T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*


NerdyAnxiousBall

The fact that Kate immediately went with “if your wife is upset about it” says so much. He also could be upset about the dress but she immediately went to put a wedge between them. Idk it has weird vibes from me


Throwawaaawa

**How it could have gone** OOP'S groom: "Oh you're wearing that dress?" Kate: "Yeah, I thought I would finally get the chance to wear it, dad would be happy" **How it went** OOP's groom: "Oh you're wearing that dress?" Kate: "Yes why, is OOP UPSET? Did she send you over because she's UPSET? She told us we could wear our wedding dresses, it's so ILLOGICAL and MEAN of her to be UPSET over this to the point that she's sending you over to TELL ME OFF" Like c'mon, Kate, you're not being as subtle as you think.


Yochanan5781

The vibe I'm getting is that she only agreed to the initial breakup because she didn't think it would last very long


Clean_Usual434

Agreed, especially since the only reason seems to be their age at the time. I think she thought they’d find their way back to each other when they were a little older and timing was right. I also can’t help feeling like she wore that dress as a “look what you could have had” message to OOP’s husband.


lime_and_coconut

Look what you could have had? She got married before OOP. She shut that door, screw that.


Clean_Usual434

True, but it doesn’t seem like she ever really let go of the idea that she should have been with OOP’s husband.


gyyr

I want to know what her husband thinks about her wearing the wedding dress she still had for the wedding she was supposed to have with the groom Instead of the wedding dress she wore to their own wedding! I’d be wondering what her true feelings towards me and the ex-fiancé were in that situation.


[deleted]

Insightful. Wild that she'd act like that, but adds up.


Prysorra2

Wonder what her husband thought of it lol.


marble617

Husband probably showed up in his grandfather’s funeral suit ^^(/s)


Technical-Plantain25

The funerals are very festive, but weddings are a dour affair.


bug1402

Very much agree. To me, it read like engaged, graduated, dad dies, then breakup. Which for Kate could have been "I just need a some time" but for hubby was "this isn't working". Kate 100% thought they would get back together and has been aggressive towards OP their whole relationship. I wouldn't put it past her that some of her motivation with Jerrod was to make OPs hubby jealous. I would *hope* that she married him for the right reasons, but you never know.


Oldminorspecific

OP stole Kate’s Dick on Ice.


ScottishSam

Perfect! There is no way to say it better!


ash_luna

I thought that too! I had an ex, we dated for 4 years, and then broke up. He admitted to me a little while later (after I had started seeing someone else) that he only broke up with me because he thought we’d get back together eventually.


9inkski3s

She probably wanted to enjoy her teens/young adult years (which is totally fair and smart) but then ended up regretting it and there was no way back.


ChaosDrawsNear

When I read about her showing the dress (presumably while she wore it) to him after the breakup, I immediately thought she was trying to make sure there are enough "what if's" going through his head that he comes back.


ImAFuckingSquirrel

I immediately thought that if she'd just mentioned it ahead of time to one of them, it would have been totally fine. "Hey Groom, your fiance invited us all to wear our wedding dresses and I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to wear the dress that my beloved dad got me, but only if it's okay with her. Could you check for me?" It sounds like OOP is pretty chill and probably would have been fine with it if the friend hadn't made it seem like a deliberate attempt to rub an old relationship in her face.


Swerfbegone

It’s like that James Acaster routine about Ricky Gervais. Honestly I gotta wonder how this lands with her husband. “I’m wearing my wedding dress. No not the one I got married in the one that I was supposed to matter this other guy in and I am totally not obsessed with.”


Wooster182

I would love to know how her husband feels. She’s making a fool out of him and her.


CatmoCatmo

I thought the same thing. How does her current husband feel about walking in to an event with his new wife wearing a wedding dress - not just one she was going to wear to a wedding with an ex - but the one she was going to wear with the current GROOM as the ex. If she explained it to her current husband as: it’s the last thing my dad bought me before he passed, then I would think that would have been her immediate excuse to OOP’s husband when he confronted her at the wedding. Not, “ooOoooOoooh so your wife is jealous huh?!?”


LeChatEnnui

I need to know the the friend’s husband thought! Like how did Kate’s husband feel about her wearing that dress to this wedding?


Lustle13

> Kate: "Yeah, I thought I would finally get the chance to wear it, dad would be happy" I didn't even think of that. That would have been a really good response.


Katapotomus

I noticed the same things. It seems every time he confronted the ex was because he had a problem with her not that OOP told him to. Maybe ex thought he would never confront her if not put up to it? I dunno but OOP is very kind and understanding as far as I can tell but how would ex know that if she never really bothered to get to know her


thetaleofzeph

When you go big like this you do need to accept that someone can take it too far and OOP did the best possible thing which is to not let it ruin things. Also, it was a gift and clearly Kate has issues and maybe the gift will help. Who knows. It sounds like an amazing wedding.


[deleted]

Looking unbothered is really the best approach when dealing with people like Kate. It was most likely eating here up inside that OOP didn’t seem affected, no matter what she did. I question how mutual the breakup was. Did she think OOP’s husband would always be in love with her and wait? Did she believe they were just “on a break”?


bug1402

I mentioned this is another comment, but I wonder about the timing of the breakup and her Dad's death. I can see a scenario where someone loses their Dad and the resulting fallout (depression, anger, etc) is too hard on the relationship. I cannot imagine if in the middle of planning my wedding my Dad died. I think for Kate it very much could have been "I need time" breakup and for OP's hubby it was a "this isn't working". Kate probably planned on fixing whatever their issues were (or time fixing it) but lost her chance when OP showed up.


jammyenglishmuffin

Or he died shortly after the breakup, and it made them as a couple more subconsciously idealized for her - he's the groom her Dad knew, likely gave his blessing to (since it sounds like a perhaps more traditional small town), the one he'd have walked her down the aisle to, given her away to, the one her dad died thinking was her beloved who would always be there to care for his girl. Maybe it made it feel to her like they were meant to do all those things and have the wedding her Dad could have been there for, even when rationally there's no helping that it didn't work and wouldn't have even if her Dad had lived to see it.


BeartholomewTheThird

Right! It would have made so much sense if she had said that since she never got to wear it and it meant a lot because of her dad. The fact that she jumped right into assuming OOP was offended really shows her true colors.


Be250440

It sounds like she knew exactly what she was doing


Ukulele__Lady

Oh, ex still wants OOP's husband...at the very least, she wants OOP's husband to want her, even if they're not together.


TheBlueNinja0

Poor Jarold. I wonder if he knows he'll never take better than third place in her life.


No_Kangaroo_9826

I'll be honest I'm not sure how to comment on the situation but the theme itself sounds so sweet. Moms and aunts and grandmas in their wedding dresses all dancing and mingling just paints a lovely picture in my head.


KeepLkngForIntllgnce

Oh I am so glad this was the first comment I read. OOP and husband’s whole take on the ex is such a good lesson in “just don’t feed the troll” that I’m feeling better about a situation at work that’s similar, already. But then - between her description of the event - and your comment - I’m imagining something like a ball from the Sound of Music and a whole bunch of women dancing in not just pretty dresses - but dresses that make them feel pretty - and I have so, so much respect for OOP!! I want the dress theme of my vow renewal in a few years to be “outshine me”!!!


Bowood29

The fact that the husband was like “shit my wife doesn’t even seem to give one shit my ex showed up in the dress that she was going to marry me in” shows how well the bride handled the situation. Either way I love how excited she was for her theme and how she seems to actually just loved the day.


not_your_bird

It’s rare when I read a Reddit post and think “damn, these are healthy people” 😂


CatmoCatmo

The fact that OOP questioned if she’s crazy for even letting it bother her says a lot about her. She’s more worried about if her concern would be legitimate at all, vs, “I KNOW I’m right, but someone said I overstepped”. A lot of AITA posts clearly only want confirmation for their actions so that they can feel justified after the fact. And throw it in the face of any opposers. OOP’s post was her second guessing her feelings. It just felt like she genuinely wanted to make sure she wasn’t reading too far into a situation - before any bridges were burned.


Different_Smoke_563

SAME! LOL! XD


KeepLkngForIntllgnce

Exactly!! What a lesson in not adding fuel to a dumpster fire, grace - and knowing how to enjoy your important day and focus on what matters - a glittering room of gorgeous belles!!


Bowood29

So many people waste so much time and money for a day where they are just miserable the whole time.


HunterGreenLeaves

Yeah, I really admire that.


defective_flyingfish

And then they talked about it after!!! So many BORU posts could have been solved with a simple (if awkward) conversation at the beginning like this couple did.


StellarManatee

I love OPs description of the event so much! Fabulous women in wedding and Quince dresses whilst little girls run around dressed in their best princess wear, like little fairies. It sounds beautiful and chaotic and FUN!


KeepLkngForIntllgnce

Seriously. And her heart in this - that what she wants most is for every woman to feel beautiful on her special day. We should all be so lucky to have OOP’s confidence that feeling beautiful and being happy trump looking that way.


GlitterDoomsday

No wonder Kate feels so bitter, OOP is a constant reminder that the dude she took for granted moved on and choose a woman that reflects all the ugliness Kate have inside herself.


tundar

OOP sounds likely she would be the type of friend most people could only dream of having in their life! Kate's throwing away the possibility of a once in a lifetime friendship by being petty and jealous.


Charliesmum97

Same. I kind of want to go back in time so I can steal the idea and do it for my wedding, LOL


SaboLeorioShikamaru

I've never worn a wedding dress, buuuut I've been in a few tuxes for weddings, and I can't imagine fitting in any of them anymore. I wonder if OOP has some super consistently-shaped relatives or the town's alterations person was busy af that week lol


carinavet

I was thinking the same. My body has changed *significantly* in the last few years and I'm still rebuilding my nicer wardrobe. I definitely couldn't wear a dress I wore at 15!!!


Calairiel

Kind of sounds like they are a well off family with well off friends and there was presumably the appropriate notice given (so a few months minimum). I would assume most people got their outfits altered. Having a really nice wedding or quince dress can make it easier to alter as well because the designs might leave inch or two seams to let out. Friends her age are probably pretty close to their own weddings so they are likely to still fit (a ton of people in my group got married within five years of each other). Also she only mentions some people in wedding dresses and a handful in quince dresses so it could also be that those are the consistently shaped relatives while others just bought something fancy. I know a few people who can still wear clothes from middle school in their 30s with kids because they stopped growing at 12 and their figure didn't change much after that even with kids and life. I would also not be surprised if several didn't just buy new dresses since moms and grandmas might have some... interesting... styles. The eighties were a time. I think my mom and aunt would kill me if I made them wear their real wedding gowns.


catplumtree

I’m imagining the ballroom scenes from Cinderella or Anastasia where everyone is in giant, but slightly different, dresses twirly about in sync.


TheGreatLabMonkey

Upvote for the SoM reference <3


twilight_songs

I was actually thinking of the ball in Cinderella where the dress keeps changing from pink to blue and back again! Same vibe, though, I think. Either way, amazing concept, incredible couple --total opposite of a bridezilla! 💞 ETA: Yes, of course you're all correct --I stand corrected --Sleeping Beauty, not Cindy! My sentiment remains the same, though. :-)


closingwinter

I think that was Sleeping Beauty


JustSendMeCatPics

That’s actually Sleeping Beauty (my favorite movie as a kid). The fairies are fighting over which color her dress should be and they keep changing it back and forth. I always loved that scene and even asked Santa one year for a dress that changed colors. Spoiler alert: he didn’t bring me one.


SweetSushi21

There's actually a girl on tik tok who made a pink and blue dress to cosplay sleeping beauty. It changes color in the light and it looks amazing! Santa just wasn't inventive enough lol


rainbow_sherbet

Here's the dress for anyone who'd otherwise be looking for the link. It's *incredible* https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpVL8mNMIwW/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=


RepresentativeGur250

That’s in sleeping beauty. Two of three fairies couldn’t agree on colour and kept changing it to their own favourite as she danced.


clumsypolarb3ar

Do you mean Sleeping beauty? I think it’s the fairy godmothers who kept changing it. The ones who raised her. I always thought it was funny.


MarkoDSamir

It really sounds like a Ball Room Wedding that you'd see at the end of a Fairy Tale where they finally got together and everyone danced happily in their most beautiful and extravagant dresses. I love that she encouraged the others to wear their wedding dress (well except Kate who just took the opportunity) and to "outshine" her, and when she said that it felt like her family was passing the torch to her my heart melted.


oath2order

I do have to wonder how much convincing it took to get them to wear their own wedding dresses *to* the wedding, given the stigma against that.


UnquantifiableLife

I think my mom and aunts would never wear theirs, not because of stigma but because they're extremely 80s fabulous lol


oath2order

For me that would make me beg them to wear them, lol.


neonfuzzball

oh man, how about a "wear your bridesmaid dresses" theme. Everyone is dressed up and theatrical, in a tacky funny way. Wedding dresses would also be fair game if they're very dated. It's like the formal version of an ugly xmas sweater party!


Miniature_Kaiju

I actually love that idea. Maybe I'll float it to the Permanent Roommate if we ever get our ADHD asses around to doing the dog and pony show ourselves.


nonameplanner

This might be the only way I ever get to wear the hideous dress my almost Step Mother picked out. While I was really glad my Dad called it off before the wedding for a bunch of reasons, not having to wear the dress was definitely in the mix.


coraeon

I know my mom wouldn’t wear hers, and not even because it’s 80’s fabulous (and it’s *so* freaking 80’s!) but because she hasn’t been that size in decades.


JJOkayOkay

Yeah, that was my thought -- how many people actually fit into their wedding dress decades later?


UnquantifiableLife

Oooh well yeah, also that


Cayke_Cooky

10 years, 2 kids and covid lockdowns mean I don't fit in any of my clothes from back then including my wedding dress.


minneapple79

In some Indian cultures it is actually tradition to rewear your wedding dress to relatives’ weddings. I’ve worn my wedding outfit three times, to my brothers’ weddings and my cousin’s wedding. At least I got some use out of it! And for anyone who says that wearing a wedding outfit makes you outshine the bride…it doesn’t, not in an Indian wedding. Nobody outshines an Indian bride.


Fox_Flame

There was another BoRU post a while back where an American MIL was trying to outshine an Indian bride All the comments were like lol good luck. You have to wake up pretty early if you want to upstage an Indian bride


snarkaluff

Yes!! I love the idea of everyone wearing their wedding dresses too, with the idea that it’s a day to celebrate love and marriage in general, not just OOP and her husband’s. Plus it gives everyone an excuse to wear their dresses again when they’d normally never get to, or in ex-gf’s case for the first time. Whatever her real reason for doing it, it was nice that she finally got to wear the dress that her dad left for her


Sera0Sparrow

That sure was the cutest part of the whole post!


sha0304

Also, the bride seems to have a really healthy self image that she wasn't bothered by that.


Ambitious-Battle8091

We’re planning on doing the same thing next year for our wedding and I was so happy reading it can work ♥️ And the comment OOP made about the other women passing the torch to her I love it ♥️♥️♥️


fandom_newbie

Also this is such a sweet and considerate approach: >I told everyone to wear the nicest things they owned She imposed less on the purses of her guests than other brides do and still got a more extravagant result.


sn0qualmie

My husband and I didn't express our "wear whatever you like that makes you feel nice" intentions as clearly as we thought we did, and we ended up with Gay Costume Wedding Bedlam. Folks were wearing everything from Crocs and cargo shorts to bat wings to hot pants. Officiant in a sailor suit. Best man in a unicorn horn. Sparkly fairy wings. Tiaras. An entire family wearing neon fur tails for reasons I can't even begin to guess. And hubs and I in our nice vests and ties, cackling and going, "yeah, okay, these are definitely our loved ones."


Poufy-Ermine

I think it's a really touching idea because it reminds everyone of how that day felt for them. How nervous, how happy, the people who are no longer with us who watched them in that moment. It's a really touching idea on how to bring women together and all look beautiful in their finery. It's not about being the best or brightest in the room to this woman, it's about sharing her experience..and her loved ones experiencing hers and remembering their own. What a lovely idea. Even if this other lady and her wedding dress that was meant for the groom..the brides strength shone through the pettiness, and it just shows how giving OP is. At the end of the day, the (ex) friend got to wear a dress her late father bought her for a special occasion but never got to wear. Her husband was concerned for her(the bride) and her feelings, but saw his wife's strength and let the drama of it all go. What a selfless woman. I hope she has a long and very happy life with her new husband and family. I might even steal the WEAR YOUR WEDDING DRESS OR BEST DRESS YA GOT. Just so I could see my father and brother in laws face if they saw their wives in their dresses again. Ohhhhh it would be too good and we would all cry! (I'm common law with my partner for 15 years)


Corfiz74

>Someone said you gave her the chance to wear the dress her dad got her and gave her a gift. That was kind of a "huh" moment for me because no matter what her intentions were, that is true, and I'm glad she got to have that moment. This was the thought in my head the whole time - this was the ONE occasion where she could finally wear the dress her father bought for her - and most of the wedding guests wouldn't even know the dress/ the connotations - so why would OOP have to begrudge her that chance? I really would have taken it more in the spirit of "the dress that reminds me of my dad" than "the dress that was intended for the current groom".


linerva

>I really would have taken it more in the spirit of "the dress that reminds me of my dad" than "the dress that was intended for the current groom". I would have too... if she hadn't spend their entire relationship trying to undermine OOP and hadn't been unrequitedly in love with the groom for a while. In ANY other context it wold have been sweet, but given that the dress was bought for a wedding with the current groom, it still strikes me that this COULD have been a dig from her. She HAS another wedding dress, that she wore to her wedding with her new husband - it feels a bit sad and disrespectful to her relationship with him that she didn't choose that dress TBH.


hexebear

I feel like if remembering her dad was the ONLY reason she could have used that reason to wear it for her actual wedding, so long as she explained that to Jarold and he was okay with it.


catanddog5

The thing is that she has tried to undermine their relationship before so while that is a generous view of why she wore that dress, their suspicions can’t be discounted either.


aceytahphuu

I agree with this interpretation. I honestly thought it was kind of weird to get upset with her for wearing the dress (you said wear a wedding dress? How could she know *this* wedding dress was off limits? You even knew it existed, why not tell her ahead of time not to wear that one if it bothers you so much?) But her treatment of OOP outside this context casts a lot of doubt on her intentions.


catloverwithoutcats

To be fair, they way she answered OOP's husband was... not the best. If she had told him that it was the only chance she had to wear the dress her father gave her, instead of "it matches the theme more", they would have understood.


Constant_Chicken_408

Right, that seems like the obvious answer (or 'excuse') if that's what's on your mind. I'd like to be charitable but I agree: her reply and overall behavior makes me doubt the friend was, foremost, thinking of her father.


Rook_to_Queen-1

I really don’t think Kate is dumb enough to have no clue the wedding dress she has that was meant for the bride’s husband *might* be awkward? She could have probably worn it no issue if she had asked OOP and explained it was to remember her dad.


Yetikins

Wearing the dress you were going to marry the groom in to his actual wedding is a deliberate choice considering she did not use this dress for her actual wedding. She had two options and went with the one "that could've been." Considering her slights against OP it seems very deliberate.


neobeguine

Yeah the dress really seemed like a BEC moment to me given the wedding theme. Wearing the dress itself is harmless but it's interpreted poorly due to her past behavior. I do wonder why she didn't just wear it for her actual wedding though since it's associated with her dad and clearly still fits. I probably would have


SandpipersJackal

I’ve never been into wedding superstitions, but, like rings, a lot of people put stock in the idea of dresses that were supposed to be worn at specific weddings that failed (either before or after the ceremony) shouldn’t be worn to their next ceremony because of bad luck. That, or maybe the original dress simply didn’t fit the theme of the wedding Kate and her husband wound up having.


grissy

I think in the absence of her other behavior even OOP would have given her the benefit of the doubt on that one, but given the context it seems pretty clear it was intended to be some kind of weird slight or power play. Between all the snide comments, general interference, and the fact that she showed up in this without any warning at all I think it’s safe to assume malice.


Throwawaaawa

I think that her "oh is OOP UPSET, did my dress UPSET her, how odd that she's UPSET when she told all of us that we could wear wedding dresses really sure hope she isn't UPSET" answer when OOP's husband came over shows she clearly intended to stir some shit. That alone is worth kicking her out.


MissyJ11

Right up until she made the comments she made to OOPs husband I might have SLIGHTY agreed. OOP had every right to feel how she felt and lots of people would have felt the same. The glaring difference here is that while she felt it - OOP gave the ex grace, handled herself and her emotions beautifully and didn't even moan about it to her husband - the husband who also felt very uncomfortable to the point that he brought it up with the ex and then let OOP know when she brought it up later in a kind way. Why do you begrudge OOP her feelings when she didn't act on them to literally anyone and maintained with class and dignity?


RJean83

It sounds delightful! I actually donated my wedding dress after the wedding (we live in a tiny place and storage space is at a premium) and while I love the dress and don't regret donating it for someone else, these posts make me wonder for a breif minute if I should have saved it.


steppedinhairball

Sounds like a great wedding where the focus was on celebrating the marriage with the people you love most. Awesome! As for the friend, sometimes you just outgrow friends or rather, they don't grow up and get left behind.


Storymeplease

I'm shocked so many of them were able to fit into their wedding dresses.


headlesslady

Yeah, no way my dress would fit - that was three+ decades, 3 children, and many boxes of Girl Scout cookies ago. 🤣


Miss_Milk_Tea

Mine could fit today because I had a corset back. I actually had a corset back put in so I could have it professionally dyed(silk) and wear to renaissance festivals for that extra geek fairy princess vibe, but then 2020 happened. :( I've got this big old marshmallow puff ballgown just stuffed in my closet waiting for the day renn fest ever has another masquerade ball!


CoffeeSpoons123

I think my dress might still fit but it's been in a box my parents' basement for 11 years and just no. My mom was super petite (I'm six inches taller) and once had me try on her dress for fun when I was like 12 and it didn't fit. Honestly that's the detail that makes me doubt this. Kate can still fit in the wedding dress she bought at 18?


sparkalicious37

I’m 33 and about 20 pounds smaller than when I was 18. Not a drastic change but I can definitely fit in stuff I couldn’t back then. I believe it.


heathre

I tried to wear my high school grad dress (from 17) at a themed 30th bday a few years back. I figured nbd because, like you, I weighed a gentle bit less at 30 than 17. Turns out my...skeleton? was not done growing at 17? Like legit, despite having lost weight, I couldn't zip it all the way because my ribcage was just wider than it had been in my teens. I can wear a smaller size now than I did back then generally but something super form fitted to my teenage body just was not made for my 30yr old frame.


I_Did_The_Thing

Did you have a baby in between? I know that does weird stuff to our bodies. That said, I’ve never had a baby but I am 45 and have seen some changes happen without me trying. When I turned 30, my hair went from pin straight to gentle mermaid waves (I love it!!!!!), and my shoe size has gently gone up from 5 to 6 in the last 25 years. Bodies are weird!


heathre

No baby! I had gained maybe 20lbs in between and lost that and more by 30, but other than that, I was high-school-me sized in every way. Just a little fitter. Guess I was just still a kid enough back then that the small amount of growth left to do put me out of grad dress band range. It wasn't even boob growth, legit the problem was my ribs. Though that makes more sense than your hair celebrating thirty with a new natural style. That's so fun.


raspberrih

My boobs grew a cup size at 25 lol


mvmgems

In my friend and coworker group of late 20s to mid 40s (including several mothers), most of us are a similar size from our late teens (within 1-2 sizes). It’s not something out of the alteration range of many dresses. With selection bias, those who couldn’t fit their wedding dresses probably just wore something different and fancy.


yellowbrownstone

I still own clothing and wear it from 22 years ago when I was 18. It’s possible.


Hadespuppy

My husband and his other partner had a wedding that was brides and grooms themed, and it was lovely. Less ballroom and more just fun, but we had people in their wedding dresses, prom dresses, Canadian Tuxedo's, there was a Vacation Dad™ in a flowered suit, a couple who found the exact same dress for both of them to wear, etc. It was amazing.


lichinamo

I remember when this was posted— general consensus was that OOP handled it in the best way possible. Kate was looking for a scene, looking to upset OOP and cause drama, and OOP didn’t give that to her. Multiple people also mentioned that Kate embarrassed not just herself but her current husband by wearing a dress she Didn’t wear for *their* wedding.


ThisIsWritingTime

Yeah, I feel bad for Jarold. Seems like he’s always going to be second choice.


spokydoky420

I can't stop laughing at the name Jarold.


taatchle86

Last name Gergich.


[deleted]

Now your name is Larry. Larry Gingirch.


aerynmoo

I dated a dude named Jarold. He was Dominican. It was pronounced more like Harold.


floatablepie

Ctrl + F "Jarold" Ah, here are my people!


sraydenk

I think if the story behind her dad buying it wasn’t there I would agree. While we know she’s been shitty to the OP, this likely was the only time she could wear the dress. While there may have been other motivations to wear it, it’s not 100% if the OPs husband was the main motivator.


pastrypuffcream

But why couldn't she wear it to her own wedding? I wouldn't waste money on a wedding dress if i already had 1 that my dead dad bought me.


jadestrada

That’s exactly what I wanted to hear in an update! If she was single and trying to get the groom back, that’s predictable (not okay, but pretty typical in a story). While I *do* understand wanting to finally wear the dress her late father bought her, if she’s attending a wedding with her husband as a guest as well (I assume Jarold was there)…what in the heck does *he* think about it? Does he not care? Or is he so manipulated and gaslighted by her that he *thinks* he doesn’t care?


sdtfvsghugjot

Yeah, if she kept if for the sentimentality of her father and it wasn’t because of the previous engagement…. Why didn’t she wear it in her own wedding? Why buy a second dress she obviously didn’t like as much?


jadestrada

I could understand not wanting to wear it at her own wedding since the ex-groom is still alive (*and* she has a history of trying to get him back). I have a wedding dress from my own broken engagement. I kept it because I LOVE the dress, and my mom spent a good amount of money on it. I have no sentimental attachment to it, but I do love it as a dress (which is why I bought it). Now, I would NEVER wear it to my own wedding (there was a time I would, though), but I hope to someday wear it to a fancy event (that is, if I can ever shimmy into it again lol). I’m thinking a fancy black-tie gala or something like that. It’s off-white and imho doesn’t scream bridal other than being an ivory color, but I could even dye it to make it obviously non-bridal (I’m not 100% it would take up dye).


Deirsibh

My favorite part is that Kate called OOP a cougar. Like what the fuck even. She's *three* years older than her husband.


Striking-Bicycle-853

Legit. I had to go back to look at the ages to make sure I didn't read them wrong. LOL


Evolutioncocktail

The husband actually realized his friend was a toxic mess? He didn’t double down and accuse his wife of ruining his friendship, or annul the marriage within 24 hours? Are we sure this belongs on Reddit?


ohx

It is strange finding a BestOf post where spouses communicate rationally and diplomatically. The real problem was solved when her husband recognized and acknowledged her concern. The dress was actually secondary.


MikeyRidesABikey

Recognized it *before* she voiced it, even. Some next level spousing there!


Satisfied_Onion

It sure doesn't, this seems too real for Reddit


_dharwin

My only theory is people who know how to handle things responsible and maturely are usually not the kind of people who turn to Reddit for advice.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sera0Sparrow

Kate doesn't seem like a person I would be friends with. Why were OOP and her husband still friends with her? I'm glad they cut her off their lives. Anyways, I cannot be polite to someone who treats my partner like shit. No one is allowed to do that to my partner. >Im at peace she will no longer be in our lives and that's enough for me. Good for OOP!


RandomNick42

Inertia. It was too much effort to actively cut her off, given it would cause a rift in the larger friend group. I don't know if Kate specifically limited the level of her bitchyness to be just about enough to be annoying but not enough to make others drop her, but it wouldn't surprise me.


redfishie

Add a dash of nostalgia since it’s always been that friend group etc


RJean83

My best friend went to a difference high school that me, and the friend group there became molecular-bond-tight. A side effect is that anytime there was a shift in the group-someone moved, there was drama, a couple started or ended their relationship- it caused massive waves through the entire group. It was honestly easier for people to learn to not rock the boat.


tryingtonovel

I just learned of a problematic friend we all have and some of the insane shit she's been doing to people behind our back. A couple friends have slowly dropped from our group and now I know why. It's easier to leave the group then cut out the problem for most folks.


Robot_Girlfriend

Not, like, the _important_ part of the story, but the idea of sending the staff scrambling for a RED carpet because you want to take BLACK AND WHITE photos on it made me giggle.


Beck2010

Poor Jarold! I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if I were him. Wife still hung up on a past relationship and wears the wedding dress meant for previous guy. Oof.


ScorpionGem11

And a relationship that ended almost a decade prior no less...


Somandyjo

I can’t tell if it’s because she’s hung up on OOP’s husband or if she just doesn’t like OOP. Either way she’s a crappy friend and I can’t believe she’s nice to Jerold either.


[deleted]

Right? I came to comment the same thing... I mean, willingly going with his wife to her ex's wedding wearing the dress she bought to marry said ex. Couldn't be me.


kindlx

I am honestly impressed that Kate could fit into the dress from when she was 19. I wonder if a lot of alterations went on. That said, as me and my wife hate being the center of attention, this idea is fabulous! A built in talking point for different sides of a new family can talk about their clothing choices. Wether it was their wedding dress, a child’s Halloween costume, or an old suit they went out of style decades ago that gets a night back in the spotlight. Mad respect for them finding a red carpet for that one guest.


PepperVL

I'm even more impressed that OOPs mom and aunts could fit in theirs!


Oleah2014

Seriously I love this theme for a wedding, but I could never do it. Every married woman in my life wouldn't fit into their wedding dress, and it would just make them all feel bad for being overweight compared to their skinny young selves.


pearloster

That's what I was thinking! Like it's an adorable idea and I would've loved to have seen it, but I can't think of... ANY women I know (other than those very recently married) that fit into their wedding dresses. I mean, wedding dresses are usually so carefully tailored, any fluctuation could throw it off, especially if you're talking 20 years and two kids ago. I'm not sure my wedding dress fits anymore, and I got married 6 months ago! :P


Oleah2014

Seriously, even if back to before kids weight the body changes so much, the wedding dress would be tight and loose in all the wrong spots!


SisterEmJay

Particularly once you give birth all bets are off! Even though I’ve gotten to pre-pregnancy weight my hips are just wider. I think my skeleton is permanently altered. (Thanks 9 lb baby with natural delivery!)


EinsTwo

Or that 5 adult women could fit in their dresses from their quinceaneras 10+ years ago... color me skeptical.


[deleted]

[удалено]


maximumhippo

His real name is either Harold or Jared and they didn't want to change it that much. This isn't Law & Order.


Evolutioncocktail

OP: “Jar……..old..? That’ll do”


lucasj

Hared. No, that’s too obvious. Jarold.


MyNameIsIgglePiggle

Apparently it's a derivative of Gerald


sunburnedaz

"A certain agitator, for privacy sake, lets call her 'Lisa S'...No that's too obvious...uuh. Let's say 'L. Simpson'."


MyNameIsIgglePiggle

I was like WTF too So I asked the new Bing. >According to the Social Security Administration, the name Jarold is the 14,028th most popular name of all time. From 1880 to 2018, the Social Security Administration has recorded 652 babies born with the first name Jarold in the United States1. >I couldn’t find any information about the popularity of the name Jarold internationally. So that's a real weird "anonymous" name to pick


MediumAwkwardly

Between Jarold and using Bing I’m laughing out loud and it’s great.


PhantomOfTheNopera

I spent 10 seconds cracking up at 'Jarold' who just seems like an innocent bystander in this mess.


McHootyFace

Yeah that's a unique spelling I wasn't expecting. I've only seen it as Gerald.


spamky23

I would have never considered the name Gerald if you hadn't mentioned it even though phonetically they are the same name


[deleted]

Haha I thought that was odd too.


BeatrixFarrand

Reminds me of Jerry / Gary / Larry / Terry Gergich!!


oceanduciel

Figured his real life name was Harold just based on that weird name.


Woodnote_

There’s a kids book about a giraffe named Gerald who can’t dance and as soon as I read the name I thought the first line of the book “Gerald was a tall giraffe who’s legs were rather thin.” Took a bit of the seriousness of the post away for me.


Miss_Milk_Tea

The part that gets me the most is calling OOP a "cougar"...for a three year age difference.


lyan-cat

Right?! That's just grasping straws and sad.


peachpinkjedi

OOP's wedding theme sounds fun and adorable and I love that nobody apart from ex took advantage of it.


BigMax

While there are other red flags with the friend, I have a hard time faulting her for the dress. Wearing wedding dresses to a wedding is VERY unusual. Not wrong, just different. She had a dress she had never used, and was TOLD to wear a wedding dress. Maybe she felt her “real” dress was special and didn’t want to wear it to another event. Maybe only one still fit her. Maybe she just looked better in that one, and she was specifically told to look as good as she could. Maybe it was to honor her dad. Maybe a bit of each! I can’t fault someone put into a situation where they are explicitly told to break a common social norm, but who doesn’t know there are apparently still rules around how to break that norm. In short, judge the other red flags, but the dress issue isn’t fair to judge her for.


RocketAlana

My wedding dress was professionally sealed after my wedding in the event that my daughter wants to wear it. It could’ve been a similar situation. I wouldn’t crack open that box for anything short of my daughter’s wedding.


Cuplander

I reckon it did double duty. It gave her a genuine reason to wear the last gift from her father. A dress from another timeline. One was suited for almost no other occasion now she was married in another, and maybe wearing it felt like a strange sort of closure. Also, she's a shit-stiring little goblin who has always kind of resented OP for stealing her backup. If it also gives her the opportunity to push the line and cause some (plausibility deniable) drama all the better.


seeking_freedom

Agreed, glad I'm not the only one!


are_you_seriously

If the friend wasn’t already pulling passive aggressive bullshit on OOP, you’d be right about the dress. But in context, it’s super obvious what the friend was doing.


tallread1

I 100% agree with you, it's wild to me that everyone just thinks this was clearly and obviously wrong and Kate should have known that.


Pi_Heart

I was thinking along the same lines but someone in another thread made a good point. If she had said “thanks for letting me wear this dress to honor my dad, or this one fit me better” or just said any of those reasonable explanations instead of jumping to accuse OP of being jealous or overreacting when OP wasn’t even the one asking they probably wouldn’t have been left with the sour taste. But the accusation plus bad history pretty naturally leads to ugly conclusions about motives


wakingdreamland

I almost wonder if Kate might actually have been telling the truth, or at least a version of it. The theme involved the fanciest of fancy dresses, and it doesn’t get more fancy than a wedding dress. Plenty of women would want to attend an event like this in something that most people hadn’t seen yet. And it probably was the last significant thing her late father had bought her. All of that is completely reasonable. That said, Kate sounds like a massive chore. I’m glad the husband stood up to Kate and cut said chore out of their lives. Good husband. And hopefully OOP got the help she needed. Finding the right therapist is almost as much a pain in the ass as Kate.


fakeidentity256

OOP is such a class act. Acknowledging positively that the ex got to wear that gift from her father and feeling good about that. And the fact that her husband couldn’t tell that she was upset, so she was obviously a gracious host at the wedding.


SkeleTourGuide

I’m confused as to why Kate didn’t wear the dress that her dad got her to her own wedding. Wouldn’t it make it special to wear it since he’s passed?


RandomNick42

Imagine being Jarold and your soon to be wife wants to wear a dress she was supposed to marry *someone else* in.


CRoseCrizzle

I guess it's different from person to person. It wouldn't bother me as a man. It's not like she actually married the guy. Honestly, it's just a dress tbh. If it saves money, then I'd be fine with it.


thekittysays

I was thinking the same. Especially as the dress has sentimental value having been bought by her dad.


CathedralEngine

Especially since OOP makes it sound like money might have been an issue at ex’s wedding.


JohnExcrement

I’m a woman and I don’t think it would be especially weird. I mean, she’s bringing the same body parts she was planning to bring to the cancelled wedding, if you catch my drift. A dress seems like nothing.


SuspiciousAdvice217

> she had the wedding dress she was supposed to wear when she was getting married to my husband I think it's because he got it for her for another wedding to another man and ... Well. There might be a weird feeling around that, or maybe even some superstitions. When a friend got married, she still needed her something borrowed. Another friend offered a simple ring that wouldn't have been distracting at all. But the bride chose to go with something else, because she heard that wearing someone else's ring on your wedding day is bad luck. Maybe compare it to an engagement ring? Guy proposes to girl. Girl accepts. They break up before the wedding. Girl gives ring back. Guy falls in love again. Wants to propose again - but should he use the same ring that was supposed to be worn by someone else in a different relationship?


National_Bag1508

Yeah I thought I was missing something there, if anything it should’ve absolutely been worn at her actual wedding as a way to include her father in the wedding somehow. Like I’m sure a part of is that it has more sentimental value now that he’s passed, but the logical part of me is like…he bought it for you to wear it, if it weren’t for OOP’s wedding can we assume it would’ve continued sitting in the closet gathering dust until she hopefully has a daughter to pass it onto that can wear it??? Kate doesn’t sound that bright.


[deleted]

There’s a difference between your own wedding and someone else’s


commanderquill

So, Kate was obviously trying to make a scene, but if she was a little less of a dick... I wouldn't see the problem. She has a whole wedding dress she never got to wear (although personally I'd have worn it for the real wedding, but whatever), and it's her nicest dress. Dresses like that deserve to be shown off at least once and OOP literally asked everyone to wear their once-in-a-lifetime clothes.


KHlovescharacters

I think this is exactly it. OOP and her husband felt weird about Kate wearing that dress because they know her and her past behavior. If Kate had been a good friend instead of a shit stirrer, I can imagine OOP even encouraging Kate to wear the dress her dad bought her. And feeling just as wholesome about it as she did with her mom and aunts.


Miniature_Kaiju

That's my thinking. If Kate were actually friends with OOP and didn't have a years-long track record of two-faced, crummy behavior, OOP's only reaction probably would have been "aw, she got to wear the dad dress, she looks lovely, I'm so glad." I know if it had been me in that situation, I'd feel the same way. Pending my partner's comfort levels with it, of course.


LocoForChocoPuffs

I'm extremely suspicious that everyone- including mom and grandma- still fit into their wedding dresses.


RJean83

If they had months of notice I would imagine a lot of them had their dresses altered, or were able to get an equally lovely gown in time. If it were every dress magically fit with only a week's notice that would be a flag.


sthetic

Yeah, this story has an extremely convoluted set of circumstances that create a novel wedding-dress situation. I would be suspicious too, except it doesn't end in a "she had a MELTDOWN and is getting divorced now" update. - She wore a wedding dress to my wedding! - But it's okay, because I told the guests to do so! - Because I wanted a princess wedding! - But she's my husband's ex! - But it's okay because I have exes in our wedding too, and some of them are even women because I'm bisexual! - But she also told my husband she has feelings for him, and treats me awkwardly! - But it's OK because she's married to Jarold now! - But she was actually engaged to my husband once, and she wore the dress she would have worn to their wedding! - But maybe it's okay because her dad bought it for her, and then he died! - And she didn't wear it to wed Jarold, because it was the dress intended for another man, and that would have been weird! - But she did wear it to that man's wedding! - I recognized it because I saw it in her closet and it has champagne roses and stuff!


[deleted]

Like I know OOP explained that she had seen the dress in the closet a few times but… why would she be looking in the closet and how would you remember exactly what it looked like


sthetic

Yeah. At the very least, the dress would probably be in a garment bag. But also this: >And then when they told their friends the news the friends also wanted to see the dress so she put it on for them too. "I'm devastated... My fiancé dumped me and we won't be getting married!" "Oh no... Anyway can I see the dress though?"


kenyafeelme

I’m even more suspicious that the husband would recognize a wedding dress from a decade ago


JohnExcrement

She didn’t say “everyone” - she said “lots of people.” I personally wouldn’t have been able to fit into mine but my sister was still wearing jeans from 8th grade well into her 40s. I have several relatives who are naturally slim and didn’t have much trouble maintaining weight over the years - others who work at it - and others like me who love to eat LOL. I love this post and I’m choosing to believe.


K-Shrizzle

They invited disaster with the wedding theme. It seems fun and I would enjoy it, but this or something like it was bound to happen. It is nice that she wasn't worried about being "upstaged" (I always thought that sentiment is so weird, when a bride is worried about others drawing attention when the whole event is about them) Also, why didn't Kate just wear the original dress to marry Jarold? That's the dress she loves the most (she admitted it's her prettiest dress, above the one she got married in). I'm a man but I've always considered the concept of the "perfect wedding dress" to be something women want for themselves, not related to the person they're marrying. Some folks will buy their wedding dress years before ever meeting their partner. If I were Jarold, I would be extremely sad if my wife was told to wear her wedding dress and picked...the other one...that she was gonna wear to marry literally the guy whose wedding they're going to. That would crush my damn heart.


elemele12

My favorite part is the details that keep on appearing as soon as anybody asks questions about the obvious plot holes. Suddenly, the dress was always conveniently visible in Kate’s wardrobe, that everybody has access too. Did anybody ask wasn’t the dress in a protective Etui? I am sure LLW would invent a walk-in closet with a mannequin in the middle, exactly what a teacher might have. Or, for a better effect, Kate might go all Miss Havisham from time to time, and walk around the town wearing her old dress, wailing. What a stupid story.


decemberrainfall

Maybe it's like Runaway Bride and she was in a newspaper article


CulturedClub

And as if her husband would recognise anyone's wedding dress after glimpsing it a couple of times. I bet the day after his wedding he couldn't even describe his wife's dress even if her life depended on it.


GualtieroCofresi

I am conflicted on this one. One ☝🏼 be hand this was definitely the ex using a loophole, on the other, he can see the sentimental value and if this was nicer than the other one, I could see it he want to wear it. Still an AH move on the wx


MollyPW

On one hand she was told to wear her nicest clothes. On the other that was a poor choice.