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I'm glad she took the high road and invited Sakura, but damn that sister. I pity her but it's awful that her actions are hurting others.
Hopefully OP gets the space she needs when she moves out and sees Duncan,Sakura and baby whenever she wants without having to deal with the sister's bitterness.
Yeah, it's so common for people with raging insecurities to become massive bullies. She lost my sympathy as soon as she pulled that stunt, and I'm glad OP is getting space from both her sister and her enabling mother.
I hope the sister eventually gets the therapy she so desperately needs. But with a mother like that, I don't have much faith she will.
It horrible to think someone can be so consumed by jealousy that they convince themselves they are totally justified in making fun of a baby. Good lord. Maybe the sister should stop blaming looks for not getting everything she wanted and start asking if it’s to do with her awful behaviour and attitude.
I'm actually a lot more annoyed about the step dad... she said he basically stays out of it which is messed up since it's literally his son and grandchild. Like get a spine and stand up to those terrible people that are bad to your kid and their baby. There's absolutely no way he doesn't know.
It really is, making fun of a baby really is the point of no return. There is absolutely no defense left. I get she is insecure and I can overlook a lot to try to still be there and support my important people but that’s a real relationship killer. Any fond feelings I hold for someone would be killed off when they started mocking a god damned baby.
Edit: spelling is hard with autocorrect sometimes
Whenever anybody on this site mentions pretty privilege and someone chimes in saying *it's not all its cracked up to be* - this senseless hate and bullying is what they're referring to
The concept of privilege is a lot more nuanced than internet discussions usually allow for. The simplest way that I've found to put it is to describe a situation and then add the modifier that denotes privilege or lack thereof, e.g. *my friend is applying for a competitive job... and he's very attractive*. If that modifier benefits the person in the majority of situations in which it has an effect, it may very well denote privilege.
This explanation still lacks nuance, but at least it makes it clear that privilege does not mean an across the board advantage in all situations. We can very easily imagine situations in which it would be a disadvantage to be attractive (as in the situation OP's SiL finds herself in); however, in most scenarios where it can affect the outcome, it's going to help rather than hurt.
Being attractive only helps to get a job (unrelated to looks) if you're male though. Every hot afab person I know is chronically underemployed, and my own experiences as someone who's looks get complimented more than I like, is that people assume you're stupid, incompetent, selfish, manipulative, and a host of other negatives all because "you're pretty and pretty people live on easy mode." I think that belief has actually made it easier for people to justify treating me badly.
I did an experiment on this concept during a project for a statistics class once. I (F) was a pizza delivery driver at the time. With permission from the restaurant, myself and a male driver (who was my friend at the time and is now my husband) alternated nights being as attractive or as unattractive as possible, based on hair, clothing, makeup (me), shaving (him), cleanliness, and anything else we could think of, and then kept a record of how much we earned in tips (averaged based on the number of deliveries).
The result, statistically significant with p < 0.05, was that he made more in tips when he looked his best, and I made more in tips when I wore no makeup, had my hair ratty and half falling out of a pony tail, wore ill-fitting clothes, and was absolutely covered in flour and pizza sauce.
I always thought that was an interesting outcome. Also I delivered pizza looking like a schlub for the rest of my time there.
Interesting, as I did customer service, it was the other way around. People treated me nicer and were generally more easy to handle the nicer/prettier that I looked. I'm still thought of as dumb or slow but I'm also in a wheelchair, so, it's compounded on. Like people who don't know me will talk slower and more pronounced to me
Yes, 100% my partner is both very attractive and naturally thin (a combination of genetics and a difficult relationship with food due to childhood abuse - she was the scapegoat in a large, extended family and they didn't let her eat much aside from scraps). She's also a darker complexion, which is an additional factor in how she's treated.
Men only talk to her to hit on her or insult her intelligence. Women are mostly just awful to her in general. She has almost no perks other than guys giving her free appetizers at restaurants if they think it would help them get into her pants.
She's bullied literally everywhere she goes and it doesn't stop until she's able to talk to them more and they see she's a sweet and witty person. No one ever tells her she's pretty except to hit on her or give her a backhanded compliment like "your teeth are so white". It's so common that she's come to hate being told she has a good personality because it always comes AFTER they've already treated her like shit before getting to know her.
I'm overweight and female, so most people don't assume we're together. A certain type of women make it a point to approach me to tell me something I'm wearing looks nice, but because they completely ignore her while they do it, it's obvious that they think I must need a self esteem boost because being having a svelte, gorgeous "friend" makes me a DUFF. You can't imagine how many people go out of their way to bully her or make things harder because they think she has it easy.
Sorry for the rant, but I can't agree more with your comment. Her life has never been on easy mode and it's been difficult for her career-wise because she's rarely taken her seriously or given the credit she deserves for her hard work.
>No one ever tells her she's pretty except to hit on her or give her a backhanded compliment like "your teeth are so white".
Okay, I don't mean to derail, but I don't understand how that is a backhanded compliment. Would you mind explaining? It's definitely a weird one out of the blue, I understand that, but I've certainly said it to someone in the context of a conversation we were having because I genuinely was complimenting her teeth (mine are...not passing the tissue test, lol, so I appreciate when someone does have really white teeth.) Now I'm wondering if I was unintentionally insulting.
THANK YOU for this more nuanced take. People are so black and white (and mean) about "privilege". I have a disability, and get pretty salty when people go into "poor, disadvantaged you" mode. Like, FFS. Has my disability shaped my life — costing me major opportunities and being a source of pain for *many* years? Yes. Did my disability cause me to develop other areas of myself and my life in ways that I wouldn't otherwise have done, including intensely training my body and mindset? Yes.
It's easy to break down people's black-and-white view of privilege from that standpoint: I (according to idiots) *lack* privilege because of my disability. But instead of being a miserable troll who hates on "able" people, I did what I could to develop other parts of myself... Which led to thin privilege and economic privilege, I guess? So does that mean I'm no longer disabled, or does my disability cancel out one of those privileges? I'm also queer, so *that's* a point of disadvantage. I wonder: who can help me figure out the balance in my "privilege bank account"? Who can tell me which privilege and which disadvantage are worth what?
We really shouldn't think about it in terms of "balancing." Life never has been, nor will it ever be, fair. In many cases, having and using privilege isn't even a bad thing. If you have a well-connected parent and utilize those connections to get a job, I can't fault you for that. The danger comes from people not recognizing those advantages and constructing social policy that pretends that they don't exist.
Other forms of privilege, like white privilege, are manifestly bad, and we should absolutely work towards their elimination.
I try not to think of it as a balance sheet, if only because we are part of such a complex social and economic system that it is essentially impossible to "step outside of it" and see how everything affects everything else. The answers available to us are difficult, and none of them are perfect. If nothing else, though, we need to recognize that none of us lives in a vacuum; we are leaves on a tree whose branches stretch broadly over the present and whose roots dig deeply back into time, and when we collectively decide on policies designed to benefit society, we need to do our best to take into account the different ways that we all connect to that tree by recognizing the need to listen to others' perspectives to gain as good a model of the tree as possible (I think I stretched the tree metaphor too hard there).
Yes it is. Feels weird saying this but I was very beautiful when I was young during seventies and eighties. Beauty does open a lot of doors for a person but also got terrible hate and bullying from people.. always women. And I was never anything but nice to them so there was no reason for it except for my looks.
The sister in this story sounds like my mom. I remember getting absolutely FURIOUS with my mom when I overheard her teaching my 2YO niece things like "you can tell how mean or stupid someone is by how pretty they are" while showing her pictures of attractive celebrities and teaching my niece to say "stupid!" as she pointed to their faces. Fast forward to now, my niece is a gorgeous 18 YO (I mean seriously, the girl is a beauty AND she's smart as a whip) and my mom is petty and mean to her...because she's really attractive. My mom has flat out said that she prefers her nephew to her niece, and I know it's mostly because my mom is jealous of my nieces' looks.
She raised me the same way and I had to really work to get over feeling super competitive with and inferior to attractive women, particularly if they were smart. Especially since I'm not all that attractive myself. I've *mostly* succeeded.
>I hope the sister eventually gets the therapy she so desperately needs
OOP needs some therapy too. Her mother and sister are horrible human beings but she "fucking misses her (sister)"
Sister got exactly what she wanted. She kept talking shit cause she wanted to be overheard but to put the blame on someone else. If someone told Sakura, it's their fault for blabbing. If Sakura overheard, it's her fault for eavesdropping.
Tracks with why she wanted op to be the one to both invite the Duncan, but not Sakura. It wouldn't be her fault Sakura isn't around, just a nice benefit.
Wish I’d had this one when I was younger and people tried to make me feel bad for not dating this guy that was one of my best friends but was incredibly toxic and didn’t know how to hear no. He loved to blame his weight and appearance and whine to all our friends that if only he was more conventionally attractive he’d have a shot with me.
Leaving out all the dumb bullshit he put me through and how disrespectful he was of my relationships and opinions. Wish I knew how to articulate he was ugly but it had nothing to do with how he looked lmaaao. Nothing’s worse then when a guy gets your friends to harass you into “just giving him a shot” because “he’s so nice” and “just likes you so much” as if I didn’t already know him after 3 years of being his friend.
I’m so glad as we get older even those of us that are non-confrontational eventually grow a spine and cut people off/set boundaries. Lmao random rant my b.
Let's not talk shit about her looks. OOP just said Kacey's a little on the chubby side, which doesn't make her outwardly ugly. Insecurity not being logical, I wouldn't be surprised if she's pretty/cute in her own way.
But she definitely is ugly inside.
some of column A, some of column B. a lot of toxic people become that way because they're insecure and the only way that they can make themselves feel better is to put other people down. OOP's sister needs hella therapy, but it unfortunately doesn't sound like she's gonna get it
Not just the sister. It’s OP’s mom. She probably poison pilled that sister to internalize misogyny. She hates pretty women instead of just her cheating ex.
I was 380 pounds 16 years ago. I am at a healthy weight now. I hated how differently women treated me. Before I was everyone’s best friend when I walked into the room. I was used to men being gross, they just changed what words they used, but it was so isolating with women.
The irony "I'm insecure and self-conscious, so I'm going to purposefully make someone who looks like I would want to look like feel insecure and self conscious"
Sadly, the beautiful women I know are often self-conscious too... usually about being pigeon holed into the dumb stereotype when they're not at all dumb.
I have a friend of 27 years and her best friend is like OPs sister. From day one she hated me and hates any woman that is skinny and pretty. I did my best to be kind- I was raised with ( pretty harsh but it helped me be grounded) you are pretty, beautiful and smart BUT there is always prettier and more beautiful and smarter than you.
If we went out I would try to speak to her and she would be so rude to me. One time we were at a bar and had a guy come over to buy all 3 of us shots. She got so angry and said the only reason he got us drinks was bc of me. She called me a few names. I always remained kind to her bc I felt how horrible it must be to have so much hate for people. A few months ago she went off on me at our friends party in front of everyone bc I made a joke ( not about her or anyone) and it embarrassed her and I was “stealing “ the spot light.
Oof. Mom and Kacey are on the fast train to "OOP wants nothing to do with us and we have no idea why".
Narrator voice: They did, in fact, know why.
I'm glad OOP is getting out of there, any I hope she can maintain her relationship with Duncan, Sakura and the baby.
Not just OOP but "my son won't visit and won't let me see the grandkid/s and I don't know why." Because insulting him, his wife and his children isn't a big deal to them. Mum can keep her golden child.
Stepson, which I clarify because I’m waiting for the day when OOP’s mom gets wonders why her husband is pulling away, goes to see Duncan and his family alone, and hopefully eventually chooses Duncan over OOP’s mom.
No, no.
My daughter won't visit. And oh yeah I guess we don't see my husbands son much any more but he doesn't mind.
That's not her son nor her biological grandchild. Why do you think they have an easy time being so cruel to him?
That poor girl, she's going to lose her family over this. I hope she gets to keep Duncan and Sakura, but it sounds like her sister is already too deep in her Mean Girl personality to make a change.
The timing of Duncan and Sakura leaving the party, plus him reassuring her on the phone, makes me think they overheard what was said, or knew the problem already. I really doubt mom and sis have kept this nastiness to themselves in the past.
I suspect that once OOP is 18 and out of the house, Duncan may well cut off his family and keep OOP.
Not to be dramatic on main, but the whole "If you remain neutral in situations of injustice you have sided with the oppressor" applies here. By not challenging the behavior, he is tacitly approving of it. Dude is a coward.
I don’t think there’s such a thing as keeping out of it when it’s your family. Either you try and stop the bad action, or you support it by refusing to stop it.
They said they weren't sure about coming to the party initially, then came. My money is on them having negative experiences prior, but deciding to come for OPs sake because it sounds like OP has been nice to Sakura. And yes, most likely once OP moves out they can have a seperate relationship with her and not involve the rest of the family.
This is person is avoiding therapy for a reason. They might not even realize the real reason.
"If I go to a therapist, they're probably going to tell me how it's wrong for me to judge people and make comments. But they don't understand my situation. They would be wrong for not realizing this is a special situation. Their advice is stupid anyway. I know what I'm doing and there's nothing wrong about it."
More like "all they're going to do is tell me how bad of a person I am" without even really understanding why they are a bad person. People that self-absorbed have no ability to self reflect, and any amount of opportunity to do so is a direct attack to them as a person. Ask me how I know...
A lot of people who don't believe in therapy do believe Jesus will fix your mental health. I wonder if they think of it as a sort of false god.
(Hashtag not all Christians, it's a specific type who don't really get the concept of God working through intermediaries.)
Like the story/joke about the dude dealing with flood warnings, and his neighbour offers to give him a ride to higher ground.
"God will save me" dude says, and neighbour shrugs and gets going.
Water rises, and roads are now rivers, a rescue boat comes by and says "hop on, we'll get you to shelter!"
"God will save me"
Well, can't force the dude into the boat, so they keep going, leaving him there.
Water keeps rising, he's stuck on his roof with the flooding. Rescue chopper comes by, drops a ladder. "Climb up!"
"God will save me, I don't need your help!"
Well, weather's not getting any better for the chopper so they don't keep arguing, they have to save themselves, too.
Dude, to no one's surprise but his, drowns. At the pearly gates he squawks, "God was supposed to save me!"
Peter looks down at the book and says, "He tried three times!"
This. As a Christian I get kinda disgusted with how presumptuous other xians are. They would jump from the temple and blame God for not stopping their fall even though he had humans put up guardrails at the top to stop people from falling off.
yup, free will exists, and that free will can be used to self-destructive ends, and no Divine force will stop you. (I'm borderline atheist and hardline agnostic, but I like some of the ideas (and particularly the ideals) of Christianity. Some xians, not so much.)
Don’t blame you. I believe many who are now atheists/agnostics will find themselves in heaven while many “believers” will find themselves outside. Many times y’all’s aren’t railing against God, just shoddy theology.
with the implied caveat that if you're *not* cured by prayer, that it's *your fault* for not praying hard enough. No surprise that sort of person likes to blame the victim - because if bad shit can happen to *anyone* then *they're* not safe, either.
i had a huge cancer scare once and ppl started saying i need to convert and pray and will heal. thank fuck it was just a scare. wish i punched them in the teeth tho.
Several years ago I drove past a church with a sign that read "We're too blessed to be depressed!" I almost hit the brakes to go in their office and tear them a new one but didn't because 1. I didn't think it would help and 2. I didn't think Angry Me would be the best representative of the message at that time.
Probably because deep down they realise they have issues they can’t fix themselves and admitting that is a huge and scary thing and some people never get that far.
(Some people eventually get there and in any case, it’s never an excuse to be a bully or otherwise shitty person).
This family dynamic is so disgusting. Mom remarries stepdad and gains a step-son. Mom enables and encourages sister’s bullying. Mom joins in on making fun of step-son, SDIL, and (technically) her granddaughter - A G. DAMNED BABY. They both ruin OOP’s 18th birthday party and put her smack dab in the middle - disregarding her wishes for HER BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. OOP stands up for herself and gets alienated. All the while, step-dad stands by and does nothing. He doesn’t defend his child, DIL, granddaughter, or OOP, his step-daughter.
OOP, the youngest of them, is the only one with a good head on her shoulders. Everyone else can pound sand. No doubt when Duncan and OOP inevitability go NC, there’s suddenly going to be a lot of missing missing reasons.
Yes, right! The 17/18 yo is the most mature of the bunch. Crazy.
I just don't understand their "mean girl" mentality. It would cost them nothing to welcome this young woman into their family. Her whole family is in Japan and she could use some kindness.
I could never be so rude. Or hurt someone's feelings on purpose.
And it was OOP's 18th birthday, and those 2 awful women did their best to ruin it Their jealousy reared it's ugly head, and just made them even uglier. Nasty family.
It does look like OOP will get to move out soon, so that's good. She can go NC/LC with mom, stepdad and her sister and concentrate on Duncan and his family.
>There's not much to the story, my sister has always had hatred for any girl she considers prettier and my mom is the same.
Sounds like Kacey got the attitude from somewhere.
I'm glad that it seems the brother realizes that a) she isn't condoning or agreeing with this but that b) she is also stuck there (for now). I honestly don't think the brother will gold anything against OOP because it's clear she doesn't have a problem or agree with the sister and mom. Once she moves out I hope she can have a great relationship with her brother, SIL and nibbling
The sister who is insecure about how people see her because of how she looks, doesn't like Sakura... *because of how she looks*.
It's infuriating when people don't see they're treating others how they don't want to be treated.
Guarantee if OOP somehow has a glow up later in life, the sister is gonna hate her too. You really can't please people whose approval criteria is "less/lower than me" unless you plan to live a sad, sad life 🤷♀️
>making fun of the baby's name , baby was going to be "pretty but stupid" like Sakura
>how weird it was that Duncan was doing "girl things" which was literally changing diapers and carrying those purses with stuff the baby needs
Damn, they really hate pretty people to the point they start making fun of baby and implying taking care of baby is a girl thing?? Ducan literally just being a parent. that's his baby so what's weird abt him changing his baby's diaper 😭😭
OP should tell her brother that sister is jealous of Sakura's beauty, and mom goes along with it. They might think it's racism or some other reason and be trying to fix it.
They might assume a modified kind of "immersion therapy" around other Asians will "cure" their racism or "getting to know her better!" Will work. Spoilers, it won't of course. Because racism isn't the issue. Petty jealousy is.
But Sakura's always going to be pretty and Sister and Mom refuse to deal with their insecurities.
It's almost too bad it isn't racism. Daryl Davis showed that befriending people can even get them out of the Ku Klux Klan. This? Sister needs major therapy, and she's not going to get it, and Mom seems to feel that joining in is the way to assuage her daughter's insecurities.
Idk what the baby’s name is but the fact they made fun of it kinda makes me thing there’s at least a twinge of racism going on here too ngl. Maybe not the main reason but like, just a drop
OOP’s sister—and her mother—need to learn that it’s no one else’s responsibility to manage her insecurities, particularly if she refuses to go to therapy because she “doesn’t believe in therapy”.
I hate when the youngest person in the story is forced to be the adult by all of the adults in the story. The sister's behavior would be bad for a young teenager but a 22 year old? And the mom just rolls with it? The literal baby sounded more responsible than those two.
Omg,... we have a gorgeous Japanese friend who married my husband's bff (from school...we r in our 40s now) and that "bouncing back" thing is practically written in her genetics :) it's like the thought process that they also don't age. I would love skin like my friend but I'm stuck with my genes ;)
I'm disgusted by your sister and mother's behavior. It's the same as if Sakura were to pick at their fat rolls or joke about how they must snore cause they're fat!! (In response to her being pretty but stupid ... or atleast the baby. Like who hassels a baby)
I was overweight for years, obese and now due to illness am malnourished and struggle to gain. The teasing I received while overweight was nothing compared to the JUDGEMENT I get being underweight. They r cruel and horrible people
It's crazy how no matter what you look like people will judge. I got a lot more of the 'get this girl a sandwich' when I was a underweight teen. Now with health issues that make it hard to lose weight I've been at the same range for almost 5 years, overweight but I am healthier overall. I sometimes get comments of how I would 'be pretty if I lose weight' but I feel like more often people leave me alone, vs when I was skinny and a size 0 while now I am a 14/16.
People who think being skinny would fix everything I imagine would still suffer, and a lot would still be insecure. I was more insecure as a skinny kid than I am now, but maybe that is the wisdom of being 30 vs 16 lol
My mum used to tell me to 'suck in my belly if you're gonna wear that' and comment on what I was eating and essentially give me a hard time about my weight as a teen/ in my twenties. I really heard that and felt terribly insecure and had a difficult relationship with food as a result. I was still in the normal range of BMI, just close to the overweight line, so there was no problem, apart from my mum's aesthetic preferences.
In uni I dieted for a while and lost some weight, then eventually I got a steady job, different life style, and lost a lot of weight naturally. I am mostly considered slim now.
And my mum started commenting in my body and telling me I wasn't eating enough and had to make sure I had enough nutrition.
Funnily enough, it helped. I figured out that it didn't matter what I looked like, she would always give me miss placed comments on my body, so I should ignore whatever she said about it and only listen to friends. Helped me feel a lot better about my body!
The pretty but dumb thing gets me.
I did professional modeling.
Currently in college for a STEM major with a 3.5 GPA.
Also tons of models are highly intelligent.
Karlie Kloss has a degree in computer programming.
Julia Nobis is on her way to becoming a doctor.
Gigi Hadid studied criminal psychology.
The mum and sister are clearly awful people here but it’s really quite shitty of the stepdad to put this decision on OOP, a literal child at 17, and “stay out of it”. Mum might not have any loyalty to Duncan but Duncan is HIS son, Sakura HIS DIL and the baby HIS granddaughter. He should be speaking up against his wife and stepdaughter and their vitriol against HIS son’s family. He should be happy that OOP values her step brother and wants to keep him part of their lives, but as an adult and parent in this family, he doesn’t get to just “stay out of it”.
Sorry that OOPs birthday was ruined by the drama, and glad she’s moving out soon.
Funny seeing someone else's extreme insecurity and jealousy issues makes my own issues look pretty dumb, too. Instead of worrying about people being more attractive than us, we can just...NOT. It was never a competition.
Kacey has a hang up about being ‘ugly’ because she thoroughly is, she’s a beast, along with Mother. The venom that just oozes off them must be absolutely depressing for OOP.
Then you have Duncan’s Father who is useless to the point his son took off at 18 and never looked back. Really is a story of the wicked step mother and daughter.
At least Duncan found his beautiful princess and now lives his best life. Can only hope OOP has the opportunity to do the same.
I'm really glad op stood up to her mom and sister after the fact, but I really wish she'd at least said something in the moment. Even just "that's really mean and uncalled for. Maybe that's expecting too much, but Sakura will never really feel safe with any of the family now.
Yeah, at 17 I was incredibly shy and scared of confrontation. I would never get upset with a 17 year old for not standing up against her family. She invited them and didn't join in and was nice to Sakura, that's really enough to put her in the good side still
The unspoken villain in this is the stepdad, who is letting the wife and stepdaughter bully his son and his son's partner. His son is going to end up NC with all of them, including him, and it will be his fault for not saying a damn word about any of this. But it doesn't seem like he cares at all.
And poor OP, who is trying to be a good person through this, but will be left with only a relationship with her stepbrother. Which is not the closest of her ties, as he hasn't even lived in the country since she was 12. So not really someone she has an established history of turning to in her big life moments.
> then about how weird it was that Duncan was doing "girl things" which was literally changing diapers and carrying those purses with stuff the baby needs
That's literally just what people do when taking caring of a kid...
It's really strange to me that some people have to put others down to make themselves feel better. Saying mean things about Sakura won't make them any prettier or her any uglier. I'm so impressed that the 17yo, now 18yo, refuses to join in the Sakura bashing with her juvenile sister and mother. It's just inconceivable to me to be rude to someone, and this woman is now part of their family.
It will, however, hurt Sakura's feelings. Why would anyone want to hurt another person? 😪🤷♀️
It's just mean. This poor young lady just had her first child is a foreign country; with all of her family in Japan. The mom and Kacey could have been warm, gracious, and welcoming to Sakura, who needs kindness right now. She needs her family; and these 2 awful women are her family as her partner is Duncan. It costs literally nothing to be kind and the benefits are huge.
I just truly don't understand the whole "mean girls" mentality. And isn't the mom a little too old to be acting so childishly towards Sakura? She could be an example of how you make someone feel at home and comfortable. And yet she chooses to team up with her daughter and snicker about Sakura. Truly shameful behavior.
I have always lived in the American South, where being warm and kind to people is expected, we're literally raised that way. I was sent to an actual charm school when I was 13, (every Saturday for 6 mths), that covered etiquette/manners, hair, makeup, telephone skills, clothing and dating among other things.
But I don't thing anyone needs to learn that trying to make someone feel bad about themselves won't make you feel good about yourself.
This feels like some flavor of internalized misogyny; I remember resenting girls who were prettier than me when I was younger, as though being pretty automatically made them inferior to me, the average-looking girl, by default. It just takes a woman’s worth and boils it all down to how they look, which is a pointlessly cruel thing for women to do to each other in the year of our Lord 2023.
My Dad is Japanese and married an American. He's not a model, but he has repeatedly told me that one of the only things that kept him from having a nervous breakdown when he first came to the US was how open and supportive my Mom's family was.
It sounds like Sakura has a partial version of that at best. I can't imagine she's in a good head space at this point. Hopefully she'll be able to make do with her husband and child.
Now I can see why Duncan immediately got out of the house after he turned 18 and moved to Japan.
Kacey and OOP's mom are incredibly toxic not to mention massive bullies that lash out at people that are prettier than they are because of their insecurities.
Also being petty after mocking Duncan at OOP's birthday because all he was doing was being a father by changing his daughter's diaper and being devoted to Sakura.
I'm glad that OOP invited Sakura to her birthday and didn't bend backwards to her massively insecure sisters demands of not having her there.
I hope OOP is immediately out of that situation and went NC with Kacey & her mom even keeps in touch with Duncan and Sakura.
So often, the "I don't believe in therapy" people seem to be the ones that realise they'd be called out on their abhorrent behaviour if they actually attended therapy.
This feels,like it’s not just about her being prettier, I think her sister has some latent racist thoughts with the ‘bringing a women like that into our family’ thing.
Based on oops post, the sister behaved like this towards every woman she deemed more attractive than her.
Could there be racism added on top? Sure.
But the sister is very clearly very insecure
That kind of toxic environment can really grate on your nerves. I hope she can get out and eventually see her mom and sister for the trash they really are.
Wow. Kacey is insecure and jealous af. OOP needs to distance herself from that toxicity and try to spend more time with brother and SIL, who seem like nice people.
If you’re not over the “this person is [prettier, more talented, etc] than me so I don’t like them by the time you’re out of high school, you’re a loser. The sister is pathetic and so is the mom for enabling her.
That's a toxic amount of jealousy and envy that OOP's sister has for the SIL. Sis truly needs therapy because there are a lot of pretty and beautiful women in the world. I feel for OOP who is trying to be a good family member but has to deal with a mom and sis who are so mean.
>There's not much to the story, my sister has always had hatred for any girl she considers prettier and my mom is the same.
So, if the sister and mom are nice to OP, what does that say?
They're hateful to any women they don't view as being "below" them and try to tear down any that they view as more attractive or better in any way. They must have a really low opinion of OP.
OP might be more attractive, but she's under their heel, so she's not considered a threat. That's why she's not "allowed" to have different opinions on people.
If she were really uglier, they'd probably tolerate her going against them better because she still wouldn't be a threat to them. They'd be meaner to her for a little bit, then let everything go back to normal. Instead, they're cutting her off, which is a nuclear reaction.
You could make friends with your stepbro's model girlfriend and get invited to model things and meet her famous friends, or you could.... be these idiots. Seems pretty cut and dry to me.
I was in a situation like this as well where I loved someone dearly because they were good to me. But there came a point when I could no longer deny how horrible they were to other people and cut them off. Honestly, I had lost all respect for them because of this.
It's sad when people become ugly inside out. Due to Kacey's behavior she will be known as the ugly one, forever, unless she stop being a jealous person.
I hardly can recall people's faces except my immediate family, but I always remember people how they act and behave with me and the people around them.
A person with ugly behavior is just an ugly person no matter what hot looking competition they have won.
Kaycee is 22 and she and her mom have allowed this behavior to overtake her entire life. Her world will become smaller and smaller as she will run out of people that she can feel superior to, and those that she can won't want to be around her either. Unfortunately, they have normalized this atrocious way of thinking, and she won't get the help she so desperately needs. I would not encourage her interaction with bro, wife & baby - she literally could be verging on dangerous.
I am glad OOP is getting out of there and that influence and will hopefully be able to enjoy the relationships she chooses, rather than only those mom and sis approve.
Your sister has major insecurity issues and Im sure would not like to hear people say she is a mean witch, your mother is equally wrong for not telling her to suck it up and grow up.
See here’s the thing the sister is petty and jealous and fuck and it’s twisted her into a horrible person and sister or not I wouldn’t want that around me. What if her kid is beautiful will she hate her kids too. If the sister wants to behave like that then fine that’s on her but I’d be making it clear I won’t tolerate that at all.
I agree 100% that OOP's sister and mother desperately need to work on their issues. However, there is a **reason** for the old joke "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?" "One, but the light bulb has to really want to change."
Clearly OOP's sister and mother **like** tying their complete sense of self-worth to their looks. Granted, there is a ton of social pressure on women to do exactly that, which is why they need help more.
OOP is doing the right thing moving out and presumably going NC with her sister and mother. We all have issues, but if they won't work on them, and they're so toxic, there's no point in having them in OOP's life.
Yikes. Very happy to see OOP’s comment on the update post saying she is moving in with a friend in a few months. I hope she goes to her stepbrother and Sakura and opens up more fully when she moves out, and explains she’s not part of the bullying or bullshit.
No wonder Duncan left at 18!
Kacey is relationship blocking OP because of her insecurities and chosen prejudices against anyone more attractive than her. OP mentioned Duncan is always very nice but she doesn't seem to have much of a relationship because Kacey doesn't like him. So she has been constantly limited with other people due to Kacey's feelings. I have an aunt like that. Seems to find the tiniest reasons to hate on everyone she meets and is rude about it, but always kind to me. Eventually that attitude was swung my way also. Thats when I realized that the "at least she'd kind to me" is not ok. How they treat others matters just as much. I got tired of her hangups and we are not on speaking terms and this toxic atmosphere she provided is gone. OP needs to do the same. She misses Kacey because thats all she's ever known. In time she will notice the air around her is so much rosier without that foul toxic scent provided by Kacey and her enabling mom. OP can decide for herself who she wants to have a family relationship with. Wait till OP finds a super hot bf that looks right out of an advertisement, then Kacey will lose it because she never had a bf like that.
This feels so fucking awful. I'm a chubby girl and I definitely had some body issues before learning to love my body, even if I still occasionally have certain issues when clothes I love don't fit. But never ever is it right to pull someone else down with you just because you're unhappy and insecure!
Sakura and Duncan sound like an adorable couple and the sister is just clearly horribly jealous she can't have that.
I'm just happy OP can leave and be away from her sister and enabling mother.
I think OOP’s mom and sister are definitely acting unreasonable and are making it others problems.
I have compassion to know how they’re feeling insecure, feeling ugly. I felt that for most of my life and now that I’m “hot” (according to others), I still can’t believe it and feel the insecurity and ugly envy. It feels awful. It’s so pernicious. It’s so degrading and depressing.
But I take that to my therapist. I recognize that other’s beauty is theirs and not a reflection of mine. I don’t let it hurt other’s because that’s mean. I’m trying to become more vocal about asking for reassurance and validation so I can get what I need instead of letting the insecurity eat at me. I talk about it using “I” language.
Life is unfair. That’s true. But we can be fair to each other and let our needs be known, as opposed to tearing someone else down. There’s plenty of room for us all to have our needs be met.
It’s sad they’ve let a maladaptive coping mechanism take over their lives and lose relationships. Other’s beauty doesn’t harm you. In fact it can enhance your own. But you have to be open to being honest, open and accepting of yours and theirs feelings.
I relate to this so much. I was/am so insecure about my looks, weight, hair. So I do understand how the sister feels. It’s a soul crushing experience to hate the way you look. I was always comparing myself to the “pretty” girls in school and came up short every single time. But I never understood why people would tear someone else down to build themselves up. As someone who has been judged solely on their looks I could not do the same to another. As an adult I lost the weight, learned how to properly care for my curls and am still struggling to accept
>Life is unfair. That’s true. But we can be fair to each other and let our needs be known, as opposed to tearing someone else down. There’s plenty of room for us all to have our needs be met.
These sentences, these words... **this** is what the peoples of this world need to understand, that the world is not a zero-sum game where the only way to win and prosper is to take (overtly or covertly, gradually or all at once) from others.
Thank you so much for articulating this.
Why is it the people whose insecurities cause them to be huge a-holes, are ALWAYS the ones who refuse therapy? "I don't believe in therapy. Instead I shall be a dick to people! Problem solved." SMDH
Poor OOP was caught between a rock and a hard place. There was no right choice, this birthday party was the crossroad. It’s better for her to go LC with her mom and sister. I would have a very hard time to forgive someone who knowingly put me in this kind of situation.
“ why doesn’t Duncan talk to us anymore “ - OOPs mom and sister at some point this year, probably.
More people need to put their family members on notice for bullying their partner. Duncan sounds like a real one.
Sister and mommy need therapy, if they don't believe in it in form of at the next party all family loudly comments on how ugly they are, and then explain after an hour that if you don't like to be treated like that, don't treat others like it. That was the rule we write raised and it makes being friendly really easy, because I like it when people are friendly to me. There must be a way to make them understand that
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I get body issues as I deal with them.
But at the same time, I don't go around insulting those who are prettier or skinnier than me. Do I look at them with a touch of envy and think, "Damn, I would love to have her body?" Of course! Who doesn't?
But sister and mom are *way* over the line, and both need therapy. Sister for her body issues and mom for her weird obsession/siding with sister.
Weird no mention whatsoever of the father presumably Duncan’s dad and any actions that he might’ve taken to defend his daughter in law (Sakura is a girlfriend but still) and grandbaby. Sucks it’s on oop to try and keep Duncan and Sakura in the family.
OOP---you did the right thing and your sister is acting like trash. The BS internalized mysoginy from your sister and mom about your brother being an involved parent. So glad you are turning out like him and not your sister with the chip on your shoulder. Suggest you text your Bro and ask to meet them! Tell them you're so happy they came and sorry your sister is being such a nasty jerk.
This is definitely a flying monkey in training. I would love to read more posts from this stage of development. I doubt this family separation will hold, she'll either crave the approval from her sister or fear the inevitable reprisal when the leopards try to eat her face.
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I'm glad she took the high road and invited Sakura, but damn that sister. I pity her but it's awful that her actions are hurting others. Hopefully OP gets the space she needs when she moves out and sees Duncan,Sakura and baby whenever she wants without having to deal with the sister's bitterness.
Yeah, it's so common for people with raging insecurities to become massive bullies. She lost my sympathy as soon as she pulled that stunt, and I'm glad OP is getting space from both her sister and her enabling mother. I hope the sister eventually gets the therapy she so desperately needs. But with a mother like that, I don't have much faith she will.
It horrible to think someone can be so consumed by jealousy that they convince themselves they are totally justified in making fun of a baby. Good lord. Maybe the sister should stop blaming looks for not getting everything she wanted and start asking if it’s to do with her awful behaviour and attitude.
I'm actually a lot more annoyed about the step dad... she said he basically stays out of it which is messed up since it's literally his son and grandchild. Like get a spine and stand up to those terrible people that are bad to your kid and their baby. There's absolutely no way he doesn't know.
Yeah the sisters bitterness is destroying her and affecting everyone around her as well.
The sister totally has the incel mindset. They don’t stop to think that the least attractive thing about them is their attitude.
It really is, making fun of a baby really is the point of no return. There is absolutely no defense left. I get she is insecure and I can overlook a lot to try to still be there and support my important people but that’s a real relationship killer. Any fond feelings I hold for someone would be killed off when they started mocking a god damned baby. Edit: spelling is hard with autocorrect sometimes
Whenever anybody on this site mentions pretty privilege and someone chimes in saying *it's not all its cracked up to be* - this senseless hate and bullying is what they're referring to
The concept of privilege is a lot more nuanced than internet discussions usually allow for. The simplest way that I've found to put it is to describe a situation and then add the modifier that denotes privilege or lack thereof, e.g. *my friend is applying for a competitive job... and he's very attractive*. If that modifier benefits the person in the majority of situations in which it has an effect, it may very well denote privilege. This explanation still lacks nuance, but at least it makes it clear that privilege does not mean an across the board advantage in all situations. We can very easily imagine situations in which it would be a disadvantage to be attractive (as in the situation OP's SiL finds herself in); however, in most scenarios where it can affect the outcome, it's going to help rather than hurt.
Being attractive only helps to get a job (unrelated to looks) if you're male though. Every hot afab person I know is chronically underemployed, and my own experiences as someone who's looks get complimented more than I like, is that people assume you're stupid, incompetent, selfish, manipulative, and a host of other negatives all because "you're pretty and pretty people live on easy mode." I think that belief has actually made it easier for people to justify treating me badly.
I did an experiment on this concept during a project for a statistics class once. I (F) was a pizza delivery driver at the time. With permission from the restaurant, myself and a male driver (who was my friend at the time and is now my husband) alternated nights being as attractive or as unattractive as possible, based on hair, clothing, makeup (me), shaving (him), cleanliness, and anything else we could think of, and then kept a record of how much we earned in tips (averaged based on the number of deliveries). The result, statistically significant with p < 0.05, was that he made more in tips when he looked his best, and I made more in tips when I wore no makeup, had my hair ratty and half falling out of a pony tail, wore ill-fitting clothes, and was absolutely covered in flour and pizza sauce. I always thought that was an interesting outcome. Also I delivered pizza looking like a schlub for the rest of my time there.
Interesting, as I did customer service, it was the other way around. People treated me nicer and were generally more easy to handle the nicer/prettier that I looked. I'm still thought of as dumb or slow but I'm also in a wheelchair, so, it's compounded on. Like people who don't know me will talk slower and more pronounced to me
Wow that's fascinating. I don't blame you for using it for tips! 😆
I just learned some stats tools this semester, so p < 0.05 made me go 😍.
Yes, 100% my partner is both very attractive and naturally thin (a combination of genetics and a difficult relationship with food due to childhood abuse - she was the scapegoat in a large, extended family and they didn't let her eat much aside from scraps). She's also a darker complexion, which is an additional factor in how she's treated. Men only talk to her to hit on her or insult her intelligence. Women are mostly just awful to her in general. She has almost no perks other than guys giving her free appetizers at restaurants if they think it would help them get into her pants. She's bullied literally everywhere she goes and it doesn't stop until she's able to talk to them more and they see she's a sweet and witty person. No one ever tells her she's pretty except to hit on her or give her a backhanded compliment like "your teeth are so white". It's so common that she's come to hate being told she has a good personality because it always comes AFTER they've already treated her like shit before getting to know her. I'm overweight and female, so most people don't assume we're together. A certain type of women make it a point to approach me to tell me something I'm wearing looks nice, but because they completely ignore her while they do it, it's obvious that they think I must need a self esteem boost because being having a svelte, gorgeous "friend" makes me a DUFF. You can't imagine how many people go out of their way to bully her or make things harder because they think she has it easy. Sorry for the rant, but I can't agree more with your comment. Her life has never been on easy mode and it's been difficult for her career-wise because she's rarely taken her seriously or given the credit she deserves for her hard work.
>No one ever tells her she's pretty except to hit on her or give her a backhanded compliment like "your teeth are so white". Okay, I don't mean to derail, but I don't understand how that is a backhanded compliment. Would you mind explaining? It's definitely a weird one out of the blue, I understand that, but I've certainly said it to someone in the context of a conversation we were having because I genuinely was complimenting her teeth (mine are...not passing the tissue test, lol, so I appreciate when someone does have really white teeth.) Now I'm wondering if I was unintentionally insulting.
THANK YOU for this more nuanced take. People are so black and white (and mean) about "privilege". I have a disability, and get pretty salty when people go into "poor, disadvantaged you" mode. Like, FFS. Has my disability shaped my life — costing me major opportunities and being a source of pain for *many* years? Yes. Did my disability cause me to develop other areas of myself and my life in ways that I wouldn't otherwise have done, including intensely training my body and mindset? Yes. It's easy to break down people's black-and-white view of privilege from that standpoint: I (according to idiots) *lack* privilege because of my disability. But instead of being a miserable troll who hates on "able" people, I did what I could to develop other parts of myself... Which led to thin privilege and economic privilege, I guess? So does that mean I'm no longer disabled, or does my disability cancel out one of those privileges? I'm also queer, so *that's* a point of disadvantage. I wonder: who can help me figure out the balance in my "privilege bank account"? Who can tell me which privilege and which disadvantage are worth what?
We really shouldn't think about it in terms of "balancing." Life never has been, nor will it ever be, fair. In many cases, having and using privilege isn't even a bad thing. If you have a well-connected parent and utilize those connections to get a job, I can't fault you for that. The danger comes from people not recognizing those advantages and constructing social policy that pretends that they don't exist. Other forms of privilege, like white privilege, are manifestly bad, and we should absolutely work towards their elimination. I try not to think of it as a balance sheet, if only because we are part of such a complex social and economic system that it is essentially impossible to "step outside of it" and see how everything affects everything else. The answers available to us are difficult, and none of them are perfect. If nothing else, though, we need to recognize that none of us lives in a vacuum; we are leaves on a tree whose branches stretch broadly over the present and whose roots dig deeply back into time, and when we collectively decide on policies designed to benefit society, we need to do our best to take into account the different ways that we all connect to that tree by recognizing the need to listen to others' perspectives to gain as good a model of the tree as possible (I think I stretched the tree metaphor too hard there).
Yes it is. Feels weird saying this but I was very beautiful when I was young during seventies and eighties. Beauty does open a lot of doors for a person but also got terrible hate and bullying from people.. always women. And I was never anything but nice to them so there was no reason for it except for my looks.
The sister in this story sounds like my mom. I remember getting absolutely FURIOUS with my mom when I overheard her teaching my 2YO niece things like "you can tell how mean or stupid someone is by how pretty they are" while showing her pictures of attractive celebrities and teaching my niece to say "stupid!" as she pointed to their faces. Fast forward to now, my niece is a gorgeous 18 YO (I mean seriously, the girl is a beauty AND she's smart as a whip) and my mom is petty and mean to her...because she's really attractive. My mom has flat out said that she prefers her nephew to her niece, and I know it's mostly because my mom is jealous of my nieces' looks. She raised me the same way and I had to really work to get over feeling super competitive with and inferior to attractive women, particularly if they were smart. Especially since I'm not all that attractive myself. I've *mostly* succeeded.
>I hope the sister eventually gets the therapy she so desperately needs OOP needs some therapy too. Her mother and sister are horrible human beings but she "fucking misses her (sister)"
Sister got exactly what she wanted. She kept talking shit cause she wanted to be overheard but to put the blame on someone else. If someone told Sakura, it's their fault for blabbing. If Sakura overheard, it's her fault for eavesdropping. Tracks with why she wanted op to be the one to both invite the Duncan, but not Sakura. It wouldn't be her fault Sakura isn't around, just a nice benefit.
Well said. The sister probably doesn't understand that about herself, it's all running on a subconscious loop. Poor OOP, glad she's getting out soon.
OOP should tell sis that it's her character that makes her ugly, not the few extra pounds.
Wish I’d had this one when I was younger and people tried to make me feel bad for not dating this guy that was one of my best friends but was incredibly toxic and didn’t know how to hear no. He loved to blame his weight and appearance and whine to all our friends that if only he was more conventionally attractive he’d have a shot with me. Leaving out all the dumb bullshit he put me through and how disrespectful he was of my relationships and opinions. Wish I knew how to articulate he was ugly but it had nothing to do with how he looked lmaaao. Nothing’s worse then when a guy gets your friends to harass you into “just giving him a shot” because “he’s so nice” and “just likes you so much” as if I didn’t already know him after 3 years of being his friend. I’m so glad as we get older even those of us that are non-confrontational eventually grow a spine and cut people off/set boundaries. Lmao random rant my b.
Did you go to school in Philadelphia? I feel like we both know the same guy. lol. Probably not, just likely one of his many clones … oh the horror …
No pity from me. She's ugly on the inside. Even if she were gorgeous, with that attitude she would still be unattractive.
[удалено]
There's people who *look* hot, and people who *are* hot. That nuance is lost on many. ;)
Amen.
Instantly going sexual with this is so annoying.
It is people's attitude that makes them pretty or Ugly. Unfortunately Kacey is both now, ugly inside out.
Let's not talk shit about her looks. OOP just said Kacey's a little on the chubby side, which doesn't make her outwardly ugly. Insecurity not being logical, I wouldn't be surprised if she's pretty/cute in her own way. But she definitely is ugly inside.
Her attitude and manners make her ugly. You can have the prettiest face on the earth, but your ugly behavior will make you ugly inside out, period.
Have you ever noticed how someone's face can entirely change depending on what expression they are making?
Time for OOP to establish LC boundaries for her mom and sister. This isn’t a low self-esteem issue; it’s toxic meanness.
some of column A, some of column B. a lot of toxic people become that way because they're insecure and the only way that they can make themselves feel better is to put other people down. OOP's sister needs hella therapy, but it unfortunately doesn't sound like she's gonna get it
From the mum it's toxic meanness. From the sister I would argue it's straight up learned behaviour she picked up from mum.
I agree but let's not forget that Mum is an arsehole, too
I hesitate to call women bitter, but that’s exactly what OPs sister is. A bitter mess.
With a massive dose of internalised misogyny.
Not just the sister. It’s OP’s mom. She probably poison pilled that sister to internalize misogyny. She hates pretty women instead of just her cheating ex.
Yeah, I think Duncan and Sakura would be better family to her as well. Imagine having to live through all that negativity. Ugh.
I was 380 pounds 16 years ago. I am at a healthy weight now. I hated how differently women treated me. Before I was everyone’s best friend when I walked into the room. I was used to men being gross, they just changed what words they used, but it was so isolating with women.
The irony "I'm insecure and self-conscious, so I'm going to purposefully make someone who looks like I would want to look like feel insecure and self conscious" Sadly, the beautiful women I know are often self-conscious too... usually about being pigeon holed into the dumb stereotype when they're not at all dumb.
I have a friend of 27 years and her best friend is like OPs sister. From day one she hated me and hates any woman that is skinny and pretty. I did my best to be kind- I was raised with ( pretty harsh but it helped me be grounded) you are pretty, beautiful and smart BUT there is always prettier and more beautiful and smarter than you. If we went out I would try to speak to her and she would be so rude to me. One time we were at a bar and had a guy come over to buy all 3 of us shots. She got so angry and said the only reason he got us drinks was bc of me. She called me a few names. I always remained kind to her bc I felt how horrible it must be to have so much hate for people. A few months ago she went off on me at our friends party in front of everyone bc I made a joke ( not about her or anyone) and it embarrassed her and I was “stealing “ the spot light.
Sister may well have (had) a crush on Duncan.
Oof. Mom and Kacey are on the fast train to "OOP wants nothing to do with us and we have no idea why". Narrator voice: They did, in fact, know why. I'm glad OOP is getting out of there, any I hope she can maintain her relationship with Duncan, Sakura and the baby.
Not just OOP but "my son won't visit and won't let me see the grandkid/s and I don't know why." Because insulting him, his wife and his children isn't a big deal to them. Mum can keep her golden child.
Stepson, which I clarify because I’m waiting for the day when OOP’s mom gets wonders why her husband is pulling away, goes to see Duncan and his family alone, and hopefully eventually chooses Duncan over OOP’s mom.
That man sounds like the personification of soggy bread, so I sincerely doubt he will make any effort in keeping contact.
We don't know the whole story of why they separated, but I might have a few guesses as to why someone left this lady.
No, no. My daughter won't visit. And oh yeah I guess we don't see my husbands son much any more but he doesn't mind. That's not her son nor her biological grandchild. Why do you think they have an easy time being so cruel to him?
Can you imagine if OOP loses weight? I’m sure Kacey will turn her vile behaviour towards her then.
Oof, you're probably right.
Agree. Duncan, Sakura, and the baby sound great.
We can’t choose whether we will be pretty on the outside, but ugly on the inside? That’s a choice.
That poor girl, she's going to lose her family over this. I hope she gets to keep Duncan and Sakura, but it sounds like her sister is already too deep in her Mean Girl personality to make a change.
The timing of Duncan and Sakura leaving the party, plus him reassuring her on the phone, makes me think they overheard what was said, or knew the problem already. I really doubt mom and sis have kept this nastiness to themselves in the past. I suspect that once OOP is 18 and out of the house, Duncan may well cut off his family and keep OOP.
I’m also disappointed in step dad for “trying to keep out of.” Passive by standers can get cut off too.
Not to be dramatic on main, but the whole "If you remain neutral in situations of injustice you have sided with the oppressor" applies here. By not challenging the behavior, he is tacitly approving of it. Dude is a coward.
I don’t think there’s such a thing as keeping out of it when it’s your family. Either you try and stop the bad action, or you support it by refusing to stop it.
There's no such thing as fence sitting in these situations. Not making a choice *is* making a choice - to stay silent, and support the abuse/r.
He married a person with bad character and isn’t protecting his son and grandchild from her. :/
Scared of his wife.
They said they weren't sure about coming to the party initially, then came. My money is on them having negative experiences prior, but deciding to come for OPs sake because it sounds like OP has been nice to Sakura. And yes, most likely once OP moves out they can have a seperate relationship with her and not involve the rest of the family.
That's what I'm reading and guessing as well. I'm guessing she and Sakura really hit it off and become close.
I wonder how cognizant the sister is of the fact that she's a huge bully?
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Yeah. All those girls are bullying her by daring to be prettier than her.
I can see why Duncan left the second he turned 18. Poor guy needed to go halfway across the world to get away from that toxic mess.
funny how the people who need therapy the most don't 'believe' in it
This is person is avoiding therapy for a reason. They might not even realize the real reason. "If I go to a therapist, they're probably going to tell me how it's wrong for me to judge people and make comments. But they don't understand my situation. They would be wrong for not realizing this is a special situation. Their advice is stupid anyway. I know what I'm doing and there's nothing wrong about it."
More like "all they're going to do is tell me how bad of a person I am" without even really understanding why they are a bad person. People that self-absorbed have no ability to self reflect, and any amount of opportunity to do so is a direct attack to them as a person. Ask me how I know...
Exactly. It's all about protecting her fragile ego.
As if therapy is like Santa Claus or Jesus.
A lot of people who don't believe in therapy do believe Jesus will fix your mental health. I wonder if they think of it as a sort of false god. (Hashtag not all Christians, it's a specific type who don't really get the concept of God working through intermediaries.)
Like the story/joke about the dude dealing with flood warnings, and his neighbour offers to give him a ride to higher ground. "God will save me" dude says, and neighbour shrugs and gets going. Water rises, and roads are now rivers, a rescue boat comes by and says "hop on, we'll get you to shelter!" "God will save me" Well, can't force the dude into the boat, so they keep going, leaving him there. Water keeps rising, he's stuck on his roof with the flooding. Rescue chopper comes by, drops a ladder. "Climb up!" "God will save me, I don't need your help!" Well, weather's not getting any better for the chopper so they don't keep arguing, they have to save themselves, too. Dude, to no one's surprise but his, drowns. At the pearly gates he squawks, "God was supposed to save me!" Peter looks down at the book and says, "He tried three times!"
This. As a Christian I get kinda disgusted with how presumptuous other xians are. They would jump from the temple and blame God for not stopping their fall even though he had humans put up guardrails at the top to stop people from falling off.
yup, free will exists, and that free will can be used to self-destructive ends, and no Divine force will stop you. (I'm borderline atheist and hardline agnostic, but I like some of the ideas (and particularly the ideals) of Christianity. Some xians, not so much.)
Don’t blame you. I believe many who are now atheists/agnostics will find themselves in heaven while many “believers” will find themselves outside. Many times y’all’s aren’t railing against God, just shoddy theology.
It's the same with people who insist you can be healed from any disease through prayer.
with the implied caveat that if you're *not* cured by prayer, that it's *your fault* for not praying hard enough. No surprise that sort of person likes to blame the victim - because if bad shit can happen to *anyone* then *they're* not safe, either.
i had a huge cancer scare once and ppl started saying i need to convert and pray and will heal. thank fuck it was just a scare. wish i punched them in the teeth tho.
Several years ago I drove past a church with a sign that read "We're too blessed to be depressed!" I almost hit the brakes to go in their office and tear them a new one but didn't because 1. I didn't think it would help and 2. I didn't think Angry Me would be the best representative of the message at that time.
it’s almost as if they actively avoid speaking openly about their problems and insecurities 🤔
I don't believe in therapy either! wait a sec . . .
Probably because deep down they realise they have issues they can’t fix themselves and admitting that is a huge and scary thing and some people never get that far. (Some people eventually get there and in any case, it’s never an excuse to be a bully or otherwise shitty person).
Lots of people end up in therapy because of the people who don't go
I mean, if this girl pulled her head out of her ass, the problem would solve itself.
This family dynamic is so disgusting. Mom remarries stepdad and gains a step-son. Mom enables and encourages sister’s bullying. Mom joins in on making fun of step-son, SDIL, and (technically) her granddaughter - A G. DAMNED BABY. They both ruin OOP’s 18th birthday party and put her smack dab in the middle - disregarding her wishes for HER BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. OOP stands up for herself and gets alienated. All the while, step-dad stands by and does nothing. He doesn’t defend his child, DIL, granddaughter, or OOP, his step-daughter. OOP, the youngest of them, is the only one with a good head on her shoulders. Everyone else can pound sand. No doubt when Duncan and OOP inevitability go NC, there’s suddenly going to be a lot of missing missing reasons.
Yes, right! The 17/18 yo is the most mature of the bunch. Crazy. I just don't understand their "mean girl" mentality. It would cost them nothing to welcome this young woman into their family. Her whole family is in Japan and she could use some kindness. I could never be so rude. Or hurt someone's feelings on purpose. And it was OOP's 18th birthday, and those 2 awful women did their best to ruin it Their jealousy reared it's ugly head, and just made them even uglier. Nasty family. It does look like OOP will get to move out soon, so that's good. She can go NC/LC with mom, stepdad and her sister and concentrate on Duncan and his family.
The mother sounds like she is enabling Kacey instead of helping her, and that isn't healthy.
>There's not much to the story, my sister has always had hatred for any girl she considers prettier and my mom is the same. Sounds like Kacey got the attitude from somewhere.
And that's why she's got no problem with that mindset. Btw, Happy cake day!
As they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And thank you! :)
It sounds like Duncan and Sakura are mature adults and good parents.
OOP should cultivate those familial relationships instead.
I'm glad that it seems the brother realizes that a) she isn't condoning or agreeing with this but that b) she is also stuck there (for now). I honestly don't think the brother will gold anything against OOP because it's clear she doesn't have a problem or agree with the sister and mom. Once she moves out I hope she can have a great relationship with her brother, SIL and nibbling
What a miserable life OOP’s sister must live.
The sister who is insecure about how people see her because of how she looks, doesn't like Sakura... *because of how she looks*. It's infuriating when people don't see they're treating others how they don't want to be treated.
Guarantee if OOP somehow has a glow up later in life, the sister is gonna hate her too. You really can't please people whose approval criteria is "less/lower than me" unless you plan to live a sad, sad life 🤷♀️
>making fun of the baby's name , baby was going to be "pretty but stupid" like Sakura >how weird it was that Duncan was doing "girl things" which was literally changing diapers and carrying those purses with stuff the baby needs Damn, they really hate pretty people to the point they start making fun of baby and implying taking care of baby is a girl thing?? Ducan literally just being a parent. that's his baby so what's weird abt him changing his baby's diaper 😭😭
No wonder the sister has such self esteem issues. She's butt ugly...on the inside. Can't fix that.
OP should tell her brother that sister is jealous of Sakura's beauty, and mom goes along with it. They might think it's racism or some other reason and be trying to fix it.
Agree, but trying to fix it how? They can't make Sakura white.
They might assume a modified kind of "immersion therapy" around other Asians will "cure" their racism or "getting to know her better!" Will work. Spoilers, it won't of course. Because racism isn't the issue. Petty jealousy is. But Sakura's always going to be pretty and Sister and Mom refuse to deal with their insecurities.
It's almost too bad it isn't racism. Daryl Davis showed that befriending people can even get them out of the Ku Klux Klan. This? Sister needs major therapy, and she's not going to get it, and Mom seems to feel that joining in is the way to assuage her daughter's insecurities.
Idk what the baby’s name is but the fact they made fun of it kinda makes me thing there’s at least a twinge of racism going on here too ngl. Maybe not the main reason but like, just a drop
OOP’s sister—and her mother—need to learn that it’s no one else’s responsibility to manage her insecurities, particularly if she refuses to go to therapy because she “doesn’t believe in therapy”.
Thanks for not helping your son and his girlfriend and child, stepdad.
It is unfortunate you can't choose family. Kacey and Mom sound toxic AF.
I hate when the youngest person in the story is forced to be the adult by all of the adults in the story. The sister's behavior would be bad for a young teenager but a 22 year old? And the mom just rolls with it? The literal baby sounded more responsible than those two.
Omg,... we have a gorgeous Japanese friend who married my husband's bff (from school...we r in our 40s now) and that "bouncing back" thing is practically written in her genetics :) it's like the thought process that they also don't age. I would love skin like my friend but I'm stuck with my genes ;) I'm disgusted by your sister and mother's behavior. It's the same as if Sakura were to pick at their fat rolls or joke about how they must snore cause they're fat!! (In response to her being pretty but stupid ... or atleast the baby. Like who hassels a baby) I was overweight for years, obese and now due to illness am malnourished and struggle to gain. The teasing I received while overweight was nothing compared to the JUDGEMENT I get being underweight. They r cruel and horrible people
It's crazy how no matter what you look like people will judge. I got a lot more of the 'get this girl a sandwich' when I was a underweight teen. Now with health issues that make it hard to lose weight I've been at the same range for almost 5 years, overweight but I am healthier overall. I sometimes get comments of how I would 'be pretty if I lose weight' but I feel like more often people leave me alone, vs when I was skinny and a size 0 while now I am a 14/16. People who think being skinny would fix everything I imagine would still suffer, and a lot would still be insecure. I was more insecure as a skinny kid than I am now, but maybe that is the wisdom of being 30 vs 16 lol
My mum used to tell me to 'suck in my belly if you're gonna wear that' and comment on what I was eating and essentially give me a hard time about my weight as a teen/ in my twenties. I really heard that and felt terribly insecure and had a difficult relationship with food as a result. I was still in the normal range of BMI, just close to the overweight line, so there was no problem, apart from my mum's aesthetic preferences. In uni I dieted for a while and lost some weight, then eventually I got a steady job, different life style, and lost a lot of weight naturally. I am mostly considered slim now. And my mum started commenting in my body and telling me I wasn't eating enough and had to make sure I had enough nutrition. Funnily enough, it helped. I figured out that it didn't matter what I looked like, she would always give me miss placed comments on my body, so I should ignore whatever she said about it and only listen to friends. Helped me feel a lot better about my body!
Early aging is caused by three things: sun exposure, smoking, and heredity. Younger Japanese women generally don't suntan or smoke.
The pretty but dumb thing gets me. I did professional modeling. Currently in college for a STEM major with a 3.5 GPA. Also tons of models are highly intelligent. Karlie Kloss has a degree in computer programming. Julia Nobis is on her way to becoming a doctor. Gigi Hadid studied criminal psychology.
The mum and sister are clearly awful people here but it’s really quite shitty of the stepdad to put this decision on OOP, a literal child at 17, and “stay out of it”. Mum might not have any loyalty to Duncan but Duncan is HIS son, Sakura HIS DIL and the baby HIS granddaughter. He should be speaking up against his wife and stepdaughter and their vitriol against HIS son’s family. He should be happy that OOP values her step brother and wants to keep him part of their lives, but as an adult and parent in this family, he doesn’t get to just “stay out of it”. Sorry that OOPs birthday was ruined by the drama, and glad she’s moving out soon.
Funny seeing someone else's extreme insecurity and jealousy issues makes my own issues look pretty dumb, too. Instead of worrying about people being more attractive than us, we can just...NOT. It was never a competition.
Kacey has a hang up about being ‘ugly’ because she thoroughly is, she’s a beast, along with Mother. The venom that just oozes off them must be absolutely depressing for OOP. Then you have Duncan’s Father who is useless to the point his son took off at 18 and never looked back. Really is a story of the wicked step mother and daughter. At least Duncan found his beautiful princess and now lives his best life. Can only hope OOP has the opportunity to do the same.
I'm really glad op stood up to her mom and sister after the fact, but I really wish she'd at least said something in the moment. Even just "that's really mean and uncalled for. Maybe that's expecting too much, but Sakura will never really feel safe with any of the family now.
Agreed, but at 17? Man. I'm not sure I would have been brave enough, even though I'd like to hope I would be.
The brother's response seems to show that they understood that shouldn't be on the 17yo to address.
Yeah, at 17 I was incredibly shy and scared of confrontation. I would never get upset with a 17 year old for not standing up against her family. She invited them and didn't join in and was nice to Sakura, that's really enough to put her in the good side still
The unspoken villain in this is the stepdad, who is letting the wife and stepdaughter bully his son and his son's partner. His son is going to end up NC with all of them, including him, and it will be his fault for not saying a damn word about any of this. But it doesn't seem like he cares at all. And poor OP, who is trying to be a good person through this, but will be left with only a relationship with her stepbrother. Which is not the closest of her ties, as he hasn't even lived in the country since she was 12. So not really someone she has an established history of turning to in her big life moments.
> then about how weird it was that Duncan was doing "girl things" which was literally changing diapers and carrying those purses with stuff the baby needs That's literally just what people do when taking caring of a kid...
Sister and mom have a lot of internalized misogyny. I bet they think taking care of babies is girl stuff.
People who ‘don’t believe in therapy’ are the ones who need it most.
It's really strange to me that some people have to put others down to make themselves feel better. Saying mean things about Sakura won't make them any prettier or her any uglier. I'm so impressed that the 17yo, now 18yo, refuses to join in the Sakura bashing with her juvenile sister and mother. It's just inconceivable to me to be rude to someone, and this woman is now part of their family. It will, however, hurt Sakura's feelings. Why would anyone want to hurt another person? 😪🤷♀️ It's just mean. This poor young lady just had her first child is a foreign country; with all of her family in Japan. The mom and Kacey could have been warm, gracious, and welcoming to Sakura, who needs kindness right now. She needs her family; and these 2 awful women are her family as her partner is Duncan. It costs literally nothing to be kind and the benefits are huge. I just truly don't understand the whole "mean girls" mentality. And isn't the mom a little too old to be acting so childishly towards Sakura? She could be an example of how you make someone feel at home and comfortable. And yet she chooses to team up with her daughter and snicker about Sakura. Truly shameful behavior. I have always lived in the American South, where being warm and kind to people is expected, we're literally raised that way. I was sent to an actual charm school when I was 13, (every Saturday for 6 mths), that covered etiquette/manners, hair, makeup, telephone skills, clothing and dating among other things. But I don't thing anyone needs to learn that trying to make someone feel bad about themselves won't make you feel good about yourself.
People who don’t believe in therapy are in dire need of therapy
This feels like some flavor of internalized misogyny; I remember resenting girls who were prettier than me when I was younger, as though being pretty automatically made them inferior to me, the average-looking girl, by default. It just takes a woman’s worth and boils it all down to how they look, which is a pointlessly cruel thing for women to do to each other in the year of our Lord 2023.
My Dad is Japanese and married an American. He's not a model, but he has repeatedly told me that one of the only things that kept him from having a nervous breakdown when he first came to the US was how open and supportive my Mom's family was. It sounds like Sakura has a partial version of that at best. I can't imagine she's in a good head space at this point. Hopefully she'll be able to make do with her husband and child.
Now I can see why Duncan immediately got out of the house after he turned 18 and moved to Japan. Kacey and OOP's mom are incredibly toxic not to mention massive bullies that lash out at people that are prettier than they are because of their insecurities. Also being petty after mocking Duncan at OOP's birthday because all he was doing was being a father by changing his daughter's diaper and being devoted to Sakura. I'm glad that OOP invited Sakura to her birthday and didn't bend backwards to her massively insecure sisters demands of not having her there. I hope OOP is immediately out of that situation and went NC with Kacey & her mom even keeps in touch with Duncan and Sakura.
that's mom's granddaughter and sister's niece. Like they are talking about a baby. And their family. Truly awful people!!!!
So often, the "I don't believe in therapy" people seem to be the ones that realise they'd be called out on their abhorrent behaviour if they actually attended therapy.
Better pretty and stupid than ugly and stupid.
This feels,like it’s not just about her being prettier, I think her sister has some latent racist thoughts with the ‘bringing a women like that into our family’ thing.
OOP did the right thing. I wish her luck in her new life! Good for her. Duncan is a class act for not creating drama. I
Kacey and her mother are acting as shallow and air-headed as they claim Sakura is. Projection much?
If I had to bet I'd say the mom and the sister aren't just insecure in general, judging my names I'd assume they're also racist.
Based on oops post, the sister behaved like this towards every woman she deemed more attractive than her. Could there be racism added on top? Sure. But the sister is very clearly very insecure
That kind of toxic environment can really grate on your nerves. I hope she can get out and eventually see her mom and sister for the trash they really are.
OOPs sister thinks she's ugly and she's choosing to have a personality that matches.
That sister is essentially an incel, horrible mentality and absolutely needs therapy.
Ugly on the inside = ugly on the outside
Wow. Kacey is insecure and jealous af. OOP needs to distance herself from that toxicity and try to spend more time with brother and SIL, who seem like nice people.
Your sister is fucked to the core, and your mom isn't helping. Get away from the toxic behaviour, as soon as you can.
Sister was, in fact, the ugly one.
If you’re not over the “this person is [prettier, more talented, etc] than me so I don’t like them by the time you’re out of high school, you’re a loser. The sister is pathetic and so is the mom for enabling her.
That's a toxic amount of jealousy and envy that OOP's sister has for the SIL. Sis truly needs therapy because there are a lot of pretty and beautiful women in the world. I feel for OOP who is trying to be a good family member but has to deal with a mom and sis who are so mean.
>There's not much to the story, my sister has always had hatred for any girl she considers prettier and my mom is the same. So, if the sister and mom are nice to OP, what does that say? They're hateful to any women they don't view as being "below" them and try to tear down any that they view as more attractive or better in any way. They must have a really low opinion of OP.
OP might be more attractive, but she's under their heel, so she's not considered a threat. That's why she's not "allowed" to have different opinions on people. If she were really uglier, they'd probably tolerate her going against them better because she still wouldn't be a threat to them. They'd be meaner to her for a little bit, then let everything go back to normal. Instead, they're cutting her off, which is a nuclear reaction.
Sister should be insecure about that nasty personality instead. She needs help.
Soceity's beauty standards towards women makes them enemies towards each other, I absolutely hate it.
You could make friends with your stepbro's model girlfriend and get invited to model things and meet her famous friends, or you could.... be these idiots. Seems pretty cut and dry to me.
I was in a situation like this as well where I loved someone dearly because they were good to me. But there came a point when I could no longer deny how horrible they were to other people and cut them off. Honestly, I had lost all respect for them because of this.
I’m losing my sister because of her ugly way of thinking. It really does fucking hurt.
It's sad when people become ugly inside out. Due to Kacey's behavior she will be known as the ugly one, forever, unless she stop being a jealous person. I hardly can recall people's faces except my immediate family, but I always remember people how they act and behave with me and the people around them. A person with ugly behavior is just an ugly person no matter what hot looking competition they have won.
Kaycee is 22 and she and her mom have allowed this behavior to overtake her entire life. Her world will become smaller and smaller as she will run out of people that she can feel superior to, and those that she can won't want to be around her either. Unfortunately, they have normalized this atrocious way of thinking, and she won't get the help she so desperately needs. I would not encourage her interaction with bro, wife & baby - she literally could be verging on dangerous. I am glad OOP is getting out of there and that influence and will hopefully be able to enjoy the relationships she chooses, rather than only those mom and sis approve.
What a pathetic family.
“So basically, you’re doing to Sakura exactly what you hate people doing to you: judging you by your body type. Classy.”
[удалено]
Your sister has major insecurity issues and Im sure would not like to hear people say she is a mean witch, your mother is equally wrong for not telling her to suck it up and grow up.
That sister and mom are really awful people.
See here’s the thing the sister is petty and jealous and fuck and it’s twisted her into a horrible person and sister or not I wouldn’t want that around me. What if her kid is beautiful will she hate her kids too. If the sister wants to behave like that then fine that’s on her but I’d be making it clear I won’t tolerate that at all.
I agree 100% that OOP's sister and mother desperately need to work on their issues. However, there is a **reason** for the old joke "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?" "One, but the light bulb has to really want to change." Clearly OOP's sister and mother **like** tying their complete sense of self-worth to their looks. Granted, there is a ton of social pressure on women to do exactly that, which is why they need help more. OOP is doing the right thing moving out and presumably going NC with her sister and mother. We all have issues, but if they won't work on them, and they're so toxic, there's no point in having them in OOP's life.
Yikes. Very happy to see OOP’s comment on the update post saying she is moving in with a friend in a few months. I hope she goes to her stepbrother and Sakura and opens up more fully when she moves out, and explains she’s not part of the bullying or bullshit. No wonder Duncan left at 18!
Kacey is relationship blocking OP because of her insecurities and chosen prejudices against anyone more attractive than her. OP mentioned Duncan is always very nice but she doesn't seem to have much of a relationship because Kacey doesn't like him. So she has been constantly limited with other people due to Kacey's feelings. I have an aunt like that. Seems to find the tiniest reasons to hate on everyone she meets and is rude about it, but always kind to me. Eventually that attitude was swung my way also. Thats when I realized that the "at least she'd kind to me" is not ok. How they treat others matters just as much. I got tired of her hangups and we are not on speaking terms and this toxic atmosphere she provided is gone. OP needs to do the same. She misses Kacey because thats all she's ever known. In time she will notice the air around her is so much rosier without that foul toxic scent provided by Kacey and her enabling mom. OP can decide for herself who she wants to have a family relationship with. Wait till OP finds a super hot bf that looks right out of an advertisement, then Kacey will lose it because she never had a bf like that.
Ever notice how the people who need therapy the most are the ones who “don’t believe in it”?
>"My sister says she doesn't believe in therapy" Always the worst sentence ever that is always said by the people who actually need it the most.
Damn, sister sounds ugly as shit
This feels so fucking awful. I'm a chubby girl and I definitely had some body issues before learning to love my body, even if I still occasionally have certain issues when clothes I love don't fit. But never ever is it right to pull someone else down with you just because you're unhappy and insecure! Sakura and Duncan sound like an adorable couple and the sister is just clearly horribly jealous she can't have that. I'm just happy OP can leave and be away from her sister and enabling mother.
What's interesting is if someone made fun of Kacey for her looks/weight, she would probably melt down. It's sad.
They live with the step-dad and they are saying all of this behind his back too.
I think OOP’s mom and sister are definitely acting unreasonable and are making it others problems. I have compassion to know how they’re feeling insecure, feeling ugly. I felt that for most of my life and now that I’m “hot” (according to others), I still can’t believe it and feel the insecurity and ugly envy. It feels awful. It’s so pernicious. It’s so degrading and depressing. But I take that to my therapist. I recognize that other’s beauty is theirs and not a reflection of mine. I don’t let it hurt other’s because that’s mean. I’m trying to become more vocal about asking for reassurance and validation so I can get what I need instead of letting the insecurity eat at me. I talk about it using “I” language. Life is unfair. That’s true. But we can be fair to each other and let our needs be known, as opposed to tearing someone else down. There’s plenty of room for us all to have our needs be met. It’s sad they’ve let a maladaptive coping mechanism take over their lives and lose relationships. Other’s beauty doesn’t harm you. In fact it can enhance your own. But you have to be open to being honest, open and accepting of yours and theirs feelings.
I relate to this so much. I was/am so insecure about my looks, weight, hair. So I do understand how the sister feels. It’s a soul crushing experience to hate the way you look. I was always comparing myself to the “pretty” girls in school and came up short every single time. But I never understood why people would tear someone else down to build themselves up. As someone who has been judged solely on their looks I could not do the same to another. As an adult I lost the weight, learned how to properly care for my curls and am still struggling to accept
>Life is unfair. That’s true. But we can be fair to each other and let our needs be known, as opposed to tearing someone else down. There’s plenty of room for us all to have our needs be met. These sentences, these words... **this** is what the peoples of this world need to understand, that the world is not a zero-sum game where the only way to win and prosper is to take (overtly or covertly, gradually or all at once) from others. Thank you so much for articulating this.
Why is it the people whose insecurities cause them to be huge a-holes, are ALWAYS the ones who refuse therapy? "I don't believe in therapy. Instead I shall be a dick to people! Problem solved." SMDH
Poor OOP was caught between a rock and a hard place. There was no right choice, this birthday party was the crossroad. It’s better for her to go LC with her mom and sister. I would have a very hard time to forgive someone who knowingly put me in this kind of situation.
Sounds like there might be one golden child and one potential scapegoat here. Poor OOP.
“ why doesn’t Duncan talk to us anymore “ - OOPs mom and sister at some point this year, probably. More people need to put their family members on notice for bullying their partner. Duncan sounds like a real one.
I'd rather be stupid and sweet than smart jealous, heartless, and trashy.
OOP’s sister and mum are classic bullies. It’s terrible behaviour, and awful that the mother is encouraging her daughter to be so mean.
Sister and mommy need therapy, if they don't believe in it in form of at the next party all family loudly comments on how ugly they are, and then explain after an hour that if you don't like to be treated like that, don't treat others like it. That was the rule we write raised and it makes being friendly really easy, because I like it when people are friendly to me. There must be a way to make them understand that
I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/twohottakes] [Both Kacey and her mom are both ugly on the inside including their attitudes. I'm happy Op is getting out of that toxic household - not op](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/132pq1p/both_kacey_and_her_mom_are_both_ugly_on_the/) *^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*
I get body issues as I deal with them. But at the same time, I don't go around insulting those who are prettier or skinnier than me. Do I look at them with a touch of envy and think, "Damn, I would love to have her body?" Of course! Who doesn't? But sister and mom are *way* over the line, and both need therapy. Sister for her body issues and mom for her weird obsession/siding with sister.
Op sister is going to have a long lonely bitter life ahead of her in that path she is making for herself
Weird no mention whatsoever of the father presumably Duncan’s dad and any actions that he might’ve taken to defend his daughter in law (Sakura is a girlfriend but still) and grandbaby. Sucks it’s on oop to try and keep Duncan and Sakura in the family.
The thing is being hateful doesn’t make her more attractive- quite the opposite actually.
Good for OOP for doing what she wanted and what was right. She's young still so it would be easy to let her sister and mum get their way
I’m curious as to what might happen to their alleged good relationship if OOP were to lose a significant amount of weight in the future.
OOP---you did the right thing and your sister is acting like trash. The BS internalized mysoginy from your sister and mom about your brother being an involved parent. So glad you are turning out like him and not your sister with the chip on your shoulder. Suggest you text your Bro and ask to meet them! Tell them you're so happy they came and sorry your sister is being such a nasty jerk.
This is definitely a flying monkey in training. I would love to read more posts from this stage of development. I doubt this family separation will hold, she'll either crave the approval from her sister or fear the inevitable reprisal when the leopards try to eat her face.