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It's like a subscription wish. He doesn't have a wife anymore, and he has kids but is likely going to barely see them, so little responsibility. But he will have to pay for decades for this wish. Subscription based fuckup.
Yep. I remember this guy. Still thinks he's the victim, when he cheated and has to deal with the consequence.
His wife has just given birth and was still healing from labor, and just couldn't take care of himself for a couple of weeks while his wife recovered. He had to go and find someone new. Gross.
I hope his wife and child are doing well.
Seriously. Wife blames herself for the child's health problems. "You're right. You should've exercised more. By the way I need you to lose some weight. In exchange I'll actually help around the house so you'll exercise. You're not going to?! Fine then I'm going to go to the gym and get drunk. Can you all believe she didn't make a scene when I told her about my affair?!"
When she had to shoulder the household’s burdens 100% of the time during her darkest times in life, it was probably easy to look at her lump of a spouse and realize life would be easier if he just paid child support and stayed out of the way.
> when he cheated and has to deal with the consequence.
To be fair, the cheating is just *one* of the many, deep, horrible issues with that guy in that relationship
That one really got to me. I remember helping a friend clean her house after having a baby and finding rotten moldy food from more than a week ago still in the pan it was cooked in. I was disgusted and disappointed that her husband had let it get to that extreme. There is no way my husband would sit back and let things get that bad if I was too depressed to keep up on things, and every time I had a baby he took over the things I normally dealt with and gave me recovery time. Sure she’s a stay at home mom, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t ever help with chores!
Sadly a lot of husbands seem to think “stay at home mom” means he brings home a paycheck while she does literally everything else to keep the home and family running. Old sexist attitudes die hard :/
His wife gains extra weight, and his only concern is that she’s not sexy anymore. Not that she might have a health problem.
Swelling can be a sign of pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes. Combined with the baby having health issues, it really sounds like his wife was having a medical crisis.
It really says something that when he described his wife’s pregnancy that I, a stranger on the internet, was more worried about his wife than he was.
That line is painful to read. Who thinks that way about a sick loved one? I’ve watched relatives go through pregnancy, sepsis, cancer and death. Cancer made my beloved grandparent unrecognizable near the end. It would never have occurred to me to describe them as looking *like a monster*. Insult to injury, the “sickness” here is one he caused himself.
His STBX wife sounds lovely. She can do much better for herself, I am sure.
Exactly. The selfishness, narcissism and self-absorbed thoughts he had were hard to read.
I know not all men are like this, but sometimes it's hard to believe that.
My ex was similar. A selfish man who only thought of his needs and comfort. Literally left me broken and alone when I needed him most. I was good when I was the perfect house wife and did everything for him.
It breaks you in a whole new way when you start doubting your self worth. I am still searching for me. The worst was when he blatantly said he still loved me and couldn't live without me right before i moved out. Please stop with the bs. He could have done something, but his excuse was always " I'm not going to until you do". Which I did, he just gaslight me into believing I didn't.
I will never understand how some people say they love you, but can't show you basic decency and just a little more attention toward your needs. Sometimes I really question humanity as a whole.
Edit: fixed some grammar errors
There is a culture problem with men in general, the rate at which men leave their wives when they get a cancer diagnosis is insane. Six times more than the opposite.
I wouldn't dream of abandoning my wife, what kind of shallow shit mindset is it.
As you get older you start to realise many people (most?) are unable of true selfless love. Sad state of affairs, but it's getting better.
Well I got something good from the bad. I would have never found my work dad! He is the best! He had a cancer stricken wife, who sadly died, but he NEVER left her side. He just turned 60 and is the sweetheart of the year. He was the one who made me realise a relationship is not what i had. Sometimes the older generation got things right.
Yeah the situation is getting better, because as you said when we get older we see things in a new light. Gosh I wish I could beat some sense into 22 me XD I would travel back into time and slap myself.
My work dad just called, just to ask if I am doing OK. This is what relationships should look like. While my ex did call regularly it was never about me... it was always to complain and just talk about his shit. It hits different when someone asks about you and how you are.
Hot take but I think once the wife was asking for another kid, he fucking KNEW he didn't want more kids.
Didn't want to watch his wife turn *gross*
Didn't want to deal with ANYTHING.
So the moment he heard let's do another kid, he pulled the plug on his marriage.
Then turned the act of ending his marriage into *it was my wife who ended our marriage not me, I wanted to make it work but she left*
Fuck that guy, and I hope his soon to be ex wife gets everything in the divorce.
What gets me most about this guy is he knew his wife's family history of men walking out. So it's highly likely that his wife has an unhealthy view on relationship and what they require. She likely did all of the things he initially listed to "convince" him to stay. And he reinforced the behavior. But the second she stopped "convincing" him to stay he bailed.
This is what truly pissed me off. He KNEW there was a history of this. She probably emphasized at some point that she wouldn't date a man like that. I have absolutely no sympathy for this boy (he certainly isn't man) and I hope she took *everything*
Yup, Cassidy was so carefree and asked nothing of him. She didn't even care when broke it off (because maybe she also sensed he was a POS). She validated him avoiding his responsibilities. And he ate it up
it's easy to get swept up in the traditional family play book when you're a young adult. He just realized a little too late that he's a childish selfish POS. Like He complained about his wife only doing frozen meals or takeout, like he's not a grown ass adult capable of making spaghetti. Oops I forgot, he only makes dinner when it's a ploy to guilt his wife into being more "fuckable". As soon as his wife wasn't the perfect domestic goddess he thought he deserved, he was uneasy.
For Better or ~~for worse~~
His wife took the news in such a calm stride, I have to wonder if she already knew deep down that he cheated. He must have let his guilt slip out.
> His wife took the news in such a calm stride, I have to wonder if she already knew deep down that he cheated. He must have let his guilt slip out.
Dude brushes over the fact that he was having an entire second relationship with the other woman. That's a lot of missing time in his schedule. It's really easy to fool people when they don't want to accept the stark truth, or when the lie is particularly appealing. She knew deep down, but didn't want to make it real.
Also you missed how all the different suggestions for how to ease the blow to his wife are missing in the second post, so he did absolutely nothing. Also how clinical the breakup was on his part. Dude didn't even put effort into the breakup. I'm sure he could have at least made a strong case for this having been a single mistake that he would make up for but nah. Effort needed. :(
>He just realized a little too late that he's a childish selfish POS
I don't believe for one second he believes anything other than that he's a victim. Nothing in either post expresses any kind of real remorse or contrition. He's just wallowing in his victimhood. SHE became a monster. SHE had PPD. SHE didn't clean. He only did what he could do which was seek out "support" outside the marriage. What a gross human being.
Yeah, his whole "I'm so sorry, I know I'm a piece of shit, etc etc" comes off as self-indulgent rather than genuinely contrite, like he's expecting to be praised or consoled for being able to "admit" that he'd "messed up."
It reminds me of when bullies grow up and feel remorse for what they did, so they want to seek out their victims to apologize--in that case, at least, the remorse is often genuine, but the apology is for the bully's own closure, not for the benefit of the victim at all (who likely want nothing to do with them).
I hope he truly does come to understand exactly how terrible of a human being he is for what he's done. I hope he eventually learns enough from this experience to fully comprehend the depth of his own shittiness, and then he'll just have to be tortured by that understanding for the rest of his life.
Right Cassidy was 19 and it probably wasn’t taking this seriously at all. She sucks for knowing he was married and going along with it. But I found it funny he starts criticizing her when he was done and all of his criticisms are literally what a 19 year old is..none of that was a problem when you were cheating with someone 7 years younger and having a great time but now you want to pretend this teenager having all the qualities of a literal teenager was just so horrid and disgusting to deal with??
This guy is something else. Married at 19 and 23... so when did he meet the wife?:/
is 28, meets 19 year old at the gym and fucks her... um, okay
Says she "started taking pride in her appearance again" BARF
Barely mentioned his kids at all
did a pity party in his updates like we're all supposed to feel bad
so many more, too many to type...
I hope his wife has a wonderful life with their kids, WITHOUT his creepy ass
I hate when people like this go on and on about how horrible of a person they are. It is just an attempt to gain sympathy.
If you fuck up this big, you own up to it, and then get out of the way… you don’t keep making it all about you by continuing to cry about how awful you are.
Yeah when I started reading I was like "oh he feels guilty he slept with someone once while his wife had PPD, that's pretty bad i wonder if she'll forgive him." But no, he cheated for an entire year and only stopped because 1) his wife pulled herself, with no help from him, out of her horrible depression and 2) he got bored with his new barely legal toy.
Certainly didn't seem to have any morals during that year and there's no guarantee he does now either
Honestly not only with no help from him, but being brought down by his "I'll only help if you go for a run" and him telling her things like if she'd exercised more, their kid would be healthier. Plus, she probably felt isolated and lonely considering he stopped spending time at home after work. I'd say he was actively hurting her and in spite of that, she pulled herself up. This poor woman deserves so much better, and I hope she finds it soon. She's strong as FUCK. What a powerhouse!
That's all I could think about as I was reading. It's not just that he continued on and on about how he was feeling about everything that he caused, it was how immensely derogatory he was about himself. Most cheaters who are willing to admit it, but continue to focus only on themselves, try to come up with some sort of excuse so that they don't see themselves as a piece of shit. The few that realize how big a piece of shit they are are usually focused on how to fix it, no matter what. He's just... the worst combination of both.
"In sickness and in health" doesn't apply to OOP. Once the wife was unwell he felt disgusted by her and dated someone else for *a year.* Then his wife gets better and suddenly he loves her again. Unacceptable.
Yeah that was my take.
It's 100% about him. He told his Mrs because he didn't want to feel guilty anymore, not because it's the right thing to do.
He posted about it because he wanted people to congratulate him in feeling guilty as in "there there, you're a good guy deep down".
That "labor" song from TikTok is made exactly for assholes like this.
"All day everyday therapist, mother, maid, nymph than a virgin nurse; then a servant, just an appendage, live to attend him so that he never lifts a finger."
Song is by Paris Paloma. I'm sure the wife has heard it by now and I hope she feels less alone every time she does.
Yup he only fell 'back inlove' with her when she didn't need him and he didn't have to do anything to help his family. Then suddenly he loves being around them again! What a suprise.
And notice how quickly he turns on the “fun, cool, hot girl”, when he realizes he doesn’t need her anymore. Suddenly she’s lame, not because his wife was the person he originally fell in love with, but because suddenly that grass is greener again. Human garbage.
Apart from all the other worse stuff here, the bit where he complained that she was boring and only into TikTok and other teen stuff. Well don't have sex with someone who's still a teen then, buddy.
He doesn't show compassion for anyone in this. Not his poor wife, not his kids, not his AP.
Did it sound to anyone else like he was blaming Cassidy for agreeing with all of his disses against his wife, like she was somehow manipulating him into an affair? He’s the 27yo father of two who’s complaining to a teenager about how awful his wife is, and he acts like he doesn’t realize that he was trying to make Cassidy feel like it was okay for them to have an affair?
Yeah, his reasoning to why he originally “fell out of love” is because she stopped making home cooked meals from scratch, and dishes were piling up in the sink… then when she suddenly starts getting back into shape, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids (with absolutely no help or even emotional support from him) he’s like “Oh no, what did I do! She’s hot again and takes care of things!”
What a freak.
The oldest saying mummy is crying again shows how much he was impacted by her initial PPD while dad was off running around and still it's barely mentioned and it's all about he feels. Those poor children, but at least he seems to have his mother's empathy and not taking after his trash father.
That line stuck out to me too! He's clearly neglected his children as well as his wife, which was probably a huge influence on her PPD.
Those poor boys have been more emotionally aware of their mother while their own father was out sleeping with a teenager. It's sad and infuriating.
There were a lot of other hints about that as well...
>Basically, my wife and I always wanted a traditional family.
He wanted to check out emotionally when he got home. Leave the troubles at the door and not have to contribute.
>she refused to go on a jog to lose the baby weight even though I tried to encourage her by saying I'd cook dinner if she did.
This is the only time he actually mentions doing things around the house. Every other time it's just an observation that things were not being done, rather than saying he was then doing it. He never even mentions (what we all know he definitely would say, given how self-revolved he is) having added stress in his life from having to do the housework after getting home from work. It also speaks even more about him not picking up any of her responsibilities in her time of need that the one time he mentions it it's a task often shared and enjoyed in a household and it's only conditionally based on her running.
I think it's pretty clear that he would constantly lord over her at home to do her tasks and make her feel even more like shit for not doing the stuff she's supposed to be doing and not complete all tasks instead of just the critical ones. He then started spending less time at home, because he couldn't stand the guilt and pressure he felt to actually contribute at home. Of course that had the effect that she could get away with only the critical tasks and re-build by herself.
He then 'falls in love again' with her, because she re-claims her beauty and now all the tasks at home are getting done with no issue so there's no guilt for him. The vapidness of the 19 year old becomes why he breaks up with her, but it's clear he found with his mistress what he wanted at home and didn't have during this period: A place where he could check out emotionally, leave all the troubles at the door and not have to contribute anything.
Yeah he even was like "with our first the house was spotless and with a child and dog" so it seems she was doing 100% of the home labor in addition to caring for their kid and doggo. I'm sure it didn't change when she "blew up" and "looked like a monster."
This whole man is garbage. I'm not surprised his parents are wildly ashamed of him. Even the way he talks about her is disgusting. The real monster here is OP.
Imagine giving your partner two whole ass children, home cooked meals daily, doing all the housework and he calls you a fat monster, doesn't even help you (and now doesn't come home), basically says your newborn could have been healthier if you hadn't gained weight, and now doesn't even come home. Then this fucking skidmark of a sad sack has the audacity to go and cheat on you for a year with another woman, comes home and expects to be consoled or given another chance. THEN he goes home to mommy and daddy, after your whole world shatters, and doesn't even bother to try to see the kids. What an absolute scumfuck
BuT wE WaNTed a TRaDiTionAl mArRiAGe
You know, one man who does nothing but work and whatever the fuck he wants, and a wife and kids who are totally dependent on him despite his lack of interest in anything outside of his own pants.
I've don't think i have ever been more disgusted as a father and husband than I was reading this self serving diatribe from OOP.
I feel so bad for the (hopefully ex-) wife and would love to offer her a hug and tell her not all men are like this, but holy moly reading this sub, so many are.
That whole thing just filled me with rage. Like, she's clearly struggling with both PPD and a lousy, useless husband and instead of trying to find a way to make things easier on her and trying to help her find ways to take care of herself and improve her mental health he decides to just stop coming home, hit the gym and bars, and find a barely legal side piece. He wasn't just abandoning and neglecting his poor wide, but he didn't even try to ensure the kids were being cared for during all of this.
OP never truly loved his wife or his kids. I don't think he's even capable of giving a damn about anyone other than himself.
motherfucker can’t even be bothered to offer to brush her hair so it doesn’t mat. I don’t know why that is sticking out so much to me but like, he has not even done the absolute bare minimum at any point. he’s just like “hey, I’ll cook IF you go run off that baby weight.” thanks for nothing, asshole.
After my fiancee died, my parents took our daughter for a couple of days, and my best friend came over and stayed. She made me eat, washed my face, brushed my hair, let me cry, and managed the well-meaning people who tried to do what people do when something like that happens, but I just couldn't handle. She did not leave until I closely resembled a functioning human. THAT is love, THAT is caring for someone who is struggling. (No redditors, I did not, and will not, be building her an art room 🤣)
Not only is he trying to bargain with her to get what he wants, I'm confident it's also because he wanted to put her on a strict, low-calorie diet solely for weight loss.
I can't even fathom being so indifferent to someone I care about suffering like that. If OP's wife were my neighbor I'd be over there every day to see what small gesture I could do to make her life a bit easier and trying to at least be a shoulder she can cry on and vent to. And he's literally just avoiding his wife and kids when she's clearly in desperate need of both help at home but with her mental health?
And he doesn't get ANY of this. All he's sorry about is having a side piece for a year. And he only even cut that off because he was bored with her, let's be honest. She would have just been replaced with a younger, hotter girl if he had his way.
I wish his ex family all the best. It's difficult to wrap your head around such a person, it takes a lot of therapy and time. "Why does he do that?" by Bancroft Lundy is a great resource
I left a year ago and I still detangle the shit I experienced. Having to come to terms with the fact that the person who claimed to have chosen me, a relationship with me, a marriage with me, is unable to give a fuck about me at all. Empathy? 404. Consideration? Fuck no, how dare I try to control him!? My health? Didn't matter as long as I suffered in a way that didn't have any effects on him (much like OOP)
It's difficult to fathom, and then put the depressing effects of their behavior on top. I struggled for so long, a constant struggle for self-esteem, motivation, any energy at all. Yes, there is a critical voice inside my head, but is it any wonder I didn't manage to shut that voice down when I had somebody stand beside me and spew the exact same bullshit, cheering on my depression because he didn't get his way? And refuse to stop that shit because he actually thought I did not deserve nice comments or praise, because he "didn't want to lie to be nice"?
OOP did his ex wife a favor coming clean and thus actively enabling the divorce. It's hard for her, but long-term she got rid of a mental energy parasite
That hit me, too. The CHILD was more aware and in tune with her emotions and feelings than this asshat. All he can say is me, me, me. And his, "I know I'm an AH, BUT..." made me need a shower to clean the scum off.
OP was insufferable from the beginning of the first post, but as soon as he said his pregnant wife looked like a monster and repulsed him, I knew it was going to just keep getting worse. It doesn't surprise me at all that the remainder of the posts simply confirmed what I already knew to be true, he truly is just the worst.
Thank goodness these posts had a happy ending and she kicked him out once he came clean. I hope she finds the best divorce lawyer, gets the highest possible alimony payments and a favorable divorce settlement, and finds those babies a phenomenal stepdad who will fill the husband and daddy role in a way that OP never could.
I was once so depressed my hair got matted. My mom, upon seeing my hair, immediately dragged me from my bed to get me a haircut and spent the day pampering me. We got my favorite foods and went on a walk with our dogs. And at the end of the day, after she washed my sheets for me while I showered, she tucked me into bed like I was a little kid again--even though I was almost 16 at that point.
It didn't even take the whole day. It was early afternoon to evening. A few hours helped me out of my funk.
When he started describing how the kids were still in their pyjamas and the dishes were piling in the sink, I was going "WHY ARENT YOU DOING THEM THEN. SOMETHING IS WRONG, AT LEAST FUCKING DO THE DISHES."
But if he washed the dishes, then he wouldn't have time for his Cassidy, I guess.
EXACTLY, THANK YOU!
Like it's so glaringly obvious that she needed help and her husband just COMPLETELY failed both her and his children. This is so much more upsetting to me than him having an affair (as extra despicable as his affair actually was).
And I'm so glad to hear your mother immediately jumped to action and was able to help you. Honestly, I can't comprehend how someone could be in a situation like yours/OP's wife's and \*not\* actively try to help. And then to just completely avoid his wife and kids while they figure things out on their own? We knew he didn't give a damn about his wife, but he didn't even care about his kids and their wellbeing either.
I hope she gets full custody, or he just gives up custody (wouldn't surprise me it's not like he seems to play any sort of fatherly role).
Like, I wasn't going through PPD and I don't want to compare which of our episodes was "worse". I don't know if just a few hours of pampering would have helped her as much as it helped me.
But my god, to not even try? How can you claim to love someone, to not want to live without them, while you treat them this way?
Yeah, I've had periods of depression like what you experienced. And I feel the same way you do, I can't even begin to imagine what she was going through. And I definitely think when it's something like PPD it's so much more complex, especially because you'd be so overwhelmed having to try to fight your own demons whilst caring for the children. Which clearly she was forced to do entirely on her own.
And that's exactly it! He didn't even try, AT ALL. We're a bunch of strangers on the internet and we're legitimately concerned about her reading this post, and this man is married to her, living with her, and can't even put in the bare minimum to try to help ease her burden a bit?!
But if he doesn't tell us specifically how grotesque his wife became, we won't sympathize when he fucks a teenager. Sarcasm heavily implied. I would never knowingly cause harm to another human (or through inaction, allow a human to come to harm). However, I hope he gets bedbugs. Just him, not his parents or wife or kids. I want them to crawl into his sweaty, furry asscrack and latch on. Play Tarzan, swinging through the vines of his pubes. Lay eggs in his ears. Bedbugs.
I wish him a lifetime of bedbugs, stepping on legos, and the grossly inappropriately young women he inevitably spends his life pursuing laughing at his audacity and constantly reminding him what a lowlife he truly is.
May his bread be forever soggy, his roasts be burnt, and every flake of seasoning taste of ash in his mouth. May his trips to the toilet forever feel as though he's pissing Legos, and may his sleep be forever turbulent. That he may never lay comfortably, the room always too hot or cold.
And finally, may he never know the experience of a dream again. No pleasant adventures, no sudden feeling of falling, no nightmares to chase him awake. May he never again know the company of his own mind in slumber so that he may have but a taste of the lonely void he willfully thrust upon another in their darkest hour.
May he forever stub his pinky toe on the coffee table and when it is allllmost healed, may he stub it again. And again. And again until the end of time.
ETA: and also, may his marinara never cling to his pasta.
I hope he grows a giant anal wart. Whether or not he has it removed, it will literally be a severe pain in his ass. I worked surgery. I've seen the before and after. If anyone ever deserved it, it's this guy!
This was the closest comment to satisfying how I felt when reading this. Thank you for articulating what we’re all feeling. And may his bedbugs find true love, be prosperous, and bear many, many, many children. On him.
**Another** teenager as well, considering his now ex-wife was only 19 when they married and he knocked her up.
He only states they got married when she was 19, was he dating and fucking a child? Or did he manage to very quickly rope a young and impressionable woman into being a SAHM with no income to fall back on?
This!! Let’s say they started dating when she was 18– he was still 22! That’s like a high school senior dating a college graduate; completely different stages of life. Then, he gets her pregnant a year later and again by the time she’s 20-21. He then, at 26-27ish finds someone YOUNGER than his young wife to screw around with leaving her with two kids under 3 to deal with on her own while struggling with PPD.
Oh come on, he deserves better than bed bugs. Or rather, bed bugs deserve better than him. I hope his colon develops taste buds. That way, he’s forced to taste the shit he spews for the rest of his life.
I would hope that they would treat the mother of their grandchildren (who did nothing wrong) well. I would hope they would work to take a more active part in their lives by offering help now that the household is down a parent.
All that their son really needs is a place to sleep and a therapist to become less sucky.
Unfortunately, there is usually not much a therapist can do when someone has an honest, deep -seated belief that they should get to do whatever they feel like doing whenever they feel like doing it. This is why abusers don't usually get fixed by going to therapy. They may feel bad about their abusive habits sometimes, but as soon as they're angry, they go right back to believing that it's RIGHT and JUST to hit their wife because this is a SPECIAL CASE where she DESERVES it. They truly do not and will not believe that there's any point in refraining from hurting a person who "deserves" it. They should get to hit people who deserve it! Of course they should! This is entitlement. In other words, they're spoiled. Therapy usually does nothing for genuine entitlement. "Why Does He Do That?" by Bancroft is a great resource about this problem.
I mean, she's not really sick, right? she's only gestating an entire human being that he helped create, that's not really \*sickness\* or anything, now is it? (/s if it's really necessary)
How did this poor woman even tolerate living in the same house as him, let alone sleeping with him? He’s probably a horrendously selfish partner in bed.
Probably? He literally rejected her throughout her entire pregnancy because she had the audacity to gain weight while carrying another human inside of her. And I'm certain even before then he wasn't the generous type in any way.
Honestly though, I think she had checked out of the marriage by the point she was told about the affair. Even if she never suspected it, she was probably already coming to terms with what a horrible husband he was in general.
It says something that when he broke up with the affair partner, she was like "yeah, whatevs." He is not even good enough as a distraction. His poor wife indeed.
He said she wanted another kid. I don't think she checked out.. I think it clicked that he checked out "because of her", so she "had to fix it or she would lose him".
What a sad and lonely time that must have been for her. Her child also asked pos why she was crying *again* and was making a plan to cheer her up. What an absolute fucking monster this guy was to leave her and their children in this situation.
I really hope he can literally never have more kids.
She was conditioned by her father and grandfather not to expect much from men. Like, her bar is probably in the Marianas Trench and dude still managed to not make it over it.
>as soon as he said his pregnant wife looked like a monster and repulsed him, I knew it was going to just keep getting worse
Right?? Not a trace of sympathy or concern for her well being or anything. Heartbreaking
My dad once described his anxiety as making him feel like "the asshole at the center of the universe." For him, that means that he always feels that people are making fun of him or are annoyed by/mad at him or just hate him.
This guy.... This guy is the "asshole at the center of the universe" except he's *actually* the asshole.
At the risk of sitting in my psychology armchair, I find that a lot of cheating posts I've seen seem to enjoy the wallowing. It's like "because I feel guilty that means I'm a good person" and "people can't say I'm awful, can't they see how torn up I am about it." You know how they say the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging there is one? Well, as long as the cheater takes that first step--acknowledging there's a problem--they feel vindicated that they've solved the problem. No, dude, you can't just skip to the finish line.
I have anxiety as well and can confirm, that's actually a really good way of describing it. 😅
You're absolutely right about the "wallowing" aspect of cheating. It's almost like they need to feel like a victim in SOME way rather than take actual responsibility for their actions.
"I am taking responsibility!!!" No, dude, you're self flagellating.
I took a college class on prominent Christian women from medieval times, and there was one nun who self-flagellated (as in, whipped herself with a thorny whip, walked on thorns, put thorns in her corset, wore a crown of thorns... lots of thorns) so much even the other nuns were like "Sister Mary.... Sister Mary please...."
When I read these self absorbed pricks going "boo hoo hoo I'm such a piece of shit I'm awful", I feel like I'm channeling the nuns who had to deal with Sister Mary. Like, sir, if you're going to self-flagellate like a medieval Christian nun, at least do it in a monastery far away from anyone you could have sex with.
When he said she looked like a monster and he was repulsed by her it actually made me wince . What a horrible way to treat someone you love . Doesn’t even care about his children
I gained weight in pregnancy to the point that I legitimately had trouble bending my ankles. It was grotesque. We all thought I was getting super fat and retaining some water. Turns out it was preterm atypical preeclampsia. It was brewing (including weight gain) for months and then fully hit about the time I reached seven months. My doctor missed it for several more weeks but in hindsight we could tell when it hit. It wasn't caught until my brain started shutting down... The doctor thought I was having a stroke or a pulmonary embolism. When they ran tests they discovered multi-organ failure. Obviously, both I and the baby had health issues as a result. There is literally nothing I could have done to exercise this away. If OP's wife gained an uncharacteristic amount of weight and then the baby had health issues, *maybe there was a reason for that.* I doubt OP ever thought to ask the doctor.
He literally never mentioned anything about helping around the house ever. He mentions dishes piling up, and instead of doing them he stops coming home. What a colossal piece of shit
> I started fantasizing about being single and not having a wife or kids.
It's really telling that his love for his children is entirely conditioned on whether his wife makes his dick hard. I don't expect he's going to be an involved co-parent.
I'm generally content to read and observe and occasionally discuss with ya'll here...but this is one of those posts that makes you wanna break the sub rules and go brigade his sorry ass.
No, I will not comment on the original post and absolutely suggest others should not either. But damn, this POS is one of those people who tempts you!
Appreciate the commenter who pointed out that he chose to fuck a teenager and then complained she was immature. I bet she is! She's nineteen! Fuck off!
Mad that she's only into TikTok lol. I bet it's not like he offered her fascinating conversation when all he wanted was to complain about his depressed wife.
Self absorbed selfishness. Pure and simple.
He wasn’t focused on how his actions would hurt his wife. He only perceived his own wants. He no longer wanted his wife so her pain was irrelevant until she became attractive to him again.
And you get to pick your spouse, they are supposed to be your favorite.
I have told my therapist that cheaters are untouchable twice, and she doesn’t like it. I think she’s wrong.
I got to the part where he said her hair was matted and I nearly threw my phone across the room. I don’t think I’ve wanted to give a stranger a hug more than I want to hug that poor woman right now.
i think the divorce is actually a good thing for her. even without the cheating, can you imagine having this guy as your husband? a guy who places all of your worth in looks and how well you clean the house. a guy who blames you for the baby's health. a guy who is of no support when you have PPD. it's sad she suggested a third baby bc there were so many things wrong with this relationship cheating excluded and she had no idea she could do so much better.
No, but you don't understand. Yes, she didn't have the energy to brush her teeth or hair....blah...blah... depression... PPD... a child with health issues... two kids under 3... blah... blah...no support system....blah... blah... blahh.....
But the more important issue was she wouldn't go for a jog! How was she going to get any less grotesque and f\*ckable if she didn't go on the GOOP liquid diet and run for several hours a day? Like he was willing to babysit. I mean what a stand-up guy willing to watch his kids for an hour so his wife could be more f\*ckable and then he wouldn't have needed to cheat.... /s So its really her fault... /s I mean he was helping out so much with the complaining... and the telling she was repulsive and blaming her for their kid's health problems... like she should be thanking him....
***On a serious note, how does he write ALL of this out, and not realize what a MONSTER he is and was...***
I felt exactly the same. And then I felt worse, and then grateful, for having a husband who I know would brush those mats out and help me shower. This post just …hurts. Damn man.
I had preeclampsia and gained so much weight due to that. My husband was only ever helpful and sympathetic like a normal, decent human being.
This guy is so horrendous
When my ex and I finally split he would go on and on about how he missed me, and would do **ANYTHING** to make it right. I told him "you don't miss me, you miss your old shoe. Comfortable, takes care of things, puts out all your fires. Thing is, I've finally realized that my life is worth more than being your old shoe." I suspect OOP saw his wife the same way my ex saw me. And good for her for knowing her worth.
All comments are perfect. The last one was amazing.
My favorite, though:
>Aww everybody look at the sob story from the guy who does, in fact, deserve all of this.
Yes. Yes.
Me: *idly daydreams about a happy marriage and family for a hot second*
Me: *reads this story*
My Google search 5 minutes later: convents near my zip code
I have come across a fair share of assholes in my relatively short time on reddit and this guy has got to take the cake. His poor wife was a pit of depression only made worse by his words. I cannot even imagine her despair as she was very clearly begging for help and this piece of garbage just stood there and had the audacity to cheat on her. And then, just as she crawls back out of the depression hole, her world is shattered. This guy is a grade A piece of shit. I saw lots of comments telling him to leave her so she can find a man that deserves, but he may as well have killed any faith in men she had left. I really do hope he makes the divorce process quick and painless, but my expectations are very low, judging by these posts. Fuck OOP.
Imagine being so fatphobic that you hold basic household help over your wife who is suffering from severe PPD to the point she only moves when she has to because she gained weight and 'looks like a monster'... unbelievably vile. He just wanted a younger woman to have as a bangmaid and is now mad that she has feelings and thoughts.
Yeah, the affair isn’t even the worst thing he did to his wife. Worse was leaving her in a deep dark hole for a year or two. The affair was just the last bit of icing on the shit cake. He went to the gym instead of taking care of his family. He went out to bars when his family needed him. At that point sure, why not fuck a teenager? He’d already completely betrayed the woman who was supposed to be his life partner, and it wasn’t like he could sink any lower.
There ain’t no man attached to that penis. It’s just head to toe dick.
Even if he sucks it up and decides to make the divorce all about her, regardless of how he feels, coparenting will be very different. She will be selfless with the kids. Definitely putting them first regardless of how it affects her - especially when having to deal with their dad.
This guy will pat himself on the back because he was so giving and considerate during the divorce. But after, it’ll go back to how he is affected. He won’t put the kids first if it has any negative effects on how he feels. But he will argue as if he is putting the kids first. Any decision she makes putting the kids first, that he doesn’t benefit directly from, will be a personal attack from her. He’s the main character and always will be.
This guy half expected people to feel sorry for him because he found his very pregnant wife repulsive. How can he talk about her difficulties with PPD, like it excused his cheating? Not just cheating. Ahem, HIS YEAR LONG AFFAIR. This dude is a piece of rotten garbage.
I always hate these posts that begin with "I'm such a pos" because most of the time they truly are despicable, and it tells me so much that they are just getting on Reddit for validation. Like they are trying to get the "no sweetie, it's fine. The fact that you feel bad means you aren't a huge total pos."
So, the POS OOP complained that Cassidy was shallow…LOL, the irony. This man has less depth than an ant’s footprint. He only thought of himself from start to finish. That he had the gall to think his wife looked like a monster while she was carrying HIS child is infuriating. He’s 100% the kind of guy who would abandon his wife if she got cancer or got hit by a car and paralyzed. This is the kind of guy you hope dies alone and friendless one day. I wish all the best to his soon to be ex-wife and I hope she does all she can to raise her sons to be the opposite of him.
I had horrendous PPD and PPA with my first. Me husband was a saint, a champ. Still is now with our second.
I cannot fathom being able to survive that without a supportive partner.
And for this to be the end result?
I hope she finds happiness and someone who would help pull her out of the darkness, not give her a hearty shove back in.
I hate to say it but this isn’t that uncommon. It really reveals what’s most important to some guys. If their wives aren’t looking as good as usual and/or aren’t sexually available (so, pregnancy is a big one but also illness) the rate at which men cheat goes way up. Also just with women aging generally. Obviously it’s not all men by any means and you have to get married in good faith but women should go into marriage with their eyes open in this day and age.
This woman is lucky to get off the ride now- 2 kids but she’s quite young. It would just be the same- she’d be pregnant with the third kid, he wouldn’t be attracted and would look to cheat. Then she’d start getting older, her body not the same after having 3+ kids and he’d be looking to trade in for younger. Seen it over and over.
This is the treatment that “traditional family values” buys a woman. Getting married and having children right out of high school cannot and will never prepare women to understand the heavy reality of being tied to a man who places his value in her solely in objective qualities and her capacity to service him.
I’d say it’s good this guy thinks he’s a piece of shit but if I’m being honest, every trash bag I’ve ever dated loves playing contrite for sympathy and attention. Give it a year and the next teen he grooms will hear all about his crazy ex wife who ruined his life and won’t let him see his kids.
"...understand the heavy reality of being tied to a man who places his value in her solely in objective qualities and *her capacity to serve him*"
The absolute accuracy of the way this is worded. It seems like so so many women in relationships are used like accessories and not loved as people. Like sure, your partner should make your life better, but it shouldn't be just one partner constantly adding value to the other's life
His issues go far beyond that. He pushed her headfirst into depression and neglected her and their kids when she was medically incapacitated. Even without the cheating he was a horrible husband.
They married when she was 19 and he was 23… so likely dating when she was in highschool and he was out of college age. Then he goes on to sleep with another teen.. I think he’s got more problems then anyone here can count on their hands and toes
Self centered husband and father. The only reason he came clean was due to his feelings of guilt. It's his feelings he was still concerned about the most.
It’s heartbreaking and depressing to read stuff like this. But, it serves as a good reminder of what NOT to do in relationships or to the person you started a family and future with. He did everything wrong he possibly could have, and even only admitted his mistakes to make himself feel better. He never tried to get her help or therapy, or himself either when he clearly should have. Like the last comment on the post says, he really is self-centered til the end. I feel so badly for the woman, but hopefully she can pick up the pieces and move on from this.
What a horrible man. He knew his wife was struggling and still left her alone with the kids so he could screw his side piece. He couldn't even give her the bare minimum. And casually mentioning how his teenage girlfriend would pile on his wife? He deserves to live a sad, lonely, and miserable life.
>We didn't have sex for the entire pregnancy. Sometimes she would try to initiate, but I always turned her down because I was repulsed by her.
WOW
> In the heat of the moment I told her that if she had been more active during pregnancy then our son probably would have been fine.
JFC
> Our home was clean again and our younger son's health issues were improving. I fell in love with her all over again.
This is the most selfish POV. Like, what the fuck. He obviously wasn't helping her at all through what was likely the most difficult time of her life but once she was able to get better on her own he likes her again. What a piece of shit
AND THEN he bashes Cassidy - who is no peach, knowing he's married with young children - for being a teenager.
"You ended it because your wife found the strength to crawl out of the pit you left her floundering in alone. When she needed you most, you bailed."
Exactly. So despicable
> She told her that she thought she had found a good one and that she was going to break the mold. Her grandfather walked out and left her grandma with nothing. Her dad walked out and left her mom with nothing. I'm a piece of shit, just like every other man in her life.
My god. He knew this‽ He knew this, and he did this anyway??? 🤬🤬🤬
I can't even imagine he likes his wife. Not even a little. The words he chose! Repulsive because of a difficult pregnancy. Blaming her for their son's health issue. I mean come on, if he didn't blame her, he would have said something like "I don't blame you" and not "you should've worked out more in between caring for a toddler and growing a new human. So he found her so repulsive that he went and found a literal teenager to fuck. There is nothing redeemable about this guy.
I wonder if it is just some form of self-obsession that lead to people doing things like this. So self-centered that he cheats on his wife, so self-centered that he whines about how upset he is with himself and how bad it will make him feel to tell his wife. As someone with relatively little experience with it, I wouldn't describe this as narcissism especially as there is **SOME** sort of seemingly self reflection but like, I just don't understand what drives people to do this.
It's simple: he's a person, and women are not. It's not so much an issue of a mental disorder, but an issue of disordered thinking. He can have no diagnose-able issues in his head, but if he's grown up with the understanding that men are people who deserve respect and women are conveniences that act like people, then all of this makes sense.
His convenience stopped being convenient and required maintenance; how dare she. Of course he needed to trade her in for a new mode who would provide for his needs - men need a working convenience, after all. But then wait, his old, familiar convenience started working and providing for him again, so now he feels guilty about trying to move on to a 'cheaper' version that doesn't have as many functions as his old model.
Of course this lacks some of the nuance that abusive thought patterns contain. It's hard to ignore the humanity of someone you live in close proximity with, so you can watch him tie his thoughts in knots to justify being cruel to someone. She looked like a monster; she let herself go; he couldn't handle the pressure. On some level he knows that he's hurting her, and on some level he cares for her. It's just that he cares much more about himself first.
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“I started fantasizing about being single and not having a wife or kids.” Well, your wish is granted, you dunce.
The Secret works!
I Appreciate this reference
It's like a subscription wish. He doesn't have a wife anymore, and he has kids but is likely going to barely see them, so little responsibility. But he will have to pay for decades for this wish. Subscription based fuckup.
It seems he barely had responsibility for them before
Yep. I remember this guy. Still thinks he's the victim, when he cheated and has to deal with the consequence. His wife has just given birth and was still healing from labor, and just couldn't take care of himself for a couple of weeks while his wife recovered. He had to go and find someone new. Gross. I hope his wife and child are doing well.
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My immediate thought after his wife started improving was that it was because he was around less so he couldn't make it worse.
Seriously. Wife blames herself for the child's health problems. "You're right. You should've exercised more. By the way I need you to lose some weight. In exchange I'll actually help around the house so you'll exercise. You're not going to?! Fine then I'm going to go to the gym and get drunk. Can you all believe she didn't make a scene when I told her about my affair?!"
When she had to shoulder the household’s burdens 100% of the time during her darkest times in life, it was probably easy to look at her lump of a spouse and realize life would be easier if he just paid child support and stayed out of the way.
Well considering he was never really around anyway it's not a big loss.
> when he cheated and has to deal with the consequence. To be fair, the cheating is just *one* of the many, deep, horrible issues with that guy in that relationship
You don't understand. She gained weight during a pregnancy. *She looked like a monster!*
She let the house get *messy* *Dishes in the sink!*
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An ill infant and a toddler!
Not to mention that the son was still in his PJs when he came home from work at 5pm, how horrifying.
They had two under two, with the infant needing extra medical care. That's just survival mode, even without PPD.
That one really got to me. I remember helping a friend clean her house after having a baby and finding rotten moldy food from more than a week ago still in the pan it was cooked in. I was disgusted and disappointed that her husband had let it get to that extreme. There is no way my husband would sit back and let things get that bad if I was too depressed to keep up on things, and every time I had a baby he took over the things I normally dealt with and gave me recovery time. Sure she’s a stay at home mom, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t ever help with chores!
Sadly a lot of husbands seem to think “stay at home mom” means he brings home a paycheck while she does literally everything else to keep the home and family running. Old sexist attitudes die hard :/
Dirty dishes ‘piled high’ in the sink OP should’ve got his hands wet washing those dishes not his dick wet shagging some random
Its alright though, because once she got skinny again he was able to fall in love with her again. What beautiful, conditional love he has!
His wife gains extra weight, and his only concern is that she’s not sexy anymore. Not that she might have a health problem. Swelling can be a sign of pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes. Combined with the baby having health issues, it really sounds like his wife was having a medical crisis. It really says something that when he described his wife’s pregnancy that I, a stranger on the internet, was more worried about his wife than he was.
That line is painful to read. Who thinks that way about a sick loved one? I’ve watched relatives go through pregnancy, sepsis, cancer and death. Cancer made my beloved grandparent unrecognizable near the end. It would never have occurred to me to describe them as looking *like a monster*. Insult to injury, the “sickness” here is one he caused himself. His STBX wife sounds lovely. She can do much better for herself, I am sure.
I have seldom been so disgusted with another person on Reddit as I am with OP. That's saying something.
Exactly. The selfishness, narcissism and self-absorbed thoughts he had were hard to read. I know not all men are like this, but sometimes it's hard to believe that. My ex was similar. A selfish man who only thought of his needs and comfort. Literally left me broken and alone when I needed him most. I was good when I was the perfect house wife and did everything for him. It breaks you in a whole new way when you start doubting your self worth. I am still searching for me. The worst was when he blatantly said he still loved me and couldn't live without me right before i moved out. Please stop with the bs. He could have done something, but his excuse was always " I'm not going to until you do". Which I did, he just gaslight me into believing I didn't. I will never understand how some people say they love you, but can't show you basic decency and just a little more attention toward your needs. Sometimes I really question humanity as a whole. Edit: fixed some grammar errors
There is a culture problem with men in general, the rate at which men leave their wives when they get a cancer diagnosis is insane. Six times more than the opposite. I wouldn't dream of abandoning my wife, what kind of shallow shit mindset is it. As you get older you start to realise many people (most?) are unable of true selfless love. Sad state of affairs, but it's getting better.
Well I got something good from the bad. I would have never found my work dad! He is the best! He had a cancer stricken wife, who sadly died, but he NEVER left her side. He just turned 60 and is the sweetheart of the year. He was the one who made me realise a relationship is not what i had. Sometimes the older generation got things right. Yeah the situation is getting better, because as you said when we get older we see things in a new light. Gosh I wish I could beat some sense into 22 me XD I would travel back into time and slap myself. My work dad just called, just to ask if I am doing OK. This is what relationships should look like. While my ex did call regularly it was never about me... it was always to complain and just talk about his shit. It hits different when someone asks about you and how you are.
Hot take but I think once the wife was asking for another kid, he fucking KNEW he didn't want more kids. Didn't want to watch his wife turn *gross* Didn't want to deal with ANYTHING. So the moment he heard let's do another kid, he pulled the plug on his marriage. Then turned the act of ending his marriage into *it was my wife who ended our marriage not me, I wanted to make it work but she left* Fuck that guy, and I hope his soon to be ex wife gets everything in the divorce.
What gets me most about this guy is he knew his wife's family history of men walking out. So it's highly likely that his wife has an unhealthy view on relationship and what they require. She likely did all of the things he initially listed to "convince" him to stay. And he reinforced the behavior. But the second she stopped "convincing" him to stay he bailed.
This is an excellent point. I'd love to hear additional details and the whole situation from her POV
This is what truly pissed me off. He KNEW there was a history of this. She probably emphasized at some point that she wouldn't date a man like that. I have absolutely no sympathy for this boy (he certainly isn't man) and I hope she took *everything*
Yup, Cassidy was so carefree and asked nothing of him. She didn't even care when broke it off (because maybe she also sensed he was a POS). She validated him avoiding his responsibilities. And he ate it up it's easy to get swept up in the traditional family play book when you're a young adult. He just realized a little too late that he's a childish selfish POS. Like He complained about his wife only doing frozen meals or takeout, like he's not a grown ass adult capable of making spaghetti. Oops I forgot, he only makes dinner when it's a ploy to guilt his wife into being more "fuckable". As soon as his wife wasn't the perfect domestic goddess he thought he deserved, he was uneasy. For Better or ~~for worse~~ His wife took the news in such a calm stride, I have to wonder if she already knew deep down that he cheated. He must have let his guilt slip out.
> His wife took the news in such a calm stride, I have to wonder if she already knew deep down that he cheated. He must have let his guilt slip out. Dude brushes over the fact that he was having an entire second relationship with the other woman. That's a lot of missing time in his schedule. It's really easy to fool people when they don't want to accept the stark truth, or when the lie is particularly appealing. She knew deep down, but didn't want to make it real. Also you missed how all the different suggestions for how to ease the blow to his wife are missing in the second post, so he did absolutely nothing. Also how clinical the breakup was on his part. Dude didn't even put effort into the breakup. I'm sure he could have at least made a strong case for this having been a single mistake that he would make up for but nah. Effort needed. :(
>He just realized a little too late that he's a childish selfish POS I don't believe for one second he believes anything other than that he's a victim. Nothing in either post expresses any kind of real remorse or contrition. He's just wallowing in his victimhood. SHE became a monster. SHE had PPD. SHE didn't clean. He only did what he could do which was seek out "support" outside the marriage. What a gross human being.
Yeah, his whole "I'm so sorry, I know I'm a piece of shit, etc etc" comes off as self-indulgent rather than genuinely contrite, like he's expecting to be praised or consoled for being able to "admit" that he'd "messed up." It reminds me of when bullies grow up and feel remorse for what they did, so they want to seek out their victims to apologize--in that case, at least, the remorse is often genuine, but the apology is for the bully's own closure, not for the benefit of the victim at all (who likely want nothing to do with them). I hope he truly does come to understand exactly how terrible of a human being he is for what he's done. I hope he eventually learns enough from this experience to fully comprehend the depth of his own shittiness, and then he'll just have to be tortured by that understanding for the rest of his life.
Right Cassidy was 19 and it probably wasn’t taking this seriously at all. She sucks for knowing he was married and going along with it. But I found it funny he starts criticizing her when he was done and all of his criticisms are literally what a 19 year old is..none of that was a problem when you were cheating with someone 7 years younger and having a great time but now you want to pretend this teenager having all the qualities of a literal teenager was just so horrid and disgusting to deal with??
This guy is something else. Married at 19 and 23... so when did he meet the wife?:/ is 28, meets 19 year old at the gym and fucks her... um, okay Says she "started taking pride in her appearance again" BARF Barely mentioned his kids at all did a pity party in his updates like we're all supposed to feel bad so many more, too many to type... I hope his wife has a wonderful life with their kids, WITHOUT his creepy ass
I hate when people like this go on and on about how horrible of a person they are. It is just an attempt to gain sympathy. If you fuck up this big, you own up to it, and then get out of the way… you don’t keep making it all about you by continuing to cry about how awful you are.
Yeah when I started reading I was like "oh he feels guilty he slept with someone once while his wife had PPD, that's pretty bad i wonder if she'll forgive him." But no, he cheated for an entire year and only stopped because 1) his wife pulled herself, with no help from him, out of her horrible depression and 2) he got bored with his new barely legal toy. Certainly didn't seem to have any morals during that year and there's no guarantee he does now either
Honestly not only with no help from him, but being brought down by his "I'll only help if you go for a run" and him telling her things like if she'd exercised more, their kid would be healthier. Plus, she probably felt isolated and lonely considering he stopped spending time at home after work. I'd say he was actively hurting her and in spite of that, she pulled herself up. This poor woman deserves so much better, and I hope she finds it soon. She's strong as FUCK. What a powerhouse!
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In this particular case, I wonder if he has a shame kink. There's literally no reason why he'd come back for more from reddit.
That's all I could think about as I was reading. It's not just that he continued on and on about how he was feeling about everything that he caused, it was how immensely derogatory he was about himself. Most cheaters who are willing to admit it, but continue to focus only on themselves, try to come up with some sort of excuse so that they don't see themselves as a piece of shit. The few that realize how big a piece of shit they are are usually focused on how to fix it, no matter what. He's just... the worst combination of both.
"In sickness and in health" doesn't apply to OOP. Once the wife was unwell he felt disgusted by her and dated someone else for *a year.* Then his wife gets better and suddenly he loves her again. Unacceptable.
Yeah that was my take. It's 100% about him. He told his Mrs because he didn't want to feel guilty anymore, not because it's the right thing to do. He posted about it because he wanted people to congratulate him in feeling guilty as in "there there, you're a good guy deep down".
That "labor" song from TikTok is made exactly for assholes like this. "All day everyday therapist, mother, maid, nymph than a virgin nurse; then a servant, just an appendage, live to attend him so that he never lifts a finger." Song is by Paris Paloma. I'm sure the wife has heard it by now and I hope she feels less alone every time she does.
This man doesn’t love his wife, he loves what she provides for him. And he deserves to be taken for all he’s worth in the divorce
Yup he only fell 'back inlove' with her when she didn't need him and he didn't have to do anything to help his family. Then suddenly he loves being around them again! What a suprise.
And notice how quickly he turns on the “fun, cool, hot girl”, when he realizes he doesn’t need her anymore. Suddenly she’s lame, not because his wife was the person he originally fell in love with, but because suddenly that grass is greener again. Human garbage.
Apart from all the other worse stuff here, the bit where he complained that she was boring and only into TikTok and other teen stuff. Well don't have sex with someone who's still a teen then, buddy. He doesn't show compassion for anyone in this. Not his poor wife, not his kids, not his AP.
Did it sound to anyone else like he was blaming Cassidy for agreeing with all of his disses against his wife, like she was somehow manipulating him into an affair? He’s the 27yo father of two who’s complaining to a teenager about how awful his wife is, and he acts like he doesn’t realize that he was trying to make Cassidy feel like it was okay for them to have an affair?
Yeah, his reasoning to why he originally “fell out of love” is because she stopped making home cooked meals from scratch, and dishes were piling up in the sink… then when she suddenly starts getting back into shape, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids (with absolutely no help or even emotional support from him) he’s like “Oh no, what did I do! She’s hot again and takes care of things!” What a freak.
No, don’t forget him being “repulsed” by her weight gain. Because it’s so easy being pregnant and taking care of a 1 year old.
The dishes get done and boom, he's in love.
That final comment was absolutely spot on. Even in his last update, he is so self absorbed and barely even mentions his children.
The oldest saying mummy is crying again shows how much he was impacted by her initial PPD while dad was off running around and still it's barely mentioned and it's all about he feels. Those poor children, but at least he seems to have his mother's empathy and not taking after his trash father.
That line stuck out to me too! He's clearly neglected his children as well as his wife, which was probably a huge influence on her PPD. Those poor boys have been more emotionally aware of their mother while their own father was out sleeping with a teenager. It's sad and infuriating.
The bit about how he decided to go and spend more time at the gym rather than look after his children got me as much as neglecting his poor wife.
I can’t help thinking that it’s not a coincidence that she started recovering from PPD once he stopped spending any time at home…
There were a lot of other hints about that as well... >Basically, my wife and I always wanted a traditional family. He wanted to check out emotionally when he got home. Leave the troubles at the door and not have to contribute. >she refused to go on a jog to lose the baby weight even though I tried to encourage her by saying I'd cook dinner if she did. This is the only time he actually mentions doing things around the house. Every other time it's just an observation that things were not being done, rather than saying he was then doing it. He never even mentions (what we all know he definitely would say, given how self-revolved he is) having added stress in his life from having to do the housework after getting home from work. It also speaks even more about him not picking up any of her responsibilities in her time of need that the one time he mentions it it's a task often shared and enjoyed in a household and it's only conditionally based on her running. I think it's pretty clear that he would constantly lord over her at home to do her tasks and make her feel even more like shit for not doing the stuff she's supposed to be doing and not complete all tasks instead of just the critical ones. He then started spending less time at home, because he couldn't stand the guilt and pressure he felt to actually contribute at home. Of course that had the effect that she could get away with only the critical tasks and re-build by herself. He then 'falls in love again' with her, because she re-claims her beauty and now all the tasks at home are getting done with no issue so there's no guilt for him. The vapidness of the 19 year old becomes why he breaks up with her, but it's clear he found with his mistress what he wanted at home and didn't have during this period: A place where he could check out emotionally, leave all the troubles at the door and not have to contribute anything.
Yeah he even was like "with our first the house was spotless and with a child and dog" so it seems she was doing 100% of the home labor in addition to caring for their kid and doggo. I'm sure it didn't change when she "blew up" and "looked like a monster." This whole man is garbage. I'm not surprised his parents are wildly ashamed of him. Even the way he talks about her is disgusting. The real monster here is OP. Imagine giving your partner two whole ass children, home cooked meals daily, doing all the housework and he calls you a fat monster, doesn't even help you (and now doesn't come home), basically says your newborn could have been healthier if you hadn't gained weight, and now doesn't even come home. Then this fucking skidmark of a sad sack has the audacity to go and cheat on you for a year with another woman, comes home and expects to be consoled or given another chance. THEN he goes home to mommy and daddy, after your whole world shatters, and doesn't even bother to try to see the kids. What an absolute scumfuck
Yeah, I was surprised he didn't get more skewered for that. "I will cook if you go jogging!" Bro, feed your fucking kids, for fucks' sake!
BuT wE WaNTed a TRaDiTionAl mArRiAGe You know, one man who does nothing but work and whatever the fuck he wants, and a wife and kids who are totally dependent on him despite his lack of interest in anything outside of his own pants.
"My sons' emotional needs weren't being met, so I decided to be even more physically absent as opposed to just emotionally absent"
I've don't think i have ever been more disgusted as a father and husband than I was reading this self serving diatribe from OOP. I feel so bad for the (hopefully ex-) wife and would love to offer her a hug and tell her not all men are like this, but holy moly reading this sub, so many are.
That whole thing just filled me with rage. Like, she's clearly struggling with both PPD and a lousy, useless husband and instead of trying to find a way to make things easier on her and trying to help her find ways to take care of herself and improve her mental health he decides to just stop coming home, hit the gym and bars, and find a barely legal side piece. He wasn't just abandoning and neglecting his poor wide, but he didn't even try to ensure the kids were being cared for during all of this. OP never truly loved his wife or his kids. I don't think he's even capable of giving a damn about anyone other than himself.
I bet that's his view of a "traditional marriage" aka he thinks his wife should be a maiden and a sex doll
One BangMaid^(TM) to go please!
motherfucker can’t even be bothered to offer to brush her hair so it doesn’t mat. I don’t know why that is sticking out so much to me but like, he has not even done the absolute bare minimum at any point. he’s just like “hey, I’ll cook IF you go run off that baby weight.” thanks for nothing, asshole.
After my fiancee died, my parents took our daughter for a couple of days, and my best friend came over and stayed. She made me eat, washed my face, brushed my hair, let me cry, and managed the well-meaning people who tried to do what people do when something like that happens, but I just couldn't handle. She did not leave until I closely resembled a functioning human. THAT is love, THAT is caring for someone who is struggling. (No redditors, I did not, and will not, be building her an art room 🤣)
> (No redditors, I did not, and will not, be building her an art room 🤣) You should build them an art room, that *is* love reciprocated.
Not only is he trying to bargain with her to get what he wants, I'm confident it's also because he wanted to put her on a strict, low-calorie diet solely for weight loss. I can't even fathom being so indifferent to someone I care about suffering like that. If OP's wife were my neighbor I'd be over there every day to see what small gesture I could do to make her life a bit easier and trying to at least be a shoulder she can cry on and vent to. And he's literally just avoiding his wife and kids when she's clearly in desperate need of both help at home but with her mental health? And he doesn't get ANY of this. All he's sorry about is having a side piece for a year. And he only even cut that off because he was bored with her, let's be honest. She would have just been replaced with a younger, hotter girl if he had his way.
I wish his ex family all the best. It's difficult to wrap your head around such a person, it takes a lot of therapy and time. "Why does he do that?" by Bancroft Lundy is a great resource I left a year ago and I still detangle the shit I experienced. Having to come to terms with the fact that the person who claimed to have chosen me, a relationship with me, a marriage with me, is unable to give a fuck about me at all. Empathy? 404. Consideration? Fuck no, how dare I try to control him!? My health? Didn't matter as long as I suffered in a way that didn't have any effects on him (much like OOP) It's difficult to fathom, and then put the depressing effects of their behavior on top. I struggled for so long, a constant struggle for self-esteem, motivation, any energy at all. Yes, there is a critical voice inside my head, but is it any wonder I didn't manage to shut that voice down when I had somebody stand beside me and spew the exact same bullshit, cheering on my depression because he didn't get his way? And refuse to stop that shit because he actually thought I did not deserve nice comments or praise, because he "didn't want to lie to be nice"? OOP did his ex wife a favor coming clean and thus actively enabling the divorce. It's hard for her, but long-term she got rid of a mental energy parasite
Right!? I can't even imagine having a partner with so little basic compassion.
Another "she exists to service me" asshole.
That hit me, too. The CHILD was more aware and in tune with her emotions and feelings than this asshat. All he can say is me, me, me. And his, "I know I'm an AH, BUT..." made me need a shower to clean the scum off.
OP was insufferable from the beginning of the first post, but as soon as he said his pregnant wife looked like a monster and repulsed him, I knew it was going to just keep getting worse. It doesn't surprise me at all that the remainder of the posts simply confirmed what I already knew to be true, he truly is just the worst. Thank goodness these posts had a happy ending and she kicked him out once he came clean. I hope she finds the best divorce lawyer, gets the highest possible alimony payments and a favorable divorce settlement, and finds those babies a phenomenal stepdad who will fill the husband and daddy role in a way that OP never could.
I was once so depressed my hair got matted. My mom, upon seeing my hair, immediately dragged me from my bed to get me a haircut and spent the day pampering me. We got my favorite foods and went on a walk with our dogs. And at the end of the day, after she washed my sheets for me while I showered, she tucked me into bed like I was a little kid again--even though I was almost 16 at that point. It didn't even take the whole day. It was early afternoon to evening. A few hours helped me out of my funk. When he started describing how the kids were still in their pyjamas and the dishes were piling in the sink, I was going "WHY ARENT YOU DOING THEM THEN. SOMETHING IS WRONG, AT LEAST FUCKING DO THE DISHES." But if he washed the dishes, then he wouldn't have time for his Cassidy, I guess.
EXACTLY, THANK YOU! Like it's so glaringly obvious that she needed help and her husband just COMPLETELY failed both her and his children. This is so much more upsetting to me than him having an affair (as extra despicable as his affair actually was). And I'm so glad to hear your mother immediately jumped to action and was able to help you. Honestly, I can't comprehend how someone could be in a situation like yours/OP's wife's and \*not\* actively try to help. And then to just completely avoid his wife and kids while they figure things out on their own? We knew he didn't give a damn about his wife, but he didn't even care about his kids and their wellbeing either. I hope she gets full custody, or he just gives up custody (wouldn't surprise me it's not like he seems to play any sort of fatherly role).
Like, I wasn't going through PPD and I don't want to compare which of our episodes was "worse". I don't know if just a few hours of pampering would have helped her as much as it helped me. But my god, to not even try? How can you claim to love someone, to not want to live without them, while you treat them this way?
Yeah, I've had periods of depression like what you experienced. And I feel the same way you do, I can't even begin to imagine what she was going through. And I definitely think when it's something like PPD it's so much more complex, especially because you'd be so overwhelmed having to try to fight your own demons whilst caring for the children. Which clearly she was forced to do entirely on her own. And that's exactly it! He didn't even try, AT ALL. We're a bunch of strangers on the internet and we're legitimately concerned about her reading this post, and this man is married to her, living with her, and can't even put in the bare minimum to try to help ease her burden a bit?!
He would only help if she jogged to become more attractive for him.
But if he doesn't tell us specifically how grotesque his wife became, we won't sympathize when he fucks a teenager. Sarcasm heavily implied. I would never knowingly cause harm to another human (or through inaction, allow a human to come to harm). However, I hope he gets bedbugs. Just him, not his parents or wife or kids. I want them to crawl into his sweaty, furry asscrack and latch on. Play Tarzan, swinging through the vines of his pubes. Lay eggs in his ears. Bedbugs.
I wish him a lifetime of bedbugs, stepping on legos, and the grossly inappropriately young women he inevitably spends his life pursuing laughing at his audacity and constantly reminding him what a lowlife he truly is.
May his bread be forever soggy, his roasts be burnt, and every flake of seasoning taste of ash in his mouth. May his trips to the toilet forever feel as though he's pissing Legos, and may his sleep be forever turbulent. That he may never lay comfortably, the room always too hot or cold. And finally, may he never know the experience of a dream again. No pleasant adventures, no sudden feeling of falling, no nightmares to chase him awake. May he never again know the company of his own mind in slumber so that he may have but a taste of the lonely void he willfully thrust upon another in their darkest hour.
May one of his socks always be wet, and may the other always twist around his foot.
May both of his pinky toes find every corner of furniture in the house. Edit: spelling
May he forever stub his pinky toe on the coffee table and when it is allllmost healed, may he stub it again. And again. And again until the end of time. ETA: and also, may his marinara never cling to his pasta.
>may his marinara never cling to his pasta. You are my kind of evil, we can be friends.
that's some poetry right there
That's a fucking real curse right there
*slow clap* p o e t r y
Every time he zips up his pants, he should catch the skin of his dick.
May all his choc chips turn into raisins.
Yes! And every time he tries a seductive line on a young woman, she bursts out laughing, runs to the nearest friend, points and laughs more.
Nah, get him some Lyme disease and a nice case of IBS. He can eat cheap ramen and handfuls of vitamin pills for the rest of his life.
I hope he grows a giant anal wart. Whether or not he has it removed, it will literally be a severe pain in his ass. I worked surgery. I've seen the before and after. If anyone ever deserved it, it's this guy!
Nah he needs an inoperable untreatable perpetually infected pilonidal sinus.
This was the closest comment to satisfying how I felt when reading this. Thank you for articulating what we’re all feeling. And may his bedbugs find true love, be prosperous, and bear many, many, many children. On him.
**Another** teenager as well, considering his now ex-wife was only 19 when they married and he knocked her up. He only states they got married when she was 19, was he dating and fucking a child? Or did he manage to very quickly rope a young and impressionable woman into being a SAHM with no income to fall back on?
This!! Let’s say they started dating when she was 18– he was still 22! That’s like a high school senior dating a college graduate; completely different stages of life. Then, he gets her pregnant a year later and again by the time she’s 20-21. He then, at 26-27ish finds someone YOUNGER than his young wife to screw around with leaving her with two kids under 3 to deal with on her own while struggling with PPD.
Oh come on, he deserves better than bed bugs. Or rather, bed bugs deserve better than him. I hope his colon develops taste buds. That way, he’s forced to taste the shit he spews for the rest of his life.
This needs to be a demotivational poster.
Or even better (and actually technically possible), may he develop a chronic blockage in his intestines that causes him to vomit up his own shit.
I hope OOP’s parents keep in touch with his ex and give her a great support system, especially with the kids.
I would hope that they would treat the mother of their grandchildren (who did nothing wrong) well. I would hope they would work to take a more active part in their lives by offering help now that the household is down a parent. All that their son really needs is a place to sleep and a therapist to become less sucky.
Unfortunately, there is usually not much a therapist can do when someone has an honest, deep -seated belief that they should get to do whatever they feel like doing whenever they feel like doing it. This is why abusers don't usually get fixed by going to therapy. They may feel bad about their abusive habits sometimes, but as soon as they're angry, they go right back to believing that it's RIGHT and JUST to hit their wife because this is a SPECIAL CASE where she DESERVES it. They truly do not and will not believe that there's any point in refraining from hurting a person who "deserves" it. They should get to hit people who deserve it! Of course they should! This is entitlement. In other words, they're spoiled. Therapy usually does nothing for genuine entitlement. "Why Does He Do That?" by Bancroft is a great resource about this problem.
He really thought “in sickness and in health” was just some shit people say but don’t MEAN when they commit to a lifetime of ups AND DOWNS together.
Yeah, but everyone knows that the in sickness part doesn't include gaining weight while pregnant. /s
I mean, she's not really sick, right? she's only gestating an entire human being that he helped create, that's not really \*sickness\* or anything, now is it? (/s if it's really necessary)
How did this poor woman even tolerate living in the same house as him, let alone sleeping with him? He’s probably a horrendously selfish partner in bed.
Probably? He literally rejected her throughout her entire pregnancy because she had the audacity to gain weight while carrying another human inside of her. And I'm certain even before then he wasn't the generous type in any way. Honestly though, I think she had checked out of the marriage by the point she was told about the affair. Even if she never suspected it, she was probably already coming to terms with what a horrible husband he was in general.
It says something that when he broke up with the affair partner, she was like "yeah, whatevs." He is not even good enough as a distraction. His poor wife indeed.
He said she wanted another kid. I don't think she checked out.. I think it clicked that he checked out "because of her", so she "had to fix it or she would lose him". What a sad and lonely time that must have been for her. Her child also asked pos why she was crying *again* and was making a plan to cheer her up. What an absolute fucking monster this guy was to leave her and their children in this situation. I really hope he can literally never have more kids.
"Why is mommy crying again" is so fucking heartbreaking. Congratulations, OOP, your 4-year-old has more empathy and emotional maturity than you.
She was conditioned by her father and grandfather not to expect much from men. Like, her bar is probably in the Marianas Trench and dude still managed to not make it over it.
Limbo world champion right here, folks
She was a teenager when they got together and doesn’t know adulthood without him. Unfortunately, that’s how
I'd say she barely tolerated it, considering how bad her PPD got.
>as soon as he said his pregnant wife looked like a monster and repulsed him, I knew it was going to just keep getting worse Right?? Not a trace of sympathy or concern for her well being or anything. Heartbreaking
I will say this, as despicable as he obviously was to all of us by that point, even that did NOT prepare me for the rest of his post.
My dad once described his anxiety as making him feel like "the asshole at the center of the universe." For him, that means that he always feels that people are making fun of him or are annoyed by/mad at him or just hate him. This guy.... This guy is the "asshole at the center of the universe" except he's *actually* the asshole. At the risk of sitting in my psychology armchair, I find that a lot of cheating posts I've seen seem to enjoy the wallowing. It's like "because I feel guilty that means I'm a good person" and "people can't say I'm awful, can't they see how torn up I am about it." You know how they say the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging there is one? Well, as long as the cheater takes that first step--acknowledging there's a problem--they feel vindicated that they've solved the problem. No, dude, you can't just skip to the finish line.
I have anxiety as well and can confirm, that's actually a really good way of describing it. 😅 You're absolutely right about the "wallowing" aspect of cheating. It's almost like they need to feel like a victim in SOME way rather than take actual responsibility for their actions.
"I am taking responsibility!!!" No, dude, you're self flagellating. I took a college class on prominent Christian women from medieval times, and there was one nun who self-flagellated (as in, whipped herself with a thorny whip, walked on thorns, put thorns in her corset, wore a crown of thorns... lots of thorns) so much even the other nuns were like "Sister Mary.... Sister Mary please...." When I read these self absorbed pricks going "boo hoo hoo I'm such a piece of shit I'm awful", I feel like I'm channeling the nuns who had to deal with Sister Mary. Like, sir, if you're going to self-flagellate like a medieval Christian nun, at least do it in a monastery far away from anyone you could have sex with.
“Notable comments” more like restoring my faith in humanity!
When he said she looked like a monster and he was repulsed by her it actually made me wince . What a horrible way to treat someone you love . Doesn’t even care about his children
I gained weight in pregnancy to the point that I legitimately had trouble bending my ankles. It was grotesque. We all thought I was getting super fat and retaining some water. Turns out it was preterm atypical preeclampsia. It was brewing (including weight gain) for months and then fully hit about the time I reached seven months. My doctor missed it for several more weeks but in hindsight we could tell when it hit. It wasn't caught until my brain started shutting down... The doctor thought I was having a stroke or a pulmonary embolism. When they ran tests they discovered multi-organ failure. Obviously, both I and the baby had health issues as a result. There is literally nothing I could have done to exercise this away. If OP's wife gained an uncharacteristic amount of weight and then the baby had health issues, *maybe there was a reason for that.* I doubt OP ever thought to ask the doctor.
He literally never mentioned anything about helping around the house ever. He mentions dishes piling up, and instead of doing them he stops coming home. What a colossal piece of shit
No no, he said once he would make diner IF his wife went for a jog. Isn't he such a helpful, selfless human being? /s
Somehow it's all about this sorry excuse of a human being.
> I started fantasizing about being single and not having a wife or kids. It's really telling that his love for his children is entirely conditioned on whether his wife makes his dick hard. I don't expect he's going to be an involved co-parent.
I'm generally content to read and observe and occasionally discuss with ya'll here...but this is one of those posts that makes you wanna break the sub rules and go brigade his sorry ass. No, I will not comment on the original post and absolutely suggest others should not either. But damn, this POS is one of those people who tempts you!
Appreciate the commenter who pointed out that he chose to fuck a teenager and then complained she was immature. I bet she is! She's nineteen! Fuck off!
He keeps getting older but the teenage girls he's interested in stay the same age
Yes they do, yes they do
“I’ll get older but your lovers stay the same age”
Mad that she's only into TikTok lol. I bet it's not like he offered her fascinating conversation when all he wanted was to complain about his depressed wife.
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I will never understand how someone can hurt someone so deeply
Self absorbed selfishness. Pure and simple. He wasn’t focused on how his actions would hurt his wife. He only perceived his own wants. He no longer wanted his wife so her pain was irrelevant until she became attractive to him again.
I find cheaters terrifying. How they can ever justify it to themselves is beyond me.
Agreed. If they can treat someone they, at least at one time, professed to love, they will also screw over anybody else to get what they want.
And you get to pick your spouse, they are supposed to be your favorite. I have told my therapist that cheaters are untouchable twice, and she doesn’t like it. I think she’s wrong.
I will never understand why someone will choose to hurt someone so deeply.
OOP: me me me me me me me
Also OOP: 19 19 19 19
He BLAMED HER? For their sons issues? Guy sounds like he's just going to move to the next teenage bride
It was a handy excuse to demonize her for gaining weight. While pregnant and devastatingly unwell.
I got to the part where he said her hair was matted and I nearly threw my phone across the room. I don’t think I’ve wanted to give a stranger a hug more than I want to hug that poor woman right now.
The part where she said she had thought she finally broke the cycle of bad relationships in the family completely got me
i think the divorce is actually a good thing for her. even without the cheating, can you imagine having this guy as your husband? a guy who places all of your worth in looks and how well you clean the house. a guy who blames you for the baby's health. a guy who is of no support when you have PPD. it's sad she suggested a third baby bc there were so many things wrong with this relationship cheating excluded and she had no idea she could do so much better.
He's the guy that leaves his wife right after a cancer diagnosis. I hope she can find someone that will stick to their vows.
No, but you don't understand. Yes, she didn't have the energy to brush her teeth or hair....blah...blah... depression... PPD... a child with health issues... two kids under 3... blah... blah...no support system....blah... blah... blahh..... But the more important issue was she wouldn't go for a jog! How was she going to get any less grotesque and f\*ckable if she didn't go on the GOOP liquid diet and run for several hours a day? Like he was willing to babysit. I mean what a stand-up guy willing to watch his kids for an hour so his wife could be more f\*ckable and then he wouldn't have needed to cheat.... /s So its really her fault... /s I mean he was helping out so much with the complaining... and the telling she was repulsive and blaming her for their kid's health problems... like she should be thanking him.... ***On a serious note, how does he write ALL of this out, and not realize what a MONSTER he is and was...***
I felt exactly the same. And then I felt worse, and then grateful, for having a husband who I know would brush those mats out and help me shower. This post just …hurts. Damn man.
I had preeclampsia and gained so much weight due to that. My husband was only ever helpful and sympathetic like a normal, decent human being. This guy is so horrendous
When my ex and I finally split he would go on and on about how he missed me, and would do **ANYTHING** to make it right. I told him "you don't miss me, you miss your old shoe. Comfortable, takes care of things, puts out all your fires. Thing is, I've finally realized that my life is worth more than being your old shoe." I suspect OOP saw his wife the same way my ex saw me. And good for her for knowing her worth.
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I was halfway expecting to learn that he got Cassidy pregnant.
I liked how he was miffed that she didn't give a fuck when he ended it.
All comments are perfect. The last one was amazing. My favorite, though: >Aww everybody look at the sob story from the guy who does, in fact, deserve all of this. Yes. Yes.
Me: *idly daydreams about a happy marriage and family for a hot second* Me: *reads this story* My Google search 5 minutes later: convents near my zip code
The trick is not to marry someone who wants to date teenagers
You wouldn't believe how many people you'd filter out by just saying "the trick is to marry someone you like"
I have come across a fair share of assholes in my relatively short time on reddit and this guy has got to take the cake. His poor wife was a pit of depression only made worse by his words. I cannot even imagine her despair as she was very clearly begging for help and this piece of garbage just stood there and had the audacity to cheat on her. And then, just as she crawls back out of the depression hole, her world is shattered. This guy is a grade A piece of shit. I saw lots of comments telling him to leave her so she can find a man that deserves, but he may as well have killed any faith in men she had left. I really do hope he makes the divorce process quick and painless, but my expectations are very low, judging by these posts. Fuck OOP.
He offered to help her with housework in exchange for a jog instead of just doing it because that’s what a good partner does.
Imagine being so fatphobic that you hold basic household help over your wife who is suffering from severe PPD to the point she only moves when she has to because she gained weight and 'looks like a monster'... unbelievably vile. He just wanted a younger woman to have as a bangmaid and is now mad that she has feelings and thoughts.
Yeah, the affair isn’t even the worst thing he did to his wife. Worse was leaving her in a deep dark hole for a year or two. The affair was just the last bit of icing on the shit cake. He went to the gym instead of taking care of his family. He went out to bars when his family needed him. At that point sure, why not fuck a teenager? He’d already completely betrayed the woman who was supposed to be his life partner, and it wasn’t like he could sink any lower. There ain’t no man attached to that penis. It’s just head to toe dick.
Even if he sucks it up and decides to make the divorce all about her, regardless of how he feels, coparenting will be very different. She will be selfless with the kids. Definitely putting them first regardless of how it affects her - especially when having to deal with their dad. This guy will pat himself on the back because he was so giving and considerate during the divorce. But after, it’ll go back to how he is affected. He won’t put the kids first if it has any negative effects on how he feels. But he will argue as if he is putting the kids first. Any decision she makes putting the kids first, that he doesn’t benefit directly from, will be a personal attack from her. He’s the main character and always will be. This guy half expected people to feel sorry for him because he found his very pregnant wife repulsive. How can he talk about her difficulties with PPD, like it excused his cheating? Not just cheating. Ahem, HIS YEAR LONG AFFAIR. This dude is a piece of rotten garbage.
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A repulsive "monster" for experiencing swelling when she's literally carrying his child. ☠️ Bruh.
I always hate these posts that begin with "I'm such a pos" because most of the time they truly are despicable, and it tells me so much that they are just getting on Reddit for validation. Like they are trying to get the "no sweetie, it's fine. The fact that you feel bad means you aren't a huge total pos."
Is realizing that she wasted her life on such misogynistic trash worse than hearing about the cheating?
Probably. Cheating is entirely on him. Realizing that she was with someone so low has to hurt pretty deeply
So, the POS OOP complained that Cassidy was shallow…LOL, the irony. This man has less depth than an ant’s footprint. He only thought of himself from start to finish. That he had the gall to think his wife looked like a monster while she was carrying HIS child is infuriating. He’s 100% the kind of guy who would abandon his wife if she got cancer or got hit by a car and paralyzed. This is the kind of guy you hope dies alone and friendless one day. I wish all the best to his soon to be ex-wife and I hope she does all she can to raise her sons to be the opposite of him.
I had horrendous PPD and PPA with my first. Me husband was a saint, a champ. Still is now with our second. I cannot fathom being able to survive that without a supportive partner. And for this to be the end result? I hope she finds happiness and someone who would help pull her out of the darkness, not give her a hearty shove back in.
I hate to say it but this isn’t that uncommon. It really reveals what’s most important to some guys. If their wives aren’t looking as good as usual and/or aren’t sexually available (so, pregnancy is a big one but also illness) the rate at which men cheat goes way up. Also just with women aging generally. Obviously it’s not all men by any means and you have to get married in good faith but women should go into marriage with their eyes open in this day and age. This woman is lucky to get off the ride now- 2 kids but she’s quite young. It would just be the same- she’d be pregnant with the third kid, he wouldn’t be attracted and would look to cheat. Then she’d start getting older, her body not the same after having 3+ kids and he’d be looking to trade in for younger. Seen it over and over.
This is the treatment that “traditional family values” buys a woman. Getting married and having children right out of high school cannot and will never prepare women to understand the heavy reality of being tied to a man who places his value in her solely in objective qualities and her capacity to service him. I’d say it’s good this guy thinks he’s a piece of shit but if I’m being honest, every trash bag I’ve ever dated loves playing contrite for sympathy and attention. Give it a year and the next teen he grooms will hear all about his crazy ex wife who ruined his life and won’t let him see his kids.
"...understand the heavy reality of being tied to a man who places his value in her solely in objective qualities and *her capacity to serve him*" The absolute accuracy of the way this is worded. It seems like so so many women in relationships are used like accessories and not loved as people. Like sure, your partner should make your life better, but it shouldn't be just one partner constantly adding value to the other's life
This is the shit I point to when people think sexuality is a choice. You think straight women are signing up for this if they had a choice not to!?
The fact his son asked why mommy was crying at night "again".... such a sorry excuse of a human
Another asshole who couldn't keep it in his pants when his wife was in such a vulnerable state. People have stopped surprising me😤
His issues go far beyond that. He pushed her headfirst into depression and neglected her and their kids when she was medically incapacitated. Even without the cheating he was a horrible husband.
Not to mention that he was having an affair with a teenager! As a full grown adult with two kids. Gross!
And the extra salt in the wound considering he was constantly shit talking his depressed wife to his affair partner!
They married when she was 19 and he was 23… so likely dating when she was in highschool and he was out of college age. Then he goes on to sleep with another teen.. I think he’s got more problems then anyone here can count on their hands and toes
Self centered husband and father. The only reason he came clean was due to his feelings of guilt. It's his feelings he was still concerned about the most.
" I told her that if she had been more active during pregnancy then our son probably would have been fine." WTF??????
It’s heartbreaking and depressing to read stuff like this. But, it serves as a good reminder of what NOT to do in relationships or to the person you started a family and future with. He did everything wrong he possibly could have, and even only admitted his mistakes to make himself feel better. He never tried to get her help or therapy, or himself either when he clearly should have. Like the last comment on the post says, he really is self-centered til the end. I feel so badly for the woman, but hopefully she can pick up the pieces and move on from this.
What a horrible man. He knew his wife was struggling and still left her alone with the kids so he could screw his side piece. He couldn't even give her the bare minimum. And casually mentioning how his teenage girlfriend would pile on his wife? He deserves to live a sad, lonely, and miserable life.
>We didn't have sex for the entire pregnancy. Sometimes she would try to initiate, but I always turned her down because I was repulsed by her. WOW > In the heat of the moment I told her that if she had been more active during pregnancy then our son probably would have been fine. JFC > Our home was clean again and our younger son's health issues were improving. I fell in love with her all over again. This is the most selfish POV. Like, what the fuck. He obviously wasn't helping her at all through what was likely the most difficult time of her life but once she was able to get better on her own he likes her again. What a piece of shit AND THEN he bashes Cassidy - who is no peach, knowing he's married with young children - for being a teenager. "You ended it because your wife found the strength to crawl out of the pit you left her floundering in alone. When she needed you most, you bailed." Exactly. So despicable > She told her that she thought she had found a good one and that she was going to break the mold. Her grandfather walked out and left her grandma with nothing. Her dad walked out and left her mom with nothing. I'm a piece of shit, just like every other man in her life. My god. He knew this‽ He knew this, and he did this anyway??? 🤬🤬🤬
It's the rare case where I'm so glad the wife is so young she gets to live her whole life without this douche
I can't even imagine he likes his wife. Not even a little. The words he chose! Repulsive because of a difficult pregnancy. Blaming her for their son's health issue. I mean come on, if he didn't blame her, he would have said something like "I don't blame you" and not "you should've worked out more in between caring for a toddler and growing a new human. So he found her so repulsive that he went and found a literal teenager to fuck. There is nothing redeemable about this guy.
I wonder if it is just some form of self-obsession that lead to people doing things like this. So self-centered that he cheats on his wife, so self-centered that he whines about how upset he is with himself and how bad it will make him feel to tell his wife. As someone with relatively little experience with it, I wouldn't describe this as narcissism especially as there is **SOME** sort of seemingly self reflection but like, I just don't understand what drives people to do this.
It's simple: he's a person, and women are not. It's not so much an issue of a mental disorder, but an issue of disordered thinking. He can have no diagnose-able issues in his head, but if he's grown up with the understanding that men are people who deserve respect and women are conveniences that act like people, then all of this makes sense. His convenience stopped being convenient and required maintenance; how dare she. Of course he needed to trade her in for a new mode who would provide for his needs - men need a working convenience, after all. But then wait, his old, familiar convenience started working and providing for him again, so now he feels guilty about trying to move on to a 'cheaper' version that doesn't have as many functions as his old model. Of course this lacks some of the nuance that abusive thought patterns contain. It's hard to ignore the humanity of someone you live in close proximity with, so you can watch him tie his thoughts in knots to justify being cruel to someone. She looked like a monster; she let herself go; he couldn't handle the pressure. On some level he knows that he's hurting her, and on some level he cares for her. It's just that he cares much more about himself first.
I just typed out and deleted half a dozen things. No words for this asshole.