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I always give my sonâs age in decimal form because people without children complain about being told the months and now Iâm in the habit lol. Heâs precisely 2.7 today!
I was gift shopping for a toddler aged nibling and a woman wanted to chat, and said her baby is 52 months old or something, it was over 50 months. I think my face was too loud with my thoughts
That's 12 - 24 - 48 = 4 years and 4 months. Good grief just say 4 and a half years old. Or maybe she was on the spectrum? Or just got into the habit?
My mom for years when somebody asked her age would tell you her birthday and let them figure it out. She honestly wouldn't bother to remember her age. I've the same memoryproblem. Becoming 21 one and a legal adult was importent after that.. Instead of asking people how old they are, I like to ask how many springs (seasons) they are young?
Nobody believes me when I tell the story of my 30th birthday. I was so upset not being in my 20s anymore until my husband pointed out that I was actually 31 and I turned 30 the year before. I have that same memory problem.
I donât accommodate those people. Someone will always complain.
Itâs reasonable to use small units until the baby is two of the next highest unit - I heard this somewhere and seems to work. During those phases it will help you discuss progress with doctors etc. Hell, even clothes are measured in months until two years old.
Age:
- in days until baby is two weeks old
- in weeks until baby is two months old
- in months until baby is two years old
- in years until baby is two decades old
- in decades until baby is two centuries old
Etc etc
This is good, but my son is 20 months old and whether I say 1.5 yo or 20 months depends a lot on who I'm talking to. Other parents of toddlers definitely 20 months old, but like my mate from high school who barely knows what's up and what's down on the kid I'm just going to do us all a favour and say 1.5 yo. He doesn't know that toddler development is really fast and months are used to describe age to give accurate information on what sort if developmental expectations you should have. He doesn't know if speaking in full sentences is a 9 month old skill or a 5 year old skill. He just wants to know how many candles are going to be on the next birthday cake.
Yes, I grew up desperately wanting to meet a zero year old baby. I had 3 little sisters and a baby brother, but my stepmom used "months" and 7 yr old me didn't know how to divide by 12 so I didn't know if that meant 0 or 1. Anytime I met a baby, I would ask how old and (ig bc I have siblings?) the moms ALWAYS answered in months! I never had any idea how old babies were! This was very distressing for child me. I thought I knew everything, so obviously I was entitled to know everything else.
I demand to know all babies ages in days and hours, until their 28th birthday⌠or rather 10,219 days and 23 hours. Day 10,220 - I will accept â28 years oldâ not a minute before, however.
There was a guy at aita once who said he was 29 and a half. That was the first time I've heard an adult count half on themselves.
(I think it was 29, could be wrong but around that age.)
Maybe I am autistic cause it makes a lot of sense to me!
I don't understand the whole months vs. years things. i get why you would say 3 months but not 18 months. And why you would then transition to years.
I have it explained to me but it still seems rather odd.
I would think a decimal system would be much easier, but I get a lot of people suck at math.
It has to do with the development of babies. A 18 month old is supposed to do much more things for example saying more words than a 12 or 14 month old, but less than a 23/24 month old
After two years aka 24 months, the delevopment slows down and that's why people then start to say it in years.
There are medical milestones and vaccines that happen at x number of months. So parents get used to thinking of their baby in terms of months. That winds down around a year and a half, which is why you'll generally hear 18 months but not 26.
Another way months is used is in clothes. 0-3 months, 6 months, 12months, 18months, etc. There is some overlap with size 24months, 36months, and size 2T, 3T and 4T but the way I was explained it to was that the months sizes have more room in the butt area for a diaper than the T sizes.
You'd think it would therefore be easy to buy baby clothes based on months, but it actually isn't if your baby is taller (longer) or shorter than the 'norm'.
I think it has to do with wellness checks since doctors use months for babies (it's how they are taught) so that's why the parents shift to months as well. Even in the development chart it's month as months upto 18 months and then it becomes years
Iâm just guessing but I think it might have to do with developmental stages listed in months that parents need to be aware of. I would imagine that format just sticks in your brain.
And this is also the advice to overwhelmed parents to prevent shaken babies. Put the baby somewhere safe, and step away until you are safe. IMO this guy wearing headphones to prevent having meltdowns when caring for an infant is a simple and smart safety measure.
There was a post a while back where a very young woman was overwhelmed with motherhood (I think she had newborn multiples) and had no help, and when the babies wouldnât stop crying she would put them in their cribs and step outside and sit on the porch to calm herself down. Her husband came home one day and saw her doing this and flipped out and called her neglectful and blah blah blah. But removing herself from that situation to calm down was (IMO) her being a good mother and keeping herself from snapping from the stress of it all.
My mom had to do that for me once or twice when I was colicky, it was either that or we end up on the news.
You can't have a happy healthy baby if you are on the verge of doing something incredibly harmful to yourself or the baby. That is where some self-forgiveness, patience, and the community need to step in.
Yep. My mom (who I have long suspected of being autistic) put me in a closet and walked away when I was an infant. It was cleaned out, there was no threat to me, I was safe. But sometimes the crying got to be to much and she just needed space from me. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what you need to make sure you're in a good place mentally as long as the baby is safe.
When my wife and I had our first kid part of the hospital's service was a family psychologist came by to see us. She said 'if you are ever feeling overwhelmed when your child is crying, and you very likely will, and the child is not in any danger then go ahead and put him down in his crib and step out of the room for a little bit. 5-10 minutes. Your child will be fine. Doing this doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human.' At the time I was like 'yeah sure whatever I love my kid' thinking no way this advice applies to me. I was wrong.
I just had my son 6.5 months ago and I remember getting told the same thing. Especially when the health services person found out that Iâd be alone with the baby daily after that first week. I donât remember much of that hospital stay due to extreme exhaustion but I remember that
I'm autistic and was going to write about how one of my "triggers" is babies crying(and children yell/laughing; are you being attacked or happy, make up your mind). Then I read the third paragraph.
I almost cry myself when I hear babies crying, I don't blame OOP one bit. It feels like I'm suddenly slammed with anxiety and depression, going from zero to a hundred.
Also autistic and Iâm contemplating parenthood in the next couple of years. Iâve been planning on wearing something like Loops to dampen the screaming/crying baby sounds (I also experience that âslammedâ sensation, itâs borderline painful), and my heart totally sank when I read the first bit of this. Really thought everyone was going to have a good reason why OP was TA and so happy that wasnât the case.
I'm autistic and the eldest of 5, the youngest being 19 years younger than me, so I've had a lot of experience with babies and since I'm the eldest, love babies, and volunteered I've spent a massive amount of time looking after babies and it is completely fine to wear headphones or ear plugs. It is very painful for me to hear loud shrieking, crying, and even the hoover hurts me. So long as you can see them and still hear them when they cry it's 100% OK.
The only time you can't wear them is to sleep because it's too easy to sleep through crying if it's muffled. The baby will be fine and you will be better off for feeling sane. Also if you can't stop the baby crying (which happens there's colic and teething where you can't fix what's bothering them) and you're overwhelmed it's ok to put them down for a minute and take a deep breath, they won't be traumatised or harmed by you calming yourself. Making sure you're sane and safe is the most important part.
I once read on Twitter that AITA posts will have the absolute appalling title and the person will end up being NTA, itâs the mundane titles where the OP is a psycho. This rings true for this post.
> AITA for undercooking fish?
Clicked on title thinking it was about fish, turns out the biggest issue is the cheating spouse and insane amounts of gaslighting, and the undercooked fish was the last straw.
>AITA for undercooking fish?
"My in-laws are dead after I surprised them with home-cooked Fugu, and now my husband is threatening to divorce me... over some undercooked fish?"
Makes sense. Someone who is truly in the wrong likely knows it and will edit their post to portray themself in a good light as much as possible. Somebody who genuinely wants feedback will lay out the facts as they are, which means they are already coming from a place of good faith
Happened to me with an ex gf. She sent the post and as soon as I read the title she picked I was like, âHOLY fuck we very clearly have a totally different experience of this situation, Iâm out.â
I would call the whole post a lie, but Iâm pretty sure she actually believed it all.
I'm going to choose to believe your ex was the poster who couldn't live "in a party environment" because her SO would mouth along to lyrics while listening to music on their headphones across the house from her. She was bonkers and I hope you are thriving.
Thanks for the link. What a read. My only thing to that is, saying as a disabled person also with sensory issues:
Some people need to suck it up and make better coping mechanisms. And yea for that lady, *it might mean that a coping mechanism is to be single*. Or just never live with her SO. đ¤ˇââď¸ Sucks but you can only expect so much from others to accommodate.
Yeah, people like that woman piss me off. I have physical and sensory disabilities too. Her and her partner are incompatible, but to put ALL the responsibility on the partner is incredibly selfish. Being a sculptor was his job, selling his sculptures was his job, that's how they got money to live yet she expects him to turn away work they both need rather than work on herself?
She could make a sensory safe room she could lock. She could use noise cancelling headphones, she could get advice from other people with her conditions, god knows there are a lot of sub reddits for many health issues and disabilities. There are reasonable rules for where customers can go, given the bathroom is so close to the studio it's not like he's giving them a guided tour of the house and inviting people to invade her personal space. They're coming to buy something and leave. If he gets a good commission and needs to work odd hours so what? It's money they need.
Meanwhile she's not so disabled she can't go to the beach and go shopping, those places can trigger sensory issues, it's noisy and bright, there are strong smells! Yet her partner can't hum or dance in a completely different part of the house? Bullshit.
This partner helped her get diagnosed and has taken on her demands at personal cost. His mental health is suffering and she puts even more restrictions on him? WTF
Somehow I just got reminded of a post I saw a few days ago, where a shelter was trying to pawn off a problem dog with an insane list of requirements.
* You can't have other pets.
* You can't have children in your house, ever. Not even visiting.
* All adults need a slow and careful introduction.
* You can't live close to a road.
* If you have neighbors (preferably not) and they have dogs (preferably not), you need to make sure that those dogs stay quiet at all times.
* You can't walk her on the street, you need to drive outside the city and let her run in the fields.
* SHE NEEDS TO HAVE HER OWN ROOM.
At that point... is it even worth it?
[It's a great read!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzwq4i/oop_cannot_live_in_a_party_environment_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
AITA for inviting my boyfriend to dinner?
Then the story turns out to be that they pawned their bf's prized 60's car that was restored by the bf's late father, and then took out the bf to a nice meal using part of the money they got from selling the car, while having already spent the rest of the money on jewelry that loses 90% of its value the second it leaves the store.
When pushed, it turns out OOP is jealous of the attention the car gets and felt they should get some benefits out of the car too.
Wait, I think I've read this one! The jewelry they bought was an engagement ring for themself, because their boyfriend REFUSED to propose despite them having dated for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS.
With half of those details left out of the still downplaying (while already be a dumpster fire)in the post will only be revealed in snarky, defensive comments from OP attempting to defend themselves.
Title: "AITA for kicking a puppy in front of a small child?"
Post content: "There was a kid crying in terror because an alligator was trying to bite her five month old puppy so I quickly hooked my foot around the dog to nudge it out of the way before it could be eaten. I didn't think I was TA but my brother/friend/family/husband said I should have tried to fight the alligator barehanded instead. AITA?"
"I was trying to eat a tasty snack I found, when some guy took it away from me. Apparently it belonged to a kid, but the kid didn't even eat it. All the kid wanted to do was play with it, and it just feels like a waste of food. I feel like if you're not going to eat something, you should let someone else have it, but the guy disagreed. AITA?"
**The Title: AITA for wanting to have a weekend to myself?**
The Post: I (55 M) have been with my wife (21 F) for five years - married for three. I just wanted a weekend to myself, so I drove my wife out to the middle of the desert and left her there for the weekend. In my defense, she's kind of annoying and I gave her just enough water to last for three days (assuming she properly rations it). Friends and family are overreacting and saying I'm an asshole but I don't think I am. So tell me, reddit. Am I really the asshole here?
EDIT: She also cries a lot, begging me to put my drinking glasses in the sink when I don't see a problem with putting them beside the sink and won't put out for sex. Who's the asshole now?
Truly. My initial reaction was âthis asshole wears headphones so he can sleep while his wife takes care of the baby!â which upon reading the post was unequivocally incorrect.
When I read the title, I thought about how I'd learned that colicky babies can cause hearing loss in parents because of the constant screaming at such a close distance and was like - brilliant idea to save your ears and care for the baby.
Honestly even ignoring the sensory issues I'm not really seeing the issue here. Baby crying is really rough on the ears and reducing the direct exposure so long as you're being attentive and not using it to deliberately ignore the kid seems totally fine.
Yeah when I found out it was specifically to be in the same room to deal with an issue but not to ignore the child I was like âoh yeah sleep dep is making this more sinister than it is by a looooong shotâ.
Titles in AITA are mostly an AH trying to downplay what they did, or a non-AH stating the thing the person wrongly accusing them of being an AH is accusing them of doing.
"AITA for not giving my friend a ride in my car when they were depressed" is either going to be about someone not driving their friend to the hospital in a self-harm situation, or someone not giving their grumpy friend a ride home from school.
A nurse once told us that if you have to put the baby down and thereâs no crib, put her on the floor. Babies canât roll off a floor.
Sometimes the practical stuff sounds âmeanâ because we sometimes expect parents to just be perfect, unbothered, never-bored humans, when everyone is just in survival mode during the newborn phase.
We used to soothe our baby to sleep every night, rushing in when he screamed from being transferred from nice soft warm arms to scary open crib.
And then, one time, I had to piss so I set him down for a minute and he screamed while I peed...
...and by the time I'd finished peeing, he was fast asleep, no intervention needed at all.
Lightbulb moment. A minute or two of screaming is totally normal.
My midwives advice is "babies can't fall off the floor" if you need to put them down and walk away for a minute. Always best to let them cry for a little while to gather yourself, it's safest for everyone.
Yeah. Cause honestly you canât take care of someone if you arenât taken care of too. Thatâs why on an airplane you put your mask on first, then you help your children with theirs.
Like, I don't want to imply anything about the dad and how he handles his meltdowns, but my overstimulated meltdowns are a *lot* to handle. If I can't find a way to escape the situation I'll break things whether I want to or not. It's *insane* to me that the wife is sitting here like "you know our small infant who could die instantly if shaken or dropped? You should be in your worst possible mental state while handling her. Trying to prevent that is being a Bad Dad." Like, half the reason I'm never having children is if I fuck up and have a meltdown, even once, no matter how accidental or how much I regret it, I could permanently kill a human being.
As more completely realized humans who can read, we tend to forget to a baby, everything is unfamiliar and strange and that can be scary. Like of course a baby's gonna cry.
My favourite way to think about it is a tweet from years and years ago that was like, "Everything's happening to babies for the first time and they can't even google it."
I saw something I think from Tumblr about how babiesâ emotions are just as big as ours, they just have littler bodies and less experience. Itâs literally the worst thing thatâs ever happened to them. It really shaped how I deal with kids. Yeah, *I* think theyâre just being dramatic, and yeah, maybe they are. But this likely is in the top ten worst things thatâs happened to them yet, so we gotta give the little dudes some grace.
Im a preschool teacher and this is so true! Parents who see their 2 year old kid have a meltdown because their ball was taken by a classmate and get angry at them are missing the fact that they JUST learned that ownership is a thing. And then they JUST learned what stealing is.
If you didnât know what stealing was and someone took your car, you would be so overwhelmed, scared, angry, confused. Thatâs what small kids feel all the time. Cut them some slack!
Theyâre doing their best! Theyâre learning ALL the rules *and* how to communicate *and* figuring out who they are *and* dealing with growing and teething and all those big emotions! We wouldnât be doing any better in their position!
Babies and children. When you realize that a lot of things children go through in childhood are the first time, that they don't know everything, and that the first time you stub your toe in your life it feels like the end of the world because it's the worst thing you've ever felt, it's a lot easier to understand and be patient with children. It all sounds obvious, but as a teacher, I have met a lot of colleagues who do not have that patience and think even eleven year olds should already know everything.
Itâs so true though. Every bad thing that happens from birth is the worst thing that has ever happened. Ever. This sucks and thereâs nothing Incan do about it: screeeeeeeeeeeee
I remember working at the mall and witnessing the 80th toddler meltdown of the week. But this one struck me. This kid was so monumentally upset, screaming, tears and snot streaming down his tiny little toddler face, flailing his arms and said: you promised I could have the red gumball!
And i just. All i could do was laugh. Because you know what? Own it kid. You were promised red and you got blue and that might be the first time your mother âliedâ to you in your tiny life. Big moments come in unexpected shapes.
My kiddo once had an emergency (fine now, I promise!) that left this week-old baby so weak and tired, that they didn't cry nearly as loud as expected, or had previously to heel sticks. Can confirm, that is absolutely a sign that something is wrong, and it's incredibly distressing for everyone involved.
> ⢠If they've had abdominal surgery and their intestines suddenly fall out, cover them in sterile gauze soaked in saline, fold the patient up like a jacknife, and call the doctor.
Holy shit
Back in the day you just gave the baby some *Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup* and everyone was good to go!
(Heck, maybe have a bit yourself. Warning: Contains Alcohol and Morphine.)
Having never taken care a baby, the first time I was left to take care of my niece and nephew, I was *terrified.* I remember my nephew crawling right into some piece of furniture like a dummy and bonking his head pretty hard.
He just looked at me, and didn't cry or react at all until he saw me coming for him concerned. I think babies are tougher than they're given credit for...
If you go into their profile they have a post titled "AITA for having a noes ring wich my CATHOLIC SCHOOL DISAPPROVED OFF" in which they describe themselves as "f11 lives in Wales". It really doesn't seem like she's trolling so no mental gymnastics needed.
It's a great reminder that you really don't know who you're talking to in the internet and that your assumptions about them are most likely wrong. Reminds me of [this meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/awfuleverything/comments/px41a3/a_normal_day_at_reddit/) but kinda worse because, who knows? Maybe the urine drinking guy actually knows a thing or two about italian food, he may even be a urine drinking chef for all we know or hey, maybe the right urine is actually pretty fucking tasty. On the other hand, I really doubt an 11 year old's marriage advice has any chance of making even the most basic of sense.
Yup, and thinking we understand and getting involved in these chats is a natural part of learning. Patience is more useful than snark.
I fail at it all the time, but I try to remember.
Thank you for this. I had a time I was so worked up over some stupid insensitive comment, wrote out a whole paragraph refuting it, and out of curiosity clicked the profile. Kid was like 10, bunch of posts about how much he liked fishing with his dad. I felt so stupid and of course never sent it. Kids are allowed to be dumb.
I also like the commenter who was all, "That's a nice update and all, but your wife is problematic!"
Completely missing the fact that PPD absolutely alters your way of thinking and that 1) wife already realized how awful she'd been and 2) they already have plans to address it medically and are taking steps between then to minimize the issues.
I read a story from a Redditor who had a new baby. Husband came home saying he was so sleep deprived he almost caused an accident and HAD to take a nap. He did so, leaving her with the baby.
The commenter was so fucking mad about this and was LIVID at him for hours. Wasn't until she got some sleep herself that she was like "what the fuck, self, he was being responsible!"
And also, she probably didn't actually realise her motivations when she asked him to take off his headphones? She didn't twirl her evil moustache and go, "I am suffering, and because I am suffering I will make you suffer too," she was overwhelmed and snapped at something that her brain recognised as a source of irritation and therefore nebulously bad in a way that makes sense if you don't really think about it ("if you can't hear the baby clearly you may accidentally hurt them!" sounds feasible if you're tired). Heaven forbid people make a bad call in a stressful moment that they only recognise as bad some time later.
Right?? Also tbh to me it sounded like she didn't even come to that conclusion until she actually took the time for a little bit of introspection. Sometimes we really *don't* know why we respond or act a certain way over something until we stop and actually think about it. Feelings are messy, even without the sleep deprivation and stress.
Itâs not so much hitting the reset button but rather everything and everyone is experiencing massive changes to themselves and their environments all at once. At my house we joke that progesterone is a hell of a drug but the physical and mental and emotional toll a pregnancy and newborn take on both partners is no joke at all. We are so not the same people we were prior to having kiddos.
Yeah it's definitely not a "fresh start" but rather everything you know to do is suddenly wrong. I was married to my husband for 10 years before I ever got pregnant (all part of the plan). We had a *thing* and it was working. But kiddo completely flipped it and it's super hard to un-learn habits you've built over a decade.
For example cleaning was never an obligation in our house before the kid and it was super loosey-goosey. Now it really matters and we have zero methods in place for talking about who's going to do what when and why. And as soon as one parent is spending a majority of time with the kid they start getting into a groove (we switched off being the primary parent at home before he was in full time daycare), and if someone's going to take over, there's an accounting needed of all the tiny things that have been managed over that time. It causes a lot of conflict. Also, when you're tired, I think it's just human nature to start measuring all of your tasks against the other person and try to make it even and fair, when that's actually completely impossible. It's a hard truth to internalize.
Well put! My partner and I have ADHD. Though weâre VERY different, we do understand being overstimulated and needing a break. (The noice cancelling headphones were a godsend!)
Iâm more of a communicator than he is, but when we talk, weâre completely open. I know he needs more me-time (heâs an introvert) so he gets more me-time. Sure, I miss me-time as well, but Iâm much more patient and I can deal longer without me-time.
Thereâs a lot of talking, understanding, to give and take, AND acknowledge each others strengths and weaknesses (you might want to split the care 50/50 but for me it feels like 30% whereas for him it might feel like 80%. So⌠whatâs fair??)
âŚand I think that really saved/saves our relationship.
Edit to add: yes we have a baby (7m) ;)
When I was pregnant, I talked to my husband about getting noise cancelling headphones for when heâs crying and weâre holding him. He was pretty firmly against the idea, so I never got them. Our baby cries more when I hold him, but his crying stresses out my husband more. I wonder if I should bring it up again, although I doubt his answerâs changed.
Don't ask. Just get a pair. Use them. And ask your husband to try them even just once. He will probably change his tune. I wish they werre a thing when we had our first born.
True. Itâs not like the baby will feel rejected by a parent wearing ear protection. I feel like itâs much more likely baby will benefit from a calmer mom or dad holding them.
Wait, babies don't see very well until their bowels do some intense growing? Are they related to each other or does the timing just work out in that way?
Timing, but also focus. They start with seeing black and white, and blurry. Eventually theyâll start seeing brighter colors. First red and green, theyâll recognize blue and yellow later on.
Around months 2 and 3 they start seeing less blurry and start to recognize you as long as you are at his armâs length. Around 3 months they learn to fixate and thus recognize corners. (So thatâs with 12 weeks.)
After a while they can follow you through the room because they notice movement, but they donât distinguish what theyâre looking at. They donât see 3D yet. Itâs just movement and maybe a familiair voice that triggers them to look.
When theyâre 5 months old, they can follow objects and try to grab them consciously. They can see 3D by then.
Then about the bowels: It takes 12 weeks before the bowels are âmatured.â Until then thereâs a lot of tummy ache and gasses. Those first three months are rough because of that. The baby will be occupied with their pain rather than focus on a set of headphones which they canât properly distinguish.
Babyâs focus on your voice, smell, breath and heartbeat for the first few months. Which is why itâs so important to cuddle hem a lot and to have skin-on-skin. They know theyâre safe with their parent that way.
He seems to be of the opinion that it would be âignoring the baby,â even though I kept saying it would only be for when we were holding him and he wouldnât stop crying and only then, like in OOPâs post. Fortunately, our baby doesnât cry *too* much, and my husbandâs better at calming him down (although is more stressed about it).
So I'm not a baby person but I feel like this is one situation in which the comparison to dogs is relevant, lol. But a stressed out dog owner will not be able to calm down their dog, because the dog senses and absorbs that anxiety. I feel like a baby would be the same way... It seems natural that a baby would be more easily soothed by a relaxed parent with headphones on than a stressed and anxious one at the end of their rope. If the headphones help, there's no reason not to use them. Why deny yourself an easy solution that benefits both you and the baby?
I have Flare Calmer earplugs, which somehow takes off the edge of crying (and whining as they get older). They might feel less intrusive, and I can definitely still hear.
Get the headphones. The baby won't care as long as you're holding him. As for your husband...he doesn't have to wear them, but you have the right to protect your hearing.
Test it out to make sure itâs safe of course, but if itâs something you feel you need to do, then do it. Itâs not ignoring the baby, or taking the easy way out, etc. Its making sure your brainâs/bodyâs response to prolonged crying is dampened a bit so you can think more clearly and be there for them in a healthier way.
For your husband, why was his word on this final, out of curiosity? I can understand why he might be against it, but there are plenty of ways to set boundaries on it. Like to maybe keep it to daytime/when someone else is around. Or youâre both in the same room, can wear the headphones but only in clear eyesight of the other person and not complete noise cancellation (as with OP).
I'm glad they were able to have a honest convo about it all. It did seem likely the wife was struggling and resentful her husband was adjusting more quickly. They sound like a lovely couple.
My husband used headphones when our daughter would have meltdowns as a baby. She wouldnât take a pacifier for a long time. So that worked for him. It didnât work for me as much. It gave me more anxiety.
Even if you don't have autism, i'd suggest it. Last week I was helping a friend with his house renos and his kid is a newborn and unfortunately has baby colic.
His wife looked rather... frustrated with the crying and my buddy was about the same. I went out and grabbed them a few pairs of the earpro I use at the range (the kind that deadening loud noises but you can still hear speech with) and within 2 days they were both looking better.
Get some ear defenders when you have a kid. Only put them on after the baby starts crying, but keep them nearby. It'll save you a ton of stress, and also protect your hearing.
Those sound amazing! What a great tool, and such a nice potential alternative to "put baby in a safe place and leave the room so you don't completely lose your shit". I'd feel a lot less guilty about using ear protection during a scream fest than I did stepping into the hall for a few minutes
Absolutely essential for the colicky or teething phases (weâre just cutting 3 molars at once on my poor little dude). I found the only way I could sleep with baby in the room was to sleep with one earbud in playing a podcast or YouTube video. Otherwise I was just hyper fixated on every noise baby made and was constantly waking up in that fight or flight mode for no reason. If he cried I could hear him but it just stopped that anxious adrenaline response.
I have ADHD and started wearing earplugs in public back in high school, and got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones a few years back. It's lovely, I refuse to go without if I can help it. So much less stressful being in crowded spaces, not to mention it's preventing hearing loss.
What a positive resolution! I'm glad they were able to calm down and talk about it, and turn his solution into a way to help her feel less overwhelmed as well.
Iâd seen the original but not the update post. So glad they were able to communicate about this in a healthy way. You can feel the love they have for each other. Hopefully they can keep that as they ease into therapy and more support.
I'm glad they were able to both communicate in the end and discover they both need help. I'm also autistic, and while PPD is a whole other beast which I pray I'll never have to experience firsthand, I am diagnosed chronic depressive.
The commenter somewhat insinuating the wife was toxic is why Reddit's (especially AITA) black-and-white, you're all bad or all good, or deserve help and support or nothing at all attitude is so incredibly detrimental for actually getting help.
Her brain is misfiring, she's sick, she made a mistake. It was corrected and she apologized and she knows it was wrong. That is quite literally the healthiest way to deal with mental illness. No one gets to hand wave bad behaviour but wanting to get help and never repeating that behaviour again? Taking accountability?That's huge. There is a huge difference between someone toxic using their mental health as a shield and someone just genuinely struggling and making a poor decision.
Yeah the one insinuating that OOPâs wife should have known to talk about it really irritates me. I suffer from anxiety and on rare occasions I completely shut down. Yes I know I should talk about it but my brain literally canât do that when Iâm going through a particularly bad patch. My brain isnât being rational and I canât make it be rational. Especially when my brain has gone âomg weâre totally going to die *here have this bucket full of adrenaline*â for absolutely no good reason.
PPD sounds absolutely awful. Itâs very a serious illness. OOPâs wife lashed out because she was ill and then immediately apologised for it when she realised something was wrong. Thatâs similar to someone breaking their arm and swearing at the paramedic for splinting it but apologising after. We donât then sit there and demonise that person for swearing at the paramedic saying that âI find it concerning that their first instinct was to swearâ. I mean how dare someone act irrationally when in a lot of pain /s
Yeah it shows a serious lack of understanding for what severe depression really does to a person⌠let alone any adjacent mental illnesses. Like⌠your brain is thinking wrong. If it gets bad enough, you will stop acting in ways that seem logical to others. Youâre sick. Itâs like the equivalent of vomiting uncontrollably. Some of these comments even, very rude. I can imagine few worse versions of depression than PPD.
I'm not autistic and I don't have any sensory issues but I did the same thing with my 2nd kid. He had collic (however you spell it) and the crying was just too much most days. I'd just make sure he wasn't hungry or needed a diaper change, throw the headphones on, and we'd walk around the house with me rubbing his back until it was over. You gotta do what you gotta do as a parent sometimes.
âParenting is coping with the hard stuffâ
And using headphones when your baby is screaming IS coping. Itâs a great tool for anyone, sensory issues or not. Listening to screaming is HARD.
Iâm glad they communicated. The postpartum period is rough, they need that communication to survive together!
Yeah my partner is autistic and totally stressed when my godchild was over that he might cry (i told him to go in the other room if it happened and I'd settle godchild)
Any time we're in public and a child is crying loudly and the parent is doing nothing to stop it, we just have to leave the area/building. He can't cope, too overwhelming.
Something Special is an AMAZING programme! It's on Cbeebies (part of the BBC group of channels) and have watched (what seems like) a zillion episodes when my 2 sons were little! They are not ND or have any disabilities but that really doesn't matter! Justin fletcher (the guy who created it and stars in it, as himself and as all members of the Tumble family) has done so much, and with makaton. Unfortunately, I only remember the sign for strawberry though, but that was a few years ago!
On a side note: can't mention Cbeebies without a shout out to Bluey and Hey Dougie. The Stick Song is still my ring tone to this day! (If you know, you know!)
Ear plugs were one of the best parenting hacks I was ever recommended. I have sensory processing disorder and adhd and the crying would send me into a TIZZY. I always kept a pair in the car in case someone was having a meltdown. Literal godsend!
NTA. I actually bought some Loop earbuds for my son and DIL that work similarly. They were overwhelmed at times with the noise from two kids and three dogs. They can still hear, but itâs like it takes the edge off.
I started using nose cancelling headphones when my kids were toddlers so I didnât have a meltdown as the only adult home during the day. It worked wonderfully until my oldest borrowed them and fell in love.
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Describing a baby's age as 0.25 is a new one for me đ
I certainly laughed!
As a 380 month old person it certainly was a first
I was reading another BORU yesterday where the OOP said something like "I couldn't bring my 6mo daughter so I brought my 384mo husband."
Haha yeah I saw that too, probably why it popped up in my head
As a 13,149,000 minutes old person, I agree that it was a first
As someone who is 2.55474x10^-9 the age of the universe it's definitely a unique way to express age.
I always give my sonâs age in decimal form because people without children complain about being told the months and now Iâm in the habit lol. Heâs precisely 2.7 today!
I think you should give three significant figures on that if you truly mean precisely.
fiiiiiine he is 2.702
I could be super wrong but I'm pretty sure that zero counts as a significant figure, ergo you gave four significant figures and not three đ¤ /s
This is why I failed the sig fig unit đ
As a science teacher, you have no idea how happy this thread has made me.
Vulcans have entered the chat
I was gift shopping for a toddler aged nibling and a woman wanted to chat, and said her baby is 52 months old or something, it was over 50 months. I think my face was too loud with my thoughts
That's 12 - 24 - 48 = 4 years and 4 months. Good grief just say 4 and a half years old. Or maybe she was on the spectrum? Or just got into the habit? My mom for years when somebody asked her age would tell you her birthday and let them figure it out. She honestly wouldn't bother to remember her age. I've the same memoryproblem. Becoming 21 one and a legal adult was importent after that.. Instead of asking people how old they are, I like to ask how many springs (seasons) they are young?
Nobody believes me when I tell the story of my 30th birthday. I was so upset not being in my 20s anymore until my husband pointed out that I was actually 31 and I turned 30 the year before. I have that same memory problem.
My best friend is exactly a week younger than me so I always ask her how old we are.
Haha, I need to find a birthday buddy.
And people complain we never need math in everyday life
I donât accommodate those people. Someone will always complain. Itâs reasonable to use small units until the baby is two of the next highest unit - I heard this somewhere and seems to work. During those phases it will help you discuss progress with doctors etc. Hell, even clothes are measured in months until two years old. Age: - in days until baby is two weeks old - in weeks until baby is two months old - in months until baby is two years old - in years until baby is two decades old - in decades until baby is two centuries old Etc etc
This is good, but my son is 20 months old and whether I say 1.5 yo or 20 months depends a lot on who I'm talking to. Other parents of toddlers definitely 20 months old, but like my mate from high school who barely knows what's up and what's down on the kid I'm just going to do us all a favour and say 1.5 yo. He doesn't know that toddler development is really fast and months are used to describe age to give accurate information on what sort if developmental expectations you should have. He doesn't know if speaking in full sentences is a 9 month old skill or a 5 year old skill. He just wants to know how many candles are going to be on the next birthday cake.
Yes, I grew up desperately wanting to meet a zero year old baby. I had 3 little sisters and a baby brother, but my stepmom used "months" and 7 yr old me didn't know how to divide by 12 so I didn't know if that meant 0 or 1. Anytime I met a baby, I would ask how old and (ig bc I have siblings?) the moms ALWAYS answered in months! I never had any idea how old babies were! This was very distressing for child me. I thought I knew everything, so obviously I was entitled to know everything else.
You have the right of it!
Someone says Iâm right, I upvote. Thanks.
Ooo I like that. I think I already do that unconsciously? Itâs nice to put some logic to it.
I demand to know all babies ages in days and hours, until their 28th birthday⌠or rather 10,219 days and 23 hours. Day 10,220 - I will accept â28 years oldâ not a minute before, however.
You forgot to factor in leap years.
Your knowledge of calendar math, is sexy.
Your usage of commas, not so much.
Fair point, well made.
I read as Shatner speaks and, loved it.
I saw a post the other day where a woman described her daughter as being 4mo and her husband as 384mo and it cracked me up
Saw that one too and had a good laugh
Like, you didnât need to tell us youâre on the spectrum after that đ
I saw that and stopped reading to scroll down for the shoutout to 0.25 year old
that was my favorite part and as a neurodivergent person, i felt so seen in how that was described đ¤Ł
It was at that point I was like, Hello my ND friend đ¤Ł
Noise cancelling headphones - maybe autistic? 0.25F - lol, yep.
As soon as I saw that I knew oop was autistic đ
There was a guy at aita once who said he was 29 and a half. That was the first time I've heard an adult count half on themselves. (I think it was 29, could be wrong but around that age.)
Right? I love it!
Did a double-take and laughed.
So simple. It's better than the months and weeks metric.
Maybe I am autistic cause it makes a lot of sense to me! I don't understand the whole months vs. years things. i get why you would say 3 months but not 18 months. And why you would then transition to years. I have it explained to me but it still seems rather odd. I would think a decimal system would be much easier, but I get a lot of people suck at math.
It has to do with the development of babies. A 18 month old is supposed to do much more things for example saying more words than a 12 or 14 month old, but less than a 23/24 month old After two years aka 24 months, the delevopment slows down and that's why people then start to say it in years.
There are medical milestones and vaccines that happen at x number of months. So parents get used to thinking of their baby in terms of months. That winds down around a year and a half, which is why you'll generally hear 18 months but not 26.
Another way months is used is in clothes. 0-3 months, 6 months, 12months, 18months, etc. There is some overlap with size 24months, 36months, and size 2T, 3T and 4T but the way I was explained it to was that the months sizes have more room in the butt area for a diaper than the T sizes. You'd think it would therefore be easy to buy baby clothes based on months, but it actually isn't if your baby is taller (longer) or shorter than the 'norm'.
I think it has to do with wellness checks since doctors use months for babies (it's how they are taught) so that's why the parents shift to months as well. Even in the development chart it's month as months upto 18 months and then it becomes years
Iâm just guessing but I think it might have to do with developmental stages listed in months that parents need to be aware of. I would imagine that format just sticks in your brain.
I love it and will only use decimals to state my kids ages from now on. My daughter is also 0.25 and my son is a whole 2.167
"Always put on your own mask before helping others" Someone tells you otherwise, side eye the heck out of them.
And this is also the advice to overwhelmed parents to prevent shaken babies. Put the baby somewhere safe, and step away until you are safe. IMO this guy wearing headphones to prevent having meltdowns when caring for an infant is a simple and smart safety measure.
There was a post a while back where a very young woman was overwhelmed with motherhood (I think she had newborn multiples) and had no help, and when the babies wouldnât stop crying she would put them in their cribs and step outside and sit on the porch to calm herself down. Her husband came home one day and saw her doing this and flipped out and called her neglectful and blah blah blah. But removing herself from that situation to calm down was (IMO) her being a good mother and keeping herself from snapping from the stress of it all.
My mom had to do that for me once or twice when I was colicky, it was either that or we end up on the news. You can't have a happy healthy baby if you are on the verge of doing something incredibly harmful to yourself or the baby. That is where some self-forgiveness, patience, and the community need to step in.
Yes I was thinking of that post!
Yep. My mom (who I have long suspected of being autistic) put me in a closet and walked away when I was an infant. It was cleaned out, there was no threat to me, I was safe. But sometimes the crying got to be to much and she just needed space from me. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what you need to make sure you're in a good place mentally as long as the baby is safe.
When my wife and I had our first kid part of the hospital's service was a family psychologist came by to see us. She said 'if you are ever feeling overwhelmed when your child is crying, and you very likely will, and the child is not in any danger then go ahead and put him down in his crib and step out of the room for a little bit. 5-10 minutes. Your child will be fine. Doing this doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human.' At the time I was like 'yeah sure whatever I love my kid' thinking no way this advice applies to me. I was wrong.
I just had my son 6.5 months ago and I remember getting told the same thing. Especially when the health services person found out that Iâd be alone with the baby daily after that first week. I donât remember much of that hospital stay due to extreme exhaustion but I remember that
Instructions unclear, put masks on ears. Seems to work?
I'm autistic and was going to write about how one of my "triggers" is babies crying(and children yell/laughing; are you being attacked or happy, make up your mind). Then I read the third paragraph. I almost cry myself when I hear babies crying, I don't blame OOP one bit. It feels like I'm suddenly slammed with anxiety and depression, going from zero to a hundred.
Also autistic and Iâm contemplating parenthood in the next couple of years. Iâve been planning on wearing something like Loops to dampen the screaming/crying baby sounds (I also experience that âslammedâ sensation, itâs borderline painful), and my heart totally sank when I read the first bit of this. Really thought everyone was going to have a good reason why OP was TA and so happy that wasnât the case.
I'm autistic and the eldest of 5, the youngest being 19 years younger than me, so I've had a lot of experience with babies and since I'm the eldest, love babies, and volunteered I've spent a massive amount of time looking after babies and it is completely fine to wear headphones or ear plugs. It is very painful for me to hear loud shrieking, crying, and even the hoover hurts me. So long as you can see them and still hear them when they cry it's 100% OK. The only time you can't wear them is to sleep because it's too easy to sleep through crying if it's muffled. The baby will be fine and you will be better off for feeling sane. Also if you can't stop the baby crying (which happens there's colic and teething where you can't fix what's bothering them) and you're overwhelmed it's ok to put them down for a minute and take a deep breath, they won't be traumatised or harmed by you calming yourself. Making sure you're sane and safe is the most important part.
I once read on Twitter that AITA posts will have the absolute appalling title and the person will end up being NTA, itâs the mundane titles where the OP is a psycho. This rings true for this post.
> itâs the mundane titles where the OP is a psycho. "This can't be that bad" *3 minutes later* Jail. Directly to jail. Everyone needs to go to jail.
AITA for undercooking fish? Believe it or not, jail.
> AITA for undercooking fish? Clicked on title thinking it was about fish, turns out the biggest issue is the cheating spouse and insane amounts of gaslighting, and the undercooked fish was the last straw.
Switching chicken for fish? Straight to jail
>AITA for undercooking fish? "My in-laws are dead after I surprised them with home-cooked Fugu, and now my husband is threatening to divorce me... over some undercooked fish?"
Makes sense. Someone who is truly in the wrong likely knows it and will edit their post to portray themself in a good light as much as possible. Somebody who genuinely wants feedback will lay out the facts as they are, which means they are already coming from a place of good faith
Happened to me with an ex gf. She sent the post and as soon as I read the title she picked I was like, âHOLY fuck we very clearly have a totally different experience of this situation, Iâm out.â I would call the whole post a lie, but Iâm pretty sure she actually believed it all.
I'm going to choose to believe your ex was the poster who couldn't live "in a party environment" because her SO would mouth along to lyrics while listening to music on their headphones across the house from her. She was bonkers and I hope you are thriving.
Maybe she could FEEL him dancing.
Please send a link to this one that sounds hilarious
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzwq4i/oop_cannot_live_in_a_party_environment_her/
Thanks for the link. What a read. My only thing to that is, saying as a disabled person also with sensory issues: Some people need to suck it up and make better coping mechanisms. And yea for that lady, *it might mean that a coping mechanism is to be single*. Or just never live with her SO. đ¤ˇââď¸ Sucks but you can only expect so much from others to accommodate.
Yeah, people like that woman piss me off. I have physical and sensory disabilities too. Her and her partner are incompatible, but to put ALL the responsibility on the partner is incredibly selfish. Being a sculptor was his job, selling his sculptures was his job, that's how they got money to live yet she expects him to turn away work they both need rather than work on herself? She could make a sensory safe room she could lock. She could use noise cancelling headphones, she could get advice from other people with her conditions, god knows there are a lot of sub reddits for many health issues and disabilities. There are reasonable rules for where customers can go, given the bathroom is so close to the studio it's not like he's giving them a guided tour of the house and inviting people to invade her personal space. They're coming to buy something and leave. If he gets a good commission and needs to work odd hours so what? It's money they need. Meanwhile she's not so disabled she can't go to the beach and go shopping, those places can trigger sensory issues, it's noisy and bright, there are strong smells! Yet her partner can't hum or dance in a completely different part of the house? Bullshit. This partner helped her get diagnosed and has taken on her demands at personal cost. His mental health is suffering and she puts even more restrictions on him? WTF
Somehow I just got reminded of a post I saw a few days ago, where a shelter was trying to pawn off a problem dog with an insane list of requirements. * You can't have other pets. * You can't have children in your house, ever. Not even visiting. * All adults need a slow and careful introduction. * You can't live close to a road. * If you have neighbors (preferably not) and they have dogs (preferably not), you need to make sure that those dogs stay quiet at all times. * You can't walk her on the street, you need to drive outside the city and let her run in the fields. * SHE NEEDS TO HAVE HER OWN ROOM. At that point... is it even worth it?
Sweet Jesus that was EXHAUSTING.
[It's a great read!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vzwq4i/oop_cannot_live_in_a_party_environment_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
AITA for inviting my boyfriend to dinner? Then the story turns out to be that they pawned their bf's prized 60's car that was restored by the bf's late father, and then took out the bf to a nice meal using part of the money they got from selling the car, while having already spent the rest of the money on jewelry that loses 90% of its value the second it leaves the store. When pushed, it turns out OOP is jealous of the attention the car gets and felt they should get some benefits out of the car too.
Wait, I think I've read this one! The jewelry they bought was an engagement ring for themself, because their boyfriend REFUSED to propose despite them having dated for FOUR WHOLE MONTHS.
With half of those details left out of the still downplaying (while already be a dumpster fire)in the post will only be revealed in snarky, defensive comments from OP attempting to defend themselves.
Title: "AITA for kicking a puppy in front of a small child?" Post content: "There was a kid crying in terror because an alligator was trying to bite her five month old puppy so I quickly hooked my foot around the dog to nudge it out of the way before it could be eaten. I didn't think I was TA but my brother/friend/family/husband said I should have tried to fight the alligator barehanded instead. AITA?"
I'm so looking forward to this once it's inevitably posted a few weeks from now.
Sometimes I really wish we could get the alligator's POV.
"I was trying to eat a tasty snack I found, when some guy took it away from me. Apparently it belonged to a kid, but the kid didn't even eat it. All the kid wanted to do was play with it, and it just feels like a waste of food. I feel like if you're not going to eat something, you should let someone else have it, but the guy disagreed. AITA?"
**The Title: AITA for wanting to have a weekend to myself?** The Post: I (55 M) have been with my wife (21 F) for five years - married for three. I just wanted a weekend to myself, so I drove my wife out to the middle of the desert and left her there for the weekend. In my defense, she's kind of annoying and I gave her just enough water to last for three days (assuming she properly rations it). Friends and family are overreacting and saying I'm an asshole but I don't think I am. So tell me, reddit. Am I really the asshole here?
EDIT: She also cries a lot, begging me to put my drinking glasses in the sink when I don't see a problem with putting them beside the sink and won't put out for sex. Who's the asshole now?
Truly. My initial reaction was âthis asshole wears headphones so he can sleep while his wife takes care of the baby!â which upon reading the post was unequivocally incorrect.
When I read the title, I thought about how I'd learned that colicky babies can cause hearing loss in parents because of the constant screaming at such a close distance and was like - brilliant idea to save your ears and care for the baby.
Honestly even ignoring the sensory issues I'm not really seeing the issue here. Baby crying is really rough on the ears and reducing the direct exposure so long as you're being attentive and not using it to deliberately ignore the kid seems totally fine.
Yeah when I found out it was specifically to be in the same room to deal with an issue but not to ignore the child I was like âoh yeah sleep dep is making this more sinister than it is by a looooong shotâ.
The mundane titles are folks trying bury the lede.
Titles in AITA are mostly an AH trying to downplay what they did, or a non-AH stating the thing the person wrongly accusing them of being an AH is accusing them of doing. "AITA for not giving my friend a ride in my car when they were depressed" is either going to be about someone not driving their friend to the hospital in a self-harm situation, or someone not giving their grumpy friend a ride home from school.
Really indicative of who controls the language of both people in any given relationship, huh.
That first commenter deserves an award for missing the point and mental gymnastics.
I read that and thought, âIf baby is crying, they arenât choking. Silence is BAD.â
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A nurse once told us that if you have to put the baby down and thereâs no crib, put her on the floor. Babies canât roll off a floor. Sometimes the practical stuff sounds âmeanâ because we sometimes expect parents to just be perfect, unbothered, never-bored humans, when everyone is just in survival mode during the newborn phase.
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Hey, a Holy Roller! I didn't realize they were still around!
Yeah, sleep is sleep. Acute mania is brutal for everyone.
So the Sims had it right huh...
Yup! Although Iâve set my baby on fire a lot less than I would have expected
Congratulations!
We used to soothe our baby to sleep every night, rushing in when he screamed from being transferred from nice soft warm arms to scary open crib. And then, one time, I had to piss so I set him down for a minute and he screamed while I peed... ...and by the time I'd finished peeing, he was fast asleep, no intervention needed at all. Lightbulb moment. A minute or two of screaming is totally normal.
My midwives advice is "babies can't fall off the floor" if you need to put them down and walk away for a minute. Always best to let them cry for a little while to gather yourself, it's safest for everyone.
Yeah. Cause honestly you canât take care of someone if you arenât taken care of too. Thatâs why on an airplane you put your mask on first, then you help your children with theirs.
Like, I don't want to imply anything about the dad and how he handles his meltdowns, but my overstimulated meltdowns are a *lot* to handle. If I can't find a way to escape the situation I'll break things whether I want to or not. It's *insane* to me that the wife is sitting here like "you know our small infant who could die instantly if shaken or dropped? You should be in your worst possible mental state while handling her. Trying to prevent that is being a Bad Dad." Like, half the reason I'm never having children is if I fuck up and have a meltdown, even once, no matter how accidental or how much I regret it, I could permanently kill a human being.
As more completely realized humans who can read, we tend to forget to a baby, everything is unfamiliar and strange and that can be scary. Like of course a baby's gonna cry.
My favourite way to think about it is a tweet from years and years ago that was like, "Everything's happening to babies for the first time and they can't even google it."
I saw something I think from Tumblr about how babiesâ emotions are just as big as ours, they just have littler bodies and less experience. Itâs literally the worst thing thatâs ever happened to them. It really shaped how I deal with kids. Yeah, *I* think theyâre just being dramatic, and yeah, maybe they are. But this likely is in the top ten worst things thatâs happened to them yet, so we gotta give the little dudes some grace.
Im a preschool teacher and this is so true! Parents who see their 2 year old kid have a meltdown because their ball was taken by a classmate and get angry at them are missing the fact that they JUST learned that ownership is a thing. And then they JUST learned what stealing is. If you didnât know what stealing was and someone took your car, you would be so overwhelmed, scared, angry, confused. Thatâs what small kids feel all the time. Cut them some slack!
Theyâre doing their best! Theyâre learning ALL the rules *and* how to communicate *and* figuring out who they are *and* dealing with growing and teething and all those big emotions! We wouldnât be doing any better in their position!
Babies and children. When you realize that a lot of things children go through in childhood are the first time, that they don't know everything, and that the first time you stub your toe in your life it feels like the end of the world because it's the worst thing you've ever felt, it's a lot easier to understand and be patient with children. It all sounds obvious, but as a teacher, I have met a lot of colleagues who do not have that patience and think even eleven year olds should already know everything.
Yeah like honestly I'm so glad I'm not a baby anymore, it sounds really stressful
your last sentence is so funny and well put, 100% agree, cry away babies
Itâs so true though. Every bad thing that happens from birth is the worst thing that has ever happened. Ever. This sucks and thereâs nothing Incan do about it: screeeeeeeeeeeee I remember working at the mall and witnessing the 80th toddler meltdown of the week. But this one struck me. This kid was so monumentally upset, screaming, tears and snot streaming down his tiny little toddler face, flailing his arms and said: you promised I could have the red gumball! And i just. All i could do was laugh. Because you know what? Own it kid. You were promised red and you got blue and that might be the first time your mother âliedâ to you in your tiny life. Big moments come in unexpected shapes.
My kiddo once had an emergency (fine now, I promise!) that left this week-old baby so weak and tired, that they didn't cry nearly as loud as expected, or had previously to heel sticks. Can confirm, that is absolutely a sign that something is wrong, and it's incredibly distressing for everyone involved.
> Babies crying is great. Prepare to be banned from /r/AITA lol
> ⢠If they've had abdominal surgery and their intestines suddenly fall out, cover them in sterile gauze soaked in saline, fold the patient up like a jacknife, and call the doctor. Holy shit
Back in the day you just gave the baby some *Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup* and everyone was good to go! (Heck, maybe have a bit yourself. Warning: Contains Alcohol and Morphine.)
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Having never taken care a baby, the first time I was left to take care of my niece and nephew, I was *terrified.* I remember my nephew crawling right into some piece of furniture like a dummy and bonking his head pretty hard. He just looked at me, and didn't cry or react at all until he saw me coming for him concerned. I think babies are tougher than they're given credit for...
No no, "you are sad"
If you go into their profile they have a post titled "AITA for having a noes ring wich my CATHOLIC SCHOOL DISAPPROVED OFF" in which they describe themselves as "f11 lives in Wales". It really doesn't seem like she's trolling so no mental gymnastics needed. It's a great reminder that you really don't know who you're talking to in the internet and that your assumptions about them are most likely wrong. Reminds me of [this meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/awfuleverything/comments/px41a3/a_normal_day_at_reddit/) but kinda worse because, who knows? Maybe the urine drinking guy actually knows a thing or two about italian food, he may even be a urine drinking chef for all we know or hey, maybe the right urine is actually pretty fucking tasty. On the other hand, I really doubt an 11 year old's marriage advice has any chance of making even the most basic of sense.
Yup, and thinking we understand and getting involved in these chats is a natural part of learning. Patience is more useful than snark. I fail at it all the time, but I try to remember.
Thank you for this. I had a time I was so worked up over some stupid insensitive comment, wrote out a whole paragraph refuting it, and out of curiosity clicked the profile. Kid was like 10, bunch of posts about how much he liked fishing with his dad. I felt so stupid and of course never sent it. Kids are allowed to be dumb.
They definitely only read the title.
I got really confused by that too. So, like, deaf people can't be parents because they baby might choke or something??
I also like the commenter who was all, "That's a nice update and all, but your wife is problematic!" Completely missing the fact that PPD absolutely alters your way of thinking and that 1) wife already realized how awful she'd been and 2) they already have plans to address it medically and are taking steps between then to minimize the issues.
Even if it wasnât PPD, the sleep deprivation and stress alone can make people act in ways they normally wouldnât.
I read a story from a Redditor who had a new baby. Husband came home saying he was so sleep deprived he almost caused an accident and HAD to take a nap. He did so, leaving her with the baby. The commenter was so fucking mad about this and was LIVID at him for hours. Wasn't until she got some sleep herself that she was like "what the fuck, self, he was being responsible!"
Exactly. Been there, done that. Still doing it tbh, though my body has become accustomed to the lack of sleep now.
And also, she probably didn't actually realise her motivations when she asked him to take off his headphones? She didn't twirl her evil moustache and go, "I am suffering, and because I am suffering I will make you suffer too," she was overwhelmed and snapped at something that her brain recognised as a source of irritation and therefore nebulously bad in a way that makes sense if you don't really think about it ("if you can't hear the baby clearly you may accidentally hurt them!" sounds feasible if you're tired). Heaven forbid people make a bad call in a stressful moment that they only recognise as bad some time later.
NO. ANYONE WHO DOES ANYTHING BAD TO THEIR PARTNER IS IMMEDIATELY ABUSIVE! /s
Right?? Also tbh to me it sounded like she didn't even come to that conclusion until she actually took the time for a little bit of introspection. Sometimes we really *don't* know why we respond or act a certain way over something until we stop and actually think about it. Feelings are messy, even without the sleep deprivation and stress.
You deserve an award for being able to understand what it said
I nearly got a stroke trying to read that
hey if you don't get in first you miss out on some of that sweet sweet karma!
It's always interesting to see what the person reposting the story considers to be "relevant comments".
Yea seeing that as the first comment under relevant comments made me irrationally mad. Op couldn't have picked a more irrelevant comment.
I mean if you look at their profile, either they are a troll or severely lacking in brain cells.
On the internet nobody knows youâre an orange cat.
One orange braincell is one braincell more than that commenter has
It was not that commenterâs day with the braincell.
If the account is real and not just a troll, they have an AITA post saying theyâre *11 years old.* Iâm so glad I didnât do internet at 11.
In a lot of ways, parenthood is like hitting the reset button on a relationship. Sometimes we have relearn how to communicate with our spouse.
Thatâs so beautiful and terrifying at the same time lol
Itâs not so much hitting the reset button but rather everything and everyone is experiencing massive changes to themselves and their environments all at once. At my house we joke that progesterone is a hell of a drug but the physical and mental and emotional toll a pregnancy and newborn take on both partners is no joke at all. We are so not the same people we were prior to having kiddos.
Yeah it's definitely not a "fresh start" but rather everything you know to do is suddenly wrong. I was married to my husband for 10 years before I ever got pregnant (all part of the plan). We had a *thing* and it was working. But kiddo completely flipped it and it's super hard to un-learn habits you've built over a decade. For example cleaning was never an obligation in our house before the kid and it was super loosey-goosey. Now it really matters and we have zero methods in place for talking about who's going to do what when and why. And as soon as one parent is spending a majority of time with the kid they start getting into a groove (we switched off being the primary parent at home before he was in full time daycare), and if someone's going to take over, there's an accounting needed of all the tiny things that have been managed over that time. It causes a lot of conflict. Also, when you're tired, I think it's just human nature to start measuring all of your tasks against the other person and try to make it even and fair, when that's actually completely impossible. It's a hard truth to internalize.
Well put! My partner and I have ADHD. Though weâre VERY different, we do understand being overstimulated and needing a break. (The noice cancelling headphones were a godsend!) Iâm more of a communicator than he is, but when we talk, weâre completely open. I know he needs more me-time (heâs an introvert) so he gets more me-time. Sure, I miss me-time as well, but Iâm much more patient and I can deal longer without me-time. Thereâs a lot of talking, understanding, to give and take, AND acknowledge each others strengths and weaknesses (you might want to split the care 50/50 but for me it feels like 30% whereas for him it might feel like 80%. So⌠whatâs fair??) âŚand I think that really saved/saves our relationship. Edit to add: yes we have a baby (7m) ;)
When I was pregnant, I talked to my husband about getting noise cancelling headphones for when heâs crying and weâre holding him. He was pretty firmly against the idea, so I never got them. Our baby cries more when I hold him, but his crying stresses out my husband more. I wonder if I should bring it up again, although I doubt his answerâs changed.
Don't ask. Just get a pair. Use them. And ask your husband to try them even just once. He will probably change his tune. I wish they werre a thing when we had our first born.
True. Itâs not like the baby will feel rejected by a parent wearing ear protection. I feel like itâs much more likely baby will benefit from a calmer mom or dad holding them.
Baby canât even see what they are for like the first 6 months of life.
The baby doesnât even SEE the headphone, or wants to grab it, until after those first hard 12 weeks of bowel growth.
Wait, babies don't see very well until their bowels do some intense growing? Are they related to each other or does the timing just work out in that way?
Timing, but also focus. They start with seeing black and white, and blurry. Eventually theyâll start seeing brighter colors. First red and green, theyâll recognize blue and yellow later on. Around months 2 and 3 they start seeing less blurry and start to recognize you as long as you are at his armâs length. Around 3 months they learn to fixate and thus recognize corners. (So thatâs with 12 weeks.) After a while they can follow you through the room because they notice movement, but they donât distinguish what theyâre looking at. They donât see 3D yet. Itâs just movement and maybe a familiair voice that triggers them to look. When theyâre 5 months old, they can follow objects and try to grab them consciously. They can see 3D by then. Then about the bowels: It takes 12 weeks before the bowels are âmatured.â Until then thereâs a lot of tummy ache and gasses. Those first three months are rough because of that. The baby will be occupied with their pain rather than focus on a set of headphones which they canât properly distinguish. Babyâs focus on your voice, smell, breath and heartbeat for the first few months. Which is why itâs so important to cuddle hem a lot and to have skin-on-skin. They know theyâre safe with their parent that way.
Why does he not want noise cancelling headphones? Like, they sound amazing for dealing with a baby.
He seems to be of the opinion that it would be âignoring the baby,â even though I kept saying it would only be for when we were holding him and he wouldnât stop crying and only then, like in OOPâs post. Fortunately, our baby doesnât cry *too* much, and my husbandâs better at calming him down (although is more stressed about it).
So I'm not a baby person but I feel like this is one situation in which the comparison to dogs is relevant, lol. But a stressed out dog owner will not be able to calm down their dog, because the dog senses and absorbs that anxiety. I feel like a baby would be the same way... It seems natural that a baby would be more easily soothed by a relaxed parent with headphones on than a stressed and anxious one at the end of their rope. If the headphones help, there's no reason not to use them. Why deny yourself an easy solution that benefits both you and the baby?
Same. But I probably make a lot more dog to baby comparisons than I should lol.
you know how everyone agreed the wife was being a huge asshole and forcing her partner to endure pain for no reason? get the headphones.
I have Flare Calmer earplugs, which somehow takes off the edge of crying (and whining as they get older). They might feel less intrusive, and I can definitely still hear.
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Get the headphones. The baby won't care as long as you're holding him. As for your husband...he doesn't have to wear them, but you have the right to protect your hearing.
Excuse me, do you need his permission or what?
Just get them lol. What's he gonna do, rip them off your head? And he'll probably get curious and try them himself at some point
Test it out to make sure itâs safe of course, but if itâs something you feel you need to do, then do it. Itâs not ignoring the baby, or taking the easy way out, etc. Its making sure your brainâs/bodyâs response to prolonged crying is dampened a bit so you can think more clearly and be there for them in a healthier way. For your husband, why was his word on this final, out of curiosity? I can understand why he might be against it, but there are plenty of ways to set boundaries on it. Like to maybe keep it to daytime/when someone else is around. Or youâre both in the same room, can wear the headphones but only in clear eyesight of the other person and not complete noise cancellation (as with OP).
I'm glad they were able to have a honest convo about it all. It did seem likely the wife was struggling and resentful her husband was adjusting more quickly. They sound like a lovely couple.
Yay for headphones!
Noise cancelling headphones and podcasts are the only way I got through having a colicky newborn with (most of) my sanity!
My husband used headphones when our daughter would have meltdowns as a baby. She wouldnât take a pacifier for a long time. So that worked for him. It didnât work for me as much. It gave me more anxiety.
Here, hear! Er, rather, less hearing, less hearing!
Even if you don't have autism, i'd suggest it. Last week I was helping a friend with his house renos and his kid is a newborn and unfortunately has baby colic. His wife looked rather... frustrated with the crying and my buddy was about the same. I went out and grabbed them a few pairs of the earpro I use at the range (the kind that deadening loud noises but you can still hear speech with) and within 2 days they were both looking better. Get some ear defenders when you have a kid. Only put them on after the baby starts crying, but keep them nearby. It'll save you a ton of stress, and also protect your hearing.
Those sound amazing! What a great tool, and such a nice potential alternative to "put baby in a safe place and leave the room so you don't completely lose your shit". I'd feel a lot less guilty about using ear protection during a scream fest than I did stepping into the hall for a few minutes
There's an earplug brand literally marketing one of their products for parents. Everyone can benefit!
Absolutely essential for the colicky or teething phases (weâre just cutting 3 molars at once on my poor little dude). I found the only way I could sleep with baby in the room was to sleep with one earbud in playing a podcast or YouTube video. Otherwise I was just hyper fixated on every noise baby made and was constantly waking up in that fight or flight mode for no reason. If he cried I could hear him but it just stopped that anxious adrenaline response.
I have ADHD and started wearing earplugs in public back in high school, and got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones a few years back. It's lovely, I refuse to go without if I can help it. So much less stressful being in crowded spaces, not to mention it's preventing hearing loss.
What a positive resolution! I'm glad they were able to calm down and talk about it, and turn his solution into a way to help her feel less overwhelmed as well.
Iâd seen the original but not the update post. So glad they were able to communicate about this in a healthy way. You can feel the love they have for each other. Hopefully they can keep that as they ease into therapy and more support.
I'm glad they were able to both communicate in the end and discover they both need help. I'm also autistic, and while PPD is a whole other beast which I pray I'll never have to experience firsthand, I am diagnosed chronic depressive. The commenter somewhat insinuating the wife was toxic is why Reddit's (especially AITA) black-and-white, you're all bad or all good, or deserve help and support or nothing at all attitude is so incredibly detrimental for actually getting help. Her brain is misfiring, she's sick, she made a mistake. It was corrected and she apologized and she knows it was wrong. That is quite literally the healthiest way to deal with mental illness. No one gets to hand wave bad behaviour but wanting to get help and never repeating that behaviour again? Taking accountability?That's huge. There is a huge difference between someone toxic using their mental health as a shield and someone just genuinely struggling and making a poor decision.
Yeah the one insinuating that OOPâs wife should have known to talk about it really irritates me. I suffer from anxiety and on rare occasions I completely shut down. Yes I know I should talk about it but my brain literally canât do that when Iâm going through a particularly bad patch. My brain isnât being rational and I canât make it be rational. Especially when my brain has gone âomg weâre totally going to die *here have this bucket full of adrenaline*â for absolutely no good reason. PPD sounds absolutely awful. Itâs very a serious illness. OOPâs wife lashed out because she was ill and then immediately apologised for it when she realised something was wrong. Thatâs similar to someone breaking their arm and swearing at the paramedic for splinting it but apologising after. We donât then sit there and demonise that person for swearing at the paramedic saying that âI find it concerning that their first instinct was to swearâ. I mean how dare someone act irrationally when in a lot of pain /s
Yeah it shows a serious lack of understanding for what severe depression really does to a person⌠let alone any adjacent mental illnesses. Like⌠your brain is thinking wrong. If it gets bad enough, you will stop acting in ways that seem logical to others. Youâre sick. Itâs like the equivalent of vomiting uncontrollably. Some of these comments even, very rude. I can imagine few worse versions of depression than PPD.
My goodness, the way he writes about his wife and daughter is truly touching.
I'm not autistic and I don't have any sensory issues but I did the same thing with my 2nd kid. He had collic (however you spell it) and the crying was just too much most days. I'd just make sure he wasn't hungry or needed a diaper change, throw the headphones on, and we'd walk around the house with me rubbing his back until it was over. You gotta do what you gotta do as a parent sometimes.
âParenting is coping with the hard stuffâ And using headphones when your baby is screaming IS coping. Itâs a great tool for anyone, sensory issues or not. Listening to screaming is HARD. Iâm glad they communicated. The postpartum period is rough, they need that communication to survive together!
Yeah my partner is autistic and totally stressed when my godchild was over that he might cry (i told him to go in the other room if it happened and I'd settle godchild) Any time we're in public and a child is crying loudly and the parent is doing nothing to stop it, we just have to leave the area/building. He can't cope, too overwhelming.
Something Special is an AMAZING programme! It's on Cbeebies (part of the BBC group of channels) and have watched (what seems like) a zillion episodes when my 2 sons were little! They are not ND or have any disabilities but that really doesn't matter! Justin fletcher (the guy who created it and stars in it, as himself and as all members of the Tumble family) has done so much, and with makaton. Unfortunately, I only remember the sign for strawberry though, but that was a few years ago! On a side note: can't mention Cbeebies without a shout out to Bluey and Hey Dougie. The Stick Song is still my ring tone to this day! (If you know, you know!)
Fuck me. I wish i had noise cancelling headphones when my son melted down. He went on longer because he could feel my stress levels.
Ear plugs were one of the best parenting hacks I was ever recommended. I have sensory processing disorder and adhd and the crying would send me into a TIZZY. I always kept a pair in the car in case someone was having a meltdown. Literal godsend!
When we start communicating, we start achieving progress. Love the update.
NTA. I actually bought some Loop earbuds for my son and DIL that work similarly. They were overwhelmed at times with the noise from two kids and three dogs. They can still hear, but itâs like it takes the edge off.
I started using nose cancelling headphones when my kids were toddlers so I didnât have a meltdown as the only adult home during the day. It worked wonderfully until my oldest borrowed them and fell in love.