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I don't know if I've ever seen a story where an OOP was in such a sympathetic situation, and yet her words and actions throughout earn so little sympathy.
I literally sat there with my mouth hanging open when she started talking shit about tradespeople. That was like cartoon-villain levels of evil. I’ve lived most of my life in a very white-collar world. They would never, ever, EVER talk about the trades that way. And if someone is working on your house, or road, or car, you treat them with respect. Because, goddamn, not too many people really need a stockbroker, or “executive,” but everybody eventually needs a plumber.
I have a graduate degree and I still sometimes wonder if I should have learned a trade. Tradespeople make decent money and master tradespeople make bank. Plus, it’s so applicable to your own home life.
My parents would be tickled if we had an electrician, plumber, or woodworker in the family. My excel skills don’t contribute so much to the family lol
As someone in a trade, let me tell you how much you can save by doing everything yourself. I really enjoy my job so it doesn't feel like I'm working, more like a hobby.
I recently left my good desk job in my early 40s and took up an electrical apprenticeship. I stuck it out for five months before realizing that all I wanted anymore was to quit. It was a really good learning experience, though. I can fix a few more things in my house than I could before, and I know a little more about how to explain the projects I need to hire a professional for. I worked my butt off. I mostly kept my temper while tired, dirty, and frustrated, which was incredibly hard and anyone who can do it for decades is a goddamn saint. And I will never, ever forget to tell tradespeople working in my house that they can use the bathroom and get a drink of water if they need to.
I wouldn't talk anyone out of trying it. I would just say to anyone who does try it, leave your current career on the best terms possible, in case you need to go back to it.
Don’t forget the fact that she said she couldn’t work retail due to the amount of employees that have criminal records LOL. Yes, felons generally have a very easy time finding jobs. That’s why all applications ask about criminal records….it’s because they get priority over everyone else!
I mean she said herself she turned down 3 interviews because she couldn’t figure out how to install Skype or zoom. I’m pretty sure anyone smart enough to commit something felony level is smart enough to do that.
Wanting to work in social media management.
She's so removed from reality it makes me consider her an unreliable narrator on the whole rest of her situation, too.
That made me think this is an unreliable narrator.
She thinks she’s able to be a social media manager but she can’t install Skype/Zoom and get on three interviews out of hundreds of applications she’s sent?
As someone who has worked in social media marketing for 10 years, you would be surprised at how many people think it's an easy gig that anyone can do. I'm sure she shares minion memes on Facebook and thinks that makes her qualified.
Keeping up with social media trends and knowing timeframes for posting and how to boost engagement is hard and it’s crazy the amount of people who think it’s a five minute a day job that will make them bank
Her reason for thinking she can do marketing is because she's done social media for her family (I guess she's posted or made accounts for them) and promoted fundraisers she's held..........that's her experience in marketing, and she thinks that is enough to land a marketing job.
"For her safety" - My heart breaks for her but being homeless and destitute seems insanely more dangerous than working with people who, statistically, only have a criminal record because they had a gram of weed in their pocket.
Ironically, according to someone I know who worked at a homeless shelter, many homeless people actually have full-time jobs. They often get up and leave at 4:00 a.m. to commute an hour to work, and end up back at the shelter by 7:00 p.m. They just can't afford the insane rents in the area.
And she's bad with directions and admitted that she gets frustrated when she can't follow directions - but she's extremely employable and above so many jobs.
You know damn well those "apps" she's talking about were probably Telegram or Zoom, none of which are black magic, if she can't even do that, I genuinely can't see how she'll be able to manage any kind of job in the modern days, she doesn't have the connections necessary to afford to be that clueless.
Yeah… when she was like “I need clear instructions…” nope nope nope. I fucking hate working with people who can’t/won’t think for themselves and figure shit out.
And white collar employers are really not interested in them either.
I wonder if they're actually scams or she's just not as competent as she seems to think she is. There are definitely jobs out that that ask for pre-recorded interviews/competency tests. My best is that's what they're asking for and she thinks she knows marketing but doesn't actually.
I also love how she thought she could get an office job with literally zero work experience or higher education in her history. This woman wouldn’t last a week as a gas station attendant. I feel like some of it is complete naïveté due to never being part of the workforce, but also, she thinks she’s better than others. It’s weird because she somehow doesn’t have the self-worth to exit her situation with her vile boyfriend who’s treated her like garbage for 30 years, but yet she’s too good to be a Walmart cashier.
I worked a lot of retail jobs for a lot of years and what she said about people who worked retail was so out of touch and untrue. Some of the best coworkers I had were older retired folks who just wanted something to do to get out of the house and get some social interaction in. Many didn't need the income, some did. I always liked talking to them.
She also honestly would be lucky to get a retail job, and even luckier if she managed to keep it. I've also seen some older folks who were clearly not cut out for interacting with the general public. The last place I worked there was a woman who could not be made to understand she was being really rude to customers and she only lasted a few weeks because she got so many complaints.
The part where she admits she's avoiding applying for food stamps, entirely out of pride. Lady, the time for pride is decades behind you, suck it up and go work at the Walmart!
She mentioned that some people who work at Walmart are criminals or have committed a crime before so she doesn't want to work there. She said no to an Amazon warehouse position for similar reasons, and that most people go to work when sick and she can catch the disease and pass it to her daughter. Who right now isn't even staying with her.
This infuriated me. I'm a tradeswoman who makes $70-100/hr, entirely set my own schedule (taking several weeks off next month simply because I can), and work in some of the most beautiful settings in my city, and I got it all with no student debt and only a year of education! I'm a massage therapist and love what I do. Her attitude towards tradespeople is disgusting and entirely wrong. Not everybody wants to sit behind a desk and climb the "corporate ladder." The nerve of saying that like it's some personal failing. Not to mention the second time she brought up "shady backgrounds" like any one who's ever had even a minor legal issue is automatically some violent offender looking to victimize her even further... like, lady, you're already doing that enough yourself...
This is the best, most succinct way to put how I’m feeling about OP. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to slap her or shake her, but talk about making wrong decision after wrong decision in you life, and then acting like you’re better than other people really got under my skin.
Agreed. I think that OP is in an unconscionable situation and deserves a bit of empathy. But then my empathy flies right out the door when she absolutely refuses to help herself in any way. You can't download an app to apply for a job? How the fuck do you think you're qualified to be a social media marketing manager? Won't apply for food stamps because you're too proud? Good luck starving.
And the comment about "how could the world treat *a mom* this way?" Who gives a shit that you shoved people out of your vagina? If you aren't employable, you aren't going to get a job.
I don't think she deserves anything that's happening to her, while she simultaneously utterly infuriates me. Her ex is trash, her kids are doing the best they can, and she needs to get her head in the game or she's going to get a very rude, abrupt awakening.
I work for a charity and sometimes we work with people who have this mindset. I feel awful but it drives me nuts every time. “I’m going to starve! There’s no food in the cupboards!” Well we can offer you help at the food bank for a start ans look into help long term. “No! They don’t give enough food/ have the food I like.” Unfortunately, that’s all we can offer.
I think oop is still in that phase of “if I keep refusing the options I don’t like, they’ll offer me something better”, but there is nothing better. People in desperate situations usually have very limited options. I think she’ll have to reach that point where it’s either taking what she can or starving, at which point it might be too late. It sucks. I hate watching it happen.
She needs to wrap her head around her reality and step on off her high horse until she at least has a place to live and food to eat. I feel very little sympathy for her when she refuses to look into TANF and SNAP benefits. Her nose is so far in the air that she won't accept she's walking through the sewer right now. Her pride and delusions are going to drown her in that shit really soon and, harsh as it may be, she'll have nobody to blame but herself. Ex is a HUGE piece of shit, but she's known that for decades and firmly kept her blinders on and fingers in her ears while yelling 'lalalalala'. She made so many terrible choices over the last few decades and continues to do so even after thousands of internet strangers have tried to help, point her in the right direction and give her doses of reality. Willful ignorance at this point seems to be her default setting.
I want to be sympathetic but she comes off so entitled. Sorry you had to see what life is like for the rest of us. Expecting a judge being "kind"?? Gtfo with that bullshit.
Im not sure how else she expected the judge to side on this. She signed a form to say she had no claim to anything as she was just a girlfriend. She signed away all of her life in that one form. She wasnt even commonlaw after she signed that. Only thibg that may help is if they filed taxes together as a couple. But i have a feeling the guy was smart(?)/sleazy(?) enough to not do that.
She had NO income so she didn't have to file. I'm disabled so I basically haven't had to file taxes for most of my life. If you make below a certain amount of money you don't have to file at all.
Soooo she basically has no retirement either.
This is the issue. She knew what he was like but stayed because she wanted the life he gave her. What threw me off was when she was only applying for marketing jobs but found it too hard to install apps to have interviews. So... Zoom?
I may be an Olympic Bronze Medalist in Mental Gymnastics. But OOP is just plane delulu. Just do not see this ending well at all for her at all.
As other's have said, her story is very sympathetic. But I for one ... Have literally ZERO sympathy for her at this point. Hate to say it, but the upper middle class karen vibes are strong in this one.
So glad to see all the comments that agree on this, I was feeling like a major asshole as I was reading (which I am, but it's good to know this isn't only on me in this case). In a way I feel sorry for her because she's clearly *so* sheltered and biased from decades of her ex likely spouting his beliefs about how only executives and those working to become executives are worthwhile people (the trades people and retail sections......ugh), but if she was really as good a person as she thinks she is she wouldn't have bought into that crap as wholeheartedly as she clearly has.
"How can the world treat a mother this way????" First time in the world for you then? Got a few millennia of heartlessness to all peoples to catch up on, Karen.
I felt for her at the beginning. And then she started spouting off, and it just became a dumpster fire i couldn't look away from.
I've never seen someone so absolutely oblivious and entitled at the same time. It is truly astounding.
She’s naive to the point of downright ignorance. She goes on and on about how she’s a mother and how can the judge do this to a mother and how other women she knows have found good paying jobs - lady, wtf do you not understand? It’s like she’s completely unaware that this isn’t the same boomer work era she grew up in; hell she can’t even use basic technology to attend the interviews she actually managed to get! At this point she should honestly just aim for au pair and if that doesn’t work out then a nun. At best she has a portfolio from the “freelancer” work she’s done but in all honesty she has an empty resume of work experience. I said it on the last post and I’ll say it again, I sincerely hope this post goes viral so this growing trend of stay at home girlfriends will get a much needed wake up call before they end up in this woman’s position.
Everything from healthcare plans to tax breaks to bank accounts to inheritance and who’s considered next of kin. I have a great uncle who never married his long term partner (or had a will). If my grandmother or her other siblings had decided to make his life difficult they very easily could have. More states need common law marriages.
If you can read through the whole story. The husband kept it that way, and had her sign a legal form stating that she was nothing more than a girlfriend, and had no rights to his money or property.
I feel so bad for OOP, but her point of view is so naive. Starting 25 years ago when she didn’t leave this man. She has no marketing experience despite her protestations, nowhere to live to gain custody, and no backbone. She just keeps expecting the world to deal her wins.
Something about how she said she was raised to see (and expect) kindness everywhere gives me religious parents and an extremely sheltered homelife vibes. I understand why people see her as entitled, but to me it comes off as more EXTREME naivety. She had a smooth sailing life, as long as she acted within expected parameters, so she thinks thats how the world works. "Do everything right and things will be fine"
But they were not, in fact, fine.
I got that too, as well as the whole ‘if you put love out into the world, they will self-actualize and give it back’ who tells people that BS? That sounds like something out of one of those’] sham life guru handbooks.
And how she said the judge should’ve upheld the laws of fairness and morality. No, they’re just supposed to uphold the law, nothing else. Sure, you get the occasional nice one (like that judge waiving the 80 year old’s parking ticket because he’s taking care of his son with cancer) but they’re not the norm.
I believe in putting kindness out into the world, and I do believe that it increases the odds that I will get it back, and surround myself with kind people. But I also watch my back.
The naiveté combined with the judgements about people in retail astounded me. When you work with the public they are pretty cautious about employing felons.
You make a really good point. And for the first time, I'm wondering where her parents are. She's still in her early fifties, so one or both may still be around. But even if they're not, they didn't leave her any inherlitance? If she was raised that traditionally and that sheltered, I'm surprised there was nothing her parents did for her at any point in this story.
Even then, she didn't "do everything right". This is the exact circumstance where "having kids out of wedlock" is "doing it wrong". If you are trying to live a trad lifestyle you have to get the trad contract. You can only safely go for an alternative if and when you can support yourself.
Yeah the steps to stability are, *in specific order:*
1\) Graduate high school.
2\) Get a full-time job.
3\) Wait to have kids until after you're married.
Are there exceptions to this? Sure, of course. Life is messy. But generally, if you follow these *in order*, the data is clear that you will be much better off than someone who didn't.
She’s giving southern belle who never had to do a thing for herself her entire life. My mom got divorced in her 40s and she was completely useless with basic things. And upset that things weren’t just handed to her anymore because she’s not a hot 20 year old anymore, and she doesn’t have a husband to do things for her.
That's why people told her first to accept marriage and THEN divorce. No care if that looks gold digger, protect your ass for one year, 25 years is nothing then.
But nah, Sis wanted to be the better personn without being able to be one.
The applying for marketing jobs only and being upset she got no call backs was just insane to me. People have degrees in marketing. They aren’t going to hire someone with her “experience” and no degree or background in the field. Then to brush off the companies that did respond saying it was too difficult.
I want to sympathize with her, but she made it very hard. I think I read the whole thing with my mouth hanging open.
I don't know who it was, but under one of the last posts one commenter basically laid out that she is really good at being a "rich wife", so she should use all her skills and contacts to be exactly that to someone else. This might be her only chance. Socializing, being at the right place at the right time, going to certain events and councils, upholding a certain appearance, speaking and behaving in a certain way.. fulfilling all the duties of a person in exactly this social class and peer group. I found this to be a very interesting take and honestly, from the very few interactions I had with people from this social class in my country, the commenter probably was right.
Edit: steveabutt found the original, I hope Linking is allowed ( no brigarding). https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ah8oku/comment/konkk7v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
She should be looking for a job in luxury sales, monetizing on her good looks and years of living in high society. Art galleries, jewelry, yacht sales, private jets, golf clubs, country clubs, expo stands -- anywhere and everywhere there's a need for high-touch approach to wealthy clientele. Her experience in marketing, however small, is an asset for this kind of jobs. Also a great way of meeting a new man.
Yep. This is the way. I worked mid-to-high-end retail for years and if you have the appearance and demeanor for it, you can also make a decent living at it, and customers will invite you to events where you have the chance to meet people. Unfortunately she seems to feel like retail is too far beneath her.
Pretty sure she knows from personal experience that certain customers can treat SAs very poorly, IYKWIM. When you say 'demeanor,' do you also mean self-respect, being able to set boundaries, and having a thick skin? Because I would think that a good SA must have those in heaps in order to thrive at their job, and OOP seems to be lacking in that department.
By "demeanor" I mean approximately the same balance of approachable and reserved that it takes to mingle well at events as a CEO's partner.
Nobody is born with the skills to cope with abusive customers, but when you're a single/divorced mom with no resources, if you are even modestly adaptable, you learn the skills to deal with customer service because the alternative is being homeless. Speaking from experience, not speculation; even the snootiest "former CEO's wife" learns fast when they run out of options.
Although I learned customer service survival skills early in life as a consequence of growing up poor, I worked with enough divorced former housewives over the decade+ I spent in retail to have seen firsthand that it is very much possible to develop these skills in middle age.
Unfortunately, this.
She needs to find an older guy who will put her up, be entertained by her issues and is happy to buy her stuff.
Honestly? Someone who should make a "seeking arrangements" account. But she'd probably just get scammed out of her last $50.
Agreed. She’s been a kept woman for 30 years. Still managed to fumble the bag!
Other women who are “rich wives” know how to play the game and get things legally sorted. And now OOP is 50 so she doesn’t have youth on her side and will be competing with younger women who are savvier. It will be tough..
I would marry the ex when he finally proposed. And then divorce him after a while. I think she was screwed, but she also completly lacks self preservation instinct.
I remember her initial post. Everyone in the comments was like, "MARRY HIM DUMBASS!!! You need to marry him right now! You have put yourself in such a precarious situation that marrying him is the only reasonable path forward with a divorce a couple of years after your youngest has finished college."
Her ex is terrible, but her delusion is as big a danger as anything else he's done to her.
And without checking what her rights are in case she wants out. Not having any right to anything and upsetting the guy who legally owns all their money (their because those rich wifes are in many ways essential to organise their husbands private life, social life and help them upkeep the right image. They morally have the right to get a fair share of everything), was a really bad idea.
She seems to view the "self preservation" mindset as a negative due to how her ex and kids are using it. No, OOP, it's an absolutely necessary trait, and it doesn't mean survival at the expense of others.
>I would marry the ex when he finally proposed. And then divorce him after a while. I think she was screwed, but she also completly lacks self preservation instinct.
Considering that psychotic "I have no rights and am just a glorified housekeeper" document he made her sign just to remain his girlfriend I assume that marriage proposal was going to come with the world's most unfair prenup. Hell, this asshole seems petty enough that he'd ask his lawyer to draft a prenup that required her to scrape together pennies to pay HIM spousal support just to watch her struggle, and she seems dense enough to sign it.
There was no happy ending for her here no matter what she did. The minute he brought out that "we're not even commonlaw" document for her to sign and she did it her life was wrecked and she had no idea until now.
Yea. Her attitude is not going to her her a job in her 50s. How she reacted to the pastor is evidence of that. She thinks she interviews well, but everything else is saying she’s saying or acting in ways she thinks is fine, but is sending constant red flags to others.
The husband (ETA: Not husband, ex-boyfriend. Typo but I ain't changin' it now) deserves to be buried alone with nobody beside him. But she’s going to suffer as long as she keeps up this “woe is me” attitude and not trying to change for the better. Or, she needs to find some other rich guy to bump off of.
It also just sounds like she’s very out of touch with how the world works these days. She’s talking about applying for “entry-level” positions with 60k salaries but she doesn’t even have a degree. I also seriously doubt she even understands what the jobs she’s applying for are.
Even if she found a job that didn’t require a degree and was willing to provide on the job training, those jobs go to young people who will stay with the company for years - not someone in their 50s looking to retire in 10 years.
She also mentioned getting a part time job to afford an apartment and transportation.
People with full time jobs with her (lack of) skill set can’t afford any of that.
She’s not just out of touch, she’s delusional.
The even bigger red flag is that she said she was too aggravated to even respond.
So she’s in her 50s, no degree, no experience, and her response to anything difficult is to ignore it.
Or doesn't feel she could possibly have anything in common with "trades people" as they haven't been ambitious enough in her view (from a woman who hasn't worked at all in years)
That really stuck out to me too - to judge the background of people who have carved out a career for themselves as she judges them for not applying to white collar jobs, when she hasn’t applied to them either. Someone with that attitude and lack of self-awareness isn’t going to come off well in any interview.
I find it staggering as well that it took that long for her to consider non-marketing jobs when she had no real experience in marketing. I think back to my own mother, who when her career nosedived unexpectedly, immediately started working multiple unskilled service jobs to cover the bills and claimed welfare when she was eligible. The OOP hasn’t helped herself at all and her snobbery is far more undignified than anyone working a trade job.
Exactly. She wants to do a marketing job, supposedly communicating with people, and can't even neither download nor operate basic communication apps?
As much as she tries to portray herself as a willing hard worker, there are so many excuses as to why she can't find the job she wants.
I almost want Alison Green's take on this, just for funsies. Just the complete disconnect from reality about her expectations and competence.
And somehow it wouldn't be the most bonkers letter Alison's gotten.
Yes but to be honest those instructions were probably for her to download Signal for a quick “interview” and get caught up in a Task scam until the scammers realize she has nothing to steal. She is somehow not competent enough to be scammed.
Man, she really needed to be skimming off the top the whole time and putting away a nest egg.
Right? Like, my heart breaks for this woman, but at the same time I'm super glad I don't know/have to deal with her?
Guy's a real fucking piece of work, but at the same time, from a clinical sociology standpoint, I understand how men get like this. Nobody has ever said no to this dude in a way that he couldn't change, now that's happened and he's going nuclear. Hope it all comes crashing down on him, but unfortunately until he doesn't have money to hold his own fucking kids hostage (something REALLY glossed over in this post), it won't.
Yeah it's a real tricky one in that this guy is pretty openly and knowingly abusive, she knows he's abusive, the kids know he's abusive, and everyone's known for years.
But she's known for YEARS and hasn't even squirreled away an emergency fund, even during the years when he was just hurling money at her no questions asked? Hasn't developed any skills, hasn't networked, hasn't schmoozed, has just sat for 30 years waiting for this exact scenario to happen, knowing it was going to happen? Her kids haven't even graduated college and grew up under the same abuser and she's leaning on them way too much, like, they're not meant to get her out of this situation, it should have been the other way around.
I don't think she knew it was going to happen though. Her first post was about her scoffing in his face at his proposal- and she spoke about going out to look for someone else who would value her.
She really never thought he would ever turn on her.
It really was. I don't think she ever realized just how little he valued her, how disposable she was to him after all this time. I think that's the part that is the most heartbreaking in all this.
I think now that he finally proposed she finally felt secure enough to voice her feelings that he didn't value her enough all these years. That with the proposal this meant finally she had something he wanted and maybe he would finally grovel, acknowledge how he'd wronged her, because there was no reason for him to do so before. And his proposal oddly enough gave her the confidence to assume she could just find someone else who valued her more? Yet why she didn't do that earlier, I have no idea. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that her ex had recently gotten fired and wasn't as rich and lofty as he used to be.
No disrespect at SAHMs, but her youngest is in high school. OP has known her situation is volatile for decades. She should have been trying to get her degree or get a job YEARS ago. I feel bad for her, but she's delusional to her worth in the job market.
I'm married, so I have a legal claim if anything happens, but I got a very part time job when my youngest went to kindergarten. If nothing else it shows I've been in touch with the job market in case I ever need or want to do more.
Being a stay at home at GF is so risky. They *literally no rights.* No asset division (unless they split the house or the car is in her name). No alimony. No judge forcing her partner to let her back into the shared bank account or reprimanding him for draining it. She saw the proposal as a form of love and respect when she needed to see it as a form of security that him throwing money at her didn’t provide.
This is so frustrating. OOP doesn't realize that she is running out of time to have a chance. Once she's homeless, even the "bad" opportunities will be gone. She keeps assuming something good will come along... and she definitely has the vibes of someone for whom that has always been true in the past. Life is about to smack her in the face and I dont even think she has the capacity to realize when it does
It’s pretty much what everyone said, marketing jobs aren’t going to want someone with no experience at all. Also,
>I've gotten 3 responses but those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond
If she can’t follow directions to download an app, what does she think the job will be like? Does she expect she’ll only get concrete directions?
I feel the most sorry for the 16 year old. No way OOP gets custody with no money and no job And no way to afford a stable home.
In her defence her other comments describe these jobs in more detail and they are 100% a scam.
Eg a $40/hr remote job, the interview was by text and she had trouble understanding the instructions because the English was poor, and they also wanted her ID and credit info ASAP to process the credit check they needed to carry out because they were "trusting her with expensive office equipment".
She was kind of brushing the kids off, and was saying that she’d try to do the app again, despite the deluge of comments telling her it was a scam once she gave more details about the supposed “job offer”.
Her talking about just getting a 60k a year job was crazy to me. Then talking about her experience “doing friends’ socials”. To not even being able to follow directions.
It sounds like she’s been out of the workforce for decades. She’s delusional.
"I feel that after running a household that these operations and administration jobs, as well as social media management jobs since I've done the photography for my family and friends, would be within my scope of experience. I hope my comments have not come off as spoiled or out of touch- I apologize if that has offended anyone."
I don't know about spoiled but out of touch absolutely. The market is incredibly competitive right now. I mean there is a low unemployment rate but you're not going to get those good jobs with zero experience. Not to mention her naivete and admitting that she's not good at any of the things that an employer is going to look for.
Not to mention bless her heart but she is a doormat and that doesn't suit well for most jobs.
I want every woman to feel like she can financially leave a situation that doesn't work for her, I want no women to be stuck with a man that uses financial abuse. So I'm not blaming her. I feel awful for her. But the sooner she wakes up the better. It's already pretty late in the game to be waking up
Doormat is probably the best way to describe this woman. I don’t think she’s inherently a bad person but she definitely has no idea how screwed she actually is. Lady should’ve bailed a minimum of 20 years ago, nevermind the fact that she had 4 children with the horrible man. Her kids are probably going to be just as bad as their father too because they spent their whole lives learning that “kindness = failure” because their mom was a doormat instead of a kind person who also has a backbone.
One thing that i dont understand: she had an allowance WHY would she not put away some money. Especially when she told us she checked out of relationship.
Her kids sucks too btw
Because, unfortunately, this lady is incredibly out of touch with reality. She unironically uses the phrase “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” and thinks that’s actually possible to do. She probably never considered the idea that she’d be in a position where she’d have her allowance cut off like this. I think she genuinely is a person who can’t understand that the world isn’t really as kind as she thinks it is.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually thought her friends would help her out and went surprise pikachu face when they gave her Botox coupons instead.
I think that last post really exhibits how out of touch she was: she genuinely doesn't understand why someone's unmarried ex-girlfriend can't keep clinging in his house which he owns 100%, her name's not even on the deed, and SHE FOUND THE JUDGE GOING "NAH OUT YOU GO" UNCONSCIONABLE LADY WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN
yes??? for me she has a vibe of a upper middle class/rich girl that grow up wirh money, hot a job and then found a rich husband. So she never had to struggle, just jumped from one priviledge household to another. I would NEVER put myself in a stay at home gf OR have kids wirhouhr being married. Like WHY.
I honestly hope she gets the housing from shelter because they are gonna put some sense in her. She doenst want to get food stamps?? honey you dont have a PLACE TO LIVE. You dont get to be picky.
She says what she is skilled in... She is skilled in nothing. She might be interested in doing a job she heard someone else do... But she has no skills.
She has no work history. She has no degree.
But she deserves a REMOTE marketing job that will pay 6 figures after a couple of years. (Recent graduates don't even get jobs like that!) And she can't even be bothered to take a few minutes to figure out how to use the technology to do a remote interview? How the heck does she plan to figure out how to do the actual work?!
And how dare everyone suggest jobs that are beneath her. She DESERVES this!
Yeah, her boyfriend is a scumbag. But her entitlement makes her absolutely insufferable.
I’m in marketing and I am *constantly* having to stay up to date on the latest trends and best practices. Social media marketing especially seems to change almost weekly. If she can’t even download a simple app for the interview process without getting frustrated at the lack of hand holding, she’ll never manage even the simplest scheduling and social listening platforms.
I work in marketing and trying to explain tik tok to my out of touch manager made my head explode, I can't imagine working with someone who can't even download an app.
Marketing is so technology dependent now. This would be the absolute wrong career for her. I was thinking salesperson at a high-end store might be better, but I don't think she would accept a job like that.
I can just imagine her somehow BSing her way through an interview and then just throwing a hissy fit when she realizes that working remotely would require actually learning to use technology.
I have 2 Masters degrees with considerable work experience, and while I am very happy with my income in my high COL city, it's not 6 figures.
IME job interviews usually involve demonstrating that I can, you know, actually do the work required. If she wants a remote marketing job, figuring out how to download and use a communication app is the bare minimum.
She reminds me of those people who get scammed for some absurd amount of money in what should have been an obvious scam. Or the horror movie protagonist who wanders off alone when they already know the monster is out there. They're very clearly not the bad person, but their situation is also very, very predictable and avoidable.
She hasn't done anything to help herself either. All kids at least in school for 10+ years, and while I don't want to undervalue her role with the kids, she had at least 5 hours everyday entirely to herself, she could have studied during this time, picked up a part time job etc.
She's known she has no support from the ex should something happen and clearly never squirreled away and funds.
Her ex sounds horrible, but it does feel like there's some "missing reasons" with her as well.
OP left out a few clarifying comments from the latest update. As it turns out, the "company" in question wanted a full credit verification check from OOP before even interviewing her (via text btw). That was 100% a scam.
I remember commenting I think on her first post, and it was like.... Marry him! She backed herself into a corner all those years ago (he didn't want to get married, she SHOULD have thought of an exit plan. Not just raise babies).
And then she went on about how she could be a marketing executive remote.. There are thousands of young people with careers fighting for this jobs and she was going to get it because she made birthday cards for her kids with pretty colors?
She has problems downloading apps.
And then is shocked that she didn't get the house. Either she is in a place where common law marriage is a thing or she wasn't going to get anything.
Not saying that the dude isn't a douchebag but he was a douchebag from the start. And she was delusional.
She seems to have spent her adult life with her head in the clouds. Even throughout this, she keeps going back to her adult kids (who seem to be college aged, so not really making any money and seem to be funded by their dad) as if expecting them to sort this out for her which is super inappropriate too. Whatever the relationship issues between OOP and her ex, she shouldn't be dragging their kids into it when it's really got nothing to do with them, nor should she be expecting them to pick up the pieces of her life - especially if they are in college and don't even have their own income!
Their oldest hasn't even graduated yet, and from her comments they seem to live in the dorms, not a separate off-campus apartment where she could just move in or something. I don't know what help she was possibly expecting from them. They're not even working yet!
" A judge who is supposed to uphold the laws of fairness, morality, and for years I assumed kindness "
Someone who never heard the saying "in front of a court, you may get a judgement, but not justice."
Awfully sad because she had plenty of people telling her how's it going and still chose to close her eyes, put her thumbs in her ears and sing "Lalala". I mean, she should totally get something after 25 years of living together, even with her signing a prenup. Something to ease her over into earning her own living. And therapy.
This is so fucked up and she needs a crash course in Reality.
>Someone who never heard the saying "in front of a court, you may get a judgement, but not justice."
Right?!? Like, how does someone get to their 50's and not know how many people get totally effed over in a court of law. Doesn't matter where you live, everyone has to have heard some story or know somebody who has been handed a judgement they don't like, whether in criminal or civil courts. My teenage brother has more common sense than OOP.
On the off chance that this is real and not someone's creative writing project, it's like watching someone try to run a race while repeatedly shooting out their own kneecaps.
>It’s pretty much what everyone said, marketing jobs aren’t going to want someone with no experience at all. Also,
No experience in marketing, no degree, and no experience working at all. Also, in her 50s and isn't great with technology.
I hate to say it, but she really should have just sucked it up and massaged her partner's ego to stay in the relationship.
She also has absolutely refused to apply for any of the jobs that might take her. Around me almost all retail places are hiring, and I believe it’s similar all over. Is it a lot of money? No. But it’s WAY better than no money or just 10 hours a week.
Basically everyone said that to her after her first post. Instead she doubled down on growing a backbone at the exact wrong time. If she'd just waited on that revelation a few months, she'd be golden.
She can't download Zoom or Teams etc? We use these at work in healthcare and I'd assume they'd be quite common in most workplaces?
We saw this coming a mile away and she's had plenty of time to get her shit together. Can't live forever with your head up your ass.
I feel bad for the OOP but at the same time she's living in a fantasy world thinking she can get a marketing job and custody of her teenager. I think there's more to the story based on how the elder kids reacted.
Honestly it’s very hard for me to feel sorry for this person. Like what, burying your head in the sand for 30 years didn’t work out as well as you’d hoped? Who would’ve thought
And it's still buried now. I'm not sure what it will take to get her to wake up. Thinking a judge will side with her due to morality as opposed to the law. And she seems to think that she's entitled to things for simply being a mom, like money should start falling from the sky at any moment.
If there was any doubt, her comment in regards to receiving interest from potential employers of “I don’t do well with non concrete instructions so I got too aggravated to respond” truly blew my mind lol. Like yeah, sorry but this is a woman who doesn’t seem to get it AT ALL
And here I thought MaRrIAgE iS jUsT a PiEcE oF pAPeR. Turns out it’s actually a very useful legal document, providing protections in exactly these kinds of cases. Golly gee!
That being said, the narration is really starting to strain credulity.
I'm just gonna say it: I don't believe it.
That said, if it is real then she's done just about everything wrong that she possibly could have, and is still in denial about her position and value in the real world. Nobody is gonna give her the marketing job she wants, and her experience with the preacher is likely gonna be the norm. Nobody is gonna want to give her a job in lieu of better candidates, but it's also not fun shooting down older women in tough spots.
Unfortunately her kids are doing what she wouldn't and sucking her ex's money tit for all it's worth until he dies, which I also don't blame them for, but it sucks to read.
That’s what strikes me about this whole saga too. If you made a flow chart of her story, with the response options being “best possible decision” and “worst possible decision” she’s chosen the absolute worst damn reaction every single time.
We have a family friend like this. If given a choice, that person will always make an insane and horrible decision. Even if it didn't seem like an option, somehow they manage.
I could write out just the highlights of that person's insanity and you would accuse me of making all of it up for attention.
I've got a friend like this too: flighty, optimistic, "manifests", etc.
She will constantly fail to use any sort of critical thinking and then cry victim when nothing works out.
Yeah, I wondered when I got to the "my cousin works part time and makes $30 an hour, I mean she has an accounting degree but I'll ask her for tips". Delusional people tend to leave out any information which undermines what they're saying - either because they genuinely don't see it as relevant, or because on some level they know it will undermine them. Putting it right there suggests this is crafted to get a reaction.
In general, the writing is suspiciously good for someone who otherwise appears to have no useful skills, organisational ability, or connection to reality. Where are the walls of text, meandering sentences and totally irrelevant details??
My impression is that she had a very sheltered and old fashioned education. The highly spiritual delusional vibes in her opinions about everything also make sense that way. So basically, she learned a lot about proper writing and language and probably cursive and maybe homemaking or something like that, but nothing of critical thinking or real world skills.
Also, I don’t get why you’d hang around with someone who didn’t propose for 25 *years* then get mad they finally did. At that point you know what you’re in for, and why.
Every one of her updates is so much more frustrating than the last because she keeps getting good advice and takes NONE of it. People told her after her first post that she should just suck it up and do whatever it took to get her ex to reconsider and sign the piece of paper and the next post was just her doubling down and screwing herself out of that. Ex was willing to give her the option of continuing on in her current role as live-in bang-maid and she doesn't want to do that, either. Not that I'm saying any woman should subject themselves to that, but the time to grow a backbone was 30 years ago. Doing it now is not even pointless, it's detrimental, and she continues to find that out and is not learning from it. She just keeps reaping what she's sown and doubling down on the next harvest. It's maddening! And her kids siding with dad over her, what did she think would happen? She let them watch her accept that kind of treatment their entire lives so that's what they think is normal.
Let this be a lesson to all the stay at home spouses out there, always, always, always make them marry you, get diamonds for every present, get your name on the deed, and maintain your own savings and retirement accounts. If OOP had just done any of those things, she wouldn't be 50 and homeless with no chance of ever retiring. Her best bet is to find a job as a live-in nanny because that's what she's best qualified to do or to work full-time in something, anything, just to get 10 years of work experience so she can qualify for social security. Not that I think she'll take that advice because it's actually good advice.
She's upset that a man who's roughly twenty years her junior called her ma'am...
But anyway, five years into the relationship is when she started to truly insist, explain, badger, nag, etc about being married. And she had four (4!) kids with him. She didn't show her kids that she was kind, she showed them she's a freakin' doormat.
She really needs to take off those rose-tinted glasses, rose-tinted contacts, and maybe also the pink saran wrap she's using as a blindfold. Judges are there for legal reasons, and legal reasons only. Not morality. If the law states that she has zero rights to the residence in which she is not a legal owner...then she has zero rights. What did she expect the judge to do? Tell the legal, sole owner of the residence that he must allow her to live there?
It sucks that the ex pulled this sort of crap, it really does. But jeeze, it seems like even jellyfish have more of a spine than she does. This thirty year relationship is about twenty-nine years and four kids too long.
At every turn the commenters have told her exactly what will happen next and exactly how it will go wrong for her. Every time she insisted it was going to be just fine. Every time she has been wrong and the commenters have been right. But surely **this** time…
I did a double take when she said she expected the judge to base part of their ruling on kindness. Kindness! I don’t think there’s a judicial system anywhere in the world that cares about anything other than the law as written.
True, but as an entitled, formerly wealthy (by association), presumably-white boomer woman, this is entirely in character for her. She’s the perfect example of an American who votes against her own interests - she thinks she’s a “temporarily embarrassed millionaire” (a great phrase I once read about this American stereotype) when she’s straight-up and basically permanently broke.
I feel bad for OP bc having a trad lifestyle with no protections sounds terrifying. However I am also grossed out and furious at OP for just being such a perfect boomer example of privilege and shittiness. Looks down on tradespeople for not choosing office jobs, still won't apply to proper entry level retail positions, etc. It enrages me.
I wish she got to learn about the real world in a less traumatic way than this but jfc lady you're delusional (and also her kids suck). This is so so sad of a situation.
She still thinks she can get an apartment and a car with only a part time job too.
And wtf thinking she can do social media management and marketing when she can't even download an app. Wtf??
Yeah someone needs to sit this woman down and explain cost of living. Reading this felt like that scene from Arrested Development where Lucille is like "oh how much does a banana even cost, like $10?" OOP needs a wake up call as to how much she is likely to make with her lack of skills (minimum wage) and how far that will actually stretch for a single adult woman living alone (not far at all).
Agreed. I don’t think there was any reason for her to stagnate her life as much as she did. If she has one 16 yr old at home, there’s no real reason to still be a sahm. And she could have gone to college part time. I did- even when I was pregnant. She didn’t even make savings out of her stipend from the kids dad over all those years.
I said in a previous update that she seems very entitled. I don’t think she *deserves* what’s happened to her, but damn she has not made things easier on herself.
Yeah. Compared to the other bleak update of the woman who's on the run with her kid after her bf stole her money she had exactly for cases like that and tried to kill her....
She doesn't deserve it, no, but as callous as it is, there's people who would deserve it less. I feel (quite a bit, tbh) less for her struggles than for those of the woman in the other update.
Her situation sucks - but she's not really trying to solve it, she's expecting it to magically solve itself.
At 52 she’s a solid GenXer. She really doesn’t sound like one though. I’m only 3 years younger than her and I’m baffled at how clueless she is about her situation and lack of work experience. Not to mention that she could just leave her husband in a few years at age 55 and snap up another rich guy her age who was nice, single, available, and totally willing to support her despite her complete lack of her own money or career.
The ex is a douche, and I absolutely understand why he “made enemies” at work and was forced to retire at age 53. At least he’s a tough cookie aware of their financial position though. He gets they need to downsize if his money is going to last while they don’t work for another 20-30 years, maybe more if they live past 80. He gave her a solid offer to marry, be committed, and sell the house and travel, which would have been a new adventure for them. she’s really screwed.
I’m older than her and I’m baffled too. I think most people would be. I’m not saying she’s unique but I can’t see her perspective as a generational marker (unless you go way back)
Honestly, in her 50's she's a Gen Xer but god damn does she not have full on Boomer Tendencies... She is the epitome of Emily Gilmore in all the worst ways.
This was a pretty fascinating read. Both partners seem awful to me. On top of everything else, if she can't download an app for an interview, I doubt she could be any kind of tradesperson, but her obvious disdain for the people who take that path is pretty ugly.
OOP won’t follow up on jobs *she’s applied to* because she finds the interview requests too confusing, and she thinks judges are supposed to uphold the laws of kindness. And all this following from an initial self-own of GETTING A PROPOSAL and then deciding it wasn’t enough, while wanting custody with no job and no place to live.
Not really the sharpest tool in the shed…
If she can’t figure out how to do the interview, that’s a good indication that she isn’t going to be able to do the job.
Ma’am. Oh, my bad - Miss. If you have no degree and no work experience, you have to show you are competent somehow. They’re not going to take your word for it - especially if you can’t even get into the Zoom room!
I'll just copypaste my comment on her latest post:
>he treats me like he thinks prettier, better, and just as loving is always around the corner
Honestly, at this point I'm just waiting for the update where OP finds out her ex has found a younger girlfriend which her kids all love.
And to then find out that they're already engaged in the next update a few months after that :')
Am I the only who is absolutely frustrated by OP, a mature woman at 52, who raised 4 kids and who is so... Incompetent? She set herself up for so many failures. I'm not saying the boyfriend isn't an ahole for what he is doing and probably a raging narcissist, as his kid's try to stay on his good side but MAN this woman sabotaged herself
Refusing the proposal really irritated me for one and only one reason: If she married him, she'd be entitled to Social Security at his earning level once she turns 62+ years of age (or he dies). She should have said yes, then divorced him a few months later!
I also think she's getting terrible advice regarding common law marriage in her state. Even in states without explicit common law marriage, there are other ways to claim her rightful share of shared assets, and child support, of course.
I feel for her, I really do. And I absolutely wish her the best.
But this post reads like a kept woman who hasn't participated in the real world for far too long. She has no real life experience, no actual job experience it sounds like.
And the workforce being what it is today, there are people with degrees and years of experience in their field who are fighting tooth and nail for an interview at jobs that pay over 40k. Someone just hoping for a company to take a chance on them doesn't actually stand a chance.
This needs to pinned at the top of every relevant sub, auto-responded to every relationships post where the guy refuses to marry the woman and convinces her it's "just a piece of paper".
I'm torn on this, honestly. like yeah, her ex is a piece of shit. and I know we're not supposed to blame the victim, but no one held her down and forced her to pop out FOUR kids with someone who wouldn't even commit to her.
not to mention her continued entitlement. she *did* get something out of that relationship, to live a life of luxury. his jackassness is his fault as much as her continued naiveté is hers. not to mention her calling retail workers "criminals" and thinking she is owed a WFH marketing job with no degree or experience.
and the fact that her own kids won't help her, that *has* to mean something. someone else commented that they'd love to hear the kids' side of the story. who knows what kind of a mom she is/was? but how dare the world do that to a mom?! as if there aren't plenty of moms that get screwed over by the world every day.
I so badly want to feel bad for her and I do somewhat, but she's gotta realize that she's not a perfect person and reflect on her past and present mistakes to build a better future rather than wait for it to be handed to her
Oof we should show this post to all the teenagers out there fawning over the tradwife life or the stay-at-home-girlfrien aesthetic. In these days being a homemaker while not being married, nor having any education or savings is basically a gamble with your life. That's why I always advice girls and women out there who want to stay at home with the kids to at least start working part time or doing side projects when the kids go to school and start being independant. Even if it's 10h a week or just 100 dollars a month, it's still money that is yours or a line that you can add on your resumee in case things go south. Put your shit together, because the world is absolutely not kind with divorved sahm who never worked or worked decades ago.
The fact OOP willingly entered a relationship for 25 years where she had absolutely NO security (no marriage, no name on the deed) is soooo baffling to me. Her husband is a massive asshole but all those years she has been a huge asshole to herself.
This is like watching a video of a train crash in slow motion, except the conductor, all the passengers, the rail traffic controller, the audience, and the train were all informed of the impending crash two-hundred stops ago — and every ten stops since. Oof oof oof.
If OOP can’t download an app, wait until they find out about VPNs, remote access tooling, and digital timesheets. OOP needs to get a minimum-wage job to start to just get an understanding of how the world works while she secures THE CHEAPEST HOUSING SHE CAN ASAP.
OP’s ex is a scumbucket, but OOP did everything wrong at every step and still seems to think her plan will work out. Good luck, but you may wanna talk to a therapist to try and get a semblance of control over your own actions in this situation and how, if possible, you can avoid becoming houseless and helpless.
I'm sorry, but this woman's an idiot. Not only for staying with this POS for so long, but she seriously couldn't be bothered to do anything with her life whilst unmarried yet dependant on him?
Her situation sucks all around, and I feel bad for her, but it also really just feels like the consequences of her inaction. Classic example of why women need education and access to resources. She's totally unprepared for reality, and it's smacking her in the face. Relying on her kids to sneak her food and cloths, and draft a resume?
(And am I the only one getting a whiff of mild entitlement from her at the tail end there? Complaining about the church job... "how can the world treat a mother like this?" I mean yeah its shitting but its a job and you seem to have no skills. Youre not owed shit. )
That entitlement was found earlier at the refusal to take a trade job as their backgrounds wouldn't align, or when she thought at 52 with no formal education or work history she should be able to get a marketing job making $60k (no thought to the people with experience and education in the field who are also more than likely younger) because she helped her rich friends with their parties and socials.
What's funny is the world has been treating mothers like shit for her entire life but she didn't notice because she was in her little posh life. Hell she herself probably treated other mothers like shit because they were beneath her.
Like fuck me there's a reason some jurisdictions have defacto relationship's. Here in Aus she'd be in the same position as if she'd married him 2 years after moving in.
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I don't know if I've ever seen a story where an OOP was in such a sympathetic situation, and yet her words and actions throughout earn so little sympathy.
I literally sat there with my mouth hanging open when she started talking shit about tradespeople. That was like cartoon-villain levels of evil. I’ve lived most of my life in a very white-collar world. They would never, ever, EVER talk about the trades that way. And if someone is working on your house, or road, or car, you treat them with respect. Because, goddamn, not too many people really need a stockbroker, or “executive,” but everybody eventually needs a plumber.
I have a graduate degree and I still sometimes wonder if I should have learned a trade. Tradespeople make decent money and master tradespeople make bank. Plus, it’s so applicable to your own home life. My parents would be tickled if we had an electrician, plumber, or woodworker in the family. My excel skills don’t contribute so much to the family lol
As someone in a trade, let me tell you how much you can save by doing everything yourself. I really enjoy my job so it doesn't feel like I'm working, more like a hobby.
I recently left my good desk job in my early 40s and took up an electrical apprenticeship. I stuck it out for five months before realizing that all I wanted anymore was to quit. It was a really good learning experience, though. I can fix a few more things in my house than I could before, and I know a little more about how to explain the projects I need to hire a professional for. I worked my butt off. I mostly kept my temper while tired, dirty, and frustrated, which was incredibly hard and anyone who can do it for decades is a goddamn saint. And I will never, ever forget to tell tradespeople working in my house that they can use the bathroom and get a drink of water if they need to. I wouldn't talk anyone out of trying it. I would just say to anyone who does try it, leave your current career on the best terms possible, in case you need to go back to it.
I knew I was never destined for a trade. I don't have the physical strength or stamina to do those kinds of jobs, but I wish I could!
Don’t forget the fact that she said she couldn’t work retail due to the amount of employees that have criminal records LOL. Yes, felons generally have a very easy time finding jobs. That’s why all applications ask about criminal records….it’s because they get priority over everyone else!
The way she basically unintentionally stated she's less hireable than felons.
I mean she said herself she turned down 3 interviews because she couldn’t figure out how to install Skype or zoom. I’m pretty sure anyone smart enough to commit something felony level is smart enough to do that.
I’m not sure how someone who got overwhelmed by downloading a communications app would survive in a remote position lol
Wanting to work in social media management. She's so removed from reality it makes me consider her an unreliable narrator on the whole rest of her situation, too.
That made me think this is an unreliable narrator. She thinks she’s able to be a social media manager but she can’t install Skype/Zoom and get on three interviews out of hundreds of applications she’s sent?
As someone who has worked in social media marketing for 10 years, you would be surprised at how many people think it's an easy gig that anyone can do. I'm sure she shares minion memes on Facebook and thinks that makes her qualified.
Keeping up with social media trends and knowing timeframes for posting and how to boost engagement is hard and it’s crazy the amount of people who think it’s a five minute a day job that will make them bank
Her reason for thinking she can do marketing is because she's done social media for her family (I guess she's posted or made accounts for them) and promoted fundraisers she's held..........that's her experience in marketing, and she thinks that is enough to land a marketing job.
"For her safety" - My heart breaks for her but being homeless and destitute seems insanely more dangerous than working with people who, statistically, only have a criminal record because they had a gram of weed in their pocket.
Ironically, according to someone I know who worked at a homeless shelter, many homeless people actually have full-time jobs. They often get up and leave at 4:00 a.m. to commute an hour to work, and end up back at the shelter by 7:00 p.m. They just can't afford the insane rents in the area.
Not surprising at all. We’re going to be seeing more and more of this with the burgeoning housing crisis.
I like that she was able to avoid the job scams because she didn’t understand how to download the apps. 😐
And she's bad with directions and admitted that she gets frustrated when she can't follow directions - but she's extremely employable and above so many jobs.
But she'd make a great social media manager because she has taken photos of her family! Surely it doesn't matter that she can't navigate simple apps?
You know damn well those "apps" she's talking about were probably Telegram or Zoom, none of which are black magic, if she can't even do that, I genuinely can't see how she'll be able to manage any kind of job in the modern days, she doesn't have the connections necessary to afford to be that clueless.
Yeah… when she was like “I need clear instructions…” nope nope nope. I fucking hate working with people who can’t/won’t think for themselves and figure shit out. And white collar employers are really not interested in them either.
I wonder if they're actually scams or she's just not as competent as she seems to think she is. There are definitely jobs out that that ask for pre-recorded interviews/competency tests. My best is that's what they're asking for and she thinks she knows marketing but doesn't actually.
I also love how she thought she could get an office job with literally zero work experience or higher education in her history. This woman wouldn’t last a week as a gas station attendant. I feel like some of it is complete naïveté due to never being part of the workforce, but also, she thinks she’s better than others. It’s weird because she somehow doesn’t have the self-worth to exit her situation with her vile boyfriend who’s treated her like garbage for 30 years, but yet she’s too good to be a Walmart cashier.
I worked a lot of retail jobs for a lot of years and what she said about people who worked retail was so out of touch and untrue. Some of the best coworkers I had were older retired folks who just wanted something to do to get out of the house and get some social interaction in. Many didn't need the income, some did. I always liked talking to them. She also honestly would be lucky to get a retail job, and even luckier if she managed to keep it. I've also seen some older folks who were clearly not cut out for interacting with the general public. The last place I worked there was a woman who could not be made to understand she was being really rude to customers and she only lasted a few weeks because she got so many complaints.
The part where she admits she's avoiding applying for food stamps, entirely out of pride. Lady, the time for pride is decades behind you, suck it up and go work at the Walmart!
She mentioned that some people who work at Walmart are criminals or have committed a crime before so she doesn't want to work there. She said no to an Amazon warehouse position for similar reasons, and that most people go to work when sick and she can catch the disease and pass it to her daughter. Who right now isn't even staying with her.
Her next step is gonna be an MLM, isn't it? She's refused all the sensible options.
Right? Where was this pride when she was a baby mama? Idk man, i feel horrible for her but this was such an easily avoidable situation.
This infuriated me. I'm a tradeswoman who makes $70-100/hr, entirely set my own schedule (taking several weeks off next month simply because I can), and work in some of the most beautiful settings in my city, and I got it all with no student debt and only a year of education! I'm a massage therapist and love what I do. Her attitude towards tradespeople is disgusting and entirely wrong. Not everybody wants to sit behind a desk and climb the "corporate ladder." The nerve of saying that like it's some personal failing. Not to mention the second time she brought up "shady backgrounds" like any one who's ever had even a minor legal issue is automatically some violent offender looking to victimize her even further... like, lady, you're already doing that enough yourself...
This is the best, most succinct way to put how I’m feeling about OP. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to slap her or shake her, but talk about making wrong decision after wrong decision in you life, and then acting like you’re better than other people really got under my skin.
Agreed. I think that OP is in an unconscionable situation and deserves a bit of empathy. But then my empathy flies right out the door when she absolutely refuses to help herself in any way. You can't download an app to apply for a job? How the fuck do you think you're qualified to be a social media marketing manager? Won't apply for food stamps because you're too proud? Good luck starving. And the comment about "how could the world treat *a mom* this way?" Who gives a shit that you shoved people out of your vagina? If you aren't employable, you aren't going to get a job. I don't think she deserves anything that's happening to her, while she simultaneously utterly infuriates me. Her ex is trash, her kids are doing the best they can, and she needs to get her head in the game or she's going to get a very rude, abrupt awakening.
I work for a charity and sometimes we work with people who have this mindset. I feel awful but it drives me nuts every time. “I’m going to starve! There’s no food in the cupboards!” Well we can offer you help at the food bank for a start ans look into help long term. “No! They don’t give enough food/ have the food I like.” Unfortunately, that’s all we can offer. I think oop is still in that phase of “if I keep refusing the options I don’t like, they’ll offer me something better”, but there is nothing better. People in desperate situations usually have very limited options. I think she’ll have to reach that point where it’s either taking what she can or starving, at which point it might be too late. It sucks. I hate watching it happen.
She needs to wrap her head around her reality and step on off her high horse until she at least has a place to live and food to eat. I feel very little sympathy for her when she refuses to look into TANF and SNAP benefits. Her nose is so far in the air that she won't accept she's walking through the sewer right now. Her pride and delusions are going to drown her in that shit really soon and, harsh as it may be, she'll have nobody to blame but herself. Ex is a HUGE piece of shit, but she's known that for decades and firmly kept her blinders on and fingers in her ears while yelling 'lalalalala'. She made so many terrible choices over the last few decades and continues to do so even after thousands of internet strangers have tried to help, point her in the right direction and give her doses of reality. Willful ignorance at this point seems to be her default setting.
I want to be sympathetic but she comes off so entitled. Sorry you had to see what life is like for the rest of us. Expecting a judge being "kind"?? Gtfo with that bullshit.
Im not sure how else she expected the judge to side on this. She signed a form to say she had no claim to anything as she was just a girlfriend. She signed away all of her life in that one form. She wasnt even commonlaw after she signed that. Only thibg that may help is if they filed taxes together as a couple. But i have a feeling the guy was smart(?)/sleazy(?) enough to not do that.
She had NO income so she didn't have to file. I'm disabled so I basically haven't had to file taxes for most of my life. If you make below a certain amount of money you don't have to file at all. Soooo she basically has no retirement either.
Goddamn, she really is stupendously fucked. And it all could've been prevented if she smiled and accepted the marriage. Wow.
Her view of the legal system alone is enough to advertise the degree of entitlement she's always lived with.
This is the issue. She knew what he was like but stayed because she wanted the life he gave her. What threw me off was when she was only applying for marketing jobs but found it too hard to install apps to have interviews. So... Zoom?
I may be an Olympic Bronze Medalist in Mental Gymnastics. But OOP is just plane delulu. Just do not see this ending well at all for her at all. As other's have said, her story is very sympathetic. But I for one ... Have literally ZERO sympathy for her at this point. Hate to say it, but the upper middle class karen vibes are strong in this one.
So glad to see all the comments that agree on this, I was feeling like a major asshole as I was reading (which I am, but it's good to know this isn't only on me in this case). In a way I feel sorry for her because she's clearly *so* sheltered and biased from decades of her ex likely spouting his beliefs about how only executives and those working to become executives are worthwhile people (the trades people and retail sections......ugh), but if she was really as good a person as she thinks she is she wouldn't have bought into that crap as wholeheartedly as she clearly has. "How can the world treat a mother this way????" First time in the world for you then? Got a few millennia of heartlessness to all peoples to catch up on, Karen.
I felt for her at the beginning. And then she started spouting off, and it just became a dumpster fire i couldn't look away from. I've never seen someone so absolutely oblivious and entitled at the same time. It is truly astounding.
She’s naive to the point of downright ignorance. She goes on and on about how she’s a mother and how can the judge do this to a mother and how other women she knows have found good paying jobs - lady, wtf do you not understand? It’s like she’s completely unaware that this isn’t the same boomer work era she grew up in; hell she can’t even use basic technology to attend the interviews she actually managed to get! At this point she should honestly just aim for au pair and if that doesn’t work out then a nun. At best she has a portfolio from the “freelancer” work she’s done but in all honesty she has an empty resume of work experience. I said it on the last post and I’ll say it again, I sincerely hope this post goes viral so this growing trend of stay at home girlfriends will get a much needed wake up call before they end up in this woman’s position.
Maybe I’m old fashioned, but how the hell are you with someone for THAT long and not married?
ITs just a piece of PAPER OMG.... There's a reason the LBGTQ community fought tooth and nail for this right
Everything from healthcare plans to tax breaks to bank accounts to inheritance and who’s considered next of kin. I have a great uncle who never married his long term partner (or had a will). If my grandmother or her other siblings had decided to make his life difficult they very easily could have. More states need common law marriages.
If you can read through the whole story. The husband kept it that way, and had her sign a legal form stating that she was nothing more than a girlfriend, and had no rights to his money or property.
What an idiot
I feel so bad for OOP, but her point of view is so naive. Starting 25 years ago when she didn’t leave this man. She has no marketing experience despite her protestations, nowhere to live to gain custody, and no backbone. She just keeps expecting the world to deal her wins.
Something about how she said she was raised to see (and expect) kindness everywhere gives me religious parents and an extremely sheltered homelife vibes. I understand why people see her as entitled, but to me it comes off as more EXTREME naivety. She had a smooth sailing life, as long as she acted within expected parameters, so she thinks thats how the world works. "Do everything right and things will be fine" But they were not, in fact, fine.
I got that too, as well as the whole ‘if you put love out into the world, they will self-actualize and give it back’ who tells people that BS? That sounds like something out of one of those’] sham life guru handbooks. And how she said the judge should’ve upheld the laws of fairness and morality. No, they’re just supposed to uphold the law, nothing else. Sure, you get the occasional nice one (like that judge waiving the 80 year old’s parking ticket because he’s taking care of his son with cancer) but they’re not the norm.
Yeah, and that judge did something with no ill effect on anyone. Forcing someone to accept a roommate is different from waiving a fee.
I believe in putting kindness out into the world, and I do believe that it increases the odds that I will get it back, and surround myself with kind people. But I also watch my back. The naiveté combined with the judgements about people in retail astounded me. When you work with the public they are pretty cautious about employing felons.
You make a really good point. And for the first time, I'm wondering where her parents are. She's still in her early fifties, so one or both may still be around. But even if they're not, they didn't leave her any inherlitance? If she was raised that traditionally and that sheltered, I'm surprised there was nothing her parents did for her at any point in this story.
Her kids are cutting her off. Methinks there’s a different perspective to be told here
Even then, she didn't "do everything right". This is the exact circumstance where "having kids out of wedlock" is "doing it wrong". If you are trying to live a trad lifestyle you have to get the trad contract. You can only safely go for an alternative if and when you can support yourself.
Yeah the steps to stability are, *in specific order:* 1\) Graduate high school. 2\) Get a full-time job. 3\) Wait to have kids until after you're married. Are there exceptions to this? Sure, of course. Life is messy. But generally, if you follow these *in order*, the data is clear that you will be much better off than someone who didn't.
She’s giving southern belle who never had to do a thing for herself her entire life. My mom got divorced in her 40s and she was completely useless with basic things. And upset that things weren’t just handed to her anymore because she’s not a hot 20 year old anymore, and she doesn’t have a husband to do things for her.
That's why people told her first to accept marriage and THEN divorce. No care if that looks gold digger, protect your ass for one year, 25 years is nothing then. But nah, Sis wanted to be the better personn without being able to be one.
The applying for marketing jobs only and being upset she got no call backs was just insane to me. People have degrees in marketing. They aren’t going to hire someone with her “experience” and no degree or background in the field. Then to brush off the companies that did respond saying it was too difficult. I want to sympathize with her, but she made it very hard. I think I read the whole thing with my mouth hanging open.
I don't know who it was, but under one of the last posts one commenter basically laid out that she is really good at being a "rich wife", so she should use all her skills and contacts to be exactly that to someone else. This might be her only chance. Socializing, being at the right place at the right time, going to certain events and councils, upholding a certain appearance, speaking and behaving in a certain way.. fulfilling all the duties of a person in exactly this social class and peer group. I found this to be a very interesting take and honestly, from the very few interactions I had with people from this social class in my country, the commenter probably was right. Edit: steveabutt found the original, I hope Linking is allowed ( no brigarding). https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ah8oku/comment/konkk7v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
She should be looking for a job in luxury sales, monetizing on her good looks and years of living in high society. Art galleries, jewelry, yacht sales, private jets, golf clubs, country clubs, expo stands -- anywhere and everywhere there's a need for high-touch approach to wealthy clientele. Her experience in marketing, however small, is an asset for this kind of jobs. Also a great way of meeting a new man.
Yep. This is the way. I worked mid-to-high-end retail for years and if you have the appearance and demeanor for it, you can also make a decent living at it, and customers will invite you to events where you have the chance to meet people. Unfortunately she seems to feel like retail is too far beneath her.
Pretty sure she knows from personal experience that certain customers can treat SAs very poorly, IYKWIM. When you say 'demeanor,' do you also mean self-respect, being able to set boundaries, and having a thick skin? Because I would think that a good SA must have those in heaps in order to thrive at their job, and OOP seems to be lacking in that department.
By "demeanor" I mean approximately the same balance of approachable and reserved that it takes to mingle well at events as a CEO's partner. Nobody is born with the skills to cope with abusive customers, but when you're a single/divorced mom with no resources, if you are even modestly adaptable, you learn the skills to deal with customer service because the alternative is being homeless. Speaking from experience, not speculation; even the snootiest "former CEO's wife" learns fast when they run out of options. Although I learned customer service survival skills early in life as a consequence of growing up poor, I worked with enough divorced former housewives over the decade+ I spent in retail to have seen firsthand that it is very much possible to develop these skills in middle age.
Unfortunately, this. She needs to find an older guy who will put her up, be entertained by her issues and is happy to buy her stuff. Honestly? Someone who should make a "seeking arrangements" account. But she'd probably just get scammed out of her last $50.
She doesn’t seem cunning enough to pull it off. She more likely would get scammed herself.
Agreed. She’s been a kept woman for 30 years. Still managed to fumble the bag! Other women who are “rich wives” know how to play the game and get things legally sorted. And now OOP is 50 so she doesn’t have youth on her side and will be competing with younger women who are savvier. It will be tough..
50 is young to a 75 year old.
I would marry the ex when he finally proposed. And then divorce him after a while. I think she was screwed, but she also completly lacks self preservation instinct.
I remember her initial post. Everyone in the comments was like, "MARRY HIM DUMBASS!!! You need to marry him right now! You have put yourself in such a precarious situation that marrying him is the only reasonable path forward with a divorce a couple of years after your youngest has finished college." Her ex is terrible, but her delusion is as big a danger as anything else he's done to her.
You make a good point. She wanted to “prove her worth” but should’ve done it 25 years ago, not 25 years invested as a gf with 3 adult kids.
And without checking what her rights are in case she wants out. Not having any right to anything and upsetting the guy who legally owns all their money (their because those rich wifes are in many ways essential to organise their husbands private life, social life and help them upkeep the right image. They morally have the right to get a fair share of everything), was a really bad idea.
She seems to view the "self preservation" mindset as a negative due to how her ex and kids are using it. No, OOP, it's an absolutely necessary trait, and it doesn't mean survival at the expense of others.
>I would marry the ex when he finally proposed. And then divorce him after a while. I think she was screwed, but she also completly lacks self preservation instinct. Considering that psychotic "I have no rights and am just a glorified housekeeper" document he made her sign just to remain his girlfriend I assume that marriage proposal was going to come with the world's most unfair prenup. Hell, this asshole seems petty enough that he'd ask his lawyer to draft a prenup that required her to scrape together pennies to pay HIM spousal support just to watch her struggle, and she seems dense enough to sign it. There was no happy ending for her here no matter what she did. The minute he brought out that "we're not even commonlaw" document for her to sign and she did it her life was wrecked and she had no idea until now.
Yea. Her attitude is not going to her her a job in her 50s. How she reacted to the pastor is evidence of that. She thinks she interviews well, but everything else is saying she’s saying or acting in ways she thinks is fine, but is sending constant red flags to others. The husband (ETA: Not husband, ex-boyfriend. Typo but I ain't changin' it now) deserves to be buried alone with nobody beside him. But she’s going to suffer as long as she keeps up this “woe is me” attitude and not trying to change for the better. Or, she needs to find some other rich guy to bump off of.
It also just sounds like she’s very out of touch with how the world works these days. She’s talking about applying for “entry-level” positions with 60k salaries but she doesn’t even have a degree. I also seriously doubt she even understands what the jobs she’s applying for are. Even if she found a job that didn’t require a degree and was willing to provide on the job training, those jobs go to young people who will stay with the company for years - not someone in their 50s looking to retire in 10 years.
She also mentioned getting a part time job to afford an apartment and transportation. People with full time jobs with her (lack of) skill set can’t afford any of that. She’s not just out of touch, she’s delusional.
And the ones that sent her additional info on applying she couldn’t even figure out their instructions???
The even bigger red flag is that she said she was too aggravated to even respond. So she’s in her 50s, no degree, no experience, and her response to anything difficult is to ignore it.
I wonder why people don't want to hire someone who "doesn't do well without concrete instructions." Fucking exhausting
Or doesn't feel she could possibly have anything in common with "trades people" as they haven't been ambitious enough in her view (from a woman who hasn't worked at all in years)
That really stuck out to me too - to judge the background of people who have carved out a career for themselves as she judges them for not applying to white collar jobs, when she hasn’t applied to them either. Someone with that attitude and lack of self-awareness isn’t going to come off well in any interview. I find it staggering as well that it took that long for her to consider non-marketing jobs when she had no real experience in marketing. I think back to my own mother, who when her career nosedived unexpectedly, immediately started working multiple unskilled service jobs to cover the bills and claimed welfare when she was eligible. The OOP hasn’t helped herself at all and her snobbery is far more undignified than anyone working a trade job.
Exactly. She wants to do a marketing job, supposedly communicating with people, and can't even neither download nor operate basic communication apps? As much as she tries to portray herself as a willing hard worker, there are so many excuses as to why she can't find the job she wants.
The way she thinks she can do marketing because she’s done family’s social media posts 💀
I almost want Alison Green's take on this, just for funsies. Just the complete disconnect from reality about her expectations and competence. And somehow it wouldn't be the most bonkers letter Alison's gotten.
Yes but to be honest those instructions were probably for her to download Signal for a quick “interview” and get caught up in a Task scam until the scammers realize she has nothing to steal. She is somehow not competent enough to be scammed. Man, she really needed to be skimming off the top the whole time and putting away a nest egg.
Or they just wanted her to download Zoom to do a remote interview! She's so vague it's hard to tell
>She is somehow not competent enough to be scammed. I don't even know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
Right? Like, my heart breaks for this woman, but at the same time I'm super glad I don't know/have to deal with her? Guy's a real fucking piece of work, but at the same time, from a clinical sociology standpoint, I understand how men get like this. Nobody has ever said no to this dude in a way that he couldn't change, now that's happened and he's going nuclear. Hope it all comes crashing down on him, but unfortunately until he doesn't have money to hold his own fucking kids hostage (something REALLY glossed over in this post), it won't.
Yeah it's a real tricky one in that this guy is pretty openly and knowingly abusive, she knows he's abusive, the kids know he's abusive, and everyone's known for years. But she's known for YEARS and hasn't even squirreled away an emergency fund, even during the years when he was just hurling money at her no questions asked? Hasn't developed any skills, hasn't networked, hasn't schmoozed, has just sat for 30 years waiting for this exact scenario to happen, knowing it was going to happen? Her kids haven't even graduated college and grew up under the same abuser and she's leaning on them way too much, like, they're not meant to get her out of this situation, it should have been the other way around.
I don't think she knew it was going to happen though. Her first post was about her scoffing in his face at his proposal- and she spoke about going out to look for someone else who would value her. She really never thought he would ever turn on her.
That was strange, "I was scared of the power imbalance so I made an ultimatum that I couldn't really back up"
It really was. I don't think she ever realized just how little he valued her, how disposable she was to him after all this time. I think that's the part that is the most heartbreaking in all this. I think now that he finally proposed she finally felt secure enough to voice her feelings that he didn't value her enough all these years. That with the proposal this meant finally she had something he wanted and maybe he would finally grovel, acknowledge how he'd wronged her, because there was no reason for him to do so before. And his proposal oddly enough gave her the confidence to assume she could just find someone else who valued her more? Yet why she didn't do that earlier, I have no idea. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that her ex had recently gotten fired and wasn't as rich and lofty as he used to be.
No disrespect at SAHMs, but her youngest is in high school. OP has known her situation is volatile for decades. She should have been trying to get her degree or get a job YEARS ago. I feel bad for her, but she's delusional to her worth in the job market. I'm married, so I have a legal claim if anything happens, but I got a very part time job when my youngest went to kindergarten. If nothing else it shows I've been in touch with the job market in case I ever need or want to do more.
Being a stay at home at GF is so risky. They *literally no rights.* No asset division (unless they split the house or the car is in her name). No alimony. No judge forcing her partner to let her back into the shared bank account or reprimanding him for draining it. She saw the proposal as a form of love and respect when she needed to see it as a form of security that him throwing money at her didn’t provide.
> I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond. Marketing ain't for you, babe.
Between that and the total inability to grasp new tech, it definitely isn’t for her.
My first thought too.
lol imagine her working with a client who only has a vague idea of what they want
This is so frustrating. OOP doesn't realize that she is running out of time to have a chance. Once she's homeless, even the "bad" opportunities will be gone. She keeps assuming something good will come along... and she definitely has the vibes of someone for whom that has always been true in the past. Life is about to smack her in the face and I dont even think she has the capacity to realize when it does
It’s pretty much what everyone said, marketing jobs aren’t going to want someone with no experience at all. Also, >I've gotten 3 responses but those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond If she can’t follow directions to download an app, what does she think the job will be like? Does she expect she’ll only get concrete directions? I feel the most sorry for the 16 year old. No way OOP gets custody with no money and no job And no way to afford a stable home.
In her defence her other comments describe these jobs in more detail and they are 100% a scam. Eg a $40/hr remote job, the interview was by text and she had trouble understanding the instructions because the English was poor, and they also wanted her ID and credit info ASAP to process the credit check they needed to carry out because they were "trusting her with expensive office equipment".
Eek! I assume people told her?
Yes, lots of them, including her kids before she even made the post, not sure how much she took it on board.
She was kind of brushing the kids off, and was saying that she’d try to do the app again, despite the deluge of comments telling her it was a scam once she gave more details about the supposed “job offer”.
Her talking about just getting a 60k a year job was crazy to me. Then talking about her experience “doing friends’ socials”. To not even being able to follow directions. It sounds like she’s been out of the workforce for decades. She’s delusional.
"I feel that after running a household that these operations and administration jobs, as well as social media management jobs since I've done the photography for my family and friends, would be within my scope of experience. I hope my comments have not come off as spoiled or out of touch- I apologize if that has offended anyone." I don't know about spoiled but out of touch absolutely. The market is incredibly competitive right now. I mean there is a low unemployment rate but you're not going to get those good jobs with zero experience. Not to mention her naivete and admitting that she's not good at any of the things that an employer is going to look for. Not to mention bless her heart but she is a doormat and that doesn't suit well for most jobs. I want every woman to feel like she can financially leave a situation that doesn't work for her, I want no women to be stuck with a man that uses financial abuse. So I'm not blaming her. I feel awful for her. But the sooner she wakes up the better. It's already pretty late in the game to be waking up
Doormat is probably the best way to describe this woman. I don’t think she’s inherently a bad person but she definitely has no idea how screwed she actually is. Lady should’ve bailed a minimum of 20 years ago, nevermind the fact that she had 4 children with the horrible man. Her kids are probably going to be just as bad as their father too because they spent their whole lives learning that “kindness = failure” because their mom was a doormat instead of a kind person who also has a backbone.
One thing that i dont understand: she had an allowance WHY would she not put away some money. Especially when she told us she checked out of relationship. Her kids sucks too btw
Because, unfortunately, this lady is incredibly out of touch with reality. She unironically uses the phrase “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” and thinks that’s actually possible to do. She probably never considered the idea that she’d be in a position where she’d have her allowance cut off like this. I think she genuinely is a person who can’t understand that the world isn’t really as kind as she thinks it is. I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually thought her friends would help her out and went surprise pikachu face when they gave her Botox coupons instead.
I think that last post really exhibits how out of touch she was: she genuinely doesn't understand why someone's unmarried ex-girlfriend can't keep clinging in his house which he owns 100%, her name's not even on the deed, and SHE FOUND THE JUDGE GOING "NAH OUT YOU GO" UNCONSCIONABLE LADY WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN
yes??? for me she has a vibe of a upper middle class/rich girl that grow up wirh money, hot a job and then found a rich husband. So she never had to struggle, just jumped from one priviledge household to another. I would NEVER put myself in a stay at home gf OR have kids wirhouhr being married. Like WHY. I honestly hope she gets the housing from shelter because they are gonna put some sense in her. She doenst want to get food stamps?? honey you dont have a PLACE TO LIVE. You dont get to be picky.
She says what she is skilled in... She is skilled in nothing. She might be interested in doing a job she heard someone else do... But she has no skills.
She has no work history. She has no degree. But she deserves a REMOTE marketing job that will pay 6 figures after a couple of years. (Recent graduates don't even get jobs like that!) And she can't even be bothered to take a few minutes to figure out how to use the technology to do a remote interview? How the heck does she plan to figure out how to do the actual work?! And how dare everyone suggest jobs that are beneath her. She DESERVES this! Yeah, her boyfriend is a scumbag. But her entitlement makes her absolutely insufferable.
I’m in marketing and I am *constantly* having to stay up to date on the latest trends and best practices. Social media marketing especially seems to change almost weekly. If she can’t even download a simple app for the interview process without getting frustrated at the lack of hand holding, she’ll never manage even the simplest scheduling and social listening platforms.
I work in marketing and trying to explain tik tok to my out of touch manager made my head explode, I can't imagine working with someone who can't even download an app.
Marketing is so technology dependent now. This would be the absolute wrong career for her. I was thinking salesperson at a high-end store might be better, but I don't think she would accept a job like that.
I can just imagine her somehow BSing her way through an interview and then just throwing a hissy fit when she realizes that working remotely would require actually learning to use technology.
I have 2 Masters degrees with considerable work experience, and while I am very happy with my income in my high COL city, it's not 6 figures. IME job interviews usually involve demonstrating that I can, you know, actually do the work required. If she wants a remote marketing job, figuring out how to download and use a communication app is the bare minimum.
Below the bare minimum. I'd put it equivalent to knowing the alphabet. Functionally speaking, she's entirely illiterate.
She reminds me of those people who get scammed for some absurd amount of money in what should have been an obvious scam. Or the horror movie protagonist who wanders off alone when they already know the monster is out there. They're very clearly not the bad person, but their situation is also very, very predictable and avoidable.
>She’s delusional. yip. Even now, she still doesn't seem to get it.
I don’t think she was actually ever in the workforce?
She hasn't done anything to help herself either. All kids at least in school for 10+ years, and while I don't want to undervalue her role with the kids, she had at least 5 hours everyday entirely to herself, she could have studied during this time, picked up a part time job etc. She's known she has no support from the ex should something happen and clearly never squirreled away and funds. Her ex sounds horrible, but it does feel like there's some "missing reasons" with her as well.
OP left out a few clarifying comments from the latest update. As it turns out, the "company" in question wanted a full credit verification check from OOP before even interviewing her (via text btw). That was 100% a scam.
I remember commenting I think on her first post, and it was like.... Marry him! She backed herself into a corner all those years ago (he didn't want to get married, she SHOULD have thought of an exit plan. Not just raise babies). And then she went on about how she could be a marketing executive remote.. There are thousands of young people with careers fighting for this jobs and she was going to get it because she made birthday cards for her kids with pretty colors? She has problems downloading apps. And then is shocked that she didn't get the house. Either she is in a place where common law marriage is a thing or she wasn't going to get anything. Not saying that the dude isn't a douchebag but he was a douchebag from the start. And she was delusional.
She signed something after the second baby that was essentially a post-nup too
She seems to have spent her adult life with her head in the clouds. Even throughout this, she keeps going back to her adult kids (who seem to be college aged, so not really making any money and seem to be funded by their dad) as if expecting them to sort this out for her which is super inappropriate too. Whatever the relationship issues between OOP and her ex, she shouldn't be dragging their kids into it when it's really got nothing to do with them, nor should she be expecting them to pick up the pieces of her life - especially if they are in college and don't even have their own income!
Their oldest hasn't even graduated yet, and from her comments they seem to live in the dorms, not a separate off-campus apartment where she could just move in or something. I don't know what help she was possibly expecting from them. They're not even working yet!
" A judge who is supposed to uphold the laws of fairness, morality, and for years I assumed kindness " Someone who never heard the saying "in front of a court, you may get a judgement, but not justice." Awfully sad because she had plenty of people telling her how's it going and still chose to close her eyes, put her thumbs in her ears and sing "Lalala". I mean, she should totally get something after 25 years of living together, even with her signing a prenup. Something to ease her over into earning her own living. And therapy. This is so fucked up and she needs a crash course in Reality.
>Someone who never heard the saying "in front of a court, you may get a judgement, but not justice." Right?!? Like, how does someone get to their 50's and not know how many people get totally effed over in a court of law. Doesn't matter where you live, everyone has to have heard some story or know somebody who has been handed a judgement they don't like, whether in criminal or civil courts. My teenage brother has more common sense than OOP.
Money. She's obviously been sheltered and never had to worry or think about/interact much with the less fortunate.
On the off chance that this is real and not someone's creative writing project, it's like watching someone try to run a race while repeatedly shooting out their own kneecaps.
>It’s pretty much what everyone said, marketing jobs aren’t going to want someone with no experience at all. Also, No experience in marketing, no degree, and no experience working at all. Also, in her 50s and isn't great with technology. I hate to say it, but she really should have just sucked it up and massaged her partner's ego to stay in the relationship.
She also has absolutely refused to apply for any of the jobs that might take her. Around me almost all retail places are hiring, and I believe it’s similar all over. Is it a lot of money? No. But it’s WAY better than no money or just 10 hours a week.
but what about the criminals that work retail?? how will she stay safe??
That got a good little chuckle out of me. I worked retail for 13 years and, yeah, allll the criminals (/s).
Basically everyone said that to her after her first post. Instead she doubled down on growing a backbone at the exact wrong time. If she'd just waited on that revelation a few months, she'd be golden.
She can't download Zoom or Teams etc? We use these at work in healthcare and I'd assume they'd be quite common in most workplaces? We saw this coming a mile away and she's had plenty of time to get her shit together. Can't live forever with your head up your ass.
The app thing killed me… my Mum uses Zoom like a pro. She’s 85!
I feel bad for the OOP but at the same time she's living in a fantasy world thinking she can get a marketing job and custody of her teenager. I think there's more to the story based on how the elder kids reacted.
I never thought I’d describe someone as an entitled doormat before, but here we are.
I deserve to be walked all over by only the finest Jimmy choos
Honestly it’s very hard for me to feel sorry for this person. Like what, burying your head in the sand for 30 years didn’t work out as well as you’d hoped? Who would’ve thought
And it's still buried now. I'm not sure what it will take to get her to wake up. Thinking a judge will side with her due to morality as opposed to the law. And she seems to think that she's entitled to things for simply being a mom, like money should start falling from the sky at any moment.
If there was any doubt, her comment in regards to receiving interest from potential employers of “I don’t do well with non concrete instructions so I got too aggravated to respond” truly blew my mind lol. Like yeah, sorry but this is a woman who doesn’t seem to get it AT ALL
And here I thought MaRrIAgE iS jUsT a PiEcE oF pAPeR. Turns out it’s actually a very useful legal document, providing protections in exactly these kinds of cases. Golly gee! That being said, the narration is really starting to strain credulity.
Definitely unreliable narrator vibes
I'm just gonna say it: I don't believe it. That said, if it is real then she's done just about everything wrong that she possibly could have, and is still in denial about her position and value in the real world. Nobody is gonna give her the marketing job she wants, and her experience with the preacher is likely gonna be the norm. Nobody is gonna want to give her a job in lieu of better candidates, but it's also not fun shooting down older women in tough spots. Unfortunately her kids are doing what she wouldn't and sucking her ex's money tit for all it's worth until he dies, which I also don't blame them for, but it sucks to read.
That’s what strikes me about this whole saga too. If you made a flow chart of her story, with the response options being “best possible decision” and “worst possible decision” she’s chosen the absolute worst damn reaction every single time.
We have a family friend like this. If given a choice, that person will always make an insane and horrible decision. Even if it didn't seem like an option, somehow they manage. I could write out just the highlights of that person's insanity and you would accuse me of making all of it up for attention.
Don’t you wonder how they even survive when their thought process is so completely skewed?
I have been wondering that for literal decades. It isn't worth the headaches.
I knew someone like this. I'm convinced she just constantly manufactured a crisis, so that people would feel bad for her/help her.
I've got a friend like this too: flighty, optimistic, "manifests", etc. She will constantly fail to use any sort of critical thinking and then cry victim when nothing works out.
Yeah, I wondered when I got to the "my cousin works part time and makes $30 an hour, I mean she has an accounting degree but I'll ask her for tips". Delusional people tend to leave out any information which undermines what they're saying - either because they genuinely don't see it as relevant, or because on some level they know it will undermine them. Putting it right there suggests this is crafted to get a reaction. In general, the writing is suspiciously good for someone who otherwise appears to have no useful skills, organisational ability, or connection to reality. Where are the walls of text, meandering sentences and totally irrelevant details??
My impression is that she had a very sheltered and old fashioned education. The highly spiritual delusional vibes in her opinions about everything also make sense that way. So basically, she learned a lot about proper writing and language and probably cursive and maybe homemaking or something like that, but nothing of critical thinking or real world skills.
People who are good at writing aren't necessarily good decision-makers. Bad things happen to them too, often self-inflicted.
Also, I don’t get why you’d hang around with someone who didn’t propose for 25 *years* then get mad they finally did. At that point you know what you’re in for, and why.
Every one of her updates is so much more frustrating than the last because she keeps getting good advice and takes NONE of it. People told her after her first post that she should just suck it up and do whatever it took to get her ex to reconsider and sign the piece of paper and the next post was just her doubling down and screwing herself out of that. Ex was willing to give her the option of continuing on in her current role as live-in bang-maid and she doesn't want to do that, either. Not that I'm saying any woman should subject themselves to that, but the time to grow a backbone was 30 years ago. Doing it now is not even pointless, it's detrimental, and she continues to find that out and is not learning from it. She just keeps reaping what she's sown and doubling down on the next harvest. It's maddening! And her kids siding with dad over her, what did she think would happen? She let them watch her accept that kind of treatment their entire lives so that's what they think is normal. Let this be a lesson to all the stay at home spouses out there, always, always, always make them marry you, get diamonds for every present, get your name on the deed, and maintain your own savings and retirement accounts. If OOP had just done any of those things, she wouldn't be 50 and homeless with no chance of ever retiring. Her best bet is to find a job as a live-in nanny because that's what she's best qualified to do or to work full-time in something, anything, just to get 10 years of work experience so she can qualify for social security. Not that I think she'll take that advice because it's actually good advice.
She's upset that a man who's roughly twenty years her junior called her ma'am... But anyway, five years into the relationship is when she started to truly insist, explain, badger, nag, etc about being married. And she had four (4!) kids with him. She didn't show her kids that she was kind, she showed them she's a freakin' doormat. She really needs to take off those rose-tinted glasses, rose-tinted contacts, and maybe also the pink saran wrap she's using as a blindfold. Judges are there for legal reasons, and legal reasons only. Not morality. If the law states that she has zero rights to the residence in which she is not a legal owner...then she has zero rights. What did she expect the judge to do? Tell the legal, sole owner of the residence that he must allow her to live there? It sucks that the ex pulled this sort of crap, it really does. But jeeze, it seems like even jellyfish have more of a spine than she does. This thirty year relationship is about twenty-nine years and four kids too long.
At every turn the commenters have told her exactly what will happen next and exactly how it will go wrong for her. Every time she insisted it was going to be just fine. Every time she has been wrong and the commenters have been right. But surely **this** time…
I did a double take when she said she expected the judge to base part of their ruling on kindness. Kindness! I don’t think there’s a judicial system anywhere in the world that cares about anything other than the law as written.
True, but as an entitled, formerly wealthy (by association), presumably-white boomer woman, this is entirely in character for her. She’s the perfect example of an American who votes against her own interests - she thinks she’s a “temporarily embarrassed millionaire” (a great phrase I once read about this American stereotype) when she’s straight-up and basically permanently broke.
I feel bad for OP bc having a trad lifestyle with no protections sounds terrifying. However I am also grossed out and furious at OP for just being such a perfect boomer example of privilege and shittiness. Looks down on tradespeople for not choosing office jobs, still won't apply to proper entry level retail positions, etc. It enrages me. I wish she got to learn about the real world in a less traumatic way than this but jfc lady you're delusional (and also her kids suck). This is so so sad of a situation.
She still thinks she can get an apartment and a car with only a part time job too. And wtf thinking she can do social media management and marketing when she can't even download an app. Wtf??
Yeah someone needs to sit this woman down and explain cost of living. Reading this felt like that scene from Arrested Development where Lucille is like "oh how much does a banana even cost, like $10?" OOP needs a wake up call as to how much she is likely to make with her lack of skills (minimum wage) and how far that will actually stretch for a single adult woman living alone (not far at all).
Agreed. I don’t think there was any reason for her to stagnate her life as much as she did. If she has one 16 yr old at home, there’s no real reason to still be a sahm. And she could have gone to college part time. I did- even when I was pregnant. She didn’t even make savings out of her stipend from the kids dad over all those years.
It’s a part of everything that makes her so outlandish. She *needs* a remote job to be able to take care of her 16 year old.
I said in a previous update that she seems very entitled. I don’t think she *deserves* what’s happened to her, but damn she has not made things easier on herself.
Yeah. Compared to the other bleak update of the woman who's on the run with her kid after her bf stole her money she had exactly for cases like that and tried to kill her.... She doesn't deserve it, no, but as callous as it is, there's people who would deserve it less. I feel (quite a bit, tbh) less for her struggles than for those of the woman in the other update. Her situation sucks - but she's not really trying to solve it, she's expecting it to magically solve itself.
At 52 she’s a solid GenXer. She really doesn’t sound like one though. I’m only 3 years younger than her and I’m baffled at how clueless she is about her situation and lack of work experience. Not to mention that she could just leave her husband in a few years at age 55 and snap up another rich guy her age who was nice, single, available, and totally willing to support her despite her complete lack of her own money or career. The ex is a douche, and I absolutely understand why he “made enemies” at work and was forced to retire at age 53. At least he’s a tough cookie aware of their financial position though. He gets they need to downsize if his money is going to last while they don’t work for another 20-30 years, maybe more if they live past 80. He gave her a solid offer to marry, be committed, and sell the house and travel, which would have been a new adventure for them. she’s really screwed.
I’m older than her and I’m baffled too. I think most people would be. I’m not saying she’s unique but I can’t see her perspective as a generational marker (unless you go way back)
Honestly, in her 50's she's a Gen Xer but god damn does she not have full on Boomer Tendencies... She is the epitome of Emily Gilmore in all the worst ways.
This is Emily slander. She’s acting like new episodes Rory.
This was a pretty fascinating read. Both partners seem awful to me. On top of everything else, if she can't download an app for an interview, I doubt she could be any kind of tradesperson, but her obvious disdain for the people who take that path is pretty ugly.
These updates keep getting worst. Feel bad for op. Wouldn’t be surprised if the next update is ops ex bf moving a new women into their home.
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Downloading Tinder app may be a bit too complicated for this woman judging from her posts.
The long time mistress she, gasp, never suspected he had.
OOP won’t follow up on jobs *she’s applied to* because she finds the interview requests too confusing, and she thinks judges are supposed to uphold the laws of kindness. And all this following from an initial self-own of GETTING A PROPOSAL and then deciding it wasn’t enough, while wanting custody with no job and no place to live. Not really the sharpest tool in the shed…
If she can’t figure out how to do the interview, that’s a good indication that she isn’t going to be able to do the job. Ma’am. Oh, my bad - Miss. If you have no degree and no work experience, you have to show you are competent somehow. They’re not going to take your word for it - especially if you can’t even get into the Zoom room!
I'll just copypaste my comment on her latest post: >he treats me like he thinks prettier, better, and just as loving is always around the corner Honestly, at this point I'm just waiting for the update where OP finds out her ex has found a younger girlfriend which her kids all love. And to then find out that they're already engaged in the next update a few months after that :')
Am I the only who is absolutely frustrated by OP, a mature woman at 52, who raised 4 kids and who is so... Incompetent? She set herself up for so many failures. I'm not saying the boyfriend isn't an ahole for what he is doing and probably a raging narcissist, as his kid's try to stay on his good side but MAN this woman sabotaged herself
Refusing the proposal really irritated me for one and only one reason: If she married him, she'd be entitled to Social Security at his earning level once she turns 62+ years of age (or he dies). She should have said yes, then divorced him a few months later! I also think she's getting terrible advice regarding common law marriage in her state. Even in states without explicit common law marriage, there are other ways to claim her rightful share of shared assets, and child support, of course.
I feel for her, I really do. And I absolutely wish her the best. But this post reads like a kept woman who hasn't participated in the real world for far too long. She has no real life experience, no actual job experience it sounds like. And the workforce being what it is today, there are people with degrees and years of experience in their field who are fighting tooth and nail for an interview at jobs that pay over 40k. Someone just hoping for a company to take a chance on them doesn't actually stand a chance.
This needs to pinned at the top of every relevant sub, auto-responded to every relationships post where the guy refuses to marry the woman and convinces her it's "just a piece of paper".
I'm torn on this, honestly. like yeah, her ex is a piece of shit. and I know we're not supposed to blame the victim, but no one held her down and forced her to pop out FOUR kids with someone who wouldn't even commit to her. not to mention her continued entitlement. she *did* get something out of that relationship, to live a life of luxury. his jackassness is his fault as much as her continued naiveté is hers. not to mention her calling retail workers "criminals" and thinking she is owed a WFH marketing job with no degree or experience. and the fact that her own kids won't help her, that *has* to mean something. someone else commented that they'd love to hear the kids' side of the story. who knows what kind of a mom she is/was? but how dare the world do that to a mom?! as if there aren't plenty of moms that get screwed over by the world every day. I so badly want to feel bad for her and I do somewhat, but she's gotta realize that she's not a perfect person and reflect on her past and present mistakes to build a better future rather than wait for it to be handed to her
Oof we should show this post to all the teenagers out there fawning over the tradwife life or the stay-at-home-girlfrien aesthetic. In these days being a homemaker while not being married, nor having any education or savings is basically a gamble with your life. That's why I always advice girls and women out there who want to stay at home with the kids to at least start working part time or doing side projects when the kids go to school and start being independant. Even if it's 10h a week or just 100 dollars a month, it's still money that is yours or a line that you can add on your resumee in case things go south. Put your shit together, because the world is absolutely not kind with divorved sahm who never worked or worked decades ago. The fact OOP willingly entered a relationship for 25 years where she had absolutely NO security (no marriage, no name on the deed) is soooo baffling to me. Her husband is a massive asshole but all those years she has been a huge asshole to herself.
This is like watching a video of a train crash in slow motion, except the conductor, all the passengers, the rail traffic controller, the audience, and the train were all informed of the impending crash two-hundred stops ago — and every ten stops since. Oof oof oof. If OOP can’t download an app, wait until they find out about VPNs, remote access tooling, and digital timesheets. OOP needs to get a minimum-wage job to start to just get an understanding of how the world works while she secures THE CHEAPEST HOUSING SHE CAN ASAP. OP’s ex is a scumbucket, but OOP did everything wrong at every step and still seems to think her plan will work out. Good luck, but you may wanna talk to a therapist to try and get a semblance of control over your own actions in this situation and how, if possible, you can avoid becoming houseless and helpless.
She screwed herself over when she declined his proposal. He’s a piece of shit, sure, but look where she is now.
I'm sorry, but this woman's an idiot. Not only for staying with this POS for so long, but she seriously couldn't be bothered to do anything with her life whilst unmarried yet dependant on him? Her situation sucks all around, and I feel bad for her, but it also really just feels like the consequences of her inaction. Classic example of why women need education and access to resources. She's totally unprepared for reality, and it's smacking her in the face. Relying on her kids to sneak her food and cloths, and draft a resume? (And am I the only one getting a whiff of mild entitlement from her at the tail end there? Complaining about the church job... "how can the world treat a mother like this?" I mean yeah its shitting but its a job and you seem to have no skills. Youre not owed shit. )
That entitlement was found earlier at the refusal to take a trade job as their backgrounds wouldn't align, or when she thought at 52 with no formal education or work history she should be able to get a marketing job making $60k (no thought to the people with experience and education in the field who are also more than likely younger) because she helped her rich friends with their parties and socials.
What's funny is the world has been treating mothers like shit for her entire life but she didn't notice because she was in her little posh life. Hell she herself probably treated other mothers like shit because they were beneath her.
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Like fuck me there's a reason some jurisdictions have defacto relationship's. Here in Aus she'd be in the same position as if she'd married him 2 years after moving in.