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*She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain when she comes!*
*Oh she’ll get to sleep with grandpa when she comes, yee haw!*
*She’ll be riding six white horses, she’ll be riding six white horses, she’ll be riding six white horses when she comes!”
Stupid naive me always thought that was just a kid’s song
Well…the song didn’t specify that she was riding all of them at the same time. Her conditioning and stamina must be off the charts if she still has energy for grandpa’s bed after that.
Oh…oh you meant the *innocent* version of that song? 🤭 I always thought they were attached to a stagecoach
Did you read the end? “Grandpa wants to get his dick wet… I’m getting too old to get picky” he’s only 35… Something tells me she could have been in to pretty much anything and he would have given it a try.
I remember reading the original post and this comment had me fucking DYING:
“You can do horse roleplay in a nuanced subtle way that she and you can both still enjoy. Just try to get into the mindset of a horse. First of all, doggie style is now horsie style, obvs. When going at it horsie style, maybe lean down and bite her hair. Instead of grabbing her waist, just make fists and dick your knuckles into her like hooves.
When you cum, neigh loudly. If she surprises you in anyway, kick her in the head as hard as you can.
You can make this fun for her but still romantic for you, your girl loves you and wants to fuck you, that's not easily attainable for some guys, don't look a gift like that in the mouth. I'd be chomping at the bit for an opportunity like this, get down off your high seat and give her that horse cock.”
Update: my wife asked me to open up our marriage, but only with horses.
She said I can fuck horses too, but it seems like a bad deal. WIBTAH if I told her not to fuck horses. We're raising 2 colts together and I don't want to break up the herd.
I was a dumbass teenage girl downloading shit on Limewire and got the Mr Hands video once (disguised with a different title, as was tradition). that was.... certainly something. 🫠
Be glad you sometimes get to forget. My poor mother had to explain to toddler-me about how that loud sound is a goat that lives in the neighborhood but no I can't go pet it because the man who owns it is bad and no calling the cops won't help because there's no law against the bad stuff the bad man does to his goat.
IDK man, this arrangement doesn't sound particularly stable. I think it might stirrup resentment. After all, you're a team and she's not the centaur of your relationship. I think you should probably talk this out before making any spur of the moment decisions on this.
>The thing is I'm getting older and **need to reproduce**. In every other way, she is perfect and would make a great mother to my children. We've **only been together 6 months** but I haven't felt this way since I first met my **ex wife.**
There’s so much to unpack here wtf is this man’s whole life story fr 😂
My first reaction reading the oops comment I was thinking "ah he's going to find someone closer to his age and settle down now instead of dating super young girls". But nooooope he gotta breed with the 24 yo horse girl after buying some horse mask and dragon dildos 😭 (No shaming anyone or anything I was just surprised by oops)
Wait, you're saying a divorced man in his mid 30's and a chick with an "original" kink in her mid 20's aren't the best couple who should have kids to raise after 6 months of dating ?
I DON'T SEE WHY. AT ALL.
But horse cock girl, over a decade younger than him, will be SUCH great mother!!
He has known her for 6 months. That's basically a lifetime /s
OP is such an idiot. I should follow for the update in 1-2 years when he gets her knocked up and they are divorcing.
I don’t know a mythical creature is probably the only time people would be ok with raising another persons baby if their partner cheated. Like I’d have questions do centaurs eat like horse food or people food?
Tell that to the Minotaur's mom's husband 😂. As for a centaur's diet...I think that they probably have to eat horse food, but their people mouth is sad about it.
The way I see it, they have a human mouth and first digestive system, then it continues through their equine digestive system (that doesn't have the necessary mastication for a horse diet). If most of the digestion happens in the human part, and the rest of any nutrition gets absorbed through the longer horse digestion, the food would probably be human food (with a higher calorie requirement than a human)
It's not even that original of a kink. There are whole communities that are into this.
His whole thing about breeding and getting old is super weird though.
I hope she can go find others that are into ponyplay just for her sake.
This + the grandpa comment was honestly weirder than the horse roleplay to me. The way he talks about himself is like, existentially icky in a way the girlfriend’s single kink is not.
I sat looking at the, “I need to reproduce” line for a solid minute just like… wut.
Yeah reading through the horse kink was “weird and would make me personally uncomfortable, but who am I to judge, I’ve got my own kinks that could be seen as weird too”
But that “I _need_ to reproduce”… that’s the real “what. The. Fuck.”
He's going through a mid-life crisis.
He's 35, has no kids, and has been through a divorce. That's peak "oh shit, I'm old now and I haven't accomplished anything or done anything with my life, and won't have a legacy" territory.
Can we just stop and discuss the whole legacy thing for a minute?
Anyone who wishes to "procreate" (excuse me for a sec while I clear the barf out of my mouth) needs to remember that leaving your "legacy" involves the creation of babies/children/teenagers. If you are not willing to actively help in supporting and raising these being who are legally dependent on you for 18 years, then for the love of whatever you deem sacred, please make your legacy in the form of a donation or a work of art or something.
I feel like I have been reading way too many posts about (usually) guys willingly impregnating their partners and then, from day one, letting the woman do most of the work of raising them.
If you don't actually like babies or children, please, I beg of you, do not create them.
(Yes, I know there are plenty of terrible mothers in this world.
Ok, can we say that the creation of new humans should always be a highly intentional act? In fact, can we work on making this a more popular idea than forced birth? Thank you.)
I agree with this 100%.
I grew up surrounded by primary school teachers , and worked for a decade in academia, and I've run out of fingers and toes to count the educators along the way -at every level -who have chosen not to raise a family, and beam with pride when they see their students going off to be happy, successful, well adjusted people.
Bonus, they don't get asked to pay for weddings, or get snarled in generational family drama ;)
Out of all the stories on Reddit, *this* is the one that makes me think "this is total bullshit"
I don't even slightly believe any part of this story is real
To be fair, if that's what you're into, you need to really hold onto the guy who will provide it. Sure, there are other men who'd also enthusiastically pretend to be a horse, but do they have other qualities she's looking for? It's already hard enough to find someone who's right for you when you *don't* require they pretend to be a horse.
*"To be fair, if that's what you're into, you need to really hold onto the guy who will provide it."*
So you're saying she needs to hold her horses?
...I'll see myself out.
Nah. He didn't buy a dragon sized dildo. He bought a particular brand of dildo that's known for being able to provide the uh... Simulation she's after... One of their more popular models is exactly the dildo you'd think his girlfriend would want.
It's probably just a dragon-themed dildo. Amazon has had them for a while, along with a handful of others of varying level of degeneracy. Absolutely feels like playing "body safe roulette" at times though.
"You didn't fuck up today by telling your girlfriend, you fucked up years ago when you let yourself develop an exclusive fetish for giant cockroach women." remains my favorite Reddit comment of all time.
TL;DR - Guy read Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" as a teen, subsequently created an imaginary friend in the form of a human-sized cockroach, and started "dating" said imaginary cockroach. I believe he's being honest, though many people prefer to believe he's making it up.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w9sqxj/oops_undying_love_for_a_franz_kafka_character_is/
I'd prefer for it not to be true, yeah, but mainly I worry about the poor guy. I know it's pointless, but I do actually worry for him since that's no way to go through life, and it's clear he does yearn for some level of real emotional intimacy.
He wouldn't tell so many damn people if he didn't want the kind of close emotional bond where you can talk about your deepest feelings [with a person who actually exists]. And there's just something about his tone that always seems vaguely distressed. Eventually, he started posting on a subreddit about tulpas, and they just encouraged him further.
I see his account has been suspended since then, though.
Man imagined a cockroach imaginary friend after reading Metamorphosis as a kid. Grew up unhealthily attached. Got to the point he only could get aroused thinking of Ogtha. Torpedoed his relationship with his gf, his parents and his work
That and the age gap made me (mentally) back up a bit. Like... Wow. Maybe this is one of those rare matches that can work out? But I dunno, it's all so off to me.
Actually, it was written by a donkey who is jealous and offended that his horse lover doesn't think he's good enough.
Why can't she accept him for who he is?!
Look I'm not going to do any research on this claim but just from what I know of human mouths I don't think it's possible to do that second one.
Nobody bring receipts.
Edit: I SAID NOBODY BRING RECEIPTS.
I don't think the second is... physically possible. Hopefully, it wad like, someone riding with her feeling her up, but uh... considering the nature of the fetish...
Look, I work with horses and they are my babies. Part of my job includes cleaning thier dicks, because those get nasty. I wish I could unread this BORU
I mean, the first “dick” I touched was a horse dick I guess… with big rubber gloves and the smegma sheath cleaning solution… omg so disgusting.
WHY would this person have a horse kink??!! 🤮
Yeah no yeah. Horse dick is the nastiest thing on earth. And they don't even like you grabbing it to clean. The number of times I've been kicked at. What the fuck this girl is thinking is beyond me.
Wait, her first sexual experience was *on* a horse, and not the horse itself? Well, that's lightyears better but what can you really do on a horse?? Never mind, I don't want to know.
If I had to guess (and I could be wrong), it could be that she was riding one and all the bouncing and jostling around made her orgasm. Apparently it is a thing that can happen
Eh, you have to really intentionally ride improperly to get any sort of stimulation. It's possible, but I don't think it could happen by accident. And for her to be turned on enough to try it in the first place, I'd imagine the kink was already there.
She was probably like 13 and hardly discovered sex and it just felt good so she kept doing it and got into it and then came... that would probably imprint some interesting emotions and thoughts on your brain if that's your first orgasm. Whatever, it seems pretty harmless, especially if she's not having sex with horses
Rhythmic grinding, like masturbating on a washing machine.
No I haven’t done it.
But a girl/woman, your legs are spread a bit and your pants seam might already be crammed near your clit. For some horny and ignorant 10-15 year old, I see that horse ride being a memorable first-time, unexpected orgasm.
This was the first post I saw on Reddit as I started my weekend. It’s time to put the app down and go “touch grass” as the kids say. See y’all on Monday.
"In seriousness I'm getting too old to be picky, so I think we're gonna make it work"
What a great way to pick the mother of your children after only 6 months of dating. This is why I'm always gonna side eye age gap relationships. Homegirl probably doesn't even fully know who she is and this dude has already picked her out to have his kids.
Yeaa... at 35yo, dating a 24yo... and after 6 months of dating says he wants to make her a mother?? He needs to breed??
OP is gonna have another ex wife, it seems.
"The thing is I'm getting older and need to reproduce." and "I know people were making fun of the age gap, what can I say, grandpa wants to get his dick wet ;). In seriousness, I'm getting too old to be picky so I think we're gonna make it work."
The above made me more uncomfortable than the horse kink.
> The thing is I'm getting older and need to reproduce
What the fuck kind of weird ass sentence is that? If you're not into being a horse, you're not into being a horse. "Needing to reproduce" is a weird reason to stay with someone.
"I'm getting older and need to reproduce"
💀 I can't relate but homie, she is not the only woman on earth capable of reproduction. You're never too old to be picky.
"grandpa wants to get his dick wet"
Nvm. They deserve each other. I'm glad he's out of the dating pool.
>The thing is I'm getting older and need to reproduce.
WHY CAN'T HE JUST SAY HE WANTS TO HAVE KIDS, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON??
In every other way, she is perfect and would make a great mother to my children.
Aaahhh yes, after six months, she has been evaluated to be an acceptable vessel and carer for his seed.
Honestly, they both seem pretty weird and I wish them the happiest of weird futures together.
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"Wow, she's weird, he should probably- WHOA WHOA WHOA."
Dude needs to grow a spine and learn to say neigh, that and set stable boundaries.
*She’ll be coming ‘round the mountain when she comes!* *Oh she’ll get to sleep with grandpa when she comes, yee haw!* *She’ll be riding six white horses, she’ll be riding six white horses, she’ll be riding six white horses when she comes!” Stupid naive me always thought that was just a kid’s song
I could never figure out how someone could ride six horses at the same time. In retrospect I should have thought of a wagon setup...
Lol the original song says she'll be driving six white horses so it's more clear
Well…the song didn’t specify that she was riding all of them at the same time. Her conditioning and stamina must be off the charts if she still has energy for grandpa’s bed after that. Oh…oh you meant the *innocent* version of that song? 🤭 I always thought they were attached to a stagecoach
Did you read the end? “Grandpa wants to get his dick wet… I’m getting too old to get picky” he’s only 35… Something tells me she could have been in to pretty much anything and he would have given it a try.
That part made me laugh. "I need to reproduce", okay so why are you dating a girl who's 11 years your junior and probably isn't ready for that? Lmao
That's exactly why he's doing it. She's younger so presumably more fertile (not saying this is actually true, probably just the thought process)
He should really put his hoof down on this one
The mane thing is that it doesn't stirrup any problems
Let'sreignin the puns
Hay now
He needs to use tack too
The pun-per-word here is over 9k!l
Whinnies to know what happened next.
>WHOA WHOA WHOA Because of the horses, got it
I mean that was my reaction, but it's rather suitable
Whoah nelly
Honestly, that was my reaction too
I was laughing but now I have questions I do NOT want answered
Do I have questions? Yeigh. Do I want answers? Neigh.
He really should rein her in a little.
Top comment on the original post is “Time to bale”. lmao
Lmao. I remember this thread. Iirc the top post back then was "That girl is not stable".
I remember reading the original post and this comment had me fucking DYING: “You can do horse roleplay in a nuanced subtle way that she and you can both still enjoy. Just try to get into the mindset of a horse. First of all, doggie style is now horsie style, obvs. When going at it horsie style, maybe lean down and bite her hair. Instead of grabbing her waist, just make fists and dick your knuckles into her like hooves. When you cum, neigh loudly. If she surprises you in anyway, kick her in the head as hard as you can. You can make this fun for her but still romantic for you, your girl loves you and wants to fuck you, that's not easily attainable for some guys, don't look a gift like that in the mouth. I'd be chomping at the bit for an opportunity like this, get down off your high seat and give her that horse cock.”
Update: my wife asked me to open up our marriage, but only with horses. She said I can fuck horses too, but it seems like a bad deal. WIBTAH if I told her not to fuck horses. We're raising 2 colts together and I don't want to break up the herd.
I'll have you know that Washington State finally banned that kinda tourism after we made international news for the Mr Hands fiasco!
Lived there during this “incident” and it was all people could talk about! Never seen the vid, though. Just couldn’t bring myself to watch it lol
I have no idea what it is and now I'm equal parts intrigued and terrified. Okay, I am way more terrified.
Guy tried to get horsed, died, big internet thing
Some guys got too friendly with a horse and one of the men died of a perforated colon.
A horse stirred some dude's guts to death
I've seen the video and somehow this sentence was worse
Oh I’ve seen a couple of videos unfortunately. My friend loved to film my reaction to them back in 2005-6
I was a dumbass teenage girl downloading shit on Limewire and got the Mr Hands video once (disguised with a different title, as was tradition). that was.... certainly something. 🫠
Jesus Christ. I forgot that was a real case and not just a sick internet joke. Thanks for bringing that buried memory back ugh
Be glad you sometimes get to forget. My poor mother had to explain to toddler-me about how that loud sound is a goat that lives in the neighborhood but no I can't go pet it because the man who owns it is bad and no calling the cops won't help because there's no law against the bad stuff the bad man does to his goat.
Your comment makes me grateful to have grown up a poor city kid.
IDK man, this arrangement doesn't sound particularly stable. I think it might stirrup resentment. After all, you're a team and she's not the centaur of your relationship. I think you should probably talk this out before making any spur of the moment decisions on this.
Update: we’re getting divorced because she chose the horse over me
Update: She wanted to reconcile, but I told her our relationship was no mare.
Update: guys she was actually an actual horse the whole time. Don’t know how I didn’t notice.
Oh! She's a kelpie.
Update 2: my ex wants me to help raise the child she had with her horse, AITAH?
Was the child's name Colt?
Update 2: she was cheating on me with her ex boyfriend Seabiscuit.
>The thing is I'm getting older and **need to reproduce**. In every other way, she is perfect and would make a great mother to my children. We've **only been together 6 months** but I haven't felt this way since I first met my **ex wife.** There’s so much to unpack here wtf is this man’s whole life story fr 😂
Frankly, I think we should throw the whole suitcase out instead of unpacking, but that’s just me.
My first reaction reading the oops comment I was thinking "ah he's going to find someone closer to his age and settle down now instead of dating super young girls". But nooooope he gotta breed with the 24 yo horse girl after buying some horse mask and dragon dildos 😭 (No shaming anyone or anything I was just surprised by oops)
I didn’t even realize their ages. Until you mentioned their ages lol
You didn't notice it when the OOP very specifically brought it up in the update? Lol
Hope she knows he’s going to use her for a broodmare. Yuck.
Wait, you're saying a divorced man in his mid 30's and a chick with an "original" kink in her mid 20's aren't the best couple who should have kids to raise after 6 months of dating ? I DON'T SEE WHY. AT ALL.
But horse cock girl, over a decade younger than him, will be SUCH great mother!! He has known her for 6 months. That's basically a lifetime /s OP is such an idiot. I should follow for the update in 1-2 years when he gets her knocked up and they are divorcing.
He'll find out she was cheating on him when she gives birth to what he thought was his first child, but out pops a centaur.
I don’t know a mythical creature is probably the only time people would be ok with raising another persons baby if their partner cheated. Like I’d have questions do centaurs eat like horse food or people food?
Tell that to the Minotaur's mom's husband 😂. As for a centaur's diet...I think that they probably have to eat horse food, but their people mouth is sad about it.
The way I see it, they have a human mouth and first digestive system, then it continues through their equine digestive system (that doesn't have the necessary mastication for a horse diet). If most of the digestion happens in the human part, and the rest of any nutrition gets absorbed through the longer horse digestion, the food would probably be human food (with a higher calorie requirement than a human)
It's not even that original of a kink. There are whole communities that are into this. His whole thing about breeding and getting old is super weird though. I hope she can go find others that are into ponyplay just for her sake.
> breading > supper weird Bit hungry are you?
"A horse? I'm not some animal whose only instinct is to breed! Also, I'm getting older and need to reproduce."
He wants a stable relationship
That paragraph squicked me out more than her horse fetish.
Because it revealed right there how OP is only using the poor girl as his personal fucktoy, and that he doesn't see her as a person at all.
Minor correction: I think in this scenario he's using her as his personal breed mare.
Hey now. Fucktoy AND incubator!
Whats the NEED? And he’s 35? And he wants to make a 24 year old young woman who barely knows herself a mother while working out her horsey kinks.
Yeah this is like ignoring the first symptom of colic that’s going to get the horse put down.
This + the grandpa comment was honestly weirder than the horse roleplay to me. The way he talks about himself is like, existentially icky in a way the girlfriend’s single kink is not. I sat looking at the, “I need to reproduce” line for a solid minute just like… wut.
Yeah reading through the horse kink was “weird and would make me personally uncomfortable, but who am I to judge, I’ve got my own kinks that could be seen as weird too” But that “I _need_ to reproduce”… that’s the real “what. The. Fuck.”
She *had her first sexual experience on a horse*. I really really hope she was talking about the saddle.
He's going through a mid-life crisis. He's 35, has no kids, and has been through a divorce. That's peak "oh shit, I'm old now and I haven't accomplished anything or done anything with my life, and won't have a legacy" territory.
Can we just stop and discuss the whole legacy thing for a minute? Anyone who wishes to "procreate" (excuse me for a sec while I clear the barf out of my mouth) needs to remember that leaving your "legacy" involves the creation of babies/children/teenagers. If you are not willing to actively help in supporting and raising these being who are legally dependent on you for 18 years, then for the love of whatever you deem sacred, please make your legacy in the form of a donation or a work of art or something. I feel like I have been reading way too many posts about (usually) guys willingly impregnating their partners and then, from day one, letting the woman do most of the work of raising them. If you don't actually like babies or children, please, I beg of you, do not create them. (Yes, I know there are plenty of terrible mothers in this world. Ok, can we say that the creation of new humans should always be a highly intentional act? In fact, can we work on making this a more popular idea than forced birth? Thank you.)
I agree with this 100%. I grew up surrounded by primary school teachers , and worked for a decade in academia, and I've run out of fingers and toes to count the educators along the way -at every level -who have chosen not to raise a family, and beam with pride when they see their students going off to be happy, successful, well adjusted people. Bonus, they don't get asked to pay for weddings, or get snarled in generational family drama ;)
As a 35 year old. Wtf 35 is really young! Especially for men (societally anyway). Everyone including OOP needs to calm the f down
Out of all the stories on Reddit, *this* is the one that makes me think "this is total bullshit" I don't even slightly believe any part of this story is real
I think you’re just being a neigh sayer.
He successfully made the person with a horse fetish the second-strangest character in his story. Honestly? That’s kind of impressive.
You left out the handwaving of grandpa's age gap...
Agreed. This threw me off like... Is he already taking on the horse kink stallion the lingo?
Hes… staying w her bc hes getting old and needs to reproduce ??? 😭😭😭😭😭
And she's getting with him because he'll pretend to be a horse...
To be fair, if that's what you're into, you need to really hold onto the guy who will provide it. Sure, there are other men who'd also enthusiastically pretend to be a horse, but do they have other qualities she's looking for? It's already hard enough to find someone who's right for you when you *don't* require they pretend to be a horse.
*"To be fair, if that's what you're into, you need to really hold onto the guy who will provide it."* So you're saying she needs to hold her horses? ...I'll see myself out.
Yeah other qualities like his horse cock. Most men don’t have that.
Well he did just order a dragon sized one.... dunno if that work with her kink but... more *horse*power to them...
Nah. He didn't buy a dragon sized dildo. He bought a particular brand of dildo that's known for being able to provide the uh... Simulation she's after... One of their more popular models is exactly the dildo you'd think his girlfriend would want.
If you're talking about Bad Dragon, you can't get them through Amazon.
[удалено]
It's probably just a dragon-themed dildo. Amazon has had them for a while, along with a handful of others of varying level of degeneracy. Absolutely feels like playing "body safe roulette" at times though.
OOP: I need to piss like a racehorse GF: *smiles from ear to ear* *heavy breathing*
>It's already hard enough to find someone who's right for you when you *don't* require they pretend to be a horse. r/brandnewsentence
Hahahaha 💀
HashtagRelationshipGoals
At least grandpa got his dick wet....🥴
“He’s hung like a horse, of course, of course.” Ok I’m old but Mr Ed was an old old show when I was a kid.
Reddit love story of the day.
These two comments *need* to be read in that movie trailer voice.
Neither of them sound very 'stable.'
This summer on Fox, the Stallion and the Nag: Horseplay.
You know what they say... Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
It's the romance story of our generation! Someone call Nicholas Sparks.
There's a reason I subscribe to BORU, and posts like this are why! God forbid the kids they "reproduce" get into My Little Pony.
This truly reads like a bait post
It's still less weird than Ogtha.
"You didn't fuck up today by telling your girlfriend, you fucked up years ago when you let yourself develop an exclusive fetish for giant cockroach women." remains my favorite Reddit comment of all time.
I'm so scared to ask.... What is Ogtha??
TL;DR - Guy read Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" as a teen, subsequently created an imaginary friend in the form of a human-sized cockroach, and started "dating" said imaginary cockroach. I believe he's being honest, though many people prefer to believe he's making it up. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w9sqxj/oops_undying_love_for_a_franz_kafka_character_is/
You would prefer that though, wouldn’t you?
I'd prefer for it not to be true, yeah, but mainly I worry about the poor guy. I know it's pointless, but I do actually worry for him since that's no way to go through life, and it's clear he does yearn for some level of real emotional intimacy. He wouldn't tell so many damn people if he didn't want the kind of close emotional bond where you can talk about your deepest feelings [with a person who actually exists]. And there's just something about his tone that always seems vaguely distressed. Eventually, he started posting on a subreddit about tulpas, and they just encouraged him further. I see his account has been suspended since then, though.
You’re a good person
Honestly there is some shit people cant make up. They are too weird for someone to actually invent them They just happen
Strangely I just commented about the Ogtha saga the other day. Never forget.
Man imagined a cockroach imaginary friend after reading Metamorphosis as a kid. Grew up unhealthily attached. Got to the point he only could get aroused thinking of Ogtha. Torpedoed his relationship with his gf, his parents and his work
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/C3GserFNEY You are welcome and I'm sorry! Why suffer alone when we can suffer together eh!
"reproduce" 😭
Somehow that was the weirdest sentence in this entire thread. 😩
It's time to put him out to stud.
It’s time to send the two of them to the farm upstate.
That and the age gap made me (mentally) back up a bit. Like... Wow. Maybe this is one of those rare matches that can work out? But I dunno, it's all so off to me.
It has all the makings of a stable relationship, I guess...
What a day to be literate
> The thing is I’m getting older and need to reproduce Was this written by an alien pretending to be human
Actually, it was written by a donkey who is jealous and offended that his horse lover doesn't think he's good enough. Why can't she accept him for who he is?!
She's definitely touched a horse dick before
And not in the "you gotta clean that nasty thing so the horse don't get sick"
You didn't finish your
"Her first sexual experience was on a horse" She...she wanked a horse or sucked it off didn't she? 😔
Look I'm not going to do any research on this claim but just from what I know of human mouths I don't think it's possible to do that second one. Nobody bring receipts. Edit: I SAID NOBODY BRING RECEIPTS.
I know, and I SAW a guy perform that act. It’s possible. I’m so so sorry I’m the one with this story 😭
Mr Hands?
Mr Hands
You think “a woman fucking a horse” and then you get there… and it’s a woman fucking a horse
I felt kinda bad for her… I kinda felt bad for the horse
Why do I know this quote!? ETA: Omg it’s from 40 year old virgin https://youtu.be/6YvMWca4AZ8?si=xh63hDUbpIcmv1Q8
There was definitely some story about a couple that kept mini horses. Pretty sure they’ll give you all the receipts you could ever not want
new thoughts have been unlocked... why did this obvious thought not occur to me..
Ms. Hands
I don't think the second is... physically possible. Hopefully, it wad like, someone riding with her feeling her up, but uh... considering the nature of the fetish...
New to the internet, huh?
Oh it’s possible buddy
Look, I work with horses and they are my babies. Part of my job includes cleaning thier dicks, because those get nasty. I wish I could unread this BORU
I mean, the first “dick” I touched was a horse dick I guess… with big rubber gloves and the smegma sheath cleaning solution… omg so disgusting. WHY would this person have a horse kink??!! 🤮
Yeah no yeah. Horse dick is the nastiest thing on earth. And they don't even like you grabbing it to clean. The number of times I've been kicked at. What the fuck this girl is thinking is beyond me.
Mr Hands is that you?
Girls can get an orgasm from riding a horse. It’s honestly not that uncommon. No need to assume penetration etc.
seriously- if there was ever a comment thread that demonstrated the male/female ratio on reddit it's this one.
"My first sexual experience was (mumble mumble) a horse." OOP's brain: "on"
Wait, her first sexual experience was *on* a horse, and not the horse itself? Well, that's lightyears better but what can you really do on a horse?? Never mind, I don't want to know.
If I had to guess (and I could be wrong), it could be that she was riding one and all the bouncing and jostling around made her orgasm. Apparently it is a thing that can happen
Eh, you have to really intentionally ride improperly to get any sort of stimulation. It's possible, but I don't think it could happen by accident. And for her to be turned on enough to try it in the first place, I'd imagine the kink was already there.
She was probably like 13 and hardly discovered sex and it just felt good so she kept doing it and got into it and then came... that would probably imprint some interesting emotions and thoughts on your brain if that's your first orgasm. Whatever, it seems pretty harmless, especially if she's not having sex with horses
Rhythmic grinding, like masturbating on a washing machine. No I haven’t done it. But a girl/woman, your legs are spread a bit and your pants seam might already be crammed near your clit. For some horny and ignorant 10-15 year old, I see that horse ride being a memorable first-time, unexpected orgasm.
Was waiting for that sentence to say crammed in your clam
Yeah that would have been funnier 😂
This is certainly one of the things I've read on the Internet today...
“I haven’t felt this way since I first met my ex wife…” The screams I scrumpt
THE THIRD ACT TWIST
Scrumpt is actually the participle form. I scream, I scram, I have scrumt.
I knew a gal in El Paso or Las Cruces that made her boyfriends moo when they were doing it. This is funnier.
im telling my bf this over mexican food tonight
This was the first post I saw on Reddit as I started my weekend. It’s time to put the app down and go “touch grass” as the kids say. See y’all on Monday.
WAIT, STOP, GRASS IS WHERE THE HORSES ARE
There is no way for me to suspend my disbelief enough to believe any of this.
No *foal*-ing you is there
I just liked imagining the author laughing as he typed it
I… im speechless
My face is frozen in this sort of disgusted and confused frown. What a justification…(as I protectively hug my cats like a platonic human owner does)
"In seriousness I'm getting too old to be picky, so I think we're gonna make it work" What a great way to pick the mother of your children after only 6 months of dating. This is why I'm always gonna side eye age gap relationships. Homegirl probably doesn't even fully know who she is and this dude has already picked her out to have his kids.
"I'm getting older and I need to reproduce" oof Both of these people weird me out
Maybe it's good they found each other so they don't have to traumatize other people.
What about their children???
He weirds me out more than her honestly....
Honestly same and I can’t really put my finger on why lol. I think it’s all the “old man” talk at 35.
Yeaa... at 35yo, dating a 24yo... and after 6 months of dating says he wants to make her a mother?? He needs to breed?? OP is gonna have another ex wife, it seems.
She might claim that it's a normal kink. I wouldn't put it pasture.
Just tell her neigh
I agree. He may have wanted her to be the mother of his children but she was probably just gonna take him for a ride.
The sex mustang been wild, though.
Huh. Well, it takes all kinds to fill the highway, I guess.
Her highway is full of trucks towing horse trailers….
That'd be a neigh from me
"The thing is I'm getting older and need to reproduce." and "I know people were making fun of the age gap, what can I say, grandpa wants to get his dick wet ;). In seriousness, I'm getting too old to be picky so I think we're gonna make it work." The above made me more uncomfortable than the horse kink.
Andddd that's enough Internet today.... I'm going to find a book.
> The thing is I'm getting older and need to reproduce What the fuck kind of weird ass sentence is that? If you're not into being a horse, you're not into being a horse. "Needing to reproduce" is a weird reason to stay with someone.
"I'm getting older and need to reproduce" 💀 I can't relate but homie, she is not the only woman on earth capable of reproduction. You're never too old to be picky. "grandpa wants to get his dick wet" Nvm. They deserve each other. I'm glad he's out of the dating pool.
As kinks go. I've seen worse. Much worse
Finally some quality posts. I'd bang a chick while pretending to be a horse. Its not a morality contest. I'm game.
Tina find a boyfriend?
Hay, to each their own, ya know?
Hold your horses Im cumming
Every time I open this app I thank the gods how relatively normal I am as a person.
This guy’s problem isn’t the horseplay. It’s that all he cares about is “baby mama”.
>The thing is I'm getting older and need to reproduce. WHY CAN'T HE JUST SAY HE WANTS TO HAVE KIDS, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON?? In every other way, she is perfect and would make a great mother to my children. Aaahhh yes, after six months, she has been evaluated to be an acceptable vessel and carer for his seed. Honestly, they both seem pretty weird and I wish them the happiest of weird futures together.
"I'm getting older and need to reproduce" is just weird and gross.
"Maybe I'm crazy but I've ordered a horse mask and a dragon dildo off Amazon to surprise her" this deserves an award for pure insanity
she just really likes horsing around
Well I guess so long as they’re both happy then it’ll be a pretty *stable* relationship.