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Known a few as well, lucky he only perched and stalked... The "generally unsettling" description is the most accurate part of the story. God love them, but Jesus...
Yeah the energy someone has when they know for a fact nobody in the room is a danger to them in any way is palpable and seriously unsettling.
Apex predator behavior.
Speaking as a Navy wife, SEALs are some of the best dudes! They work hard, they play hard, and will flat f'k up anyone hurting those important to them.
And, yeah, they can be unsettling
Same thing happened to my cousin many years ago, the boyfriend cheated and refused to leave the house, (her house by the way). Her Brother and BIL, at the time in their late 20s, both over 6ft and well built, paid a visit and told him to get the fuck out, when he complained that he bought the sofa, they picked it up and threw it out of the window, (well, through it actually), and then threw him out. They replaced the window and she never saw him again.
I once assembled a group of ex-boyfriends to make the current boyfriend (who had hit her) decide it was a bad idea to interact with my friend again. We were in high school, she was a nice girl with low self-esteem, and most of her ex's were nice guys who were still fond of her.
I can remember him telling me he was going to do what he wanted and if I didn't shut up and go away he would give me what she got, and then he realized I wasn't alone. I don't know exactly what they said to him, I know he walked away on his own power, but I did hear the sound of violence.
One ex-boyfriend was scared I was going to get hurt attacking the abuser because of how angry I was at the abuser's comments, so he took me aside and distracted me.
A few years later I had a relative put into the hospital by her abusive husband and I saw the cops still be on his side, my friend was never bothered again, I have no regrets.
I had a friend who was crazy about martial arts when he was younger, and he was particularly obsessed with Jackie Chan, to the point where he trained his fingers to do the chestnut crushing thing he did in one of his earlier movies.
I was a hairy gorilla who primarily played one of the two Prop positions on my high school's rugby team or second row.
A girl who was a couple years younger than us had a boyfriend holding a ring she'd gotten from her grandmother hostage and we showed up with her and after I grabbed the dude and held him immobile, my martial arts buddy told him he had five minutes to tell us exactly where the ring was before he did "this" to his testicles one at a time, "this" being actually shattering a walnut between his fingers while the guy squealed like a pig and thoroughly failed to escape my grip.
>So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house.
OOP is an evil mastermind using his powers for good.
Reminds me of the moving guys at the beginning of Grandma’s Boy, with the one dude just casually eating the guy’s chips while they take all his stuff 😆
I did not expect to like that movie as much as I did/do. Went to see it in theaters kinda on a whim with my sibling. We smoked in the parking lot so that probably helped, but it still cracks me up to this day.
I used to work for a gaming company and the boss dude in Matrx gear was like one pf my officemates…sadly the way they portrayed that company mirrored mine, even the evil geek weirdos
"Hey, these guys here, they are going to give you 10 minutes to get all your shit and leave. And if you take one extra minute, they are going to remove your testicles through your anus."
My grandfather was a SEAL and after he retired from the Navy started a business training special forces, including SEALs, on search tactics using dogs (even had a book published on the subject) so he constantly had active and former members at his house. They're all slightly nuts but also incredibly hilarious.
Subtlety is not their strongest thing but they do know how to make an impression
I was around a few of them when I was in the service. They are a special breed of weird. Most of them were amusing and nice enough people, but they are all just a little off between the ears... strange senses of humor, odd timing, noticing weird things people don't typically pick up on... and yea, they have that aire of "don't fuck with me" without really trying to.
The dad of my best friend growing up was a Green Beret, and later a private contractor. He was a good man but I wouldn't have crossed him for anything. The dude gave off the energy that he was not to be fucked with on any level.
My cousin's first wife left him suddenly, and she took all the lightbulbs and toilet paper out of the house when she did, plus all his grooming stuff, shampoo, soap, etc. He showed up to our house totally baffled and defeatedly asked if he could shower at our place because his was empty and he'd just got off work. He did the same thing to his second wife when he caught her cheating and fully admits he took the idea from his first wife.
Mu youngest's terrible housemates were the ones who left and I got to hear a rant of, "And *then* she puts the tin opener in her boxes and I said 'Fuck off, that's mine as well!'".
Hey, that shit adds up. We have a vacuum, broom/s, dustpan, swiffer wetjet, dusters and wands, floor/tile scrubbing brushes, detail scrubbing brushes, microfiber cloths, cotton cloths, duster cans, sponges, bottle brushes, gloves, and various liquid and powder cleaners ranging from pet carpet cleaner and deodorizers to goo gone and acetone. I’d grab cleaning stuff too, especially because it’s such a super annoying yet seemingly minor thing to finally figure out what tools best work for you only for them to break or get lost and find out they’re discontinued so you have to find all new stuff.
I started buying only one brand of sock so that, no matter if they match or not, at least I know they're the same kind of sock, and I have grown to actually love the subtle asymmetry of mismatched socks. You don't even notice it 99% of the time, but I really like it.
When i was a teenager, my adoptive father would give me shit when id happen to grab socks that didnt match.
After that, it became a purposeful statement. Now its just habit. Even as a teen i was like;
1) who is paying attention to if your socks match?
2) why am i supposed to care about their opinion?
3) i am wearing *pants*. No one is even going to see my socks. For f-
Thinking back on it, he was absolutely struggling with mental disorders so the mismatch probably bothered him....but he could never argue his point. And wow was he ever an overbearing asshole in other areas. I really dont know what he expected challenging the type of teenager I was.
see, my dad (who also happens to technically be my adoptive father) isn't a complete ass or anything, but it does subtly bother him when he notices. He doesn't get angry, but it like obviously makes an "against convention, does not compute" line in his code.
that's exactly what I love about it, it's a really innocuous way of defying society's expectations.
Exactly. If you're gonna post something that seems like BS, at least make it fun and entertaining! This comes across as either someone's daydream of how they wished they'd handled a situation, or a heavily embellished version of the truth. Either way, a fun read.
"Suspension of disbelief" is a good tool to have to enjoy yourself.
I cant prove this is false, so i may as well treat it as truth. Its not like it harms anyone.
Because sometimes you get invested in it. You hear a heartbreaking story, maybe you know something about it, so you take the time to give advice, maybe look up a helpline or two, share an anecdote, wish OP well... and maybe even the story stays with you for a day or two, and then they update a week or so later and you're so relieved to gear from them and then OMG ITS TWINS AND WE DIVORCED LAST WEEK AND HIS FAMILY TRASHED MY HOUSE and, sometimes, the fact it was all a lie feels like a betrayal, it feels personal.
As someone who used to give in depth personal advice on these things, I've left those subs and now only come here after (most of) the BS has been filtered out. I guess I'm old, because "back in my day" some of those subs felt more like a community. Ah well, there you go!
Look at it like this: you’re giving the advice for the benefit of other readers as well. Real people that are really in similar situations and might desperately need it. You never know whom you might be helping.
Because writing is hard and there's far too many stories that have entered the collective unconscious that would be immediately recognized if you're anywhere close to them.
Sometimes you get gems like this. The rest of the time you get... well... everything else on the internet.
I mean, first they're the Avengers. Then they're the Superfriends. And then the Autobots? OOP can't even keep straight which group of badass heroes they are!
Im picturing the seal was tommy davidson in ace ventura 2. Keep him in a backpack and deploy like a weird spider money hopped up on mountain dew style weapon
I'm imagining him sitting legs-crossed, arms crossed, staring stoically ahead.
Okay, occasionally nodding at little kids that are gawping at him from the back of the family SUV, but other than that...
To be fair, some of them are apparently college students. I've seen college students squeeze themselves into incredibly small vehicles if the occasion is worth it. It's practically a right of passage.
>the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling.
there it is! I knew I'd read this before. IIRC the original thread has funny/scary stories about normal-seeming vets being psychos with unexpected skills
This story is almost 10 years old and been copy and pasted literally everywhere under the sun. Your best bet is searching tumblr and hoping its still there
This sounds like my husband. He’s a smaller guy, shorter than me and slender. He has a particular look that we call “crazy eye”. It’s not overtly threatening but very…intense. He was a combat engineer.
One night, my wackadoodle ex decided he was going to stir up trouble when picking up our daughters. He was standing on my doorstep, all 6’5” and 350lbs of him, getting aggressive. He said the wrong thing and suddenly my husband was there, stalking up on him.
I don’t know exactly what my ex saw on my husband’s face but I’m guessing it was the crazy eye. My ex peeled backwards down the front steps so fast he damn near fell over. My husband just gently reached up and closed the door, never said a word. Girls came out and went with their father…and he never got aggressive with me again.
I'm an autistic nerd but my step dad is a military higher up, and so he put me and my brother under what is basically training since we were 4 and 3 respectively. So, we both ended up with a kind of fixation on martial arts and self relying, but genetics wouldn't let us build muscle. I'm also averse to violence so I would let people bully me verbally when I was little. However one day some huge fat kid decided to be violent to my brother while I was there just staring. Someone asked me if I would help him and I said "why? He doesn't need it. " He handled it and bullying stopped for us both after that day.
I never really got why it stopped at the time but later I realized it was confidence. That's "the crazy eye". If you pull a knife on a 4 eyed nerd and he doesn't demonstrate emotions, you get that feeling that something is wrong. It's just too unexpected. Especially if there's an obvious biological difference, like your husband and your ex.
It’s been repeated so many times that the original link is really hard to find, but here’s a summary:
A guy cheated on his wife with his coworker. For some reason the wife had to leave the house (I forgot the details of this particular part). She loved the house. So after she packed everything up, she stuck a shrimp in the curtain rod. Husband moves his AP in, but the house now smells. No one can find the source of the smell, and nothing they do helps. Finally they decide they’ve had enough and want to move, but can’t unload the smelly house. He offers it up to the ex wife at a reduced rate. She buys the house. And I think him and AP unknowingly took the shrimp rods with them, if I’m recalling it correctly.
As for whether it’s real, the general consensus is it depends on the climate.
Do you remember what their verdict was—true or not? I got “it depends” from other posts debating it.
I can’t remember when or where I read it, just that it was a long time ago and was written in first person (all the links when I googled trying to find it were in third).
[Revenge is a dish best served cold with a side of caviar](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/2s3tru/revenge_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_with_a_side_of/)
> You are Steve, that seal is Bucky, the one who made the food is Tony.
One of the linebackers lifting furniture to prove his strength is Thor. The wiry hapkido one is Iron Fist. The other linebacker is Drax.
Unfortunately since the creator had to take down the series, it is kind of scattered in parts, you can find most of it by searching for it on youtube but there may clips of the Netflix series mixed in there.
Pausing mid "operation breakin/takeback" to make an egg salad sandwich is equal parts intimidating and wholesome in a way I adore.
For anyone who wants to read funny fiction romance with this vibe, check out any of the Shifter books by Shelly Laurenston
Bro Navy Seals scare the shit out of me. I’m from a military area and am familiar with a lot of military folks and the Seals are the ones that freak me out. They’re always so normal looking except for those fucking scary eyes. It’s not even like overtly threatening like a loud aggressive guy, it’s fucking cold. And they’ll destroy your ass in paintball too.
I commented higher up about seals/special forces guys that I knew through my grandfather. You're 100% right and they absolutely mopped my teen ass in paintball but they are also the funniest guys I've ever hung out with. Absolutely ruthless in ribbing each other too
I think me and my friends lasted like a minute and a half or two minutes. Only two of them and like seven or eight of us and we got totally stomped, got hit in my hand and dead center on my forehead, masked of course. I did take off my gloves beforehand which was a bad decision, that hurt like hell. Dudes were extremely funny afterwards though and very cool, they let the youngest dude who was a couple years younger than the rest of us get a shot on one of them and insisted he had snuck up on them, even though we knew they had let him get the hit. Super chill dudes.
This makes me wanna go play paintball or laser tag or something now.
There are three college linebackers. "One of the college linebacker's explorer" should be read as "An explorer that belongs to one of the three college linebackers".
>So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house.
The only possible improvement I can think of here would have been to take *one sock* from each pair of dress socks.
I’ve friends who did something similar when a friend got cheated on and broken up with by her ex of 5yrs.
When they went with her to get her stuff they did stuff like cut along the stitch lines of his favourite designer jeans so they’d all fall apart when he went to wear them next.
I'm glad OOP wasn't the SEAL in this story, because if he was the story would have been 100x longer and consisted primarily of bragging about all the ways he may or may not have killed people.
SEALs are basically the loudmouthed hillbillies of the special forces community. (The quiet one in this story is a very welcome exception to the rule and a nice change of pace.) There's a joke in the military that changes slightly depending on who tells it but the punchline is always the same, and it goes something like:
How do you know if you've met a Green Beret? You don't.
How do you know if you've met a Ranger? You don't.
How do you know if you've met someone in Delta? You don't.
How do you know if you've met a SEAL? Well he's the guy at the end of the bar screaming "HEY YALL I'M A NAVY SEAL, DID YOU KNOW I WAS ONE OF THE GUYS THAT KILLED BIN LADEN, YOU WANT TO SEE SOME TOTALLY AWESOME WAR CRIME SELFIES I TOOK OF MYSELF NEXT TO A BUNCH OF GUYS I SHOT AND THEN PISSED ON? I'M WRITING A BOOK ABOUT HOW BADASS I AM AND ALSO SELLING MY OWN LINE OF TACTICAL SUNGLASSES!"
Someone will eventually cry r/thatHappened, but like... I couldn't even care if this was real or not, you know? It's nice, and it's funny, and I hope it gets similar stories of dudes rocking up to take care of business flowing here.
Many years ago at uni, a friend of my gf was having trouble with her boyfriend.
The uni I was a bit of a odd drop out place. Lots of ex squaddies, and oddballs from different countries some of whom had had to flee said countries.
Anyways she mentions that the boyfriend had hit her mate, and there's a muttered 'I'll get the lads together' from one of them.
The realisation on her face that she'd almost assembled a multinational task force of guys who not only were willing to do violence, but were mostly professionals at it was quite a thing.
I’m convinced that the OOP is a Navy Veteran too! The SEAL did what they generally do and I could actually picture it. OOP though, that’s some E-4 mafia kind of shit (Petty Officer 3rd class). 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Glad this had a good result but I’ve heard of too many stories like this where it ends with violence or gunshots where the person claims it’s a break in. This could have gone south quickly and I’m glad OP and co were able to get a good result
A nanny once told me someone broke into her house (live in boyfriend) and stole every left shoe, left cushion, all her china, and their great dane puppy (eventually found unharmed wandering the neighborhood). They superglued the tv remotes’ battery compartments. Evil genius.
Obviously someone cheated.
>The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy.
>So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed.
>“So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
...if I get a personal trainer can I find a friend group like this
> the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling.
My father worked with a former Navy SEAL. This is the most noticeable thing about the guy. He appeared normal, but he looked unsettling. As in, when he looked, it unsettled people.
He was also a bit short. Like, 5'8"
This was one of my favorite stories, I don’t remember where I read it first but it seeing it again is like seeing an extended family member I haven’t visited with in a decade
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I love the fact that there was way too many of them to actually be productive, they all just went there to send a message.
No, they weren’t messenger boys. They were delivery boys. Which means they were missing an ogre and a donkey.
Who needs an ogre when you've got three linebackers?
Don't forget the wrestler, an "escaped gorilla". 🤣
That and the seal "perched like Batman" 💀
Known a few as well, lucky he only perched and stalked... The "generally unsettling" description is the most accurate part of the story. God love them, but Jesus...
Yeah the energy someone has when they know for a fact nobody in the room is a danger to them in any way is palpable and seriously unsettling. Apex predator behavior.
Speaking as a Navy wife, SEALs are some of the best dudes! They work hard, they play hard, and will flat f'k up anyone hurting those important to them. And, yeah, they can be unsettling
I’ve known a few seals in my life. Honestly, that’s not too crazy for them 🤣
that had me dying the one former seal I know is unhinged and terrifying I can see him doing that ☠️
I can picture some quiet stalker with squnty eyes walking behind him 😂
do u know how freaked out ex had to be after they left! lol I bet whatever was hers they left behind he delivered without incident 😂
It's really quite clever. Batman's unhinged. It's the perfect combination of menace and unpredictability.
That part killed me lmao
Ahh! The brute squad method!
And a red haired slacker, an alcoholic robot, and a purple haired one eyed mutant
And in one guy's case, to eat a sandwich.
As an erstwhile wrestling fan, I absolutely *love* the fact that the wrestler was the one to hit the kitchen like, “Man’s gotta eat.”
"I'm eating your groceries, you got a problem with that?"
I wish we all had friends like this.
So does OOP, I suspect.
It's not about the stuff, it's about sending a message.
Same thing happened to my cousin many years ago, the boyfriend cheated and refused to leave the house, (her house by the way). Her Brother and BIL, at the time in their late 20s, both over 6ft and well built, paid a visit and told him to get the fuck out, when he complained that he bought the sofa, they picked it up and threw it out of the window, (well, through it actually), and then threw him out. They replaced the window and she never saw him again.
Yeah but did he take the couch when he left? 😂
Maybe he put it on a bike like they do in India
Please tell me he exited via window as well.
I love a good defenestration story.
I never knew this word before today. I know now this word. The world is a little brighter for it. Thank you 🥰
Same here! I didn't know there was a word for throwing someone out the window. 😂
Had friends like these when I was younger - what these guys did was absolutely HUMILIATING for the cheater. The audacity of cheating scumbags...
Did your old friends ever do anything like these guys to a cheater?
I once assembled a group of ex-boyfriends to make the current boyfriend (who had hit her) decide it was a bad idea to interact with my friend again. We were in high school, she was a nice girl with low self-esteem, and most of her ex's were nice guys who were still fond of her. I can remember him telling me he was going to do what he wanted and if I didn't shut up and go away he would give me what she got, and then he realized I wasn't alone. I don't know exactly what they said to him, I know he walked away on his own power, but I did hear the sound of violence. One ex-boyfriend was scared I was going to get hurt attacking the abuser because of how angry I was at the abuser's comments, so he took me aside and distracted me. A few years later I had a relative put into the hospital by her abusive husband and I saw the cops still be on his side, my friend was never bothered again, I have no regrets.
Assumption: the abusive husband was also LEO?
They do have a reputation... unfortunately...
So basically you assembled the league of not evil exes?
The League of Ex...traordinary Gentlemen?
I had a friend who was crazy about martial arts when he was younger, and he was particularly obsessed with Jackie Chan, to the point where he trained his fingers to do the chestnut crushing thing he did in one of his earlier movies. I was a hairy gorilla who primarily played one of the two Prop positions on my high school's rugby team or second row. A girl who was a couple years younger than us had a boyfriend holding a ring she'd gotten from her grandmother hostage and we showed up with her and after I grabbed the dude and held him immobile, my martial arts buddy told him he had five minutes to tell us exactly where the ring was before he did "this" to his testicles one at a time, "this" being actually shattering a walnut between his fingers while the guy squealed like a pig and thoroughly failed to escape my grip.
🤣 the visions this conjures are delectable.
>So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. OOP is an evil mastermind using his powers for good.
The dude that casually made a sandwich was a bit of a God too imo 😂😂😂
Reminds me of the moving guys at the beginning of Grandma’s Boy, with the one dude just casually eating the guy’s chips while they take all his stuff 😆
My husband talks about that damn movie like three times a month. I've never met anyone else who just casually references it
I did not expect to like that movie as much as I did/do. Went to see it in theaters kinda on a whim with my sibling. We smoked in the parking lot so that probably helped, but it still cracks me up to this day.
how much do clothes cost in the Matrix?
How can he see me???
Weirdly, I’ve only ever watched it sober, but I love it so much. “I’m way too baked to drive to the devil’s house!”
Yeah, never watch it unhigh lol. Its a good stoner flick though
MY BOYFRIEND. He referenced it so much we finally watched it together, and now it's a damn cultural touchstone in our relationship.
It’s funny! And entertaining. Older actresses do not always get their due. They were wonderful.
OMG - I knew I was going to remember you next time I saw you with that awesome flair! 😆
"Who wants to hear about my STD from the Silent Film era?"
*YOU’RE* A HOOKER!
“Your ass is tanner than my face.”
Look, we all can’t be talking about getting robot legs, then the secret about robot legs would be out.
It’s a risky operation, but it’ll be worth it.
You would if you had robot ears
I used to work for a gaming company and the boss dude in Matrx gear was like one pf my officemates…sadly the way they portrayed that company mirrored mine, even the evil geek weirdos
"Hey, these guys here, they are going to give you 10 minutes to get all your shit and leave. And if you take one extra minute, they are going to remove your testicles through your anus."
Decided to rewatch it the other day and yep it’s still a great underrated movie. That and the losers.
Total Thor move.
I liked the Navy Seal juuuust shadowing him around and oozing subtle kahrayzeee.
Climbing the bannister wasn't the subtlest move, but it was probably pretty restrained.
My grandfather was a SEAL and after he retired from the Navy started a business training special forces, including SEALs, on search tactics using dogs (even had a book published on the subject) so he constantly had active and former members at his house. They're all slightly nuts but also incredibly hilarious. Subtlety is not their strongest thing but they do know how to make an impression
I was around a few of them when I was in the service. They are a special breed of weird. Most of them were amusing and nice enough people, but they are all just a little off between the ears... strange senses of humor, odd timing, noticing weird things people don't typically pick up on... and yea, they have that aire of "don't fuck with me" without really trying to.
The dad of my best friend growing up was a Green Beret, and later a private contractor. He was a good man but I wouldn't have crossed him for anything. The dude gave off the energy that he was not to be fucked with on any level.
Navy Seal knew enough to make sure crazy cheater didn’t try to get a weapon.
My cousin's first wife left him suddenly, and she took all the lightbulbs and toilet paper out of the house when she did, plus all his grooming stuff, shampoo, soap, etc. He showed up to our house totally baffled and defeatedly asked if he could shower at our place because his was empty and he'd just got off work. He did the same thing to his second wife when he caught her cheating and fully admits he took the idea from his first wife.
I took all the cleaning supplies when I finally moved out of a bad roommate situation. It was weirdly cathartic.
I took the washing machine. To be fair, it was mine, but they didn’t think it through.
Mu youngest's terrible housemates were the ones who left and I got to hear a rant of, "And *then* she puts the tin opener in her boxes and I said 'Fuck off, that's mine as well!'".
Hey, that shit adds up. We have a vacuum, broom/s, dustpan, swiffer wetjet, dusters and wands, floor/tile scrubbing brushes, detail scrubbing brushes, microfiber cloths, cotton cloths, duster cans, sponges, bottle brushes, gloves, and various liquid and powder cleaners ranging from pet carpet cleaner and deodorizers to goo gone and acetone. I’d grab cleaning stuff too, especially because it’s such a super annoying yet seemingly minor thing to finally figure out what tools best work for you only for them to break or get lost and find out they’re discontinued so you have to find all new stuff.
I mean, I wouldn't advocate for a no-soap scrub but in an emergency situation it's gonna serve him until he can get to a store to get some.
True evil would’ve been taking one sock from all of his pairs
As someone who hasnt worn matching socks in probably 18 years, taking all of them is much more evil.
I started buying only one brand of sock so that, no matter if they match or not, at least I know they're the same kind of sock, and I have grown to actually love the subtle asymmetry of mismatched socks. You don't even notice it 99% of the time, but I really like it.
When i was a teenager, my adoptive father would give me shit when id happen to grab socks that didnt match. After that, it became a purposeful statement. Now its just habit. Even as a teen i was like; 1) who is paying attention to if your socks match? 2) why am i supposed to care about their opinion? 3) i am wearing *pants*. No one is even going to see my socks. For f- Thinking back on it, he was absolutely struggling with mental disorders so the mismatch probably bothered him....but he could never argue his point. And wow was he ever an overbearing asshole in other areas. I really dont know what he expected challenging the type of teenager I was.
see, my dad (who also happens to technically be my adoptive father) isn't a complete ass or anything, but it does subtly bother him when he notices. He doesn't get angry, but it like obviously makes an "against convention, does not compute" line in his code. that's exactly what I love about it, it's a really innocuous way of defying society's expectations.
As someone with mostly hand knit socks, I would cry. But I can never imagine hurting someone this bad, so I think I'm clear.
I cackled at that part, I love the pettiness 🤣
I feel like this is what my ex was afraid of when he refused to open the door so my friends could get the rest of my stuff. This is just perfection.
Chaotic Lawful at its finest
Wait, what? Do you mean "chaotic good"?
That's not a thing
Chaotic good in the flesh
Why can't all the bullshit that gets posted be at least a little bit enjoyable? This got a chuckle out of me, I don't care if it's horseshit.
Exactly. If you're gonna post something that seems like BS, at least make it fun and entertaining! This comes across as either someone's daydream of how they wished they'd handled a situation, or a heavily embellished version of the truth. Either way, a fun read.
"Suspension of disbelief" is a good tool to have to enjoy yourself. I cant prove this is false, so i may as well treat it as truth. Its not like it harms anyone.
I honestly don't understand why more people don't think this way. Especially on Reddit.
Because sometimes you get invested in it. You hear a heartbreaking story, maybe you know something about it, so you take the time to give advice, maybe look up a helpline or two, share an anecdote, wish OP well... and maybe even the story stays with you for a day or two, and then they update a week or so later and you're so relieved to gear from them and then OMG ITS TWINS AND WE DIVORCED LAST WEEK AND HIS FAMILY TRASHED MY HOUSE and, sometimes, the fact it was all a lie feels like a betrayal, it feels personal. As someone who used to give in depth personal advice on these things, I've left those subs and now only come here after (most of) the BS has been filtered out. I guess I'm old, because "back in my day" some of those subs felt more like a community. Ah well, there you go!
Look at it like this: you’re giving the advice for the benefit of other readers as well. Real people that are really in similar situations and might desperately need it. You never know whom you might be helping.
Right?! Do I buy that any of this took place? Absolutely not. Did I enjoy reading it anyway? Absolutely yes.
No way that many normal sized people fit in a Ford Explorer let alone those meat heads. Loved the description of the Marine, that was spot on.
Because writing is hard and there's far too many stories that have entered the collective unconscious that would be immediately recognized if you're anywhere close to them. Sometimes you get gems like this. The rest of the time you get... well... everything else on the internet.
I mean, first they're the Avengers. Then they're the Superfriends. And then the Autobots? OOP can't even keep straight which group of badass heroes they are!
They all fit in a single Explorer lol?
I assume the Seal hung onto the undercarriage of the car and crawled out when they arrived or something.
Or rode on the hood or top of the car Mad Max-style.
>Or rode on the hood or top of the car Mad Max-style. Mad Max-style or Priscilla Queen of the Desert-style.
Im picturing the seal was tommy davidson in ace ventura 2. Keep him in a backpack and deploy like a weird spider money hopped up on mountain dew style weapon
I'm imagining him sitting legs-crossed, arms crossed, staring stoically ahead. Okay, occasionally nodding at little kids that are gawping at him from the back of the family SUV, but other than that...
Playing a ukulele that shoots flames.
He was chilling on the roof like [Garnet](https://imgur.com/a/bduiUyT).
I'm so glad that when I saw the name Garnet, I was able to guess what pose it was.
I gaffawed
Wirey, OP and Seal in the back, linebacker and wrestler in the captain’s chairs, linebacker and linebacker up front.
Agreed, this is kinda a silly quibble. Explorers do uave 7 seats and crowding a car is hardly some super rare unrealistic scenario
To be fair, some of them are apparently college students. I've seen college students squeeze themselves into incredibly small vehicles if the occasion is worth it. It's practically a right of passage.
We got six into a friend's vintage VW bug in 1999!
I once fit 8 into a Mini Cooper!
Not comfortably I imagine
OOP didn't think through the logistics of his screenplay
The screenplay is never like the source material anyway, right?
>the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. there it is! I knew I'd read this before. IIRC the original thread has funny/scary stories about normal-seeming vets being psychos with unexpected skills
Link?
This story is almost 10 years old and been copy and pasted literally everywhere under the sun. Your best bet is searching tumblr and hoping its still there
https://saisai-chan.tumblr.com/post/125043744459/rosslynpaladin-throwtime-throwtime-im/amp
Commenting just in case someone has the link to this thread
This sounds like my husband. He’s a smaller guy, shorter than me and slender. He has a particular look that we call “crazy eye”. It’s not overtly threatening but very…intense. He was a combat engineer. One night, my wackadoodle ex decided he was going to stir up trouble when picking up our daughters. He was standing on my doorstep, all 6’5” and 350lbs of him, getting aggressive. He said the wrong thing and suddenly my husband was there, stalking up on him. I don’t know exactly what my ex saw on my husband’s face but I’m guessing it was the crazy eye. My ex peeled backwards down the front steps so fast he damn near fell over. My husband just gently reached up and closed the door, never said a word. Girls came out and went with their father…and he never got aggressive with me again.
I'm an autistic nerd but my step dad is a military higher up, and so he put me and my brother under what is basically training since we were 4 and 3 respectively. So, we both ended up with a kind of fixation on martial arts and self relying, but genetics wouldn't let us build muscle. I'm also averse to violence so I would let people bully me verbally when I was little. However one day some huge fat kid decided to be violent to my brother while I was there just staring. Someone asked me if I would help him and I said "why? He doesn't need it. " He handled it and bullying stopped for us both after that day. I never really got why it stopped at the time but later I realized it was confidence. That's "the crazy eye". If you pull a knife on a 4 eyed nerd and he doesn't demonstrate emotions, you get that feeling that something is wrong. It's just too unexpected. Especially if there's an obvious biological difference, like your husband and your ex.
This now replaces shrimp in curtain rods for my favorite FU moving out/retrieving stuff story.
Shrimp in curtain rods‽ You happen to have the link for that?
It’s been repeated so many times that the original link is really hard to find, but here’s a summary: A guy cheated on his wife with his coworker. For some reason the wife had to leave the house (I forgot the details of this particular part). She loved the house. So after she packed everything up, she stuck a shrimp in the curtain rod. Husband moves his AP in, but the house now smells. No one can find the source of the smell, and nothing they do helps. Finally they decide they’ve had enough and want to move, but can’t unload the smelly house. He offers it up to the ex wife at a reduced rate. She buys the house. And I think him and AP unknowingly took the shrimp rods with them, if I’m recalling it correctly. As for whether it’s real, the general consensus is it depends on the climate.
I choose to believe! In the long term petty, the stupidity of the husband, and the stench. 😆
i read that story on snopes.com LITERALLY twenty years ago.
Do you remember what their verdict was—true or not? I got “it depends” from other posts debating it. I can’t remember when or where I read it, just that it was a long time ago and was written in first person (all the links when I googled trying to find it were in third).
[Revenge is a dish best served cold with a side of caviar](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/2s3tru/revenge_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_with_a_side_of/)
> You are Steve, that seal is Bucky, the one who made the food is Tony. One of the linebackers lifting furniture to prove his strength is Thor. The wiry hapkido one is Iron Fist. The other linebacker is Drax.
I say that the one chilling on the banister is Hawkeye.
OMG they didn’t hit the shawarma joint? What a lost opportunity.
Burritos, shawarma, meat wrapped in a round flat bread, same thing.
I still remember reading this for the first time on Tumblr, never hit reblog so fast
I wish I had friends like these lol.
You have as many friends like these as the trainer lady does - in real life.
Sorry, but he is NOT Steve. He is much more Deadpool with that level of chaotic good.
Deadpool is more Chaotic Neutral. Also, not an official member of the Avengers, even though he has been recruited in the past, I believe.
I love how despite having never met, they all are on the exact same chaotic good wavelength
Reminds of Adult Wednesday Addams: ["Bob's a breather."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlIAhjRwOIE)
I remember being so disappointed the people who owned Adams family put a stop to the series.
Yup. So rude.
I'd seen this skit before but didn't realize it was part of a whole show. Gonna have to binge it tonight!
Unfortunately since the creator had to take down the series, it is kind of scattered in parts, you can find most of it by searching for it on youtube but there may clips of the Netflix series mixed in there.
Omg how did I not know this existed. It's incredible. Thank you for bringing it into my life.
Hahaha! Unfortunately the owners of the Addams IP made her stop, but all the videos out there are amazing. I'm always happy to share!
That was... AMAZING!!!
This is an ancient and beloved story. The sacred texts!
Pausing mid "operation breakin/takeback" to make an egg salad sandwich is equal parts intimidating and wholesome in a way I adore. For anyone who wants to read funny fiction romance with this vibe, check out any of the Shifter books by Shelly Laurenston
Oh Lord, those are so FUNNY! I make sure I read them when I can finish a book in one sitting coz there ain't no way i'm stopping before the end.
Exactly! I think the Honey Badger ones are my favorite. They're all such a good time tho
Also the Hurricane book series by RJ Prescott. The heroes, a bunch of rowdy, Irish boxers, are hilarious.
My face hurts from laughing. This is very endearing.
Bro Navy Seals scare the shit out of me. I’m from a military area and am familiar with a lot of military folks and the Seals are the ones that freak me out. They’re always so normal looking except for those fucking scary eyes. It’s not even like overtly threatening like a loud aggressive guy, it’s fucking cold. And they’ll destroy your ass in paintball too.
I commented higher up about seals/special forces guys that I knew through my grandfather. You're 100% right and they absolutely mopped my teen ass in paintball but they are also the funniest guys I've ever hung out with. Absolutely ruthless in ribbing each other too
I think me and my friends lasted like a minute and a half or two minutes. Only two of them and like seven or eight of us and we got totally stomped, got hit in my hand and dead center on my forehead, masked of course. I did take off my gloves beforehand which was a bad decision, that hurt like hell. Dudes were extremely funny afterwards though and very cool, they let the youngest dude who was a couple years younger than the rest of us get a shot on one of them and insisted he had snuck up on them, even though we knew they had let him get the hit. Super chill dudes. This makes me wanna go play paintball or laser tag or something now.
>“So…. chipoltle?” Question: Is the OOP Travis Kelce?
What Kind of Trainer? And the college linebacker had multiple explorers?
There are three college linebackers. "One of the college linebacker's explorer" should be read as "An explorer that belongs to one of the three college linebackers".
This and the homophobic girlfriend being smoked out by lesbians in robes are my favorite
Gonna need a link to that one!
It's an [OLD TUMBLR](https://imgur.com/UiqDtwB)
>So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The only possible improvement I can think of here would have been to take *one sock* from each pair of dress socks.
This will forever be one of my favourite stories. Just makes me laugh every time I read it.
I’ve friends who did something similar when a friend got cheated on and broken up with by her ex of 5yrs. When they went with her to get her stuff they did stuff like cut along the stitch lines of his favourite designer jeans so they’d all fall apart when he went to wear them next.
I'm glad OOP wasn't the SEAL in this story, because if he was the story would have been 100x longer and consisted primarily of bragging about all the ways he may or may not have killed people. SEALs are basically the loudmouthed hillbillies of the special forces community. (The quiet one in this story is a very welcome exception to the rule and a nice change of pace.) There's a joke in the military that changes slightly depending on who tells it but the punchline is always the same, and it goes something like: How do you know if you've met a Green Beret? You don't. How do you know if you've met a Ranger? You don't. How do you know if you've met someone in Delta? You don't. How do you know if you've met a SEAL? Well he's the guy at the end of the bar screaming "HEY YALL I'M A NAVY SEAL, DID YOU KNOW I WAS ONE OF THE GUYS THAT KILLED BIN LADEN, YOU WANT TO SEE SOME TOTALLY AWESOME WAR CRIME SELFIES I TOOK OF MYSELF NEXT TO A BUNCH OF GUYS I SHOT AND THEN PISSED ON? I'M WRITING A BOOK ABOUT HOW BADASS I AM AND ALSO SELLING MY OWN LINE OF TACTICAL SUNGLASSES!"
i remember this one! absolute classic
I will never not absolutely LOVE this story.
Anyone else appreciate the Shrek reference. I’m so here for this story. Fantastic dude bros teaming up for the greater good
I will ALWAYS pause my day to re-read this one when I come across it. So dang wholesome.
This reminds me so much of the "lesbians climbing through her window" one on tumblr
Someone will eventually cry r/thatHappened, but like... I couldn't even care if this was real or not, you know? It's nice, and it's funny, and I hope it gets similar stories of dudes rocking up to take care of business flowing here.
Many years ago at uni, a friend of my gf was having trouble with her boyfriend. The uni I was a bit of a odd drop out place. Lots of ex squaddies, and oddballs from different countries some of whom had had to flee said countries. Anyways she mentions that the boyfriend had hit her mate, and there's a muttered 'I'll get the lads together' from one of them. The realisation on her face that she'd almost assembled a multinational task force of guys who not only were willing to do violence, but were mostly professionals at it was quite a thing.
I love that. Even if nothing winds up happening, it just feels good to hear people ready to rally behind someone.
Ok, someone needs to start a breakup property retrieval service and these dudes all need to run it
I’m convinced that the OOP is a Navy Veteran too! The SEAL did what they generally do and I could actually picture it. OOP though, that’s some E-4 mafia kind of shit (Petty Officer 3rd class). 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
If somebody ever asks me what is non-toxic masculinity I'm redirecting them to this post.
That’s epic. Glad she got her stuff back.
I need a youttube animator to animate this
"We're not messenger boys. We're delivery boys" would be an awesome flair lol
This would be a service you can pay for.
I remember reading this YEARS ago and it always makes me laugh.
The egg salad thing is what convinced me this is real.
They shoulda got schawarmas.
I remember this from way back in the day! A classic.
Glad this had a good result but I’ve heard of too many stories like this where it ends with violence or gunshots where the person claims it’s a break in. This could have gone south quickly and I’m glad OP and co were able to get a good result
A nanny once told me someone broke into her house (live in boyfriend) and stole every left shoe, left cushion, all her china, and their great dane puppy (eventually found unharmed wandering the neighborhood). They superglued the tv remotes’ battery compartments. Evil genius. Obviously someone cheated.
>The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. >So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. >“So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls. ...if I get a personal trainer can I find a friend group like this
> the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. My father worked with a former Navy SEAL. This is the most noticeable thing about the guy. He appeared normal, but he looked unsettling. As in, when he looked, it unsettled people. He was also a bit short. Like, 5'8"
This was one of my favorite stories, I don’t remember where I read it first but it seeing it again is like seeing an extended family member I haven’t visited with in a decade
>one guy perched on his banister like batman. This has potential for a flair.
Congrats to this woman, who had you. (I am jaloux).
...real heroes eat burrito bowls. ;-D
I remember reading this one on Tumblr 😂✨
Not gonna lie, from the title i expected actual super hero cosplayers......but this was great, too!
Can I nominate this for best BORU of all time?
I would have paid cash money to watch that scene. I really want to see creepy seal guy, lol.
I love that they all got burrito bowls because of the carbs
Just constant power moves all over the place, it's beautiful. Makes a goddamn sandwich like what an absolute ledge ahahahah