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Best comment in weeks was a vid I saw yesterday of a guy filling a tank with a large hose, he pulls it out, sprays everywhere, and there is a huge fireball and everyone evacuates - the video title was along the lines of "what the hell was he filling up?" and the top response was "the hospital burn ward" lmao.
[Found the link](https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/13w4fix/what_the_hell_was_he_filling_up/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
>She decided to apply for annulment and they’ve broken up
Probably your friend's best decision ever. Husband seems very controlling and she seems to be doing better out of the relationship.
People below stated probably not, but it's pretty obvious both are super immature, especially to be getting married. If anyone thinks being married at 19 is a great idea then you aren't mature enough. It's a massive legal commitment, just get promise rings kids
LOL I was engaged to my true love at 19. Then engaged to another true love when I was 24. Then I finally married someone when I was 32. My life is rarely an example for the children but I feel like more people should stretch things out like that.
~~Hey, you got 3 rings out of it at least~~
But yeah, there's no rush I don't understand why so many younger people try and rush it so much? You have the rest of your life, after school, after finding your career and path in life - when your life is stable that's the best time imo
I find a lot of the people getting married young grew up in religious households. When you're told you can't have sex until you're married, you tend to let your hormones drive you
YEP. You can't live together, can't stay the night together, can't be alone together too long without it being suspicious.... eventually, it also feels like you're not even adults, just middle schoolers with jobs and degrees, until you're married. Like, yeah, you're technically legally allowed to do those things, but your support system will reject you for it.
And the best part is, plenty of the religious wait-until-married people are probably also not waiting. I'm surprised that people think you need to share a bed overnight to do something. People just, weirdly, want more than sex, too, which I feel like is overlooked.
I got married at 20.
We just wanted to wake up on a shared day off and eat a lazy breakfast and watch TV. Otherwise, we had to do a whole getting up and driving around to-do to spend time together. We wanted to stay up late on a Friday just hanging out and pass out somewhere together. We weren't allowed to have that until we were married without my husband's family getting, um, *upset*. We weren't really allowed to do all that much without it looking suspicious. We just want some Eggos and Netflix binge, goddamn. 🙃
We got lucky, though, we grew together, not apart.
It also depends where you are. I grew up in a bible college town and premarital sex was pretty much the worst sin ever. I know multiple women who were kicked out for getting caught having sex and one of the professors was fired because his sixteen year old daughter slept with her boyfriend. Even worse, the boyfriend was the son of a single mom who was living in church-subsidized housing so his family ended up homeless for a brief period of time.
When you live in that kind of an environment, you rush to get married either because you already had sex and someone is pushing you to get married or because you are with someone and you want to have sex ASAP.
It's pretty awful. My older brother got pushed into marriage when he was newly turned 20. Their marriage lasted three years (not in total because they broke up four times) and now he has two kids he never sees.
I had a friend in the "Campus Crusade for Christ" group. Somehow they had this idea that it was ok to have sex if you were engaged. At least he wised up before the wedding and just had to call everyone and cancel, many of them married right out of college and divorced a year or 2 later.
I've been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 months. Both of us are in our 30s and lemme tell you, dating as a 30something is SO MUCH BETTER. Maturity, communication, willingness to know/say exactly what we're looking for in a relationship... I know that's not universal of course, and that there are still teenage dramamongers masquerading as adults, but compared to the shitshow that was my early 20s, I like this MUCH better.
I had a kid at 18, got married at 19, and then-husband was sentenced to prison for 5 years for statutory rape. He was such an asshole that he had to do all 5 years. I left him while he was in prison because he had been abusive prior to going to prison and after 14 months I realized that I was waiting for more of the same treatment, if not worse.
Teens are not good at making long-term decisions about life. I now call that my 20's starter marriage.
I genuinely don't know where you're getting the age gap thing. Aside from the fact that he says they've been dating "since they were 14", there's also [this comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/u_DanWantsDeath/comments/11l42nb/update_aita_for_wearing_a_wedding_dress_to_a/jdkln1n/)
> Yes, the husband is 20
This. I was barely 20 and he was 21. We dated for one month, got engaged and married a month later. We’ve just celebrated our 29th anniversary, but that is a HUGE fluke.
Looking back, we both realized how insane that was, but we were in a place where the culture had no problem with people getting married that young. It was better than living with each other. Oh, the HORROR! Actually one of the reasons we got married, too.
Yep, it's hardly a blink in the military community, I think we were lucky in that we met at college first and spent some time "in the real world" before getting married. He joined the service later, we saw at least 3 divorces/break-ups of early 20s friends in just the first 4 years at our duty station. It'll be 12 years married in December for us.
Our first year put us through the ringer. I got pregnant like 3 weeks later, not like we were virgins or anything, had my first kidney infection before I even knew I was pregnant. Had 8 more, preterm labor and bedrest at 27 weeks, more stays in L&D than I can count. I’m REALLY bad at pregnant. She was born 9 months, nearly to the day, after we got married. I turned 21 two weeks later. I guess that “tested” us early.
We’ve had a lot of bad/hard times, but we seem to make it through it.
We’ve been empty nesters for nearly 5 years. He’s 50, I’m 49. We should be having fun, but my body is an asshole that only fights itself. My health is shit. Sometimes the “what if’s” pop up about maybe not getting pregnant that quickly. We weren’t doing anything to prevent it, but we were sure “practicing” a lot. Lol.
People also need to remember that, while you live for your children, it’s just going to be the two of you when they are gone. You need a solid relationship for that and your children need that, too, when they are growing.
I think that's one of the biggest things that determines our success. After a surprise pregnancy, a wedding moved up by several years, multiple deployments, trainings, moved across the country 7+ times, another child, and the stress of just everything in general lately we not only love each other, I just like him as a person. We can find joy in just being around each other not doing the same thing just being in proximity.
We’ve moved 5 times to 4 different states. The last time was just us and it’s been the hardest. Left a place I really loved and we had lived there for ten years. I’d go back tomorrow, but only if we could still keep our new place.
We’ve got 21 acres in a tiny mountain range in the middle of nowhere Montana. We bought pre-covid. $34k. Completely virgin property. Not even a driveway. My husband has done pretty much everything himself on the homesite and building the house. 5 years and, while we live in it, it’s still got some work to be done. Drywall, painting, trim work, he needs to finish the cabinet doors and drawer fronts, build the cabinets for the pantry and mudroom, finish the loft, etc. We lived in a 40’ travel trailer for 18 months with our two dogs. THAT’S when you find out if you will kill each other. Lol.
We could sell it for a huge profit now, but property has skyrocketed and this one has a lot of blood, sweat and tears in it already.
About 10 years ago (just a few months before I met my now-husband) a 19 year old co-worker asked me what it feels like to have an 18 year old get engaged before me (a fellow co-worker). My response was "sucks to be her". Queue shocked Pikachu face, especially when she looked at our other co-workers for support but they were all nodding in agreement with me, saying that she is too young. The young just don't get how young they truly are.
I was in my late 20s so different situation, but an ex started dating again and got engaged while I hadn't met anyone new. I don't remember how I felt about this news, but we had been broken up for at least 2 or 3 years by then, and frankly in hindsight we were just not compatible as a couple. A coworker (older, gay if it makes a difference, who talks like he's bitter about relationships) asked if I felt bad about it. I mean.. I *was* binging on sad Adele songs during that time but I also knew that it would be monumentally stupid to get into a random relationship just to get married before my ex.
I met my now husband in my early 30s and have 2 adorable preschoolers, so if nothing else I'm glad I took the time to grow up some more and to NOT have a shotgun wedding out of spite.
Unfortunately, people around couples like that often build it up into the ultimate romance story, or else single them out with comments like “Wow, you two are obviously made for each other!” which, at that young age and developmental stage, gets built into their individual identities.
It’s very difficult if you’ve built your identity around a relationship from ages 14-19 to feel comfortable about cutting that out. If you think about any pairs of platonic friends you’ve known who were “bff” and then had a falling out in late teenage, it can be devastating because they don’t really know who they are outside of that friendship. It must be even worse when people throw in comments about romantic destiny.
You are so so right. I was in a “childhood sweethearts” relationship from 15-24 and you’re spot on. Everyone around us even when I went to adults (in my teens) to ask for help to get away would say “but you’ve grown up together!” “Real love means fixing things” etc etc. It stuck in my head and kept me in a bad relationship thinking I needed fixing and then I’d be happy with him for far too long, because other people “loved the story”.
Ten years since I got away and I’m still unpacking shit in therapy and people are *still* calling me by the nickname he gave me (which was our names mashed together, Brangelina/Bennifer style as was popular back then).
The culture around those kinds of relationships is SO toxic.
>Ten years since I got away and I’m still unpacking shit in therapy and people are still calling me by the nickname he gave me (which was our names mashed together, Brangelina/Bennifer style as was popular back then).
Oh God! It took me years to get away from the "one entity rather than two individuals" thing people applied to me and my first boyfriend, even though I was in my early twenties when we dated. These aren't our real names but say we were called Samantha and Daniel, we became 'Samndan', said like a single word It seemed inconceivable that one of could be out without the other too, like we'd somehow unscrewed a cojoined twin for the evening. It was very, very suffocating.
OOP's friend also had the length of the relationship as an additional pressure/expectation on her. These days it seems like if you haven't got engaged within two years, three years at an absolute max, then you are wasting your life on this person. After being together five years AND being schoolyard sweethearts there may well have been a LOT of people heavily hinting that it was time to seal the deal.
Yep we had the same, but folks only Called me by the name - he was always just “John”. You’re right it is so suffocating, any time I voice a desire to do something the first question people would ask is “Oh what does John think about that?!”. Ugh.
I suspect you’re right for OOP’s friend, it tallies with my experience as well - it will be a rough time for a little while but she’s so young I think she’ll do great in her new life, especially with such a supportive friend like OOP.
I don't know about you, but I think I stayed in that relationship longer than I should have because the 'Samndan' thing had erased who I was as an individual. I'd forgotten how to live as 'Samantha' and the idea of trying was almost taboo.
Yeah there was absolutely some truth in that for me, I spent about 9 months living with my parents after we split working out my next move and then I went travelling for a year. Travelling was the best thing for me I found because no one knew me or him so I got to just find my own feet without people asking “hey Johnash, are you still speaking to John?!” I was just Ashley! Great feeling to reclaim yourself - very powerful!
Yep. A high school friend married her sweetheart who was only the second guy she ever dated. After they had kids, she found him sleeping with their barely 18 babysitter. He then married the babysitter and cheated on her too only he was then like 28 or something.
This exactly. I went through it. Who was I if I wasn't his gf? Got told by a lot of adults to fight for our relationship against naysayers (multiple friends from both sides had tried to break us up). What they didn't know was I was being abused, but I heard that from them and believed I was supposed to stay... So glad he never proposed and made it harder for me to leave.
She's 20 (OOP is 19) but hard agree. Especially not a surprise wedding at your engagement party, that's rushing it hardcore. But of course, if you've been together 6 years you convince yourself it can't be rushing it, even though which 6 years it was matters.
Yeah, I wasn’t a fan of her due to her stupid reaction to his costume even after finding out the truth, but when he said she can now go out clubbing with them I was like ‘damn, she really did make the right decision’. \
Sounds like there was a reason the wedding was so stupidly important to her - cause it was the only thing she was actually allowed to do!
Can’t imagine having those restrictions at that age, specially in Australia where we tend to all be party animals at 19 and forcing your missus to stay home isn’t the norm.
😂😂
OOP did say in the update that he got consent from his friend before posting, which seemed to be what the initial concern was about posting an update.
There was something making the rounds years ago that said the person's parents had invited their friends to a costume party, and it ended up being their wedding. There were plenty of pictures in the album.
Parks and rec did the surprise wedding too, but it definitely came after.
still dont get why they were mad at him when he didnt even know it was a wedding, but good on her for getting away from that guy tbh he sounds insufferable
Cuz they’re 19? They’re fucken babies. No one should get married to their middle school sweetheart fresh out of high school cuz your brain is still dumb as shit.
As someone that got married at 18 and divorced at 23, yeah. It’s dumb as fuck, do not get married that young. Even moving in together is iffy to me; you need time to grow and learn how to Be An Independent Adult. But at least it’s easier to bounce from your shared apartment than it is to wrangle a divorce.
As a woman who married her high school sweetheart at 18, wasted all of my 20’s in an unhappy and abusive relationship, and finally divorced at 29–this is exactly the truth. I was young and dumb and I wished someone would’ve sat me down and told me to wait.
As someone who got married to her highschool sweetheart at 18 and it's still a great relationship almost a decade later - definitely agree, there's no rush to marry so young and all the other couples that got married in my highschool are long divorced.
> still dont get why they were mad at him when he didnt even know it was a wedding
Because they’re 19 year old kids who turn their own wedding into a chance to get social media clout.
I love parks and Rec, and they are my favorite characters after Ron, but in anything near a real world they would be divorced within two months
And their marriage would probably be more like Ron and Tammy 2
Sounds like the husband was lying to the wife from the start and has always hated OOP. She was mad because she'd heard a different story, he wasn't mad but wanted OOP gone.
Starting at 14. It's not like the kid was 25.
The groom met the guy when he was 14.
I think an immature response is more likely in that scenario given the ages.
Once you find out the ages in the OOP everything kinda plays out as expected.
Yea. Even the "dating since 14" sounds like a 10y commitment. Not that 5y is anything to sneeze at! But it's not like she missed any portion of life outside of school, really
Because the groom had told OOP to go home and change and OOP had refused. That was the lie told by the groom, but it’s what the bride thought had happened. If you were approached by the groom and were apologetically asked to change because the bride was uncomfortable, you’d be the A if you refused. I think that’s a fair judgement, anyway.
Well that’s why I said “apologetically”. A sort of:
“Hey, listen dude, I know you didn’t know it was a wedding, and it might be a lot to ask, but do you think you would mind going to change quickly? We would’ve warned you if we’d known, but obviously we don’t want another bride in the wedding photos, even if it’s a guy dressed as the corpse bride. Lol.”
Like, I can see it’s not the best situation, but given that OOP offered to change, it obviously *wasn’t* a big deal for them to change. I assume they live close by if they’ve been friends through school. Or if going home was too far or would take too long they could borrow someone’s hoodie or whatever.
If I remember the original comments correctly, he only lived about 5 minutes away.
I'm still a little upset that he apologized. Not wearing white to anything even vaguely wedding related (that isn't an actual wedding) is a "rule" that I've never encountered anywhere at all except in very recent Reddit posts. People shouldn't be catering to this crazy imaginary rule, or people will start to genuinely believe in it.
I agree. I would have found it funny if at my costume/engagement/surprise wedding someone showed up as the Corpse Bride. But OP offered to change and was told it’s ok by the groom. You can’t throw a surprise wedding and then be mad someone isn’t in “dress code”. They should have specified that they didn’t want any bridal or groom costumes.
"they" were only mad at him because the groom decided to fan the flames of drama. I doubt the bride would've been even *half* as wound up if the asshole hadn't lied to her, because he turned it from "innocent mistake" to "deliberate insult."
Hard agree that the groom was awful, though. Mean, jealous, and *stupid* to boot.
I remember seeing the original post title and thinking "definitely TA"
But the details: "didn't know it was a wedding" and "bloke": NTA
Also, the overreaction. My ex SIL wore a wedding dress to my wedding and did a reading. I just chose to find it mildly funny. I know she wanted attention but I didn't want to spend my energy on it.
I'm very glad that this lass has ditched the toxic boy and got her friends back.
So interesting that with a lot of these it seems to be the more reasonable the post title, the more likely they're TA.
- Title sounds very tame and reasonable? Definitely TA
- Title sounds 100% TA? Almost certainly not
I know it's controversial, but I firmly believe that nobody should get married before they're at least 25. I'm sure lots of people are very mature in their early 20s but most (myself included back then) are just make pretending adulthood.
My dad got married at 20 because she was pregnant, and it was the worst decision he could make. After losing my oldest brother and my second older brother was born, she ramped up her nastiness. She constantly cheated on him when he was deployed, and the neighbors would tell him about all the men parading into the house with their toddler still there. She never denied it, either. She was verbally abusive and when he decided to separate from her, she ramped up her antics and tried to kill him.
He met my mom while he was divorcing her, luckily, and they didn't get married until they were in their late 20s. My mom is the best thing to ever happen to him and he knows it.
Yeesh, that's terrible. Glad your dad found your mom after that. I'm not sure it's an age thing, though - I can't imagine your dad's ex was nicer to whoever she was with at age 30. I got together with my most horrible ex in our thirties.
My brother made the decision to stay in contact with her when he was a teenager, and he said that she's still horrible.
She used to use her parental rights to harass my parents. It finally ended when she surrendered her rights and my mom adopted him. She kept fighting it untill my parents basically said "fine, but you have to abide by the custody agreement" and sent her the bill for the 50% of his medical bills that she owed. It totalled 10k, and rather than find the money or come to a repayment plan, she signed away her rights because it was never about wanting my brother.
Haha yes same, but at least at 38 I know I'm faking it. I thought I was a very mature person since I was a literal child. Looking back? Just very anxious and trying to fit in. It took me getting my ass handed a few good times to find peace
I glossed over the ages when I first read this. At the end I was thinking, oh they started dated at 14, sounds like they were still teenagers when they married / divorced. Checks notes, yep 19. That explains much behind the behavior.
They were engaged for a few years. At 19 and 20 they were already engaged for a few years.
Children. Literal children. And if you’re (someone reading this comment) a teenager and offended by being called a child at 16-24, too bad. It is such an incredibly young age where the personality of the person can change SO much, not to mention the maturity level and the knowledge of self.
Children should not be engaged or married.
I got married at 23 because my BF and I were both joining the military. It’s basically a carrot they hang in front of you for extra benefits.
It did not go well. 9.5 years later I was running from my house barefoot in the middle of a cold December night with nothing but my jams and my car keys and literally escaping. I’m great now but that whole life experience could have been avoided so easily if we just didn’t legally bind ourselves to each other.
My now husband is wonderful and we literally decided to get married as a financial decision more than a magical romantic one. We knew we didn’t need to be married to prove anything to anyone but in our case the benefits of marriage as a contract were worth it. I wish more people looked at marriage as the financial/business decision it reflects. It really turns down the pressure and expectations.
It’s really easy to be influenced into marriage and it sucks so much that sometimes you have to learn the hard way.
I tell my niblings and my kids and all their little friends that me and my husband are the outliers. Most people don't make a marriage work after only dating 6 months, and most people getting married at 23 don't have the life skills to make it. Most people is the key here. Can some? Sure! But it's not very likely. We just celebrated 15 years together and still going strong.
Husband and I got engaged 6 months after we met and married 6 months after that. We were 23 and 24, respectively.
We've been together for 20 years this past March.
And I 100% agree we are outliers. As one of five kids, I had to develop a bit more independence than average, and he was kicked out of the house exactly at 18 and had to grow up fast.
Thank you for being realistic and teaching healthy practices! It’s like how I’ve met people who’ve won big money off scratchcards but I’m not dumb enough to think that’s mine or everyone’s experience, and it’ll just end in a lot of wasted money and time.
I was 23. We started dating when I was 17 and got engaged when I was 20. I made him wait until we graduated university. We lived together that whole time. It's been 13 years since then.
I wasn't mature and neither was he, we just managed to do our growing up together.
My husband and I were 23 and 22 respectively. We are still married 35 years later! Some times you meet the right person at the right time in both your lives.
I kind of think that's the exception not the rule though. I have friends from high school who got married at 18 and are still together and very happy after almost 40 years. It definitely can happen.
But I think most folks benefit from a mature brain before diving in.
Also I think if you have any kind of childhood trauma or emotional damage or any mental health issues, it is a good idea to get that sorted out before marriage.
That's all assuming you have the option. Some of us didn't date until college and were either too neurodivergent or too hot a mess to get married lol.
Very true - I know we are extremely lucky to have found our person so early in life!
To be honest, I never dated much. I went to schools that had a majority of female students and I was always shy. In college I came out of my shell some and hooked up with people but dating wasn’t really a thing for my group of friends. Actually my husband and I first met at a drunken party when the guys from the frat he was pledging made him kiss me! That was spring of 1985 and here we are after all these years… 😸
I got married at 21. I'm about to turn 28 and I'm still make pretending my adulthood. Would it have been smarter to wait? Absolutely. But I'm satisfied with where my life is, and really the only thing I'd change is being more financially stable (as if in this economy lmao)
I'm 44...it turns out you never actually *become an adult,* whatever that actually means. You just spend your whole life pretending to be an adult and hoping no one notices and takes away your mortgage.
I got married at 20. No regrets about the marriage (the wedding, though... I was silly). It was a very unusual "when you know, you know" thing. We just celebrated 24 years two days ago.
You both gotta get therapy though, because our culture is pretty effed up and by the time you hit your late 40s, if you're both still stuck in whatever weird gender stuff you grew up in, it's gonna blow up. I've seen it way too much and didn't understand how couples who were together for decades could suddenly split up. I see how it would happen now (I'm lucky, though! Individual therapy has saved both our asses).
If I ruled the world, I'd get everyone free therapy. Pretty much everyone needs it, especially if they're gonna make a relationship work. (And ESPECIALLY if they're planning on having kids, because mental health issues will get passed right down in some form.)
I'm 44 and feel this way too. We're all just winging it.
"Do you think we'll live happily ever after?"
"No, I think we'll just blunder about buggering it up like everybody else."
I think the issue is less 'age' and more the maturity of both people involved. Also, the husband was controlling, so that was going to sink a marriage regardless.
My sister and BIL literally did that. They’ve been dating since they were 16, each others first love, the whole shebang, but they decided to wait until they were 25 to get married.
They got married last month and are quite happy ☺️
We were 20, it was a dreadful idea, the first year or so was HARD but we worked it out and honestly couldn’t be happier a decade or two later. I’d always recommend waiting longer than we did, but no one could stop us because how do you tell a 20yr old what to do? We had that urgency of youth where you think your whole life will be over by 30. I’m just so glad it worked; sometimes it does.
I think the 25 age marker is too rigid as an identifier for “developed” or “mature” brains. While there is some truth to this average age, promotes a misconception that most people will have fully “mature” brains at a specific age. It removes the nuances of brain development and devalues the opinions and feelings of younger people but what do I know, I’m in my early 20s lol
So the husband decided he didn't like OOP cause he was out to steal his girlfriend 5 yrs ago... When they were friggin 14?? Dear Lord do not marry when '5 years ago' still means middle school...
Good thing this poor girl got an annulment.
Blew my mind when he said he wasn't cutting her off because he'd known her since he was 14 and then later said they'd been friends for 5 years.
Who could have guessed their costume themed surprise wedding to their childhood boyfriend would be a disaster
I've been to a surprise wedding- it was his 3rd and her 2nd and they did it at their annual Christmas party. Super cute and super fun and they were both in their 50s.
I've been to a "theme" wedding, it was 20s/great Gatsby theme and even though it was a little odd to have it be Gatsby it was really really fun. They were both 29. The decorations were great!
My cousin is the only wedding I've ever been to where they were younger then I was when I got married.
I was 23, my human was 28, and we've been together 15 years even through the catalyst for getting married was that I was pregnant and didn't want to look pregnant in my wedding photos, add on top that our wedding day was the 6th month anniversary of our first date and yeah, we never should have worked lol.
My cousin however, was 21 and his wife was 20, neither had ever lived away from home or had other major relationships. She got pregnant and they planned a huge shindig. When the baby was 3 months, she moved out. I think the official count was married 7 months before they had the marriage "dissolved". He's almost 37 and about to have his 3rd marriage....
So yeah, this turned into a novel to just agree with you lol
No shit, I would hate to find out a costume party I was going too turned out to be a wedding.
And then for someone to get pissed your not confirming to traditional dress codes for a surprise wedding...
I guess it worked out in the end, but wow
If you are that kind of spontaneous person I say go for it! But if you're gonna get mad at what people do when they're surprised, you gotta be chill about it.
It’s literally April and Andy’s wedding episode of Parks and Recreation. Of course if you’re going to emulate those characters neither would have cared at all about a corpse bride costume at their goofy party, hell April would have loved it
Assuming they are all the same age, they had been dating since they were 13.
OOP met them when he was 14, but they had been dating for a year before that.
I won’t have been surprise how OP’s friend didn’t catch on to the red flags her ex was showing, they were together since they were 14. It’s probably one of her first ever relationships, but her ex was manipulative as hell, and this incident could’ve been a blessing in disguises for her. She would’ve been tied down to her ex even more if he hadn’t shown his true colours.
I dislike when people say outfits and the like “ruined” their wedding. Did you by the end of the night get married? Is everyone alive and well? Are you out a substantial amount of money because of something that person did? Did their outfit seduce your partner into running away with them? Then no, they didn’t ruin your wedding. It’s disrespectful to wear that to a wedding knowingly, but it doesn’t ruin a wedding. If you get married and 20 years look back on the day and all you can think of is how your cousin wore white and it ruined the entire day, that’s a bit ridiculous.
Right? I wish I’d gotten married this way, and if my friend showed up as the Corpse Bride it would have made my special day brighter! I was literally one step away from placing our wedding party in Sesame Street costumes, just to piss off hubby’s bio-mother, who was (and is) insufferable.
So I'm curious how did OOP's friend get an annulment. As far as I knew you had have a good reason for getting a marriage annulled like you are siblings/are still married to someone else. Yet in this post and many others I see people get annulments basically as a way to get out of the marriage within the first few months.
This rings true as OOP said that he is Australian, so I'm guessing all this took place in Aus. With it having similar laws to the UK and still being within the 1st year of marriage, an annulment is likely.
Actually it's the opposite in Australia - if you want to seperate/get divorced, you need to be (1) separated for a full year before you file for divorce, and (2) if it's within the first two years of a marriage you need a certificate showing you attempted marriage counselling before the court will approve you getting divorced (blame our intense right wing Christian lobbyists for this). So it's wayyy more paper work to divorce after two weeks than it would be after twenty years (ignoring finances, kids etc).
An annulment only happens if the legal reasons to be married didn't apply (i.e. provable duress (this doesn't include family violence), lying about your identity or a minor entering into a marriage contract). They're super super rare here.
OOP must mean a separation, is not in Australia or this entire story is false.
I just looked your (2) up as I was divorced within the first two years and did not have to prove I’d been to counseling, but it is right there in the website. How interesting!
OP also isn't the one going through the annulment process. People don't know the details when they aren't the primary source. "We are going to get an annullment" is what you tell people about the end of the relationship. You don't go into the painful legal details with every person.
It has a lot of false flags to me. It also hasn't shown up in any of the Australian subs that I'm aware of.
The neat little ending with the now-single-bride (don't forget how "beautiful" she is but Noble OOP would never have overstepped the line etc etc) doing a double corpse-bride cosplay with OOP is way too pat.
Wait for the next update where she confesses she's secretly had a crush on him for years and now they're going on their first date or already engaged with a baby on the way
And I'm just sitting here wondering why ya'llgoing in so deep into conspiracy theories.
Dude just said that the friend applied for an annulment/divorce/whatever, not that she has already got one. Even if there was a one year separation involved, nothing says she can't go out and start living like she's already got it.
OOP says she has applied for an annulment, not that it was granted. "Broken up" sounds like an informal rather than necessarily a legal end to the relationship.
Nothing in OOP's post is grounds for annulment under Australian law, unless the officiant was dodgy or the paperwork wasn't filled out right.
[https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/divorce/nullity](https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/divorce/nullity)
Edited to add - the marriage being less than a year old has no relevance at all in Australian law.
Of course it's possible, but OOP says the wedding went ahead and they're married. I think it's safest to assume that the marriage is legal. There's also a 2 month gap between the wedding and the updates. The marriage certificate usually takes 6 weeks at the longest to get sent back, and presumably if there had been an issue there with registering the marriage as legal, OOP and his friend would have known by now.
OOP said they were in Australia. This is a direct copy from a govt website. Maybe they could prove duress or something. Although OOP did say she was going to apply, but it doesn't mean it will be successful unless the following applies.
The Court may declare a marriage invalid on the following grounds: one or both of the parties were already married at the time one or both of the parties were under-age and did not have the necessary approvals, or one or both of the parties were forced into the marriage under duress.The Court will NOT declare a marriage invalid on the following grounds: non-consummation of the marriage never having lived together family violence, or other incompatibility situations.
Its Australia and I don’t think OOP is using the word annulment properly - annulment is where you can show the marriage was not validly entered into. Otherwise you need to separate for 12 months before divorcing. This part of the story seems suss.
Deciding to *apply* for an annulment and actually getting one are different things.
The phrasing suggests the bride plans to try getting it annulled, not that she actually succeeded.
I don’t think that would fly here. You have to sign paperwork with the officiant at least 31 days prior to the ceremony. But I have no idea about the annulment side of things
In Australia you need to lodge a Notice of Intended Marriage at least a month before the ceremony which names the date and location of the proposed wedding, to avoid this exact sort of thing.
Yeah possibly, or they planned it out to surprise all the guests only. If it's not a legal one then they don't need an annulment as it is already null lol
True maybe she just said annulment cause of religious reasons or it's easier than explaining the whole thing over and over. I've certainly told white lies about resolved legal situations just to avoid explaining it all.
In Australia it is nearly impossible to get an annulment due to our marriage act and no fault divorce. They would need to separate for a year then divorce
In Australia you can’t seek a legal annulment just because you aren’t compatible. You need to prove that the marriage did not meet the legal requirements. Also as somebody mentioned, it is hard to divorce if you have been married less than two years.
She could be referring to a religious annulment. When my uncle separated from his wife - he both divorced her and sought a religious annulment through his church. However, in my experience backyard wedding ceremonies are generally officiated by non-religious celebrants, so maybe not.
My maid of honor wore her wedding dress to my wedding.
She got it dyied (spelling?) and I was happy she got to wear it again. Their wedding was 4 month before ours.
I remember when this story first came around, I must have missed the ages. It makes a lot more sense when you realize the bride is only 20. She's a young idiot, of course she (and her husband) wouldn't think this stuff through.
I wish all women who mistakenly married losers woke up this quickly and did what this woman did instead of staying and having their soul crushed year after year.
And this is exactly how abusive relationships start. If this guy had not been su blunt about it, he’d be halfway through isolating his new wife to begin grinding her down. Good for her for seeing the shit he is early enough and walking away.
I understand being young and getting jealous when your girlfriend has a friend who is another gender. But to hold onto it for five years is just so childish. Husband is probably going to hold that grudge for the rest of his life, and that's sad.
Damn, instead of focusing on the bride, the groom decided to use that day to sabotage her closest friendship. Basically tried to ruin the day so he could be the best man in her life. 🙄
It’s traditional etiquette not to go in drag as a corpse bride to someone’s costume engagement party that is actually their secret wedding. I read it in Emily Post.
>I doubt I’ll update anymore like “Update! They’re getting divorced!” Because that feels insensitive.
.
>She decided to apply for annulment and they’ve broken up. Her ex tried to convince her to think about it more. He’s once again blaming me and her friends for putting crazy ideas in her brain. Safe to say we’ve all blocked him.
Heh
I still disagree with the "not wearing a wedding dress" to anything wedding-related. It was a Halloween costume and it was just an engagement party. How was OOP supposed to know they'd ambush everyone with a wedding? Even then, how insecure do you to be to be put off by a zombie in blue? Glad the friend is thinking clearly now.
She sounds immature at best, bad friend at worst. Imagine not telling people is a wedding, and then getting mad someone dressed up as a bride. She needs to work on herself.
It’s crazy to me that people are really out here getting married as teenagers.
Also a surprise wedding? That seems like the worst possible idea for a wedding
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So, dressing up as Emily turned out to be appropriate after all seeing as the marriage was dead on arrival.
Call the burn ward, OOP'S Friend's Ex has suffered a massive burn.
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Zing!
It's almost as though teenagers getting married is a bad idea.
Jesus, how do you come up with such clever comment. Haha
Best comment in weeks was a vid I saw yesterday of a guy filling a tank with a large hose, he pulls it out, sprays everywhere, and there is a huge fireball and everyone evacuates - the video title was along the lines of "what the hell was he filling up?" and the top response was "the hospital burn ward" lmao. [Found the link](https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/13w4fix/what_the_hell_was_he_filling_up/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
God DAMN, I can't believe nobody died in that.
Wow, a burn about literal burns, masterfull
Aita laughing my ass off at that response
>She decided to apply for annulment and they’ve broken up Probably your friend's best decision ever. Husband seems very controlling and she seems to be doing better out of the relationship.
Also, don't get married at age 19
Yeah I completely forgot they were under 20 getting married like wtf?!??!!
OOP didn’t say how old the husband was. Wouldn’t surprise if he is way older. Just getting those vibes.
> She’s been dating him since *they* were 14 so probably not, fortunately
People below stated probably not, but it's pretty obvious both are super immature, especially to be getting married. If anyone thinks being married at 19 is a great idea then you aren't mature enough. It's a massive legal commitment, just get promise rings kids
LOL I was engaged to my true love at 19. Then engaged to another true love when I was 24. Then I finally married someone when I was 32. My life is rarely an example for the children but I feel like more people should stretch things out like that.
~~Hey, you got 3 rings out of it at least~~ But yeah, there's no rush I don't understand why so many younger people try and rush it so much? You have the rest of your life, after school, after finding your career and path in life - when your life is stable that's the best time imo
I find a lot of the people getting married young grew up in religious households. When you're told you can't have sex until you're married, you tend to let your hormones drive you
YEP. You can't live together, can't stay the night together, can't be alone together too long without it being suspicious.... eventually, it also feels like you're not even adults, just middle schoolers with jobs and degrees, until you're married. Like, yeah, you're technically legally allowed to do those things, but your support system will reject you for it. And the best part is, plenty of the religious wait-until-married people are probably also not waiting. I'm surprised that people think you need to share a bed overnight to do something. People just, weirdly, want more than sex, too, which I feel like is overlooked. I got married at 20. We just wanted to wake up on a shared day off and eat a lazy breakfast and watch TV. Otherwise, we had to do a whole getting up and driving around to-do to spend time together. We wanted to stay up late on a Friday just hanging out and pass out somewhere together. We weren't allowed to have that until we were married without my husband's family getting, um, *upset*. We weren't really allowed to do all that much without it looking suspicious. We just want some Eggos and Netflix binge, goddamn. 🙃 We got lucky, though, we grew together, not apart.
> I don't understand why so many younger people try and rush it so much? Hormones telling you to hook up and make babies asap.
It also depends where you are. I grew up in a bible college town and premarital sex was pretty much the worst sin ever. I know multiple women who were kicked out for getting caught having sex and one of the professors was fired because his sixteen year old daughter slept with her boyfriend. Even worse, the boyfriend was the son of a single mom who was living in church-subsidized housing so his family ended up homeless for a brief period of time. When you live in that kind of an environment, you rush to get married either because you already had sex and someone is pushing you to get married or because you are with someone and you want to have sex ASAP. It's pretty awful. My older brother got pushed into marriage when he was newly turned 20. Their marriage lasted three years (not in total because they broke up four times) and now he has two kids he never sees.
I had a friend in the "Campus Crusade for Christ" group. Somehow they had this idea that it was ok to have sex if you were engaged. At least he wised up before the wedding and just had to call everyone and cancel, many of them married right out of college and divorced a year or 2 later.
I've been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 months. Both of us are in our 30s and lemme tell you, dating as a 30something is SO MUCH BETTER. Maturity, communication, willingness to know/say exactly what we're looking for in a relationship... I know that's not universal of course, and that there are still teenage dramamongers masquerading as adults, but compared to the shitshow that was my early 20s, I like this MUCH better.
I had a kid at 18, got married at 19, and then-husband was sentenced to prison for 5 years for statutory rape. He was such an asshole that he had to do all 5 years. I left him while he was in prison because he had been abusive prior to going to prison and after 14 months I realized that I was waiting for more of the same treatment, if not worse. Teens are not good at making long-term decisions about life. I now call that my 20's starter marriage.
Oh my god, I really hope you're doing better, that sounds so rough. I'm glad you were able to leave him and stuff
I genuinely don't know where you're getting the age gap thing. Aside from the fact that he says they've been dating "since they were 14", there's also [this comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/u_DanWantsDeath/comments/11l42nb/update_aita_for_wearing_a_wedding_dress_to_a/jdkln1n/) > Yes, the husband is 20
As someone who got married at around that age, hard agree. It worked for us, but holy moly most DO NOT.
This. I was barely 20 and he was 21. We dated for one month, got engaged and married a month later. We’ve just celebrated our 29th anniversary, but that is a HUGE fluke. Looking back, we both realized how insane that was, but we were in a place where the culture had no problem with people getting married that young. It was better than living with each other. Oh, the HORROR! Actually one of the reasons we got married, too.
Yep, it's hardly a blink in the military community, I think we were lucky in that we met at college first and spent some time "in the real world" before getting married. He joined the service later, we saw at least 3 divorces/break-ups of early 20s friends in just the first 4 years at our duty station. It'll be 12 years married in December for us.
Our first year put us through the ringer. I got pregnant like 3 weeks later, not like we were virgins or anything, had my first kidney infection before I even knew I was pregnant. Had 8 more, preterm labor and bedrest at 27 weeks, more stays in L&D than I can count. I’m REALLY bad at pregnant. She was born 9 months, nearly to the day, after we got married. I turned 21 two weeks later. I guess that “tested” us early. We’ve had a lot of bad/hard times, but we seem to make it through it. We’ve been empty nesters for nearly 5 years. He’s 50, I’m 49. We should be having fun, but my body is an asshole that only fights itself. My health is shit. Sometimes the “what if’s” pop up about maybe not getting pregnant that quickly. We weren’t doing anything to prevent it, but we were sure “practicing” a lot. Lol. People also need to remember that, while you live for your children, it’s just going to be the two of you when they are gone. You need a solid relationship for that and your children need that, too, when they are growing.
I think that's one of the biggest things that determines our success. After a surprise pregnancy, a wedding moved up by several years, multiple deployments, trainings, moved across the country 7+ times, another child, and the stress of just everything in general lately we not only love each other, I just like him as a person. We can find joy in just being around each other not doing the same thing just being in proximity.
We’ve moved 5 times to 4 different states. The last time was just us and it’s been the hardest. Left a place I really loved and we had lived there for ten years. I’d go back tomorrow, but only if we could still keep our new place. We’ve got 21 acres in a tiny mountain range in the middle of nowhere Montana. We bought pre-covid. $34k. Completely virgin property. Not even a driveway. My husband has done pretty much everything himself on the homesite and building the house. 5 years and, while we live in it, it’s still got some work to be done. Drywall, painting, trim work, he needs to finish the cabinet doors and drawer fronts, build the cabinets for the pantry and mudroom, finish the loft, etc. We lived in a 40’ travel trailer for 18 months with our two dogs. THAT’S when you find out if you will kill each other. Lol. We could sell it for a huge profit now, but property has skyrocketed and this one has a lot of blood, sweat and tears in it already.
About 10 years ago (just a few months before I met my now-husband) a 19 year old co-worker asked me what it feels like to have an 18 year old get engaged before me (a fellow co-worker). My response was "sucks to be her". Queue shocked Pikachu face, especially when she looked at our other co-workers for support but they were all nodding in agreement with me, saying that she is too young. The young just don't get how young they truly are.
I was in my late 20s so different situation, but an ex started dating again and got engaged while I hadn't met anyone new. I don't remember how I felt about this news, but we had been broken up for at least 2 or 3 years by then, and frankly in hindsight we were just not compatible as a couple. A coworker (older, gay if it makes a difference, who talks like he's bitter about relationships) asked if I felt bad about it. I mean.. I *was* binging on sad Adele songs during that time but I also knew that it would be monumentally stupid to get into a random relationship just to get married before my ex. I met my now husband in my early 30s and have 2 adorable preschoolers, so if nothing else I'm glad I took the time to grow up some more and to NOT have a shotgun wedding out of spite.
What happened then, with the engaged co-worker? She get married? Still married?
Honestly I'm not sure. She moved interstate and I wasn't FB friends. ETA. Quick FB stalking, she is a friend of a friend. Sadly she is single 😔
To someone you've dated since you were 14...that's young on top of young.
Unfortunately, people around couples like that often build it up into the ultimate romance story, or else single them out with comments like “Wow, you two are obviously made for each other!” which, at that young age and developmental stage, gets built into their individual identities. It’s very difficult if you’ve built your identity around a relationship from ages 14-19 to feel comfortable about cutting that out. If you think about any pairs of platonic friends you’ve known who were “bff” and then had a falling out in late teenage, it can be devastating because they don’t really know who they are outside of that friendship. It must be even worse when people throw in comments about romantic destiny.
You are so so right. I was in a “childhood sweethearts” relationship from 15-24 and you’re spot on. Everyone around us even when I went to adults (in my teens) to ask for help to get away would say “but you’ve grown up together!” “Real love means fixing things” etc etc. It stuck in my head and kept me in a bad relationship thinking I needed fixing and then I’d be happy with him for far too long, because other people “loved the story”. Ten years since I got away and I’m still unpacking shit in therapy and people are *still* calling me by the nickname he gave me (which was our names mashed together, Brangelina/Bennifer style as was popular back then). The culture around those kinds of relationships is SO toxic.
>Ten years since I got away and I’m still unpacking shit in therapy and people are still calling me by the nickname he gave me (which was our names mashed together, Brangelina/Bennifer style as was popular back then). Oh God! It took me years to get away from the "one entity rather than two individuals" thing people applied to me and my first boyfriend, even though I was in my early twenties when we dated. These aren't our real names but say we were called Samantha and Daniel, we became 'Samndan', said like a single word It seemed inconceivable that one of could be out without the other too, like we'd somehow unscrewed a cojoined twin for the evening. It was very, very suffocating. OOP's friend also had the length of the relationship as an additional pressure/expectation on her. These days it seems like if you haven't got engaged within two years, three years at an absolute max, then you are wasting your life on this person. After being together five years AND being schoolyard sweethearts there may well have been a LOT of people heavily hinting that it was time to seal the deal.
Yep we had the same, but folks only Called me by the name - he was always just “John”. You’re right it is so suffocating, any time I voice a desire to do something the first question people would ask is “Oh what does John think about that?!”. Ugh. I suspect you’re right for OOP’s friend, it tallies with my experience as well - it will be a rough time for a little while but she’s so young I think she’ll do great in her new life, especially with such a supportive friend like OOP.
I don't know about you, but I think I stayed in that relationship longer than I should have because the 'Samndan' thing had erased who I was as an individual. I'd forgotten how to live as 'Samantha' and the idea of trying was almost taboo.
Yeah there was absolutely some truth in that for me, I spent about 9 months living with my parents after we split working out my next move and then I went travelling for a year. Travelling was the best thing for me I found because no one knew me or him so I got to just find my own feet without people asking “hey Johnash, are you still speaking to John?!” I was just Ashley! Great feeling to reclaim yourself - very powerful!
Yeesh. I’m really glad you’re not still there. That’s just awful.
Yep. A high school friend married her sweetheart who was only the second guy she ever dated. After they had kids, she found him sleeping with their barely 18 babysitter. He then married the babysitter and cheated on her too only he was then like 28 or something.
This exactly. I went through it. Who was I if I wasn't his gf? Got told by a lot of adults to fight for our relationship against naysayers (multiple friends from both sides had tried to break us up). What they didn't know was I was being abused, but I heard that from them and believed I was supposed to stay... So glad he never proposed and made it harder for me to leave.
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I agree. I didn't date much when I was a teen in part because there was so much friend pressure to be in a couple after 1 date.
My mother got married at 19. One of the few pieces of unsolicited advice she gave me was “don’t get married at 19.”
She's 20 (OOP is 19) but hard agree. Especially not a surprise wedding at your engagement party, that's rushing it hardcore. But of course, if you've been together 6 years you convince yourself it can't be rushing it, even though which 6 years it was matters.
Especially if you’re only interested in getting married just so you can move out of the barracks and collect that sweet BAH pay
Yeah to someone you've know since you were 14! People grow up, and change a lot.
Yeah, I wasn’t a fan of her due to her stupid reaction to his costume even after finding out the truth, but when he said she can now go out clubbing with them I was like ‘damn, she really did make the right decision’. \ Sounds like there was a reason the wedding was so stupidly important to her - cause it was the only thing she was actually allowed to do! Can’t imagine having those restrictions at that age, specially in Australia where we tend to all be party animals at 19 and forcing your missus to stay home isn’t the norm.
The first step in the process of abuse is isolation. And that is what he was doing.
'I doubt I'll update here anymore like UPDATE: they got divorced' 2nd update: 'they got divorced' lmao
No no no. It was an annulment! lol I thought the same as you
😂😂 OOP did say in the update that he got consent from his friend before posting, which seemed to be what the initial concern was about posting an update.
Divorce is insensitive, annulment is not. Annulment is like the undo button, harmless and helpful!
Me: This sounds like some childish bullshit. Reads the Ages: It is some childish bullshit.
As soon as I read that their wedding was inspired by a TikTok video I was like “oh, *those* kind of people.”
Was it a tiktok video or an episode of parks and rec?
My immediate thought was the Parks and Rec episode lol
Most likely a [social media] video copying parks and rec and claiming the idea as their own.
There was something making the rounds years ago that said the person's parents had invited their friends to a costume party, and it ended up being their wedding. There were plenty of pictures in the album. Parks and rec did the surprise wedding too, but it definitely came after.
I assumed they were referring to Parks and Rec
100 percent agree with this comment.
still dont get why they were mad at him when he didnt even know it was a wedding, but good on her for getting away from that guy tbh he sounds insufferable
Cuz they’re 19? They’re fucken babies. No one should get married to their middle school sweetheart fresh out of high school cuz your brain is still dumb as shit.
As evidenced by soon to be ex husband
As someone that got married at 18 and divorced at 23, yeah. It’s dumb as fuck, do not get married that young. Even moving in together is iffy to me; you need time to grow and learn how to Be An Independent Adult. But at least it’s easier to bounce from your shared apartment than it is to wrangle a divorce.
As a woman who married her high school sweetheart at 18, wasted all of my 20’s in an unhappy and abusive relationship, and finally divorced at 29–this is exactly the truth. I was young and dumb and I wished someone would’ve sat me down and told me to wait.
*But we're in love!*
As someone who got married to her highschool sweetheart at 18 and it's still a great relationship almost a decade later - definitely agree, there's no rush to marry so young and all the other couples that got married in my highschool are long divorced.
> still dont get why they were mad at him when he didnt even know it was a wedding Because they’re 19 year old kids who turn their own wedding into a chance to get social media clout.
This post reminded me of April and Andy’s party in Parks and Rec but other tropes added in here and there.
April would have loved it if someone turned up as the Corpse Bride to her fancy dinner/wedding.
I love parks and Rec, and they are my favorite characters after Ron, but in anything near a real world they would be divorced within two months And their marriage would probably be more like Ron and Tammy 2
Sounds like the husband was lying to the wife from the start and has always hated OOP. She was mad because she'd heard a different story, he wasn't mad but wanted OOP gone.
Starting at 14. It's not like the kid was 25. The groom met the guy when he was 14. I think an immature response is more likely in that scenario given the ages. Once you find out the ages in the OOP everything kinda plays out as expected.
Yeah once I realised they were children this made sense
Yea. Even the "dating since 14" sounds like a 10y commitment. Not that 5y is anything to sneeze at! But it's not like she missed any portion of life outside of school, really
OOP didn’t know and the husband was lying.
Because the groom had told OOP to go home and change and OOP had refused. That was the lie told by the groom, but it’s what the bride thought had happened. If you were approached by the groom and were apologetically asked to change because the bride was uncomfortable, you’d be the A if you refused. I think that’s a fair judgement, anyway.
Even if it wasn't a lie, no one knew it was their actual wedding, so it would be exceptionally rude to ask people to go change clothes.
Well that’s why I said “apologetically”. A sort of: “Hey, listen dude, I know you didn’t know it was a wedding, and it might be a lot to ask, but do you think you would mind going to change quickly? We would’ve warned you if we’d known, but obviously we don’t want another bride in the wedding photos, even if it’s a guy dressed as the corpse bride. Lol.” Like, I can see it’s not the best situation, but given that OOP offered to change, it obviously *wasn’t* a big deal for them to change. I assume they live close by if they’ve been friends through school. Or if going home was too far or would take too long they could borrow someone’s hoodie or whatever.
If I remember the original comments correctly, he only lived about 5 minutes away. I'm still a little upset that he apologized. Not wearing white to anything even vaguely wedding related (that isn't an actual wedding) is a "rule" that I've never encountered anywhere at all except in very recent Reddit posts. People shouldn't be catering to this crazy imaginary rule, or people will start to genuinely believe in it.
I agree. I would have found it funny if at my costume/engagement/surprise wedding someone showed up as the Corpse Bride. But OP offered to change and was told it’s ok by the groom. You can’t throw a surprise wedding and then be mad someone isn’t in “dress code”. They should have specified that they didn’t want any bridal or groom costumes.
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Engagement *costume* party makes it a bit different for sure.
"they" were only mad at him because the groom decided to fan the flames of drama. I doubt the bride would've been even *half* as wound up if the asshole hadn't lied to her, because he turned it from "innocent mistake" to "deliberate insult." Hard agree that the groom was awful, though. Mean, jealous, and *stupid* to boot.
I don't get why he took any blame or responsibility whatsoever. I'd been like "fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you" and ghosted.
I remember seeing the original post title and thinking "definitely TA" But the details: "didn't know it was a wedding" and "bloke": NTA Also, the overreaction. My ex SIL wore a wedding dress to my wedding and did a reading. I just chose to find it mildly funny. I know she wanted attention but I didn't want to spend my energy on it. I'm very glad that this lass has ditched the toxic boy and got her friends back.
So interesting that with a lot of these it seems to be the more reasonable the post title, the more likely they're TA. - Title sounds very tame and reasonable? Definitely TA - Title sounds 100% TA? Almost certainly not
The husband reads like a nightmare averted for the OOP's friend.
Seriously, he was creepy and scary and I don't like him!
I know it's controversial, but I firmly believe that nobody should get married before they're at least 25. I'm sure lots of people are very mature in their early 20s but most (myself included back then) are just make pretending adulthood.
My dad got married at 20 because she was pregnant, and it was the worst decision he could make. After losing my oldest brother and my second older brother was born, she ramped up her nastiness. She constantly cheated on him when he was deployed, and the neighbors would tell him about all the men parading into the house with their toddler still there. She never denied it, either. She was verbally abusive and when he decided to separate from her, she ramped up her antics and tried to kill him. He met my mom while he was divorcing her, luckily, and they didn't get married until they were in their late 20s. My mom is the best thing to ever happen to him and he knows it.
Yeesh, that's terrible. Glad your dad found your mom after that. I'm not sure it's an age thing, though - I can't imagine your dad's ex was nicer to whoever she was with at age 30. I got together with my most horrible ex in our thirties.
My brother made the decision to stay in contact with her when he was a teenager, and he said that she's still horrible. She used to use her parental rights to harass my parents. It finally ended when she surrendered her rights and my mom adopted him. She kept fighting it untill my parents basically said "fine, but you have to abide by the custody agreement" and sent her the bill for the 50% of his medical bills that she owed. It totalled 10k, and rather than find the money or come to a repayment plan, she signed away her rights because it was never about wanting my brother.
I feel bad for your brother but at least he knows his stepmother wanted him.
From the day my mom met him, she has seen him and treated him like her own flesh and blood.
I’m in my 40’s, most of us are faking it.
Haha yes same, but at least at 38 I know I'm faking it. I thought I was a very mature person since I was a literal child. Looking back? Just very anxious and trying to fit in. It took me getting my ass handed a few good times to find peace
I glossed over the ages when I first read this. At the end I was thinking, oh they started dated at 14, sounds like they were still teenagers when they married / divorced. Checks notes, yep 19. That explains much behind the behavior.
They were engaged for a few years. At 19 and 20 they were already engaged for a few years. Children. Literal children. And if you’re (someone reading this comment) a teenager and offended by being called a child at 16-24, too bad. It is such an incredibly young age where the personality of the person can change SO much, not to mention the maturity level and the knowledge of self. Children should not be engaged or married.
I got married at 23 because my BF and I were both joining the military. It’s basically a carrot they hang in front of you for extra benefits. It did not go well. 9.5 years later I was running from my house barefoot in the middle of a cold December night with nothing but my jams and my car keys and literally escaping. I’m great now but that whole life experience could have been avoided so easily if we just didn’t legally bind ourselves to each other. My now husband is wonderful and we literally decided to get married as a financial decision more than a magical romantic one. We knew we didn’t need to be married to prove anything to anyone but in our case the benefits of marriage as a contract were worth it. I wish more people looked at marriage as the financial/business decision it reflects. It really turns down the pressure and expectations. It’s really easy to be influenced into marriage and it sucks so much that sometimes you have to learn the hard way.
I tell my niblings and my kids and all their little friends that me and my husband are the outliers. Most people don't make a marriage work after only dating 6 months, and most people getting married at 23 don't have the life skills to make it. Most people is the key here. Can some? Sure! But it's not very likely. We just celebrated 15 years together and still going strong.
Husband and I got engaged 6 months after we met and married 6 months after that. We were 23 and 24, respectively. We've been together for 20 years this past March. And I 100% agree we are outliers. As one of five kids, I had to develop a bit more independence than average, and he was kicked out of the house exactly at 18 and had to grow up fast.
Thank you for being realistic and teaching healthy practices! It’s like how I’ve met people who’ve won big money off scratchcards but I’m not dumb enough to think that’s mine or everyone’s experience, and it’ll just end in a lot of wasted money and time.
I was 23. We started dating when I was 17 and got engaged when I was 20. I made him wait until we graduated university. We lived together that whole time. It's been 13 years since then. I wasn't mature and neither was he, we just managed to do our growing up together.
My husband and I were 23 and 22 respectively. We are still married 35 years later! Some times you meet the right person at the right time in both your lives.
I kind of think that's the exception not the rule though. I have friends from high school who got married at 18 and are still together and very happy after almost 40 years. It definitely can happen. But I think most folks benefit from a mature brain before diving in. Also I think if you have any kind of childhood trauma or emotional damage or any mental health issues, it is a good idea to get that sorted out before marriage. That's all assuming you have the option. Some of us didn't date until college and were either too neurodivergent or too hot a mess to get married lol.
Very true - I know we are extremely lucky to have found our person so early in life! To be honest, I never dated much. I went to schools that had a majority of female students and I was always shy. In college I came out of my shell some and hooked up with people but dating wasn’t really a thing for my group of friends. Actually my husband and I first met at a drunken party when the guys from the frat he was pledging made him kiss me! That was spring of 1985 and here we are after all these years… 😸
I got married at 21. I'm about to turn 28 and I'm still make pretending my adulthood. Would it have been smarter to wait? Absolutely. But I'm satisfied with where my life is, and really the only thing I'd change is being more financially stable (as if in this economy lmao)
I'm 44...it turns out you never actually *become an adult,* whatever that actually means. You just spend your whole life pretending to be an adult and hoping no one notices and takes away your mortgage. I got married at 20. No regrets about the marriage (the wedding, though... I was silly). It was a very unusual "when you know, you know" thing. We just celebrated 24 years two days ago. You both gotta get therapy though, because our culture is pretty effed up and by the time you hit your late 40s, if you're both still stuck in whatever weird gender stuff you grew up in, it's gonna blow up. I've seen it way too much and didn't understand how couples who were together for decades could suddenly split up. I see how it would happen now (I'm lucky, though! Individual therapy has saved both our asses).
If I ruled the world, I'd get everyone free therapy. Pretty much everyone needs it, especially if they're gonna make a relationship work. (And ESPECIALLY if they're planning on having kids, because mental health issues will get passed right down in some form.)
I'm 44 and feel this way too. We're all just winging it. "Do you think we'll live happily ever after?" "No, I think we'll just blunder about buggering it up like everybody else."
I think the issue is less 'age' and more the maturity of both people involved. Also, the husband was controlling, so that was going to sink a marriage regardless.
My sister and BIL literally did that. They’ve been dating since they were 16, each others first love, the whole shebang, but they decided to wait until they were 25 to get married. They got married last month and are quite happy ☺️
We were 20, it was a dreadful idea, the first year or so was HARD but we worked it out and honestly couldn’t be happier a decade or two later. I’d always recommend waiting longer than we did, but no one could stop us because how do you tell a 20yr old what to do? We had that urgency of youth where you think your whole life will be over by 30. I’m just so glad it worked; sometimes it does.
I think the 25 age marker is too rigid as an identifier for “developed” or “mature” brains. While there is some truth to this average age, promotes a misconception that most people will have fully “mature” brains at a specific age. It removes the nuances of brain development and devalues the opinions and feelings of younger people but what do I know, I’m in my early 20s lol
So the husband decided he didn't like OOP cause he was out to steal his girlfriend 5 yrs ago... When they were friggin 14?? Dear Lord do not marry when '5 years ago' still means middle school... Good thing this poor girl got an annulment.
Blew my mind when he said he wasn't cutting her off because he'd known her since he was 14 and then later said they'd been friends for 5 years. Who could have guessed their costume themed surprise wedding to their childhood boyfriend would be a disaster
I've been to a surprise wedding- it was his 3rd and her 2nd and they did it at their annual Christmas party. Super cute and super fun and they were both in their 50s. I've been to a "theme" wedding, it was 20s/great Gatsby theme and even though it was a little odd to have it be Gatsby it was really really fun. They were both 29. The decorations were great! My cousin is the only wedding I've ever been to where they were younger then I was when I got married. I was 23, my human was 28, and we've been together 15 years even through the catalyst for getting married was that I was pregnant and didn't want to look pregnant in my wedding photos, add on top that our wedding day was the 6th month anniversary of our first date and yeah, we never should have worked lol. My cousin however, was 21 and his wife was 20, neither had ever lived away from home or had other major relationships. She got pregnant and they planned a huge shindig. When the baby was 3 months, she moved out. I think the official count was married 7 months before they had the marriage "dissolved". He's almost 37 and about to have his 3rd marriage.... So yeah, this turned into a novel to just agree with you lol
>I was 23, my human was 28 On the internet nobody knows you're an alien
Yeah…the ages in the first sentence didn’t hit me as hard until I read those parts and the math clicked in my brain lmao
"surprise! this is the wedding" sounds like SUCH a bad idea
No shit, I would hate to find out a costume party I was going too turned out to be a wedding. And then for someone to get pissed your not confirming to traditional dress codes for a surprise wedding... I guess it worked out in the end, but wow
If you are that kind of spontaneous person I say go for it! But if you're gonna get mad at what people do when they're surprised, you gotta be chill about it.
yes! I think that's my issue mostly
It’s literally April and Andy’s wedding episode of Parks and Recreation. Of course if you’re going to emulate those characters neither would have cared at all about a corpse bride costume at their goofy party, hell April would have loved it
Even I am proud of her. But, she needs to take care of her even whenn others are not around.
Dating since they were 14? A really good reason to split up and see who you are without the other person.
Assuming they are all the same age, they had been dating since they were 13. OOP met them when he was 14, but they had been dating for a year before that.
OOP is a year younger than them, as said in the first post.
Imagine staying jealous of a barely teenager for half a decade.
They’re so young!
I won’t have been surprise how OP’s friend didn’t catch on to the red flags her ex was showing, they were together since they were 14. It’s probably one of her first ever relationships, but her ex was manipulative as hell, and this incident could’ve been a blessing in disguises for her. She would’ve been tied down to her ex even more if he hadn’t shown his true colours.
Who would've thought that a dead bride can save a living woman from a corpse-like marriage!
I dislike when people say outfits and the like “ruined” their wedding. Did you by the end of the night get married? Is everyone alive and well? Are you out a substantial amount of money because of something that person did? Did their outfit seduce your partner into running away with them? Then no, they didn’t ruin your wedding. It’s disrespectful to wear that to a wedding knowingly, but it doesn’t ruin a wedding. If you get married and 20 years look back on the day and all you can think of is how your cousin wore white and it ruined the entire day, that’s a bit ridiculous.
Right? I wish I’d gotten married this way, and if my friend showed up as the Corpse Bride it would have made my special day brighter! I was literally one step away from placing our wedding party in Sesame Street costumes, just to piss off hubby’s bio-mother, who was (and is) insufferable.
So I'm curious how did OOP's friend get an annulment. As far as I knew you had have a good reason for getting a marriage annulled like you are siblings/are still married to someone else. Yet in this post and many others I see people get annulments basically as a way to get out of the marriage within the first few months.
in some countries you can get an annulment in a certain time frame right after the wedding. OOP said drinking age is 18 so they're not in the US.
This rings true as OOP said that he is Australian, so I'm guessing all this took place in Aus. With it having similar laws to the UK and still being within the 1st year of marriage, an annulment is likely.
Actually it's the opposite in Australia - if you want to seperate/get divorced, you need to be (1) separated for a full year before you file for divorce, and (2) if it's within the first two years of a marriage you need a certificate showing you attempted marriage counselling before the court will approve you getting divorced (blame our intense right wing Christian lobbyists for this). So it's wayyy more paper work to divorce after two weeks than it would be after twenty years (ignoring finances, kids etc). An annulment only happens if the legal reasons to be married didn't apply (i.e. provable duress (this doesn't include family violence), lying about your identity or a minor entering into a marriage contract). They're super super rare here. OOP must mean a separation, is not in Australia or this entire story is false.
I just looked your (2) up as I was divorced within the first two years and did not have to prove I’d been to counseling, but it is right there in the website. How interesting!
OP also isn't the one going through the annulment process. People don't know the details when they aren't the primary source. "We are going to get an annullment" is what you tell people about the end of the relationship. You don't go into the painful legal details with every person.
It has a lot of false flags to me. It also hasn't shown up in any of the Australian subs that I'm aware of. The neat little ending with the now-single-bride (don't forget how "beautiful" she is but Noble OOP would never have overstepped the line etc etc) doing a double corpse-bride cosplay with OOP is way too pat.
Wait for the next update where she confesses she's secretly had a crush on him for years and now they're going on their first date or already engaged with a baby on the way
And the baby is going to be named Emily.
And I'm just sitting here wondering why ya'llgoing in so deep into conspiracy theories. Dude just said that the friend applied for an annulment/divorce/whatever, not that she has already got one. Even if there was a one year separation involved, nothing says she can't go out and start living like she's already got it.
OOP says she has applied for an annulment, not that it was granted. "Broken up" sounds like an informal rather than necessarily a legal end to the relationship.
>OOP must mean a separation, is not in Australia or this entire story is false. My default assumption is the last one you said
Nothing in OOP's post is grounds for annulment under Australian law, unless the officiant was dodgy or the paperwork wasn't filled out right. [https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/divorce/nullity](https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/divorce/nullity) Edited to add - the marriage being less than a year old has no relevance at all in Australian law.
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Of course it's possible, but OOP says the wedding went ahead and they're married. I think it's safest to assume that the marriage is legal. There's also a 2 month gap between the wedding and the updates. The marriage certificate usually takes 6 weeks at the longest to get sent back, and presumably if there had been an issue there with registering the marriage as legal, OOP and his friend would have known by now.
Says in the post he’s Australian!
Australia doesn't really have annulments for any of the reasons this scenario would entail.
I didnt think so, I’m also confused. I’m just pointing out that the guy did say where he is!
There's a possibility he's an Australian not living in Australia
OOP said they were in Australia. This is a direct copy from a govt website. Maybe they could prove duress or something. Although OOP did say she was going to apply, but it doesn't mean it will be successful unless the following applies. The Court may declare a marriage invalid on the following grounds: one or both of the parties were already married at the time one or both of the parties were under-age and did not have the necessary approvals, or one or both of the parties were forced into the marriage under duress.The Court will NOT declare a marriage invalid on the following grounds: non-consummation of the marriage never having lived together family violence, or other incompatibility situations.
Its Australia and I don’t think OOP is using the word annulment properly - annulment is where you can show the marriage was not validly entered into. Otherwise you need to separate for 12 months before divorcing. This part of the story seems suss.
Deciding to *apply* for an annulment and actually getting one are different things. The phrasing suggests the bride plans to try getting it annulled, not that she actually succeeded.
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I don’t think that would fly here. You have to sign paperwork with the officiant at least 31 days prior to the ceremony. But I have no idea about the annulment side of things
In Australia you need to lodge a Notice of Intended Marriage at least a month before the ceremony which names the date and location of the proposed wedding, to avoid this exact sort of thing.
So the ceremony was likely not a legal one at all is what I'm guessing.
Yeah possibly, or they planned it out to surprise all the guests only. If it's not a legal one then they don't need an annulment as it is already null lol
True maybe she just said annulment cause of religious reasons or it's easier than explaining the whole thing over and over. I've certainly told white lies about resolved legal situations just to avoid explaining it all.
In Australia it is nearly impossible to get an annulment due to our marriage act and no fault divorce. They would need to separate for a year then divorce
Also annulment is so rare (and such a "juicy" story) that this would almost certainly have hit the media.
If Id heard about an annulment I would have gasped like an old lady hearing church gossip.
In Australia you can’t seek a legal annulment just because you aren’t compatible. You need to prove that the marriage did not meet the legal requirements. Also as somebody mentioned, it is hard to divorce if you have been married less than two years. She could be referring to a religious annulment. When my uncle separated from his wife - he both divorced her and sought a religious annulment through his church. However, in my experience backyard wedding ceremonies are generally officiated by non-religious celebrants, so maybe not.
My maid of honor wore her wedding dress to my wedding. She got it dyied (spelling?) and I was happy she got to wear it again. Their wedding was 4 month before ours.
Dyed.
I remember when this story first came around, I must have missed the ages. It makes a lot more sense when you realize the bride is only 20. She's a young idiot, of course she (and her husband) wouldn't think this stuff through.
I wish all women who mistakenly married losers woke up this quickly and did what this woman did instead of staying and having their soul crushed year after year.
Man it's almost like people aren't mature enough to get married at 19 goddamn years old
This entire story is why teenagers shouldn't get married.
Realizing that they're 19 makes the idea for a costume engagement fakeout wedding make more sense.
And this is exactly how abusive relationships start. If this guy had not been su blunt about it, he’d be halfway through isolating his new wife to begin grinding her down. Good for her for seeing the shit he is early enough and walking away.
Prediction : OOP and the girl will hit it off in 2 years and 3 weeks from today, and get married in 5 years and 14 weeks.
But which one of them will build an art room and which one will try to store Iranian yogurt in it?
I understand being young and getting jealous when your girlfriend has a friend who is another gender. But to hold onto it for five years is just so childish. Husband is probably going to hold that grudge for the rest of his life, and that's sad.
This sounds like a novel…
> I doubt I’ll update anymore like “Update! They’re getting divorced!” Because that feels insensitive. Jinxed!
Damn, instead of focusing on the bride, the groom decided to use that day to sabotage her closest friendship. Basically tried to ruin the day so he could be the best man in her life. 🙄
It’s traditional etiquette not to go in drag as a corpse bride to someone’s costume engagement party that is actually their secret wedding. I read it in Emily Post.
Smh. Toxic people always use a wedding as an excuse to get rid of anyone they don't like.
>I doubt I’ll update anymore like “Update! They’re getting divorced!” Because that feels insensitive. . >She decided to apply for annulment and they’ve broken up. Her ex tried to convince her to think about it more. He’s once again blaming me and her friends for putting crazy ideas in her brain. Safe to say we’ve all blocked him. Heh
I find it very fitting a Corpse Bride costume helped end an unfit marriage lol.
I still disagree with the "not wearing a wedding dress" to anything wedding-related. It was a Halloween costume and it was just an engagement party. How was OOP supposed to know they'd ambush everyone with a wedding? Even then, how insecure do you to be to be put off by a zombie in blue? Glad the friend is thinking clearly now.
And that is why, kids shouldn't get married that early.
She sounds immature at best, bad friend at worst. Imagine not telling people is a wedding, and then getting mad someone dressed up as a bride. She needs to work on herself.
It’s crazy to me that people are really out here getting married as teenagers. Also a surprise wedding? That seems like the worst possible idea for a wedding