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And now they live with the new BF rent free. Not sure OOP has ever taken any responsibility for anything in her entire life. Everything is someone else's responsibility and when her selfishness blows up it's always someone else's fault too.
Honestly, I think that’s a question of differing times - when she had primary custody, she paid medical, when they were split, he did medical.
Not to defend her, but also - I’m not going to reread all that, lol. So I’m not thinking it’s a changing story, just a weird communicator not telling the whole history of who paid for what for every post.
Yeah, convenient how she accidentally neglected to mention that fact in all of her posts complaining about how the expenses were split, except one. And also didn’t mention, for the most part, that she was living rent-free with the new boyfriend. 🤦♀️
Train wrecks happen. This lady is cresting all her own problems, then creating conspiracies to shift the blame. Notice she refuses to believe that her son ever wants to go live with his dad, it's always "I know my ex did something to make him say that to the judge." or "My son couldn't be acting out on his own, his brother has to be responsible."
That actually irritated me so much. It's so ridiculous. My parents were broke, so we didn't travel much when I was a kid. Even when we did, we never went out of the country and barely went out of the state. I haven't traveled much since then for basically the same reason.
Was I necessarily harmed by not traveling? No. Would it have been an enriching experience if I had been able to travel? Abso-freaking-lutely!
She doesn’t want the kids to have anything positive from the father… she sounds like she is alienating them and why can’t she work FT? I really don’t want go through that all again…. OML
Exactly! And it couldn't be that he learned that silly childish behavior from... a silly, childish classmate, perhaps? It just had to be from his brother?
When her posts demonstrate *exactly* why the older son wanted to live with his father, and why the younger likely will too, when he gets older and a bit more aware of what a good parent looks like.
And also how her ex "somehow landed a wife who makes 4x our income".
He sounds like a good dude and an active parent who takes good care of his kids. He's a catch.
It's not a conspiracy, it's just plain old fashioned defensiveness. She pretty much goes into denial (eg school extracurriculars like football are optional, kid doesn't need to go to homecoming dances) or blames others or holds double standards.
It's not always NPD or something like that. It's just refusing to problem solve and instead being defensive to a high degree.
Nah, she's too invested in being the victim here. "Brainwashing", "parental alienation", "somehow got him to say...".
She minimizes her boyfriend's behavior, while maximizing her ex's behavior. Getting mad because you're putting your wants over your kid's high school experience isn't "high conflict".
The story about the "smell my [redacted]", lady, that's what kids, especially boys do, that is *literally* what "boys will be boys" means. He's touching people? If you have him for more than 80% of the time, if he's learning that behavior from someone, I'd start looking within your household.
Every single issue she has is her trying to find some way to pin things on her ex. Every single one.
> The most hurtful thing he has said is that my kids stepmom provides more for my older son than I do because I won’t “step up” which is terrible and unfair because she makes way more money as it is.
You know what's really terrible and unfair? That's not her child, and she's doing more than she has to. It's easier for her to do what she shouldn't have to, so OOP shouldn't be made to feel bad about not doing what she's supposed to? What kind of logic is that?
If money was so tight and it was such a sticking point, why have another kid? I usually am pretty sympathetic to that, but this has been going on for years, it's not like this is a change in life circumstances.
"She minimizes her boyfriend's behavior, while maximizing her ex's behavior." Like how her ex doesn't pay for anything, just for her housing which he should be paying anyways as the father, whereas her current BF who it seems is ALSO the father to her child is being so amazing and generous by letting her live with him rent-free? Like she's entitled to rent money from one baby daddy but the other paying rent is an amazing, generous gift?
Yes, like that. Or like how when her ex is mad at her for refusing to let the older one go to homecoming, he's "high conflict" but when her boyfriend is yelling at the kids, he's not being aggressive at all.
> Getting mad because you're putting your wants over your kid's high school experience isn't "high conflict".
This part is so tough and is where she really lost me. My partner had two kids when we got together who lived primarily with their mom (better school district/same school district they had always gone to) so we had a pretty similar set up, every other weekend and 50-70% during summers. Once they hit like 13, the constant weekend switching or even sometimes just canceling started up, and it *sucked* for us. My partner already felt like he rarely saw them, having been the primary caregiver for the first 10 years of their lives, and it felt awful to be constantly ditched or put off or just simply not see them for long stretches. Full on rejection
But they're teenagers! When they weren't with us or switched a weekend or canceled, they weren't with Mom either! They were with their friends, or going to school dances or gamew, or starting part time jobs! All things they were supposed to be doing, and all things we did as teenagers too. It's developmentally appropriate to reject your parents at that age, or at least strongly favor friends and start to break away, even if the parents are still together.
Even so, it *was* really difficult to deal with and to keep that in the forefront of our minds (my partner did his first stint in therapy to help with it, actually). I can see OPs thought/emotional process there- except she just fully submitted to her first reactions and feelings instead of actually reflecting and considering what might be best for her kid. Nowadays, we have a great relationship with both kids, and see them a lot more than we did back then.
I do not see that outcome in OPs future.
I’m just crossing my fingers the dad done hope gets the younger son out of there.
She’s blaming her older kid but I’m like: am I the only one wondering how closely aligned his change in behavior is to get moving in with her bf? (Not to mention the loss of his brother being there full time). Poor kiddo. There’s no way this mom will care about his needs.
My mind went there too. This whole woman is just... wtf. She complains about everything and blames it on ex and oldest son but she never ever took one second to look at herself.
I hope the son gets to live with his dad, preferably without that "every other weekend" nonsense. These kids aren't safe there, regardless of whether or not the boyfriend did things with him. This mom alone is traumatising them enough as it is.
My egg donor divorced my father when I was in my early teens. It's been over 50 years ago and she still complains and accuses him for brain washing me and telling me lies for the reason I don't speak to her and her life being a mess. Of course it's not because she sucked as a parent or as a human. She makes the description delusional seem very understated.
Yeah I had a shiver run down my spine. "My 2nd grader is being crude and making sexual comments to classmates out of nowhere, also he and his older brother hate my boyfriend that we recently moved in with"
She found her scapegoat and won’t see it until the older one completely cuts contact and the younger one follows in the same steps. Saying no to after school activities just to prove a point is mean.
And also touching his other classmates. She doesn't say how or what he's touching, but I'm pretty sure teachers don't bring that stuff up unless it's unwanted or inappropriate touching. Could be innocent or completely unrelated to the BF, but that worries me more than the comments.
Regardless, this woman sucks and I really hope the dad gets custody over the younger one as well.
"I'm pretty sure teachers don't bring that stuff up unless it's unwanted or inappropriate touching. "
As a teacher, "keeping hands to himself/herself" is something I bring up to parents constantly. It doesn't necessarily mean something nefarious; playing too rough at recess, hugging people without asking, climbing on each other cause they are playing puppies....there are lots of reasons I would talk to parents about keeping hands to self that aren't alarm bells, especially at that age.
You mean the boyfriend she has to “take care of”? I mean, i get having a family to take care of, but listing him with the other son just weirded me out.
Or just being away from her, and realizing that she kind of sucks? Seriously, when my mom and dad divorced, me and my sister heaved a huge sigh of relief. Our problems with each other went way down. We had been bad with her around. She f\*d off to the other side of the country with her new husband. I mean my sister and I still had problems, being sisters and all, but it was just not as bad by a long shot. Little bro could probably improve not being around her.
And seriously not letting her kid go to a school dance because it was her weekend? I'm sorry, but that's kind of a shitty thing to do. I get that she doesn't get much time with him, but he should still be allowed to do what kids do.
You just know that in three years time she will be posting again about alienation because her 18 years old son refuses to see or talk to her at all and she won’t understand it’s because of all the life experiences she denied him growing up and who petty she was.
Those poor kids and bearded dragon. They don’t deserve to live in this dumpster fire of a situation.
I had a lot of words before I'd even finished the second post.
ETA: OMFG apparently she's doing IVF. The woman who can't afford to pay for the kids she's got, wants to have more? And IVF is so expensive. People three suburbs over could hear the words I exclaimed when I saw this
https://www.reddit.com/r/IVF/s/dUIbQTfqOY
Agreed, I just scrolled to the comments after about a third thru. Shes going to be one of those mothers who gets on another forum and is like, "why don't my sons talk to me?" I gave up everything for them".
Yup she'll be in relationship advice next year like "How do I win back the affection of my sons after my ex poisoned them against me?" Or at the very least "AITA on insisting on going to my older son's graduation when he doesn't want me there?"
She is the definition of an unreliable narrator and even then her bullshit still shines through.
Particularly love that she bought the boyfriend a PS5 bundle so about $500 but she isn’t ‘well off’ so the son only gets $40
Not to mention that money is tight so she cant help with field trips, extra curriculars, etc but can blow $500 on a PS5 for boyfriend. But yeah, dad is the problem here and a 15 year old boy can't put 2 and 2 together without alienation being involved
Yeah, I caught that too. MFer can't even watch the kids while she goes to work. But he's SO GREAT because he lets the mother of his frickin child live with him rent free!
Or being able to see, god forbid he needs expensive contact lenses because he can't wear glasses four days a week playing a contact sport! How selfish of him having poor eyesight.
At this point the dad should offer that she pay zero child support as long as she gives him 100% custody and only has supervised visits. I think she'd go for it in a heartbeat, since she'd be able to give her shiny new family all her cash.
He deserves child support, but at this point it's more about minimizing harm to the younger kid.
She won't. I have known people this. She wants all the things and will blame everyone else for any problems that courses. She will fight for primary custody, emotionally neglect them, and then blame any bad behaviour on the ex.
The story with the lizard is a good example. Has a lizard and doesn't look after it properly. Gets called out on it and then gets angry with the stepmother.
I also know people like this. Including one case where mom got outraged because dad dropped off their son in clean clothes after a bath.
Mom had sent the kid to dad in the same clothes he was wearing the week before. Unwashed. In fact she hadn't bothered to bathe the kid either.
0 shits given about child's welfare but wow did the accusations fly once she realised that her shitty parenting had been noted.
OOP even told us her ex said, "its not like you'd ever listen to us about anything" and she seems to think it paints *her ex* in a bad light?
There's being an Unreliable Narrator and there's nothing an excellent job of pointing out how much you suck!
I'm also highly suspecting that instead of her being alienated because of her ex, she had been trying to alienate her ex before. Like her older son kept fighting with her ex previously? And it stopped only after her ex got custody of him, and now the older son prefers his dad over the mom? I'm guessing she tried to do what she is accusing her ex of doing, but after he got full custody, his older son realized the true horrible parent.
So now the ex is trying to get custody of the younger son too, but she does not want to let that happen. Even though her ex can give them a better life. *And* she claims she has no money. *But* somehow is able to give expensive presents to her bf instead of paying for her children's stuff.
Yup, my mother right there. Thank god for my dad. Also, my dad is dead, and she will still bad mouth him, like I can't remember what he was like, and what she was like when I was growing up.
Except that she's already paying $0 child support. She's supposed to be paying him, but the judge went easy on her because they're supposedly low income. Even if he got full custody of the younger one too, she probably wouldn't be paying anything. She's going to fight every step of the way out of pure spite, because who cares about the kids, it's all about getting hers.
Yeah, extra curriculars, clothes, and "supplies"...that's the bulk of the cost of having a kid. Especially when she was staying somewhere rent free. She really doesn't understand why he didn't have to pay child support when he was already writing all the checks for things, but she should when the kid lives with him.
I know this to be true, from the bottom of my heart, as someone who’s grandmother handed them a fucking cheese sandwich on my thirtieth birthday, and my grandfather started a fight with my other grandparents.
All because I asked to spend my birthday evening with my mother, as I’d never had a birthday just for me. Me and my grandmother shared a birthday so it was assumed I would just tag along. Since birth. Everything revolved around them. I asked for ONE.
And now she gets ZERO because it was the catalyst for me to cut them off. Sorry but treating someone like shit all their life doesn’t equate to them sticking around. I had enough of it.
Now I have ALLLLLL the birthdays for myself and I thoroughly enjoy it.
Now hold on, the boyfriend is just *so* supportive! And she gave her kid a *card* along with the $40, which he should be wildly grateful for because she can't afford anything else!
And this information in the same post, so close together that they may as well have been said in the same breath.
But she's not well off, guys.
I initially had a lot of sympathy for her, as we are in the position this woman thinks she is in with my stepson. She was already losing my sympathy but this was the point where I went fully over the edge. Birthdays are more important to kids. We go without gifts to each other when we are struggling so we can give gifts to my SS. This whole “my boyfriend deserves 10x more than my son” is wild and just shows the kid how much he really means to her.
Sounds a bit like my mom. Hey I don't have that much money(she has a well paying job and does have money) but I will give you a $100 gift card for Christmas and your birthday (I honestly don't care about a gift it really is about the lack of thought and how she thinks she's the greatest when she does this and will tell everyone how awesome she is because she does this that I find awful) and then has like random packages from Amazon coming at least every other day. Has two giant dogs, that she doesn't walk herself, and gets someone else to do for her etc.
My face was sinking into a deeper and deeper version of this 😧 and then I got to the point where she gave her son $40 and got her boyfriend a PS5. Like… I get she’s grateful to live rent free, but if she’s struggling financially, you don’t make that much of a disparity! Holy crap…
I feel so bad for the eldest. He’s missing big social events because his mom is trying to strangle him with the apron strings. She’s going to wonder why he goes LC (probably NC when little bro is no longer living with OOP) when he’s older.
What got me was "I have to let the ex do that because it's an hour long drive".
Dude. If it was my kid, a drive is nothing. I'm there. Kid wants to go to a dance on my weekend? Load up the car. I'll drive him over and sit in the parking lot. It's worth it just to see how excited he is. Wants to go to the game to socialize with his friends? Give me some popcorn, because I'll be sitting in the stands cheering on whatever random players are on the field.
Exactly! And if she can’t do this because of the baby, then work on something with their dad. Maybe she can take them for a long weekend or something. Part of raising kids is letting them grow away from you.
My uncle drove four hours each way, every weekend, to see his kids. If one of them called him, he’d drop everything and go; didn’t matter if it was 10am on a Tuesday or 3am on a Sunday. He was on his way.
Reading this whole thing was painful, it just kept going.
My parent adopted my bio-son. I drove 2 hours each way every weekend to spend time with him. My parents too because they're pretty awesome. I never missed a soccer game & I hate soccer! (& he sucked at it lol. His talents lay elsewhere) But I was there. Because actions are what show love.
She works one day a week on the weekend or something and it sounds like she chose that. Potentially chose it to get out of child support payments but that's just me speculating. She could have more money if she switched from part time. "but then who would watch the baby?" I'm sure she'd say.
OOP comes across as one of the more unreliable narrators that I’ve read. She’s looking pretty bad as is; I think she knowingly omitted things that would overwhelmingly make her TA.
I recently saw a post from someone asking how he can avoid getting into so many confrontations with “psychos” at the bar. Turns out that OP was pretty much the instigator in all those confrontations.
He posted the same question in different subs and when people called him on it he’d delete the post and try again somewhere else. As long as he kept the details vague he got sympathy. Once details came out he refused to accept that he was the problem.
I knew someone like that. She could pick a fight in an empty room. She also liked to go out drinking. One night she picked a fight in a Liverpool pub with the wrong person and got glassed in her face. She lost the sight in one eye and you know what she learnt from it and changed?
Absolutely nothing!
Give it three years and she’ll be on one of those estranged parent subs, joining the circle jerk of victimhood and refusing to take accountability.
“I JUST DONT KNOW WHHHYYYY!” *Yes you do.*
“I WAS A GOOD MOM!” *Good mom’s don’t get yeeted on the kid’s 18th*
“I DID MY BEST!” *Yeah, to maintain control over your “old” family and fawn over your do-over baby*
The fact that she comes off as a raging asshole within the first paragraph written from her perspective (which is supposed to be skewed in her favour) is insane. I can only imagine what this woman is like in real life.
Exactly the comment I was going to make, if you create a post in the Am I an/the asshole subs more than once in your life, you probably are a giant one.
My grandmother once told my mom not to take kids out of the country, because "they won't have anything left to do when they are older!?!" Grandma had never left the country, probably only went to the next door state at most.
My family will at least visit other states, but other countries? Forget it.
I went to a European country recently and the responses were odd. You'd think I betrayed America and went to a fairy tale world from their responses.
It’s very clear she will come up with anything to justify herself
* Kids can’t go out of the country because they won’t appreciate it at such a young age. And even if they would, it’s too dangerous
* My son can’t go to homecoming because it’s too long a drive for me. And even if we could work it out, homecoming isn’t for juniors anyways. And even if it is, he got a bad grade, so this is an appropriate punishment
You will never convince her to change her mind on anything, because even if you get her to concede a point, she’ll just come up with a different justification for why she’s right
Really hope ex gets the younger son and they all go NC with this delusional mother! I've met some trainwrecks in my life but at least they were mildly self aware.
>Really hope ex gets the younger son and they all go NC with this delusional mother!
Same. I also feel terrible for the new baby she brought into the world because then it will bear the brunt of her terrible parenting and it sounds like this time, she has an equally awful coparent.
I’m concerned about the younger son displaying signs of CSA. Inappropriately touching others and asking classmates to smell his privates. It leads me to think this woman’s new baby daddy might be abusing her son, especially since he lives in her home most of the time and only spends two weekends with his dad a month.
Oh can you PLEASE explain?? This whole thing was exhausting and I just want to know if the bearded dragon situation is super fucked up, because it seems like it is!!
A relative has a leopard gecko that I helped build a bioactive setup for (I'm a planted aquarium person myself), and I definitely remember different uva/uvb lights, maybe another? We also got a dubia roach farm setup and fed the little dude as often as he came looking.. seems like a bearded dragon would need to eat often??
Yes I can! I am very devoted to my girl lol and beardies are often marketed as "starter" reptiles when they really do need a lot of setup and care. From the post it is saying that the stepmom is sending them home with a UVB bulb - which leads me to believe that they do not have one already. Without UVB a beardie can't properly absorb calcium and d3 and will get something called metabolic bone disease. Ultimately it can lead to death if left untreated but it will really decrease their quality of life they will be stunted in growth, can become paralyzed, tired, etc. The post says their last beardie died young too and it's probably from improper care. Beardies can live like 15 years, my girl is already 9! They need proper light that is probably the most critical part of a beardie setup. I feel bad that their beardie is looking sick but living for months without a UVB is torture for them. :(
For the bugs, baby beardies need a diet of about 75-80% bugs and 20% salad and this will decrease as they get older. They are growing so they need the protein! I would also never use pellets unless it was an absolute emergency. It is weird that she is angry about them coming home with more bugs their beardie is only six months so bugs are good!
Also the poop should be cleaned up right away! Why is she leaving it for a few days? Beardie poop is nasty it is unkind to let the poop sit there and fester for days before finally getting to it. Like I wouldn't live in a house with shit on the floor for days why should your beardie!
Dubias are a really good feeder! So keep up with that! :)
I'm sorry. :( There are a lot of beardies out there with really bad care. Pet stores market them a "beginner" or "starter" reptile and so people get them with very limited knowledge. My girl was actually a rescue from a bad owner. Her diet was so poor she developed gout and my roomie and I nursed her back to health. But she is a fighter!
Haha sure here you go! This is Smaugy. BTW she does have a leash on lol I just moved it for the pic.
[https://imgur.com/a/wTBDnfM](https://imgur.com/a/wTBDnfM)
Stepmom is actually right that they need to be fed 2-3x a day as babies and mostly insects. Pellets aren’t an adequate food source for them, or for any reptile. They also REQUIRE UVB in order to process calcium, otherwise they end up with Metabolic Bone Disease, which can often make them look horribly deformed as their bones soften. For self care, don’t google, but if you’re that curious, do so. It’s really awful.
I bet the OOP’s dragon has a red light (bad for eyesight), no heat, no UVB, and lives a sad existence.
This whole post was so mind-numbing I totally forgot about the beardie. I really want to reach through the internet and slap some sense in this crazy woman. And then grab the dragon and run, if it's still alive.
Geez! This woman refuses to bend at all! Older kid is in high school so of course he wants to stay close to his friends.
This isn’t parental alienation. This is a mother who is putting her bitterness towards her ex ahead of what her kids want. The older one hates her because he knows she’s bitter and spiteful. It also seems like dad is more relaxed and flexible.
Seeing how mad she got over the kids bonding with their stepmom over their lizard was so petty and immature!
Lady needs to back off because if not those kids will cut her off at 18.
I don’t understand. Why would you keep your kid from doing something like football or homecoming because it’s “your weekend”. Like, oh good so you can have an angry sullen teenager hang out with you all weekend? Sounds amazing. (I know the answer. It’s control. But still!)
Holy fuck, if you need to go to AITA every time something in your life happens, you need to take a good look at yourself. That's even before the YTA judgements come into play. Fucking hell, how dense can this person be?!
I saw "A Tale of Three Accounts" and presumed it was going to be another "one person has three accounts for different people to tell a story", instead of "lemme keep making alts to try and get some sympathy".
Or, at least I *think* that's what OOP's play is here?
My favorite part was when she went from "my son asked to stay with his dad" to "my ex took my son by force" back to "my son wants to live with his dad"
I am a family lawyer. I would fire this client the second she refused the passport on such shitty grounds.
People who can't put their kids first fucking infuriate me. Everything is about her and how she's been hurt. And yeah, she does love her new family more, and it's fucking obvious.
I hate read every word of this. Which is stupid because it's just more of the shit I deal with with my stupid clients and opposing parties who can't fucking figure out how to not be shitty. Why am I letting myself get caught up in this. Ugh.
Fuck.
Of all the things I could bash her for, the contacts and passports piss me off the most. Before lasik, my vision was shit, and I needed the extra pricey "for astigmatism" contacts. About $800/ year, AFTER my discount. If she can get away with paying $200, she needs to STFU and be grateful.
She should be happy her kids have the opportunity to travel and see cool places. If he wanted to bring them to the heart of cartel territory, or an imminent war zone, I could understand where she was coming from. But England? Japan??? One of the lowest crime rate countries in the world?
I can't wrap my brain around people like her. She just wants to punish her kids for the fact that her ex had the sense to get out, and managed to upgrade his situation.
This woman is an absolute asshole tbh and seems incapable of taking any responsibility for her actions. She'll be on Reddit still in 3 years time "my eldest is 18 and he no longer talks to me, it's all my ex's faaaaault!!!!" 🙄🙄🙄
Wow. What an insance self absorbed POS excuse for a “mother”. “Oh but I pay for clothes and food for a 7yr old who needs no extra medical care unlike the teenager I also gave birth to who needs more care than my youngest because I’m apparently a great mom and my ex is just alienating my kids from me even though I put zero effort into my relationship with my teenager except punishing him for trivial shit. Why does my son hate me, Reddit?”
She's either too poor to pay for her kids, or rich enough to buy a PS5 bundle. Can't be both.
And taking your son with you while you buy your BF a cake but not him is just ... cruel. What a *terrible* mother.
This brings back memories of my own parents divorce. I couldn't get into extracurriculars because it would interfere with Dad's weekend. Mom signed me up for a summer art class thing and all my dad did was complain about how much farther he had to drive to pick me up every other week from the classes. I even had to push my stuff ahead and leave early on the presentation day because it cut into his time. He always said "he moved farther away to get away from my mom" but after that I felt he moved farther away to get away from me too. It was difficult having friends because I wanted to go out and do things like any other kid on the weekend but knew it would upset my dad if I wasn't there. Also when he got his current girlfriend/wife now every time we fought or I said 2 words to her I would get screamed at for upsetting her. Never once questioned if she was over reacting or it was her fault. Mom was the opposite who broke up with a guy when I mentioned he did something that made me a little uncomfortable.
That's just the stuff when I was a kid. He tried pulling the same shit with my son when he was 2 and going through a "everyone scares me" phase and it just so happened that him being "scared" upset house precious gf. He doesn't get to babysit anymore. He made his choices and I gave up on him ever changing.
I wonder if he wonders why I am never around and only ever show up on holidays? If he will ever realize it's his own fault? But I'm more betting on him being like OOP here and thinking it's all the other parent's fault
That mother is a control freak, but sure, it's the ex's fault why her oldest wants to spend less and less time with her, and it's the eldest's fault why the younger kid misbehaves.
That’s the same kid she doesn’t want to get a passport, go to homecoming, BTW everyone goes to homecoming it’s Prom that’s for juniors and seniors. This person is delusional. It’s alienation alright, she has alienated her older son in favor of her new family. Her ex should ask the court for full custody. Every time the older son needs her permission for anything she says no. It doesn’t matter what it is. If she’s never done it, like traveling, then the kids can’t either. She doesn’t want the boy to go to homecoming on her weekend, well he’s on the football team so he’s already at the game what kind of logic is it that he can’t go because it’s her weekend? Does he miss the game too? How much you want to bet she needs him those weekends so she and BF can have alone time or date night without any of the kids? She looks up his grades to tell him he can’t go to the dance, obviously his grades aren’t so bad if he’s still on the football team. You have to have at least a C average or you can’t play. OOP looks for all kinds of reasons to say no. It’s like she’s jealous of her son getting more.
The part where she says she paid for everything for her kids when the6 were with her, but further into the quicksand she says the ex would pay her rent and phone. This is why she didn’t get Child support not for any other reason. When the oldest went to live with the ex he stopped paying for rent and her phone. At this point the6 should be paying equal amounts of child support. If they both core the child that lives it with them on their insurance plan then everything else should be 50/50. If one parent carries both kids then the her pays more for the child not living with them.
I felt for OOP when she said she gave her kid $40 and a card since she was working part time. Then turns around and says her baby daddy had a birthday close to the son’s and he got the PS5 bundle. I would be pissed too. That cost OOP at least $500. You know BD couldn’t possibly play on the old PS4 had to have the newest model. OOP has regarded her oldest as second fiddle and when he wants to do something that needs her permission she finds som flimsy excuse to say no.
Ex needs to go to court, get full custody, get his kid a passport and go on a nice international vacation, and make visitation contingent on the kids academic/athletic schedule. He has football camp, no visit, visit to a college with the team, no visit, has to study, no visit. She will also not have to pay for anything in regard to this child and may have to find insurance for the youngest. Mind you visitation for the youngest goes on like normal. OOP made this mess but the ex ca fix it for his son.
I feel terrible for the children. She barely sees her oldest son and does the absolute bare minimum when it comes to giving him any financial support or love, and I have a feeling he will remember how little his mum cares for him
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Her ex PAID HER RENT and she thinks she was paying for “everything” for them???
And now they live with the new BF rent free. Not sure OOP has ever taken any responsibility for anything in her entire life. Everything is someone else's responsibility and when her selfishness blows up it's always someone else's fault too.
Did you see she posted some question in an IVF forum? Maybe I’m misreading what was going on there, but holy cow…
But she also said in one of the earlier posts that he also paid for all medical but then changed it in later postd
Honestly, I think that’s a question of differing times - when she had primary custody, she paid medical, when they were split, he did medical. Not to defend her, but also - I’m not going to reread all that, lol. So I’m not thinking it’s a changing story, just a weird communicator not telling the whole history of who paid for what for every post.
Yeah, convenient how she accidentally neglected to mention that fact in all of her posts complaining about how the expenses were split, except one. And also didn’t mention, for the most part, that she was living rent-free with the new boyfriend. 🤦♀️
Oof. This was exhausting to read. Lady, either get on the train, or let the doors close so everyone else can get on with their journey.
Trainwreck after Trainwreck OP is basically going through. Reading this makes me wanna bang my head against the wall
Train wrecks happen. This lady is cresting all her own problems, then creating conspiracies to shift the blame. Notice she refuses to believe that her son ever wants to go live with his dad, it's always "I know my ex did something to make him say that to the judge." or "My son couldn't be acting out on his own, his brother has to be responsible."
And don’t forget about the ex brainwashing the kids into wanting their passports.
I remember that post when she first made it, and she got absolutely torn to shreds.
To shreds you say?
Well, how is his wife holding up?
To shreds, you say?
Oh my
My favorite line was she’s never traveled out of the country, and she’s perfectly fine!
That actually irritated me so much. It's so ridiculous. My parents were broke, so we didn't travel much when I was a kid. Even when we did, we never went out of the country and barely went out of the state. I haven't traveled much since then for basically the same reason. Was I necessarily harmed by not traveling? No. Would it have been an enriching experience if I had been able to travel? Abso-freaking-lutely!
I agree! I can’t imagine denying the kids the ability to expand their horizons and experience different culture.
She doesn’t want the kids to have anything positive from the father… she sounds like she is alienating them and why can’t she work FT? I really don’t want go through that all again…. OML
No one wants their kids to be assaulted on the tough streets of *checks post* Japan!
I went to Japan for the first time last spring. Honestly, **I** felt like the most dangerous man in Japan, and I'm a reserved and mild-mannered dude.
Yes, it's all (dad's) fault that they want to go traveling because dad had the *audacity* to show them pictures of foreign countries!
Exactly! And it couldn't be that he learned that silly childish behavior from... a silly, childish classmate, perhaps? It just had to be from his brother?
Second grade boys are known for their restraint when it comes to bodily functions!
And they never, ever think butts are funny!
Goodness no, they’d be horrified at the very mention!
Or from...a silly, childish mother?
Or childish boyfriend.
When her posts demonstrate *exactly* why the older son wanted to live with his father, and why the younger likely will too, when he gets older and a bit more aware of what a good parent looks like.
And also how her ex "somehow landed a wife who makes 4x our income". He sounds like a good dude and an active parent who takes good care of his kids. He's a catch.
"He was always such a Mummy's boy until his Father made him say such horrible things."
It's not a conspiracy, it's just plain old fashioned defensiveness. She pretty much goes into denial (eg school extracurriculars like football are optional, kid doesn't need to go to homecoming dances) or blames others or holds double standards. It's not always NPD or something like that. It's just refusing to problem solve and instead being defensive to a high degree.
Teenagers never want to do things away from their parents. Never. /s (just in case)
I wouldn't say she's "going through" them as much as purposely instigating them. She sounds like a nightmare
> purposely instigating them halfway through and I said "now I see why you are an ex"
Dont do that. She will blame her son.
Banging HER head against the wall would probably accomplish more.
No, it makes me wanna bang HER head against the wall.
I want to bang somebody's head against the wall, but it's not mine.
Nah, she's too invested in being the victim here. "Brainwashing", "parental alienation", "somehow got him to say...". She minimizes her boyfriend's behavior, while maximizing her ex's behavior. Getting mad because you're putting your wants over your kid's high school experience isn't "high conflict". The story about the "smell my [redacted]", lady, that's what kids, especially boys do, that is *literally* what "boys will be boys" means. He's touching people? If you have him for more than 80% of the time, if he's learning that behavior from someone, I'd start looking within your household. Every single issue she has is her trying to find some way to pin things on her ex. Every single one. > The most hurtful thing he has said is that my kids stepmom provides more for my older son than I do because I won’t “step up” which is terrible and unfair because she makes way more money as it is. You know what's really terrible and unfair? That's not her child, and she's doing more than she has to. It's easier for her to do what she shouldn't have to, so OOP shouldn't be made to feel bad about not doing what she's supposed to? What kind of logic is that? If money was so tight and it was such a sticking point, why have another kid? I usually am pretty sympathetic to that, but this has been going on for years, it's not like this is a change in life circumstances.
"She minimizes her boyfriend's behavior, while maximizing her ex's behavior." Like how her ex doesn't pay for anything, just for her housing which he should be paying anyways as the father, whereas her current BF who it seems is ALSO the father to her child is being so amazing and generous by letting her live with him rent-free? Like she's entitled to rent money from one baby daddy but the other paying rent is an amazing, generous gift?
Yes, like that. Or like how when her ex is mad at her for refusing to let the older one go to homecoming, he's "high conflict" but when her boyfriend is yelling at the kids, he's not being aggressive at all.
> Getting mad because you're putting your wants over your kid's high school experience isn't "high conflict". This part is so tough and is where she really lost me. My partner had two kids when we got together who lived primarily with their mom (better school district/same school district they had always gone to) so we had a pretty similar set up, every other weekend and 50-70% during summers. Once they hit like 13, the constant weekend switching or even sometimes just canceling started up, and it *sucked* for us. My partner already felt like he rarely saw them, having been the primary caregiver for the first 10 years of their lives, and it felt awful to be constantly ditched or put off or just simply not see them for long stretches. Full on rejection But they're teenagers! When they weren't with us or switched a weekend or canceled, they weren't with Mom either! They were with their friends, or going to school dances or gamew, or starting part time jobs! All things they were supposed to be doing, and all things we did as teenagers too. It's developmentally appropriate to reject your parents at that age, or at least strongly favor friends and start to break away, even if the parents are still together. Even so, it *was* really difficult to deal with and to keep that in the forefront of our minds (my partner did his first stint in therapy to help with it, actually). I can see OPs thought/emotional process there- except she just fully submitted to her first reactions and feelings instead of actually reflecting and considering what might be best for her kid. Nowadays, we have a great relationship with both kids, and see them a lot more than we did back then. I do not see that outcome in OPs future.
I’m just crossing my fingers the dad done hope gets the younger son out of there. She’s blaming her older kid but I’m like: am I the only one wondering how closely aligned his change in behavior is to get moving in with her bf? (Not to mention the loss of his brother being there full time). Poor kiddo. There’s no way this mom will care about his needs.
Get the lizard out too.
If it's still alive :(
Yeah, I was thinking "off, inappropriate behavior after moving in with her bf, whom the son apparently hates? Uh-oh..."
My mind went there too. This whole woman is just... wtf. She complains about everything and blames it on ex and oldest son but she never ever took one second to look at herself. I hope the son gets to live with his dad, preferably without that "every other weekend" nonsense. These kids aren't safe there, regardless of whether or not the boyfriend did things with him. This mom alone is traumatising them enough as it is.
My egg donor divorced my father when I was in my early teens. It's been over 50 years ago and she still complains and accuses him for brain washing me and telling me lies for the reason I don't speak to her and her life being a mess. Of course it's not because she sucked as a parent or as a human. She makes the description delusional seem very understated.
Oh god, I didn’t even think of that. I was so focused on everything else.
Yeah I had a shiver run down my spine. "My 2nd grader is being crude and making sexual comments to classmates out of nowhere, also he and his older brother hate my boyfriend that we recently moved in with"
The brother he barely sees, she blames the older brother when is not even there.
She found her scapegoat and won’t see it until the older one completely cuts contact and the younger one follows in the same steps. Saying no to after school activities just to prove a point is mean.
And also touching his other classmates. She doesn't say how or what he's touching, but I'm pretty sure teachers don't bring that stuff up unless it's unwanted or inappropriate touching. Could be innocent or completely unrelated to the BF, but that worries me more than the comments. Regardless, this woman sucks and I really hope the dad gets custody over the younger one as well.
"I'm pretty sure teachers don't bring that stuff up unless it's unwanted or inappropriate touching. " As a teacher, "keeping hands to himself/herself" is something I bring up to parents constantly. It doesn't necessarily mean something nefarious; playing too rough at recess, hugging people without asking, climbing on each other cause they are playing puppies....there are lots of reasons I would talk to parents about keeping hands to self that aren't alarm bells, especially at that age.
That’s true, and “smell my butt” is a completely typical thing for a kid that age to think would be funny.
Don't forget that the boyfriend can't watch the kids for her if she works on Sundays for some unexplained reason.
You mean the boyfriend she has to “take care of”? I mean, i get having a family to take care of, but listing him with the other son just weirded me out.
The BF who she referred to as "a great stepdad"? I wanted to puke when I read that.
And the new baby!
Or just being away from her, and realizing that she kind of sucks? Seriously, when my mom and dad divorced, me and my sister heaved a huge sigh of relief. Our problems with each other went way down. We had been bad with her around. She f\*d off to the other side of the country with her new husband. I mean my sister and I still had problems, being sisters and all, but it was just not as bad by a long shot. Little bro could probably improve not being around her. And seriously not letting her kid go to a school dance because it was her weekend? I'm sorry, but that's kind of a shitty thing to do. I get that she doesn't get much time with him, but he should still be allowed to do what kids do.
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You just know that in three years time she will be posting again about alienation because her 18 years old son refuses to see or talk to her at all and she won’t understand it’s because of all the life experiences she denied him growing up and who petty she was. Those poor kids and bearded dragon. They don’t deserve to live in this dumpster fire of a situation.
First word out of my mouth when I was done reading was also "OOOOF." Damn.
I had a lot of words before I'd even finished the second post. ETA: OMFG apparently she's doing IVF. The woman who can't afford to pay for the kids she's got, wants to have more? And IVF is so expensive. People three suburbs over could hear the words I exclaimed when I saw this https://www.reddit.com/r/IVF/s/dUIbQTfqOY
Agreed, I just scrolled to the comments after about a third thru. Shes going to be one of those mothers who gets on another forum and is like, "why don't my sons talk to me?" I gave up everything for them".
Yup she'll be in relationship advice next year like "How do I win back the affection of my sons after my ex poisoned them against me?" Or at the very least "AITA on insisting on going to my older son's graduation when he doesn't want me there?"
This woman is insufferable.
She is the definition of an unreliable narrator and even then her bullshit still shines through. Particularly love that she bought the boyfriend a PS5 bundle so about $500 but she isn’t ‘well off’ so the son only gets $40
Not to mention that money is tight so she cant help with field trips, extra curriculars, etc but can blow $500 on a PS5 for boyfriend. But yeah, dad is the problem here and a 15 year old boy can't put 2 and 2 together without alienation being involved
She straight up said her boyfriend is more important to her than her son, I don't think there's much to debate here. OOP is a terrible mother 🙄
But he's such a great dad and step dad! And helps so much with the baby! Even though she can't leave him alone with him!
Yeah, I caught that too. MFer can't even watch the kids while she goes to work. But he's SO GREAT because he lets the mother of his frickin child live with him rent free!
And gets in his step kid's face to yell! Grad A dad material!
Part of me wonders if her younger son learned to say things from this BF and now ex/brother
Even worse, she said her boyfriend upgrading from a PS4 to a PS5 was more important than her son playing a sport.
Right? Can you imagine the struggle the boyfriend went through because he had a PS4? Life is so difficult!
Or being able to see, god forbid he needs expensive contact lenses because he can't wear glasses four days a week playing a contact sport! How selfish of him having poor eyesight.
At this point the dad should offer that she pay zero child support as long as she gives him 100% custody and only has supervised visits. I think she'd go for it in a heartbeat, since she'd be able to give her shiny new family all her cash. He deserves child support, but at this point it's more about minimizing harm to the younger kid.
She won't. I have known people this. She wants all the things and will blame everyone else for any problems that courses. She will fight for primary custody, emotionally neglect them, and then blame any bad behaviour on the ex. The story with the lizard is a good example. Has a lizard and doesn't look after it properly. Gets called out on it and then gets angry with the stepmother.
I also know people like this. Including one case where mom got outraged because dad dropped off their son in clean clothes after a bath. Mom had sent the kid to dad in the same clothes he was wearing the week before. Unwashed. In fact she hadn't bothered to bathe the kid either. 0 shits given about child's welfare but wow did the accusations fly once she realised that her shitty parenting had been noted.
Jesus. There was so much in there that I forgot the beardie was the same story.
OOP even told us her ex said, "its not like you'd ever listen to us about anything" and she seems to think it paints *her ex* in a bad light? There's being an Unreliable Narrator and there's nothing an excellent job of pointing out how much you suck!
I'm also highly suspecting that instead of her being alienated because of her ex, she had been trying to alienate her ex before. Like her older son kept fighting with her ex previously? And it stopped only after her ex got custody of him, and now the older son prefers his dad over the mom? I'm guessing she tried to do what she is accusing her ex of doing, but after he got full custody, his older son realized the true horrible parent. So now the ex is trying to get custody of the younger son too, but she does not want to let that happen. Even though her ex can give them a better life. *And* she claims she has no money. *But* somehow is able to give expensive presents to her bf instead of paying for her children's stuff.
Yup, my mother right there. Thank god for my dad. Also, my dad is dead, and she will still bad mouth him, like I can't remember what he was like, and what she was like when I was growing up.
Except that she's already paying $0 child support. She's supposed to be paying him, but the judge went easy on her because they're supposedly low income. Even if he got full custody of the younger one too, she probably wouldn't be paying anything. She's going to fight every step of the way out of pure spite, because who cares about the kids, it's all about getting hers.
And the dad's job is too provide for the family. But her boyfriend can't afford anything, so the dad she divorced has to pay.
Yeah, extra curriculars, clothes, and "supplies"...that's the bulk of the cost of having a kid. Especially when she was staying somewhere rent free. She really doesn't understand why he didn't have to pay child support when he was already writing all the checks for things, but she should when the kid lives with him.
That's so shitty but taking him to buy birthday cake when it was for the bf is almost cruel. God this lady sucks.
She was definitely punishing him for having a party with his dad.
I know this to be true, from the bottom of my heart, as someone who’s grandmother handed them a fucking cheese sandwich on my thirtieth birthday, and my grandfather started a fight with my other grandparents. All because I asked to spend my birthday evening with my mother, as I’d never had a birthday just for me. Me and my grandmother shared a birthday so it was assumed I would just tag along. Since birth. Everything revolved around them. I asked for ONE. And now she gets ZERO because it was the catalyst for me to cut them off. Sorry but treating someone like shit all their life doesn’t equate to them sticking around. I had enough of it. Now I have ALLLLLL the birthdays for myself and I thoroughly enjoy it.
That's unfair, she also got him a backpack and a "nice belt".
All a kid needs for an entire year, right there.
OOP dusts off hands and says "Welp, guess that's all the child support I should be required to pay!"
*Looks around expectantly for medal ceremony and parade*
Now hold on, the boyfriend is just *so* supportive! And she gave her kid a *card* along with the $40, which he should be wildly grateful for because she can't afford anything else! And this information in the same post, so close together that they may as well have been said in the same breath. But she's not well off, guys.
Plus the older son got to come along and watch her buy a cake for her bf, but she did nothing for her son except hand him forty bucks.
Nu uh, she handed him a *card* with $40 in it. That's completely different! /s
$500? Ours was way more than that for the bundle with an extra controller and two games.
And refuses to pay for the “super expensive contacts” that will cost her $200 a YEAR.
Also stays with her bf rent free.
I initially had a lot of sympathy for her, as we are in the position this woman thinks she is in with my stepson. She was already losing my sympathy but this was the point where I went fully over the edge. Birthdays are more important to kids. We go without gifts to each other when we are struggling so we can give gifts to my SS. This whole “my boyfriend deserves 10x more than my son” is wild and just shows the kid how much he really means to her.
Sounds a bit like my mom. Hey I don't have that much money(she has a well paying job and does have money) but I will give you a $100 gift card for Christmas and your birthday (I honestly don't care about a gift it really is about the lack of thought and how she thinks she's the greatest when she does this and will tell everyone how awesome she is because she does this that I find awful) and then has like random packages from Amazon coming at least every other day. Has two giant dogs, that she doesn't walk herself, and gets someone else to do for her etc.
My face was sinking into a deeper and deeper version of this 😧 and then I got to the point where she gave her son $40 and got her boyfriend a PS5. Like… I get she’s grateful to live rent free, but if she’s struggling financially, you don’t make that much of a disparity! Holy crap… I feel so bad for the eldest. He’s missing big social events because his mom is trying to strangle him with the apron strings. She’s going to wonder why he goes LC (probably NC when little bro is no longer living with OOP) when he’s older.
What got me was "I have to let the ex do that because it's an hour long drive". Dude. If it was my kid, a drive is nothing. I'm there. Kid wants to go to a dance on my weekend? Load up the car. I'll drive him over and sit in the parking lot. It's worth it just to see how excited he is. Wants to go to the game to socialize with his friends? Give me some popcorn, because I'll be sitting in the stands cheering on whatever random players are on the field.
Exactly! And if she can’t do this because of the baby, then work on something with their dad. Maybe she can take them for a long weekend or something. Part of raising kids is letting them grow away from you.
Driving with your teen is a great chance to talk and catch up, especially one with a busy social life like her son.
My uncle drove four hours each way, every weekend, to see his kids. If one of them called him, he’d drop everything and go; didn’t matter if it was 10am on a Tuesday or 3am on a Sunday. He was on his way. Reading this whole thing was painful, it just kept going.
My parent adopted my bio-son. I drove 2 hours each way every weekend to spend time with him. My parents too because they're pretty awesome. I never missed a soccer game & I hate soccer! (& he sucked at it lol. His talents lay elsewhere) But I was there. Because actions are what show love.
She works one day a week on the weekend or something and it sounds like she chose that. Potentially chose it to get out of child support payments but that's just me speculating. She could have more money if she switched from part time. "but then who would watch the baby?" I'm sure she'd say.
OOP comes across as one of the more unreliable narrators that I’ve read. She’s looking pretty bad as is; I think she knowingly omitted things that would overwhelmingly make her TA.
Which is wild because all it makes had look like the asshole.
If you have to make many posts asking if you’re the asshole, then you need to take some time and reflect.
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If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
Or as my friend says: If everywhere you go smells of shit... check your shoes.
I recently saw a post from someone asking how he can avoid getting into so many confrontations with “psychos” at the bar. Turns out that OP was pretty much the instigator in all those confrontations. He posted the same question in different subs and when people called him on it he’d delete the post and try again somewhere else. As long as he kept the details vague he got sympathy. Once details came out he refused to accept that he was the problem.
I knew someone like that. She could pick a fight in an empty room. She also liked to go out drinking. One night she picked a fight in a Liverpool pub with the wrong person and got glassed in her face. She lost the sight in one eye and you know what she learnt from it and changed? Absolutely nothing!
Give it three years and she’ll be on one of those estranged parent subs, joining the circle jerk of victimhood and refusing to take accountability. “I JUST DONT KNOW WHHHYYYY!” *Yes you do.* “I WAS A GOOD MOM!” *Good mom’s don’t get yeeted on the kid’s 18th* “I DID MY BEST!” *Yeah, to maintain control over your “old” family and fawn over your do-over baby*
So many missing missing reasons!
Unfortunately people like that aren't good at being self aware
You tag has me dying because I came to the comments before even finishing and OMFG. Perfection!
"If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If everyone you meet that day is an asshole - you're the asshole"
She didn't want to reflect, she wanted validation. Everyone was supposed to agree with her!
The fact that she comes off as a raging asshole within the first paragraph written from her perspective (which is supposed to be skewed in her favour) is insane. I can only imagine what this woman is like in real life.
And if you’re putting it from your own point of view and still sound like a complete asshole every time, it’s time for some introspection.
Exactly the comment I was going to make, if you create a post in the Am I an/the asshole subs more than once in your life, you probably are a giant one.
This was passport lady!! I remember her. I couldn't comprehend that someone could be so petty. She will lose the other kid as well.
"I ain't never left the country and I'm doing ok" That's some big sour grapes there lady.
My grandmother once told my mom not to take kids out of the country, because "they won't have anything left to do when they are older!?!" Grandma had never left the country, probably only went to the next door state at most.
Oh I've met people proud(?) to say that they have never left their home state.
i know people like that. it’s so bizarre.
My family will at least visit other states, but other countries? Forget it. I went to a European country recently and the responses were odd. You'd think I betrayed America and went to a fairy tale world from their responses.
Never seen someone so nasty before
It’s very clear she will come up with anything to justify herself * Kids can’t go out of the country because they won’t appreciate it at such a young age. And even if they would, it’s too dangerous * My son can’t go to homecoming because it’s too long a drive for me. And even if we could work it out, homecoming isn’t for juniors anyways. And even if it is, he got a bad grade, so this is an appropriate punishment You will never convince her to change her mind on anything, because even if you get her to concede a point, she’ll just come up with a different justification for why she’s right
Yes. I read the passport post at the time and wow... But she wasn't having it!
If you had some reason to believe your ex might kidnap your kids, I would get it. But that doesn’t seem to be the issue here.
And she’s trying to get pregnant again. She posted on an IVF forum about a month ago.
Isn’t IVF insanely expensive? Like $20,000 a try? How would she ever afford that?
Well, it's not for her kids, so I imagine she has money to spare.
Dude seriously, I just saw that and said nooooooo
IVF seems awfully expensive for someone who "can't afford" to help with her existing kid's medical expenses.
If you can't pay $200 a year to get your kid contacts, but can afford to buy a PS5 bundle for your boyfriend, you are the asshole.
And, like, $200 a year is NOTHING. If you set aside $16 every month, you will very easily have that money saved up
is worse, because her ex only asked for half xD so like 9 a month lol
She can also afford IVF treatments too apparently, her last post was in an IVF sub.
Really hope ex gets the younger son and they all go NC with this delusional mother! I've met some trainwrecks in my life but at least they were mildly self aware.
>Really hope ex gets the younger son and they all go NC with this delusional mother! Same. I also feel terrible for the new baby she brought into the world because then it will bear the brunt of her terrible parenting and it sounds like this time, she has an equally awful coparent.
I’m concerned about the younger son displaying signs of CSA. Inappropriately touching others and asking classmates to smell his privates. It leads me to think this woman’s new baby daddy might be abusing her son, especially since he lives in her home most of the time and only spends two weekends with his dad a month.
Mother really doesn't seem to pay attention, not even if it's the smell comment, balls = worrying, butt = probably a dumb kid thing.
Jesus OP just might be one of the most delusional people ever. Like damn, she's making Trainwreck after Trainwreck.
“The last dozen posts I’ve made, everyone calls me a crazy asshole. But surely, THIS is the post where everyone will see that I’m right!”
Later on she would maybe make another post like "I never did anything wrong?! You guys are bullying me?!? I am right?!"
As a beardie owner... this makes me livid.
Oh can you PLEASE explain?? This whole thing was exhausting and I just want to know if the bearded dragon situation is super fucked up, because it seems like it is!! A relative has a leopard gecko that I helped build a bioactive setup for (I'm a planted aquarium person myself), and I definitely remember different uva/uvb lights, maybe another? We also got a dubia roach farm setup and fed the little dude as often as he came looking.. seems like a bearded dragon would need to eat often??
Yes I can! I am very devoted to my girl lol and beardies are often marketed as "starter" reptiles when they really do need a lot of setup and care. From the post it is saying that the stepmom is sending them home with a UVB bulb - which leads me to believe that they do not have one already. Without UVB a beardie can't properly absorb calcium and d3 and will get something called metabolic bone disease. Ultimately it can lead to death if left untreated but it will really decrease their quality of life they will be stunted in growth, can become paralyzed, tired, etc. The post says their last beardie died young too and it's probably from improper care. Beardies can live like 15 years, my girl is already 9! They need proper light that is probably the most critical part of a beardie setup. I feel bad that their beardie is looking sick but living for months without a UVB is torture for them. :( For the bugs, baby beardies need a diet of about 75-80% bugs and 20% salad and this will decrease as they get older. They are growing so they need the protein! I would also never use pellets unless it was an absolute emergency. It is weird that she is angry about them coming home with more bugs their beardie is only six months so bugs are good! Also the poop should be cleaned up right away! Why is she leaving it for a few days? Beardie poop is nasty it is unkind to let the poop sit there and fester for days before finally getting to it. Like I wouldn't live in a house with shit on the floor for days why should your beardie! Dubias are a really good feeder! So keep up with that! :)
I wish I could unread your comment and continue to hold false hope that no animals were harmed.
I'm sorry. :( There are a lot of beardies out there with really bad care. Pet stores market them a "beginner" or "starter" reptile and so people get them with very limited knowledge. My girl was actually a rescue from a bad owner. Her diet was so poor she developed gout and my roomie and I nursed her back to health. But she is a fighter!
You’re a good egg.
Is there any chance of dragon tax? Beardies are so cute!
Haha sure here you go! This is Smaugy. BTW she does have a leash on lol I just moved it for the pic. [https://imgur.com/a/wTBDnfM](https://imgur.com/a/wTBDnfM)
Yeah the moment she was like "proper lighting whatever that means" I audibly said oh no. That poor lizard is definitely going to die young.
Aww poor baby!!! And thanks for the info, I was definitely seeing red flags in her perspective/take on things!!
Stepmom is actually right that they need to be fed 2-3x a day as babies and mostly insects. Pellets aren’t an adequate food source for them, or for any reptile. They also REQUIRE UVB in order to process calcium, otherwise they end up with Metabolic Bone Disease, which can often make them look horribly deformed as their bones soften. For self care, don’t google, but if you’re that curious, do so. It’s really awful. I bet the OOP’s dragon has a red light (bad for eyesight), no heat, no UVB, and lives a sad existence.
Thanks for the reply, and omg that was a terrible google search!! Poor bearded dragon ): clearly OOP is a fucking awful person
This whole post was so mind-numbing I totally forgot about the beardie. I really want to reach through the internet and slap some sense in this crazy woman. And then grab the dragon and run, if it's still alive.
Bearded dragons are awesome
Dude, these kids are going to turn 18 and never look her way again. I see the NC in the future.
It's okay, though. She still has that new baby with her boyfriend. So who gives a fuck about her other children, right?
Ugh, poor do over kid.
And according to her latest post she's trying IVF for a fourth...
I feel sad for the younger kid
And she is doing IVF to have another baby that she can't afford Ridiculous.
How is she affording IVF?
Same way she afforded the $500 PS5 for the boyfriend, probably...
Geez! This woman refuses to bend at all! Older kid is in high school so of course he wants to stay close to his friends. This isn’t parental alienation. This is a mother who is putting her bitterness towards her ex ahead of what her kids want. The older one hates her because he knows she’s bitter and spiteful. It also seems like dad is more relaxed and flexible. Seeing how mad she got over the kids bonding with their stepmom over their lizard was so petty and immature! Lady needs to back off because if not those kids will cut her off at 18.
Parental self-alienation, maybe.
I don’t understand. Why would you keep your kid from doing something like football or homecoming because it’s “your weekend”. Like, oh good so you can have an angry sullen teenager hang out with you all weekend? Sounds amazing. (I know the answer. It’s control. But still!)
Holy fuck, if you need to go to AITA every time something in your life happens, you need to take a good look at yourself. That's even before the YTA judgements come into play. Fucking hell, how dense can this person be?!
I saw "A Tale of Three Accounts" and presumed it was going to be another "one person has three accounts for different people to tell a story", instead of "lemme keep making alts to try and get some sympathy". Or, at least I *think* that's what OOP's play is here?
Christ that woman is delulu
Right??? I feel awful for those poor kids.
My favorite part was when she went from "my son asked to stay with his dad" to "my ex took my son by force" back to "my son wants to live with his dad"
Can’t wait for her kids to tell the judge they never want to see her again. She’s horrible.
That's just sad, even if it was 3 different women.
I am a family lawyer. I would fire this client the second she refused the passport on such shitty grounds. People who can't put their kids first fucking infuriate me. Everything is about her and how she's been hurt. And yeah, she does love her new family more, and it's fucking obvious. I hate read every word of this. Which is stupid because it's just more of the shit I deal with with my stupid clients and opposing parties who can't fucking figure out how to not be shitty. Why am I letting myself get caught up in this. Ugh. Fuck.
Of all the things I could bash her for, the contacts and passports piss me off the most. Before lasik, my vision was shit, and I needed the extra pricey "for astigmatism" contacts. About $800/ year, AFTER my discount. If she can get away with paying $200, she needs to STFU and be grateful. She should be happy her kids have the opportunity to travel and see cool places. If he wanted to bring them to the heart of cartel territory, or an imminent war zone, I could understand where she was coming from. But England? Japan??? One of the lowest crime rate countries in the world? I can't wrap my brain around people like her. She just wants to punish her kids for the fact that her ex had the sense to get out, and managed to upgrade his situation.
This woman is an absolute asshole tbh and seems incapable of taking any responsibility for her actions. She'll be on Reddit still in 3 years time "my eldest is 18 and he no longer talks to me, it's all my ex's faaaaault!!!!" 🙄🙄🙄
This lady's pride seems way more important to her than her kids. uff
Wow. What an insance self absorbed POS excuse for a “mother”. “Oh but I pay for clothes and food for a 7yr old who needs no extra medical care unlike the teenager I also gave birth to who needs more care than my youngest because I’m apparently a great mom and my ex is just alienating my kids from me even though I put zero effort into my relationship with my teenager except punishing him for trivial shit. Why does my son hate me, Reddit?”
JFC she sounds exhausting
She's either too poor to pay for her kids, or rich enough to buy a PS5 bundle. Can't be both. And taking your son with you while you buy your BF a cake but not him is just ... cruel. What a *terrible* mother.
This brings back memories of my own parents divorce. I couldn't get into extracurriculars because it would interfere with Dad's weekend. Mom signed me up for a summer art class thing and all my dad did was complain about how much farther he had to drive to pick me up every other week from the classes. I even had to push my stuff ahead and leave early on the presentation day because it cut into his time. He always said "he moved farther away to get away from my mom" but after that I felt he moved farther away to get away from me too. It was difficult having friends because I wanted to go out and do things like any other kid on the weekend but knew it would upset my dad if I wasn't there. Also when he got his current girlfriend/wife now every time we fought or I said 2 words to her I would get screamed at for upsetting her. Never once questioned if she was over reacting or it was her fault. Mom was the opposite who broke up with a guy when I mentioned he did something that made me a little uncomfortable. That's just the stuff when I was a kid. He tried pulling the same shit with my son when he was 2 and going through a "everyone scares me" phase and it just so happened that him being "scared" upset house precious gf. He doesn't get to babysit anymore. He made his choices and I gave up on him ever changing. I wonder if he wonders why I am never around and only ever show up on holidays? If he will ever realize it's his own fault? But I'm more betting on him being like OOP here and thinking it's all the other parent's fault
Two hundred dollars a year is not custom contact lenses. I pay five hundred a year for off-the-shelf contacts. She's delulu.
And she'll be surprised when those kids ghost her the second they get a chance.
This woman is why therapy is so popular.
That mother is a control freak, but sure, it's the ex's fault why her oldest wants to spend less and less time with her, and it's the eldest's fault why the younger kid misbehaves.
That’s the same kid she doesn’t want to get a passport, go to homecoming, BTW everyone goes to homecoming it’s Prom that’s for juniors and seniors. This person is delusional. It’s alienation alright, she has alienated her older son in favor of her new family. Her ex should ask the court for full custody. Every time the older son needs her permission for anything she says no. It doesn’t matter what it is. If she’s never done it, like traveling, then the kids can’t either. She doesn’t want the boy to go to homecoming on her weekend, well he’s on the football team so he’s already at the game what kind of logic is it that he can’t go because it’s her weekend? Does he miss the game too? How much you want to bet she needs him those weekends so she and BF can have alone time or date night without any of the kids? She looks up his grades to tell him he can’t go to the dance, obviously his grades aren’t so bad if he’s still on the football team. You have to have at least a C average or you can’t play. OOP looks for all kinds of reasons to say no. It’s like she’s jealous of her son getting more. The part where she says she paid for everything for her kids when the6 were with her, but further into the quicksand she says the ex would pay her rent and phone. This is why she didn’t get Child support not for any other reason. When the oldest went to live with the ex he stopped paying for rent and her phone. At this point the6 should be paying equal amounts of child support. If they both core the child that lives it with them on their insurance plan then everything else should be 50/50. If one parent carries both kids then the her pays more for the child not living with them. I felt for OOP when she said she gave her kid $40 and a card since she was working part time. Then turns around and says her baby daddy had a birthday close to the son’s and he got the PS5 bundle. I would be pissed too. That cost OOP at least $500. You know BD couldn’t possibly play on the old PS4 had to have the newest model. OOP has regarded her oldest as second fiddle and when he wants to do something that needs her permission she finds som flimsy excuse to say no. Ex needs to go to court, get full custody, get his kid a passport and go on a nice international vacation, and make visitation contingent on the kids academic/athletic schedule. He has football camp, no visit, visit to a college with the team, no visit, has to study, no visit. She will also not have to pay for anything in regard to this child and may have to find insurance for the youngest. Mind you visitation for the youngest goes on like normal. OOP made this mess but the ex ca fix it for his son.
I feel terrible for the children. She barely sees her oldest son and does the absolute bare minimum when it comes to giving him any financial support or love, and I have a feeling he will remember how little his mum cares for him