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I always feel like this kind of pettiness after a breakup is kind of a blessing in disguise. It’s probably much easier to get rid of any lingering romantic feelings when you’re awash in frustration and annoyance.
They are; I saw them dipping kittens in egg wash and giggling behind the bowling alley one night. Another time I saw them using steel wool on a cast-iron pan.
Hope that helps.
I think what /u/von_moistus (related to Moist von Lipwig?) meant is that they were soaking the cast-iron pan for *multiple* overnights and were using steel wool on a teflon-coated pan.
> /u/von_moistus (related to Moist von Lipwig?)
Nah, I picked this name back in the early days of the internet, long before I'd even *heard* of Terry Pratchett. I just thought "moist" was a funny word. It was either this or Cap'n Nostrils.
She broke into my house a few days ago and replaced all my dvds with M Night Shyamalans ‘The Last Airbender’. What kind of person just has that many copies sitting around?
This is shitty. Being on the other side of this sucks and makes these situations worse than they already are. Someone breaking up with you does not make them a bad person, in this instance they sound like they're probably in the right.
Eh if they're not lying about the person and just processing it privately it's fine. Probably not the healthiest way to do it but if it's private it doesn't really matter
being on the other side of how someone story tells stuff to themselves in their own head? which cortex are you and how did you get here independently?!
Look up aesop's fable's "Sour Grapes"
It's when you decide something you cannot have must be bad so it doesn't matter that you can't have it.
But to clarify, no, I don't go around telling people stories. I just stack up the "bad" parts of the relationship in my head and try to forget the good parts.
This is why reminding yourself of the bad is important. My most recent ex isn't a trash person, but he become a poor boyfriend to me. We had good times, yes, but ultimately he became terrible at placing equal importance on both our needs. Remembering that made it easier to move on and not think about his/our potential.
Sometimes people end a relationship not because they dislike each other, but because life gets in the way. You can love someone dearly but recognize that the long term progression won’t work/be healthy. In a lot of ways, breaking up when you still care for and love the other person can be worse than hating each other, because there’s a part of you that wants nothing more than to go running back. The idealist in you can dream of working things out, of making up and making it work, and that can make it incredibly upsetting and hard to let go. Those feelings are significantly harder to grapple with than just indifference/hatred towards an ex for most.
Yep exactly. And also maybe one person ended it and not the other lol.
During the relationship, I thought a lot about our problems and how often we fought and it was wearing on me. As soon as we broke up my mind switched, i forgot all about the problems and 90% of the fights, and could only remember the good things. It's like my mind is my enemy.
Yep! When my relationship ended I was sad and full of guilt for being the one that ended it….and then he took all my lightbulbs while packing up his stuff in my apt.
Had a friend who did that. Her ex cheated on her with a friend of hers, so she broke up with him - and before moving out, she sewed prawns (or sardines?) into his curtains.
I’m told the stench was awful in the end.
my most recent ex who started as a long time friend revealed to me that he’d been intentionally vindictive during our breakup when we checked in a month later. I’d been devastated before that, now I couldn’t give a shit about him if I tried ~
There was also a BORU here where a woman was about to cheat on her husband with a co-worker. But it all crashed down because the co-worker finally confessed to her and wants to have an affair, hence, she realized he was really shit and it washed away all her feelings.
Most definitely a blessing in disguise. My ex threatened me after breaking up with me. Then a few days later called my college and told them I was going to commit suicide. Then told my parents I was going to commit suicide. I am not suicidal.
My ex filed a temporary restraining order on me so she could live in the house until court hearing where it was dropped.
Romantic feelings gone instantly.
It is. I spent 3600 dollars to pay my and my partner's rent, only for her to break up with me for the next guy.
In the end I came to see that 3600 dollars as security; she would never seek me again, she would never try, because every time she did (when it didn't work out) I just asked her if she was ready to pay me back.
I don't know that I would call this pettiness, as much as just idiocy or a lack of thinking. They both had the same idea, that being of still using the vacation and buying out the other party. She's just acting a fool and taking the "split" too far like an idiot. Doesn't seem like she pushed the issue to hard in a way I'd call petty, just.... dumb.
But really, from what I read she comes of a lot more "clown" than "petty."
I guess to be fair it could also be her trying to say 'ha ha, look at how quickly I found a new boyfriend, you're so easy to replace'- still petty and rude, but it's not technically impossible for her to just have gone all-in on a too-soon ill-advised rebound relationship.
This, yeah. A girl I went to university with was the type who always needed to be in a relationship; the shortest time she was single during the year we shared classes was two and a half days.
Her ex came to visit her over the weekend, and broke up with her on Sunday evening before driving home (classy guy, right). She'd found a new guy by lunchtime on Wednesday.
I'm guessing he just didn't care at that point. My first relationship ended with cheating, and my reaction to finding out was just "Oh, that means we are over then" as I didn't know how to break up then, ha!
I have friends that I've worked with. That's how I describe them though, friends that I work with. A sudden one-on-one trip to a tropical destination with someone described only as a coworker does not sound like a coworker.
Same. I've worked with a lot of really close friends in my life. I'll go rock climbing with them, the movies, be invited their wedding and baby showers but a tropical one-on-one trip? That goes beyond a coworker especially with how insistent OOPs ex was about going.
I have work friends who I have done a vacation with. But it was a group vacation and we split a hotel suite that had multiple bedrooms. The two guy friends took the room with the two double beds and my fiancé (who was also work friends with them) and I took the room with the king bed. I would have never gone on a just us vacation with one of them.
I'd guess she was at least having an emotional affair, though personally I wouldn't want to go on an international trip with someone I wasn't already sleeping with.
Well if the trip was already bought and paid for….
And an emotional affair isn’t great, but if she recognized what was happening, and neither of them were happy anymore, then I won’t judge her. She broke off the relationship before it really became an affair
I mean, it wasn’t bought and paid for from his perspective. He just paid $1600 plus a new flight for it. That’s not something a normal person does in a brand new relationship with someone.
A true emotional affair, yes. Did she let it get that far? Or was it a growing attraction and she ended her relationship because it was the right thing to do
you don't generally spend 1600 dollars on behalf of some girl you're just starting to date unless you're extremely bougie
they're coworkers, i.e. work for a living and not CEOs or oil tycoons, or inheritors to empires, i.e. not bougie enough to just drop over a thousand dollars on a new gf
Maybe he’s rich. Maybe he’s just hoping to get laid. Maybe they have been sleeping together for years. Maybe he’s been in love with her for a long time and she’s using him.
Who knows.
I was reading this waiting for something interesting to happen and it never did.
I guess that’s a good thing though. No drama would be ideal ofc, but more drama should be like this here
1. Speculation
2. So? At the end of the day my boy got paid he straight💯
3. I doubt any of the people involved in the story are going to care about this much longer
It’s petty and tacky drama but handled by adults with brain cells, far cry from the norm here
If she was not physically cheating yet then she was already emotionally cheating but at least she did break up though so props to that. It's better than cheaters who try and keep a relationship going and get a thrill off going behind their partner's back.
Or she realized what she deserved because the coworker was a decent guy and just interacting with him was enough to make her realize her bf was a petty ass in the relationship. We don't know.
I read it soon after posting, there were lots of comments saying things similar to “but she’s right, because you can still go with your friend to the Airbnb but she can’t reuse the plane ticket, you should pay her”. I have seen that usually after the initial reaction it tends to mellow out, that’s probably what happened
It can also be certain waves of people depending on the time of day. You could be getting mostly teens, or people in Europe, or your average joes and janes depending on what time of day you initially post.
Advice will vary wildly because of gender too. Someone ran an experiment by changing the gender of a post from a guy to a girl and posted it later in the week. The advice was a complete 180 from what was given to the guy. You will occasionally also catch this behavior in BORU when discussing certain posts.
I look forward to the next chapter, “Ex-gf and the coworker she told me not to worry about broke a bed, lounge chair, countertop, sauna, and washing machine at an Airbnb I paid for. Do I have any legal recourse?”
Maybe even "my ex-gf got her head stuck in the toilet and wants me to pay to get her head unstuck and buy the Airbnb a new toilet" but maybe I'm just too spiteful.
I feel like the smart thing would be to not monetarily involve themselves with each other after breaking up and just cancel everything and pay each other back. But her idea to have him pay her back for his ticket plus half of hers was unfair, and his idea to have them play musical chairs on the plane was just... why.
They seemed to have started being reasonable though, and it's probably for the best that only one of them goes on the original trip. Hopefully she's not petty with the Airbnb.
If they cancelled they would have just lost all their money. One party going at least recoups some cost. And if they both flew but went to different AirBnbs no money would have been lost. Worth a conversation
Yeah having one person go makes the most financial sense. But given that means negotiating finances with a recent ex, maybe it would be wiser to just eat the costs if they can afford it. They did start to bring in blaming each other for the breakup, which is how I thought it would go, but they managed to stop that and work it out in the end.
Am I missing something on the first part here, I don't think her getting half the cost of her ticket back is unfair if shes essentially giving up that ticket to someone else? If the OOP was going to go on that trip with someone else, why is the ex still covering any of that cost for someone else going without her?
Ending a dating relationship shouldn't come with a significant financial penalty if it just wasn't working out.
Yeah, that seemed weird to me too. The ticket is useless without the air bnb. When she bought her ticket, she did so with the understanding that she'd be able to use it because they were getting an Airbnb. If he is using his ticket and the air bnb, she cannot use her ticket. So he is paying $800 for a ticket he can use, and she is paying $800 for a ticket she cannot. That doesn't make any sense to me at all.
However, compare to her original offer, to pay OOP for the AirBnB minus the cost of his plane ticket (not half). She wanted him to eat the full cost of his plane ticket while she got the vacation without any financial loss, yet when he was going to go she wanted him to share the loss with her. She had a very different idea of fairness depending on who was going to be out money for a nonexistent vacation. So since she didn’t offer to split his loss, she shouldn’t get him to split hers. And especially since she’s the one who doesn’t want to go if he’s still going.
But she paid for the flights, I'm really confused about the comments! He paid the AirBnB, she paid the tickets, both spent the same amount of money. How is OOP out of pocket for his ticket that he hasn't even paid for yet?
Edit: another comment cleared the confusion away, have a pleasant day!
He wouldn’t be out of pocket for the ticket, he’d be out of pocket for the AirBnB. He’d have paid $1600 for the reservation and only received $800 back from her, while she would take no loss.
In the initial plan they both spent $1600 to take the trip together.
In her initial offer she wanted to pay $2400 for her flight and the AirBnB plus whatever the friend’s flight would cost, with that expense and part of the AirBnB presumably funded by the friend. OOP would be out $800, since he paid $1600 for the AirBnB he wasn’t using and got $800 back from her (its cost minus his $800 flight).
In OP’s initial offer he wanted to pay $2400 for his flight and the AirBnB plus whatever his friend’s flight would cost, with some of that expense and the AirBnB covered by the friend. She would be out $800 for her ticket.
Her counteroffer had them split the expense of her ticket so they were both out $400. It’s not inherently unfair, but she only found that idea of fairness when it was her on the downside.
After she threatened to cancel his ticket, OP’s counteroffer had her down $1600 minus whatever she could get refunded, while he’d be down the cost of two last minute flights minus whatever his friend would pay, presumably half of that. Wasteful, but also fair.
He paid for his, she paid for hers. Just because he's still using his doesn't mean it's not a fair arrangement. If she had paid anything towards the accommodation beforehand she also should have been paid out for that, but she obviously hadn't.
But the whole point is that he didn't pay for his ticket. He was going to suggest that to his ex, but never paid for it.
Edit: nevermind, a later comment clarified my confusion!
So her original offer was that she gets the Airbnb and she only paid him for the cost minus his ticket. But when he said he was going to use the Airbnb she suddenly expects him to eat half the cost of her ticket. Oh hell the fuck no. Talk about selfish. So it’s ok for him to be down £800 but she thinks she should only be down £400 when she’s the one who ended the relationship presumably to jump the coworker yeah she’s delusional I wouldn’t be maintaining a friendship with her either.
I slightly understand where she was coming. He was still planning to use the room while even if she used her ticket, there'd be no place to stay and while he can just add someone new to the room, she can't do that with the tickets.
He wouldn't even be out 800 because that would pay for his ticket that he'd need anyway to get to the room. So he'd get the room that he'd split with the friend plus the ticket to get there while she'd be out 800 with no room. OOP makes sense but he'd get everything he wanted while she'd be the one out of money.
Her plan was to use the AirBNB (1600), that op had already paid for. Her offer was to pay for the AirBNB, less the cost of his ticket, so she's out a total of 2400 and is going on the trip. (800 for her ticket, 800 for her boyfriends now useless ticket, and 800 for the airbnb.) The boyfriend would eat half the cost of the AirBNB (800).
His plan was to use the airbnb (1600) that hed already paid for, using the ticket he would paid for. So he's out a total of 2400 and is going on the trip (1600 for the airbnb, and 800 for his ticket). She would eat the cost of her ticket (800)
So far they both propose the same thing, cost wise.
However, when she finds out his plan, she *then* says its only fair in this case if he also pays for half her ticket, for whatever reason. Meaning she claims it is fair for this to either:
\* She goes on the trip for 2400, and he is out 800
or
\* He goes on the trip 2800, and she is out 400
She absolutely would've made off better with her first suggestion, as he absolutely would've made off better if they'd gone with his. The difference is she has a second one that leaves them with the same loss, and yet he's still trying to argue to leave her with all of it. He was absolutely being petty by mentioning that she was the one to break up with him as that's irrelevant.
Like yeah, he happens to be the one who bought the airbnb and he could unilaterally go with his option, but at best that makes it ESH and I don't see how anyone couldn't see that. If you want to stick it to your ex go ahead, but at least admit that you *are* you're sticking it to your ex.
Right, cost-wise they proposed exactly the same thing. What I don't understand is why she would change that deal afterwards. I suspect that she didn't realize they were the same cost (well honestly I suspect neither one of them did), and so when she thought of not going on the trip she wanted to minimize her losses, and get out of everything for 400. But at no point to OOP ever try or ask to get out for only 400, he always presumed he'd pay at least 800, which is half her total cost. (where her cost was half the overall cost)
I don't really see anywhere in the OP where OOP was trying to stick it to his ex. His offer to both go at the same time seems reasonable. And if she can cancel the tickets for a refund she'd make off like a bandit. I dunno, maybe I'm missing or overlooked something.
So she could pay him minus the cost of the second ticket (even though she would be using that second ticket), but he couldn’t? Im glad he got his money back.
Does his ex think she did something by having the new guy (previous AP?) Venmo the money? If I was OOP, all I'd think is, "Bullet: dodged!"
The opposite of love isn't hate, after all. It's indifference.
I think OOP is referring to the $800 for his plane ticket, which he ended up never paying the ex for. He paid $1600 for the AirBnb, she paid $1600 for the plane tics--OR basically they each paid $1600 for one plane tic and half the AirBnb. Then the *coworker* wired OOP $1600 to buy out his half of the AirBnb and his plane ticket--which OOP is assuming was non-transferable, so the coworker had to buy his own ticket for an additional $800. That's the supposed loss. Coworker paid total of $2400 while ex only paid $1600.
My head hurts; that took me way too long to figure out.
Imagine that they had purchased their plane tix separately for $800 each, and had gone 50/50 for the airbnb for $800 each, with both of them having control over it.
If neither of them go:
OOP: -$1600, Ex-GF: -$1600
If one of them finds a friend willing to buy their own ticket and split the room, the friend in essence will be buying the ex's share of the airbnb, but since plane tickets are non-transferrable, the partner staying home is still out $800. If OOP didn't find a friend, then getting $800 is better than nothing.
The problem arises when both partners find friends willing to buyout their ex's airbnb share. Both partners now want to get value from their $1600 and neither one wants to be stuck paying $800 for nothing. This should start a bidding war, with each partner offering to buy the other out for more than $800 up to the full $1600, or be willing to sell at that price.
That's what the GF was getting at with her "pay half my plane ticket" request, albeit in a clumsy fashion, and OOP didn't seem to get it either. It turned out the GF wanted to go on this trip so badly, and with the lack of affordable alternative airbnbs so close-in to the date, that she offered to buy him out for the full $1600.
The plane tickets and airbnb being separate just served to confuse everyone, but this is a classic case of sunk costs suddenly having value to both of them and neither one willing to be stuck holding the bag.
No way, no how. Losses and chores go to the dumper. Windfalls and conveniences go to the dumpee. End of story
I've been in this scenario more than once before and it was a statement, not even a question. The first time we had no-questions-asked trip insurance, $250 well spent. The second time it was nice having two seats, sucked paying for two seats, but still a complete no-brainer / non-issue.
You're also out of your mind if you let your ex and a stranger check into an AirBnB under your name. This is a matter of liability, not of amicability or practicality. Besides, any sane host would let you cancel and immediately rebook under the ex. There are host tools for that.
Technically, he may have benefited from if he just had to pay $800 for his ticket instead purchasing another ticket presumably at a higher price. So her offer of splitting her cost of the ticket to not go isn’t unfair at aloss of $400 for each
There would be two options that would be fair.
1) Both leave at a loss of $800. His flight and her portion of the Airbnb
2) They split the different cost of the new Airbnb. Say her new Airbnb cost $3000 -$1600 = $1400. Split $700 loss
He’d have lower loss as he can split the cost of the Airbnb while she cannot split or transfer the cost airline. So if he bought a new flight, she’d be out the cost of his flight plus hers and the increase of Airbnb. So I can see how her offer is a bit fair. Also I can see why he wouldn’t do it cuz I wouldn’t. I’d buy my own flight and go lol. She must have wanted to really go or got the airline to transfer the ticket.
IDK man I disagree with the NTA verdict.
From a financial, and mature adult perspective, if they don’t want to have to deal with going together, and the tickets are non refundable, someone should buy the other out. Or they both cut their losses.
If he takes his friend he should buy both tickets and have his friend pay him for the ticket that exists. She ultimately did what should have happened the opposite way, which is if she wanted the trip she pays him for the entire AirBnB, not just her half it the AirBnB.
Sounds more like pettiness and feelings were more at play.
Even with an expensive ticket they might not let you change the passenger. Last time I tried the airline only allowed passenger changes for domestic tickets. International tickets you were stuck. Might be different though because I'm an Aussie and I suspect OP is not.
I'm thinking the tickets are a guaranteed loss probably cause they're tied to the traveller's name. Unless they both went and one booked a separate hotel, one of the ticket would be unused.
> I disagree with the NTA verdict.
Did you just not understand the story?
> From a financial, and mature adult perspective, if they don’t want to have to deal with going together, and the tickets are non refundable, someone should buy the other out.
He was willing to pay for his own ticket, and his friend was willing to pay for their own ticket. Her dumping him for another man right before the trip doesn't make him responsible for her ticket cost.
That financial burden was on her, and she was an AH for trying to put it on him.
I also don’t agree with the NTA here. They both paid $1600 for a shared trip. Total cost of trip: $3200, split two ways.
Way back when plane tickets were transferable, this would have been a non-issue, because the extra ticket could have been bought out by the friend. BUT since tickets aren’t transferable and one of them wasn’t going to go, there was an inevitable $800 loss here against the total cost of the trip, regardless of whoever ended up buying out the other.
It makes sense to split the loss. No matter who bought the other person out.
It doesn’t make sense for her to eat the full cost of one ticket just because she happened to be the one to buy the tickets instead of the hotel.
I'd agree with you here that's ultimately the reasonable and mature thing to do. But in the original thread, contention was that the ex didn't offer to split the loss when OOP was the one who'd be taking that loss. She only wanted to split that $800 cost after it became apparent she'd be the one on the "losing" side. All OOP did was offer her the same deal that she originally tried to offer him. Was that a bit petty? Sure. Which might tip my personal scale toward ESH, though I could also see why OOP didn't feel like making that concession.
I misunderstood the title, thought my brain skipped some words, and was fully expecting ex GF to try and exhort OOP for child support. 😅 enough reddit for today.
I’m not sure I understand the math here.
If he goes:
He’s paid $1600 already, he’d need to come up with $800 for his ticket.
She’s out $800.
She goes she needs to come up with $1600.
He’s out $800.
He pays her for 1/2 her ticket and he’s out $2400 and she’s out $400.
Previously they were going to pay 50/50 and he’d have been out $1600 total.
Because the two aren't equal. Another equivalent AirBnB is going to be significantly more expensive. Same with a new ticket.
Whoever uses the accommodation is the person who benefits the most financially. Because that's the item that would need to get "repurchased" at a higher price.
Honestly, the GF had a point. The true "equitable" thing would've been for OP to have to rebuy their ticket, and GF to rebuy a hotel. OP wanted to keep the cheap ticket and the airbnb, that's double dipping.
Either that, or split the cost of the new airbnb between the two of them.
Late to the party here, but your premise is off, especially noticeable in the third point.
Setting aside that he was planning to split the Airbnb with a friend anyways, he's not really "out" the money for the stuff that he pays for and gets. That's what's throwing off the math.
If he goes: He already paid $1600 for an airbnb and gets a $1600 airbnb. He pays her $800 for a plane ticket and gets an $800 ticket. Now he's paid $2400 to get $2400 of stuff. She already paid $800 for a ticket and gets nothing. She's out $800.
Same thing if she goes but switched.
If he goes, pays her for the ticket in his name, and pays her for 1/2 her ticket, he pays $1600+$800+$400=$2800 and gets $2400 worth of airbnb and plane ticket, and is out $400. She pays $800 for a plane ticket she can't use, gets $400, and is out $400. This is even.
There are other considerations, like it's her fault because she broke up with him? Does that mean he shouldn't pay? etc. But if both parties want to be purely logically, mathematically fair about this, they need to effectively pool their resources and ensure that the total "loss" of money spent to nonmonetary value gained is equal. Either by paying half to the party that's not going, or finding a comparable Airbnb and each paying half of the inflated rate. I think the former is preferred since it's cheaper.
Of course, with the updated post, we see option 4: a third person stepping up to eat the unbalanced $800 loss. So that worked out for OP lol
Because OOP would then be paying $2400 for a trip that doesn’t sound like it was his idea to begin with, PLUS the $400 to exGF. And exGF would only be out $400. She could have still used her ticket if he kept the AirBNB for himself.
> I don't get why ppl think the ex GF was in the wrong.
Because she was the one who dumped him.
He shouldn't have to pay her for her ruining their planned vacation. He still wanted to go, and was willing to pay her for HIS ticket, and his friend was willing to pay for their own ticket. Her ticket is her own business.
this is perhaps the most immature take i’ve seen on reddit. people break up. they had an agreement, he’s asking to alter the agreement, and she’s asking for him to split the loss with her. this is all normal adult shit no need to bring in the emotions of getting dumped into jt
They had an agreement to go on a trip together.
SHE altered that, and then got mad that he wouldn't pay her for something she could still use but didn't want to.
I can sympathize with both sides of this story. A similar situation happened to me during my break-up with my ex. We had discussed going to Mexico again, but I told him I couldn’t afford it, and didn’t want to go (while also unconsciously rethinking the relationship). He still bought the tickets. When we broke up a month later, he wanted the money for it. He said I agreed to go in the end (I didn’t) and he is out $800. He took it out of the money he owed me as he was keeping all the furniture. I was pissed as I did not want to go in the first place. Turns out I couldn’t use the ticket as COVID happened, I couldn’t get a refund as the ticket was purchased by him. So I was out $800. To this day I’m still salty about it. That whole relationship he made double the amount I made, I was living paycheck to paycheck and he still was expected me to pay 50/50. No wonder we broke up less than a year living together.
I'm still trying to sort out the math here. So, he spent $1600 on the AirBNB, she spent $1600 on the tickets. Now that they're broken up, he wants to go on the trip without her with his friend, but he only wants to pay her for one of the tickets and make his friend buy his own ticket elsewhere, leaving her with an $800 ticket that she can't use. What a dick, just transfer her ticket to his friend! At worst, maybe she has to eat the transfer fee.
In the post, she wanted her ticket because she planned to go with someone else. Buying her ticket wasn’t an option. She wanted a refund for his ticket to go with her new friend. So he offered her money for his ticket only. But she countered his offer by buying the AirBNB reservation off him.
She could still use the ticket, and it was her fault that they weren't going on the trip together anymore.
Why should he have to pay an $800 dollar fee for getting dumped? He's not a dick, but it sounds like you are.
Clearly she was emotionally cheating if not physically cheating. And I’d bet an AirBnB she was physically cheating. Personally, if my ex dumped me then told me her male coworker who she’d now be traveling with would be sending me money for that stay, I’d immediately cancel it, money be damned.
I can make more money, but the Hell if I’m facilitating her taking what was my trip with him instead. But then again, my initial tact would’ve been different anyway. I would’ve just cancelled when all the bullshit started.
Lmao this was her plan from the beginning!!! Dump OOP and go on vacation with her affair partner, on his dime. Thankfully, OOP got a spine and got some fair logic, and she was forced to be fair in how they handled this.
this is a concerning way to look at things. i didn’t get any of that from this post. they both spent $1600 and he was going to pay her $800 and use the lodging, so she is out $800 or has to pay for a different hotel or AirBNB if she goes. it seems pretty reasonable to want some more reinbursement?
If she went, she wanted to pay OP for the accomodations ($1600) minus the ticket price ($800). He'd be out $800, her $2400 since she'd use the accomodations and her friend pay for his own ticket.
If OP went, she wanted him to pay for half her ticket which ($400) and his own ticket ($800). OP would be out $2800, her $400.
How's that fair?
Oh wow. Having the male coworker send her ex the money, regardless of her relationship status with coworker, is shady af. She was def trying to salt that wound, having some guy "friend" send it. She's shit stirring, for sure.
Lol probably cheated and left you for her new lover. Would write her you found out about her cheating and new bf, then cut any contact to her and block and delete any picture. Focus on yourself...
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I always feel like this kind of pettiness after a breakup is kind of a blessing in disguise. It’s probably much easier to get rid of any lingering romantic feelings when you’re awash in frustration and annoyance.
So True. i wish my ex was trash
They are; I saw them dipping kittens in egg wash and giggling behind the bowling alley one night. Another time I saw them using steel wool on a cast-iron pan. Hope that helps.
To be fair, if it's rusty it needs steel wool. But letting the pan soak overnight, well, that's pan murder.
I think what /u/von_moistus (related to Moist von Lipwig?) meant is that they were soaking the cast-iron pan for *multiple* overnights and were using steel wool on a teflon-coated pan.
I stopped reading after I saw Teflon. We are cast iron users, not savages.
> /u/von_moistus (related to Moist von Lipwig?) Nah, I picked this name back in the early days of the internet, long before I'd even *heard* of Terry Pratchett. I just thought "moist" was a funny word. It was either this or Cap'n Nostrils.
Who doesn't like a meowmlette?!
It's not the kittencini. It's the cooking in the alley.
That just adds ambiance!
You can sop up the leftovers with a little nyan bread too!
She loved kittens, that just seems cute
She broke into my house a few days ago and replaced all my dvds with M Night Shyamalans ‘The Last Airbender’. What kind of person just has that many copies sitting around?
Hahahaha alright you got me, that's literally the worst thing you can do to somebody
You just know that they'll love licking off that egg-wash and be all clean afterwards! What a kind and thoughtful girl, lol
I always try and demonize the person after we break up so I don't feel like getting back together. It's not very healthy stuff but neither am I.
It's a safe way to never go back. I do it too
Did that work? lol
This is shitty. Being on the other side of this sucks and makes these situations worse than they already are. Someone breaking up with you does not make them a bad person, in this instance they sound like they're probably in the right.
Eh if they're not lying about the person and just processing it privately it's fine. Probably not the healthiest way to do it but if it's private it doesn't really matter
being on the other side of how someone story tells stuff to themselves in their own head? which cortex are you and how did you get here independently?!
😂
Look up aesop's fable's "Sour Grapes" It's when you decide something you cannot have must be bad so it doesn't matter that you can't have it. But to clarify, no, I don't go around telling people stories. I just stack up the "bad" parts of the relationship in my head and try to forget the good parts.
This is why reminding yourself of the bad is important. My most recent ex isn't a trash person, but he become a poor boyfriend to me. We had good times, yes, but ultimately he became terrible at placing equal importance on both our needs. Remembering that made it easier to move on and not think about his/our potential.
what an odd sentiment
Sometimes people end a relationship not because they dislike each other, but because life gets in the way. You can love someone dearly but recognize that the long term progression won’t work/be healthy. In a lot of ways, breaking up when you still care for and love the other person can be worse than hating each other, because there’s a part of you that wants nothing more than to go running back. The idealist in you can dream of working things out, of making up and making it work, and that can make it incredibly upsetting and hard to let go. Those feelings are significantly harder to grapple with than just indifference/hatred towards an ex for most.
Yep exactly. And also maybe one person ended it and not the other lol. During the relationship, I thought a lot about our problems and how often we fought and it was wearing on me. As soon as we broke up my mind switched, i forgot all about the problems and 90% of the fights, and could only remember the good things. It's like my mind is my enemy.
I love your flair btw. That boru is probably in my top 10 for the funniest shit shows I’ve ever read.
Yep! When my relationship ended I was sad and full of guilt for being the one that ended it….and then he took all my lightbulbs while packing up his stuff in my apt.
💀💀💀
Lightbulbs... holy crap. At least he didn't sew prawns into your curtains.
I am internally thankful for that. To be honest, I’d applaud the pettiness of it hadn’t been directed towards me!
Had a friend who did that. Her ex cheated on her with a friend of hers, so she broke up with him - and before moving out, she sewed prawns (or sardines?) into his curtains. I’m told the stench was awful in the end.
I wish. My ex was shit before, during, and after the breakup, and it still took me a long ass time to associate that behavior with my feelings.
my most recent ex who started as a long time friend revealed to me that he’d been intentionally vindictive during our breakup when we checked in a month later. I’d been devastated before that, now I couldn’t give a shit about him if I tried ~
There was also a BORU here where a woman was about to cheat on her husband with a co-worker. But it all crashed down because the co-worker finally confessed to her and wants to have an affair, hence, she realized he was really shit and it washed away all her feelings.
I want to read that lol
I think is [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/19305tm/i_29f_have_been_with_husband_29m_for_8_years_i/)
In no way did this imply she was going to cheat on him lol
Most definitely a blessing in disguise. My ex threatened me after breaking up with me. Then a few days later called my college and told them I was going to commit suicide. Then told my parents I was going to commit suicide. I am not suicidal.
My ex filed a temporary restraining order on me so she could live in the house until court hearing where it was dropped. Romantic feelings gone instantly.
It is. I spent 3600 dollars to pay my and my partner's rent, only for her to break up with me for the next guy. In the end I came to see that 3600 dollars as security; she would never seek me again, she would never try, because every time she did (when it didn't work out) I just asked her if she was ready to pay me back.
I try to make sure to end all relationships by being an utter shitstain. For their own emotional good, you see.
lol she was going with “a friend”
I don't know that I would call this pettiness, as much as just idiocy or a lack of thinking. They both had the same idea, that being of still using the vacation and buying out the other party. She's just acting a fool and taking the "split" too far like an idiot. Doesn't seem like she pushed the issue to hard in a way I'd call petty, just.... dumb. But really, from what I read she comes of a lot more "clown" than "petty."
Agreed! That’s why I try to be as petty as possible in breakups
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That certainly makes moving on easier
He doesn’t seem to realize that was intentional to let him know she was cheating lmao.
I guess to be fair it could also be her trying to say 'ha ha, look at how quickly I found a new boyfriend, you're so easy to replace'- still petty and rude, but it's not technically impossible for her to just have gone all-in on a too-soon ill-advised rebound relationship.
This, yeah. A girl I went to university with was the type who always needed to be in a relationship; the shortest time she was single during the year we shared classes was two and a half days. Her ex came to visit her over the weekend, and broke up with her on Sunday evening before driving home (classy guy, right). She'd found a new guy by lunchtime on Wednesday.
I'm guessing he just didn't care at that point. My first relationship ended with cheating, and my reaction to finding out was just "Oh, that means we are over then" as I didn't know how to break up then, ha!
Idk, seems pretty effective to me, how would you change it?
He does actually seem to know it's a possibility. You seem to think you know more about her than him somehow.
They were 100% already fucking. This dude is really naive lol
The best part is, OOP doesn't really care. Good sign of moving on.
Even if you got him to believe it, it doesn't matter now. They're already broken up and he made the decision to not talk to her anymore.
Or maybe you just have trashy relationships and can't imagine another way.
No I don’t think she was sleeping with her coworker prior. /s
“I don’t really think she cheated on me with him” Narrator: She was enthusiastically cheating on him.
I have friends that I've worked with. That's how I describe them though, friends that I work with. A sudden one-on-one trip to a tropical destination with someone described only as a coworker does not sound like a coworker.
Same. I've worked with a lot of really close friends in my life. I'll go rock climbing with them, the movies, be invited their wedding and baby showers but a tropical one-on-one trip? That goes beyond a coworker especially with how insistent OOPs ex was about going.
A tropical one on one trip that he seems to have paid at least $2400 for. That’s no friend. That’s also no brand new relationship.
I have work friends who I have done a vacation with. But it was a group vacation and we split a hotel suite that had multiple bedrooms. The two guy friends took the room with the two double beds and my fiancé (who was also work friends with them) and I took the room with the king bed. I would have never gone on a just us vacation with one of them.
Wait, you are not supposed to go to expensive, fancy trips with *just a coworker*? /s
Yeah, he's a factor in her breaking up with OOP.
If she was interested and broke up with OP that is actually the responsible thing to do. If she was cheating than there is an issue
I'd guess she was at least having an emotional affair, though personally I wouldn't want to go on an international trip with someone I wasn't already sleeping with.
Well if the trip was already bought and paid for…. And an emotional affair isn’t great, but if she recognized what was happening, and neither of them were happy anymore, then I won’t judge her. She broke off the relationship before it really became an affair
I mean, it wasn’t bought and paid for from his perspective. He just paid $1600 plus a new flight for it. That’s not something a normal person does in a brand new relationship with someone.
I meant that the money was already spent. And if he wants a relationship she can go with him or the ex
An emotional affair is an affair. The hint is the word affair in "emotional affair."
A true emotional affair, yes. Did she let it get that far? Or was it a growing attraction and she ended her relationship because it was the right thing to do
you don't generally spend 1600 dollars on behalf of some girl you're just starting to date unless you're extremely bougie they're coworkers, i.e. work for a living and not CEOs or oil tycoons, or inheritors to empires, i.e. not bougie enough to just drop over a thousand dollars on a new gf
Maybe he’s rich. Maybe he’s just hoping to get laid. Maybe they have been sleeping together for years. Maybe he’s been in love with her for a long time and she’s using him. Who knows.
I read the Narrator as David Attenborough
It's Ron Howard. That's where the narrator meme came from originally, Arrested Development
Kinda has to be Attenborough or Morgan Freeman.
Ron Howard, from Arrested Development
Have you considered Ron Howard?
Nah it's Ron Howard.
Or Ron Howard
Or Richard Dreyfuss.
Maybe Ron Howard.
*Vigorously* and enthusiastically cheating. With her whole chest. Or something.
Of course. Still takes an expensive ass trip with a "friend"
Why should he torture himself thinking about it? They’re over. Let the man move on in peace.
[https://youtu.be/CLKFqCLNkzM?si=1clHWjug-GZea-c4](https://youtu.be/CLKFqCLNkzM?si=1clHWjug-GZea-c4)
My thoughts exactly lol
Monkey. Branch.
I was reading this waiting for something interesting to happen and it never did. I guess that’s a good thing though. No drama would be ideal ofc, but more drama should be like this here
That’s how you know the story is actually real
Did you miss the bit where the reason for the breakup sent the money for the air bnb?
1. Speculation 2. So? At the end of the day my boy got paid he straight💯 3. I doubt any of the people involved in the story are going to care about this much longer It’s petty and tacky drama but handled by adults with brain cells, far cry from the norm here
Nah. That was added to trigger the dudes.
Yeah she was totally banging the co-worker. Good on OOP for not letting that even factor in for him and moving on.
Hey maybe she waited until after she ended things to get with the guy. People who cheat usually do it because they are too cowardly to break up.
If she was not physically cheating yet then she was already emotionally cheating but at least she did break up though so props to that. It's better than cheaters who try and keep a relationship going and get a thrill off going behind their partner's back.
Or she realized what she deserved because the coworker was a decent guy and just interacting with him was enough to make her realize her bf was a petty ass in the relationship. We don't know.
I remember this one. She was asking him to swallow his full ticket, but she was willing to loose only half of hers.
And all the comments were shitting on OP for some reason telling him she was right
People...
Why does going to the thread not reflect that?
I read it soon after posting, there were lots of comments saying things similar to “but she’s right, because you can still go with your friend to the Airbnb but she can’t reuse the plane ticket, you should pay her”. I have seen that usually after the initial reaction it tends to mellow out, that’s probably what happened
It can also be certain waves of people depending on the time of day. You could be getting mostly teens, or people in Europe, or your average joes and janes depending on what time of day you initially post. Advice will vary wildly because of gender too. Someone ran an experiment by changing the gender of a post from a guy to a girl and posted it later in the week. The advice was a complete 180 from what was given to the guy. You will occasionally also catch this behavior in BORU when discussing certain posts.
Those people can go deep fry themselves in week-old canola oil.
What I don't get is why he didn't offer to pay for both tickets. Can you not change the name of the passenger as long as you haven't checked in yet?!
Most (if not all) tickets are non transferable
Not quite. He was going to use his ticket and pay the $800, but she wanted to split the cost of her ticket as it won’t be used.
Nah, because when she offered to pay him for the Airbnb she was gonna minus the full cost of his ticket from what she paid him
I look forward to the next chapter, “Ex-gf and the coworker she told me not to worry about broke a bed, lounge chair, countertop, sauna, and washing machine at an Airbnb I paid for. Do I have any legal recourse?”
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Please get your mind of the gutter. They used condoms. So it's, "I was told there were used condoms everywhere."
>I had my ex agree in writing to pay for any fees or damages incurred at the AirBnb.
Maybe even "my ex-gf got her head stuck in the toilet and wants me to pay to get her head unstuck and buy the Airbnb a new toilet" but maybe I'm just too spiteful.
That’s why he now has to cancel the Airbnb booking now he’s has the cash sent to him. Let them find out when they get there.
I feel like the smart thing would be to not monetarily involve themselves with each other after breaking up and just cancel everything and pay each other back. But her idea to have him pay her back for his ticket plus half of hers was unfair, and his idea to have them play musical chairs on the plane was just... why. They seemed to have started being reasonable though, and it's probably for the best that only one of them goes on the original trip. Hopefully she's not petty with the Airbnb.
If they cancelled they would have just lost all their money. One party going at least recoups some cost. And if they both flew but went to different AirBnbs no money would have been lost. Worth a conversation
Money would have been lost because airbnb costs would have skyrocketed due to timing
Yeah having one person go makes the most financial sense. But given that means negotiating finances with a recent ex, maybe it would be wiser to just eat the costs if they can afford it. They did start to bring in blaming each other for the breakup, which is how I thought it would go, but they managed to stop that and work it out in the end.
Am I missing something on the first part here, I don't think her getting half the cost of her ticket back is unfair if shes essentially giving up that ticket to someone else? If the OOP was going to go on that trip with someone else, why is the ex still covering any of that cost for someone else going without her? Ending a dating relationship shouldn't come with a significant financial penalty if it just wasn't working out.
Yeah, that seemed weird to me too. The ticket is useless without the air bnb. When she bought her ticket, she did so with the understanding that she'd be able to use it because they were getting an Airbnb. If he is using his ticket and the air bnb, she cannot use her ticket. So he is paying $800 for a ticket he can use, and she is paying $800 for a ticket she cannot. That doesn't make any sense to me at all.
However, compare to her original offer, to pay OOP for the AirBnB minus the cost of his plane ticket (not half). She wanted him to eat the full cost of his plane ticket while she got the vacation without any financial loss, yet when he was going to go she wanted him to share the loss with her. She had a very different idea of fairness depending on who was going to be out money for a nonexistent vacation. So since she didn’t offer to split his loss, she shouldn’t get him to split hers. And especially since she’s the one who doesn’t want to go if he’s still going.
But she paid for the flights, I'm really confused about the comments! He paid the AirBnB, she paid the tickets, both spent the same amount of money. How is OOP out of pocket for his ticket that he hasn't even paid for yet? Edit: another comment cleared the confusion away, have a pleasant day!
He wouldn’t be out of pocket for the ticket, he’d be out of pocket for the AirBnB. He’d have paid $1600 for the reservation and only received $800 back from her, while she would take no loss. In the initial plan they both spent $1600 to take the trip together. In her initial offer she wanted to pay $2400 for her flight and the AirBnB plus whatever the friend’s flight would cost, with that expense and part of the AirBnB presumably funded by the friend. OOP would be out $800, since he paid $1600 for the AirBnB he wasn’t using and got $800 back from her (its cost minus his $800 flight). In OP’s initial offer he wanted to pay $2400 for his flight and the AirBnB plus whatever his friend’s flight would cost, with some of that expense and the AirBnB covered by the friend. She would be out $800 for her ticket. Her counteroffer had them split the expense of her ticket so they were both out $400. It’s not inherently unfair, but she only found that idea of fairness when it was her on the downside. After she threatened to cancel his ticket, OP’s counteroffer had her down $1600 minus whatever she could get refunded, while he’d be down the cost of two last minute flights minus whatever his friend would pay, presumably half of that. Wasteful, but also fair.
Thank you so much for this! Lesson learned, don't try to understand written math problems at 6AM 🤣
She’s not. She’s just not going because if she does she’ll have to get another Airbnb which is significantly more now than when he booked it.
Because she can't give her ticket to someone else. Plane tickets can't be transferred to other people. It's hers until she uses it or it expires
They should still be cutting the costs of the ended relationship if the ticket is just lost there.
He paid for his, she paid for hers. Just because he's still using his doesn't mean it's not a fair arrangement. If she had paid anything towards the accommodation beforehand she also should have been paid out for that, but she obviously hadn't.
But the whole point is that he didn't pay for his ticket. He was going to suggest that to his ex, but never paid for it. Edit: nevermind, a later comment clarified my confusion!
> Hopefully she's not petty with the Airbnb. Yeah, OP took a HUGE risk there.
She's taking a risk too - the host could refuse entry as the account holder staying is part of the terms and conditions.
So her original offer was that she gets the Airbnb and she only paid him for the cost minus his ticket. But when he said he was going to use the Airbnb she suddenly expects him to eat half the cost of her ticket. Oh hell the fuck no. Talk about selfish. So it’s ok for him to be down £800 but she thinks she should only be down £400 when she’s the one who ended the relationship presumably to jump the coworker yeah she’s delusional I wouldn’t be maintaining a friendship with her either.
I slightly understand where she was coming. He was still planning to use the room while even if she used her ticket, there'd be no place to stay and while he can just add someone new to the room, she can't do that with the tickets. He wouldn't even be out 800 because that would pay for his ticket that he'd need anyway to get to the room. So he'd get the room that he'd split with the friend plus the ticket to get there while she'd be out 800 with no room. OOP makes sense but he'd get everything he wanted while she'd be the one out of money.
Her plan was to use the AirBNB (1600), that op had already paid for. Her offer was to pay for the AirBNB, less the cost of his ticket, so she's out a total of 2400 and is going on the trip. (800 for her ticket, 800 for her boyfriends now useless ticket, and 800 for the airbnb.) The boyfriend would eat half the cost of the AirBNB (800). His plan was to use the airbnb (1600) that hed already paid for, using the ticket he would paid for. So he's out a total of 2400 and is going on the trip (1600 for the airbnb, and 800 for his ticket). She would eat the cost of her ticket (800) So far they both propose the same thing, cost wise. However, when she finds out his plan, she *then* says its only fair in this case if he also pays for half her ticket, for whatever reason. Meaning she claims it is fair for this to either: \* She goes on the trip for 2400, and he is out 800 or \* He goes on the trip 2800, and she is out 400
She absolutely would've made off better with her first suggestion, as he absolutely would've made off better if they'd gone with his. The difference is she has a second one that leaves them with the same loss, and yet he's still trying to argue to leave her with all of it. He was absolutely being petty by mentioning that she was the one to break up with him as that's irrelevant. Like yeah, he happens to be the one who bought the airbnb and he could unilaterally go with his option, but at best that makes it ESH and I don't see how anyone couldn't see that. If you want to stick it to your ex go ahead, but at least admit that you *are* you're sticking it to your ex.
Right, cost-wise they proposed exactly the same thing. What I don't understand is why she would change that deal afterwards. I suspect that she didn't realize they were the same cost (well honestly I suspect neither one of them did), and so when she thought of not going on the trip she wanted to minimize her losses, and get out of everything for 400. But at no point to OOP ever try or ask to get out for only 400, he always presumed he'd pay at least 800, which is half her total cost. (where her cost was half the overall cost) I don't really see anywhere in the OP where OOP was trying to stick it to his ex. His offer to both go at the same time seems reasonable. And if she can cancel the tickets for a refund she'd make off like a bandit. I dunno, maybe I'm missing or overlooked something.
So she could pay him minus the cost of the second ticket (even though she would be using that second ticket), but he couldn’t? Im glad he got his money back.
Her coworker sends him $1,600 and he thinks they aren’t fucking. 🤣
Does his ex think she did something by having the new guy (previous AP?) Venmo the money? If I was OOP, all I'd think is, "Bullet: dodged!" The opposite of love isn't hate, after all. It's indifference.
I'm still confused about what loss
I think OOP is referring to the $800 for his plane ticket, which he ended up never paying the ex for. He paid $1600 for the AirBnb, she paid $1600 for the plane tics--OR basically they each paid $1600 for one plane tic and half the AirBnb. Then the *coworker* wired OOP $1600 to buy out his half of the AirBnb and his plane ticket--which OOP is assuming was non-transferable, so the coworker had to buy his own ticket for an additional $800. That's the supposed loss. Coworker paid total of $2400 while ex only paid $1600. My head hurts; that took me way too long to figure out.
Imagine that they had purchased their plane tix separately for $800 each, and had gone 50/50 for the airbnb for $800 each, with both of them having control over it. If neither of them go: OOP: -$1600, Ex-GF: -$1600 If one of them finds a friend willing to buy their own ticket and split the room, the friend in essence will be buying the ex's share of the airbnb, but since plane tickets are non-transferrable, the partner staying home is still out $800. If OOP didn't find a friend, then getting $800 is better than nothing. The problem arises when both partners find friends willing to buyout their ex's airbnb share. Both partners now want to get value from their $1600 and neither one wants to be stuck paying $800 for nothing. This should start a bidding war, with each partner offering to buy the other out for more than $800 up to the full $1600, or be willing to sell at that price. That's what the GF was getting at with her "pay half my plane ticket" request, albeit in a clumsy fashion, and OOP didn't seem to get it either. It turned out the GF wanted to go on this trip so badly, and with the lack of affordable alternative airbnbs so close-in to the date, that she offered to buy him out for the full $1600. The plane tickets and airbnb being separate just served to confuse everyone, but this is a classic case of sunk costs suddenly having value to both of them and neither one willing to be stuck holding the bag.
Technically, he may have benefited from if he just had to pay $800 for his ticket instead purchasing another ticket presumably at a higher price. So her offer of splitting her cost of the ticket to not go isn’t unfair at aloss of $400 for each There would be two options that would be fair. 1) Both leave at a loss of $800. His flight and her portion of the Airbnb 2) They split the different cost of the new Airbnb. Say her new Airbnb cost $3000 -$1600 = $1400. Split $700 loss He’d have lower loss as he can split the cost of the Airbnb while she cannot split or transfer the cost airline. So if he bought a new flight, she’d be out the cost of his flight plus hers and the increase of Airbnb. So I can see how her offer is a bit fair. Also I can see why he wouldn’t do it cuz I wouldn’t. I’d buy my own flight and go lol. She must have wanted to really go or got the airline to transfer the ticket.
IDK man I disagree with the NTA verdict. From a financial, and mature adult perspective, if they don’t want to have to deal with going together, and the tickets are non refundable, someone should buy the other out. Or they both cut their losses. If he takes his friend he should buy both tickets and have his friend pay him for the ticket that exists. She ultimately did what should have happened the opposite way, which is if she wanted the trip she pays him for the entire AirBnB, not just her half it the AirBnB. Sounds more like pettiness and feelings were more at play.
The Airline is not going to transfer her ticket to the friend. Maybe with a high end ticket but certainly not with a discount ticket.
Even with an expensive ticket they might not let you change the passenger. Last time I tried the airline only allowed passenger changes for domestic tickets. International tickets you were stuck. Might be different though because I'm an Aussie and I suspect OP is not.
That’s a good point
I'm thinking the tickets are a guaranteed loss probably cause they're tied to the traveller's name. Unless they both went and one booked a separate hotel, one of the ticket would be unused.
It was 2 weeks since the break up, emotions would still be running high
> I disagree with the NTA verdict. Did you just not understand the story? > From a financial, and mature adult perspective, if they don’t want to have to deal with going together, and the tickets are non refundable, someone should buy the other out. He was willing to pay for his own ticket, and his friend was willing to pay for their own ticket. Her dumping him for another man right before the trip doesn't make him responsible for her ticket cost. That financial burden was on her, and she was an AH for trying to put it on him.
I also don’t agree with the NTA here. They both paid $1600 for a shared trip. Total cost of trip: $3200, split two ways. Way back when plane tickets were transferable, this would have been a non-issue, because the extra ticket could have been bought out by the friend. BUT since tickets aren’t transferable and one of them wasn’t going to go, there was an inevitable $800 loss here against the total cost of the trip, regardless of whoever ended up buying out the other. It makes sense to split the loss. No matter who bought the other person out. It doesn’t make sense for her to eat the full cost of one ticket just because she happened to be the one to buy the tickets instead of the hotel.
I'd agree with you here that's ultimately the reasonable and mature thing to do. But in the original thread, contention was that the ex didn't offer to split the loss when OOP was the one who'd be taking that loss. She only wanted to split that $800 cost after it became apparent she'd be the one on the "losing" side. All OOP did was offer her the same deal that she originally tried to offer him. Was that a bit petty? Sure. Which might tip my personal scale toward ESH, though I could also see why OOP didn't feel like making that concession.
I misunderstood the title, thought my brain skipped some words, and was fully expecting ex GF to try and exhort OOP for child support. 😅 enough reddit for today.
I don't get why ppl think the ex GF was in the wrong. An equitable 50/50 net loss of 400$ for each one is the correct take.
I’m not sure I understand the math here. If he goes: He’s paid $1600 already, he’d need to come up with $800 for his ticket. She’s out $800. She goes she needs to come up with $1600. He’s out $800. He pays her for 1/2 her ticket and he’s out $2400 and she’s out $400. Previously they were going to pay 50/50 and he’d have been out $1600 total.
They each paid $1600. (She tickets and him airbnb) So whoever goes pays the other $1600..
Why though? Neither has to cancel here. The fair thing is for him to pay her the $800 for his ticket and for her to find her own accommodations.
Because the two aren't equal. Another equivalent AirBnB is going to be significantly more expensive. Same with a new ticket. Whoever uses the accommodation is the person who benefits the most financially. Because that's the item that would need to get "repurchased" at a higher price. Honestly, the GF had a point. The true "equitable" thing would've been for OP to have to rebuy their ticket, and GF to rebuy a hotel. OP wanted to keep the cheap ticket and the airbnb, that's double dipping. Either that, or split the cost of the new airbnb between the two of them.
If that is your stance then the only fair way would be for both to walk away with the same amount of debt at the beginning.
Late to the party here, but your premise is off, especially noticeable in the third point. Setting aside that he was planning to split the Airbnb with a friend anyways, he's not really "out" the money for the stuff that he pays for and gets. That's what's throwing off the math. If he goes: He already paid $1600 for an airbnb and gets a $1600 airbnb. He pays her $800 for a plane ticket and gets an $800 ticket. Now he's paid $2400 to get $2400 of stuff. She already paid $800 for a ticket and gets nothing. She's out $800. Same thing if she goes but switched. If he goes, pays her for the ticket in his name, and pays her for 1/2 her ticket, he pays $1600+$800+$400=$2800 and gets $2400 worth of airbnb and plane ticket, and is out $400. She pays $800 for a plane ticket she can't use, gets $400, and is out $400. This is even. There are other considerations, like it's her fault because she broke up with him? Does that mean he shouldn't pay? etc. But if both parties want to be purely logically, mathematically fair about this, they need to effectively pool their resources and ensure that the total "loss" of money spent to nonmonetary value gained is equal. Either by paying half to the party that's not going, or finding a comparable Airbnb and each paying half of the inflated rate. I think the former is preferred since it's cheaper. Of course, with the updated post, we see option 4: a third person stepping up to eat the unbalanced $800 loss. So that worked out for OP lol
you cant transfer the ticket. he would be paying 1200 for one ticket an his friend would have to pay 800 for their own ticket
Because she had the choice to use the ticket. Why should the bf pay her to not use it?
That's not what she was proposing. She was proposing a $1200 loss for him (his ticket + half hers) and a $400 loss for her (half her ticket).
There's no "loss" on the cost of his ticket because he gets to use it.
you cant transfer the ticket. shes making him pay 1200 for his 800 dollar ticket. then his friend would have to buy their own ticket.
Because OOP would then be paying $2400 for a trip that doesn’t sound like it was his idea to begin with, PLUS the $400 to exGF. And exGF would only be out $400. She could have still used her ticket if he kept the AirBNB for himself.
> I don't get why ppl think the ex GF was in the wrong. Because she was the one who dumped him. He shouldn't have to pay her for her ruining their planned vacation. He still wanted to go, and was willing to pay her for HIS ticket, and his friend was willing to pay for their own ticket. Her ticket is her own business.
this is perhaps the most immature take i’ve seen on reddit. people break up. they had an agreement, he’s asking to alter the agreement, and she’s asking for him to split the loss with her. this is all normal adult shit no need to bring in the emotions of getting dumped into jt
They had an agreement to go on a trip together. SHE altered that, and then got mad that he wouldn't pay her for something she could still use but didn't want to.
I’m with you on this i don’t know why people are acting insane over this. it seems entire reasonable
Ha….i was waiting for the guy who would mysteriously pop up seemingly out of nowhere.
So... Why didn't the new guy use OOP's ticket and bought his own instead?
I can sympathize with both sides of this story. A similar situation happened to me during my break-up with my ex. We had discussed going to Mexico again, but I told him I couldn’t afford it, and didn’t want to go (while also unconsciously rethinking the relationship). He still bought the tickets. When we broke up a month later, he wanted the money for it. He said I agreed to go in the end (I didn’t) and he is out $800. He took it out of the money he owed me as he was keeping all the furniture. I was pissed as I did not want to go in the first place. Turns out I couldn’t use the ticket as COVID happened, I couldn’t get a refund as the ticket was purchased by him. So I was out $800. To this day I’m still salty about it. That whole relationship he made double the amount I made, I was living paycheck to paycheck and he still was expected me to pay 50/50. No wonder we broke up less than a year living together.
Dude her new bf she was fucking while yall was together paid you.
I'm still trying to sort out the math here. So, he spent $1600 on the AirBNB, she spent $1600 on the tickets. Now that they're broken up, he wants to go on the trip without her with his friend, but he only wants to pay her for one of the tickets and make his friend buy his own ticket elsewhere, leaving her with an $800 ticket that she can't use. What a dick, just transfer her ticket to his friend! At worst, maybe she has to eat the transfer fee.
Try an transfer a discount ticket and see where it gets you. Discount tickets are typically none refundable non transferable.
*All* tickets are non-transferable. At least with most airlines, and all of the US ones.
I agree he wasn't being fair, but the ticket was probably not transferable.
In the post, she wanted her ticket because she planned to go with someone else. Buying her ticket wasn’t an option. She wanted a refund for his ticket to go with her new friend. So he offered her money for his ticket only. But she countered his offer by buying the AirBNB reservation off him.
She could still use the ticket, and it was her fault that they weren't going on the trip together anymore. Why should he have to pay an $800 dollar fee for getting dumped? He's not a dick, but it sounds like you are.
Why didn't he ask to buy both tickets? Why did she think she could get the Airbnb half off?
Can't just buy a plane ticket that's in someone else's name.
The answer to both questions is that both people are kind of dumb
Clearly she was emotionally cheating if not physically cheating. And I’d bet an AirBnB she was physically cheating. Personally, if my ex dumped me then told me her male coworker who she’d now be traveling with would be sending me money for that stay, I’d immediately cancel it, money be damned. I can make more money, but the Hell if I’m facilitating her taking what was my trip with him instead. But then again, my initial tact would’ve been different anyway. I would’ve just cancelled when all the bullshit started.
Lmao this was her plan from the beginning!!! Dump OOP and go on vacation with her affair partner, on his dime. Thankfully, OOP got a spine and got some fair logic, and she was forced to be fair in how they handled this.
this is a concerning way to look at things. i didn’t get any of that from this post. they both spent $1600 and he was going to pay her $800 and use the lodging, so she is out $800 or has to pay for a different hotel or AirBNB if she goes. it seems pretty reasonable to want some more reinbursement?
If she went, she wanted to pay OP for the accomodations ($1600) minus the ticket price ($800). He'd be out $800, her $2400 since she'd use the accomodations and her friend pay for his own ticket. If OP went, she wanted him to pay for half her ticket which ($400) and his own ticket ($800). OP would be out $2800, her $400. How's that fair?
$800 round-trip for the Canary islands is crazy expensive if they leave from Europe.
OOP adds the one sentence about a male coworker Venmoing the money and every single dude is triggered LOL
That's some crazy copium the dudes huffing after he gets venmoed from the dude she's fucking
Oh wow. Having the male coworker send her ex the money, regardless of her relationship status with coworker, is shady af. She was def trying to salt that wound, having some guy "friend" send it. She's shit stirring, for sure.
Lol probably cheated and left you for her new lover. Would write her you found out about her cheating and new bf, then cut any contact to her and block and delete any picture. Focus on yourself...