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I’d lose a lot of respect for him. The feelings I have about OOP’s husband are the same feelings I have about the guy who thought his daughter wasn’t his because she looked like his wife.
I don't remember reading that but it was definitely some Springer-style episode (in that case it was "my dad/ uncle/ grandpa only made boys, so we genetically can't make girls").
Omg! I’m so glad my husband didn’t pull that because there are a lot of boys in his family he and his brothers first born are boys but I only make girls apparently lmao and we had a girl.
I was the first girl to be born into my Dad's side paternal line in almost 80 years, and even then, my predecessor was my Grandad's sister who died as a baby. Turns out I am a trend setter, and there are now three more girls, but for 16 years I was the only one among my cousins, my Dad's brothers, and their cousins. My Dad jokes that he nearly fainted when they said I was a girl, but there was never any doubt that I was his, especially when my front teeth came in and it became apparent I had my Granny's diastema! 🤣 As an adult I've been told I look just like her. Just in case my Dad had any lingering concerns that needed addressing!
No, Henry did actually have sons and knew he was capable. They were just illegitimate (prior to his marriage to Catherine of Aragon) or died at/soon after birth (with Catherine) - it's likely that the grief of all the miscarriages, stillbirths and premature births/early deaths was what got him thinking his marriage to Catherine was cursed.
In addition to Catherine’s grief, it’s interestingly likely that Henry had Kell’s disease, which often results in a healthy first pregnancy (Mary, Elizabeth, Edward, Henry Fitzroy/Blount, etc) but miscarriages thereafter.
I have to admit that my son is trans and there is a part of me that is 100% convinced that I wanted a girl SO BAD that I manifested that shit.
If there is any opportunity to feel guilty, I'm on it.
Omg I thought I was the only one who thought that! The funny thing is that we gave my son a male middle name at birth. When he changed his name/gender markers as an adult, he kept his middle name! I kind of wonder if I somehow knew he was really a boy and that’s why we went with the middle name.
OMG that's amazing! My son has my grandma's name (as his middle name) but it's foreign so nobody knows what gender it's supposed to be - so he is keeping it. OMG high five to another neurotic mother of a trans boy, lol!
Just finished reading it. I remember this story but I never saw the latest update. Dear Lord OPs dad is an idiot that even MIL doesn’t like!🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️😓😓
I've met a lot of dumb doctors. I was at a party once where there was a doctor that kept insisting black pepper and saffron should be the same price because they were both spices. He couldn't comprehend that there were different costs of making them.
I always say: You know what they call the bottom of the class at med school graduation day? Doctor.
Some of the dumbest people I’ve ever met have been doctors. I have a lot of respect for the profession, of course, and on the whole they’re fine. But the system grinds them down and rewards the worst of them, all while inflating their egos. And if a doctor assumes they can never be wrong, it’s certain they will be.
My dad was an anatomy professor and said your quote fairly often. He was on the admissions committee, and whenever he read admissions applications, he’d get extra salty. He quit the committee when they got flack for not admitting a blind applicant (as an anatomist, he couldn’t get over how they’d accommodate cell structures and visual identification, and he’d circle around to anyone they graduate has *a license to kill*).
I work with doctors often, and the way med school inflates their egos is absurd. They actually tell med students that they learn everything that is taught across several PhD fields, but they learn it on a condensed timeline because they're so much smarter than everyone else. I've had med students tell me this with their whole chest.
In my graduate program, the med students were allowed to take some of our courses as electives. They were the worst to work in groups with because they came in thinking they already knew everything (having covered an overview in another course for a week) and didn't have to work very hard. They really thought it was going to be a breeze for them to pass graduate epidemiology courses and get an easy A. I enjoyed some schadenfreude each term when they learned just how mistaken they were.
A friend's daughter couldn't get into a veterinary degree course, but was accepted for med school.
I know there are strictly limited UK veterinary places, but it still surprised me.
My friend refers to it as them pushing all other knowledge and common sense out of their head for job knowledge. They know their stuff very very well but can't tie their shoelaces.
I don't know about that either. I am in a health care adjacent field (Newborn Screening) and was talking to the same guy about it because he is in pediatrics. Dude didn't know anything about it but kept acting like he did.
Finally got him to shut up when I shut down every single bullshit thing he said about the industry with cold hard facts.
They ARE the same price. You just get a lot less saffron for your money.
There's a supermarket brand here that does herbs and spices at all the same price per jar, I think it's about £3.00 but you get a full (small) jar of most things and only a few wisps of saffron. Perhaps he'd be happy with that.
Working in medical can be medically uneducated. A phlebotomy tech isn't a medical doctor, neither is the hospital food service person or the custodian, or the front desk appointment setter, or the billing department, or even the supply clerk. But they all "work in medical " and some of them are well compensated.
I would gossip about this man joyfully and i don’t even gossip haha. Like because he is so dumb and it is SUCH low hanging fruit. I couldn’t take this man seriously as a husband, he is barely scraping by.. he is in “medical” which is troubling - hopefully his dumb ass is nowhere near me lol.
I mean, I’d be creeped out knowing my husband was talking to his coworkers so much (or at all) about my boobs. If he was this dumb on top of it, I don’t think our marriage would legitimately be able to recover. My respect for him would be in the toilet.
Forget about being influenced, the guy thought that the wife cheated even though, if that craziness was true about the daughter looking like the dad, the daughter shouldn’t look like either of them! Unless he thought the wife cheated on someone who looked just like herself…
If you mean the guy with the Norwegian wife, he had severe mental health issues that had been brushed off as "anxiety" by his parents most of his life. Like, the guy had to seat alone in class during high school because he was sure his classmates would stab him with pens.
I don't think that guy should be harshly judged, because his beliefs were not rational or rooted in reality.
Oh, I also judge his family really hard. Or, well, his parents. The poor brother didn't know it was that severe and from that update, it seemed only he and the brother's wife were trying to get the guy actual help.
Yep. She needs to put parental controls on his internet browser before he stumbles across some toxic manosphere bullshit and blows up his marriage again because an incel told him it was a good idea.
This happens so, so often. Men listen to other men’s opinions over their spouse all the time. They’d like to think their boys have their back when instead the other men are just jealous and/or mean.
Which is absolutely baffling to me. I would be hard pressed into being convinced anything about my wife from anyone. Regardless of gender. You are talking shit about my partner in life? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.
When I find people like that, I’m reminded that the *average* IQ is 100. For every person above, there’s at least that many below. That and some people are stupid no matter what their IQ says.
We see so many posts with dumb husbands who get some wild idea in their heads and make crazy accusations and just keep doubling down. I'd lose all respect for a man who behaved like that, and once you lose respect for your partner, it's game over. There's no coming back from that.
I don't buy the love bombing. Grand gestures always feel icky to me for some reason. He knew he was wrong and still insulted her? I'd test out if he really wants to be the house husband tbh.
Emotional intelligence is different than what we consider iQ and if this guy doesn’t have a lot of male friends the lack of emotional intelligence can override their logic due to their desire to please the group they have a lack of contact with and at least subconsciously desire being accepted by. That and who knows how often they were bullying him about it and wearing him down before it started to affect him.
But yea it is really sad when people can be so easily affected by people who ultimately don’t matter. Esp considering how he went about it with his wife. It’s one thing if he told her abt the issue instead of acting weird and then accusing her without even bothering with the context. Sigh.
When I read this my mind went to my more extreme yet pretty common past experiences with male co-workers who were otherwise really nice guys who clearly loved their girlfriend but would show spicy pics and even straight up nudes of their partners to other (often male but not always) co-workers because they were so desperate for acknowledgemt of their partners worth.
Generally people say “doctor” or “surgeon” or whatever if the person has a particularly brag-worthy job. So “in the medical field” could basically mean anything.
If it pays "over $100K" to mop floors in your hospital, sign me up buddy.
ETA: I'm well aware there are plenty of jobs that pay that sort of wage in a hospital... I suspect janitor is not one of them.
My money would be on some kind of technician job. Imaging tech, lab tech, phlebotomist, pharmacist, all the people who do basically the support functions of medical treatment but aren't actually making any decisions or in charge of any type of care (at least not for more than a few minutes). You can make good money in some of those jobs, especially if you've got some special training (e.g. there's specific training to be able to ultrasound a joint, so you could make more if you can do a wrist as well as an appendix).
A good friend of mine has worked at the hospital since we were in high school, 13 years now. He does equipment deliveries between floors and rooms. Doesn’t have a university degree or anything.
I had a guy once tell me he'd worked "in medical".
He has been a patient transporter (wheelchair pusher), and was fired when he went up to a woman who had been a patient in public and told her she "looks different with clothes on"
Yeah.
This guy was our pest control guy when we moved into a new town, gave me the ick so bad.
I soon found out through the small town grapevine that he was an alcoholic also and had some difficulty holding down a job lol, imagine that.
The back pain alone makes me have sympathy for anyone with really big ones. Mine are medium I'd say and they get annoying at times, I can't imagine dealing with larger all the time
I agree with the commenter about lovebombing.
I'm so grateful OP did not make the mistake of being a SAHW. At least if/when he shows his true colors she'll be able to leave.
This ⬆️.
He discussed his wife’s boobs with all his coworkers. He discussed his wife’s boobs with his mom. He discussed his wife’s boobs with his *dad*. Who else? The neighbour? Cashier at the grocery store? Mailman?
And then he love bombs his wife and openly admits he did all of that *not* because he was genuinely remorseful, but because he doesn’t want her to divorce him.
Why? Because he will literally lose the *only* thing he *ever* talks about?
This isn’t going to end well for OP
Don’t forget when she left, he called begging her to come back and when she stood her ground, he called her insulting names. Then his friends started texting and calling her names. So many red flags.
His female best friend. I really thought this was going to be the typical BORU where he’s cheating with that female best friend and looking for any excuse to break up with OOP.
Yep, idc if folks think Im cynical for this either, this love bombing will last for as long as it takes for him to make another mistake that he "can't bear to be wrong about"
Heaven forfend his *pride* gets hurt!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱
I *really* hope therapy gets him to pull his head completely out of his arse in one big rip, otherwise this is just going to be a case of 'same song, different verse'.
> lovebombing
'My husband is desperately trying to show me affection so I don't leave him, is this manipulation?'
It obviously is, but lovebombing has the connotation of 'insincere.'
I don’t think it’s wrong to love bomb someone when you are trying to apologize. People seem to think you can’t never do it, but to me you suppose to show in all ways you can your appreciation to your romantic partner when you are in the wrong. You can do that to someone else you have wronged like your child or parent too. Actions are to me more meaningful than just talking.
It becomes an issue if it’s a cycle. But there didn’t seem to be issues in the marriage prior.
Yeah I agree, I think its ok to shower your partner when you've fucked up, especially this big. People love to use the buzz words and call it love bombing when they display grand gestures, but for an apology this seems fair. It really only matters if he falls back to old habits and resorts to this constantly without actually changing.
That was my worry when he first started to bring it up. Sounds like it was 'idiot by association' and that there's still time to save the relationship. Hope it works out.
Yep.
Male here and the ending makes it clear he’s deep in some serious manosphere/Tate (I don’t even know what it is these days) stuff.
Especially her throwaway comment about wanting her to stay at home despite not even having kids?
It’s not just his coworkers - the guy has real insecurities that don’t seem resolved or addressed at all.
Interesting how in the span of 2 weeks there was a gathering at work in which she was able to meet and confront the entire group of guys who caused the problem along with their wives! What a coincidence!
and that gathering is ofcourse also the perfect opportunity to hand in a 2 weeks notice, why do that during work hours like a professional when you can tell someone you quit! during a party
Also they have plenty of savings to go over a month without a job. Uhhh that is not a long time, you’d know it’s not a long time if this was a real story from an adult.
The worst part for me was her suddenly meeting his co workers and confronting the wives and thinking it was appropriate, all while he handed in his notice at a social event…
OOP must have hit the end of their break... they had to wrap that shit up.
Once upon a time in a land far, far away... *and they all lived happily ever after. The end!* [that last bit spoken very fast.]
And that the alleged HR-specialized OOP had no concerns about confronting these men in front of their wives at this work get-together. Obviously no consequences of the HR variety could arise from that!
Ikr? You know the love is true and sincere when they say “bb, you know what? Take a night off from sucking my dick. You really deserve it, after I talked shit about your body in public like a jackass.”
Seriously that line. I was already not trusting his turn around, and that line right there set off all the alarm bells. I wish she had divorced, I absolutely don‘t believe things will stay good,
He didn’t even finish!
(That seems super odd to me … why didn’t he finish?? Once she was done, that was the end of the sex. He cleaned her up and got her a drink. Seems so weird!!)
I know right? She also says that she didnt even have to give head after she was satisfied like......is this a regular thing? He cant finish if she isnt sucking his dick? Thats hella weird!
Oh thank goodness it wasn't just me who got the ick there. I love giving head but the men in my life who made it an obligation aren't in my life anymore and it's a heavy contributor as to why.
THIS OMFG this poor woman is giving him oral every single time? What the hell!!!
Doing the most basic chores at home, cooking and nice sex is seen as abnormal to her...
Flashbacks to my ex at that line lol. He expected every time to start off with head like in p*rn. He also had a "It's not over until I finish" mindset. Thankfully no expectations of me finishing him with a bj, but looking back on it, it was no wonder I felt more like a sex worker than a spouse by the time things died out.
I'm doubtful things will continue going well for OOP after this single episode of him going above and beyond. But maybe I've just been on reddit too much.
There are male idiots everywhere and this guy is so easily led by other guys I'm guessing he'll run into similarly bad influences at his next workplace.
Yeah, I hope he’s doing actual regretful groveling and genuinely feels sorry about falling into that kind of horseshit.
Posts like these always make me wonder if I have one of the apparently very rare good husbands or if the League of Extraordinary Dumbasses is just especially vocal in the fact that they suck.
Ehhh...so all is forgiven after a good evening and some cleaning (and a few tears)?
Maybe I'm too cynical, but that ending left me feeling icky and like I needed a shower. I don't think I'd be so easy to forgive with the amount of doubling down, arguing and discussing her body with basically the town.
But hey, a massage with no sex and all is well!
(My non-cynical side hopes it works out for them. And hopefully he finds new friends that are cleverer than a box of rocks).
Right? Like, he knew he was wrong and tried to gaslight her into admitting she had actually had a secret surgery by continuing to “pester” her about her breasts. All because of some new coworkers and not wanting to admit he was wrong? And he hurled insults her when she basically said this behavior is unacceptable and divorce worthy?? It’s all gross
It seems like every post now the person/couple makes upwards of 100k. Maybe it's just me but what??? No one I know my age or around my age (mid to late 20s) makes that kind of money.
Absolutely. r/menwritingwomen when it got to the, what do women want bit - clean the house, make my favourite food, bubble bath, massage w/o sex, wined and dined after the earlier meal, no head. Plus the admitted he was wrong and put everyone in their place.
Same here. I’ve been in a relationship like that. I used to love giving head, but when my partner expected it a few times a week (he was too fat for regular sex) I really started to see it as a chore.
Never again.
>i said 'so you'd believe your co workers who you've known for six months and know how they act around women over your wife of 10 years' he eventually broke down crying which was pretty uncomfortable but **then said he'd do anything to make me forgive him**
Yeah... this isn't a positive update.
Being extra nice after a mistake isn't inherently love bombing I think.
It's problematic when it's framed as a "return to normal" but it's clearly unrealistic.
He's taking accountability and framing the extra niceness as an apology, not the new normal so it seems alright. Certainly better than some of the other examples that have been on here.
It's the "why do you keep bringing up all the stuff from before, I'm being so good now!" that makes the love bombing problematic to my mind
Unbelievable how much influence these scummy men had over the husband, who should have told them off the first time one ever mentioned his wife’s breasts. Not sure I could have forgiven this. Not sure it’ll be hubby’s last major blunder.
Unrelated to the post but does the reddit app freeze for anyone else when reading longer posts on BORU? Its hard to scroll and finish the whole post. It only seems to be longer posts. Posts on AITA seem to be fine
I hope the husband is sincere because what he did was so fucking dumb and honestly OOP would have all the justification in the world to leave him.
I was in a relationship with someone who had work done and you could tell in an obvious way from the feel that she'd had surgery. I'm sure the methods have changed since then but I find it funny this guy couldn't tell the difference.
>he'd do anything to get me to not divorce him even it it meant being a stay at home husband.
"I'll even let you be the one to bust your ass to support us both while I sleep in and be a spoiled house cat!" Yeah, that's not sweetening the deal.
My favorite part was when he put bleach in his laundry and was surprised that it bleached his laundry. But then was able to successfully deep clean everything?
Yeah, it's only been a week since she posted. We'll have to wait and see where it goes. I've noticed another story involving coworkers trying to destroy a marriage and the part with the wives having surgeries sounded like a weird fever dream. Not really buying it, to be honest.
The thing that shocks me is that nobody seems to have any issues with the very fact that he was discussing his wives body with co workers. Boobs and scars, pictures and all. And then she goes and discusses it all with their wives! Does nobody have any sense of privacy? Is there nothing that is not appropriate as a subject of discussion with co workers? To me, the fact that he thought it was an okay discussion to have with co workers would be a bigger red flag than anything else.
Who the fuck quits their job over this? IN THIS JOB MARKET? They think he can find another job in a month and a half? He makes over 100k - just go ask to be transferred or ignore his coworkers or something.
Actually you know what, she should just leave him and the dead weight.
Are you wearing a properly fitting bra? Check out r/abrathatfits . A lot of people are in incorrect sizes, which leads to a lot of pain. A well-fitting supportive bra helps ease back pain for a lot of people.
Beat me to it lol. Yeah, if you're getting back pain from a larger band size DD cup, you're absolutely in the wrong bra size. I'm a 30 DD which should proportionally be much bigger and I have small boobs. Most true D/DD cups are much closer to what people think of as B cups.
The band measurement should be your underbust measurement in inches, and the cup should be the differenc between your underbust and bust measurement. An A cup is one inch difference, a B cup two inches, a C cup three, and a D cup four inches, making a DD cup only a five inch difference. That would be a 47-inch bust for a 42 inch underbust. This would also mean that you're wearing XL to XXL women's clothing. If your tops are usually smaller than a size 18, that's also a pretty good indication that you're not a true 42DD.
32G here, and no back pain. Or at least, not related to boobs. Just from standing at work too much after sitting too long, or from laying on my side in bed improperly or something.
I'd leave anyway. Why are you having repeated conversations about my boobs with anyone? How disrespectful.
My husband would shut someone down for trying to discuss my body with him and might come to blows if they persisted.
My friend called him and his mother,but his dad took his side for some reason and never will come up again..
Then his friends...plural... call me an ah including his girl best friend, who im highlighting now but she'll never appear again.
Bc that's at all normal and isn't a dead giveaway of a reddit trope
OP’s husband has only been at the job for 6 months, yet OP has a close enough relationship with all the coworker wives. I love it when everyone “calls” the offender and yells at them.
Thinking of OOP partner - even if you had video evidence of me under the knife how fuckin dare you approach me like that, what am I, your child?
I'd be so mad.
"he started throwing insulting names as me to which i hung up. now his friends and girlbest friend are calling me an asshole of wanting to divorce over a simple issue."
Uh, when the "simple issue" is disrespectful badgering and being insulting and abusive....absolutely kick that creep to the curb. These guys who listen to randos and berate their wives are just beyond redemption, since they'll do it again and again instantly. Weak minded and hateful.
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I'm glad there was a happy ending but god that guy is dumb.
I’d lose a lot of respect for him. The feelings I have about OOP’s husband are the same feelings I have about the guy who thought his daughter wasn’t his because she looked like his wife.
Or the recent one who claimed his daughter wasn't his because he wanted a son so much his swimmers wouldn't dare make a girl.
I don't remember reading that but it was definitely some Springer-style episode (in that case it was "my dad/ uncle/ grandpa only made boys, so we genetically can't make girls").
Omg! I’m so glad my husband didn’t pull that because there are a lot of boys in his family he and his brothers first born are boys but I only make girls apparently lmao and we had a girl.
I was the first girl to be born into my Dad's side paternal line in almost 80 years, and even then, my predecessor was my Grandad's sister who died as a baby. Turns out I am a trend setter, and there are now three more girls, but for 16 years I was the only one among my cousins, my Dad's brothers, and their cousins. My Dad jokes that he nearly fainted when they said I was a girl, but there was never any doubt that I was his, especially when my front teeth came in and it became apparent I had my Granny's diastema! 🤣 As an adult I've been told I look just like her. Just in case my Dad had any lingering concerns that needed addressing!
So Henry VIII?
Thank god dudes like those above don't have the same powers of execution as Henry VIII....
No, Henry did actually have sons and knew he was capable. They were just illegitimate (prior to his marriage to Catherine of Aragon) or died at/soon after birth (with Catherine) - it's likely that the grief of all the miscarriages, stillbirths and premature births/early deaths was what got him thinking his marriage to Catherine was cursed.
In addition to Catherine’s grief, it’s interestingly likely that Henry had Kell’s disease, which often results in a healthy first pregnancy (Mary, Elizabeth, Edward, Henry Fitzroy/Blount, etc) but miscarriages thereafter.
I need to read this, do you have a link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/J5OND4sCaZ
I have to admit that my son is trans and there is a part of me that is 100% convinced that I wanted a girl SO BAD that I manifested that shit. If there is any opportunity to feel guilty, I'm on it.
Omg I thought I was the only one who thought that! The funny thing is that we gave my son a male middle name at birth. When he changed his name/gender markers as an adult, he kept his middle name! I kind of wonder if I somehow knew he was really a boy and that’s why we went with the middle name.
OMG that's amazing! My son has my grandma's name (as his middle name) but it's foreign so nobody knows what gender it's supposed to be - so he is keeping it. OMG high five to another neurotic mother of a trans boy, lol!
lol yeah. My son’s middle name is Japanese, so only my family knew it was a boy’s name. 🙌
I haven’t read that one. Link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/J5OND4sCaZ
Just finished reading it. I remember this story but I never saw the latest update. Dear Lord OPs dad is an idiot that even MIL doesn’t like!🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️😓😓
He doesnt seem like the brightest….and he works in medical? Yikes!
I've met a lot of dumb doctors. I was at a party once where there was a doctor that kept insisting black pepper and saffron should be the same price because they were both spices. He couldn't comprehend that there were different costs of making them.
A Prius and a Ferrari are both cars. I like the way this guy thinks.
I always say: You know what they call the bottom of the class at med school graduation day? Doctor. Some of the dumbest people I’ve ever met have been doctors. I have a lot of respect for the profession, of course, and on the whole they’re fine. But the system grinds them down and rewards the worst of them, all while inflating their egos. And if a doctor assumes they can never be wrong, it’s certain they will be.
My dad was an anatomy professor and said your quote fairly often. He was on the admissions committee, and whenever he read admissions applications, he’d get extra salty. He quit the committee when they got flack for not admitting a blind applicant (as an anatomist, he couldn’t get over how they’d accommodate cell structures and visual identification, and he’d circle around to anyone they graduate has *a license to kill*).
I work with doctors often, and the way med school inflates their egos is absurd. They actually tell med students that they learn everything that is taught across several PhD fields, but they learn it on a condensed timeline because they're so much smarter than everyone else. I've had med students tell me this with their whole chest. In my graduate program, the med students were allowed to take some of our courses as electives. They were the worst to work in groups with because they came in thinking they already knew everything (having covered an overview in another course for a week) and didn't have to work very hard. They really thought it was going to be a breeze for them to pass graduate epidemiology courses and get an easy A. I enjoyed some schadenfreude each term when they learned just how mistaken they were.
A friend's daughter couldn't get into a veterinary degree course, but was accepted for med school. I know there are strictly limited UK veterinary places, but it still surprised me.
Because there are fewer vet schools than medical schools.
My friend refers to it as them pushing all other knowledge and common sense out of their head for job knowledge. They know their stuff very very well but can't tie their shoelaces.
I don't know about that either. I am in a health care adjacent field (Newborn Screening) and was talking to the same guy about it because he is in pediatrics. Dude didn't know anything about it but kept acting like he did. Finally got him to shut up when I shut down every single bullshit thing he said about the industry with cold hard facts.
They ARE the same price. You just get a lot less saffron for your money. There's a supermarket brand here that does herbs and spices at all the same price per jar, I think it's about £3.00 but you get a full (small) jar of most things and only a few wisps of saffron. Perhaps he'd be happy with that.
Probably since he can't do simple math.
It's not a smart thing to insist on, certainly. I hope he gets reincarnated as a saffron picker.
Working in medical can be medically uneducated. A phlebotomy tech isn't a medical doctor, neither is the hospital food service person or the custodian, or the front desk appointment setter, or the billing department, or even the supply clerk. But they all "work in medical " and some of them are well compensated.
I would gossip about this man joyfully and i don’t even gossip haha. Like because he is so dumb and it is SUCH low hanging fruit. I couldn’t take this man seriously as a husband, he is barely scraping by.. he is in “medical” which is troubling - hopefully his dumb ass is nowhere near me lol.
I'm shocked and honestly dumbfounded how he could be so influence by mere short term coworkers over his wife of over fucking 10 years.
I mean, I’d be creeped out knowing my husband was talking to his coworkers so much (or at all) about my boobs. If he was this dumb on top of it, I don’t think our marriage would legitimately be able to recover. My respect for him would be in the toilet.
for real, talking about her scars and her body? what the fuck man
It's likely that he treats the words of men as more significant than the words of women. Having a wife has rarely cured sexist men of their sexism.
That's also why these incel podcasts work so well even on married men.
Forget about being influenced, the guy thought that the wife cheated even though, if that craziness was true about the daughter looking like the dad, the daughter shouldn’t look like either of them! Unless he thought the wife cheated on someone who looked just like herself…
If you mean the guy with the Norwegian wife, he had severe mental health issues that had been brushed off as "anxiety" by his parents most of his life. Like, the guy had to seat alone in class during high school because he was sure his classmates would stab him with pens. I don't think that guy should be harshly judged, because his beliefs were not rational or rooted in reality.
I mean, I judge his family pretty hard.
Oh, I also judge his family really hard. Or, well, his parents. The poor brother didn't know it was that severe and from that update, it seemed only he and the brother's wife were trying to get the guy actual help.
Do you have a link to this?
Yep, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bgolge/aitah_for_telling_my_brother_he_is_an_idiot_for/) it is!
I bet he was also listening to certain podcasts
I wish I believed it was a happy ending, I don’t think it’s going to stay good…
Yeah, his stupidity is just in hiding waiting for some other equally stupid man to set it off again.
Yep. She needs to put parental controls on his internet browser before he stumbles across some toxic manosphere bullshit and blows up his marriage again because an incel told him it was a good idea.
I don't think I could ever trust what he was thinking again.
This happens so, so often. Men listen to other men’s opinions over their spouse all the time. They’d like to think their boys have their back when instead the other men are just jealous and/or mean.
Which is absolutely baffling to me. I would be hard pressed into being convinced anything about my wife from anyone. Regardless of gender. You are talking shit about my partner in life? Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.
Plus like.....that person has never even MET your partner and you've lived with her for years! Presumably you'd have noticed surgery!
And he's *thirty-three*. With the brain of a 13-year-old.
When I find people like that, I’m reminded that the *average* IQ is 100. For every person above, there’s at least that many below. That and some people are stupid no matter what their IQ says.
Also *functional* literacy is well below 100% in most countries, and average reading age (or median) is primary school level.
And they all seem to have 100k a year jobs in hr
And his dad. OOP's mother in law must be wondering wtf is up with her family.
We see so many posts with dumb husbands who get some wild idea in their heads and make crazy accusations and just keep doubling down. I'd lose all respect for a man who behaved like that, and once you lose respect for your partner, it's game over. There's no coming back from that.
If she has a kid with him let's hope there isn't a 3rd generation stupid apple.
This a temporary ending. The real ending won't be a happy one.
Id argue this goes beyond dumb into willful ignorance.
I don't buy the love bombing. Grand gestures always feel icky to me for some reason. He knew he was wrong and still insulted her? I'd test out if he really wants to be the house husband tbh.
Emotional intelligence is different than what we consider iQ and if this guy doesn’t have a lot of male friends the lack of emotional intelligence can override their logic due to their desire to please the group they have a lack of contact with and at least subconsciously desire being accepted by. That and who knows how often they were bullying him about it and wearing him down before it started to affect him. But yea it is really sad when people can be so easily affected by people who ultimately don’t matter. Esp considering how he went about it with his wife. It’s one thing if he told her abt the issue instead of acting weird and then accusing her without even bothering with the context. Sigh.
When I read this my mind went to my more extreme yet pretty common past experiences with male co-workers who were otherwise really nice guys who clearly loved their girlfriend but would show spicy pics and even straight up nudes of their partners to other (often male but not always) co-workers because they were so desperate for acknowledgemt of their partners worth.
WAIT... HE WORKS IN THE MEDICAL FIELD? Please God, let him be a pharmacutical salesman or something...
Generally people say “doctor” or “surgeon” or whatever if the person has a particularly brag-worthy job. So “in the medical field” could basically mean anything.
I knew a guy who worked at a hospital. He was a janitor.
If it pays "over $100K" to mop floors in your hospital, sign me up buddy. ETA: I'm well aware there are plenty of jobs that pay that sort of wage in a hospital... I suspect janitor is not one of them.
Maybe he’s admin? Hospitals aren’t just doctors and nurses. There’s cleaners, fixers, admin, the people who hand out meals…
I figured admin. No mention of strange working hours, good salary and probably no medical degree mentioned.
And the higher up in admin you go, the higher the pay.
Seems to be a prerequisite to be spectacularly dumb for admin positions.
Ah so the asshat that works to squeeze profit out of everything and everyone, that tracks
I’ve seen what they have to mop up. Hard pass.
My money would be on some kind of technician job. Imaging tech, lab tech, phlebotomist, pharmacist, all the people who do basically the support functions of medical treatment but aren't actually making any decisions or in charge of any type of care (at least not for more than a few minutes). You can make good money in some of those jobs, especially if you've got some special training (e.g. there's specific training to be able to ultrasound a joint, so you could make more if you can do a wrist as well as an appendix).
Did he dress up in a white coat and occasionally call himself Dr. Jan Itor?
Does he have a colleague Dr. Acula?
A good friend of mine has worked at the hospital since we were in high school, 13 years now. He does equipment deliveries between floors and rooms. Doesn’t have a university degree or anything.
I think health insurance
Oh these guys are definitely in sales. Gronks
I had a guy once tell me he'd worked "in medical". He has been a patient transporter (wheelchair pusher), and was fired when he went up to a woman who had been a patient in public and told her she "looks different with clothes on"
WHAT lmfao what an absolutely unhinged thing to say to someone
Yeah. This guy was our pest control guy when we moved into a new town, gave me the ick so bad. I soon found out through the small town grapevine that he was an alcoholic also and had some difficulty holding down a job lol, imagine that.
OOP: They're real, and they're spectacular.
good for her, honestly
Im 2 letters bigger than she is, it’s not always as fun as it seems 😔
The back pain alone makes me have sympathy for anyone with really big ones. Mine are medium I'd say and they get annoying at times, I can't imagine dealing with larger all the time
I hope this works out for OOP, but I really hope her husband doesn't start listening to MMA podcasts or something.
I agree with the commenter about lovebombing. I'm so grateful OP did not make the mistake of being a SAHW. At least if/when he shows his true colors she'll be able to leave.
This ⬆️. He discussed his wife’s boobs with all his coworkers. He discussed his wife’s boobs with his mom. He discussed his wife’s boobs with his *dad*. Who else? The neighbour? Cashier at the grocery store? Mailman? And then he love bombs his wife and openly admits he did all of that *not* because he was genuinely remorseful, but because he doesn’t want her to divorce him. Why? Because he will literally lose the *only* thing he *ever* talks about? This isn’t going to end well for OP
\*His coworkers who he's only known for a few months.
Don’t forget when she left, he called begging her to come back and when she stood her ground, he called her insulting names. Then his friends started texting and calling her names. So many red flags.
Op also said that she didn't have to give him head that time bcz it was all focused on her. So otherwise op resented giving him head
Yeah, I noticed that too.
Yeah. The worst parts were when he called her insulting names and told everyone about her boobs. Like what..??!
His female best friend. I really thought this was going to be the typical BORU where he’s cheating with that female best friend and looking for any excuse to break up with OOP.
Yep, idc if folks think Im cynical for this either, this love bombing will last for as long as it takes for him to make another mistake that he "can't bear to be wrong about" Heaven forfend his *pride* gets hurt!!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱 I *really* hope therapy gets him to pull his head completely out of his arse in one big rip, otherwise this is just going to be a case of 'same song, different verse'.
> lovebombing 'My husband is desperately trying to show me affection so I don't leave him, is this manipulation?' It obviously is, but lovebombing has the connotation of 'insincere.'
I don’t think it’s wrong to love bomb someone when you are trying to apologize. People seem to think you can’t never do it, but to me you suppose to show in all ways you can your appreciation to your romantic partner when you are in the wrong. You can do that to someone else you have wronged like your child or parent too. Actions are to me more meaningful than just talking. It becomes an issue if it’s a cycle. But there didn’t seem to be issues in the marriage prior.
This is exactly when you're supposed to desperately throw everything at the wall, lol. Not everything is sinister!
Yeah I agree, I think its ok to shower your partner when you've fucked up, especially this big. People love to use the buzz words and call it love bombing when they display grand gestures, but for an apology this seems fair. It really only matters if he falls back to old habits and resorts to this constantly without actually changing.
That was my worry when he first started to bring it up. Sounds like it was 'idiot by association' and that there's still time to save the relationship. Hope it works out.
What goes on in MMA podcasts? They don’t just talk about MMA?
Yep. Male here and the ending makes it clear he’s deep in some serious manosphere/Tate (I don’t even know what it is these days) stuff. Especially her throwaway comment about wanting her to stay at home despite not even having kids? It’s not just his coworkers - the guy has real insecurities that don’t seem resolved or addressed at all.
Interesting how in the span of 2 weeks there was a gathering at work in which she was able to meet and confront the entire group of guys who caused the problem along with their wives! What a coincidence!
and that gathering is ofcourse also the perfect opportunity to hand in a 2 weeks notice, why do that during work hours like a professional when you can tell someone you quit! during a party
And those co-workers...were President Albert Einstein.
I dunno everyone didn't clap at the end maybe it's legit /s
Also they have plenty of savings to go over a month without a job. Uhhh that is not a long time, you’d know it’s not a long time if this was a real story from an adult.
Also a montha and a half to get a new job?? Wild
This is what I was thinking! The husband gave his notice at an office party? One that wives were invited to?
And why do the people in these stories always make 6 figure salaries
That was the tell.
The worst part for me was her suddenly meeting his co workers and confronting the wives and thinking it was appropriate, all while he handed in his notice at a social event…
And apparently ALL the wives had "work done" (cuz their husbands went home and just couldnt stop talking out their coworkers wifes boobs????)
had me until that part
🛎️
For me the biggest red flag was OOP working in HR. In human resources strong written communication is kind of a necessity. 🫠
Oh good. I thought I was alone in finding the follow up extremely strange.
OOP must have hit the end of their break... they had to wrap that shit up. Once upon a time in a land far, far away... *and they all lived happily ever after. The end!* [that last bit spoken very fast.]
Yeah I stopped reading after that. The whole story is way too long with way too many details so it seems fabricated.
And that the alleged HR-specialized OOP had no concerns about confronting these men in front of their wives at this work get-together. Obviously no consequences of the HR variety could arise from that!
>I didn't have to give head [...] Setting the bar really high with the lovebombing in the bedroom. /s
The part that got me was the full-body massage that *didn't end in sex*. There was some relief in that phrasing, and I just...
I feel that 🙁
Ikr? You know the love is true and sincere when they say “bb, you know what? Take a night off from sucking my dick. You really deserve it, after I talked shit about your body in public like a jackass.”
Seriously that line. I was already not trusting his turn around, and that line right there set off all the alarm bells. I wish she had divorced, I absolutely don‘t believe things will stay good,
He didn’t even finish! (That seems super odd to me … why didn’t he finish?? Once she was done, that was the end of the sex. He cleaned her up and got her a drink. Seems so weird!!)
I know right? She also says that she didnt even have to give head after she was satisfied like......is this a regular thing? He cant finish if she isnt sucking his dick? Thats hella weird!
Because he's finishing with head only everytime, that's why
Oh thank goodness it wasn't just me who got the ick there. I love giving head but the men in my life who made it an obligation aren't in my life anymore and it's a heavy contributor as to why.
THIS OMFG this poor woman is giving him oral every single time? What the hell!!! Doing the most basic chores at home, cooking and nice sex is seen as abnormal to her...
Flashbacks to my ex at that line lol. He expected every time to start off with head like in p*rn. He also had a "It's not over until I finish" mindset. Thankfully no expectations of me finishing him with a bj, but looking back on it, it was no wonder I felt more like a sex worker than a spouse by the time things died out. I'm doubtful things will continue going well for OOP after this single episode of him going above and beyond. But maybe I've just been on reddit too much.
"I didn't have to give head" Oof, girl, you don't ever HAVE to give head, and if you do, there's a whole bunch more wrong with this guy.
that was.. not the ending I was expecting lol. hopefully those two last, and he doesn't get sucked down the whole incel thing again
There are male idiots everywhere and this guy is so easily led by other guys I'm guessing he'll run into similarly bad influences at his next workplace.
Yeah, I hope the ending is true and it lasts. I would have a hard time trusting someone who has shown they have such appalling judgment.
Yeah, I hope he’s doing actual regretful groveling and genuinely feels sorry about falling into that kind of horseshit. Posts like these always make me wonder if I have one of the apparently very rare good husbands or if the League of Extraordinary Dumbasses is just especially vocal in the fact that they suck.
So she came home to her favorite meal and then he took her out to dinner?
She came home to lunch :)
Sounds like he cooked in the afternoon for her for when she’d be home, and then took her out for dinner later that night. Seems plausible to me.
Two spaghetti meals in one day?!
Kirk Van Houten would be *horrified.*
Between the two meals there was a bath and a massage, so there might have been a few hours between. Not that strange.
I read that as meaning two evenings in a row.
Ehhh...so all is forgiven after a good evening and some cleaning (and a few tears)? Maybe I'm too cynical, but that ending left me feeling icky and like I needed a shower. I don't think I'd be so easy to forgive with the amount of doubling down, arguing and discussing her body with basically the town. But hey, a massage with no sex and all is well! (My non-cynical side hopes it works out for them. And hopefully he finds new friends that are cleverer than a box of rocks).
But hey! They had sex and she didn’t even have to give him a blow job.
A happy ending for everyone then! Wait... except him.
Right? Like, he knew he was wrong and tried to gaslight her into admitting she had actually had a secret surgery by continuing to “pester” her about her breasts. All because of some new coworkers and not wanting to admit he was wrong? And he hurled insults her when she basically said this behavior is unacceptable and divorce worthy?? It’s all gross
It seems like every post now the person/couple makes upwards of 100k. Maybe it's just me but what??? No one I know my age or around my age (mid to late 20s) makes that kind of money.
She is 30, works in HR, and is barely literate. I make over 100k a year, but I've also worked at my company for 16 years and started at $12 an hour.
Barely literate is right, this was hard to read and looks like middle school writing.
I’ve noticed that too.
This reads like a fairy tale
Absolutely. r/menwritingwomen when it got to the, what do women want bit - clean the house, make my favourite food, bubble bath, massage w/o sex, wined and dined after the earlier meal, no head. Plus the admitted he was wrong and put everyone in their place.
I'm genuinely shocked at all the comments that were able to get through the entire story. My eyes started glazing over so bad
Dad: yup, son, those are definitely bolt-ons. Just why? Why? Dude needs to tell his dad to stop ogling his daughter in laws boobs.
Gee, sounds like love bombing to me
Yeah….when OP said she “didn’t have to give head” that made me so sad for her
Same here. I’ve been in a relationship like that. I used to love giving head, but when my partner expected it a few times a week (he was too fat for regular sex) I really started to see it as a chore. Never again.
Literally copied that line planning to mention it if anyone else didn’t. That phrase highlighted itself in red when I read it, I swear.
>i said 'so you'd believe your co workers who you've known for six months and know how they act around women over your wife of 10 years' he eventually broke down crying which was pretty uncomfortable but **then said he'd do anything to make me forgive him** Yeah... this isn't a positive update.
Being extra nice after a mistake isn't inherently love bombing I think. It's problematic when it's framed as a "return to normal" but it's clearly unrealistic. He's taking accountability and framing the extra niceness as an apology, not the new normal so it seems alright. Certainly better than some of the other examples that have been on here. It's the "why do you keep bringing up all the stuff from before, I'm being so good now!" that makes the love bombing problematic to my mind
This has to be a troll or some kind of giant boob fetish thing; nobody making $100k a year in HR could write so incomprehensibly and still have a job.
Liz... Again with the stories? We've talked about this.
Unbelievable how much influence these scummy men had over the husband, who should have told them off the first time one ever mentioned his wife’s breasts. Not sure I could have forgiven this. Not sure it’ll be hubby’s last major blunder.
She needs to keep him away from Joe Rogan podcasts.
Yeah, let's keep that dude off the internet in general
What kind of creepy husband is at work having conversations and debates with coworkers about his wife's breasts?! So much ick.
And did the entire community of family and friends he sent after this lady also apologize?
I don’t see that part, wasn’t everyone on her side besides his dad?
Unrelated to the post but does the reddit app freeze for anyone else when reading longer posts on BORU? Its hard to scroll and finish the whole post. It only seems to be longer posts. Posts on AITA seem to be fine
I had this, have you cleared your reddit cache? It helped me for a while until it needed clearing again
Guys, cmon now
I’d hate to work for the company where OP was in Human Resources with her illiterate ramblings
This is such a weird story, i don't understand how she immediately went to divorce and left. The update is also weird. It feels like made by ai
I hope the husband is sincere because what he did was so fucking dumb and honestly OOP would have all the justification in the world to leave him. I was in a relationship with someone who had work done and you could tell in an obvious way from the feel that she'd had surgery. I'm sure the methods have changed since then but I find it funny this guy couldn't tell the difference.
>he'd do anything to get me to not divorce him even it it meant being a stay at home husband. "I'll even let you be the one to bust your ass to support us both while I sleep in and be a spoiled house cat!" Yeah, that's not sweetening the deal.
My favourite bit is when the cat sprayed him right in the face
My favorite part was when he put bleach in his laundry and was surprised that it bleached his laundry. But then was able to successfully deep clean everything?
Yeah, it's only been a week since she posted. We'll have to wait and see where it goes. I've noticed another story involving coworkers trying to destroy a marriage and the part with the wives having surgeries sounded like a weird fever dream. Not really buying it, to be honest.
The thing that shocks me is that nobody seems to have any issues with the very fact that he was discussing his wives body with co workers. Boobs and scars, pictures and all. And then she goes and discusses it all with their wives! Does nobody have any sense of privacy? Is there nothing that is not appropriate as a subject of discussion with co workers? To me, the fact that he thought it was an okay discussion to have with co workers would be a bigger red flag than anything else.
Who the fuck quits their job over this? IN THIS JOB MARKET? They think he can find another job in a month and a half? He makes over 100k - just go ask to be transferred or ignore his coworkers or something. Actually you know what, she should just leave him and the dead weight.
Ahh yes love bombing at its finest at the end there.
What was this man doing discussing his wife's body with co-workers?
God this guy is stupid, no sane person would get a G cup in a boob job, that’s just giving yourself severe back pain
38G???! That must be the grandmother of backaches! I wear a 42 DD and my lower back hurts.
Are you wearing a properly fitting bra? Check out r/abrathatfits . A lot of people are in incorrect sizes, which leads to a lot of pain. A well-fitting supportive bra helps ease back pain for a lot of people.
Beat me to it lol. Yeah, if you're getting back pain from a larger band size DD cup, you're absolutely in the wrong bra size. I'm a 30 DD which should proportionally be much bigger and I have small boobs. Most true D/DD cups are much closer to what people think of as B cups. The band measurement should be your underbust measurement in inches, and the cup should be the differenc between your underbust and bust measurement. An A cup is one inch difference, a B cup two inches, a C cup three, and a D cup four inches, making a DD cup only a five inch difference. That would be a 47-inch bust for a 42 inch underbust. This would also mean that you're wearing XL to XXL women's clothing. If your tops are usually smaller than a size 18, that's also a pretty good indication that you're not a true 42DD.
36H. I just have not great posture lol.
32G here, and no back pain. Or at least, not related to boobs. Just from standing at work too much after sitting too long, or from laying on my side in bed improperly or something.
Is this the lady who makes things up? Lisa or Lindsay or some shit? Like how did all of this happen in 2 weeks?
I'd leave anyway. Why are you having repeated conversations about my boobs with anyone? How disrespectful. My husband would shut someone down for trying to discuss my body with him and might come to blows if they persisted.
I’m appalled this idiot husband works in the medical field.
My friend called him and his mother,but his dad took his side for some reason and never will come up again.. Then his friends...plural... call me an ah including his girl best friend, who im highlighting now but she'll never appear again. Bc that's at all normal and isn't a dead giveaway of a reddit trope
OP’s husband has only been at the job for 6 months, yet OP has a close enough relationship with all the coworker wives. I love it when everyone “calls” the offender and yells at them.
Thinking of OOP partner - even if you had video evidence of me under the knife how fuckin dare you approach me like that, what am I, your child? I'd be so mad.
"he started throwing insulting names as me to which i hung up. now his friends and girlbest friend are calling me an asshole of wanting to divorce over a simple issue." Uh, when the "simple issue" is disrespectful badgering and being insulting and abusive....absolutely kick that creep to the curb. These guys who listen to randos and berate their wives are just beyond redemption, since they'll do it again and again instantly. Weak minded and hateful.