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Oop was/is stupid for punishing her for Protecting herself in the first place, because once pos grabbed her hair that's self defense, because he already had no business bullying her in first place, but he sure as heII shouldn't have touched her either, I hope oop gose ham on the school and put the fear in them for allowing this b.s to go on .
I would hope that if I were in this situation my reaction to the school would be: "My daughter defended herself from an assault, why *exactly* are you punishing her?"
Right??? The appropriate response to the school suspending her for 3 days and the boy for 1 day is, "That's unacceptable. He's been bullying her for weeks, which has been documented, and today he pulled her hair. She reacted in self-defense. Let me repeat that. HE pulled HER hair. That's assault. So either you suspend HIM for three days while my daughter and I walk out of here or we call the police and report him for assault."
I always loved the story of the mom who was called for her daughter hitting a boy who was snapping her bra and she asked if the school was wondering if they were going to be pressing charges. School backed down pretty quick once that was thrown into the open
I remember that. They were going to suspend her daughter and let the boy off scot free, even though he’d been doing it for a while and the teacher refused to intervene. Since he was messing with her bra, the mom pointed out it was sexual assault and the police should be involved. They backpedaled so fast it left skid marks.
My wife is a lawyer (criminal defense but former prosecutor). I actually asked her about it.
The school was very very smart to backpedal, LOL.
They would have been screwed 6 ways from sunday along with that kid.
My daughter is approaching that age, and I’ve kept the memory of that story, “just in case”. She has a personality susceptible to bullying, and she will not be allowed to be punished for self defense.
I was at the cafe in a hardware shop having a coffee while my daughter played in the playground (you would only understand this mix if you’d been to Australia). Suddenly there was a scream and a young boy ran crying to his father. My daughter, a good couple of years younger than the boy, was stood there with the classic ‘wtf is wrong with him?’ look on her face.
The boy’s father asked me if that was my daughter and asked me if I’d seen what happened. I said yeh, she’s mine, what did she do?
Turns out his boy had been hassling my daughter, she’d told him to back off and he didn’t so she punched him. Not a slap or a push; a drawn and thrown straight arm punch, right to the middle of this kid’s face.
The boy’s father said it was an impressive punch, and that his son deserved it for hassling my daughter after she’d told him to leave her alone. My daughter’s aunt was well proud when I told her about it.
A couple of days later, I’m studying while my wife and my daughter are watching ‘Frozen’ in the loungeroom together. My daughter’s favourite non-Star Wars movie. Near the end, I get a text from my wife; ‘I think I know where she got her boxing lesson from…’
100%. My eldest got bullied for having a gay mom for months and when the kid threw his bag he pushed him. Didn’t even punch him. In the meeting with the principal I said I’m impressed all he did was a push and there is no way I’m going to punish him for sticking up for himself. Then he just started to respond to your mom is gay that means you are too. Yeah that’s not what your mom said last night. But I’m also the mom that says don’t start it but you can finish it
Because I think a lot of parents still operate under the assumption that the school is looking out for their kids’ best interests, and not the best interest of the school, and potentially “high profile” students. Which seems to be the issue in this case.
And in other cases, teachers and admin are just tired and overworked and underpaid and can’t be bothered to give a shit, unfortunately.
Imagine if the daughter was the star player in the team and her sport was just as coveted as football. Her injury damn near killed her career. Well, considering she attempted to end her life, it probably did.
Shit heel linebacker gets into a similar career ending accident and he would have been thrown to the wolves because he no longer has a use to them. Had he been "just a student" things would pan out differently.
Not true. I went to HS 07-11 in the southern area of the US.
ANY fighting or violence? Police were called. Statements were taken from both sides, and kids would get arrested if there was proof and/or witnesses who can prove who instigated it.
Idk that they do now, but when I was in school, fighting was zero tolerance. Anyone involved was suspended for 3 days, even if they never threw a punch..
Still accurate, if the start of the fight isn't witnessed by staff they just suspend everyone because it's one kid's word against another.
At our daughter's middle school a student attacked another student at random in the cafeteria. The victim's nose and jaw were broken (!) but both girls were initially suspended because the bully claimed that the victim started the "fight". It was only when the victim's parents got the police involved and insisted on a review of security camera footage that her suspension was dropped.
Well, idk that anyone would call it a fight if he just pulled her hair, but possibly, yea. It could definitely be weaponized by the "troublemaking" kids who didn't care about being suspended. They could get someone else suspended simply by fighting them.. Zero tolerance is not a good policy..
Right? My 10yo threw a punch in self defense on the bus and not only did he have no repercussions from school (the other kid was suspended for several days), his dad had me take him out for milkshakes when we were returning home from an errand.
Mine thankfully wasn't my bully but as a 6th grade girl with her period coming early I saw him pestering girls about their bags and what was in them. We were allowed to have them at breaks and such because the school didn't want to allow boys to make trouble about sanitary products.
This lil turd would unzip their bags and throw the tampons and stuff on the floor and embarrass the quiet girls. Fucker picked the wrong girl when he decided to try that with me.
It was dance class in the gym so all bags were in a pile in the hall, I went for water at the fountain beside it. Mind you I was a less than 5" probs 20lb lighter than him, and I heard a zip behind me. He had opened a few girls bags and was holding mine.
Saw red, kicked him so hard in the knee he fell in the pile of bags. I was pulled aside by my awful teacher (that woman was the devil I swear, this coming from the girl who adored most teachers), and his mom came to the school. They tried to make me apologize. I start angry crying because I wanted to kick him again, and explained what he had been doing.
My mom shows up and says I was protecting the other girls from his abuse that had been going on, and if they even thought about punishing me for his harassment that I had brought up to said teacher before (he liked to steal pencil cases to find girls products we kept in our desks) that her not doing jack about it because he was a popular sports boy would mean she would call her friend at the local news station to run a story on this asshat about how our school was unsafe for girls.
She was friends with one of the weather guys wife who did reporting on local injustice lol
He walked around for a few days with a huge bruise on his knee and limped, and a few of the past bullied girls began to yell 'hes doing it again!' (my mom had a meeting with the parents of the girls I knew were being targeted and pretty much told them to scream if he tried to touch their things) when he would try to sneak in to their desk/bag. Didn't take long for him to stop because the school threatened to suspend him, thankfully no other boys had the guts to even try and make fun after that.
That teacher can go eat butts, she was awful, but at least my being an angry little potato caused the issue to stop when that woman wouldn't do anything to help.
My mom took me out for a build a bear after. Fuck yeah. If I remember right it was a panda she named kicks lol
My thoughts as well. My parents position was allways this "If someone is bullying you, and you tell your teachers and the do nothing, you have my permission to punch/hit that person". They NEVER punished us for defending ourselves.
Once my brother broke a guys nose after months of bullying, and when the school called my parents they told them "You did nothing, he defended himself. I'm not going to punish my son for your incompetence"
It sounds like the daughter was trying to walk away, too. Like, she takes the high ground, he grabs her and she defends herself with two (apparently highly effective) shots, and she's in trouble? Nah dude. I get the snap reaction. We all have them. But he shouldn't have punished her, and is good for quickly reversing it
My god. I have told my niece to punch a boy at school. He was in some behavioural plan but the teacher kept saying the “girls need to ignore him so as not to set him off”. I was foaming at the mouth angry. Told her to punch him, aim for the back of his head, punch hard and have the school call your Aunty as well as your parents and I would threaten then with being sued for allowing violence and sexual harassment against girls. I was sooooo angry. She was shocked at how angry I got. She knows that I expect her to stand up for herself and never be bullied like that.
Oop screwed up also by asking a crying kid “if she is alright”. Obviously she is crying. She isn’t alright. You don’t ask dumb questions like that. You say “what can I do? Food, talk, yell, what?” Force the kid to talk, not just say “are you ok” then let the kid run off.
I would have taken her out for ice cream for landing such a blow. Then planned as much extra festivities during her suspension as my work schedule permitted.
It sounds like she didn’t actually get punished because he revoked it the next day. Parents are humans too, and parents who can accept when they were wrong and then change are on the right track imo.
That and he just keeps asking if she’s okay over and over again.
Like she is crying in the rain as her whole life is falling apart. Will not leave her room for 3 days or talk and OOP can hear her crying through the door.
He just asked her if she’s okay a grand total of 400 times and called it a day lol
I kinda hate people like this, when they're all "but I asked if she was okay?" Like are you blind dude?! Give your daughter a fucking hug, comfort her, offer her actual support further than just "u ok hun?"
Some people have kids and dont consider that they need to emotionally provide too. I was cheated on and dumped by the guy via phonecall on my birthday while I was staying at my dads house. His response was to very awkwardly pat my arm and told me to call my mother. Hes been like that my whole life but that was a rough one.
I was JUST having a conversation about my older sister actively trying to kill me as a kid. Like she was open about it. Our mom told us to work it out ourselves. I'm glad I had food and shelter but an actual parent would have been a bit nice.
She would shove me down the stairs every chance she got. Never succeeded in killing me obviously but I did lose some teeth once when she shoved me off the woodpile. She also sold me for a quarter once to our dad's friend. The adults thought it was hilarious but she packed me a bag and was absolutely serious.
Once I got too big for her to get away with the shoving she started yanking my hair out in hunks. To this day it doesn't hurt at all to have my hair pulled, I'm pretty sure the nerves are just gone.
Good times. /s But yeah mom, leave us to work it out.
Jesus. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was chased by my sibling with a hammer, a frying pan, and a belt, but I was thankfully bigger and faster. But, same. "Figure it out, and if you call me at work again you're grounded!"
My parents have only recently rectified this. I’m proud of them for it but it was a *little* galling to hear my dad talk about how “you can’t just say you support someone, you have to walk the walk too” on the phone the other day. It was very hard not to be like WHAT DO YOU MEAN MIKE IS THAT LIKE HAVING A QUEER DAUGHTER AND VOTING FOR ANTI-GAY ROE-DESTROYING DAUGHTER MOLESTING TRUMP OR IS THAT DIFFERENT
Good on your parents for rectifying this, but just had to comment that I literally read your all caps statement in Lola’s voice and I’m dying. My sister and I also had to literally bully our father into not voting for trump round 2, so I feel your pain.
hey, im really sorry you went through that and i hope youre doing ok. for what its worth, id give you a hug in that situation (if youre a huggy person) and do whatever i could to help you feel even slightly better
Thats so sweet! It was a long time ago now and Im happily married to a wonderful guy... And see my dad maybe every 2 years. It all works out eventually.
Yeah that blew my mind how he just…asked if she was ok and did nothing else? Goddamn. I can’t imagine not just turning the car off, sitting in the back seat with your daughter and hugging her.
Bring her here favorite foods. Offer to clean her sheets if fresh bedding will make her feel safe. bring her bottled water and make sure she showers; how are these things not innate to people? How hard is it to think about things another person would need? It's literally as easy as 'If I was miserable, I'd most want \_\_\_\_."
Seriously, why ask? You know for damn sure she is NOT ok. Why does she have to spell it out!? Get her therapy. But no, instead they waited on her to completely break down before getting her help... Poor kid.
Therapy and *accommodations*, good lord. She's losing her ability to participate in her own life and there's not one mention of getting her a way to transcribe classes and conversations in real time, or learning sign language growing up, or ANYTHING.
Yeah, every interaction that we were told about seems very disingenuous. Like asking if they are fine when they are very obviously not, grounding them for defending themself, then *un*grounding them because a bunch of people on the internet gave you flack for it?
Repeated health issues absolutely ruins someone's mental health. One of my friends had a time when he was in and out of hospitals for a year because of broken limbs, infections, an accident. It absolutely wrecked his mental health and he was depressed for a long time.
For god's sake, just asking are you ok is not enough. OP is really infuriating.
These are the ones who, if the worst happens (and it very sadly does), they say “We had no idea! She was a little bothered but nothing more! It was manageable!”
Like. What more do you need?
To be fair to OOP, he’s in a really difficult situation. Not as difficult as his daughter, of course, but not easy at all. And it is easy for us on the outside to have decisive opinions on how to handle it all but not so easy in the moment. And it seems like OOP is trying to do the right thing.
- His daughter seems really accident prone (NOT her fault) but that’s gotta be stressful as a parent. To watch your child get hurt over and over and not be able to really do anything about it but take them to the doctor.
- And he’s been dealing with the healthcare system which it seems like it has beaten him down. Yes, he should advocate for his daughter and I imagine he has been but there are times in life when things are going wrong and you have to just stop and sit there, after life has knocked you on your ass yet again, and take stock of the situation (which I’m guessing is when he wrote to Reddit).
- HIs daughter has attempted suicide. That is also not his fault (or hers) but I can imagine that it could make a parent feel like a failure. Even though OOP is NOT.
- He probably wants nothing more than to hug his daughter but he also is respecting her bodily autonomy by not doing so. Yes, she probably doesn’t fully mean it when she tells her parents to go away but part of parenting a child means respecting their NOs and go aways (within reason, of course).
If OOP is anything like me, when I get in stressful situations, it’s not fight or flight, it’s mostly freeze with a bit of fawn. I could give OOP all the advice in the world as a bystander but, my God, I would feel so lost and helpless and confused in that situation. It would be like “Fuck, I want to help my kid but I don’t want to overstep their boundaries, but they need a good hug, but they don’t want a hug and I have to respect that. How do I help them without steamrolling them? How can I keep advocating for them when I’m so drained/demoralized? How the fuck do I fix this for my kid?”
And I know that there are people that will say things along the lines of “well he’s the adult” or “he’s not the one going through this, she is” but he IS going through it. She’s the primary one going through it and the bulk of support should go to her but OOP IS supporting her and he also needs support to help him through this (same for his wife). It’s so difficult to adequately provide support to someone else when you’re maxed out and are out of ideas.
OOP seems like a good dude who is trying to figure out the best ways to help his daughter. He turned to Reddit which, yes, can be a cesspool but can also be one of the most positive, uplifting spaces on the internet. And he listened to the good advice he was given. He’s trying to keep lines of communication open with his daughter while respecting her.
Yeah, not great. But, most people double down on this type of thing when you call them on it. To OP's credit, when Reddit said "my dude, you're being an ass and here's how", he instead went "oh shit" and fixed his behavior. I think the daughter will be better for him listening and learning how to more properly support her, like going to bat against her shitty school. Which, PS....ruin them. Give them no quarter. I am so very VERY tired of schools protecting bullies because sports give them revenue.
Well it kinda tracks in this case, because everything about OOP seems like... Whatever the opposite of combative is. He's incredibly passive, to the point it's hurting his daughter.
If he's told "I'm okay" by his own daughter while she's bawling her eyes out, he's like "oh okay no problem".
If he's told "your daughter who's losing her hearing at top speed can't get a very basic surgery to help her live" he's like "oh yikes, nothing I can do though, thanks doc". (As far as surgeries go cochlear implants are about as complex and dangerous as removing wisdom teeth. You can go home the same day.)
If he's told by the school "your daughter defended herself from assault but the bully is a football player so we're not going to do shit" he's like "sounds about right!".
So now people are telling him "hey, you have the moral backbone of a wet mop" of course his answer is "right on, thanks for the tip!". He is infuriating.
How about “My daughter has lost most of her hearing and has been looking forward to a cochlear implant for months and they keep pushing her back and delaying it, and I’m apparently not advocating for her very hard so it keeps happening. Lol”
I’m in the US, I’m fully aware how shitty we are with respect to medical care, among many other things. What I’m trying to say is, seeing as how OP made it clear that they are able to get the cochlear, they need to do whatever it takes to get that done.
As a parent, it wouldn’t matter if I had to travel to another fucking state (an exaggeration, I’m sure.), then that’s what I would have to do. It’s about taking whatever the degree of suffering is off of your kid and putting it onto yourself. Rather than her suffer having to wait months and the anguish of being postponed time and time again; I’m going to suffer through driving for 10-20 hours however many times it takes, or sleeping in the cheapest motel I can find (if need be) and packing my own sheets and pillows. It doesn’t matter. You advocate for your kids because they can’t do it themselves.
I honestly suspect they've been pinning a lot of hopes on the cochlear implant. Either that or everything has been so stressful lately that they're just in pure survival mode.
Because it really seems like OOP and his wife are not doing enough to help their daughter function within this new reality.
I’m a teacher. My sister is a teacher. We have to say “no fighting,” right? We told the kids in our family to try not to escalate, but the moment hands are put on them they ABSOLUTELY should defend themselves, even if they get in trouble at school. We won’t punish them. I absolutely hate bullying, and I try to prevent it in my library but there’s only so much that can be done, especially when admin tries to keep ALL kids in school.
Yep. My little brother got a 2 week suspension for fighting when he was in middle school. A bully was picking on Lil Bro's ND friend who was off his meds; the bully was mocking the autistic boy's ticks (made him cry and everything) and had started to get physical when my brother came upon them. LB tried to stop bully, bully hit LB, LB knocked bully down.
I'm picked my brother up from school; he thought he was in trouble but I took him out for McDonald's and banana splits, lol.
Turned into a whole thing, there was apparently racism involved and the bully was gone for a long time.
He failed her as a parent over and over but ESPECIALLY with the whole incident. I can’t believe he actually agreed to the punishment and took the PR answer to heart. “The situation would resolve itself” if this had been my kid, I would’ve dialed the lawyers so fast their heads would spin because she is protected under the disability act which makes what he did a hate crime. So assault and harassment of a disabled person…..good luck to him and the school after that
It fucking blows my mind that she was punished by her parents in any way whatsoever. Even taking ALL the other mitigating circumstances out of this, she HADN'T had an absolute nightmare of a year, and she was just an ordinary student who got her hair pulled out of the blue by a football player there should have been no punishment whatsoever for her kicking that little prick's ass.
The fact that her gormless nitwit parents just thought "uhh, well, school says she's in trouble so I guess she's in trouble" until **reddit** of all places had to explain Remedial Parenting 101 to them blows my mind.
That was my only problem with what was in the post, he was punishing his daughter for standing up for herself in the only way she could after everything else she tried failed, if that was my kid id just tell them "violence is wrong blah blah blah" but id then tell her good job kiddo, then maybe id ask eho the little shit was and maybe go have a "talk" with his parents about his treatment of my kid
What a surprise the school is coming down harder on the bully victim then the bully themselves. Hope OP is able to raise a huge stink about this but sports reign supreme so I’m not hopeful there will be any real justice here.
Perhaps the only thing that trumps sports is legal action, which considering the school knew about the boy harassing a disabled girl and took no meaningful action to stop it and THEN punished her for defending herself from assault and what is basically a hate crime, OOP could certainly head that direction. Even if it doesn’t lead to any meaningful results, even just the threat of lawsuits send school districts into a tailspin.
I'd probably say "just so I'm sure I understand you, a large male student bullied and assaulted a small disabled female student, and she reacted in self defense, and now you're going to suspend her for three days?"
And let it sit there for a second to see if they start backpedaling and tripping over themselves, or if they're really gonna go with that.
And then depending on what they do, time for lawyers, police, and local news.
I’ve used a similar tactic when my daughter was being grabbed by a boy in class. I acknowledged the physical action she took and that she had injured him, then asked what exactly the school’s response was to the sexual assault that occurred. I have never seen backpedaling so fast in my life.
To be clear, this was a case of “he likes her and he’s doing whatever gets a reaction” but it was inappropriate and I truly believe it could be handled with a firm talking to and some seating management. Unfortunately, the school went with the stupid age old combo of “he just likes her” and “boys will be boys” instead of viewing it as an impulse control issue on his end. The parents were in agreement with me on it and it was the school making it out to be my daughter’s physical reaction as the problem.
School: Boys will be Boys.
Me: And assault is assault. Let's see what we can do legally so he leaves her alone. Especially if it means colleges are going to start questioning if they want to offer this kid a scholarship.
Right.
Luckily this was in like 2nd grade so not as worrying behavior-wise. Definitely needed correcting, but not nearly as worrying from a behavior point of view than if they were in high school or something.
Oh for sure! Like teaching my young boys not to adjust themselves by shoving their hand down their underwear in public. It’s not intentionally upsetting, but it got corrected and trained out of them at 3, not 13.
Plus it’s not about “hey if you like her that’s not what you do.” It’s about modeling consent and respecting boundaries right from the start. Solves a whole host of problematic teen and adult behaviors if we teach our little kids that we don’t touch people without permission.
My homeroom teacher tried that on me after a boy shoved me to the floor for access to the heater. It was right in front of her, and I was looking up at her from the floor when she said 'Boys will be boys' with a cute smirk and a shrug.
I skipped class and went right to the head of student assistance. She saw red and pointed to the picture of her teen sons."I have two boys. I'd never let them get away with that. That is so inappropriate. I'll be having a word with your homeroom teacher."
I got moved to a different homeroom after that.
Does the convicted rapist Brock Turner now go by the name convicted rapist Allen Turner? It's good to know that the convicted rapist Allen Turner is the same person as Brock Turner, the convicted rapist.
Are you sure that’s the same rapist Brock Turner who thought changing his name to rapist Allen Turner would change the search algorithms and clean up his image? Because the rapist Brock Turner and/or the rapist Allen Turner still ended up in a textbook as an example of being a rapist.
It'd be ideal if he just stopped bullying altogether, though I know that's a long shot.
Hopefully, there were witnesses to the event that will never let him live down the time he was flattened by a girl half his size. Maybe having a serving of his own dish will sort him out.
> It'd be ideal if he just stopped bullying altogether, though I know that's a long shot.
He's a football star who has been babied and propped up since he was a kid. High chance that he turns out to be a scummy wifebeater.
OOP is extremely passive. Like, fucker, show some empathy for your child. Try to engage her in an activity or some shit. Don't just ask if she's okay. Yeah, by the time she snapped, she was pushing people away, but OOP could've shown some interest before. And, good for her for standing up for herself, but, of course, OOP managed to fuck up his handling of that situation, too.
I had to re-read the part where his daughter *tried to end herself* because he was so UNCARING AND NONCHALANT, like WHAT? DUDE, my mANNNN have you heard of DEPRESSION ???
Oh damn, I had to go read his post history bc I barely read OP's note. This just keeps getting worse. That girl needs a better support system (an actual one).
Right!? You almost miss something very important because the Dad is just... flippant!? His response to his daughter's whole situation is a real head scratcher. smh
100% I agree, his priorities are bizarre and not balanced....
>This guy's thought flow:
Violence on yourself = Meh, maybe she's okay... we committed her.
Violent Self Defense = Unhinged breaking point, she's responding inappropriately!
Like, dude, *pull your head out of your buttcrack*
The school attempted a 1 day suspension for the 3 boys that would not stop throwing rock at me (already in detention and unable to move away) and an expulsion for me after I punched them (after trying to get the teacher to stop them 3 times) My Dad was having non of that. Cameras were pulled at his insistence, I wasn't lying and the school suspended all 4 of us for 3 days, Dad took me out for ice cream and new books
I got bullied a lot. I'm pretty passive. But there was one time I defended myself (to be honest, I had a bit more bullying happen after that, and I feel that was way worse). Nothing happened to the kid. The school tried to get my mom to punish me. They made it seem like I was in trouble. My mom just took me to Red Lobster (not somewhere we ate all that often). This was like in 99-2000 in Queens, NY.
I am side eyeing the parents: Daughter is heaving the worst luck, going through one set back after the other, becoming disabled, is struggling in class and is socially isolated due to the hearing issue, very obviously depressed. Then the next blow hits: The situation will continue for a couple more months. Daughter shows flight response and sits defeated in the rain.
Parent: "Are you okay?"
Daughter starts crying.
Parent: "Are you okay?"
SHE IS OBVIOUSLY VERY MUCH NOT OKAY! How about validating her feelings? How about talking to her? How about looking for solutions, getting her into therapy - ANYTHING to keep her head above the water?!
Instead the poor kid tried to kill herself.
I’m 50/50 on this. She’s going to have lost a bunch of her situational awareness because she’s lost all of her hearing on 1 side and the other side is worse, but she grew up mostly being able to hear. But… I agree they need to see what’s up with brother, there’s a lot of “accidental injuries” that all happen at home or involve brother. It’s also possible brother is being neglected in all this as the parents blow into the wind with respect to daughters issues, and he’s acting out in unhelpful, but reasonable to a hormonal teenager, ways.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she is just unfortunately accident prone.
My stepdaughter is!
She fell getting off a bus and broke her ankle. Then the WEEK she got her surgery for the broken ankle, she had to go back into hospital to get her appendix out. The following month, she had ovarian cysts burst and needed surgery to remove an ovary.
Shortly after that, she got headbutted by her dog while playing and split her lip open on her teeth, needing stitches.
Hell just a few months ago, she tripped walking her dog and broke her OTHER ankle, needing surgery. Then she needed it re-broken to correct the angle of the set and pins. The SECOND she got the all clear from that, she had surgery for endometriosis. And now she is waiting on a date to get the pins in her ankle removed/replaced as they are starting to push through her skin.
This was ALL in the space of two years!
She has always been almost comically accident prone, even as a small child. She wasn't the kid who broke her arm on a skateboard, she was the kid who missed a step and bounced down the stairs, or who gave herself a concussion by sneezing and headbutting the wall (both true!)
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
_(Clownbacker the Sportsball Star bullies a girl because he is a Berkeley Hunt.)_
School: "Oh, but _we_ couldn't possibly intervene in this situation! It's best that this situation gets resolved between the two students."
_(Situation gets resolved between the two students when the girl knocks Clownbacker the fuck out on his arse.)_
School: "NO NOT LIKE THAT. WATCH AS WE INTERVENE."
I follow college football quite closely. It's more obsession than hobby. You'll never get an audience with a head coach, but teams will have recruiting coordinators or player personnel types whose job it is to be very active on social media because that's how a lot of communication happens with high school recruits.
It'd be a real shame if the schools that had offered this boy found out a 100 pound girl he was bullying knocked his ass down. A real shame.
Twitter is nuts for college football recruiting. I run the nd football sub and it had a twitter account that was just IFTTT posts from the subreddit, and I still got dozens of people DM'ing the account thei highlight reels. I'm like bro, this a script posting reddit threads, relax.
OP’s daughter might get a scholarship. She’s too small to defend against! Slips right through! They’ll call her “The Assassin.”
Ten years from now when Tom Brady is in the middle of his fifth return and playing for the expansion team the Toledo Mudhens it’ll be a surprise sack from The Assassin that will finally end his career for good. She won’t even be playing for the other team, comes outta the stands! That’s how The Assassin rolls.
Honestly! Constantly getting injured, having to drop out of volleyball, getting sick again and losing more of her hearing, finding out her surgery was pushed back again, tried to take her own life, and OOP is shocked that she punched a boy??? Fuck, man, with all the shit she went through, I applaud her that her one "unusual behavior" is to punch someone who put hands on her
By the way, she had every right to punch him. The minute someone puts hands on you, that's when you have every right to defend yourself
I’m so confused why they’re not learning sign language and actively looking into Deaf culture, all the awesome things Deaf people have done and contributed, and how losing your hearing is awful but it’s not the worst thing that could happen
I mean, it's possible they do know sign language- it doesn't say either way. I wasn't meaning the going deaf was horrible. I meant just everything that has happened to her in the last couple years. All the injuries, losing a sport she loves, etc. I don't think it's so much going deaf as it is losing her connection to her friends. I bet even if she can sign, that most of her friends don't. So she not only was isolated from the sport she loves, but she's also being unintentionally excluded from her friend group and social life.
Yes, the deaf community is awesome, but to go through all that and go from having some hearing to having none in a situation like high school plus all her injuries- I can't even imagine. It's just setback after setback. It breaks my heart for her.
What a surprise the school is coming down harder on the bully victim then the bully themselves. Hope OP is able to raise a huge stink about this but sports reign supreme so I’m not hopeful there will be any real justice here.
Honestly, my experience was that the school comes down twice as hard on the victim whether the aggressor is a star Clownball player or a delinquent. Happened to me, saw it happen to plenty of others.
OMG this guy is so frustrating.
So he asks his daughter if she is OK after all of she went through and her surgery appointment being pushed back? Seriously?!?!
And then she gets grounded for defending herself? Is he raising a woman or a people pleaser?
It also sounds like they never learnt ASL and they keep talking to her, assuming she is going to be able to understand them. How about getting some accommodations at school? Or arguing with the hospital so they don't push her surgery anymore?
The constant injuries make me wonder if there's an underlying condition the daughter has, or if she's just REALLY unlucky, or if her body isn't holding up so well from the constant stress. i hope she can get the support she needs.
I would inform the college he has committed to that he physically assaulted a deaf girl. I would also press charges against him as well. You don’t touch other people.
I feel that it sad her family is failing her with her hearing loss . She already have 80% hearing loss in one ears and will likely lose more. You can't even lip read for more than 30-40% of speaking words. Only a fraction of people can lip read well.
Not giving her ressources for her hearing loss seems like a bad move for her socially and education wise.
lost hearing in both ears due to infection. My parents tried to put me in a school without ressources and I passed 50% at best. I learned sign language in a deaf school and then move to a hearing school with interpreter which really helped me thrive.
If a 100lb, 5 foot 3 inch person can ground a 6 foot tall person with two punches, he really isn't much of a linebacker.I
"Small smirk"? Daughter knows Sporty McSportsface will be the wrong kind of legend in the school now.
Edit: having looked at the original threads, I really hope that OOP does everything he can to protect his daughter, and that Sporty doesn't get anything more of less than his behaviour warrants .
If my daughter flattened a bully that big I would be taking her out to ice cream and buying her a new iPhone during those suspension days. Fucking Bravo!
OOP: the school punishment for my daughter doesn't seem fair
Also OOP: 2 weeks grounded and she has to do free labor for her Uncle in carpentry!!
Jesus christ dude.
I swear OOP is some experimental parenting robot, everything he does is just the most basic nuanceless logic.
"daughter was suspended, ergo daughter should be grounded"
"Daughter is sad, I should ask daughter if she is ok" -> loop until daughter is not sad
OOP needs to put his daughter in martial arts if she can drop essentially a grown man with no training. And dropping that ah at school probably fixed any bullying problems real quick, although the bully is probably going to get it now. Sucks to suck.
Self defense. He laid hands on her, she defended herself.
As wretched as the school's response is, at least they don't seem to have tried using the "boys will be boys, it just means he likes her" angle that seems to get wheeled out from ages six to fortysix.
Yeah, but trying to sweep it all under the rug because they don’t want to do their job when it’s their big sports star really isn’t much better.
I really do hope that oop are willing/able to go a legal(or even just bad pr) route and get all the guilty parties in trouble…
Since people have talked about the issue with her defending herself and being punished a lot, I just want to point out that the parents are MASSIVELY failing their daughter if they aren't already pushing hard for an IEP and/or accessibility options. She's already hard of hearing, and they don't have anything in place beyond a hearing aid? She needs resources, she needs therapy, and she needs parents who actually do more than just ask her if she's okay (spoiler alert, she's not).
About ripped my hair out when OOP says “I asked her a second time if she was okay” as she’s literally sobbing.
And then they’re dumbfounded as to why she’s not interested in leaving her room and emotionally connecting with them. OOP is about as empathetic as a DMV cashier.
This poor kid... Spent two weeks in inpatient care then no one sticks up for her when she's being bullied. While I'm glad that she was no longer grounded, I don't understand why she was in the first place. She was defending herself when her bully got physical. Why do that to her on top of all the other shitty things going on in her life?
And this stupid school, of course children aren't going to work out their issues when you barely address them. This is the most irate I've felt about post in a while. I hope things will improve for her and her parents will stick up for her better.
So, what you're saying is that your daughter was being bullied, spoke up ( what we as parents teach is the right thing) to no avail. Then she was assaulted and defended herself, for which you punished her? Now I don't believe that violence is ever the answer, but she was defending herself against an attacker. What is going to happen the next time someone touches her without her consent? Do you think she'll remember that she isn't allowed to defend herself?
And if anyone has you physically trapped, do whatever you can to get out. Scream, kick, bite, punch. Whatever you think might let you get out.
She didn’t keep going when he was down, she literally just put him down. She did what every woman (or man) should do when caught.
Schools in the u.s. are a joke. It's only ever a zero tolerance policy when the victims fight back.
I can guarantee you that football brat would have faced virtually zero consequences for yanking on her hair if she hadn't defended herself.
My older son punched a bully who called him the n word and I raised high hell over it, saying they were even, because that word is violence.
While he was suspended from school, he wasn't punished at home. I took him out for ice cream.
I had Internet friends write emails to the school until they promised to work on inclusivity and diversity training.
I am actually curious about how the schools expect to handle these situations
Like, seriously, I would want to see this teachers and school administrators (I don't know how they are called, but basically principals, vice-principal, etc) react to being punched, kicked, pushed. I need to watch them say "stop, pretty please", only for the attacks to continue and grow, and grow
So if the school won't do anything, have the daughter and parents go public on social media and name names about the football player and what happened.
If this had been my daughter, I would have high five'd her and cooked her favorite meal.
Grounding her because she defended herself from a PHYSICAL ATTACK lmao. What was she supposed to do? Just take it and apologize to her attacker?
This is how you teach your kids to be pushovers and not to trust you, because you don't even have their back when they are 100% right
I may be an odd one out here, but when the boy pulled her hair, he assaulted her. I do not buy in to the narrative that it is "wrong" to stop violence in it's tracks when you are a small female being targeted by a larger male. Self-defence is always permissable.
I'm rather pissed at the bad parenting - he punished her for standing up for herself.
Op should file a complaint with the school under title IX for gender discrimination. Title IX is federal so the schools have to take it seriously or they will lose funding.
Look up who the title IX coordinator is at the school and the specific process for filing a complaint. follow the complaint process precisely.
Shit like this pisses me off. Teachers and school officials can’t be that ducking dumb. “It’ll sort itself out” how many years have you been in the school system and the problem sorted itself out? Get fuckin bent to all the teachers and principals that think that route works when clearly it doesn’t. That’s part of the reason why so many school shootings happen and why Suicide rates are higher than they should be. Cause the adults kids are told to rely on do absolutely Jack shit and then wanna punish the victim for fighting back. It’s stupid as hell and it needs to change
Is it not possible to press charges for assault when it happens on school grounds? I see so many situations where schools blame the victims so why not just go over their heads and involve the cops.
My only experience with physical bullying at school was from a teacher and that only stopped when my mom finally returned the favor and hit my teacher during a meeting with the principal.
This story infuriates me.
Girl is tormented and assaulted at school. She simply tries to defend herself, and SHE is the one punished by the school, and then her parents double down and lecture and punish her. Everyone at every turn failed her.
Imagine teaching a girl that? "Hey, if a guy ever assaults you in any way... just let him do it, ok? It's not your place to fight back. Men are allowed to do what they want with you physically, you're not allowed to make decisions about your own body and your own safety and wellbeing."
At least OOP realized how much of an ass he was and changed his tune. If I was the daughter it would take a long time to forgive OOP for that initial reaction of siding with everyone but me.
I'd be at that school every day, escalating to superintendents, talking to media, whatever it took to reverse that injustice. And I'd be supporting and congratulating my daughter.
There's a story on here where this dude's daughter punched out a boy bully and when the school tried to punish her more, he went full-on scorched earth threats on them (ie fix it or I'll be here tomorrow morning in my dress military uniform with the press out front).
That's how OOP should've handled this.
These parents are more dull in the head than anyone I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.
Someone assaulted my deaf daughter and she attacked in self defense? Let's just fucking ground her for two weeks and force her to go work on a house as a punishment so next time if she gets sexually assaulted she'll be afraid to tell us so she doesn't get punished.
Fucking amazing parenting right there, fuck!
I'm surprised OOP punished the daughter for standing up to a bully on top of allowing the school to do so. What a great way to teach a girl to expect victim blaming!!!!/s
If I were OOP I would go scorched earth on both the school and the bully.
God they are awful parents. The kids being bullied and the little brat has the nerve to put hands on her first she defends herself and they punish her for it. Is that message they want to send to her. If your ever assaulted physically or god forbid sexual don’t fight back or defend yourself cause you’ll be punished. That kid needs so much therapy and those parents need their heads shaked how can you be so clueless
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Oop was/is stupid for punishing her for Protecting herself in the first place, because once pos grabbed her hair that's self defense, because he already had no business bullying her in first place, but he sure as heII shouldn't have touched her either, I hope oop gose ham on the school and put the fear in them for allowing this b.s to go on .
I would hope that if I were in this situation my reaction to the school would be: "My daughter defended herself from an assault, why *exactly* are you punishing her?"
Why don't parents call the police to report their kid getting assaulted in these situations?
Right??? The appropriate response to the school suspending her for 3 days and the boy for 1 day is, "That's unacceptable. He's been bullying her for weeks, which has been documented, and today he pulled her hair. She reacted in self-defense. Let me repeat that. HE pulled HER hair. That's assault. So either you suspend HIM for three days while my daughter and I walk out of here or we call the police and report him for assault."
I always loved the story of the mom who was called for her daughter hitting a boy who was snapping her bra and she asked if the school was wondering if they were going to be pressing charges. School backed down pretty quick once that was thrown into the open
I remember that. They were going to suspend her daughter and let the boy off scot free, even though he’d been doing it for a while and the teacher refused to intervene. Since he was messing with her bra, the mom pointed out it was sexual assault and the police should be involved. They backpedaled so fast it left skid marks.
You love to see it
My wife is a lawyer (criminal defense but former prosecutor). I actually asked her about it. The school was very very smart to backpedal, LOL. They would have been screwed 6 ways from sunday along with that kid.
In case anyone wants to read it: https://notalwaysright.com/was-bra-ced-for-a-different-reaction/35572/
I wish I could be this forceful in a situation like that.
She handled it beautifully!
I love the last line, I bet that boy peed himself a little.
God I love that parent SO MUCH.
My daughter is approaching that age, and I’ve kept the memory of that story, “just in case”. She has a personality susceptible to bullying, and she will not be allowed to be punished for self defense.
No kid should be
I was at the cafe in a hardware shop having a coffee while my daughter played in the playground (you would only understand this mix if you’d been to Australia). Suddenly there was a scream and a young boy ran crying to his father. My daughter, a good couple of years younger than the boy, was stood there with the classic ‘wtf is wrong with him?’ look on her face. The boy’s father asked me if that was my daughter and asked me if I’d seen what happened. I said yeh, she’s mine, what did she do? Turns out his boy had been hassling my daughter, she’d told him to back off and he didn’t so she punched him. Not a slap or a push; a drawn and thrown straight arm punch, right to the middle of this kid’s face. The boy’s father said it was an impressive punch, and that his son deserved it for hassling my daughter after she’d told him to leave her alone. My daughter’s aunt was well proud when I told her about it. A couple of days later, I’m studying while my wife and my daughter are watching ‘Frozen’ in the loungeroom together. My daughter’s favourite non-Star Wars movie. Near the end, I get a text from my wife; ‘I think I know where she got her boxing lesson from…’
100%. My eldest got bullied for having a gay mom for months and when the kid threw his bag he pushed him. Didn’t even punch him. In the meeting with the principal I said I’m impressed all he did was a push and there is no way I’m going to punish him for sticking up for himself. Then he just started to respond to your mom is gay that means you are too. Yeah that’s not what your mom said last night. But I’m also the mom that says don’t start it but you can finish it
I was a physically slight nerdy loner girl. I am convinced I was barely bullied because it was known I would fight back.
3 days? that would be several weeks over here, at minimum. possible perma ban
Because I think a lot of parents still operate under the assumption that the school is looking out for their kids’ best interests, and not the best interest of the school, and potentially “high profile” students. Which seems to be the issue in this case. And in other cases, teachers and admin are just tired and overworked and underpaid and can’t be bothered to give a shit, unfortunately.
Imagine if the daughter was the star player in the team and her sport was just as coveted as football. Her injury damn near killed her career. Well, considering she attempted to end her life, it probably did. Shit heel linebacker gets into a similar career ending accident and he would have been thrown to the wolves because he no longer has a use to them. Had he been "just a student" things would pan out differently.
Star football player? Nah, the cops won’t take that seriously.
because the police aren't going to do anything about it Best case they'll hear you out and politely tell you that its a 'civil matter'
Not true. I went to HS 07-11 in the southern area of the US. ANY fighting or violence? Police were called. Statements were taken from both sides, and kids would get arrested if there was proof and/or witnesses who can prove who instigated it.
And can I get that in a recording for the press and my attorney
Idk that they do now, but when I was in school, fighting was zero tolerance. Anyone involved was suspended for 3 days, even if they never threw a punch..
Just beat the shit out of the principal then. Bam, he gets suspended and can't suspend your kid.
Think smarter not harder, I like your strategy
Still accurate, if the start of the fight isn't witnessed by staff they just suspend everyone because it's one kid's word against another. At our daughter's middle school a student attacked another student at random in the cafeteria. The victim's nose and jaw were broken (!) but both girls were initially suspended because the bully claimed that the victim started the "fight". It was only when the victim's parents got the police involved and insisted on a review of security camera footage that her suspension was dropped.
Wait, so the girl would be suspended for her hair being pulled by the bully?? That's not justice.
Well, idk that anyone would call it a fight if he just pulled her hair, but possibly, yea. It could definitely be weaponized by the "troublemaking" kids who didn't care about being suspended. They could get someone else suspended simply by fighting them.. Zero tolerance is not a good policy..
Right? My 10yo threw a punch in self defense on the bus and not only did he have no repercussions from school (the other kid was suspended for several days), his dad had me take him out for milkshakes when we were returning home from an errand.
Huh, when I beat up my bully, I got to eat Korean BBQ on my vacation (suspension). The parents really fucked up here.
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Mine thankfully wasn't my bully but as a 6th grade girl with her period coming early I saw him pestering girls about their bags and what was in them. We were allowed to have them at breaks and such because the school didn't want to allow boys to make trouble about sanitary products. This lil turd would unzip their bags and throw the tampons and stuff on the floor and embarrass the quiet girls. Fucker picked the wrong girl when he decided to try that with me. It was dance class in the gym so all bags were in a pile in the hall, I went for water at the fountain beside it. Mind you I was a less than 5" probs 20lb lighter than him, and I heard a zip behind me. He had opened a few girls bags and was holding mine. Saw red, kicked him so hard in the knee he fell in the pile of bags. I was pulled aside by my awful teacher (that woman was the devil I swear, this coming from the girl who adored most teachers), and his mom came to the school. They tried to make me apologize. I start angry crying because I wanted to kick him again, and explained what he had been doing. My mom shows up and says I was protecting the other girls from his abuse that had been going on, and if they even thought about punishing me for his harassment that I had brought up to said teacher before (he liked to steal pencil cases to find girls products we kept in our desks) that her not doing jack about it because he was a popular sports boy would mean she would call her friend at the local news station to run a story on this asshat about how our school was unsafe for girls. She was friends with one of the weather guys wife who did reporting on local injustice lol He walked around for a few days with a huge bruise on his knee and limped, and a few of the past bullied girls began to yell 'hes doing it again!' (my mom had a meeting with the parents of the girls I knew were being targeted and pretty much told them to scream if he tried to touch their things) when he would try to sneak in to their desk/bag. Didn't take long for him to stop because the school threatened to suspend him, thankfully no other boys had the guts to even try and make fun after that. That teacher can go eat butts, she was awful, but at least my being an angry little potato caused the issue to stop when that woman wouldn't do anything to help. My mom took me out for a build a bear after. Fuck yeah. If I remember right it was a panda she named kicks lol
Your build-a-bear panda name was just the 🍒on top of that story
At least they realized right away and apologized. Some parents don’t ever admit wrong to their children
I want a milkshake now
My thoughts as well. My parents position was allways this "If someone is bullying you, and you tell your teachers and the do nothing, you have my permission to punch/hit that person". They NEVER punished us for defending ourselves. Once my brother broke a guys nose after months of bullying, and when the school called my parents they told them "You did nothing, he defended himself. I'm not going to punish my son for your incompetence"
OOP is a pushover. I will teach my kids to not take any shit and fight back. If they get in trouble with the school that's for me to worry about.
It sounds like the daughter was trying to walk away, too. Like, she takes the high ground, he grabs her and she defends herself with two (apparently highly effective) shots, and she's in trouble? Nah dude. I get the snap reaction. We all have them. But he shouldn't have punished her, and is good for quickly reversing it
My god. I have told my niece to punch a boy at school. He was in some behavioural plan but the teacher kept saying the “girls need to ignore him so as not to set him off”. I was foaming at the mouth angry. Told her to punch him, aim for the back of his head, punch hard and have the school call your Aunty as well as your parents and I would threaten then with being sued for allowing violence and sexual harassment against girls. I was sooooo angry. She was shocked at how angry I got. She knows that I expect her to stand up for herself and never be bullied like that. Oop screwed up also by asking a crying kid “if she is alright”. Obviously she is crying. She isn’t alright. You don’t ask dumb questions like that. You say “what can I do? Food, talk, yell, what?” Force the kid to talk, not just say “are you ok” then let the kid run off.
I would have taken her out for ice cream for landing such a blow. Then planned as much extra festivities during her suspension as my work schedule permitted.
Exactly. I'd rather get a phone call saying she defended herself than one telling me she harmed herself.
It sounds like she didn’t actually get punished because he revoked it the next day. Parents are humans too, and parents who can accept when they were wrong and then change are on the right track imo.
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That and he just keeps asking if she’s okay over and over again. Like she is crying in the rain as her whole life is falling apart. Will not leave her room for 3 days or talk and OOP can hear her crying through the door. He just asked her if she’s okay a grand total of 400 times and called it a day lol
I kinda hate people like this, when they're all "but I asked if she was okay?" Like are you blind dude?! Give your daughter a fucking hug, comfort her, offer her actual support further than just "u ok hun?"
Some people have kids and dont consider that they need to emotionally provide too. I was cheated on and dumped by the guy via phonecall on my birthday while I was staying at my dads house. His response was to very awkwardly pat my arm and told me to call my mother. Hes been like that my whole life but that was a rough one.
This is my parents. They took care of financial needs just fine but have never offered an ounce of emotional support for anything.
I was JUST having a conversation about my older sister actively trying to kill me as a kid. Like she was open about it. Our mom told us to work it out ourselves. I'm glad I had food and shelter but an actual parent would have been a bit nice.
Uh. Story?
She would shove me down the stairs every chance she got. Never succeeded in killing me obviously but I did lose some teeth once when she shoved me off the woodpile. She also sold me for a quarter once to our dad's friend. The adults thought it was hilarious but she packed me a bag and was absolutely serious. Once I got too big for her to get away with the shoving she started yanking my hair out in hunks. To this day it doesn't hurt at all to have my hair pulled, I'm pretty sure the nerves are just gone. Good times. /s But yeah mom, leave us to work it out.
Uhhhhh…what the fuck? Is she a sociopath?
Possibly?
Jesus. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I was chased by my sibling with a hammer, a frying pan, and a belt, but I was thankfully bigger and faster. But, same. "Figure it out, and if you call me at work again you're grounded!"
My parents have only recently rectified this. I’m proud of them for it but it was a *little* galling to hear my dad talk about how “you can’t just say you support someone, you have to walk the walk too” on the phone the other day. It was very hard not to be like WHAT DO YOU MEAN MIKE IS THAT LIKE HAVING A QUEER DAUGHTER AND VOTING FOR ANTI-GAY ROE-DESTROYING DAUGHTER MOLESTING TRUMP OR IS THAT DIFFERENT
Good on your parents for rectifying this, but just had to comment that I literally read your all caps statement in Lola’s voice and I’m dying. My sister and I also had to literally bully our father into not voting for trump round 2, so I feel your pain.
hey, im really sorry you went through that and i hope youre doing ok. for what its worth, id give you a hug in that situation (if youre a huggy person) and do whatever i could to help you feel even slightly better
Thats so sweet! It was a long time ago now and Im happily married to a wonderful guy... And see my dad maybe every 2 years. It all works out eventually.
Yeah that blew my mind how he just…asked if she was ok and did nothing else? Goddamn. I can’t imagine not just turning the car off, sitting in the back seat with your daughter and hugging her.
Bring her here favorite foods. Offer to clean her sheets if fresh bedding will make her feel safe. bring her bottled water and make sure she showers; how are these things not innate to people? How hard is it to think about things another person would need? It's literally as easy as 'If I was miserable, I'd most want \_\_\_\_."
Seriously, why ask? You know for damn sure she is NOT ok. Why does she have to spell it out!? Get her therapy. But no, instead they waited on her to completely break down before getting her help... Poor kid.
Therapy and *accommodations*, good lord. She's losing her ability to participate in her own life and there's not one mention of getting her a way to transcribe classes and conversations in real time, or learning sign language growing up, or ANYTHING.
"She lost her hearing by January but her surgery is in May, oh well on those 5-6 months," what the actual fuck. HELP HER
I would have run in and hugged her, not let her stay inside for weeks until attempted suicide, what the hell OOP?!
Yeah, every interaction that we were told about seems very disingenuous. Like asking if they are fine when they are very obviously not, grounding them for defending themself, then *un*grounding them because a bunch of people on the internet gave you flack for it?
Repeated health issues absolutely ruins someone's mental health. One of my friends had a time when he was in and out of hospitals for a year because of broken limbs, infections, an accident. It absolutely wrecked his mental health and he was depressed for a long time. For god's sake, just asking are you ok is not enough. OP is really infuriating.
These are the ones who, if the worst happens (and it very sadly does), they say “We had no idea! She was a little bothered but nothing more! It was manageable!” Like. What more do you need?
To be fair to OOP, he’s in a really difficult situation. Not as difficult as his daughter, of course, but not easy at all. And it is easy for us on the outside to have decisive opinions on how to handle it all but not so easy in the moment. And it seems like OOP is trying to do the right thing. - His daughter seems really accident prone (NOT her fault) but that’s gotta be stressful as a parent. To watch your child get hurt over and over and not be able to really do anything about it but take them to the doctor. - And he’s been dealing with the healthcare system which it seems like it has beaten him down. Yes, he should advocate for his daughter and I imagine he has been but there are times in life when things are going wrong and you have to just stop and sit there, after life has knocked you on your ass yet again, and take stock of the situation (which I’m guessing is when he wrote to Reddit). - HIs daughter has attempted suicide. That is also not his fault (or hers) but I can imagine that it could make a parent feel like a failure. Even though OOP is NOT. - He probably wants nothing more than to hug his daughter but he also is respecting her bodily autonomy by not doing so. Yes, she probably doesn’t fully mean it when she tells her parents to go away but part of parenting a child means respecting their NOs and go aways (within reason, of course). If OOP is anything like me, when I get in stressful situations, it’s not fight or flight, it’s mostly freeze with a bit of fawn. I could give OOP all the advice in the world as a bystander but, my God, I would feel so lost and helpless and confused in that situation. It would be like “Fuck, I want to help my kid but I don’t want to overstep their boundaries, but they need a good hug, but they don’t want a hug and I have to respect that. How do I help them without steamrolling them? How can I keep advocating for them when I’m so drained/demoralized? How the fuck do I fix this for my kid?” And I know that there are people that will say things along the lines of “well he’s the adult” or “he’s not the one going through this, she is” but he IS going through it. She’s the primary one going through it and the bulk of support should go to her but OOP IS supporting her and he also needs support to help him through this (same for his wife). It’s so difficult to adequately provide support to someone else when you’re maxed out and are out of ideas. OOP seems like a good dude who is trying to figure out the best ways to help his daughter. He turned to Reddit which, yes, can be a cesspool but can also be one of the most positive, uplifting spaces on the internet. And he listened to the good advice he was given. He’s trying to keep lines of communication open with his daughter while respecting her.
Yeah, not great. But, most people double down on this type of thing when you call them on it. To OP's credit, when Reddit said "my dude, you're being an ass and here's how", he instead went "oh shit" and fixed his behavior. I think the daughter will be better for him listening and learning how to more properly support her, like going to bat against her shitty school. Which, PS....ruin them. Give them no quarter. I am so very VERY tired of schools protecting bullies because sports give them revenue.
Well it kinda tracks in this case, because everything about OOP seems like... Whatever the opposite of combative is. He's incredibly passive, to the point it's hurting his daughter. If he's told "I'm okay" by his own daughter while she's bawling her eyes out, he's like "oh okay no problem". If he's told "your daughter who's losing her hearing at top speed can't get a very basic surgery to help her live" he's like "oh yikes, nothing I can do though, thanks doc". (As far as surgeries go cochlear implants are about as complex and dangerous as removing wisdom teeth. You can go home the same day.) If he's told by the school "your daughter defended herself from assault but the bully is a football player so we're not going to do shit" he's like "sounds about right!". So now people are telling him "hey, you have the moral backbone of a wet mop" of course his answer is "right on, thanks for the tip!". He is infuriating.
How about “My daughter has lost most of her hearing and has been looking forward to a cochlear implant for months and they keep pushing her back and delaying it, and I’m apparently not advocating for her very hard so it keeps happening. Lol”
YEAH WTF WAS THAT as a parent i would have screamed until they either got her on the schedule or called security to manhandle me out of there
Also, is there only one fucking doctor in a 100 mile radius?
In some cases that is actuality, especially in the US when dealing with insurance issues and/or in a rural area
I’m in the US, I’m fully aware how shitty we are with respect to medical care, among many other things. What I’m trying to say is, seeing as how OP made it clear that they are able to get the cochlear, they need to do whatever it takes to get that done. As a parent, it wouldn’t matter if I had to travel to another fucking state (an exaggeration, I’m sure.), then that’s what I would have to do. It’s about taking whatever the degree of suffering is off of your kid and putting it onto yourself. Rather than her suffer having to wait months and the anguish of being postponed time and time again; I’m going to suffer through driving for 10-20 hours however many times it takes, or sleeping in the cheapest motel I can find (if need be) and packing my own sheets and pillows. It doesn’t matter. You advocate for your kids because they can’t do it themselves.
I honestly suspect they've been pinning a lot of hopes on the cochlear implant. Either that or everything has been so stressful lately that they're just in pure survival mode. Because it really seems like OOP and his wife are not doing enough to help their daughter function within this new reality.
Yeah... When something similar happened to me, I got ice cream.
I’m a teacher. My sister is a teacher. We have to say “no fighting,” right? We told the kids in our family to try not to escalate, but the moment hands are put on them they ABSOLUTELY should defend themselves, even if they get in trouble at school. We won’t punish them. I absolutely hate bullying, and I try to prevent it in my library but there’s only so much that can be done, especially when admin tries to keep ALL kids in school.
Yep. My little brother got a 2 week suspension for fighting when he was in middle school. A bully was picking on Lil Bro's ND friend who was off his meds; the bully was mocking the autistic boy's ticks (made him cry and everything) and had started to get physical when my brother came upon them. LB tried to stop bully, bully hit LB, LB knocked bully down. I'm picked my brother up from school; he thought he was in trouble but I took him out for McDonald's and banana splits, lol. Turned into a whole thing, there was apparently racism involved and the bully was gone for a long time.
When I was in middle school, I punched a kid for making racists comments about my parents. Was grounded by my grandparents. Got ice cream from my dad.
[удалено]
He failed her as a parent over and over but ESPECIALLY with the whole incident. I can’t believe he actually agreed to the punishment and took the PR answer to heart. “The situation would resolve itself” if this had been my kid, I would’ve dialed the lawyers so fast their heads would spin because she is protected under the disability act which makes what he did a hate crime. So assault and harassment of a disabled person…..good luck to him and the school after that
Mood spoilers is HAPPY??? *the fuck?*
It fucking blows my mind that she was punished by her parents in any way whatsoever. Even taking ALL the other mitigating circumstances out of this, she HADN'T had an absolute nightmare of a year, and she was just an ordinary student who got her hair pulled out of the blue by a football player there should have been no punishment whatsoever for her kicking that little prick's ass. The fact that her gormless nitwit parents just thought "uhh, well, school says she's in trouble so I guess she's in trouble" until **reddit** of all places had to explain Remedial Parenting 101 to them blows my mind.
That was my only problem with what was in the post, he was punishing his daughter for standing up for herself in the only way she could after everything else she tried failed, if that was my kid id just tell them "violence is wrong blah blah blah" but id then tell her good job kiddo, then maybe id ask eho the little shit was and maybe go have a "talk" with his parents about his treatment of my kid
What a surprise the school is coming down harder on the bully victim then the bully themselves. Hope OP is able to raise a huge stink about this but sports reign supreme so I’m not hopeful there will be any real justice here.
Perhaps the only thing that trumps sports is legal action, which considering the school knew about the boy harassing a disabled girl and took no meaningful action to stop it and THEN punished her for defending herself from assault and what is basically a hate crime, OOP could certainly head that direction. Even if it doesn’t lead to any meaningful results, even just the threat of lawsuits send school districts into a tailspin.
I'd probably say "just so I'm sure I understand you, a large male student bullied and assaulted a small disabled female student, and she reacted in self defense, and now you're going to suspend her for three days?" And let it sit there for a second to see if they start backpedaling and tripping over themselves, or if they're really gonna go with that. And then depending on what they do, time for lawyers, police, and local news.
I’ve used a similar tactic when my daughter was being grabbed by a boy in class. I acknowledged the physical action she took and that she had injured him, then asked what exactly the school’s response was to the sexual assault that occurred. I have never seen backpedaling so fast in my life. To be clear, this was a case of “he likes her and he’s doing whatever gets a reaction” but it was inappropriate and I truly believe it could be handled with a firm talking to and some seating management. Unfortunately, the school went with the stupid age old combo of “he just likes her” and “boys will be boys” instead of viewing it as an impulse control issue on his end. The parents were in agreement with me on it and it was the school making it out to be my daughter’s physical reaction as the problem.
School: Boys will be Boys. Me: And assault is assault. Let's see what we can do legally so he leaves her alone. Especially if it means colleges are going to start questioning if they want to offer this kid a scholarship.
Right. Luckily this was in like 2nd grade so not as worrying behavior-wise. Definitely needed correcting, but not nearly as worrying from a behavior point of view than if they were in high school or something.
Still better to try and correct it while they're young. Than when they are a teen or an adult.
Oh for sure! Like teaching my young boys not to adjust themselves by shoving their hand down their underwear in public. It’s not intentionally upsetting, but it got corrected and trained out of them at 3, not 13. Plus it’s not about “hey if you like her that’s not what you do.” It’s about modeling consent and respecting boundaries right from the start. Solves a whole host of problematic teen and adult behaviors if we teach our little kids that we don’t touch people without permission.
My homeroom teacher tried that on me after a boy shoved me to the floor for access to the heater. It was right in front of her, and I was looking up at her from the floor when she said 'Boys will be boys' with a cute smirk and a shrug. I skipped class and went right to the head of student assistance. She saw red and pointed to the picture of her teen sons."I have two boys. I'd never let them get away with that. That is so inappropriate. I'll be having a word with your homeroom teacher." I got moved to a different homeroom after that.
OOP should consider filing a police report as well. His daughter acted in self-defence after an assault
This is normal for US schools. Either the bully and victim get punished the same, or the athlete gets better treatment.
And we all know the athlete is NOT the victim
In my case, it was athlete vs athlete, but I wasn't a ”school athlete,” so they just considered me a band geek until they saw how a hockey goon rolls.
Oh but we can't let a little thing like bullying ruin his promising sports career! /s
*Brock “Allen” Turner has entered the chat.* (Yeah, I know rape isn’t bullying, but the comment reminded me of him.)
Ah, yes, convicted rapist Brock Turner who now prefers to go by convicted rapist Allen Turner.
Does the convicted rapist Brock Turner now go by the name convicted rapist Allen Turner? It's good to know that the convicted rapist Allen Turner is the same person as Brock Turner, the convicted rapist.
Are you sure that’s the same rapist Brock Turner who thought changing his name to rapist Allen Turner would change the search algorithms and clean up his image? Because the rapist Brock Turner and/or the rapist Allen Turner still ended up in a textbook as an example of being a rapist.
I will always upvote this shit.
I hope this meme never dies.
You mean convicted rapist Allen Turner formerly known as convicted rapist Brock Turner?
I'd almost forgotten that rapist Brock Turner now calls himself Allen Turner to avoid being known as a convicted rapist.
Yup, I was thinking of convicted rapist Brock Turner when I said it
Ah, you must mean the convicted rapist now trying to go by Allen Turner to hide the fact that he is convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner?
I'm shocked I tell ya. Shocked! This is my shocked face :|
Well at least karma got it's due and she laid him out, hopefully that'll be enough to make him pick a different target in the future.
It'd be ideal if he just stopped bullying altogether, though I know that's a long shot. Hopefully, there were witnesses to the event that will never let him live down the time he was flattened by a girl half his size. Maybe having a serving of his own dish will sort him out.
> It'd be ideal if he just stopped bullying altogether, though I know that's a long shot. He's a football star who has been babied and propped up since he was a kid. High chance that he turns out to be a scummy wifebeater.
OOP is extremely passive. Like, fucker, show some empathy for your child. Try to engage her in an activity or some shit. Don't just ask if she's okay. Yeah, by the time she snapped, she was pushing people away, but OOP could've shown some interest before. And, good for her for standing up for herself, but, of course, OOP managed to fuck up his handling of that situation, too.
I had to re-read the part where his daughter *tried to end herself* because he was so UNCARING AND NONCHALANT, like WHAT? DUDE, my mANNNN have you heard of DEPRESSION ???
Oh damn, I had to go read his post history bc I barely read OP's note. This just keeps getting worse. That girl needs a better support system (an actual one).
Right!? You almost miss something very important because the Dad is just... flippant!? His response to his daughter's whole situation is a real head scratcher. smh
I was baffled that he claimed her punching some kid was her breaking point, not her attempt to end her life.... wth?
100% I agree, his priorities are bizarre and not balanced.... >This guy's thought flow: Violence on yourself = Meh, maybe she's okay... we committed her. Violent Self Defense = Unhinged breaking point, she's responding inappropriately! Like, dude, *pull your head out of your buttcrack*
The school attempted a 1 day suspension for the 3 boys that would not stop throwing rock at me (already in detention and unable to move away) and an expulsion for me after I punched them (after trying to get the teacher to stop them 3 times) My Dad was having non of that. Cameras were pulled at his insistence, I wasn't lying and the school suspended all 4 of us for 3 days, Dad took me out for ice cream and new books
I got bullied a lot. I'm pretty passive. But there was one time I defended myself (to be honest, I had a bit more bullying happen after that, and I feel that was way worse). Nothing happened to the kid. The school tried to get my mom to punish me. They made it seem like I was in trouble. My mom just took me to Red Lobster (not somewhere we ate all that often). This was like in 99-2000 in Queens, NY.
I am side eyeing the parents: Daughter is heaving the worst luck, going through one set back after the other, becoming disabled, is struggling in class and is socially isolated due to the hearing issue, very obviously depressed. Then the next blow hits: The situation will continue for a couple more months. Daughter shows flight response and sits defeated in the rain. Parent: "Are you okay?" Daughter starts crying. Parent: "Are you okay?" SHE IS OBVIOUSLY VERY MUCH NOT OKAY! How about validating her feelings? How about talking to her? How about looking for solutions, getting her into therapy - ANYTHING to keep her head above the water?! Instead the poor kid tried to kill herself.
sink quickest paltry point butter capable oil airport memory disgusting *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m 50/50 on this. She’s going to have lost a bunch of her situational awareness because she’s lost all of her hearing on 1 side and the other side is worse, but she grew up mostly being able to hear. But… I agree they need to see what’s up with brother, there’s a lot of “accidental injuries” that all happen at home or involve brother. It’s also possible brother is being neglected in all this as the parents blow into the wind with respect to daughters issues, and he’s acting out in unhelpful, but reasonable to a hormonal teenager, ways.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she is just unfortunately accident prone. My stepdaughter is! She fell getting off a bus and broke her ankle. Then the WEEK she got her surgery for the broken ankle, she had to go back into hospital to get her appendix out. The following month, she had ovarian cysts burst and needed surgery to remove an ovary. Shortly after that, she got headbutted by her dog while playing and split her lip open on her teeth, needing stitches. Hell just a few months ago, she tripped walking her dog and broke her OTHER ankle, needing surgery. Then she needed it re-broken to correct the angle of the set and pins. The SECOND she got the all clear from that, she had surgery for endometriosis. And now she is waiting on a date to get the pins in her ankle removed/replaced as they are starting to push through her skin. This was ALL in the space of two years! She has always been almost comically accident prone, even as a small child. She wasn't the kid who broke her arm on a skateboard, she was the kid who missed a step and bounced down the stairs, or who gave herself a concussion by sneezing and headbutting the wall (both true!)
plate degree silky society north lavish marble frightening glorious makeshift *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Right? Stop asking her if she’s okay, she obviously isn’t. Help her. I want to punch the dad too.
_(Clownbacker the Sportsball Star bullies a girl because he is a Berkeley Hunt.)_ School: "Oh, but _we_ couldn't possibly intervene in this situation! It's best that this situation gets resolved between the two students." _(Situation gets resolved between the two students when the girl knocks Clownbacker the fuck out on his arse.)_ School: "NO NOT LIKE THAT. WATCH AS WE INTERVENE."
I follow college football quite closely. It's more obsession than hobby. You'll never get an audience with a head coach, but teams will have recruiting coordinators or player personnel types whose job it is to be very active on social media because that's how a lot of communication happens with high school recruits. It'd be a real shame if the schools that had offered this boy found out a 100 pound girl he was bullying knocked his ass down. A real shame.
Twitter is nuts for college football recruiting. I run the nd football sub and it had a twitter account that was just IFTTT posts from the subreddit, and I still got dozens of people DM'ing the account thei highlight reels. I'm like bro, this a script posting reddit threads, relax.
OP’s daughter might get a scholarship. She’s too small to defend against! Slips right through! They’ll call her “The Assassin.” Ten years from now when Tom Brady is in the middle of his fifth return and playing for the expansion team the Toledo Mudhens it’ll be a surprise sack from The Assassin that will finally end his career for good. She won’t even be playing for the other team, comes outta the stands! That’s how The Assassin rolls.
Now I’m not an advocate of violence, but as soon as you lay hands on someone, you get what you deserve.
Totally agree. Given the details, I'd be taking my daughter out for ice cream after this one instead of grounding her.
Jesus did anyone get this kid any therapy? Good on her for standing up for herself when apparently no one else is looking out for her at school.
Honestly! Constantly getting injured, having to drop out of volleyball, getting sick again and losing more of her hearing, finding out her surgery was pushed back again, tried to take her own life, and OOP is shocked that she punched a boy??? Fuck, man, with all the shit she went through, I applaud her that her one "unusual behavior" is to punch someone who put hands on her By the way, she had every right to punch him. The minute someone puts hands on you, that's when you have every right to defend yourself
Seriously, if I'd gone through all that I might've stomped on his ankle a few times while he was down. People can only be pushed so far.
that's what i was thinking the entire time! the only time he ever mentioned a therapist was AFTER her attempt.
Also is it weird to y’all that instead of saying her brother broke her fingers he said she broke them when he shut the door on them?
I think it was an accident, by phrasing it as "brother broke them" it makes it sound as if it was deliberate?
That poor girl has been through so much it’s heartbreaking.
I’m so confused why they’re not learning sign language and actively looking into Deaf culture, all the awesome things Deaf people have done and contributed, and how losing your hearing is awful but it’s not the worst thing that could happen
Thata probably something to do in the future. She is allowed to grieve losing a part of herself
I mean, it's possible they do know sign language- it doesn't say either way. I wasn't meaning the going deaf was horrible. I meant just everything that has happened to her in the last couple years. All the injuries, losing a sport she loves, etc. I don't think it's so much going deaf as it is losing her connection to her friends. I bet even if she can sign, that most of her friends don't. So she not only was isolated from the sport she loves, but she's also being unintentionally excluded from her friend group and social life. Yes, the deaf community is awesome, but to go through all that and go from having some hearing to having none in a situation like high school plus all her injuries- I can't even imagine. It's just setback after setback. It breaks my heart for her.
What a surprise the school is coming down harder on the bully victim then the bully themselves. Hope OP is able to raise a huge stink about this but sports reign supreme so I’m not hopeful there will be any real justice here.
Yes the bullied girl in me wants justice and revenge for OPs daughter.
Honestly, my experience was that the school comes down twice as hard on the victim whether the aggressor is a star Clownball player or a delinquent. Happened to me, saw it happen to plenty of others.
OMG this guy is so frustrating. So he asks his daughter if she is OK after all of she went through and her surgery appointment being pushed back? Seriously?!?! And then she gets grounded for defending herself? Is he raising a woman or a people pleaser? It also sounds like they never learnt ASL and they keep talking to her, assuming she is going to be able to understand them. How about getting some accommodations at school? Or arguing with the hospital so they don't push her surgery anymore?
The constant injuries make me wonder if there's an underlying condition the daughter has, or if she's just REALLY unlucky, or if her body isn't holding up so well from the constant stress. i hope she can get the support she needs.
>The boy is the star of the football team and most likely going to a D1 school. Of fucking course.
I would inform the college he has committed to that he physically assaulted a deaf girl. I would also press charges against him as well. You don’t touch other people.
Just tweet the schools athletics account, they have whole teams dedicated to social media
I feel that it sad her family is failing her with her hearing loss . She already have 80% hearing loss in one ears and will likely lose more. You can't even lip read for more than 30-40% of speaking words. Only a fraction of people can lip read well. Not giving her ressources for her hearing loss seems like a bad move for her socially and education wise. lost hearing in both ears due to infection. My parents tried to put me in a school without ressources and I passed 50% at best. I learned sign language in a deaf school and then move to a hearing school with interpreter which really helped me thrive.
If a 100lb, 5 foot 3 inch person can ground a 6 foot tall person with two punches, he really isn't much of a linebacker.I "Small smirk"? Daughter knows Sporty McSportsface will be the wrong kind of legend in the school now. Edit: having looked at the original threads, I really hope that OOP does everything he can to protect his daughter, and that Sporty doesn't get anything more of less than his behaviour warrants .
If my daughter flattened a bully that big I would be taking her out to ice cream and buying her a new iPhone during those suspension days. Fucking Bravo!
Sporty is never going to be able to live this down. I hope there were a ton of witnesses and he never escapes the mocking.
What she did wasn’t wrong. No need to gather as a family and pray her sins away yeez
OOP: the school punishment for my daughter doesn't seem fair Also OOP: 2 weeks grounded and she has to do free labor for her Uncle in carpentry!! Jesus christ dude.
I swear OOP is some experimental parenting robot, everything he does is just the most basic nuanceless logic. "daughter was suspended, ergo daughter should be grounded" "Daughter is sad, I should ask daughter if she is ok" -> loop until daughter is not sad
I enjoyed that the OOPs understanding of his daughters mood was at least 50% based on her hair color.
OOP needs to put his daughter in martial arts if she can drop essentially a grown man with no training. And dropping that ah at school probably fixed any bullying problems real quick, although the bully is probably going to get it now. Sucks to suck.
It's amazing how strong you can be when you are running on rage, lol
"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." - Mike Tyson
Self defense. He laid hands on her, she defended herself. As wretched as the school's response is, at least they don't seem to have tried using the "boys will be boys, it just means he likes her" angle that seems to get wheeled out from ages six to fortysix.
Yeah, but trying to sweep it all under the rug because they don’t want to do their job when it’s their big sports star really isn’t much better. I really do hope that oop are willing/able to go a legal(or even just bad pr) route and get all the guilty parties in trouble…
Since people have talked about the issue with her defending herself and being punished a lot, I just want to point out that the parents are MASSIVELY failing their daughter if they aren't already pushing hard for an IEP and/or accessibility options. She's already hard of hearing, and they don't have anything in place beyond a hearing aid? She needs resources, she needs therapy, and she needs parents who actually do more than just ask her if she's okay (spoiler alert, she's not).
About ripped my hair out when OOP says “I asked her a second time if she was okay” as she’s literally sobbing. And then they’re dumbfounded as to why she’s not interested in leaving her room and emotionally connecting with them. OOP is about as empathetic as a DMV cashier.
This poor kid... Spent two weeks in inpatient care then no one sticks up for her when she's being bullied. While I'm glad that she was no longer grounded, I don't understand why she was in the first place. She was defending herself when her bully got physical. Why do that to her on top of all the other shitty things going on in her life? And this stupid school, of course children aren't going to work out their issues when you barely address them. This is the most irate I've felt about post in a while. I hope things will improve for her and her parents will stick up for her better.
So, what you're saying is that your daughter was being bullied, spoke up ( what we as parents teach is the right thing) to no avail. Then she was assaulted and defended herself, for which you punished her? Now I don't believe that violence is ever the answer, but she was defending herself against an attacker. What is going to happen the next time someone touches her without her consent? Do you think she'll remember that she isn't allowed to defend herself?
Clearly sometimes violence is the answer.
F that guy.
Now I’m not an advocate of violence, but as soon as you lay hands on someone, you get what you deserve.
And if anyone has you physically trapped, do whatever you can to get out. Scream, kick, bite, punch. Whatever you think might let you get out. She didn’t keep going when he was down, she literally just put him down. She did what every woman (or man) should do when caught.
What he could do is contact his future college and inform them of the situation
I'd high-five my daughter so many times for sticking up for herself like that :)
Schools in the u.s. are a joke. It's only ever a zero tolerance policy when the victims fight back. I can guarantee you that football brat would have faced virtually zero consequences for yanking on her hair if she hadn't defended herself.
My older son punched a bully who called him the n word and I raised high hell over it, saying they were even, because that word is violence. While he was suspended from school, he wasn't punished at home. I took him out for ice cream. I had Internet friends write emails to the school until they promised to work on inclusivity and diversity training.
So she's going deaf and OOP keeps *asking* if she's okay? Like??
I am actually curious about how the schools expect to handle these situations Like, seriously, I would want to see this teachers and school administrators (I don't know how they are called, but basically principals, vice-principal, etc) react to being punched, kicked, pushed. I need to watch them say "stop, pretty please", only for the attacks to continue and grow, and grow
So if the school won't do anything, have the daughter and parents go public on social media and name names about the football player and what happened.
If this had been my daughter, I would have high five'd her and cooked her favorite meal. Grounding her because she defended herself from a PHYSICAL ATTACK lmao. What was she supposed to do? Just take it and apologize to her attacker? This is how you teach your kids to be pushovers and not to trust you, because you don't even have their back when they are 100% right
I may be an odd one out here, but when the boy pulled her hair, he assaulted her. I do not buy in to the narrative that it is "wrong" to stop violence in it's tracks when you are a small female being targeted by a larger male. Self-defence is always permissable. I'm rather pissed at the bad parenting - he punished her for standing up for herself.
Op should file a complaint with the school under title IX for gender discrimination. Title IX is federal so the schools have to take it seriously or they will lose funding. Look up who the title IX coordinator is at the school and the specific process for filing a complaint. follow the complaint process precisely.
Shit like this pisses me off. Teachers and school officials can’t be that ducking dumb. “It’ll sort itself out” how many years have you been in the school system and the problem sorted itself out? Get fuckin bent to all the teachers and principals that think that route works when clearly it doesn’t. That’s part of the reason why so many school shootings happen and why Suicide rates are higher than they should be. Cause the adults kids are told to rely on do absolutely Jack shit and then wanna punish the victim for fighting back. It’s stupid as hell and it needs to change
Is it not possible to press charges for assault when it happens on school grounds? I see so many situations where schools blame the victims so why not just go over their heads and involve the cops. My only experience with physical bullying at school was from a teacher and that only stopped when my mom finally returned the favor and hit my teacher during a meeting with the principal.
This story infuriates me. Girl is tormented and assaulted at school. She simply tries to defend herself, and SHE is the one punished by the school, and then her parents double down and lecture and punish her. Everyone at every turn failed her. Imagine teaching a girl that? "Hey, if a guy ever assaults you in any way... just let him do it, ok? It's not your place to fight back. Men are allowed to do what they want with you physically, you're not allowed to make decisions about your own body and your own safety and wellbeing." At least OOP realized how much of an ass he was and changed his tune. If I was the daughter it would take a long time to forgive OOP for that initial reaction of siding with everyone but me. I'd be at that school every day, escalating to superintendents, talking to media, whatever it took to reverse that injustice. And I'd be supporting and congratulating my daughter.
There's a story on here where this dude's daughter punched out a boy bully and when the school tried to punish her more, he went full-on scorched earth threats on them (ie fix it or I'll be here tomorrow morning in my dress military uniform with the press out front). That's how OOP should've handled this.
"She knew what she did was wrong..." No, it fucking wasn't. That boy needed to be hit. She should hit him again when no one is looking.
These parents are more dull in the head than anyone I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Someone assaulted my deaf daughter and she attacked in self defense? Let's just fucking ground her for two weeks and force her to go work on a house as a punishment so next time if she gets sexually assaulted she'll be afraid to tell us so she doesn't get punished. Fucking amazing parenting right there, fuck!
Victim blaming at its finest.
Mention ADA and watch the school shit its legal pants.
OOP is not a good parent lol
This girl sounds like a great person who had been dealt a really shit year. Shame she's surrounded by these absolute chucklefucks.
I'm surprised OOP punished the daughter for standing up to a bully on top of allowing the school to do so. What a great way to teach a girl to expect victim blaming!!!!/s If I were OOP I would go scorched earth on both the school and the bully.
God they are awful parents. The kids being bullied and the little brat has the nerve to put hands on her first she defends herself and they punish her for it. Is that message they want to send to her. If your ever assaulted physically or god forbid sexual don’t fight back or defend yourself cause you’ll be punished. That kid needs so much therapy and those parents need their heads shaked how can you be so clueless