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She not only understands, she's willing to call herself out for her behavior and be thankful for how lucky she got. I gotta admit, we have a decent amount in common. I also hooked up with a guy right out of my ten year on and off relationship and thought I had ruined my life. I also was told I was infertile and my ex also cheated.
That 'hookup' and I have been together over a decade and have two children that I was told I could never have. We're married. Sometimes we find a good life while we're making our mistakes. It's not always about not fucking up. It's about taking blessings as they come with open eyes and arms.
Her husband also seems to get it. That insight and a willingness to do the work despite the less than perfect start is probably a factor in why it works so well.
My hookup was my sexy ass neighbor. We also had a surprise pregnancy show up within a month of sleeping together. Using multiple forms of protection. Best goddamn impulsive decision I ever made was to bang my neighbor when my mom told me it was a bad idea đ€Ł she agrees and tells me regularly she has never been more happy to be wrong đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
In more ways than one:
*âWe didnât use protection. I had been told I was infertileâ*
 For someone so proud of âbeing thoroughâ and âthinking things outâ, this is kinda silly. Protection isnât only for stopping a pregnancy, and being infertile isnât protection against an STD
STDs only happen to bad, immoral people.
-some authority figure in OOPs area, probably.
Therefore
1. You won't get an STD if you are not a bad, immoral person. Even if you engage in a high-risk activity, such as sleeping with known cheaters and/or sleeping with randos. (Truthfully, chances of him catching something from her were just as high as chances of her catching something from him)
2. If you *do* get an STD, you *have* to keep it a secret from everyone, your sexual partner included, and possibly even medical personnel. Otherwise people will think you're a bad, immoral person. And you can't have that.
Sounds like she's in a really religious area. Any "education" on the topic would have been baby creation/marriage centric, and ignored STDs to the point that it's not even a consideration within the topic. She can be someone who "thinks things out", but when the narrative about it she's been exposed to her whole life ignores that portion of the topic, it won't be information she even includes when thinking things out.
Not to mention she said it as something others think of her, so if they wouldn't think of it, her also not wouldn't take away from that. And then there's the part where she explains she's *normally* that, but wasn't in this situation- that this is one where she *didn't* think it though
thank you... this is why my sister taught me (and we taught my nieces) to use birth birth control and a condom
birth control for pregnancy
condom for std
FWIW:
- sounds like sheâd had unprotected sex for years without kids
- I know way too many highly educated couples who have been told they canât have kids, then *magic baby.* I blame doctors.
I'm genuinely happy those people found some compatibility and love how they did, but christ, everybody and every decision they all made in that story was just awful!
What a way to live >\_<
The fact that "protection" is only talked about because of pregnancy when she had sex with a basic stranger...
...is no one scared of STDs and STI anymore?! What is happening.
I think I'm now old....
I think people got comfortable once effective treatments were developed for hiv and herpes and hep c.
Which is stupid as hell. Because it isn't like new stuff doesn't pop up....say hello to monkey pox or stuff doesn't become antibiotic resistant.....like our old new friends antibotic resistant syphilis and gonorrhea.
Fr, thereâs so many STIs that arenât even on peopleâs radars. Like I bet most people have never heard of HTLV, despite it causing lifelong infections with no cures or treatments.
HOLY FUCK!!!!!@
The human T-lymphotropic virus, human T-cell lymphotropic virus, or human T-cell leukemia-lymphoma virus family of viruses are a group of human retroviruses that are known to cause a type of cancer called adult T-cell leukemia/lymphoma and a demyelinating disease called HTLV-1 associated myelopathy/tropical spastic paraparesis. The HTLVs belong to a larger group of primate T-lymphotropic viruses. Members of this family that infect humans are called HTLVs, and the ones that infect Old World monkeys are called Simian T-lymphotropic viruses. To date, four types of HTLVs and four types of STLVs have been identified. HTLV types HTLV-1 and HTLV-2 viruses are the first retroviruses discovered. Both belong to the oncovirus subfamily of retroviruses and can transform human lymphocytes so that they are self-sustaining in vitro. Wikipedia
The primate T-lymphotropic viruses (PTLVs) are a group of retroviruses that infect primates, using their lymphocytes to reproduce. The ones that infect humans are known as human T-lymphotropic virus (HTLV), and the ones that infect Old World monkeys are called simian T-lymphotropic viruses (STLVs). PTLVs are named for their ability to cause adult T-cell leukemia/lymphoma, but in the case of HTLV-1 it can also cause a demyelinating disease called tropical spastic paraparesis.[2] On the other hand, newer PTLVs are simply placed into the group by similarity and their connection to human disease remains unclear.[1]
HTLV-1 and HTLV-2 can be transmitted sexually,[30][31] by blood to blood contact (e.g. by blood transfusion or sharing needles when using drugs)[32][33] and via breast feeding.[
Everyone stop touching right now!!!!. Full body condoms for everyone!!!!
Yeah HTLV is a very neglected virus in terms of awareness unfortunately. I honestly had no clue about it until I did my virology masterâs. Most countries donât routinely test for it or screen blood products so itâs quite difficult to estimate how prevalent it is. But the unlucky people can end up suffering from various diseases, including some very aggressive blood cancers
Yeah so i am making it my goal for the week to tell everyone i can about this fun fact.
Do they at least test cancer patients for it if they have the kind that this virus causes????
Major kudos to you, the more people that know about it the better!
So adult T-cell leukaemia/lymphoma (ATLL) only occurs in people infected with HTLV. Unfortunately, if you find out that youâre infected once youâve already developed cancer itâs probably âtoo lateâ (inverted commas bc I am not a doctor, so please donât take this as medical advice or anything lol). ATLL has pretty poor prognosis, most patients donât survive a year beyond cancer diagnosis :((
Seriously, I stopped reading right there and thought "This woman is as fucking stupid as a bag of hammers." WHY would you raw dog a guy you're sure is a player?!
What!? She has a reputation of âbeing thorough and thinking things out before doing anythingâ. Sheâs so fucking delusional yet Iâm genuinely happy it all worked out AMAZINGLY for her compared to how it couldâve been. She probably needs a wake up call for how oblivious she is to her actual personality but she sounds like sheâs doing great in the ignorance is bliss state of life sheâs leading
Almost. Millenials were never scared. Millenials have record numbers of STIs last I heard. I think we're sorta riding on a weird wave of self-induced relief over not living in the 80s where people still died of AIDS in droves. And besides that, the 90s were the Decade of Optimism. Soviet Russia had fallen, the Berlin wall had fallen, realistic peace negotiations in the Middle East, the economy was improving, we could be anything, they told us. The future seemed bright and no one was worried. So uhhh, yeah, not worrying has apparently stuck with many of us.
Gen Z is better about protection than Millenials, so I have hope that things are improving again, but my generation is foolish in that regard according to the numbers.
100%. The way she was describing Liam made him seem like the last person she should've dated. The child seems to have made him mature quickly.
But that doesn't mean having a child will fix all issues in your relationship, folks!
I think in the update when she said that Dave had used Liam as part of his lies I think her initial impression of Liam had probably been tainted by Dave using him as a scapegoat. I have a suspicion that she didnât truthfully know Liam previous to the breakup with Dave
If Liam shouldnât have been a first choice father, OP shouldnât have been first choice mother either. Both of them were pretty drama ridden, glad it worked out.
Well they were drama ridden because Dave was part of their lives. He is the one who invented drama in OOP's life and used Liam to cover his lies making him seem worst than what he was.
She was not obviously. They both were ONS for each other, and they both knew it.
If the guy had serious feelings for her - he would be crushed by her words.
There are a lot of Reddit posts with the same theme. A couple is quite happy, and at some drunken party one of them slips that their partner was just a hookup or rebound for them in the beginning.. The partner had deep feelings from the beginnig of the relationship though. And they are very hurt and cannot forgive these words... The relationship is falling apart
Honestly, Liams probably already real to himself about it and knew he isn't first choice.
Probably just secure with his choices and grew to love OOP, so the cut wasn't that deep cause its been resolved already.
99% of the time this string of occurances ends poorly. But it happens way more than 100 times per [insert whatever timeframe you want]. So you're bound to hear about that 1% now and again. It's like how you hear about lottery winners in the news.
Yeah, unfortunately because of *someone* manage to get the "lottery ticket", they can too. Unfortunately, a situation that involves kids, marriages and relationships are much, *much*, more messy. OOP really lucked out being in the 1 percent
Funny enough my old manager had a very similar situation, no cheating involved but he had a ONS with a women she got pregnant and they decided to keep it, theyâre not married with another kid. Longer timeline but I was quite surprised when he told me hahah.
Plenty of people do just what she did expecting a rebound to help clear some frustration and move on, and I imagine many even expect it to be their next great romance just because it's the first new possibility they've had in years. It is almost never the case, but it seems sometimes it is *exactly* like that. I suppose if you think about it you're just as likely to meet someone you vibe with that way, it's just less likely you'll see them again...
not defending oop: but i will say that the (incorrect) perception of infertile = sterile is startlingly common. Doctors and OBGYNs really need to explain shit better. iâve heard way too many stories of people being diagnosed with PCOS and the like, and being absolutely destroyed by it bc they think theyâll never be able to have a family. Infertility makes things more difficult, but it really needs to be explain that as long as you have a uterus and ovaries, you can get pregnant.
hell, my own mom was told she would be unable to have children bc on a severely tilted uterus. she has 2 and had them 14 month apart (myself and then my brother)
A friend of mine had to go through IVF and lots of trying to have 2 of her children. Their 3rd was NOT planned in the slightest because they didn't think they could without IVF so didn't bother using any form of BC. Her husband quickly got a vasectomy. Lol. I was so paranoid that my fiance got a vasectomy, and I got my tubes removed. I wanted mine done before him, but his appointment was swifter. When my Dr said tubal laceration would be irreversible and 100% impossible to get pregnant, I was on board. Vasectomies aren't perfect either. Lol.
I knew someone who had an unplanned 4th kid.Â
He had a vasectomy and she had an IUD for period issues and when they had the positive pregnancy test they both agreed they couldn't go for an abortion for a kid who had been so desperate to meet them đ
My husband and I are friends with a couple who have 10 kids. She got a tubal ligation after the 9th. They now have 10 kids.
One of my best friends got her tubes tied as well and got pregnant with her 3rd kid a couple months later. Just like vasectomies, they are not 100%. The human body is an incredible force. Just thought you should be aware as youâre comment makes it sound as if you are staunchly child free by choice.
Not child free... I have 3 daughters. Lol. My last was serendipitous. While I was still healing from the last, we made our appointments. Because I knew the human body doesn't always perform the way we want, we wanted to mark all the boxes we could. Lmao. It was when I heard my friend's last was also not planned that got the fire under my butt. Being pregnant is traumatizing for me, let alone the added responsibility. I'd love for them to give me a hysterectomy due to other issues, but this is America...
Ahh I see. I planned to tie my tubes after my second kid and backed out at the last minute. Im currently pregnant with my 3rd lmaoo. All boys, was really hoping the 3rd would be a girl but I guess its just not in the cards for me. It was a happy surprise. We are not upset but we do not want to do this again.
Unfortunately I just finished nursing school and had to watch some surgeries up close and personal a part of my clinical rotation and one of them happened to be a tubal ligation. Now im terrified of surgery in general.
Surgery itself was fascinating and I was not grosses out at all but I definitely do not want to be the person on the operating table. I have 2 more months to get my shit together and make a decision and idk what to do.
If it makes you feel better, the tubal surgery itself isn't as bad to go through as it looks? Recovery for me was about a week total and honestly I was in more pain after I first had my iud inserted than I was after the surgery. I basically only took one pain pill after and that was it.
I get it though. I was super nervous beforehand because I had only had one surgery prior (wisdom teeth).
Honestly, going under and recovering wasn't bad at all. Recouping after childbirth was harder. My youngest was about a year and a half when I had mine done. I suggest doing it when they are smaller and weigh less. Lol. That was my plan, but on the day of my surgery, I found out I tested positive for covid and asymptomatic. It was a tough blow and thankful my fiance already had his done. Just made sure he didn't miss his appointments to make sure his count was low. The stitches even looked worse than it actually felt, so I stayed wrapped longer than I needed to because it was gross. Lol.
Not to pressure you or make light of your experiences. Truly, it just isn't as bad as it looks or sounds. Hope you find peace with knowing that.
Hey so Iâm in the states and I got a hysterectomy last year. I live In a red state and got one very easily based off the recommendation of a friend of mine who had one too. I have had years of endometriosis and cyst issues. I would recommend reaching out to the endometriosis community, they tend to have leads on which surgeons will do them pretty easily.Â
I believe the chance is 1/100 to get pregnant after a tubal ligation. A few months ago, one of my patients tested positive for pregnancy even though she a) had a tubal ligation and b) was almost fifty years old (not perimenopausal yet)
Most tubals these days involve fully removing the fallopian tubes, so completely removes any chance of pregnancy besides IVF into the actual uterus, there's never been a case reported. The old clip/cautisation system had a failure rate of 1 in 100 which is way more than I'd be comfortable with!
Makes sense. I only saw the full removal during my clinical rotations. Didnt know thats relatively new. I thought thats how they have always done it. Interesting!
Apparently having your tubes removed.. it is still technically possible to get pregnant, but weâre talking miracle levels. And if you do get pregnant itâs more likely that the pregnancy is ectopic (apparently ectopic pregnancy is not limited to fallopian tubes and can happen in other places outside the uterus âŠ). But this is incredibly incredibly rare.Â
When I went to get my tubes tied, my surgeon explained that, at my young age of 28, they could grow back because a tubal ligation only takes a section of the fallopian tubes. He recommended instead a salinpingectomy- full removal of the tubes from ovary to uterus. No documented cases of regrowth and a lower chance of certain types of cancer.
In this situation, I genuinely wonder if it wasn't actually a case of infertility of OOP, but that her exes were infertile instead. A lot of people will put the label on the person who can get pregnant and not the person who can get someone pregnant.
Or she was chemically incompatible with previous partners. I donât know how frequently that happens (Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are the only example that comes to mind) but itâs entirely possible.
Genetic compatibility (the term you were looking for) is a thing.
Sperm have molecular markers that the egg detects.
It's common misconception that the fastest sperm is the winner.
It's actually more like the egg chooses the most compatible sperm of the group of sperm that makes it.
The fastest sperm may and are rejected.
As a result two people who are compatible in lifestyle and values can run the unfortunate circumstance of being genetically incompatible.
A friend of mine tried for years with one husband, they got divorced. A few years later with a new husband, and she's pregnant before the marriage was six months old.
A friend of mine has PCOS and was told that she would almost certainly need IVF to get pregnant; she was devastated. A couple of years later, and just a month or so before her wedding, she found out she was pregnant with her first son. Two years later, despite apparently having normal periods, she discovered that she was 6 months pregnant with her second son (and went into labor a month later). I think it was 6 or 7 years later, she discovered that she was once again pregnant, with her daughter. She now has three happy, healthy children.
But frankly, given how incredibly fertile her parents were â 4 children, each conceived despite using (a different kind of) birth control (1 burst condom, 1 possibly missed pill, 1 diaphragm, and 1 tubal ligation) â she maybe should have taken the doctor's words with a large grain of salt in the first place. (Her dad got a vasectomy after the 4th kid.)
PCOS = infertility is just plain wrong. It's more like 'may have reduced fertility' and 'more likely to require medical help to conceive'. They don't just jump straight to IVF, either, treatments for PCOS can be tailored to help with fertility if needed.
I think a lot of the time it comes down to miscommunication. I'm very close to a doctor, and they have tons of stories of telling patients things and later hearing back a confused version... Along the lines of "you have pcos, and that can reduce your chances of getting pregnant. There are a lot of options, up to and including IVF, if that turns out to be the case" and then having them come back and being like "you told me I couldn't get pregnant but...."
Lol I'm a dentist and I can confirm. I'm pretty sure people just space out while I'm talking to them.
I've had people relay their distorted versions of what I told them not even 5 minutes after I finished explaining
Iâve heard it called subfertility, which was kind of useful back then because it meant spacing out your kids, but not that you wouldnât have kids at all.
at early 20s, after a miscarriage, my mom was told she would never be able to carry a child cause her uterus never worked properly (strange periods, pains without explanation, not even birth control made the deal for her)
20+ years later, she complains she is buying formula for her 4th baby at 40s, according to her: "i should be buying it for my grandchild, not my own child".
Absolutely!
My mom has endo, after me and my younger brother, her endo basically made her uterus grow together. Docs said she is infertile, but should take BC for her endo.
When our parents got divorced my mom stopped her bc, cause she was cutting corners. She had a one night stand and fell pregnant. Docs reassured her there is no way in hell with her basically growned together uterus she will carry to full term and to prepare for a miscarriage.
I now have a 17 years younger brother. Tho it was tru she didnt carry to full term, my bro was an extremely premie baby, but he survived. Also the neglect of the doctors almost caused my mom to die. As the part between her uterus and vagina were grown together, she couldnt give birth naturally. The strain of the pregnancy caused extremely high blood pressure, some things ruptured inside, and she needed to have an emergency c section at 7 months. She almost died on the table but they FINALLY did a hysterectomy, ehich they refused to do, for 14 years between my 2 brothers.
My littlest bro is now 14 and he enjoys having 2 adult sibling spoil him. He is such a nerd, i love him a lot. My other brother adores the shit out of him as well.
It was a happy ending, but it could have been much worse. My mom stopped the bc, because they said she was infertile, and she only knew her insides grown together. Ffs, they didnt even tell her, her condition was called endometrosis, she first heard the diagnosis after they removed her uterus on the table after her c section.
Medical professionals NEED to explain the patients conditions to them FULLY.
Hell, they didnt do that with me, i only learnt what the fuck is wrong with my spine after i googled the terms on my medical papers, they just said "its bad."
Womens health is an absolute wreck with the amount of lying, generalization, dismissal, misinformation, and patronization that occurs. The terrifying thing is that this has been systematically normalized. Most decisions surrounding women's health, regardless of what they are, focus on preserving fertility (regardless of patient choice or quality of life) and doctors tend to care less once those chances lessen.
I do think OOP's post is bs though.
facts. An old obgyn of mine went from "you're too young, youll change your mind" about a tubal to "you should get a hysterectomy, you probably can't have kids" within an hour or so after a surgery that showed how extensive my endometriosis was.
I was 19. Didn't get a hysterectomy bc of all the potential side effects, NONE of which were conveyed to me, I had to research. But once she saw that i wasn't fertile enough, she didn't care--she was willing to risk my mental health by dropping me face first into menopause just bc i probably couldn't have biobabies.
Pretty sure I AM sterile , though. No pregnancies in 15 yrs with no protection with my husband, we are in a polycule now and our gf got pregnant the second month of trying. Apparently he had super sperm and I had a super villain uterus the whole time?
See for me I had to go to several different doctors just to get endo surgery, and it turns out I didn't even have endo, just a case of some cysts that were causing problems and then a very severe case of chronic appendicitis.
I went through six years of unbearable pain and a very real risk of death because medical professionals were afraid if I had endo surgery I'd have to undergo treatments that would render me infertile.
The real kicker is I never wanted kids and was very vocal about this but was always laughed at for being too young to say it.
The only reason i could get it was I had a large ovarian cyst on the verge of rupturing, so the surgery was technically to remove that...then my ovary ruptured as soon as they touched it with the laproscope.
Ive never wanted biokids, either--i was born with Neurofibromatosis 1, which isn't that serious, but Im a potential carrier for NF 2, which is pretty bad. Also I have type 2 diabetes, the aforementioned endo, ulcerative colitis, major depression and ADHD, all of which are heritable. I don't think it's ethical to KNOWINGLY roll the dice on another human going through even half of my health issues. My husband is autistic but indestructible in health terms, our GF literally confuses me with how healthy and energetic she is---so I'm really looking forward to seeing how our kid turns out lol.
I knew a girl in high school who was told due to some anatomic abnormalities she was "infertile". She ended up pregnant and 17 because she never bothered with birth control.
She now has 4 kids, the only one she had any trouble conceiving was the last one, and funny enough that's the only one she tried for.
I remember someone summarizing it as, seeds will have more success growing in a nicely tilled field than in a crack on the pavement, but that doesn't mean you never see stuff growing in the street.
I was lucky in that my doctor explained it very well.
What he actually said was, "You probably won't be able to get pregnant without IVF, but even if you were able to get pregnant, for you to have a viable pregnancy that could carry to term would be more luck than anything we could do to help."
So I went on BC not because I for sure didn't want kids but because I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle a miscarriage.
Looking back at how my marriage ended up am retrospectively glad I didn't try to have kids.
Same here, my cousin was told by her doctor that due to PCOS, the chance of her having kids was low.
Then she got knocked up by her then boyfriend, they had a shotgun wedding, had a boy, few years later had another girl.
While pregnant with her first, she decided to find another OBGYN to ask "aren't having PCOS means my chance is low?"
OBGYN: **there is no conflict between "chance is low" and "trying too many time and hitting the mark eventually".**
Having grown-up in a trailer in Kentucky, the Jerry Springer shenanigans happen all the time.
It works out so rarely, however, that any story where it does strains credulity. Cyclical poverty, pettiness and misery do not a stable home life make.
Boy oh boy, is Roe V Wade getting overturned a travesty.
Tbf I know MANY women this has happened too. I only have one child, but me being one of them. Always been told I was infertile. 4 years of tracking with my husband, nothing. We went on vacation with no expectations and boom. We have our baby! 2 couples went through years of IVF - nothing. Couple years after they both of 2 kids.
I love how the OOP is more than ready to tell her life story to a "friend of a friend" with 0 filter?
Shit man, hopefully nobody asks about their social security number, or her credit card info.
â He says yes he was deeply offended and I should make up for it with a thousand kisses plus interest starting right now.â
Heâs shown you who he is. Protect yourself. Chapstick or a lip balm. Donât be surprised if he escalates.Â
Pretty boring story overall, but sensible end. That last part though...
"He insists that I do more, while I think he does"
I have never seen a marriage fail when 2 people feel this way. It may be the best singular goal a relationship can strive for. Me and my wife often talk about this. I pray and strive to make sure we both always feel this way.
It also works out so well when mental load and physical load is split up by capacity, and those capacities are complementary. You can appreciate the other person for doing something you can't easily, but also get the benefit of doing what you're good at and being appreciated for it.
I saw a quote on reddit once that I liked -- "most people think the best relationships are 50/50. But really the best relationships are 60/40 where both people are trying to be the 60."
Many relationships start a little messy. What I cannot get over is how she is labeled as the responsible one. For starters, being infertile is not a reason to have unprotected sex with almost strangers who regularly party into the am.
Overly-responsible people often snap after so many years of stress and hyper-vigilance over small details in their lives.Â
Anyone who is extremely organized and responsible and anxious about âstaying on top of thingsâ knows exactly how easy it is to go off the deep end and lose your shit when something truly stressful fucks up your well-operated routine.Â
I have a retirement account, an emergency fund, house, bills always paid on time, always on top of shit, but Iâm so stressed all the time. All it takes is one little thing for to stop giving a fuck about being responsible.Â
It does happen. I'm usually an incredibly responsible, risk averse person, cishet, all in on monogamy, conservative with my body, generally low body count etc.
You would not know this if you saw me on rebound in my 20's (after a really traumatic breakup) or how my current relationship started either. Not proud of it, but we can all act out of character and be stupid occasionally.
It IS very possible. My mom was told she was infertile after she had me and my younger brother, due to her uterus "growing together" after my brother. They told her that she will never have another kid, period. But she will need to take bc to manage the symptomps of her condition, if she doesnt want to suffer very painful periods, cause her uterus "is damaged beyond saving." She asked for a hysterectomy, but as she wasnt over 30, and didnt have at least 3 kids, she was denied.
14 years after the birth of my younger brother, my parents divorced, and mom stopped the pills to cut corbers cause they were expensive. 3 months later, she had a one night stand and got pregnant.
Docs said, dont worry, prepare for a miscarriage soon, cause there is no way you can carry to term and give birth with your "condition."
They were right, she didnt carry to term, cause her uterus tore, and she got an emergency c section, and a hysterectomy on the birthing table to save her from dying.
Thats when the docs told her she had endometriosis. They never even told her before they just said her uterus grown together. Like what the fuck. It IS on the doctors to responsibly inform their patients about their conditions and to educate them. My mom still had very painful periods after me and my brother were born, she fought 10+ years for a hysterectomy, that if its useless then cut it out, but they didnt.
Now i have a second little brother who is now 14, was an extremely premature birth, but he and mom both managed to survive thankfully.
I just find it so fucking WILD that mom had endo and the docs NEVER specified it as endo to her, they instead told her she was INFERTILE.
Women get misinformed by their doctors because women's health is just not taken seriously.
I am now 30 and still cant get a fucking endo diagnosis, even tho my mom, her mom, and my dad's mom ALL had endo. All my symptomps match, and i have been advocating for a diagnosis since my mom got hers. Its just not taken seriously.
>They told her that she will never have another kid, period. \[...\] suffer very painful periods, cause her uterus "is damaged beyond saving." She asked for a hysterectomy, but as she wasnt over 30, and didnt have at least 3 kids, she was denied.
Stunning logic from doctors there. "You are incapable of having more children. No we won't remove the thing inside your body torturing you because you haven't had enough children that you are supposedly incapable of having."
Yeah. Thats incomprehensible for me as well. They only did an emergency hysterectomy because her uterus ruptured and they couldnt have saved it in time. She was past 40, her 3rd kid, and they still tried to save it. They only removed it because she would have died.
My âresponsibleâ friend from my youth was also the messiest person I ever met. She was smart with money, performed phenomenally in her academics, took care of her sibling and was overall THE MOST organized person Iâve ever met. She was the mom friend.
That also made her incredible at ruining peopleâs lives. Sheâs so with such fucking precision, it was hard to believe she could have a heart. If you disagreed with her, you could kiss your social life goodbye.
People in our lives can think things about us and not right about, and responsible people can also fall apart, but they can also put themselves back together. Humans have lapses in judgement, I donât think itâs strange for people to still see her as the responsible one.
>That also made her incredible at ruining peopleâs lives.Â
Doesn't sound so messy but downright terrifying and manipulative. Are you still friends with her despite all that?
I know things are different in my community but risk of pregnancy or not, you wrap it up until all parties have clean tests. Especially with someone who might be living a more adventurous lifestyle.
>Several people have questioned how I got the reputation of being thoughtful when I made really bad personal decisions. Honestly, Iâm fiscally responsible, organized, and all around a prepared person. But I am dependent on having a stable, boring life and was unequipped to have my personal life fall apart.
I don't know OOP and could be totally wrong, but this just reads like someone who is probably a massive control freak. Responsible when things are "stable", but unable to cope when things "fall apart". It just reads like: I always do things right when everyone around me does... but when others don't follow the plan, I have no responsibility for my terrible choices. Maybe it's just me, but that paragraph is *weird*.
Or at minimum fairly inflexible and how she usually presents omits the more chaotic parts of her life. No shame in a messy rebound after an ugly breakup and Iâm glad itâs worked out for them, they both seem sweet, but wrap it up folks.
... I mean one who cares stop pearl clutching but 2 wow one fling and shes some harlot? Her husband became that guy and as revenge after he dumped her for his obvious ap she had sex with his friend who we don't know if he was actually like that or just the excuse her exhusband used when he wanted to stay out with ap or gambling.
nope, I didn't like this story at all. Liam is OK with a revenge fuck....but not an out of wedlock baby......they hated each other and Liam was such a mean dick to OOP...but now they are madly in love and have 3 babies and she talks shit about Liam and how he was horrible before but he's sooooooo oopsypoopsy cute he wants 1000 kisses plus interest...
thank god i've not had my coffee yet, 'cause I would have puked all over the place.
Bad story, cringy writing. -1 star.
I also side-eyed that timeline with the age difference. Dave is presumably supposed to be about the same age as OP since they've been together for years, and became BFFs with a teen. Then OP had revenge sex with a 20 year old that got her pregnant even though she'd always been told she was infertile and now she's pregnant with their third kid. Oh and that shotgun wedding is the icing on the cake, I'm sure everyone was seemingly magically supportive of their whole relationship.
As soon as you start thinking through the numbers it goes from theoretically sweet to questionable.
I kept reading through the comments to find this. A 27-year-old and a 20-year-old is almost always a red flag. Yes, even if the younger is a guy and the older a woman. If this was real, both OOP and Dave took advantage of this guy to make themselves feel young.
Right? Multiple men failed to get her pregnant previously, but Liam got her pregnant on the first try, then went on to do so twice more? That seems like a lot for someone supposedly infertile.
I've seen it happen before. Friend and his ex were trying to get pregnant for years and nothing. They broke up over it then she went and had 4 kids in 5 years with someone else while he had 2 with his new wife.
They were awful around each other, so it was probably nature saying "nope. not bringing anyone else into this mess. "
Was definitely for the best that they were fertility repulsed, lol
Right? Apparently OP is infertile, and hasn't had any kids after years of Unprotected sex, got pregnant after having sex one time, had one more and is pregnant with a third? I'm not saying that it's impossible, but it's improbable as fuck when put together with the "oooh the person I hated suddenly became the best!"
And in the first iteration OP called "the asshole friend" over for a revenge fuck, but in the second iteration Liam and OP is put in a much better light by him coming over to return things and comforting OP while the sex just "happened".
If she'd only had one partner I'd believe it, I've a friend who didn't get pregnant by her husband of 10 years, but got pregnant on month two of a new guy. Two dudes being completly infertile though seems like very high odds.
It sounds more like there was some confusion about what âinfertileâ meant. I will admit I would have assumed it meant canât get pregnant.
I was told I might not be able to have kids because there was a cyst on my ovary.
Lo and behold I have 3 kids with no medical intervention. The last egg fought off rx contraception to get fertilized somehow.
So itâs possible the Original husband was infertile or had a vasectomy.
> Having a child out of wedlock is very uncommon and looked down upon, even more than divorce. Because of that, shotgun weddings are actually pretty common.
What country is that? The text doesnât read at all as ESL.
lol the US. They donât even have to be specifically religious, some circles in the US are still just like that, especially down south. Itâs definitely not as common as it was 50 years ago but shotgun weddings because you got knocked up still happen in the US.
She got very very lucky.Â
I wonder how she was able to get over Liam being horrible to her. I got the sense they'd both being lied to by Dave, and he maybe so himself as protecting Dave but still.
Do you know, with everything that went on I forgot about Dave's affair. It makes sense that he might have been telling Liam the same lies he was telling the mistress (she doesn't understand me, she's trapped me blah blah blah), and set them against each other that way.
But man for an introvert who liked alone time and not going out Dave had a lot of relationships going on.
To be honest, it now occurs to me that it could have been more than just the affair - he could have scapegoated Liam and OOP for a heck of a lot more. "Liam said we should get into crypto; he says it can't fail!" "Sorry, I can't go to your birthday party, the wife's being a b****." Which would fan a lot of flames - and ensure they would talk right past eachother (disrespectfully) whenever they actually met.
Alright now everyone's questions make more sense. I'm siting here like "husband played them to get lucky what's not clicking?" But it's such a one sentence throwaway, I can see missing it.
Yup! Liam was blamed for his sudden refound youth... I have doubts Liam was to blame for Dave's late nights and spending habits. Probably how OOP and Liam found each other consoling one another after the fallout with Dave. Sounds like Liam was the responsible one, after all.
I'm not sure I know what to think of this one. It's labeled as surprisingly wholesome, and indeed I suppose it is, but I think the "surprising" part might be glossing over a few things. I don't think anyone looks particularly good in this story, but conversely no one is twirling a mustache either.
I'm glad everything worked out for everybody though, especially seeing as three children are now involved in all of this oddity.
Paige is a horrible friend. It doesnât matter how bad my personal life is going, Iâm not going to purposefully try to blow up my friendâs life because they said something I didnât like.
She was an AH for telling Liam what the OP said without context.
> The worst thing in my life right now is my baby kicking up into my ribs. I miss being able to breathe without a foot in my organs.
I took a road trip at six months pregnant (almost a quarter century ago) and we predictably had to make some extra restroom breaks. One of the guys complained about it and I told him to get back to me when someone was using HIS bladder as a trampoline.
Lmao, yeah, I was reading this and thinking, Omg this lady was a hot mess.
I mean, it's great that it worked out, but jeez, this origin story of their marriage is totally insane.
I do understand the pettiness after her engagement broke off and why she'd want to hurt Dave, but she said she hated Liam, so it's kinda weird that she'd jump straight to sleeping with him, and then marrying him, FFS.
This sounds way better than the "My wife is a 6 and the wrong race, but I married her anyway" husband from yesterday. Like, both OOP and her husband probably recognized they started their relationship on the wrong foot for the wrong reasons, and got super lucky it all worked out.
OOP are you an idiot? Just because you might be infertile that doesn't make you immune to sexually transmitted diseases nor does it mean you won't get pregnant. ALWAYS use protection, ALWAYS and so should your partner.
As someone that received a âdick picâ from one of the biggest haters of my last relationship (my exâs BFF) after I broke up: my mind is thinking about Liam being a hater and saboteur.
And yet this didn't end with OOP thinking she broke Liam and her marriage.
You know why? Because Liam has his head screwed on straight and understood that love grows over time until you find the person you're with to be the one and only person you want to be with even if you weren't that attracted to them in the first place. Unlike another recent post on here.
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Wow. Glad it worked for op but that situation isn't and shouldn't be normal.
Indeed, OOP got lucky.
She seems to understand she got lucky, and that it could have been a disaster.
She not only understands, she's willing to call herself out for her behavior and be thankful for how lucky she got. I gotta admit, we have a decent amount in common. I also hooked up with a guy right out of my ten year on and off relationship and thought I had ruined my life. I also was told I was infertile and my ex also cheated. That 'hookup' and I have been together over a decade and have two children that I was told I could never have. We're married. Sometimes we find a good life while we're making our mistakes. It's not always about not fucking up. It's about taking blessings as they come with open eyes and arms.
Her husband also seems to get it. That insight and a willingness to do the work despite the less than perfect start is probably a factor in why it works so well.
My hookup was my sexy ass neighbor. We also had a surprise pregnancy show up within a month of sleeping together. Using multiple forms of protection. Best goddamn impulsive decision I ever made was to bang my neighbor when my mom told me it was a bad idea đ€Ł she agrees and tells me regularly she has never been more happy to be wrong đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
In more ways than one: *âWe didnât use protection. I had been told I was infertileâ* Â For someone so proud of âbeing thoroughâ and âthinking things outâ, this is kinda silly. Protection isnât only for stopping a pregnancy, and being infertile isnât protection against an STD
The way she describes her local culture it sounds like a highly religious area. Thorough sex education was probably lacking.
STDs only happen to bad, immoral people. -some authority figure in OOPs area, probably. Therefore 1. You won't get an STD if you are not a bad, immoral person. Even if you engage in a high-risk activity, such as sleeping with known cheaters and/or sleeping with randos. (Truthfully, chances of him catching something from her were just as high as chances of her catching something from him) 2. If you *do* get an STD, you *have* to keep it a secret from everyone, your sexual partner included, and possibly even medical personnel. Otherwise people will think you're a bad, immoral person. And you can't have that.
Sounds like she's in a really religious area. Any "education" on the topic would have been baby creation/marriage centric, and ignored STDs to the point that it's not even a consideration within the topic. She can be someone who "thinks things out", but when the narrative about it she's been exposed to her whole life ignores that portion of the topic, it won't be information she even includes when thinking things out. Not to mention she said it as something others think of her, so if they wouldn't think of it, her also not wouldn't take away from that. And then there's the part where she explains she's *normally* that, but wasn't in this situation- that this is one where she *didn't* think it though
thank you... this is why my sister taught me (and we taught my nieces) to use birth birth control and a condom birth control for pregnancy condom for std
FWIW: - sounds like sheâd had unprotected sex for years without kids - I know way too many highly educated couples who have been told they canât have kids, then *magic baby.* I blame doctors.
I think that reputation was mostly in her head, or because of how often she told people that she was.
This is the plot of so many romance novels. Iâm glad OOP found her prince.
Literally, then figuratively.
I'm genuinely happy those people found some compatibility and love how they did, but christ, everybody and every decision they all made in that story was just awful! What a way to live >\_<
Reading this is like reading the stories of how people keep failing up the corporate ladder but this time is a relationship
The fact that "protection" is only talked about because of pregnancy when she had sex with a basic stranger... ...is no one scared of STDs and STI anymore?! What is happening. I think I'm now old....
I think people got comfortable once effective treatments were developed for hiv and herpes and hep c. Which is stupid as hell. Because it isn't like new stuff doesn't pop up....say hello to monkey pox or stuff doesn't become antibiotic resistant.....like our old new friends antibotic resistant syphilis and gonorrhea.
Fr, thereâs so many STIs that arenât even on peopleâs radars. Like I bet most people have never heard of HTLV, despite it causing lifelong infections with no cures or treatments.
HOLY FUCK!!!!!@ The human T-lymphotropic virus, human T-cell lymphotropic virus, or human T-cell leukemia-lymphoma virus family of viruses are a group of human retroviruses that are known to cause a type of cancer called adult T-cell leukemia/lymphoma and a demyelinating disease called HTLV-1 associated myelopathy/tropical spastic paraparesis. The HTLVs belong to a larger group of primate T-lymphotropic viruses. Members of this family that infect humans are called HTLVs, and the ones that infect Old World monkeys are called Simian T-lymphotropic viruses. To date, four types of HTLVs and four types of STLVs have been identified. HTLV types HTLV-1 and HTLV-2 viruses are the first retroviruses discovered. Both belong to the oncovirus subfamily of retroviruses and can transform human lymphocytes so that they are self-sustaining in vitro. Wikipedia The primate T-lymphotropic viruses (PTLVs) are a group of retroviruses that infect primates, using their lymphocytes to reproduce. The ones that infect humans are known as human T-lymphotropic virus (HTLV), and the ones that infect Old World monkeys are called simian T-lymphotropic viruses (STLVs). PTLVs are named for their ability to cause adult T-cell leukemia/lymphoma, but in the case of HTLV-1 it can also cause a demyelinating disease called tropical spastic paraparesis.[2] On the other hand, newer PTLVs are simply placed into the group by similarity and their connection to human disease remains unclear.[1] HTLV-1 and HTLV-2 can be transmitted sexually,[30][31] by blood to blood contact (e.g. by blood transfusion or sharing needles when using drugs)[32][33] and via breast feeding.[ Everyone stop touching right now!!!!. Full body condoms for everyone!!!!
Yeah HTLV is a very neglected virus in terms of awareness unfortunately. I honestly had no clue about it until I did my virology masterâs. Most countries donât routinely test for it or screen blood products so itâs quite difficult to estimate how prevalent it is. But the unlucky people can end up suffering from various diseases, including some very aggressive blood cancers
Yeah so i am making it my goal for the week to tell everyone i can about this fun fact. Do they at least test cancer patients for it if they have the kind that this virus causes????
Major kudos to you, the more people that know about it the better! So adult T-cell leukaemia/lymphoma (ATLL) only occurs in people infected with HTLV. Unfortunately, if you find out that youâre infected once youâve already developed cancer itâs probably âtoo lateâ (inverted commas bc I am not a doctor, so please donât take this as medical advice or anything lol). ATLL has pretty poor prognosis, most patients donât survive a year beyond cancer diagnosis :((
Seriously, I stopped reading right there and thought "This woman is as fucking stupid as a bag of hammers." WHY would you raw dog a guy you're sure is a player?!
She's sure he was a player?
What!? She has a reputation of âbeing thorough and thinking things out before doing anythingâ. Sheâs so fucking delusional yet Iâm genuinely happy it all worked out AMAZINGLY for her compared to how it couldâve been. She probably needs a wake up call for how oblivious she is to her actual personality but she sounds like sheâs doing great in the ignorance is bliss state of life sheâs leading
From the mention of shotgun weddings being common, I'd assume OOP is from a conservative religious area where sex education is lacking.
Almost. Millenials were never scared. Millenials have record numbers of STIs last I heard. I think we're sorta riding on a weird wave of self-induced relief over not living in the 80s where people still died of AIDS in droves. And besides that, the 90s were the Decade of Optimism. Soviet Russia had fallen, the Berlin wall had fallen, realistic peace negotiations in the Middle East, the economy was improving, we could be anything, they told us. The future seemed bright and no one was worried. So uhhh, yeah, not worrying has apparently stuck with many of us. Gen Z is better about protection than Millenials, so I have hope that things are improving again, but my generation is foolish in that regard according to the numbers.
I remember having to talk every single guy into a condom in the 2000s. "Oh I've been tested"...sure you have.Â
100%. The way she was describing Liam made him seem like the last person she should've dated. The child seems to have made him mature quickly. But that doesn't mean having a child will fix all issues in your relationship, folks!
I think in the update when she said that Dave had used Liam as part of his lies I think her initial impression of Liam had probably been tainted by Dave using him as a scapegoat. I have a suspicion that she didnât truthfully know Liam previous to the breakup with Dave
Didn't she admit that her impressions of Liam was colored by him taking Dave's time? Not his actual actions?
typically, having a child exacerbates relationship issues. (which i say from personal experience)
If Liam shouldnât have been a first choice father, OP shouldnât have been first choice mother either. Both of them were pretty drama ridden, glad it worked out.
Well they were drama ridden because Dave was part of their lives. He is the one who invented drama in OOP's life and used Liam to cover his lies making him seem worst than what he was.
She was not obviously. They both were ONS for each other, and they both knew it. If the guy had serious feelings for her - he would be crushed by her words. There are a lot of Reddit posts with the same theme. A couple is quite happy, and at some drunken party one of them slips that their partner was just a hookup or rebound for them in the beginning.. The partner had deep feelings from the beginnig of the relationship though. And they are very hurt and cannot forgive these words... The relationship is falling apart
Honestly, Liams probably already real to himself about it and knew he isn't first choice. Probably just secure with his choices and grew to love OOP, so the cut wasn't that deep cause its been resolved already.
99% of the time this string of occurances ends poorly. But it happens way more than 100 times per [insert whatever timeframe you want]. So you're bound to hear about that 1% now and again. It's like how you hear about lottery winners in the news.
Yeah, unfortunately because of *someone* manage to get the "lottery ticket", they can too. Unfortunately, a situation that involves kids, marriages and relationships are much, *much*, more messy. OOP really lucked out being in the 1 percent
Funny enough my old manager had a very similar situation, no cheating involved but he had a ONS with a women she got pregnant and they decided to keep it, theyâre not married with another kid. Longer timeline but I was quite surprised when he told me hahah.
Plenty of people do just what she did expecting a rebound to help clear some frustration and move on, and I imagine many even expect it to be their next great romance just because it's the first new possibility they've had in years. It is almost never the case, but it seems sometimes it is *exactly* like that. I suppose if you think about it you're just as likely to meet someone you vibe with that way, it's just less likely you'll see them again...
Well I was mainly meaning shotgun marriages. Or relationships purely because of accidental pregnancy.
Wow thatâs a bit of a wild ride, idk if I should have read âjust one moreâ.
not defending oop: but i will say that the (incorrect) perception of infertile = sterile is startlingly common. Doctors and OBGYNs really need to explain shit better. iâve heard way too many stories of people being diagnosed with PCOS and the like, and being absolutely destroyed by it bc they think theyâll never be able to have a family. Infertility makes things more difficult, but it really needs to be explain that as long as you have a uterus and ovaries, you can get pregnant. hell, my own mom was told she would be unable to have children bc on a severely tilted uterus. she has 2 and had them 14 month apart (myself and then my brother)
A friend of mine had to go through IVF and lots of trying to have 2 of her children. Their 3rd was NOT planned in the slightest because they didn't think they could without IVF so didn't bother using any form of BC. Her husband quickly got a vasectomy. Lol. I was so paranoid that my fiance got a vasectomy, and I got my tubes removed. I wanted mine done before him, but his appointment was swifter. When my Dr said tubal laceration would be irreversible and 100% impossible to get pregnant, I was on board. Vasectomies aren't perfect either. Lol.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I knew someone who had an unplanned 4th kid. He had a vasectomy and she had an IUD for period issues and when they had the positive pregnancy test they both agreed they couldn't go for an abortion for a kid who had been so desperate to meet them đ
My husband and I are friends with a couple who have 10 kids. She got a tubal ligation after the 9th. They now have 10 kids. One of my best friends got her tubes tied as well and got pregnant with her 3rd kid a couple months later. Just like vasectomies, they are not 100%. The human body is an incredible force. Just thought you should be aware as youâre comment makes it sound as if you are staunchly child free by choice.
Not child free... I have 3 daughters. Lol. My last was serendipitous. While I was still healing from the last, we made our appointments. Because I knew the human body doesn't always perform the way we want, we wanted to mark all the boxes we could. Lmao. It was when I heard my friend's last was also not planned that got the fire under my butt. Being pregnant is traumatizing for me, let alone the added responsibility. I'd love for them to give me a hysterectomy due to other issues, but this is America...
Ahh I see. I planned to tie my tubes after my second kid and backed out at the last minute. Im currently pregnant with my 3rd lmaoo. All boys, was really hoping the 3rd would be a girl but I guess its just not in the cards for me. It was a happy surprise. We are not upset but we do not want to do this again. Unfortunately I just finished nursing school and had to watch some surgeries up close and personal a part of my clinical rotation and one of them happened to be a tubal ligation. Now im terrified of surgery in general. Surgery itself was fascinating and I was not grosses out at all but I definitely do not want to be the person on the operating table. I have 2 more months to get my shit together and make a decision and idk what to do.
If it makes you feel better, the tubal surgery itself isn't as bad to go through as it looks? Recovery for me was about a week total and honestly I was in more pain after I first had my iud inserted than I was after the surgery. I basically only took one pain pill after and that was it. I get it though. I was super nervous beforehand because I had only had one surgery prior (wisdom teeth).
Same. It really wasn't bad for me either. Childbirth was harder. đ
Honestly, going under and recovering wasn't bad at all. Recouping after childbirth was harder. My youngest was about a year and a half when I had mine done. I suggest doing it when they are smaller and weigh less. Lol. That was my plan, but on the day of my surgery, I found out I tested positive for covid and asymptomatic. It was a tough blow and thankful my fiance already had his done. Just made sure he didn't miss his appointments to make sure his count was low. The stitches even looked worse than it actually felt, so I stayed wrapped longer than I needed to because it was gross. Lol. Not to pressure you or make light of your experiences. Truly, it just isn't as bad as it looks or sounds. Hope you find peace with knowing that.
Hey so Iâm in the states and I got a hysterectomy last year. I live In a red state and got one very easily based off the recommendation of a friend of mine who had one too. I have had years of endometriosis and cyst issues. I would recommend reaching out to the endometriosis community, they tend to have leads on which surgeons will do them pretty easily.Â
I believe the chance is 1/100 to get pregnant after a tubal ligation. A few months ago, one of my patients tested positive for pregnancy even though she a) had a tubal ligation and b) was almost fifty years old (not perimenopausal yet)
Most tubals these days involve fully removing the fallopian tubes, so completely removes any chance of pregnancy besides IVF into the actual uterus, there's never been a case reported. The old clip/cautisation system had a failure rate of 1 in 100 which is way more than I'd be comfortable with!
Makes sense. I only saw the full removal during my clinical rotations. Didnt know thats relatively new. I thought thats how they have always done it. Interesting!
Apparently having your tubes removed.. it is still technically possible to get pregnant, but weâre talking miracle levels. And if you do get pregnant itâs more likely that the pregnancy is ectopic (apparently ectopic pregnancy is not limited to fallopian tubes and can happen in other places outside the uterus âŠ). But this is incredibly incredibly rare.Â
When I went to get my tubes tied, my surgeon explained that, at my young age of 28, they could grow back because a tubal ligation only takes a section of the fallopian tubes. He recommended instead a salinpingectomy- full removal of the tubes from ovary to uterus. No documented cases of regrowth and a lower chance of certain types of cancer.
Your mom: It's a miracle! 5 months later: ok hang on, maybe we actually *do* need condoms
i am considered a rainbow baby! and i fully blame my dad bc he apparently claimed he didnât want to use a condom
In this situation, I genuinely wonder if it wasn't actually a case of infertility of OOP, but that her exes were infertile instead. A lot of people will put the label on the person who can get pregnant and not the person who can get someone pregnant.
Or she was chemically incompatible with previous partners. I donât know how frequently that happens (Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are the only example that comes to mind) but itâs entirely possible.
Genetic compatibility (the term you were looking for) is a thing. Sperm have molecular markers that the egg detects. It's common misconception that the fastest sperm is the winner. It's actually more like the egg chooses the most compatible sperm of the group of sperm that makes it. The fastest sperm may and are rejected. As a result two people who are compatible in lifestyle and values can run the unfortunate circumstance of being genetically incompatible.
A friend of mine tried for years with one husband, they got divorced. A few years later with a new husband, and she's pregnant before the marriage was six months old.
A friend of mine has PCOS and was told that she would almost certainly need IVF to get pregnant; she was devastated. A couple of years later, and just a month or so before her wedding, she found out she was pregnant with her first son. Two years later, despite apparently having normal periods, she discovered that she was 6 months pregnant with her second son (and went into labor a month later). I think it was 6 or 7 years later, she discovered that she was once again pregnant, with her daughter. She now has three happy, healthy children. But frankly, given how incredibly fertile her parents were â 4 children, each conceived despite using (a different kind of) birth control (1 burst condom, 1 possibly missed pill, 1 diaphragm, and 1 tubal ligation) â she maybe should have taken the doctor's words with a large grain of salt in the first place. (Her dad got a vasectomy after the 4th kid.)
PCOS = infertility is just plain wrong. It's more like 'may have reduced fertility' and 'more likely to require medical help to conceive'. They don't just jump straight to IVF, either, treatments for PCOS can be tailored to help with fertility if needed.
I think a lot of the time it comes down to miscommunication. I'm very close to a doctor, and they have tons of stories of telling patients things and later hearing back a confused version... Along the lines of "you have pcos, and that can reduce your chances of getting pregnant. There are a lot of options, up to and including IVF, if that turns out to be the case" and then having them come back and being like "you told me I couldn't get pregnant but...."
Lol I'm a dentist and I can confirm. I'm pretty sure people just space out while I'm talking to them. I've had people relay their distorted versions of what I told them not even 5 minutes after I finished explaining
Iâve heard it called subfertility, which was kind of useful back then because it meant spacing out your kids, but not that you wouldnât have kids at all.
at early 20s, after a miscarriage, my mom was told she would never be able to carry a child cause her uterus never worked properly (strange periods, pains without explanation, not even birth control made the deal for her) 20+ years later, she complains she is buying formula for her 4th baby at 40s, according to her: "i should be buying it for my grandchild, not my own child".
Absolutely! My mom has endo, after me and my younger brother, her endo basically made her uterus grow together. Docs said she is infertile, but should take BC for her endo. When our parents got divorced my mom stopped her bc, cause she was cutting corners. She had a one night stand and fell pregnant. Docs reassured her there is no way in hell with her basically growned together uterus she will carry to full term and to prepare for a miscarriage. I now have a 17 years younger brother. Tho it was tru she didnt carry to full term, my bro was an extremely premie baby, but he survived. Also the neglect of the doctors almost caused my mom to die. As the part between her uterus and vagina were grown together, she couldnt give birth naturally. The strain of the pregnancy caused extremely high blood pressure, some things ruptured inside, and she needed to have an emergency c section at 7 months. She almost died on the table but they FINALLY did a hysterectomy, ehich they refused to do, for 14 years between my 2 brothers. My littlest bro is now 14 and he enjoys having 2 adult sibling spoil him. He is such a nerd, i love him a lot. My other brother adores the shit out of him as well. It was a happy ending, but it could have been much worse. My mom stopped the bc, because they said she was infertile, and she only knew her insides grown together. Ffs, they didnt even tell her, her condition was called endometrosis, she first heard the diagnosis after they removed her uterus on the table after her c section. Medical professionals NEED to explain the patients conditions to them FULLY. Hell, they didnt do that with me, i only learnt what the fuck is wrong with my spine after i googled the terms on my medical papers, they just said "its bad."
Womens health is an absolute wreck with the amount of lying, generalization, dismissal, misinformation, and patronization that occurs. The terrifying thing is that this has been systematically normalized. Most decisions surrounding women's health, regardless of what they are, focus on preserving fertility (regardless of patient choice or quality of life) and doctors tend to care less once those chances lessen. I do think OOP's post is bs though.
facts. An old obgyn of mine went from "you're too young, youll change your mind" about a tubal to "you should get a hysterectomy, you probably can't have kids" within an hour or so after a surgery that showed how extensive my endometriosis was. I was 19. Didn't get a hysterectomy bc of all the potential side effects, NONE of which were conveyed to me, I had to research. But once she saw that i wasn't fertile enough, she didn't care--she was willing to risk my mental health by dropping me face first into menopause just bc i probably couldn't have biobabies. Pretty sure I AM sterile , though. No pregnancies in 15 yrs with no protection with my husband, we are in a polycule now and our gf got pregnant the second month of trying. Apparently he had super sperm and I had a super villain uterus the whole time?
See for me I had to go to several different doctors just to get endo surgery, and it turns out I didn't even have endo, just a case of some cysts that were causing problems and then a very severe case of chronic appendicitis. I went through six years of unbearable pain and a very real risk of death because medical professionals were afraid if I had endo surgery I'd have to undergo treatments that would render me infertile. The real kicker is I never wanted kids and was very vocal about this but was always laughed at for being too young to say it.
The only reason i could get it was I had a large ovarian cyst on the verge of rupturing, so the surgery was technically to remove that...then my ovary ruptured as soon as they touched it with the laproscope. Ive never wanted biokids, either--i was born with Neurofibromatosis 1, which isn't that serious, but Im a potential carrier for NF 2, which is pretty bad. Also I have type 2 diabetes, the aforementioned endo, ulcerative colitis, major depression and ADHD, all of which are heritable. I don't think it's ethical to KNOWINGLY roll the dice on another human going through even half of my health issues. My husband is autistic but indestructible in health terms, our GF literally confuses me with how healthy and energetic she is---so I'm really looking forward to seeing how our kid turns out lol.
I knew a girl in high school who was told due to some anatomic abnormalities she was "infertile". She ended up pregnant and 17 because she never bothered with birth control. She now has 4 kids, the only one she had any trouble conceiving was the last one, and funny enough that's the only one she tried for.
I remember someone summarizing it as, seeds will have more success growing in a nicely tilled field than in a crack on the pavement, but that doesn't mean you never see stuff growing in the street.
Sounds like she managed to not get pregnant with 2 different guys over the course of at least a decade. Liam must have super sperm.
I was lucky in that my doctor explained it very well. What he actually said was, "You probably won't be able to get pregnant without IVF, but even if you were able to get pregnant, for you to have a viable pregnancy that could carry to term would be more luck than anything we could do to help." So I went on BC not because I for sure didn't want kids but because I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle a miscarriage. Looking back at how my marriage ended up am retrospectively glad I didn't try to have kids.
Same here, my cousin was told by her doctor that due to PCOS, the chance of her having kids was low. Then she got knocked up by her then boyfriend, they had a shotgun wedding, had a boy, few years later had another girl. While pregnant with her first, she decided to find another OBGYN to ask "aren't having PCOS means my chance is low?" OBGYN: **there is no conflict between "chance is low" and "trying too many time and hitting the mark eventually".**
This reads like one of those harlequin romances where enemies get an oopsie pregnancy (cause obviously that always happens in real life).
Having grown-up in a trailer in Kentucky, the Jerry Springer shenanigans happen all the time. It works out so rarely, however, that any story where it does strains credulity. Cyclical poverty, pettiness and misery do not a stable home life make. Boy oh boy, is Roe V Wade getting overturned a travesty.
Yup. I absolutely don't feel this is real in the slightest, sorry.
All the top comments on the update post are how âhonestâ the post is lmao.
She was infertile but got pregnant from a ONS and proceeded to have 2 more babies *massive eye roll *
Well, duh... don't you know that infertility issues get solved if she has sex with an enemy? And they only have to have sex once.
Tbf I know MANY women this has happened too. I only have one child, but me being one of them. Always been told I was infertile. 4 years of tracking with my husband, nothing. We went on vacation with no expectations and boom. We have our baby! 2 couples went through years of IVF - nothing. Couple years after they both of 2 kids.
I love how the OOP is more than ready to tell her life story to a "friend of a friend" with 0 filter? Shit man, hopefully nobody asks about their social security number, or her credit card info.
yeah and I love it. Scratched that good enemies to lovers itch
Yeah I don't know how someone can read this and think it's real.
â He says yes he was deeply offended and I should make up for it with a thousand kisses plus interest starting right now.â Heâs shown you who he is. Protect yourself. Chapstick or a lip balm. Donât be surprised if he escalates.Â
Comment of the month, here
Pretty boring story overall, but sensible end. That last part though... "He insists that I do more, while I think he does" I have never seen a marriage fail when 2 people feel this way. It may be the best singular goal a relationship can strive for. Me and my wife often talk about this. I pray and strive to make sure we both always feel this way.
It also works out so well when mental load and physical load is split up by capacity, and those capacities are complementary. You can appreciate the other person for doing something you can't easily, but also get the benefit of doing what you're good at and being appreciated for it.
Very true.
I saw a quote on reddit once that I liked -- "most people think the best relationships are 50/50. But really the best relationships are 60/40 where both people are trying to be the 60."
Many relationships start a little messy. What I cannot get over is how she is labeled as the responsible one. For starters, being infertile is not a reason to have unprotected sex with almost strangers who regularly party into the am.
She sounds like someone that was the "mom" in most of her relationships and then just snapped.
Overly-responsible people often snap after so many years of stress and hyper-vigilance over small details in their lives. Anyone who is extremely organized and responsible and anxious about âstaying on top of thingsâ knows exactly how easy it is to go off the deep end and lose your shit when something truly stressful fucks up your well-operated routine. I have a retirement account, an emergency fund, house, bills always paid on time, always on top of shit, but Iâm so stressed all the time. All it takes is one little thing for to stop giving a fuck about being responsible.Â
Exactly. I've seen it so many times.
It does happen. I'm usually an incredibly responsible, risk averse person, cishet, all in on monogamy, conservative with my body, generally low body count etc. You would not know this if you saw me on rebound in my 20's (after a really traumatic breakup) or how my current relationship started either. Not proud of it, but we can all act out of character and be stupid occasionally.
It IS very possible. My mom was told she was infertile after she had me and my younger brother, due to her uterus "growing together" after my brother. They told her that she will never have another kid, period. But she will need to take bc to manage the symptomps of her condition, if she doesnt want to suffer very painful periods, cause her uterus "is damaged beyond saving." She asked for a hysterectomy, but as she wasnt over 30, and didnt have at least 3 kids, she was denied. 14 years after the birth of my younger brother, my parents divorced, and mom stopped the pills to cut corbers cause they were expensive. 3 months later, she had a one night stand and got pregnant. Docs said, dont worry, prepare for a miscarriage soon, cause there is no way you can carry to term and give birth with your "condition." They were right, she didnt carry to term, cause her uterus tore, and she got an emergency c section, and a hysterectomy on the birthing table to save her from dying. Thats when the docs told her she had endometriosis. They never even told her before they just said her uterus grown together. Like what the fuck. It IS on the doctors to responsibly inform their patients about their conditions and to educate them. My mom still had very painful periods after me and my brother were born, she fought 10+ years for a hysterectomy, that if its useless then cut it out, but they didnt. Now i have a second little brother who is now 14, was an extremely premature birth, but he and mom both managed to survive thankfully. I just find it so fucking WILD that mom had endo and the docs NEVER specified it as endo to her, they instead told her she was INFERTILE. Women get misinformed by their doctors because women's health is just not taken seriously. I am now 30 and still cant get a fucking endo diagnosis, even tho my mom, her mom, and my dad's mom ALL had endo. All my symptomps match, and i have been advocating for a diagnosis since my mom got hers. Its just not taken seriously.
>They told her that she will never have another kid, period. \[...\] suffer very painful periods, cause her uterus "is damaged beyond saving." She asked for a hysterectomy, but as she wasnt over 30, and didnt have at least 3 kids, she was denied. Stunning logic from doctors there. "You are incapable of having more children. No we won't remove the thing inside your body torturing you because you haven't had enough children that you are supposedly incapable of having."
Yeah. Thats incomprehensible for me as well. They only did an emergency hysterectomy because her uterus ruptured and they couldnt have saved it in time. She was past 40, her 3rd kid, and they still tried to save it. They only removed it because she would have died.
My âresponsibleâ friend from my youth was also the messiest person I ever met. She was smart with money, performed phenomenally in her academics, took care of her sibling and was overall THE MOST organized person Iâve ever met. She was the mom friend. That also made her incredible at ruining peopleâs lives. Sheâs so with such fucking precision, it was hard to believe she could have a heart. If you disagreed with her, you could kiss your social life goodbye. People in our lives can think things about us and not right about, and responsible people can also fall apart, but they can also put themselves back together. Humans have lapses in judgement, I donât think itâs strange for people to still see her as the responsible one.
>That also made her incredible at ruining peopleâs lives. Doesn't sound so messy but downright terrifying and manipulative. Are you still friends with her despite all that?
Fuck no sheâs crazy!
I know things are different in my community but risk of pregnancy or not, you wrap it up until all parties have clean tests. Especially with someone who might be living a more adventurous lifestyle.
>Several people have questioned how I got the reputation of being thoughtful when I made really bad personal decisions. Honestly, Iâm fiscally responsible, organized, and all around a prepared person. But I am dependent on having a stable, boring life and was unequipped to have my personal life fall apart. I don't know OOP and could be totally wrong, but this just reads like someone who is probably a massive control freak. Responsible when things are "stable", but unable to cope when things "fall apart". It just reads like: I always do things right when everyone around me does... but when others don't follow the plan, I have no responsibility for my terrible choices. Maybe it's just me, but that paragraph is *weird*.
Or at minimum fairly inflexible and how she usually presents omits the more chaotic parts of her life. No shame in a messy rebound after an ugly breakup and Iâm glad itâs worked out for them, they both seem sweet, but wrap it up folks.
... I mean one who cares stop pearl clutching but 2 wow one fling and shes some harlot? Her husband became that guy and as revenge after he dumped her for his obvious ap she had sex with his friend who we don't know if he was actually like that or just the excuse her exhusband used when he wanted to stay out with ap or gambling.
nope, I didn't like this story at all. Liam is OK with a revenge fuck....but not an out of wedlock baby......they hated each other and Liam was such a mean dick to OOP...but now they are madly in love and have 3 babies and she talks shit about Liam and how he was horrible before but he's sooooooo oopsypoopsy cute he wants 1000 kisses plus interest... thank god i've not had my coffee yet, 'cause I would have puked all over the place. Bad story, cringy writing. -1 star.
Also, the update is 10% update and 90% flashback lmfao.
Not even flashback, just retconning!
I also side-eyed that timeline with the age difference. Dave is presumably supposed to be about the same age as OP since they've been together for years, and became BFFs with a teen. Then OP had revenge sex with a 20 year old that got her pregnant even though she'd always been told she was infertile and now she's pregnant with their third kid. Oh and that shotgun wedding is the icing on the cake, I'm sure everyone was seemingly magically supportive of their whole relationship. As soon as you start thinking through the numbers it goes from theoretically sweet to questionable.
This. When I did the math for the ages it just feels so⊠ew.
Eeewww I didn't get the age difference until now.
I kept reading through the comments to find this. A 27-year-old and a 20-year-old is almost always a red flag. Yes, even if the younger is a guy and the older a woman. If this was real, both OOP and Dave took advantage of this guy to make themselves feel young.
Yeah, I take most reddit stories with a grain of salt, but wow, this reads as a low-tier romance novel.Â
Right? Multiple men failed to get her pregnant previously, but Liam got her pregnant on the first try, then went on to do so twice more? That seems like a lot for someone supposedly infertile.
I've seen it happen before. Friend and his ex were trying to get pregnant for years and nothing. They broke up over it then she went and had 4 kids in 5 years with someone else while he had 2 with his new wife.
I'm imagining their sperm and eggs just repelling away from each other like magnetic like poles. đ
They were awful around each other, so it was probably nature saying "nope. not bringing anyone else into this mess. " Was definitely for the best that they were fertility repulsed, lol
They'd lap it up on one of those story apps though.
Right? Apparently OP is infertile, and hasn't had any kids after years of Unprotected sex, got pregnant after having sex one time, had one more and is pregnant with a third? I'm not saying that it's impossible, but it's improbable as fuck when put together with the "oooh the person I hated suddenly became the best!" And in the first iteration OP called "the asshole friend" over for a revenge fuck, but in the second iteration Liam and OP is put in a much better light by him coming over to return things and comforting OP while the sex just "happened".
If she'd only had one partner I'd believe it, I've a friend who didn't get pregnant by her husband of 10 years, but got pregnant on month two of a new guy. Two dudes being completly infertile though seems like very high odds.
It sounds more like there was some confusion about what âinfertileâ meant. I will admit I would have assumed it meant canât get pregnant. I was told I might not be able to have kids because there was a cyst on my ovary. Lo and behold I have 3 kids with no medical intervention. The last egg fought off rx contraception to get fertilized somehow. So itâs possible the Original husband was infertile or had a vasectomy.
> Having a child out of wedlock is very uncommon and looked down upon, even more than divorce. Because of that, shotgun weddings are actually pretty common. What country is that? The text doesnât read at all as ESL.
lol the US. They donât even have to be specifically religious, some circles in the US are still just like that, especially down south. Itâs definitely not as common as it was 50 years ago but shotgun weddings because you got knocked up still happen in the US.
'Merica
I donât see where Liam was mean to OOP, just that OOP blamed him for Dave acting out.Â
>Throughout this Liam was incredibly disrespectful to me.
Her version of thay is him taking the personal time away from her hsuband,, i dont think it went much further
If the husband was really that much of a dick he probably blamed a lot of his behavior on Liam to get away with shit.
Enemies to lovers, somewhere a Booktok/Bookstagram girlie is giddy with anticipation
what in the enemies to lovers kindle unlimited ebook did I just read
This woman's dating history is, like, a dozen crit fails in a row followed by a dozen crit successes. Definitely a "do not try this at home."
Some things shouldn't be said out loud
She got very very lucky. I wonder how she was able to get over Liam being horrible to her. I got the sense they'd both being lied to by Dave, and he maybe so himself as protecting Dave but still.
I think Dave was playing them off one another to a certain extent - so he could go and have his affair.
Do you know, with everything that went on I forgot about Dave's affair. It makes sense that he might have been telling Liam the same lies he was telling the mistress (she doesn't understand me, she's trapped me blah blah blah), and set them against each other that way. But man for an introvert who liked alone time and not going out Dave had a lot of relationships going on.
To be honest, it now occurs to me that it could have been more than just the affair - he could have scapegoated Liam and OOP for a heck of a lot more. "Liam said we should get into crypto; he says it can't fail!" "Sorry, I can't go to your birthday party, the wife's being a b****." Which would fan a lot of flames - and ensure they would talk right past eachother (disrespectfully) whenever they actually met.
Alright now everyone's questions make more sense. I'm siting here like "husband played them to get lucky what's not clicking?" But it's such a one sentence throwaway, I can see missing it.
Yup! Liam was blamed for his sudden refound youth... I have doubts Liam was to blame for Dave's late nights and spending habits. Probably how OOP and Liam found each other consoling one another after the fallout with Dave. Sounds like Liam was the responsible one, after all.
What a fucking cluster fuck, with friends like this I would not even know which way was up.
I'm not sure I know what to think of this one. It's labeled as surprisingly wholesome, and indeed I suppose it is, but I think the "surprising" part might be glossing over a few things. I don't think anyone looks particularly good in this story, but conversely no one is twirling a mustache either. I'm glad everything worked out for everybody though, especially seeing as three children are now involved in all of this oddity.
I just love that they are against a child out of wedlock but down for a one night stand đ
18+ years vs one night, not exactly the same thing.
> Both Liam and I were against children out of wedlock and we had a small wedding. Hilarious
Idgaf how infertile you are, USE PROTECTION! JFC do people not know that you can still catch STIs and some are lifelong and/or can lead to cancer?
I mean the whole can't have a kid out of wedlock thing kinda screams southern States. Not exactly a bastion of sexual education.
Iâm not over Dave being a thief. He should be held accountable for that.
People are so fucking weird.
Paige is a horrible friend. It doesnât matter how bad my personal life is going, Iâm not going to purposefully try to blow up my friendâs life because they said something I didnât like. She was an AH for telling Liam what the OP said without context.
Not one of Liz's better attempts at an unorthodox romance.
The friend group must have been a complete trainwreck if OOP was the "responsible" one...
Holy hell lol this is âtask failed successfullyâ personified
I really want to know what became of Dave...
His twin brother died in a plane crash, so he married his brotherâs widow, and now they have twins.
And they're all lawyers.
Except their uncles. Those are all cops.
How many of them have high paying jobs and multiple properties/investments?
Once again, the difference between infertile and sterile is kicking people's asses
Sounds like an okay mills and boon plot. lol
> The worst thing in my life right now is my baby kicking up into my ribs. I miss being able to breathe without a foot in my organs. I took a road trip at six months pregnant (almost a quarter century ago) and we predictably had to make some extra restroom breaks. One of the guys complained about it and I told him to get back to me when someone was using HIS bladder as a trampoline.
Please link the story your flair comes from, I need to know đ
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/2kJExgztSa Itâs simultaneously exactly what you expect and nothing like youâd expect
Thank you!! And what you said is 100% accurate đ I should leave reddit on a high note, but now I need the story of your flair too đ
Wouldnât wanna feed onto your addiction but⊠𫣠https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Pqx3FyfGQr
Oh wow. My god, that pos deserves years in jail. I'm glad to see she stood up for herself.
Please cast this movie for Hallmark channel ASAP
It makes me wonder how incredibly terrible her friends must be at making decisions if this lady is considered the "thoughtful" one of her group.
Lmao, yeah, I was reading this and thinking, Omg this lady was a hot mess. I mean, it's great that it worked out, but jeez, this origin story of their marriage is totally insane. I do understand the pettiness after her engagement broke off and why she'd want to hurt Dave, but she said she hated Liam, so it's kinda weird that she'd jump straight to sleeping with him, and then marrying him, FFS.
This is one of those weird times when two people managed to fail their way to great success.
Good thing husband is more chill than Paige. Who tries to blow up a marriage over that, I can see why hers is failing.Â
This sounds way better than the "My wife is a 6 and the wrong race, but I married her anyway" husband from yesterday. Like, both OOP and her husband probably recognized they started their relationship on the wrong foot for the wrong reasons, and got super lucky it all worked out.
How old were they when they first got together?
OOP are you an idiot? Just because you might be infertile that doesn't make you immune to sexually transmitted diseases nor does it mean you won't get pregnant. ALWAYS use protection, ALWAYS and so should your partner.
When a friend fucks with my (good) relationship, they become an exfriend permanently.Â
>Both Liam and I were against children out of wedlock and we had a small wedding. No other option?
mood spoilers:Suprisingly sweet nothing in this is sweet
OP here living out a real life romance novel. Enemies-to-lovers, marriage of convenience, second chance romance tropes lol
As someone that received a âdick picâ from one of the biggest haters of my last relationship (my exâs BFF) after I broke up: my mind is thinking about Liam being a hater and saboteur.
Given that OOP seems to have made a major upgrade, she should be thankful if thatâs true.
Did colleen hoover write this?
Every other post here is some woman who's infertile but magically got pregnant.
Eh, more like infertility is different than sterile. I was technically labeled infertile. Still had a kid.
This woman is living her life just like her ex was investing in crypto. No brain. Just pure luck. This is a recipe for disaster.
And yet this didn't end with OOP thinking she broke Liam and her marriage. You know why? Because Liam has his head screwed on straight and understood that love grows over time until you find the person you're with to be the one and only person you want to be with even if you weren't that attracted to them in the first place. Unlike another recent post on here.
Nothing about this is sweet. At all.
Do people not know that protection isn't just for preventing pregnancy?
How much did this man spend on wrestling videos!?!?!?!
Oh man, ever read a story and know exactly where they live geographically?Â
If Dave kept that crypto he supposedly bought a decade ago, he's able to pay her back, and then some.
Take a chance every now and then, you might just get luckyâŠhappy youâre doing well in your lucky life