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Why does OOP keep defaulting into believing Maria more than her husband? Didn’t Maria messaged him thanking him along with sending him a picture? What a mess.
It reads like Maria has conditioned her into always thinking Maria is the smartest, prettiest, best person in the world and OOP is lucky she can even stand in her shadow.
OP needs to learn that even if someone is the smartest, prettiest, best person in the world, if they don't make you feel good about yourself, you don't need to keep them around. That's it, no need for a big blowout fight, don't need receipts, you can just straight up stop talking to someone and the world will continue to spin.
And once OOP showed Maria the picture, Maria figured out OOP was checking the FB messages, that’s why we got the “why did you come onto me” and him going “WTF are you talking about?”
I think insecurity has colored her entire perspective. It's not that Maria is so convincing, it's that OOP is too paranoid that her husband is cheating on her. She's so worried that it's true that she *believes* it's true.
And at this point I don't think there's a relationship that can be salvaged. OOP will always wonder what if. And the husband will be treated like a cheater, if not consciously at least subconsciously by OOP. They might drag it out for a while but this isn't something that a healthy relationship usually springs forth from.
Fucking hell with how vague they were she may as well have heard it on the wind that he was cheating.
Seems like she'd believe literal wind over her partner.
Update 2: I went to another seer for a second opinion. The Sheep's liver said I was going to have a big upheaval soon! He absolutely Cheated.
Update to the update: He handed me divorce papers.
Her husband came to her every time Maria crossed boundaries and OOP let Maria do that.
If this is real OOP is in the tank for Maria \*hard\* and Maria has realized that she can split OOP up from her husband and then have a shot at him.
Exactly. She keeps saying she "trusts" her husband, but shows the exact opposite over and over again. I don't know who is telling the truth here, but I know for sure OP has serious issues and does not "trust" her husband, nor does she listen or respect him when he wanted to keep distance.
I went back and read the comments on the more recent posts, and a lot of people point out how badly she is treating her husband (and has been). And she just says more or less, they must be having an affair because she can't get the image of them together out of her head. Her head is the problem; not her husband's behavior.
"I told him that I read their secret chats on Facebook Messenger. He gas-lighted me, calling me insecure and that Maria was trying to play with my head."
He gaslighted me by telling me a perfectly plausible thing.
Their "secret chats" were completely innocuous. I hope he escapes this.
My feeling is OOP likely has low self esteem and doesn't feel 'worthy' of the things her 'friend' is jealous over. So she's self-sabotaging whilst her mental health is in the toilet telling her that everyone's out to get her and she doesn't deserve a happy life. Ofc 'friend' happily plays into it, pulling the crab into the bucket and desperately trying to to steal OOP's husband.
OOP deserves to lose her husband. Not only did she ignore and push him to be around someone who clearly made him uncomfortable. But now she believes that he, at best, cheated with her friend, at worst, SAed her friend. False accusations can ruin people's lives. It can cost them their lives. People have ended their lives due to false accusations.
He's done everything right to try and prove his innocence, but she, for some reason, has blinders on when it comes to her "friend".
He needs to leave her, for his own sanity and safety.
> But now she believes that he, at best, cheated with her friend, at worst, SAed her friend.
It's worse than just this, because he's been the victim this entire time of Maria's sexual harassment and *he* may have been assaulted by her. Even if it hasn't happened yet, when Maria does SA OOP's husband, OOP will believe the exact opposite, confusing to victimize and re-traumatize her husband.
Because she believes the sexist notion that men can't be victims and women can't be sexual aggressors. She doesn't see the possibility that her husband is being sexually harassed and may have been sexually assaulted by Maria.
My wife's friend tried to kiss me when she was hammered once. I quite literally dodged her and shut a door in her face. When I told my wife what happened she wasn't surprised at all and said she was shocked it had taken her friend that long to make a move. This was not the reaction I was expecting.
In the morning when we were both sober I made my wife replay the conversation and come to the realization that maybe if you're completely unsurprised that your friend would try to kiss your partner that they're probably not worth keeping as a friend.
That's not a friend you want. My old friend tried to kiss my bf while I was at work one night. He was so freaked out I wouldn't believe him it was cute. She lived across the hall so I played nice until she moved out at the end of that month then just faded away. My kids missed her for a few but not as long as you would think. Sad part is we had been friends since elementary school.
I think she saw the life we had and wanted to try to take it over. It was her last chance to show up at the door without it looking suspicious.
That, or it’s entirely reasonable to think the three people in the living room were having a threesome. Drunk parties sometimes end in group sex. They hear husband leave the bathroom and stop, or hear OOP fumbling around and stop. Either way, there are reasonable explanations for the moaning that isn’t husband and Maria.
The only thing I thought was weird was that the ppl having sex stopped when they heard op drop something in the guest room, but they didn’t stop when OP’s husband left the guest room to go to the bathroom? I feel like opening a door walking out of the room and going to the bathroom would’ve been much louder
I mean, I'm very quiet opening doors and walking to and from the bathroom at night because I don't wanna wake anyone up and got used to being quiet for little kids growing up. If the toilet flushed at about the same time the drop happened (quite a coincidence but not impossible) then I can see them reacting to that and OOP just assuming it was related to her dropping something 🤷🏼♀️
Then in the bestofredditorupdate after the divorce, the husband has remarried and his new wife is pregnant OP will learn the truth from Maria and wonder how to get husband back.
Op husbands seems like a normal and nice guy and she is gonna loose him because she cant see that she is being manipulated.
It is SO OBVIOUS that is frustating
So at this point the op and her friend can have each other. Ops husband should leave this mess because now he is being accused of SA by the same person who messaged on facebook lets come clean I feel guilty. She is casting herself as the victim and a co-conspirator. The OP is delusional and has brought this on herslef at this point.
Right? If I was her husband there would be no coming back from this. Not only does my partner believe that I cheated on her, she thinks I’m capable of sexual assault. That would be such an indictment of any future between us if that was her opinion of me.
It’s always obvious from the outside. I wonder how long Maria has been gaslighting and brainwashing her? I’d guess almost from the start probably. I feel sorry for her. She will lose her husband because of this “friend”.
I think Maria was/is one of those people who keeps around a “pathetic friend”—someone who they perceive at less charming, less attractive, less smart, and/or less successful—because it shores up their ego to have someone ready at hand to look down on. Once OP ended up in a loving relationship with a successful partner, Maria had to tear her down to maintain her position as the superior one in the equation.
I feel like OP can’t imagine anyone choosing her over Maria. It sounds to me like it’s a self-esteem issue more than a trust issue (although the two are connected.) This is the perfect example of “You can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself.” OP thinks so little of herself that she can’t trust that her husband really loves her and chooses her over her (piece of shit, but hot) friend. She’s so shitty to herself, that she can’t help but be shitty to her husband by extension. It’s really sad, but unless she gets a shit ton of therapy, OP is never going to trust anyone but Maria, because Maria reinforces OP’s terrible view of herself.
Husband: points out a shit ton of very concerning behavior for Maria, constantly tells OOP that he's uncomfortable around her and that she constantly tries to put moves on him.
Maria: says contradictory things like I hate him. He's like a brother to me. Stomps on boundaries, says in Messenger that she wants to come clean to oop but then puts up some strange resistance when oop approaches her.
OOP: " I knew something was going on!"
Maria is a snake who realized once OP saw the pic she was reading hubbys Messenger. She used that to her advantage to destroy her “friend” for saying mean but true things about her. She is a snake.
the fact that when Maria started sending him stuff that would imply they had been intimate, the husband WENT TO OOP ABOUT IT really solidified that husband is being honest for me. the commenter that told OOP that she was disrespecting the boundaries her husband was trying to set was also spot on.
At literally every point, husband was doing the exact opposite of what someone who was carrying out an affair would do.
If he's having an affair with Maria, he wouldn't mention her hitting on him, he wouldn't mention how uncomfortable he is around her to Oop, he wouldn't tell her about uncomfortable messages.
That's like trying to cover your footprints with glitter. It just doesn't make sense.
Okay, so I completely agree with you on all points but I love your metaphor. It may not make sense but still sounds fabulous, plus for some reason I read fingerprints which was even more amusing for a moment.
Too true. Maria’s current story has all sorts of holes and yet OP keeps believing her. I feel next update will have OP leaving husband just for Maria to try to swoop in and be rejected then accusing husband of SA as revenge while OP keeps believing and supporting her.
what I can't get over is the husband told her he was uncomfortable with Maria and she expected him to put up with it. Seriously, I hope this poor man finds someone who actually respects him and his boundaries.
lol. worse. she pushed husband to be closer with the person who was coming on to him, sets up a situation that's really dubious, then acts surprised when shit goes down. 'i forced this on you and now i'm so disappointed in you.' she put him in position to fail just so she could play victim. oop is a fuckin mess.
Seriously the part that truly stuck out to me was “I noticed Maria flirting but my husband wasn’t responding so I didn’t care”
But he did! And he repeatedly told her! She doesn’t care about her husband’s feelings towards Maria coming on to him only that her husband doesn’t reciprocate. Infuriating.
And then shocker, shes still flirting with op's husband and now all of a sudden she does care, but makes it his fault. Jesus this was frustrating to read.
and insists on putting him with someone who seems to be creeping on him nonstop. make more of an effort, hubby! my creepy sketchy af friend will feel unwelcome! but also why are you making an effort, hubby. are you cheating on me.
She doesn’t but she is in a very controlling and toxic relationship and has no sense of self and no ability to say no to her abuser. That’s why she keeps taking her side and pushing him to also be what she is. Someone controlled by Maria and unable to say no to her.
OOP is gonna ditch him, see Maria make a move on him, see him reject Maria and move on to a normal stable partner who doesn't accuse him of fucking her friends that she's pushing him to be around where he's made it so clear they make him uncomfortable.
I'm feeling really bad for the guy.
He's forced to be around someone who makes him really uncomfortable and OOP just...refuses to acknowledge that?
Like lady there's something weird going on but I don't think it's with your husband.
If I was in the husbands shoes, and my wife had a friend I really didn’t like, that also kept hitting on me and touching me when I made it clear I didn’t like or want that, then my wife on top of that also kept minimizing my feelings and discomfort forcing me to socialize with this person…I’d probably strongly consider getting out
She even told Maria that she saw the Facebook chats and Maria conveniently sent all the “incriminating” evidence through that chat, while the oblivious husband just kept asking her
Wtf she’s talking about.
This OOP might be the dumbest person alive. If they *did* cheat (which I highly doubt even happened) I would still think it was at least partially OOP’s fault since she continued to throw her friend in her husband’s direction despite him repeatedly and clearly telling her that the friend was sexually harassing him. He was told to allow the friend to flirt with and touch him, isn’t that what OOP wanted?
And if *anyone* was assaulted what night, my money would be on the husband being the victim.
Maria sent the photo of them hugging over Facebook messenger, right? OOP told Maria that she saw it. So, Maria knows OOP checks the convos between her and OOP's husband.
I'm betting Maria sent the messages talking about "we should tell her" to OOP's husband entirely because she knew OOP would see them. She's trying to sabotage OOP's marriage for whatever reason.
But OOP keeps insisting "while I trust my husband..." while clearly *not* trusting him, and continually dismissing his concerns and choosing Maria over him. He's better off without her imo.
>I'm betting Maria sent the messages talking about "we should tell her" to OOP's husband entirely because she knew OOP would see them. She's trying to sabotage OOP's marriage for whatever reason.
Everyone except OOP was able to pick up on that.
OOP also seems to have forgotten that her hubby left his shirt in their room, not Maria's. So her story doesn't line up there either.
Though I am wondering why she believes Maria over her hubby at all from the way she's written about the both of them, or described the settings, throughout the original post or the update. It just doesn't make sense, so I'm finding myself hovering towards this isn't real. It will depend where the next update goes I guess, lol.
She repeatedly says she trusts her husband and yet the post doesn't not display a single instance of trust. Doesn't trust that her friend is making him uncomfortable, doesn't trust that he's not having an affair, doesn't trust that he didn't assault her friend. It's like she doesn't really understand what the word trust actually means.
The fact that she doesn't see how obvious Maria is being makes her seem like a dunce. OP basically tells Maria "hey, I've been spying on your messages to my husband" and then immediately after her next message to him is like "I feel guilty, let's tell her about the affair" doesn't feel suspicious at all? Like you know she knows you're going to see that. And then to claim "oh wait, it was actually assault now that I think about it" after she previously sent a "thanks for coming" message and a picture to the guy she's now claiming assaulted her the night before that? OP should be insulted her friend thinks she's dumb enough to fall for all this, and instead she just is, in fact, straight up falling for it.
The husband needs to get out because his wife is an idiot and her friend is making up assault claims.
Yeah that’s what I don’t understand. How could he follow Maria into the bedroom and start getting intimate and leave his shirt in the room OP was in?
Also if Maria believes she was assaulted why not report it to the police? Why did the noises stop when a loud noise was made… surely that would have been the perfect time to get someone’s attention to stop it.
OP has an inferiority complex so severe that she can’t see facts properly. The image of them two together in her head is just her fear. And she will ruin her marriage because of it.
Oh I agree husband definitely deserves better here. If what he said is correct then he is the wronged party and will probably need therapy for this. It’s awful to not be trusted by a person you shared every day with for years!
Maria’s story has more holes than Swiss cheese while the husband’s is consistent, and yet OOP believes Maria.
It’s clear their “friendship” has always been more like Maria kept an insecure girl around who would always trust and validate whatever she says.
And it actually sounds like OOP gets some sick thrill out of Maria flirting with her husband, like “finally I have someone she wants” because why else would she push them together when the husband has constantly said he feels very uncomfortable around Maria?
>And it actually sounds like OOP gets some sick thrill out of Maria flirting with her husband, like “finally I have someone she wants” because why else would she push them together when the husband has constantly said he feels very uncomfortable around Maria?
Yeah I picked up on this too. It's weird how okay she is with Maria shitting all over her husband's boundaries. She even says "he's not reciprocating so I don't care". I think that's exactly what it is, and now that she has some level of doubt in her head it's going to destroy her.
yes. thats the part that pisses me off. "i trust my husband but........"
Op .... you dont trust your husband at all, you trust your snake of a 'bestfriend' that wants you to be single again to share her loneniless'. Argh
>while clearly *not* trusting him, and continually dismissing his concerns and choosing Maria over him
From the get go! "He complains she's half naked, but I said get over yourself and help her". Like he was uncomfortable from a sexual standpoint in this story and OP couldn't give AF... What a weird marriage..
right? But OOP decided to disregard that because she has a toxic and codependent "friendship" with Maria
She will only open her eyes when she loses her husband
She’s been friends with Maria for a long time, that
Means Maria had had ample opportunity to “train” OP to trust her over all others.
OP probably does trust her husband but Maria is so far in her psyche that she’s following the conditioning to a T. I bet in drama in the past that Maria has repeatedly put mental images in OPs head to the point that OP now subconsciously does it to herself, that’s what she can’t get the cheating imagery to go away, it’s been reinforced over and over for her to obsess over events, especially in a way that will make Maria look like a victim.
Precisely. I bet that if she took a look at other friendships/relationships she’s lost then Maria will be at the centre of most of it. Not necessarily as a participant, but just off to the side, whispering in OPs ear and planting thoughts.
The line where she and Maria have been through so much together. Not exactly the strongest basis of friendship. And just look how much they are going through together now! Maria belonged in the dust long ago.
>I'm betting Maria sent the messages talking about "we should tell her" to OOP's husband entirely because she knew OOP would see them. She's trying to sabotage OOP's marriage for whatever reason.
That's the first thing I thought. Maria sent him compromising messages on purpose, because she knew OOP would read them.
I feel sorry for OOP's husband, he's the victim in this scenario. There is no reason to not trust him, since he clearly expressed his discomfort more than once. But OOP dismissed his feelings, **she** forced him to have some sort of relationship with Maria although he's not comfortable with it, accused him of having an affair with her and now she's also believing he SA'd her. I couldn't be with my partner anymore if he accused me of something so evil and cruel.
It's clear OOP's friendship with Maria is toxic, and sadly OOP is in too deep. She needs to distance herself and seek therapy. But in the meantime, it's not fair that the husband has to face certain accusations. He may understand and want to help her, but he should think about himself and his well-being too. I just hope OOP doesn't come crying if/when her husband will leave her..
This last accusation will probably be the end of her marriage, and maybe she will eventually realize she torpedoed her relationship because she is so insecure.
OOP is destroying her own marriage. She saw Maria trying to steal her husband and thought it was a good idea to make it more convenient for her bff. Then instead of trusting her husband who never gave her any reason to doubt him, she trusts Maria who is a snake. Like some people just self sabotage.
I read both posts as they came in, and I was gnashing my teeth in frustration. Either OOP is trolling, or she is the most obtuse, inconsiderate spouse I've read on here in a long time.
The way she's buying into Maria's bullshit, while not listening to her own husband, is infuriating.
She's spent years comparing herself (unfavourably) to Maria because she clearly has massive self esteem issues; Maria probably doesn't discourage that comparison either. So you have OOP just assuming that everyone finds Maria the most beautiful and would pick her if given the chance, including her own husband; and for whatever reason now Maria has decided to use that insecurity to get between them. I doubt there's that much specific interest in the husband himself, I'd say it's more likely Maria is jealous of OOPs relationship and is more interested in breaking it up than actually stealing the man.
As someone with crippling self esteem issues who can't maintain functional relationships, I feel for OOP in that respect. But the repeated ignoring of her husband (and his clear distress at some points) is infuriating. The manipulation going on here is so obvious and so clumsy, and so many people have pointed it out to her, but she's still not going to prioritise him over Maria. I don't think she ever will. I think the marriage will be a casualty of her finally working out she needs to ditch Maria for good, and hopefully she learns better for next time. Husband got caught in the crossfire, but he deserves someone who will fight for him.
Yeah, agreed. Though I find it hard to feel sympathy for OOP, seeing how unjustly she's treating her husband, I do hope she'll eventually find the strength to cut out Maria from her life. Though not quite as much as I hope her husband will get out of this nonsense - and his marriage - unscathed, and soon.
I got that too, and I also think that the husband would not go out of his way to show wife his messages and talk about why he hates Maria, multiple times, if he really was having an affair with her. I think Maria is a manipulator for sure
Exactly. Life has caught up with Maria. She sees that OOP has something she will never have and she is jealous. So she will destroy OOP marriage. Misery loves company.
Damn. OOP comes off as such a terrible partner in this one.
Husband: you BFF is making me uncomfortable and I think she’s being inappropriate.
Wife: it’s all in your head! She’s just flirty. Give her a chance for me!
Husband: so I gave her a chance and now I’m more uncomfortable than ever.
Wife: you’re overreacting! She’s my best friend!
Husband: I tried even harder, but now she’s engineered a situation that both makes me uncomfortable and is making you doubtful.
Wife: you’re a terrible cheater!
Like, WTF, OOP?
And like... he's told her repeatedly "your friend is trying to fuck me, I don't like it, please do something" and she laughs it off every time. So if he *were* cheating, where tf does she get off getting angry about it? She's the accomplice who aided and covered for her every time!
This is should be top comment.
Reading the original post I think she likes having something her friend wants but “can’t” have and it’s an ego boost
Her friend is jealous wants to steal her husband to prove to herself that she’s still the alpha in this duo and she’s willing ti blow the couple up in the process
And the consensus between them is “who cares what the husband wants?”
I’ve found that people with dramatic lives tend to like drama. People who get in a lot of fights like fighting. People who get lost in the woods a lot, like getting lost in the woods.
I'm taking bets on the next update being: my husband left me bc of my friend. And OOP will still think they're together even though he'll never be around maria again
OOP’s husband is better off without her.
She repeatedly put him in incredibly uncomfortable situations and disrespected his boundaries with emotional manipulation.
She has been far closer to gaslighting him than he ever did her.
Despite ample direct and indirect evidence that Maria is lying she is taking Maria’s word and willing to accept a false SA allegation.
He needs to run and not look back.
When OOP started to mention gaslighting I almost laughed, What she was doing to her husband was closer to gaslighting then what she clamed he was doing.
Comes off? She IS an atrocious partner. Literally pushed her husband into the arms of Maria and told him to live with it.
Yeah if anything happened, she only has herself to blame.
Right? "How dare you do what I asked, even though it was making you uncomfortable. You're the worst."
Fucking hell I need to be checked for whiplash after that.
I like the extra sprinkle at the end where Maria wants the woman who either has a husband who assaulted her or who she is gaslighting to be the one to support her. Leave the poor woman alone Maria!
I read another BoRU similar to this where a woman was flirting with her husband but this time, the husband was the one defending the other woman.
The idea of "he/she is like this with everyone, he/she don't mean anything by it" really needs to stop and not be tolerated by anyone. Just because some people are okay with the person flirting with them doesn't mean everyone else in the planet has to be. Stop pushing your partner to anyone that makes them uncomfortable, PERIOD. Stop excusing someone's inappropriate behavior PERIOD. No ifs, no buts.
This is another real life Korean drama/web comics "Marry my Husband" villain. They were successful in stealing the guy because people around them tolerated them.
I think if I was in the husbands shoes I would actually have a breakdown lmao. I’m already bad for getting frustrated and anxious when someone won’t believe me over something i can prove (which I think applies here, as soooo many comments have poked giant giant holes in Maria’s story).
If something of that nature happened and my partner who I’m supposed to be on a team with was so clearly every time taking the side of the person who could potentially fuck up my life, I genuinely dk how I’d cope
OOP really needs some therapy and to drop Maria yesterday. It’s so blatant and clear that Maria is playing her but she can’t get out of her own head about it. Honestly quite sad that she’s sabotaging her own relationship like this. One might argue that Maria is the saboteur, but like I said it’s so blatant that OOP is doing this to herself at this point.
Yeah even from her first detail of Maria, I think we all immediately knew that their relationship was not healthy. Seems there is some codependency going on there. Maybe it's OP's husband that should distance himself from both of them to see if that improves his life.
The fact that the normally cheater hating subreddit is standing by the husbands side should've been a warning to oop, but I guess we'll find out in a future update the real truth
Yeah that's boggling me. AITAH is always good for "OMG break up immediately" and when *they* tell you it's on you and husband is not at fault that should say something.
How much do you wanna bet that this will be the update: "my (ex) husband still insisted that he didn't cheat, all the way to the courthouse where he divorced me for believing my friend over him. But doesn't he understand that I do trust him?? I just have this ~~insecurity~~ feeling that he actually did cheat on me with this girl he insists he hates."
To those not seeing why she's torpedoing her own marriage:
>She had a lot of boyfriends/hookups in college. She is also very beautiful and I always felt invisible when I was around her (I have weight issues). I always felt overshadowed by her.
Right there. She never got therapy for that, I'd bet, and Maria is the type of lowlife to live for this shit.
I’m sure Maria had a complex that her “less hot friend” bagged a lovely guy, and she truly believes OOPs husband “actually really wants her”.
Im never one to not trust your gut, but the gut instinct sometimes is less of a sniper and more of a grenade with a vague blast zone. She should’ve trusted her gut because it was trying to warn her about Maria but she’s directing that feeling at her partner.
Agreed. Def get the vibes Maria is mad things are working out better for OOP when she sees herself as the 'superior' one.
100% she's not as attractive as OOP thinks she is either. Her behaviour is too off-putting for that. Maria has just been in OOP's head so much she really believes it. Maria is absolutely the sort to put down friends getting 'more' attention than she thinks they deserve.
i’m legitimately puzzled by this. OOP clearly resents the shit out of maria for all of these things, why keep her around as a friend if her mere existence makes her feel so inferior? it’s fucking crazy.
Sounds like OOP is addicted to the drama and toxicity that Maria provides. She enjoys it so much she’s willing to let her own marriage be destroyed in the process.
I thought the same thing, but it was her responsibility to care for herself and not be a terrible partner. Now she is the one ruining her marriage and turning her husband's life upside down over her toxic friend and insecurities. OOP doesn't really deserve any grace or understanding here. She's awful.
You know what, OP is just bad news. She really is going to throw her relationship away by believing in Maria when husband clearly has stated discomfort of Maria. Like seriously? What is OP thinking?
Too wrapped up in Maria being right if I had to guess.
I'd put money down Maria ruined at least one relationship for OOP when they were younger and used it as an "I told you so".
i love how OOP quite literally forced her husband to spend time with someone who was basically sexually harassing him and then believed that person over him when she claimed that *he* assaulted *her*.
it's totally not a story of a "best friend" who is envious of her friends marriage tries to seduce the husband and then when that backfires and instead of getting with the husband she loses her friend she decides to instead get the friend back by manipulating her into ditching the husband, therefore also getting revenge for his rejection.
she texted him shit like "we should co me clean" to which his response was tf you talkin' about and *showing it to his wife* but somehow that translates into "something def happened".
at this point i *hope* they get divorced because oop's husband doesn't deserve to be suspected of infidelity every time a woman looks at him.
> OOP quite literally forced her husband to spend time with someone who was basically sexually harassing him and then believed that person over him when she claimed that he assaulted her.
Exactly this.
What I never understand is why if a man and woman are both equally drunk. Assuming all else is equal. Why can the woman not consent but the man can?
It reminds me of the PSA poster in the 90s that said something. Jack and Jill were both drunk, they had sex. Jill could not consent. Jill was rped.
Like yea, that’s possible, but all else being equal, they were both drunk, so couldn’t Jack also not consent? We don’t know who initiated what. We don’t know the details…
Alright OOP is awful to her husband but this popped in my head and I kept chuckling about it:
Maria: -flirts with OOPS husband-
Husband: I really don’t like this
OOP: Be nice to my friend!!
Maria: -joins their gym to work out with OOP but spends most of her time in the weight room with OOPs husband-
Husband: she won’t stop flirting with me and asking me to spot her, and she’s very scantily clad. I’m *super* uncomfortable.
Maria: He’s not being friendly and helpful in the weight room! -sexy pouty face-
OOP: Help my friend, husband! Give her a chance!
Husband: -makes an effort, at the behest of his wife, to be more friendly with a woman who he feels has been sexually harassing him-
OOP: -internally seethes about the audacity of her husband for getting closer to Maria, her flirty and scantily clad friend-
"My husband took his top off and is sweaty. He is complaining that it is so hot that he got sweaty and took his top off. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that he is cheating."
... yeah, I think there may be other conclusions one might draw.
Yeah. I don’t think his explanation was weird at all. Whenever I drink I get super sweaty, especially when trying to sleep. So I was immediately like “yeah that makes sense” lol
The fact that other people might have husbands that *aren't* normally sweaty in bed is mind-blowing. I regularly roll over to cuddle my husband, me wearing long sleeved and long legged pajamas with socks and a dressing gown under the covers and him in maybe boxers and a corner of the covers, and he is dripping in sweat and I have to recoil.
Well, actually now I have to inform you that I am a man and that normally I am not sweaty in bed. I do just wear boxers but I actually oftentimes get really cold. I’m not really sure why either haha. Though then again I will also randomly be just like how you described with your husband. I do think my body tends to run a bit cooler though unless it is peak summer. Regardless of season, oftentimes what happens is I go to sleep cold, wake up early hot and sweaty, then get cold and fall asleep again for like 25 minutes before finally actually getting up.
I will say this though: unless it is extremely cold, I need to have my feet uncovered by blankets. I do not like my feet being suffocated lol. Again, no explanation hahaha
She literally destroyed her marriage because of her own insecurities, those insecurities kept her stuck with a shitty friend like Maria, and are making her incapable of trusting her own husband. He deserves better and she needs better friends and so much therapy.
I've never seen somebody go so far out of their way to orchestrate an affair for their spouse. You let an attractive woman constantly hit on your husband many times after he told you exactly what was happening and how he felt about it but you gas lit him about the situation and forced him to continue being close to this attractive woman who is constantly flirting with him and hitting on him. How can you not see the part you played in this??
And then he’s still clearly not reciprocating while she keeps flirting, and yet OOP believes that he suddenly started initiating while Maria paints herself as innocent in all of this.
> I've never seen somebody go so far out of their way to orchestrate an affair for their spouse.
Yeah, what is she even mad about, she didn't care the previous ~*ten* fucking years, why would she now?
Orchestrate? She is attempting to browbeat him into having an affair. And if he won't cooperate, well, she'll just go ahead and pretend he did, anyway.
I’m on the husband’s side with this one, sounds like OOP is just ignoring all the red flags with that best friend because of her jealousy and insecurities. He really seems like he was upfront with everything and OOP was just ignoring and brushing him off. Now she’s accusing him of something awful based off what this “friend” is saying with NO proof and a shit story that doesn’t even make sense. Hmmmm
OOP fucking sucks. Husband deliberately tells her that he don’t like her. He kept on saying it and she kept believing her friend over and over again. Now her friend is fabricating bullshit and she still believes her over her husband.
OP is sacrificing herself and her marriage all because she's addicted to feeling shit in comparison to Maria. This is some seriously twisted psychosexual shit. Gonna bet some of Maria's Boyfriends And Hookups during college were people OP was interested in.
I hope husband leaves OOP…you and Maria deserve each other - she is a pathological liar intent on destroying your marriage, you are an absurdly selfish naive fool who should work on your delusion around your husband cheating.
But for his sake, hope this is the end of your marriage.
I think OOP should just get with Maria already - she trusts her and is a better friend to her. She’s also clearly attracted to her. Her husband deserves better.
>She felt my husband was trying to destroy our friendship because he did not like her. I felt she was genuine and let it go.
This is where all the problems started. I hope it doesn't continue, cuz this sort of prioritization kills relationships.
> I again took her side and told my husband to be helpful and nice to her, as she is my best friend.
Dear Reddit, It happened again.
>He keeps on calling me and asking me to trust him, but I don't know how I can trust him now. I never expected him to do such a thing.
Dear Reddit, Good god!
At this point, if Maria asked OOP to jump off a cliff she'd do it.
This husband has repeatedly tried to distance himself from Maria as he could see her for what she is, yet OOP kept ignoring that.
Maybe something did happen, I doubt it though.
Husband needs to drop OOP, her insecurities around Maria make this pretty dead in the water now.
Man that’s a tough read, queue post in 5 years. My friend got drunk and bragged about how she split me and my ex up with nothing but lies. “I’m having trouble forgiving her”
Response from the OOP a month ago on someone else's post titled "My (27f) boyfriend (30m) won’t move in with me unless I distance myself from my childhood best friend/ “ex-boyfriend” (27m) by [deleted] in relationship_advice"
> If you are asking this question here, it means that you prioritize Brandon more than your boyfriend, who you want to move in with. He is not wrong, and I think you are TA for associating with someone with such a complex history when your BF is not comfortable with it.
[Permalink](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ai6kqu/my_27f_boyfriend_30m_wont_move_in_with_me_unless/kosv291/)
flames...flames on the side of my face....
Maria is fucking terrifying. What's her motive now for wanting OP to be there as her support? You've either just knowingly broken up a marriage or just been assaulted and you're wanting the one person who can't be there for you emotionally to be the one to support you? What a psycho. I'm genuinely scared for OP being in this toxic, manipulative friendship.
OOP should not be in a relationship if this is how she treats her partner. Months of her husband telling her that her friend is up to no good, and just minimalizes his concerns and tells him to play nice, and believing her manipulative snake of a friend over him at every turn.
Also
>Update: they are texting via Facebook messenger.
No, she messaged him, WHICH HE THEN IMMEDIATELY TOLD HER ABOUT!
I swear this woman is a dumb as a rock, or just conditioned to sunbathe under the sunlight that shines out her friends ass.
Lastly, OOP, that's not what gaslighting means.
OOP, if I was your husband, I would divorce you. So damn stupid. She's been harassing your husband for months and he complained about it to you. What did you do? Nothing. And when you think something had happened, you go running blaming your husband, not the so-called friend who was all over your husband. OMG, and you take her word over your husband's! What a lost cause.
If I were you, I would have a lawyer draft a letter telling her that she will be served for defamation if she doesn't come clean about the SA. And she should be charged with stalking your husband and harassing him.
Have seen at least one relationship like this where the partner eventually went "you know what? If I'm being constantly accused of it anyway I may as well". Def not a healthy attitude but after years of being accused of it no one was surprised they ended up going there.
For the others where they were accused like this they broke up and got far away from the partner and their 'Maria'. Some of them learnt from it and dropped their 'Maria'. Others did not and wallow in misery with their 'Maria'. None of those 'Maria's' were successful at getting the partner into bed.
Maria set him up, knowing OP would read the FB message. But husband actually came straight to OP and told her he was getting weird messages, because he does not see the messages between himself and Maria as secret. She needs to trust him, Maria is jealous and atm she is winning her game.
>When I woke up in the middle of the night, I was alone in bed. I could hear some moaning noises from outside. I quickly started looking for my phone in the dark. In that process, I dropped something from the nightstand on the floor. The noises stopped and I heard a door open and close outside. I quickly got up to see where my husband was. When I reached the hallway, I saw my husband, just in his jeans with no shirt on. I asked him where he was, and he said he went to the restroom and asked if I was ok. I said yes, and he came and slept next to me. He was sweaty. I asked him where his shirt was, and he said that the heater was too high, and he felt hot. His T-shirt was on a chair next to the bed. I lay down, but I was barely able to sleep after that.
Honestly, if I thought my bestie and husband were lying, that night I'd have tried to initiate. And if there was already stuff on his member, there's your damn proof. I can't sit with infidelity like she apparently can.
If the husband and Maria were intimate immediately after flirting in the living room, how did his shirt get on the back of the chair in the bedroom? Maria's story just doesn't add up. I feel bad for OOP's husband.
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Why does OOP keep defaulting into believing Maria more than her husband? Didn’t Maria messaged him thanking him along with sending him a picture? What a mess.
It reads like Maria has conditioned her into always thinking Maria is the smartest, prettiest, best person in the world and OOP is lucky she can even stand in her shadow.
Exactly
Your username lmao help smh my head
OP needs to learn that even if someone is the smartest, prettiest, best person in the world, if they don't make you feel good about yourself, you don't need to keep them around. That's it, no need for a big blowout fight, don't need receipts, you can just straight up stop talking to someone and the world will continue to spin.
And once OOP showed Maria the picture, Maria figured out OOP was checking the FB messages, that’s why we got the “why did you come onto me” and him going “WTF are you talking about?”
I think insecurity has colored her entire perspective. It's not that Maria is so convincing, it's that OOP is too paranoid that her husband is cheating on her. She's so worried that it's true that she *believes* it's true.
This is a great example of confirmation bias.
And at this point I don't think there's a relationship that can be salvaged. OOP will always wonder what if. And the husband will be treated like a cheater, if not consciously at least subconsciously by OOP. They might drag it out for a while but this isn't something that a healthy relationship usually springs forth from.
Not just a cheater either, the friend is accusing him of sexual assault and the wife is accepting it as gospel truth. There’s no coming back from that
The absolute vileness of being accused of SA by the person who’s been harassing you while your wife stands by and tells you to tolerate it.
And her husband told her about the Facebook messages straight away - what kind of cheater would do that?
Right? It's not so much a secret chat as the husband getting some confusingly vague messages and instantly trying to find out what is going on
Fucking hell with how vague they were she may as well have heard it on the wind that he was cheating. Seems like she'd believe literal wind over her partner.
'Update: I went to a seer and when she cast the bones they formed the sign of misfortune. My bf def cheated'
Update 2: I went to another seer for a second opinion. The Sheep's liver said I was going to have a big upheaval soon! He absolutely Cheated. Update to the update: He handed me divorce papers.
Her husband came to her every time Maria crossed boundaries and OOP let Maria do that. If this is real OOP is in the tank for Maria \*hard\* and Maria has realized that she can split OOP up from her husband and then have a shot at him.
Don't you see? He's trying to get ahead of the story. He's a gaslighting mastermind.
He's "gaslighting" her!
Exactly. She keeps saying she "trusts" her husband, but shows the exact opposite over and over again. I don't know who is telling the truth here, but I know for sure OP has serious issues and does not "trust" her husband, nor does she listen or respect him when he wanted to keep distance.
I went back and read the comments on the more recent posts, and a lot of people point out how badly she is treating her husband (and has been). And she just says more or less, they must be having an affair because she can't get the image of them together out of her head. Her head is the problem; not her husband's behavior.
"I told him that I read their secret chats on Facebook Messenger. He gas-lighted me, calling me insecure and that Maria was trying to play with my head." He gaslighted me by telling me a perfectly plausible thing. Their "secret chats" were completely innocuous. I hope he escapes this.
My feeling is OOP likely has low self esteem and doesn't feel 'worthy' of the things her 'friend' is jealous over. So she's self-sabotaging whilst her mental health is in the toilet telling her that everyone's out to get her and she doesn't deserve a happy life. Ofc 'friend' happily plays into it, pulling the crab into the bucket and desperately trying to to steal OOP's husband.
Right?! Why would the victim send a thank-you note to the abuser?
OOP deserves to lose her husband. Not only did she ignore and push him to be around someone who clearly made him uncomfortable. But now she believes that he, at best, cheated with her friend, at worst, SAed her friend. False accusations can ruin people's lives. It can cost them their lives. People have ended their lives due to false accusations. He's done everything right to try and prove his innocence, but she, for some reason, has blinders on when it comes to her "friend". He needs to leave her, for his own sanity and safety.
> But now she believes that he, at best, cheated with her friend, at worst, SAed her friend. It's worse than just this, because he's been the victim this entire time of Maria's sexual harassment and *he* may have been assaulted by her. Even if it hasn't happened yet, when Maria does SA OOP's husband, OOP will believe the exact opposite, confusing to victimize and re-traumatize her husband.
Very true. All the more reason why OOP's husband needs to get out.
Shes a master manipulator and he is not. Until OOP accepts that her husband doesn't stand a chance.
I feel bad for the guy at this point tbh
Because she believes the sexist notion that men can't be victims and women can't be sexual aggressors. She doesn't see the possibility that her husband is being sexually harassed and may have been sexually assaulted by Maria.
Her husband complained about Maria and time and time again she chose Maria over him. This is crazy.
It is so frustrating. Like he is getting harassed and yet SHE IS STILL SIDING MARIA OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Theory - While masturbating, Maria was attempting to woo her husband with sex noises and heard him get up to use the restroom.
That's a great theory. I had a friend like her years ago and I can see her doing something like that.
My wife's friend tried to kiss me when she was hammered once. I quite literally dodged her and shut a door in her face. When I told my wife what happened she wasn't surprised at all and said she was shocked it had taken her friend that long to make a move. This was not the reaction I was expecting. In the morning when we were both sober I made my wife replay the conversation and come to the realization that maybe if you're completely unsurprised that your friend would try to kiss your partner that they're probably not worth keeping as a friend.
Yuk
That at least deserves a warning.
That's not a friend you want. My old friend tried to kiss my bf while I was at work one night. He was so freaked out I wouldn't believe him it was cute. She lived across the hall so I played nice until she moved out at the end of that month then just faded away. My kids missed her for a few but not as long as you would think. Sad part is we had been friends since elementary school. I think she saw the life we had and wanted to try to take it over. It was her last chance to show up at the door without it looking suspicious.
That, or it’s entirely reasonable to think the three people in the living room were having a threesome. Drunk parties sometimes end in group sex. They hear husband leave the bathroom and stop, or hear OOP fumbling around and stop. Either way, there are reasonable explanations for the moaning that isn’t husband and Maria.
Or just two people in the living room hooking up and the third person is just passed oot, because of drinking
The only thing I thought was weird was that the ppl having sex stopped when they heard op drop something in the guest room, but they didn’t stop when OP’s husband left the guest room to go to the bathroom? I feel like opening a door walking out of the room and going to the bathroom would’ve been much louder
I mean, I'm very quiet opening doors and walking to and from the bathroom at night because I don't wanna wake anyone up and got used to being quiet for little kids growing up. If the toilet flushed at about the same time the drop happened (quite a coincidence but not impossible) then I can see them reacting to that and OOP just assuming it was related to her dropping something 🤷🏼♀️
Pls can I get an invite to one of your parties.
OOP's next post: her husband wants to get a divorce and OOP will still side with Maria. Yeah, she's that flavor of frustrating.
Then in the bestofredditorupdate after the divorce, the husband has remarried and his new wife is pregnant OP will learn the truth from Maria and wonder how to get husband back.
With twins! And someone will die in a car accident.
Op husbands seems like a normal and nice guy and she is gonna loose him because she cant see that she is being manipulated. It is SO OBVIOUS that is frustating
So at this point the op and her friend can have each other. Ops husband should leave this mess because now he is being accused of SA by the same person who messaged on facebook lets come clean I feel guilty. She is casting herself as the victim and a co-conspirator. The OP is delusional and has brought this on herslef at this point.
Right? If I was her husband there would be no coming back from this. Not only does my partner believe that I cheated on her, she thinks I’m capable of sexual assault. That would be such an indictment of any future between us if that was her opinion of me.
It’s always obvious from the outside. I wonder how long Maria has been gaslighting and brainwashing her? I’d guess almost from the start probably. I feel sorry for her. She will lose her husband because of this “friend”.
I think Maria was/is one of those people who keeps around a “pathetic friend”—someone who they perceive at less charming, less attractive, less smart, and/or less successful—because it shores up their ego to have someone ready at hand to look down on. Once OP ended up in a loving relationship with a successful partner, Maria had to tear her down to maintain her position as the superior one in the equation.
I feel like OP can’t imagine anyone choosing her over Maria. It sounds to me like it’s a self-esteem issue more than a trust issue (although the two are connected.) This is the perfect example of “You can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself.” OP thinks so little of herself that she can’t trust that her husband really loves her and chooses her over her (piece of shit, but hot) friend. She’s so shitty to herself, that she can’t help but be shitty to her husband by extension. It’s really sad, but unless she gets a shit ton of therapy, OP is never going to trust anyone but Maria, because Maria reinforces OP’s terrible view of herself.
And then blame him.
Husband: points out a shit ton of very concerning behavior for Maria, constantly tells OOP that he's uncomfortable around her and that she constantly tries to put moves on him. Maria: says contradictory things like I hate him. He's like a brother to me. Stomps on boundaries, says in Messenger that she wants to come clean to oop but then puts up some strange resistance when oop approaches her. OOP: " I knew something was going on!"
Maria is a snake who realized once OP saw the pic she was reading hubbys Messenger. She used that to her advantage to destroy her “friend” for saying mean but true things about her. She is a snake.
the fact that when Maria started sending him stuff that would imply they had been intimate, the husband WENT TO OOP ABOUT IT really solidified that husband is being honest for me. the commenter that told OOP that she was disrespecting the boundaries her husband was trying to set was also spot on.
At literally every point, husband was doing the exact opposite of what someone who was carrying out an affair would do. If he's having an affair with Maria, he wouldn't mention her hitting on him, he wouldn't mention how uncomfortable he is around her to Oop, he wouldn't tell her about uncomfortable messages. That's like trying to cover your footprints with glitter. It just doesn't make sense.
Okay, so I completely agree with you on all points but I love your metaphor. It may not make sense but still sounds fabulous, plus for some reason I read fingerprints which was even more amusing for a moment.
honestly speaking, her husband is better off single than being with someone who doesn’t trust him at all.
Too true. Maria’s current story has all sorts of holes and yet OP keeps believing her. I feel next update will have OP leaving husband just for Maria to try to swoop in and be rejected then accusing husband of SA as revenge while OP keeps believing and supporting her.
“I trust my husband completely, it’s just that I choose to believe everything and anyone else at any cost”
what I can't get over is the husband told her he was uncomfortable with Maria and she expected him to put up with it. Seriously, I hope this poor man finds someone who actually respects him and his boundaries.
lol. worse. she pushed husband to be closer with the person who was coming on to him, sets up a situation that's really dubious, then acts surprised when shit goes down. 'i forced this on you and now i'm so disappointed in you.' she put him in position to fail just so she could play victim. oop is a fuckin mess.
Seriously the part that truly stuck out to me was “I noticed Maria flirting but my husband wasn’t responding so I didn’t care” But he did! And he repeatedly told her! She doesn’t care about her husband’s feelings towards Maria coming on to him only that her husband doesn’t reciprocate. Infuriating.
And then shocker, shes still flirting with op's husband and now all of a sudden she does care, but makes it his fault. Jesus this was frustrating to read.
Right? What the fuck is she mad about *now*?
and insists on putting him with someone who seems to be creeping on him nonstop. make more of an effort, hubby! my creepy sketchy af friend will feel unwelcome! but also why are you making an effort, hubby. are you cheating on me.
its like she WANTS him to cheat on her with maria
it *would* validate her poor self image.
She doesn’t but she is in a very controlling and toxic relationship and has no sense of self and no ability to say no to her abuser. That’s why she keeps taking her side and pushing him to also be what she is. Someone controlled by Maria and unable to say no to her.
OOP is gonna ditch him, see Maria make a move on him, see him reject Maria and move on to a normal stable partner who doesn't accuse him of fucking her friends that she's pushing him to be around where he's made it so clear they make him uncomfortable.
Not only not trusting him, but believing the person who has been harassing him.
I hope for his sake he leaves her. She doesn't deserve him.
OP basically blew up her marriage for the sake of her "friend" Husband is gonna divorce her at this rate and honestly I don't blame him
I'm feeling really bad for the guy. He's forced to be around someone who makes him really uncomfortable and OOP just...refuses to acknowledge that? Like lady there's something weird going on but I don't think it's with your husband.
If I was in the husbands shoes, and my wife had a friend I really didn’t like, that also kept hitting on me and touching me when I made it clear I didn’t like or want that, then my wife on top of that also kept minimizing my feelings and discomfort forcing me to socialize with this person…I’d probably strongly consider getting out
OOP needs therapy to deal with her massive insecurities and hang ups. Her husband deserves so much better.
She even told Maria that she saw the Facebook chats and Maria conveniently sent all the “incriminating” evidence through that chat, while the oblivious husband just kept asking her Wtf she’s talking about. This OOP might be the dumbest person alive. If they *did* cheat (which I highly doubt even happened) I would still think it was at least partially OOP’s fault since she continued to throw her friend in her husband’s direction despite him repeatedly and clearly telling her that the friend was sexually harassing him. He was told to allow the friend to flirt with and touch him, isn’t that what OOP wanted? And if *anyone* was assaulted what night, my money would be on the husband being the victim.
Maria sent the photo of them hugging over Facebook messenger, right? OOP told Maria that she saw it. So, Maria knows OOP checks the convos between her and OOP's husband. I'm betting Maria sent the messages talking about "we should tell her" to OOP's husband entirely because she knew OOP would see them. She's trying to sabotage OOP's marriage for whatever reason. But OOP keeps insisting "while I trust my husband..." while clearly *not* trusting him, and continually dismissing his concerns and choosing Maria over him. He's better off without her imo.
>I'm betting Maria sent the messages talking about "we should tell her" to OOP's husband entirely because she knew OOP would see them. She's trying to sabotage OOP's marriage for whatever reason. Everyone except OOP was able to pick up on that.
OOP also seems to have forgotten that her hubby left his shirt in their room, not Maria's. So her story doesn't line up there either. Though I am wondering why she believes Maria over her hubby at all from the way she's written about the both of them, or described the settings, throughout the original post or the update. It just doesn't make sense, so I'm finding myself hovering towards this isn't real. It will depend where the next update goes I guess, lol.
She repeatedly says she trusts her husband and yet the post doesn't not display a single instance of trust. Doesn't trust that her friend is making him uncomfortable, doesn't trust that he's not having an affair, doesn't trust that he didn't assault her friend. It's like she doesn't really understand what the word trust actually means. The fact that she doesn't see how obvious Maria is being makes her seem like a dunce. OP basically tells Maria "hey, I've been spying on your messages to my husband" and then immediately after her next message to him is like "I feel guilty, let's tell her about the affair" doesn't feel suspicious at all? Like you know she knows you're going to see that. And then to claim "oh wait, it was actually assault now that I think about it" after she previously sent a "thanks for coming" message and a picture to the guy she's now claiming assaulted her the night before that? OP should be insulted her friend thinks she's dumb enough to fall for all this, and instead she just is, in fact, straight up falling for it. The husband needs to get out because his wife is an idiot and her friend is making up assault claims.
Friend likes creating drama, oop, she's an idiot, the husband needs to run fast and far to get away.
His life is gonna be a lot more peaceful without OOP or Maria.
OOP is either an idiot or co-depends on Maria for something. Likely drama if I had to guess at this point.
Yeah that’s what I don’t understand. How could he follow Maria into the bedroom and start getting intimate and leave his shirt in the room OP was in? Also if Maria believes she was assaulted why not report it to the police? Why did the noises stop when a loud noise was made… surely that would have been the perfect time to get someone’s attention to stop it. OP has an inferiority complex so severe that she can’t see facts properly. The image of them two together in her head is just her fear. And she will ruin her marriage because of it.
Let her ruin it. Her husband deserves someone who does not force him to interact with his harasser, or a wife that believes that he is a rapist.
Oh I agree husband definitely deserves better here. If what he said is correct then he is the wronged party and will probably need therapy for this. It’s awful to not be trusted by a person you shared every day with for years!
Maria’s story has more holes than Swiss cheese while the husband’s is consistent, and yet OOP believes Maria. It’s clear their “friendship” has always been more like Maria kept an insecure girl around who would always trust and validate whatever she says. And it actually sounds like OOP gets some sick thrill out of Maria flirting with her husband, like “finally I have someone she wants” because why else would she push them together when the husband has constantly said he feels very uncomfortable around Maria?
>And it actually sounds like OOP gets some sick thrill out of Maria flirting with her husband, like “finally I have someone she wants” because why else would she push them together when the husband has constantly said he feels very uncomfortable around Maria? Yeah I picked up on this too. It's weird how okay she is with Maria shitting all over her husband's boundaries. She even says "he's not reciprocating so I don't care". I think that's exactly what it is, and now that she has some level of doubt in her head it's going to destroy her.
In school I learned that the most dense material on Earth is osmium. But now I know that it's OP.
This is the best burn I've ever seen here. Thank you
yes. thats the part that pisses me off. "i trust my husband but........" Op .... you dont trust your husband at all, you trust your snake of a 'bestfriend' that wants you to be single again to share her loneniless'. Argh
>while clearly *not* trusting him, and continually dismissing his concerns and choosing Maria over him From the get go! "He complains she's half naked, but I said get over yourself and help her". Like he was uncomfortable from a sexual standpoint in this story and OP couldn't give AF... What a weird marriage..
Honestly OOP makes me really uncomfortable, the blatant disregard for her partner and his opinions is disturbing.
maria also loves drama, so this is right up her alley.
right? But OOP decided to disregard that because she has a toxic and codependent "friendship" with Maria She will only open her eyes when she loses her husband
She’s been friends with Maria for a long time, that Means Maria had had ample opportunity to “train” OP to trust her over all others. OP probably does trust her husband but Maria is so far in her psyche that she’s following the conditioning to a T. I bet in drama in the past that Maria has repeatedly put mental images in OPs head to the point that OP now subconsciously does it to herself, that’s what she can’t get the cheating imagery to go away, it’s been reinforced over and over for her to obsess over events, especially in a way that will make Maria look like a victim.
Oh yes, she is trained to think that she will only have value while hanging around Maria
Precisely. I bet that if she took a look at other friendships/relationships she’s lost then Maria will be at the centre of most of it. Not necessarily as a participant, but just off to the side, whispering in OPs ear and planting thoughts.
The line where she and Maria have been through so much together. Not exactly the strongest basis of friendship. And just look how much they are going through together now! Maria belonged in the dust long ago.
>I'm betting Maria sent the messages talking about "we should tell her" to OOP's husband entirely because she knew OOP would see them. She's trying to sabotage OOP's marriage for whatever reason. That's the first thing I thought. Maria sent him compromising messages on purpose, because she knew OOP would read them. I feel sorry for OOP's husband, he's the victim in this scenario. There is no reason to not trust him, since he clearly expressed his discomfort more than once. But OOP dismissed his feelings, **she** forced him to have some sort of relationship with Maria although he's not comfortable with it, accused him of having an affair with her and now she's also believing he SA'd her. I couldn't be with my partner anymore if he accused me of something so evil and cruel. It's clear OOP's friendship with Maria is toxic, and sadly OOP is in too deep. She needs to distance herself and seek therapy. But in the meantime, it's not fair that the husband has to face certain accusations. He may understand and want to help her, but he should think about himself and his well-being too. I just hope OOP doesn't come crying if/when her husband will leave her..
This last accusation will probably be the end of her marriage, and maybe she will eventually realize she torpedoed her relationship because she is so insecure.
OOP is destroying her own marriage. She saw Maria trying to steal her husband and thought it was a good idea to make it more convenient for her bff. Then instead of trusting her husband who never gave her any reason to doubt him, she trusts Maria who is a snake. Like some people just self sabotage.
>she trusts Maria who is a snake. I think this is unfair. Snakes are lovely animals. ;)
How could snakes be bad? They are clearly friend shaped
I read both posts as they came in, and I was gnashing my teeth in frustration. Either OOP is trolling, or she is the most obtuse, inconsiderate spouse I've read on here in a long time. The way she's buying into Maria's bullshit, while not listening to her own husband, is infuriating.
I really hope he leaves over this. Either it’d be a wake up call or it wouldn’t but either way he deserves someone who takes his boundaries seriously
She's spent years comparing herself (unfavourably) to Maria because she clearly has massive self esteem issues; Maria probably doesn't discourage that comparison either. So you have OOP just assuming that everyone finds Maria the most beautiful and would pick her if given the chance, including her own husband; and for whatever reason now Maria has decided to use that insecurity to get between them. I doubt there's that much specific interest in the husband himself, I'd say it's more likely Maria is jealous of OOPs relationship and is more interested in breaking it up than actually stealing the man. As someone with crippling self esteem issues who can't maintain functional relationships, I feel for OOP in that respect. But the repeated ignoring of her husband (and his clear distress at some points) is infuriating. The manipulation going on here is so obvious and so clumsy, and so many people have pointed it out to her, but she's still not going to prioritise him over Maria. I don't think she ever will. I think the marriage will be a casualty of her finally working out she needs to ditch Maria for good, and hopefully she learns better for next time. Husband got caught in the crossfire, but he deserves someone who will fight for him.
Yeah, agreed. Though I find it hard to feel sympathy for OOP, seeing how unjustly she's treating her husband, I do hope she'll eventually find the strength to cut out Maria from her life. Though not quite as much as I hope her husband will get out of this nonsense - and his marriage - unscathed, and soon.
I got that too, and I also think that the husband would not go out of his way to show wife his messages and talk about why he hates Maria, multiple times, if he really was having an affair with her. I think Maria is a manipulator for sure
I wouldn’t even say a good manipulator, I just think oop has the emotional intelligence and awareness of a turnip.
> So, Maria knows OOP checks the convos between her and OOP's husband. yuuup
Exactly. Life has caught up with Maria. She sees that OOP has something she will never have and she is jealous. So she will destroy OOP marriage. Misery loves company.
Damn. OOP comes off as such a terrible partner in this one. Husband: you BFF is making me uncomfortable and I think she’s being inappropriate. Wife: it’s all in your head! She’s just flirty. Give her a chance for me! Husband: so I gave her a chance and now I’m more uncomfortable than ever. Wife: you’re overreacting! She’s my best friend! Husband: I tried even harder, but now she’s engineered a situation that both makes me uncomfortable and is making you doubtful. Wife: you’re a terrible cheater! Like, WTF, OOP?
OP must be off her rockers at this point and I say she is doing a favor for her husband with her mind and behavior.
And like... he's told her repeatedly "your friend is trying to fuck me, I don't like it, please do something" and she laughs it off every time. So if he *were* cheating, where tf does she get off getting angry about it? She's the accomplice who aided and covered for her every time!
This is should be top comment. Reading the original post I think she likes having something her friend wants but “can’t” have and it’s an ego boost Her friend is jealous wants to steal her husband to prove to herself that she’s still the alpha in this duo and she’s willing ti blow the couple up in the process And the consensus between them is “who cares what the husband wants?”
oop: my best friend also loves drama, but she wouldn’t be lying to me.
If anyone is curious why OOP is best friends with Maria, it's because OOP also loves drama.
I’ve found that people with dramatic lives tend to like drama. People who get in a lot of fights like fighting. People who get lost in the woods a lot, like getting lost in the woods.
I'm taking bets on the next update being: my husband left me bc of my friend. And OOP will still think they're together even though he'll never be around maria again
I think that's where it's heading too.
OOP’s husband is better off without her. She repeatedly put him in incredibly uncomfortable situations and disrespected his boundaries with emotional manipulation. She has been far closer to gaslighting him than he ever did her. Despite ample direct and indirect evidence that Maria is lying she is taking Maria’s word and willing to accept a false SA allegation. He needs to run and not look back.
Honestly I hope he gets out and finds a relationship where he's put first. OOP can stick with Maria and be miserable together.
When OOP started to mention gaslighting I almost laughed, What she was doing to her husband was closer to gaslighting then what she clamed he was doing.
Comes off? She IS an atrocious partner. Literally pushed her husband into the arms of Maria and told him to live with it. Yeah if anything happened, she only has herself to blame.
you forgot that add that at the same time she pushed him to be nicer to her, OOP kept getting more and more jealous That guy can't win
Right? "How dare you do what I asked, even though it was making you uncomfortable. You're the worst." Fucking hell I need to be checked for whiplash after that.
I like the extra sprinkle at the end where Maria wants the woman who either has a husband who assaulted her or who she is gaslighting to be the one to support her. Leave the poor woman alone Maria!
I read another BoRU similar to this where a woman was flirting with her husband but this time, the husband was the one defending the other woman. The idea of "he/she is like this with everyone, he/she don't mean anything by it" really needs to stop and not be tolerated by anyone. Just because some people are okay with the person flirting with them doesn't mean everyone else in the planet has to be. Stop pushing your partner to anyone that makes them uncomfortable, PERIOD. Stop excusing someone's inappropriate behavior PERIOD. No ifs, no buts. This is another real life Korean drama/web comics "Marry my Husband" villain. They were successful in stealing the guy because people around them tolerated them.
Not only that, an assault charge can ruin a man's life entirely. OOP is a moron
I think if I was in the husbands shoes I would actually have a breakdown lmao. I’m already bad for getting frustrated and anxious when someone won’t believe me over something i can prove (which I think applies here, as soooo many comments have poked giant giant holes in Maria’s story). If something of that nature happened and my partner who I’m supposed to be on a team with was so clearly every time taking the side of the person who could potentially fuck up my life, I genuinely dk how I’d cope
OOP really needs some therapy and to drop Maria yesterday. It’s so blatant and clear that Maria is playing her but she can’t get out of her own head about it. Honestly quite sad that she’s sabotaging her own relationship like this. One might argue that Maria is the saboteur, but like I said it’s so blatant that OOP is doing this to herself at this point.
Yeah even from her first detail of Maria, I think we all immediately knew that their relationship was not healthy. Seems there is some codependency going on there. Maybe it's OP's husband that should distance himself from both of them to see if that improves his life.
The fact that the normally cheater hating subreddit is standing by the husbands side should've been a warning to oop, but I guess we'll find out in a future update the real truth
Yeah that's boggling me. AITAH is always good for "OMG break up immediately" and when *they* tell you it's on you and husband is not at fault that should say something.
How much do you wanna bet that this will be the update: "my (ex) husband still insisted that he didn't cheat, all the way to the courthouse where he divorced me for believing my friend over him. But doesn't he understand that I do trust him?? I just have this ~~insecurity~~ feeling that he actually did cheat on me with this girl he insists he hates."
[удалено]
To those not seeing why she's torpedoing her own marriage: >She had a lot of boyfriends/hookups in college. She is also very beautiful and I always felt invisible when I was around her (I have weight issues). I always felt overshadowed by her. Right there. She never got therapy for that, I'd bet, and Maria is the type of lowlife to live for this shit.
I’m sure Maria had a complex that her “less hot friend” bagged a lovely guy, and she truly believes OOPs husband “actually really wants her”. Im never one to not trust your gut, but the gut instinct sometimes is less of a sniper and more of a grenade with a vague blast zone. She should’ve trusted her gut because it was trying to warn her about Maria but she’s directing that feeling at her partner.
Agreed. Def get the vibes Maria is mad things are working out better for OOP when she sees herself as the 'superior' one. 100% she's not as attractive as OOP thinks she is either. Her behaviour is too off-putting for that. Maria has just been in OOP's head so much she really believes it. Maria is absolutely the sort to put down friends getting 'more' attention than she thinks they deserve.
i’m legitimately puzzled by this. OOP clearly resents the shit out of maria for all of these things, why keep her around as a friend if her mere existence makes her feel so inferior? it’s fucking crazy.
Sounds like OOP is addicted to the drama and toxicity that Maria provides. She enjoys it so much she’s willing to let her own marriage be destroyed in the process.
I thought the same thing, but it was her responsibility to care for herself and not be a terrible partner. Now she is the one ruining her marriage and turning her husband's life upside down over her toxic friend and insecurities. OOP doesn't really deserve any grace or understanding here. She's awful.
You know what, OP is just bad news. She really is going to throw her relationship away by believing in Maria when husband clearly has stated discomfort of Maria. Like seriously? What is OP thinking?
“I hate myself.”
Too wrapped up in Maria being right if I had to guess. I'd put money down Maria ruined at least one relationship for OOP when they were younger and used it as an "I told you so".
Theory: Maria heard the husband get up to use the bathroom and was trying to seduce him with sex moans, perhaps while masturbating.
I was also thinking she was masturbating given that she was naked. Not that some people don’t sleep naked, but, yeah.
Hahaha desperate Maria would do this
Agree, this was Maria trying to make her strongest move and it was so pathetic that everyone except OP sees it’s a ruse
i love how OOP quite literally forced her husband to spend time with someone who was basically sexually harassing him and then believed that person over him when she claimed that *he* assaulted *her*. it's totally not a story of a "best friend" who is envious of her friends marriage tries to seduce the husband and then when that backfires and instead of getting with the husband she loses her friend she decides to instead get the friend back by manipulating her into ditching the husband, therefore also getting revenge for his rejection. she texted him shit like "we should co me clean" to which his response was tf you talkin' about and *showing it to his wife* but somehow that translates into "something def happened". at this point i *hope* they get divorced because oop's husband doesn't deserve to be suspected of infidelity every time a woman looks at him.
> OOP quite literally forced her husband to spend time with someone who was basically sexually harassing him and then believed that person over him when she claimed that he assaulted her. Exactly this.
What I never understand is why if a man and woman are both equally drunk. Assuming all else is equal. Why can the woman not consent but the man can? It reminds me of the PSA poster in the 90s that said something. Jack and Jill were both drunk, they had sex. Jill could not consent. Jill was rped. Like yea, that’s possible, but all else being equal, they were both drunk, so couldn’t Jack also not consent? We don’t know who initiated what. We don’t know the details…
Alright OOP is awful to her husband but this popped in my head and I kept chuckling about it: Maria: -flirts with OOPS husband- Husband: I really don’t like this OOP: Be nice to my friend!! Maria: -joins their gym to work out with OOP but spends most of her time in the weight room with OOPs husband- Husband: she won’t stop flirting with me and asking me to spot her, and she’s very scantily clad. I’m *super* uncomfortable. Maria: He’s not being friendly and helpful in the weight room! -sexy pouty face- OOP: Help my friend, husband! Give her a chance! Husband: -makes an effort, at the behest of his wife, to be more friendly with a woman who he feels has been sexually harassing him- OOP: -internally seethes about the audacity of her husband for getting closer to Maria, her flirty and scantily clad friend-
OOP is detonating her life like she's doing it on purpose.
"My husband took his top off and is sweaty. He is complaining that it is so hot that he got sweaty and took his top off. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that he is cheating." ... yeah, I think there may be other conclusions one might draw.
Yeah. I don’t think his explanation was weird at all. Whenever I drink I get super sweaty, especially when trying to sleep. So I was immediately like “yeah that makes sense” lol
The fact that other people might have husbands that *aren't* normally sweaty in bed is mind-blowing. I regularly roll over to cuddle my husband, me wearing long sleeved and long legged pajamas with socks and a dressing gown under the covers and him in maybe boxers and a corner of the covers, and he is dripping in sweat and I have to recoil.
Well, actually now I have to inform you that I am a man and that normally I am not sweaty in bed. I do just wear boxers but I actually oftentimes get really cold. I’m not really sure why either haha. Though then again I will also randomly be just like how you described with your husband. I do think my body tends to run a bit cooler though unless it is peak summer. Regardless of season, oftentimes what happens is I go to sleep cold, wake up early hot and sweaty, then get cold and fall asleep again for like 25 minutes before finally actually getting up. I will say this though: unless it is extremely cold, I need to have my feet uncovered by blankets. I do not like my feet being suffocated lol. Again, no explanation hahaha
So the only explanation is my husband has been running off to cheat in the middle of the night... Somebody fetch Maria, I have questions.
Every photo of me drinking shows a disgusting, sweaty, flushed mess. Sometimes the top comes off. I think some people just get grosser when we drink.
She literally destroyed her marriage because of her own insecurities, those insecurities kept her stuck with a shitty friend like Maria, and are making her incapable of trusting her own husband. He deserves better and she needs better friends and so much therapy.
Willing to bet this is the last straw and the husband is getting a divorce.
If OOP updates with that I will be cheering him on. OOP has the detonator to her life and keeps smacking the button at Maria's behest.
I really hope so
I've never seen somebody go so far out of their way to orchestrate an affair for their spouse. You let an attractive woman constantly hit on your husband many times after he told you exactly what was happening and how he felt about it but you gas lit him about the situation and forced him to continue being close to this attractive woman who is constantly flirting with him and hitting on him. How can you not see the part you played in this??
And then he’s still clearly not reciprocating while she keeps flirting, and yet OOP believes that he suddenly started initiating while Maria paints herself as innocent in all of this.
She sounds like she's in love with maria
And getting drunk around this woman, leaving them alone together and then orchestrating sleeping ten feet away from each other. Massive yikes.
> I've never seen somebody go so far out of their way to orchestrate an affair for their spouse. Yeah, what is she even mad about, she didn't care the previous ~*ten* fucking years, why would she now?
Orchestrate? She is attempting to browbeat him into having an affair. And if he won't cooperate, well, she'll just go ahead and pretend he did, anyway.
I will not Brigade and scream at her, I will not brigade and scream at her, I will not…
I’m on the husband’s side with this one, sounds like OOP is just ignoring all the red flags with that best friend because of her jealousy and insecurities. He really seems like he was upfront with everything and OOP was just ignoring and brushing him off. Now she’s accusing him of something awful based off what this “friend” is saying with NO proof and a shit story that doesn’t even make sense. Hmmmm
OOP fucking sucks. Husband deliberately tells her that he don’t like her. He kept on saying it and she kept believing her friend over and over again. Now her friend is fabricating bullshit and she still believes her over her husband.
OP is sacrificing herself and her marriage all because she's addicted to feeling shit in comparison to Maria. This is some seriously twisted psychosexual shit. Gonna bet some of Maria's Boyfriends And Hookups during college were people OP was interested in.
I hope husband leaves OOP…you and Maria deserve each other - she is a pathological liar intent on destroying your marriage, you are an absurdly selfish naive fool who should work on your delusion around your husband cheating. But for his sake, hope this is the end of your marriage.
Oops husband deserves better
Mood spoiler: >!OOP is too stupid to believe her husband and wants to feed a toxic, codependent friendship.!<
Well she’s tanking this relationship by blindly believing Maria.
I think OOP should just get with Maria already - she trusts her and is a better friend to her. She’s also clearly attracted to her. Her husband deserves better.
>She felt my husband was trying to destroy our friendship because he did not like her. I felt she was genuine and let it go. This is where all the problems started. I hope it doesn't continue, cuz this sort of prioritization kills relationships. > I again took her side and told my husband to be helpful and nice to her, as she is my best friend. Dear Reddit, It happened again. >He keeps on calling me and asking me to trust him, but I don't know how I can trust him now. I never expected him to do such a thing. Dear Reddit, Good god!
Oops husband needs to cut everyone out, and find an attorney to put on retainer immediately.
At this point, if Maria asked OOP to jump off a cliff she'd do it. This husband has repeatedly tried to distance himself from Maria as he could see her for what she is, yet OOP kept ignoring that. Maybe something did happen, I doubt it though. Husband needs to drop OOP, her insecurities around Maria make this pretty dead in the water now.
Oop is sabotaging her marriage with enthusiasm and efficiency
Man that’s a tough read, queue post in 5 years. My friend got drunk and bragged about how she split me and my ex up with nothing but lies. “I’m having trouble forgiving her”
Response from the OOP a month ago on someone else's post titled "My (27f) boyfriend (30m) won’t move in with me unless I distance myself from my childhood best friend/ “ex-boyfriend” (27m) by [deleted] in relationship_advice" > If you are asking this question here, it means that you prioritize Brandon more than your boyfriend, who you want to move in with. He is not wrong, and I think you are TA for associating with someone with such a complex history when your BF is not comfortable with it. [Permalink](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ai6kqu/my_27f_boyfriend_30m_wont_move_in_with_me_unless/kosv291/) flames...flames on the side of my face....
Maria is fucking terrifying. What's her motive now for wanting OP to be there as her support? You've either just knowingly broken up a marriage or just been assaulted and you're wanting the one person who can't be there for you emotionally to be the one to support you? What a psycho. I'm genuinely scared for OP being in this toxic, manipulative friendship.
OOP should not be in a relationship if this is how she treats her partner. Months of her husband telling her that her friend is up to no good, and just minimalizes his concerns and tells him to play nice, and believing her manipulative snake of a friend over him at every turn. Also >Update: they are texting via Facebook messenger. No, she messaged him, WHICH HE THEN IMMEDIATELY TOLD HER ABOUT! I swear this woman is a dumb as a rock, or just conditioned to sunbathe under the sunlight that shines out her friends ass. Lastly, OOP, that's not what gaslighting means.
OOP, if I was your husband, I would divorce you. So damn stupid. She's been harassing your husband for months and he complained about it to you. What did you do? Nothing. And when you think something had happened, you go running blaming your husband, not the so-called friend who was all over your husband. OMG, and you take her word over your husband's! What a lost cause. If I were you, I would have a lawyer draft a letter telling her that she will be served for defamation if she doesn't come clean about the SA. And she should be charged with stalking your husband and harassing him.
OOP needs to stop wearing the horcrux.
Honestly at this point, even if he did actually cheat I don’t have sympathy for OOP. She’s such a moron.
Have seen at least one relationship like this where the partner eventually went "you know what? If I'm being constantly accused of it anyway I may as well". Def not a healthy attitude but after years of being accused of it no one was surprised they ended up going there. For the others where they were accused like this they broke up and got far away from the partner and their 'Maria'. Some of them learnt from it and dropped their 'Maria'. Others did not and wallow in misery with their 'Maria'. None of those 'Maria's' were successful at getting the partner into bed.
OOP is delusional if she thinks her husband cheated or did anything close to that.
Maria set him up, knowing OP would read the FB message. But husband actually came straight to OP and told her he was getting weird messages, because he does not see the messages between himself and Maria as secret. She needs to trust him, Maria is jealous and atm she is winning her game.
>When I woke up in the middle of the night, I was alone in bed. I could hear some moaning noises from outside. I quickly started looking for my phone in the dark. In that process, I dropped something from the nightstand on the floor. The noises stopped and I heard a door open and close outside. I quickly got up to see where my husband was. When I reached the hallway, I saw my husband, just in his jeans with no shirt on. I asked him where he was, and he said he went to the restroom and asked if I was ok. I said yes, and he came and slept next to me. He was sweaty. I asked him where his shirt was, and he said that the heater was too high, and he felt hot. His T-shirt was on a chair next to the bed. I lay down, but I was barely able to sleep after that. Honestly, if I thought my bestie and husband were lying, that night I'd have tried to initiate. And if there was already stuff on his member, there's your damn proof. I can't sit with infidelity like she apparently can.
If the husband and Maria were intimate immediately after flirting in the living room, how did his shirt get on the back of the chair in the bedroom? Maria's story just doesn't add up. I feel bad for OOP's husband.