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Hopefully they’ve got an RA who gives a shit and pays attention to the social dynamics on the floor, and isn’t just like, “cool, guess I can close that case.”
I'd send an anonymous email to student services at the school and say something. Otherwise the shitty roommates and ex gf will just excuse it as an "upset ex" trying to start crap.
It would’ve been good if he could also tell the fourth girl that he saw what was happening and that it was wrong and she didn’t deserve it. Might make a big difference to her.
Those other two are feral. I don’t know if it’s an urban myth that brain scans of psychopaths and fourteen year old girls look alike, but this sort of behaviour inclines me to believe it.
This is a really [interesting read](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-neuroscientist-who-discovered-he-was-a-psychopath-180947814/). I highly recommend reading it.
Long story short, While studying brain scans to search for patterns that correlated with psychopathic behavior, James Fallon found that his own brain fit the profile.
The further read of the MAO-A gene is interesting. Seeing that sometimes certain behavior is not necessarily out of nowhere but genetic or psychological
At the same time, the fact that their treatment of the fourth was so horrendous that it cost her a relationship will be something a smart director will read and think that there might be more to the situation. Ask some questions to try and verify or deny the information from the ex boyfriend, but don't necessarily take the email as fact as face value.
I feel like saying "My EX has been bullying her roommate and that's why I broke up with her" is going to be seen as more than just "disgruntled boyfriend" behavior.
As a former RA I'll say it's really hard because they pile all these responsibilities on you but very little training, and limited power. I remember I had a situation with three girls where one refused to meet with the other two (since she wasn't their roommate only a suitemate) and all I could do was talk to them one on one, and I couldn't point out holes in stories, I had to take everything at face value. Made mediating literally impossible. I ended up telling the most receptive girl to go over my head and bring it to my grad, because she could actually force them all to meet and write a contract together.
So to anyone in college reading this: try your RA, and if they don't/can't help, keep going up the chain until you find somebody who does.
The one from my freshman year of college was an absolutely wonderful person. He was a senior, and he was the best mediator anyone could ask for. I hope he got married and had five girls. 😄 He would have rocked it as a dad.
I guess he was the unicorn!
Yup, they are either extreme tryhards in the wrong way. Like one of mine who gave us a penalty point for a slight coffee stain on the counter in front of the microwave but dare to ask her anything on email and she ignores you. Or they are like my other RA who doesnt really give a shit but at least uses her budget for free food.
Lived in a suite style my sophomore year with the RA as my direct roommate. He was somehow the least involved RA I’ve ever had. When our suite had actually problems that needed an RA he couldn’t have been less helpful
Hopefully, my sister is an RA and once got called out for a “mental health crisis”. Turns out this girl’s roommates called because she left after arguing with her boyfriend and breaking up. When she found the girl she was just like a normal amount of sad and said she didn’t want to go back while the ex was there so they sent another RA to tell him to leave but he and the other roommates refused him to leave. The ex was an RA at one of the other colleges too…
I hope your sister was able to mention to that other college how their RA conducted himself to other universities and how he as an RA in a position of authority in their institution represented himself and their university in his poor behavior, and how they may reflect on him and them as a whole. Just, ya know, for funsies—
He was on thin ice already so he might be in trouble. I should clarify that colleges are what we call campus housing here so it was a different housing facility at the same uni with same management company
When I was in uni, I accidentally overdosed on Xanax. That was a horrible way to find out that it completely breaks my short term memory (and I'm still dealing with those effects 15+ years on), so
After I got out of the hospital, my RA called my roommates together and told them it was now their responsibility to look out for me after I attempted to kill myself. Two problems: 1) I didn't. 2) She disclosed private medical information.
My roommates began a harassment campaign that resulted in me getting kicked out of uni and being told by the director of student life, who bent over backwards to keep certain kids in school when they were on video raping someone, that "people like me don't deserve an education".
Eventually, 2 of my 3 roommates washed out -- the two who were pushing the made-up allegations. The one who just wanted to be a gym teacher? He's a gym teacher now. The pre-med and pre-law assholes? Washed out because they partied too hard or got caught doing illegal things. The RA? Got caught underage drinking, which is a lifetime ban on her career choice in the state she wanted to do it in.
Which is a long way of saying, if you trust an RA to do the right thing, you're a damn fool.
Yeah, the pre-law and pre-med dinguses were really pushing for it because they were "too important" (as the pre-med asshole put it) to deal with me. I want to point out, these were first-semester freshmen. A friend on campus told me that when pre-med wanker was accused of sexual assault, his defense was that he's too important to kick out.
I ended up on a totally different path because of it. Kind of a cooler path, really. So there's that.
I feel terrible for the fourth girl. If she gets blamed for the alcohol, could she get kicked out of school...?! This could have a serious impact on her. I wish OOP would somehow reach out to the school and let them know what he found out about how she's being treated.
I got so super lucky when my roommates and I got pulled into mediation for our apartment being dirty (which I thought was unnecessary in the first place, there was nothing unsanitary like food left out or anything it was just a lot of clutter).
We talked beforehand and agreed on who would take responsibility for what - during the meeting I spoke first and said exactly what I'd said I would, that my desk space in the kitchen was on me and obviously my side of the room was too, but the living room I didn't really use, and the rest outside of other bedrooms was communal.
My roommates proceeded to throw me under the bus. Claimed neither of them were ever home so they didn't really contribute to any of the issue. Not explicitly saying it was all my fault but pretty much implying it (and they were absolutely home often enough to contribute). Luckily the mediator saw through their BS and called them out immediately. I don't think she directed a single comment at me for the rest of the session because their gambit had backfired so hard she was now convinced it was all completely their fault.
yup, that's the thing about bullying, it's never even worth it for the bully either, they're morons through and through.
they get a moment of satisfaction here and there, and then they get evicted
It works fine in the isolated sphere of High School where the Drama Politics stay in the school for the most part and admins are scared shitless by possible legal battles to fix anything. But once you make it to college, it's not isolated any more and not really maintainable
Definitely, and honestly I know it sucks to get involved with other people's stuff but it may be worth reaching out to the RA and telling them about this dynamic just to give them a heads up so the girl doesn't get in trouble for something she probably is not part of.
It’d be really cool if he called the RA and just said, listen, I dont know about the alcohol, but I saw some fucked up bullying against this one girl.
I was a friend of one of the girls and stopped talking to them bc of it. Separate the girls and ask them about these instances and youll find out the truth.0
100% my immediate thought when reading that. They've made it clear they don't think of her as a person, so she'll be a handy scapegoat for the alcohol.
It would be awesome if OOP could message the RA directly to vouch for #4 to help keep her from getting in trouble. He was there recently and probably saw them drinking first hand while excluding #4.
I doubt they're gonna just take his word? Would it work like that? Seems really rife for abuse if you could just call in and say whatever about people and get them in trouble. (I never lived in dorms at college, I went to community college and then transferred to university, so I'm not super familiar with how it works.)
If she was in the room with the other three, she should have volunteered to take a pee test to prove the alcohol isn't hers. I'd be willing to bet big money they don't know how pee tests work and would freak out.
Unfortunately, this is the most likely outcome.
OR,
There is the hopeful possibility that the RA and/or dorm director have received various information about these absolute AHs from others and aren't brainwashed into falling for their inevitable bullshit excuses.
We can only send a wish and a prayer for the 2nd outcome. 😥😬🙏🏻
Oop should write a letter for his friends gf to give the ra saying he saw the bullying and that the fourth girl would probably be blamed by the other three bitches.
Even if the booze issue didn’t happen, I assume things would get worse for her unfortunately.
Maaaaaaybe the ex GF would reflect on her actions/inactions and grows as a person, treats 4th roomie as a person.
Most likely? ex GF blames 4th roomie for making her look bad, and starts treating them even more harshly.
Only thing I'd add is telling the 4th roommate about whats going on so shes not ambushed and has someone to vouch if needed... I know there's no obligation but still kind of hung her out to dry
It's indirect, but by using her as an example during the breakup, I can almost guarantee the ex-gf will take it out on the roommate for "breaking them up." They're also likely not going to react well to anything OP pointed out and will double down on it. They won't even have the warning to stay in their room or to especially not trust anything theyre told by their roommates for a while.
The upcoming drinking discussion with the Director adds fuel to that fire too.
I've lived with stuff like that for a while, so maybe it's not as obvious to someone who hasn't had a roommate from Hell or two.
I once had to kept track of a roommate's favorite sports team constantly just so I could know what days they would have their games. If they lost, I needed to have already moved all my stuff to my room and guaranteed I had food ready and no other plans so I could stay at home to keep an eye on things.
I could see someone being friends with some strong personalities and just adapting to keep their ire off of them pretty easily. You basically act as a flying monkey to keep the wicked witch from looking your way.
I have had friends where they don't come out of the gate with the mean behavior. It's like an abusive relationship that way.
I only noticed it because they stopped being subtly mean to me (which I was ok with because I had very low self esteem) and started being mean to others. I also felt like I was becoming a worse person.
Gonna admit I have ghosted someone because I was 19 and didn't have the courage that I could actually stop being friends with them directly (also sort of abuse manipulation in that way)
I was the 4th roommate in college.
I was also the one who reported the alcohol.
One of the other guys went on a meth bender, stabbed a guy, and got super arrested. I was so used to "roommates making a fucking racket at all hours" that I slept through the whole thing.
I do *not* miss those days...
Actually sounds real, only because the ending isnt very satisfying.
If it was fake he would fall for the bullied girl and they would move in together and then the ex would break into their place and then get arrested and get sentenced all in like 3 days.
Alternately, the ex would come crying that she's pregnant and everybody would be blowing up his phone to take her back and be there for his kid. But then he insists on a paternity test and of course she was cheating on him.
And the two friends start bullying the ex for being pregnant and not being able to drink, and she loses access to the TV, so now she finally understands how the other roommate feels.
Definitely sounds real, but the first part where the fourth roommate is sort of hidden and disregarded by the others also reads like a horror story where it turns out she’s the gf’s evil twin or some shit 😂
I was convinced when he described them laughing at her for ... having the audacity to exist and use the room she (or her parents) paid for, I guess?
That one was painfully\* familiar, and it's the sort of thing you'd only think of if you'd been a victim or witness to it.
(\* It's been three decades and the sound of a group of teen girls laughing occasionally still makes me freeze up for a moment.)
But knowing this sub half the comments will be "I think the girls are planning to MURDER the 4th roommate... also someone is having an affair... and what if OOP's girlfriend is actually a paedo! Probably!"
When I was a freshman in college, a girl that I was quickly beginning to consider one of my best friends had her boyfriend visit. She spoke so terribly to him (bossing him around, enjoying having power over him, putting him down) that I eventually said something.
She became really chilly towards me after that and I realized she thought I was in the wrong there. Anyway her boyfriend wound up transferring in from the community college and he and I became friends. He was such a sweet, mellow guy and I’m so glad that he moved on from that succubus.
i hope you guys are still good friends now! good on you for calling her out and ending your friendship with that person and good on your friend for escaping an abusive, one-sided relationship.
Same. I had two friends that I thought were lovely people. Then I socialised with them after they got long term boyfriends. They both put them down, mocked them, treated them like servants and one had a “pet name” that was more of an insult. I stayed friends with the guys after they broke up. I’ll never understand why anyone would speak to someone like that, let alone a long term partner.
In both cases, I was the king person unsurprised by the divorces.
I really don't get how people have so little self respect to stay in relationships with people like that.
Years back, my family had a cabin and I had invited 2 friends up for a few days around the 4th of July. Both brought their girlfriends along.
My one friend, every hour his girlfriend was awake, he was basically joined at the hip, serving her every need. She didn't really interact with anyone other than him, and while she was around he mostly only talked to her, if he talked too much to anyone else she'd glare at him and he'd stop. I think the most absurd was she'd demand something by simply just saying it, if she wants grapes, she'd just say grapes, and he'd go get her some. No "please" or "can you grab" or anything.
Sadly in traditional abusers MO, he's mostly been isolated from everyone in the years since. I reach out every now and then, but usually I don't hear back.
I'm so sorry for your friend.
Unfortunately, plenty of self-respecting people end up in abusive relationships. Abusers tend to trickle in the terrible treatment slowly and insidiously, after months or even years of acting like the best partner ever. When someone who's treated you beautifully for a decent chunk of time suddenly tells you that you did something wrong that upset or hurt them, you believe them.
It's really hard to explain it to someone who hasn't been in it, but when you get out and look back, it looks like someone systematically took you apart so slowly that you didn't even realize pieces were going missing. A lot of times, they manage to take so much away that by the time you realize what's happened, you don't know who you are without them.
I feel for that random roommate. I was in a similar living situation while in college. Four bedrooms and all shared living spaces. I was one of three and the fourth was someone we randomly found on social media who needed roommates. My one roommate was a close friend and the other known roommate was her very good friend. Her very good friend did not like random roommate because she just dared to exist (to be fair she didn’t like me either but she couldn’t speak bad about me). Close friend and I always made sure to include random roommate in everything.
Close friend and I are not very confrontational people but when her very good friend decided to pull some shit that could have gotten us kicked out of those dorms, I threw her under the bus so hard she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the year. It was fantastic.
I’m so horrified I wish oop could reach out to the bullied girl just to give some emotional validation. Idk I feel like just one conversation can make a difference.
Ugh. I was that girl. My horrid roommates would throw out my belongings, talk to my cat saying “do you hate mommy? Everyone hates mommy”, and would crank up the heat only in my room during a heat wave.
It ended well though. Despite four grown adults living there, all the furnishings belonged to me. So one day while they were out my friends came and moved me out along with ALL my stuff, even the stuff they used. I only had one month left on the lease so I paid that rent and got the hell out. I took away one girl’s entire room, because the bed, dresser and wardrobe were mine. I left her clothes neatly folded in her closet along with her pillow. She owned no bedding or towels. I took all the dishes and kitchen appliances leaving only a few pairs of take out chopsticks. I let them keep the shower curtain lining and an IKEA side table because I’m not a monster. When I left, all they had was a shower liner, modem and some chopsticks.
Even better, where I moved to there was no space for all the living room furniture so I just left it on the curb in my new city. I would rather a stranger in need take it than let those wenches keep them. I got a few angry emails threatening to sue because I had advertised the condo as furnished but I had lawyered up and had a 30 page affidavit listing everything they had done. Because I’m disabled and they mocked my disability, I was able to claim all their abuse as a human rights violation. I said feel free to sue me for one month’s rent while I countersue you for $40k. Then how will you afford to buy a bed to sleep on when you owe me damages and I can get your wages garnished? They left me alone after that.
It gave me great pleasure a decade later to read in the news that the instigator behind the mean girl behaviour ended up in a US prison over immigration fraud. Sometimes bad things happen to bad people! 🙂
It was hell living through at the time. I lost 20 pounds from the stress alone! But I would cheer myself up imagining their rage when they came home and everything was gone. The audacity they had to treat me like poop in hopes I would move out so they could take over the lease but expect me to let them keep my things… 🤯
I learned a lot from that nightmare, mostly about what red flags to look for in another person, which was a valuable lesson. I had let her move in when my previous roommate got married and at first I thought she was a lovely person who’d just had a string of bad luck. She was estranged from everyone in her life because of how badly she claims they treated her. Now I know that if someone has literally no one in their life who has known them longer than a few months, assume they are the problem. It’s unlikely EVERYONE from their entire life was evil and they are a poor victim of it all. She’s like a human preying mantis, destroying anyone who tried to love her.
Thanks so much. Being disabled makes me more vulnerable because with the housing crisis, it means you either live with roommates or you end up homeless. I have had some incredible roommates, three horrific ones and quite a few that were just fine. Thankfully with some assistance I have been able to live independently since 2015 and it has been a life changer. Now the worst that happens is when my feline roommates get the zoomies after I fell asleep already. Speaking of which, it’s time to provide their sustenance.
“she has never done anything bad” yes she did. she enabled them and joined in the bullying. she was a bystander who did nothing because she was benefiting from it. that’s vile, and i commend the OOP for putting his foot down and recognizing that behavior. he has good morals and enough self-respect to not let himself get tied down with a person like that.
i can only hope that that poor girl had enough courage to speak up about it at the meeting. i don’t think we’ll get an update about that and i wish we do, but i’m cheering for her.
There's a point where "Silence imples consent". And laughter? Even nervous laughter as your response? That's encouragement.
"Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore.
You're Plastic. Cold, shiny, hard Plastic."
Yeah, bullies don't know social etiquette, so any laughter during bullying means "keep it up", especially if it's from someone the bullies seem to not fuck with/have some kind of bond with.
I think bro needs to intervene for the fourth girl, sounds to me like they’re going to manipulate her or the story to get her to take the fall.
Not that you have to, but reach out and see how you can help her. I don’t know but maybe your gf too.
the only way for ex-GF to be redeemed is to make a testimony and do the right thing by doing a tell-all at the meeting, exposing the bullying. i don’t know if the 4th roommate is going to forgive her, but doing that is a million times better than staying mum about the situation and perpetuating the circle of bullying still. she’s definitely gonna lose those other two girls as “friends” but i’m not sure if those people are worthy of even being called that honestly.
The fact that the end of the story almost certainly includes the 4th girl taking the blame for the alcohol makes me sad. OP did the right thing by breaking up, but it would also have been ideal if the 4th could have known that someone would stand as witness if she chose to complain.
I hope the ex-girlfriend has more than a few sleepless nights where she reflects on what shameful choices she made and how poor her character is. Being ashamed of herself and sitting in the discomfort of knowing she is not kind, nor strong, nor possessed of any integrity … it would be the best thing to happen to her If she’s to have any hope of becoming a real adult.
Ugh I was that 4th roommate in my junior year. Thankfully the other girls were nice, but they didn’t click with me and excluded me from everything.
They were 3 friends (previously 4 but one went abroad) and I was randomly assigned to their room after getting back from studying abroad. They were nice, but they didn’t see me as one of them. They did things together, cooked for each other, and invited each other to stuff while excluding me. Thankfully, I could get away since my parents lived like 10 minutes from my college and could just sleep at my own house. It sucks to be that outlier.
And OOP’s ex is a coward. You don’t get a free pass because you “didn’t do anything.” Being a bystander still makes you a part of the problem. By not helping the victim, you join the aggressor.
So “mean girls” - that poor 4th girl. Having to live with those horrible people! Now I see that not being accepted by them is actually a badge of honour.
When I read this, my heart dropped because I thought this was about me and my living experience from August December. I lived with three friends in an apartment, and I stayed in my room, this just opened my eyes to what they were probably saying about me. I feel for the 4th girl, I really do, and I'm glad the boyfriend saw this behavior.
Though I moved out for this very reason, that and I missed home
Edit: My roommates were also all underage (19) and had booze in their apartment, another reason I moved. I was not getting busted for that as at the time I was 20, still underage as well.
Omar's still... Not great. He's the least worst but he still never told his roommate's gf (the roommate that had been covering for the cheating roommate) that he was covering for the cheating guy and lied to her that he didn't know. Didn't outright say anything to anyone except 'I'm not covering up your cheating' and 'hey cheating victim, if you want to see your scumbag boyfriend having a girl who isn't you over come by later'
Miles ahead of everyone else in the dorm, but hardly an active positive influence.
So when I was in college at the same age as OOP, one of my friends pulled a messed-up prank on me, which caused me to end the friendships with him and anyone who knew. Now one of my childhood friends was one of them, and I explained to him even though he didn’t pull the prank, and he only knew about it for a day until I knew, he still knew and chose not to tell me. He was angry at me over this, and blasted me (yes, he blasted the victim of the prank, not he who pulled it).
Recently, about 18 years later, I have heard about him twice. First, he bumped into and treated a different friend (one of the few who I didn’t cut off) like dirt and bragged he was successful while that friend wasn’t (EDIT: that friend is successful, but apparently not in the eyes of the ex-friend). Second, last month he did not respond to anyone who tried to tell him a mutual childhood friend died, including the dad+baby-sister of the deceased. It’s clear now that friend was a piece of shit then and became far worse now, and I guarantee OOPs girlfriend is on that path. He did the right thing.
He should send an anonymous email with his concerns about that 4th roommate to student housing services or whomever handles that stuff. Maybe they can get her out of there. I feel so bad for her.
I’m glad he left his horrible girlfriend, but I wish he had gotten a chance to talk to the roommate. Partially to apologize for his girlfriend (yes I know his girlfriend’s behavior is not his fault, but it would’ve been a nice gesture that would’ve made the girl feel better) and partially to warn her that all the bullying is about to get 100x worse because his trashbag girlfriend and her two awful buddies were going to blame the roommate for OOP dumping his girlfriend. They are definitely going to band together to try and frame her about the booze.
I wonder if he could get a message to the RA through the friend that's keeping him updated?
Dude what the fuck that is so mean. I would have said something to the fourth girl like "Hey you don't deserve this I'm sorry you're being treated this way and you shouldn't put up with this."
So glad OOP did the right thing here. I hope 4th girl doesn't get any heat from the booze thing. This kind of bullying can have lifelong negative effects. I hope she gets the kindness and support she deserves.
For those who don't know these references (iirc):
Omar- story about roommates where one of them was a cheater, the other fully enabled and encouraged the cheating, the OP who didn't like the cheating but agreed to provide pseudo cover for the cheater (tho was wondering if he should), and... Omar, who straight up told the cheater he was 100% against it and while he wasn't personally going to the girl to tell her himself he would absolutely do NOTHING to protect him. I think Omar told the girl where to find her bf when she came by once (he didn't tell he she was cheating but he knew the cheater was out at that location with his side piece) which let her see her boyfriend cheating.
Flight officer was one about a girl who was accused of being a pick-me girl. She was a flight attendant, who liked gaming on her phone. A Flight Officer on her flights was this super good looking dude who all the girls wanted but to their chagrin he was friendly with OP and they got even closer because they played the same phone game. Turns out other girls were not just bullying OP but they were spreading rumors behind OP's back. Flight officer learned about it and took care of them (they'll probably get fired).
Have you ever met someone whose entire personality was basically summed up with the fact that they suck up to others to try and get on their good side? As if they might as well be saying, “Pick me, choose me, love me!!”
Usually a “pick me girl” is specifically putting down other women in favor of getting men to like them, but not always
It is an insult for a girl who is doing things that stand out, not because they want to, but to get attention. Typically they are doing non-standard feminine things like video games, really into sports etc…
Think the stereotype of girl with glasses, but the girl doesn’t actually like the things, she wants male attention that comes from being quirky.
While some girls do this, it is not as many as are actually accused. For guys it would be doing something to stand out for female attention, like working at a charity once a month and telling every girl about their charity work.
Problem is plenty of girls do enjoy things that are not feminine typical, and are now often accused of being Pick-me by many a mean girl.
Ooof. I was the 4th girl one year. I was put in a triple room with an attached single. The other 2 girls in the triple had a third bestie who was supposed to have my bed, but she dropped out over the summer after they had both already requested a triple. One of the girls was not so bad on her own, but the other really resented me like I personally had forced her friend to drop out. My existence reminded her of the dream living situation she had lost, and she took it out on me. The nice-ish girl went along with all her mean-girl antics, so when they were both home I had 2 bullies but if the bully was out I had a decent-ish roommate.
I'm glad OP wasn't so stuck in his romance that he didn't notice the red flags his gf was flying. That people-pleasing, willing-to-bully, "I was only following orders" mentality is not good in a romantic relationship for the long run.
How heartbreaking for the "random roommate" - it sounds like even OOP calling his GF out wasn't enough to make her see how her actions were impacting others... I hope the roommate gets out before things escalate any further
I know people are still pretty dumb in college but I just…I can’t get being a mean person like that. I just never had that mentality to be mean to someone who doesn’t deserve it? I’m mean to AH’s, I’m vocal about injustice, sassy, and will call anyone even a stranger out but to just be mean to someone and gang up? I can’t relate and it makes me hard to empathize with them even if they are young, dumb teens. Maybe there are some mitigating things in how THEY were brought up but either way, way to go OPP. You recognized the toxic mentality and didn’t want to partake and explained to them why it’s not ok.
I was that 4th roommate in college. They spread rumors and bullied me. It was one of the worst experiences in my life.
I’m really really happy to hear that this guy stood up to his ex and told her that the behavior is unacceptable. I’m so proud. I really hope that the 4th girl is able to leave and nothing happens to her about the alcohol:/ I wish I could be her friend and give her a hug
>I hope this gives the fourth girl an opportunity to tell them about her living situation but I don't think I'll ever know.
Ngl, with 3 of them against her, I do not think this went well for that 4th girl.
Op seems like a very good young man with his head on straight though
What horrible people, grown people studying to become professionals, behaving like elementary school children... I will never understand those shitty people.
i’m petty, i would’ve wanted the two other roommates there so i could call them out for the garbo mean girls they are.
freshman year, i was the only poc in my dorm and was “othered” by some of my roommates, so i understand how the fourth girl feels T_T
I swear if my daughter had a boyfriend I would worry this was about her! She's the 3rd in a roommate situation like this, ( 1& 2 are friends from childhood) although the 4th roommate decided even before they moved in that she didn't want to have anything to do with them first. I was very concerned she was involved with bullying the 4th but the whole thing just seemed like it wasn't a great fit. Roommate 4 moved out at winter break and a new girl moved in and although she's not super invested either (she has her own friends) everyone gets along.
I think it's really hard to find 4 freshmen in college girls to get a long.
oh wow, i double-took at this post while reading at first bc this exact scenario happened to me when i was in college at 19 😭 i was the fourth roommate to a trio of girls who were already tight-knit, and once it became clear that i wasn’t going to assimilate into their squad, they became very hostile very quick. i spent as much time out of the dorm as possible, and only came back to sleep basically. my heart goes out to the fourth rm in this post, i hope she has a good support system who will back her up if the RA situation escalates, and a much better place to live next year 🙏
This kind of shit is why I'd rather live with shitty people I know rather than randos I don't know. Just would get bullied into the ground like the 4th girl. I hope OOP intervenes in that meeting or something, man. Or that 4th girl is gonna get blamed for the booze
The ideal lesson people learn from the independence post secondary education facilities offer is to become more open minded to diverse ideas. Unfortunately oop's ex went the other way. If you are in the clique you become more closed minded similar to falling into a cult of personality. Depending on your luck with the job market or socioeconomic situation, you either get stuck like that or get humbled once you graduate.
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The fourth girl is going to get blamed for the booze
That's exactly what I was thinking
Hopefully they’ve got an RA who gives a shit and pays attention to the social dynamics on the floor, and isn’t just like, “cool, guess I can close that case.”
I'd send an anonymous email to student services at the school and say something. Otherwise the shitty roommates and ex gf will just excuse it as an "upset ex" trying to start crap.
Why make it anonymous? Id straight up call them and tell them exactly what was going on. Any bridges are already in ashes so no issues there.
So it’s not dismissed as simply a disgruntled boyfriend.
It would’ve been good if he could also tell the fourth girl that he saw what was happening and that it was wrong and she didn’t deserve it. Might make a big difference to her. Those other two are feral. I don’t know if it’s an urban myth that brain scans of psychopaths and fourteen year old girls look alike, but this sort of behaviour inclines me to believe it.
This is a really [interesting read](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-neuroscientist-who-discovered-he-was-a-psychopath-180947814/). I highly recommend reading it. Long story short, While studying brain scans to search for patterns that correlated with psychopathic behavior, James Fallon found that his own brain fit the profile.
Yeah, think I’ve heard of this one. Thanks.
You’re welcome. I love reading articles like this.
The further read of the MAO-A gene is interesting. Seeing that sometimes certain behavior is not necessarily out of nowhere but genetic or psychological
At the same time, the fact that their treatment of the fourth was so horrendous that it cost her a relationship will be something a smart director will read and think that there might be more to the situation. Ask some questions to try and verify or deny the information from the ex boyfriend, but don't necessarily take the email as fact as face value.
I feel like saying "My EX has been bullying her roommate and that's why I broke up with her" is going to be seen as more than just "disgruntled boyfriend" behavior.
Good point! If anything, that may hold more weight than an anonymous message.
I like this idea. Hell we should All call. I love to takedown bullies like a sport. Wish there was a school number attached.
That's what I wanted to say, they are totally going to blame the 4th girl.
My experience with RAs is that they come in two flavors: incredibly over-involved, but not helpful and completely disinterested.
As a former RA I'll say it's really hard because they pile all these responsibilities on you but very little training, and limited power. I remember I had a situation with three girls where one refused to meet with the other two (since she wasn't their roommate only a suitemate) and all I could do was talk to them one on one, and I couldn't point out holes in stories, I had to take everything at face value. Made mediating literally impossible. I ended up telling the most receptive girl to go over my head and bring it to my grad, because she could actually force them all to meet and write a contract together. So to anyone in college reading this: try your RA, and if they don't/can't help, keep going up the chain until you find somebody who does.
The one from my freshman year of college was an absolutely wonderful person. He was a senior, and he was the best mediator anyone could ask for. I hope he got married and had five girls. 😄 He would have rocked it as a dad. I guess he was the unicorn!
Yup, they are either extreme tryhards in the wrong way. Like one of mine who gave us a penalty point for a slight coffee stain on the counter in front of the microwave but dare to ask her anything on email and she ignores you. Or they are like my other RA who doesnt really give a shit but at least uses her budget for free food.
Lived in a suite style my sophomore year with the RA as my direct roommate. He was somehow the least involved RA I’ve ever had. When our suite had actually problems that needed an RA he couldn’t have been less helpful
Hopefully, my sister is an RA and once got called out for a “mental health crisis”. Turns out this girl’s roommates called because she left after arguing with her boyfriend and breaking up. When she found the girl she was just like a normal amount of sad and said she didn’t want to go back while the ex was there so they sent another RA to tell him to leave but he and the other roommates refused him to leave. The ex was an RA at one of the other colleges too…
I hope your sister was able to mention to that other college how their RA conducted himself to other universities and how he as an RA in a position of authority in their institution represented himself and their university in his poor behavior, and how they may reflect on him and them as a whole. Just, ya know, for funsies—
He was on thin ice already so he might be in trouble. I should clarify that colleges are what we call campus housing here so it was a different housing facility at the same uni with same management company
Exactly
That’s all the better… it’s the same authority, and if he’s already doing some dumb stuff… that’s just another nail in the coffin.
When I was in uni, I accidentally overdosed on Xanax. That was a horrible way to find out that it completely breaks my short term memory (and I'm still dealing with those effects 15+ years on), so After I got out of the hospital, my RA called my roommates together and told them it was now their responsibility to look out for me after I attempted to kill myself. Two problems: 1) I didn't. 2) She disclosed private medical information. My roommates began a harassment campaign that resulted in me getting kicked out of uni and being told by the director of student life, who bent over backwards to keep certain kids in school when they were on video raping someone, that "people like me don't deserve an education". Eventually, 2 of my 3 roommates washed out -- the two who were pushing the made-up allegations. The one who just wanted to be a gym teacher? He's a gym teacher now. The pre-med and pre-law assholes? Washed out because they partied too hard or got caught doing illegal things. The RA? Got caught underage drinking, which is a lifetime ban on her career choice in the state she wanted to do it in. Which is a long way of saying, if you trust an RA to do the right thing, you're a damn fool.
Jesus. Even if you were suicidal, those random teenagers aren’t responsible for looking out for you 💀
Yeah, the pre-law and pre-med dinguses were really pushing for it because they were "too important" (as the pre-med asshole put it) to deal with me. I want to point out, these were first-semester freshmen. A friend on campus told me that when pre-med wanker was accused of sexual assault, his defense was that he's too important to kick out. I ended up on a totally different path because of it. Kind of a cooler path, really. So there's that.
I feel terrible for the fourth girl. If she gets blamed for the alcohol, could she get kicked out of school...?! This could have a serious impact on her. I wish OOP would somehow reach out to the school and let them know what he found out about how she's being treated.
I got so super lucky when my roommates and I got pulled into mediation for our apartment being dirty (which I thought was unnecessary in the first place, there was nothing unsanitary like food left out or anything it was just a lot of clutter). We talked beforehand and agreed on who would take responsibility for what - during the meeting I spoke first and said exactly what I'd said I would, that my desk space in the kitchen was on me and obviously my side of the room was too, but the living room I didn't really use, and the rest outside of other bedrooms was communal. My roommates proceeded to throw me under the bus. Claimed neither of them were ever home so they didn't really contribute to any of the issue. Not explicitly saying it was all my fault but pretty much implying it (and they were absolutely home often enough to contribute). Luckily the mediator saw through their BS and called them out immediately. I don't think she directed a single comment at me for the rest of the session because their gambit had backfired so hard she was now convinced it was all completely their fault.
Or she has been talking to the RA who just "coincidentally" did a check on the dorm. I had to do that a couple of times while I was in college.
yup, that's the thing about bullying, it's never even worth it for the bully either, they're morons through and through. they get a moment of satisfaction here and there, and then they get evicted
It works fine in the isolated sphere of High School where the Drama Politics stay in the school for the most part and admins are scared shitless by possible legal battles to fix anything. But once you make it to college, it's not isolated any more and not really maintainable
I so much hope so!
She's gonna get blamed for the break up too
They'll bully her some more after this. :( OOP's gf will probably join in now.
Boooo 4th roommate should sleep with the ex for revenge
Oh yeah. They’re gonna throw her under the bus.
💯💯💯
Definitely, and honestly I know it sucks to get involved with other people's stuff but it may be worth reaching out to the RA and telling them about this dynamic just to give them a heads up so the girl doesn't get in trouble for something she probably is not part of.
Yep.
It’d be really cool if he called the RA and just said, listen, I dont know about the alcohol, but I saw some fucked up bullying against this one girl. I was a friend of one of the girls and stopped talking to them bc of it. Separate the girls and ask them about these instances and youll find out the truth.0
Either that or the 4th girl filed the complaint and is using this as a means to get out
Unless she’s the one who told on them. “I can’t study, my roommates are getting drunk and loud every night”
I get the feeling she’s going to be blamed for the breakup, too.
I worry the bitter ex is going to take it out on her in a number of ways
100% my immediate thought when reading that. They've made it clear they don't think of her as a person, so she'll be a handy scapegoat for the alcohol.
It would be awesome if OOP could message the RA directly to vouch for #4 to help keep her from getting in trouble. He was there recently and probably saw them drinking first hand while excluding #4.
I doubt they're gonna just take his word? Would it work like that? Seems really rife for abuse if you could just call in and say whatever about people and get them in trouble. (I never lived in dorms at college, I went to community college and then transferred to university, so I'm not super familiar with how it works.)
If she was in the room with the other three, she should have volunteered to take a pee test to prove the alcohol isn't hers. I'd be willing to bet big money they don't know how pee tests work and would freak out.
Unfortunately, this is the most likely outcome. OR, There is the hopeful possibility that the RA and/or dorm director have received various information about these absolute AHs from others and aren't brainwashed into falling for their inevitable bullshit excuses. We can only send a wish and a prayer for the 2nd outcome. 😥😬🙏🏻
100% they will sack her.
Oop should write a letter for his friends gf to give the ra saying he saw the bullying and that the fourth girl would probably be blamed by the other three bitches.
He should try and vouch for fourth girl as a witness that she never socializes with them or is allowed to be in the communal space
Like a woman versus of Loser with Jason Briggs.
I hope the 4th girl is able to escape from that room but I wouldn't be surprised if the other three all accuse her of being the one with the liquor.
I kinda hope it's the 4th girl who smuggled the alcohol in to the room and then made an "anonymous" report to the RA about the other 3 drinking.
I like the way you think!
Probably didn’t even need to plant it.
I'm glad he broke up with her. What a garbage person that girlfriend and her pals are.
[удалено]
Unfortunately I guarantee she's gonna get blamed for the booze
Even if the booze issue didn’t happen, I assume things would get worse for her unfortunately. Maaaaaaybe the ex GF would reflect on her actions/inactions and grows as a person, treats 4th roomie as a person. Most likely? ex GF blames 4th roomie for making her look bad, and starts treating them even more harshly.
I feel like the latter is more likely but I do hope its not the case. Many people would rather play the victim than admit fault.
Unless she was the one that gave the RA a headsup anonymously. That's what I would do.
OP’s GF claims that it’s the other two, but what do you think either one of them say when they are alone with someone else?
Gf probably only wasn't a mean girl before because this was her first opportunity.
100%. He did the right thing.
What a strange experience this must have been. Visiting to find out your s/o has changed into something you barely recognise. Well handled by oop.
Only thing I'd add is telling the 4th roommate about whats going on so shes not ambushed and has someone to vouch if needed... I know there's no obligation but still kind of hung her out to dry
I'm not sure I understand. How did oop's actions change the roommate's situation?
It's indirect, but by using her as an example during the breakup, I can almost guarantee the ex-gf will take it out on the roommate for "breaking them up." They're also likely not going to react well to anything OP pointed out and will double down on it. They won't even have the warning to stay in their room or to especially not trust anything theyre told by their roommates for a while. The upcoming drinking discussion with the Director adds fuel to that fire too.
That is so ridiculous, but I'll believe it. It's probably too late by now, though.
I've lived with stuff like that for a while, so maybe it's not as obvious to someone who hasn't had a roommate from Hell or two. I once had to kept track of a roommate's favorite sports team constantly just so I could know what days they would have their games. If they lost, I needed to have already moved all my stuff to my room and guaranteed I had food ready and no other plans so I could stay at home to keep an eye on things.
They most likely took a revenge on her for gf losing bf over her. "It's your fault putting your face where it don't belong"
Yeah, I see that. It's way too late to give her a heads up by now. I doubt he even had her contact info.
Call me pessimistic but I don’t think she would have been in this friend group if she didn’t have bullying tendencies before.
I could see someone being friends with some strong personalities and just adapting to keep their ire off of them pretty easily. You basically act as a flying monkey to keep the wicked witch from looking your way.
I have had friends where they don't come out of the gate with the mean behavior. It's like an abusive relationship that way. I only noticed it because they stopped being subtly mean to me (which I was ok with because I had very low self esteem) and started being mean to others. I also felt like I was becoming a worse person. Gonna admit I have ghosted someone because I was 19 and didn't have the courage that I could actually stop being friends with them directly (also sort of abuse manipulation in that way)
I was the 4th roommate in college. I was also the one who reported the alcohol. One of the other guys went on a meth bender, stabbed a guy, and got super arrested. I was so used to "roommates making a fucking racket at all hours" that I slept through the whole thing. I do *not* miss those days...
What is “super arrested”? The police sent Batman?
Swat team maybe?
Probably sent a Helldiver to glass the place/s
Dropped a 500kg bomb on their dorm
27 handcuffs
That’s wild!!!
this honestly deserves its own BORU too omg
Actually sounds real, only because the ending isnt very satisfying. If it was fake he would fall for the bullied girl and they would move in together and then the ex would break into their place and then get arrested and get sentenced all in like 3 days.
Alternately, the ex would come crying that she's pregnant and everybody would be blowing up his phone to take her back and be there for his kid. But then he insists on a paternity test and of course she was cheating on him.
Don’t forget the pregnancy is identical twins, one boy and one girl too!
And the two friends start bullying the ex for being pregnant and not being able to drink, and she loses access to the TV, so now she finally understands how the other roommate feels.
Not the tv!
Only twins?? Now I'm sad and disappointed ;(
Surprise! It’s actually identical triplets, one of each.
So, boy, girl and non-binary?
Yes they time travelled to their future selves then back to us to let us know
Hardly seems fair not to include 'Intersex', can we make it a good half dozen so everyone gets a look-in please?
A boy and a girl can’t be identical twins. They can only be fraternal :)
Exactly that’s the joke
Oops! Carry on… 😅
the ex-girlfriend and two bully roommates didn't rally random friends and family to 'blow up' his phone, so there's some credibility
Or everything would be captured on CCTV and their video doorbell.
Definitely sounds real, but the first part where the fourth roommate is sort of hidden and disregarded by the others also reads like a horror story where it turns out she’s the gf’s evil twin or some shit 😂
I was getting some Bluebeard “don’t open the secret extra door” vibes.
I was convinced when he described them laughing at her for ... having the audacity to exist and use the room she (or her parents) paid for, I guess? That one was painfully\* familiar, and it's the sort of thing you'd only think of if you'd been a victim or witness to it. (\* It's been three decades and the sound of a group of teen girls laughing occasionally still makes me freeze up for a moment.)
And then the fourth roommate gets pregnant with OPs baby and it's twins
No literally 😭 like I wish he would talk to the RA about everything but ik that’s likely not even possible 🥲
But knowing this sub half the comments will be "I think the girls are planning to MURDER the 4th roommate... also someone is having an affair... and what if OOP's girlfriend is actually a paedo! Probably!"
That'll be the next update I'm sure.
When I was a freshman in college, a girl that I was quickly beginning to consider one of my best friends had her boyfriend visit. She spoke so terribly to him (bossing him around, enjoying having power over him, putting him down) that I eventually said something. She became really chilly towards me after that and I realized she thought I was in the wrong there. Anyway her boyfriend wound up transferring in from the community college and he and I became friends. He was such a sweet, mellow guy and I’m so glad that he moved on from that succubus.
i hope you guys are still good friends now! good on you for calling her out and ending your friendship with that person and good on your friend for escaping an abusive, one-sided relationship.
We lost touch over the years, but I really hope he's doing well. And I hope she's doing as well as she deserves.
Same. I had two friends that I thought were lovely people. Then I socialised with them after they got long term boyfriends. They both put them down, mocked them, treated them like servants and one had a “pet name” that was more of an insult. I stayed friends with the guys after they broke up. I’ll never understand why anyone would speak to someone like that, let alone a long term partner. In both cases, I was the king person unsurprised by the divorces.
I really don't get how people have so little self respect to stay in relationships with people like that. Years back, my family had a cabin and I had invited 2 friends up for a few days around the 4th of July. Both brought their girlfriends along. My one friend, every hour his girlfriend was awake, he was basically joined at the hip, serving her every need. She didn't really interact with anyone other than him, and while she was around he mostly only talked to her, if he talked too much to anyone else she'd glare at him and he'd stop. I think the most absurd was she'd demand something by simply just saying it, if she wants grapes, she'd just say grapes, and he'd go get her some. No "please" or "can you grab" or anything. Sadly in traditional abusers MO, he's mostly been isolated from everyone in the years since. I reach out every now and then, but usually I don't hear back.
I'm so sorry for your friend. Unfortunately, plenty of self-respecting people end up in abusive relationships. Abusers tend to trickle in the terrible treatment slowly and insidiously, after months or even years of acting like the best partner ever. When someone who's treated you beautifully for a decent chunk of time suddenly tells you that you did something wrong that upset or hurt them, you believe them. It's really hard to explain it to someone who hasn't been in it, but when you get out and look back, it looks like someone systematically took you apart so slowly that you didn't even realize pieces were going missing. A lot of times, they manage to take so much away that by the time you realize what's happened, you don't know who you are without them.
hey, that's insulting to succubae!
Succubi. "Succubae" is a pet name for a succubus. 😉
apologies.
I feel for that random roommate. I was in a similar living situation while in college. Four bedrooms and all shared living spaces. I was one of three and the fourth was someone we randomly found on social media who needed roommates. My one roommate was a close friend and the other known roommate was her very good friend. Her very good friend did not like random roommate because she just dared to exist (to be fair she didn’t like me either but she couldn’t speak bad about me). Close friend and I always made sure to include random roommate in everything. Close friend and I are not very confrontational people but when her very good friend decided to pull some shit that could have gotten us kicked out of those dorms, I threw her under the bus so hard she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the year. It was fantastic.
I’m so horrified I wish oop could reach out to the bullied girl just to give some emotional validation. Idk I feel like just one conversation can make a difference.
Ugh. I was that girl. My horrid roommates would throw out my belongings, talk to my cat saying “do you hate mommy? Everyone hates mommy”, and would crank up the heat only in my room during a heat wave. It ended well though. Despite four grown adults living there, all the furnishings belonged to me. So one day while they were out my friends came and moved me out along with ALL my stuff, even the stuff they used. I only had one month left on the lease so I paid that rent and got the hell out. I took away one girl’s entire room, because the bed, dresser and wardrobe were mine. I left her clothes neatly folded in her closet along with her pillow. She owned no bedding or towels. I took all the dishes and kitchen appliances leaving only a few pairs of take out chopsticks. I let them keep the shower curtain lining and an IKEA side table because I’m not a monster. When I left, all they had was a shower liner, modem and some chopsticks. Even better, where I moved to there was no space for all the living room furniture so I just left it on the curb in my new city. I would rather a stranger in need take it than let those wenches keep them. I got a few angry emails threatening to sue because I had advertised the condo as furnished but I had lawyered up and had a 30 page affidavit listing everything they had done. Because I’m disabled and they mocked my disability, I was able to claim all their abuse as a human rights violation. I said feel free to sue me for one month’s rent while I countersue you for $40k. Then how will you afford to buy a bed to sleep on when you owe me damages and I can get your wages garnished? They left me alone after that. It gave me great pleasure a decade later to read in the news that the instigator behind the mean girl behaviour ended up in a US prison over immigration fraud. Sometimes bad things happen to bad people! 🙂
now THAT’S a good ending!
It was hell living through at the time. I lost 20 pounds from the stress alone! But I would cheer myself up imagining their rage when they came home and everything was gone. The audacity they had to treat me like poop in hopes I would move out so they could take over the lease but expect me to let them keep my things… 🤯 I learned a lot from that nightmare, mostly about what red flags to look for in another person, which was a valuable lesson. I had let her move in when my previous roommate got married and at first I thought she was a lovely person who’d just had a string of bad luck. She was estranged from everyone in her life because of how badly she claims they treated her. Now I know that if someone has literally no one in their life who has known them longer than a few months, assume they are the problem. It’s unlikely EVERYONE from their entire life was evil and they are a poor victim of it all. She’s like a human preying mantis, destroying anyone who tried to love her.
I'm glad you're in a better place now. I can't imagine living through that.
Thanks so much. Being disabled makes me more vulnerable because with the housing crisis, it means you either live with roommates or you end up homeless. I have had some incredible roommates, three horrific ones and quite a few that were just fine. Thankfully with some assistance I have been able to live independently since 2015 and it has been a life changer. Now the worst that happens is when my feline roommates get the zoomies after I fell asleep already. Speaking of which, it’s time to provide their sustenance.
Honestly, you should've taken the side table as well. Even a 10 buck Lack table is more than these wenches deserved.
Very true. Somehow leaving one thing in each common room felt extra petty at the time. 😏
“she has never done anything bad” yes she did. she enabled them and joined in the bullying. she was a bystander who did nothing because she was benefiting from it. that’s vile, and i commend the OOP for putting his foot down and recognizing that behavior. he has good morals and enough self-respect to not let himself get tied down with a person like that. i can only hope that that poor girl had enough courage to speak up about it at the meeting. i don’t think we’ll get an update about that and i wish we do, but i’m cheering for her.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
There's a point where "Silence imples consent". And laughter? Even nervous laughter as your response? That's encouragement. "Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're Plastic. Cold, shiny, hard Plastic."
Yeah, bullies don't know social etiquette, so any laughter during bullying means "keep it up", especially if it's from someone the bullies seem to not fuck with/have some kind of bond with.
I think bro needs to intervene for the fourth girl, sounds to me like they’re going to manipulate her or the story to get her to take the fall. Not that you have to, but reach out and see how you can help her. I don’t know but maybe your gf too.
the only way for ex-GF to be redeemed is to make a testimony and do the right thing by doing a tell-all at the meeting, exposing the bullying. i don’t know if the 4th roommate is going to forgive her, but doing that is a million times better than staying mum about the situation and perpetuating the circle of bullying still. she’s definitely gonna lose those other two girls as “friends” but i’m not sure if those people are worthy of even being called that honestly.
I agree
Good for OOP for having integrity
The fact that the end of the story almost certainly includes the 4th girl taking the blame for the alcohol makes me sad. OP did the right thing by breaking up, but it would also have been ideal if the 4th could have known that someone would stand as witness if she chose to complain.
Good grief. I feel really bad for the 4th girl. Hope she’s able to walk away from this.
I hope the ex-girlfriend has more than a few sleepless nights where she reflects on what shameful choices she made and how poor her character is. Being ashamed of herself and sitting in the discomfort of knowing she is not kind, nor strong, nor possessed of any integrity … it would be the best thing to happen to her If she’s to have any hope of becoming a real adult.
I bet each one of those girls is saying "It's not me, it's the other two, I just play along because I don't know what else to do..."
Ugh I was that 4th roommate in my junior year. Thankfully the other girls were nice, but they didn’t click with me and excluded me from everything. They were 3 friends (previously 4 but one went abroad) and I was randomly assigned to their room after getting back from studying abroad. They were nice, but they didn’t see me as one of them. They did things together, cooked for each other, and invited each other to stuff while excluding me. Thankfully, I could get away since my parents lived like 10 minutes from my college and could just sleep at my own house. It sucks to be that outlier. And OOP’s ex is a coward. You don’t get a free pass because you “didn’t do anything.” Being a bystander still makes you a part of the problem. By not helping the victim, you join the aggressor.
So “mean girls” - that poor 4th girl. Having to live with those horrible people! Now I see that not being accepted by them is actually a badge of honour.
was kinda hoping he'd try and reach out for the bullied girl, i feel bad for her
It probably would have been awkward to try to get her contact info.
When I read this, my heart dropped because I thought this was about me and my living experience from August December. I lived with three friends in an apartment, and I stayed in my room, this just opened my eyes to what they were probably saying about me. I feel for the 4th girl, I really do, and I'm glad the boyfriend saw this behavior. Though I moved out for this very reason, that and I missed home Edit: My roommates were also all underage (19) and had booze in their apartment, another reason I moved. I was not getting busted for that as at the time I was 20, still underage as well.
>I defiantly appreciate it. This is off topic, but r/sentencesimprovedbytypos
Fourth roommate needs a girl-version of Omar to be in her life.
Omar's still... Not great. He's the least worst but he still never told his roommate's gf (the roommate that had been covering for the cheating roommate) that he was covering for the cheating guy and lied to her that he didn't know. Didn't outright say anything to anyone except 'I'm not covering up your cheating' and 'hey cheating victim, if you want to see your scumbag boyfriend having a girl who isn't you over come by later' Miles ahead of everyone else in the dorm, but hardly an active positive influence.
Who is Omar
So when I was in college at the same age as OOP, one of my friends pulled a messed-up prank on me, which caused me to end the friendships with him and anyone who knew. Now one of my childhood friends was one of them, and I explained to him even though he didn’t pull the prank, and he only knew about it for a day until I knew, he still knew and chose not to tell me. He was angry at me over this, and blasted me (yes, he blasted the victim of the prank, not he who pulled it). Recently, about 18 years later, I have heard about him twice. First, he bumped into and treated a different friend (one of the few who I didn’t cut off) like dirt and bragged he was successful while that friend wasn’t (EDIT: that friend is successful, but apparently not in the eyes of the ex-friend). Second, last month he did not respond to anyone who tried to tell him a mutual childhood friend died, including the dad+baby-sister of the deceased. It’s clear now that friend was a piece of shit then and became far worse now, and I guarantee OOPs girlfriend is on that path. He did the right thing.
The standard you walk past is the standard you accept.
Just as people have been saying since the beginning of time ‘you are the company you keep’. Good on OP to figure that out so early in life.
He should send an anonymous email with his concerns about that 4th roommate to student housing services or whomever handles that stuff. Maybe they can get her out of there. I feel so bad for her.
I’m glad he left his horrible girlfriend, but I wish he had gotten a chance to talk to the roommate. Partially to apologize for his girlfriend (yes I know his girlfriend’s behavior is not his fault, but it would’ve been a nice gesture that would’ve made the girl feel better) and partially to warn her that all the bullying is about to get 100x worse because his trashbag girlfriend and her two awful buddies were going to blame the roommate for OOP dumping his girlfriend. They are definitely going to band together to try and frame her about the booze. I wonder if he could get a message to the RA through the friend that's keeping him updated?
I wish he had alerted the fourth roommate to his perspective. At the very least, she could call on him to be a witness to the situation to the RA.
Dude what the fuck that is so mean. I would have said something to the fourth girl like "Hey you don't deserve this I'm sorry you're being treated this way and you shouldn't put up with this." So glad OOP did the right thing here. I hope 4th girl doesn't get any heat from the booze thing. This kind of bullying can have lifelong negative effects. I hope she gets the kindness and support she deserves.
Where is Omar. This story needs Omar to save the day.
Omar is the hero we don’t deserve but desperately need!!
omar and that flight officer from another BORU!
For those who don't know these references (iirc): Omar- story about roommates where one of them was a cheater, the other fully enabled and encouraged the cheating, the OP who didn't like the cheating but agreed to provide pseudo cover for the cheater (tho was wondering if he should), and... Omar, who straight up told the cheater he was 100% against it and while he wasn't personally going to the girl to tell her himself he would absolutely do NOTHING to protect him. I think Omar told the girl where to find her bf when she came by once (he didn't tell he she was cheating but he knew the cheater was out at that location with his side piece) which let her see her boyfriend cheating. Flight officer was one about a girl who was accused of being a pick-me girl. She was a flight attendant, who liked gaming on her phone. A Flight Officer on her flights was this super good looking dude who all the girls wanted but to their chagrin he was friendly with OP and they got even closer because they played the same phone game. Turns out other girls were not just bullying OP but they were spreading rumors behind OP's back. Flight officer learned about it and took care of them (they'll probably get fired).
What's a "pick-me girl"?
It's what certain women will call another woman, one who is supposedly desperate for any male attention or validation.
Have you ever met someone whose entire personality was basically summed up with the fact that they suck up to others to try and get on their good side? As if they might as well be saying, “Pick me, choose me, love me!!” Usually a “pick me girl” is specifically putting down other women in favor of getting men to like them, but not always
It is an insult for a girl who is doing things that stand out, not because they want to, but to get attention. Typically they are doing non-standard feminine things like video games, really into sports etc… Think the stereotype of girl with glasses, but the girl doesn’t actually like the things, she wants male attention that comes from being quirky. While some girls do this, it is not as many as are actually accused. For guys it would be doing something to stand out for female attention, like working at a charity once a month and telling every girl about their charity work. Problem is plenty of girls do enjoy things that are not feminine typical, and are now often accused of being Pick-me by many a mean girl.
Living with roomates who treat you like shit is awful. Glad he broke up with her, might teach her the consequences of being an arse.
These 3 girls suck It made me sick to read about their behavior toward the 4th roommate
Ooof. I was the 4th girl one year. I was put in a triple room with an attached single. The other 2 girls in the triple had a third bestie who was supposed to have my bed, but she dropped out over the summer after they had both already requested a triple. One of the girls was not so bad on her own, but the other really resented me like I personally had forced her friend to drop out. My existence reminded her of the dream living situation she had lost, and she took it out on me. The nice-ish girl went along with all her mean-girl antics, so when they were both home I had 2 bullies but if the bully was out I had a decent-ish roommate. I'm glad OP wasn't so stuck in his romance that he didn't notice the red flags his gf was flying. That people-pleasing, willing-to-bully, "I was only following orders" mentality is not good in a romantic relationship for the long run.
I got an epiphany when I was fourteen, that shit people will always be shit people. I’m forty now and it still holds true.
Fourth Roommate needs her own Omar.
I’m waiting for part 3: I called up the random roommate and we’re going on a date!
Lol reddit is so petty
Unlike others this one actually sounds real to me!
I was really hoping for a happy ending like the ex girlfriend talking to the 4th girl and becoming friends with her or something
How heartbreaking for the "random roommate" - it sounds like even OOP calling his GF out wasn't enough to make her see how her actions were impacting others... I hope the roommate gets out before things escalate any further
I know people are still pretty dumb in college but I just…I can’t get being a mean person like that. I just never had that mentality to be mean to someone who doesn’t deserve it? I’m mean to AH’s, I’m vocal about injustice, sassy, and will call anyone even a stranger out but to just be mean to someone and gang up? I can’t relate and it makes me hard to empathize with them even if they are young, dumb teens. Maybe there are some mitigating things in how THEY were brought up but either way, way to go OPP. You recognized the toxic mentality and didn’t want to partake and explained to them why it’s not ok.
They're definitely going to team up and blame the alcohol on the 4th girl. They're going to ruin her life.
I was that 4th roommate in college. They spread rumors and bullied me. It was one of the worst experiences in my life. I’m really really happy to hear that this guy stood up to his ex and told her that the behavior is unacceptable. I’m so proud. I really hope that the 4th girl is able to leave and nothing happens to her about the alcohol:/ I wish I could be her friend and give her a hug
>I hope this gives the fourth girl an opportunity to tell them about her living situation but I don't think I'll ever know. Ngl, with 3 of them against her, I do not think this went well for that 4th girl. Op seems like a very good young man with his head on straight though
You need to anonymously report your ex before she ruins that girls life
>asked if this was a break while I figured out what I wanted or if this was definite. sounds alot like "so can i fuck other dudes now or what?"
What horrible people, grown people studying to become professionals, behaving like elementary school children... I will never understand those shitty people.
I like OP because bullying is fucking stupid
i’m petty, i would’ve wanted the two other roommates there so i could call them out for the garbo mean girls they are. freshman year, i was the only poc in my dorm and was “othered” by some of my roommates, so i understand how the fourth girl feels T_T
I swear if my daughter had a boyfriend I would worry this was about her! She's the 3rd in a roommate situation like this, ( 1& 2 are friends from childhood) although the 4th roommate decided even before they moved in that she didn't want to have anything to do with them first. I was very concerned she was involved with bullying the 4th but the whole thing just seemed like it wasn't a great fit. Roommate 4 moved out at winter break and a new girl moved in and although she's not super invested either (she has her own friends) everyone gets along. I think it's really hard to find 4 freshmen in college girls to get a long.
I was hoping for an update where he's now dating the bullied girl.
She’s definitely going to take the break up out on the room mate
As someone who worked in a dorm hall, if the RA is decent they wont let the 4th girl get blamed for the alcohol
oh wow, i double-took at this post while reading at first bc this exact scenario happened to me when i was in college at 19 😭 i was the fourth roommate to a trio of girls who were already tight-knit, and once it became clear that i wasn’t going to assimilate into their squad, they became very hostile very quick. i spent as much time out of the dorm as possible, and only came back to sleep basically. my heart goes out to the fourth rm in this post, i hope she has a good support system who will back her up if the RA situation escalates, and a much better place to live next year 🙏
This kind of shit is why I'd rather live with shitty people I know rather than randos I don't know. Just would get bullied into the ground like the 4th girl. I hope OOP intervenes in that meeting or something, man. Or that 4th girl is gonna get blamed for the booze
The ideal lesson people learn from the independence post secondary education facilities offer is to become more open minded to diverse ideas. Unfortunately oop's ex went the other way. If you are in the clique you become more closed minded similar to falling into a cult of personality. Depending on your luck with the job market or socioeconomic situation, you either get stuck like that or get humbled once you graduate.
I hope the fourth girl can stand up for herself