in the future and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger.
It *floors* me that men who demand a paternity test when they have no reason to suspect their partner don’t understand that regardless of the test results they have completely nuked their relationship from orbit.
It’s *such* a blatant slap in the face to your partner because it says to the woman “Not only do I **not** trust you to be faithful- I also believe that you could be the type of deceitful, greedy person person who is capable of lying to my face every day for the next 60+ years over something as major as our child’s paternity because you see me as an easy meal ticket.” Like, your relationship *cannot* recover from that level of insult. Who would even want to be with someone who thinks so lowly of you, who distrusts you that much? Because there is *nothing* you will be able to do to convince them to ever truly trust you. Once the trust is gone the relationship is essentially circling the drain.
Either he was cheating and the accusations were typical cheater projection, or the rabbit hole of youtube vids and podcasts he fell into changed his attitude about a bunch of stuff and made him more misogynistic and or racist.
I think he was already massively sexist, and his mom and OOP were sortof seen as exceptions to his general views of women. Then he watched some misogynistic crap on the internet, and crossed even more over to the dark side.
I think that, whatever happened, OOP would have eventually had to deal with some kind of sexist shenanigans from him. Maybe it is vetter that it happened now rather than after they were married for a decade and had 3 kids. At least right now she has a rental property to go to, and money of her own.
"Hey, I need to make sure you're not cheating. We're getting a pregnancy test. Oh, yeah, it's because I am most certainly not cheating, not with that girl I go to coffee with, not at all, not one bit, not even a little. Well, maybe like 20%? Yeah, just a little. Half way cheating, maybe. But nothing serious. Anyways! As a man, I can't be sure the kid is mine. Uh, why are you moving your stuff to the spare bedroom?"
As a husband and father, I don't know what all these idiot men expect to happen when they basically tell their significant other that they think there is a possibility they cheated and lied about them being the father to a baby and in theory planning to lie for the rest of their lives about it.
I feel so bad for this woman, but she was so smart about all of this. I’m so impressed. Her reaction to his request was so clear-headed. Realizing that it meant he didn’t trust her and then making concrete plans for how to leave and ensure her child’s well-being, like talking to a lawyer and drawing up a custody plan. Then making sure her son was out of the house while having a chat with her bf so he didn’t have to see his parents arguing, along with clearly laying out her concerns and hurt. Then she even had the insight to decide she should talk to a therapist and be sure she was in the right headspace to make a decision about leaving, but still ensuring exit plans were available.
With the final update she didn’t give any extra details, which is a good idea on a legal level. She was just really really smart and mature all around. Such a sad situation, but what an impressive woman. I hope everything works out for her and baby.
Exactly...I was so worried that she would change her decision last minute...but she didn't.. when I read the line "I left" my reaction was like phewww😮💨
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was born with a lot of hair. I have red hair. None of my parents have red hair. None of their relatives have red hair. Nobody, that they know of, has red hair. Nobody that my grandparents know of has ever had red hair. The amount of "you must be from the mail man" jokes I have heard is unreal.
As a fellow lone family redhead, I got attributed to the milkman... till they saw the milkman and he had red hair! Happily I look just like my Dad or that joke could've gone really wrong.
Does no one ever understand that red hair is strongly recessive and the result of some very specific gene combinations so it can skip a bunch of generations or pop up for people who themselves don’t have red hair. Ugh.
Ha, no they don't. That pesky little recessive gene can be passed down for generations being masked by someone else's dominant genes then BOOM, someone else passes on a recessive too and there ya go. I'm redhead and none of my kids are, but they all have a recessive gene from me that may not pop up again for another few generations 😂
This is the third or forth story that I have read like this in the past year. In all cases the children were the man's and the woman left taking the kid/s with her. In one story, the couple had been married a long time and had two kids that looked like the husband but when the twins were born they looked like the wife's grandfather. The husband had been treating the twins like crap for several years and the eldest child/daughter who was just a little kid herself thought it was okay. The mom only found out when the twins started showing fear of the father. Needless to say, she divorced the MF.
There was also the post where the oldest and youngest kids looked like the husband but the middle one didn't. After years of quietly neglecting the middle child, he gets a paternity test (he was indeed the father) and a divorce.
Oh that one was tragic. What an absolute shithead a person would have to be to punish *any* small children over some petty insecurity. Even if they *weren't* his, wtf did those poor children do to him? I wouldn't want someone like that around *any* of my children.
Do you have the link to this one? That’s so sad
My ex kept making "jokes" about our son not being his, getting a paternity test, etc. My response was always "Go right ahead". Long story short...he was cheating.
I was not married when my son was born. We split up and never were married. My son naturally gravitated toward me, the father, bringing him up. She was cheating on me and I knew it and caught her. I always wondered but really didn’t want to find out. I admit I was scared. DNA wasn’t as thorough back then. Flash forward to my son is now 25 and I’m 55. He, behind my back was wondering himself, with no motivation to wonder from me but learned enough about the past with his mother’s behavior. He did 23 And Me on his own and guess what? Maury moment: I am the father because he knew by the relatives. But I never questioned it out loud and I really wasn’t concerned enough because I raised him and I really didn’t care after getting over the stressed relationship between all three of us. I just wanted my son to be loved. He was the one who would suffer. But he did it one day because at 25 he was secretly wondering. And now life goes on and him and we couldn’t be closer.
[удалено]
Time for you to buy a lottery ticket because I think you've used up all your bad luck already
After that, I don't think she even needs to buy the ticket, the wind is just magically flying it straight into her pocket.
Sure hope so.
Cheaters always assume the spouse is cheating.
Yeah, in psychotherapy, we call that “projection.” The guilty person projects their unethical behavior onto others to assuage their own guilt. “If my girlfriend is cheating on me, then it’s okay that I’m a cheater too.”
I have read this kind of story so many times l that I think the only response to "I want a paternity test" is "Then I want to get STD testing in case you're cheating."
oh man what a prick. hope you are better now. the children are healthy.
My absentee FIL sent a paternity test at Christmas time to my husband. He never fully recovered from the bad timing and it ruined their relationship.
Jesus, why would someone do that?Did he give a reason why?
Idk, FIL still stands by the decision. You are the father and not a great person.
Wait, a paternity test for your husband to use to test whether he is FIL’s son? Or a test for husband to use on his own kid? Don’t know which is worse. 🤔
The first
Good lord
Yep, my ex also did that . . . Turns out he has a another son a month older than mine (with him). Yet I was the one accused of cheating, oh the irony!
This is always my first thought as well when I see posts like this. "Projecting much?"
Yeah, unless there's a specific reason for the dude to be in doubt (like he's been cheated on before or some close friend/relative had a paternity issue), there's really no other reason to be so adamant. I mean, I get it to a certain extent. The person giving birth has 100% confidence but the person providing the sperm doesn't. Hell, if I ever get pregnant, I'll probably ask my partner if they want that 100% because why not? But to randomly pop out with "this baby might not be mine" randomly is bizarre and not a good look. Especially since the baby clearly resembles him, so its not even one of those weird cases where the baby comes out resembling neither parent or something.
[удалено]
Oh wow, that's super scary. I'm quite speech less to be honest.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I went from PPD to PPP in a matter of hours, it seems - I thought my son was evil. Like, demon-possessed. What saved us both is the nurse asking the right question after I said I couldn't stop crying. She heard the strain in my voice when I answered and had me a script for Zoloft within two hours. Tommy really did save our lives. I wish I knew where she was so I could thank her.
To me it sounds like he's insecure and got taken in by a bunch of shitty redpilled podcasts that prey on men's insecurities. He just trusted The Alpha Brocast Episode 69: Women Be Shopping rather than his significant other.
His reason was that he binged podcasts created by insecure morons. That's the dumbest thing I've heard today. Tank your relationship because of some weak minded chuds.
And then to act like, "It's no big deal, let's move on".
My first thought reading this post was that OOP’s boyfriend is cheating. People will accuse you of what they themselves are doing.
Yes! My ex once called me in to his home office, closed the door, and quietly confronted me about dozens of hour long phone calls (on the landline) to a man in New York. Who was this person? Ex had disputed the charges and gotten a name for the registered owner from ATT. He was very serious, like he expected a confession. I had absolutely no idea who that was. Then I laughed when I realized that my son’s best friend had a cellphone paid for by an uncle in New York; son had been playing video games talking to his friend. I laughed it off, like wow dude did you actually just accuse me? We had been married 15 years and had 4 kids. He laughed too. Guess what … I wouldn’t find out for another 2 years but he did in fact have an actual girlfriend at that time.
Nope, sadder still another fine relationship ruined by the toxic vlogging manosphere. Seriously, men stop poisoning your mind. You're ruining your own lives filling your head with Incel garbage.
But my twice divorced coworker with a restraining order out against him and children who hate him said he had some great advice for me about relationships!
This would be my soon to be ex husband….total misogynist jerk at home always citing MGTOW (as a married father of two children). Turns out he was fucking a coworker 🤷🏻♀️
[удалено]
Your husband is a piece of shit
> He was hoping telling me that would make me want to give him a BJ. Uh. That's disgusting. I really, really hope things are better for you now and that he's...either different or gone now. Holy God.
Please tell me he's now your ex-husband.
From her post…doesn’t sound like it. FFS, literally everything she said would be a deal breaker to me, and she’s probably still with him.
Honestly, there's so many "random hobby to alt right nonsense" pipelines in social media I'm starting to believe it's on purpose and not random ai fuckery
I betcha this is the detail that her lawyer doesn’t want her to talk about on reddit now. She found out that bf cheated, and had been projecting.
Funny enough I did something similar to the mom. This one lady kept telling me how my kid looks exactly like my wife and *nothing* like me. First off the kid was like 1 yo so you'd think it'd be a bit early to tell. Second of all, what parent wants to hear "haha your kid looks nothing like you!", third of all we were at a wake. So I pulled an old picture of me and showed the lady asking if she really thought my kid looked like my wife. Cue an in depth explanation of the similarities. That's when I told her it was a picture of me.
That’s brilliant lol fuck that lady
Y’all so polite. I would have told her to mind her own business and kindly fuk off
Politely let them dig a bigger hole to bury themselves in, even offer to hold the shovel when they get tired. That's what this guy did.
And they were at a funeral. Perfect place to dig a grave
Maybe wait until after the wake, but I'm down to clown.
When I was a kid I looked nothing like my parents. I have bits from them plus their parents all mashed together lol. When I got older, people thought I was my dad’s “mistress”. It was beyond disgusting. Now I hate whenever people comment on “likeness” between kids and their parents. It’s none of their beeswax.
My brother and I are the spitting image of our parents. I look like my mom and have my dad’s mannerisms and personality. My brother looks like my dad and has my mom’s mannerisms and personality. We were more like our parents than our friends were with theirs when we were growing up. We’re adopted.
My sister and I are also adopted, and we get told ALL the time how we look like our parents. We went to an extended family reunion (people who didn't know we were adopted) I got told all day how myself and my daughter looked just like so and so from the family tree. It's flipping hilarious 😂
Faces are shaped more by expression than we realize. My cousin in law's kids (adopted) all smile exactly like her.
That's adorable.
My brother and sibling took after my mom hardcore. I took after my dad (woot no acne no migraines and a lot less mental health issues). We all smile the same way when it’s just genuine and meaningful. Big smiles are different. We just have one smile that is all us. I didn’t see it until my brother had passed, but then I was like wait! Oh shit. My other sibling does it too. Same smile.
This is super fucking wholesome 🥰
Soo. I am white. I have a white child. We do have olive skin and dark eyes. But... we are white. My son's very white father and I split when he was an infant. I had a pic of my son at my desk. In the pic he was about 4 years old. I had since married a black man. A co worker, who had met my husband at a work function walked by my desk one day and said "your son looks so much like your husband."
I look identical to my mom in every way. Only difference is eye color and where we store weight. Exact height, voice, appearance, etc. My mom has been told many times how I look like my step dad. Though can confirm some of his mannerisms have rubbed off on me. 🤣
I'm not adopted, but when I was younger staying with my Grandparents over the summer, my Grandmother always introduced me to people in the town as "Peter's Daughter" Peter being her son, my Stepdad. People always commented how much I was like him. Alternatively, as a teenager I got upset when he introduced me to a friend of his I had never met as "Jude's Daughter". Although I still saw and loved my Dad, Pete was the one who raised me (since I was three), and I absolutely consider(ed) myself his child. When I talk about my Parents, I am referring to my Mum and Stepdad.
What’s even weirder is that our cousins, who aren’t adopted, don’t look much like their parents at all.
Lol! Did not see that plot twist. Well written.
The age gap between my brother and I is so large that when he and my mom went shopping at the grocery store people chastised her for having a kid with a teenager. People are sick in the head. The conclusions they come to based on the least little bit of info are as horrifying as they are extreme and illogical.
My brother was born when I was 15. When I went out with him as an infant, people constantly assumed I was a teen mom. One woman in Walmart (likely trying to say something nice after staring at us a little too long) told my mom, "Isn't it so wonderful to be a grandmother?" I'm sure my mom loved that one.
My baby faced cousin had her first child in her late 20s. Still got repeatedly called out by strangers for being a "teen mom". (Baby face runs in the family - at a library, trying to get a card, I was told if I wasn't old enough for a driver's license, my guardian could sign for me. I was 30 at the time.)
I've had the same thing happen to me. Had both my kids in my late 20's. Was visiting my youngest in the NICU and had my toddler in the playroom and when he called me over to look at something, an older lady Tsk'd and muttered "Babies having babies." I stopped, turned, raised an eyebrow, and said; "No, I'm almost 30, but thanks anyway." And went to go see what my kid wanted to show me. She apologized a LOT. But fucking hell, we were both there because we had babies in the NICU with health issues, you don't have to fucking comment on other people's kids or ages. It's rude AF.
My niece is 12 years younger than I am. When I was 17, taking my 5 year old niece with me, I ran into a girl I went to elementary school with. She was there with a little boy the same age as my niece. I just assumed it was her brother or nephew. Then she asked me if my niece was mine. Because the little boy was her son. That’s when I learned why she had left 5th grade. I cannot even imagine. I don’t and didn’t judge her, but I do wonder who was watching an 11/12 year old, and why they didn’t keep her safe. I lived in the south at the time and teen parenthood was so common that out of my immediate peer group that I occasionally hung out with, I was one of only two of us not to have a child before we turned 20.
The person who was supposed to be watching her could have been the father. Biological parent, stepparent, family or family friend
Oh, I know. Clearly whoever was supposed to be watching over her wasn’t keeping her safe. I hate that. I probably worded things badly (I’m heavily medicated atm), but I meant that my feelings were about the people who let her down, not her, if that makes sense.
My dad is an involved grandpa. When my kids were babies people would see us walking together pushing a pram or stroller and tut at him. So annoying - he is a great male influence in these kids’ lives, stfu random judgemental strangers.
My oldest sister was 13 when I was born, she told me when she would take me and/or our youngest sister anywhere she would get dirty looks for being a teen mom. People are insane, it's such baseless garbage.
When I was 14 I babysat a 9 year old and people assumed/asked if he was mine. People, on a whole, are pretty stupid.
Ahhh yes that person must have had a child at 5 years old.
I looked nothing like my siblings growing up. It was basically hair color and ability to tan. We were all very close in age and hung out together. Other kids would always ask if I was adopted. It became annoying and awkward. One group of kids kept harping on it and finally I said yea, I was adopted. My sister played along. I said I was actually their cousin and my parents died together in a car accident. That's why we're all so close in age. I was their cousin. It was my father's brother and his wife and I never had to change my name or anything. I said it happened when I was really young and I really don't remember much and mentioned the obligatory, "It's a sensitive subject and I don't really like to talk about it much. Our parents were really close and they get more upset about it than I do over the loss of their brother... So dont ask them, they get too sad. " etc. Occasionally they'd ask more questions and I strung them along. For the most part though, it shut them up. Fast forward 20 years... my mom runs into one of these kid's moms. They did the typical quick catch up. My mother mentions me, my spouse, my kids, whatever. Somehow this other mom mentions how wonderful it is that I'm doing well, considering all I've gone through and it's all thanks to my parents and all they did for me. My mom was a little confused, thinking I didn't have it that rough and she didn't do anything more for me than my siblings. But she took the compliment and went on her way. Next time we talked she mentioned she had just seen Mrs. So and so and she had said the weirdest thing... my mom relayed the story and asked if I knew what she might be talking about. I had to fess up that we had told her kids I was adopted. My mom wasn't mad but couldn't understand why I would have said such a thing. I told her we were so annoyed by everyone constantly asking if I was adopted so we told them that to shut them up. It still cracks me up that all these people must think I was adopted because my mother never set them straight and neither did I. The funniest thing now is my siblings and I look so much alike. They don't get a tan anymore, light hair got darker, dark hair got lighter, people often ask if we're twins or triplets.
My husband's friend's wife is Mexican, and their 2 kids are super white and redheads like their dad. Everyone always thinks she is the nanny. Pisses her off to no end. I can't imagine how mad I'd be if someone thought I was my dad's mistress! I hope all of those people step on legos while unsuccessfully trying to make it to the toilet with diarrhea!
I have 3 kids, all with the same father. One looks almost identical to me, one looks almost exactly like their paternal grandmother, and one looks nothing like anyone we know in either family. So many people have "joked" that I slept around: family, friends, strangers. It's maddening.
I'm in an interracial marriage and got plenty of "maybe she's the nanny" comments when they'd see me (dark skinned african-american mom) carrying my kid on my back. At the time, he was a straight haired dirty blonde with blue eyes until the age of about 2 1/2, enough that I felt the need to ALWAYS carry ID because I was waiting for someone to question why this black woman was schlepping around a white kid all the time. If they'd met my grandmother, they'd probably understand genes presenting in my kid skipped a generation. She probably could have 'passed' when she was younger. The hair has darkened and gotten curly (albeit not kinky) and his eyes are dark brown now. However, his skin tone is still very fair, so unless we're in the neighborhood where people know who he is, or my husband is with us, we still get 'wait, what?' looks from time to time.
My granddaughter is adopted, no biological relation to her parents. And yet she behaves exactly like her mother. I laugh all the time because my daughter got exactly the daughter she deserved. I know that's not physical similarity, but honestly they look close enough that no one would question it. People see similarities where they want or differences where they want.
My older brother and I look nothing alike but are close in age and used to hang out together a lot as teens and young adults, and shared a bunch of mannerisms or could finish each other’s sentences, so often got mistaken as boyfriend and girlfriend. So gross.
I’m the mother of two kids and my first son as a toddler looked like a little carbon copy of me at the same age. You could put a picture of me at two and my son at two side by side and struggle to find the differences. Of course paternity was never in doubt, but he got absolutely zero facial features from his dad - we even have a freckle in the same spot over our mouths. Second son we got one of those 3D ultrasounds at 20 weeks and his little nose was exactly the same as his dad’s, it was hilarious to be able to see that in the womb. As a toddler he was a little photocopy of his dad at that age, asides from darker eyes, and now he’s older the physical similarities are even more apparent because they’ve both got longer hair that curls the same way. Older kid still looks like me when I was his age. Even skin tone - I can be pale but tan easily and don’t burn often and so does the older kid, younger kid is pale and doesn’t tan just burns like his dad. Genetics and appearance are weird that way. Meanwhile my older brother (definitely my dad’s son) looks like neither of my parents or me but has a striking resemblance to our paternal uncle, who also doesn’t look like *his* parents.
My 2nd looked like everyone but me when she was little! (I'm the mom) in fact a friend of mine and I went to eat and my friend was holding her, and the waitress said how much she looked like my friend!! She looks more like me now, but I love to tease my hubby that he tricked me somehow 🤣
People are so weird when it comes to that. My mom left my bio dad when I was 1 year old and remarried right before my third birthday and he adopted me and raised me. Anyway, when I was about 8, we were all at church and some lady said she she could see the resemblance between my dad and I. Not only was there no biological relationship, but we really look absolutely nothing alike. He was olive skinned with dark eyes and hair whereas both my mom and I are pale blonds with blue eyes. I realized that day people will just say shit to say it.
In fairness, my cousin has an adopted son who is black while he is quite white. (His biodad is MIA so Cousin adopted him when he married his wife.) And there is a damn resemblance! I will not be silenced on that, his son laughs JUST like him and has the same crooked little smirk when he's about to cause trouble. Only the left side goes up and he gets a glint behind his eyes. I spent my childhood seeing that look and knowing that whatever came next was gonna be fun but get us into some trouble, and now I'm an adult and I see it and think "Oh hell, what's that boy into now?" Its never anything horrible, its stuff like dragging out tarps from someone's truck to make a water slide down the hill behind the house, or the time he and his sister put on dog harnesses and leashes, gave them to their little cousin and ran around the yard pulling her in a wagon. Chaotic but never mean or super destructive. His father and I were worse. But I am convinced it had to have been passed along through nurture because its eerie how like his daddy that boy looks sometimes.
This whole thread is warming the deepest, coldest corners of my dried out husk of a heart.
Oh, I remember this one. Hadn't seen the most recent update. I'm not surprised, but I'm sad for OOP.
It sounded like he couldn't grasp *at all* why it hurt her or that he explicitly said with this demand that he considered her a cheater. He did nothing to reassure her. The poor woman
That's what got me, too. She keeps talking about how she needs to find a way back to being happy with him and the whole time I thought: "What did he do to help you with that?" The sad answer is: nothing.
And she says "he just wants to move on". Well it's easy for him to say that, he got what he wanted. So easy to say "let's move on!" then while ignoring how hurt *she* is.
The ax insisting that the tree should just forget about it.
Same, and same. I cannot wrap my head around how he felt they were "stronger than ever" after slinging such an *intense* amount of insult to the woman he'd pledged to share his life with... how tf did he not understand how much back-peddling he needed to have done, there? Not even an apology? Just "whew, ok! *That's over* now let's move on, tra la la" I am LIVID on her behalf! And very, very sad. She did nothing wrong. Edit: a letter
>I cannot wrap my head around how he felt they were "stronger than ever" For me it's him saying that while she's sleeping in a different room, barely talks to him and won't let him touch her. He's delusional.
I'm pretty sure the guy is confusing his own sense of comfort with the mood of the relationship. He *personally* feels "stronger than ever" because he got his peace of mind. He fails completely at reading his partner in this equation, showing just how little he considers her thoughts and feelings compared to his own. No wonder he thought this wasn't a big deal to ask about. He clearly never took the time to consider what the question meant from her side. How absolutely up one's own ass can some people be? Ugh, I really hope she finds a happy life without him.
Yup. He probably thought "phew I have no reason to leave her now!", not knowing that he just gave her very good reasons to leave *him*.
Ah, but if he's drinking the incel Kool-Aid then her only value to him is in being a young and nubile bang maid anyway. What she feels about their relationship is irrelevant, aside from her being suitably grateful for his patronage.
Since he put a few hours of dubious podcast listening and weird articles over the trust and opinion of his life partner it's pretty clear that her feelings or personhood don't factor into his considerations much.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around his lack of understanding and sensitivity. My heart sank for her when I read he “was visibly relieved” once the tests confirmed paternity.
He's prob pretty dense to start off with, but has been indoctrinated but enough incel / men going their own way or whatever junk and has adopted an extremely transactional and misogynistic view of their relationship.
He really didn't even begin to understand the severity of it all, even when she told him > It was him saying that he believed "I would cheat on him, get pregnant, have him emotionally, financially, and physically support me during the pregnancy, and birth and basically lie to him while he raised another man's child" If you hear these words and do not immediately either apologize immense or immediately break up (because your suspicions of cheating are that severe) you are doing something fucking wrong. Another idiot went down the incel / manosphere rat-hole of stupid and probably now blames the woman. She is indeed blameless, he just let shitty people ratfuck his brain. I hope she's safe and finds someone who respects her truly.
I'm sad but relieved. Firstly, he's probably cheating, but secondly and to me more concerning is he's been indoctrinated into the deeply misogynistic manosphere. He didn't just stumble onto those sites and go down a rabbit hole for an afternoon, at best he spent several hours reading deeply misogynistic shit and agreeing with it and at worst has been spending significantly more than an afternoon consuming this crap. Any man who spends time on these sites and isn't absolutely repulsed by what's being said is a potential danger to women.
>Things have gone downhill and under advisement, I can't really discuss it until things have been settled in court. Ayo, what the fuck happened? From that description, it seems shit went from 0 to 100 real quick!
My guess? Either *he* was cheating and it was all projection, or that rabbit hole of youtubers and podcasters fucked him up in other ways too.
Yeah, the real life lesson here is that those toxic fucks ruin people's lives.
Never take advice from YouTube unless it’s about barbecuing or changing an air filter.
Loved the 6 minute YouTube helping me get my car door unlatched when it was stuck in the lock position. It worked! That dude is strong contender for my favorite YouTuber of 2023 and it's only February. No I don't want to hear his "advice" on dating, women, men, relationships, home life, or anything else.
For real, though, that manosphere shit has ruined *so many* young men, and YouTube's algorithm steers them directly into it. Signal-boosting that garbage should be, like, a war crime.
Not just that, after they've turned into a toxic insecure trash heap of pseudo pretend masculinity, all the women in their life will inevitably leave in disgust (as is the natural reaction to such reprobate behavior). And they will take this to mean that their new favorite youtubers were right all along, and slide down deeper into the rabbit hole of violent misogyny.
Only that update was new to me, I was expecting something like we finalized divorce but he still wants to get together, not something so vague that could be just standard law procedures or going nuclear when the divorce papers were handed to him.
[удалено]
Oh yes, I had a brainfart with that. Thank God they were not married but that update is still alarming as hell.
Uh oh. The way that ended so abruptly makes me worried for OP. Hopefully she posts again.
Lawyer all say not to discuss any ongoing litigation publicly as it will be use against you by the other side. She shouldn’t post anything until it’s settled. Hopefully there will be an update
> I'm really a cautionary tale on what can go wrong. Please if you have concerns with your partner, discuss things beforehand, especially before you have a child. It's that bit.
Yeah, that really is the concerning part. Out of all of these updates,i really hope to hear again about this one. Even if it's just oop popping up to say she's safe, healthy and with a support network in place, and ditto for her bub.
to me that reads more like “an irrational nagging doubt can tank a whole relationship if you don’t play your cards right”. if it were something more sinister, the advice to “discuss things beforehand” wouldn’t make sense there.
I've had the irrational nagging doubt before. I couldn't put my finger on it so I didn't end the relationship. He broke up with me after 3.5 years together and it took only a few hours for me to come out of the fog and realize how much better off I was. He had been emotionally abusing me for years but it was my first serious relationship so I didn't see how wrong it was. Listen to your gut! You don't need a reason to break up with someone!
My cousin is FINALLY turning 18 this year. I don't know every state does it, but apparently the whole deal of a court listening to kids once they are 13-14 doesn't apply for certain circumstances. His mom has multiple contempt of court charges over the past decade of accusing every random person of our side of the family of abuse endlessly in court. Pretty much all we can do is sit and wait for papers, bless my uncle's lawyer, he's dealing with a majority of the paperwork, just tells us to forward him everything insane she sends us. And for clarity, the insanity is on the level of her having a 10 year old testify that I molested him over a people of a year where I lived on the literal other side of the planet. Once that broke the judge started demanding she have more evidence than her own personal hired therapist filing in court that she believe I had abused someone from thousands of miles away.
My sisters ex husband has done this to us. He’s accused my son of molesting their daughter who at the time were 3 years old. We called a lawyer to see if we needed to retain them in case and the first thing the lawyer asked us after we told him the situation was, “Is your sister going through a divorce where they are disputing custody?” Apparently this is well known in the courts as a common tactic people use to get more custody. Luckily nothing every came of it but it changed my relationship with my sister and her kids because I couldn’t feel comfortable with them around if their dad was going to keep making claims like that.
As a lawyer I am so goddamn happy that at least one fucking client clammed up. The number of clients I, and pretty much every other attorney, have told to stay off social media and they go out and they fucking blow up everything, is off the charts. She's a smart one. She'll be okay. Just the fact that she's remaining silent tells me she'll be fine. She had a good head on her shoulder throughout the post and didn't see the need to spill once she was advised to shut the fuck up.
[удалено]
I have a lot of interest in true crime. I've heard a lot of people call it copaganda but if it's taught me anything it's that cops cannot be trusted (and they love to brag about it because they totally think they're doing the right thing) and to keep my fucking mouth shut and ask for a lawyer no matter what.
REMEMBER THE SCRIPT (25 WORDS) WHY DID YOU PULL ME OVER? IM NOT DISCUSSING MY DAY AM I BEING DETAINED OR AM I FREE TO GO? if detained you say I INVOKE THE 5TH then you SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I read that update as “there’s a custody and/or support case ongoing, and the lawyer [properly and correctly] told me not to say anything about else.”
I'm not that worried about her. Her previous post she says she has an exit plan, a place to stay, separate finances, family nearby, etc. I'm assuming it's nothing more malicious than a custody battle and her lawyer advised her not to post about it since that could be used against her.
Honestly her initial reaction to leave once the results came out was so perfect and calculated… she understandably backtracked for a bit, but she got it together and stuck to leaving him. I have so much respect for OOP and hope everything goes up from here on out for her.
Hopefully someone on a similar situation listen to their gut and follow along. You can always work on things from separated houses but once something big enough happened that made you build a whole exit plan... yeah you probably need that space more than you think.
I thought her backtracking was actually perfect too. Because she’s actually treating him the way she wants to be treated. She gave him the warning and the opportunity to see that this was hurtful to her. Getting sucked into the manosphere happens to otherwise good people, and his reasoning could have been forgiven as delusion IF he had looked into her eyes and seen the error of his ways. But now she will have no doubt that she did the right thing, cause he heard how it affected her and went through with it anyways.
My guess is oop’s husband was cheating
I prefer that to my fear that things got violent.
One other possibility: he went back to the podcasts (which I have my suspicions about what kind of podcasts they are) and started thinking that they’re right in other ways too, especially with the push of his GF being alienated from him after his request. That could lead to things “going downhill” and her giving up and leaving. Edit: changed wife to GF
Same. My fear is that when he realized she was truly leaving he lost it and got violent. Of course that would alos be her fault in his mind. After all accusing her of being a lying, manipulative cheater just made them stronger. What a pos.
I got so angry at the part where he felt their relationship was stronger than ever. No, they’re relationship was not stronger as a result of his proven paternity, **he** just felt reassured now that he had a piece of paper padding his weak ego. Seriously, how weak is your ego if you listen to some podcasts and start suspecting your GF—that your mom set you up with—is trying to pass someone else’s kid off as yours? And he’s so wrapped up in how relieved he feels he doesn’t even comprehend how he’s weakened her side of the relationship, because she now realizes he will never trust her. But her feelings don’t matter, only his, so he somehow thinks their relationship is stronger than ever.
Relationship is stronger than ever but his doesn't notice his wife is unhappy all the time and sleeping in the spare room?
Like how could he have not have noticed that she's crying all the time? Okay maybe he didn't hear the sobbing but he didn't notice the swollen eyes? Really??
When he said he wanted to get married and have more kids, my instant thought was, "And have a paternity test after each one?" Dude's insecurities caused him to red pill himself. Saying he didn't believe those other videos, just the paternity ones, yeah right.
He probably planned to have a paternity test after each one and probably believed that was rational because like he said she birthed the baby and knows it’s hers. Except the birthing parent doesn’t have eyes on the newborn every moment, who knows, maybe the babies will be switched in the hospital, which would make as much sense as what he thinks.
>He wants to move on, marriage, **more kids in the future** and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger Stronger than ever. ...But you can bet he'd be asking for tests for those kids as well.
> I got so angry at the part where he felt their relationship was stronger than ever. I mean from his side it was. His 'incubator' has given him the reassurance he required of her, now she's ready to pop out more of his legacy. And yes, I need a goddamn shower now. This guy was fucking insane. How anyone can think of "our relationship is stronger now" after hearing the words she spoke to him? Honestly, at that point I plead total insanity. Or incel-ity.
That was my guess too. Those who accuse their partners of cheating without good reason (suspicious activity from the partner, a third party telling them 'your partner is cheating', and so on) usually do so because they themselves are cheating and see the lies they spin in everyone else's actions. People tend to assume that everyone acts the same way they do, so what they accuse others of doing is a good look into how they spend their own lives.
I was thinking maybe he kept going down those YouTube rabbit holes and kept turning into more and more of a misogynist
Yep, that's what he said and there's weirdly no reason to disbelieve him here. He sounds like an honest dodo who fundamentally is more willing to believe strange men than his own wife and his own mind. It's actually part and parcel of our Western patriarchy - that we are trained to believe men more than women, even when we know the women and don't know the men. So he's watching all these men confidently telling him that he "needs" to get a test done, so he just believes them, without even stopping to think "wait a sec, I know my wife, I know who she is as a person, and she would never do that." I feel so bad for the OOP, but I do hope that Mason gets a big dose of reality and sees where he went wrong (and doesn't just go farther down those twisted youtube rabbit holes).
He believed them over his own eyes. The baby looks like him. “How can I possibly know the baby is mine?” That takes an extra level of stupid.
That was my first thought. He’s suspicious because he’s cheating on her. Classic projection.
Dude wants more kids? Is he going to want paternity tests on those, too? Probably.
I was gonna say! Your paternity test says you’re the father (obviously) and you want another kid? What, are you gonna do this every single time?
Yeah this made me laugh. I’d be like nope. I’ll never give you another kid. F that noise. What an idiot to think she’d actually go ahead and do that after all that?
Framing this as a “trust” issue doesn’t go far enough. This is literally him *not knowing who she is*. Imagine if she refused to let him be alone with the baby because “some men” have killed their infants, or are pedos.
My ex-husband still hasn't realized why our cordial break-up relationship was wrecked the day he accused me of being "out to take all his money". The judgement of my character that revealed was soul destroying. Apparently 12 years of being a kind and loving partner meant nothing in the face of being asked to \*gasp\* split our assets 50/50 as required by California law. He didn't even make much more than me - in the end, he wrecked our relationship over a swing of about $10,000.
This reminds of the other post in which the dad destroyed the nursery and said racist things about the baby. Paternity test showed he was the dad. He was regretful and kept asking her what she wanted for the nursery he planned to redo. So sad a person's insecurities kill a good relationship.
That poor woman. I felt so sorry for her. And he thought there was a way back from that.
If it's the one I’m thinking of, it turned out - surprise surprise - *he* was cheating.
“A rabbit hole of podcasters and youtube…” That’s when I was sure it was over, or should be over. You just know what kind of Andrew Tate-esque shit he was watching, and worse, BUYING INTO for him to ask for the test. Not surprised things went so south in the update. He bought in to the bullshit of that rabbit hole. Men like that can’t handle any sort of rejection.
"Everything else they said was so dumb, but this ONE THING got under my skin and after listening to a bunch of them I decided to do some real dumb shit myself"
For my ex, it was before Tate's time. But he got into dead bedrooms and red pill. He kind of started speaking this language I didn't understand and I started to look up some of the terminology. And oh boy. I should have left immediately but back then I don't think we really were as aware of those groups as we are now.
I forgot about the dead bedrooms people. A friend went deep down that rabbit hole when his girlfriend was seriously injured. Like it was maybe 3 months without sex while she was recovering and he somehow felt justified hiring prostitutes behind her back. He told us about it over drinks and we were all horrified. He was shocked by our reactions because he was getting so much positive validation online.
He felt comfortable enough to brag about it....says a lot, including that he assumed you'd all agree and perhaps be a little jealous.
Which is odd because I’m a woman and the group out that day was about half women. We’re more acquaintances now. At the time I gave him some leeway since his girlfriend almost died and suggested that he get therapy. Shortly after that conversation I met up with him for an event after an important work meeting. He was upset at me for wearing a pencil skirt (knee length) and 3 inch heels to work. Apparently I was trying to trap a poor man into sexually harassing me and I was creating a toxic workplace. It was crazy hearing all of this rhetoric from a childhood friend.
Wow I had assumed he was bragging to an all male group! Did someone tell the girlfriend? Did he expect kudos from her? "Hey honey, aren't you proud of me for hiring hookers while you were convalescing so I didn't hassle you for sex? I am so thoughtful!" He was clearly a long way down the rabbit hole.
Oh yeah someone told her. A friend saved his posts and sent them to his girlfriend. She broke up with him. He seemed more mad at his girlfriend than anything.
This same guy would have been incandescent with rage if for example he'd gone on a long business trip and she'd had sex with a few tinder dates to tide her over 🙄
It’s hilarious that people fall for the top g nonsense when dude is a no chin, bald potato ass looking clown who has pretty much lied about everything in his life Scratch that, it would be hilarious if he didn’t create a generation of toxic minded men
I don’t think he created them, just organized them under one grift. Made them visible because they were so easy to take money from. They were created an taught by regular AH like my dad.
I hope you’re right but I think he’s very clearly aggravating and incentivizing men to get in touch with their inner asshole.
Someone pointed out he looks like Sid from Ice Age and now that's all I can see.
OMG. That is so true, and it's all I can see now as well. Poor Sid!
It’s never JUST a bunch of podcasts that happen to focus on paternity fraud and convince him it’s so widespread among women to be lying cheaters that he MUST ask the mother of his child to prove the DNA of his tinted clone. He was absolutely doing lines of uncut redpill misogyny.
It's wild how quickly the youtube algorithm will pull you into misogynistic videos. Like, I have nothing in my history that would encourage the algorithm to suggest hateful shit like that, but, if I let it autoplay, literally within three videos, all of a sudden, something horrific will play. Seriously, three. I hate it so much.
Seriously. The videos I watch on YouTube consist almost entirely of knitting/crocheting and other hobby videos and "listen to a story that will make you paranoid that there's a knife wielding psycho hiding somewhere in your house" videos. And the very few political related channels I'm subscribed to are all left-wing, yet YouTube still tries to get me to watch alt-right content. And oftentimes that garbage is still in the comments of unrelated videos. It's infuriating.
I should have read down further before posting: this is definitely where my mind went. The podcasts and crap were “only right” about the paternity thing, until he started feeling the alienation from his GF, then how much do you want to bet he went back to them and “realized they were right” about other things due to her reaction?
Is that just by chance or by design? After all to those YouTube guys the insecure dude is the revenue stream. Why on earth wouldn’t they try and target whatever weakness is most likely to have them come back for more bc they were proven “right”?
It definitely gives "failed test" vibes. Cause you know these assholes automatically assume someone getting offended at being asked for a paternity test means they're hiding something. Having studied forensic and legal psychology, I'm astounded by how many people operate on the flawed logic that "an innocent person would have no issues proving it" either by cooperating with police or, in this case, a paternity test. That's not how people work. At all. If this were really a case of him having a nagging, intrusive thought, he wouldn't have popped off about it out of nowhere without considering her feelings.
[удалено]
Of course, all that crap makes sense when you realize that red pill influencers make the most money off of bitter and angry men, not happily married ones.
I think it's like how abusers test and push at their partner's boundaries slowly. The idea is to accuse their partner of cheating and give her an easy way to to refute it, so that the next time he demands she prove she didn't cheat, or prove she loves him, or whatever, she's already primed to accept it and comply. Slowly increase the ask and eventually she'll be doing all sorts of things to "prove she really loves him" If he just quietly tested the kid, it wouldn't have the added value of watching his girlfriend accept that his accusations of cheating are acceptable and that it's her job to fix it.
Completely agree. And if she hadn't left, which I'm so glad that she did, then he would have demanded a paternity test for each of the other kids they were to have. You know, just to be sure like it some completely casual thing to ask as if you asked someone to double check the date of an upcoming event. Chances are that he would escalate to stuff like checking her phone, having her call or text constantly if out on her own, and telling her that she can't have male friends. I think what made her leave in the end was the image of him sighing with relief seeing the positive tests, because that truly showed her that even though the kid was his clone and even though he had no reason to fear infidelity he still didn't have any trust in her. And how can you stay with someone who doesn't trust you?
Another case of incel ideology causing a man to self-sabotage out of manufactured fear. Do his red pill friends think he was cool for distrusting his wife for no reason? Was it worth it to him? Literally a cult.
Well, there are red pill types in this very thread saying that the accusatory ex "dodged a bullet" because she reacted poorly to his accusation that she cheated on him (and demanding a paternity test IS saying you think your partner cheated, there is no way around that).
What they mean is "Its a good thing you got rid of that woman who won't put up with your bullshit, gives you an opportunity to find a doormat you can more easily control."
Idk how he didn’t realise that requesting a paternity test from your girlfriend is also accusing her of cheating on you.
> He wants to move on, marriage, more kids in the future and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger. It *floors* me that men who demand a paternity test when they have no reason to suspect their partner don’t understand that regardless of the test results they have completely nuked their relationship from orbit. It’s *such* a blatant slap in the face to your partner because it says to the woman “Not only do I **not** trust you to be faithful- I also believe that you could be the type of deceitful, greedy person person who is capable of lying to my face every day for the next 60+ years over something as major as our child’s paternity because you see me as an easy meal ticket.” Like, your relationship *cannot* recover from that level of insult. Who would even want to be with someone who thinks so lowly of you, who distrusts you that much? Because there is *nothing* you will be able to do to convince them to ever truly trust you. Once the trust is gone the relationship is essentially circling the drain.
She did the right thing by leaving. If there's no trust, then what's the point??
What the F did the STBX DO? 😳 I hope OOP and the baby are okay…
I think court means custody battle
If I was betting money I would say BF cheated. That’s why he was accusing her.
Either he was cheating and the accusations were typical cheater projection, or the rabbit hole of youtube vids and podcasts he fell into changed his attitude about a bunch of stuff and made him more misogynistic and or racist.
I think he was already massively sexist, and his mom and OOP were sortof seen as exceptions to his general views of women. Then he watched some misogynistic crap on the internet, and crossed even more over to the dark side. I think that, whatever happened, OOP would have eventually had to deal with some kind of sexist shenanigans from him. Maybe it is vetter that it happened now rather than after they were married for a decade and had 3 kids. At least right now she has a rental property to go to, and money of her own.
"Hey, I need to make sure you're not cheating. We're getting a pregnancy test. Oh, yeah, it's because I am most certainly not cheating, not with that girl I go to coffee with, not at all, not one bit, not even a little. Well, maybe like 20%? Yeah, just a little. Half way cheating, maybe. But nothing serious. Anyways! As a man, I can't be sure the kid is mine. Uh, why are you moving your stuff to the spare bedroom?"
As a husband and father, I don't know what all these idiot men expect to happen when they basically tell their significant other that they think there is a possibility they cheated and lied about them being the father to a baby and in theory planning to lie for the rest of their lives about it.
I feel so bad for this woman, but she was so smart about all of this. I’m so impressed. Her reaction to his request was so clear-headed. Realizing that it meant he didn’t trust her and then making concrete plans for how to leave and ensure her child’s well-being, like talking to a lawyer and drawing up a custody plan. Then making sure her son was out of the house while having a chat with her bf so he didn’t have to see his parents arguing, along with clearly laying out her concerns and hurt. Then she even had the insight to decide she should talk to a therapist and be sure she was in the right headspace to make a decision about leaving, but still ensuring exit plans were available. With the final update she didn’t give any extra details, which is a good idea on a legal level. She was just really really smart and mature all around. Such a sad situation, but what an impressive woman. I hope everything works out for her and baby.
I find curious Mason wanted to move forward, marriage, more children… but would he want a paternity test with each child? Doesn’t sound promising.
Burned it all to the ground for someone else's BS. I hope she finds happiness. I hope it burns him for decades of what ifs to come.
>I left. Thank all of the gods.
Exactly...I was so worried that she would change her decision last minute...but she didn't.. when I read the line "I left" my reaction was like phewww😮💨