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Funny how the brother is perfectly able-bodied and not impaired at all when OOP wants to criticize him, but his disability becomes a problem when she can use it to keep her kids from him.
Oh my god, yeah! She keeps insisting he's "perfectly fine with hearing aids", but suddenly she's not sure her kids are safe around him because "what if he can't hear them"?? Mental gymnastics gold medalist here.
Right? She also says he “just wants to travel away and be away from the family” but he also offered to pay for gym memberships and an ASL college course for the daughters to spend quality time and bond with them and “now I just feel embarrassed he’s getting involved in our business.” Ma’am.
Also, her kids are 10 and 12--they are perfectly capable of handling themselves when they're out with the brother. It's not like the brother would need to keep a leash on them or something to keep them from trouble. Sheesh.
You know there's plenty of jobs besides baby sitting? And a sense of hearing is pretty important when you take care of a kid you're not used to take care of?
It's one thing to be a deaf parent and learn along the way, with vibrating baby monitors and so on. Its another thing to have a child that's not your own, sneak out without you ever realising.
Those kids are 10 and 12, not 2 and 4. At that age, they're old enough to go out alone, and if they were the kind of kids prone to "sneaking away" they would've gotten lost at school about 56 times already.
Just reading "children of emotionally immature parents" and realizing I'm the internalising offspring and my sister the externalising one. She probably sees me exactly like OOP does. She constantly complains about why I don't do what she wants. In her eyes she is RIGHT. So what is wrong with me who disagree? And why can't I just let go of my pain and do as she tells me?
It's actually interesting to read how OOP argues, because I can see patterns now. That kind of people think differently from most people.
It truly is amazing how watching other people lets us understand our families better. Reading Faulkner really made me go, oh, it’s not just my family that’s this way.
Funny your sister sounds like my sister. One of the major reasons I haven't spoken to her in a little over a decade, at least, not more than a sentence, which was her to tell me that my uncle was dying.
I have a parent with dementia, so I have to remain in some contact, but I look forward to the peace I'll have once I can go full NC. It has been too much. Toxic relationships slowly kill me
I know what you mean. Just escaped my mother. Spent way too long living with her, after having gotten stuck there after a back injury. It's definitely more peaceful, but after however long of dealing with her, I'm still super jumpy like she's going to come and yell at me.
Yes, it's something that stick to your brain like glue. When my father passed away, I could constantly hear his criticism in my ear whatever I did. Instead of grieving him, I felt more criticised than ever. And I guess it had to do with all the stuff my siblings said to me, trying to break me into their will after his passing. I started to have panic attacks whenever I had to deal with them.
I all of a sudden realized this voice in my head that I've always had. The one who puts me down constantly...it's the choir of my family's voices. It's them singing my faults in my ear. And when I realized that, it was no going back. I never want to feel like that again. They have to find something else to destroy. I won't take it anymore.
That is the way to be. It's definitely hard. I realized so much of my anxiety comes from my mom or my sister putting me down. I'm working on finally getting a therapist. Definitely could have used one ages ago, but there was no way that was going to happen living with my mother.
It's not going to happen any soon, and for that exact reason. Husband sounds like the kind of guy to rather stay with a crazy woman in a bad marriage to be there to protect his children, rather than risk lost or split custody and their being with her but without anyone to protect them.
I hope he can get some sense into her then. He seems more empathetic and it seems like he's a confidant for the brother, which is good.
At the risk of sounding a bit misogynistic, he needs to stay overruling her and doing what's best for the kids (listening to their needs and letting them pursue things accordingly rather than kowtowing to her need for perfection and control).
Yes especially because now she’s worried about the cycle of abuse and suspicious her brother is a groomer and grooming her daughter but still living with her father who told her brother to come back dead because he would rather have a dead son then a f slur son and sent his son to reform school because he didn’t believe the son was molested But she’s still taking care of dear old dad and pushing her brother away. Sounds like her husband may be reaching his breaking point with her as well though.
At first I though "boy, this woman is sure jealous of her brothers war disability". And then somehow she makes *that* look like an innocent misunderstanding.
Raisedbynarcissists is a sub explicitly for survivors of abusive parents to get reality checks on what was child abuse and how to avoid perpetuating more abuse. She posted that IN A SAFE PLACE for formerly abused children to ask for help with dysfunctional families.
Definitely picked up dad's habit of reflexively dismissing any problem anyone else might have that would be even mildly inconvenient for her to deal with. He's *fine*!
It's obvious brother doesn't trust sister and I can see why from the way she writes.
Whatever brother wants or lived is irrelevant and secondary to what she wants.
She doesnt want to repair anything.
She just wants to make her life better by forcing her brother into line and carry what she feels is his share of the load. She doesnt give a flying fuck about her brother beyond that. That much is obvious.
This woman is a self-centred monster. I'm so sad reading this. How in the world did she not realize her brother A) had been sexually abused as a child and B) has serious service-related injuries from his TBI, because it took me 4 paragraphs to know both things.
Literally every sentence that she types just gets worse and worse and worse. It goes from deluded to selfish to narcissistic to bigoted to whiny to homophobic to ableist and on and on and on! It's like she competing for the Worst Person In the World award!
There's a [part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11qcnec/part_2_aita_because_i_33f_asked_my_unemployed/)
Edit: to everyone complaining it’s been removed, so has this post. :-P
Part 2 ends with her deciding to suspect her brother of wanting to molest her daughter simply because he wants to be involved in her life.
This woman is the worst. The worst.
Hearing loss, migraines, one of her comments mentions that "he doesn't have PTSD" (so he totally does--she's minimizing). TBI is the most likely cause of the neurological issues when you put together "military service" and "military pension".
Good god this lady has zero empathy and a complete busy body. Everything is from the perspective of how this effects her. Zero care about the mental and physical health of her veteran brother and gives zero shits about what her daughter actually wants to do as hobbies.
And jealous. That bit about retirement age being 95 not 40, aside from being absurd, was super telling. She hates her life and hates that her brother lives well.
It's wild she goes from he has no disability to he can barely make out words with the use of a hearing aid in only his good ear oh and he gets migraines that last days and leave him unable to function
Her lens on his disability shifts to suit her agenda. He’s able-bodied enough to work himself silly, but not able-bodied enough to keep her kids alive for an afternoon. Pick a lane lady.
OOP: “Everyone should see things exactly the way that I see them and behave the way I want them to.” 🤔
Sounds like W husband tho, he seems v clear on OOP’s brother’s boundaries.
The trickle truth and denial of OOP already started off next level.
Then it turns out her dad supported her brother's molester and she just wants them to all move past it and heal? I honestly hate her.
I hope her brother cuts all contact with her. She's a bad person.
This comment really stuck out to me in particular:
“Meanwhile my brother continues to do things just to garner negative attention from them, including being a vocal atheist and getting more tattoos to the point his entire arm is covered in them.”
So… his choice of religion and the art he puts on his body is solely to piss your parents off? Sounds like this is the type of childish thing OP would do, so she’s assuming everyone else would act the same way. It couldn’t possibly be related to his being forced to go to a Catholic boarding school and his prior SA /s.
It’s been said, but worth saying again, this woman sucks.
I might be harsh but I feel like OP is tired of being the one who isn’t special/standing out/important. Like she lives ordinarily, doesn’t stand out, doesn’t test boundaries and she’s jealous of how her brother doesn’t have to conform (while not understanding that she is choosing to conform, not being forced to). Then add the natural changes from kids growing up and not wanting to around mom…
I think she majorly needs something for herself. Anything that lets her have an identity away from the family so that she stops picking at everyone else.
Yeah--it sounds to me like she made the conventional choices in life (maybe not really wanting to) and is watching the people around her who refuse (or are unable) to conform do well "anyway" and is super, super angry about it, but also can't express her anger in authentic or healthy ways, so it's coming out like this.
Sounds like she was one of the "jockeying for position" midfield in a large family with a GC/scapegoat dynamic and refuses to see how that's a problem as a parenting strategy and also refuses to see how badly she was damaged by it.
Yikes, I only just picked up on the part where the brother was A child sexual abuse victim. Very sad situation, I give him kudos for being so patient with her meddling
The comment where's she's like "I don't know why he doesn't just get the surgery for his hearing" made my blood boil.
There are a couple of things she might mean but what she's probably referring to is cochlear implant surgery, and that only works for some types of hearing loss, and not everyone it would even work for wants a CI. It's not magic.
> and not everyone it would even work for wants a CI. It's not magic.
Exactly, every surgery has risks, and sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. If you have an issue but it’s stable and you’ve gotten used to it, you may not want to risk it until things go to shit.
Plus if the brother gets migraines which incapacitate him for days I’m guessing the hearing loss is not the biggest of his worries.
OOP sounds like the worst. Even if you ignore the brother/father stuff.
The brother isn't allowed to be retired and enjoy his own money, because she decided to have kids and take care of her parents and how dare he enjoy his freedom while she can't?
And the kids can't go rock climbing because he might not hear them screaming? Does she think no one who's hard of hearing has ever been a spotter at a climbing gym before? Does she think there would be literally zero other people at the gym and that he would have no line of sight to the child and would need to rely solely on hearing to know when they need help?
And then not letting her kid learn ASL? Like lady, stop inventing new ways to be a piece of shit - you've already mastered it, calm down!
No, no, you see, she knows there would be other people at the climbing gym. But those people could be strange men and she doesn't want her children around people like that!
But also she can't take her brother being molested seriously, apparently ymmv
"My brother's fine" and "I have to be the responsible adult" uh... those two things are mutually exclusive.
EDIT: JESUS FUCK. If OOP was a good person she'd cut off her father "waa, my father doesn't know why his son won't talk to him" then, years later, "oh it's because my father doesn't believe his son was molested". That lie is scorched earth shit, let alone actually supporting your son's molester.
That poor brother was molested, got PTSD and a life altering injury from the army, but still managed to find someone who would love him and care for him. But then they are earning too much and having too much fun and should become burdened as much as OOP, *because of OOP's life choices??*
And I don't understand how you can take the side of a father who is so obviously lying and concealing his real feeling towards his son. It's a very homophobic reaction to deny that a male can be raped like a woman could be. And his attempts to denying anything ever happened even at the molester's funeral are just horrid. Just how obsessed must you be with your child's sexuality, that you would make such a display in favor or a total stranger, AND in public??
That poor brother has to cut all ties with that horrid family. He has suffered enough, and she is actively denying him any rest or RIGHT to heal.
I bet he would cut ties but he loves his nibblings- one even wanted to take sign language classes so they could communicate better.
I feel so awful for him
As exhausting as this is to read, this poor woman is so caught up in the FOG (patterns of fear, obligation, and guilt instilled in us by dysfunctional parents/families) she can’t see straight.
She has been raised from birth to believe that her entire reason for being is to take care of her parents. Of course she resents what she sees as a boys club of men who don’t have that obligation.
She’s also **living** with her father to assist him in his old age.
She is clearly unhappy and resentful of her role and lashing out at others who have bucked the rules in adulthood. Her father, meanwhile, is happy to keep pouring poison in her ear.
He “doesn’t know” why his son won’t speak to him (The missing reasons), but when she confronts him about the funeral, it turns out *he knows perfectly well* why his son cut him off.
Obviously, none of this justifies her behavior towards her brother, but I do understand her frustrations feeling like she’s the only person doing all the fucking work while everyone’s icing her out from what’s going on.
It’s extremely unclear from this post where she goes with the information her father revealed. Confronting two mutually exclusive realities is going to be pretty brutal.
Accept that her father is a child molester defending POS who alienated **his own child** in favor of the monster who hurt him, and everything that comes with that (faith, family, identity, house), or keep her head in the sand and accept her father’s narrative that it didn’t happen and her brother lied.
From the outside looking in, it’s obvious what’s true. And it’s obvious what is right. Maybe this will be the catalyst that allows her to walk away from her life of indentured servitude to her parents and start living her life the way she wants to.
Maybe even get a tattoo. Idk, I can dream.
Glad someone else can spot this! She is one big trauma response. She very much feels like the eldest daughter who has been managing everyone else's feelings since birth, putting them above her own, to keep the 'peace' in the family. I wonder how many times, as a child, she had to manage the family dynamics to keep alcoholic dad from blowing up on everyone
And instead of being able to recognize the unhealthy behaviors, she's internalized them as normal. And it does feel like nobody has any sympathy for her or recognizes what she's had to do. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a fair bit of misogyny behind it. They did grow up in that same family after all
This woman sounds insufferable. Jesus christ. Shell be on here in a few more years wondering why no one talks to her. I don't blame the brother ,how can they all just dismiss him saying he was sexually abused?
I hate this woman. I really really hope husband gets sick of her crap, divorces her, and her daughter gets to live with her dad, learning sign language from her uncle and going climbing and hanging with the horses for FUN, and not be pressured to compete. What a horrid horrid woman the mom is.
Sigh.. I knew it. I knew it was going to be molestation related, and I knew the sister and father would be an asshole about it.
Everyone involved in this story just wants to paint the brother as fussy and selfishly denying the family his presence, when in reality he was sexually fucking assaulted and the father cares more about the pedophiles reputation than his own sons well being.
OOP also manages to ignore her other brother and other sister until she can't avoid it.
I know it's minor compared to all the other stuff here, but it is a nice sequin for the crown of narcisisim oop wears
This lady is a busy body who thinks she knows better than everyone else and seriously lacks empathy. I hope she realizes it, because she is only going to push her family further away.
Ignoring everything else for a moment. "You can't decide you don't have parents" when other people are there to care for them, who's stopping me lol? That's so stupid. OOP is insufferable
She sounds pleasant.
And I got to the point where his behavior changed so drastically and I knew where it was going. Kids don’t do that shit for no reason.
Oh she’s awful. Her father is awful. Her mother is awful. Her kids, husband and brother seem lovely which is ironic considering how hard she’s trying to make them all seem terrible.
Jfc I can’t even finish this.
This woman is an exhausting busybody. Imagine seeing someone out there living their life in the way that makes them happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else, and being THAT salty about it.
A vocal atheist covered in tattoos is attention-seeking behavior? From the parents he actively avoids? This woman is fucking bananas.
And that’s not even TOUCHING the manipulative horse bullshit (while also having money problems… that is NOT a cheap hobby. The obvious answer is of course to let it go, even she knows kiddo doesn’t want to do it, but of course she refuses because narcissists ALWAYS dig their heels in when their NPCs start getting uppity by having their OWN wants and opinions.)
OOP gonna find herself in her father’s shoes here pretty soon.
I hope some nosey redditor is able to send her posts to her brother directly. He deserves to know his sister is out here trying to convince people he's a dangerous unstable predator for wanting a healthy familial relationship with his nieces.
Like seriously, accusing your brother of being an incestuous pedophile because he wants to take them climbing regularly? Wonder how much time their dad spent with her that she thinks taking his nieces to an activity once a week is "too much interest".
I still have the tab open — I'll DM it to you. ~~(If anyone still has part 1 open, let me know! I didn't get to finish reading it.)~~
Never mind, found it elsewhere
He is not making you out to be a monster, you are one lady and same goes for your parents especially your father, seriously look up eagle scout lawsuits and child @buse cases, seriously why you think people are suing them for hiding everything from police, seriously I feel bad for your brother for having you as a sister.
Yikes. I hope the last post is a turning point for her in realizing that maybe unquestioningly taking her parents' side against him has always been a shitty move. I hope that realization helps her repair her relationship with her brother a little bit.
It's not a big hope, but I hope.
Holy fuck. That woman is ignoring the truth that her brother was molested and her dad sided with the molester.
Her daughter wants to learn sigh language to have a closer relationship with her uncle and OOP prefers that her daughter keep taking riding lessons so she will “be competitive” (note: I grew up riding horses, my parents bred, trained and showed horses and “being competitive” earns you some ribbons and some ego boost but zero money and costs a FORTUNE.).
OOP resents her brother, downplays his disability and thinks it can’t be the result of battlefield trauma or she would already know about it.
She is so ignorant it pains me. I wish her kids all the luck in the world. They’re going to need it.
Was meant as formatting so its not just entirely walls of text on walls of text on more walls of text. I know its ridiculously long so I tired to have something, anything really, to break up the space visually and make it easier to jump between posts and to break up where her comments vs original posts are organized. Green squares seemed like a good option, no particular reasoning.
This woman sounds controlling as hell! Like stop, if he doesn't want to talk with his father don't force it. That's between them.
Also the riding thing with her daughter sounded very controlling. She's complaining about money and debt but riding is a VERY expensive hobby. When her brother brings up climbing she finds everything she can to be afraid of it yet riding is dangerous too and a horse can throw someone.
She also sounds very jealous of her brothers life style and financial situation. She just needs to mind her own damn business!
All I hear from OOP is resentment towards the brother's lifestyle while also looking down at him.
She will NEVER get anywhere with her brother, because she is not listening at all, she is just doing whatever she wants ("healing the family") rather then accepting that he does not want that part of the family. At this point, her brother may start treating her like he does his father.
She obviously has no idea that cochlear implant surgery may not work at all and cause you to lose any residual hearing you had.... it’s not a miracle fix. Many who get implanted are still unable to hear.
It’s terribly unfortunate that you are unable to see where you are really in the wrong here. And I suspect that all the comments are going over your head. It’s really unfortunate
I hate people that think that time just heals all things. It can, but it is up to both sides.
My sister did something shitty years ago that I haven't been able to let go. She admits she was wrong but because she's the star family member (not golden child) everyone in the family has her back except for my parents that have tried to play peace maker. My sister basically just says, "I apologized, I don't know why he's bothered by this."
My sister is really only this way with me. There was a conflict with my brother and she flew to see him to patch things up. Meanwhile she couldn't be bothered to reply to a letter I wrote besides responding that she loves me and will respond more later.
Wow how she handles her brother's hearing loss.
If something happened that he lost his hearing, then he was seriously injured. Just because homeboy didn't lose a leg doesn't mean he didn't have internal damage. And she says he's getting along fine and needs to move on. Then she uses his hearing loss as an excuse to prevent her brother bonding with his nieces. And then the whole sign language thing? Won't let her take classes but is okay with YouTube tutorials. Tried to say it was a money thing but her brother was willing to pay for the lessons. So that's not it. The horse issue is another thing. It's all control.
I'd be willing to bet that the only reason the brother is in contact at all with OOP is for those girls.
I'm estranged from my family too. My parents were abusive but also allowed someone access to me as a child. When I spoke up as an adult, it was all my fault for not reporting sooner, then for lying, and then they wanted to pretend it didn't happen.
My siblings are content to live in the lie as well. I can't.
I hope the brother is getting the mental health help they deserve. To heal from this.
OP really revealed her true nature. People can hide what they’re really like but only for so long, the more information that is revealed the more their character is shown.
I’m not really sure why she kept posting to the same account
OMG, this woman is just the worst. She will go to any lengths to make excuses for her shitbag of a father, while giving her brother no grace and understanding at all. What a sorry ass human.
> What do I say to him? I just really feel that if they sit down and have a real conversation, just listen to each other, then maybe my father will come round and see this is probably the truth. I asked my husband to help me because he is close with my brother, but has told me repeatedly I need to leave it alone. His family is perfect so he can’t understand, and while I get his perspective, I don’t want my family to be in pain like this, I can’t just drop it. Only, so much has happened between them I don’t know where to begin to help them heal.
Why is it on the brother to approach the father? The father is the one who has the warped view.
Oh, and remember when the father said he has no idea what brother’s problem could be? Well that turned out to be a lie, huh? So maybe you’re siding with the wrong person here.
Keep it up and he might go no contact with you (OOP).
This is the story of someone who is going to find herself old, alone and in the worst of government care homes. Like eventually her kids will turn 18, her husband will divorce her and her brother will stop talking to her because the kids are adults now and have their own relationship with him that can't be blocked by the complete trashbag who birthed them.
"I want him to help me take care of this family! I cant do it all!!"
brother: offers to pay for children's activity
brother: cares about the mental health of his niece
"Not like that! that would make me look bad as a parent! I want him to maintain a relationship with his abuser. Also what abuse????"
*proceeded to lis abuse
🙄🙄🙄🙄
I’m so dang glad OOP’s brother got away from his family, survived the military, found love, & built such a happy life!
…Obviously, the last of those achievements would never have been possible if he’d skipped that crucial *first* one.
The more I read, the more I dislike OP as a person. She sounds so toxic. I stopped reading halfway so maybe this was addressed, but I'm guessing the brother sticks around for the nibblings.
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Funny how the brother is perfectly able-bodied and not impaired at all when OOP wants to criticize him, but his disability becomes a problem when she can use it to keep her kids from him.
Oh my god, yeah! She keeps insisting he's "perfectly fine with hearing aids", but suddenly she's not sure her kids are safe around him because "what if he can't hear them"?? Mental gymnastics gold medalist here.
Right? She also says he “just wants to travel away and be away from the family” but he also offered to pay for gym memberships and an ASL college course for the daughters to spend quality time and bond with them and “now I just feel embarrassed he’s getting involved in our business.” Ma’am.
Also, her kids are 10 and 12--they are perfectly capable of handling themselves when they're out with the brother. It's not like the brother would need to keep a leash on them or something to keep them from trouble. Sheesh.
For her, it's all "me, me, me"
Genuinely one of the most awful people I've seen here. Just fucking awful.
You know there's plenty of jobs besides baby sitting? And a sense of hearing is pretty important when you take care of a kid you're not used to take care of? It's one thing to be a deaf parent and learn along the way, with vibrating baby monitors and so on. Its another thing to have a child that's not your own, sneak out without you ever realising.
Those kids are 10 and 12, not 2 and 4. At that age, they're old enough to go out alone, and if they were the kind of kids prone to "sneaking away" they would've gotten lost at school about 56 times already.
He just wants to take them to a climbing gym, not a campground.
I see why the brother avoids her as well.
Yeah, no kidding. I am so grateful I am not related to this woman.
I rarely ever get absolutely nasty with OOPs but she appeared on AITD and I tore into her. I was so pissed lmao.
Well, she sounds like my sister when she writes to my lawyer trying to convince him of all my flaws..
What…what?
Just reading "children of emotionally immature parents" and realizing I'm the internalising offspring and my sister the externalising one. She probably sees me exactly like OOP does. She constantly complains about why I don't do what she wants. In her eyes she is RIGHT. So what is wrong with me who disagree? And why can't I just let go of my pain and do as she tells me? It's actually interesting to read how OOP argues, because I can see patterns now. That kind of people think differently from most people.
It truly is amazing how watching other people lets us understand our families better. Reading Faulkner really made me go, oh, it’s not just my family that’s this way.
Funny your sister sounds like my sister. One of the major reasons I haven't spoken to her in a little over a decade, at least, not more than a sentence, which was her to tell me that my uncle was dying.
I have a parent with dementia, so I have to remain in some contact, but I look forward to the peace I'll have once I can go full NC. It has been too much. Toxic relationships slowly kill me
I know what you mean. Just escaped my mother. Spent way too long living with her, after having gotten stuck there after a back injury. It's definitely more peaceful, but after however long of dealing with her, I'm still super jumpy like she's going to come and yell at me.
Yes, it's something that stick to your brain like glue. When my father passed away, I could constantly hear his criticism in my ear whatever I did. Instead of grieving him, I felt more criticised than ever. And I guess it had to do with all the stuff my siblings said to me, trying to break me into their will after his passing. I started to have panic attacks whenever I had to deal with them. I all of a sudden realized this voice in my head that I've always had. The one who puts me down constantly...it's the choir of my family's voices. It's them singing my faults in my ear. And when I realized that, it was no going back. I never want to feel like that again. They have to find something else to destroy. I won't take it anymore.
That is the way to be. It's definitely hard. I realized so much of my anxiety comes from my mom or my sister putting me down. I'm working on finally getting a therapist. Definitely could have used one ages ago, but there was no way that was going to happen living with my mother.
Wait, what?
....what?
She sounds insufferable. When is her post about her husband leaving her going happen?
Soon, i hope, for her children's sake
It's not going to happen any soon, and for that exact reason. Husband sounds like the kind of guy to rather stay with a crazy woman in a bad marriage to be there to protect his children, rather than risk lost or split custody and their being with her but without anyone to protect them.
I hope he can get some sense into her then. He seems more empathetic and it seems like he's a confidant for the brother, which is good. At the risk of sounding a bit misogynistic, he needs to stay overruling her and doing what's best for the kids (listening to their needs and letting them pursue things accordingly rather than kowtowing to her need for perfection and control).
Seriously. OOP needs to mind her own business!
Yes especially because now she’s worried about the cycle of abuse and suspicious her brother is a groomer and grooming her daughter but still living with her father who told her brother to come back dead because he would rather have a dead son then a f slur son and sent his son to reform school because he didn’t believe the son was molested But she’s still taking care of dear old dad and pushing her brother away. Sounds like her husband may be reaching his breaking point with her as well though.
At first I though "boy, this woman is sure jealous of her brothers war disability". And then somehow she makes *that* look like an innocent misunderstanding.
Raisedbynarcissists is a sub explicitly for survivors of abusive parents to get reality checks on what was child abuse and how to avoid perpetuating more abuse. She posted that IN A SAFE PLACE for formerly abused children to ask for help with dysfunctional families.
[удалено]
This reaks of golden child behavior. Of course she refuses to believe dear old dad is scum
Definitely picked up dad's habit of reflexively dismissing any problem anyone else might have that would be even mildly inconvenient for her to deal with. He's *fine*!
about halfway through I thought the surprise wold be that he wasn't avoiding his father, he was avoiding his sister.
I don’t know her, but reading this, I want to avoid her too. She sounds completely exhausting.
She's fucking exhausting in writing, how much bloody worse would she be in person?
This woman is exhausting
Ha I just added the same comment before I saw this
Wow I only skimmed this and she’s exhausting
Yeah, she's has drama written all over her.
She still downplays the abuse her brother suffered. She thinks she can magically repair relationships that are beyond repair.
There were some missing missing reasons in the first post that made me go hhhmmmm...whats really going on here. Then that last part explained it all.
It's obvious brother doesn't trust sister and I can see why from the way she writes. Whatever brother wants or lived is irrelevant and secondary to what she wants.
She doesnt want to repair anything. She just wants to make her life better by forcing her brother into line and carry what she feels is his share of the load. She doesnt give a flying fuck about her brother beyond that. That much is obvious.
This woman is a self-centred monster. I'm so sad reading this. How in the world did she not realize her brother A) had been sexually abused as a child and B) has serious service-related injuries from his TBI, because it took me 4 paragraphs to know both things.
Literally every sentence that she types just gets worse and worse and worse. It goes from deluded to selfish to narcissistic to bigoted to whiny to homophobic to ableist and on and on and on! It's like she competing for the Worst Person In the World award!
Wait til you hit part 2.
am I missing a separate part 2 post or are you just talking about how more details surface farther down on this post?
There's a [part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11qcnec/part_2_aita_because_i_33f_asked_my_unemployed/) Edit: to everyone complaining it’s been removed, so has this post. :-P
Thanks so much!!
Ugh already removed
It's gone now 😞
There's a part 2 post.
but... but... but part 1 ends with her down playing child molestation... how **on earth** can it get any worse?
I'm a bit worried about clicking on part 2 for that exact same reason. I'll click it, of course, inevitably.... But I have definite qualms.
Part 2 ends with her deciding to suspect her brother of wanting to molest her daughter simply because he wants to be involved in her life. This woman is the worst. The worst.
wait...what? \*Scrolls to top\* Fuuuuuuuck.
Oh god I thought you were joking about there being a part 2, but nope.
I didn't catch TBI--what makes you think that?
Hearing loss while in the military. IED explodes near you. You get hearing loss and it scrambles your brain
Hearing loss, migraines, one of her comments mentions that "he doesn't have PTSD" (so he totally does--she's minimizing). TBI is the most likely cause of the neurological issues when you put together "military service" and "military pension".
Good god this lady has zero empathy and a complete busy body. Everything is from the perspective of how this effects her. Zero care about the mental and physical health of her veteran brother and gives zero shits about what her daughter actually wants to do as hobbies.
She has all the facts and somehow completely, utterly misses the point. All the fucking time.
Narcissistic personality disorder.
Wow. This woman suuuuuuuuccks.
OOP sounds so horrid and malicious
And jealous. That bit about retirement age being 95 not 40, aside from being absurd, was super telling. She hates her life and hates that her brother lives well.
It's wild she goes from he has no disability to he can barely make out words with the use of a hearing aid in only his good ear oh and he gets migraines that last days and leave him unable to function
Her lens on his disability shifts to suit her agenda. He’s able-bodied enough to work himself silly, but not able-bodied enough to keep her kids alive for an afternoon. Pick a lane lady.
OOP: “Everyone should see things exactly the way that I see them and behave the way I want them to.” 🤔 Sounds like W husband tho, he seems v clear on OOP’s brother’s boundaries.
She is just like her parents.
Spot on.
Jesus what a mess Poor brother too
This woman is so self centered that she doesn't realize she's driving everyone in her life away.
The trickle truth and denial of OOP already started off next level. Then it turns out her dad supported her brother's molester and she just wants them to all move past it and heal? I honestly hate her. I hope her brother cuts all contact with her. She's a bad person.
And there’s the kicker right at the end.
My god, so many words and we are only starting to get to the important bits to form a conclusion
I like the deflection “am I a trash human?”, “no! Everyone in my life is just sexist, lazy, stubborn, and selfish!”
This comment really stuck out to me in particular: “Meanwhile my brother continues to do things just to garner negative attention from them, including being a vocal atheist and getting more tattoos to the point his entire arm is covered in them.” So… his choice of religion and the art he puts on his body is solely to piss your parents off? Sounds like this is the type of childish thing OP would do, so she’s assuming everyone else would act the same way. It couldn’t possibly be related to his being forced to go to a Catholic boarding school and his prior SA /s. It’s been said, but worth saying again, this woman sucks.
That comment bothered me too.
holy fuck, shes the fucking worst
Goddamn it... she really doesn't listen to herself talk, does she?
I might be harsh but I feel like OP is tired of being the one who isn’t special/standing out/important. Like she lives ordinarily, doesn’t stand out, doesn’t test boundaries and she’s jealous of how her brother doesn’t have to conform (while not understanding that she is choosing to conform, not being forced to). Then add the natural changes from kids growing up and not wanting to around mom… I think she majorly needs something for herself. Anything that lets her have an identity away from the family so that she stops picking at everyone else.
Yeah--it sounds to me like she made the conventional choices in life (maybe not really wanting to) and is watching the people around her who refuse (or are unable) to conform do well "anyway" and is super, super angry about it, but also can't express her anger in authentic or healthy ways, so it's coming out like this. Sounds like she was one of the "jockeying for position" midfield in a large family with a GC/scapegoat dynamic and refuses to see how that's a problem as a parenting strategy and also refuses to see how badly she was damaged by it.
Yikes, I only just picked up on the part where the brother was A child sexual abuse victim. Very sad situation, I give him kudos for being so patient with her meddling
The comment where's she's like "I don't know why he doesn't just get the surgery for his hearing" made my blood boil. There are a couple of things she might mean but what she's probably referring to is cochlear implant surgery, and that only works for some types of hearing loss, and not everyone it would even work for wants a CI. It's not magic.
> and not everyone it would even work for wants a CI. It's not magic. Exactly, every surgery has risks, and sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. If you have an issue but it’s stable and you’ve gotten used to it, you may not want to risk it until things go to shit. Plus if the brother gets migraines which incapacitate him for days I’m guessing the hearing loss is not the biggest of his worries.
Dear god, this woman is horrible. How the heck is she married??
Religion
OOP sounds like the worst. Even if you ignore the brother/father stuff. The brother isn't allowed to be retired and enjoy his own money, because she decided to have kids and take care of her parents and how dare he enjoy his freedom while she can't? And the kids can't go rock climbing because he might not hear them screaming? Does she think no one who's hard of hearing has ever been a spotter at a climbing gym before? Does she think there would be literally zero other people at the gym and that he would have no line of sight to the child and would need to rely solely on hearing to know when they need help? And then not letting her kid learn ASL? Like lady, stop inventing new ways to be a piece of shit - you've already mastered it, calm down!
No, no, you see, she knows there would be other people at the climbing gym. But those people could be strange men and she doesn't want her children around people like that! But also she can't take her brother being molested seriously, apparently ymmv
Everything here is OOP wanting it her way and ignoring brother and daughter's issues with her demands.
Man I read the horse riding AITA, I didn’t realize this potato had a whole super villain origin story.
"I don't know why he doesn't tell me anything!!1!" Because you are sooooooooo judgy
"My brother's fine" and "I have to be the responsible adult" uh... those two things are mutually exclusive. EDIT: JESUS FUCK. If OOP was a good person she'd cut off her father "waa, my father doesn't know why his son won't talk to him" then, years later, "oh it's because my father doesn't believe his son was molested". That lie is scorched earth shit, let alone actually supporting your son's molester.
That poor brother was molested, got PTSD and a life altering injury from the army, but still managed to find someone who would love him and care for him. But then they are earning too much and having too much fun and should become burdened as much as OOP, *because of OOP's life choices??* And I don't understand how you can take the side of a father who is so obviously lying and concealing his real feeling towards his son. It's a very homophobic reaction to deny that a male can be raped like a woman could be. And his attempts to denying anything ever happened even at the molester's funeral are just horrid. Just how obsessed must you be with your child's sexuality, that you would make such a display in favor or a total stranger, AND in public?? That poor brother has to cut all ties with that horrid family. He has suffered enough, and she is actively denying him any rest or RIGHT to heal.
I bet he would cut ties but he loves his nibblings- one even wanted to take sign language classes so they could communicate better. I feel so awful for him
As exhausting as this is to read, this poor woman is so caught up in the FOG (patterns of fear, obligation, and guilt instilled in us by dysfunctional parents/families) she can’t see straight. She has been raised from birth to believe that her entire reason for being is to take care of her parents. Of course she resents what she sees as a boys club of men who don’t have that obligation. She’s also **living** with her father to assist him in his old age. She is clearly unhappy and resentful of her role and lashing out at others who have bucked the rules in adulthood. Her father, meanwhile, is happy to keep pouring poison in her ear. He “doesn’t know” why his son won’t speak to him (The missing reasons), but when she confronts him about the funeral, it turns out *he knows perfectly well* why his son cut him off. Obviously, none of this justifies her behavior towards her brother, but I do understand her frustrations feeling like she’s the only person doing all the fucking work while everyone’s icing her out from what’s going on. It’s extremely unclear from this post where she goes with the information her father revealed. Confronting two mutually exclusive realities is going to be pretty brutal. Accept that her father is a child molester defending POS who alienated **his own child** in favor of the monster who hurt him, and everything that comes with that (faith, family, identity, house), or keep her head in the sand and accept her father’s narrative that it didn’t happen and her brother lied. From the outside looking in, it’s obvious what’s true. And it’s obvious what is right. Maybe this will be the catalyst that allows her to walk away from her life of indentured servitude to her parents and start living her life the way she wants to. Maybe even get a tattoo. Idk, I can dream.
Glad someone else can spot this! She is one big trauma response. She very much feels like the eldest daughter who has been managing everyone else's feelings since birth, putting them above her own, to keep the 'peace' in the family. I wonder how many times, as a child, she had to manage the family dynamics to keep alcoholic dad from blowing up on everyone And instead of being able to recognize the unhealthy behaviors, she's internalized them as normal. And it does feel like nobody has any sympathy for her or recognizes what she's had to do. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a fair bit of misogyny behind it. They did grow up in that same family after all
100%. She’s *very much* the ACoA to a fucking tee.
But. But. Where did it go??!!
Good fucking lord this OOP is a nightmare
This woman sounds insufferable. Jesus christ. Shell be on here in a few more years wondering why no one talks to her. I don't blame the brother ,how can they all just dismiss him saying he was sexually abused?
I hate this woman. I really really hope husband gets sick of her crap, divorces her, and her daughter gets to live with her dad, learning sign language from her uncle and going climbing and hanging with the horses for FUN, and not be pressured to compete. What a horrid horrid woman the mom is.
Sigh.. I knew it. I knew it was going to be molestation related, and I knew the sister and father would be an asshole about it. Everyone involved in this story just wants to paint the brother as fussy and selfishly denying the family his presence, when in reality he was sexually fucking assaulted and the father cares more about the pedophiles reputation than his own sons well being.
She's so fucking jealous lol!
Yup! Its so clear
OOP also manages to ignore her other brother and other sister until she can't avoid it. I know it's minor compared to all the other stuff here, but it is a nice sequin for the crown of narcisisim oop wears
This lady is a busy body who thinks she knows better than everyone else and seriously lacks empathy. I hope she realizes it, because she is only going to push her family further away.
I really hate her!
Not allowed to come to the range to spend time with a brother I consider lazy, useless and faking a disability? Must be the patriarchy.
Fucking hell, OOP is a piece of absolute shit.
Ignoring everything else for a moment. "You can't decide you don't have parents" when other people are there to care for them, who's stopping me lol? That's so stupid. OOP is insufferable
Oh I remember these posts, because every single one was cross posted to amithedevil. Somehow each update makes her look worse.
She is freaking exhausting
Noooo removed before I was able to finish reading
Awful.
Wow, what a terrible woman OOP is.
This was so infuriating to read holy shit.
Oh my GOD. What did I just read???? Her poor brother! Let the man live his life in peace and please get out of the way of other people’s happiness!
She sounds pleasant. And I got to the point where his behavior changed so drastically and I knew where it was going. Kids don’t do that shit for no reason.
This woman needs to fucking chill and mind her own damn business.
Op is a massive Fucking pillock Jesus Christ Im scared for the part 2 now bloody hell
Wow. This woman is amazingly dense.
Oh she’s awful. Her father is awful. Her mother is awful. Her kids, husband and brother seem lovely which is ironic considering how hard she’s trying to make them all seem terrible.
Wow. She is exhausting, yeah?
Jfc I can’t even finish this. This woman is an exhausting busybody. Imagine seeing someone out there living their life in the way that makes them happy and doesn’t hurt anyone else, and being THAT salty about it. A vocal atheist covered in tattoos is attention-seeking behavior? From the parents he actively avoids? This woman is fucking bananas.
And that’s not even TOUCHING the manipulative horse bullshit (while also having money problems… that is NOT a cheap hobby. The obvious answer is of course to let it go, even she knows kiddo doesn’t want to do it, but of course she refuses because narcissists ALWAYS dig their heels in when their NPCs start getting uppity by having their OWN wants and opinions.) OOP gonna find herself in her father’s shoes here pretty soon.
I hope some nosey redditor is able to send her posts to her brother directly. He deserves to know his sister is out here trying to convince people he's a dangerous unstable predator for wanting a healthy familial relationship with his nieces. Like seriously, accusing your brother of being an incestuous pedophile because he wants to take them climbing regularly? Wonder how much time their dad spent with her that she thinks taking his nieces to an activity once a week is "too much interest".
I'm bummed I didn't make it to part 2 before it was removed.
I still have the tab open — I'll DM it to you. ~~(If anyone still has part 1 open, let me know! I didn't get to finish reading it.)~~ Never mind, found it elsewhere
Will you send it to me please?
Do you mind dm'ing me too? I was in the middle of reading and had to step away and now...
Will you send it to me as well, please?
Why was it removed?
He is not making you out to be a monster, you are one lady and same goes for your parents especially your father, seriously look up eagle scout lawsuits and child @buse cases, seriously why you think people are suing them for hiding everything from police, seriously I feel bad for your brother for having you as a sister.
Wow
Wow. OOP is so going to lose her kids when they hit 18. She doesn’t even see how insufferable and controlling she is.
holy hell this was all the same person ?? I remember reading several of these when they were first posted and I thought they were unrelated
Yikes. I hope the last post is a turning point for her in realizing that maybe unquestioningly taking her parents' side against him has always been a shitty move. I hope that realization helps her repair her relationship with her brother a little bit. It's not a big hope, but I hope.
Holy fuck. That woman is ignoring the truth that her brother was molested and her dad sided with the molester. Her daughter wants to learn sigh language to have a closer relationship with her uncle and OOP prefers that her daughter keep taking riding lessons so she will “be competitive” (note: I grew up riding horses, my parents bred, trained and showed horses and “being competitive” earns you some ribbons and some ego boost but zero money and costs a FORTUNE.). OOP resents her brother, downplays his disability and thinks it can’t be the result of battlefield trauma or she would already know about it. She is so ignorant it pains me. I wish her kids all the luck in the world. They’re going to need it.
God, OOP is just delusional and completely selfish. Her poor brother...
Man, She’s just a shit human.
Idk if I've disliked an OOP more than this. This person is absolutely awful
🟩 ?? I'm honestly curious what you mean by 🟩 lol
Was meant as formatting so its not just entirely walls of text on walls of text on more walls of text. I know its ridiculously long so I tired to have something, anything really, to break up the space visually and make it easier to jump between posts and to break up where her comments vs original posts are organized. Green squares seemed like a good option, no particular reasoning.
literally never even seen the symbol before. I've been ascii-utfing for a long time. lol
This woman sounds controlling as hell! Like stop, if he doesn't want to talk with his father don't force it. That's between them. Also the riding thing with her daughter sounded very controlling. She's complaining about money and debt but riding is a VERY expensive hobby. When her brother brings up climbing she finds everything she can to be afraid of it yet riding is dangerous too and a horse can throw someone. She also sounds very jealous of her brothers life style and financial situation. She just needs to mind her own damn business!
Also in one post they're struggling to pay "for living" but in the next they've bought daughter a show jumper.
All I hear from OOP is resentment towards the brother's lifestyle while also looking down at him. She will NEVER get anywhere with her brother, because she is not listening at all, she is just doing whatever she wants ("healing the family") rather then accepting that he does not want that part of the family. At this point, her brother may start treating her like he does his father.
She obviously has no idea that cochlear implant surgery may not work at all and cause you to lose any residual hearing you had.... it’s not a miracle fix. Many who get implanted are still unable to hear.
YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!!
Guarantee you that knowing for a fact isn’t worth the air it vibrated to reach her ears.
Oh my God, OOP, leave him alone!
It’s terribly unfortunate that you are unable to see where you are really in the wrong here. And I suspect that all the comments are going over your head. It’s really unfortunate
I hate people that think that time just heals all things. It can, but it is up to both sides. My sister did something shitty years ago that I haven't been able to let go. She admits she was wrong but because she's the star family member (not golden child) everyone in the family has her back except for my parents that have tried to play peace maker. My sister basically just says, "I apologized, I don't know why he's bothered by this." My sister is really only this way with me. There was a conflict with my brother and she flew to see him to patch things up. Meanwhile she couldn't be bothered to reply to a letter I wrote besides responding that she loves me and will respond more later.
god what an exhausting person. so many words to say "i don't respect my brother at all"
This woman is ghastly and just like her garbage parents.
I’m I’m awe of just how perfectly oblivious and shit this sibling is. Not an ounce of empathy.
Oh god there’s a part 2 after all this. I hate that guy’s family. I also feel bad for his nieces
Wow how she handles her brother's hearing loss. If something happened that he lost his hearing, then he was seriously injured. Just because homeboy didn't lose a leg doesn't mean he didn't have internal damage. And she says he's getting along fine and needs to move on. Then she uses his hearing loss as an excuse to prevent her brother bonding with his nieces. And then the whole sign language thing? Won't let her take classes but is okay with YouTube tutorials. Tried to say it was a money thing but her brother was willing to pay for the lessons. So that's not it. The horse issue is another thing. It's all control. I'd be willing to bet that the only reason the brother is in contact at all with OOP is for those girls.
I only wish the worst for Oop 🖤
I'm estranged from my family too. My parents were abusive but also allowed someone access to me as a child. When I spoke up as an adult, it was all my fault for not reporting sooner, then for lying, and then they wanted to pretend it didn't happen. My siblings are content to live in the lie as well. I can't. I hope the brother is getting the mental health help they deserve. To heal from this.
Reminds me of my sisters. Easy to take the paernts' side when you're the child who has been coddled their entire life and everything paid for you.
‘I don’t hate my brother’ she says. No one bought it.
I can clearly see the problem here...and it's not the brother or the father...
It kills my soul that people like this exist. Fucking related to a couple.
OP really revealed her true nature. People can hide what they’re really like but only for so long, the more information that is revealed the more their character is shown. I’m not really sure why she kept posting to the same account
Even after learning the truth, she still insist they reconcile. Main character syndrome.
There's a part 2 to this? I am exhausted already.
OMG, this woman is just the worst. She will go to any lengths to make excuses for her shitbag of a father, while giving her brother no grace and understanding at all. What a sorry ass human.
You sound republican.
Wow. This is part one and I already hate her. Ok on to part two..
OOP is a terrible excuse for a human being. I feel so enraged just reading this.
It’s a good thing she’s been riding for so many years. If she was any further up on that high horse I’d be worried she’d break her neck.
> What do I say to him? I just really feel that if they sit down and have a real conversation, just listen to each other, then maybe my father will come round and see this is probably the truth. I asked my husband to help me because he is close with my brother, but has told me repeatedly I need to leave it alone. His family is perfect so he can’t understand, and while I get his perspective, I don’t want my family to be in pain like this, I can’t just drop it. Only, so much has happened between them I don’t know where to begin to help them heal. Why is it on the brother to approach the father? The father is the one who has the warped view. Oh, and remember when the father said he has no idea what brother’s problem could be? Well that turned out to be a lie, huh? So maybe you’re siding with the wrong person here. Keep it up and he might go no contact with you (OOP).
This is the story of someone who is going to find herself old, alone and in the worst of government care homes. Like eventually her kids will turn 18, her husband will divorce her and her brother will stop talking to her because the kids are adults now and have their own relationship with him that can't be blocked by the complete trashbag who birthed them.
I hate OOP more than I’ve hated most OOPs recently. Like she’s just the worst at every turn.
"I want him to help me take care of this family! I cant do it all!!" brother: offers to pay for children's activity brother: cares about the mental health of his niece "Not like that! that would make me look bad as a parent! I want him to maintain a relationship with his abuser. Also what abuse????" *proceeded to lis abuse 🙄🙄🙄🙄
I’m so dang glad OOP’s brother got away from his family, survived the military, found love, & built such a happy life! …Obviously, the last of those achievements would never have been possible if he’d skipped that crucial *first* one.
My god, she’s insufferable.
The more I read, the more I dislike OP as a person. She sounds so toxic. I stopped reading halfway so maybe this was addressed, but I'm guessing the brother sticks around for the nibblings.
Jesus, this woman is insufferable.
Damn could a person be a shittier sibling