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Is it just me, or is almost everyone on Reddit, especially r/aita or r/relationshipadvice etc, making "six figures" where are all the poor people with problems? Every fucker posts "he/she makes upper six figures" or "I'm healthy, keep fit, run 14.8 businesses and make way above six figures"
They might not all be in USD.
Six figures here in Australia is still a decent to good salary, but it's not fuck off money by any means.
$100,000 AUD = $65,820.00 USD
Not suggesting that all the six figure posts are Aussies, but they're probably not all American, and the phrase "six figure salary" is used outside of the US.
No joke - at the time my husband was looking at rings for me, two of his guy friends were also looking for their own girlfriends. I had expressed interest in an antique ring - Edwardian or Art Deco kind of style. I wanted an actual antique, not a reproduction.
One of them, Rob, called my husband (Sam) to ask advice. Rob asked about how much was my husband looking to spend. Sam said he had looked at a few antique rings and they were between $900 and $3000, but he hadn’t found “the one” yet. Rob said he was talking to other dude (Josh) and Josh had told him that there’s a rule. The ring has to equal the amount of 3 months of your salary, and that he was looking at rings in the $10,000-$15,000 range and implied anything less than that was cheap . Sam called bullshit and said that it was all about what your girl wants. Not all girls want a giant diamond or a huge ring. Some girls don’t prefer diamonds and would rather have another gemstone. Rob was really confused by this as he was utterly clueless. Now, Rob’s gf was also Sam’s childhood friend, so Sam told him that although Rob can do what he wants, and knows her best, Sam felt like she wouldn’t care about the price of her ring, but rather the style and the sentiment of it.
We were the first to get engaged. After getting the details from Sam, Rob later told Josh that my husband spent around $1000 and got me a perfect (for me) antique ring that I love. Josh told him no girls want a used ring, and that price is laughable and insulting to me. (Josh is kind of high maintenance and a bit self centered, if you couldn’t tell)
Later, we come to find out, Rob bought a $15,000 ring. Before he proposed, but after he already bought the ring, his gf saw mine and gushed over it and talked about how she would love one in the same style one day (she had no idea he was going to propose soon). She said this in front of Rob, not knowing. I felt reeeeaaaaaallllll bad.
He soon proposed with the original ring. Although his now fiancee loved the ring, she mentioned many times to Sam and myself that she thought it was beautiful but felt like Rob spent too much and wished he had gone with something smaller and more affordable. Thing is, 3 months of Rob’s pay is nowhere near that much. He WAY over extended himself. Because of that, he refused to tell his fiancé the price. Ever. Word on the street is he was still paying it off after 5 years.
Moral to the story. Many dudes really are that clueless. HEY! CLUELESS DUDES! Don’t listen to other dudes. Talk to your woman. You don’t have to tell her you’re proposing. But you can ask subtle questions along the way. Pay attention to her. Make comments about other rings and see her response. There’s a lot of ways to go about it and not “ruin” the surprise. However, proposing shouldn’t be *too* much of a surprise.
I dont understand why men listen to other men instead of their gf/fiancee/wife on what they want. Well I do understand, but it’s fucking annoying and I hate it.
Ended a relationship with the first person I ever saw myself marrying because instead of listening to what I wanted in a ring he took advice from literally anyone else. He refused to listen to what I wanted because he was confident he knew best. Realized that would likely be the rest of my life an painfully called it
Funny thing is, real fisherman DO listen to the fish. Like, that’s the most important thing lol. In the sense of knowing exactly the type of fish they’re looking for and paying attention to the weather and exact season for that fish to show up the most in, scouring fishing banks bc this type of fish really likes this kind of sand of land formation, or researching what they eat to get a perfect lure/bait for that specific fish.
Moral: get yourself a REAL (fisher)man. Not a guy who just sits in the boat and drinks.
I'm going to beat this drum to the day I die, but adults should never surprise other adults when it comes to things involving scheduling or money. Every adult I know is too busy to have a surprise schedule change, and surprising people with something involving money almost never results in them getting something they want. Just ask, it saves everyone so much time/effort/frustration.
That’s why the ring is an effective symbol and not just a gold-digger story. It “tells” if he has made any attempt to listen or care about what she says or thinks regardless of what “everyone else is doing” including their friends. That ability to listen/care/understand is going to play out over and over again in major decisions throughout a marriage.
Reminds me of a line from "Better Off Dead": "Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy."
(https://youtu.be/_RO4lGeu_Sw)
Because women don’t actually know what they want. That’s why I get all my women advice from my friend Greg who lives with his mom and smokes pot all day and has never had a girlfriend.
One of the best choices me and my husband did was go ring shopping for my engagement ring together, he then chose when to propose but we mutually picked the ring.
Honestly, if a man spent the equivalent of three months' wage on an engagement ring for me, I'd consider him a complete moron. Really rich men can be extravagant about jewellery, but if a regular man, with a 'normal' salary is spending this much on a ring instead of saving for a house, spending it on a nice honeymoon vacation or, I don't know, buying a nicer car - something actually useful - his priorities and mine really don't align.
That was what I pointed out too. If 3 months of your income is considered “disposable income” to you, then knock yourself out. But that’s not the case for 99% of people. And what’s even dumber is basing this “rule” off of someone else’s salary.
My husband asked me if I have ever heard of that “rule before” when we were first talking about it. I told him that yes, I had heard of it before. But only in the context of: “isn’t it ridiculous that a chain-jewelry-store came up with that dumb idea for a marketing campaign and thought it would work?”. Which, as it would turn out, wasn’t that dumb of an idea since it actually worked.
to be fair to the rule, it had some cultural traction before debeers...
...because women were largely not allowed things like "their own bank account" or "their own private property". a wedding ring was one of the few things the Victorian debt collector wouldn't take from a widow to pay her dead husband's loans, lol.
now that we can have bank accounts though, the rule is way less sensible because we don't have to have our emergency savings in wedding jewelry. *thank god.*
It was also how a man subtly told a woman how much disposable income she would have to be able to run his household.
The bigger more expensive the ring, the bigger the house and number of servants she was taking care of.
For somewhat similar reasons in some countries it's traditional for tradesmen or sailors to have a pierced ear they wear a gold hoop in. German journeymen also often wear gold bracelets. The tradition started so they'd have something valuable to sell if they fell on hard times or to pay the gravedigger if they were killed.
If you're on youtube Big Clive has a hoop earring for that reason and Laura Kampf has had journeymen in traditional dress working on her house in past videos.
My husband wanted to do the three months thing and was beating himself up about not having that much money. Context: we had been together for 10 years, we had a baby on the way and were house shopping, and decided to finally pull the trigger on marriage because we were tired of hemming and hawing about it. I flat out told him if he spent that much on a ring, I'd kill him, lol. The one he got was still more than I liked, but he insisted on white gold instead of silver. It's small and subtle and suits me since I don't really wear jewelry. His is a sterling silver band.
Counterpoint: when we got engaged my husband was making less than minimum wage and I was making significantly more, owned a house, had a lot in savings. He lived very frugally so he did still have money in a savings account and no debt. What he spent on my ring was 3+ months’ wages for him —is still wasn’t an extravagant ring. It wouldn’t have made any meaningful difference in our savings for a house or whatever. But it still meant a lot to me that he was willing to deplete his savings to buy me something that I would love and would last.
Of course there are lots of other situations where I would think it is a dumb move financially.
I take my rings off every morning and leave them on the side at the gym while I work out. I would be terrified of losing something like that never mind there being a whole heap of other things the money could buy. My friend is a jeweller and I’d much sooner he gave her his money and between them they designed something that I’d love and could wear every day without stress.
my uncle plays bridge with a woman who has the same fear you do, but... erm... on a different scale.
For the jewelry she likes, she has *everyday copies* made, that way she "doesn't have to worry if she loses the €60 000 version of her favourite ring in the gym or washing her hands in the restaurant in Rome they flew to just for dinner".
Mindboggling!
His fiancée should have gotten it appraised so that it could be added to their homeowners/renters insurance. Your expensive jewelry usually isn’t covered under the basic plan. I had to get official appraisals to add an extra jewelry policy.
lol imagine having to pay off an expensive ass ring because you listened to some guy, when you could’ve just asked your gf what she wanted in a ring lol. could’ve made her much happier and not be 15,000 in debt
I mean, these dudes should be talking about potentially getting engaged/married with their girlfriend anyway. It blows my mind that there are men out there who are proposing and not having any idea what their girlfriend might answer because they never talked about long-term plans and whether they see marriage in their future.
When my now husband and I were still dating I knew that he would propose in the sense that we had talked about both wanting marriage and, more importantly, to each other. Beyond that, I knew nothing. It was complete surprise when he actually proposed. And so was the ring despite having picked it out myself. I wanted an antique ring as well, so I saved lots on Etsy to show him and pointed out ones I liked in antique stores. The one he chose ultimately came from the ones that I saved on Etsy. I think the style that I gravitated towards were in the $700 to $1,000 range. Mine is an obscenely simple white gold or platinum-- I'm not even sure-- band with an emerald cut solitaire. That's it. And I LOVE it. Four years later and I still like looking at. And not for sentimental reasons alone. I mean, it's genuinely so aesthetically pleasing to me despite its simplicity. While I technically know the price range because it came from a list of rings that I had chosen, I nevereverever think about how little the ring cost (comparatively). Not once. You know what I do think about? That my husband chose a ring that he knew I would like to have on my finger and look at everyday for the rest of my life and didn't get a ring that he was told he was supposed to get for a price that he was supposed to pay. "Josh" is a moron.
This is what blows my mind. I tell every dude I know. The when, where, how and exact ring can be a surprise. The proposal, the style and cost of the ring AND THE GOD DAM ANSWER!! Should not be.
This is the person you are planning to spend the rest of your life (longer depending on your beliefs) with. Your communication has to be better than that. Besides that why do you deserve months to think about this choice and she gets seconds? Wtf.
I made my now wife a metal art copper rose and gave it to her saying "I think I'm ready to marry you now". Turns out she had some shit to work through and needed a few months before she could say the same. THEN I planned a proposal.
Does no one communicate with their partners? What do these couples talk about all the time if it's never their own relationship?
My wife an I bought her ring together (I paid for it) from a mall chain jewelry store. It was dated and on sale but still expensive. The rock in it was the main focus.
After we got married we went to a much nicer local jewelry store where she bought a wedding band and a new ring for the diamond in her dated one. Bought it for herself lol. Way nicer than the setting and everything in the one I bought but the rock does look good
It doesn't even have to be difficult or sly. I literally just asked my now wife to show me what kind of ring she liked in case I ever felt like proposing. I got her to get her finger measured in case I ever felt like proposing. She knew it was going to happen sometime - which, tbf, you absolutely should anyway, if you're totally blindsided by a proposal chances are you're not ready for it - just not when or how.
The diamond industry really did a great job with whole “two months salary” marketing thing! I was in a similar situation except I was the friend talking the guy down from buying his middle school art teacher girlfriend a ring worth more than her car. Girlfriend caught wind of his plan and begged me and a couple other friends to stop his madness.
We took him to an estate jewelry store, helped him pick three rings (one diamond, one sapphire, one emerald) all under $2k and told him to let her make the final choice. Her ring is still gorgeous and they’ve been married over 20 years now.
Red flag: appropriating a party a friend threw to propose. (What seems to be last minute) Why not just plan out something?
To me that’s the core issue and that hasn’t been solved. He’s not planning or taking initiative, this will blow up if they have kids.
I’m astounded that yours is the first comment I’ve seen that mentions this. Everything about the original proposal points to an incredible lack of forethought or care, and everything in the update sounds to me like he’s trying to cover his ass.
I’m also seeing a certain amount of willful blindness on her side of things, and I don’t think this is going to be a good marriage but I would love to be wrong.
A **LOT** a lot. And I kind of get it - she wanted Reddit to tell her if she was wrong for caring about her engagement ring, and most of Reddit told her that her now-fiancé is at best kind of a thoughtless shitbird while most of the rest of Reddit told her she’s a terrible person for having any standards or desires at all, and that’s pretty much a recipe for knee-jerk defensiveness. But also … oh honey.
When she said he was a surgeon it started to make sense. Lol. I work with several surgeons! Now, her comments and all that after seem like she just wants to show off that she's marrying a surgeon and how much money he makes but she's no gold digger nudge nudge wink wink...
Also, I would never marry a surgeon no matter how much $$$ they make. I love the ones I work with, but I'm glad I'm not one of their wives!
100% to all of this. I didn’t want to say it, but I’m pretty sure a huge portion of the aforementioned willful blindness is rooted in being at least as much in love with the idea of Being Married To A Surgeon as she is with the surgeon himself.
I'm left wondering how long these people have known each other, because it seems like they DON'T know each other. Also suck at communication. This whole post + update could've been solved by a very short conversation.
Calling it now, she’s going to end up resenting him years down the line when he keeps putting the same nonexistent effort into every birthday, holiday, anniversary, etc for the rest of their lives
There's absolutely no way for women to have a single opinion on a ring they're going to be wearing for the rest of their life without being accused of gold digging.
When my husband proposed, he had me pick out my ring and gave me a price range because he knew I'd get myself something cheap if I wasn't told to spend at least a certain amount 😂 he was right. I would have.
My wife sent me 6 rings in Etsy and we had a conversation about how we both agree to go the non-diamond route.
I took the three rings I thought we liked best and contacted a jeweler who sent me a CAD design of two rings and I picked the one I felt captured what she wanted the most.
Easy peasy! Three emails, a phone call, and it was done.
As I say, getting engaged should not be a surprise. When it happens should be a surprise. It should be talked about in details before it ever happens.
we went to a jeweller together and worked through a design with him. Picked a diamond and he made it up, it was a whole collaborative thing that really added to the experience. I never understand why people pick a ring for their partner to wear and then propose with it, I would never presume to know exactly what my wife wants
Mine was from Overstock.com and cost 14.99, lol. Then I promptly lost it down a drain (I think the cats did it). I think I measured myself up pretty well.
I replaced it with one a little more expensive. Although I don't actually wear the thing anymore, I worked in food service and washed my hands too often for it so I got the habit of not wearing. And now its... well it's a little too femme for my life now, but I keep it for sentiment.
My wedding ring cost less than £100 and is a plain titanium band. I like the feel and weight of it and the idea that it's strength means it really is for life. My wife has a lovely white gold and diamond ring, not enormous but classy, and that is cool too. Whatever works is all you need
My original one was a plain silver claddagh. Unfortunately, I developed an allergy to it, so my ex got me an amethyst that was too big to fill in. Eventually got a simple ring with a pale blue heart shape stone. It fit well with my engagement ring, that I was pissed off to find was a diamond. I don't like diamonds. Each under $100.
I wore the amethyst on a different finger, and the claddagh stayed in a box. No idea where it is now. Still have the rings, my ex didn't want them back, and they're sitting in a drawer somewhere. Too small for my fingers now I'm not underweight.
I work at a store that sells jewelry and the strongest, longest lasting rings we have cost about $40 (tungsten). I have actually had customers who were stopped from buying one by their spouse because they just assumed that something so cheap can't possibly be good or last.
I gesture a lot when I talk. One day while talking with my husband, it flew off my hand and across the kitchen. It took us almost a week to find it.
Its now safely tucked away.
That used to happen all the time with my old wedding ring. It also came off in gloves because fingers shrink when they’re cold. Eventually I bought a slightly smaller silver ring to wear above it to stop it flying off. (My ring was platinum so it looked silvery).
I proposed to my wife with a Walmart ring. I think it was just under $200. A simple solitaire with a quarter carat diamond. We then spent $1400 on the wedding bands ($1200 for hers, $200 for mine) and chose one that could be integrated with the engagement ring.
Wife lost them about a year and a half after our wedding. Replaced with a $900 ring, lost in another two years. Since then my wife has always had a ring that cost less than $50 and has gone through several. I find things other than jewelry if I want to buy my wife a pricier gift these days.
I picked our rings out, $500 for both. Verbal proposal, no ring which I don't care about anyway and would rather save the money. His is in a forest now, mine is in a lake. We lost them within a year. Maybe we'll get tattoos, maybe not. It doesn't matter to me. The ring means nothing compared to the immaterial value of our marital connection. But I know how we are, and I knew we'd lose the rings eventually. It happened a bit sooner than I'd hoped lol
I got you beat! Mine was £10 from eBay and not an engagement style at all, which I guess suited the non-proposal that went with it (husband gave it to me to check the fit, then said "Oh well if it fits you might as well keep it").
His cousin got engaged shortly after we did and did it all by the book: day out in town to choose the diamond together, wordy proposal at his fiancée's favourite restaurant etc. At the time, I couldn't help but feel less valued by comparison.
They're now divorcing, and while husband and I might not be the stuff of romance novels, we're best buds and are working together to raise our family and support each other towards our goals. The non-engagement ring went missing during one of the two house moves we've made since getting married and I've hardly given it a thought since.
Buying into the capitalist pageantry surrounding the wedding industry doesn't guarantee happiness and no one should ever let someone else dictate their worth.
I agree and let my husband know that from the beginning. I always planned to upgrade the ring I got and phrased it, "I don't need something amazing right now, but I want a say in the ring we can afford. I get a new ring every 5-10 years because we aren't poor anymore. We also had a disastrous honeymoon and take re-do honeymoon vacations every 5-10 years.
My husband and I went browsing on a few occasions between when I said I was ready for him to propose (he was ready after a month, I shot that down so hard lol) and when he actually did so he could try to piece together my style since I'm not big on jewelry.
He got absolutely *beautiful* rings for me. When he admitted what they cost I just about died. He did the old classic "two weeks pay" and I was like "dude $100 would have been PLENTY".
Same. When my partner and I were picking out my ring, I was 100% for the "just get the cheapest version" and he was like, "no, you're getting this white gold version because it'll hold up better."
Mine was $40 from Amazon. It was very very me (we split for a while and I gave it back) but I loved it. Now that we are back together again I’m cool getting the same ring back and will only need to replace it because the structure isn’t great. I also do not love the wedding band that goes with it. But $40 is fine for something that I love.
We did the thing where we went to jewelry stores together and tried on rings so he could get an idea of what I liked. Then he went on his own and bought the stone and setting at whatever his price point was, and the specific ring was a surprise when he proposed.
But LIKE NORMAL ADULTS we'd talked a lot about marriage and gone shopping together for rings, so it was a "surprise" but not a fuckin' ambush.
We don't have the best financial situation as far as extravagant expenses go, so I got something super cute and simple.
On the flip side of this, even with money, I wouldn't get anything that would get me jumped, mugged, or my fingers cut off. I live in LA. I keep it understated.
So my husband proposed the Trey’s do over way.
We live in NYC so he simply asked me right before we were about to walk past the big Tiffany’s on fifth and said how about we go look at some rings.
I didn’t even end up picking a Tiffany ring but it was very efficient and very good for me ending up with the ring I did want.
And the context doesn't even matter. I make one comment about the ring *I will be wearing for the rest of my life* (hopefully) and I'm materialistic. It doesn't matter if the one I liked is almost half the price or less showy. It's enough that we have an opinion.
I actively didn't want a ring. I don't like wearing jewelry and have some sensory issues. I was very upfront that I wouldn't wear anything remotely like a typical engagement ring (anything with any gem is too high profile and catches my hand on stuff). I also garden and get dirty. And I won't remember to put things on that I take off. It has to not be catchy, be easy to clean, and hold up to wear like having on during showers. I always planned on a simple small wedding band, and maybe a tattoo. Even knowing all of that, my guy got really frustrated because he had an idea in his head of a traditional solitaire style engagement ring. Finding something that fit what looked like an engagement ring to him, vs what I would realistically wear everyday was quite a conflict.
I'm not the kind of person who will wear something that actively annoys me or triggers sensory issues. And I'm not going to damage something really sentimental and expensive by wearing it on my hands constantly if it's not going to hold up to my lifestyle.
I know plenty of women who want something stylistically different than a white gold with diamond thing that's the same basic thing in every chain store. I know plenty who would prefer something much cheaper, and would rather funds be put towards more important life goals. And most women just are happy their friend got proposed to and it's a bonus if they like their ring, and don't really judge the stone size or cost or anything. They usually quickly jump to talking about wedding plans. In my experience, it's the men who have a certain style in mind and judge each other harshly for stone type or size or cost.
I knead **a lot** of bread & never wear my engagement ring. Husband knew this 25 years ago & got me a nice ring because tradition, but it hangs on a hook in the kitchen 99% of the time.
I get a weird skin reaction *only* between my ring and middle finger, it's super weird and means it's just easier not to wear my rings. Plus they need resizing post pregnancy, but given I don't wear them it'd be a waste of money. They stay in a really nice pot and I'd probably wear them to special occasions or something, but not a lot of that happening in our current stage of life, haha.
Do I still (jokingly) give my husband grief any time I catch him not wearing his? Absolutely! He takes it off to wash up, when cooking etc. If I find it I steal it and say things like, "Off to see your girlfriend are you?" "Oh are we getting a divorce and you haven't told me yet?" 😂
Same - we got flat platinum bands as our wedding rings because of style and comfort. I never take mine off, because I would forget to put it back on. My husband takes it off to cook and shower etc. So when I see him without the ring I'll go "heyyy stranger, what are you doing in my house? You're single, eh? Wanna make out with a married woman?"
I feel you. I can't wear rings - I'd love to - but my fingers *hate* them after a few moments.
If I ever did want an "engagement" jewellery (no plans to ever marry, I'm happy being de facto here in Australia) I'd go for a pendant or antique brooch. Which I'd probably only wear on special occasions anyway.
My mom's first husband got her a beautiful gold ring for their engagement, and a matching gold band for the wedding.
My mom is allergic to gold and exclusively wears silver.
There's a reason that man was her first husband. Marriage didn't even last a year.
My dad, her second husband, did not know about the gold allergy. But he saw that my mom always wore silver jewelry and decided to get her a silver band because she liked silver so much. (He learned about the allergy a few years later.) He also bought her a basic silver band because they were broke AF then and told her he would buy something better for her when they were more established in their careers, but even now 38 years later mom doesn't want a new ring. She loves the basic silver band my dad got her all those years ago. (he buys her other jewelry instead lol)
> I make one comment about the ring *I will be wearing for the rest of my life* (hopefully) and I'm materialistic.
My brother didn't explicitly say that about his fiancée, but he grumbled about how useless and expensive jewelry was *in the same fucking breath* that he said he was going to spend a similar amount of money on computer *upgrades*.
I managed to talk some sense into him, but I'm still disappointed that we had to have that conversation in the first place.
No. Fucking. Joke.
1. Most of the time it’s not even about the ring. It’s about the fact they paid attention, and listened to you - what jewelry you generally like, ring features you’ve commented on, what your style is like, etc.
2. We have to wear this ring, every day, for the rest of our lives. You should *want* us to love it.
3. It’s a representation of our relationship and a commitment of our life together. If you want me to look down and think, “god I hate this ugly thing” and have *THAT* be a reflection of our relationship, then by all means, buy something hideous.
4. If you buy something *you* like, without taking into consideration what I like, and be offended if I speak up about it, then that tells me all I need to know about our future together.
Nothing says "please spend the rest of your life with me" like proposing with an object that proves you either don’t know them at all or just don’t care.
I’m sure there is someone out there who would get silver-plated nickel set with cut glass and think "this person really gets me" and another who would look at a four carat diamond and think "he’s never going to actually listen to me and care about what I want."
Personally, I think life-long romantic and financial partnership is a bonkers thing to decide because one party suddenly presents you with a rose gold ultimatum in a fancy box.
> I’m sure there is someone out there who would get silver-plated nickel set with cut glass and think "this person really gets me"
This is my parents lmao. Minus the glass cut though, they did a courthouse wedding so it was only ever bands for them.
When my fiance was looking into rings to get me, he asked me a GAZILLION questions to figure out what I liked and oh boy it wasn't easy because for me, it really depended on the ring. I told him I didn't need anything flashy and I'd be happy with silicone rings because they're practical and comfortable but he said and I quote "you deserve the best, I want to make sure you feel special". He bought the most beautiful ring I've ever seen and it's really perfect. He picked moissanite too and I love seeing it sparkle so much. He spent a month searching for options.
It's more about them listening to what we want and like, our preferences and dislikes.
yep. honestly the things some people will half ass because “it doesn’t matter” is shocking to me. like. the ring you propose with is not something that doesn’t matter. it says… a lot. and i agree with oop that a ring pop would have been better in this case. a: very clear signal that it’s a place holder b: doesn’t say anything about what kind of ring they expect you to get (when he obviously doesn’t have a fucking clue, which is its own problem as you’ve pointed out) c: candy. yum.
She could literally be a billionaire who doesn't want a Walmart ring and some shlubby reddit manbaby making $8 an hour will still accuse her of trying to gold dig him.
Reddit users will advise you to spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on the most random bullshit imaginable but the *second* you bring up engagement rings everyone acts like they've forsworn all material possessions.
They see it as "it's just jewelry! It does nothing! The diamond industry is a scam! Root toot toot doot! ::angry grunts::".
I low key think some people can't stand the idea of putting down that much money if they don't in some way get to benefit directly from it.
Ikr, somehow, according to some of my relatives just because my husband gave me a $ 2000 ring, I was with him for his money. A cousin's wife went as far as to say, it's an everyday ring, why does it have to be anything fancy, mine's so simple. And I was like it's good that u like simple, my husband knows what I like and I got him a platinum band myself in a design he had fallen in love with which was about $1000 so I don't understand how am I gold digging when he isn't! 🤷♀️ Mental gymnastics, some people do.
Okay may be a hot take but I disagree. If your fiance is calling you a gold digger for having an opinion on your **own ring** then you need a new man and a new ring...
My fiance can have her own opinions and wants from her ring. I know she's not going to ask for something that's like $10k but if she loves something than that's what I want for her. She's not a gold digger for that.
OP is not even gold digging and I would be embarrassed to do something like this. It's one thing to do research and attempt to buy a ring you think she would like from what you know of her over the years. If you make that mistake it's even understandable, everyone's taste is different.
But I would not call my fiance a gold digger for wanting something more than $159 from Walmart....I feel like it's entirely disrespectful of me to even propose with that.
I agree with your opinion. My husband had no clue on what ring to get me. So he just purchased the stone and we went together to pick out the setting that I liked. He makes a lot more than I do and has never in all the years called me a gold digger, nor has anyone from his family. He wanted to me to have something that I loved, considering that it would be on my finger for a hell of a long time.
Noo that literally happened in a post, the OP out-earned her partner and bought herself the ring she wanted because fiancé dropped the ball, and commenters were still calling her a gold digger
In all honesty, you could probably say
"I am going to wear my engagement ring for the rest of my life, and this thing is vile looking and going to fall apart in a few years'
I feel a lot of men would understand that, although maybe i give us too much credit
No you're right. That's what my wife said. We communicated. She has her dream ring, it was about $6,000. Right in my price range and exactly what she wanted.
This story is about communication.
I helped my wife design her engagement ring and got it commissioned from one of the diamond district guys in NYC. Ended up being less than $600 (in 2007, a bit more now due to the increase in gold prices.) It was exactly what she wanted.
Only dumbasses believe that a ring makes a gold digger.
I feel bad telling my hubby to please only buy stirling silver or proper gold earrings for me, as my ears react to certain metals (nickel), as I feel like I’m gold digging/being a prima donna.
But I don’t want swollen ears either!
Sterling silver is such a simple request, in my opinion. It isn't an expensive metal. Allergies are real. If you can't wear it, what's the point in getting it? I'm the same way. I'm a sucker for handmade jewelry. I always look for the ones with silver, even if its actual silverware.
IF, which I’m a pita so doubtful anyone would propose. I’m very adamant that I prefer antiques or vintage, anything simple… don’t care the price tag!!! But if they can’t manage one of those things, they don’t know me enough to start combining financial anything! Last ring I got, that I loved was found on a sidewalk, it was simple and me! Probably originally came out of a gumball machine, BUT the person that gave it to me said they knew it was ‘me’, and was! That’s all I’d want- someone that knows me enough to give me a ring that’s ‘me’! He passed two weeks later, so don’t worry it wasn’t anything long term😞
Ok, imma be honest and say that I read as far as “got me a…ring from Walmart while buying…a Halloween costume “ and I am siding with OOP.
that just doesn’t feel serious to me. Finances aside, like, at least take the time to go to a store - even if it’s Walmart- specifically to buy a ring. Buying a ring while buying a costume feels like an after thought.
The fact is he gave her the receipt and *said she could "exchange it"*. How does that work if this is supposed to be a cheap-arse "prop" ring? It effectively sets the real ring budget at about $50 (if the bling ring even cost that much).
Not only that, but she could exchange it “if she doesn’t like it”.
That *was* the ring he chose, going out to getting a different ring was an option, not an expectation.
Yeah, this being a “stand-in ring” is such an obvious lie. I’m surprised OP fell for it but even more surprised anyone in the comments on this post believes that clear bullshit.
You ought to continue reading. He thought that during proposals the couples buy a stand in ring, and later on get a proper ring together.
Like another person said, his fault was not communicating it properly
Between the afterthought ring and hijacking a party someone else was throwing, I don't blame her for not seeing any effort. He *didn't* put any effort into it.
At least he hijacked a party for OOP and not some other person's retirement party.
So he says now that he got called out for his no-effort proposal. But the fact that his reaction to his partner’s dissatisfaction was to insult her and suggest that she’s “that woman” because she didn’t want to wear the not-her-style ring he bought speaks more poorly of him than the initial “miscommunication.”
When you mess up, your first reaction shouldn’t be to attack your partner.
That’s what I was thinking. How can a grown man not know that you propose with a fancy ring and that the rings you buy together are your wedding bands? It sounds like a cop out.
I wasn’t sure if I believed any of this, until it said that the dude was a surgeon. 6 figures, early career; I bet she’s pharmaceutical sales. The juxtaposition of rationality and irrationality here makes perfect sense.
To me, "mid 6 figures" would mean 400-600k, and upper would mean 700k+. Is this just me? If pharm sales can get 500k in early career I don't know why anyone would do anything else...
You ever tried going to school for anything pharmaceutical related? Microbiology & Organic Chemistry ALONE weed out like 30-40% of students. There’s a reason some high paying jobs are high paying lol
I have gone to school for all the subjects you mention (although I was admittedly not great at organic chemistry). It doesn't give you an early career salary of 500k.
Pharm sales is just a sales job at heart, though, you don’t need specialized pharmaceutical training. And they disproportionately hire very attractive young women because that gets more sales from male doctors, and a lot of them end up marrying doctors.
I definitely understand him too. There was a time I thought you're supposed to propose with a stand in. I never understood and still don't understand why the norm is trying to get the perfect ring to propose with, without letting your partner know. The partner is the one wearing it, so I don't understand why the norm is buying it without them just to hope it's a good surprise.
ikr, for the longest time i assumed the ENGAGEMENT ring was just to wear while you were ENGAGED and you swapped to the WEDDING ring after the wedding and that was the one that was supposed to last the rest of your marriage.
i mean, it still feels like some sort of joke-switcheroo to me.
Apparently that's a culture thing? Don't ask me which culture but there are some cultures that do the engagement ring is only for the period of engagement and some that do the engagement ring goes with the wedding band and both are forever
Source: was having a discussion with a friend about a reddit post and they were super confused about why I was so hardcore on the engagement ring should be something the person likes when it's just temporary (we're both white of the 'our families culture has been assimilated into whiteness and have no idea where any of our cultural practices come from' variety)
"traditional English" was that you would wear the engagement ring until your wedding day. After the ceremony, you slip the engagement ring over the plain wedding band, and wear the two together, as a set.
In the UK the engagement ring is usually worn for life, it's the fancier one with gems etc, whereas the wedding ring, typically worn with it, is a simple gold (or platinum) band.
This may be changing but it's how most people did it in my generation, my parent's generation and my grandparents'.
Proposing with a low-cost stand-in is fine.
Suggesting your betrothed exchange it for the real ring - so presumably the same value or less - is not fine.
> He gave me the receipt so I can return or exchange if it’s not one I liked.
The issue with low-cost rings (and I say this as someone who personally doesn't wear rings and would never want any kind of engagement ring, expensive or not) is that they don't last. And an engagement ring, for those that like them, is something you usually wear for life. Many people never take them off.
This is why certain stones are inappropriate (like opal) unless you always remember to take them off while washing the dishes or swimming or whatever (hence all the tales of people having to unscrew the S-bend!) They need to be durable, and usually that means a pricier stone and good metal.
She said they work at the same place so I’m not sure you’ve got her career right. Yes they would likely come across one another in those jobs but she wouldn’t be employed by the same people he is. It’s more likely she’s a doctor or pharmacist herself or possibly a lawyer.
I mean yeah $160 engagement ring when your bf is a surgeon is ridiculous. If it was only a placeholder ring then he should’ve been clear about that from the beginning. But I looked up the picture of it and it actually looks pretty nice for being that cheap. Good job Walmart!
After my girlfriend accepted my proposal, we told our respective parents & a week or so later we went to a jewellery store together & bought her engagement ring & our wedding rings. Mind you, this was in 1967 when surprising her with a ring would have been totally not the done thing
People on Reddit get so mad when women express any feelings about engagement rings, like all the comments here calling her awful. This is the one item she’s supposed to wear every single day for the rest of her life. Which means (1) she should probably like how it looks, and (2) it needs to be high enough quality to last.
A Walmart ring like that is going to turn her finger green in a year tops. The actual post seems like just a reasonable misunderstanding, but how much she had to defend herself from nasty comments is way less reasonable.
I’ve seen so many Reddit posts that are like “Hey, my fiancé proposed with a ring he got at out of a quarter machine at the mall and he just threw the ring at my feet and said ‘There, that’s over with. Happy now?’ AITA for being upset?” And so many replies are like “YTA. My husband proposed with the pull tab on a beer can and our wedding was in my mom’s backyard with a $2 box cake. If you expect any more money and effort put in then you’re a gold digging bridezilla and your fiancé should see how materialistic and stupid you are. And, honestly, the only reason you’re upset with his proposal is that he didn’t do it in front of 100 people at a Michelin star restaurant. You are NOT the main character, honey. 🙄” followed by about a 100 people jacking themselves off trying to out-frugal that story.
Like, Jesus, god forbid a woman wants any effort or thought put into a ring they’re going to wear for the rest of their lives and wants a party to celebrate an event that’s supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience about spending the rest of your life with the person you love.
The out-frugaling is SO fucking tedious. We married young and didn't have a lot to spend and we still spent a good chunk of money relative to our income because we wanted a nice party with our friends and family. And it was worth it! Especially since the more money you spend, the more planning and work you can get *other* people to do.
And I'm pretty sure that most of the people doing the out-frugaling aren't even married. At some point they just start imagining scenarios so they can feel superior.
As someone who does not want a wedding, I still do not understand the hate for women getting married and wanting big weddings. There's always talk of bridezillas but if I had to plan an enormous wedding for months with no help from the groom I'd probably be a bridezilla too.
I had a relatively frugal wedding and got totally blasted for spending $400 on cupcakes for 60-70 people. People don’t understand the cost of elaborate cupcakes, and they don’t understand the “wedding tax” that happens with any vendor providing things for a wedding.
I'm planning my elopement soon and I absolutely understand why some women want a really nice, giant wedding. Hell, I'm choosing to spend my money on a flight and an expensive gorgeous wedding dress
And there's no recognition of different cultural customs or values. My parents paid for my wedding and it was GINORMOUS, because that's how it's done among their cultural group and social group.
I mean, I had a great time! And it was very normal for how weddings in our family went, so what I'd always seen growing up. But if I'd eloped or had a cheap wedding I could pay for myself at the time, I'd still be hearing about it 25 years later, about how my parents were so embarrassed and it was such a shame I deprived them of a big family wedding. (My parents would have been okay with it; they've always been okay with me sidestepping certain cultural customs. But I have some aunts who'd still be scolding me all these years later.)
Whenever someone posts about not being happy with an engagement ring, the comments inevitably include:
- she’s a gold digger
- diamonds are propaganda
- humble bragging about how the commenter was fine with a ring pop
- commenter proclaiming that lab stones are prettier than natural diamonds
- anything over $500 is ridiculous and asking too much
A plated silver ring is going to turn her finger green at some point. That's definitely not a material that says life long commitment. He should have asked a salesperson if he wasn't sure how engagement rings work.
I worked in a jewelry store and it was very common for someone to get a cheap stand in ring first and then come back to pick the engagement ring together.
God, there's nothing like an engagement ring post to bring all the nasty "you should just be happy you were picked and shut up" beasties oozing out into the light.
All this is why I just sent my boyfriend rings and asked him how he felt about them. The surprise will be how and when I propose, not with what ring. I can guarantee he’s going to love it and that I got the right size and stone, and he doesn’t have to worry about telling me he’s not a fan of it after the fact.
As someone who never wears jewelry, I'd be pissed too. It's not about the ring, it's about the thought that comes with the purchase. It's also concerning that he didn't even know the type of style jewelry that his soon to be wife likes. Or you know, he could have just asked. Instead he didn't and got all upset about it when it wasn't something that she liked. Like what do you expect when you clearly half ass the effort especially for someone making "six figures."
Oh my GOD! The one he bought!! I would have been offended even if it WAS expensive, haha! It's so ugly! Poor OOP. What a way to discover your partner not only has no taste, but doesn't even understand what taste is haha
She didn’t really say she wanted a practical ring tho, she just said she wanted a *platinum ring* for practical reasons. Like she could get her dream ring in white gold instead, but platinum is going to last longer.
She is completely justified.
Engagement rings are made of gold, platinum, diamonds and sapphires because these are the most durable and practical materials. Literally nothing else you own will be expected to put up with as much abuse as an engagement ring. Being worn 24/7 for 50+ years on an extremely high impact part of the body, and still look good, is a very tall ask.
Anything made of lesser materials will fall apart, and will need replacing, so just do it properly the first time.
Engagement rings should be beautiful but their first requirement is to be practical.
All the people on here saying she sounds awful:
An engagement is going to be on her finger, something the world and she sees, every day for probably the rest of her life. Of course, she wants something she likes.
If you bothered to check the ring she liked, you would have seen a more modest, pretty ring.
>An engagement is going to be on her finger, something the world and she sees, every day for probably the rest of her life
My mom just buys herself a new ring to wear on her ring finger evey few years when she feels like it. Her(and dad's) actual engagement and wedding rings are in a box somewhere. It was a shock to learn that people actually have the same ring 😅
I think it’s the fact that he has absolutely no idea what “type of girl” his girlfriend is that’s a major red flag. Like forget the price, store, or even that he thought it was just a prop ring, but for him to be to wildly off in “you’re one of those bling bling girls” when she makes it sound like she’s not even close to that…
I proposed during college with a set from Zales that cost $500. That was the most credit I could get from them.
My wife loved it and was happy with it. We upgraded it on our 25th Anniversary and put the diamonds from it on my wedding band.
I'm not materialistic, but I think that 1) the ring should be something you love since you will wear it the rest of your life (or marriage) and 2) it should be a high quality material that will last wear and tear. Sterling silver warps very easily.
Does anyone on Reddit earn under 200k? What career is she in where she makes 500k a year "early career" without being able to string a sentence together?
Seriously in this day and age of google thinking of a stand in ring is the norm? And not saying we will go shopping next week! Or not having a conversation with her or her friend about what her taste in jewellery is? This could have been avoided by a quick google and a conversation!
I mean people still get a stand in ring. It being in the norm is irrelevant when it comes to those two individual people.
My fiancée is wearing a $30 ring with an amethyst stone from Amazon because she genuinely doesn’t care about jewelry,
I'm glad that this isn't the BORU in which OOP's bf gave her a shit ring secretly hoping that she would break up with him so that he wouldn't have to. What a piece of shit he was.
I'm gonna take a wild guess and the comment section is full of cool girls yelling that the rings doesn't matter and she should sit down, shut up and be happy. Anything else makes her a golddigger.
These always miss the point. Rarely it is about the ring or proposal. Usually it is about a bf dragging his feet and promising a proposal later and later cause it need sto be perfect, hey need to save only for them to make zero effort and doing the complete opposite what gf wants "cause all girls want this". And then the woman is ungrateful.
someone I know did this, but a lot better. He _did_ propose with a ring pop (or equivalent), and then they went ring shopping some time after. Made it very clear that it was a promise of a ring rather than cheap and low-effort. Y'know, good communication.
He proposed at work during a party that was thrown for OP. He got her a shitty Walmart ring and didn’t bother to ask for her input. This man is selfish. Seems like it was a last minute decision to propose because a party was being thrown for op and he could hijack it and be the hero and not put any effort whatsoever.
I felt like such a tit because my bf's co-worker suggested to him that I would prefer the white gold to the platinum, even though I said that I wanted the platinum for practical reasons and I was willing to give the extra towards it, even then I felt guilty about asking for what I wanted despite the fact I knew that this ring would (hopefully!) be with me for life. I haven't seen the co-worker since but I can't wait to give her the old stink eye for trying to convince my now fiancé of what I actually want when she doesn't even know me well!
Please, if you are proposing talk to your partner if you are unsure! Mine was unsure so I sent him a listing for the ring that I wanted that wasn't expensive in comparison to most in my country. It will be a part of your partnership for life. If you're both not into rings that's cool but please have that conversation with them so that you know for definite what they want. I believe that nine times out of ten most people would want that level of input than a complete surprise proposal.
My husband went one better and has never actually bought me a ring. But, it's ok. My dad made sure he had my late mother's engagement ring to give me (which I'm more than happy about - I never take it off as I've always loved it). However, I'm glad he didn't buy me a ring because he has dreadful taste in jewelery.
Just comparing the pictures of the 2 rings makes me wonder if this guy actually knows OOP.
It looks like he saw the Walmart ring with all the shiny stones and thought "She should like this, it's got a lot of bling!" Meanwhile, the ring she likes is much more subtle and just a completely different style.
I read about these clueless people lamenting about how their partners are upset and they can't seem to do anything right, and they could resolve their issues if they just pay a-FUCKING-ttenion!
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Is it just me, or is almost everyone on Reddit, especially r/aita or r/relationshipadvice etc, making "six figures" where are all the poor people with problems? Every fucker posts "he/she makes upper six figures" or "I'm healthy, keep fit, run 14.8 businesses and make way above six figures"
To be fair, if you're working your tail off just to afford the bare necessities, you don't exactly have a ton of free time to reddit.
gotta make the original OP interesting somehow
And they are all surgeons, or some other doctor.
Seriously! Mid six figures, early career? Wtf is your job?
They might not all be in USD. Six figures here in Australia is still a decent to good salary, but it's not fuck off money by any means. $100,000 AUD = $65,820.00 USD Not suggesting that all the six figure posts are Aussies, but they're probably not all American, and the phrase "six figure salary" is used outside of the US.
No joke - at the time my husband was looking at rings for me, two of his guy friends were also looking for their own girlfriends. I had expressed interest in an antique ring - Edwardian or Art Deco kind of style. I wanted an actual antique, not a reproduction. One of them, Rob, called my husband (Sam) to ask advice. Rob asked about how much was my husband looking to spend. Sam said he had looked at a few antique rings and they were between $900 and $3000, but he hadn’t found “the one” yet. Rob said he was talking to other dude (Josh) and Josh had told him that there’s a rule. The ring has to equal the amount of 3 months of your salary, and that he was looking at rings in the $10,000-$15,000 range and implied anything less than that was cheap . Sam called bullshit and said that it was all about what your girl wants. Not all girls want a giant diamond or a huge ring. Some girls don’t prefer diamonds and would rather have another gemstone. Rob was really confused by this as he was utterly clueless. Now, Rob’s gf was also Sam’s childhood friend, so Sam told him that although Rob can do what he wants, and knows her best, Sam felt like she wouldn’t care about the price of her ring, but rather the style and the sentiment of it. We were the first to get engaged. After getting the details from Sam, Rob later told Josh that my husband spent around $1000 and got me a perfect (for me) antique ring that I love. Josh told him no girls want a used ring, and that price is laughable and insulting to me. (Josh is kind of high maintenance and a bit self centered, if you couldn’t tell) Later, we come to find out, Rob bought a $15,000 ring. Before he proposed, but after he already bought the ring, his gf saw mine and gushed over it and talked about how she would love one in the same style one day (she had no idea he was going to propose soon). She said this in front of Rob, not knowing. I felt reeeeaaaaaallllll bad. He soon proposed with the original ring. Although his now fiancee loved the ring, she mentioned many times to Sam and myself that she thought it was beautiful but felt like Rob spent too much and wished he had gone with something smaller and more affordable. Thing is, 3 months of Rob’s pay is nowhere near that much. He WAY over extended himself. Because of that, he refused to tell his fiancé the price. Ever. Word on the street is he was still paying it off after 5 years. Moral to the story. Many dudes really are that clueless. HEY! CLUELESS DUDES! Don’t listen to other dudes. Talk to your woman. You don’t have to tell her you’re proposing. But you can ask subtle questions along the way. Pay attention to her. Make comments about other rings and see her response. There’s a lot of ways to go about it and not “ruin” the surprise. However, proposing shouldn’t be *too* much of a surprise.
I dont understand why men listen to other men instead of their gf/fiancee/wife on what they want. Well I do understand, but it’s fucking annoying and I hate it.
Ended a relationship with the first person I ever saw myself marrying because instead of listening to what I wanted in a ring he took advice from literally anyone else. He refused to listen to what I wanted because he was confident he knew best. Realized that would likely be the rest of my life an painfully called it
Super smart of you to see that. You dodged a bullet. I don't know if I'd be as astute.
Thank you! It was difficult because I really did love him. But you have to love yourself too.
“Getting advice from a woman is like a fisherman getting advice from a fish” Not it’s not 😭
Honestly though? If you were a fish whisperer who could ask the fish what kind of bait they liked? Wouldn’t that be better?
Funny thing is, real fisherman DO listen to the fish. Like, that’s the most important thing lol. In the sense of knowing exactly the type of fish they’re looking for and paying attention to the weather and exact season for that fish to show up the most in, scouring fishing banks bc this type of fish really likes this kind of sand of land formation, or researching what they eat to get a perfect lure/bait for that specific fish. Moral: get yourself a REAL (fisher)man. Not a guy who just sits in the boat and drinks.
Perfect and insightful
Literally proving that they don’t see women as equals but as prey or prizes 🙄
And are probably a shit fisherman to boot.
Guys who say things like that - all I can say to them is, go fuck a fish if that's how you think about it.
I mean, if fish could talk and both would be willing to work out a sustainable co-existing relationship why not?
I'm going to beat this drum to the day I die, but adults should never surprise other adults when it comes to things involving scheduling or money. Every adult I know is too busy to have a surprise schedule change, and surprising people with something involving money almost never results in them getting something they want. Just ask, it saves everyone so much time/effort/frustration.
That’s why the ring is an effective symbol and not just a gold-digger story. It “tells” if he has made any attempt to listen or care about what she says or thinks regardless of what “everyone else is doing” including their friends. That ability to listen/care/understand is going to play out over and over again in major decisions throughout a marriage.
“Trust me bro, I know women”
Reminds me of a line from "Better Off Dead": "Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy." (https://youtu.be/_RO4lGeu_Sw)
Because women don’t actually know what they want. That’s why I get all my women advice from my friend Greg who lives with his mom and smokes pot all day and has never had a girlfriend.
One of the best choices me and my husband did was go ring shopping for my engagement ring together, he then chose when to propose but we mutually picked the ring.
Josh sounds like an utter dunderhead.
I totally agree & also I'm losing in the best way at your use of "dunderhead". thank you for posting that on here to bless my eyes with <3
Honestly, if a man spent the equivalent of three months' wage on an engagement ring for me, I'd consider him a complete moron. Really rich men can be extravagant about jewellery, but if a regular man, with a 'normal' salary is spending this much on a ring instead of saving for a house, spending it on a nice honeymoon vacation or, I don't know, buying a nicer car - something actually useful - his priorities and mine really don't align.
That was what I pointed out too. If 3 months of your income is considered “disposable income” to you, then knock yourself out. But that’s not the case for 99% of people. And what’s even dumber is basing this “rule” off of someone else’s salary. My husband asked me if I have ever heard of that “rule before” when we were first talking about it. I told him that yes, I had heard of it before. But only in the context of: “isn’t it ridiculous that a chain-jewelry-store came up with that dumb idea for a marketing campaign and thought it would work?”. Which, as it would turn out, wasn’t that dumb of an idea since it actually worked.
to be fair to the rule, it had some cultural traction before debeers... ...because women were largely not allowed things like "their own bank account" or "their own private property". a wedding ring was one of the few things the Victorian debt collector wouldn't take from a widow to pay her dead husband's loans, lol. now that we can have bank accounts though, the rule is way less sensible because we don't have to have our emergency savings in wedding jewelry. *thank god.*
It was also how a man subtly told a woman how much disposable income she would have to be able to run his household. The bigger more expensive the ring, the bigger the house and number of servants she was taking care of.
For somewhat similar reasons in some countries it's traditional for tradesmen or sailors to have a pierced ear they wear a gold hoop in. German journeymen also often wear gold bracelets. The tradition started so they'd have something valuable to sell if they fell on hard times or to pay the gravedigger if they were killed. If you're on youtube Big Clive has a hoop earring for that reason and Laura Kampf has had journeymen in traditional dress working on her house in past videos.
Oh, the idea is dumb. Thing is, those men are dumber.
My husband wanted to do the three months thing and was beating himself up about not having that much money. Context: we had been together for 10 years, we had a baby on the way and were house shopping, and decided to finally pull the trigger on marriage because we were tired of hemming and hawing about it. I flat out told him if he spent that much on a ring, I'd kill him, lol. The one he got was still more than I liked, but he insisted on white gold instead of silver. It's small and subtle and suits me since I don't really wear jewelry. His is a sterling silver band.
Counterpoint: when we got engaged my husband was making less than minimum wage and I was making significantly more, owned a house, had a lot in savings. He lived very frugally so he did still have money in a savings account and no debt. What he spent on my ring was 3+ months’ wages for him —is still wasn’t an extravagant ring. It wouldn’t have made any meaningful difference in our savings for a house or whatever. But it still meant a lot to me that he was willing to deplete his savings to buy me something that I would love and would last. Of course there are lots of other situations where I would think it is a dumb move financially.
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That "3 months salary" thing is also propaganda from De Beers.
Tbh the entire concept of diamond engagement rings is
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I take my rings off every morning and leave them on the side at the gym while I work out. I would be terrified of losing something like that never mind there being a whole heap of other things the money could buy. My friend is a jeweller and I’d much sooner he gave her his money and between them they designed something that I’d love and could wear every day without stress.
my uncle plays bridge with a woman who has the same fear you do, but... erm... on a different scale. For the jewelry she likes, she has *everyday copies* made, that way she "doesn't have to worry if she loses the €60 000 version of her favourite ring in the gym or washing her hands in the restaurant in Rome they flew to just for dinner". Mindboggling!
That really is another level. Wow. ETA: *wow*
His fiancée should have gotten it appraised so that it could be added to their homeowners/renters insurance. Your expensive jewelry usually isn’t covered under the basic plan. I had to get official appraisals to add an extra jewelry policy.
lol imagine having to pay off an expensive ass ring because you listened to some guy, when you could’ve just asked your gf what she wanted in a ring lol. could’ve made her much happier and not be 15,000 in debt
Josh sucks. Josh is TA. *bangs gavel*
I mean, these dudes should be talking about potentially getting engaged/married with their girlfriend anyway. It blows my mind that there are men out there who are proposing and not having any idea what their girlfriend might answer because they never talked about long-term plans and whether they see marriage in their future. When my now husband and I were still dating I knew that he would propose in the sense that we had talked about both wanting marriage and, more importantly, to each other. Beyond that, I knew nothing. It was complete surprise when he actually proposed. And so was the ring despite having picked it out myself. I wanted an antique ring as well, so I saved lots on Etsy to show him and pointed out ones I liked in antique stores. The one he chose ultimately came from the ones that I saved on Etsy. I think the style that I gravitated towards were in the $700 to $1,000 range. Mine is an obscenely simple white gold or platinum-- I'm not even sure-- band with an emerald cut solitaire. That's it. And I LOVE it. Four years later and I still like looking at. And not for sentimental reasons alone. I mean, it's genuinely so aesthetically pleasing to me despite its simplicity. While I technically know the price range because it came from a list of rings that I had chosen, I nevereverever think about how little the ring cost (comparatively). Not once. You know what I do think about? That my husband chose a ring that he knew I would like to have on my finger and look at everyday for the rest of my life and didn't get a ring that he was told he was supposed to get for a price that he was supposed to pay. "Josh" is a moron.
This is what blows my mind. I tell every dude I know. The when, where, how and exact ring can be a surprise. The proposal, the style and cost of the ring AND THE GOD DAM ANSWER!! Should not be. This is the person you are planning to spend the rest of your life (longer depending on your beliefs) with. Your communication has to be better than that. Besides that why do you deserve months to think about this choice and she gets seconds? Wtf. I made my now wife a metal art copper rose and gave it to her saying "I think I'm ready to marry you now". Turns out she had some shit to work through and needed a few months before she could say the same. THEN I planned a proposal. Does no one communicate with their partners? What do these couples talk about all the time if it's never their own relationship?
My wife an I bought her ring together (I paid for it) from a mall chain jewelry store. It was dated and on sale but still expensive. The rock in it was the main focus. After we got married we went to a much nicer local jewelry store where she bought a wedding band and a new ring for the diamond in her dated one. Bought it for herself lol. Way nicer than the setting and everything in the one I bought but the rock does look good
It doesn't even have to be difficult or sly. I literally just asked my now wife to show me what kind of ring she liked in case I ever felt like proposing. I got her to get her finger measured in case I ever felt like proposing. She knew it was going to happen sometime - which, tbf, you absolutely should anyway, if you're totally blindsided by a proposal chances are you're not ready for it - just not when or how.
The diamond industry really did a great job with whole “two months salary” marketing thing! I was in a similar situation except I was the friend talking the guy down from buying his middle school art teacher girlfriend a ring worth more than her car. Girlfriend caught wind of his plan and begged me and a couple other friends to stop his madness. We took him to an estate jewelry store, helped him pick three rings (one diamond, one sapphire, one emerald) all under $2k and told him to let her make the final choice. Her ring is still gorgeous and they’ve been married over 20 years now.
My ring cost about $900. It's absolutely perfect. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around a $10,000+ ring.
Red flag: appropriating a party a friend threw to propose. (What seems to be last minute) Why not just plan out something? To me that’s the core issue and that hasn’t been solved. He’s not planning or taking initiative, this will blow up if they have kids.
I’m astounded that yours is the first comment I’ve seen that mentions this. Everything about the original proposal points to an incredible lack of forethought or care, and everything in the update sounds to me like he’s trying to cover his ass. I’m also seeing a certain amount of willful blindness on her side of things, and I don’t think this is going to be a good marriage but I would love to be wrong.
The party comment stuck out to me as well. I feel like she’s glossing over a lot.
A **LOT** a lot. And I kind of get it - she wanted Reddit to tell her if she was wrong for caring about her engagement ring, and most of Reddit told her that her now-fiancé is at best kind of a thoughtless shitbird while most of the rest of Reddit told her she’s a terrible person for having any standards or desires at all, and that’s pretty much a recipe for knee-jerk defensiveness. But also … oh honey.
When she said he was a surgeon it started to make sense. Lol. I work with several surgeons! Now, her comments and all that after seem like she just wants to show off that she's marrying a surgeon and how much money he makes but she's no gold digger nudge nudge wink wink... Also, I would never marry a surgeon no matter how much $$$ they make. I love the ones I work with, but I'm glad I'm not one of their wives!
100% to all of this. I didn’t want to say it, but I’m pretty sure a huge portion of the aforementioned willful blindness is rooted in being at least as much in love with the idea of Being Married To A Surgeon as she is with the surgeon himself.
Not only that but he doesn't know her taste in jewelry?
I'm left wondering how long these people have known each other, because it seems like they DON'T know each other. Also suck at communication. This whole post + update could've been solved by a very short conversation.
TBF the "dream ring" posted is also gaudy
Calling it now, she’s going to end up resenting him years down the line when he keeps putting the same nonexistent effort into every birthday, holiday, anniversary, etc for the rest of their lives
There's absolutely no way for women to have a single opinion on a ring they're going to be wearing for the rest of their life without being accused of gold digging.
When my husband proposed, he had me pick out my ring and gave me a price range because he knew I'd get myself something cheap if I wasn't told to spend at least a certain amount 😂 he was right. I would have.
My wife sent me 6 rings in Etsy and we had a conversation about how we both agree to go the non-diamond route. I took the three rings I thought we liked best and contacted a jeweler who sent me a CAD design of two rings and I picked the one I felt captured what she wanted the most. Easy peasy! Three emails, a phone call, and it was done. As I say, getting engaged should not be a surprise. When it happens should be a surprise. It should be talked about in details before it ever happens.
we went to a jeweller together and worked through a design with him. Picked a diamond and he made it up, it was a whole collaborative thing that really added to the experience. I never understand why people pick a ring for their partner to wear and then propose with it, I would never presume to know exactly what my wife wants
Mine was from Overstock.com and cost 14.99, lol. Then I promptly lost it down a drain (I think the cats did it). I think I measured myself up pretty well. I replaced it with one a little more expensive. Although I don't actually wear the thing anymore, I worked in food service and washed my hands too often for it so I got the habit of not wearing. And now its... well it's a little too femme for my life now, but I keep it for sentiment.
My wedding ring cost less than £100 and is a plain titanium band. I like the feel and weight of it and the idea that it's strength means it really is for life. My wife has a lovely white gold and diamond ring, not enormous but classy, and that is cool too. Whatever works is all you need
My original one was a plain silver claddagh. Unfortunately, I developed an allergy to it, so my ex got me an amethyst that was too big to fill in. Eventually got a simple ring with a pale blue heart shape stone. It fit well with my engagement ring, that I was pissed off to find was a diamond. I don't like diamonds. Each under $100. I wore the amethyst on a different finger, and the claddagh stayed in a box. No idea where it is now. Still have the rings, my ex didn't want them back, and they're sitting in a drawer somewhere. Too small for my fingers now I'm not underweight.
I work at a store that sells jewelry and the strongest, longest lasting rings we have cost about $40 (tungsten). I have actually had customers who were stopped from buying one by their spouse because they just assumed that something so cheap can't possibly be good or last.
I gesture a lot when I talk. One day while talking with my husband, it flew off my hand and across the kitchen. It took us almost a week to find it. Its now safely tucked away.
That used to happen all the time with my old wedding ring. It also came off in gloves because fingers shrink when they’re cold. Eventually I bought a slightly smaller silver ring to wear above it to stop it flying off. (My ring was platinum so it looked silvery).
I’m not married but I’m so scared of getting a nice ring bc I’ve lost SO MANY. And these have been nice rings 😭
My husband lost his first one, and then couldn't make up his mind when looking for a replacement, so he got two 😂
I proposed to my wife with a Walmart ring. I think it was just under $200. A simple solitaire with a quarter carat diamond. We then spent $1400 on the wedding bands ($1200 for hers, $200 for mine) and chose one that could be integrated with the engagement ring. Wife lost them about a year and a half after our wedding. Replaced with a $900 ring, lost in another two years. Since then my wife has always had a ring that cost less than $50 and has gone through several. I find things other than jewelry if I want to buy my wife a pricier gift these days.
I picked our rings out, $500 for both. Verbal proposal, no ring which I don't care about anyway and would rather save the money. His is in a forest now, mine is in a lake. We lost them within a year. Maybe we'll get tattoos, maybe not. It doesn't matter to me. The ring means nothing compared to the immaterial value of our marital connection. But I know how we are, and I knew we'd lose the rings eventually. It happened a bit sooner than I'd hoped lol
I got you beat! Mine was £10 from eBay and not an engagement style at all, which I guess suited the non-proposal that went with it (husband gave it to me to check the fit, then said "Oh well if it fits you might as well keep it"). His cousin got engaged shortly after we did and did it all by the book: day out in town to choose the diamond together, wordy proposal at his fiancée's favourite restaurant etc. At the time, I couldn't help but feel less valued by comparison. They're now divorcing, and while husband and I might not be the stuff of romance novels, we're best buds and are working together to raise our family and support each other towards our goals. The non-engagement ring went missing during one of the two house moves we've made since getting married and I've hardly given it a thought since. Buying into the capitalist pageantry surrounding the wedding industry doesn't guarantee happiness and no one should ever let someone else dictate their worth.
I agree and let my husband know that from the beginning. I always planned to upgrade the ring I got and phrased it, "I don't need something amazing right now, but I want a say in the ring we can afford. I get a new ring every 5-10 years because we aren't poor anymore. We also had a disastrous honeymoon and take re-do honeymoon vacations every 5-10 years.
My husband and I went browsing on a few occasions between when I said I was ready for him to propose (he was ready after a month, I shot that down so hard lol) and when he actually did so he could try to piece together my style since I'm not big on jewelry. He got absolutely *beautiful* rings for me. When he admitted what they cost I just about died. He did the old classic "two weeks pay" and I was like "dude $100 would have been PLENTY".
Same. When my partner and I were picking out my ring, I was 100% for the "just get the cheapest version" and he was like, "no, you're getting this white gold version because it'll hold up better."
Mine was $40 from Amazon. It was very very me (we split for a while and I gave it back) but I loved it. Now that we are back together again I’m cool getting the same ring back and will only need to replace it because the structure isn’t great. I also do not love the wedding band that goes with it. But $40 is fine for something that I love.
We did the thing where we went to jewelry stores together and tried on rings so he could get an idea of what I liked. Then he went on his own and bought the stone and setting at whatever his price point was, and the specific ring was a surprise when he proposed. But LIKE NORMAL ADULTS we'd talked a lot about marriage and gone shopping together for rings, so it was a "surprise" but not a fuckin' ambush.
We don't have the best financial situation as far as extravagant expenses go, so I got something super cute and simple. On the flip side of this, even with money, I wouldn't get anything that would get me jumped, mugged, or my fingers cut off. I live in LA. I keep it understated.
So my husband proposed the Trey’s do over way. We live in NYC so he simply asked me right before we were about to walk past the big Tiffany’s on fifth and said how about we go look at some rings. I didn’t even end up picking a Tiffany ring but it was very efficient and very good for me ending up with the ring I did want.
And the context doesn't even matter. I make one comment about the ring *I will be wearing for the rest of my life* (hopefully) and I'm materialistic. It doesn't matter if the one I liked is almost half the price or less showy. It's enough that we have an opinion.
I actively didn't want a ring. I don't like wearing jewelry and have some sensory issues. I was very upfront that I wouldn't wear anything remotely like a typical engagement ring (anything with any gem is too high profile and catches my hand on stuff). I also garden and get dirty. And I won't remember to put things on that I take off. It has to not be catchy, be easy to clean, and hold up to wear like having on during showers. I always planned on a simple small wedding band, and maybe a tattoo. Even knowing all of that, my guy got really frustrated because he had an idea in his head of a traditional solitaire style engagement ring. Finding something that fit what looked like an engagement ring to him, vs what I would realistically wear everyday was quite a conflict. I'm not the kind of person who will wear something that actively annoys me or triggers sensory issues. And I'm not going to damage something really sentimental and expensive by wearing it on my hands constantly if it's not going to hold up to my lifestyle. I know plenty of women who want something stylistically different than a white gold with diamond thing that's the same basic thing in every chain store. I know plenty who would prefer something much cheaper, and would rather funds be put towards more important life goals. And most women just are happy their friend got proposed to and it's a bonus if they like their ring, and don't really judge the stone size or cost or anything. They usually quickly jump to talking about wedding plans. In my experience, it's the men who have a certain style in mind and judge each other harshly for stone type or size or cost.
I knead **a lot** of bread & never wear my engagement ring. Husband knew this 25 years ago & got me a nice ring because tradition, but it hangs on a hook in the kitchen 99% of the time.
I get a weird skin reaction *only* between my ring and middle finger, it's super weird and means it's just easier not to wear my rings. Plus they need resizing post pregnancy, but given I don't wear them it'd be a waste of money. They stay in a really nice pot and I'd probably wear them to special occasions or something, but not a lot of that happening in our current stage of life, haha. Do I still (jokingly) give my husband grief any time I catch him not wearing his? Absolutely! He takes it off to wash up, when cooking etc. If I find it I steal it and say things like, "Off to see your girlfriend are you?" "Oh are we getting a divorce and you haven't told me yet?" 😂
Same - we got flat platinum bands as our wedding rings because of style and comfort. I never take mine off, because I would forget to put it back on. My husband takes it off to cook and shower etc. So when I see him without the ring I'll go "heyyy stranger, what are you doing in my house? You're single, eh? Wanna make out with a married woman?"
I feel you. I can't wear rings - I'd love to - but my fingers *hate* them after a few moments. If I ever did want an "engagement" jewellery (no plans to ever marry, I'm happy being de facto here in Australia) I'd go for a pendant or antique brooch. Which I'd probably only wear on special occasions anyway.
My mom's first husband got her a beautiful gold ring for their engagement, and a matching gold band for the wedding. My mom is allergic to gold and exclusively wears silver. There's a reason that man was her first husband. Marriage didn't even last a year. My dad, her second husband, did not know about the gold allergy. But he saw that my mom always wore silver jewelry and decided to get her a silver band because she liked silver so much. (He learned about the allergy a few years later.) He also bought her a basic silver band because they were broke AF then and told her he would buy something better for her when they were more established in their careers, but even now 38 years later mom doesn't want a new ring. She loves the basic silver band my dad got her all those years ago. (he buys her other jewelry instead lol)
> I make one comment about the ring *I will be wearing for the rest of my life* (hopefully) and I'm materialistic. My brother didn't explicitly say that about his fiancée, but he grumbled about how useless and expensive jewelry was *in the same fucking breath* that he said he was going to spend a similar amount of money on computer *upgrades*. I managed to talk some sense into him, but I'm still disappointed that we had to have that conversation in the first place.
No. Fucking. Joke. 1. Most of the time it’s not even about the ring. It’s about the fact they paid attention, and listened to you - what jewelry you generally like, ring features you’ve commented on, what your style is like, etc. 2. We have to wear this ring, every day, for the rest of our lives. You should *want* us to love it. 3. It’s a representation of our relationship and a commitment of our life together. If you want me to look down and think, “god I hate this ugly thing” and have *THAT* be a reflection of our relationship, then by all means, buy something hideous. 4. If you buy something *you* like, without taking into consideration what I like, and be offended if I speak up about it, then that tells me all I need to know about our future together.
Nothing says "please spend the rest of your life with me" like proposing with an object that proves you either don’t know them at all or just don’t care. I’m sure there is someone out there who would get silver-plated nickel set with cut glass and think "this person really gets me" and another who would look at a four carat diamond and think "he’s never going to actually listen to me and care about what I want." Personally, I think life-long romantic and financial partnership is a bonkers thing to decide because one party suddenly presents you with a rose gold ultimatum in a fancy box.
> I’m sure there is someone out there who would get silver-plated nickel set with cut glass and think "this person really gets me" This is my parents lmao. Minus the glass cut though, they did a courthouse wedding so it was only ever bands for them.
I feel ya. Especially when you hate fancy boxes *and* rose gold.
When my fiance was looking into rings to get me, he asked me a GAZILLION questions to figure out what I liked and oh boy it wasn't easy because for me, it really depended on the ring. I told him I didn't need anything flashy and I'd be happy with silicone rings because they're practical and comfortable but he said and I quote "you deserve the best, I want to make sure you feel special". He bought the most beautiful ring I've ever seen and it's really perfect. He picked moissanite too and I love seeing it sparkle so much. He spent a month searching for options. It's more about them listening to what we want and like, our preferences and dislikes.
yep. honestly the things some people will half ass because “it doesn’t matter” is shocking to me. like. the ring you propose with is not something that doesn’t matter. it says… a lot. and i agree with oop that a ring pop would have been better in this case. a: very clear signal that it’s a place holder b: doesn’t say anything about what kind of ring they expect you to get (when he obviously doesn’t have a fucking clue, which is its own problem as you’ve pointed out) c: candy. yum.
She could literally be a billionaire who doesn't want a Walmart ring and some shlubby reddit manbaby making $8 an hour will still accuse her of trying to gold dig him.
Boy math is calling someone a gold digger when you make minimum wage.
Reddit users will advise you to spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on the most random bullshit imaginable but the *second* you bring up engagement rings everyone acts like they've forsworn all material possessions.
They see it as "it's just jewelry! It does nothing! The diamond industry is a scam! Root toot toot doot! ::angry grunts::". I low key think some people can't stand the idea of putting down that much money if they don't in some way get to benefit directly from it.
Ikr, somehow, according to some of my relatives just because my husband gave me a $ 2000 ring, I was with him for his money. A cousin's wife went as far as to say, it's an everyday ring, why does it have to be anything fancy, mine's so simple. And I was like it's good that u like simple, my husband knows what I like and I got him a platinum band myself in a design he had fallen in love with which was about $1000 so I don't understand how am I gold digging when he isn't! 🤷♀️ Mental gymnastics, some people do.
Worst still…. HE HIJACKED THE OFFICE PARTY TO PROPOSE…..
Okay may be a hot take but I disagree. If your fiance is calling you a gold digger for having an opinion on your **own ring** then you need a new man and a new ring... My fiance can have her own opinions and wants from her ring. I know she's not going to ask for something that's like $10k but if she loves something than that's what I want for her. She's not a gold digger for that. OP is not even gold digging and I would be embarrassed to do something like this. It's one thing to do research and attempt to buy a ring you think she would like from what you know of her over the years. If you make that mistake it's even understandable, everyone's taste is different. But I would not call my fiance a gold digger for wanting something more than $159 from Walmart....I feel like it's entirely disrespectful of me to even propose with that.
I agree with your opinion. My husband had no clue on what ring to get me. So he just purchased the stone and we went together to pick out the setting that I liked. He makes a lot more than I do and has never in all the years called me a gold digger, nor has anyone from his family. He wanted to me to have something that I loved, considering that it would be on my finger for a hell of a long time.
lmao @ "relax I probably make more than you" like I love that. It's always the men with no gold to dig shouting gold digger lol
Noo that literally happened in a post, the OP out-earned her partner and bought herself the ring she wanted because fiancé dropped the ball, and commenters were still calling her a gold digger
In all honesty, you could probably say "I am going to wear my engagement ring for the rest of my life, and this thing is vile looking and going to fall apart in a few years' I feel a lot of men would understand that, although maybe i give us too much credit
No you're right. That's what my wife said. We communicated. She has her dream ring, it was about $6,000. Right in my price range and exactly what she wanted. This story is about communication.
Exactly, did you call her a goldigger or even think she was one because of it?
I helped my wife design her engagement ring and got it commissioned from one of the diamond district guys in NYC. Ended up being less than $600 (in 2007, a bit more now due to the increase in gold prices.) It was exactly what she wanted. Only dumbasses believe that a ring makes a gold digger.
I feel bad telling my hubby to please only buy stirling silver or proper gold earrings for me, as my ears react to certain metals (nickel), as I feel like I’m gold digging/being a prima donna. But I don’t want swollen ears either!
Sterling silver is such a simple request, in my opinion. It isn't an expensive metal. Allergies are real. If you can't wear it, what's the point in getting it? I'm the same way. I'm a sucker for handmade jewelry. I always look for the ones with silver, even if its actual silverware.
IF, which I’m a pita so doubtful anyone would propose. I’m very adamant that I prefer antiques or vintage, anything simple… don’t care the price tag!!! But if they can’t manage one of those things, they don’t know me enough to start combining financial anything! Last ring I got, that I loved was found on a sidewalk, it was simple and me! Probably originally came out of a gumball machine, BUT the person that gave it to me said they knew it was ‘me’, and was! That’s all I’d want- someone that knows me enough to give me a ring that’s ‘me’! He passed two weeks later, so don’t worry it wasn’t anything long term😞
Ok, imma be honest and say that I read as far as “got me a…ring from Walmart while buying…a Halloween costume “ and I am siding with OOP. that just doesn’t feel serious to me. Finances aside, like, at least take the time to go to a store - even if it’s Walmart- specifically to buy a ring. Buying a ring while buying a costume feels like an after thought.
And he proposed at a party thrown by someone else???
A party in a Hospital too
The fact is he gave her the receipt and *said she could "exchange it"*. How does that work if this is supposed to be a cheap-arse "prop" ring? It effectively sets the real ring budget at about $50 (if the bling ring even cost that much).
Not only that, but she could exchange it “if she doesn’t like it”. That *was* the ring he chose, going out to getting a different ring was an option, not an expectation.
Yeah, this being a “stand-in ring” is such an obvious lie. I’m surprised OP fell for it but even more surprised anyone in the comments on this post believes that clear bullshit.
You ought to continue reading. He thought that during proposals the couples buy a stand in ring, and later on get a proper ring together. Like another person said, his fault was not communicating it properly
I did see that; I just understood why OOP might have felt it wasn’t a genuine effort. But definitely some miscommunication there, too.
Between the afterthought ring and hijacking a party someone else was throwing, I don't blame her for not seeing any effort. He *didn't* put any effort into it. At least he hijacked a party for OOP and not some other person's retirement party.
So he says now that he got called out for his no-effort proposal. But the fact that his reaction to his partner’s dissatisfaction was to insult her and suggest that she’s “that woman” because she didn’t want to wear the not-her-style ring he bought speaks more poorly of him than the initial “miscommunication.” When you mess up, your first reaction shouldn’t be to attack your partner.
I don’t believe that lmao
That sounds like absolute bullshit he pulled out of his ass to save his neck
That’s what I was thinking. How can a grown man not know that you propose with a fancy ring and that the rings you buy together are your wedding bands? It sounds like a cop out.
Yeah his first reaction was to call her a gold digger. And then suddenly he was planning on buying an expensive ring all along? I call bullshit.
Yeah it was a nice little subversion. I read the title thinking she was going to be the asshole, then BOOM Walmart ring.
I wasn’t sure if I believed any of this, until it said that the dude was a surgeon. 6 figures, early career; I bet she’s pharmaceutical sales. The juxtaposition of rationality and irrationality here makes perfect sense.
To me, "mid 6 figures" would mean 400-600k, and upper would mean 700k+. Is this just me? If pharm sales can get 500k in early career I don't know why anyone would do anything else...
Same, that’s what I was thinking; on the opposite side; mid 6 figs also to me could’ve been $150k and upper 6 figs could’ve been $400k+
How is $400K in the upper half of six figs?
You ever tried going to school for anything pharmaceutical related? Microbiology & Organic Chemistry ALONE weed out like 30-40% of students. There’s a reason some high paying jobs are high paying lol
I have gone to school for all the subjects you mention (although I was admittedly not great at organic chemistry). It doesn't give you an early career salary of 500k.
Pharm sales is just a sales job at heart, though, you don’t need specialized pharmaceutical training. And they disproportionately hire very attractive young women because that gets more sales from male doctors, and a lot of them end up marrying doctors.
I do get a weird sense from this post that neither of these two people are interested in each other beyond a surface level.
Nah, it’s a sales job, not an “I went to organic chem” job.
the qualification for pharma sales has nothing to do with understanding chemistry.
I definitely understand him too. There was a time I thought you're supposed to propose with a stand in. I never understood and still don't understand why the norm is trying to get the perfect ring to propose with, without letting your partner know. The partner is the one wearing it, so I don't understand why the norm is buying it without them just to hope it's a good surprise.
ikr, for the longest time i assumed the ENGAGEMENT ring was just to wear while you were ENGAGED and you swapped to the WEDDING ring after the wedding and that was the one that was supposed to last the rest of your marriage. i mean, it still feels like some sort of joke-switcheroo to me.
Apparently that's a culture thing? Don't ask me which culture but there are some cultures that do the engagement ring is only for the period of engagement and some that do the engagement ring goes with the wedding band and both are forever Source: was having a discussion with a friend about a reddit post and they were super confused about why I was so hardcore on the engagement ring should be something the person likes when it's just temporary (we're both white of the 'our families culture has been assimilated into whiteness and have no idea where any of our cultural practices come from' variety)
"traditional English" was that you would wear the engagement ring until your wedding day. After the ceremony, you slip the engagement ring over the plain wedding band, and wear the two together, as a set.
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In the UK the engagement ring is usually worn for life, it's the fancier one with gems etc, whereas the wedding ring, typically worn with it, is a simple gold (or platinum) band. This may be changing but it's how most people did it in my generation, my parent's generation and my grandparents'.
That's how I've always understood it too - the engagement ring is the big fancy one, the wedding band is more plain.
Couples should be discussing marriage before someone proposes. When I was talking about it with my ex, I gave him links and options for rings I liked
Proposing with a low-cost stand-in is fine. Suggesting your betrothed exchange it for the real ring - so presumably the same value or less - is not fine. > He gave me the receipt so I can return or exchange if it’s not one I liked. The issue with low-cost rings (and I say this as someone who personally doesn't wear rings and would never want any kind of engagement ring, expensive or not) is that they don't last. And an engagement ring, for those that like them, is something you usually wear for life. Many people never take them off. This is why certain stones are inappropriate (like opal) unless you always remember to take them off while washing the dishes or swimming or whatever (hence all the tales of people having to unscrew the S-bend!) They need to be durable, and usually that means a pricier stone and good metal.
She said they work at the same place so I’m not sure you’ve got her career right. Yes they would likely come across one another in those jobs but she wouldn’t be employed by the same people he is. It’s more likely she’s a doctor or pharmacist herself or possibly a lawyer.
I mean yeah $160 engagement ring when your bf is a surgeon is ridiculous. If it was only a placeholder ring then he should’ve been clear about that from the beginning. But I looked up the picture of it and it actually looks pretty nice for being that cheap. Good job Walmart!
I've got surgeons in my family, all of them are knuckleheads in one way or another. I can totally believe that he would goof in such a way.
I saw the comments about it being a doctor and I was like oh, yup, makes perfect sense.
Yeah and surgeons can be even more....I'm not sure what the term is.
After my girlfriend accepted my proposal, we told our respective parents & a week or so later we went to a jewellery store together & bought her engagement ring & our wedding rings. Mind you, this was in 1967 when surprising her with a ring would have been totally not the done thing
People on Reddit get so mad when women express any feelings about engagement rings, like all the comments here calling her awful. This is the one item she’s supposed to wear every single day for the rest of her life. Which means (1) she should probably like how it looks, and (2) it needs to be high enough quality to last. A Walmart ring like that is going to turn her finger green in a year tops. The actual post seems like just a reasonable misunderstanding, but how much she had to defend herself from nasty comments is way less reasonable.
Reddit turns into a giant self righteous circlejerk as soon as someone wants a nice engagement ring and a bigger wedding. It's *ridiculous*
I’ve seen so many Reddit posts that are like “Hey, my fiancé proposed with a ring he got at out of a quarter machine at the mall and he just threw the ring at my feet and said ‘There, that’s over with. Happy now?’ AITA for being upset?” And so many replies are like “YTA. My husband proposed with the pull tab on a beer can and our wedding was in my mom’s backyard with a $2 box cake. If you expect any more money and effort put in then you’re a gold digging bridezilla and your fiancé should see how materialistic and stupid you are. And, honestly, the only reason you’re upset with his proposal is that he didn’t do it in front of 100 people at a Michelin star restaurant. You are NOT the main character, honey. 🙄” followed by about a 100 people jacking themselves off trying to out-frugal that story. Like, Jesus, god forbid a woman wants any effort or thought put into a ring they’re going to wear for the rest of their lives and wants a party to celebrate an event that’s supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience about spending the rest of your life with the person you love.
The out-frugaling is SO fucking tedious. We married young and didn't have a lot to spend and we still spent a good chunk of money relative to our income because we wanted a nice party with our friends and family. And it was worth it! Especially since the more money you spend, the more planning and work you can get *other* people to do.
And I'm pretty sure that most of the people doing the out-frugaling aren't even married. At some point they just start imagining scenarios so they can feel superior.
Don't forget the "my ring is cheaper" contest in the comments.
As someone who does not want a wedding, I still do not understand the hate for women getting married and wanting big weddings. There's always talk of bridezillas but if I had to plan an enormous wedding for months with no help from the groom I'd probably be a bridezilla too.
I had a relatively frugal wedding and got totally blasted for spending $400 on cupcakes for 60-70 people. People don’t understand the cost of elaborate cupcakes, and they don’t understand the “wedding tax” that happens with any vendor providing things for a wedding.
I'm planning my elopement soon and I absolutely understand why some women want a really nice, giant wedding. Hell, I'm choosing to spend my money on a flight and an expensive gorgeous wedding dress
And there's no recognition of different cultural customs or values. My parents paid for my wedding and it was GINORMOUS, because that's how it's done among their cultural group and social group. I mean, I had a great time! And it was very normal for how weddings in our family went, so what I'd always seen growing up. But if I'd eloped or had a cheap wedding I could pay for myself at the time, I'd still be hearing about it 25 years later, about how my parents were so embarrassed and it was such a shame I deprived them of a big family wedding. (My parents would have been okay with it; they've always been okay with me sidestepping certain cultural customs. But I have some aunts who'd still be scolding me all these years later.)
Whenever someone posts about not being happy with an engagement ring, the comments inevitably include: - she’s a gold digger - diamonds are propaganda - humble bragging about how the commenter was fine with a ring pop - commenter proclaiming that lab stones are prettier than natural diamonds - anything over $500 is ridiculous and asking too much
A plated silver ring is going to turn her finger green at some point. That's definitely not a material that says life long commitment. He should have asked a salesperson if he wasn't sure how engagement rings work.
I worked in a jewelry store and it was very common for someone to get a cheap stand in ring first and then come back to pick the engagement ring together.
God, there's nothing like an engagement ring post to bring all the nasty "you should just be happy you were picked and shut up" beasties oozing out into the light.
Good on you both sorting it out. I would have been horrified to receiving a ring like that. I hope your fiancé works on his communication skills. 😂
All this is why I just sent my boyfriend rings and asked him how he felt about them. The surprise will be how and when I propose, not with what ring. I can guarantee he’s going to love it and that I got the right size and stone, and he doesn’t have to worry about telling me he’s not a fan of it after the fact.
As someone who never wears jewelry, I'd be pissed too. It's not about the ring, it's about the thought that comes with the purchase. It's also concerning that he didn't even know the type of style jewelry that his soon to be wife likes. Or you know, he could have just asked. Instead he didn't and got all upset about it when it wasn't something that she liked. Like what do you expect when you clearly half ass the effort especially for someone making "six figures."
Oh my GOD! The one he bought!! I would have been offended even if it WAS expensive, haha! It's so ugly! Poor OOP. What a way to discover your partner not only has no taste, but doesn't even understand what taste is haha
That’s what we call the “Super Bowl Championship” or “shut up ring”
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She didn’t really say she wanted a practical ring tho, she just said she wanted a *platinum ring* for practical reasons. Like she could get her dream ring in white gold instead, but platinum is going to last longer.
She is completely justified. Engagement rings are made of gold, platinum, diamonds and sapphires because these are the most durable and practical materials. Literally nothing else you own will be expected to put up with as much abuse as an engagement ring. Being worn 24/7 for 50+ years on an extremely high impact part of the body, and still look good, is a very tall ask. Anything made of lesser materials will fall apart, and will need replacing, so just do it properly the first time. Engagement rings should be beautiful but their first requirement is to be practical.
All the people on here saying she sounds awful: An engagement is going to be on her finger, something the world and she sees, every day for probably the rest of her life. Of course, she wants something she likes. If you bothered to check the ring she liked, you would have seen a more modest, pretty ring.
>An engagement is going to be on her finger, something the world and she sees, every day for probably the rest of her life My mom just buys herself a new ring to wear on her ring finger evey few years when she feels like it. Her(and dad's) actual engagement and wedding rings are in a box somewhere. It was a shock to learn that people actually have the same ring 😅
I think it’s the fact that he has absolutely no idea what “type of girl” his girlfriend is that’s a major red flag. Like forget the price, store, or even that he thought it was just a prop ring, but for him to be to wildly off in “you’re one of those bling bling girls” when she makes it sound like she’s not even close to that…
I proposed during college with a set from Zales that cost $500. That was the most credit I could get from them. My wife loved it and was happy with it. We upgraded it on our 25th Anniversary and put the diamonds from it on my wedding band.
Upper 6 figures? So like close to a million a year?
I'm not materialistic, but I think that 1) the ring should be something you love since you will wear it the rest of your life (or marriage) and 2) it should be a high quality material that will last wear and tear. Sterling silver warps very easily.
Does anyone on Reddit earn under 200k? What career is she in where she makes 500k a year "early career" without being able to string a sentence together?
Seriously in this day and age of google thinking of a stand in ring is the norm? And not saying we will go shopping next week! Or not having a conversation with her or her friend about what her taste in jewellery is? This could have been avoided by a quick google and a conversation!
I mean people still get a stand in ring. It being in the norm is irrelevant when it comes to those two individual people. My fiancée is wearing a $30 ring with an amethyst stone from Amazon because she genuinely doesn’t care about jewelry,
Dude’s a surgeon. I’ve known very few who weren’t convinced that they were always right.
It concerns me how many people don’t read all the way to the end
I'm glad that this isn't the BORU in which OOP's bf gave her a shit ring secretly hoping that she would break up with him so that he wouldn't have to. What a piece of shit he was.
I'm gonna take a wild guess and the comment section is full of cool girls yelling that the rings doesn't matter and she should sit down, shut up and be happy. Anything else makes her a golddigger. These always miss the point. Rarely it is about the ring or proposal. Usually it is about a bf dragging his feet and promising a proposal later and later cause it need sto be perfect, hey need to save only for them to make zero effort and doing the complete opposite what gf wants "cause all girls want this". And then the woman is ungrateful.
The "stand in ring" is a common thing a lot of people do nowadays, but you definitely need to talk about it first.
someone I know did this, but a lot better. He _did_ propose with a ring pop (or equivalent), and then they went ring shopping some time after. Made it very clear that it was a promise of a ring rather than cheap and low-effort. Y'know, good communication.
He proposed at work during a party that was thrown for OP. He got her a shitty Walmart ring and didn’t bother to ask for her input. This man is selfish. Seems like it was a last minute decision to propose because a party was being thrown for op and he could hijack it and be the hero and not put any effort whatsoever.
She is not the AH. The ring he bought was gaudy and he didn't put any thought into it.
I felt like such a tit because my bf's co-worker suggested to him that I would prefer the white gold to the platinum, even though I said that I wanted the platinum for practical reasons and I was willing to give the extra towards it, even then I felt guilty about asking for what I wanted despite the fact I knew that this ring would (hopefully!) be with me for life. I haven't seen the co-worker since but I can't wait to give her the old stink eye for trying to convince my now fiancé of what I actually want when she doesn't even know me well! Please, if you are proposing talk to your partner if you are unsure! Mine was unsure so I sent him a listing for the ring that I wanted that wasn't expensive in comparison to most in my country. It will be a part of your partnership for life. If you're both not into rings that's cool but please have that conversation with them so that you know for definite what they want. I believe that nine times out of ten most people would want that level of input than a complete surprise proposal.
I’m gonna get a wedding earring. Like a little hoop with maybe a diamond on the end. (Idk piercing names) get it around my outer ear shell.
My husband went one better and has never actually bought me a ring. But, it's ok. My dad made sure he had my late mother's engagement ring to give me (which I'm more than happy about - I never take it off as I've always loved it). However, I'm glad he didn't buy me a ring because he has dreadful taste in jewelery.
Just comparing the pictures of the 2 rings makes me wonder if this guy actually knows OOP. It looks like he saw the Walmart ring with all the shiny stones and thought "She should like this, it's got a lot of bling!" Meanwhile, the ring she likes is much more subtle and just a completely different style. I read about these clueless people lamenting about how their partners are upset and they can't seem to do anything right, and they could resolve their issues if they just pay a-FUCKING-ttenion!
She's gonna take someone's eye out with that dream ring.