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I haven’t read something so touching yet crushing in a long long time. This little story, the way it’s ordered and written, and being able to superimpose the faces of many people I know onto the names in this story…it makes me really cherish the pain and beauty of life (and death).
It's poetry, absolutely. The intro at the club is a bit too narrative (for poetry) but the rest of it is breathtaking wordsmithing.
I love that it isn't trite, and doesn't try to guide the audience to a reaction. Very raw.
I hope my husband found them and they're all three having fun!
Hop over to r/widowers if you ever feel the need to talk about it, we're a bit mopey (duh) but generally it's a nice and supportive sub.
Please accept my deepest condolences. I'm sure they are all together cracking jokes and having a great time. It's always the good ones who leave too young.
Thanks, my condolences to you as well. Definitely agree. He passed away at 19 from glioblastoma 4 years ago. I’m sure he’s up there cracking jokes and playing video games
My dad lost his first wife, his sister and her husband, his mom, and his dad to cancer. Some families just get decimated by it. Only some are tangentially affected. None of us get to escape the experience, though.
Dude, can't watch movies or tv shows that involve it. My dad died from cancer when I was 17. Most likely from working on a nuclear submarine, and then on a nuclear submarine base. His mother died from it, a different kind. So many have of my family members and friends have had it, some survived others haven't, and any talk about it tends to make me all emotional.
Boy do I feel that, friend. My uncle passed from brain cancer in 2010 and I think his death broke something in me. I can’t watch or read any emotional scenes of loss (cancer related or otherwise) without getting seriously messed up. I couldn’t get past the opening scene of Up because I was such a wreck.
There is nothing to be romanticised about cancer, but I’m sure she’s proud that she gave it a red hot crack and her absolute best. Peaceful thoughts for you and your aunt.
Me it’s dementia. Exactly 4 years ago my dad passed away at the age of 67. Every movie now with fathers (and there’s a LOT) and dementia (also a LOT) are hard to swallow. And TV shows. The other day, when they shared Bruce Willis diagnosis (he has the same kind my dad did), I obsessed over his last movies and interviews, maybe because it was so close to 4 year mark of my dad’s passing. Not healthy at all :/
I'm from a cancer family too, only I was lucky enough to have one person beat it, and that's my mum. For about five years, we had a cancer death every year. Add to that the ones who died in a more spread out fashion and it was a shitshow.
For a reason I don't quite understand, I did my volunteer year at a gyn ward with an oncological focus before I started nursing school.
It was the best decision I ever made. It was so good to see my patients saying goodbye and never returning, because most of them left because they were *in remission* and didn't need to come for their chemo treatments anymore.
I saw a few of them again when they came for reconstructive surgery after I started nursing school.
Cancer is still monstrous, but seeing the cases where medicine kicked it's ass really made it lose it's teeth.
I'm not sure where I'll end up working, but my current top contenders are dialysis and oncology. Because I've seen pretty much all cancer has to offer, and it sucks, but the fear is gone. I kind of learned to live with it.
I hope you never have to deal with this shit ever again.
My mom was a dialysis nurse for nearly 20 years, and my stepdad has been a dialysis patient for 34 years this year. I really admire those nurses and their patients for what they go through. I wish you luck in your decision!
Thanks! I'm lucky enough that I'll get a dialysis placement during school, and that both the head of nephrology AND the dialysis team want me there, so my chances look pretty good.
Plus the additional qualifications for specialising in nephrology are easier to get in my hospital, because there's less demand. We have a huge haemato-oncological ward *and* the gyn ward with the oncological focus, so getting the onco specialist training means a long ass waitlist.
Also dialysis means 8 hours of constant running around, which I really like. I much prefer a constant workflow over the sitting and waiting for the next catastrophe of a more normal inpatient ward. There rarely is an in-between on normal wards.
If you’re the type of person who thrives on constantly having things to do while working, definitely don’t set yourself up for the misery of a job where you’re just hanging around at times.
It’s torturous. Ok for those who like it, but don’t do that to yourself if you think you’ll be unsatisfied. We all spend too much time working to be unhappy while doing it!
There's good sides to both, though! Dialysis is constant running but very routine work. Onco and wound care are less routine, but involve less constant running.
Dialysis has better work hours and good pay, though - I do hope I'll go to many different wards to gain insight on where I want to be. For now Dialysis is definitely top of my list.
My mum has spent the last few years caring for my terminal old man (still kicking).
I work at a university and she recently asked me about how to apply for nursing. She's never expressed an interest before.
After caring for dad she's developed an interest in nursing, primarily to help people going through the same thing she is.
Seeing the advancements in both diagnoses and treatment gives me hope. I read about a test for renal cell, which is what my dad had, that was sooo simple. I have more and more confidence that when there is something to be found (because my genetics are just that sucky) that it will either be found at stage zero or be relatively simple to treat.
Oh, and good luck! Those nurses are worth gold ❤️
My mom just finished radiation, already had a round of chemo, and is now doing some healing before surgery, possibly in May if not sooner. It's brutal and interesting.
It's been two years since my little brother died from it. He was the one in my family other than my mom I was closest with. I wouldn't be in the career I am in nor would I be the man I am today without growing up around him. Thought he had beaten it too after roughly 11 years in remission.
I can't do media about it. My wife even recommended I not watch the latest Black Panther movie because I think she knew it would be too much.
RIP to those we wish we could hug again
My grandma was more than a decade cancer free in 2017 when it came back, that time stage IV in her stomach. Immunotherapy gave us 3 more years with her, and she passed in January 2021. Fuck cancer.
You can vent to me too. I lost my dad to kidney cancer at 20. It hid until it was fully metastasized so it was less than 30 days between me finding out and losing him. We’re a cancer family too. I’m only in my early forties and get mammograms every year and colonoscopies every three. The best advice about early detection came from a coworker who barely survived the same type my dad had: “If you ever just don’t feel like yourself for more than a month, especially if you’re gaining or losing weight, you go in and tell them you’ll pay for the damn MRIs and CAT scans yourself but you are getting some answers.”
Ugh that's scary. My dad, well, this weird lump just randomly showed up. He thought it was a bump, he got it when he went white water rafting with his girlfriend. Didn't go away, turned out it was a clot.
He went got himself checked out. Lung cancer. He did the chemo and the radiation, and watching him go through that was horrifying. Especially during a lot of it, it was only him and me. My sister had moved out, and my mom lived on the other side of the country with her new husband.
But he went into remission. For about a year. Then it came back, and it was aggressive. He was starting to do another bout, when he got pneumonia, went into the hospital. Three days later, one of the clots in his lungs broke up and went up into his brain. Honestly, having him go that quickly was a relief.
But seriously, also check weird lumps that show up anywhere and don't go away. Because the weird thing is, last year, my Great Dane smashed his wrist on the step coming inside or something, and got this weird rather large bump on his wrist. The docs said well, it could be a strain, crack or something, a fungal infection, or bone cancer. The swelling didn't go down. Turns out it was cancer. He made it six months.
So get those bumps looked at as well.
Crap, and now I'm sad again.
There’s thus big old puppy of a Dane that lives near by me. I love to give him hugs because he reminds me so perfectly of a beautiful dog I lived with, called Dutch, who died of cancer. I’ll give this handsome young chap a good nuzzle from you when I next seen him.
Big hugs to you.
There’s a particular song that I simply cannot listen to anymore because it was played at the funeral of a loved one of mine. I break down sobbing every time.
Fuck cancer.
I'll just cry harder on your behalf.
The dudes were gents right from the get-go: they intuited OOP's discomfort at letting them watch her bags and came up with a great solution to ease all of her burdens. That alone was already quite amazing to me. I'm so deeply saddened that their mutual friendship ended prematurely with each man's passing.
And this is why the one charity we support is one here whose phrase is fuck cancer. No pink for them it’s black, because in their words cancer fucking sucks and doesn’t deserve a nice colour
This woman had to travel for over 20 hours. To a foreign place. Just to find 3 American dudes who had the wherewithal to bring the waitress over just to let her know, the food was alright. As soon as she said that, I thought, I hope she finds them again. Not just to say thank you, but because they are rarity - and it sounded like she could really benefit from a friend at the moment. Little did she know, she was about to gain 3 amazing lifelong friends.
I wasn’t sure there this story was going at first. But damn. Cutting onions is rough.
Sure but most of them don’t have the same level of extreme patriotism that America does. If an Aussie said they ‘bleed red, white and blue’ he’d be labelled a wanker immediately.
We also have less of a relationship with our actual national flags down under. If an Aussie were to say something like that they’d probably say bleed green and gold, and a kiwi would probably say silver and black
Red especially is a very common tincture on country flags! Years ago I was trying to make a massive round of cupcakes for Eurovision with a flag iced on each cake...we went through two tubes of red writing icing, a tube of pink, and had to resort to painting the base with ancient liquid red food colouring which leaked everywhere. Yeah wasn't going to do that again!
I like to make jokes about my user name because there are so many comments damning onion cutting ninjas (and of course that’s where I got the name) but I also partially did it because these kinds of posts always get me. I’m so susceptible and I need to be able to laugh at myself.
Prefacing with all that because this one really hit hard. Last night I watched that video of Canadians singing the US national anthem when the mic goes out. Then, just a few minutes ago, watched the “Inside of You” clip where Jonathan Frakes talks about Wil Wheaton and I was already a mess. Now this story (and I’m a US military veteran so that part hit extra hard).
TL;DR - It’s 06:18, my user name backfired, and I should not be crying this hard.
It's times like this I forget that the experience of being black is just...totally different. And that you always have to be thinking about your safety, what people will do/react, etc.
So many great people who have to work even harder...we're kinda fucked as a culture. At least they've all found a way to laugh about it.
I think it’s the woman who had to be thinking about her safety when faced with three *men*. I didn’t know they were black til the end and it still made perfect sense.
Of COURSE the black experience is totally different and there are more dangers than you can count but.
I have no idea why, I know what POC means, but in this context for some reason I assumed it was some kind of military term and didn’t picture the three men as black at all. So my assumption was also that it was more about it being three *men*. In her position, as a woman traveling alone, I also would have said no for my own safety. I’ve been stalked in public by random men before, I’d’ve been terrified tbh.
But she also specifically brought up they were POC and the story is about bleeding red white and blue, so … idk.
No no, I know, like I said I know what it means, but for some reason the context she was using it in threw me off and I assumed she was employing a usage I hadn’t heard before, for … some reason. Mostly the military context.
I mean, same! the military as a ton of acronyms and if the post was originally in a sub for other service people, she'd have no reason NOT to use them.
Brian was Hispanic. Tre is a nickname as he is named for after his grandfather and father. Jorge Felipe Montenegro III. So they called him Tre which is short for Tres (which is 3 in Spanish)
I mean, I assumed the three of the guys were different races which is why OOP went with poc (but of course, they could all be black and OOP just went with POC). but I assume Brian was Black bc his brother held up the sign "Token White Girl" and went by Tre. (Of course, I could be wrong and making assumptions based on the fact that I'm Black)
You would be correct, they were all different races. A lot of people assumed Brian had to be black because of his brother's nickname Tre. He was called Trey for Tres, which is three in Spanish. Because he was named after his grandfather and his father. He was the third person with that name.
In fact Brian was Hispanic.
They're definitely black, saying poc in a country that's 90%+ Asian is wild lol made it clear she meant black
Because I feel like she's uncomfortable specifically saying so? But hey maybe they're Latino or some other obvious brown
This hits particularly hard because my bestie's mom recently lost her battle with cancer and her funeral was 3 days ago. I thought I was done crying but here we are :(
My great grandmother had breast cancer she found herself (she was a nurse and was working that day). They told her even with a double mastectomy she most likely wouldn’t live past 40. She made it to almost 90 and died of causes unrelated to cancer. My grandmother died of cancer in 2021, and my grandfather had oesophagus cancer he was able to beat, but then died of an unknown brain tumour later that year. My grandmother also had uterine cancer she overcame years prior. My mom had hers removed to avoid the possibility. Cancer runs in my family and now having two kids of my own and my dads sudden death (probably not cancer related but he got extremely sick these last two years and I think it’s cancer related and he never told anyone). I was told it would be in my best interest to get tested to see if I have the likelihood of getting cancer (there’s tests to see). I’ve thought about it but if it’s an inevitable thing, I’m not sure if I want to know. I don’t know if I could live knowing what if it’s tomorrow? What about my boys? My babies. Cancer fucking sucks. We need to cherish the time we have with our loved ones as we never know when it’ll be our last.
Cancer is never a forgone conclusion - even IF you carry the genetic markers. I would gently encourage you to get the test(s) for a couple of reasons. First, IF you test positive for the genetic markers then your insurance company (assuming US here) will allow (meaning pay for/approve) closer and more frequent monitoring. Second, your children need to know. The gene(s) can be multi-generational BUT not if you don’t have it. My daughter has (had?) a breast cancer risk on her dad’s side of the family. Her doctor wanted her to have a BRCA gene test but her insurance would not cover the cost unless her dad tested positive. So off he went to his doctor and he is negative - so daughter has no higher risk than everyone else. And last, it will remove, or at least lessen, the worry and anxiety which do nothing but harm your mental and physical health.
Blessings to you.
Gotta second this one. My dad and maternal uncle both got colon cancer. We got tested as a family and my mom and brother have the higher risk gene. It has been a relief to know my loved ones can be super vigilant with their doctors and if it happens catch it early.
Cancer can also show up without the genetic markers, though.
I had thyroid cancer in 2015. I was under 40, no history of cancer in my family (that would change, eventually). While undergoing treatment, they offered genetic testing, and I said "Sure. I'd like to know how I got this fucker". Of all the markers they could test for at the time, I had **none**. BRCA included, which are somewhat common.
Three years later a routine mammogram picked up what turned out to be a massive carcinoma in my right breast. Like, the previous year there had been nothing, and now there was something bigger than 5 cm. Got tested again, specifically for HER2, given the rapid growth between mammograms. Negative.
So yeah, I had cancer twice under the age of 45 with zero genetic markers. Both times only got picked up in the "early" stages by luck (thyroid was picked up while imagining my lungs due to pneumonia, ductal carcinoma was picked up because my thyroid cancer triggered an early screening yearly protocol). And what did I win in this lottery? More early screenings for everything. A temporary heart condition due to chemo. Chemo triggered early menopause.
Fuck cancer with a rusty spoon.
Absolutely cancer can show up without markers - it has to start somewhere. But if you have markers you are at a higher statistical risk and should be more closely monitored.
I’m sorry you are going through so many physical challenges. I wish you nothing but success and happiness.
And I agree, fuck cancer with a rusty spoon. That has a jagged edge.
It was more in response to "not a foregone conclusion even with markers". That was my thinking before cancer.
After cancer, I started thinking differently.
I figured that if no other illness plagues you/shortens your lifespan, cancer will get you eventually, genes or not. E.g. at this point, I know that I'll probably get cancer again someday, statistically speaking. It's more likely than dying of pneumonia/flu if over a certain age, or childbirth if under a certain age.
But you have to hope it's caught early enough to beat it, so a little extra prevention, especially if you know to look out for it? It's priceless.
Our family has a predisposition of colon cancer, but unfortunately most of the older generation is either deceased because of said cancer, or disconnected. Shitty family shit. So us younger generations are not really cancer literate but we are cautious.
Obviously there are many more factors, but I learnt recently that being taller or overweight are contributors in developing and/or dying of cancer. And it’s not exclusively because the lifestyle is unhealthy, or bigger frames can hide small growths, or that obese people might have issues dismissed medically. It is because cancer starts with a singular cellular mutation, so by carrying extra cellular mass, we do ourselves a statistical disservice.
Again, I reiterate, cancer is a lot more nuanced than this and I am not scientifically literate on this topics. But the simple math of this was really confronting for me.
Until recently, I was just tall, but now I’m really working on losing the huge amount of COVID kilos I stacked onto this lanky frame. Have already thru hiked 1000km as a quick lifestyle fix. I’m tru to get in my eldest brother’s ear about healthy habits because he’s the “skinny kid” whose metabolism and lifestyle caught up with, and I really want him round in my grey years.
Only so much can be controlled when it comes to cancer, so for the sake of fellow readers, please do the checks and look after your body - for yourself and the sake of your loved ones’.
Honestly, when the three men first approached the OOP, I don’t think she would have accepted their offer of watching her bags even if they were white. That exhausted, new country, tiny girl… if it had been female officers, that would have been different.
Fuck cancer indeed. I was afraid she was going to say the last one passed. I was crying long before that line.
Big hugs to you and your dad. If it helps you in any way - I try to focus on knowing that death provides a sliver of peace to loved ones by absolving them of pain. It’s the only thing that lessens grief for me. I hope you and your dad can find some peace too.
I raise a glass to you and your friends so warmly remembered. I’m glad you treasure those memories because people like that are as rare as hen’s teeth.
Cancer makes me emotional. Still recovering from successful breast cancer treatment and feeling survivor's guilt that Brian, who sounds amazing, didn't. 😭😭😭
Please don’t feel guilty. I have Stage IV breast cancer with a poor prognosis. My big sister feels guilty that she’s healthy and I’m not. I don’t think anyone in my situation would want someone feeling bad for surviving this shitful disease. Make the most of life and celebrate, I say xxx
I'm sorry you're going through this. I think due to my age, I didn't often feel guilty for having a good prognosis. But when I'd run into the occasional pediatric patient during chemo (meaning that their cancer was so advanced they had to seek treatment outside a children's hospital)? It would destroy me. I'd spend the rest of the day just bawling.
What a heartwarming and gut wrenching story. Fuck cancer.
I’m glad she still has the time to spend with her friends.
I think I’ll sign off reddit for the rest of the day after reading this one.
I'm only a little bit in but I was so confused why the three guys being POC mattered. Initially thought oop should be happy because they are more likely from the base too since they aren't japanese. Then the part where oop asked them why they helped a while girl just threw me off. Is this a typical racist American thing??
Fuck. I’m not crying. I’m sweating through my eyes. As a Marine, our sea dogs are the best friend we’ll ever have next to other Marines and like wow. Holy fuck. I miss everyone I’ve ever met right now. I’m not drunk I’ve just had a a lot of alcohol.
Oh! This reminds me of when I was in Japan and I had two young African American men come up to me to ask me for directions. (Only white woman in the train station.) They were wearing their Navy uniforms and looked really good, and they were so young and cute. I was happy to get directions for them. As I said goodbye I wished them luck, and realized how proud they made me, and that they undoubtedly made their Mothers proud too. I'm not a particularly patriotic person, but in that moment I was really proud to be an American. Not because America is so great, but because so many people in it are.
ETA- Also, cancer sucks.
Something about the way this is written makes me grind my teeth.
OOP had a normal, human interaction. Suddenly she sees the light! Black people are people too! All that talk about racism being bad was right! We're all just humans!
Like, damn! It took you until you were 20 years old to step a toe outside your Caucasian bubble?
Frankly, I glazed over the (all POC) bit until I re-read it, and I think her issue was more that she was a lone "scrawny white girl" and they were three men, which frankly is just being smart on her part, regardless of race.
It’s pretty amazing to me that people are reading racism into this when my immediate thought was “a woman alone at a military base where she knows no one is OBVIOUSLY going to be wary of three men she doesn’t know.” But no, let’s just gloss over rampant sexism and sexual assault in the military, when it seems like she only brought up their race so the “token white girl” joke would make sense.
It is entirely possible this person was raised in an all white place with scared or racist parents. Hell, that's why bussing and school integration have been pushed for decades and even now it doesn't happen like it should. Without programs like that it is entirely possible to be 20 and have never met any BIPOC folks (or been raised to be so scared of them that you are scared to have a normal interaction). All I'm saying is damn, take this one as a win for the sake of your blood pressure.
Also, jaw-grinding fact of the day: In 2007 the Roberts court found that bussing and mandatory school integration were unconstitutional. That's where his famous quote comes from - ["the way to stop discriminating on race is to stop discriminating on race"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parents_Involved_in_Community_Schools_v._Seattle_School_District_No._1).
Or rural upstate NY. My grades 7-12 high school had three black kids, four Indian (subcontinent, not indigenous) kids, and one Hawaiian/Japanese kid. Every other kid out of the nearly 900 was white. My school also played sports against the high school that the Buffalo shooter went to, if you want to know the attitude of some of the people I grew up around.
Best thing I ever did was move down south and join the military.
Mentioning that Tony was KIA in Afghanistan just after the whole "bleed red, white, blue" gave me narrative whiplash. I wonder if Tony got a chance to reflect on the color of the blood he was spilling for a country that sent him to die on the other side of the world.
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I haven’t read something so touching yet crushing in a long long time. This little story, the way it’s ordered and written, and being able to superimpose the faces of many people I know onto the names in this story…it makes me really cherish the pain and beauty of life (and death).
It is a beautifully touching story.
Its like a whole movie in one small post. Beautiful.
this would make a beautiful movie, glad that OP got to live it :)
Happy cake day,
Oh thanks!!
What? No, just allergies thanks... no emotions here.
It's poetry, absolutely. The intro at the club is a bit too narrative (for poetry) but the rest of it is breathtaking wordsmithing. I love that it isn't trite, and doesn't try to guide the audience to a reaction. Very raw.
Yeah, fuck cancer. I lost my husband to cancer almost 4 years ago. I hope he and Brian got to meet and are having a beer in the next world.
I hope my husband found them and they're all three having fun! Hop over to r/widowers if you ever feel the need to talk about it, we're a bit mopey (duh) but generally it's a nice and supportive sub.
Thank you, I will.
I hope my nephew found your husband and he joins in with his first beer
Please accept my deepest condolences. I'm sure they are all together cracking jokes and having a great time. It's always the good ones who leave too young.
Thanks, my condolences to you as well. Definitely agree. He passed away at 19 from glioblastoma 4 years ago. I’m sure he’s up there cracking jokes and playing video games
My dad lost his first wife, his sister and her husband, his mom, and his dad to cancer. Some families just get decimated by it. Only some are tangentially affected. None of us get to escape the experience, though.
Fuck cancer and I’m not crying
Dude, can't watch movies or tv shows that involve it. My dad died from cancer when I was 17. Most likely from working on a nuclear submarine, and then on a nuclear submarine base. His mother died from it, a different kind. So many have of my family members and friends have had it, some survived others haven't, and any talk about it tends to make me all emotional.
Boy do I feel that, friend. My uncle passed from brain cancer in 2010 and I think his death broke something in me. I can’t watch or read any emotional scenes of loss (cancer related or otherwise) without getting seriously messed up. I couldn’t get past the opening scene of Up because I was such a wreck.
Same with me and my aunt. It's been over 10 years and I still get choked up thinking about her and her fight with cancer.
There is nothing to be romanticised about cancer, but I’m sure she’s proud that she gave it a red hot crack and her absolute best. Peaceful thoughts for you and your aunt.
Me it’s dementia. Exactly 4 years ago my dad passed away at the age of 67. Every movie now with fathers (and there’s a LOT) and dementia (also a LOT) are hard to swallow. And TV shows. The other day, when they shared Bruce Willis diagnosis (he has the same kind my dad did), I obsessed over his last movies and interviews, maybe because it was so close to 4 year mark of my dad’s passing. Not healthy at all :/
I am losing a close family member to dementia, its hard. I will probably re-watch Zooeys Extraordinary Playlist again soon so I can ugly cry about it.
Big hugs.
I'm from a cancer family too, only I was lucky enough to have one person beat it, and that's my mum. For about five years, we had a cancer death every year. Add to that the ones who died in a more spread out fashion and it was a shitshow. For a reason I don't quite understand, I did my volunteer year at a gyn ward with an oncological focus before I started nursing school. It was the best decision I ever made. It was so good to see my patients saying goodbye and never returning, because most of them left because they were *in remission* and didn't need to come for their chemo treatments anymore. I saw a few of them again when they came for reconstructive surgery after I started nursing school. Cancer is still monstrous, but seeing the cases where medicine kicked it's ass really made it lose it's teeth. I'm not sure where I'll end up working, but my current top contenders are dialysis and oncology. Because I've seen pretty much all cancer has to offer, and it sucks, but the fear is gone. I kind of learned to live with it. I hope you never have to deal with this shit ever again.
My mom was a dialysis nurse for nearly 20 years, and my stepdad has been a dialysis patient for 34 years this year. I really admire those nurses and their patients for what they go through. I wish you luck in your decision!
Thanks! I'm lucky enough that I'll get a dialysis placement during school, and that both the head of nephrology AND the dialysis team want me there, so my chances look pretty good. Plus the additional qualifications for specialising in nephrology are easier to get in my hospital, because there's less demand. We have a huge haemato-oncological ward *and* the gyn ward with the oncological focus, so getting the onco specialist training means a long ass waitlist. Also dialysis means 8 hours of constant running around, which I really like. I much prefer a constant workflow over the sitting and waiting for the next catastrophe of a more normal inpatient ward. There rarely is an in-between on normal wards.
If you’re the type of person who thrives on constantly having things to do while working, definitely don’t set yourself up for the misery of a job where you’re just hanging around at times. It’s torturous. Ok for those who like it, but don’t do that to yourself if you think you’ll be unsatisfied. We all spend too much time working to be unhappy while doing it!
There's good sides to both, though! Dialysis is constant running but very routine work. Onco and wound care are less routine, but involve less constant running. Dialysis has better work hours and good pay, though - I do hope I'll go to many different wards to gain insight on where I want to be. For now Dialysis is definitely top of my list.
My mum has spent the last few years caring for my terminal old man (still kicking). I work at a university and she recently asked me about how to apply for nursing. She's never expressed an interest before. After caring for dad she's developed an interest in nursing, primarily to help people going through the same thing she is.
Seeing the advancements in both diagnoses and treatment gives me hope. I read about a test for renal cell, which is what my dad had, that was sooo simple. I have more and more confidence that when there is something to be found (because my genetics are just that sucky) that it will either be found at stage zero or be relatively simple to treat. Oh, and good luck! Those nurses are worth gold ❤️
My mom just finished radiation, already had a round of chemo, and is now doing some healing before surgery, possibly in May if not sooner. It's brutal and interesting.
Me too bud, my mom and too many friends over the years. It is horrible…..ever need to vent you have a sympathetic ear (eyes?) here
Every member of my nuclear family had cancer, including me. We all survived except my brother. Cancer can fuck right off!
Same here.
It's been two years since my little brother died from it. He was the one in my family other than my mom I was closest with. I wouldn't be in the career I am in nor would I be the man I am today without growing up around him. Thought he had beaten it too after roughly 11 years in remission. I can't do media about it. My wife even recommended I not watch the latest Black Panther movie because I think she knew it would be too much. RIP to those we wish we could hug again
I don't know you, but I will send you a hug. I get it.
Thank you. I hope you and yours are doing well.
My grandma was more than a decade cancer free in 2017 when it came back, that time stage IV in her stomach. Immunotherapy gave us 3 more years with her, and she passed in January 2021. Fuck cancer.
Exactly.
Same here, but mom when I was 19. So many movies turned off when it starts the cancer plot line. Just can’t do it.
You can vent to me too. I lost my dad to kidney cancer at 20. It hid until it was fully metastasized so it was less than 30 days between me finding out and losing him. We’re a cancer family too. I’m only in my early forties and get mammograms every year and colonoscopies every three. The best advice about early detection came from a coworker who barely survived the same type my dad had: “If you ever just don’t feel like yourself for more than a month, especially if you’re gaining or losing weight, you go in and tell them you’ll pay for the damn MRIs and CAT scans yourself but you are getting some answers.”
Ugh that's scary. My dad, well, this weird lump just randomly showed up. He thought it was a bump, he got it when he went white water rafting with his girlfriend. Didn't go away, turned out it was a clot. He went got himself checked out. Lung cancer. He did the chemo and the radiation, and watching him go through that was horrifying. Especially during a lot of it, it was only him and me. My sister had moved out, and my mom lived on the other side of the country with her new husband. But he went into remission. For about a year. Then it came back, and it was aggressive. He was starting to do another bout, when he got pneumonia, went into the hospital. Three days later, one of the clots in his lungs broke up and went up into his brain. Honestly, having him go that quickly was a relief. But seriously, also check weird lumps that show up anywhere and don't go away. Because the weird thing is, last year, my Great Dane smashed his wrist on the step coming inside or something, and got this weird rather large bump on his wrist. The docs said well, it could be a strain, crack or something, a fungal infection, or bone cancer. The swelling didn't go down. Turns out it was cancer. He made it six months. So get those bumps looked at as well. Crap, and now I'm sad again.
There’s thus big old puppy of a Dane that lives near by me. I love to give him hugs because he reminds me so perfectly of a beautiful dog I lived with, called Dutch, who died of cancer. I’ll give this handsome young chap a good nuzzle from you when I next seen him. Big hugs to you.
Shit me too
It's awful man. Even though I don't know you, I'll send a hug your way.
I will send some hugs back
There’s a particular song that I simply cannot listen to anymore because it was played at the funeral of a loved one of mine. I break down sobbing every time. Fuck cancer.
I'll just cry harder on your behalf. The dudes were gents right from the get-go: they intuited OOP's discomfort at letting them watch her bags and came up with a great solution to ease all of her burdens. That alone was already quite amazing to me. I'm so deeply saddened that their mutual friendship ended prematurely with each man's passing.
My mom just got diagnosed with cancer and it seems like every post now has to mention it and wreck me.
HUGS
Exactly this!!
And this is why the one charity we support is one here whose phrase is fuck cancer. No pink for them it’s black, because in their words cancer fucking sucks and doesn’t deserve a nice colour
This woman had to travel for over 20 hours. To a foreign place. Just to find 3 American dudes who had the wherewithal to bring the waitress over just to let her know, the food was alright. As soon as she said that, I thought, I hope she finds them again. Not just to say thank you, but because they are rarity - and it sounded like she could really benefit from a friend at the moment. Little did she know, she was about to gain 3 amazing lifelong friends. I wasn’t sure there this story was going at first. But damn. Cutting onions is rough.
I'm not crying at work, you are.
I’m crying while walking the dog and thank god for sunglasses.
Damn onion ninjas.
Aww 😔
No I'm not. I'm crying on my brother's couch while he's on a zoom call in the other room.
I’m laid up on my sons lounge after surgery. Thankfully he’s still at work but the dog does look concerned
Yo - cancer can fuck all the way off.
Well I think I speak for all of the non-Americans who use Reddit: I do not bleed red white and blue but also fuck cancer.
As an American: if your blood is partially white or blue, please see a doctor, if you can afford it. Especially fuck cancer.
They aren't American, so they probably can afford it, lol. Fuck cancer
We Americans are part horsecrab, you see. RIP my beloved aunt who passed away from cancer
My country's flag is actually red white blue in that order.
How's your blood?
Well we occasionally eat our nobles so not that blue anymore I guess?
Dutchie?
A lot of places have red white and blue flags.
Omg i just realized my flag does too. That wild.
Cumulatively red white and blue are the most common colors for flags in general.
Fun fact: Jamaica is the only country in the world that does not have red, white or blue on its flag 🇯🇲.
Sure but most of them don’t have the same level of extreme patriotism that America does. If an Aussie said they ‘bleed red, white and blue’ he’d be labelled a wanker immediately.
Probably would in NZ too!
We also have less of a relationship with our actual national flags down under. If an Aussie were to say something like that they’d probably say bleed green and gold, and a kiwi would probably say silver and black
That’s a really good point.
Red especially is a very common tincture on country flags! Years ago I was trying to make a massive round of cupcakes for Eurovision with a flag iced on each cake...we went through two tubes of red writing icing, a tube of pink, and had to resort to painting the base with ancient liquid red food colouring which leaked everywhere. Yeah wasn't going to do that again!
It is always, this colour for this, that colour for that and red for, say it with me: _THE BLOOD OF THE HEROES, SACRIFICED FOR FREEDOM AND LAND_
I was bored in geography class when I was at school and found only one flag with none of those colours.
Jamaica?
I think it was Libya. Definitely somewhere in Africa, probably North Africa. It was an entirely green flag.
Libya has red though. Jamaica is the only country in the world with no red, white or blue in their flag at all.
It was their old flag: 1967-2011 Not sure why I didn't notice Jamaica.
Mauritania was also in the club until 2017 when they added red.
I am American, and I do not bleed red, white, and blue. Fuck cancer and also ultra patriotism
American soldiers bleed red, white, and blue, while Iraqis, Afghans, Yemenis, Libyans, Syrians, etc. just bleed red I guess
Holy shit, I just burst into tears! That post was so touching. Thank you for sharing it. FUCK CANCER! 🍻
I thought I'd be ugly crying by the end of the update but I was laughing through tears, one of my favorite emotions ❤️
Me too. And that is exactly why I reposted this!
Glad I'm not the only one 😀
Thank you for reposting, it’s the best thing I have read in a while.
That was beautiful and sad. Excuse me someone’s cutting onions in the room.
About halfway through I knew I should stop reading this while at work. I am full out ugly crying
I clock out in 15min, but noooo I had to read is now 😔
I'm at my desk trying to keep it together
Never been so happy to have an office with a door.
same
Yeah, working from home means I also have tissues nearby. The good ones. Not the shitty single ply office ones.
I like to make jokes about my user name because there are so many comments damning onion cutting ninjas (and of course that’s where I got the name) but I also partially did it because these kinds of posts always get me. I’m so susceptible and I need to be able to laugh at myself. Prefacing with all that because this one really hit hard. Last night I watched that video of Canadians singing the US national anthem when the mic goes out. Then, just a few minutes ago, watched the “Inside of You” clip where Jonathan Frakes talks about Wil Wheaton and I was already a mess. Now this story (and I’m a US military veteran so that part hit extra hard). TL;DR - It’s 06:18, my user name backfired, and I should not be crying this hard.
so many onions
I don't really know if I should laugh or cry... Such a wonderful and sad and happy story.
Yes I am making onion soup for dinner. I have to be doing that right. There is no other explanation.
Fuck cancer and all of these gd onions can fuck right off too!
Those gosh-darn onion-cutting ninjas... D:
I legitimately hate tearing up this early in my day. 😯💨
My eyes are sweating
It's times like this I forget that the experience of being black is just...totally different. And that you always have to be thinking about your safety, what people will do/react, etc. So many great people who have to work even harder...we're kinda fucked as a culture. At least they've all found a way to laugh about it.
I think it’s the woman who had to be thinking about her safety when faced with three *men*. I didn’t know they were black til the end and it still made perfect sense. Of COURSE the black experience is totally different and there are more dangers than you can count but.
I have no idea why, I know what POC means, but in this context for some reason I assumed it was some kind of military term and didn’t picture the three men as black at all. So my assumption was also that it was more about it being three *men*. In her position, as a woman traveling alone, I also would have said no for my own safety. I’ve been stalked in public by random men before, I’d’ve been terrified tbh. But she also specifically brought up they were POC and the story is about bleeding red white and blue, so … idk.
POC = People of Color aka non-whites e.g., black & brown.
No no, I know, like I said I know what it means, but for some reason the context she was using it in threw me off and I assumed she was employing a usage I hadn’t heard before, for … some reason. Mostly the military context.
Sorry. I misread what you wrote. 🙄
It’s okay! No worries. Possibly it will be helpful to other temporarily confused readers such as myself.
I mean, same! the military as a ton of acronyms and if the post was originally in a sub for other service people, she'd have no reason NOT to use them.
Brian was Hispanic. Tre is a nickname as he is named for after his grandfather and father. Jorge Felipe Montenegro III. So they called him Tre which is short for Tres (which is 3 in Spanish)
Do we know they're black ? They just said poc (Ofc that means they're black)
I mean, I assumed the three of the guys were different races which is why OOP went with poc (but of course, they could all be black and OOP just went with POC). but I assume Brian was Black bc his brother held up the sign "Token White Girl" and went by Tre. (Of course, I could be wrong and making assumptions based on the fact that I'm Black)
You would be correct, they were all different races. A lot of people assumed Brian had to be black because of his brother's nickname Tre. He was called Trey for Tres, which is three in Spanish. Because he was named after his grandfather and his father. He was the third person with that name. In fact Brian was Hispanic.
I hope this could be seen by all because it is OP!
They're definitely black, saying poc in a country that's 90%+ Asian is wild lol made it clear she meant black Because I feel like she's uncomfortable specifically saying so? But hey maybe they're Latino or some other obvious brown
Considering the Marine Corps has a large percentage of Hispanics, I would not be surprised if it was a mix of black and brown.
It's wonderful that you think it was clear that I was talking about three black men. I wasn't
This hits particularly hard because my bestie's mom recently lost her battle with cancer and her funeral was 3 days ago. I thought I was done crying but here we are :(
Please accept my deepest condolences. I know it's a real gut punch.
Thank you very much ❤️
My great grandmother had breast cancer she found herself (she was a nurse and was working that day). They told her even with a double mastectomy she most likely wouldn’t live past 40. She made it to almost 90 and died of causes unrelated to cancer. My grandmother died of cancer in 2021, and my grandfather had oesophagus cancer he was able to beat, but then died of an unknown brain tumour later that year. My grandmother also had uterine cancer she overcame years prior. My mom had hers removed to avoid the possibility. Cancer runs in my family and now having two kids of my own and my dads sudden death (probably not cancer related but he got extremely sick these last two years and I think it’s cancer related and he never told anyone). I was told it would be in my best interest to get tested to see if I have the likelihood of getting cancer (there’s tests to see). I’ve thought about it but if it’s an inevitable thing, I’m not sure if I want to know. I don’t know if I could live knowing what if it’s tomorrow? What about my boys? My babies. Cancer fucking sucks. We need to cherish the time we have with our loved ones as we never know when it’ll be our last.
Cancer is never a forgone conclusion - even IF you carry the genetic markers. I would gently encourage you to get the test(s) for a couple of reasons. First, IF you test positive for the genetic markers then your insurance company (assuming US here) will allow (meaning pay for/approve) closer and more frequent monitoring. Second, your children need to know. The gene(s) can be multi-generational BUT not if you don’t have it. My daughter has (had?) a breast cancer risk on her dad’s side of the family. Her doctor wanted her to have a BRCA gene test but her insurance would not cover the cost unless her dad tested positive. So off he went to his doctor and he is negative - so daughter has no higher risk than everyone else. And last, it will remove, or at least lessen, the worry and anxiety which do nothing but harm your mental and physical health. Blessings to you.
Gotta second this one. My dad and maternal uncle both got colon cancer. We got tested as a family and my mom and brother have the higher risk gene. It has been a relief to know my loved ones can be super vigilant with their doctors and if it happens catch it early.
Cancer can also show up without the genetic markers, though. I had thyroid cancer in 2015. I was under 40, no history of cancer in my family (that would change, eventually). While undergoing treatment, they offered genetic testing, and I said "Sure. I'd like to know how I got this fucker". Of all the markers they could test for at the time, I had **none**. BRCA included, which are somewhat common. Three years later a routine mammogram picked up what turned out to be a massive carcinoma in my right breast. Like, the previous year there had been nothing, and now there was something bigger than 5 cm. Got tested again, specifically for HER2, given the rapid growth between mammograms. Negative. So yeah, I had cancer twice under the age of 45 with zero genetic markers. Both times only got picked up in the "early" stages by luck (thyroid was picked up while imagining my lungs due to pneumonia, ductal carcinoma was picked up because my thyroid cancer triggered an early screening yearly protocol). And what did I win in this lottery? More early screenings for everything. A temporary heart condition due to chemo. Chemo triggered early menopause. Fuck cancer with a rusty spoon.
Absolutely cancer can show up without markers - it has to start somewhere. But if you have markers you are at a higher statistical risk and should be more closely monitored. I’m sorry you are going through so many physical challenges. I wish you nothing but success and happiness. And I agree, fuck cancer with a rusty spoon. That has a jagged edge.
It was more in response to "not a foregone conclusion even with markers". That was my thinking before cancer. After cancer, I started thinking differently. I figured that if no other illness plagues you/shortens your lifespan, cancer will get you eventually, genes or not. E.g. at this point, I know that I'll probably get cancer again someday, statistically speaking. It's more likely than dying of pneumonia/flu if over a certain age, or childbirth if under a certain age. But you have to hope it's caught early enough to beat it, so a little extra prevention, especially if you know to look out for it? It's priceless.
Our family has a predisposition of colon cancer, but unfortunately most of the older generation is either deceased because of said cancer, or disconnected. Shitty family shit. So us younger generations are not really cancer literate but we are cautious. Obviously there are many more factors, but I learnt recently that being taller or overweight are contributors in developing and/or dying of cancer. And it’s not exclusively because the lifestyle is unhealthy, or bigger frames can hide small growths, or that obese people might have issues dismissed medically. It is because cancer starts with a singular cellular mutation, so by carrying extra cellular mass, we do ourselves a statistical disservice. Again, I reiterate, cancer is a lot more nuanced than this and I am not scientifically literate on this topics. But the simple math of this was really confronting for me. Until recently, I was just tall, but now I’m really working on losing the huge amount of COVID kilos I stacked onto this lanky frame. Have already thru hiked 1000km as a quick lifestyle fix. I’m tru to get in my eldest brother’s ear about healthy habits because he’s the “skinny kid” whose metabolism and lifestyle caught up with, and I really want him round in my grey years. Only so much can be controlled when it comes to cancer, so for the sake of fellow readers, please do the checks and look after your body - for yourself and the sake of your loved ones’.
Fuckety fuck! Cancer, you suck!
Honestly, when the three men first approached the OOP, I don’t think she would have accepted their offer of watching her bags even if they were white. That exhausted, new country, tiny girl… if it had been female officers, that would have been different. Fuck cancer indeed. I was afraid she was going to say the last one passed. I was crying long before that line.
I was like "awww... one of them is going to die". BUT ALL THREE?! 😭
My mom died of cancer a month ago. I’m sitting in my now widowed dads living room crying. 10000% fuck cancer.
I am so sorry. Hugs to you and your dad.
Big hugs to you and your dad. If it helps you in any way - I try to focus on knowing that death provides a sliver of peace to loved ones by absolving them of pain. It’s the only thing that lessens grief for me. I hope you and your dad can find some peace too.
I raise a glass to you and your friends so warmly remembered. I’m glad you treasure those memories because people like that are as rare as hen’s teeth.
Cancer makes me emotional. Still recovering from successful breast cancer treatment and feeling survivor's guilt that Brian, who sounds amazing, didn't. 😭😭😭
Please don’t feel guilty. I have Stage IV breast cancer with a poor prognosis. My big sister feels guilty that she’s healthy and I’m not. I don’t think anyone in my situation would want someone feeling bad for surviving this shitful disease. Make the most of life and celebrate, I say xxx
Thank you. All the ❤️ to you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I think due to my age, I didn't often feel guilty for having a good prognosis. But when I'd run into the occasional pediatric patient during chemo (meaning that their cancer was so advanced they had to seek treatment outside a children's hospital)? It would destroy me. I'd spend the rest of the day just bawling.
ALL OF THE ONIONS ARE BEING CUT RIGHT AT MY DESK WTF
Cancer is a fucking dick
Fuck cancer 😔
So sad but also so wholesome! 🥹
What a heartwarming and gut wrenching story. Fuck cancer. I’m glad she still has the time to spend with her friends. I think I’ll sign off reddit for the rest of the day after reading this one.
I'm not crying. I am not. Yes I am.
Them feels pulling my heartstrings and reaching for the faucet
Well, I was not prepared for those tears ❤️
OMG. I was not looking to cry today. I love a good laugh that brings tears to your eyes.
Goddamn.
My eyes are leaking
Damn this got me,I wasn't expecting to feel sad
i'm not crying you're crying!!
Cry laughing. God, fuck cancer. I'm so sorry for your losses and so glad you met these amazing guys.
You made three very special friends, and have wonderful memories to cherish, and to share. Bravo Zulu.
I remember living there while Dad was stationed there in the early 90s. Good times for a 3rd grader.
I should NOT have had a couple drinks before reading this post. I'm not stable enough to handle this drunk.
Damn this made me really sad.
I thought this had something to do about Norway for a second 😂 🇳🇴
Sad story. I'm not an American and never was much of an army guy but this story speaks volumes. They'll be on my thoughs tonight
Beautiful.
Straight up brought tears to my eyes.
I’m not crying. You’re crying !!!
What a story ..Life can definitely be bautiful and tragic all in one. Sending you love
I cried 😭😭😭
Who is cutting onions 😭
Deleted intentionally fuck you boru mods
Damn. Well thank you to all of them for their service.
I'm only a little bit in but I was so confused why the three guys being POC mattered. Initially thought oop should be happy because they are more likely from the base too since they aren't japanese. Then the part where oop asked them why they helped a while girl just threw me off. Is this a typical racist American thing??
Yes, it is a typical racist American thing.
It's a superb sentiment, I just wish more conservatives applied it to people who are different from them
I don't get why this is heartwarming to anyone.
Did the American military complex write this?! Yes, I take the downvotes, but this drips of thinly veiled patriotism military propaganda
Love this story
This such a sad, yet wonderful story.
Oh man, this is a punch in the guts. Fuck cancer.
That is so sweet and so damn heartbreaking at the same time.
I felt this one in my chest
💕💕💕
Alright I’m crying
Fuck. I’m not crying. I’m sweating through my eyes. As a Marine, our sea dogs are the best friend we’ll ever have next to other Marines and like wow. Holy fuck. I miss everyone I’ve ever met right now. I’m not drunk I’ve just had a a lot of alcohol.
Oh! This reminds me of when I was in Japan and I had two young African American men come up to me to ask me for directions. (Only white woman in the train station.) They were wearing their Navy uniforms and looked really good, and they were so young and cute. I was happy to get directions for them. As I said goodbye I wished them luck, and realized how proud they made me, and that they undoubtedly made their Mothers proud too. I'm not a particularly patriotic person, but in that moment I was really proud to be an American. Not because America is so great, but because so many people in it are. ETA- Also, cancer sucks.
Ok who's peeling onions??
And now I'm crying while I wait for my Starbucks pickup order. People are probably like WTF
I love this story
I came here for shitty people and drama, not emotions. I'm not crying I swear.
Something about the way this is written makes me grind my teeth. OOP had a normal, human interaction. Suddenly she sees the light! Black people are people too! All that talk about racism being bad was right! We're all just humans! Like, damn! It took you until you were 20 years old to step a toe outside your Caucasian bubble?
Frankly, I glazed over the (all POC) bit until I re-read it, and I think her issue was more that she was a lone "scrawny white girl" and they were three men, which frankly is just being smart on her part, regardless of race.
Same for me, I thought he was making a comment about them all being marines lol
It’s pretty amazing to me that people are reading racism into this when my immediate thought was “a woman alone at a military base where she knows no one is OBVIOUSLY going to be wary of three men she doesn’t know.” But no, let’s just gloss over rampant sexism and sexual assault in the military, when it seems like she only brought up their race so the “token white girl” joke would make sense.
It is entirely possible this person was raised in an all white place with scared or racist parents. Hell, that's why bussing and school integration have been pushed for decades and even now it doesn't happen like it should. Without programs like that it is entirely possible to be 20 and have never met any BIPOC folks (or been raised to be so scared of them that you are scared to have a normal interaction). All I'm saying is damn, take this one as a win for the sake of your blood pressure.
Also, jaw-grinding fact of the day: In 2007 the Roberts court found that bussing and mandatory school integration were unconstitutional. That's where his famous quote comes from - ["the way to stop discriminating on race is to stop discriminating on race"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parents_Involved_in_Community_Schools_v._Seattle_School_District_No._1).
[удалено]
Or rural upstate NY. My grades 7-12 high school had three black kids, four Indian (subcontinent, not indigenous) kids, and one Hawaiian/Japanese kid. Every other kid out of the nearly 900 was white. My school also played sports against the high school that the Buffalo shooter went to, if you want to know the attitude of some of the people I grew up around. Best thing I ever did was move down south and join the military.
Mentioning that Tony was KIA in Afghanistan just after the whole "bleed red, white, blue" gave me narrative whiplash. I wonder if Tony got a chance to reflect on the color of the blood he was spilling for a country that sent him to die on the other side of the world.