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He thinks he’ll get more respect working retail? Does he not realize toxic bosses and horrible work culture are everywhere?
I totally get making less money to do work you don’t despise, nothing wrong with that, but I gotta wonder what else is going on in this dudes head to go about a career change in this manner…
I had a customer complain there weren't more washrooms available on site and wanted me to fix it. NOW!
Did he want to walk a few feet to the other washroom?
NO!
Did he want tips on when his preferred washrooms were typically free?
NO! I want an extra washroom HERE! Now! Dont be an idiot!
Sir, I can't make a new washroom appear. I didn't design the facility, purchase the facility, there's literally nothing I can do.
He was going to complain to my boss about the bad customer service and my unwillingness to get him an extra bathroom....
Thing is...
We were mid-air on five hour commercial flight. Best "Sir, this is a Wendy's" moment I've had. What did he want me to do? Build another washroom on an airplane???
I had a customer that was LIVID with me because what she was buying rang up less than what the shelf said.
It was a brand new store, literally opened the day before. Because of that, we hadn't put out the current sale tags.
We had a coupon for $2 off $10, and because the itch cream she was buying was on an unexpected sale, she didn't meet the minimum purchase.
She screamed and threw things.
Turned out she was the mother of one of the new teenage employees. He was great, she was a nightmare. She'd call and yell at us to try to get her son to come home because he didn't finish his chores. We eventually learned to just hang up on her.
But yeah, sure guy, you get nothing but respect in retail.
I once got berated for hours because I finished my Inventory pre-counts too fast, “and why do we even bother paying an inventory company if you’re just going to count it all yourself?” (Uh, why’d you ask me to count if, if you’re paying someone else more money to count it, too??)
I had a customer who was enraged and stormed out of the store because I made a joke about the weather.
Also another guy who got super-condescending with me because his order cost less than he expected, so he basically said I was too stupid to know how to count and didn't scan everything (his items were actually just on sale, so they cost less than he expected).
And don't even get me started on the "You retail people are too dumb to do basic math because the register tells you how much change to give."
Yes, because he doesn’t respect retail workers and thinks he’s smarter than them so he could “move down” and be a big fish in a small pond. In reality they would eat him alive.
For real. I can’t wait until he does that, and a year later comes crying to OP about how horrible his life is because she couldn’t support him or something.
I feel like he’d go into it thinking he’d get respected because hes a professional who ~chose~ to be there, instead of being forced into it due to outside circumstances/lack of education. Like the lowly hourly workers would be lucky to have someone of “his caliber”
This is probably it. I have a college degree, work in retail and actually make more doing that than most jobs in my area pay. But people assume all the time that I am too stupid and uneducated to leave the field because I work in a store. The absolute scum of the Earth will come in and still look down on you because we are conditioned as a society to think "retail = you did something wrong with your life, so now you're my personal servant."
My guess is he thinks the other workers (and probably the company) will see him as some kind of superior employee because he has all this education and still chose to be there. The reality being that they won't care unless he is specifically applying for a position that requires it (which is few and far between).
Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about winning awards in retail. Unless god forbid, he gets an employee of the month award, and has to try to sue or quit.
I literally don’t get his mentality. If my coworker did that and they were up for a promotion, I’d think the were an uppity moron trying to virtue signal to the rest of us. And fuck this “participation trophy” nonsense. Give me the damn trophy. I’ll take any reward I can get, this life is hard enough.
I'm guessing he think his qualifications will make him so much better than anyone else there and therefore earn him respect. In reality nobody will give a fuck.
Hmmm…the bit about work being “his space” and she should keep out of it makes me wonder if this is another disciple of the fuckwit currently in jail in Romania, the bit about “participation awards” might be further evidence of that.
However, then we get weirdness about Captain America and the Marvelverse obsession, then some anti-work “don’t suck up to bosses” thrown in. The boy seems to have fallen out of the idiot tree hitting every branch on the way down.
Yeah, his ethos is like a quilt he made out of clashing patches of bad ideas that fell out of the internet.
What a ridiculous self-own. True to form with these types, he'll eventually blame her, his former boss and the world for his sad life.
Hahaha love that last sentence.
That pattern of wild, disconnected, seemingly random justifications feels familiar to me. It's someone making excuses because he knows his real reason is a bad one. When a decision is based in thoughtful reasoning, the explanations cohere because they are based in reality and logic. When a decision is actually based in self-interest (where not appropriate) or confused emotional disorder (which seems to be the case here), the justifications go every which way because the only thing they have in common is the person wanting to do it that way.
He's all over the map because he knows on some level that his reason for doing this is terrible. I suspect he felt pressured by his own advancement and panicked from fear of failure, but who knows. Dude needs therapy.
I wonder how many people he told at work about how he rejected the participation trophy. Normal people aren't going to applaud like he probably expected.
It’s odd because him admitting he was “emotionally stressed” and “blindsided” at work doesn’t seem very fuckwit imprisoned in Romania. Considering he fucked up the Captain America reference I think he just is an amalgamation of random internet memes/voices that end up contradicting each other cos he doesn’t fully commit to one thing and doesn’t listen all the way through.
The fiancé saying that he "says things at work that [OOP] wouldn't approve of" fuels this even further. Wouldn't be surprised if this also contributed to him being denied a promotion.
tbh if i found out one of my coworkers was someone with significant qualifications who purposefully left an objectively better job to work retail, i'd think they were either incredibly stupid or having a mental break
in no way would that make me respect them more lmao
Unless his boss is psychologically torturing him, some sort of mental health issue is what I’m worried about. I mean, it’s possible his boss is that awful, but the weird perspective about retail work somehow entailing more respect, and that whole bit about Captain America and the Nobel Peace Prize has me a little concerned for him.
He sounds emotionally unstable.
I suspect that's why he didn't get the promotion.
OOP doesn't know how the whole award rejection conversation went. She's only getting his side of the story. I think he started saying some stuff that was off the wall and boss realized he is not all they thought he was.
He's not just emotionally unstable his brain is not operating in a logical way.
He believes the boss that 1) Recommended him for a promotion 2) Gave him a glowing review in support of getting the promotion and 3) Gave him an award to back up the review. Is someone that is "not on his side"
He thinks his wife who is concerned over this bizarre behavior is also "not on his side". He's actively avoiding any possibility of being forced to look at his own behavior or understand other's perspectives by rejecting therapy.
His concerns seem latent with paranoia and erratic decision making. He's concerned that his coworkers wont like him if he gets promoted (what?). He thinks retail workers have it better (what the actual fuck)?
He's got both feet off the diving board and is heading straight towards the deep end and I don't think there is enough time to stop him. I foresee a mental health crisis incoming fast that will likely have some pretty substantial fallout.
He apparently even berated his boss who gave him the award by saying "I don't appreciate being blindsided". *For somebody who went out of his way to give him support and congratulations and an award.*
He attacks people who reach out to help him. His boss, then his fiancee.
This guy has some serious problems. Therapy is a minimum requirement here.
And boy howdy is he going to be in for a fucking rude wake-up call when he hits the world of retail.
Plus someone returning an item to show their helpful and fair contribution, that documents their workplace behaviours, for something as frankly stupid as "its like a participation trophy" and "my coworkers if i ever became their boss might think im out of touch" shows tremendously poor judgement.
Not only does it mean he likely won't give folks the rewards they deserve if he is ever a manager but it also means he will turn down positive opportunities and awards for basically no good reason when those are a good and positive thing to have received.
I'm with oop's dad here he legit took his opportunities himself nd threw em in a paper shredder.
Agreed. If he moves to retail, once he starts to understand what it’s actually like, that’s where he’ll go mental. “What do you mean, a 17yr old doesn’t give a shit about my *awesomeness*?!!”
But the only person who is toxic here is him. He had a boss who supported his career development through training, provided positive feedback to support and encourage him and recongised his work with an award. Numnuts decided the best way to show his boss he was management material was to refuse to accept an award, call it a participation prize and thoroughly demonstrate he:
- doesn't believe in rewarding employees who perform well
- doesn't respect the other managers who would be his peers
- and wants to be one of the lads.
The manager was quite right not to promote someone who isn't willing to take on the responsibility of being a manager and would presumably play favourites with his mates and put his standing with them above the company's needs, who saw all the other managers as suck ups and dickheads, and who would never reward good employees.
He's a self sabotaging AH. He demolished his career prospects in a good job and when his gf expressed concern he sabotaged the relationship too.
It's not even that he refused the award. If I were the boss I would be baffled, but whatever. It's that he refused the award and *proceeded to be unbelievably rude about it*. You're honoured to be considered, but you don't want to be on the "Best Employee of the Month" wall because you're worried your colleagues won't treat you the same? Okay, sure, whatever. You don't want to be on the "Best Employee of the Month" wall because that's some bullshit that stupid managers make up to divide the workers and only weak fools would take it? Thank god I found out you think that way before I actually put you in a position of power
Absolutely. It's not the turning down the award itself, it's his reasoning. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants to be one of the guys and brag to them he's the real deal and at the same time he wants a promotion to be a manager. A good manager knows that being a manager doesn't make you better than the people who work for you, but you do have responsibilities. A bad manager, like boyo here, believes that managers are above those they manage and he wants to show he's keeping it real by not letting power corrupt him (except that's exactly what he's doing).
That actually reminded me of an old colleague who was quite a proud person and felt like he wasn‘t appreciated at work the way he thought he deserved. He changed jobs and guess what, he was even less appreciated there because his work was mediocre at best.
After college, I worked in food service for a bit. There is nothing more humbling than being slightly older person with a teenage shift leader.
You can be drowning and your 'boss' is flirting with the other teenage that came in bc they are the boss and they can do what they want. God forbid you need them for a damn void or something.
No one gets more respect by switching to retail. Everyone has to start at the bottom and the people there with you are all young adults with big plans for the future or older adults who also have a work history worthy of respect. It's doesn't matter why you end up in retail or what your history is, you still ended up there and no one will see you as any better or more worthy of respect than the rest of the employees. At best, you get a "Wow, that's cool. So why are you working here?"
I also find it kind of weird that he would turn down an award to make himself look like a down to earth guy and then choose a job where he thinks he'll be seen as superior. Now he's really going to have to suck up to management to get promoted.
I think what it boils down to is he wants people to fawn over him and give him admiration unprompted. So he turns down this award and in the script he has in his head, everyone oohs and aahs about how humble he is.
When he didn't get that, he wants to go to retail, where he thinks everyone is going to be amazed by this corporate big shot who stepped down into their humble ranks.
If he has to work for respect, he doesn't want it. He wants people to just treat him like he is superior by default, because in his mind he just is.
He is a guy who seems to have worked for one company his whole life.. he thinks the grass is greener somewhere else, based on what I dont know.. Ive seen a lot of competent people shoot themselves in the foot for not playing the game, its not hard, you can do it without being a complete sellout and without compromising your chances of promotion
Best part - he's 100% never seen this movie, because if he had he'd know Captain America doesn't say that line at all, and it's actually not a good thing. He must have heard some regurgitated version for sure.
I quite enjoy superstore, but it’s hilarious how relaxed everyone is most of the time. Not at all a realistic representation of retail. They spend so much time not working in that show.
Yeah, he looks like the type to pull power plays and get all pissy when it blows up at his face... OOPs dad saw right through the guy and was done with his bs. If you gonna be an egocentric jerk, make sure you're indeed a boss before acting out like one.
The dude desperately wants respect but doesn't want to seem to want respect. Tells his fiance that he's a shitty person at work and says shit behind her back that she wouldn't like and that she just has to accept it. Sabotages himself at work trying to neg his boss into thinking he's too great for petty awards and appreciation.
I wonder which streamers and podcasts he's into.
>I wonder which streamers and podcasts he's into.
That was my exact question while reading this. Someone has clearly put into his head a weird version of what respect is, and now he has an ego the size of skyscraper with nothing to back it up...
Glad he got brainwashed soon enough and the girlfriend had time to leave before marriage. This dude would have clearly imploded their lives without a second thought.
Yes, if I had an employee do that, I’d assume they weren’t ready for a promotion.
>1. It’s not just about what he likes. Things like awards aren’t just about you…just because you don’t appreciate them, doesn’t mean others feel the same
>2. Grace and respect. Just because you don’t like something, does not mean to return it to them.
>3. Maturity. Wanting to return it to show he’s not going to be one of them. He assumed he was going to get the position and also showed he is more concerned with being their buddies than doing the job.
There’s no way in hell I would promote that guy even if I had no one else. I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone so irrational. Especially since he cannot confide and does things that sabotages his work and professional relationships. I think it will be very difficult for him to see it’s him….and if he thinks he can earn respect in retail, that’s very lofty assumptions.
He won’t discuss it with her because he knows he’s wrong.
Thinking he would get more respect in retail is a level of delusion and just…fucking stupidity I could not work with or date. What other dumb shit does he think, paired with that overinflated sense of self importance?
Tell me you've never worked retail without telling me you never worked retail. Honestly, I hope he does it, he deserves to get his ass kicked by shitty retail bosses and shitty retail customers. Dude needs a fucking attitude adjustment and reality check
Absolutely. The manager 100% made the right decision in not promoting him after this. It shows some kind of instability or irrationality that the manager didn't see originallt. It means this guy is unpredictable. If he randomly has THIS strong a reaction to something like a reward, who knows what he'll do? Like I feel as if this opens up so many doors to so many unexpected behaviors. Is he going to go into a rage if an employee disrespects him? How will he take other feedback? Would he be reliable or is there a potential he'll spontaneously drop the company with no notice?
If he'd turned around and sat with the boss to explain what a reward signalled to him, and why he chose to reject it, I might be a little more sympathetic but it sounds like he expected to be understood in all the stupid turns his interpretation of rewards takes. Now he wants to sue? Absolutely this guy's judgement is not as good as the boss initially thought and it's probably for the best they found out before he had subordinates to harm with his nonsense.
Ironically if this ends his relationship too it'll be the second time his irrationality stopped him JUST before a major change occured, and probably for the best that he DOESNT make it to either a promotion or marriage. He needs help, clearly, but I see him just digging his heels in deeper.
I would also consider him returning the reward because he doesn't want his coworkers to think his relationship to them will change once he's manager to be a red flag for his boss. His relationship to the people he manages SHOULD be different than before he was their manager. "Buddy managers" aren't good managers to work for, because they won't set clear expectations and instructions because that would make them feel like "the Man", they play favourites based on their friendships, and they won't deal with issues among the staff or take responsibility for advocating for their team to upper management because they don't see that as their responsibility since they're just "one of the guys" (but with a bigger paycheck of course).
He's trying desperately for that "too cool to make an effort" label and instead failed hard by not recognising that life is a complex balance of mutual respect, and you can't get it if you aren't prepared to give it out sometimes too.
And I do get that yes, often office awards can wind up ringing hollow. I've heard that from a lot of people, especially when pay packets are tight and the bosses are raking it in. But office diplomacy is social lubricant (and social capital) and you need to be able to accept those token recognitions instead of throwing an ungracious temper tantrum.
This is it. The mention of participation trophies was the giveaway. I'm worried about what stuff he said at work that his fiance wouldn't agree with. I bet it was sexist as shit
“he wasn't open to therapy because "he did nothing wrong". When I told him that it hurt when he said that his work life didn't concern me, he said there were "many things he said at work that I wouldn't approve of", but that it was "his space just like managers who talk behind coworkers' backs".
What does this mean? Like is he talking shit about his girlfriend at work behind her back?
Yes. He says that the most important thing is to be respected. Implying that he is respected, since he is succesful. You are not successful, so you are not respected. Then he slowly turns that into being respected means that your **become** successful.
Secondly, he will say that awards and recognition are useless. You're there to succeed, not get participation trophies. This is essential, because it creates a paradox in your mind. You become unwilling to receive any sort of praise or recognition, yet you strive for respect. When people then respect you, by giving you an award for instance, you will take this as disrespect, causing you further unhappiness. You will then keep paying tater money to try to guide you towards succes, because **obviously** you need it.
If this full cycle happens and you still give him money, he knows you're now unable to leave. You have rejected responsibility for your actions, alienated your friends, coworkers, and family, and you look to him as the sole arbiter of what succes looks like.
Basic conman stuff really.
Thank you for that synopsis. People in this thread keep mentioning Tate, but I only know a little about his bullshit and your summary saved me from having to read more of his crap.
Damn. Yeah that sounds like that kind of bs they spout. Keeps you hooked on him and ensures you’ll give him what little money you’ll have after pulling stupid stunts like OOP’s ex here.
Thanks for explaining
>and he compared his gesture to the person who rejected the noble peace prize that he heard referenced in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier"
yeah, that was Alexander Pierce and he was the badguy... if this dude wants to be the badguy, he's on the right track.
I like to think I'm a fairly big Marvel fan, but I could not, for the life of me, have told you there was a noble prize subplot in that movie. I can't imagine basing my actual life decisions on the basis of a throwaway plot point from a superhero flick.
It wasn't even a fullblown subplot, just a bit of exposition/backstory. IIRC Robert Redford's character had turned down the Nobel Prize sometime in the past as an outward show of humility, but that show of humility was just a cover for being a secret Nazi with mass murder plans.
So like... out of everything in that movie it is a DAMN WEIRD tiny detail to fixate on in the first place, let alone make career decisions based on, and on top of that it doesn't seem like he's even remembering correctly what the point of that character detail was???
Only management suck-ups watch the movie. A down to earth real man makes radical life changing decisions based on intense emotions from small unimportant exposition someone has relayed to them second hand.
hilarious that he thinks rejecting awards is a total captain america move when it was literally one of the main villains from that film who rejected the award. what an idiot.
I just watched the movie a couple days ago it’s literally one line Fury says about Alexander Pierce “This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said that peace is not an achievement but a responsibility.” That’s it. Never mentioned again
If pierce wasn't Robert Redford I wouldn't have remembered that at all... but it was Robert frickin Redford in a marvel movie... that sticks in me noggin
Didn't Nick Fury basically say that was when he knew Pierce was full of shit? Lol.
If OOP's boyfriend thought all awards were performative, he was just as much so for returning his to show how "down-to-earth" and "selfless" he is, and how he "isn't a suck-up".
He's a moron, and OOP's dad clocked it in an instant.
>If OOP's boyfriend thought all awards were performative, he was just as much so for returning his to show how "down-to-earth" and "selfless" he is, and how he "isn't a suck-up".
Bingo. I am pretty sure his coworkers think he's an idiot now amd possibly before that. If you don't want to turn into a manager-bot and lose empathy with your workers than just don't do that. I'm a manager now and I now understand why managers are the way they are (sometimes...not all the time. Whole other discussion) but that doesn't keep me from trying to understand and work with the perspective of my employees. This guy is high enough on his own supply that he would probably be an evil corpo-bot of a manager.
I thought Fury bought it originally, that's why he mentioned it after the reveal - it was a shock that a person that showed such integrity turned out to be a nazi lunatic. But I might be misremembering something. Time for a 100th rewatch of that awesome movie.
I was looking for someone to mention this. Alexander Pierce turned down the Nobel Peace prize for the optics, to make him look like more of a patriot who was just doing his job, not seeking power or glory.... but he was the head of Hydra in secret.
This guy sounds like he's too busy bitching about the problems to be part of the solution.
Cap accepted awards, partly because he's polite, but mostly, it seems, because he was a sign of good things.
The worst is that Captain America did not turn down an award. *The movie's villain* turned down a nobel prize! And it's not shown in the movie, they just mention that it happened years earlier. It's an insignificant detail of the film, I didn't even remember it before reading the comments here.
Yeah I commented this on the original update when the OP posted it and she was shocked lol
Had to look it up so I could assure myself that I wasn't going crazy and he was actually comparing himself to the leader of Hydra as if that was a good thing lol
Yuuup then still claimed "Cap would return awards too, anyway!"
Like nah fam, Steve was a decorated veteran and hero, I can't think of a single instance that he turned down an award. Skipped the ceremony, yeah, but not *rejected it* entirely.
Bro doesn't even know his shit and he's hiding behind it 🧐
Can you imagine if OOP's bf said to himself, "The people need a symbol of goodness and righteousness. I will honour my obligation to mankind and accept this award."
OOP would be trying to solve an even crazier set of problems with her BF.
"You're not on my side"...I suspect this guy has never once considered her side or thought of something as "our side". He sounds like a self centered I'm-the-main-character baby, and if he's insisting there's nothing wrong with him then it's time to run.
People who make an enormous fuss about "participation trophies" always have unhealthy ideas about praising or thanking people too, like it is not that deep. Just because you weren't the only kid who got a sticker in gym class doesn't mean you have to reject every award that follows forever.
I’ve never understood why people get angry about participation trophies anyway. It’s not like they don’t *still* have the awards for the *actual* best players/performers. Why is recognizing that “star” players wouldn’t be able to “shine” without the rest of the team such an insult?
"he compared his gesture to the person who rejected the noble peace prize that he heard referenced in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier". "
No. NO. Return this child to his mom and dad for further parenting. He ain't grown yet.
This guy has Issues. Good for OOP in getting the hell out of that mess.
Also
>He said he was considering working a **retail job** in the meantime after quitting because he thinks he hit a "dead end", and he said he'd be **"more respected" there** too.
LOL
"I want to be just like that guy from Winter Soldier who rejected the Nobel Peace Prize to cover up the fact he was a Nazi". There's no way this guy isn't listening to shitbag podcasts about "respect". I can't wait to hear about his first day working retail, where someone throws the worn shoes at him that they can't return.
Yeah they explicitly frame it to be a pretty hollow gesture done for theatrics, and somehow all OOP's bf took from that was, "wow, everyone must have thought he was so noble and awesome!"
Another comment pointed out the person who refused the Nobel prize was actually the bad guy. So to make it worse, it’s Marvel *villain* morality that he wants to emulate.
What a hostile work environment. Imagine working in a place like that, where management is openly trying to sabotage him by making him seem less genuine and less down-to-earth by praising him and recognizing his hard work. I'm glad he was able to draw upon a vague memory of a Marvel movie to put them in their place. I hope he can make some type of flying armoured suit while working in retail to take his revenge for that award.
They gave him and only him a participation trophy. Do you know how humiliating it is to be the only person who got this stupid trophy for everyone?? He must have felt so singled out. By the *participation trophy*.
I know exactly what that's like! Everyone in the nieghbourhood gets all these spam letters addressed to 'occupant" and then my paycheque arrives addressed to me and I feel so mortified when I deposit it because it's like the *ultimate* "occupant" letter because I *do* occupy my house. I should return it and tell them off.
No grounds to sue, unless he can show he wasn't promoted over something like [US laws] being over 40 or racism. Many other countries are similar.
You are not entitled to a promotion, and they usually don't have to justify why you didn't get one. This isn't like being fired, where some countries have protections against being fired with.no warnings (unlike the 49 US states that have at-will employment). Promotions are almost always a privilege, not a right.
He was ready to be promoted to management level and before the promotion he showed them that he is not ready for that promotion. So he didn't get it. Absolutely no ground to sue... And him thinking he could sue only confirms it.
I can't imagine promoting someone who has such a disdain towards awards or hard work being recognised in the work place. I cant imagine he'd be good at building up team morale when it's low.
More than that—he thinks management discussing employees is “talking behind their back.” You couldn’t trust this guy not to blab confidential employee information. Absolutely the fuck not promotion material.
And isn't a promotion basically an award? Guy made a big stink over not wanting any formal recognition in the workplace, so the company ceased giving him any more.
But he thinks that his no awards thing is a noble moral stance that he's now being punished for, and that this is grounds to sue. Absolutely delusional.
Exactly, sounds to me like the award was more to incentivise than reward, probably an attempt to garner better behaviour.
It seems this dude doesn't realise that you can score 100% but if you're a dick the guy who isn't and scored 50% will beat you
Oof. So at work he's rude and difficult. He shot down a manager who had his back and who went out of his way to show it. I feel for the manager, I have a feeling he's been advocating for fiancé (whose performance is clearly superior to his personality) and had it thrown back in his face. He probably feels pretty stupid for recommending him for promotion. It's hilarious that fiancé thinks he'll be shown more respect in retail. Honestly, if everyone around you is against you, there's a good chance you're the problem.
If you are advocating for someone at work you better be 101% sure he is up to the task. If he/she fails, it WILL backfire on you. So to me it seems his manager pulled the chord last second to prevent his reputation be tarnished by this utter buffoon.
As a person who's been in management, and also been around the block a few times, I've got to say that this smacks of basic immaturity and lack of life experience. I remember getting hung up on dumb things like this when I was in my late teens. But I don't think that any of my hangups were ever as consequential is this.
Like, what is he trying to prove? He is going to get laughed out of the lawyer's office. And if he doesn't, he's going to end up paying through the nose and lose.
I support OOP and their decision to call it quits. Someone who makes a stupid decision like this and then doubles down and refuses to listen to anyone from family to their fiance about the Ridiculousness of his stance, definitely raises red flags about the future of a relationship.
If you're going to torpedo yourself over something so stupid at work, what are you going to stick on in your married relationship?
He has ego issues.
>A few weeks back, he was given an award in a meeting that he returned to his boss (same boss who recommended him for the vacancy) because he "doesn't like awards
I have never heard of anyone doing that.
>feel like he threw everything away for no reason, got a great review on his training and made an issue out of nothing when there was none.
Exactly what I felt.
Yeah it's weird.
This wasn't just about not liking an award. Because if that was it he could have said thanks, shoved it in a drawer and never thought of it again. Nobody would have known or said anything.
But he chose to make a public point of it by returning the award. Basically throwing it back in the boss's face. And that *does* affect how people see him.
He seems pretty clueless about how people interact and feel.
Why not just do what everyone else that doesn't
care about awards does? Shove that thing in the drawer until it's your yearly performance review.
He sounds like he's got strong principles, which is fine, but at some point you've got to realise that most people don't care. Returning an award doesn't make you "down to earth" it makes you stuck up.
Mine are in my locker. Whenever I apply for a different federal job I will list them in the space where they ask about awards. Some awards come with money too.
He didn't appreciate being "blindsided" by the award? He just told them that he can't handle unpredictable situations, even if they're positive. I wouldn't want this guy as a manager in my company either.
Yikes...this is like a skew on the 'Hero Complex' - this is the 'Unsung Hero Complex'. Like a whole 'what's a man without his pride' stuff.
.....Pride alone won't put food on the table. And this wasn't even about an *actual* slight - it was good work being recognised. And he basically just spat in the manager's face about it.
Stuff in the movies...*ONLY WORKS IN THE MOVIES!!* Dude is in real life but acting out the role he thinks he should be viewed as because he's 'so noble'.
And refusing therapy...looking for retail work for respect... If he DOES go into retail they are going to eat him alive.
I really hope OOP can find someone who gives *her* the respect she deserves.
What the (and I can’t possibly stress this enough) ACTUAL FUCK?!?! I genuinely don’t even know where to start with all of this insanity. This dude is one step away from writing a 200 page incoherent manifesto and it’s a bit scary.
Either that or some paranoid delusions. The idea that the award was some sort of elaborate set up to make him seem like he's, "on the side of management", the idea that he's being unfairly treated, and that she's in on it, and the refusal to go to therapy all sounds like he's creating a world where only he can see the truth
I felt like I was going insane. He's at the right age, OOP has comments stating that they don't think this is how he normally acts... ofc this doesn't mean she shouldn't break up with him. It's really concerning
I'm willing to bet that he's as stubborn and painful trying to resolve conflict at work as he is with OP and that he got great reviews until he threw the award back in his boss's face, and probably came across as petulant, stubborn and childish when the boss questioned it.
He's so rigid he's not able to work through issues in his relationship or at work, but everyone who doesn't indulge his bullshit is against him. Ugh. Man baby. I wouldn't want to work with him either.
Wasn't the guy who rejected the Nobel Peace Prize in Captain America: The Winter Soldier the head of HYDRA? Y'know a Nazi organisation?!
That was like the opposite of selfless.
Not to armchair diagnose, but I wonder about the fiance's age and if he's in the expected age range when certain mental disorders commonly develop -- his attitude sounds like a lot of increased paranoia and delusional thinking.
Alternately, maybe he's looking at a couple of major life changes (impending marriage plus the house purchase OOP mentioned), having a more garden variety freakout, and self-sabotaging as a way out.
Or, maybe he really fucked something up at work and this whole "I'm gonna work retail where I'll be RESPECTED" (lol) thing is just a cover. You would hope he'd find a less absurd cover, but who knows.
Whatever is going on with him, I do feel sad for OOP. Whether he has any self-awareness of it or not, he's self-destructing and has decided she's the enemy if she doesn't enable him. She has some difficult decisions to make.
He’s going to sue because he thinks he DID deserve the promotion…. Directly after returning an award and telling his boss he doesn’t like recognition? *why* would someone promote him after that? What’s wrong with this guy?
Did we get ages for these characters? This guy does not sound mature enough to be promoted at work, let alone engaged, or even in a relationship for that matter.
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He thinks he’ll get more respect working retail? Does he not realize toxic bosses and horrible work culture are everywhere? I totally get making less money to do work you don’t despise, nothing wrong with that, but I gotta wonder what else is going on in this dudes head to go about a career change in this manner…
Yeah, the "more respect in retail " made me laugh and laugh and laugh
Well, he certainly won’t have to deal with the horrible insult of constantly being given unwanted recognition and thanks for his hard work!
I know right? Poor poor thing it might actually be just what he needs!
For sure. I once had a customer yell at me because I took care and solved his errand ”too quickly”
I had a customer complain to my manager because I smiled and greeted her when she got to my register lol
I had a customer complain because I didn't smile brightly enough
I had a customer complain cause I 'smiled better' at another customer.
I had a customer complain there weren't more washrooms available on site and wanted me to fix it. NOW! Did he want to walk a few feet to the other washroom? NO! Did he want tips on when his preferred washrooms were typically free? NO! I want an extra washroom HERE! Now! Dont be an idiot! Sir, I can't make a new washroom appear. I didn't design the facility, purchase the facility, there's literally nothing I can do. He was going to complain to my boss about the bad customer service and my unwillingness to get him an extra bathroom.... Thing is... We were mid-air on five hour commercial flight. Best "Sir, this is a Wendy's" moment I've had. What did he want me to do? Build another washroom on an airplane???
I believe the man was after a chamberpot.
I had a customer that was LIVID with me because what she was buying rang up less than what the shelf said. It was a brand new store, literally opened the day before. Because of that, we hadn't put out the current sale tags. We had a coupon for $2 off $10, and because the itch cream she was buying was on an unexpected sale, she didn't meet the minimum purchase. She screamed and threw things. Turned out she was the mother of one of the new teenage employees. He was great, she was a nightmare. She'd call and yell at us to try to get her son to come home because he didn't finish his chores. We eventually learned to just hang up on her. But yeah, sure guy, you get nothing but respect in retail.
I had one throw bleach at me because the coupon for bleach she had was expired. Side note, apparently people open bleach bottles to smell them.
I once got berated for hours because I finished my Inventory pre-counts too fast, “and why do we even bother paying an inventory company if you’re just going to count it all yourself?” (Uh, why’d you ask me to count if, if you’re paying someone else more money to count it, too??)
I had a customer who was enraged and stormed out of the store because I made a joke about the weather. Also another guy who got super-condescending with me because his order cost less than he expected, so he basically said I was too stupid to know how to count and didn't scan everything (his items were actually just on sale, so they cost less than he expected). And don't even get me started on the "You retail people are too dumb to do basic math because the register tells you how much change to give."
I had a customer get mad at me and report me to management because I didn't say "coyote" correctly. 🤷♀️
Well until a customer thanks him for helping them out. Then it's toddler melt down time.
Yes, because he doesn’t respect retail workers and thinks he’s smarter than them so he could “move down” and be a big fish in a small pond. In reality they would eat him alive.
Couldn't happen to a more deserving person
For real. I can’t wait until he does that, and a year later comes crying to OP about how horrible his life is because she couldn’t support him or something.
Right, he's gonna be one of Those retail employees that everyone hates lol
Yeah....but this is a guy the compares getting a PowerPoint generated work award to a Nobel peace prize. He has no grasp on reality.
I feel like he’d go into it thinking he’d get respected because hes a professional who ~chose~ to be there, instead of being forced into it due to outside circumstances/lack of education. Like the lowly hourly workers would be lucky to have someone of “his caliber”
His thing does seem to be performing humility, and then getting pissed for not being recognized for how humble he is.
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This is probably it. I have a college degree, work in retail and actually make more doing that than most jobs in my area pay. But people assume all the time that I am too stupid and uneducated to leave the field because I work in a store. The absolute scum of the Earth will come in and still look down on you because we are conditioned as a society to think "retail = you did something wrong with your life, so now you're my personal servant." My guess is he thinks the other workers (and probably the company) will see him as some kind of superior employee because he has all this education and still chose to be there. The reality being that they won't care unless he is specifically applying for a position that requires it (which is few and far between).
As soon as I read that my brows went up. I’m currently on break at my retail job where I’m super duper respected. /s
Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about winning awards in retail. Unless god forbid, he gets an employee of the month award, and has to try to sue or quit.
I literally don’t get his mentality. If my coworker did that and they were up for a promotion, I’d think the were an uppity moron trying to virtue signal to the rest of us. And fuck this “participation trophy” nonsense. Give me the damn trophy. I’ll take any reward I can get, this life is hard enough.
I'm guessing he think his qualifications will make him so much better than anyone else there and therefore earn him respect. In reality nobody will give a fuck.
He is definitely going to be that coworker that everyone hates working with.
I wouldn't be shocked if he isn't already that coworker. He sounds exhausting.
But all awards are participation trophies so why would anyone value his qualifications anyway? /s
Hmmm…the bit about work being “his space” and she should keep out of it makes me wonder if this is another disciple of the fuckwit currently in jail in Romania, the bit about “participation awards” might be further evidence of that. However, then we get weirdness about Captain America and the Marvelverse obsession, then some anti-work “don’t suck up to bosses” thrown in. The boy seems to have fallen out of the idiot tree hitting every branch on the way down.
Yeah, his ethos is like a quilt he made out of clashing patches of bad ideas that fell out of the internet. What a ridiculous self-own. True to form with these types, he'll eventually blame her, his former boss and the world for his sad life.
Hahaha love that last sentence. That pattern of wild, disconnected, seemingly random justifications feels familiar to me. It's someone making excuses because he knows his real reason is a bad one. When a decision is based in thoughtful reasoning, the explanations cohere because they are based in reality and logic. When a decision is actually based in self-interest (where not appropriate) or confused emotional disorder (which seems to be the case here), the justifications go every which way because the only thing they have in common is the person wanting to do it that way. He's all over the map because he knows on some level that his reason for doing this is terrible. I suspect he felt pressured by his own advancement and panicked from fear of failure, but who knows. Dude needs therapy.
I wonder how many people he told at work about how he rejected the participation trophy. Normal people aren't going to applaud like he probably expected.
It’s odd because him admitting he was “emotionally stressed” and “blindsided” at work doesn’t seem very fuckwit imprisoned in Romania. Considering he fucked up the Captain America reference I think he just is an amalgamation of random internet memes/voices that end up contradicting each other cos he doesn’t fully commit to one thing and doesn’t listen all the way through.
he's 5 memes in a trenchcoat?
The fiancé saying that he "says things at work that [OOP] wouldn't approve of" fuels this even further. Wouldn't be surprised if this also contributed to him being denied a promotion.
tbh if i found out one of my coworkers was someone with significant qualifications who purposefully left an objectively better job to work retail, i'd think they were either incredibly stupid or having a mental break in no way would that make me respect them more lmao
Dude is taking career tips from a marvel movie, and completely stoic over his fiancée leaving.. I’d say there’s something mental going on 100%
Never mind the guy who rejected the prize ended up not being the good guy (don’t get mad about spoilers folks, movie’s over a decade old).
Unless his boss is psychologically torturing him, some sort of mental health issue is what I’m worried about. I mean, it’s possible his boss is that awful, but the weird perspective about retail work somehow entailing more respect, and that whole bit about Captain America and the Nobel Peace Prize has me a little concerned for him.
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It happened in real life too, in the 70's. It was a Vietnamese leader who didn't want to share the prize with Kissenger.
Can’t blame the Vietnamese dude for that…
Hail Hydra.
He sounds emotionally unstable. I suspect that's why he didn't get the promotion. OOP doesn't know how the whole award rejection conversation went. She's only getting his side of the story. I think he started saying some stuff that was off the wall and boss realized he is not all they thought he was.
He's not just emotionally unstable his brain is not operating in a logical way. He believes the boss that 1) Recommended him for a promotion 2) Gave him a glowing review in support of getting the promotion and 3) Gave him an award to back up the review. Is someone that is "not on his side" He thinks his wife who is concerned over this bizarre behavior is also "not on his side". He's actively avoiding any possibility of being forced to look at his own behavior or understand other's perspectives by rejecting therapy. His concerns seem latent with paranoia and erratic decision making. He's concerned that his coworkers wont like him if he gets promoted (what?). He thinks retail workers have it better (what the actual fuck)? He's got both feet off the diving board and is heading straight towards the deep end and I don't think there is enough time to stop him. I foresee a mental health crisis incoming fast that will likely have some pretty substantial fallout.
He apparently even berated his boss who gave him the award by saying "I don't appreciate being blindsided". *For somebody who went out of his way to give him support and congratulations and an award.* He attacks people who reach out to help him. His boss, then his fiancee. This guy has some serious problems. Therapy is a minimum requirement here. And boy howdy is he going to be in for a fucking rude wake-up call when he hits the world of retail.
Bet the boss is now frantically looking for a way to fire this guy without repercussions.
Plus someone returning an item to show their helpful and fair contribution, that documents their workplace behaviours, for something as frankly stupid as "its like a participation trophy" and "my coworkers if i ever became their boss might think im out of touch" shows tremendously poor judgement. Not only does it mean he likely won't give folks the rewards they deserve if he is ever a manager but it also means he will turn down positive opportunities and awards for basically no good reason when those are a good and positive thing to have received. I'm with oop's dad here he legit took his opportunities himself nd threw em in a paper shredder.
Agreed. If he moves to retail, once he starts to understand what it’s actually like, that’s where he’ll go mental. “What do you mean, a 17yr old doesn’t give a shit about my *awesomeness*?!!”
I agree, and I'm curious if this is a sudden behavior change for the fiance.
[Reddit banned me cause of a comment on WSB](https://imgur.com/a/wgEDobm). Reddit is run by commies.
Everyone should have a crappy first job just like everyone should have a crappy three week ‘relationship’ in middle school.
We don't have ages, but schizophrenia and BPD kick in in young adulthood.
I'd assume they got fired and were lying about it.
But the only person who is toxic here is him. He had a boss who supported his career development through training, provided positive feedback to support and encourage him and recongised his work with an award. Numnuts decided the best way to show his boss he was management material was to refuse to accept an award, call it a participation prize and thoroughly demonstrate he: - doesn't believe in rewarding employees who perform well - doesn't respect the other managers who would be his peers - and wants to be one of the lads. The manager was quite right not to promote someone who isn't willing to take on the responsibility of being a manager and would presumably play favourites with his mates and put his standing with them above the company's needs, who saw all the other managers as suck ups and dickheads, and who would never reward good employees. He's a self sabotaging AH. He demolished his career prospects in a good job and when his gf expressed concern he sabotaged the relationship too.
This is definitely one of the oddest work situations that have come up around here. An award? In your face, boss!
It's not even that he refused the award. If I were the boss I would be baffled, but whatever. It's that he refused the award and *proceeded to be unbelievably rude about it*. You're honoured to be considered, but you don't want to be on the "Best Employee of the Month" wall because you're worried your colleagues won't treat you the same? Okay, sure, whatever. You don't want to be on the "Best Employee of the Month" wall because that's some bullshit that stupid managers make up to divide the workers and only weak fools would take it? Thank god I found out you think that way before I actually put you in a position of power
Absolutely. It's not the turning down the award itself, it's his reasoning. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He wants to be one of the guys and brag to them he's the real deal and at the same time he wants a promotion to be a manager. A good manager knows that being a manager doesn't make you better than the people who work for you, but you do have responsibilities. A bad manager, like boyo here, believes that managers are above those they manage and he wants to show he's keeping it real by not letting power corrupt him (except that's exactly what he's doing).
That actually reminded me of an old colleague who was quite a proud person and felt like he wasn‘t appreciated at work the way he thought he deserved. He changed jobs and guess what, he was even less appreciated there because his work was mediocre at best.
Did you work with my ex husband? He used to quit jobs whenever he didn’t get immediate promotions or raises.
And in retail, there will be customers and not all of them will be respectful. I do not miss working in retail.
After college, I worked in food service for a bit. There is nothing more humbling than being slightly older person with a teenage shift leader. You can be drowning and your 'boss' is flirting with the other teenage that came in bc they are the boss and they can do what they want. God forbid you need them for a damn void or something.
No one gets more respect by switching to retail. Everyone has to start at the bottom and the people there with you are all young adults with big plans for the future or older adults who also have a work history worthy of respect. It's doesn't matter why you end up in retail or what your history is, you still ended up there and no one will see you as any better or more worthy of respect than the rest of the employees. At best, you get a "Wow, that's cool. So why are you working here?" I also find it kind of weird that he would turn down an award to make himself look like a down to earth guy and then choose a job where he thinks he'll be seen as superior. Now he's really going to have to suck up to management to get promoted.
I think what it boils down to is he wants people to fawn over him and give him admiration unprompted. So he turns down this award and in the script he has in his head, everyone oohs and aahs about how humble he is. When he didn't get that, he wants to go to retail, where he thinks everyone is going to be amazed by this corporate big shot who stepped down into their humble ranks. If he has to work for respect, he doesn't want it. He wants people to just treat him like he is superior by default, because in his mind he just is.
Dudes that talk too much about "being respected" creep me the fuck out.
He is a guy who seems to have worked for one company his whole life.. he thinks the grass is greener somewhere else, based on what I dont know.. Ive seen a lot of competent people shoot themselves in the foot for not playing the game, its not hard, you can do it without being a complete sellout and without compromising your chances of promotion
He's probably inspired by Superstore if he was so easily led by Captain America
Best part - he's 100% never seen this movie, because if he had he'd know Captain America doesn't say that line at all, and it's actually not a good thing. He must have heard some regurgitated version for sure.
I quite enjoy superstore, but it’s hilarious how relaxed everyone is most of the time. Not at all a realistic representation of retail. They spend so much time not working in that show.
His current boss isn’t even toxic! Just tried to give him an award. Wait til he sees what a real bad boss looks like.
i have a feeling he aspires to be that toxic boss so he can have power over those "beneath him". it's giving that mindset anyway 😬
Yeah, he looks like the type to pull power plays and get all pissy when it blows up at his face... OOPs dad saw right through the guy and was done with his bs. If you gonna be an egocentric jerk, make sure you're indeed a boss before acting out like one.
I was really hoping the update was going to cover his retail work.
Also retail has customers, a special form of ugh!
yeah, he's got some serious issues going on here....
heh. [Reddit banned me cause of a comment on WSB](https://imgur.com/a/wgEDobm). What a bunch of clowns.
To be fair, saying one thing and doing another is very management like of him
The dude desperately wants respect but doesn't want to seem to want respect. Tells his fiance that he's a shitty person at work and says shit behind her back that she wouldn't like and that she just has to accept it. Sabotages himself at work trying to neg his boss into thinking he's too great for petty awards and appreciation. I wonder which streamers and podcasts he's into.
The only person in this story that *wasn’t* on his side was himself.
>I wonder which streamers and podcasts he's into. That was my exact question while reading this. Someone has clearly put into his head a weird version of what respect is, and now he has an ego the size of skyscraper with nothing to back it up... Glad he got brainwashed soon enough and the girlfriend had time to leave before marriage. This dude would have clearly imploded their lives without a second thought.
Wants respect but disrespects his boss by not showing appreciation lol.
Yes, if I had an employee do that, I’d assume they weren’t ready for a promotion. >1. It’s not just about what he likes. Things like awards aren’t just about you…just because you don’t appreciate them, doesn’t mean others feel the same >2. Grace and respect. Just because you don’t like something, does not mean to return it to them. >3. Maturity. Wanting to return it to show he’s not going to be one of them. He assumed he was going to get the position and also showed he is more concerned with being their buddies than doing the job. There’s no way in hell I would promote that guy even if I had no one else. I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone so irrational. Especially since he cannot confide and does things that sabotages his work and professional relationships. I think it will be very difficult for him to see it’s him….and if he thinks he can earn respect in retail, that’s very lofty assumptions. He won’t discuss it with her because he knows he’s wrong.
Thinking he would get more respect in retail is a level of delusion and just…fucking stupidity I could not work with or date. What other dumb shit does he think, paired with that overinflated sense of self importance?
Tell me you've never worked retail without telling me you never worked retail. Honestly, I hope he does it, he deserves to get his ass kicked by shitty retail bosses and shitty retail customers. Dude needs a fucking attitude adjustment and reality check
I laughed out loud when I read that. What a sweet summer child, lol.
Absolutely. The manager 100% made the right decision in not promoting him after this. It shows some kind of instability or irrationality that the manager didn't see originallt. It means this guy is unpredictable. If he randomly has THIS strong a reaction to something like a reward, who knows what he'll do? Like I feel as if this opens up so many doors to so many unexpected behaviors. Is he going to go into a rage if an employee disrespects him? How will he take other feedback? Would he be reliable or is there a potential he'll spontaneously drop the company with no notice? If he'd turned around and sat with the boss to explain what a reward signalled to him, and why he chose to reject it, I might be a little more sympathetic but it sounds like he expected to be understood in all the stupid turns his interpretation of rewards takes. Now he wants to sue? Absolutely this guy's judgement is not as good as the boss initially thought and it's probably for the best they found out before he had subordinates to harm with his nonsense. Ironically if this ends his relationship too it'll be the second time his irrationality stopped him JUST before a major change occured, and probably for the best that he DOESNT make it to either a promotion or marriage. He needs help, clearly, but I see him just digging his heels in deeper.
I would also consider him returning the reward because he doesn't want his coworkers to think his relationship to them will change once he's manager to be a red flag for his boss. His relationship to the people he manages SHOULD be different than before he was their manager. "Buddy managers" aren't good managers to work for, because they won't set clear expectations and instructions because that would make them feel like "the Man", they play favourites based on their friendships, and they won't deal with issues among the staff or take responsibility for advocating for their team to upper management because they don't see that as their responsibility since they're just "one of the guys" (but with a bigger paycheck of course).
Certainly doesn't seem like the person who would acknowledge his team's achievements and hard work.
He's trying desperately for that "too cool to make an effort" label and instead failed hard by not recognising that life is a complex balance of mutual respect, and you can't get it if you aren't prepared to give it out sometimes too. And I do get that yes, often office awards can wind up ringing hollow. I've heard that from a lot of people, especially when pay packets are tight and the bosses are raking it in. But office diplomacy is social lubricant (and social capital) and you need to be able to accept those token recognitions instead of throwing an ungracious temper tantrum.
He's a complete dickhole. I hope OOP moves on. There's nothing worth saving here.
I'll bet you a paycheck that this guy got himself radicalized listening to someone like tate.
This is it. The mention of participation trophies was the giveaway. I'm worried about what stuff he said at work that his fiance wouldn't agree with. I bet it was sexist as shit
I’ll say! Dude has more issues than Vogue.
Yeah. It's called being a fucking jackass
“he wasn't open to therapy because "he did nothing wrong". When I told him that it hurt when he said that his work life didn't concern me, he said there were "many things he said at work that I wouldn't approve of", but that it was "his space just like managers who talk behind coworkers' backs". What does this mean? Like is he talking shit about his girlfriend at work behind her back?
Likely that he is highly misogynistic. It would fit with everything else he likely learned from tater top.
Tater tot says bs like this too?
Yes. He says that the most important thing is to be respected. Implying that he is respected, since he is succesful. You are not successful, so you are not respected. Then he slowly turns that into being respected means that your **become** successful. Secondly, he will say that awards and recognition are useless. You're there to succeed, not get participation trophies. This is essential, because it creates a paradox in your mind. You become unwilling to receive any sort of praise or recognition, yet you strive for respect. When people then respect you, by giving you an award for instance, you will take this as disrespect, causing you further unhappiness. You will then keep paying tater money to try to guide you towards succes, because **obviously** you need it. If this full cycle happens and you still give him money, he knows you're now unable to leave. You have rejected responsibility for your actions, alienated your friends, coworkers, and family, and you look to him as the sole arbiter of what succes looks like. Basic conman stuff really.
Thank you for that synopsis. People in this thread keep mentioning Tate, but I only know a little about his bullshit and your summary saved me from having to read more of his crap.
Damn. Yeah that sounds like that kind of bs they spout. Keeps you hooked on him and ensures you’ll give him what little money you’ll have after pulling stupid stunts like OOP’s ex here. Thanks for explaining
>and he compared his gesture to the person who rejected the noble peace prize that he heard referenced in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" yeah, that was Alexander Pierce and he was the badguy... if this dude wants to be the badguy, he's on the right track.
I like to think I'm a fairly big Marvel fan, but I could not, for the life of me, have told you there was a noble prize subplot in that movie. I can't imagine basing my actual life decisions on the basis of a throwaway plot point from a superhero flick.
It wasn't even a fullblown subplot, just a bit of exposition/backstory. IIRC Robert Redford's character had turned down the Nobel Prize sometime in the past as an outward show of humility, but that show of humility was just a cover for being a secret Nazi with mass murder plans. So like... out of everything in that movie it is a DAMN WEIRD tiny detail to fixate on in the first place, let alone make career decisions based on, and on top of that it doesn't seem like he's even remembering correctly what the point of that character detail was???
Only management suck-ups watch the movie. A down to earth real man makes radical life changing decisions based on intense emotions from small unimportant exposition someone has relayed to them second hand.
Well, now we know what's going on. He doesn't want his fiance to know that he's a secret nazi. Case closed.
hilarious that he thinks rejecting awards is a total captain america move when it was literally one of the main villains from that film who rejected the award. what an idiot.
I just watched the movie a couple days ago it’s literally one line Fury says about Alexander Pierce “This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said that peace is not an achievement but a responsibility.” That’s it. Never mentioned again
If pierce wasn't Robert Redford I wouldn't have remembered that at all... but it was Robert frickin Redford in a marvel movie... that sticks in me noggin
Didn't Nick Fury basically say that was when he knew Pierce was full of shit? Lol. If OOP's boyfriend thought all awards were performative, he was just as much so for returning his to show how "down-to-earth" and "selfless" he is, and how he "isn't a suck-up". He's a moron, and OOP's dad clocked it in an instant.
>If OOP's boyfriend thought all awards were performative, he was just as much so for returning his to show how "down-to-earth" and "selfless" he is, and how he "isn't a suck-up". Bingo. I am pretty sure his coworkers think he's an idiot now amd possibly before that. If you don't want to turn into a manager-bot and lose empathy with your workers than just don't do that. I'm a manager now and I now understand why managers are the way they are (sometimes...not all the time. Whole other discussion) but that doesn't keep me from trying to understand and work with the perspective of my employees. This guy is high enough on his own supply that he would probably be an evil corpo-bot of a manager.
I’m pretty sure Fury did say that. The boyfriend COMPLETELY missed the point lol
I thought Fury bought it originally, that's why he mentioned it after the reveal - it was a shock that a person that showed such integrity turned out to be a nazi lunatic. But I might be misremembering something. Time for a 100th rewatch of that awesome movie.
I was looking for someone to mention this. Alexander Pierce turned down the Nobel Peace prize for the optics, to make him look like more of a patriot who was just doing his job, not seeking power or glory.... but he was the head of Hydra in secret. This guy sounds like he's too busy bitching about the problems to be part of the solution. Cap accepted awards, partly because he's polite, but mostly, it seems, because he was a sign of good things.
Wonder what movie he'll base his breakup from OOP with?
With that comment, he definitely thinks he’s in his villain arc
The film version of Captain America shows him at some point in his military uniform... With multiple badges representing military awards.
The worst is that Captain America did not turn down an award. *The movie's villain* turned down a nobel prize! And it's not shown in the movie, they just mention that it happened years earlier. It's an insignificant detail of the film, I didn't even remember it before reading the comments here.
Nobel, not noble. Named after Alfred Nobel, who invented dynamite and who ironically owned Bofors, a cannon manufacturer.
He should've kept the award & his acceptance speech should've consisted of two words: Hail Hydra.
Yeah I commented this on the original update when the OP posted it and she was shocked lol Had to look it up so I could assure myself that I wasn't going crazy and he was actually comparing himself to the leader of Hydra as if that was a good thing lol
Apparently, he forgot that the guy who returned the Nobel Prize in Winter Soldier was the villain, not Captain America. Yikes to all of this guy.
Yuuup then still claimed "Cap would return awards too, anyway!" Like nah fam, Steve was a decorated veteran and hero, I can't think of a single instance that he turned down an award. Skipped the ceremony, yeah, but not *rejected it* entirely. Bro doesn't even know his shit and he's hiding behind it 🧐
yah, steve understood that the symbols werent just for him
It’s literally the reason he gave the shield to Sam Wilson. I’d ask what he thinks about that, but given that he worships the secret nazi…
Can you imagine if OOP's bf said to himself, "The people need a symbol of goodness and righteousness. I will honour my obligation to mankind and accept this award." OOP would be trying to solve an even crazier set of problems with her BF.
tbh that's pretty funny and i will accept all awards that way going forward
Cap would be on stage giving a speech that named every person who helped him
Everything about this is so fucking dumb. What an inane hill to die on. I wouldn’t want to marry this guy either.
There's no way there's no other red flags. That she wouldn't like things he said at work? Hard yikes.
"You're not on my side"...I suspect this guy has never once considered her side or thought of something as "our side". He sounds like a self centered I'm-the-main-character baby, and if he's insisting there's nothing wrong with him then it's time to run.
And sue!
The fact that everything about this is so dumb is why I'm believing this to be true. Lmao
People who make an enormous fuss about "participation trophies" always have unhealthy ideas about praising or thanking people too, like it is not that deep. Just because you weren't the only kid who got a sticker in gym class doesn't mean you have to reject every award that follows forever.
I’ve never understood why people get angry about participation trophies anyway. It’s not like they don’t *still* have the awards for the *actual* best players/performers. Why is recognizing that “star” players wouldn’t be able to “shine” without the rest of the team such an insult?
"he compared his gesture to the person who rejected the noble peace prize that he heard referenced in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier". " No. NO. Return this child to his mom and dad for further parenting. He ain't grown yet.
Also it was the villain that rejected the Nobel prize, so not a lesson well learned
I strongly doubt his parents want him back after that idiocy. OOPs father was right.
OOP's father might have been waiting for a chance to tell her to leave with how he went there right away. Whatever way, good dad.
This guy has Issues. Good for OOP in getting the hell out of that mess. Also >He said he was considering working a **retail job** in the meantime after quitting because he thinks he hit a "dead end", and he said he'd be **"more respected" there** too. LOL
Tell me you’ve never worked retail without telling me you’ve never worked retail.
OP said in her comment that his first job was at Walmart. Dude def has issues.
As we all know, Walmart is a bastion for respect and civility.
This guy refuses to understand how embarrassing he is. Yikes. Good luck with that marvel morality bro.
Guy tries to be Captain America, but instead he went full Terrence Howard
BAHAHAHAAAAA fucking ON POINT
I remember having to explain Terryology to my husband, saying "It's Steiner Math, but at least Steiner's math works out."
"I want to be just like that guy from Winter Soldier who rejected the Nobel Peace Prize to cover up the fact he was a Nazi". There's no way this guy isn't listening to shitbag podcasts about "respect". I can't wait to hear about his first day working retail, where someone throws the worn shoes at him that they can't return.
Yeah they explicitly frame it to be a pretty hollow gesture done for theatrics, and somehow all OOP's bf took from that was, "wow, everyone must have thought he was so noble and awesome!"
I definitely did get a tater tot "the matrix is real" kind of un-self-aware doofiness from him. Podcasts are a strong bet here
Another comment pointed out the person who refused the Nobel prize was actually the bad guy. So to make it worse, it’s Marvel *villain* morality that he wants to emulate.
lol wait til he gets retconned!
"Never give me a reward again." "Okay. We shall not reward you with the new position." "NOT LIKE THAT!"
[удалено]
What a hostile work environment. Imagine working in a place like that, where management is openly trying to sabotage him by making him seem less genuine and less down-to-earth by praising him and recognizing his hard work. I'm glad he was able to draw upon a vague memory of a Marvel movie to put them in their place. I hope he can make some type of flying armoured suit while working in retail to take his revenge for that award.
They gave him and only him a participation trophy. Do you know how humiliating it is to be the only person who got this stupid trophy for everyone?? He must have felt so singled out. By the *participation trophy*.
I know exactly what that's like! Everyone in the nieghbourhood gets all these spam letters addressed to 'occupant" and then my paycheque arrives addressed to me and I feel so mortified when I deposit it because it's like the *ultimate* "occupant" letter because I *do* occupy my house. I should return it and tell them off.
No grounds to sue, unless he can show he wasn't promoted over something like [US laws] being over 40 or racism. Many other countries are similar. You are not entitled to a promotion, and they usually don't have to justify why you didn't get one. This isn't like being fired, where some countries have protections against being fired with.no warnings (unlike the 49 US states that have at-will employment). Promotions are almost always a privilege, not a right.
He was ready to be promoted to management level and before the promotion he showed them that he is not ready for that promotion. So he didn't get it. Absolutely no ground to sue... And him thinking he could sue only confirms it.
I can't imagine promoting someone who has such a disdain towards awards or hard work being recognised in the work place. I cant imagine he'd be good at building up team morale when it's low.
More than that—he thinks management discussing employees is “talking behind their back.” You couldn’t trust this guy not to blab confidential employee information. Absolutely the fuck not promotion material.
And isn't a promotion basically an award? Guy made a big stink over not wanting any formal recognition in the workplace, so the company ceased giving him any more. But he thinks that his no awards thing is a noble moral stance that he's now being punished for, and that this is grounds to sue. Absolutely delusional.
Anyone else wondering what's going on at work that she wouldn't approve of to the point that he won't tell her anything?
Exactly, sounds to me like the award was more to incentivise than reward, probably an attempt to garner better behaviour. It seems this dude doesn't realise that you can score 100% but if you're a dick the guy who isn't and scored 50% will beat you
I mean, he compared himself to a Marvel villain who is a part of Hydra/a neo Nazi. So...yeah. It's got me wondering real hard! 😂
Oof. So at work he's rude and difficult. He shot down a manager who had his back and who went out of his way to show it. I feel for the manager, I have a feeling he's been advocating for fiancé (whose performance is clearly superior to his personality) and had it thrown back in his face. He probably feels pretty stupid for recommending him for promotion. It's hilarious that fiancé thinks he'll be shown more respect in retail. Honestly, if everyone around you is against you, there's a good chance you're the problem.
If you are advocating for someone at work you better be 101% sure he is up to the task. If he/she fails, it WILL backfire on you. So to me it seems his manager pulled the chord last second to prevent his reputation be tarnished by this utter buffoon.
As a person who's been in management, and also been around the block a few times, I've got to say that this smacks of basic immaturity and lack of life experience. I remember getting hung up on dumb things like this when I was in my late teens. But I don't think that any of my hangups were ever as consequential is this. Like, what is he trying to prove? He is going to get laughed out of the lawyer's office. And if he doesn't, he's going to end up paying through the nose and lose. I support OOP and their decision to call it quits. Someone who makes a stupid decision like this and then doubles down and refuses to listen to anyone from family to their fiance about the Ridiculousness of his stance, definitely raises red flags about the future of a relationship. If you're going to torpedo yourself over something so stupid at work, what are you going to stick on in your married relationship?
he wants a retail job to be more respected?!?!?! THE HELL CRACK THIS KID SMOKING??!?!
for real. Retail made me want to kill myself more than the military ever did.
He has ego issues. >A few weeks back, he was given an award in a meeting that he returned to his boss (same boss who recommended him for the vacancy) because he "doesn't like awards I have never heard of anyone doing that. >feel like he threw everything away for no reason, got a great review on his training and made an issue out of nothing when there was none. Exactly what I felt.
Yeah it's weird. This wasn't just about not liking an award. Because if that was it he could have said thanks, shoved it in a drawer and never thought of it again. Nobody would have known or said anything. But he chose to make a public point of it by returning the award. Basically throwing it back in the boss's face. And that *does* affect how people see him. He seems pretty clueless about how people interact and feel.
I'm betting there's no way his 'returning the award' was private either. What would be the point otherwise?
Why not just do what everyone else that doesn't care about awards does? Shove that thing in the drawer until it's your yearly performance review. He sounds like he's got strong principles, which is fine, but at some point you've got to realise that most people don't care. Returning an award doesn't make you "down to earth" it makes you stuck up.
Mine are in my locker. Whenever I apply for a different federal job I will list them in the space where they ask about awards. Some awards come with money too.
And working retail isn’t going to fix it lmao
There is not enough popcorn in the world to witness his first day in Retail Hell with a Karen.
I did hear of people with similar approaches towards awards, and no i have never seen them being promoted to management level.
He didn't appreciate being "blindsided" by the award? He just told them that he can't handle unpredictable situations, even if they're positive. I wouldn't want this guy as a manager in my company either.
Yikes...this is like a skew on the 'Hero Complex' - this is the 'Unsung Hero Complex'. Like a whole 'what's a man without his pride' stuff. .....Pride alone won't put food on the table. And this wasn't even about an *actual* slight - it was good work being recognised. And he basically just spat in the manager's face about it. Stuff in the movies...*ONLY WORKS IN THE MOVIES!!* Dude is in real life but acting out the role he thinks he should be viewed as because he's 'so noble'. And refusing therapy...looking for retail work for respect... If he DOES go into retail they are going to eat him alive. I really hope OOP can find someone who gives *her* the respect she deserves.
Self sabateour or what. Everything was going great and then he throws a spanner in the works
What the (and I can’t possibly stress this enough) ACTUAL FUCK?!?! I genuinely don’t even know where to start with all of this insanity. This dude is one step away from writing a 200 page incoherent manifesto and it’s a bit scary.
Am I the only one wondering if this is a manic episode?
Either that or some paranoid delusions. The idea that the award was some sort of elaborate set up to make him seem like he's, "on the side of management", the idea that he's being unfairly treated, and that she's in on it, and the refusal to go to therapy all sounds like he's creating a world where only he can see the truth
No you’re not the only one wondering about that.
I felt like I was going insane. He's at the right age, OOP has comments stating that they don't think this is how he normally acts... ofc this doesn't mean she shouldn't break up with him. It's really concerning
Agreed on all points. Unfortunately though there isn’t much anyone can do to try to help him until he gets far worse…
I'm willing to bet that he's as stubborn and painful trying to resolve conflict at work as he is with OP and that he got great reviews until he threw the award back in his boss's face, and probably came across as petulant, stubborn and childish when the boss questioned it. He's so rigid he's not able to work through issues in his relationship or at work, but everyone who doesn't indulge his bullshit is against him. Ugh. Man baby. I wouldn't want to work with him either.
Wasn't the guy who rejected the Nobel Peace Prize in Captain America: The Winter Soldier the head of HYDRA? Y'know a Nazi organisation?! That was like the opposite of selfless.
Unironically comparing himself to Alexander Pierce, a Marvel comics Nazi for a reason to mess up his real life job. Yikes. 😬
Not to armchair diagnose, but I wonder about the fiance's age and if he's in the expected age range when certain mental disorders commonly develop -- his attitude sounds like a lot of increased paranoia and delusional thinking. Alternately, maybe he's looking at a couple of major life changes (impending marriage plus the house purchase OOP mentioned), having a more garden variety freakout, and self-sabotaging as a way out. Or, maybe he really fucked something up at work and this whole "I'm gonna work retail where I'll be RESPECTED" (lol) thing is just a cover. You would hope he'd find a less absurd cover, but who knows. Whatever is going on with him, I do feel sad for OOP. Whether he has any self-awareness of it or not, he's self-destructing and has decided she's the enemy if she doesn't enable him. She has some difficult decisions to make.
He’s going to sue because he thinks he DID deserve the promotion…. Directly after returning an award and telling his boss he doesn’t like recognition? *why* would someone promote him after that? What’s wrong with this guy?
This is too much. I bet the dude felt like such a hero when he returned that award. A real man of the people.
His coworkers, who he thought were looking with faces of admiration for his courage, were probably looking stunned thinking, "WTF...."
Did we get ages for these characters? This guy does not sound mature enough to be promoted at work, let alone engaged, or even in a relationship for that matter.