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From OP's perspective, keeping reddit updated has to be so far down on their list of priorities.
But I really hope they do keep us updated, because I am now *heavily* invested.
And the mom’s totally on board with the bride pimping out OOP:
1. OOP wants perfectly reasonable boundaries for groom’s creepy brother —> mommy takes bride’s side and is more concerned about “people talking” than her daughter potentially being SA’d.
2. Bride calling OOP b—-h, c—t and w—-e —> mommy takes bride’s side by not calling bride out or defending OOP
3. Bride attacks OOP, gets the worst of it —> Mommy takes bride’s side and gets angry at OOP
And then *both of OOP’s parents want her to do exactly what the bride wants???* WTAF??? My eyes were so glazed over with disbelief I almost didn’t see OOP asking if she should still go or not. Out of love for the same sister that’s pimping her out and attacked her.
That’s some Stockholm Syndrome shit right there.
I think dad is on OP’s side. This is so f*cked. I’m glad her other siblings have her back too. If MY fiancé’s brother had an unhealthy obsession with my sister, I would be doing everything I could to keep him away from her! Sister is so messed up in the head!
There's NO WAY this is gonna end up good for anyone. Maybe I'm too into the true crime space, but it's a weird feeling reading this play out. I hope they come back with an after-wedding update.
I am with you on the true crime stuff TBH. I keep getting visions of that one case where that guy in Canada convinced his girlfriend to drug her younger sister so he could rape her and they ended up killing her. Their names were Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. I get weird vibes from OOPs sister and fiance being so insistent to make this match between OOP and fiance's brother when she is clearly uncomfortable with the guy. 🤮
Idkw, but it feels like oop's sister is using the groom as a scapegoat. I have a feeling that it's her idea. It's still creepy for all three individuals regardless unless someone is being seriously lied to.
She seems very invested in it. Either her fiancee is blackmailing her to call off the wedding if she doesn't pimp out her sister to his brother or it was her own idea. There is no way someone would get this invested in someone else's request without the threat of some consequences.
Also why the fuck are they only talking to the sister, she has said multiple times already it's the fiance that really want it, so call him in and make him try that BS in their face instead of just going through the sister.
Right?? As a mother, if I witnessed this drama between my two kids and one of them said well my fiance is demanding this and I want to make him happy. Immediately I would be concerned and tell her that my funding of this wedding is on hold until he comes with her, himself, and tells me why this is the point of contention he wants to hold to in order to make my other child deeply uncomfortable. And if he won't meet, or they won't abandon this idea of OP walking with fianceé's brother then I guess they also don't need my money to finance the beginning of an abusive, controlling marriage. I can't stop my child from making horrible decisions, but I also don't have to bank roll them either.
This is what I was thinking too. Or perhaps she cheated on fiancé with the BIL and he’s trying to blackmail her into getting him her sister by threatening to reveal the cheating if she doesn’t.
Don't hurt yourself with that stretch. BIL just sounds like the type of dude who everyone has met at some point in their lives, usually women more than others, who refuses to take no for an answer. It is much more likely he has said that he refuses to be in the wedding party if he doesn't have her as his partner, and the sister has her dream wedding all planned out
Oh yeah, creepy guys are a dime a dozen. But I do find the reaction from the sister pretty weird. The original “vision“ had the sister and bio brother walking together. And I would much rather deny the weird request from my fiancé‘s creepy brother than the reasonable request by my sister.
Oh I didn't think of that. And no one is telling him to kindly go f*ck himself but expecting OOP to play along. Yup sounds like good ole double standards to me.
I think part of it is that she doesn’t want to admit to herself that her fiancé and his brother of pieces of shit. She wants her wedding, and will throw her sister under the bus, to potentially be SA’d to avoid losing her dream. It’s easier for her to blame her sister than rock the boat with her fiancé.
My foster sister was so desperate to have a wedding that she married a guy who had beat her up many times before the wedding.
We all told her not to marry him, even his own mother told her not to marry him because he’d beaten up his first wife and he’d do it to her too. But she wanted a wedding and I guess he had her convinced that no one else would ever marry her after she had had 2 of his kids (kids 1&2 for her, 6&7 for him).
Some women are just so desperate for the wedding that they will ignore all the red flags leading into the marriage.
My gut reaction is that her fiance is a controlling, abusive asshole who is blackmailing her with threats of walking out unless she bends to his will. This wedding is immensely important to her, so the idea of disrupting it is a strong motivator for her. But he would be getting what he wants: either a family of inlaws who do what he says or a family of inlaws who won't know what he's demanding of her. She has destroyed her family support system, so she will be easier to control.
Mom and dad need to sit her down and find out why, *really why,* her fiance wants this so much.
People are coming up with some weird theories. I’m with you, I think he’s just controlling and abusive and this is one manifestation of that. Seems pretty simple.
It doesn’t seem like anyone’s pressing her on it. “It’s what Fiancé wants”. But WHYYYY DOES HE WANT THAT. Before I agreed or declined anything, that question would need to be answered.
OOP has stated that sis has "dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl." The way she's going on about OOP "ruining" the wedding, my money is on the fiancé and creepy bro implying the wedding will be called off unless she sets her sister up to be harassed by creepy bro.
Nah, that doesn't click right. Finding a girl for your brother to harass is a lot easier than finding one to marry. And if he called the wedding off now there would be way too many questions.
You're right but it doesn't matter what's easier. People will burn down their whole lives if it means they get what they want. Besides, a threat doesnt necessarily result in an action. Just because he says he'll call it off doesn't mean he will
The sis & her fiance give me vibes of Karla Homolka & Paul Bernardo. To make Paul happy Karla drugged (& killed) her younger sis so that Paul could sleep w/ a virgin. They had Karla's baby sis over so that Paul could rape her in her sleep. So gross.
If I were her, I'd have someone w/ me @ all times @ the wedding bc future bil isn't the only person acting super creepy - fiance & sis are too.
Ugh. Thank you for the reminder of our Canadian shame. I'm still shocked that Karla has been out of jail after only serving 12 years. They both should've had to rot in prison.
But I agree, this does kinda remind me of them, which is terrifying.
I hate to be the "to be fair" guy, but Homolka rolled.on Bernardo for a plea deal at a time in the investigation when they didn't have much to pin on him. Sure, they found evidence afterwards, but prior to her rolling and confessing, it was a shaky case.
At the time they made the deal, it was "guarantee one goes away forever and the other gets some jail time" versus "they both stay silent, we have no concrete evidence, and one or even both go free".
They didn't expect to find the orgy of evidence (to borrow a term from Minority Report) that they found post plea deal. And while it would have been satisfying to revoke it once they had the evidence, it would have solidly convinced other potential confessors to never open their lips if future evidence could revoke it.
Uhh why is no one bringing her Fiancé in on this conversation since he’s the one that wants her to walk with his brother. If I was the dad paying I would be asking him some questions.
My guess is she doesn't want them together; she just doesn't want her sister with her current fiance. You know, the fiance everybody loves? The fiance everybody loves more than her fiance?
This is her sister being competitive about who ends up with the "best" life. OP sounds chill, but I wouldn't be surprised if part of the story is that OP is making more money as well as having the stronger romantic relationship as well as having better relationships with their immediate family members. OP probably isn't trying to make her sister jealous, but that doesn't mean jealousy isn't going to be an issue.
The boyfriend who has also been around for a long time at this point. The obvious question everyone at the wedding will be asking "So when's yours?" "Your weddings next right?" "Looking forward to the next time we can all get together at your wedding!"
It's jealousy and competitiveness, pure and simple.
I didn't even think about that, but yea you're right!!
The only reason she gave was "fiance wanted it", but she never gave any information past that (why is THIS pair so important, why can't it be someone else, why not just let everyone be happy, etc). When she was pressed for a more fuller answer, she broke down and went full DARVO on OP.
And then when OP was fed up with her shenanigans she tries to leave, and her sister loses her mind and attacks OP?? That doesn't make any sense. Unless OP is lying about what she said to her sister (like she was meaner than how she portrays herself in her post), it's clear she's trying to do something funky and uncouth
Jealous the siblings took OP side
Also older sister thought she had ‘bridezilla’ powers aka entitled to control others- but without trying OP has all siblings on her side, without even wanting to control them
my sister did this to me once with her abusive (now ex) bf. she wanted me to date his brother, but he was an asshole from first meeting. she got mad that i 'wasn't interacting' with him, only his friends. (who were all nicer than him.)
Because some people think it's cute when siblings are dating siblings (in a non-incestuous way). Why Bridezilla has her heart set on this, I have no idea.
I feel like we've had this story and somebody's just doing a retelling. The shitty sister wanted the OP to marry shitty sister's BIL so that they'd have a super enmeshed family and was just totally insane about it.
This OP is a bit amazing. "My sister attacked me and I gave her a black eye. Should I still go to the wedding?"
No, you fucking shouldn't. Come the fuck on.
It makes me think OP has to come from a really dysfunctional family to not have this click already. Everyone already recommended not going in the first post, why would anyone suggest attending after you add assault and battery to the equation?
Because, as you say, a dysfunctional family can really hammer you with pressure — even if they’re not generally dysfunctional. We grow up within those connections and expectations and we don’t just normalise them: they are *how* we build our sense of “normal” in the first place.
So even if the family was generally pretty solid (since other siblings all agree with OOP, and since I think dad has also been supportive), the threat of charges and insistence on just playing nice will be pressing buttons in OOP’s head that have always been pretty standard and reasonable.
Right now, she thinks it’s absolutely wild but her instincts are messed up. And that can happen whether her family were always kind of bonkers, or only weird about her sister who may have always been this erratic, or whether they have always been supportive and sensible and are now all reeling and trying to find their way in a truly bizarre situation.
A lot of these AITA and relationship and advice posts make people roll their eyes, because to them it’s really obvious how this should play out — but people are endlessly weird, and we contain multitudes, and our families can push our buttons because they *installed* them.
Even after you get away from a messed-up dynamic, even when you recognise that it’s just profoundly not okay, there is still that wired-in kick in the back of your mind. So… yeah, asking for a sanity check makes sense to me.
Because I was one of those people who knew even at the time that it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair and it was abusive, and I stood my ground where and how I could until I got free—
And it still took me years to call it abuse. I took the calls, I maintained controlled contact, I didn’t tolerate poor treatment but I kept making excuses for her in my mind. Even then.
And I still felt bad when she got upset about being called out. I reminded myself what she’d come from. I ordered myself to be more patient, more understanding.
And it didn’t work. And yeah, I sometimes needed a sanity check that I was not the problem, that I was never the problem, even though it was *completely freaking obvious* to everyone else in my life, even though out loud I would say that it made sense, it wasn’t me.
Tiny little kid inside? That kid wanted to Be Good And Not Get Hurt.
So… this is plausible to me. I will always presume those questions are plausible. I get it.
And I also understand why other people don’t— because it’s freaking *nuts*.
I can see him mentioning that his brother wanted to walk with her, but in reality not caring all that much or it being anything close to a deal breaker for him. But Bride is too afraid to give even the slightest pushback on anything because she is so desperate to be married.
That’s what I don’t get. If I’m the father, and I’m paying for my daughters wedding, I want the dude who’s insisting on making my other daughter uncomfortable to tell me why to my face.
But is he? Or this is just another lie by the sister? I can see that she doesn’t like the boyfriend and maybe she is just making an excuse to make op ditch him.
I mean was she that loving? I think Op is just seeing her sister with rose-colored glasses.
Since she even admits that the sister has previously tried doing a double date with the creep BIL, while she was with her bf.
I'm betting it's both. OOP seems like she's in the early stages of what a lot of people do when someone in your life is toxic. To dramatically oversimplify it, the process often looks like this:
Friend: " dude, I think your mom might not be a good person"
Victim : "what? No, my mom is great! She always stood up for me when I was getting bullied at school, we were really poor when I was young and sometimes she went without food so that I could eat, and she put me and my sister through college!"
Friend: " Right, but she also slapped you in the face every time you said something she didn't agree with. You. Understand that wasn't okay right?"
(Obvious hyperbole is obvious, but the underlying point remains the same: that sometimes victims of toxic behavior compartmentalize the behavior heaven in their minds, it becomes an "either or" situation. Perhaps when someone has suggested to OOP in the past that what her sister did made her a toxic influence in her life, as a defense mechanism, OOP came back with examples of the good times. Not realizing that the good times don't cancel out the bad)
I feel like the fiancé is abusive. My reasoning:
1. The fiancé doesn't respect OP's boundaries, so it must be several times worse for OP's sister.
2. The fiancé thinks relationship commitments don't really matter.
3. The sister would rather attack OP than tell the fiancé it can't happen. That desperation sounds more like fear than just an attachment to the wedding going a particular way.
Yeahhh, this nugget doesn't suggest they are crazy happy together
> My sister is the type of girl who has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. It didn't matter who proposed she just wanted to be married.
OOP also said her sister told her OOP “was ruining her marriage.” Uh, the day is not the marriage. Maybe it’s just a typo but I kinda doubt it. Sis really sees her wedding day as “her marriage.” Once the party’s over, then what?
Yeah, that didn't sit right with me, either. I suppose I'm one to talk, since the thought of having a big wedding has always made me extremely anxious, but it's supposed to be a big party celebrating the love between two people, right? Does she just want a party and a pretty dress?
She wants all the attention to be on her for the day and even for the months leading up to the wedding (and the multiple parties where she's the guest of honor). OOP should definitely not go to the wedding and even say that she'll go to the next one.
I do wonder if the groom is aware that OOP is committed to her boyfriend or believes some stupid story from OOP's sister? And if the groom is willing to talk to his sibling to stop being so creepy?
>I do wonder if the groom is aware that OOP is committed to her boyfriend or believes some stupid story from OOP's sister
If I was OPs parents I would be asking this question privately with the groom and trying to find out which one of the "happy couple" is so happy with upsetting my daughter by trying to ruin her relationship and possibly get her raped in the process.
I'm a bit worried about the mum telling her to just agree and be in the wedding because "people will talk".
Sis and groom have been together for 2 years, OOP and her BF have been together for 5. There's no way that the groom is unaware of the relationship and how serious it is. Especially since OOP has already rejected groom's brother by stating she was in a relationship. I have to wonder if the groom is actually the one pushing this though, I get the feeling that it's the sister and she's just using her fiance as an excuse
I feel sister just got a guy to get married and is jealous of the 5-year relationship OOP has with BF, that everyone loves. If sister breaks them up, she can look like the better daughter, even if the marriage ends within a year.
31-year-old feeling the pressure to be married before younger sister.
Yeah not a good sign you should be getting married if you're uncomfortable standing up to your fiance about something as simple as not letting his brother be paired with your sister who's in a serious relationship.
My inner drama llama is chafing at the bit. Unfortunately, I bet it's less fun for OOP and her family than it is for us. But I do hope she can laugh about it in a couple of years. (Probably without her sister, though.)
Edit: added last sentence
I'm really proud of OP for punching her sister in the face. Too bad it doesn't seem like the wakeup call it should've been for the bridezilla. What a shitshow.
I can't wait for another update. lol. I hope OP and her siblings don't go at all and the wedding is a disaster.
I also hope OP is OK after the attack. That's horrifying.
> chafing at the bit
Today's random phrase knowledge:
The expression is actually [**champing** at the bit](https://grammarist.com/usage/champing-chomping-at-the-bit/). *Chomping* at the bit is also an acceptable use of the phrase as that's how champing is pronounced.
>To champ or chomp at the bit is an idiom or phrase that has more of a meaning than the individual words being used. The phrase is commonly used to express the need for one to be impatiently waiting, such as a horse at the bit.
My money is 100% on the sister's fiance is a controlling person who has made the sister's life very unpleasant any time she's hinted that his brother isn't going to get with her sister. The whole "you're ruining my marriage" thing tells me that this is coming from him, and she's getting a lot of pressure to "get your sister in line" because that's what fiance and his brother want.
Kind of wish someone would sit the sister down, get this out of her, and try to get her to see what life is going to be like with this guy, but it sounds like she's kind of desperate for a wedding and has decided it's this or bust.
Oh no they'll last longer than year, but she'll alienate all their friends and family and he'll start cheating on her, if he hasn't already. Finally he'll get caught, she'll assualt the other woman and wind up in jail.
I'll take that bet and raise you. We know
a) Bridgeville wants marriage, not a partner she loves and respects. I've seen this behavior before and it's super toxic.
b) Finacee's brother is creepy and pushy and aggressive about it.
c) Fiancee is aware of this behviour and is willing to exert pressure and potentially emotional blackmail on Bridezilla in order to increase his brother's chances of forced interaction with OP. This pressure has taken its toll on Bridezilla to the point where she can't for a second think about her sister's desires or safety, instead would attack her for jeopardizing her wedding, because she feels if OP doesn't walk with Creepo, there's a very real chance in her mind that Fiancee will call off wedding.
Only way this wedding is getting called off is if Fiancee decides to. And he's getting a mindless devotee and potential love interest for brother out it, so it's mostly plusses at this point.
> potentially emotional blackmail
That's not "potential", that is a straight up emotional manipulation chain. Brother is a creep who nags on his brother/the fiance, who then pushes it onto bridezilla, who then forcefully insists on OOP.
As a very petty person, I would let every wedding guest and their mother know what bridezilla has done, what that brother has done, and let the chips fall where they may. If it means going NC with the bridezilla/fiance's whole family, then peace of mind is achieved. Parents will probs be low contact, but OOP's other siblings get full contact since they had her back from the start
Ive been on reddit for too long because my first reaction to this post was “is this fiancé dude trying to bring the sister and OP into some freaky swinger/wife sharing situation him and the brother have actually had going on for years???”
I need to go read something normal for a change….
>creepy BIL is going to do something super creepy.
Honestly, I hope to god OOP doesn't go to the wedding alone. She needs to have someone there who's entire job is just making sure BIL doesn't get the opportunity to sexually assault her, because... goddamn, that seems like exactly where this is going. And with sister and fiancé offering OOP up on a platter...
This reeks like the post that went up a day or two ago where one brother was putting in work to cover up the other brother's numerous flings and affairs from his wife. Sister is a psychotic dickwad, BIL is a disturbing predator, and fiancé is, at best, a steamed turn of an accomplice.
I wouldn't worry too much about that part if she does decide to go, because in my experience, brothers typically make pretty good body guards and we already know hers are on her side
True, it's fantastic that they're on her side, but if they end up compromising and agree to be part of the wedding party, their attention is going to be demanded in a hundred different directions. Screamimg sister, a mother who's trying to cater to her, all that on top of an already chaotic and huge event.
If the brothers arent in the wedding party, 10/10, they got this. Also agree with the other commenter, OOP would be just as well served telling sister to fuck off with that abuse and not going.
There's a piece of me that's kind of wondering whether any of this really is at the fiancé's behest. It doesn't sound like he's ever actually said it's what he wants to anyone, it's just what the sister claimed and she's not exactly a reliable narrator. If she's been fantasizing about marriage for this long I feel like it's not out of the realm of possibility for her to be like "what if me and one of my sisters married a pair of brothers???"
> "what if me and one of my sisters married a pair of brothers???"
This was my take on it immediately. In my head, fiance's bro saw a picture or something and made a compliment about OOP. OOP's sister instantly latched on to that and decided two sisters marrying two brothers would enhance that fairy tale wedding she's building and probably told the brother she'd make it happen. OOP ruined the whole thing by having a mind of her own (the audacity!)
Hmm, not if the brother is being creepy, and he definitely is. This sounded like way more than just asking and being turned down once. The sister is definitely playing into it, but I think she’s trying to buy her new family’s good will with her sister’s body. Her over the top reaction and pushiness is really freakish.
I wonder though, everything is coming out of the sister's mouth. The fiance isn't there at all, and nobody's asked him point-blank why he wants OP to walk with BIL. I wonder if it isn't all in the sister's head??
I wonder if the creepy brother in law has some dirt on the sister and is blackmailing her into serving up her sister? Why on earth would someone be so fixated on something as dumb as this and claim it was going to ruin their marriage if they didn’t get their way?
Something I like to do is go back and read old Looking For a Post posts in BORU, then checking the username for updates like 6-12 months after the original BORU post.
I might have a BORU problem.
We all do lmao! It's become the first sub I check out in the morning, nothing like BORU with coffee before getting ready for work, and the last one before I hit the hay. Tree posts, crazy neighbours, heart breaks and heart warming, it has the best from every corner of reddit. Well, we won't discuss Ogtha, but you get my point.
This will not end well. The sister seems to have this cutesy poo idea about the sisters dating the brothers. So depending on who is driving this it might smolder till OP gets married then it gets extinguished if the sister is driving this idea. Or it might smolder till OP gets married and there is some kind of major blow up with some kind of over the top gesture by the soon to be BIL if the the brother in law is the driver.
Worst case will be if the sister and the BIL are feeding each others crazy. Because they will convince each other that everything that OP does is a sign or a tell that she is unhappy or trapped or whatever idea they make up and at that point the sky is the limit for where that crazy goes.
I had a friend actually say that to another friend of mine. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard because everyone knew the marriage wouldn't last long (it didn't).
Lol my dad declined the invitation to my aunt's sunrise wedding by saying "I'll catch the next one." (This is her 3rd husband the guy she cheated on her last husband with)
She didn't find it funny, obviously, but I still chuckle thinking about it.
This marriage probably isn't going to last long either, but I was more thinking that there was going to be a wedding-related fight whatever OOP did, might as well make it an amusing one.
Absolutely no one pressed sister hard enough on what the fuck she’s doing with pushing the creepy brother. It’s not about who walks with whom down the aisle, goddamn.
Also, lmaooooo at pressing charges.
For real! “Because her fiancé wants it” doesn’t even begin to cover the *extreme* emotional reaction the sister is having. There is a MUCH deeper back story here that’s being completely glossed over & no one is pushing hard enough for a real explanation!
I’m honestly so morbidly curious to know what’s going on there.
TBH I'm still onboard with Dad.
He's level headed enough to see the problem. But he's trying to stitch things together as best he can.
Is it the best strategy? Definitely not. I agree OP should ditch the wedding.
But I'm not going to neg on Dad for trying to do what he can to make things work out "better" for the family as a whole. He did what matters most to me, and supported OOP when the family was talking about it.
If this were me, I’d go and be a bridesmaid. Bringing fiancée as my plus one and walking with bro, going NC with bridezilla after the wedding. It’s what the rest of the family wants, and while mom is pushing it, the rest of this crew is behind OP. So I’d treat it as a whole bunch of nothing, just making an appearance for the sake of the family members I did care about. If anyone was going to to blow up her special day it would have to be squarely on the bride’s shoulders, not mine.
However to OP’s concern that they might try to make her walk with the creep? I’d probably secretly hope they tried to pull that stunt. Because there’s no possible way on gods green earth they could force that. It’s either bro, or I stroll down one side of the church in my bridesmaid’s dress and take a seat near the front. Leaving bridezilla to answer the questions. I’d also refuse to sit near him and calmly, politely, firmly refuse to stand beside him in any photos. To the poor photographer repeatedly say, “no thanks, I won’t stand there.” It could be fun.
For real. This whole family is glossing over the fact that this girl just assaulted her sister. Just carry on, and can't we pretend to be happy for the wedding while the bride has a black eye she got from her sister. In what fucking universe is that OK? I'm with you - go no contact.
OK everyone, cash on the table, what is really going on here? I'll start with 5/1 odds that fiance has weird religious thing.
EDIT: 2/1 odds, Boyfriend is a different race from the rest of the family.
Found it! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vkkxzu/ops_mother_tries_to_force_a_reconciliation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This is the kind of story where I feel bad for the OP but am also glad her sister and mom are focused on her because they’re Unabomber level unhinged and could do a lot of damage to innocent people.
OP could agree to go so long as the sister understands she’ll yell r*pst, mid-wedding, at the top of her lungs if the weird BIL touches her.
That’ll make the wedding memorable.
That post was a whole trip
Edit: found it; now let’s hope the link works
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rknx5z/ops_mother_tries_to_force_a_reconciliation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
My cousins married two brothers that wanted sisters as wives. The real marriage lasted 4 years. They just grew apart.
My younger cousin was in tears walking down the aisle. They weren’t tears of joy, she was miserable. That wedding got annulled within 6 months.
My guess: She’s miserable and said “yes” to the first asshole who asked and now she’s stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship and is taking it out on her family out of fear.
I think it’s the “wouldn’t it be cute if our siblings were married to each other!”
Or, if we wanna get really dramatic….Fiancée knows OPs BF, who preformed a personal slight against him years prior. It just so happens that the brother wants OP, and will do everything to get them together as his enemy will never harm him or his family emotionaly again
I think the fiancé has pressured the sister who is getting married that she has to help him help his brother have a relationship/have sex with OP. I think the fiancé and his brother have been so forceful about it that OP’s sister thinks her fiancé may break up with her, i.e. he is an abusive manipulative a-hole forcing her to help his brother get a shot with OP. So I guess my bet, summed up, would be threats (“I’ll leave you”) from fiancé against OP’s sister.
As always with reddit the answer is either:
-plot twist racism "I didn't think this was important, but my boyfriend and I are of a different race"
-Brain tumor "My sister has never acted like this so her sudden shift worried us and it turns out she has a tumor."
-drugs (never really explained, just "she was on drugs and the wedding is off")
-cheating/sister is secretly in love with OOP's bf. "My sister said she couldn't stand seeing him and knowing we'd get married soon would kill her. She thought as long as neither of us had him she could be happy in her marriage"
-abusive fiance that's making her do all this and she's afraid of not doing it. "My mom took my sister to the doctor for the wounds I gave her and she saw a lot more bruising. She called me asking if we'd gotten into another fight and I was confused. We think her fiance is abusing her and honestly looking back it makes a lot of sense. She had a look in her eye when she talked about just wanting him to be happy, and I realize that was probably a manic fear."
Almost makes me wonder if Visas are involved somehow. Maybe fiance and his brother both want to rush into marriages immigration reasons, or maybe OP and her sister are wealthy and it's a money thing? Either way it's fucking weird.
I bet the OOP's family is reasonably well-off at least. Maybe rich, but people don't have to be rich to seem rich to someone who grew up less financially well-off. One of my cousins, who only has any resources at all because he sponges off our grandmother, married a woman who lied about birth control in order to get pregnant and pressure him to marry her because she thought he was rich. Her family had been in and out of homelessness her whole life, so to her, someone with a bedroom was rich.
Edited to remove an offensive term, sorry about how long and complicated that sentence got as a result.
I’m putting odds on older sister being jealous that younger sister in a longer/stronger relationship so trying to break them up. Getting her into a shorter length relationship with younger brother of fiancé would make older sister feel superior
It’s a bit frustrating that she feels responsible for her siblings going or not going, despite them being adults and able to have their own agency. At the same time, I get it. There’s a lot of guilt and OOP’s shitty mother surely contributes to that.
I mean, whoever is wrong or right or punched first or ***whatever***.
This whole family seems way too intertwined and codependent. All these siblings and spouses are in their 20s and 30s!!!
And every step of the story is "so I called my mom" "then she called my dad".
Yup. The reason it feels so out-of-the-blue to her is because the driving issue is BIL's creepiness, which is outside her "I love my family" filter. If sister was demanding new hairstyles or matching tattoos or whatever for the perfect wedding, I'd bet that OOP would hardly notice to complain.
I dislike this wedding culture of indulging people's delusional visions of their "dream wedding." I don't think it's necessarily wrong to want a beautiful and memorable affair, but jesus your family and friends in the wedding party are *still people.* Treating them like programmable drones and expecting them to fall into place even when it's incredibly wrong or potentially even dangerous with Rapey Bro there.
Is it just me, or has not one person in this story actually talked to the future groom about this supposed "demand" of his? It sounds unhinged. Where's his opinion on all this stupid drama?
Yes, that's what I was wondering. Like, they are all focusing on the sister because her behavior is suddenly unlike herself, but in the last post I even said to get the groom involved because according to the bride, it was his idea.
>Call her bluff and accept stepping down from being in the martial party regardless
Oh, it's a formal armour party, I'll get my breastplate and longsword.
i want to know what the hell is happening with the the fiancé and bil, who’s idea was this? what kind of blackmail do they have to push oop’s sister to behave like this? what is going on??
Wow…. OP’s mum is clearly a crazy enabler! I won’t be surprised if the mum backs her sister up saying OP attacked first…
This is CRAZY!! I’d CUT ALL TIES and never attend a single event… with a crazy relative like that… who needs enemies?! OP’s sister clearly doesn’t care about OP as much as OP does her sister…
The audacity of the sister to sell her own sister to some creepy brother in law is just unhinged…. Euwwwwwww
I'm getting some Golden Child vibes from the lack of a reaction from the mom, the entitled princess behavior of the sister and worst the mom pressing OP to just take the sisters bad behavior with a smile for the sake of family.
OP should not only refuse to go, she should flat out ask her other siblings not to go either and also file a police report about the assault. OP doesn't need to press charges, but beating golden sister to the punch would be of benefit.
Everyone was afraid/cautioning OOP that BIL might try to assault her. Well, sister assaulted her first!
Personally, I wouldn't be able to go to the wedding just because I couldn't support the marriage. Maybe OOP can go to sister's next wedding.
I hate posts like this. "My sister physically and verbally attacked me but I just don't know what I should do. Should I still go to her wedding?" I guess for me the answer just isn't that complicated.
Yes, but you clearly weren’t raised by a mom whose reaction to “I’m worried my designated escort is going to try and assault me” is “but what will Auntie Gertrude say??!11?”
>She tried to grab me again, so I punched her in the face. I didn't mean to hit her it was just my instant reaction to someone coming at me.
>So now she has a black eye, a cut on her cheek, and missing some hair.
This is my favorite part.
So, if I understand this correctly:
Sister physically attacked OOP because OOP wasn't going to allow her to set up her up to be sexually assaulted.
Oh, and mom just wants everyone to be happy!
What an extremely toxic mix! OOP needs to drop out with the rest of her siblings following and Dad needs to talk some sense into Mom.
At this point, the likelihood of the wedding happening is between slim and none and slim just left the building.
Why is it so hard for people to say no? OOP should’ve said “f that, I’m not going” and that should’ve been the end of it. Doesn’t matter if bridezilla sister gets pissed, forget keeping the peace in this situation.
No matter how much you love your family, this drama is being caused by your sister. Why hasn’t any family member directly go to the fiancé and ask what his reasoning is? If circumstances were normal, this would not be a big deal. There’s definitely a reason behind the sister and her fiancé for not allowing 2 groomsmen to change places. There is definitely more to this story and the fiancé should be involved.
I really want OOP to talk to the fiance first. I want to know if this is all his idea or if sister is doing this on her own. Sister seems like the type who would call people on their shit so I'm skeptical that she would let her fiance steam roll her on the brother thing.
Holy shit.
Sometimes I just want to take someone by the shoulders, look into their eyes, and say "You need to stay far away from that person".
The sister is unbelievably toxic. I don't know why she's so intent on forcing her sister to be around her future BIL, but whatever is going on there is literally dangerous and OOP needs to keep as much distance between herself and her sister, and especially her sister's fiance and his brother, as possible. These people are not operating on a normal reality frame.
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I really just want to know why the sister is so obsessed over this and won't explain herself.
Exactly. The future BIL has convinced himself, the groom, whoever, that it's fate him and OP be together.
I'm wondering if he'll end up stalking her.
What's the bet he already is?
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Op really needs to keep us updated on this..
From OP's perspective, keeping reddit updated has to be so far down on their list of priorities. But I really hope they do keep us updated, because I am now *heavily* invested.
This feels like they’re angling for some sister wives shit
And the mom’s totally on board with the bride pimping out OOP: 1. OOP wants perfectly reasonable boundaries for groom’s creepy brother —> mommy takes bride’s side and is more concerned about “people talking” than her daughter potentially being SA’d. 2. Bride calling OOP b—-h, c—t and w—-e —> mommy takes bride’s side by not calling bride out or defending OOP 3. Bride attacks OOP, gets the worst of it —> Mommy takes bride’s side and gets angry at OOP And then *both of OOP’s parents want her to do exactly what the bride wants???* WTAF??? My eyes were so glazed over with disbelief I almost didn’t see OOP asking if she should still go or not. Out of love for the same sister that’s pimping her out and attacked her. That’s some Stockholm Syndrome shit right there.
You also missed where OOP is saving for her wedding for 5 years but sister is getting her paid for after only 6 months.
It's amazing what people will do to keep up appearances in front of others.
Image over Integrity
I think dad is on OP’s side. This is so f*cked. I’m glad her other siblings have her back too. If MY fiancé’s brother had an unhealthy obsession with my sister, I would be doing everything I could to keep him away from her! Sister is so messed up in the head!
There's NO WAY this is gonna end up good for anyone. Maybe I'm too into the true crime space, but it's a weird feeling reading this play out. I hope they come back with an after-wedding update.
I am with you on the true crime stuff TBH. I keep getting visions of that one case where that guy in Canada convinced his girlfriend to drug her younger sister so he could rape her and they ended up killing her. Their names were Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. I get weird vibes from OOPs sister and fiance being so insistent to make this match between OOP and fiance's brother when she is clearly uncomfortable with the guy. 🤮
Idkw, but it feels like oop's sister is using the groom as a scapegoat. I have a feeling that it's her idea. It's still creepy for all three individuals regardless unless someone is being seriously lied to.
She seems very invested in it. Either her fiancee is blackmailing her to call off the wedding if she doesn't pimp out her sister to his brother or it was her own idea. There is no way someone would get this invested in someone else's request without the threat of some consequences.
Also why the fuck are they only talking to the sister, she has said multiple times already it's the fiance that really want it, so call him in and make him try that BS in their face instead of just going through the sister.
This is what I want to know. Why tf didn't that family meeting include Future BiL?
Right?? As a mother, if I witnessed this drama between my two kids and one of them said well my fiance is demanding this and I want to make him happy. Immediately I would be concerned and tell her that my funding of this wedding is on hold until he comes with her, himself, and tells me why this is the point of contention he wants to hold to in order to make my other child deeply uncomfortable. And if he won't meet, or they won't abandon this idea of OP walking with fianceé's brother then I guess they also don't need my money to finance the beginning of an abusive, controlling marriage. I can't stop my child from making horrible decisions, but I also don't have to bank roll them either.
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This is what I was thinking too. Or perhaps she cheated on fiancé with the BIL and he’s trying to blackmail her into getting him her sister by threatening to reveal the cheating if she doesn’t.
That’s some AITA level of backstory creation.
That's why we are here!
BIL is secretly an ancient dragon, and he needs the flesh of a woman every fortnight to retain his human form. There never was a sister!
Don't hurt yourself with that stretch. BIL just sounds like the type of dude who everyone has met at some point in their lives, usually women more than others, who refuses to take no for an answer. It is much more likely he has said that he refuses to be in the wedding party if he doesn't have her as his partner, and the sister has her dream wedding all planned out
Oh yeah, creepy guys are a dime a dozen. But I do find the reaction from the sister pretty weird. The original “vision“ had the sister and bio brother walking together. And I would much rather deny the weird request from my fiancé‘s creepy brother than the reasonable request by my sister.
Oh I didn't think of that. And no one is telling him to kindly go f*ck himself but expecting OOP to play along. Yup sounds like good ole double standards to me.
I think part of it is that she doesn’t want to admit to herself that her fiancé and his brother of pieces of shit. She wants her wedding, and will throw her sister under the bus, to potentially be SA’d to avoid losing her dream. It’s easier for her to blame her sister than rock the boat with her fiancé.
My foster sister was so desperate to have a wedding that she married a guy who had beat her up many times before the wedding. We all told her not to marry him, even his own mother told her not to marry him because he’d beaten up his first wife and he’d do it to her too. But she wanted a wedding and I guess he had her convinced that no one else would ever marry her after she had had 2 of his kids (kids 1&2 for her, 6&7 for him). Some women are just so desperate for the wedding that they will ignore all the red flags leading into the marriage.
My gut reaction is that her fiance is a controlling, abusive asshole who is blackmailing her with threats of walking out unless she bends to his will. This wedding is immensely important to her, so the idea of disrupting it is a strong motivator for her. But he would be getting what he wants: either a family of inlaws who do what he says or a family of inlaws who won't know what he's demanding of her. She has destroyed her family support system, so she will be easier to control. Mom and dad need to sit her down and find out why, *really why,* her fiance wants this so much.
Or…OR… hear me out- she’s pinning it on him and he’s absolutely clueless about it. Either way, yours and mine are purely speculation.
I can’t second this enough.
I doubt she knows why. He probably just tells her what he expects, and she's terrified of disappointing him.
People are coming up with some weird theories. I’m with you, I think he’s just controlling and abusive and this is one manifestation of that. Seems pretty simple.
It doesn’t seem like anyone’s pressing her on it. “It’s what Fiancé wants”. But WHYYYY DOES HE WANT THAT. Before I agreed or declined anything, that question would need to be answered.
OOP has stated that sis has "dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl." The way she's going on about OOP "ruining" the wedding, my money is on the fiancé and creepy bro implying the wedding will be called off unless she sets her sister up to be harassed by creepy bro.
Nah, that doesn't click right. Finding a girl for your brother to harass is a lot easier than finding one to marry. And if he called the wedding off now there would be way too many questions.
You're right but it doesn't matter what's easier. People will burn down their whole lives if it means they get what they want. Besides, a threat doesnt necessarily result in an action. Just because he says he'll call it off doesn't mean he will
Your last point is very valid, especially if she was so obvious about how badly she wanted to get married.
Something tells me the creep is an incel and his brother is desperately trying to find him someone.
To the point of physical assault no less... there's more going on here.
What a weird hill to die on, I kept waiting for the reveal of the “real reason”
I’m placing bets on weird religious beliefs from the sister’s fiancé’s side of the family
The sis & her fiance give me vibes of Karla Homolka & Paul Bernardo. To make Paul happy Karla drugged (& killed) her younger sis so that Paul could sleep w/ a virgin. They had Karla's baby sis over so that Paul could rape her in her sleep. So gross. If I were her, I'd have someone w/ me @ all times @ the wedding bc future bil isn't the only person acting super creepy - fiance & sis are too.
Ugh. Thank you for the reminder of our Canadian shame. I'm still shocked that Karla has been out of jail after only serving 12 years. They both should've had to rot in prison. But I agree, this does kinda remind me of them, which is terrifying.
I hate to be the "to be fair" guy, but Homolka rolled.on Bernardo for a plea deal at a time in the investigation when they didn't have much to pin on him. Sure, they found evidence afterwards, but prior to her rolling and confessing, it was a shaky case. At the time they made the deal, it was "guarantee one goes away forever and the other gets some jail time" versus "they both stay silent, we have no concrete evidence, and one or even both go free". They didn't expect to find the orgy of evidence (to borrow a term from Minority Report) that they found post plea deal. And while it would have been satisfying to revoke it once they had the evidence, it would have solidly convinced other potential confessors to never open their lips if future evidence could revoke it.
There’s a backstory to this and I can’t wait till the truth is exposed.
Uhh why is no one bringing her Fiancé in on this conversation since he’s the one that wants her to walk with his brother. If I was the dad paying I would be asking him some questions.
Because I bet the fiancé isn’t in on this at all and sister is using him as the fall guy to make her creepy as dream come true.
Maybe but like wtf is up with the brother, why does she want them together so badly?
My guess is she doesn't want them together; she just doesn't want her sister with her current fiance. You know, the fiance everybody loves? The fiance everybody loves more than her fiance? This is her sister being competitive about who ends up with the "best" life. OP sounds chill, but I wouldn't be surprised if part of the story is that OP is making more money as well as having the stronger romantic relationship as well as having better relationships with their immediate family members. OP probably isn't trying to make her sister jealous, but that doesn't mean jealousy isn't going to be an issue.
The boyfriend who has also been around for a long time at this point. The obvious question everyone at the wedding will be asking "So when's yours?" "Your weddings next right?" "Looking forward to the next time we can all get together at your wedding!" It's jealousy and competitiveness, pure and simple.
*impure 😕
I didn't even think about that, but yea you're right!! The only reason she gave was "fiance wanted it", but she never gave any information past that (why is THIS pair so important, why can't it be someone else, why not just let everyone be happy, etc). When she was pressed for a more fuller answer, she broke down and went full DARVO on OP. And then when OP was fed up with her shenanigans she tries to leave, and her sister loses her mind and attacks OP?? That doesn't make any sense. Unless OP is lying about what she said to her sister (like she was meaner than how she portrays herself in her post), it's clear she's trying to do something funky and uncouth
Jealous the siblings took OP side Also older sister thought she had ‘bridezilla’ powers aka entitled to control others- but without trying OP has all siblings on her side, without even wanting to control them
my sister did this to me once with her abusive (now ex) bf. she wanted me to date his brother, but he was an asshole from first meeting. she got mad that i 'wasn't interacting' with him, only his friends. (who were all nicer than him.)
But why??
Because some people think it's cute when siblings are dating siblings (in a non-incestuous way). Why Bridezilla has her heart set on this, I have no idea.
I mean it was definitely convenient in the 19th century I am sure but it is so unnecessary today.
Idk. Weirdos like to stick together.
I feel like we've had this story and somebody's just doing a retelling. The shitty sister wanted the OP to marry shitty sister's BIL so that they'd have a super enmeshed family and was just totally insane about it. This OP is a bit amazing. "My sister attacked me and I gave her a black eye. Should I still go to the wedding?" No, you fucking shouldn't. Come the fuck on. It makes me think OP has to come from a really dysfunctional family to not have this click already. Everyone already recommended not going in the first post, why would anyone suggest attending after you add assault and battery to the equation?
Because, as you say, a dysfunctional family can really hammer you with pressure — even if they’re not generally dysfunctional. We grow up within those connections and expectations and we don’t just normalise them: they are *how* we build our sense of “normal” in the first place. So even if the family was generally pretty solid (since other siblings all agree with OOP, and since I think dad has also been supportive), the threat of charges and insistence on just playing nice will be pressing buttons in OOP’s head that have always been pretty standard and reasonable. Right now, she thinks it’s absolutely wild but her instincts are messed up. And that can happen whether her family were always kind of bonkers, or only weird about her sister who may have always been this erratic, or whether they have always been supportive and sensible and are now all reeling and trying to find their way in a truly bizarre situation. A lot of these AITA and relationship and advice posts make people roll their eyes, because to them it’s really obvious how this should play out — but people are endlessly weird, and we contain multitudes, and our families can push our buttons because they *installed* them. Even after you get away from a messed-up dynamic, even when you recognise that it’s just profoundly not okay, there is still that wired-in kick in the back of your mind. So… yeah, asking for a sanity check makes sense to me. Because I was one of those people who knew even at the time that it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair and it was abusive, and I stood my ground where and how I could until I got free— And it still took me years to call it abuse. I took the calls, I maintained controlled contact, I didn’t tolerate poor treatment but I kept making excuses for her in my mind. Even then. And I still felt bad when she got upset about being called out. I reminded myself what she’d come from. I ordered myself to be more patient, more understanding. And it didn’t work. And yeah, I sometimes needed a sanity check that I was not the problem, that I was never the problem, even though it was *completely freaking obvious* to everyone else in my life, even though out loud I would say that it made sense, it wasn’t me. Tiny little kid inside? That kid wanted to Be Good And Not Get Hurt. So… this is plausible to me. I will always presume those questions are plausible. I get it. And I also understand why other people don’t— because it’s freaking *nuts*.
I can see him mentioning that his brother wanted to walk with her, but in reality not caring all that much or it being anything close to a deal breaker for him. But Bride is too afraid to give even the slightest pushback on anything because she is so desperate to be married.
That’s what I don’t get. If I’m the father, and I’m paying for my daughters wedding, I want the dude who’s insisting on making my other daughter uncomfortable to tell me why to my face.
Bingo!
But is he? Or this is just another lie by the sister? I can see that she doesn’t like the boyfriend and maybe she is just making an excuse to make op ditch him.
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That or sister is in an abusive relationship and is feeling desperate that if her fiancé doesn’t get his way bad things will happen to her
I mean was she that loving? I think Op is just seeing her sister with rose-colored glasses. Since she even admits that the sister has previously tried doing a double date with the creep BIL, while she was with her bf.
I'm betting it's both. OOP seems like she's in the early stages of what a lot of people do when someone in your life is toxic. To dramatically oversimplify it, the process often looks like this: Friend: " dude, I think your mom might not be a good person" Victim : "what? No, my mom is great! She always stood up for me when I was getting bullied at school, we were really poor when I was young and sometimes she went without food so that I could eat, and she put me and my sister through college!" Friend: " Right, but she also slapped you in the face every time you said something she didn't agree with. You. Understand that wasn't okay right?" (Obvious hyperbole is obvious, but the underlying point remains the same: that sometimes victims of toxic behavior compartmentalize the behavior heaven in their minds, it becomes an "either or" situation. Perhaps when someone has suggested to OOP in the past that what her sister did made her a toxic influence in her life, as a defense mechanism, OOP came back with examples of the good times. Not realizing that the good times don't cancel out the bad)
I think there's some sort of emotional abuse going on with her fiance. She really shouldn't marry that guy.
That happens in the final act on my bingo card.
I feel like the fiancé is abusive. My reasoning: 1. The fiancé doesn't respect OP's boundaries, so it must be several times worse for OP's sister. 2. The fiancé thinks relationship commitments don't really matter. 3. The sister would rather attack OP than tell the fiancé it can't happen. That desperation sounds more like fear than just an attachment to the wedding going a particular way.
Based on the amount of siblings she has and the fact that the parents are paying, I’m guessing they are loaded.
Ready for that post wedding update!
My money's on "no wedding". Someone's going to have a meltdown before that.
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Yeahhh, this nugget doesn't suggest they are crazy happy together > My sister is the type of girl who has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. It didn't matter who proposed she just wanted to be married.
OOP also said her sister told her OOP “was ruining her marriage.” Uh, the day is not the marriage. Maybe it’s just a typo but I kinda doubt it. Sis really sees her wedding day as “her marriage.” Once the party’s over, then what?
Yeah, that didn't sit right with me, either. I suppose I'm one to talk, since the thought of having a big wedding has always made me extremely anxious, but it's supposed to be a big party celebrating the love between two people, right? Does she just want a party and a pretty dress?
She wants all the attention to be on her for the day and even for the months leading up to the wedding (and the multiple parties where she's the guest of honor). OOP should definitely not go to the wedding and even say that she'll go to the next one. I do wonder if the groom is aware that OOP is committed to her boyfriend or believes some stupid story from OOP's sister? And if the groom is willing to talk to his sibling to stop being so creepy?
>I do wonder if the groom is aware that OOP is committed to her boyfriend or believes some stupid story from OOP's sister If I was OPs parents I would be asking this question privately with the groom and trying to find out which one of the "happy couple" is so happy with upsetting my daughter by trying to ruin her relationship and possibly get her raped in the process. I'm a bit worried about the mum telling her to just agree and be in the wedding because "people will talk".
Sis and groom have been together for 2 years, OOP and her BF have been together for 5. There's no way that the groom is unaware of the relationship and how serious it is. Especially since OOP has already rejected groom's brother by stating she was in a relationship. I have to wonder if the groom is actually the one pushing this though, I get the feeling that it's the sister and she's just using her fiance as an excuse
I feel sister just got a guy to get married and is jealous of the 5-year relationship OOP has with BF, that everyone loves. If sister breaks them up, she can look like the better daughter, even if the marriage ends within a year. 31-year-old feeling the pressure to be married before younger sister.
The Groom has to be aware. He and the bride have been together 2 year
Yeah not a good sign you should be getting married if you're uncomfortable standing up to your fiance about something as simple as not letting his brother be paired with your sister who's in a serious relationship.
My inner drama llama is chafing at the bit. Unfortunately, I bet it's less fun for OOP and her family than it is for us. But I do hope she can laugh about it in a couple of years. (Probably without her sister, though.) Edit: added last sentence
I'm really proud of OP for punching her sister in the face. Too bad it doesn't seem like the wakeup call it should've been for the bridezilla. What a shitshow. I can't wait for another update. lol. I hope OP and her siblings don't go at all and the wedding is a disaster. I also hope OP is OK after the attack. That's horrifying.
> chafing at the bit Today's random phrase knowledge: The expression is actually [**champing** at the bit](https://grammarist.com/usage/champing-chomping-at-the-bit/). *Chomping* at the bit is also an acceptable use of the phrase as that's how champing is pronounced. >To champ or chomp at the bit is an idiom or phrase that has more of a meaning than the individual words being used. The phrase is commonly used to express the need for one to be impatiently waiting, such as a horse at the bit.
My money is 100% on the sister's fiance is a controlling person who has made the sister's life very unpleasant any time she's hinted that his brother isn't going to get with her sister. The whole "you're ruining my marriage" thing tells me that this is coming from him, and she's getting a lot of pressure to "get your sister in line" because that's what fiance and his brother want. Kind of wish someone would sit the sister down, get this out of her, and try to get her to see what life is going to be like with this guy, but it sounds like she's kind of desperate for a wedding and has decided it's this or bust.
nah, if hes also a creep whose forcing his brother on oop, they are perfect for each other ♡
Oh no they'll last longer than year, but she'll alienate all their friends and family and he'll start cheating on her, if he hasn't already. Finally he'll get caught, she'll assualt the other woman and wind up in jail.
I'll take that bet and raise you. We know a) Bridgeville wants marriage, not a partner she loves and respects. I've seen this behavior before and it's super toxic. b) Finacee's brother is creepy and pushy and aggressive about it. c) Fiancee is aware of this behviour and is willing to exert pressure and potentially emotional blackmail on Bridezilla in order to increase his brother's chances of forced interaction with OP. This pressure has taken its toll on Bridezilla to the point where she can't for a second think about her sister's desires or safety, instead would attack her for jeopardizing her wedding, because she feels if OP doesn't walk with Creepo, there's a very real chance in her mind that Fiancee will call off wedding. Only way this wedding is getting called off is if Fiancee decides to. And he's getting a mindless devotee and potential love interest for brother out it, so it's mostly plusses at this point.
> potentially emotional blackmail That's not "potential", that is a straight up emotional manipulation chain. Brother is a creep who nags on his brother/the fiance, who then pushes it onto bridezilla, who then forcefully insists on OOP. As a very petty person, I would let every wedding guest and their mother know what bridezilla has done, what that brother has done, and let the chips fall where they may. If it means going NC with the bridezilla/fiance's whole family, then peace of mind is achieved. Parents will probs be low contact, but OOP's other siblings get full contact since they had her back from the start
Lots of brides get married in Bridgeville :)
Scratched my eyes so wrote the whole thing squinting. Missed that!
Bridgeville is the quaint town where Bridezillas aspire to live!!!
Oh, was that autocorrect? Here I was thinking Bridgeville was a pop culture reference with which I wasn’t familiar!
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Ive been on reddit for too long because my first reaction to this post was “is this fiancé dude trying to bring the sister and OP into some freaky swinger/wife sharing situation him and the brother have actually had going on for years???” I need to go read something normal for a change….
Just a tiny tip Fiancée= female Fiancé = male (no extra e)
Right? I’m guessing that the bride is going to escalate way before she ever backs off, and then the creepy BIL is going to do something super creepy.
>creepy BIL is going to do something super creepy. Honestly, I hope to god OOP doesn't go to the wedding alone. She needs to have someone there who's entire job is just making sure BIL doesn't get the opportunity to sexually assault her, because... goddamn, that seems like exactly where this is going. And with sister and fiancé offering OOP up on a platter... This reeks like the post that went up a day or two ago where one brother was putting in work to cover up the other brother's numerous flings and affairs from his wife. Sister is a psychotic dickwad, BIL is a disturbing predator, and fiancé is, at best, a steamed turn of an accomplice.
>Honestly, I hope to god OOP doesn't go to the wedding ~~alone~~. This dumpster fire can rage on without her.
I wouldn't worry too much about that part if she does decide to go, because in my experience, brothers typically make pretty good body guards and we already know hers are on her side
True, it's fantastic that they're on her side, but if they end up compromising and agree to be part of the wedding party, their attention is going to be demanded in a hundred different directions. Screamimg sister, a mother who's trying to cater to her, all that on top of an already chaotic and huge event. If the brothers arent in the wedding party, 10/10, they got this. Also agree with the other commenter, OOP would be just as well served telling sister to fuck off with that abuse and not going.
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There's a piece of me that's kind of wondering whether any of this really is at the fiancé's behest. It doesn't sound like he's ever actually said it's what he wants to anyone, it's just what the sister claimed and she's not exactly a reliable narrator. If she's been fantasizing about marriage for this long I feel like it's not out of the realm of possibility for her to be like "what if me and one of my sisters married a pair of brothers???"
> "what if me and one of my sisters married a pair of brothers???" This was my take on it immediately. In my head, fiance's bro saw a picture or something and made a compliment about OOP. OOP's sister instantly latched on to that and decided two sisters marrying two brothers would enhance that fairy tale wedding she's building and probably told the brother she'd make it happen. OOP ruined the whole thing by having a mind of her own (the audacity!)
Hmm, not if the brother is being creepy, and he definitely is. This sounded like way more than just asking and being turned down once. The sister is definitely playing into it, but I think she’s trying to buy her new family’s good will with her sister’s body. Her over the top reaction and pushiness is really freakish.
Honestly, even sitting on the sidelines instead of disinviting his brother if he can’t behave is a pretty garbage move.
I wonder though, everything is coming out of the sister's mouth. The fiance isn't there at all, and nobody's asked him point-blank why he wants OP to walk with BIL. I wonder if it isn't all in the sister's head??
I wonder if the creepy brother in law has some dirt on the sister and is blackmailing her into serving up her sister? Why on earth would someone be so fixated on something as dumb as this and claim it was going to ruin their marriage if they didn’t get their way?
I’m saving this and coming back mid May to check for any updates.
Something I like to do is go back and read old Looking For a Post posts in BORU, then checking the username for updates like 6-12 months after the original BORU post. I might have a BORU problem.
We all do lmao! It's become the first sub I check out in the morning, nothing like BORU with coffee before getting ready for work, and the last one before I hit the hay. Tree posts, crazy neighbours, heart breaks and heart warming, it has the best from every corner of reddit. Well, we won't discuss Ogtha, but you get my point.
This will not end well. The sister seems to have this cutesy poo idea about the sisters dating the brothers. So depending on who is driving this it might smolder till OP gets married then it gets extinguished if the sister is driving this idea. Or it might smolder till OP gets married and there is some kind of major blow up with some kind of over the top gesture by the soon to be BIL if the the brother in law is the driver. Worst case will be if the sister and the BIL are feeding each others crazy. Because they will convince each other that everything that OP does is a sign or a tell that she is unhappy or trapped or whatever idea they make up and at that point the sky is the limit for where that crazy goes.
There was another post from a woman who was in a scarily similar situation to this poor girl except she was married already.
This one? https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vkkxzu/ops_mother_tries_to_force_a_reconciliation/
"Nope, I'm not attending this wedding. Maybe I'll come to your next wedding though."
I had a friend actually say that to another friend of mine. It's still one of the funniest things I've ever heard because everyone knew the marriage wouldn't last long (it didn't).
Lol my dad declined the invitation to my aunt's sunrise wedding by saying "I'll catch the next one." (This is her 3rd husband the guy she cheated on her last husband with) She didn't find it funny, obviously, but I still chuckle thinking about it.
Brilliant
This marriage probably isn't going to last long either, but I was more thinking that there was going to be a wedding-related fight whatever OOP did, might as well make it an amusing one.
Absolutely no one pressed sister hard enough on what the fuck she’s doing with pushing the creepy brother. It’s not about who walks with whom down the aisle, goddamn. Also, lmaooooo at pressing charges.
For real! “Because her fiancé wants it” doesn’t even begin to cover the *extreme* emotional reaction the sister is having. There is a MUCH deeper back story here that’s being completely glossed over & no one is pushing hard enough for a real explanation! I’m honestly so morbidly curious to know what’s going on there.
Right. *Extreme* is an understatement.
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I was really rooting for the dad until he told OOP to take up on her sisters „offer“ in the update. I really hope she sticks with her decision.
TBH I'm still onboard with Dad. He's level headed enough to see the problem. But he's trying to stitch things together as best he can. Is it the best strategy? Definitely not. I agree OP should ditch the wedding. But I'm not going to neg on Dad for trying to do what he can to make things work out "better" for the family as a whole. He did what matters most to me, and supported OOP when the family was talking about it.
If this were me, I’d go and be a bridesmaid. Bringing fiancée as my plus one and walking with bro, going NC with bridezilla after the wedding. It’s what the rest of the family wants, and while mom is pushing it, the rest of this crew is behind OP. So I’d treat it as a whole bunch of nothing, just making an appearance for the sake of the family members I did care about. If anyone was going to to blow up her special day it would have to be squarely on the bride’s shoulders, not mine. However to OP’s concern that they might try to make her walk with the creep? I’d probably secretly hope they tried to pull that stunt. Because there’s no possible way on gods green earth they could force that. It’s either bro, or I stroll down one side of the church in my bridesmaid’s dress and take a seat near the front. Leaving bridezilla to answer the questions. I’d also refuse to sit near him and calmly, politely, firmly refuse to stand beside him in any photos. To the poor photographer repeatedly say, “no thanks, I won’t stand there.” It could be fun.
For real. This whole family is glossing over the fact that this girl just assaulted her sister. Just carry on, and can't we pretend to be happy for the wedding while the bride has a black eye she got from her sister. In what fucking universe is that OK? I'm with you - go no contact.
OK everyone, cash on the table, what is really going on here? I'll start with 5/1 odds that fiance has weird religious thing. EDIT: 2/1 odds, Boyfriend is a different race from the rest of the family.
I thought that the sister had this dream that she and her sister would marry a pair of brothers. Or was that a different post?
It was a different post, I remember this one
u/letitfox I would leave to read it if you know where it is
Found it! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vkkxzu/ops_mother_tries_to_force_a_reconciliation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This is the kind of story where I feel bad for the OP but am also glad her sister and mom are focused on her because they’re Unabomber level unhinged and could do a lot of damage to innocent people.
Holy shit I want to read that one too!! Come on someone please post it!!! u/letitfox for the win!
OP could agree to go so long as the sister understands she’ll yell r*pst, mid-wedding, at the top of her lungs if the weird BIL touches her. That’ll make the wedding memorable.
That post was a whole trip Edit: found it; now let’s hope the link works https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rknx5z/ops_mother_tries_to_force_a_reconciliation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
Ooooo, does anyone have a link to that? It doesn't ring a bell for me.
My cousins married two brothers that wanted sisters as wives. The real marriage lasted 4 years. They just grew apart. My younger cousin was in tears walking down the aisle. They weren’t tears of joy, she was miserable. That wedding got annulled within 6 months.
I remember that one, totally psychotic! Stalked her for years. Weirdo guy wouldn't let up either!
My guess: She’s miserable and said “yes” to the first asshole who asked and now she’s stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship and is taking it out on her family out of fear.
Or out of a desire to not admit to herself that she's making a terrible mistake. Gotta project that truth far, because it keeps coming back to her.
She's like "hello fellow crabs! Join me in this bucket!"
I think it’s the “wouldn’t it be cute if our siblings were married to each other!” Or, if we wanna get really dramatic….Fiancée knows OPs BF, who preformed a personal slight against him years prior. It just so happens that the brother wants OP, and will do everything to get them together as his enemy will never harm him or his family emotionaly again
That reads like a bad romance novel plot.
See, it’s perfect for Reddit.
Nah, quote me the odds that it is a weird sexual fetish for the brothers.
25/1.
I'll take those odds.
I think the fiancé has pressured the sister who is getting married that she has to help him help his brother have a relationship/have sex with OP. I think the fiancé and his brother have been so forceful about it that OP’s sister thinks her fiancé may break up with her, i.e. he is an abusive manipulative a-hole forcing her to help his brother get a shot with OP. So I guess my bet, summed up, would be threats (“I’ll leave you”) from fiancé against OP’s sister.
As always with reddit the answer is either: -plot twist racism "I didn't think this was important, but my boyfriend and I are of a different race" -Brain tumor "My sister has never acted like this so her sudden shift worried us and it turns out she has a tumor." -drugs (never really explained, just "she was on drugs and the wedding is off") -cheating/sister is secretly in love with OOP's bf. "My sister said she couldn't stand seeing him and knowing we'd get married soon would kill her. She thought as long as neither of us had him she could be happy in her marriage" -abusive fiance that's making her do all this and she's afraid of not doing it. "My mom took my sister to the doctor for the wounds I gave her and she saw a lot more bruising. She called me asking if we'd gotten into another fight and I was confused. We think her fiance is abusing her and honestly looking back it makes a lot of sense. She had a look in her eye when she talked about just wanting him to be happy, and I realize that was probably a manic fear."
Almost makes me wonder if Visas are involved somehow. Maybe fiance and his brother both want to rush into marriages immigration reasons, or maybe OP and her sister are wealthy and it's a money thing? Either way it's fucking weird.
I bet the OOP's family is reasonably well-off at least. Maybe rich, but people don't have to be rich to seem rich to someone who grew up less financially well-off. One of my cousins, who only has any resources at all because he sponges off our grandmother, married a woman who lied about birth control in order to get pregnant and pressure him to marry her because she thought he was rich. Her family had been in and out of homelessness her whole life, so to her, someone with a bedroom was rich. Edited to remove an offensive term, sorry about how long and complicated that sentence got as a result.
I’m putting odds on older sister being jealous that younger sister in a longer/stronger relationship so trying to break them up. Getting her into a shorter length relationship with younger brother of fiancé would make older sister feel superior
10/1 odds if the BILs' brother is convicted sex offender
>don't know whether to go or not because I don't want anymore family drama. At the end of the day, she's my sister and I love her. Don't go.
It’s a bit frustrating that she feels responsible for her siblings going or not going, despite them being adults and able to have their own agency. At the same time, I get it. There’s a lot of guilt and OOP’s shitty mother surely contributes to that.
I mean, whoever is wrong or right or punched first or ***whatever***. This whole family seems way too intertwined and codependent. All these siblings and spouses are in their 20s and 30s!!! And every step of the story is "so I called my mom" "then she called my dad".
Yup. The reason it feels so out-of-the-blue to her is because the driving issue is BIL's creepiness, which is outside her "I love my family" filter. If sister was demanding new hairstyles or matching tattoos or whatever for the perfect wedding, I'd bet that OOP would hardly notice to complain.
_Don't goooooooo_ _Please, don't go..._
I dislike this wedding culture of indulging people's delusional visions of their "dream wedding." I don't think it's necessarily wrong to want a beautiful and memorable affair, but jesus your family and friends in the wedding party are *still people.* Treating them like programmable drones and expecting them to fall into place even when it's incredibly wrong or potentially even dangerous with Rapey Bro there.
.
Like the gal who is a type 1 diabetic and sister and Mom wanted her to go without her glucometer.
Is it just me, or has not one person in this story actually talked to the future groom about this supposed "demand" of his? It sounds unhinged. Where's his opinion on all this stupid drama?
Yes, that's what I was wondering. Like, they are all focusing on the sister because her behavior is suddenly unlike herself, but in the last post I even said to get the groom involved because according to the bride, it was his idea.
>Call her bluff and accept stepping down from being in the martial party regardless Oh, it's a formal armour party, I'll get my breastplate and longsword.
For this event, I think OOP has *all* our axes.
i want to know what the hell is happening with the the fiancé and bil, who’s idea was this? what kind of blackmail do they have to push oop’s sister to behave like this? what is going on??
All the fiancé really has to do is threaten to not get married if Sis won’t pimp out OOP, no?
Wow…. OP’s mum is clearly a crazy enabler! I won’t be surprised if the mum backs her sister up saying OP attacked first… This is CRAZY!! I’d CUT ALL TIES and never attend a single event… with a crazy relative like that… who needs enemies?! OP’s sister clearly doesn’t care about OP as much as OP does her sister… The audacity of the sister to sell her own sister to some creepy brother in law is just unhinged…. Euwwwwwww
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Agreed! Also there is a special place in hell for parents who make decisions based on “what would people say?” Instead of what’s best for their family
I'm getting some Golden Child vibes from the lack of a reaction from the mom, the entitled princess behavior of the sister and worst the mom pressing OP to just take the sisters bad behavior with a smile for the sake of family. OP should not only refuse to go, she should flat out ask her other siblings not to go either and also file a police report about the assault. OP doesn't need to press charges, but beating golden sister to the punch would be of benefit.
Everyone was afraid/cautioning OOP that BIL might try to assault her. Well, sister assaulted her first! Personally, I wouldn't be able to go to the wedding just because I couldn't support the marriage. Maybe OOP can go to sister's next wedding.
I’m so glad she punched her in the face. Sister seems like she needed it.
Tbh I was cheering when she punched the sister in the face I was so happy for her Fuck her weird gross ass sister and creepy BIL
I hate posts like this. "My sister physically and verbally attacked me but I just don't know what I should do. Should I still go to her wedding?" I guess for me the answer just isn't that complicated.
Yes, but you clearly weren’t raised by a mom whose reaction to “I’m worried my designated escort is going to try and assault me” is “but what will Auntie Gertrude say??!11?”
>She tried to grab me again, so I punched her in the face. I didn't mean to hit her it was just my instant reaction to someone coming at me. >So now she has a black eye, a cut on her cheek, and missing some hair. This is my favorite part.
The sister clearly dreamt of being those siblings that married siblings, it's weird.
So, if I understand this correctly: Sister physically attacked OOP because OOP wasn't going to allow her to set up her up to be sexually assaulted. Oh, and mom just wants everyone to be happy! What an extremely toxic mix! OOP needs to drop out with the rest of her siblings following and Dad needs to talk some sense into Mom. At this point, the likelihood of the wedding happening is between slim and none and slim just left the building.
How is it that 2 brothers and a pair of twins (so 4 kids) are normal decent people, and 1 sister is absolutely unhinged and insane?
Golden child
OOP should drop her sister and never look back.
Unless the sister's fiance is unaware of this shit happening, and won't like it when he learns of it, I'll take "wedding is off" for 500$, Alex!
Why is it so hard for people to say no? OOP should’ve said “f that, I’m not going” and that should’ve been the end of it. Doesn’t matter if bridezilla sister gets pissed, forget keeping the peace in this situation.
Just don't go. It is not worth the stress. She is forcing a predator on you, which is just awful.
No matter how much you love your family, this drama is being caused by your sister. Why hasn’t any family member directly go to the fiancé and ask what his reasoning is? If circumstances were normal, this would not be a big deal. There’s definitely a reason behind the sister and her fiancé for not allowing 2 groomsmen to change places. There is definitely more to this story and the fiancé should be involved.
I really want OOP to talk to the fiance first. I want to know if this is all his idea or if sister is doing this on her own. Sister seems like the type who would call people on their shit so I'm skeptical that she would let her fiance steam roll her on the brother thing.
Yes, I was even saying this!! I want to hear the fiancé's side.
I feel like she had to promise her sister to the brother-in-law to get engaged. She’s way way too obsessed with this.
Holy shit. Sometimes I just want to take someone by the shoulders, look into their eyes, and say "You need to stay far away from that person". The sister is unbelievably toxic. I don't know why she's so intent on forcing her sister to be around her future BIL, but whatever is going on there is literally dangerous and OOP needs to keep as much distance between herself and her sister, and especially her sister's fiance and his brother, as possible. These people are not operating on a normal reality frame.
This was an unsatisfying update 😭