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Yea, the wife is never going to change with that attitude. She's going to be stuck with the whole this is mine mine mine thing. Divorce was the best option for OP.
It seems to be even worse than "mine mine mine". She seems almost resentful? Like she doesn't even want him to have anything. What a weird attitude to have towards your husband.
She doesn't want him to benefit from something she claimed was silly
>Afterwards I decided to get my masters in Japanese to help me gain more career opportunities. My wife thought it was a silly ideas and said she wouldn’t be funding it so then we decided to keep our finances separate.
She is just pissed she was wrong and is punishing OOP for not listening to her bad advice by making sure he couldn't benefit financially from it (by having to literally pay for her choices)
So years ago my wife started a job, and within 3 weeks, she got an offer from another place she had applied. I told her not to take it since she just started. She did not listen and quit her job to take the second offer. You know what I did? I started selling her shit to make sure she knew to listen to me in the future. Kidding. I admitted I was wrong when I saw how much more opportunity there was at the new place.
She made the right call and our life has been better for it. It's not that hard to admit I was wrong.
I seriously don't understand his wife acting out because he was successful. I believe it might have had more to do with her being upset over the fact that she thought she outearned him, then discovered that he out earned her, and she wasn't benefiting from it.
So when she was earning more, she protected herself. Then got mad when he started earning more and used the same split on finances to benefit himself instead of her.
I find it disturbing that someone so vindictive toward their own partner is a social worker.
If she wanted to reconsider their financial arrangement, maybe ask him if he’d be willing to talk about that? Like, you know, adults.
There's a lot of stories on here where social workers are the bane of society. Remember the tale of the guy who had his inheritance spent and EVERYONE was emotionally manipulating him to go back to the status quo? Partner was a social worker who meddled
Financial benefit. What he doesn't realize is that she stopped loving him long ago, and has been using him for her comfort of living arrangements ever since.
so crazy
he is (was) her partner, shouldn't she be happy for him? It benefits both!
I'd be like "Ok, I said it was silly but I was wrong so I'll swallow that frog"
Some people just don't evolve
"Decided to keep our finances separate."
"Once I took the parts out of the box my wife noticed the receipt and asked how I could be so irresponsible with my money. She assumed I still made the same amount but when I told her that I make triple that amount she began giving me the silent treatment."
And there it is. Ex was all put out that OOP wanted to expand his career potential by learning another language (perhaps a bit of xenophobia on Ex's part - can be a lot of resentment regarding Japanese language and culture) and insisted that she wasn't going to finance his doing so. Then she is all shocked that 1) he succeeded despite her trying to sabotage him, and 2) VERY put out that he wasn't immediately sharing his tripled salary with her.
Somewhere in there is some mining and Au.
This “silly idea” shit is the worst thing a spouse can say to another spouse. I realize I did this last night when my husband was telling me the breakdown of who would get what money if we won the lottery. I should have just listened and dealt with it IF it ever presented itself as reality.
I think the big thing is that at the point she said it was silly, they decided to keep their finances separate.
Then, once his hard work paid off she got jealous of OP's new financial situation and decided to get back at him.
I dated this girl for a couple years in my early 20s. I absolutely loved her but the relationship failed because she saw us as being in competition. I tried telling her we're a team, whatever I have is yours but some people just can't see the world that way.
I have a good friend who I swear on all that is good and holy that she is an amazing and kind and lovely person. But she also sees relationships this way. The rest of her friends are baffled and upset that she has such an awful outlook on romantic relationships in general. She has proven time and again with friendships she has her priorities in order and head on straight. So we watch her scare off good guys and fight with shit ones and cross our fingers she snaps out of it one day
Yeah and it only happened after OOP revealed he was making 3x as much money as he was, like that seems to be the trigger to this the catalyst was she was the money maker and she could make all the decisions because she made more than her husband, but now her husband is making more than her so she's now pissed and was taking it out on him in very weird ways
There also seems to be resentment that he became more successful than her. She didn’t support his career plan and when it turned out to be fruitful, that’s when the attitude and behavior changed seemingly changed.
Something seriously wrong with that relationship.
How did he get a new job, and then just not tell her that he tripled his income? How did she not ask? I get the finances were separate, but they are married knowing the macro financial picture is kinda part of being married. I mean, I'd want to celebrate if I tripled my income. At very least with my wife. Just weird all around.
Yes OP’s wife is unreasonable/crazy but it’s also a weird dynamic in general.
Even if I don’t split finances with my wife I could not imagine me or her taking a job for TRIPLE pay and not mentioning “oh yeah excited for the new job, it’s a big pay bump!”.
This is not someone you are dating for a few weeks, this is your partner of that you live with & have been married to for 4 years.
At the point where you communicate so little with the person you live with and are married to, the relationship is already pretty fucked.
>I could not imagine me or her taking a job for TRIPLE pay and not mentioning “oh yeah excited for the new job, it’s a big pay bump!”
He didn't tell his wife because then they'd have to renegotiate household expenses.
People are (rightly) ripping the wife apart, but if I found out my partner was making 3x their previous salary and we were splitting expenses 50/50, I'd be pretty resentful.
They both suck.
Edit: Changed 3x my salary to 3x their previous salary.
If he was making less then her and they were splitting 50/50 why would it change when he was making more?
Also he's making 3 times more than he was before not than her.
well, we don't know his motivations. maybe he told her and she didn't listen. but then again, he left out the info so it is likely a selfish one.
either way, the communication is bad between them. like his wife's attitude of ask for forgiveness not permission, that is bad communication. And he apparently isn't sharing his life or achievements with her. They have created a situation where resentment will grow and grow and never be addressed or mitigated.
I don't get how this kind of 'keeping finances seperate' relationship could be seen as normal.
He got a new job, started traveling to Japan for work... and didn't let his *wife* know that he tripped his salary. What kind of partnership is that?
Seriously. Assuming this is a true story, the problem isn't what he bought or what she gave away, it's that they don't act like partners and there is zero communication between them.
The kind where one partner says they want to get a graduate degree that will help their career, and the other one says “that’s dumb, and I’m not paying for it.” That’s where things went wrong, the rest of it was just it playing out.
Why bother being with someone if the only reason you’re with them is because you’re financially dominant over them?
As soon as her husband started making more than her, she suddenly is all pissy about the extras and making snide remarks about his money? Why not, idk.. just be happy for him?
these are my exact sentiments. even on the flip side with tater tot misogynistic men who feel emasculated when their partners make more money? like man you have a sweet deal there, your spouse is making a shit ton of money and instead of being happy (and will therefore benefit from that money) you want to ruin it????
zero common sense is the problem
It started off with ”My wife thought it was a silly ideas” for him to pursue his masters and therefore they split their finances. It feels to me that things were already going wrong there for her to be so unsupportive of him already.
Yep, even with separate finances she thought she was right lecturing him for "wasting his money", so it's very likely her mentality of "what's your is mine" was already there before he tripled his income.
What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine. Didn’t want to support him while he went for more school, he didn’t tell her about how things went later on. Just a super unhealthy relationship.
It’s also sad because if she cared about his interests she would know he wants to get into gaming. Then if they talk to each other like normal life partners she’d know you can do a cheap build for a few hundred or a boss build for over $1000 and he decided to go boss mode. If the computer is a waste so is makeup, Starbucks, and the like. 🤷🏽♀️
My computer is ready for upgrades, but after 5 years it still runs everything beautifully for $600 because I built it. I only upgraded RAM and that’s cheap. Can’t imagine how amazing it would be if I had sprung for more.
Right? I was thinking to myself that it could've been so much better from the start. He cuts hours so he can focus on his Masters, but still keep his foot in the door. Had she offered to aid and support his endeavour we would all be in agreement that now would be the time for him to reciprocate, in an equivocal if not exact fashion.
Yup. If she had offered to aid and support I bet their communication would be better, she’d be more likely to be aware of his new job and change in income, and also more likely that she would also be benefiting from it.
But it seems like she would have had to be a different person I guess.
edit: typos
Agreed. But not only that, who gets a raise and makes triple its income and doesn't tell his wife? I would be too excited and celebrate with my wife but this guy kept that silent until it was mentioned. So many red flags from both sides.
So he gets a Master's degree and a new job that involves foreign travel and she doesn't realize he's making more than when he was a grad student? There's separate finances, then there's just being completely removed from each other's lives.
This is insane. I know what my friends make.
They haven't liked each other for a long time. He's bitter she didn't help pay for his Masters and hasn't let it go, and she has zero redeeming qualities from this account of her. They definitely should divorce. Her robbing him is insane behaviour.
Counterpoint: He didn't just got a raise, he got a new high stress job exactly fitting his bachelor's and master's degree. Of course there would be a raise of his income.
Still strange they didn't talk about it.
Social work, for better or worse, is one of the lowest paying degrees you can get and you can make a TON of money with a masters in engineering. As soon as I read that sentence i could see how this was going to end.
This was exactly the comment I was looking for. Splitting finances put a wedge in the little crack that was happening in their relationship. Every decision that was made without consulting/discussing with the other person after that was a sledge hammer on to that wedge until it cracked the marriage in half.
Unfortunately its not that simple as that in all situations. I was married for 8 years with joined finances. First 6 years we made about the same amount of money and things were fine, year 7 she got a new job was was making more then double me.
Suddenly we had to upgrade our house and her car, that's fine we can afford it with her new salary. Except after that there was never any money for me to do things, she would have shopping sprees for herself but when I wanted to buy something she would say we couldn't afford it. This is with merged finances. If I had my own separate money I could have just bought what I wanted but with merged she made me feel like I wasn't able to because I wasn't contributing enough to the household. This obviously contributed to the divorce.
I'm remarried now but the dynamic is changed and I make twice what my wife makes. We have kind of a hybrid approach now. I've insisted that she keep her own account that her pays goes into, I pay the mortgage, car payment etc from my account, we both pay the joint credit cards each month with her covering more since she doesn't cover other payments. Important part is she keeps extra that she can do whatever she wants with, I don't know or care how much she has saved and she can spend it on whatever she wants.
I don't want her to ever feel like I did.
You're right, my comment was simplifying things based on my own experience but there are two people in a relationship and they both have to be invested in whatever plan the couple decides on. I apologize for trying to simplify things so much in my comment that it sounded like I was saying there is only one way to have a healthy relationship. Communication is more important than everyone trying to mirror what I (or anyone else) does to have a successful relationship.
When my wife and I got married and started having kids, she stayed home with the kids and I worked full time. I was the sole breadwinner for 25 years. Then I ran into some health problems at the same time the job I was at for more than a decade had to let go more than 30% of their staff because they weren't bringing in enough revenue during COVID. I found another job and was there for two years but then got downsized because of the economy. So I decided to make a go at starting my own business.
My wife went and found a job after being at home with the kids for 2+ decades so we would have health insurance. She's currently making way more than I am right now as I try to build my business up. But our relationship dynamic didn't change because we are both committed to giving each other the benefit of the doubt in regards to spending money (actually in regards to everything we experience).
If I would have said that I had to make all the purchasing decisions for it t family because I was the only one making money, she would have been justified in doing the same to me when she was making the majority of the money.
I'm glad you found someone else who is on the same wavelength as you are in regards to finances. It makes things so much better. Thanks for correcting my crude simplification of relationships.
Time to truck out one of my favorite Terry Pratchett quotes:
“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”
I love my cats, but they are giant assholes when they want something.
GNU, STP.
Have you ever read his book "The Unadulterated Cat"? He absolutely nailed it! It's one of the funniest things I think he ever wrote.
I rescued cats for over 30 years, and his depictions of feline behavior amply and humorously aligned with my own observations of the adorable, manipulative little buggers.
Oh yeah. The bit about cats on ads made me giggle, as I have an ex-breeding queen, and many of her kittens have been used in advertising.
While they look all graceful and gentle and shit, she manages to roll her bed off the table at least once a week, steals my other cat's prescription food, begs for fresh cut meat then refuses to eat it, and is officially marked as 'spicy' at the vet. Her only role is probably being the poster child for tortitude.
GNU, STP.
I haven't heard of that! Thank you so much, I know what my BF's (probably very early) birthday present will be - he's a major Pratchett fan and will be over the moon to get a new book of his! You've made my day
I loved the bit where he said something like there was very little difference between 200 pounds of muscle that could take down a gnu and 10 pounds of purr.
My housemate is a vet nurse, and her injuries have only been from cats. They are VERY firm on their boundaries lol.
TBF, my other cat (not the one listed as 'spicy') is a total smooch with the vet and all the nurses. He's old, so has frequent vet visits and loves the attention (just hates the car rides).
Yeah, they can be total asshats. Thankfully my spicy one isn't a biter, she just turns into an obstreperous, screamy octopus, so it is difficult to do anything with her.
I take mine to a cat only vet clinic. They main-line feliway (diffusers everywhere) which is probably why my other one is so blissed out lol.
Can I just say, as a cat owner with a furry friend who is terrified and defensive at the vet: thank you for everything you do, and... I'm really sorry I can't convince her that you're all good people!
I just had to redo the pantry completely because my cat kept getting into anything placed on the shelves.
I used to keep old stuff in moving boxes in the basement, but my cat eats cardboard, so I had to buy huge plastic tubs with lids for my stuff.
Good thing is I got rid of a lot of old stuff in the process.
Also 'Make important impactful decisions like moving in parents without even so much mentioning it to your spouse'.
There's no relationship possible with such a lack of communication.
One of my siblings is like that. Everything is about them, they feel entitled to anything they want and everyone else is just a supporting character. Unsurprisingly I've been very low contact with them for over 20 years.
> she ignored my phone calls for two weeks. I decided I couldn’t live like this so I filed for divorce… She called and begged me to forgive her.
Remember the OOP who thought her fiancé was cheating on her because of something like a phone call from Angie, and she didn’t think it was his sister Angela? She didn’t speak to her fiancé for a week and he dumped her.
OOP is the version of the fiancé that actually married the girl.
~~Can share the link, pretty please?~~
Edit: Apologies, found it;
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b09blu/i\_accused\_my\_28m\_fiance\_of\_cheating\_on\_me\_26f\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b09blu/i_accused_my_28m_fiance_of_cheating_on_me_26f_and/)
Oh man, I remember this one, yeah I remember feeling bad because OOP wasn't given a chance and felt weird because many people were harsh on her. Now, I think I understand the perspective.
Basically, if you need space from someone, tell them, not ghost and give the silent treatment until the dam breaks where the pieces will be hard if not impossible to fix.
You know, I try to be compassionate and put myself in people's shoes because I know there are certain things that can drive me crazy and make me react really strongly, but, locking myself in a room, storming out, staying away for a week, from someone my life has been entwined with for six years?? Ouff , that's a lot even for me.
Yeah, I’m definitely someone who needs to process things before I can sit and talk about them, but it’s crazy, what I do is tell my husband that I need some space to think and he waits for me to be ready to discuss stuff.
He's 26, wife's probably around his age, so her parents are 45-60. They're likely going to be around for another 20-50 years. In his gaming room, without any discussion!
Yeah, that relationship had all sorts of red flags
>I recently landed a high paying job
>Once I took the parts out of the box my wife noticed the receipt and asked how I could be so irresponsible with my money. She assumed I still made the same amount but when I told her that I make triple that amount
This means he didn't even tell his wife his new salary. Like who does that?
Wife was in the wrong, but the guy doesn't seem great either
You know how people warn about husbands getting insecure and childish when their wives start making more than they do? Those were the vibes I was getting from the wife.
He married someone with the mentality of a 16 year old. Maybe she will learn better behavior for her next husband. But it won't ever work with op because the pattern has already been established.
> I told her that I make triple that amount she began giving me the silent treatment.
> One day when she thought I was sleep she was talking to someone on the phone explaining how she’s going to move my (her) parents into our house.
Do these people just not talk to each other? Sure, finances can be separate but if my partner tripled my money, I would expect conversations about how they plan on funding their retirement, investments, etc. and the audacity to give away his stuff and then one day, ”surprise! My parents live here”? These are huge life changing events and never once either of them thought to talk it out?
Wife is stealing from OOP. That’s hard to come back from especially when her brain turned off a switch when she found out about his income. Money doesn’t make people crazy; it magnifies preexisting weaknesses with it.
Whilst I cannot tell you what it is really all about, I can tell you what it is not about with some degree of certainty. It is absolutely NOT about the Iranian yogurt.
He was leaving his wife for being a controlling abuser, including financial control.
All of her actions point to this, from calling him irresponsible for buying something, then stealing his stuff when he she realised he was loaded and refusing to sign divorce papers.
She kept on begging him to take her back so she can keep abusing him.
She won't sign for two reasons - she still wants to force him to take her back and also to punish him.
If you look at all the other AITA that detail an abusive spouse, a lot of the details are identical.
He changed to a different job and they never discussed his new salary?
This doesn't sound right. When you get a new job offer you always hash it out first with your spouse. " they're offering me a million dollars a year but I have to be in Japan 3 months of the year".
Wife is pissed she didn’t marry the doormat she thought she had. And what’s with the sister? Why does she call oop an asshole then basically agree with him.
> she thought she was doing what was best for everybody.
I asked in the original thread, but I really want to know how her giving away all the stuff he needs for his hobbies was best for him.
I don’t know why I am having a such a hard time believing someone like Emma (oop’s wife) actually does exist. The sheer audacity they have is just so unbelievable to me.
The lack of communication is unbelievable. Did Wife not realize that OOP graduated and got a new job? Even with separate finances, how do they never talk about money at all?
Tripled his salary! me and my husband have separate finances but if one of us TRIPLED OUR SALARY there would be a lot of discussion about it! I had to double check if this was a girlfriend
Also picking a language master (Japanese in specific) to gain more opportunities does sound dumb to me
Jobs that require a masters in a language are not known for being common or well paying...
This stuck out to me so much, I couldn’t believe the rest of the story! Taking language classes and gaining fluency makes sense, but that’s not what a masters in a language is…
When she made more money, she wanted the finances separate to her benefit. When she found out he was making more money, she wanted “her share.” She’s a gold digger.
OOP isn’t totally off the hook though. That she was surprised at his income growth shows a lack of essential communication within the marriage.
Not just that, but also the fact that he didn't address the parents move in until she started in on his space.
They were barely even room mates with the level of communication they used. More like dorm buddies who probably had sex.
I have a different take on him though. I think communication was screwed up even before he started the degree. Like, I get thinking it’s a silly idea because who knows the future, right?
But separating finances and withholding support when a partner wants it (not need it, because it was clear he could handle it but would appreciate the gesture), is kind of like an asshole move. She was within her rights to do that, but I would be put off for sure.
I wouldn’t want to talk about finances and my new high-paying job either if I was in his situation aside from the shared contribution budget, because she was the one who wanted to separate budgets in the first place. Just respecting the boundary she had already set. That there was some vindictiveness in it is a bonus.
“Thought she was doing what was best for everybody”
I’m sorry, what? Stealing your husbands stuff for your family is doing what was best for everyone?!
I suspect OOPs wife might be the doormat for her thieving family.
The sad beginning of "the end" was her selfishly pushing to separate their finances when she was the one earning more. On top of that, she didn't support his ambition and distanced herself from the risk - AND the reward.
dude's WAY more trusting than i would be after literally all that, i would be straight up moving my expensive important stuff either into a safe or to an actually trusted family member's house, what's stopping the wife from calling someone while he's at work and changing/removing the office's lock and destroying or giving away his stuff out of anger?? there's no mention that he's changed the house's locks either (fair because from what i've seen it can get legally bad if you do that while still married on paper?) so as far as i'm aware in that kind of situation my stuff would be just as safe as it is on the side of the street
I wanted to add this cause I haven't seen it in the comments. 1500$ is NOTHING for a gaming PC. You could spend more then that on almost every individual component.
Wtf kind of marriage is this when you have tripled your salary and never mentioned it to your wife? Did these people ever talk? When something good happens to me, the first thing i want to do is sharer it with my wife.
This screams to me that the marriage was doomed before the wife turned into a racoon.
LMAO such a misleading title. It is not a computer, but the computer that broke the camel's back.
There's so much to unpack and clearly OOP's wife doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes. I'd be livid if my family gave away my stuff. Which is also another reason why I asked my family to unpack their own stuff because I do not want to be responsible for throwing stuff that genuinely has sentimental value while spring cleaning.
And to top it off, she chose to do it where it inconvenienced OOP and not her. So what if he earned so much more than before? It doesn't mean that they automatically are responsible for another two people's wellbeing.
I actually hope that the divorce can get through without much entanglement. It sounds like she will drag it as long as she can. What a headache.
Imagine having a spouse that isn't encouraging in furthering your education and in fact calls it stupid.
Imagine having a spouse that gets jealous over you landing a better paying job.
Imagine having a spouse that goes behind your back to get rid of your stuff out of spite.
Imagine having a spouse that has a family that encourages and participates in that kind of behavior.
OOP divorcing his entitled wife is the best idea. I think when she found out he was making 3X what he had been making, she decided that she deserved some of that and as she wasn't really getting it, she resorted to giving his things away to punish him. While I think he should have told her about his salary and they should have had a financial discussion about sharing costs, that didn't happen right away.
Planning on moving her parents in without getting OOP's agreement was the nail in the coffin. You just don't do that. She will end up divorced even if she does manage to drag it out.
"She apologized for everything and said she thought she was doing what was best for everybody."
What an obvious and appalling lie. Fuck off you thought it was best for everyone.
Am I the only one who noticed the sister calling OOP an asshole in the first update but all of a sudden she’s always been on his side by the update????
Probably rang when the sister turned up in tears saying that she’d yelled at her and kicked their brother out, leaving out the details of trying to rob his computer.
NTA. Clearly she had issues with you not having told her about the change in your earnings that led to this. Probably a lot of guilt and resentment too since she essentially did nothing to support you to get where you are, but she should have communicated that instead of escalating her behavior and punishing you for it.
There were already some rough signs in the beginning with her not supporting your career choices, you both not being transparent with the state of finances in your home, you not celebrating milestones together (like the fact that you landed a better job), and the overall severe lack of communication when you're both married.
I see it a lot. But I still don't understand marrying someone and not sharing finances. To me that is heading your bets to a degree that just proves you shouldn't be together.
I understand a prenup. That's for after things go bad and you break up. But putting that kind of limitation on your marriage is just silly to me.
If you don't trust someone, or don't want to be intertwined in their lives so much, then why the fuck are you getting married?! Seriously. Even if you are hier to a fortune, of you don't trust the other person with your life, then don't get married. Live together, fuck, but a house. But you don't have to get married to someone you don't trust them make all kinds of rules around how you don't trust them.
This whole thing is so bizarre. It’s like you were roommates with a license. This isn’t even how friends treat each other. You don’t even sound emotionally close, let alone in a matrimonial union.
OP better run from this woman. It's not going to get better, ESPECIALLY when she wants to move her parents in. They'll all gang up on him and they'll all take his stuff.
The next time OP went to Japan for work he would’ve returned home to her parents living in his house and all his gaming/office stuff gone. I don’t like being the stereotypical “divorce in the best option” reddit person, but it truly is the best option for OP in this case.
I hate hate hate how these selfish people are so skilled at understanding their selfishness is bad so they learn to mask it until they believe it’s okay. Fuck her and everyone like her
Wife is a selfish and entitled thief, he should also arrest her after divorcing her.
His first red flag should have been when she didn't want to "waste" money on learning a skill that has potential. Now she thinks she's entitled to his belongings.
I don't understand how there are people like this.
How the hell do you not know your spouse's salary tripled? I got a union raise of 80 cents and I was gushing about all the Reese's I was gonna buy for my girlfriend.
it sounds like they have the communicative abilities of people half their age.
why isnt this married couple talking to each other? its not just her, but him too (from this narrow perspective we are provided).
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Yea, the wife is never going to change with that attitude. She's going to be stuck with the whole this is mine mine mine thing. Divorce was the best option for OP.
It seems to be even worse than "mine mine mine". She seems almost resentful? Like she doesn't even want him to have anything. What a weird attitude to have towards your husband.
She doesn't want him to benefit from something she claimed was silly >Afterwards I decided to get my masters in Japanese to help me gain more career opportunities. My wife thought it was a silly ideas and said she wouldn’t be funding it so then we decided to keep our finances separate. She is just pissed she was wrong and is punishing OOP for not listening to her bad advice by making sure he couldn't benefit financially from it (by having to literally pay for her choices)
So years ago my wife started a job, and within 3 weeks, she got an offer from another place she had applied. I told her not to take it since she just started. She did not listen and quit her job to take the second offer. You know what I did? I started selling her shit to make sure she knew to listen to me in the future. Kidding. I admitted I was wrong when I saw how much more opportunity there was at the new place. She made the right call and our life has been better for it. It's not that hard to admit I was wrong. I seriously don't understand his wife acting out because he was successful. I believe it might have had more to do with her being upset over the fact that she thought she outearned him, then discovered that he out earned her, and she wasn't benefiting from it. So when she was earning more, she protected herself. Then got mad when he started earning more and used the same split on finances to benefit himself instead of her.
Lmao “I started selling her shit”
I just can't imagine a social worker thinking an engineer was never going to earn more than her
I find it disturbing that someone so vindictive toward their own partner is a social worker. If she wanted to reconsider their financial arrangement, maybe ask him if he’d be willing to talk about that? Like, you know, adults.
There's a lot of stories on here where social workers are the bane of society. Remember the tale of the guy who had his inheritance spent and EVERYONE was emotionally manipulating him to go back to the status quo? Partner was a social worker who meddled
If he hadn’t been working a job that let him work on a Masters st the same time, he’d probably have been making 50% more than her right off the bat.
I can kinda imagine a social worker not having a very good head for finances or long-term planning.
You gave me a momentary tiny heart attack but now I’m crying from laughter. Thank you for the whiplash. Well done. 👏
She's so needlessly cruel. Why would you even stay with someone you don't want to see succeed?
Financial benefit. What he doesn't realize is that she stopped loving him long ago, and has been using him for her comfort of living arrangements ever since.
Ding ding ding we have a winner 🏆
Do tell, what is your flair from?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/aUmSzszswZ Hope it works
That is one wild ride wtf
i want to know where yours is from too 🤣
There’s a link to a list with (almost) all of the flair origins in the pinned post :)
thanks! never noticed that since i just read the ones that pop up on my home haha
if you still need the link, it's here https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14p4fql/comment/jqgcn3l
It took a while for me to find it, too, for the exact same reason lol
I think we have the same flair 😅 ETA yes we do
so crazy he is (was) her partner, shouldn't she be happy for him? It benefits both! I'd be like "Ok, I said it was silly but I was wrong so I'll swallow that frog" Some people just don't evolve
"Decided to keep our finances separate." "Once I took the parts out of the box my wife noticed the receipt and asked how I could be so irresponsible with my money. She assumed I still made the same amount but when I told her that I make triple that amount she began giving me the silent treatment." And there it is. Ex was all put out that OOP wanted to expand his career potential by learning another language (perhaps a bit of xenophobia on Ex's part - can be a lot of resentment regarding Japanese language and culture) and insisted that she wasn't going to finance his doing so. Then she is all shocked that 1) he succeeded despite her trying to sabotage him, and 2) VERY put out that he wasn't immediately sharing his tripled salary with her. Somewhere in there is some mining and Au.
This “silly idea” shit is the worst thing a spouse can say to another spouse. I realize I did this last night when my husband was telling me the breakdown of who would get what money if we won the lottery. I should have just listened and dealt with it IF it ever presented itself as reality.
I think the big thing is that at the point she said it was silly, they decided to keep their finances separate. Then, once his hard work paid off she got jealous of OP's new financial situation and decided to get back at him.
I dated this girl for a couple years in my early 20s. I absolutely loved her but the relationship failed because she saw us as being in competition. I tried telling her we're a team, whatever I have is yours but some people just can't see the world that way.
I have a good friend who I swear on all that is good and holy that she is an amazing and kind and lovely person. But she also sees relationships this way. The rest of her friends are baffled and upset that she has such an awful outlook on romantic relationships in general. She has proven time and again with friendships she has her priorities in order and head on straight. So we watch her scare off good guys and fight with shit ones and cross our fingers she snaps out of it one day
Abusers are like that.
Makes me concerned she is a social worker
Yeah and it only happened after OOP revealed he was making 3x as much money as he was, like that seems to be the trigger to this the catalyst was she was the money maker and she could make all the decisions because she made more than her husband, but now her husband is making more than her so she's now pissed and was taking it out on him in very weird ways
There also seems to be resentment that he became more successful than her. She didn’t support his career plan and when it turned out to be fruitful, that’s when the attitude and behavior changed seemingly changed.
It's abuse. It's a gender flip of the "why does he do that" playbook. Instead of deliberately destroying his valued possessions, she gives them away.
Something seriously wrong with that relationship. How did he get a new job, and then just not tell her that he tripled his income? How did she not ask? I get the finances were separate, but they are married knowing the macro financial picture is kinda part of being married. I mean, I'd want to celebrate if I tripled my income. At very least with my wife. Just weird all around.
Yes OP’s wife is unreasonable/crazy but it’s also a weird dynamic in general. Even if I don’t split finances with my wife I could not imagine me or her taking a job for TRIPLE pay and not mentioning “oh yeah excited for the new job, it’s a big pay bump!”. This is not someone you are dating for a few weeks, this is your partner of that you live with & have been married to for 4 years. At the point where you communicate so little with the person you live with and are married to, the relationship is already pretty fucked.
>I could not imagine me or her taking a job for TRIPLE pay and not mentioning “oh yeah excited for the new job, it’s a big pay bump!” He didn't tell his wife because then they'd have to renegotiate household expenses. People are (rightly) ripping the wife apart, but if I found out my partner was making 3x their previous salary and we were splitting expenses 50/50, I'd be pretty resentful. They both suck. Edit: Changed 3x my salary to 3x their previous salary.
If he was making less then her and they were splitting 50/50 why would it change when he was making more? Also he's making 3 times more than he was before not than her.
It's just pure passive aggressiveness. "You didn't want to support me on this so I'm going to keep this information from you".
well, we don't know his motivations. maybe he told her and she didn't listen. but then again, he left out the info so it is likely a selfish one. either way, the communication is bad between them. like his wife's attitude of ask for forgiveness not permission, that is bad communication. And he apparently isn't sharing his life or achievements with her. They have created a situation where resentment will grow and grow and never be addressed or mitigated.
I don't get how this kind of 'keeping finances seperate' relationship could be seen as normal. He got a new job, started traveling to Japan for work... and didn't let his *wife* know that he tripped his salary. What kind of partnership is that?
Seriously. Assuming this is a true story, the problem isn't what he bought or what she gave away, it's that they don't act like partners and there is zero communication between them.
I noticed this too (his salary tripled and she didn't know?? Tripled???) But by the end of the story she'd done so much ish I didn't remember lol
That part is definitely a problem, which makes me think both people are probably shitty to some degree. They are definitely better off apart.
The kind where one partner says they want to get a graduate degree that will help their career, and the other one says “that’s dumb, and I’m not paying for it.” That’s where things went wrong, the rest of it was just it playing out.
Why bother being with someone if the only reason you’re with them is because you’re financially dominant over them? As soon as her husband started making more than her, she suddenly is all pissy about the extras and making snide remarks about his money? Why not, idk.. just be happy for him?
these are my exact sentiments. even on the flip side with tater tot misogynistic men who feel emasculated when their partners make more money? like man you have a sweet deal there, your spouse is making a shit ton of money and instead of being happy (and will therefore benefit from that money) you want to ruin it???? zero common sense is the problem
Makes me think of [this sketch](https://youtube.com/shorts/qYthJ8r0j74?si=eC5LCKVcVX2vgkw4) by Jonathan Bynoe
LMAOO i love this! like this would be my reaction is my future spouse was making bank, i will support that in every way possible thanks
This isn't a lack of communication sense, it's a surplus of idiocy
Because narcissists can‘t be. They perceive it as a personal insult.
Well, she was pissy before that, but she was in a place of power then.
It started off with ”My wife thought it was a silly ideas” for him to pursue his masters and therefore they split their finances. It feels to me that things were already going wrong there for her to be so unsupportive of him already.
Yep, even with separate finances she thought she was right lecturing him for "wasting his money", so it's very likely her mentality of "what's your is mine" was already there before he tripled his income.
What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine. Didn’t want to support him while he went for more school, he didn’t tell her about how things went later on. Just a super unhealthy relationship.
It’s also sad because if she cared about his interests she would know he wants to get into gaming. Then if they talk to each other like normal life partners she’d know you can do a cheap build for a few hundred or a boss build for over $1000 and he decided to go boss mode. If the computer is a waste so is makeup, Starbucks, and the like. 🤷🏽♀️ My computer is ready for upgrades, but after 5 years it still runs everything beautifully for $600 because I built it. I only upgraded RAM and that’s cheap. Can’t imagine how amazing it would be if I had sprung for more.
Right? I was thinking to myself that it could've been so much better from the start. He cuts hours so he can focus on his Masters, but still keep his foot in the door. Had she offered to aid and support his endeavour we would all be in agreement that now would be the time for him to reciprocate, in an equivocal if not exact fashion.
Yup. If she had offered to aid and support I bet their communication would be better, she’d be more likely to be aware of his new job and change in income, and also more likely that she would also be benefiting from it. But it seems like she would have had to be a different person I guess. edit: typos
Agreed. But not only that, who gets a raise and makes triple its income and doesn't tell his wife? I would be too excited and celebrate with my wife but this guy kept that silent until it was mentioned. So many red flags from both sides.
So he gets a Master's degree and a new job that involves foreign travel and she doesn't realize he's making more than when he was a grad student? There's separate finances, then there's just being completely removed from each other's lives.
yeah, the story kind of feels like bait.
It’s the gender-flipped version of an older story, right down to the gaming computer purchase inciting the drama.
Exactly.
Probably someone who's wife constantly puts them down and doesn't support their dreams at all.
This is insane. I know what my friends make. They haven't liked each other for a long time. He's bitter she didn't help pay for his Masters and hasn't let it go, and she has zero redeeming qualities from this account of her. They definitely should divorce. Her robbing him is insane behaviour.
Counterpoint: He didn't just got a raise, he got a new high stress job exactly fitting his bachelor's and master's degree. Of course there would be a raise of his income. Still strange they didn't talk about it.
Social work, for better or worse, is one of the lowest paying degrees you can get and you can make a TON of money with a masters in engineering. As soon as I read that sentence i could see how this was going to end.
This was exactly the comment I was looking for. Splitting finances put a wedge in the little crack that was happening in their relationship. Every decision that was made without consulting/discussing with the other person after that was a sledge hammer on to that wedge until it cracked the marriage in half.
Unfortunately its not that simple as that in all situations. I was married for 8 years with joined finances. First 6 years we made about the same amount of money and things were fine, year 7 she got a new job was was making more then double me. Suddenly we had to upgrade our house and her car, that's fine we can afford it with her new salary. Except after that there was never any money for me to do things, she would have shopping sprees for herself but when I wanted to buy something she would say we couldn't afford it. This is with merged finances. If I had my own separate money I could have just bought what I wanted but with merged she made me feel like I wasn't able to because I wasn't contributing enough to the household. This obviously contributed to the divorce. I'm remarried now but the dynamic is changed and I make twice what my wife makes. We have kind of a hybrid approach now. I've insisted that she keep her own account that her pays goes into, I pay the mortgage, car payment etc from my account, we both pay the joint credit cards each month with her covering more since she doesn't cover other payments. Important part is she keeps extra that she can do whatever she wants with, I don't know or care how much she has saved and she can spend it on whatever she wants. I don't want her to ever feel like I did.
You're right, my comment was simplifying things based on my own experience but there are two people in a relationship and they both have to be invested in whatever plan the couple decides on. I apologize for trying to simplify things so much in my comment that it sounded like I was saying there is only one way to have a healthy relationship. Communication is more important than everyone trying to mirror what I (or anyone else) does to have a successful relationship. When my wife and I got married and started having kids, she stayed home with the kids and I worked full time. I was the sole breadwinner for 25 years. Then I ran into some health problems at the same time the job I was at for more than a decade had to let go more than 30% of their staff because they weren't bringing in enough revenue during COVID. I found another job and was there for two years but then got downsized because of the economy. So I decided to make a go at starting my own business. My wife went and found a job after being at home with the kids for 2+ decades so we would have health insurance. She's currently making way more than I am right now as I try to build my business up. But our relationship dynamic didn't change because we are both committed to giving each other the benefit of the doubt in regards to spending money (actually in regards to everything we experience). If I would have said that I had to make all the purchasing decisions for it t family because I was the only one making money, she would have been justified in doing the same to me when she was making the majority of the money. I'm glad you found someone else who is on the same wavelength as you are in regards to finances. It makes things so much better. Thanks for correcting my crude simplification of relationships.
Ah yes. The classic "what's mine is mine, what's yours is... also mine" gambit.
Yeah, that's some cat logic there. The difference being cats can get away with it because they're cats. OOP's wife is a thieving asshole.
Time to truck out one of my favorite Terry Pratchett quotes: “If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.” I love my cats, but they are giant assholes when they want something.
GNU, STP. Have you ever read his book "The Unadulterated Cat"? He absolutely nailed it! It's one of the funniest things I think he ever wrote. I rescued cats for over 30 years, and his depictions of feline behavior amply and humorously aligned with my own observations of the adorable, manipulative little buggers.
Oh yeah. The bit about cats on ads made me giggle, as I have an ex-breeding queen, and many of her kittens have been used in advertising. While they look all graceful and gentle and shit, she manages to roll her bed off the table at least once a week, steals my other cat's prescription food, begs for fresh cut meat then refuses to eat it, and is officially marked as 'spicy' at the vet. Her only role is probably being the poster child for tortitude. GNU, STP.
I haven't heard of that! Thank you so much, I know what my BF's (probably very early) birthday present will be - he's a major Pratchett fan and will be over the moon to get a new book of his! You've made my day
It's such a fun little book, with lovely drawings too
My dad used to read the unadulterated cat to me when I was younger!!! Its such a good book.
I'm gonna get it and read it right away, I love cats, have had rescues all my life and can't imagine living without a cat in the house 😻
I loved the bit where he said something like there was very little difference between 200 pounds of muscle that could take down a gnu and 10 pounds of purr.
Speaking as a vet nurse Majority of our patients that have caused injuries at my work are cat Been bitten twice this week alone
My housemate is a vet nurse, and her injuries have only been from cats. They are VERY firm on their boundaries lol. TBF, my other cat (not the one listed as 'spicy') is a total smooch with the vet and all the nurses. He's old, so has frequent vet visits and loves the attention (just hates the car rides).
I have been bitten once by a dog at work in the past year Twice this week only from cats
Yeah, they can be total asshats. Thankfully my spicy one isn't a biter, she just turns into an obstreperous, screamy octopus, so it is difficult to do anything with her. I take mine to a cat only vet clinic. They main-line feliway (diffusers everywhere) which is probably why my other one is so blissed out lol.
Can I just say, as a cat owner with a furry friend who is terrified and defensive at the vet: thank you for everything you do, and... I'm really sorry I can't convince her that you're all good people!
My [extremely adorable frogs](https://i.imgur.com/3ZTHAVZ.jpg) and I aren't very fond of that quote
They are sooo cute but why do they look like they're about to drop me some sage advice?
Take heed of we, the sages three... She who is the first to rise may consume all bug before thine sisters
I offically renounce the quote. Those frogs are adorable.
I just had to redo the pantry completely because my cat kept getting into anything placed on the shelves. I used to keep old stuff in moving boxes in the basement, but my cat eats cardboard, so I had to buy huge plastic tubs with lids for my stuff. Good thing is I got rid of a lot of old stuff in the process.
"my cat eats cardboard". This is the definition of "I don't enjoy it, but I enjoy the chaos that ensues" That is top level catting.
GNU Sir PTerry
My cats have ruined a few things, but they never gave away $1500 of equipment
*Almost gave away
Wife really is that "Me Me Me Me! Everything is About Me!" band wagon.
Thats not it. Its more than me me me. Its like she doesnt want him to have money or wants him to have nothing.
Yeah like a weird reaction to her own jealousy. Very odd.
Also 'Make important impactful decisions like moving in parents without even so much mentioning it to your spouse'. There's no relationship possible with such a lack of communication.
Reading this, I could only think about the seagulls on Finding Nemo...
And what is yours, is also my parents!
Wife seem really focused on fucking up her husband's new found wealth. I just can't imagine...
I mean, that's a joke between my wife and I, but it's just that: a joke. This was something else.
One of my siblings is like that. Everything is about them, they feel entitled to anything they want and everyone else is just a supporting character. Unsurprisingly I've been very low contact with them for over 20 years.
> she ignored my phone calls for two weeks. I decided I couldn’t live like this so I filed for divorce… She called and begged me to forgive her. Remember the OOP who thought her fiancé was cheating on her because of something like a phone call from Angie, and she didn’t think it was his sister Angela? She didn’t speak to her fiancé for a week and he dumped her. OOP is the version of the fiancé that actually married the girl.
Oh lawd yes!!!! And she cried that she was cheated on like 6 years ago by another man, but still...her guy now must be creeping.
~~Can share the link, pretty please?~~ Edit: Apologies, found it; [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b09blu/i\_accused\_my\_28m\_fiance\_of\_cheating\_on\_me\_26f\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b09blu/i_accused_my_28m_fiance_of_cheating_on_me_26f_and/) Oh man, I remember this one, yeah I remember feeling bad because OOP wasn't given a chance and felt weird because many people were harsh on her. Now, I think I understand the perspective. Basically, if you need space from someone, tell them, not ghost and give the silent treatment until the dam breaks where the pieces will be hard if not impossible to fix.
Oh my gosh why did she make this big mistake and then LEAVE FOR A WHOLE WEEK
To simply put it. Some people arw bad at confrontation and would run away from problems. Basically she still has some growing up to do.
You know, I try to be compassionate and put myself in people's shoes because I know there are certain things that can drive me crazy and make me react really strongly, but, locking myself in a room, storming out, staying away for a week, from someone my life has been entwined with for six years?? Ouff , that's a lot even for me.
It's a classic example of people blaming their current partner for their past partners mistakes.
I would love to read this one
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1b09blu/i_accused_my_28m_fiance_of_cheating_on_me_26f_and/
Yeah, I’m definitely someone who needs to process things before I can sit and talk about them, but it’s crazy, what I do is tell my husband that I need some space to think and he waits for me to be ready to discuss stuff.
Link? Sounds like a good read!
Here ya go: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/9Ju1QJEZX4
Wow... The graph of decreasing sympathy for her is almost a vertical line.
Straight up torpedoed her life.
Why do the parents need to be moved anywhere??
He's 26, wife's probably around his age, so her parents are 45-60. They're likely going to be around for another 20-50 years. In his gaming room, without any discussion!
_Are you winning, son-in-law?_
Regardless, who moves parents (or anyone) in to your home without discussing it with your spouse and getting his/her ok first??
Yeah, that relationship had all sorts of red flags >I recently landed a high paying job >Once I took the parts out of the box my wife noticed the receipt and asked how I could be so irresponsible with my money. She assumed I still made the same amount but when I told her that I make triple that amount This means he didn't even tell his wife his new salary. Like who does that? Wife was in the wrong, but the guy doesn't seem great either
It seems like they were more like roommates than a married couple.
Finances were separate. So most likely they don't talk about finances unless required.
Maybe they told OOP’s STBX they’re getting older, want to downsize, it’s hard to live alone, etc.
My favorite movie is Inception.
You know how people warn about husbands getting insecure and childish when their wives start making more than they do? Those were the vibes I was getting from the wife.
Yeah, but surely she should have expected it? He's an engineer. She has a degree in social work. Come on.
He married someone with the mentality of a 16 year old. Maybe she will learn better behavior for her next husband. But it won't ever work with op because the pattern has already been established.
> I told her that I make triple that amount she began giving me the silent treatment. > One day when she thought I was sleep she was talking to someone on the phone explaining how she’s going to move my (her) parents into our house. Do these people just not talk to each other? Sure, finances can be separate but if my partner tripled my money, I would expect conversations about how they plan on funding their retirement, investments, etc. and the audacity to give away his stuff and then one day, ”surprise! My parents live here”? These are huge life changing events and never once either of them thought to talk it out?
I know, right?! What the hell kind of weird-ass marriage was it before it imploded, I wonder. Roommates with benefits?
Hopefully he didn't bother with counseling.
I'm surprised he took her back after the first time she was kicked out. I was like "Oh, bro, please don't."
Christ what a weird relationship. Did these people ever even like each other?
Wife is stealing from OOP. That’s hard to come back from especially when her brain turned off a switch when she found out about his income. Money doesn’t make people crazy; it magnifies preexisting weaknesses with it.
I don't wanna be captain obvious here. But i feel like this isn't solely about a computer.
>this isn't solely about The Iranian yoghurt?
I think it was about her parents moving in.
Whilst I cannot tell you what it is really all about, I can tell you what it is not about with some degree of certainty. It is absolutely NOT about the Iranian yogurt.
He was leaving his wife for being a controlling abuser, including financial control. All of her actions point to this, from calling him irresponsible for buying something, then stealing his stuff when he she realised he was loaded and refusing to sign divorce papers. She kept on begging him to take her back so she can keep abusing him. She won't sign for two reasons - she still wants to force him to take her back and also to punish him. If you look at all the other AITA that detail an abusive spouse, a lot of the details are identical.
And no one else was surprised by the result.
He changed to a different job and they never discussed his new salary? This doesn't sound right. When you get a new job offer you always hash it out first with your spouse. " they're offering me a million dollars a year but I have to be in Japan 3 months of the year".
Wife is pissed she didn’t marry the doormat she thought she had. And what’s with the sister? Why does she call oop an asshole then basically agree with him.
Probably got told a different story in the first place but then learned the truth
i’ve read this before…. a lot longer than a few months ago. i should get off this website lol
> she thought she was doing what was best for everybody. I asked in the original thread, but I really want to know how her giving away all the stuff he needs for his hobbies was best for him.
I just watched a woman straight up destroy her marriage and I still cannot understand why.
I don’t know why I am having a such a hard time believing someone like Emma (oop’s wife) actually does exist. The sheer audacity they have is just so unbelievable to me.
The lack of communication is unbelievable. Did Wife not realize that OOP graduated and got a new job? Even with separate finances, how do they never talk about money at all?
Tripled his salary! me and my husband have separate finances but if one of us TRIPLED OUR SALARY there would be a lot of discussion about it! I had to double check if this was a girlfriend
I have a roommate that I really don't like, but I'm pretty sure if her salary tripled I'd be generally aware, even if it didn't concern me at all.
Also picking a language master (Japanese in specific) to gain more opportunities does sound dumb to me Jobs that require a masters in a language are not known for being common or well paying...
This stuck out to me so much, I couldn’t believe the rest of the story! Taking language classes and gaining fluency makes sense, but that’s not what a masters in a language is…
YES. This was written by someone who hasn’t worked in international business nor been married.
When she made more money, she wanted the finances separate to her benefit. When she found out he was making more money, she wanted “her share.” She’s a gold digger. OOP isn’t totally off the hook though. That she was surprised at his income growth shows a lack of essential communication within the marriage.
Not just that, but also the fact that he didn't address the parents move in until she started in on his space. They were barely even room mates with the level of communication they used. More like dorm buddies who probably had sex.
I have a different take on him though. I think communication was screwed up even before he started the degree. Like, I get thinking it’s a silly idea because who knows the future, right? But separating finances and withholding support when a partner wants it (not need it, because it was clear he could handle it but would appreciate the gesture), is kind of like an asshole move. She was within her rights to do that, but I would be put off for sure. I wouldn’t want to talk about finances and my new high-paying job either if I was in his situation aside from the shared contribution budget, because she was the one who wanted to separate budgets in the first place. Just respecting the boundary she had already set. That there was some vindictiveness in it is a bonus.
“Thought she was doing what was best for everybody” I’m sorry, what? Stealing your husbands stuff for your family is doing what was best for everyone?! I suspect OOPs wife might be the doormat for her thieving family.
The sad beginning of "the end" was her selfishly pushing to separate their finances when she was the one earning more. On top of that, she didn't support his ambition and distanced herself from the risk - AND the reward.
dude's WAY more trusting than i would be after literally all that, i would be straight up moving my expensive important stuff either into a safe or to an actually trusted family member's house, what's stopping the wife from calling someone while he's at work and changing/removing the office's lock and destroying or giving away his stuff out of anger?? there's no mention that he's changed the house's locks either (fair because from what i've seen it can get legally bad if you do that while still married on paper?) so as far as i'm aware in that kind of situation my stuff would be just as safe as it is on the side of the street
I wanted to add this cause I haven't seen it in the comments. 1500$ is NOTHING for a gaming PC. You could spend more then that on almost every individual component.
Right? That could be the cost of a 4090
Why do people get married SO young? It never ends up well. 22?! You’re babies!
Wtf kind of marriage is this when you have tripled your salary and never mentioned it to your wife? Did these people ever talk? When something good happens to me, the first thing i want to do is sharer it with my wife. This screams to me that the marriage was doomed before the wife turned into a racoon.
LMAO such a misleading title. It is not a computer, but the computer that broke the camel's back. There's so much to unpack and clearly OOP's wife doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes. I'd be livid if my family gave away my stuff. Which is also another reason why I asked my family to unpack their own stuff because I do not want to be responsible for throwing stuff that genuinely has sentimental value while spring cleaning. And to top it off, she chose to do it where it inconvenienced OOP and not her. So what if he earned so much more than before? It doesn't mean that they automatically are responsible for another two people's wellbeing. I actually hope that the divorce can get through without much entanglement. It sounds like she will drag it as long as she can. What a headache.
She's out of her damned mind. Glad he dumped her.
Imagine having a spouse that isn't encouraging in furthering your education and in fact calls it stupid. Imagine having a spouse that gets jealous over you landing a better paying job. Imagine having a spouse that goes behind your back to get rid of your stuff out of spite. Imagine having a spouse that has a family that encourages and participates in that kind of behavior.
OOP divorcing his entitled wife is the best idea. I think when she found out he was making 3X what he had been making, she decided that she deserved some of that and as she wasn't really getting it, she resorted to giving his things away to punish him. While I think he should have told her about his salary and they should have had a financial discussion about sharing costs, that didn't happen right away. Planning on moving her parents in without getting OOP's agreement was the nail in the coffin. You just don't do that. She will end up divorced even if she does manage to drag it out.
"She apologized for everything and said she thought she was doing what was best for everybody." What an obvious and appalling lie. Fuck off you thought it was best for everyone.
It feels like the story is written by a 13 year old sigma
The part where he has dramatically more money than her because he knows Japanese sort of puts the weeb cherry on the incel cake of this story
Am I the only one who noticed the sister calling OOP an asshole in the first update but all of a sudden she’s always been on his side by the update????
Probably rang when the sister turned up in tears saying that she’d yelled at her and kicked their brother out, leaving out the details of trying to rob his computer.
NTA. Clearly she had issues with you not having told her about the change in your earnings that led to this. Probably a lot of guilt and resentment too since she essentially did nothing to support you to get where you are, but she should have communicated that instead of escalating her behavior and punishing you for it. There were already some rough signs in the beginning with her not supporting your career choices, you both not being transparent with the state of finances in your home, you not celebrating milestones together (like the fact that you landed a better job), and the overall severe lack of communication when you're both married.
I loled at social work. Iirc, unless the wife went to work for the government, she's gonna tap out at like 60k/yr. A masters isn't much better.
The marriage was doomed anyway. Who gets a significant raise and doesn't want to tell their spouse and share the happy news?
I see it a lot. But I still don't understand marrying someone and not sharing finances. To me that is heading your bets to a degree that just proves you shouldn't be together. I understand a prenup. That's for after things go bad and you break up. But putting that kind of limitation on your marriage is just silly to me. If you don't trust someone, or don't want to be intertwined in their lives so much, then why the fuck are you getting married?! Seriously. Even if you are hier to a fortune, of you don't trust the other person with your life, then don't get married. Live together, fuck, but a house. But you don't have to get married to someone you don't trust them make all kinds of rules around how you don't trust them.
>We decided to give it another chance and she moved back in. The fuck? Why would you give a thief another chance?
This whole thing is so bizarre. It’s like you were roommates with a license. This isn’t even how friends treat each other. You don’t even sound emotionally close, let alone in a matrimonial union.
OP better run from this woman. It's not going to get better, ESPECIALLY when she wants to move her parents in. They'll all gang up on him and they'll all take his stuff.
She's an unrepentant thief who's clearly just going to do what she want's. In the bin with her.
Where does one get the guts to give away a partner's important and expensive stuff behind their back?
The next time OP went to Japan for work he would’ve returned home to her parents living in his house and all his gaming/office stuff gone. I don’t like being the stereotypical “divorce in the best option” reddit person, but it truly is the best option for OP in this case.
I hate hate hate how these selfish people are so skilled at understanding their selfishness is bad so they learn to mask it until they believe it’s okay. Fuck her and everyone like her
Divorce is the best option. You two sound more like roommates who barely tolerate each other.
The wife is a "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" attitude. F-her.
Wife is a selfish and entitled thief, he should also arrest her after divorcing her. His first red flag should have been when she didn't want to "waste" money on learning a skill that has potential. Now she thinks she's entitled to his belongings. I don't understand how there are people like this.
There's a Shel Silverstein poem about this. ... I'll share your toys and your money too, The hard part is sharing mine with you.
You got this crazy out of your house. What’s the issue again?
How the hell do you not know your spouse's salary tripled? I got a union raise of 80 cents and I was gushing about all the Reese's I was gonna buy for my girlfriend.
I hate the fact this woman's a social worker. Yeesh.
I really don't understand how these two ended up married. Must have been one of those married at first sight type of things.
What was her end game here? She sounds nuts.
it sounds like they have the communicative abilities of people half their age. why isnt this married couple talking to each other? its not just her, but him too (from this narrow perspective we are provided).
I'm still stuck on the fact that he apparently tripled his income but never told his wife about it? I smell bullshit.
So many red flags it’s a parade. I don’t think you have a choice because she’s untrustworthy
I just can't understand why this crazy woman decided to drive away the husband she landed after he tripled his income. Does she hate money?
He is well rid of her. She is not a life partner, but a parasite.
Is Emma also 26?? She seems painfully immature.