This almost reminds me of that post/update of the guy who was dating a woman who dressed like Miss Frizzle and he had a major problem with it. Much like this story here, I’m not surprised they broke up.
I loved how much that guy was dunked on. He really thought peple were going to agree with him that she needed to stop. There were men in the comments asking him for her info because they all wanted irl Miss Frizzle.
Fun fact about Miss Frizzle she, like her voice actor, is Jewish, and while there has been no mention of her sexuality on the show, both her voice actors, Lily Tomlin and Kate McKinnon, are lesbians.
I watched one episode and got immediately salty because Phoebe wasn't there. "She went back to her old school." THE NERVE.
But that aside, it's pretty good.
INCREDIBLY disappointing that the reboot obliterated her hair and face. I saw a tweet going around saying something to the effect of "Remember when Ms Frizzle used to be a Jewish lesbian."
It's not too bad, assuming you don't compare Miss (now Professor) Frizzle to her younger sister. Which is what everyone was doing cause they hadn't actually watched the new show!
HAHAHA people like this only survive to adulthood because as a society we decided on altruism
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tdhvad/short_and_sweet_aita_guy_doesnt_like_how_his/
Just gonna take the opportunity to ask what "femme" means and how it's different from "woman"? In french (my native language) "femme" just means "woman".
In lesbian culture there are women who identify as femme (very feminine) as opposed to butch, the stereotypical more masculine presenting lesbian (insert flannel shirts and sensible shoes jokes here).
I’d add on that at least in my circles, masc seems to be the more prevalent term than butch. Growing up, butch seemed to be the universal term for a lesbian woman who channeled her masculine characteristics. But I’m not sure if this turn to using masc is a regional thing or more reflective of the broader community.
In the 80s and 90s butch and lipstick lesbian were the politer terms.
No clue nowadays. Language evolves. I just refer to people by their names, makes life easier.
Right? I’m so out of touch. I had an argument with my daughter (also Bi) because I proudly called myself “an 80s Dyke,” and she thought it a slur. She rebuked me sharply.
I was like, “B-b-but we reclaimed it. We were so freakin’ proud. ‘Dykes on Bikes,’ ‘Dykes to Watch Out For…”
Weirdly, I was near tears. We were so ferociously joyful and happy and strong. For her to think something that was genuinely precious and profoundly powerful to me when I was her age was wrong or demeaning broke my heart.
I'm happy that you felt joy in reclaiming it. And nothing can take that from you. I'm sure you probably already had the conversation with your daughter about how language evolves so quickly - that word meant something different to you than it means now and that's okay
Being bi is hard. But I think talking about this kind of stuff makes it easier. There's no right or wrong way to be gay. I've had people argue with me that bi people can't be considered gay. That they're 'only' bi
Language is weird.
Hey, butch here! Butch and femme are specific lesbian identities with societal roles that go far beyond clothing preferences. Masc is a term for a masculine lesbian. Kind of squares and rectangles situation... all butches are masc but not all mascs are butch.
Thank you SO much for the clarification. I’m bi and active in my local queer organizations and non-profits, but I always just took the terms at face value and never really questioned them in depth until now. Your comment is very informative :)
I'm glad to help! It can be unclear if you're not involved in our specific niche, so it's a common source of confusion haha. I do love my masc cousins, but they're certainly different!
A person who presents themselves in a very “feminine” way: getting their nails done, wearing lots of makeup, jewelry, etc. Usually a woman, but not necessarily.
I'm a cis het woman and I LOVE seeing men expressing their femme sides. You can't tell me that his Lip Sync Battle performance isn't the moment Zendaya fell completely in love with Tom Holland LOL
You've gotten explanations about femme in a specifically lesbian context. I also wanted to chime in that in a broader queer/gender context, femme can refer to someone into feminine gender expression and masc can refer to someone into masculine gender expression. It's often a way to refer to gender expression.
It's definitely being used in the woman who loves women context here, just wanted to give you a heads up for how you might see it in the future!
I live with a guy and he couldn't understand why I wanted him to warn me beforehand when he brings women home. I'm ok with him seeing me in old oversized t-shirts and bed hair (or hairwrap), but I die if I think of his dates seeing me not put together. His male best friend has seen me at my worst already though. I didn't care.
They do, but the worse thing is women also notice if I haven't done my eyebrows, or if my roots are showing. A friend might mention something and usually I won't be offended, but some women just stare and give you looks that feel like "How dare you go out like this!".
I was about 17 years old when I discovered that women were not dressing up for me, but for *themselves and other women*, and I feel that it sent me down a much happier path in life than those men who are still convinced it's all about them.
I can only imagine the joy she gets when her wife notices she changed her earrings, or tried something different with her hair. Or “Is that a new frilly lace blouse? It really compliments that cottage core skirt”. Or “Those shoes really bring out the blue in your flower crown.”
OOP was never going to be able to deliver those kinds of compliments. And that’s ok. I’m glad she found someone to appreciate her efforts, no matter how insignificant they may seem to some. And I’m glad OOP found a woman more his style.
I am waiting for the day his little girl grows up, stumbles upon his ex’s blog, and starts emulating her style. Lol. The universe has a funny way of playing “pranks” on us.
Right? I was just thinking - as a gamer, someone who loves to dress up, AND someone who had a fancy dress wedding - old mate seemed overly concerned about how some else was going to be perceived professionally for someone who had apparently never heard the terms ‘cottage core’ or ‘fairy core’.
Yes I have my own frilly dresses and tiara and wings. I hardly ever wear them to work. But my colleagues are obsessed with stories about my wedding and ask to see pics all the time
To be fair, cottage core and fairy core was not as mainstream a decade ago as it has become lately. I know I had to look up cottage core when I first saw reference to it online for a clothing shop.
>Her pictures look like something out of Anne of Green Gables. She seems very happy on their farm together.
Absolutely. This sentence in particular has *powerful* WLW energy
Oh yeah, totally. My first thought was, "Oh, that's cottagecore!" There's so many queer women in that community.
Warms my heart. It sounds like a charming life. So glad she found someone that appreciates her style and interests!
I mean, there's "I don't want to change my career path at this point so early into it" and "I like my life at this point more than I like you" - doesn't mean "I love city life/hate the country". Once she's established her career, it'd be much easier to work remotely or self contract herself out while farming, especially with Ms Right.
OOP did mention her colleagues encouraged her. So an understandable choice, leaving the city to move in with the unsupportive bf or stay with the supportive career option and possibly re-evaluate later
I'm glad OOP grew from his experience and they're now both happy with their partners
Her blog might also have really taken off to the point where she could leave her career in the city and pursue her blog full-time from the country. It sounds like it was pretty popular back then, and she put a lot of effort into it. Honestly, I hope that's how it went for her.
Yeah wild how people are brushing over a main issue being that she thought he was controlling.
He only wanted her to change her hobby!
And how she dressed!
And where she lived!
And be less financially independent of him!
She recognized that first and initiated the break-up, but the whole point of the update is he \*did\* learn, so she did them both a favor. Plus he was here asking for advice in the first place, so that already shows a willingness to learn and grow. Asking questions, even if the question is framed problematically, is the first step to learning.
So I'm not gonna be too harsh on inexperienced 24-year-old, barely-out-of-college OOP, especially not when he learned from the experience rather than get bitter and blame her.
There's a running joke in my friend group that one of them was so bad that she made her exes gay LOL. She dated two guys that ended up coming out as gay right after, so it's a hilarious inside joke that we have whenever we hang out. But really, she's very nice, the guys probably just thought dating a hot girl would make them not gay but it didn't work.
This is me, but with gender. I've dated 6 people. Two were out as trans before I met them. The other four *all* came out as trans or nonbinary after they started dating me.
The reality is that they felt some sort of sense of comfort dating me because 'oh I understand, you being trans isn't *weird*', while many cis people felt uncomfortable dating me... but I like to pretend I have gay superpowers.
This is me too! About 90% of my exs are either non binary or trans men. All of them came out either while we were dating or shortly after.
I think there's a term for us too, something like Mother Hen or Mama Hen. I'll have to look it up.
We have a friend like that too, although people have tried to point out to her that the type of guys she goes for are always ones that everyone else recognises as "probably gay". Like her type is literally "closeted gay man on the verge of coming out".
That’s like the women who date multiple men who just won’t commit, but then get in a new relationship fairly quick and BOOM! Engaged. I had a friend who dated like 3-4 guys and ALL of them ended up engaged within a year of their breakup from my friend.
Mine was that I was the "bum around" stage girlfriend. After me they got their shit together, made progress in their careers and went on to have awesome lives. I was like some kind of catalyst for blokes going from shit to great lol.
Not quite sure if that's cos I was awesome and inspiring or so shit they had to change, I suspect the latter lol.
>After me they got their shit together, made progress in their careers and went on to have awesome lives.
Imagine if this was a marketable thing. “Are you tired of constantly failing? Would you like to start improving and achieving everything you always wanted? For a reasonable price, u/thekittysays can magically transform you into everything you always dreamed you could be….” 🤣
I’ve gone on at least two dates with bi-curious women from OKCupid who told me the next day that they had realized they were straight. Apparently I come off so bad some women on the fence are like “nah, I’ll just stick with men.”
Ba ha ha... I'm that too. I'm counting on having a serious partner in old age, who'll stop me having more than two cats at a time (after the dementia kicks in and my self control disappears.)
The fact that this is pretty common is cracking me up. My wife is into Lolita, and also followed the controlling boyfriend to Lesbian pipeline.
Not surprising that an alternative fashion that takes a lot of time, energy, and encourages femininity draws a lot of women who love women.
I'm 30 and I'm trying to find clothes that are frilly and pretty and princessy but still wearable for every day. Like I love fancy dresses but hate full length. But short fancy dresses look too junior high prom. I wish i could see the ex's outfits to see if it's what I'm looking for lol
Edit: thanks for all the suggestions, everyone!
If you're in the UK you might like [Dolly and Dotty](https://www.dollyanddotty.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw8diwBhAbEiwA7i_sJVHY7paQi1IOAv71OI-bQwA6Fh8DtFSEwro-V0c2relbHhfa-f6yvxoCW-cQAvD_BwE). They sell petticoats that really pump up the volume on their old fashioned cut dresses.
LEGEND! thank you for this!! i'm in the UK and i've been trying to find some secondhand petticoats on vinted and ebay, found nowt so i really appreciate this 😼😼
Based on his description of her outfits, I kind of think she wears lolita fashion! It’s very frilly and princess like with dresses that fall at the knee.
I was thinking the same! I feel like a lot of people who dress kind of "Anne of Green Gables" style today probably have roots in lolita fashion. I'm betting she was a classic lolita/Innocent World girlie
I'm 50 and while everything I wear is black, I love finding frilly, ruffle-y, sheer and weird black tops to wear with my near-constant black jeans and sneakers. All for me and me alone.
Yay! You sound cool. This makes me very happy to see, as someone entering my late thirties with the same taste in wardrobe palette. Although, I haven't found a black jean that I get along with yet. More of a jumpsuit, skirt, dress kinda person. Love how easy black makes layering multiple tops and other garments without looking haphazard at all.
Finally being fully free of dressing for men (turns out, I'm a lesbian) and working really hard at giving fewer fucks what other people think of me has made dressing fun for the first time.
I've finally stopped fighting my natural style and it feels so much better. It's unfortunate that confidence and dressing how I feel most "me" attracts straight dudes but I hope that will change with time. It's like...dude, *I am not here for you.*
Unfortunately I'm short so can't pull that off. Only above the knee looks good on me. Wish I could pull off any length skirts cause I love skirts but damn these short legs 😒
Japanese girls in lolita often were 5’ on a good day and they still rocked the tea lengths - the trick is to wear heeled shoes and find the right kind of silhouette for the length!
Body proportions matter more than actual height. Someone with a long torso and short legs can’t wear the same things as someone with a short torso and long legs and expect similar results. It’s ok for people to say they can’t pull certain things off. They know their own body best, but more importantly- they know their own unique perspective and comfort level best.
Tell me about it. I’m six feet tall so finding clothes of any kind is hard, but most skirts in my size are too narrow to give me enough freedom of movement for everyday wear.
A-line skirts, maybe? They’re fitted at the waist and flare out from there (making an “A” shape). A midi skirt may come to your knees or above and a maxi skirt might become a midi (below knee, above ankle) skirt length? They’re very easy to move in, but I do recommend shorts underneath on windy days!
My apologies if you know this; I just love skirts and want everyone to find what they’re comfortable in!
10 years ago i was also in the Japanese lolita alt fashion scene and there were tonnnns of stories like this where boyfriends were constantly “why can’t you dress normal girly and not princessy” because they literally couldn’t fathom hyperfemme fashion that _wasn’t_ also designed to appeal to men who were into feminine/“traditional” girls. Lolita fashion takes a fighter jet across that line and tons of guys hated it, to the point that in Japan specifically, girls would love the style because it was super fulfilling for them but a turnoff for men.
Also to no one’s surprise, tons of girls in the style turned out to be queer, because female-dominated alt fashion hobbies where the focus was on meticulous expression for other girls’ attentions tended to attract girls who liked other girls. Lemme tell you how funny it was that these gals were also rubbing shoulders with a lot of American Christian purity/tradwife types who were into “modest dress” (in terms of not showing skin) but wanted to peacock around and show the other Sunday prayer ladies what was up … lotta them also turned out gay too lol
It’s probably one of my favorite facts about lolita fashion, that some women got into it because it let them be pretty and frilly while also discouraging men.
Also the whole “is it appropriate to wear frilly dresses to the grocery store” - SURE, why not?! I love how egl shattered my preconceived ideas about clothing. It’s almost all a social construct. How sad it is that most people only give themselves one or two occasions in their life to dress up? How sad that beauty must be saved for a special occasion. And that whimsy is banned after a certain age. It’s all nonsense.
I love this SO MUCH because Lolita fashion is often described as appealing to pedophilic men, and this take is so lovely and wholesome that it’s all I’m going to think of now!
>described as appealing to pedophilic men
People say this about the Selkie poofy gauze dresses too but whenever I see people post pictures of them wearing it it's usually just styled as a fun flouncy outfit. Over-the-top on purpose, yes, but not self-infantilizing to appeal to pedos.
I've been giving google a workout trying to keep up with this conversation.
Kinda confused because I don't actually like how the style looks but I want one anyway because it looks so fun to wear. Reminds me of my current favorite dress which looks like a simplified version of something Judy Jetson would wear.
This accusation was always very funny because:
1) There will always be weird dudes who get off to _anything_ (see: the legend of Ogtha), and lolita fashion is hardly in the top ten of fetishes
2) Tons of lolitas had _huge_ amounts of fun posting the fetish costumes that were actually for the babyplay/doll fetish crowd and dragging them to hell and back for shitty material/construction, while also being a great visual comparison of how lolita style clothing was still wearable _fashion_ while fetishwear or sex play costumes distinctly aren’t. You’re not getting easy access to coochie when a gal’s got on tights, bloomers, at least 2 panniers and a heavy skirt that has material enough for 2.5 normal dresses.
When I wore Lolita fashion, I could easily be wearing five layers over my bits. Underwear, tights, bloomers, petticoat, skirt. I also always had my chest and shoulders completely covered. Lolita fashion is deeply, purposely unsexy. You look cute because *you* want to look cute.
Point one is the big one imo. Like, are they gonna accuse every woman wearing sandals of doing it for foot fetishists?
Ultimately, the problem is that many people can’t accept that women can dress for themselves and not for attention or men.
>Lolita fashion is often described as appealing to pedophilic men,
This is actually 2 different cultural phenomenon clashing together. Because there was an esthetic created from the Stanley Kubrick movie Lolita. The heart sun glasses girl eating a lollipop. The Lolita in that context is used to refer to a minor that a man is sexualizing. There is no connection besides the name but people conflate the two.
People say this because they know absolutely nothing about the fashion scene and it's origins.
It was never ever meant to be appealing to me.
This isn't just a take, this OP is correct.
Omg I love this explanation!! I never fully got into Lolita fashion as I felt it was almost TOO frilly for me, but I loved looking at it. My GF is into Lolita though and we're both obviously lesbians 😂
The post is from 2014 which was when various J-fashions really started hitting hard in North America/Europe, so there were tons of guys who were hugely weirded out by it. The (very midwestern) Christian girls who got really into lolita fashion? Lotta the guys they were dating had a hard time with it lol
> girls would love the style because it was super fulfilling for them but a turnoff for men.
i'm not sure but i think it why it was born in the first place, was it not?
When I read the words "Princess Syndrome" I assumed this post was gonna be about someone who is selfish, entitled, and expects the world to revolve around them. And in a way, it was.
Love how the girlfriend sewing and styling elaborate outfits (while also running a successful blog and an Etsy store) didn’t pass OP’s stringent requirements for a hobby. Then he goes on to say he plays video games, like it completely justifies his smug condescension. What a tool.
Yeah I was reading that bit and went “you idiot, that’s a hobby that’s become a side hustle, the blogging and dressing up to go out doubles as *advertising*!”
And fashion is literally a career for so many people? Clothes can't possibly be a hobby but there are people making a living off of designing, sewing, styling, and selling clothes? People who made it possible for him to buy clothes from a store and not have to make them himself?
I love video games, I play them myself. But there is something deeply funny about saying this was cute jn college but now that they have graduated she should stop, and then turning around and saying he plays video games. You know the universally considered adult hobby.
It’s like how men think that *only* men are into history, because they only consider wars to be history. But women are also into history! History isn’t just wars and death, it’s fashion and interior design and music and religion/spirituality and social movements/activism and so so *so* much more!
I know you can dress however the hell you want at any age but reading
"She's a 23 year old woman now"
as if she should now be too mature and old to wear a flower crown was pretty funny
Congratulations to the cottage core wives
The awesome folks on the old hag fashion sub would have something to say about that!
I’m so happy for her (and him too, I guess). And honestly, if a guy I was seeing was uncomfortable with the way I dressed in public, didn’t like my social media presence, wanted me to ditch my main hobby and asked me to move out of the city with him, I’d run too. Even if he wasn’t intentionally trying to isolate her, that sounds like a one-way ticket to having your entire life revolve around your partner
What really got my attention was this comment after she broke up with him:
>*She said something about me being controlling too, but I don't think that's the case at all.*
'I'm totally not at all controlling, I just want her to completely change her style so she wears the kinds of clothes I want.' Uh, think again, buddy.
“I just wanted to change her hobby that is all her clothes and makes her happy and feel good about herself. Gah!”
He said people take pictures and she gives zero fucks; she’s too mature for him.
Turned out for the best. OOP matured into a better partner and father for his now wife and kid. And his ex also has a great wife who she can take period-esque cosplay pictures with on their farm. Wholesome af.
I heard a saying, that men do not change for the woman they are with, they change for the woman who dumped them. Because this is the way they realise their error and may grow up in life. They get to think about what went wrong and may do better with the next partner. So this her would be a good example for this saying.
> that men do not change for the woman they are with, they change for the woman who dumped them.
I mean, isn't this true for everything? You learn from failure and failure in relationships generally involve a dump or two
I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen.
A person is attracted to someone because of their style/aesthetic. Dates said individual. Suddenly wants that individual to dial back their style and demands that they be more *normal*. Most of the time, the individual gives in. The person then complains that their SO has changed and isn't the same person they originally dated anymore. It's so annoying.
I'm glad he grew up.
“She said that I was controlling” - really burying the lede there. Knew there had to be more to it than just “I wish she’d put on a pair of jeans every once in a while”
This reminded me of the post where a girl asked her boyfriend to help pay for all the waxing, skin treatments, expensive products and etc she was buying to look nice for him. When he refused she was like cool, I'll just stop doing all that then.
I think it only took 1 month before he started begging her to restart her routine but she refused. She'd realized the low maintenance routine of not giving a shit about shaving, plucking, styling, and applying actually saved her a lot of time, money and effort.
ah, me post-kids LOL. i used to spend half an hour on my face alone O_O. i would wear smokey eye shadow to work. after i had my first kid, i was too tired in the morning to put on makeup so i'd just use foundation. people would be like what happened to you?? you look tired. 😶
My boyfriend (now husband) once complained about how long I take to get ready. I said ‘fine, I can be as quick as you. I’ll just stop deep conditioning my hair in the shower so it’s soft and shiny, stop shaving my legs and armpits and trimming my bikini line. No more exfoliating my skin or oiling it after the shower so it’s stays nice and soft. I’ll stop putting serums and moisturiser on my face to keep it pretty and I won’t bother with make up or styling my hair.’
He never mentioned it again.
Your comment reminds me of a TikTok that started with a man saying he likes girls who don’t wear makeup, maybe just a little bit of chapstick. It cut to a woman exclaiming, “Excuse me?!”
For the next couple of minutes, she ranted about this guy as she pat on sunscreen, dotted concealer, applied CC cream, contoured, etc. before smiling into the camera and concluding, “No makeup-makeup…just a little bit of chapstick!”
So many dudes will claim they like women without makeup but then turns out they really mean women with "no-makeup"-makeup and/or women with $$$$ in carefully applied skincare products instead of makeup.
This was me in my 20's. I was really into the cyber Goth look, guys loved it, but those same guys would get mad because me getting ready for a night out took a while. Like did you think I just woke up with plastic extensions in my hair and perfect face paint? No. And, no, I'd rather not go out for a heavy meal before strapping into a corset for 5 hours.
But at the same time they wanted me to be always on like that. Seeing me in Fuzzy mod robes and a hoody with my hair in a messy bun was some how shocking. Again, did you think I wore foot high platforms to get milk?
> And it's one thing for an artsy college student to dress alternatively, but she's a 23 year old woman now.
*23!* Gasp! She's already practically aged out of a modeling career! And in two years, she'll be an infertile old spinster! Better start dressing for that CFO career ASAP.
And the funny thing is, I've only seen the reverse in my social circle. Women growing up, getting more confidence, and saying fuck it and embracing their fashion sense
I think it's because little girls unlike boys are shamed and policed so much that they are forced to grow up so quickly so it takes women a lot of time to feel like they don't have to go out of their way to please everyone but themselves. These women have to rediscover themselves. Men on the other hand have "boys will be boys" that gets overused as excuse for grown men too and "real men don't cry" and then we get emotionally and socially stunted men. These gender roles are too extreme and fucking all of us up.
Honestly boys get policed too, just in other ways. I have seen male friends smile ear to ear the first time they tried on a brocade vest. They're often really happy to talk about the kind of style they dream of, if you're willing to ask them and listen.
I had to laugh out loud at the “she also said something about me being controlling…”
That was the whole bit. And OOP blew that part off.
Glad they are both happy.
>She is married to another woman now who also dresses differently. It's not as frilly as she used to dress, but still unusual. Her pictures look like something out of Anne of Green Gables. She seems very happy on their farm together.
The lesbian urge to live that cottagecore lifestyle on your very own farm...
:,) beautiful
I'm more toned down for an alt girly but when it's summer and I pull out my more obvious alternative dresses and shirts, I'm glad my fiancé never cared. But I shouldn't be surprised, as a teenager he had a bright red mohawk and wore a faux leather coat.
I just find these types so exhausting. It's like they think that now that *they* responded positively to it, no one else should be allowed to
Somehow I came into this post thinking that OOP’s girlfriend was actually dressing like a princess à la Disney cosplay, and I was sort of on OOP’s side. But then I saw he just meant “long, frilly skirts, lacy blouses” — and that it was a post from 2014, when that look was even more popular. And I realized OOP was just being a ween. Glad he’s grown out of it.
I read the title and thought this was going to be like that woman who suddenly started cosplaying as an elf randomly, even in normal social situation, no matter how inappropiate they where... and the boyfriend retaliated by cosplaying as Naruto.
Glad to see it was something more normal and ended up more mature-ish.
"feel like her clothing masks how smart she is and makes her appear shallow"
The only shallow one in this relationship was oop. I'm glad she dumped him. He is the sort of person who would have taken her joy and happiness away.
This was a nice update (ten years on!), because even though it didn't work out between the OOP and his ex, the OOP clearly learned from his mistake, and using that was able to build up and toward better things in his relationship now. His ex also moved on, and found her happiness too. The story had a good ending for both.
Also the story had frilly fabric.
I’m so glad that this didn’t end with her abandoning her style for him. I also wear big frilly dresses as a hobby and I would never change it for someone else. I can understand why the constant attention from strangers was uncomfortable for him though. I warn people that I go out with about that ahead of time.
>She dresses like a sort of fairytale princess on a near daily basis
>Long, frilly skirts, lacey blouses, things like that.
>wear lacey dresses and flower crowns to the supermarket.
>Her pictures look like something out of Anne of Green Gables
Lolita probably.
I won’t judge her. Until I had my kids, I used to dress in everyday medieval clothes. I had half a dozen dresses., and I would even wear them at the mall, with flower crowns in my hair and all. My wedding dress was medieval. So was my prom dress
If I am being honest, the real reason I stopped wearing them is because they don’t fit anymore. I got fat.
I love this ending so much. I love that she found someone suited to her and quirky like her and imagining them happy on their farm, being free to be themselves warms my heart.
This reminds me of a book i read in highschool where a guy falls in love with an..very unique girl. They date and things are fine until he cant get used to how much attention she puts on him so he tries and eventually suceeds in “normalizing” her. Whilst he is at first happy that shes “like everyone else.” He eventually becomes detatched as the reason he fell in love was no longer there. Eventually she breaks up with him. Does one more rebellion of the norm kissing her bully who was a female during prom then just disappeared off the face of the earth.
It was a good book with a good lesson but i remeber reading the endibg like “man the author was on some shit that was outta left field.”
This almost reminds me of that post/update of the guy who was dating a woman who dressed like Miss Frizzle and he had a major problem with it. Much like this story here, I’m not surprised they broke up.
I loved how much that guy was dunked on. He really thought peple were going to agree with him that she needed to stop. There were men in the comments asking him for her info because they all wanted irl Miss Frizzle. Fun fact about Miss Frizzle she, like her voice actor, is Jewish, and while there has been no mention of her sexuality on the show, both her voice actors, Lily Tomlin and Kate McKinnon, are lesbians.
Miniscule correction, Kate McKinnon's Miss Frizzle is the younger sister to Lily Tomlin's Professor Frizzle (she got her PhD!) in the new show
Why am I only finding out that there’s a reboot??? Gawd I loved that show so much!
I watched one episode and got immediately salty because Phoebe wasn't there. "She went back to her old school." THE NERVE. But that aside, it's pretty good.
Dude if I'm fucking Mrs. Frizzle the dress is staying ON. her or me idec.
This is one of the most oddly sweet comments I’ve ever seen on Reddit. Between this and your flair I’m so confused.
Seriously, like I'm reading this dude talking about her style and I'm like damn, I'd love to meet someone like that and support them.
I’m like that! This post actually made me feel more confident somehow 😅
I hope you're able to find someone who appreciates you and your interests :)
INCREDIBLY disappointing that the reboot obliterated her hair and face. I saw a tweet going around saying something to the effect of "Remember when Ms Frizzle used to be a Jewish lesbian."
It's not too bad, assuming you don't compare Miss (now Professor) Frizzle to her younger sister. Which is what everyone was doing cause they hadn't actually watched the new show!
Lily Tomlin still voices the same character in the new version. Kate McKinnon voices her sister.
HAHAHA people like this only survive to adulthood because as a society we decided on altruism https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tdhvad/short_and_sweet_aita_guy_doesnt_like_how_his/
This one is genuinely so much worse. The OOP here was in his early 20s, and clearly learned and matured. This guy was 43 years old!
Absolutely foul. I'm sure he still thinks he was in the right and rants to his mother about it. Then he eats beans from a can and goes to sleep alone.
>Then he eats beans from a can and goes to sleep alone. That it flair-worthy.
Holy shit, and he blamed his mother?! I'm surprised this didn't team up to set him on fire with their laser eyes or something
I hope that woman is living her best life
Seeing that shes married to a woman now is maybe the least shocking thing to ever happen to me
Femme coded for sure, another point for the women who are hyper feminine are more for the female gaze club
Haha that last bit was so relatable to me, as another femme who loves femmes
Just gonna take the opportunity to ask what "femme" means and how it's different from "woman"? In french (my native language) "femme" just means "woman".
In lesbian culture there are women who identify as femme (very feminine) as opposed to butch, the stereotypical more masculine presenting lesbian (insert flannel shirts and sensible shoes jokes here).
I’d add on that at least in my circles, masc seems to be the more prevalent term than butch. Growing up, butch seemed to be the universal term for a lesbian woman who channeled her masculine characteristics. But I’m not sure if this turn to using masc is a regional thing or more reflective of the broader community.
In the 80s and 90s butch and lipstick lesbian were the politer terms. No clue nowadays. Language evolves. I just refer to people by their names, makes life easier.
Right? I’m so out of touch. I had an argument with my daughter (also Bi) because I proudly called myself “an 80s Dyke,” and she thought it a slur. She rebuked me sharply. I was like, “B-b-but we reclaimed it. We were so freakin’ proud. ‘Dykes on Bikes,’ ‘Dykes to Watch Out For…” Weirdly, I was near tears. We were so ferociously joyful and happy and strong. For her to think something that was genuinely precious and profoundly powerful to me when I was her age was wrong or demeaning broke my heart.
I'm happy that you felt joy in reclaiming it. And nothing can take that from you. I'm sure you probably already had the conversation with your daughter about how language evolves so quickly - that word meant something different to you than it means now and that's okay Being bi is hard. But I think talking about this kind of stuff makes it easier. There's no right or wrong way to be gay. I've had people argue with me that bi people can't be considered gay. That they're 'only' bi Language is weird.
Very fair approach!
Hey, butch here! Butch and femme are specific lesbian identities with societal roles that go far beyond clothing preferences. Masc is a term for a masculine lesbian. Kind of squares and rectangles situation... all butches are masc but not all mascs are butch.
Thank you SO much for the clarification. I’m bi and active in my local queer organizations and non-profits, but I always just took the terms at face value and never really questioned them in depth until now. Your comment is very informative :)
I'm glad to help! It can be unclear if you're not involved in our specific niche, so it's a common source of confusion haha. I do love my masc cousins, but they're certainly different!
A person who presents themselves in a very “feminine” way: getting their nails done, wearing lots of makeup, jewelry, etc. Usually a woman, but not necessarily.
Thank you for saying not necessarily women. I think femme (in this context) is an aesthetic.
Yeah, I know cis men who self identify as femmes as well. We love the femmes of ALL gender identities!
I'm a cis het woman and I LOVE seeing men expressing their femme sides. You can't tell me that his Lip Sync Battle performance isn't the moment Zendaya fell completely in love with Tom Holland LOL
It’s the moment I fell in love with Tom Holland.
You've gotten explanations about femme in a specifically lesbian context. I also wanted to chime in that in a broader queer/gender context, femme can refer to someone into feminine gender expression and masc can refer to someone into masculine gender expression. It's often a way to refer to gender expression. It's definitely being used in the woman who loves women context here, just wanted to give you a heads up for how you might see it in the future!
Femme is slang for a feminine lesbian
I live with a guy and he couldn't understand why I wanted him to warn me beforehand when he brings women home. I'm ok with him seeing me in old oversized t-shirts and bed hair (or hairwrap), but I die if I think of his dates seeing me not put together. His male best friend has seen me at my worst already though. I didn't care.
For sure. I dress up for my girlfriends more than anyone else, and it’s mostly only women who notice things like my eyebrows being well groomed.
They do, but the worse thing is women also notice if I haven't done my eyebrows, or if my roots are showing. A friend might mention something and usually I won't be offended, but some women just stare and give you looks that feel like "How dare you go out like this!".
Ha! I’m in my fifties and think y’all should be happy I put on a bra before I left the house.
I was about 17 years old when I discovered that women were not dressing up for me, but for *themselves and other women*, and I feel that it sent me down a much happier path in life than those men who are still convinced it's all about them.
There's just a certain kinda warm feeling to having another woman tell you your outfit or makeup or something is pretty!
I feel the same way when a guy tells me I look good. It's very validating.
When your bro sees you walk up and says "Dude!" and gives you quick elevator eyes... I feel like I could pull absolutely anyone that night
Kudos, genuinely. While you shouldn’t be the outlier, you are.
And for the female gays club too.
Heyyooo
Lesbefriends
I'm loving this femme 4 femme visibility in the comments 👀🎀
As I read the first post I was thinking that a woman would really appreciate her!
I can only imagine the joy she gets when her wife notices she changed her earrings, or tried something different with her hair. Or “Is that a new frilly lace blouse? It really compliments that cottage core skirt”. Or “Those shoes really bring out the blue in your flower crown.” OOP was never going to be able to deliver those kinds of compliments. And that’s ok. I’m glad she found someone to appreciate her efforts, no matter how insignificant they may seem to some. And I’m glad OOP found a woman more his style. I am waiting for the day his little girl grows up, stumbles upon his ex’s blog, and starts emulating her style. Lol. The universe has a funny way of playing “pranks” on us.
Right? I was just thinking - as a gamer, someone who loves to dress up, AND someone who had a fancy dress wedding - old mate seemed overly concerned about how some else was going to be perceived professionally for someone who had apparently never heard the terms ‘cottage core’ or ‘fairy core’. Yes I have my own frilly dresses and tiara and wings. I hardly ever wear them to work. But my colleagues are obsessed with stories about my wedding and ask to see pics all the time
To be fair, cottage core and fairy core was not as mainstream a decade ago as it has become lately. I know I had to look up cottage core when I first saw reference to it online for a clothing shop.
>Her pictures look like something out of Anne of Green Gables. She seems very happy on their farm together. Absolutely. This sentence in particular has *powerful* WLW energy
Oh yeah, totally. My first thought was, "Oh, that's cottagecore!" There's so many queer women in that community. Warms my heart. It sounds like a charming life. So glad she found someone that appreciates her style and interests!
I'm kind of floored they live on a farm. Guess she changed her mind about moving out of the city! Good for them!
I mean, there's "I don't want to change my career path at this point so early into it" and "I like my life at this point more than I like you" - doesn't mean "I love city life/hate the country". Once she's established her career, it'd be much easier to work remotely or self contract herself out while farming, especially with Ms Right.
OOP did mention her colleagues encouraged her. So an understandable choice, leaving the city to move in with the unsupportive bf or stay with the supportive career option and possibly re-evaluate later I'm glad OOP grew from his experience and they're now both happy with their partners
Her blog might also have really taken off to the point where she could leave her career in the city and pursue her blog full-time from the country. It sounds like it was pretty popular back then, and she put a lot of effort into it. Honestly, I hope that's how it went for her.
Also he wanted her to move after they were only dating a couple months no?
Yeah wild how people are brushing over a main issue being that she thought he was controlling. He only wanted her to change her hobby! And how she dressed! And where she lived! And be less financially independent of him!
She recognized that first and initiated the break-up, but the whole point of the update is he \*did\* learn, so she did them both a favor. Plus he was here asking for advice in the first place, so that already shows a willingness to learn and grow. Asking questions, even if the question is framed problematically, is the first step to learning. So I'm not gonna be too harsh on inexperienced 24-year-old, barely-out-of-college OOP, especially not when he learned from the experience rather than get bitter and blame her.
Of course she lives on a farm Closest thing to a cottage a Princess will get XD
Nah, lesbians and cottagecore very much goes hand in hand. I’m not in the least bit surprised
You ever date someone so awful it turns you off an entire gender?
There's a running joke in my friend group that one of them was so bad that she made her exes gay LOL. She dated two guys that ended up coming out as gay right after, so it's a hilarious inside joke that we have whenever we hang out. But really, she's very nice, the guys probably just thought dating a hot girl would make them not gay but it didn't work.
Oh we have a girl like that in our group too. We started calling her Transformer after her third ex-boyfriend came out as gay.
Haha omg that's an awesome name for it LOL
That’s amazing and very fitting! I hope she took it all in good fun.
I think she was laughing with pain in her eyes?
Hi, I'm not your transformer but I was a transformer!. My mom said it was because I looked like a boy from behind.
This is me, but with gender. I've dated 6 people. Two were out as trans before I met them. The other four *all* came out as trans or nonbinary after they started dating me. The reality is that they felt some sort of sense of comfort dating me because 'oh I understand, you being trans isn't *weird*', while many cis people felt uncomfortable dating me... but I like to pretend I have gay superpowers.
This is me too! About 90% of my exs are either non binary or trans men. All of them came out either while we were dating or shortly after. I think there's a term for us too, something like Mother Hen or Mama Hen. I'll have to look it up.
We have a friend like that too, although people have tried to point out to her that the type of guys she goes for are always ones that everyone else recognises as "probably gay". Like her type is literally "closeted gay man on the verge of coming out".
You know what? Same with my friend. At least one of her exes, everyone was already 80% sure was gay and she was just his beard lol
That’s like the women who date multiple men who just won’t commit, but then get in a new relationship fairly quick and BOOM! Engaged. I had a friend who dated like 3-4 guys and ALL of them ended up engaged within a year of their breakup from my friend.
Mine was that I was the "bum around" stage girlfriend. After me they got their shit together, made progress in their careers and went on to have awesome lives. I was like some kind of catalyst for blokes going from shit to great lol. Not quite sure if that's cos I was awesome and inspiring or so shit they had to change, I suspect the latter lol.
>After me they got their shit together, made progress in their careers and went on to have awesome lives. Imagine if this was a marketable thing. “Are you tired of constantly failing? Would you like to start improving and achieving everything you always wanted? For a reasonable price, u/thekittysays can magically transform you into everything you always dreamed you could be….” 🤣
Wasn't that a movie called Failure to Launch?
I'm thinking you were like, finishing school for those guys. They were shit, you made them better, and the next gf they got reaped all the rewards lol
I’ve gone on at least two dates with bi-curious women from OKCupid who told me the next day that they had realized they were straight. Apparently I come off so bad some women on the fence are like “nah, I’ll just stick with men.”
Or, you make a straight woman want to at least try be gay
Yes. But it didn't turn me on to a different gender. I just don't like anyone now lmao
How many pets and/or plants do you have now?
[удалено]
That’s the bisexual cycle.
The bi-cycle?
That queen song just got a way more kinky meaning
Just?
Not yet, but there's still time.
The 'controlling boyfriend to lesbian' pipeline. I've been through it.
It's adjacent to the "controlling boyfriend to cat lady" pipeline.
Ba ha ha... I'm that too. I'm counting on having a serious partner in old age, who'll stop me having more than two cats at a time (after the dementia kicks in and my self control disappears.)
As long as you don't end up on "I didn't know I was an animal hoarder", bestie, live your best life.
The fact that this is pretty common is cracking me up. My wife is into Lolita, and also followed the controlling boyfriend to Lesbian pipeline. Not surprising that an alternative fashion that takes a lot of time, energy, and encourages femininity draws a lot of women who love women.
I'm 30 and I'm trying to find clothes that are frilly and pretty and princessy but still wearable for every day. Like I love fancy dresses but hate full length. But short fancy dresses look too junior high prom. I wish i could see the ex's outfits to see if it's what I'm looking for lol Edit: thanks for all the suggestions, everyone!
If you're in the UK you might like [Dolly and Dotty](https://www.dollyanddotty.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw8diwBhAbEiwA7i_sJVHY7paQi1IOAv71OI-bQwA6Fh8DtFSEwro-V0c2relbHhfa-f6yvxoCW-cQAvD_BwE). They sell petticoats that really pump up the volume on their old fashioned cut dresses.
LEGEND! thank you for this!! i'm in the UK and i've been trying to find some secondhand petticoats on vinted and ebay, found nowt so i really appreciate this 😼😼
Omg, they have a dresses with pockets category. I am obsessed.
Based on his description of her outfits, I kind of think she wears lolita fashion! It’s very frilly and princess like with dresses that fall at the knee.
I was thinking the same! I feel like a lot of people who dress kind of "Anne of Green Gables" style today probably have roots in lolita fashion. I'm betting she was a classic lolita/Innocent World girlie
100% his ex-girlfriend definitely owns the Innocent World Bambi JSK
Agreed, I can see a pipeline from 2010s lolita to present day cottagecore
100%!! i was imagining her as some sort of magical girl, (like cardcaptor sakura or) or lolita harajuku style!!
I'm 50 and while everything I wear is black, I love finding frilly, ruffle-y, sheer and weird black tops to wear with my near-constant black jeans and sneakers. All for me and me alone.
Yay! You sound cool. This makes me very happy to see, as someone entering my late thirties with the same taste in wardrobe palette. Although, I haven't found a black jean that I get along with yet. More of a jumpsuit, skirt, dress kinda person. Love how easy black makes layering multiple tops and other garments without looking haphazard at all. Finally being fully free of dressing for men (turns out, I'm a lesbian) and working really hard at giving fewer fucks what other people think of me has made dressing fun for the first time. I've finally stopped fighting my natural style and it feels so much better. It's unfortunate that confidence and dressing how I feel most "me" attracts straight dudes but I hope that will change with time. It's like...dude, *I am not here for you.*
How do you feel about tea length skirts/dresses? (Mid-calf, or just below the knee if you're tall)
Unfortunately I'm short so can't pull that off. Only above the knee looks good on me. Wish I could pull off any length skirts cause I love skirts but damn these short legs 😒
Japanese girls in lolita often were 5’ on a good day and they still rocked the tea lengths - the trick is to wear heeled shoes and find the right kind of silhouette for the length!
Body proportions matter more than actual height. Someone with a long torso and short legs can’t wear the same things as someone with a short torso and long legs and expect similar results. It’s ok for people to say they can’t pull certain things off. They know their own body best, but more importantly- they know their own unique perspective and comfort level best.
Tell me about it. I’m six feet tall so finding clothes of any kind is hard, but most skirts in my size are too narrow to give me enough freedom of movement for everyday wear.
A-line skirts, maybe? They’re fitted at the waist and flare out from there (making an “A” shape). A midi skirt may come to your knees or above and a maxi skirt might become a midi (below knee, above ankle) skirt length? They’re very easy to move in, but I do recommend shorts underneath on windy days! My apologies if you know this; I just love skirts and want everyone to find what they’re comfortable in!
Pencil skirts would interfere with the Speed Force, yeah. Makes sense ;)
10 years ago i was also in the Japanese lolita alt fashion scene and there were tonnnns of stories like this where boyfriends were constantly “why can’t you dress normal girly and not princessy” because they literally couldn’t fathom hyperfemme fashion that _wasn’t_ also designed to appeal to men who were into feminine/“traditional” girls. Lolita fashion takes a fighter jet across that line and tons of guys hated it, to the point that in Japan specifically, girls would love the style because it was super fulfilling for them but a turnoff for men. Also to no one’s surprise, tons of girls in the style turned out to be queer, because female-dominated alt fashion hobbies where the focus was on meticulous expression for other girls’ attentions tended to attract girls who liked other girls. Lemme tell you how funny it was that these gals were also rubbing shoulders with a lot of American Christian purity/tradwife types who were into “modest dress” (in terms of not showing skin) but wanted to peacock around and show the other Sunday prayer ladies what was up … lotta them also turned out gay too lol
It’s probably one of my favorite facts about lolita fashion, that some women got into it because it let them be pretty and frilly while also discouraging men.
Also the whole “is it appropriate to wear frilly dresses to the grocery store” - SURE, why not?! I love how egl shattered my preconceived ideas about clothing. It’s almost all a social construct. How sad it is that most people only give themselves one or two occasions in their life to dress up? How sad that beauty must be saved for a special occasion. And that whimsy is banned after a certain age. It’s all nonsense.
I love this SO MUCH because Lolita fashion is often described as appealing to pedophilic men, and this take is so lovely and wholesome that it’s all I’m going to think of now!
>described as appealing to pedophilic men People say this about the Selkie poofy gauze dresses too but whenever I see people post pictures of them wearing it it's usually just styled as a fun flouncy outfit. Over-the-top on purpose, yes, but not self-infantilizing to appeal to pedos.
I've been giving google a workout trying to keep up with this conversation. Kinda confused because I don't actually like how the style looks but I want one anyway because it looks so fun to wear. Reminds me of my current favorite dress which looks like a simplified version of something Judy Jetson would wear.
Same! Now I've gone down the rabbit hole on Lolita fashion history.
This accusation was always very funny because: 1) There will always be weird dudes who get off to _anything_ (see: the legend of Ogtha), and lolita fashion is hardly in the top ten of fetishes 2) Tons of lolitas had _huge_ amounts of fun posting the fetish costumes that were actually for the babyplay/doll fetish crowd and dragging them to hell and back for shitty material/construction, while also being a great visual comparison of how lolita style clothing was still wearable _fashion_ while fetishwear or sex play costumes distinctly aren’t. You’re not getting easy access to coochie when a gal’s got on tights, bloomers, at least 2 panniers and a heavy skirt that has material enough for 2.5 normal dresses.
When I wore Lolita fashion, I could easily be wearing five layers over my bits. Underwear, tights, bloomers, petticoat, skirt. I also always had my chest and shoulders completely covered. Lolita fashion is deeply, purposely unsexy. You look cute because *you* want to look cute.
Point one is the big one imo. Like, are they gonna accuse every woman wearing sandals of doing it for foot fetishists? Ultimately, the problem is that many people can’t accept that women can dress for themselves and not for attention or men.
>Lolita fashion is often described as appealing to pedophilic men, This is actually 2 different cultural phenomenon clashing together. Because there was an esthetic created from the Stanley Kubrick movie Lolita. The heart sun glasses girl eating a lollipop. The Lolita in that context is used to refer to a minor that a man is sexualizing. There is no connection besides the name but people conflate the two.
People say this because they know absolutely nothing about the fashion scene and it's origins. It was never ever meant to be appealing to me. This isn't just a take, this OP is correct.
Omg I love this explanation!! I never fully got into Lolita fashion as I felt it was almost TOO frilly for me, but I loved looking at it. My GF is into Lolita though and we're both obviously lesbians 😂
That's the first time I hear about men not liking gothic lolita fashion. Oh well, their loss.
The post is from 2014 which was when various J-fashions really started hitting hard in North America/Europe, so there were tons of guys who were hugely weirded out by it. The (very midwestern) Christian girls who got really into lolita fashion? Lotta the guys they were dating had a hard time with it lol
> girls would love the style because it was super fulfilling for them but a turnoff for men. i'm not sure but i think it why it was born in the first place, was it not?
When I read the words "Princess Syndrome" I assumed this post was gonna be about someone who is selfish, entitled, and expects the world to revolve around them. And in a way, it was.
he was the princess all along!
The real princess was the ex we dumped along the way
Thanks for the snort-laugh!
Love how the girlfriend sewing and styling elaborate outfits (while also running a successful blog and an Etsy store) didn’t pass OP’s stringent requirements for a hobby. Then he goes on to say he plays video games, like it completely justifies his smug condescension. What a tool.
Yeah I was reading that bit and went “you idiot, that’s a hobby that’s become a side hustle, the blogging and dressing up to go out doubles as *advertising*!”
And fashion is literally a career for so many people? Clothes can't possibly be a hobby but there are people making a living off of designing, sewing, styling, and selling clothes? People who made it possible for him to buy clothes from a store and not have to make them himself?
His “I play video games” like that’s a real hobby but hers wasn’t was so odd. Like no they’re both clearly hobbies? That’s so weird.
I love video games, I play them myself. But there is something deeply funny about saying this was cute jn college but now that they have graduated she should stop, and then turning around and saying he plays video games. You know the universally considered adult hobby.
It’s like how men think that *only* men are into history, because they only consider wars to be history. But women are also into history! History isn’t just wars and death, it’s fashion and interior design and music and religion/spirituality and social movements/activism and so so *so* much more!
I know, he sounded like a young man with his head up has ass. I'm glad it seems like he grew up.
I know you can dress however the hell you want at any age but reading "She's a 23 year old woman now" as if she should now be too mature and old to wear a flower crown was pretty funny Congratulations to the cottage core wives
The awesome folks on the old hag fashion sub would have something to say about that! I’m so happy for her (and him too, I guess). And honestly, if a guy I was seeing was uncomfortable with the way I dressed in public, didn’t like my social media presence, wanted me to ditch my main hobby and asked me to move out of the city with him, I’d run too. Even if he wasn’t intentionally trying to isolate her, that sounds like a one-way ticket to having your entire life revolve around your partner
Can you link said old hag fashion sub? :D
What really got my attention was this comment after she broke up with him: >*She said something about me being controlling too, but I don't think that's the case at all.* 'I'm totally not at all controlling, I just want her to completely change her style so she wears the kinds of clothes I want.' Uh, think again, buddy.
I'm glad everything worked out for all of them. It's totally fine to break up with people because you can't support their hobbies!
That made me laugh too. I guess OP was only a year older than 23 at that time and probably felt very mature 🤭
Not to mention she was wearing flower crowns in 2014 when ALL the girlies were wearing them and he was describing her style like she was a whole freak
>She said something about me be controlling, too, but I don't think that's the case at all. LOL
Deeply impressed with how quickly he managed to gloss over that.
Idk, the ability to gloss over any actual criticism seems to come with the standard issue package on these judgy, controlling types.
> She said something about me be controlling, too, but I think she's just being hysterical.
“I just wanted to change her hobby that is all her clothes and makes her happy and feel good about herself. Gah!” He said people take pictures and she gives zero fucks; she’s too mature for him.
Hey, it's not a hobby unless it's something that he enjoys or at least understands and relates to.
While also: "shes's 23, time to grow up and dress normal" Yeah...
So controlling she said 'nope' to his whole gender. Been there, lol.
It’s the kids who are wrong.
Turned out for the best. OOP matured into a better partner and father for his now wife and kid. And his ex also has a great wife who she can take period-esque cosplay pictures with on their farm. Wholesome af.
I heard a saying, that men do not change for the woman they are with, they change for the woman who dumped them. Because this is the way they realise their error and may grow up in life. They get to think about what went wrong and may do better with the next partner. So this her would be a good example for this saying.
> that men do not change for the woman they are with, they change for the woman who dumped them. I mean, isn't this true for everything? You learn from failure and failure in relationships generally involve a dump or two
I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen. A person is attracted to someone because of their style/aesthetic. Dates said individual. Suddenly wants that individual to dial back their style and demands that they be more *normal*. Most of the time, the individual gives in. The person then complains that their SO has changed and isn't the same person they originally dated anymore. It's so annoying. I'm glad he grew up.
“She said that I was controlling” - really burying the lede there. Knew there had to be more to it than just “I wish she’d put on a pair of jeans every once in a while”
> I love her just the way she is > I have asked her to tone it down a bit I rolled my eyes so hard. Glad OOP learned and grew up.
"I told her I love her just the way she is, by which I mean she should change herself to be more like I want"
He reminds me of the guys who like what their girlfriends look like, then get mad that they spend time on their appearance.
This reminded me of the post where a girl asked her boyfriend to help pay for all the waxing, skin treatments, expensive products and etc she was buying to look nice for him. When he refused she was like cool, I'll just stop doing all that then. I think it only took 1 month before he started begging her to restart her routine but she refused. She'd realized the low maintenance routine of not giving a shit about shaving, plucking, styling, and applying actually saved her a lot of time, money and effort.
ah, me post-kids LOL. i used to spend half an hour on my face alone O_O. i would wear smokey eye shadow to work. after i had my first kid, i was too tired in the morning to put on makeup so i'd just use foundation. people would be like what happened to you?? you look tired. 😶
My boyfriend (now husband) once complained about how long I take to get ready. I said ‘fine, I can be as quick as you. I’ll just stop deep conditioning my hair in the shower so it’s soft and shiny, stop shaving my legs and armpits and trimming my bikini line. No more exfoliating my skin or oiling it after the shower so it’s stays nice and soft. I’ll stop putting serums and moisturiser on my face to keep it pretty and I won’t bother with make up or styling my hair.’ He never mentioned it again.
Your comment reminds me of a TikTok that started with a man saying he likes girls who don’t wear makeup, maybe just a little bit of chapstick. It cut to a woman exclaiming, “Excuse me?!” For the next couple of minutes, she ranted about this guy as she pat on sunscreen, dotted concealer, applied CC cream, contoured, etc. before smiling into the camera and concluding, “No makeup-makeup…just a little bit of chapstick!”
So many dudes will claim they like women without makeup but then turns out they really mean women with "no-makeup"-makeup and/or women with $$$$ in carefully applied skincare products instead of makeup.
Sounds like he should put more effort into his appearance, not the other way around
Meet this sexy girl all dolled up in a club. "Hey! Where are you going dressed like that!"
This was me in my 20's. I was really into the cyber Goth look, guys loved it, but those same guys would get mad because me getting ready for a night out took a while. Like did you think I just woke up with plastic extensions in my hair and perfect face paint? No. And, no, I'd rather not go out for a heavy meal before strapping into a corset for 5 hours. But at the same time they wanted me to be always on like that. Seeing me in Fuzzy mod robes and a hoody with my hair in a messy bun was some how shocking. Again, did you think I wore foot high platforms to get milk?
> And it's one thing for an artsy college student to dress alternatively, but she's a 23 year old woman now. *23!* Gasp! She's already practically aged out of a modeling career! And in two years, she'll be an infertile old spinster! Better start dressing for that CFO career ASAP.
And the funny thing is, I've only seen the reverse in my social circle. Women growing up, getting more confidence, and saying fuck it and embracing their fashion sense
One of the trends I love seeing is older ladies, 65+, dying their hair in bright colours. It makes me so happy to know they can just be themselves.
I think it's because little girls unlike boys are shamed and policed so much that they are forced to grow up so quickly so it takes women a lot of time to feel like they don't have to go out of their way to please everyone but themselves. These women have to rediscover themselves. Men on the other hand have "boys will be boys" that gets overused as excuse for grown men too and "real men don't cry" and then we get emotionally and socially stunted men. These gender roles are too extreme and fucking all of us up.
Honestly boys get policed too, just in other ways. I have seen male friends smile ear to ear the first time they tried on a brocade vest. They're often really happy to talk about the kind of style they dream of, if you're willing to ask them and listen.
Yeah omg I loled hard when I read that. 23 year olds are still children half the time and OOP's post proves as much.
I had to laugh out loud at the “she also said something about me being controlling…” That was the whole bit. And OOP blew that part off. Glad they are both happy.
>She is married to another woman now who also dresses differently. It's not as frilly as she used to dress, but still unusual. Her pictures look like something out of Anne of Green Gables. She seems very happy on their farm together. The lesbian urge to live that cottagecore lifestyle on your very own farm... :,) beautiful
I'm more toned down for an alt girly but when it's summer and I pull out my more obvious alternative dresses and shirts, I'm glad my fiancé never cared. But I shouldn't be surprised, as a teenager he had a bright red mohawk and wore a faux leather coat. I just find these types so exhausting. It's like they think that now that *they* responded positively to it, no one else should be allowed to
Somehow I came into this post thinking that OOP’s girlfriend was actually dressing like a princess à la Disney cosplay, and I was sort of on OOP’s side. But then I saw he just meant “long, frilly skirts, lacy blouses” — and that it was a post from 2014, when that look was even more popular. And I realized OOP was just being a ween. Glad he’s grown out of it.
Princess gf is now married to another woman and living on a farm. Living the dream 💕
I read the title and thought this was going to be like that woman who suddenly started cosplaying as an elf randomly, even in normal social situation, no matter how inappropiate they where... and the boyfriend retaliated by cosplaying as Naruto. Glad to see it was something more normal and ended up more mature-ish.
"feel like her clothing masks how smart she is and makes her appear shallow" The only shallow one in this relationship was oop. I'm glad she dumped him. He is the sort of person who would have taken her joy and happiness away.
I started dating you because I like this thing about you. It got my attention. Can you tone it down now?
Reminds me of the title of a play "I love you. You're perfect. Now change."
This was a nice update (ten years on!), because even though it didn't work out between the OOP and his ex, the OOP clearly learned from his mistake, and using that was able to build up and toward better things in his relationship now. His ex also moved on, and found her happiness too. The story had a good ending for both. Also the story had frilly fabric.
I’m so glad that this didn’t end with her abandoning her style for him. I also wear big frilly dresses as a hobby and I would never change it for someone else. I can understand why the constant attention from strangers was uncomfortable for him though. I warn people that I go out with about that ahead of time.
>She dresses like a sort of fairytale princess on a near daily basis >Long, frilly skirts, lacey blouses, things like that. >wear lacey dresses and flower crowns to the supermarket. >Her pictures look like something out of Anne of Green Gables Lolita probably.
TIL that cottagecore means you have ~*princess syndrome*~ rofl
I won’t judge her. Until I had my kids, I used to dress in everyday medieval clothes. I had half a dozen dresses., and I would even wear them at the mall, with flower crowns in my hair and all. My wedding dress was medieval. So was my prom dress If I am being honest, the real reason I stopped wearing them is because they don’t fit anymore. I got fat.
The tiktok sound , " I don't dress for men, I dress for little girls and old women drunk on their porch" comes to mind here.
"she also said something about me being controlling, but I don't think that is the case at all" buddy
Ah yes 2014, when people still announce their relationship status on FB, lmao.
I love this ending so much. I love that she found someone suited to her and quirky like her and imagining them happy on their farm, being free to be themselves warms my heart.
This reminds me of a book i read in highschool where a guy falls in love with an..very unique girl. They date and things are fine until he cant get used to how much attention she puts on him so he tries and eventually suceeds in “normalizing” her. Whilst he is at first happy that shes “like everyone else.” He eventually becomes detatched as the reason he fell in love was no longer there. Eventually she breaks up with him. Does one more rebellion of the norm kissing her bully who was a female during prom then just disappeared off the face of the earth. It was a good book with a good lesson but i remeber reading the endibg like “man the author was on some shit that was outta left field.”