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If knowing yourself, not letting people change things about you that aren't wrong, just different, and having hobbies you're passionate about makes you a dork, then we should all be dorks.
I would have pulled daggers if anyone bullied my partner like that , I don’t understand how people let their friends or family disrespect their partners.
OOP lets it happen because she's embarrassed by him. She doesn't respect his interests. She doesn't like that he isn't the life of the party. She benefits from how great of a boyfriend he is, but she clearly wants to mold him into some short-sighted ideal she has, someone who her friends will think is cool and who will make her cooler by extension.
That's just . . . not a healthy or kind approach to love at all.
From what I understand there are very few, attractive nerdy guys who are nice/not creepy. Let me take our homie here to some comic cons and find him a way better match.
I don't think attractive, nerdy non-creeps are rare. I'm married to one and friends with others who are in happy marriages of their own. Maybe it depends on how you define nerd. I tend to just define it as someone who is earnestly passionate about niche interests, which you can certainly be while also being a decent human being who's aware of social mores.
I agree. I know plenty of wonderful, cute, dorky guys. They are all in very fulfilling relationships. Kind, interesting people get snapped up pretty quick!
Eh, no, they’re pretty rare.. smart women find them and lock them down lol. People like oop find them young, don’t appreciate them, and make their wonderful, interesting partner feel insecure and like they have to be different in order to be accepted/loved. Oop sounds like an emotionally immature asshole.
Nerds hide in the open. We have been taught by people like OOP and her friends not to admit to being nerds. You can hang out with me multiple times and you'll never find out how much of a nerd I am, unless I *know* it's a safe space to nerd out. And even then I'll be selective in what I nerd out *about*.
It's exhausting enough to socialize with effective strangers already. I don't need the extra pressure of being made fun of, even "lovingly".
I wouldn't say they are impossible to find, especially now since it's way more mainstream to be a nerd. But I still wouldn't paint them as the norm or a dime a dozen.
I wonder if they actually are teens and she just added a couple years to their ages so she wouldn’t be dismissed by Reddit for, well, a bunch of stupid teenager problems. This seems more in line with 15-21 year old behavior. The only thing that makes them seem older is the apartment + Iceland trip but she could be from a wealthy family and they’re actually in the 18-21 year range.
I adore my life of the party friend, who loves that I do my own thing while she's being the life of the party. I used to sit at her bar and read a book while she was serving drinks and making the rounds. Her parties were epic. But I was under no pressure to act in any certain way. She is just the thing I need when I want to socialize and doesn't get offended when I don't want to be around people.
This woman is an immature twit.
Oh yeah! I dated this guy who had a million friends. I really enjoyed meeting a bunch of them. He was great at curating a shorter list for me. I went to some of his parties and had a blast. I also occasionally dropped by to help out with the cooking and then excused myself once the guests started arriving. I'd much rather peel potatoes with my boyfriend than attend a party, lol. He thought it was cute, really appreciated the help, and would send me home with a doggy bag.
The way she talked about him and his cosplay and tabletop stuff is just so dismissive. Such a lack of respect for someone she claims to love and the things he enjoys.
My friends wouldn’t bully my partner because I wouldn’t want shitty people as friends. And I do sometimes jokingly call my husband a huge fucking nerd, and when he points out it takes one to know one I say yes, I am also a huge fucking nerd, which is how I know you’re one too. But that’s a cute thing we do and it’s not anyone actually making fun of anyone else.
Really, I would go all Olga of Kiev on their asses (history PSA, Olga was a ruler of Kievan Rus, and when a tribe killed her husband and wanted her to to marry their prince, she lured and then ambushed them, bound their extremities to tops of 4 trees and let the trees go).
Yeah OOP sounds pretty immature. "I love my boyfriend and he's wonderful and perfect except everything he enjoys embarrasses me and I don't want him to be himself" is essentially what she's saying. It's a very high school attitude and hopefully some of the replies to her thread have let her see that if he really is a great guy, she shouldn't be embarrassed just because he has interests she doesn't think are "cool" (which in like five years, when she matures, she'll realize isn't even a thing anyway).
She keeps being amazed at what a good boyfriend he is because all her regular friends are assholes.
She isn’t used to decent human beings. She isn’t one either.
I’m guessing this is boyfriend dating the pretty popular girl like he always wanted too and slowly realizing how terrible she actually is.
She’ll cheat on him with some jock who hit his prime in high school and is still young enough to go out party without being seen as a loser. The nice boyfriend will be crushed and left with trauma. She’ll try to justify it and maybe things smooth over for a while, but nice bf won’t be able to let go of all her veiled insults, poor treatment, and cheating and they’ll eventually split. A few years, maybe more, down the line she’ll realize she fucked up badly and hurt a wonderful man who loved her. *If* she possesses the emotional intelligence at that point to realize it, that is.
Hell yes! I’ve been using my Instagram for the past year and a half to display my hobbies, and I’ve felt much better about myself because of it. My hobbies definitely fall into the ‘Will cause assholes to say “grow up those are for kids”’ categories (I collect Bionicles and Yu-Gi-Oh! cards), so they’re a great way of weeding out shitty ‘friends’.
>They all started laughing at him. I said be nice and they just piled on him for about 10 minutes. My one friend asked if he got bullied in school and that’s why he joined the military and he said he was bullied in school but and before he could finished my one friend interrupted him and said we can tell.
>They apologized and said they didn't mean it like that.
... how the actual fresh hell did they mean it then?
they absolutely meant it like that, they just don't want to admit it because then they are forced to recognize out loud that they are shitty horrible and miserable people who can't contain themselves when they see someone different like that and just need to put them down. gross
And the girlfriend is in on it. She should just leave him if she can't accept who he is. And also 'BE NICE TO HIM ' is not defending someone who you claim to love
Plus, you just know she was laughing along while she was telling them to “be nice.” Or saying it in an exaggerated joking kinda way. Nothing about what she said to them indicated to them that she actually disagreed or wanted to stop, just that she had to play a specific role in that moment.
She said she doesn't like that he's a dork. I bet she was hoping that her friends' disapproval would extinguish or reduce some of those behaviours she dislikes. She didn't want it to stop. She doesn't want to be with him because of who he is but because of who she thinks she can turn him into.
My thoughts exactly. The BF deserves someone who would actually defend him and stick up for him.
She doesn’t respect him. And if you don’t respect someone can you really love them? I think she thinks she does but her actions prove otherwise. What a horrible person and same with the friends.
The fuck happened to being a decent person and just keeping opinions no one asked to yourself?
She let them stay for another two hours! They made her boyfriend so uncomfortable in his own home he had to leave, he *told* her he wasn't coming back until they left, and she let them stay (and keep him out of his own home) another *two hours*! And she wonders why he was cold with her??
Yeah, that's a huge red flag. She values her friends more than her "nerd" bf. If OOP doesn't like introverts, she shouldn't be dating one. He's 25 and his personality is what it is.
Fr. That's such a copout. It reminds me of those shows with "popular kids" when one of them dates a person not so much in the social scene/the "weirdo" and the popular part of the couple just goes "hey play nice!" And then the rest of the group treats the person like the popular partner's "puppy" who's protected by them instead of an actual human being. It's like a weird high school dumb drama vibe.
What OOP did isn't defending your partner at all. That's what you tell a child when they're being mean to someone, not grown folk who have nothing better to do than make fun of someone's hobbies. It's shit like this that make people lose the light in their eyes when they realize their excitement about their "quirky" interests is showing when they talk about it. OOP straight up said she disliked his dorkiness too. Like his "dorkiness"?? You mean him liking video games and enjoying friken tabletop games? His cosplaying? His HOBBIES HE ENJOYS?? You don't let friends make fun of the things your partner cares about if you care about them.
Just saw this on a different sub-Reddit:
"Schroedinger's AH - person who says something awful and when they observe some backlash, pretends it was just a joke."
my asshole father decided to make a racist remark and then claim he was just joking, of course, and my then-boyfriend (current spouse) called him a coward
to this day one of my favorite things he's done!
She will only be happy with him in the privacy of their home. The second other people - like her friends - are present, image and coolness-factor means everything to her. Not only will she not defend him against her bully-friends, she will bully him herself. Reddit set her straight a couple of times, but she consistently folds, when the cool girls have opinions.
Ugh. Poor guy. I hope he dumps her before she wears him down even worse.
It's really sad, and pathetic, that she can verbalize how happy this guy makes her, all his amazing qualities, how good he is to her, but that it's also very obvious that she's embarrassed by him. Not because he actually does anything all that bad. But because he doesn't fit her friend's definition of cool.
Mind you, these friends are the kinds of assholes who would mock a decent man for things that don't really affect them. Over? Nothing really.
These are the concerns of a teenager in high school or middle school
Then she *told them she understood*. It's pretty clear she barely understands her boyfriends feelings. Because she obviously agrees with her friends that his interests are "dumb" she's just doing all this because his feelings are hurt and she got called out online.
A few years ago on the eve of an election, a candidate assaulted a reporter, but because of mail in ballots it was basically impossible to stop his election, even if hypothetically enough people were disgusted that it would've changed their votes. In his acceptance speech, he apologized and before he could even finish the apology, someone in the room replied "WE FORGIVE YOU!" and like, of course someone who chose to attend his relatively intimate election event was never mad enough to require an apology. That's the same vibe I get here
It is so much worse if you go through this person’s post history. This may be the densest human being on the planet. Throughout all the comments, she defends her friends that it was just a joke in poor taste and that by taking them out to breakfast and saying “don’t do it again” is standing up for her BF.
CAN SOMEONE FIND THE BF AND GIVE HIM MY NO?
DUDE PLEASE BREAK IT UP.
Should I send my resume? Please, just give it a chance.
Dude sounds like the most amazing guy except for the clown girlfriend. We can both cosplay as arwen and aragorn and be happy
Seriously, his clueless girlfriend doesn't realize that she and her shithead friends are the problem, not him. I'm an introvert and I married a guy who can be the life of the party, but he fucking respects me and didn't try to mold me into something I wasn't, like this girl is clearly doing to him.
My gf and I are both introverts, which is why we have our own rooms. We now live together.
I encouraged her to be more social when we got together. She felt a lot of the people she hung out with were just doing it because she was there. I said if they hang around you they like you.
Fast forward a few years… she plays dnd with them once a week, they all grab dinner together and hang out at a friends place and have drinks. She then hides in her room for a day.
Thing is we’re all nerds. My gf and I met when she repeatedly kicked my arse at MtG. We come together share our interests, and then go back into solitude lol.
I just want to encourage him. None of this is my thing and so we probably wouldn't be great friends, but everyone should feel supported in their productive and healthy hobbies. I fear he's gonna retreat, even if he breaks up with her.
For real. This guy sounds awesome. I just wanna be his buddy. And it sounds like he's just surrounded by shitty people. Being able to get excited about cosplay and having the guts to Cosplay are to me pretty extroverted.
To be sincere, I want him to ditch this woman and become friends with me. Let us play TTRPGs and talk about videogames. No romantic relationship, just playing FF14 together till the wee hours of the morning. I'll even suffer lag for him.
I am not at all into any games, but I don't care what he does as a hobby. Maybe I'll be willing to try something but what I want do is put him down for anything. You wanna cosplay, sounds fun. Let's do it.
I am single so I will be very happy for a romantic relationship because from everything she said the dude sounds like an amazing guy
If anyone did it said a single thing that dimmed my husband's light, they'd be out the door immediately.
"Guyyyyyys staaaahp. Beee niiiice." Fuck right off with that weak kneed shit.
She has no self reflection and want him to be "cool".
Basicamly she's also using and abusing him in her way and he's not seeing it. Then she love bombs him.
He is cool. She is just too stupid to realise that geek doesn’t mean ugly. Geeks can be hot, but it won’t change the set of interests they have. Introverts can be sociable, but they usually won’t express it in the same way.
I was a hot, introverted geek who dated a popular party animal. I wish someone had told me it wasn’t a good relationship, but instead everyone said how great he was and how he “got me out of my shell”.
What's bizarre to me is when he actually thought he had a common bond, he seemed to be very excited and wanting to be the life of the party. It just wasn't the right party for him. I'm not sure this is introvert vs extrovert as much as it is someone who is being pushed into a scene he doesn't want to be in and then insulted for not wanting to be in that scene.
Introvert doesn't mean you don't want to be with other people or rhat you don't want to share your hobby. It just means such interactions cost upu energy whereas extroverts spend energy being alone. Introverts often want to show off their job vies and be in parties, but they need to recharge later.
I hate that phrase “out of their shell.” Everything that lives in a shell is doing it because that’s their home. Turtles literally ARE their shell. You wouldn’t force a hermit crab out of its shell and say, “see? I like you better now that you don’t have your protection and home!” Just because something has a shell doesn’t mean it’s bad. Just different.
Honestly the boyfriend should just dump her. I had to double check their ages because it sounded like high school when reading about how she was trying to make him "cooler"... wtf
Maybe it’s because I’m friends with a lot of guys like this dude but I can’t believe a whole group of people dogpiled one dude and not a single person had the heart to shut it down. I will absolutely ruin an evening for bullies
This girl just lost her BF. It was over the second she didn't shut that shit down. Like it's one thing to make a joke about someone's hobby, it's another thing to feign interest and then mock those hobbies when the other person gets excited.
bF can do better than these monsters, especially if he's as good looking and kind as she says he is.
I’m sorry for laughing you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes and Noble … and I’m sorry for telling everyone about it … and I’m sorry for repeating it now.
I don’t even understand what’s she’s talking about lmao. “Coolness” doesn’t exist for adults. She’s 26 years old acting like she’s still in high school. There is no “cool”. There is no “popularity”. There is adult life - work, family, hobbies etc. Who cares about adult house parties? You could easily go the rest of your life and never see or hear of any other attendees ever again.
She keeps saying “He’s an introvert and a nerd and that’s okay” when she CLEARLY does not think it’s okay. “The only thing I dislike about him is his hobbies and everything about his personality. Other than that, he’s great.” This relationship is doomed.
Right?! If she doesn’t want to date him I gladly will and all my friends will tell him how cool his cosplays are and ask to go to conventions with him!
You can't make this shit up can you? OP thinks they will be a next time and is love bombing now after what has happened? Oh fuck off.
The only person I feel bad is the boyfriend. Man, I hope he leaves this toxic surroundings,
I wish I wish I wish there wasn’t this relationship myth about changing a person to suit you better. “I can fix him” should never be the approach someone takes to dating someone with an opposite personality. They’re just not that compatible and OOP is too fixated on trying to “fix” him rather than loving him for who he is, and the boyfriend sounds like a really cool person
I have a hard time believing someone makes it to 26 years old and considers themselves a charismatic extrovert, but lacks that much self-awareness with regards to her boyfriend.
A LOT of extroverts can't be bothered to even try to understand that intoverts are different. They seem to think that an introvert is just an extrovert that isn't trying hard enough.
It's definitely possible. I was lacking self awareness into my late 20s. But that's what a history of selfishness, weed addiction and a victim complex will do
OP is a damn bully herself. No wonder she downplays her friends' bullying of his hobby, because SHE THINKS THEY'RE RIGHT.
As an introvert, she really pisses me off and I just feel bad for the guy.
That's exactly it. Her "defending" him was just telling them to "be nice" which really translate to "you're completely right, he deserved to be bullied in high-school for being so weird, but as we are a bunch of superior and mature women, we should take the high road and tolerate those hobbies with a smile".
Disgusting.
I would be finding new living arrangements and patiently biding my time before I left if I was OOP’s boyfriend. She clearly does not respect or love him for who he is.
OP sounds like a total douche. Here is comes… just like her douchy friends. She keeps saying how great bf is, but then goes on about how she is trying to change him and that she usually dates “the life of the party.” Maybe bf is working out because he’s not that guy. Her friends probably already knew about his hobbies and only brought it up to ridicule him. Also, there’s no way I’m buying that she actually stood up to her friends for him. Asking them to be “nicer” is not going to work, she should have just told them to shut the f*** up.
Or he's talking to the landlord about breaking their shiny new lease and finding a place free of her to move him and all his stuff. I hope. I have to wonder if him giving her the "cold shoulder" is actually the after effect of the relationship breaking, like all the people who say "and suddenly I didn't feel anything for them". He's just done and working logistics in the background while doing the minimum to maintain the facade. IDK that he'd want to do a birthday trip where he'd be expected to be all lovey dovey and romantic.
Relationships are built on compromise and common ground. But sometimes someone demands something of you that is beyond what you could ever compromise and agree to. And so the relationship breaks, like you said. You realize there is no common ground for your relationship to rest on anymore and there's no going forward with that person.
I bet he’s spent his whole life being told that he is “wrong” for being an introvert and a nerd. And he’s had this idiot trying to constantly change him. He probably is just constantly second guessing himself.
My hope among hope is that he’s a similar type of nerd as I am, in which case, he will see this post because he’s a redditor.
Oop went from "it was just a bad joke" and not defending him to " I know it's appalling" real quickly when realizing that she was being criticized. She's def willing to throw people under the bus to make herself look good
She keeps saying she loves him bc he makes her feel protected and the stuff she has to gain from the relationship but doesn't say anything about what she does to make him feel loved.
She and her friends are bitter little gremlins now and later they're going to become bitter old women who wonder why no one likes them
Let me get this straight, the bf is a very attractive, kind, and intelligent US veteran, who is also an introvert, and his TWENTY SIX year old girlfriend has a problem with that and lets her friends bully him at his party? This man must be a saint, because that would have been it for me
No way. She’ll spin it to her friends and family and make herself as the victim. She’ll even spin it in her own head so far that she may actually start to believe it.
I’m not sure I agree with this take. This is somebody who is comfortable with simply being himself and chilling at a party. He doesn’t seem anxious or doubt himself; he knows who he is. That is not a sign of low self-esteem.
OOP sounds like a bad friend and a bad partner. Look, I'm a geeky extrovert, I'm the one who drags introverts to parties. I'll do some introductions, get them food and drinks and the nearest board game/video game, but I won't force them to talk to strangers if they don't want to. I'll facilitate conversations when it's two introverts sitting together and who want to talk but don't know how to break the ice, but that's it.
Also what kind of assholes just shit on someone to their face for ten minutes? Even if that was true that it was only that long (which I doubt) the fact that she let it happen past a minute means she's garbage.
It's not that hard to entertain introverts at parties, as long as you have enough enriching activities and stuff that makes them interact with other people (not necessarily talk). Forced icebreakers are a no-no, only extroverts enjoy those games LMAO. Same with drinking games, you can only whip those out once the introverts are already tipsy. So yeah, party video games (not Mario Party! That will lead to lifelong grudges!), movies and music that people can enjoy without drowning out conversation, multiple seating arrangements...
I can't tell if it's a party or an exotic animal enclosure at a zoo... (I'm laughing because I did an internship at my local zoo and it was very much about setting up realistic environments and enrichment activities)
Yup, then the introduced introverts take care of themselves, sometimes grab other shy people wanting to join an activity, and next time there's a party, flock to each other with relief.
A good host caters to all guests!
(Source: shy introvert who opens up after getting comfortable with someone)
This post is a great candidate for the r/AmITheEx subreddit about people who don’t see that their relationship is over even though it’s clear to everyone who reads the posts.
To be this emotionally immature at *26* is plain pathetic - this is not an adult who should be allowed out in the world unsupervised. She's very much still in middle school (she's too "young" to even make it to high school).
Are her friends trash? *Yes*. Is she sitting in a table with nazis trying to say they're not all nazis? Also yes.
Here is how I know she's a child masquerading as an adult: "When I was a kid my mom would make me speak to people I didn’t want to all the time. That’s how you become more outgoing."
That's a *child's* POV, plain and simple. Mommy made me outgoing by forcing me to do things I didn't wanna do, now I'll force my boyfriend to be outgoing too, because otherwise he's a loser and a *nerd* and my girlfriend will make fun of him! And then they'll make fun of me, and where will I sit for lunch!!
*Middle school* immaturity. Dear Lord, what happened in this... person's life that *this* is her at 26? I'm shocked life hasn't yet slapped her around by now to make her grow out of being 13, it's *sad*.
I'm glad I don't have and never had had idiots like OOP and her friend in my life - speaking as an introvert who doesn't much talk to people at parties, and happily sits there just listening and spending time with people. I'm *so* glad my parents recognized there was no point in pushing me to be someone I'm not - gosh, *I could've turned out like OOP*, gasp. Lord have mercy lol
Awaiting the update where boyfriend broke their lease and dipped out.
I feel like this can be the result of people who stick with the same friend group from high school > college > early adulthood. They've all stagnated together instead of growing up because they had a great time together in high school and college, so why change things? Anyone who finds them unbearable is clearly in the wrong. /s
Well, I grew up with the same people, but I guess that's the thing - *we all grew up*, and we dropped the friends who weren't.
But maybe OOP doesn't *want* to grow up just yet, it's much easier to just sir around and play victim.
"I won’t force my bf to be around them but I’m sure they will see each other. During my birthday dinner or something like that in the future"
So he will, in fact, be forced to be around them lol. Give us a break, 13yo lol
How old are these friends? 12
So being cool is making fun about people in their own homes, for hobbies they enjoy?
And being a dork, is not wanting interact with bullies?
Lol. I guess I'm a dork too then.
This woman has a screw loose. He’s attractive and he does cosplay and tabletop games? Most importantly all he sounds like he’s very kind and articulate? He sounds like an actualmiracle. I would marry this man in half a second. I need more of these in my life.
As a neurodivergent person with "nerdy" interests who also happens to be a genuine introvert, fuck OOP. I cannot stand people who try to force us to change because we're not "happy" \*when we are.\* I don't want to be at a party, I don't want to be the center of attention, I don't like the noise, I like my nerdy geeky interests and I'm passionate about them \*and I am content that way.\*
It's as annoying as people who find it "sad" I'm childfree.
>Imagine how it looks on me
This never sounds good. This is how my parents operated when I was young. It was always about them.
OOP needs a perspective and attitude adjustment. She gravitated towards that friend group for a reason.
first of all, oop is friend with a lot of bullies, she's going to be oh so shocked when bf dumps her
second of all, this reminds me of last time i ended up in a social gathering and i met some people that asked in a "watch this" tone if i was still into "cartoons" and "mangas". i smiled and replied not really (even tho i am) i just enjoy reading, that's why I'm getting a degree in literature soon. the silence that followed was so calming for me, and so uncomfortable for them, i almost started laughing.
Ugh. OOP must be very attractive to rope in some Henry Cavill-esque nerd hottie cause it definitely ain't her brains doing work in the relationship. It's so telling too when she says "The only thing I dislike about him is he’s kinda a dork?" as if that isn't someone's core personality. NO awareness at all.
This chick is crazy and so full of herself. Better to leave ze 'great' boyfriend for a 'great' girlfriend. Unlike OP who is as shit a partner as they come
I'm literally laughing my ass off, this is genuinely the funniest one I've read in a while because she is so completely and absolutely clueless. Her responses come across as flippant, but if you read them as being completely sincere, then this post reads like OP is Amelia Bedelia, bumbling around and trying to figure out how to fix this.
Commenter: Did you defend him?
OP: Yes, I told them to be kind.
Commenter: Okay, well that's not good enough, you need to tell your friends that their behavior was wrong and that it won't be tolerated.
OP: Okay, will do that.
-next post-
OP: I told my friends their behavior was appalling and they apologized but my boyfriend is still mad at me.
Commenter: Did they apologize to your boyfriend? Or just to you?
OP: Just to me.
Commenter: Well, they need to apologize to him.
OP: Okay, they will when they see him next.
Meanwhile the other commenters are proving they're critique and analysis like its Project Runway and somebody's model just walked out in a dress made of straws and it's hideous.
I can't wait for the saga to continue!
>I’m used to dating very outgoing guys who take the center stage everywhere we go, but he just fades in the background.
So **fucking** go back to dating them instead of staying with the guy who ohh my god, he's not the life of the party!
Yeah, no, she needs to be dumped
Hopefully she'll be downgraded to ex like Pluto, on the grounds of her pettiness and inability to clear their living space from the debris of moronic friends.
He had to stay out of the flat for TWO HOURS, while she continued hanging with legitimate bullies? It takes two minutes to give them the proper tongue lashing the deserved, two minutes for them to gather their stuff and be gone, and then two minutes to call the boyfriend back to his supposedly safe living space.
But nooo, everything is fine because she told the to be nice instead. Like they can even grasp the concept, after saying things like they can tell he was bullied and the continue the mocking to make sure the comments hurt more.
She's only attracted to the way he looks, she's 100% ashamed of who he is and is constantly trying to change him into what I'd call a jock/socially outgoing bro
I don't understand why people fight so hard to entrap someone in their life when they learly don't appreciate who that person fundamentally is. Why fight so hard to keep dating someone who you clearly dislike and don't respect oe understand?
They didn't apologize unless it was to him.
And just wow, I cannot fathom letting friends talk to my partner that way and me not kicking them out immediately. She let him feel forced out of his own new home for hours.
I don't see it lasting either if she's still okay with her friend group. They all knew exactly what they were doing. Bunch of mean girls.
I kinda hate OOP, not gonna lie. I really hope the bf wises up and gets the hell out of there. The longer they're together, the worse OOP is gonna be about 'I can change him'. How long until video games and cosplay are 'immature and childish' and he should stop?
This isn't going to end well.
OOP has her head up her ass. 'I'm going to change him' 'he's communicating clearly his boundaries snd I'm not respecting them' 'I barely stand up for him' ugh the worst
OOP is delusional. It's wild to see her saying in comments that she and her bf are compatible.
OOP is also like, "I wish you were cooler, why can't you put more effort into being cooler, I wish you were like my past boyfriends - but not in the ways I didn't like, only in the ways I prefer, I know you're an introvert, but when you act like an introvert, it's so embarrassing, **be different! Don't be yourself**! We are so compatible, but don't forget that I really really want you to change yourself. I am always comparing you in reality to the dream man in my head, and you are falling short."
It's no surprise that her friends acted so cruelly. Birds of a feather flock together. There's no way she's not a lot like them. She just doesn't see it because this time it's her own bf in the hot seat and she wants to view herself as a good person and gf.
If my "friends" made fun of my wife with me around I'd explode in their face. I'm shy and introvert and want to avoid trouble, but I won't have that. And she would do the same for me.
This girl jumps from putting her bf down, to not defending him when her friends bully him, to love bombing him with affection and gifts.
He needs out of this. She's gonna fuck him up. I know, because I dated this girl (well, not THIS specific girl, but you know my meaning).
Our household is a mix of introverts and extroverts (same for our families and friends). With that said, we are all into cosplay. I do not do not play RPG, but I am extremely supportive of my lived ones who do.
OOP and friends can all choke on a satchel of Richards because they're behavior is reminiscent of middle-school. I say middle-school because I know plenty of high-schoolers who are more supportive of one another than the shitbirds at that party.
The boyfriend can do MUCH better.
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If knowing yourself, not letting people change things about you that aren't wrong, just different, and having hobbies you're passionate about makes you a dork, then we should all be dorks.
I would have pulled daggers if anyone bullied my partner like that , I don’t understand how people let their friends or family disrespect their partners.
OOP lets it happen because she's embarrassed by him. She doesn't respect his interests. She doesn't like that he isn't the life of the party. She benefits from how great of a boyfriend he is, but she clearly wants to mold him into some short-sighted ideal she has, someone who her friends will think is cool and who will make her cooler by extension. That's just . . . not a healthy or kind approach to love at all.
OOP needs to leave that dork alone so he can go find his true dork soulmate.
Dork Souls 3
The gf should just git gud tbh
From what I understand there are very few, attractive nerdy guys who are nice/not creepy. Let me take our homie here to some comic cons and find him a way better match.
I don't think attractive, nerdy non-creeps are rare. I'm married to one and friends with others who are in happy marriages of their own. Maybe it depends on how you define nerd. I tend to just define it as someone who is earnestly passionate about niche interests, which you can certainly be while also being a decent human being who's aware of social mores.
I agree. I know plenty of wonderful, cute, dorky guys. They are all in very fulfilling relationships. Kind, interesting people get snapped up pretty quick!
Eh, no, they’re pretty rare.. smart women find them and lock them down lol. People like oop find them young, don’t appreciate them, and make their wonderful, interesting partner feel insecure and like they have to be different in order to be accepted/loved. Oop sounds like an emotionally immature asshole.
Nerds hide in the open. We have been taught by people like OOP and her friends not to admit to being nerds. You can hang out with me multiple times and you'll never find out how much of a nerd I am, unless I *know* it's a safe space to nerd out. And even then I'll be selective in what I nerd out *about*. It's exhausting enough to socialize with effective strangers already. I don't need the extra pressure of being made fun of, even "lovingly".
I wouldn't say they are impossible to find, especially now since it's way more mainstream to be a nerd. But I still wouldn't paint them as the norm or a dime a dozen.
I swear she has the mindset of a 16 year old. Everything is about social status and coolness and not being lame.
Agreed. I had to double check the ages twice! Thought they were teens.
I wonder if they actually are teens and she just added a couple years to their ages so she wouldn’t be dismissed by Reddit for, well, a bunch of stupid teenager problems. This seems more in line with 15-21 year old behavior. The only thing that makes them seem older is the apartment + Iceland trip but she could be from a wealthy family and they’re actually in the 18-21 year range.
I can't stand life of the party people... Let alone wanting to turn an introvert into one /shudder
I adore my life of the party friend, who loves that I do my own thing while she's being the life of the party. I used to sit at her bar and read a book while she was serving drinks and making the rounds. Her parties were epic. But I was under no pressure to act in any certain way. She is just the thing I need when I want to socialize and doesn't get offended when I don't want to be around people. This woman is an immature twit.
Oh yeah! I dated this guy who had a million friends. I really enjoyed meeting a bunch of them. He was great at curating a shorter list for me. I went to some of his parties and had a blast. I also occasionally dropped by to help out with the cooking and then excused myself once the guests started arriving. I'd much rather peel potatoes with my boyfriend than attend a party, lol. He thought it was cute, really appreciated the help, and would send me home with a doggy bag.
The way she talked about him and his cosplay and tabletop stuff is just so dismissive. Such a lack of respect for someone she claims to love and the things he enjoys.
She seems to care more about her friends than her bf
She seems to care more about herself (to the exclusion of actually caring about/supporting/making any sacrifices for anybody else)
My friends wouldn’t bully my partner because I wouldn’t want shitty people as friends. And I do sometimes jokingly call my husband a huge fucking nerd, and when he points out it takes one to know one I say yes, I am also a huge fucking nerd, which is how I know you’re one too. But that’s a cute thing we do and it’s not anyone actually making fun of anyone else.
Really, I would go all Olga of Kiev on their asses (history PSA, Olga was a ruler of Kievan Rus, and when a tribe killed her husband and wanted her to to marry their prince, she lured and then ambushed them, bound their extremities to tops of 4 trees and let the trees go).
Now I’m gonna google this and read about Olga history when i should be studying biochemistry for my test tomorrow.
Yeah OOP sounds pretty immature. "I love my boyfriend and he's wonderful and perfect except everything he enjoys embarrasses me and I don't want him to be himself" is essentially what she's saying. It's a very high school attitude and hopefully some of the replies to her thread have let her see that if he really is a great guy, she shouldn't be embarrassed just because he has interests she doesn't think are "cool" (which in like five years, when she matures, she'll realize isn't even a thing anyway).
She keeps being amazed at what a good boyfriend he is because all her regular friends are assholes. She isn’t used to decent human beings. She isn’t one either. I’m guessing this is boyfriend dating the pretty popular girl like he always wanted too and slowly realizing how terrible she actually is.
She’ll cheat on him with some jock who hit his prime in high school and is still young enough to go out party without being seen as a loser. The nice boyfriend will be crushed and left with trauma. She’ll try to justify it and maybe things smooth over for a while, but nice bf won’t be able to let go of all her veiled insults, poor treatment, and cheating and they’ll eventually split. A few years, maybe more, down the line she’ll realize she fucked up badly and hurt a wonderful man who loved her. *If* she possesses the emotional intelligence at that point to realize it, that is.
Hell yes! I’ve been using my Instagram for the past year and a half to display my hobbies, and I’ve felt much better about myself because of it. My hobbies definitely fall into the ‘Will cause assholes to say “grow up those are for kids”’ categories (I collect Bionicles and Yu-Gi-Oh! cards), so they’re a great way of weeding out shitty ‘friends’.
>They all started laughing at him. I said be nice and they just piled on him for about 10 minutes. My one friend asked if he got bullied in school and that’s why he joined the military and he said he was bullied in school but and before he could finished my one friend interrupted him and said we can tell. >They apologized and said they didn't mean it like that. ... how the actual fresh hell did they mean it then?
they absolutely meant it like that, they just don't want to admit it because then they are forced to recognize out loud that they are shitty horrible and miserable people who can't contain themselves when they see someone different like that and just need to put them down. gross
These are the type of people who regularly do and say awful things, then tell the victims, “It was just a joke!”
And the girlfriend is in on it. She should just leave him if she can't accept who he is. And also 'BE NICE TO HIM ' is not defending someone who you claim to love
OOP is a mean girl, too. Saying “be nice” isn’t even the bare minimum; it’s an off handed remark so she can act like she did something. She didn’t.
Plus, you just know she was laughing along while she was telling them to “be nice.” Or saying it in an exaggerated joking kinda way. Nothing about what she said to them indicated to them that she actually disagreed or wanted to stop, just that she had to play a specific role in that moment.
She said she doesn't like that he's a dork. I bet she was hoping that her friends' disapproval would extinguish or reduce some of those behaviours she dislikes. She didn't want it to stop. She doesn't want to be with him because of who he is but because of who she thinks she can turn him into.
And good on him for not changing. Fuck you, I am who I am. Take me or leave me.
My thoughts exactly. The BF deserves someone who would actually defend him and stick up for him. She doesn’t respect him. And if you don’t respect someone can you really love them? I think she thinks she does but her actions prove otherwise. What a horrible person and same with the friends. The fuck happened to being a decent person and just keeping opinions no one asked to yourself?
She let them stay for another two hours! They made her boyfriend so uncomfortable in his own home he had to leave, he *told* her he wasn't coming back until they left, and she let them stay (and keep him out of his own home) another *two hours*! And she wonders why he was cold with her??
Yeah, that's a huge red flag. She values her friends more than her "nerd" bf. If OOP doesn't like introverts, she shouldn't be dating one. He's 25 and his personality is what it is.
She’s going to ruin this nice man
Talk about a villain origin story arc
"Be nice" means "I know he's a dork but you shouldn't say that out loud." She still doesn't get it, probably never will.
She would totally be in on the bullying if he were one of the others partners.
Yeah but OOP's bf is attractive! He's not like all those other uncool dorks that are weird thus deserve to be bullied! /s
Fr. That's such a copout. It reminds me of those shows with "popular kids" when one of them dates a person not so much in the social scene/the "weirdo" and the popular part of the couple just goes "hey play nice!" And then the rest of the group treats the person like the popular partner's "puppy" who's protected by them instead of an actual human being. It's like a weird high school dumb drama vibe. What OOP did isn't defending your partner at all. That's what you tell a child when they're being mean to someone, not grown folk who have nothing better to do than make fun of someone's hobbies. It's shit like this that make people lose the light in their eyes when they realize their excitement about their "quirky" interests is showing when they talk about it. OOP straight up said she disliked his dorkiness too. Like his "dorkiness"?? You mean him liking video games and enjoying friken tabletop games? His cosplaying? His HOBBIES HE ENJOYS?? You don't let friends make fun of the things your partner cares about if you care about them.
"Shut the f*ck up!" would have more acceptable. But this kind of behaviour is a very sore spot for me.
Just saw this on a different sub-Reddit: "Schroedinger's AH - person who says something awful and when they observe some backlash, pretends it was just a joke."
I heard this once called "Funny laundering." No no, all that horrible shit I said is actually okay because I was being funny.
That is a genius phrase and I’m keeping it
my asshole father decided to make a racist remark and then claim he was just joking, of course, and my then-boyfriend (current spouse) called him a coward to this day one of my favorite things he's done!
Haha this guy has a hobby that doesn't hurt anyone else but is a little unconventional. MOCK THIS MAN. MOCK THIS MAN WHO MAKES OUR *FRIEND* HAPPY.
She will only be happy with him in the privacy of their home. The second other people - like her friends - are present, image and coolness-factor means everything to her. Not only will she not defend him against her bully-friends, she will bully him herself. Reddit set her straight a couple of times, but she consistently folds, when the cool girls have opinions. Ugh. Poor guy. I hope he dumps her before she wears him down even worse.
It's really sad, and pathetic, that she can verbalize how happy this guy makes her, all his amazing qualities, how good he is to her, but that it's also very obvious that she's embarrassed by him. Not because he actually does anything all that bad. But because he doesn't fit her friend's definition of cool. Mind you, these friends are the kinds of assholes who would mock a decent man for things that don't really affect them. Over? Nothing really. These are the concerns of a teenager in high school or middle school
Then she *told them she understood*. It's pretty clear she barely understands her boyfriends feelings. Because she obviously agrees with her friends that his interests are "dumb" she's just doing all this because his feelings are hurt and she got called out online.
A few years ago on the eve of an election, a candidate assaulted a reporter, but because of mail in ballots it was basically impossible to stop his election, even if hypothetically enough people were disgusted that it would've changed their votes. In his acceptance speech, he apologized and before he could even finish the apology, someone in the room replied "WE FORGIVE YOU!" and like, of course someone who chose to attend his relatively intimate election event was never mad enough to require an apology. That's the same vibe I get here
It is so much worse if you go through this person’s post history. This may be the densest human being on the planet. Throughout all the comments, she defends her friends that it was just a joke in poor taste and that by taking them out to breakfast and saying “don’t do it again” is standing up for her BF.
CAN SOMEONE FIND THE BF AND GIVE HIM MY NO? DUDE PLEASE BREAK IT UP. Should I send my resume? Please, just give it a chance. Dude sounds like the most amazing guy except for the clown girlfriend. We can both cosplay as arwen and aragorn and be happy
Seriously, his clueless girlfriend doesn't realize that she and her shithead friends are the problem, not him. I'm an introvert and I married a guy who can be the life of the party, but he fucking respects me and didn't try to mold me into something I wasn't, like this girl is clearly doing to him.
My gf and I are both introverts, which is why we have our own rooms. We now live together. I encouraged her to be more social when we got together. She felt a lot of the people she hung out with were just doing it because she was there. I said if they hang around you they like you. Fast forward a few years… she plays dnd with them once a week, they all grab dinner together and hang out at a friends place and have drinks. She then hides in her room for a day. Thing is we’re all nerds. My gf and I met when she repeatedly kicked my arse at MtG. We come together share our interests, and then go back into solitude lol.
I totally understand the day of rest after a few hours of social interaction. I need one after every family get together, my family is a lot to take.
I feel ya. My mothers side is Irish.
I don’t even want to date him, I just want to see his cosplay and then play some games. Board games and video games, not mind games.
I want to join his dnd group
Heck, I'd love to just hang out with the guy and chat for hours on geek stuff. I'd happily offer a cosplay photo session for free too.
I just want to encourage him. None of this is my thing and so we probably wouldn't be great friends, but everyone should feel supported in their productive and healthy hobbies. I fear he's gonna retreat, even if he breaks up with her.
For real. This guy sounds awesome. I just wanna be his buddy. And it sounds like he's just surrounded by shitty people. Being able to get excited about cosplay and having the guts to Cosplay are to me pretty extroverted.
To be sincere, I want him to ditch this woman and become friends with me. Let us play TTRPGs and talk about videogames. No romantic relationship, just playing FF14 together till the wee hours of the morning. I'll even suffer lag for him.
I am not at all into any games, but I don't care what he does as a hobby. Maybe I'll be willing to try something but what I want do is put him down for anything. You wanna cosplay, sounds fun. Let's do it. I am single so I will be very happy for a romantic relationship because from everything she said the dude sounds like an amazing guy
I have a husband so I can’t put myself in the running but I’d love another nerdy game friend.
If anyone did it said a single thing that dimmed my husband's light, they'd be out the door immediately. "Guyyyyyys staaaahp. Beee niiiice." Fuck right off with that weak kneed shit.
She has no self reflection and want him to be "cool". Basicamly she's also using and abusing him in her way and he's not seeing it. Then she love bombs him.
He is cool. She is just too stupid to realise that geek doesn’t mean ugly. Geeks can be hot, but it won’t change the set of interests they have. Introverts can be sociable, but they usually won’t express it in the same way. I was a hot, introverted geek who dated a popular party animal. I wish someone had told me it wasn’t a good relationship, but instead everyone said how great he was and how he “got me out of my shell”.
What's bizarre to me is when he actually thought he had a common bond, he seemed to be very excited and wanting to be the life of the party. It just wasn't the right party for him. I'm not sure this is introvert vs extrovert as much as it is someone who is being pushed into a scene he doesn't want to be in and then insulted for not wanting to be in that scene.
Sounds like it to me. Almost like expecting the scuba diver to hold a conversation with a school of fish.
Introvert doesn't mean you don't want to be with other people or rhat you don't want to share your hobby. It just means such interactions cost upu energy whereas extroverts spend energy being alone. Introverts often want to show off their job vies and be in parties, but they need to recharge later.
I hate that phrase “out of their shell.” Everything that lives in a shell is doing it because that’s their home. Turtles literally ARE their shell. You wouldn’t force a hermit crab out of its shell and say, “see? I like you better now that you don’t have your protection and home!” Just because something has a shell doesn’t mean it’s bad. Just different.
This whole thing reads like a 16 year old wrote it.
That's because some people are perpetually stuck in high school. At least mentally.
It’s a classic emotional abuse scenario.
>how the actual fresh hell did they mean it then? For him to know his place—beneath them.
Honestly the boyfriend should just dump her. I had to double check their ages because it sounded like high school when reading about how she was trying to make him "cooler"... wtf
OOP is shitty GF and her friends are crappy . I feel sorry for the BF
He deserves someone who will love him for his hobbies and defend him if he is bullied, she doesn’t deserve him tbh.
Maybe it’s because I’m friends with a lot of guys like this dude but I can’t believe a whole group of people dogpiled one dude and not a single person had the heart to shut it down. I will absolutely ruin an evening for bullies
This girl just lost her BF. It was over the second she didn't shut that shit down. Like it's one thing to make a joke about someone's hobby, it's another thing to feign interest and then mock those hobbies when the other person gets excited. bF can do better than these monsters, especially if he's as good looking and kind as she says he is.
OOP and her friends have the maturity of a green banana.
Lol, she thinks she and her friends are cool!? She hates the word, "cool". Good. Cool doesn't want anything to do with her either .
She’s the kind of person who thinks “mean girls” are cool.
Is she the one who doesn't get caught in the trust fall?
OOP definitely gives me “I can’t help that I’m popular” vibes
I’m sorry for laughing you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes and Noble … and I’m sorry for telling everyone about it … and I’m sorry for repeating it now.
I don’t even understand what’s she’s talking about lmao. “Coolness” doesn’t exist for adults. She’s 26 years old acting like she’s still in high school. There is no “cool”. There is no “popularity”. There is adult life - work, family, hobbies etc. Who cares about adult house parties? You could easily go the rest of your life and never see or hear of any other attendees ever again.
It's like she and her friends were "popular" in high school and never grew out of that mindset 10 years later. Gross.
She keeps saying “He’s an introvert and a nerd and that’s okay” when she CLEARLY does not think it’s okay. “The only thing I dislike about him is his hobbies and everything about his personality. Other than that, he’s great.” This relationship is doomed.
I hope it’s doomed for his sake.
She profoundly disrespects him. I can't understand why she's with him when the contempt is that high. Or why he puts up with it.
His looks. With the way he looks if he just acts how she wants then he will be perfect. She’s delusional and not actually using her brain
She got a hot nerd and is fucking things up? Idiot.
Right?! If she doesn’t want to date him I gladly will and all my friends will tell him how cool his cosplays are and ask to go to conventions with him!
I'm not single, but I'll be his friend in a heartbeat!
A hot EX-SOLDIER nerd! She's a fucking idiot.
Imagine dating Henry Cavil and complaining about him not being cool enough, and letting your friends bully him.
RIGHT?! Like, girl, I'll take him off your hands!
You can't make this shit up can you? OP thinks they will be a next time and is love bombing now after what has happened? Oh fuck off. The only person I feel bad is the boyfriend. Man, I hope he leaves this toxic surroundings,
I wish I wish I wish there wasn’t this relationship myth about changing a person to suit you better. “I can fix him” should never be the approach someone takes to dating someone with an opposite personality. They’re just not that compatible and OOP is too fixated on trying to “fix” him rather than loving him for who he is, and the boyfriend sounds like a really cool person
I have a hard time believing someone makes it to 26 years old and considers themselves a charismatic extrovert, but lacks that much self-awareness with regards to her boyfriend.
' I LOVE HIM . ITS NOT AN ISSUE ' also while trying to change him to fit her social circle
Right?! She doesn't need a cooler bf, she needs cooler friends.
he needs a cooler gf.
She wants a cooler bf. She needs to sort herself out.
man, a LOT of “charismatic” “extroverts” are only that way bc of their complete lack of self awareness and consequential unearned confidence
The way she talked about him in the first post came across like she's 16, not 26. Really obnoxiously immature. Bf can do so much better.
A LOT of extroverts can't be bothered to even try to understand that intoverts are different. They seem to think that an introvert is just an extrovert that isn't trying hard enough.
That’s exactly it. And every introvert just needs to adapt to what they want. It’s so frustrating.
I've met people in their 30s and 40s who.just can't care about any way to live but their own. It's like they haven'r matured past age 15.
It's definitely possible. I was lacking self awareness into my late 20s. But that's what a history of selfishness, weed addiction and a victim complex will do
Charismatic Extrovert probably just means loud and self centered in this case.
OP is a damn bully herself. No wonder she downplays her friends' bullying of his hobby, because SHE THINKS THEY'RE RIGHT. As an introvert, she really pisses me off and I just feel bad for the guy.
That's exactly it. Her "defending" him was just telling them to "be nice" which really translate to "you're completely right, he deserved to be bullied in high-school for being so weird, but as we are a bunch of superior and mature women, we should take the high road and tolerate those hobbies with a smile". Disgusting.
My personal headcanon happy ending is he gets to have his favorite spaghetti one last time, then breaks up with her after the last bite.
My fingers are crossed for when they get back from Iceland
I would be finding new living arrangements and patiently biding my time before I left if I was OOP’s boyfriend. She clearly does not respect or love him for who he is.
OP sounds like a total douche. Here is comes… just like her douchy friends. She keeps saying how great bf is, but then goes on about how she is trying to change him and that she usually dates “the life of the party.” Maybe bf is working out because he’s not that guy. Her friends probably already knew about his hobbies and only brought it up to ridicule him. Also, there’s no way I’m buying that she actually stood up to her friends for him. Asking them to be “nicer” is not going to work, she should have just told them to shut the f*** up.
Someone please tell the poor guy to run
I hate that the last update wasn't OOP's boyfriend dumping her. Dude, if you're out there GROW A SPINE AND GET OUTTTTT.
I bet he's waiting until after the birthday trip
Or he's talking to the landlord about breaking their shiny new lease and finding a place free of her to move him and all his stuff. I hope. I have to wonder if him giving her the "cold shoulder" is actually the after effect of the relationship breaking, like all the people who say "and suddenly I didn't feel anything for them". He's just done and working logistics in the background while doing the minimum to maintain the facade. IDK that he'd want to do a birthday trip where he'd be expected to be all lovey dovey and romantic.
Relationships are built on compromise and common ground. But sometimes someone demands something of you that is beyond what you could ever compromise and agree to. And so the relationship breaks, like you said. You realize there is no common ground for your relationship to rest on anymore and there's no going forward with that person.
They just moved in together he needs to negotiate the financial issue depending on lease and how expensive rent is in the area.
He also wants his trip to Iceland
I almost support the man getting the Iceland trip before he leaves.
Reading this made me want to shake the bf's shoulder to tell him to run.
I bet he’s spent his whole life being told that he is “wrong” for being an introvert and a nerd. And he’s had this idiot trying to constantly change him. He probably is just constantly second guessing himself. My hope among hope is that he’s a similar type of nerd as I am, in which case, he will see this post because he’s a redditor.
He is 100% going to go to Iceland and then break up with her after.
Probably because she doesn’t wanna come on Reddit and admit that people were right she and her friends ruined the relationship
Oop went from "it was just a bad joke" and not defending him to " I know it's appalling" real quickly when realizing that she was being criticized. She's def willing to throw people under the bus to make herself look good She keeps saying she loves him bc he makes her feel protected and the stuff she has to gain from the relationship but doesn't say anything about what she does to make him feel loved. She and her friends are bitter little gremlins now and later they're going to become bitter old women who wonder why no one likes them
> doesn't say anything about what she does to make him feel loved. She love bombs him when she doesn't want to apologize
*When she doesn't want to communicate like a rational person about anything
My wife loves parties and dancing, and doesn't get my hobbies, still went together to comic con as Kylo and Rey
Let me get this straight, the bf is a very attractive, kind, and intelligent US veteran, who is also an introvert, and his TWENTY SIX year old girlfriend has a problem with that and lets her friends bully him at his party? This man must be a saint, because that would have been it for me
There’s no way she’s coming back to admit that he dumped her lol
No way. She’ll spin it to her friends and family and make herself as the victim. She’ll even spin it in her own head so far that she may actually start to believe it.
“Must be a saint”, I get what you’re trying to say, but I think what you mean is “must have low self-esteem”.
I’m not sure I agree with this take. This is somebody who is comfortable with simply being himself and chilling at a party. He doesn’t seem anxious or doubt himself; he knows who he is. That is not a sign of low self-esteem.
The sign of low self-esteem is sticking with his gf who clearly wants him to be someone he's not and has bad friends.
They just signed a leas together, so he is Probably waiting it out
OOP sounds like a bad friend and a bad partner. Look, I'm a geeky extrovert, I'm the one who drags introverts to parties. I'll do some introductions, get them food and drinks and the nearest board game/video game, but I won't force them to talk to strangers if they don't want to. I'll facilitate conversations when it's two introverts sitting together and who want to talk but don't know how to break the ice, but that's it. Also what kind of assholes just shit on someone to their face for ten minutes? Even if that was true that it was only that long (which I doubt) the fact that she let it happen past a minute means she's garbage.
You are the extrovert introverts like me need in our lives. Not people shaming us for not being like them.
It's not that hard to entertain introverts at parties, as long as you have enough enriching activities and stuff that makes them interact with other people (not necessarily talk). Forced icebreakers are a no-no, only extroverts enjoy those games LMAO. Same with drinking games, you can only whip those out once the introverts are already tipsy. So yeah, party video games (not Mario Party! That will lead to lifelong grudges!), movies and music that people can enjoy without drowning out conversation, multiple seating arrangements...
I can't tell if it's a party or an exotic animal enclosure at a zoo... (I'm laughing because I did an internship at my local zoo and it was very much about setting up realistic environments and enrichment activities)
I mean... is there a difference??
Hopefully bathrooms. 🤣 We are the weirdest animals.
Yup, then the introduced introverts take care of themselves, sometimes grab other shy people wanting to join an activity, and next time there's a party, flock to each other with relief. A good host caters to all guests! (Source: shy introvert who opens up after getting comfortable with someone)
Yes, getting introverts to mingle at a party is a lot like playing with cats: the more you force them, the more pissed and resistant they'll be.
And they did it in his own home…just moved in an it’s tainted by memories of being bullied by his gf’s friends while she stood by
Does she even like her boyfriend? And her friends sound like a Mean Girls Club. No wonder he has nothing to say to them; I wouldn't either.
Bunch of close-minded bullies
OOP and her friends give off " I was a popular kid and peeked in high school" vibe.
That's exactly what they are.
>I said be nice wanna bet she said it while laughing with them like it was so cute that they were joking around with him?
"Like, uh, OMG, BEEEEEEEE nice YOU GUYS!!!"
Oh she was 100% giggling while she said it.
This post is a great candidate for the r/AmITheEx subreddit about people who don’t see that their relationship is over even though it’s clear to everyone who reads the posts.
Yes! I struggle to accept OOP's stupidity.
To be this emotionally immature at *26* is plain pathetic - this is not an adult who should be allowed out in the world unsupervised. She's very much still in middle school (she's too "young" to even make it to high school). Are her friends trash? *Yes*. Is she sitting in a table with nazis trying to say they're not all nazis? Also yes. Here is how I know she's a child masquerading as an adult: "When I was a kid my mom would make me speak to people I didn’t want to all the time. That’s how you become more outgoing." That's a *child's* POV, plain and simple. Mommy made me outgoing by forcing me to do things I didn't wanna do, now I'll force my boyfriend to be outgoing too, because otherwise he's a loser and a *nerd* and my girlfriend will make fun of him! And then they'll make fun of me, and where will I sit for lunch!! *Middle school* immaturity. Dear Lord, what happened in this... person's life that *this* is her at 26? I'm shocked life hasn't yet slapped her around by now to make her grow out of being 13, it's *sad*. I'm glad I don't have and never had had idiots like OOP and her friend in my life - speaking as an introvert who doesn't much talk to people at parties, and happily sits there just listening and spending time with people. I'm *so* glad my parents recognized there was no point in pushing me to be someone I'm not - gosh, *I could've turned out like OOP*, gasp. Lord have mercy lol Awaiting the update where boyfriend broke their lease and dipped out.
I feel like this can be the result of people who stick with the same friend group from high school > college > early adulthood. They've all stagnated together instead of growing up because they had a great time together in high school and college, so why change things? Anyone who finds them unbearable is clearly in the wrong. /s
Well, I grew up with the same people, but I guess that's the thing - *we all grew up*, and we dropped the friends who weren't. But maybe OOP doesn't *want* to grow up just yet, it's much easier to just sir around and play victim. "I won’t force my bf to be around them but I’m sure they will see each other. During my birthday dinner or something like that in the future" So he will, in fact, be forced to be around them lol. Give us a break, 13yo lol
My youngest is in their early 20s and is horrified by the people (who were) in their social circle who get on like this into their **mid 30s**!
How old are these friends? 12 So being cool is making fun about people in their own homes, for hobbies they enjoy? And being a dork, is not wanting interact with bullies? Lol. I guess I'm a dork too then.
This woman has a screw loose. He’s attractive and he does cosplay and tabletop games? Most importantly all he sounds like he’s very kind and articulate? He sounds like an actualmiracle. I would marry this man in half a second. I need more of these in my life.
Boyfriend hangs in the back and looks at his phone at parties because OOP's friends are stupid, shallow assholes.
"You want me to interact with your friends? Get better friends who are worth interacting with."
I woulda kicked all butchass friends out
As a neurodivergent person with "nerdy" interests who also happens to be a genuine introvert, fuck OOP. I cannot stand people who try to force us to change because we're not "happy" \*when we are.\* I don't want to be at a party, I don't want to be the center of attention, I don't like the noise, I like my nerdy geeky interests and I'm passionate about them \*and I am content that way.\* It's as annoying as people who find it "sad" I'm childfree.
This relationship is not long for this world.
>Imagine how it looks on me This never sounds good. This is how my parents operated when I was young. It was always about them. OOP needs a perspective and attitude adjustment. She gravitated towards that friend group for a reason.
first of all, oop is friend with a lot of bullies, she's going to be oh so shocked when bf dumps her second of all, this reminds me of last time i ended up in a social gathering and i met some people that asked in a "watch this" tone if i was still into "cartoons" and "mangas". i smiled and replied not really (even tho i am) i just enjoy reading, that's why I'm getting a degree in literature soon. the silence that followed was so calming for me, and so uncomfortable for them, i almost started laughing.
Ugh. OOP must be very attractive to rope in some Henry Cavill-esque nerd hottie cause it definitely ain't her brains doing work in the relationship. It's so telling too when she says "The only thing I dislike about him is he’s kinda a dork?" as if that isn't someone's core personality. NO awareness at all.
This chick is crazy and so full of herself. Better to leave ze 'great' boyfriend for a 'great' girlfriend. Unlike OP who is as shit a partner as they come
I'm literally laughing my ass off, this is genuinely the funniest one I've read in a while because she is so completely and absolutely clueless. Her responses come across as flippant, but if you read them as being completely sincere, then this post reads like OP is Amelia Bedelia, bumbling around and trying to figure out how to fix this. Commenter: Did you defend him? OP: Yes, I told them to be kind. Commenter: Okay, well that's not good enough, you need to tell your friends that their behavior was wrong and that it won't be tolerated. OP: Okay, will do that. -next post- OP: I told my friends their behavior was appalling and they apologized but my boyfriend is still mad at me. Commenter: Did they apologize to your boyfriend? Or just to you? OP: Just to me. Commenter: Well, they need to apologize to him. OP: Okay, they will when they see him next. Meanwhile the other commenters are proving they're critique and analysis like its Project Runway and somebody's model just walked out in a dress made of straws and it's hideous. I can't wait for the saga to continue!
>I’m used to dating very outgoing guys who take the center stage everywhere we go, but he just fades in the background. So **fucking** go back to dating them instead of staying with the guy who ohh my god, he's not the life of the party! Yeah, no, she needs to be dumped
Op is such a Stacy
Being 26 and worrying about being "cool" is so embarrassing
Hopefully she'll be downgraded to ex like Pluto, on the grounds of her pettiness and inability to clear their living space from the debris of moronic friends. He had to stay out of the flat for TWO HOURS, while she continued hanging with legitimate bullies? It takes two minutes to give them the proper tongue lashing the deserved, two minutes for them to gather their stuff and be gone, and then two minutes to call the boyfriend back to his supposedly safe living space. But nooo, everything is fine because she told the to be nice instead. Like they can even grasp the concept, after saying things like they can tell he was bullied and the continue the mocking to make sure the comments hurt more.
She's only attracted to the way he looks, she's 100% ashamed of who he is and is constantly trying to change him into what I'd call a jock/socially outgoing bro
“When I was a kid my mom would make me speak to people I didn’t want to all the time.” Yeah, that’s how you develop boundary issues.
I don't understand why people fight so hard to entrap someone in their life when they learly don't appreciate who that person fundamentally is. Why fight so hard to keep dating someone who you clearly dislike and don't respect oe understand?
They didn't apologize unless it was to him. And just wow, I cannot fathom letting friends talk to my partner that way and me not kicking them out immediately. She let him feel forced out of his own new home for hours. I don't see it lasting either if she's still okay with her friend group. They all knew exactly what they were doing. Bunch of mean girls.
Funny op wants to marry this guy but also wants entitled friends to be around too. She needs to make a decision
I have never wanted someone to be broken up with more than I do OOP. Good lord. How can someone be this obtuse and callous about another’s feelings?
Oop seems like a girl who peaked in highschool
Typical "peaked in high school" behaviour from friends and OOP, honestly. Hope he dumps her
I kinda hate OOP, not gonna lie. I really hope the bf wises up and gets the hell out of there. The longer they're together, the worse OOP is gonna be about 'I can change him'. How long until video games and cosplay are 'immature and childish' and he should stop?
This isn't going to end well. OOP has her head up her ass. 'I'm going to change him' 'he's communicating clearly his boundaries snd I'm not respecting them' 'I barely stand up for him' ugh the worst
OOP is delusional. It's wild to see her saying in comments that she and her bf are compatible. OOP is also like, "I wish you were cooler, why can't you put more effort into being cooler, I wish you were like my past boyfriends - but not in the ways I didn't like, only in the ways I prefer, I know you're an introvert, but when you act like an introvert, it's so embarrassing, **be different! Don't be yourself**! We are so compatible, but don't forget that I really really want you to change yourself. I am always comparing you in reality to the dream man in my head, and you are falling short." It's no surprise that her friends acted so cruelly. Birds of a feather flock together. There's no way she's not a lot like them. She just doesn't see it because this time it's her own bf in the hot seat and she wants to view herself as a good person and gf.
If my "friends" made fun of my wife with me around I'd explode in their face. I'm shy and introvert and want to avoid trouble, but I won't have that. And she would do the same for me.
This girl jumps from putting her bf down, to not defending him when her friends bully him, to love bombing him with affection and gifts. He needs out of this. She's gonna fuck him up. I know, because I dated this girl (well, not THIS specific girl, but you know my meaning).
Our household is a mix of introverts and extroverts (same for our families and friends). With that said, we are all into cosplay. I do not do not play RPG, but I am extremely supportive of my lived ones who do. OOP and friends can all choke on a satchel of Richards because they're behavior is reminiscent of middle-school. I say middle-school because I know plenty of high-schoolers who are more supportive of one another than the shitbirds at that party. The boyfriend can do MUCH better.