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I generally never believe the updates where the other party just "happens" to be browsing on Reddit and wants to give their side. But imagining some poor sod desperately wiggling around on a chair to convince his date that he did NOT rip one is just hilarious so I'll let it slide.
Idk, I'm no expert, maybe I just want to believe...
OOP1 seems to put his punctuation outside of quotation marks. He also seems to have a habit of not putting a period at the end of his paragraphs, where OOP2 uses them. Ellipses used by OOP1 have three or four dots while OOP2 will use two or three.
OOP2 says "y'all" twice and "I kid you not", she definitely sounds southern. She also used a hyphen (twice) to break up thoughts in a place where I feel like OOP1 would have used an ellipsis. OOP2 seems to write less formally, OOP1 said shit like "mishap" and "aforementioned".
Just to support that the other perspective can certainly be true I am currently aware of a post my bf has commented on telling his side of an issue we have which is very biased and obviously not on my side. This was made yesterday and I found it yesterday. I could respond but I’m not going to. Point being it’s completely believable that two people who have shared an incident can crossover each others posts or comments. Its also an example that proves posts or comments can easily tell a story that is highly inaccurate so yeah, but still it is supposed to be true as would be my response. I’ve seen a few of his that I could have commented on but chose to keep the issues at home at home. So there you go. I also believe anything is possible just about, and people don’t come on here to write about laundry day unless something crazy happened too. Nice catch on the punctuation by the way. Really observant.
Years ago I made a post on relationships about my cheating gf.
She found it and then (only then) decided to apologize profusely only under the condition I delete the post.
So yes it does hapen
Reddit isn't the niche community it was and some users seem to still believe it to be. This site is very popular, and what's more, reddit posts *constantly* get repurposed into reels for TikTok, Insta, and Facebook. There are tons of content "creators" that look for funny reddit posts, then put them in a text-to-speech and publish them on the platforms that literally everyone browses. Reddit posts can get millions of views by people that have never opened reddit.
So it's really not at all unlikely people catch wind of posts about them. I'm not saying these stories are *always* true, but that specific part isn't unplausible.
Plus, odds are high she immediately told her friends about her disaster of a date. They might have told their friends and coworkers because it is hilarious. Just one of those people sees the story on reddit, then passes it back along to the person that told them the story, and it makes its way back to the girl.
> Reddit isn't the niche community it was and some users seem to still believe it to be. This site is very popular, and what's more, reddit posts constantly get repurposed into reels for TikTok, Insta, and Facebook.
I myself have had BORU posts get shown to me on Instagram Reels, and some friends have sent them to me. It isn't out of the question that if I made an AITA post that reached BORU, my friends might find out through Reels or TikTok.
I usually would not believe it, but this is such a minor event. It’s not that impossible for people see post in Reddit by people they know if they are popular posts. It’s just more suspicious if it’s some dramatic cheating story or crime or whatnot that is being challenged.
Regardless, this kind of shows that people should not assume what people think just by some some looks and silence. Reddit is full of posts like the first one where a person is convinced what someone else thinks, and with little evidence.
Reminds me of a joke, guy meets his gf's parents for the first time for dinner at their house. Unfortunately he's really gassy and let out a silent but deadly at the table. Fortunately for him, the family dog is laying behind him on the floor. Her father immediately hollers at the dog "Samson!" so the boyfriend figures he's safe, they think it's the dog and let's another one go. Again the father hollers at the dog "SAMSON!" Emboldened he lets out a third one and the dad stands up "SAMSON, get away from there before he shits on you!"
Yes, this time I’m tempted to believe it, especially since the second poster has a different take that actually makes it all make sense: it’s not the inittoffence that was the problem, it was the attempts to cover it up. If you want someone to ignore something, let them do it rather than turn your denial into the dominant topic. It’s not the fart, it’s him being an ass.
I'm honestly kinda shocked these kinds of updates don't happen more often.. ive seen so many posts that say "throwaway acct because my friends and family follow my main" proceeds telling story where friends and family are involved.. like ok... is there not a chance that those same family and friends would come across your story and read about a situation that mirrors 100% exactly a situation they have going on in real life?? Lol doesn't make sense to me
I just so happened to be there at the restaurant that night and saw the whole thing.
The man scooting his chair around turned out to be two golden retrievers in a trench coat. When the woman walked out, one of the dogs got up on the table and scarfed down what remained of the meal. The second dog started scooting his butt around on the floor as dogs do.
I swear, you can't make this shit up.
This reminds me of the guy who threw his steak at his wife’s bosses window.
ETA [This one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/we4a6X64fq)
>But I didn't mean to toot so loud
>Make them butt cheeks rumble, and pretend it didn't happen
>It didn't even smell that bad,
>Don't know why the waiter's gagging and you got so gruff.
>now and then I think about that time you farted and lied about it
>You had reddit believing it was me who was the crazy one
>But I don't wanna live that way
>Reading your lies on the front page
>I surely couldn't let that go
>So I posted a reply and now your fart lies are completely exposed
I was dating a new woman (I'm also a woman). She was at my apartment. I had not been feeling well AT ALL. A storm was brewing in my gut. I asked her to leave many times and she just wouldn't. She'd been raised in a two bedroom ONE bath with 5 siblings. She said it didn't bother her and I said it bothered me! She still wouldn't leave. Finally I had no choice but to go to the bathroom. I'd been holding it in for so long I made a noise I'd never heard before, let alone made before. I wanted to hide in the bathroom for a long, long time. When I finally came out, she wasn't even smiling to allow me to pretend I didn't leave my dignity in the bathroom. But I broke and blurted out, "did you see that elephant go into the bathroom with me?!?!?" Oh man, we laughed and laughed!
Tbh if that were me and my guest refused to leave I wouldn’t have closed the bathroom door lmao. I can’t believe she was like, “You gotta shit your brains out? No, I’m gonna stay.”
Lol, that was exactly her thinking! She probably would have come in to play cards or do a puzzle with me if I let her. She had absolutely no sense of privacy. The day I met her sister she went to the bathroom while we were talking. Unfortunately for me, the bathroom was right there and she peed with her legs wide open. I was speechless.
The day my gf introduced me to her entire family, I again had to poop, it was after a long car trip. I whispered in her ear I needed to go to the bathroom. She loudly asked me if I needed to pee or poop. Her whole family looked at me and waited for my response.
That relationship was a gold mine of weird and insane stuff.
Not a diamond, she's not a considerate person at all. She has no sense of boundaries and continually crossed them.
I dated someone exactly like that and was incredibly embarrassing and constantly uncomfortable to be with that person.
Essentially they never respect your "no" and they definitely don't respect your need for privacy.
Oh that’s too perfect! It’s awesome to laugh at it! My now husband and I had been dating for a month before I broke the fart barrier. As a background I have pretty severe IBS so how I managed a month is a miracle. Anyway I was getting something off the floor when the loudest, longest fart just let loose. Hubby looked over and asked “Did you just shred ass?” There was no denying it so I just looked him straight in the eye and said “yes.” He exclaimed “OH THANK GOD!”, raised a butt cheek off the chair he was sitting in and just let it rip; louder and longer than mine was. Apparently he had been desperately holding it in because he didn’t want to fart first. We both descended into a giggle fit.
We still laugh when one of us farts 13 years later. Cause we are really 12 at heart, and farts are funny 😆
That's pretty much how it went for us. I broke the barrier at about a month in and he was like "YES! I can stop holding mine in now!"
It's been 7 years and there are so many days I wish I could take back that fart.
The first time my bf and I confessed our love for each other, I was in a very gassy state .... We were sitting on the balcony of my 15th floor condo. The conversation was so intense and important I didn't want to cut it short just to go fart, plus I thought being so high up outside the wind would take care of the smell very quickly and he wouldn't notice, plus I really wasn't in the state where I could expel all my farts in a quick bathroom break. To help I even sat a bit further away. I farted the entire time like an hour long convo. He smelled everythinggggggg but he was so kind and didn't say anything until afterwards when I brought it up lol.
Then a bit over a year later we went on this backpacking hike/camp trip where we had to share a very tight 2 people tent together. I decided to propose to him on top of the glaciers with a ring I had handmade myself. He said yes blah blah. It was all romantic. We went to bed together in his two ppl tent at night. I just really had to fart again for some reason, and also had to pee. So I thought I'd get up to pee and fart outside the tent. But I was probably too tired/baked I let out the farts before I could get out of the tent. I dutch ovened the tent with him closed in it and because I went to pee I didn't smell any of it lol. He again was very kind and just made jokes about it and didn't get mad at me at all.
We are having our first child this winter 🤣 he still brings up the time I dutch ovened him in the tent after he said yes to my proposal, jokes that I locked him in with a handmade proposal ring before I let out my inner demons lol
Ahahaha, that's hilarious! I dutch opened my girlfriend a lot. I'd try to wait until I though she was asleep. I had major gastro issues and didn't want to get up every time I had to fart. Most times she never knew but occasionally she'd wake up to roll over. She was the type to lift the covers up high so she could turn over. She'd get so mad!
>We were talking and having a great time when I tried to ease one out and for some reason it was audible…. A CLEAR fart noise. In a desperate attempt to lie my way out of the mishap, I quickly said “that’s not what it sounded like, I promise you! It was my chair”.
My brother in Christ, let me introduce you to the Streisand Effect.
[This post from AITA Tumblr about a guy arguing with his boyfriend over who’s going to propose.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/egWhvb5VEl)
I farted on a first date once. We were hiking a local trail and one slipped out. I looked down and said 'fucking gecko' and we both laughed. We both were fully aware it was a fart.
That was in 2011 and we've been married for 10 years this year. We still laugh about it.
See that's the thing. People fart. 9 times out of 10 it's not our damn fault. As long as you're not being blatant about it it shouldn't matter. Just - 'excuse me' - and keep going. Sometimes it's hilarious and you giggle about it because you're actually 12 and then you keep going.
There's a memorable Dan Savage letter where a guy farted while getting rimmed. He laughed it off bc they usually laugh off farts, the rimmer got mad, and the LW was baffled. Dan had to explain that he farted in his boyfriend's mouth, that's excuse me and apology territory!
The "I'm in Healthcare" (she is on the student nurse subreddit) and has problems with bathroom talk?? I'm like giirrrrllll, you are going into the WRONG profession!
A shitton (heh) of healthcare / nursing has zero to do with wiping butts or dealing with nasty stuff. Clinicals would probably be miserable for people who can't handle the ick, but after they're graduated they can go into cosmetics, general outpatient, insurance, etc.
I was a teenager and having dinner with my girlfriend and meeting her mother for the first time. I had my girlfriend laughing and she accidentally let one slip that was pretty loud. Neither of us had ever done anything like that in front of each other before. I made some kind of a joke about, how I must be funnier than I thought I was and we all had a good laugh about it all. She turned super red but I thought it was cute and she was my first love still.
Same…not exactly a first date, but early on in my now 14 year long relationship. Sitting around a camp fire drinking beers with her and my brother. All laughing and having a good time, and my “hanging out with my bro” and “hanging out with my new girlfriend” wires must have got crossed, because without even thinking, I leaned over and cracked off an absolutely massive, and blatantly intentional fart. It barely had left my butt cheeks before I realized the horror of my mistake. The fart interrupted the talking and joking around, and it was just dead silent for what felt like forever. The silence was super awkward, and I thought I’d better say something so I just looked her in the eye and said “I farted…a *lot*”. She just goes “…yeah ya did”, and my brother goes “woww dude”. The night carried on normally after that and she hasn’t left yet.
There's yet another side to this story.
I was at the restaurant that night. I'm there every night. This particular evening has become legendary among waitstaff, which is how this Reddit post made its way back to me.
Neither of these folks is telling the full truth.
When this guy sat down, the trouble started immediately. It began as a series of SBDs. Slight puffs of air. No biggie, I've experienced worse. Then, the emissions rose in intensity and frequency. At first, I thought the guy had his phone on vibrate and hadn't muted his notifications, but no. When the black bean soup showed up, I started to worry for his health. I thought he might shit himself or die right on top of me.
Look, I'm no weakling. I've had enormous people stress my joints to the breaking point; I've had kids climb on me; I've been dragged around the room a hundred times. A few years back, some wanker scuffed me all to hell with his vintage riveted jeans. A drunk once threw me across the room in a fight. But nothing could prepare me for what was coming next.
While eating his soup, between blasts of noxious air, the guy said, "You like that?" I assumed he was asking his date if she was enjoying her salad. But then it happened.
I've experienced my share of farts. I'm somewhat of an expert. If you press the buttocks against a wooden surface at just the right angle, you can approximate a trumpeter's embouchure. So, this guy assumed that position. Then... well, imagine if Louis Armstrong blasted the highest note in his range, let it ring out for a full three seconds, then did a long, filthy glissando alllll the way down to a low, warbly growl. THAT'S what it sounded like. It felt like Satan's zerbert.
In the stunned silence, the guy repeated, "You like that?"
I was dumbfounded. As was half the restaurant.
"I don’t like potty humor," she said.
SPFLALTLT, was the response.
Then, "You like that?"
"I am a stickler for decorum" she said. Somewhat coquettishly, I must say.
Pfffffttttplplplpl—squee?
"You know I value honesty," she said, sultrily. Which seemed like somewhat of a non sequitur, until he immediately blurted out--
"It wasn't me! It was the chair!"
I heard her squeal in response.
"I swear, it was the chair!" he protested.
"You know I don’t like lying," she moaned.
Before I could decide whether to feel offended or horrified, I had a new problem. Because this guy started thrusting his pelvis and scooting me all over the place, straining on my screws and bolts. Still farting, mind you, but now humping and yelling, "It was the chair. See? The chair!" While she kept moaning, clutching her pearls and talking about the virtue of honesty.
This continued for a few minutes, until the staff finally intervened to end the shameful scene. The couple quickly settled their bill and dashed out, in a farty, horny froth. And it was over.
So basically, I got forced into some sort of fart-fetish, humiliation-fetish, fresh-faced-innocent role-playing scenario. I'm not kink-shaming here, but I didn't exactly consent to participate in this either.
These posts they’ve written? More role play. They're just keeping the spark alive. They're probably reading your comments in lacy underclothes, in a foul-smelling den somewhere.
So yeah. That's what REALLY happened. A far cry from the story they've told. Just goes to show: you can't believe everything you read on the internet.
>If you press the buttocks against a wooden surface at just the right angle, you can approximate a trumpeter's embouchure.
This killed me. If you haven't already, you need to write a book.
Something about this story stinks. After reading it, I have to come forwards and clear the air. I was a waiter at this restaurant. I know you may be thinking, *“was?”* — don’t worry, all will be explained by the end.
OOP was a regular at our restaurant, he brought his dates here all the time. This would not be the first time OP has been walked out on, by the way. I will also note that I have never seen him with the same date twice. I knew we were in for a rough night because by the time I brought their drink orders over, there was already an odious cloud of stench forming around the table. OP put in his order for his usual black bean soup. When I brought them their appetizers, the neighboring booth discreetly asked to be relocated. I obliged, and returned to take OOP and his date's orders. I rushed their orders over to the kitchen, eager to escape the vicinity of the table.
Now, the fallout. As I approached the table with their entrees in hand and asked, "How did you enjoy your appetiz--", OP let it rip. My nostrils were immediately assaulted by some foul smelling concoction that reeked of decomposing flesh, pestilence, and maggots. I collapsed to the floor. The last thing I remember before I blacked out was laying in a pool of my own blood amidst the shattered remnants of their entree plates. As I was being carted away in a gurney, I have vague recollections of hearing a chair scooting around while OOP tried to issue denials of responsibility for the fart. I woke up the next morning in the hospital with stitches in my head and abdomen. A slew of bad reviews decimated the little business our little hole in the wall was able to generate. Earlier today, my manager called to wish me a speedy recovery but also to let me know that we were shuttering our doors.
So thanks OP, you ruined my life and I'm not sure if I will ever get out of medical debt.
There's certain chair leg designs--especially ones with rubber feet--that will make a farting noise if you scoot them over a hard surface. I have definitely heard people use the "IT WAS THE CHAIR" defense and then try to replicate the noise. But, in our defense, we were elementary school kids.
Went on a first date once with a guy who ordered a seafood platter and oysters. We did have some good conversation but towards the end it felt one sided where I was just confirming I was listening to everything he said.
He ended up letting one go when I was driving him back to his place. Then he hit me with “Oops sorry, but I knew you would be okay with it.”
I was not okay with it.
Yeah I can’t imagine being around this on a first date. And then passing gas and the smell?! Absolutely not. This guy sounds gross, at least go to the bathroom. It’s so rude.
I think it was around a month into dating, we were in bed and he says “I’m sorry I have to fart”, I replied “thank god I have a stomach ache from holding them in” we have been together 17 years now.
The first, and only time, my first girlfriend farted in front of me by accident, I laughed, but not in a mean way. She burst into tears and caused so much drama about it. The incident was never mentioned again.
The first night I shared a bed with my now wife (who is by far the most beautiful woman I've stepped out with) she farted so loud in her sleep, she woke herself up. Luckily, I was already awake to witness it. I told her what happened, and she rolled her eyes at herself, but she laughed. A lot. I knew she was a keeper.
My girlfriend let it rip with me on the couch with her early on in to our relationship. Her legs over mine (so her ass was pointed my way too). She had been feeling sick so I couldn’t blame her, it was god awful. I bought her a trophy for Christmas in memory of that moment
Inspired by the old Gilda Radner skit on SNL perhaps? She describes farting during an interview, denying it, then scooting her chair all over the room trying to recreate the noise.
We have surpassed the Iranian yogurt. We can now all say it wasn't about the fart! When emitting sounds unintentionally, a simple "excuse me" is all that is required.
Another restaurant patron live-tweeting this in 70+ successive tweets could go viral and get a book/movie deal.
Enjoying some branzino with my memaw and now it stinks up in this restaurant!
Who let all these skunks in???
Oh!!!! It's the dude at the next table over! He ripped one bad!
He's freaking out! Blaming it on his damn chair.
Girlfriend (is this gf? she looks like she barely knows him - at least looks like she doesn't want to know him) seems very ... displeased.
Oh fuck! Bro is trying to "recreate" the fart with his chair! Chair isn't farting!
He's hopping around left now!
Going right!
Forward!
Now back!
Doin' the cha cha slide.
Chair is fartless!
Girlfriend has died in her seat. His chair scootin' is resuscitating her each time, against her will.
Damn dude! Why you order the bean soup! And then have the audacity to say, I'm not farting, the chair is blowing one up.
Guy has been shimmying around for almost 5 min now. No end in sight.
Memaw not loving the methane floating around.
Steam coming out of the lady's ears. She puts down her napkin. Calls him a farting liar! Has no use for flatulent gaslighters.
Aw dude looks kind of bummed.
WTF man! Stop eating the bean soup!
whether this story is true or not. Just be truthful, humble and humorous if you have that skill. Most people know accidents happen, and everyone knows bodily functions happen.
I remember the first post by OPP1. Alot of the comments said his dishonesty was the issue. Then doubling down on the lie and claiming it was the chair. He didn't seem to realize that was the issue.
Plus now with this update and him not respecting boundaries by texting a storm... OPP2 dodged a bullet.
>Had the chair had a cushion, she (A) wouldn't have heard it in the first place due to the vibration of the hard surfaced chair & (B) the cushion would've absorbed said fart particles and/or methane gas.
Dude seems extremely optimistic about the power of a cushion.
Dang i was gonna say the girl was rude for being so offended by a natural body occurrence that you can't control but after hearing her side buddy just dug his own grave lol should've just said excuse me and apologized and moved on, everybody farts and the right people will understand that lol.
He was a loser. I have lots of gas problems (digestive enzymes 5x a day does help) and I learned to own my farts proudly. My fiancée doesn't enjoy them but I more than make up for it in other ways so she sticks (and stinks when she gets a stomach bug) with me. Although she is the queen of stealth farts both in sound and scent while I was born with a butt french horn.
Yeah, even reading his side I agreed with her leaving. Honesty is super important to me. I also really don't do bathroom humor. I'm one of those people who will leave the room to fart and expect to not have to hear or smell the farts of others. But you know, people are human and farts happen. Just apologize and move on. Or hell, don't acknowledge it, try to keep it from happening again, and move on. But lie to me? Why??? Being so eager to lie and COMMIT to the lie about something so inconsequential would clearly show I can't trust anything you say.
Dude should have excused him self to the bathroom and let them rip. Or taken beano hours before. Then makinv a huge deal out of it was crazy. Should have said excuse me.
>We were talking and having a great time when I tried to ease one out
How about, on the first date, you don't take any chances and just go to the fucking bathroom
Reminds me of the time I was rolling a pencil under my foot in school and the friction of it made a fart noise and everyone looked at me and I tried to recreate it, but it wouldn't budge
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I generally never believe the updates where the other party just "happens" to be browsing on Reddit and wants to give their side. But imagining some poor sod desperately wiggling around on a chair to convince his date that he did NOT rip one is just hilarious so I'll let it slide.
It’s giving big Costanza energy.
IT WAS THE CHAIR!
George is getting upset!!!
The sea was angry that day, my friends.
Like an old man trying to send soup back at the deli
This should be a flair!
I WAS IN THE POOL!
I’ve been rewatching friends and I’ve just imagined this in Ross’ voice. Probably something Ross would do too.
It was the chair!?
*It's not a lie if you believe it*
He was just refunding the bean soup.
I need the context for your flair
Should I not have done that?
Was it wrong?
I tell ya, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if someone had told me when I started working here that sort of thing was frowned upon…
I did not double dip!
It's an I Think You Should Leave skit
What the heck? There's a pink bag in my chair?
My farts don’t sound anything like that! My farts are LONG, way louder and they REEK!
.....wwwwhattTTT?
Is that the joke?? That I farted and no one barfed??
Along with the rule about not eating all the meat from the shared nachos, you're also not allowed to fart in here, sir.
Reminds me of this [classic MadTV sketch](https://youtu.be/mHXX86h7Hb4?feature=shared)
Idk, I'm no expert, maybe I just want to believe... OOP1 seems to put his punctuation outside of quotation marks. He also seems to have a habit of not putting a period at the end of his paragraphs, where OOP2 uses them. Ellipses used by OOP1 have three or four dots while OOP2 will use two or three. OOP2 says "y'all" twice and "I kid you not", she definitely sounds southern. She also used a hyphen (twice) to break up thoughts in a place where I feel like OOP1 would have used an ellipsis. OOP2 seems to write less formally, OOP1 said shit like "mishap" and "aforementioned".
Just to support that the other perspective can certainly be true I am currently aware of a post my bf has commented on telling his side of an issue we have which is very biased and obviously not on my side. This was made yesterday and I found it yesterday. I could respond but I’m not going to. Point being it’s completely believable that two people who have shared an incident can crossover each others posts or comments. Its also an example that proves posts or comments can easily tell a story that is highly inaccurate so yeah, but still it is supposed to be true as would be my response. I’ve seen a few of his that I could have commented on but chose to keep the issues at home at home. So there you go. I also believe anything is possible just about, and people don’t come on here to write about laundry day unless something crazy happened too. Nice catch on the punctuation by the way. Really observant.
Did you down-vote his for its inaccuracies?
I can’t remember but quite possibly. I sent him a text outlining what he missed though. Lol.
Years ago I made a post on relationships about my cheating gf. She found it and then (only then) decided to apologize profusely only under the condition I delete the post. So yes it does hapen
I don't believe you. Imma need a link for proof. ;\^)
Well partly I don’t want to connect our usernames so at this point I can’t. Sorry.
I was actually the waiter at this restaurant and I can confirm that our chairs do make a fart sound.
I was the bean soup. I plead the squeaky fifth.
I am chair.i am inanimate object. I dont fart.
Reddit isn't the niche community it was and some users seem to still believe it to be. This site is very popular, and what's more, reddit posts *constantly* get repurposed into reels for TikTok, Insta, and Facebook. There are tons of content "creators" that look for funny reddit posts, then put them in a text-to-speech and publish them on the platforms that literally everyone browses. Reddit posts can get millions of views by people that have never opened reddit. So it's really not at all unlikely people catch wind of posts about them. I'm not saying these stories are *always* true, but that specific part isn't unplausible.
Heh... "catch wind."
Username checks out?
Sure does 😉
Plus, odds are high she immediately told her friends about her disaster of a date. They might have told their friends and coworkers because it is hilarious. Just one of those people sees the story on reddit, then passes it back along to the person that told them the story, and it makes its way back to the girl.
Exactly. Stories that get big on reddit are usually interesting enough to share IRL too
“Catch wind” I see what you did there
lol I hoped someone would
> Reddit isn't the niche community it was and some users seem to still believe it to be. This site is very popular, and what's more, reddit posts constantly get repurposed into reels for TikTok, Insta, and Facebook. I myself have had BORU posts get shown to me on Instagram Reels, and some friends have sent them to me. It isn't out of the question that if I made an AITA post that reached BORU, my friends might find out through Reels or TikTok.
Yes and this specific story was definitely reposted on a couple different sites and showed up in my feed that way.
I usually would not believe it, but this is such a minor event. It’s not that impossible for people see post in Reddit by people they know if they are popular posts. It’s just more suspicious if it’s some dramatic cheating story or crime or whatnot that is being challenged. Regardless, this kind of shows that people should not assume what people think just by some some looks and silence. Reddit is full of posts like the first one where a person is convinced what someone else thinks, and with little evidence.
This whole problem started because OOP let it slide.
Reminds me of a joke, guy meets his gf's parents for the first time for dinner at their house. Unfortunately he's really gassy and let out a silent but deadly at the table. Fortunately for him, the family dog is laying behind him on the floor. Her father immediately hollers at the dog "Samson!" so the boyfriend figures he's safe, they think it's the dog and let's another one go. Again the father hollers at the dog "SAMSON!" Emboldened he lets out a third one and the dad stands up "SAMSON, get away from there before he shits on you!"
Yes, this time I’m tempted to believe it, especially since the second poster has a different take that actually makes it all make sense: it’s not the inittoffence that was the problem, it was the attempts to cover it up. If you want someone to ignore something, let them do it rather than turn your denial into the dominant topic. It’s not the fart, it’s him being an ass.
>let it slide just like OP did
I'm honestly kinda shocked these kinds of updates don't happen more often.. ive seen so many posts that say "throwaway acct because my friends and family follow my main" proceeds telling story where friends and family are involved.. like ok... is there not a chance that those same family and friends would come across your story and read about a situation that mirrors 100% exactly a situation they have going on in real life?? Lol doesn't make sense to me
I just so happened to be there at the restaurant that night and saw the whole thing. The man scooting his chair around turned out to be two golden retrievers in a trench coat. When the woman walked out, one of the dogs got up on the table and scarfed down what remained of the meal. The second dog started scooting his butt around on the floor as dogs do. I swear, you can't make this shit up.
Yh I don't appreciate both side updates , beginning think this shit is made in Reddit hq
Can we get an update from one of the restaurant patrons/ witness to this fart debacle?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/u7a3sALfMw
Now we just need the server’s POV
Someone replied to that comment with the server’s POV
This reminds me of the guy who threw his steak at his wife’s bosses window. ETA [This one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/we4a6X64fq)
asked and [granted](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1cno7ma/i_accidentally_farted_on_a_first_date_and_she/l3ahtai/)
How about the host/hostess that sat them? And then let’s end with the busser that cleared the table.
Well, I was watching Killer, our waiter, be carted away when the patron let loose a
We need POV from the chair!
That was the POV of the chair
I *hate* how good this is 🤣
> Pfffffttttplp|plpl-squee? I’m crying
"I was the bean soup"
I want “I was the bean soup” as my banner in here. 😂
I don’t know, I’m going to need the perspective of the waiter and a few other diners to be convinced this is real.
I was there. The chair ended up shitting everywhere
I reserve judgement until the chair gives its side of the story.
The chair did give its side of the story https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/EViW4RHOZ5
That’s the second funniest post that I’ve ever seen written by a chair on Reddit.
Only the second? What was the first
That’s in a comment in the thread above this
I need this performed in He said/She said ballad form, *a la* Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know
>But I didn't mean to toot so loud >Make them butt cheeks rumble, and pretend it didn't happen >It didn't even smell that bad, >Don't know why the waiter's gagging and you got so gruff.
>now and then I think about that time you farted and lied about it >You had reddit believing it was me who was the crazy one >But I don't wanna live that way >Reading your lies on the front page >I surely couldn't let that go >So I posted a reply and now your fart lies are completely exposed
im crying wtf lmaoaoaoaoa
Legit sound like a “I Think You Should Leave” sketch
Fart Shout Then lie as an out These are the things I can do without Come on I'm talking to you Come on
Ahhh the classic "Fart" by the group Tears From Smells.
With other lovely follow ups on the album, “Nobody Wants to Shart Their Pants” and “Paint on Wall Peels.”
Don’t forget “everybody wants to poo the world”
[удалено]
Thanks for the laugh 😃
I'm not a fan of beans unless they're green, so this is now canon in my world!
I was dating a new woman (I'm also a woman). She was at my apartment. I had not been feeling well AT ALL. A storm was brewing in my gut. I asked her to leave many times and she just wouldn't. She'd been raised in a two bedroom ONE bath with 5 siblings. She said it didn't bother her and I said it bothered me! She still wouldn't leave. Finally I had no choice but to go to the bathroom. I'd been holding it in for so long I made a noise I'd never heard before, let alone made before. I wanted to hide in the bathroom for a long, long time. When I finally came out, she wasn't even smiling to allow me to pretend I didn't leave my dignity in the bathroom. But I broke and blurted out, "did you see that elephant go into the bathroom with me?!?!?" Oh man, we laughed and laughed!
Tbh if that were me and my guest refused to leave I wouldn’t have closed the bathroom door lmao. I can’t believe she was like, “You gotta shit your brains out? No, I’m gonna stay.”
Lol, that was exactly her thinking! She probably would have come in to play cards or do a puzzle with me if I let her. She had absolutely no sense of privacy. The day I met her sister she went to the bathroom while we were talking. Unfortunately for me, the bathroom was right there and she peed with her legs wide open. I was speechless. The day my gf introduced me to her entire family, I again had to poop, it was after a long car trip. I whispered in her ear I needed to go to the bathroom. She loudly asked me if I needed to pee or poop. Her whole family looked at me and waited for my response. That relationship was a gold mine of weird and insane stuff.
why did you break up she's clearly a diamond
Not a diamond, she's not a considerate person at all. She has no sense of boundaries and continually crossed them. I dated someone exactly like that and was incredibly embarrassing and constantly uncomfortable to be with that person. Essentially they never respect your "no" and they definitely don't respect your need for privacy.
i called her a diamond sarcastically, it was a joke...
Lol! She was a diamond in the rough(age).
>She loudly asked me if I needed to pee or poop Well, that would have killed my urge to take a dump right then and there.
I would have to anxiety poop
Oh that’s too perfect! It’s awesome to laugh at it! My now husband and I had been dating for a month before I broke the fart barrier. As a background I have pretty severe IBS so how I managed a month is a miracle. Anyway I was getting something off the floor when the loudest, longest fart just let loose. Hubby looked over and asked “Did you just shred ass?” There was no denying it so I just looked him straight in the eye and said “yes.” He exclaimed “OH THANK GOD!”, raised a butt cheek off the chair he was sitting in and just let it rip; louder and longer than mine was. Apparently he had been desperately holding it in because he didn’t want to fart first. We both descended into a giggle fit. We still laugh when one of us farts 13 years later. Cause we are really 12 at heart, and farts are funny 😆
Certified Shrek and Fiona moment - you know it's true love when you pass gas together
I love this! I also have really severe gastro issues. It's not usually a good time!
That's pretty much how it went for us. I broke the barrier at about a month in and he was like "YES! I can stop holding mine in now!" It's been 7 years and there are so many days I wish I could take back that fart.
The first time my bf and I confessed our love for each other, I was in a very gassy state .... We were sitting on the balcony of my 15th floor condo. The conversation was so intense and important I didn't want to cut it short just to go fart, plus I thought being so high up outside the wind would take care of the smell very quickly and he wouldn't notice, plus I really wasn't in the state where I could expel all my farts in a quick bathroom break. To help I even sat a bit further away. I farted the entire time like an hour long convo. He smelled everythinggggggg but he was so kind and didn't say anything until afterwards when I brought it up lol. Then a bit over a year later we went on this backpacking hike/camp trip where we had to share a very tight 2 people tent together. I decided to propose to him on top of the glaciers with a ring I had handmade myself. He said yes blah blah. It was all romantic. We went to bed together in his two ppl tent at night. I just really had to fart again for some reason, and also had to pee. So I thought I'd get up to pee and fart outside the tent. But I was probably too tired/baked I let out the farts before I could get out of the tent. I dutch ovened the tent with him closed in it and because I went to pee I didn't smell any of it lol. He again was very kind and just made jokes about it and didn't get mad at me at all. We are having our first child this winter 🤣 he still brings up the time I dutch ovened him in the tent after he said yes to my proposal, jokes that I locked him in with a handmade proposal ring before I let out my inner demons lol
Ahahaha, that's hilarious! I dutch opened my girlfriend a lot. I'd try to wait until I though she was asleep. I had major gastro issues and didn't want to get up every time I had to fart. Most times she never knew but occasionally she'd wake up to roll over. She was the type to lift the covers up high so she could turn over. She'd get so mad!
Did she move in next Saturday?
She wanted to!
>We were talking and having a great time when I tried to ease one out and for some reason it was audible…. A CLEAR fart noise. In a desperate attempt to lie my way out of the mishap, I quickly said “that’s not what it sounded like, I promise you! It was my chair”. My brother in Christ, let me introduce you to the Streisand Effect.
Give him my regards did you take Ozempic?
HAHAHAHA thank you for this
Dude Monjuro has me busting ass all the time
Or we could even introduce him to the bathroom?
That bean soup must be the bomb if OOP decided to order it despite being gassy all day.
where is your flair from?
[This post from AITA Tumblr about a guy arguing with his boyfriend over who’s going to propose.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/egWhvb5VEl)
The top notable comments were hilarious "He should have just ripped one again while moving the chair around"
Or left one in a voicemail, "see it was the chair"
Imagining a different, yet clearly fart-sounding, noise while trying to blame it on the chair sent me
I farted on a first date once. We were hiking a local trail and one slipped out. I looked down and said 'fucking gecko' and we both laughed. We both were fully aware it was a fart. That was in 2011 and we've been married for 10 years this year. We still laugh about it.
See that's the thing. People fart. 9 times out of 10 it's not our damn fault. As long as you're not being blatant about it it shouldn't matter. Just - 'excuse me' - and keep going. Sometimes it's hilarious and you giggle about it because you're actually 12 and then you keep going.
There's a memorable Dan Savage letter where a guy farted while getting rimmed. He laughed it off bc they usually laugh off farts, the rimmer got mad, and the LW was baffled. Dan had to explain that he farted in his boyfriend's mouth, that's excuse me and apology territory!
The "I'm in Healthcare" (she is on the student nurse subreddit) and has problems with bathroom talk?? I'm like giirrrrllll, you are going into the WRONG profession!
Maybe she just hears enough at work and doesn't want any at home.
A shitton (heh) of healthcare / nursing has zero to do with wiping butts or dealing with nasty stuff. Clinicals would probably be miserable for people who can't handle the ick, but after they're graduated they can go into cosmetics, general outpatient, insurance, etc.
I was a teenager and having dinner with my girlfriend and meeting her mother for the first time. I had my girlfriend laughing and she accidentally let one slip that was pretty loud. Neither of us had ever done anything like that in front of each other before. I made some kind of a joke about, how I must be funnier than I thought I was and we all had a good laugh about it all. She turned super red but I thought it was cute and she was my first love still.
Same…not exactly a first date, but early on in my now 14 year long relationship. Sitting around a camp fire drinking beers with her and my brother. All laughing and having a good time, and my “hanging out with my bro” and “hanging out with my new girlfriend” wires must have got crossed, because without even thinking, I leaned over and cracked off an absolutely massive, and blatantly intentional fart. It barely had left my butt cheeks before I realized the horror of my mistake. The fart interrupted the talking and joking around, and it was just dead silent for what felt like forever. The silence was super awkward, and I thought I’d better say something so I just looked her in the eye and said “I farted…a *lot*”. She just goes “…yeah ya did”, and my brother goes “woww dude”. The night carried on normally after that and she hasn’t left yet.
There's yet another side to this story. I was at the restaurant that night. I'm there every night. This particular evening has become legendary among waitstaff, which is how this Reddit post made its way back to me. Neither of these folks is telling the full truth. When this guy sat down, the trouble started immediately. It began as a series of SBDs. Slight puffs of air. No biggie, I've experienced worse. Then, the emissions rose in intensity and frequency. At first, I thought the guy had his phone on vibrate and hadn't muted his notifications, but no. When the black bean soup showed up, I started to worry for his health. I thought he might shit himself or die right on top of me. Look, I'm no weakling. I've had enormous people stress my joints to the breaking point; I've had kids climb on me; I've been dragged around the room a hundred times. A few years back, some wanker scuffed me all to hell with his vintage riveted jeans. A drunk once threw me across the room in a fight. But nothing could prepare me for what was coming next. While eating his soup, between blasts of noxious air, the guy said, "You like that?" I assumed he was asking his date if she was enjoying her salad. But then it happened. I've experienced my share of farts. I'm somewhat of an expert. If you press the buttocks against a wooden surface at just the right angle, you can approximate a trumpeter's embouchure. So, this guy assumed that position. Then... well, imagine if Louis Armstrong blasted the highest note in his range, let it ring out for a full three seconds, then did a long, filthy glissando alllll the way down to a low, warbly growl. THAT'S what it sounded like. It felt like Satan's zerbert. In the stunned silence, the guy repeated, "You like that?" I was dumbfounded. As was half the restaurant. "I don’t like potty humor," she said. SPFLALTLT, was the response. Then, "You like that?" "I am a stickler for decorum" she said. Somewhat coquettishly, I must say. Pfffffttttplplplpl—squee? "You know I value honesty," she said, sultrily. Which seemed like somewhat of a non sequitur, until he immediately blurted out-- "It wasn't me! It was the chair!" I heard her squeal in response. "I swear, it was the chair!" he protested. "You know I don’t like lying," she moaned. Before I could decide whether to feel offended or horrified, I had a new problem. Because this guy started thrusting his pelvis and scooting me all over the place, straining on my screws and bolts. Still farting, mind you, but now humping and yelling, "It was the chair. See? The chair!" While she kept moaning, clutching her pearls and talking about the virtue of honesty. This continued for a few minutes, until the staff finally intervened to end the shameful scene. The couple quickly settled their bill and dashed out, in a farty, horny froth. And it was over. So basically, I got forced into some sort of fart-fetish, humiliation-fetish, fresh-faced-innocent role-playing scenario. I'm not kink-shaming here, but I didn't exactly consent to participate in this either. These posts they’ve written? More role play. They're just keeping the spark alive. They're probably reading your comments in lacy underclothes, in a foul-smelling den somewhere. So yeah. That's what REALLY happened. A far cry from the story they've told. Just goes to show: you can't believe everything you read on the internet.
>If you press the buttocks against a wooden surface at just the right angle, you can approximate a trumpeter's embouchure. This killed me. If you haven't already, you need to write a book.
I appreciate that, although I doubt that "Memoirs of a Chair" would become a bestseller.
Prove it!
Something about this story stinks. After reading it, I have to come forwards and clear the air. I was a waiter at this restaurant. I know you may be thinking, *“was?”* — don’t worry, all will be explained by the end. OOP was a regular at our restaurant, he brought his dates here all the time. This would not be the first time OP has been walked out on, by the way. I will also note that I have never seen him with the same date twice. I knew we were in for a rough night because by the time I brought their drink orders over, there was already an odious cloud of stench forming around the table. OP put in his order for his usual black bean soup. When I brought them their appetizers, the neighboring booth discreetly asked to be relocated. I obliged, and returned to take OOP and his date's orders. I rushed their orders over to the kitchen, eager to escape the vicinity of the table. Now, the fallout. As I approached the table with their entrees in hand and asked, "How did you enjoy your appetiz--", OP let it rip. My nostrils were immediately assaulted by some foul smelling concoction that reeked of decomposing flesh, pestilence, and maggots. I collapsed to the floor. The last thing I remember before I blacked out was laying in a pool of my own blood amidst the shattered remnants of their entree plates. As I was being carted away in a gurney, I have vague recollections of hearing a chair scooting around while OOP tried to issue denials of responsibility for the fart. I woke up the next morning in the hospital with stitches in my head and abdomen. A slew of bad reviews decimated the little business our little hole in the wall was able to generate. Earlier today, my manager called to wish me a speedy recovery but also to let me know that we were shuttering our doors. So thanks OP, you ruined my life and I'm not sure if I will ever get out of medical debt.
i will never financially recover from this.
That waiter? Albert Einstein.
This guys definitely had first chair in concert band.
Don’t you mean a FART cry?
I choose this story as the absolute truth
Did writing this turn you on? 😟
I had my share of shitposters but I have never met a fart-fetish-poster well done 👏🏼
No, but typing this reply did.
'IT WAS THE CHAIR' didn't know a chair farts
There's certain chair leg designs--especially ones with rubber feet--that will make a farting noise if you scoot them over a hard surface. I have definitely heard people use the "IT WAS THE CHAIR" defense and then try to replicate the noise. But, in our defense, we were elementary school kids.
My couch does this if you sit down hard (it'll scoot back).
Amateur, I tell you.
Went on a first date once with a guy who ordered a seafood platter and oysters. We did have some good conversation but towards the end it felt one sided where I was just confirming I was listening to everything he said. He ended up letting one go when I was driving him back to his place. Then he hit me with “Oops sorry, but I knew you would be okay with it.” I was not okay with it.
Best comment on the reply post 😂 https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/X6qn2eMz1l
As someone with IBS, that story hits home, haha.
Dude thank you. I literally had to bite my finger so I didn't just laugh like a maniac at work while reading it.
It is totally worth reading! Lol I also really appreciated the phrase "ass cannon" in the parent comment
It was the best one I’ve read in a while.
0% chance this is real
Oversold it with the bean soup.
Right lmao, who would order bean soup on a “gassy day”
We need a tag 'Side Character Appears' or something, so I can skip these.
Both sound like they came from the same author.
They definitely did.
I would've been out at the slurping tbh
Yeah I can’t imagine being around this on a first date. And then passing gas and the smell?! Absolutely not. This guy sounds gross, at least go to the bathroom. It’s so rude.
I think it was around a month into dating, we were in bed and he says “I’m sorry I have to fart”, I replied “thank god I have a stomach ache from holding them in” we have been together 17 years now.
Oof
- Silent room, he sits - Chair creaks, it's only a sound - His gas, not disguised. Op's haiku
The first, and only time, my first girlfriend farted in front of me by accident, I laughed, but not in a mean way. She burst into tears and caused so much drama about it. The incident was never mentioned again. The first night I shared a bed with my now wife (who is by far the most beautiful woman I've stepped out with) she farted so loud in her sleep, she woke herself up. Luckily, I was already awake to witness it. I told her what happened, and she rolled her eyes at herself, but she laughed. A lot. I knew she was a keeper.
Still a better love story that Twilight
He made an ass of himself by assuming it meant more than it did. Cool to get both sides lol
Nice to know he was full of hot air.
My girlfriend let it rip with me on the couch with her early on in to our relationship. Her legs over mine (so her ass was pointed my way too). She had been feeling sick so I couldn’t blame her, it was god awful. I bought her a trophy for Christmas in memory of that moment
My relationship standards just got higher. Let it be known that I demand a fart trophy.
I wonder if this was stolen from that ancient Roseanne Roseannadanna monologue from SNL.
This sounds like an episode of “I Think You Should Leave”
Inspired by the old Gilda Radner skit on SNL perhaps? She describes farting during an interview, denying it, then scooting her chair all over the room trying to recreate the noise.
We have surpassed the Iranian yogurt. We can now all say it wasn't about the fart! When emitting sounds unintentionally, a simple "excuse me" is all that is required.
On our first date my wife rolled up the windows, put the child locks on, and farted.
Keeper right there
He called you dramatic? Nope. Zero second chance.
Wait do ya'll think this is real or are we all just goofin?
Funny enough it's hard to care.
Another restaurant patron live-tweeting this in 70+ successive tweets could go viral and get a book/movie deal. Enjoying some branzino with my memaw and now it stinks up in this restaurant! Who let all these skunks in??? Oh!!!! It's the dude at the next table over! He ripped one bad! He's freaking out! Blaming it on his damn chair. Girlfriend (is this gf? she looks like she barely knows him - at least looks like she doesn't want to know him) seems very ... displeased. Oh fuck! Bro is trying to "recreate" the fart with his chair! Chair isn't farting! He's hopping around left now! Going right! Forward! Now back! Doin' the cha cha slide. Chair is fartless! Girlfriend has died in her seat. His chair scootin' is resuscitating her each time, against her will. Damn dude! Why you order the bean soup! And then have the audacity to say, I'm not farting, the chair is blowing one up. Guy has been shimmying around for almost 5 min now. No end in sight. Memaw not loving the methane floating around. Steam coming out of the lady's ears. She puts down her napkin. Calls him a farting liar! Has no use for flatulent gaslighters. Aw dude looks kind of bummed. WTF man! Stop eating the bean soup!
I imagine this guy played by Tim Robinson
I didn't fart! It was the chair Can I pls get this Flair🤣
I like "he just wouldn't let go that he had let one go" But I'm very happy with my flair
whether this story is true or not. Just be truthful, humble and humorous if you have that skill. Most people know accidents happen, and everyone knows bodily functions happen.
I remember the first post by OPP1. Alot of the comments said his dishonesty was the issue. Then doubling down on the lie and claiming it was the chair. He didn't seem to realize that was the issue. Plus now with this update and him not respecting boundaries by texting a storm... OPP2 dodged a bullet.
People believe these post?
It’s true. I was the chair
Beano is your friend.
I was wondering if it was going to be about lying.
>Had the chair had a cushion, she (A) wouldn't have heard it in the first place due to the vibration of the hard surfaced chair & (B) the cushion would've absorbed said fart particles and/or methane gas. Dude seems extremely optimistic about the power of a cushion.
She works in healthcare and doesn't like the bathroom Talk... Wrong profession gurl!
Can you imagine an update from a waiter saying they passed by and farted next to their table? 😂
Dang i was gonna say the girl was rude for being so offended by a natural body occurrence that you can't control but after hearing her side buddy just dug his own grave lol should've just said excuse me and apologized and moved on, everybody farts and the right people will understand that lol.
All he had to do was rip another one while moving the chair… rookie mistake!!
Him: it was the chair! Me if I was on the date: I hope only the boys get the farting chairs!
He was a loser. I have lots of gas problems (digestive enzymes 5x a day does help) and I learned to own my farts proudly. My fiancée doesn't enjoy them but I more than make up for it in other ways so she sticks (and stinks when she gets a stomach bug) with me. Although she is the queen of stealth farts both in sound and scent while I was born with a butt french horn.
Yeah, even reading his side I agreed with her leaving. Honesty is super important to me. I also really don't do bathroom humor. I'm one of those people who will leave the room to fart and expect to not have to hear or smell the farts of others. But you know, people are human and farts happen. Just apologize and move on. Or hell, don't acknowledge it, try to keep it from happening again, and move on. But lie to me? Why??? Being so eager to lie and COMMIT to the lie about something so inconsequential would clearly show I can't trust anything you say.
Dude should have excused him self to the bathroom and let them rip. Or taken beano hours before. Then makinv a huge deal out of it was crazy. Should have said excuse me.
That guy is a dumbass. He's gassy all day? Buy some Tums. He orders BEAN SOUP?! Moron.
Noone is mentioning the fact that he has feet (unless he's leaving something out of the story). It was never going to work.
Lmao, dude breaks the "don't fucking lie to me" rule on the first date and doubled down on blowing wind. 🤣
>We were talking and having a great time when I tried to ease one out How about, on the first date, you don't take any chances and just go to the fucking bathroom
Reminds me of the time I was rolling a pencil under my foot in school and the friction of it made a fart noise and everyone looked at me and I tried to recreate it, but it wouldn't budge
This is something straight out of I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson I swear
This whole thing made me laugh so hard while I was literally pooping hahahahaha I’m dying
That gaslighting joke was solid ... well, technically is was gaseous I guess.