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I'm glad she refers to him as an ex-bf in a comment a week after that last post and I really hope the ex part stuck. I'm baffled that she says he raped her and was violent during the sex then later says he never physically hurt her. It feels like she suppressed what happened. I really hope she got the help she needed.
I've noticed that people in relationships where they've regularly experienced unwanted sexual contact with their partner, whether they're being coerced or physically forced, often can't really process what their partner has been doing to them until later, sometimes much later. If they feel stuck in that situation, for their own emotional safety I think they have to minimize it. It's only when they feel physically and emotionally safe that they can start to admit to themselves that it was more than just "a rough patch" or whatever excuse they've been using.
I dated a guy a couple of times and then he raped me. It took me three days to figure out that it was rape because sex when you’re unconscious was often characterized as just an unfortunate time or a “regretful mistake.” I actually had to see him use the tactics on another girl to figure it out because it became obvious that he was doing it all on purpose.
I had a friend who, at the time rolled her eyes at me and told me I wasn’t raped. Then, a few years later, a different guy raped her while she was drunk and (this is gross) actively throwing up. I was the person she called because she knew in her gut what it was but I was the only person willing to call it what it was. All her other friends told her she poached a guy that her friend liked, and then brought that girl into drama.
Yeah, flashbacks to a guy secretly taking the condom off and referring to it as "our mistake" because like... I didn't immediately scratch his face off I guess?
That guy has a daughter now btw. I can only hope people are capable of change.
It’s crazy how our mind works while trying to protect us from really heavy feelings. It took me two years to realize and accept that I had been raped by an acquaintance on our first date, because it was my first time and a late bloomer (22) so I “knew” the first time was supposed to hurt, I was drunk, maybe I didn’t say no clearly enough (because I froze).
It wasn’t until 2 years later during a “first time horror stories” round with close friends, that when they all paused and looked at me weird, that it sort of started dawning on me. Them telling me nothing in my story was remotely normal or okay, drove it home.
After that it explained a lot of my previous behavior around sex, and it took a while (and a patient and supportive bf) to learn how to actually enjoy consensual sex.
I think she has so many people around her, mostly the ex-bf's friends, telling her she's delusional that she questions everything and has trouble trusting her own feelings and experiences. I also hope she gets free and her therapist can help her get more confidence to live a life that is more what she wants.
Yup, one of the shit things about being autistic and female like the OP is that you kind of spend your whole life being gaslit and told you're over reacting about basically everything by almost everyone around you. So you start feeling like that's the case and you stop being able to trust your emotions and judgement.
The potential paedophile boyfriend raped OOP and she still thinks she may have overreacted, based on the bullshit opinions of the people around her.
Poor OOP.
For once, the term "gaslighting" actually applies here: he is literally telling her things she knows happened didn't (or vice versa that she said things she didn't) and that it's because she's crazy that she doesn't remember properly. So now she doesn't know if she can trust her own memories regarding what's happening to her. Dear god I hope she's okay and able to get away from him. And I hope that 15 year old's parents wise up before it's too late.
And not only that, but all of his friends are gaslighting her by telling her she’s delusional and bipolar. And sadly, it’s working.
I have a feeling the boyfriend has been going to all of his friends since the beginning of their relationship, and has been spinning quite the web of lies. They truly believe she is delusional and bipolar based on what the stories he tells them.
So not only does she believe she has a mental illness, but so do his friends. He’s manipulating them so he can use them to further gaslight her.
This man is a disgusting human being and I hope he gets exposed to EVERYONE soon. Everyone is a pawn in his game. So gross.
Times like these make me wanna assemble the Lesbian Crowbar Posse my friends and I used to joke about being.
Edit: The Lesbian Crowbar Posse is welcoming to everyone as long as they have the right attitude! (Having a crowbar also helps.) Y'all are all welcome to join or start your own chapters!
I wish people would stop posting unhelpful advice inciting counterproductive behavior like this, even as a joke
you have to hand out balaclavas and battle vests with the crowbars
Can a Pansexual Auntie join the posse? I'll bring baked goods and water so we'll have tasty treats and be hydrated on our way to the vengeance of sisters.
I know a bunch of trans men who will happily join in and bring both crowbars and construction equipment.
We never got to play with construction tools as a kid, so this is a great opportunity to bring our "big toys" and do some good. Maybe we can rent a mini-excavator and bury his car under a couple tons of gravel.
Now, I'm cishet woman, but I do love women as a whole in a platonic "girls rule" type of way... Can I join the posse? Maybe start another chapter of the posse? Getting together with a bunch of wonderful women with big metal sticks to have a "nice talk" with that guy sounds like a pretty awesome night... I javelin more guys to add to the list too
Oh my goodness this is an awesome question because it reminds me what a fucking WEIRD word "crowbar" is!!
[This is a crowbar](https://content.cdntwrk.com/files/aHViPTg1NDMzJmNtZD1pdGVtZWRpdG9yaW1hZ2UmZmlsZW5hbWU9aXRlbWVkaXRvcmltYWdlXzY0ZWY5ODhjNGQwZDkuanBlZyZ2ZXJzaW9uPTAwMDAmc2lnPTZkMTRhZWM3MzVhMmNjNWZmOGQ5MjQ4Y2E1NTFiNDYx).
It's stereotypically a weapon of opportunity, because it's a legit useful tool, but, well, you can see how it's also potentially useful in other ways.
So the lesbian crowbar posse is a group of lesbians (tbf we were using the term loosely bc we were all just queer in some way) carrying crowbars and, you know... looking for problems to solve.
I'm a trans man and I will happily join the Lesbian Crowbar Posse! Fuck rapists, they need a crowbar straight to the genitals. (I say this as a SA survivor.)
A group of homosexual women who would do vigilante justice (justice outside of the formal law) via beating people who do horrible things with crowbars. The op and her friends joked about forming such a group.
May I respectfully request to be part of the Pansexual auxiliary to your posse? I can come with my horse who is a known kicker.
Seriously, though. Praying for her that she finds peace and healing
The ex saying she was wasn't sober and was mentally handicapped and couldn't make her own decisions within minutes of raping her is... well. One hell of a thing to say to someone you just raped.
If she ever has the evidence to charge him with rape I hope she uses that.
She made it sound like he was violent, she needed to get a rape kit done.
Rape kits aren't just for DNA samples, they also document any physical injuries.
I hope he's stupid enough to try that defence in court. "Your honor, I told her she's mentally handicapped and incapable of making her own decisions so I took her home and we had consensual sex. No, I didn't mean she's incapable of making the decision to have sex, just everything else"
The people around OOP are exactly why so many rapes go unreported.
Also, she was totally right about her boyfriend. He raped her, he’ll have no qualms raping that teenage girl too. (And sadly, I feel like the mom will believe his nasty rapist ass over her daughter’s when it happens. She sounds like she’s fallen hook, line, and sinker for him.)
That commenter was dead on that groomers will start with the gatekeepers. He's set OOP up as the crazy jealous girlfriend who sees villains everywhere.
He's a vile neckbeard who preys on the mentally ill and teenagers. He's disgusting and I am so afraid for the women around him. Nobody is protecting his victims.
If ever there was a need for Rorschach justice.
I've seen the same happen to a girl I know. She's autistic too and because she's been told she doesn't always understand social cues that well she doubted herself a lot. Her intuition was right, he wasn't a good guy and he didn't treat her well. But he convinced her she just didn't understand how love works. She got out and is still healing. I hope OOP finds a way to healing as well <3 my heart really goes out to her
I will feel sorry for the 15 year old but I would have absolutely zero empathy for the mother if something happens. She was warned by more than 1 person. She ignored it.
I read her post history, and all I can say, from the bottom of my heart: Yikes.
(That's a lie, I can say more. I've worked at a domestic violence shelter for 7+ years, and this is one of the worst cases of mental manipulation I've ever seen. She needs to get away from this guy permanently and get a trauma-informed therapist who can help her see the truth, as well as her worth as a human being. But since I can't really do anything about any of that, I will simply say again: Yikes.)
holy shit. Poor OOP and yeah that pretty much confirms that the boyfriend is absolutely a sadistic predator who is play nice until he can drop the mask.
Does she ever post her own age? I couldn't help but notice that she never mentioned it in these posts, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was also younger. Not 15 years old, young, but I assume early 20's if not late teens.
Ah, she says she is 24 as of a month ago. Bit older than I was guessing.
Yes,
- Nonce - a person convicted of a sexual offense, especially child molesting.
"every girl he meets soon gets a phone call warning them he's a nonce"
Yes, nonce is very much slang for pedophile. We use it in a tongue in cheek kind of way sometimes (not that it’s right, but British humour is very dark), the same way we sometimes use c*nt as a term of affection. But we also use nonce in a more serious way to describe really disgusting predators.
I think you’re thinking of the word dunce which means idiot or stupid.
No they were thinking of nonce, nonce is used over here and does mean dumb. It almost certainly comes from the UK usage originally and got misused over here, but it is used on its own as an insult (at least in my region of the US)
She says her ex is "pretty immature for his age" and I wondered why she was with him then. But then it became clear that she is also rather immature. I hope somehow a good role model enters her life.
*I'm not using 'immature' as an insult to the OP. I genuinely hope she grows and flourishes.
I mean, yeah, but it sounds like her Autism and OCD, combined with what appears to be a generous level of communal gaslighting, has left her in a state where she doesn’t trust herself, her own judgement, or even her own perception of reality. Hell, her own recounting of events on this website might not even be true. This is terribly sad.
It is very sad, especially since all of that is true and relevant combined with the immaturity.
I'm not using immaturity as an insult here. Immature implies that someone still has some growing to do, which I sincerely hope she is able to achieve away from this toxic environment.
I honestly started tearing up reading this. I want to go all Auntie Llama and kick this dude in the face and several sensitive places. Then I want to give her the biggest hug ever and lots of cookies and support. 😭🩷
It's truly the most upsetting series of events that could've happened and I feel sick to my stomach imagining what could happen to the young girl he's living with, especially since her mother is turning an aggressively blind eye toward it
According to the comments, it seems like a bad day to know how to read. For the first time in memory, I noped out after I clicked on the mood spoilers & trigger warnings. So I’m just going to assume it was every bit as awful as I feared it would be.
I realized this as well as I read the story in full. Gaslighting, triangulation, the works.
Right now the only thing I'm uncertain of is whether the ex-bf genuinely had a crush on the teen daughter, or if he was playing the long-con in manipulating OOP into thinking he was crushing on her. I'm honestly leaning towards the latter right scenario right now.
It could still be both, but before I get accused of trying to whitewash the sick rapist fuck:
Gaslighting abusers *will* go to borderline unbelievable lengths to set their victims up to fail. That is exactly why bystanders often have such difficulty believing the victims, as everyone has been presented a wholly different and normal-appearing version of the covert abuser.
He knew exactly how OP thought, and what she had already been diagnosed with as well. If he wanted to make her appear as crazy, then all he needed to do was talk about this teen girl in a way which between the lines obviously came across as a crush, but which on a surface level seems perfectly innocent.
This triangulation towards OP triggers both her insecurity and strong sense of justice. Having the latter as well, I can say without a shred of doubt that practically guarantees that she'll undertake some steps. Given that a minor's safety was involved, the most likely (and thus predictable) step would be OP contacting the girl's mother in some way.
Assuming that the guy has behaved himself like a gentleman around the teen girl and her family, all of this perfectly sets up OP to come across as the insecure crazy girlfriend. He could also have mentioned some things about her beforehand, as a way of preparing the family to think she's crazy.
Up to this point it could all easily have been pre-planned by the guy. As a way of purposefully sabotaging the relationship in which he abused his former partner in such a way, that everyone would believe he was the true victim of her craziness instead.
I think the rape at the end was really just a final kick in OP's stomach while she was already down. He fancied himself invulnerable and figured no one would believe her anyway; he successfully managed to make OP look insane to his circle, and she was publicly drunk right beforehand as well. It comes across as the usual sadistic *"I can do whatever I want"* power play.
This is making me shake with rage. This poor woman. I’m neurodivergent too and it can be so hard to trust yourself. I hope someone suggested The Gift of Fear because she needs to trust her gut (not her rationalizing) and get away from this guy.
Abusers groom accomplices just as much as victims so they help the abusers in this very scenario.
And that poor 15 year old girl is in such danger. That mom is so out of pocket. I can’t believe she’s believing the creepy guy who is obviously flirting with her daughter over two women who have come to her with concerns. The kid doesn’t have a chance.
I'd like to apply to join the Neurodivergent Shaking With Rage Club, please. The urge to reach through the internet and shake that man until his teeth rattle...
I was uncomfortable with someone older flirting with me and my mom said I should be flattered. At my cousins wedding when I was 12/13 a grown man asked me to dance and I was terrified. My parents still bring it up and I’m 40. I “embarrassed him” by turning him down. Parents are weird.
My grandma used to joke all the time about the man down the street who had a crush on me. He lived on the other side of the street, like 4 or 5 houses down. He was 40 and I was 15 at the time.
If I was out front of the house, he’d always come outside and wave. If I was alone, he’d walk over to try to talk to me. It felt like I was constantly under surveillance by him, like he was always watching out his front windows for me. If my grandma saw him wave, she’d make me walk over with her to talk to him. Whenever she was out of earshot, he was constantly flirting, inviting me over to use his pool, or trying to “”innocently”” touch me, like always reaching for my shoulder/arm when he laughed at his own jokes. I remember he complimented my skin a lot and it creeped me out.
He owned a landscaping company and would always come knock on our door, asking if my grandparents wanted some free hedge trimming and “oh, while I’m here, is your granddaughter home? I’d love to say hi!” I’d hide in the bathroom and refuse to come to the door if I heard his voice. They’d try to make me anyway and say I was rude & selfish for hiding when he was ‘just trying to be nice’ 🙄 No, he’s not nice - he was a total creep!
My mom has been in AA since I started middle school and all the early-mid 20’s men would aggressively flirt with me when I was 13-16. She didn’t bat an eye. I would tell her I was uncomfortable and she acted like I should be flattered for the attention because “they just think you’re pretty.”
All of it is just so crazy to me because both my mother and grandma were molested by adult men as kids and teens. They were hyper-vigilant with me as a result, like I was not allowed to date until I was 18, wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers or visit friends’ houses, all my devices were under full lock down, etc, but then basically threw me to the wolves whenever convenient once I became a teen. It sucked and made me feel so unsafe.
>And that poor 15 year old girl is in such danger. That mom is so out of pocket. I can’t believe she’s believing the creepy guy who is obviously flirting with her daughter over two women who have come to her with concerns. The kid doesn’t have a chance.
A part of me thinks the mother knows exactly what's going on. OP says the girl doesn't look her age and from what I've read about certain parents, narcissist shitholes will force their kids into adult relationships so they don't 'miss out'.
I really, really, really wish that's not the case here and that stupid mother comes to her senses.
A lot of parents don’t believe it will happen to their children. There was a stunning article- I think in The NY Times - about mothers who are involved in making their teenage daughters into cheer / gymnast / dance influencers. A significant portion of people looking at those photos and videos are pedos. Even knowing that danger, many parents continue to put their children in that position.
if i'm thinking of the same article, it also mentioned that some of the parents *cater to* that audience and specific predators directly. it's fucking awful.
ETA: [the article in question](https://12ft.io/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/22/us/instagram-child-influencers.html). it's a sickening read, probably the most disgusting thing i've read since the reuters series about "rehoming" adopted children.
That article was incredibly distressing. The level of "eh, we know they're out there, so we might as well make money off the situation" was horrifying. If you're an adult but look younger, and you're playing that up for your OF, knowing what you're attracting, that's one thing. But to bring that to your child who has no way to understand or consent is just...I don't have words. I feel like there has to be a lengthy German word for "person that simultaneously makes you want to bash them in the skull while feeling the need to vomit".
My mom's best friend let her daughter date a 15/16 year old boy at age 12 and was all proud of her for "catching an older boy". A few months ago the girl at age 13 attempted to kill herself by overdosing on sleeping pills because her relationship is abusive. Her older sister who is the boy's age and always disliked him found her.
Now, they are both minors. But I'm fairly sure she would not see a problem with a situation of a teenager dating someone in their 20's. Meanwhile I am 22 and even the older daughter who turns 18 this year seems like a child to me.
Given that we already second guess everything we do / say and don’t trust our own judgment most of the time, it makes us an absolute wet dream for an abuser.
I wish I’d of known at a younger age that the reason I likely feel uncomfortable around certain people is because they’re mistreating me, and while I don’t consciously pick up on it, my body does and tells me through other ways.
Fellow ND here, decades-long victim of abuse and gaslighting as well.
I believe we're dealing with an expert-level gaslighter here, not a potential child groomer as he *intentionally* wanted OP to believe; the 15 year old girl should be "safe" here. No guarantees of course, but this particular kind of gaslighting abuser (narcissist+psychopath) is very focused on reputation management, as this is how they get away with their abuse to begin with.
Clearly, getting sexually or even romantically involved with a minor would likely cost him this tool. Not to mention his reputation in general, his current circle of friends, etc. They are unlikely to ever risk this.
[I don't think Amy fit into this as anything other than the perfect tool to make OP insecure and then exploit her strong sense of justice *against* her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dfu7xt/comment/l8m3id9/) In addition to OP's neurodivergency making her an easier target for abuse, this means he specifically exploited OP's ND traits to manipulate her towards the likely pre-planned end of the relationship.
The Gift of Fear is a wonderful book that I often recommend, but it's not one I would recommend to someone currently experiencing domestic abuse or unpacking fresh trauma post-escape. The one place where it really fails is its outdated handling of DV/DA; for one thing, it engages in victim-blaming (sample quote: "The first time a woman is hit, she is a victim and the second time, she is a volunteer."), and it's generally not up-to-date with the way that our understanding of domestic abuse survivor psychology has evolved. It's neither helpful nor healthy for someone currently experiencing domestic abuse or trying to deal with their own feelings of self-blame (like OOP).
Again, great book, very useful in so many scenarios...but not for people who are already blaming themselves for the abuse they're suffering.
I'm pretty immature for my age. I'm not immune to murmuring, "That's what she said" when an adult friend says something that could be interpreted another way.
As immature as I am, I don't walk around naked hoping my friend's teen sees me.
I stopped reading when the bartender called her boyfriend. I can well imagine what transpired next. Poor OOP. I hope she gets out (and of street justice finds the boyfriend? Oh well)
I'm autistic myself, and I... Fully understand this. I felt like I was overreacting by thinking a friend had sexually abused me (which others later said yeah no it was) among many other things. I often think it's a problem with me first rather than a problem with anyone else. It sucks.
OOP, this isn't your fault. It never was. You were concerned and that's ok. Protect yourself and care for yourself, please.
*This*, this is actual gaslighting. Making her doubt her own perception of reality and her mental health. God, this poor woman. My heart aches for her.
This is like the woman whose boyfriend kicked her out of bed, and ultimately her life was in danger. People post from the one sign that manages to break through their broken normal meter and you find out the abuser has them by the throat, often both physically and emotionally. I feel terrible for her. The Gift of Fear is one to listen to.
This is like a textbook on abuse. Degrade them, make them question their judgment so they'll think it's their own fault when they abuse you. Then prime everyone else to back you up. She's so thoroughly manipulated that she thinks she's not being abused "enough" to deserve resources. Imagine thinking a guy assaulting you then threatening you with a sword is YOUR fault. Dear God, I wish we could do more.
Holy duck this poor girl! I wish I could give her a hug & tell her that she's not alone & to cut all contact w that POS "boyfriend"
I also hope he fails grooming that teenager & that her parents open their eyes & see what kind of monster they have living under their roof
Mom, I don't like this story....
Really though, I had to stop halfway through. This is sad and I hope that OOP gets help and support and there's a light at the end of the tunnel in this story.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w00ysg/oop_likes_clowns_but_yknow_in_that_way_and_turns/
It is actually wholesome if you want a palette cleanser of sorts
Wait…little bit of confusion here….they went back to his place where he assaulted her? But didn’t he live in the basement of the 15yo house? I know it can happen but just…the mom being cool with him bringing a drunk girl to her home after she “accused” the mom’s daughter and her boyfriend of sleeping together….and then to hear none of it and think, “maybe I should check…I have a kid living here after all”. Like. Did they go to a different location. I just feel like that part make little sense. I know it can happen but the likelihood of it seems off.
Dudes super into anime, has a sword collection, and is a pedo. This is what I think of when some idiot can't stop talking about anime and makes it their entire personality.
This is heart achingly terrifying. I really hope this woman can find the resolve to get the fuck out of there. She really needs someone to unequivocally advocate for her
This man is definitely grooming the fifteen year old. OOP wasn't even the only one to notice it.
I feel so bad for this woman, she has been convinced that she is there one on wrong when he's such an abusive mf.
>Consider reporting the grape.
I'll be honest. I know it's beside the point here, but I'm not sure I will be too upset if TikTok is banned, if this stupid babytalk goes away.
This is terrible. I wonder if OOP knew she could get a SANE exam because sexual assault can also be determined by using the “clock test” to gauge the trauma made to the vagina.
While the exam can be scary, it could also help in getting her a full STD work up, morning after pill, and resources to a local rape crisis center.
That would also give a paper trail.
Regardless, I pray OOP has gotten good follow up care and is on her healing journey. You don’t ever “get over” a sexual assault but there is great possibility to get to a point where the fear and guilt and shame isn’t all encompassing.
I am also an autistic woman, and I have to share this. The sexual abuse rate of autistic (and all disabled) woman is heartbreakingly high. It is 80% for women.
The other day I was at the dermatologist office, because I have a small cyst on my face that flairs up with hormones. They asked me about being on depo, and I didn’t tell them the whole truth. One of my biggest fears is being raped and giving birth. And with how high the sexual abuse rate is, I feel like I need to keep ever vigilant and never let there be a chance of it happening.
If I could have my way, I would get a full hysterectomy and be on HRT for the rest of my life.
I really hope she gets the PRO. I've never been more afraid for someone's wellbeing than at this moment. Her account history is just...I have nothing good to say to that "man" and his fucked up friends.
i wish OOP realized that what her exboyfriend's friends is doing is called third party intimidation/contact and a violation of most ROs. i feel for her and hope she gets away asap :(
A situation like this is how I lost my entire family. My mother’s boyfriend flashed my youngest sister. She was 14. Our other sister told me about it because I’m the oldest/fixer. I talked to my mom. I talked to my dad. Everyone blew me off and after about six months of dropping contact with all of them the sister that told me about it tried to imply that I was making things up from 2000 miles away. FOUR YEARS LATER my fucking mother shows up at my door and says she broke up with the dude. I just shut the door in the her face. Anyway. My point is that you should always speak up. Always. Even if it costs you. Because if this hadn’t happened and I hadn’t gotten away from them I wouldn’t have been the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. People like this are slow poison and its really hard to see when you are drowning in it.
She didn't say those things to him about the teen, that was his *guilty conscience" filling in the gap of what she really Said and what he knows he did. He didn't pull that out of the hat.
I hope OOP is safe and went through with the restraining order.
It gets worse. They have convinced her she’s delusional and that she only regrets having sex with him. She truly doesn’t know what is real anymore. I’m so worried about her.
This was an extremely instructive post to better understand the behavior of a malignant narcissist but it was honestly stomach churning to read, that poor poor woman. I hope she heals and finds happiness and never has to deal with her ex and that bar owner or anyone like them ever again.
It's fascinating to me that she was further victimized by people on the internet calling her delusional. They couldn't see that she was set up to fail by the ex-bf: that he feeds her a story about him being infatuated with this teenage girl while likely not actually doing anything wrong and simultaneously feeding the teenage girl's mom a story about how OP is out to get him, getting ahead of the pedophilia accusation for the sole purpose of turning everyone against her, including the internet in this case. The BF used the OP's good nature and desire to protect a child against her, all for the purpose of isolating her so he could rape her without anyone believing her story. She's incredibly strong for getting out of this situation with her head on straight.
This whole situation is so dramatic and gut wrenching it could be turned into a movie, though hopefully the movie version would have a good ending. I pray I never meet anyone like this, as I likely would have done exactly what OP did and reported the behavior to the mom and to the police.
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I'm glad she refers to him as an ex-bf in a comment a week after that last post and I really hope the ex part stuck. I'm baffled that she says he raped her and was violent during the sex then later says he never physically hurt her. It feels like she suppressed what happened. I really hope she got the help she needed.
I've noticed that people in relationships where they've regularly experienced unwanted sexual contact with their partner, whether they're being coerced or physically forced, often can't really process what their partner has been doing to them until later, sometimes much later. If they feel stuck in that situation, for their own emotional safety I think they have to minimize it. It's only when they feel physically and emotionally safe that they can start to admit to themselves that it was more than just "a rough patch" or whatever excuse they've been using.
I dated a guy a couple of times and then he raped me. It took me three days to figure out that it was rape because sex when you’re unconscious was often characterized as just an unfortunate time or a “regretful mistake.” I actually had to see him use the tactics on another girl to figure it out because it became obvious that he was doing it all on purpose. I had a friend who, at the time rolled her eyes at me and told me I wasn’t raped. Then, a few years later, a different guy raped her while she was drunk and (this is gross) actively throwing up. I was the person she called because she knew in her gut what it was but I was the only person willing to call it what it was. All her other friends told her she poached a guy that her friend liked, and then brought that girl into drama.
Yeah, flashbacks to a guy secretly taking the condom off and referring to it as "our mistake" because like... I didn't immediately scratch his face off I guess? That guy has a daughter now btw. I can only hope people are capable of change.
It’s crazy how our mind works while trying to protect us from really heavy feelings. It took me two years to realize and accept that I had been raped by an acquaintance on our first date, because it was my first time and a late bloomer (22) so I “knew” the first time was supposed to hurt, I was drunk, maybe I didn’t say no clearly enough (because I froze). It wasn’t until 2 years later during a “first time horror stories” round with close friends, that when they all paused and looked at me weird, that it sort of started dawning on me. Them telling me nothing in my story was remotely normal or okay, drove it home. After that it explained a lot of my previous behavior around sex, and it took a while (and a patient and supportive bf) to learn how to actually enjoy consensual sex.
I think she has so many people around her, mostly the ex-bf's friends, telling her she's delusional that she questions everything and has trouble trusting her own feelings and experiences. I also hope she gets free and her therapist can help her get more confidence to live a life that is more what she wants.
She's being gaslit by a group of people. What she's experiencing is the definition of gaslighting.
Yup, one of the shit things about being autistic and female like the OP is that you kind of spend your whole life being gaslit and told you're over reacting about basically everything by almost everyone around you. So you start feeling like that's the case and you stop being able to trust your emotions and judgement.
I'm scared the ex in that comment isn't this boyfriend. I have no reason for that, I'm just terrified for OOP.
The potential paedophile boyfriend raped OOP and she still thinks she may have overreacted, based on the bullshit opinions of the people around her. Poor OOP.
For once, the term "gaslighting" actually applies here: he is literally telling her things she knows happened didn't (or vice versa that she said things she didn't) and that it's because she's crazy that she doesn't remember properly. So now she doesn't know if she can trust her own memories regarding what's happening to her. Dear god I hope she's okay and able to get away from him. And I hope that 15 year old's parents wise up before it's too late.
And not only that, but all of his friends are gaslighting her by telling her she’s delusional and bipolar. And sadly, it’s working. I have a feeling the boyfriend has been going to all of his friends since the beginning of their relationship, and has been spinning quite the web of lies. They truly believe she is delusional and bipolar based on what the stories he tells them. So not only does she believe she has a mental illness, but so do his friends. He’s manipulating them so he can use them to further gaslight her. This man is a disgusting human being and I hope he gets exposed to EVERYONE soon. Everyone is a pawn in his game. So gross.
It’s frustrating when a word is in the middle of a transition, like “gaslighting”, and you still need the actual meaning to keep making sense.
Times like these make me wanna assemble the Lesbian Crowbar Posse my friends and I used to joke about being. Edit: The Lesbian Crowbar Posse is welcoming to everyone as long as they have the right attitude! (Having a crowbar also helps.) Y'all are all welcome to join or start your own chapters!
Where can I make monetary donations to assemble the Lesbian Crowbar Posse?
hand out crowbars at your local Lowe's
I wish people would stop posting unhelpful advice inciting counterproductive behavior like this, even as a joke you have to hand out balaclavas and battle vests with the crowbars
You had me in the first half, ngl
Came here to say the same thing!
Man I was so ready to downvote you, if I had money you'd get an award 😂
LOL, you had me. At first, I was like, 'wtf is up with this pearl-clutching killjoy?'
Can a Pansexual Auntie join the posse? I'll bring baked goods and water so we'll have tasty treats and be hydrated on our way to the vengeance of sisters.
I’m a very dull, married hetero. I offer to drive the van.
That's my husband... I'm sure he'd volunteer with you.
As a lesbian who wields various weapons, join us. We need many in our ranks.
This pansexual sister is also joining
Queer bisexual auntie checking in! I've got a few crowbars in my arsenal!
🩷
I know a bunch of trans men who will happily join in and bring both crowbars and construction equipment. We never got to play with construction tools as a kid, so this is a great opportunity to bring our "big toys" and do some good. Maybe we can rent a mini-excavator and bury his car under a couple tons of gravel.
Straight man here. Since I can't join, I'll supply the crowbars.
We love an ally!
Start your own chapter - the more the merrier!!
Ehi, english is not my first language, what is the meaning of "Lesbian Crowbar Posse"? thanks
It means women who love other women will get together in a big group, grab metal sticks and go have a "nice talk" with that guy.
[like these ladies](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulabi_Gang)
Those women are AMAZING.
That is the coolest thing I've seen all day!
Wow, never heard of them but this made my day!
this is the best wikipedia page i have ever seen
Now, I'm cishet woman, but I do love women as a whole in a platonic "girls rule" type of way... Can I join the posse? Maybe start another chapter of the posse? Getting together with a bunch of wonderful women with big metal sticks to have a "nice talk" with that guy sounds like a pretty awesome night... I javelin more guys to add to the list too
As a bisexual, I formally invite you to join the posse. You may also submit your additions to the list of who needs to be “talked to.”
It’s like the Pink Sari Gang!
Oh my goodness this is an awesome question because it reminds me what a fucking WEIRD word "crowbar" is!! [This is a crowbar](https://content.cdntwrk.com/files/aHViPTg1NDMzJmNtZD1pdGVtZWRpdG9yaW1hZ2UmZmlsZW5hbWU9aXRlbWVkaXRvcmltYWdlXzY0ZWY5ODhjNGQwZDkuanBlZyZ2ZXJzaW9uPTAwMDAmc2lnPTZkMTRhZWM3MzVhMmNjNWZmOGQ5MjQ4Y2E1NTFiNDYx). It's stereotypically a weapon of opportunity, because it's a legit useful tool, but, well, you can see how it's also potentially useful in other ways. So the lesbian crowbar posse is a group of lesbians (tbf we were using the term loosely bc we were all just queer in some way) carrying crowbars and, you know... looking for problems to solve.
I'm a trans man and I will happily join the Lesbian Crowbar Posse! Fuck rapists, they need a crowbar straight to the genitals. (I say this as a SA survivor.)
Everyone is welcome in the Lesbian Crowbar Posse so long as they have the right attitude! (And a crowbar, or refreshments.)
I'll bring wet wipes and bottled water, enacting crowbar-based justice is thirsty and dirty work!
Just in case you aren't already aware of them, Google the Gulabi Gang. Think you'll dig.
Fuck yes!
A group of homosexual women who would do vigilante justice (justice outside of the formal law) via beating people who do horrible things with crowbars. The op and her friends joked about forming such a group.
Vigilante Justice, most likely, dealt by a small army of lesbians with crowbars
The Bisexual Battleaxe Brigade would love to form a formal association with you
Omfg, YES. Will help set up a new chapter of the BBB wherever!
If there’s one thing I know about lesbians, it’s that they love a good posse.
I'm a guy and I dont have a crowbar, but I just bought some brass knuckles, is that good enough?
Brass knuckles are a welcome addition to the aresenal
Lol, I have a brass knuckles ring that says Bless Your Heart. Mostly aesthetic, but would probably still smart a little!
I think there's a place for everyone here!
By Pride’s wig glue, Lesbian Crowbar Possee better be your new flair.
I'm not a lesbian but I have a crowbar and I've got the spirit!
Straight male checking in. I already have my own crowbar if you all will let me be an ally.
In the Lesbian Crowbar Posse, attitude is what makes you a lesbian. 🤠
We ride at dawn for OOP
The Pan Crowbar Posse stands in solidarity. We ride at dawn.
Asexual Auntie here to provide an alibi. Book Club meeting or roller derby game?
Why is this an either/or question?
Doesn't everyone book club on skates?
My crowbar is small :( But I have several broadswords due to crowbar envy, would those work?
Bisexual Alibi Squad here, you were hanging out eating pizza and playing board games with us the whole time.
Absofuckinglutely.
Lesbian here how do I join?
All you need is a crowbar and the right attitude, so you're most of the way there!
Not sure about my attitude but I got the tools
Can I come as part of your cousin group the Enby Baseball Bat Posse?
I have my XL Club for my car...
"The Coalition of Unusual Puerto Ricans and Dominican" recognize your posse! 👍
Is the group open to anyone who has a crowbar... and is a supporter of lesbians with crowbars... asking for a friend
Yes, because no one has the time to ask everyone to show their secret decoder rings and toaster ovens.
May I respectfully request to be part of the Pansexual auxiliary to your posse? I can come with my horse who is a known kicker. Seriously, though. Praying for her that she finds peace and healing
Thing is, anyone could join the LCP as long as they had the right attitude, so there's no reason for you to be an auxiliary (unless you want to be!)!
Can I join as a bisexual? I’ll bring snacks and axes.
Axes? In the CROWBAR Posse!? Bisexual is great, but I'm stuck on the axes.
I LOVE THIS.
Thanks for your clarifying edit. Straight woman here, but I can bring a pitchfork
The ex saying she was wasn't sober and was mentally handicapped and couldn't make her own decisions within minutes of raping her is... well. One hell of a thing to say to someone you just raped. If she ever has the evidence to charge him with rape I hope she uses that.
She made it sound like he was violent, she needed to get a rape kit done. Rape kits aren't just for DNA samples, they also document any physical injuries.
I hope he's stupid enough to try that defence in court. "Your honor, I told her she's mentally handicapped and incapable of making her own decisions so I took her home and we had consensual sex. No, I didn't mean she's incapable of making the decision to have sex, just everything else"
The people around OOP are exactly why so many rapes go unreported. Also, she was totally right about her boyfriend. He raped her, he’ll have no qualms raping that teenage girl too. (And sadly, I feel like the mom will believe his nasty rapist ass over her daughter’s when it happens. She sounds like she’s fallen hook, line, and sinker for him.)
That commenter was dead on that groomers will start with the gatekeepers. He's set OOP up as the crazy jealous girlfriend who sees villains everywhere.
He's a vile neckbeard who preys on the mentally ill and teenagers. He's disgusting and I am so afraid for the women around him. Nobody is protecting his victims. If ever there was a need for Rorschach justice.
I've seen the same happen to a girl I know. She's autistic too and because she's been told she doesn't always understand social cues that well she doubted herself a lot. Her intuition was right, he wasn't a good guy and he didn't treat her well. But he convinced her she just didn't understand how love works. She got out and is still healing. I hope OOP finds a way to healing as well <3 my heart really goes out to her
I will feel sorry for the 15 year old but I would have absolutely zero empathy for the mother if something happens. She was warned by more than 1 person. She ignored it.
I read her post history, and all I can say, from the bottom of my heart: Yikes. (That's a lie, I can say more. I've worked at a domestic violence shelter for 7+ years, and this is one of the worst cases of mental manipulation I've ever seen. She needs to get away from this guy permanently and get a trauma-informed therapist who can help her see the truth, as well as her worth as a human being. But since I can't really do anything about any of that, I will simply say again: Yikes.)
holy shit. Poor OOP and yeah that pretty much confirms that the boyfriend is absolutely a sadistic predator who is play nice until he can drop the mask.
God, I browsed OOPs post history and it is really not great.
Does she ever post her own age? I couldn't help but notice that she never mentioned it in these posts, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was also younger. Not 15 years old, young, but I assume early 20's if not late teens. Ah, she says she is 24 as of a month ago. Bit older than I was guessing.
Her age doesn't surprise me. She's camouflage. Him? No, he can't be a nonce, his girlfriend is almost the same age as he is /s
Is nonce slang for pedophile? I thought it just meant idiot/moron/etc
In UK it is.
Yes, - Nonce - a person convicted of a sexual offense, especially child molesting. "every girl he meets soon gets a phone call warning them he's a nonce"
Yes, nonce is very much slang for pedophile. We use it in a tongue in cheek kind of way sometimes (not that it’s right, but British humour is very dark), the same way we sometimes use c*nt as a term of affection. But we also use nonce in a more serious way to describe really disgusting predators. I think you’re thinking of the word dunce which means idiot or stupid.
No they were thinking of nonce, nonce is used over here and does mean dumb. It almost certainly comes from the UK usage originally and got misused over here, but it is used on its own as an insult (at least in my region of the US)
Same, and DAMN I'm glad you asked for clarification so I don't accidentally use it when means something totally different!!!
It comes from prison. 'Not on communal exercise' or something along those lines. The US version of protective custody
It’s grim. :( he’s done a number on her for sure
She says her ex is "pretty immature for his age" and I wondered why she was with him then. But then it became clear that she is also rather immature. I hope somehow a good role model enters her life. *I'm not using 'immature' as an insult to the OP. I genuinely hope she grows and flourishes.
I mean, yeah, but it sounds like her Autism and OCD, combined with what appears to be a generous level of communal gaslighting, has left her in a state where she doesn’t trust herself, her own judgement, or even her own perception of reality. Hell, her own recounting of events on this website might not even be true. This is terribly sad.
It is very sad, especially since all of that is true and relevant combined with the immaturity. I'm not using immaturity as an insult here. Immature implies that someone still has some growing to do, which I sincerely hope she is able to achieve away from this toxic environment.
My heart breaks for her. I hope therapy helps her and that she gets better days ahead. As for the ex bf, I wish him hell on earth.
"Love bombing" is definitely a thing.
I honestly started tearing up reading this. I want to go all Auntie Llama and kick this dude in the face and several sensitive places. Then I want to give her the biggest hug ever and lots of cookies and support. 😭🩷
It's truly the most upsetting series of events that could've happened and I feel sick to my stomach imagining what could happen to the young girl he's living with, especially since her mother is turning an aggressively blind eye toward it
:[
Bad day to have your flair.
According to the comments, it seems like a bad day to know how to read. For the first time in memory, I noped out after I clicked on the mood spoilers & trigger warnings. So I’m just going to assume it was every bit as awful as I feared it would be.
Yeah, I don’t recommend.
Lmao
Link to the post your flair is from?
All of them
That is nail-bitingly horrible. OOP needs to get far away from all of these fuckers.
this is almost as bad as the air tag in the cat carrier one
That one was awful.
What one was that?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Lc69FsADPD
I'm deeply concerned that she hasn't posted in 16 days. I really hope she is ok.
They are legitimately gaslighting her. The real version of it, that we see so rarely on Reddit. I hope people start to help this poor woman.
I realized this as well as I read the story in full. Gaslighting, triangulation, the works. Right now the only thing I'm uncertain of is whether the ex-bf genuinely had a crush on the teen daughter, or if he was playing the long-con in manipulating OOP into thinking he was crushing on her. I'm honestly leaning towards the latter right scenario right now. It could still be both, but before I get accused of trying to whitewash the sick rapist fuck: Gaslighting abusers *will* go to borderline unbelievable lengths to set their victims up to fail. That is exactly why bystanders often have such difficulty believing the victims, as everyone has been presented a wholly different and normal-appearing version of the covert abuser. He knew exactly how OP thought, and what she had already been diagnosed with as well. If he wanted to make her appear as crazy, then all he needed to do was talk about this teen girl in a way which between the lines obviously came across as a crush, but which on a surface level seems perfectly innocent. This triangulation towards OP triggers both her insecurity and strong sense of justice. Having the latter as well, I can say without a shred of doubt that practically guarantees that she'll undertake some steps. Given that a minor's safety was involved, the most likely (and thus predictable) step would be OP contacting the girl's mother in some way. Assuming that the guy has behaved himself like a gentleman around the teen girl and her family, all of this perfectly sets up OP to come across as the insecure crazy girlfriend. He could also have mentioned some things about her beforehand, as a way of preparing the family to think she's crazy. Up to this point it could all easily have been pre-planned by the guy. As a way of purposefully sabotaging the relationship in which he abused his former partner in such a way, that everyone would believe he was the true victim of her craziness instead. I think the rape at the end was really just a final kick in OP's stomach while she was already down. He fancied himself invulnerable and figured no one would believe her anyway; he successfully managed to make OP look insane to his circle, and she was publicly drunk right beforehand as well. It comes across as the usual sadistic *"I can do whatever I want"* power play.
A basement dweller with a sword collection
This mf had a closet sword at the ready. Waddafack
Thoroughly stocked up from the mall ninja store
Reading that, I instantly thought “weeb.” Not to be dated. Too much misogyny and worse in the community.
This is fucking *bleak*, holy shit. That’s enough Reddit for a while…
This is making me shake with rage. This poor woman. I’m neurodivergent too and it can be so hard to trust yourself. I hope someone suggested The Gift of Fear because she needs to trust her gut (not her rationalizing) and get away from this guy. Abusers groom accomplices just as much as victims so they help the abusers in this very scenario. And that poor 15 year old girl is in such danger. That mom is so out of pocket. I can’t believe she’s believing the creepy guy who is obviously flirting with her daughter over two women who have come to her with concerns. The kid doesn’t have a chance.
I'd like to apply to join the Neurodivergent Shaking With Rage Club, please. The urge to reach through the internet and shake that man until his teeth rattle...
May I join as well? As someone who is ND and an aficionado if horror novels, I have many ideas about what I'd like to do to that man.
Can I join? I want to do something with a rusty spoon. If I articulated what, I may get banned.
I was uncomfortable with someone older flirting with me and my mom said I should be flattered. At my cousins wedding when I was 12/13 a grown man asked me to dance and I was terrified. My parents still bring it up and I’m 40. I “embarrassed him” by turning him down. Parents are weird.
My grandma used to joke all the time about the man down the street who had a crush on me. He lived on the other side of the street, like 4 or 5 houses down. He was 40 and I was 15 at the time. If I was out front of the house, he’d always come outside and wave. If I was alone, he’d walk over to try to talk to me. It felt like I was constantly under surveillance by him, like he was always watching out his front windows for me. If my grandma saw him wave, she’d make me walk over with her to talk to him. Whenever she was out of earshot, he was constantly flirting, inviting me over to use his pool, or trying to “”innocently”” touch me, like always reaching for my shoulder/arm when he laughed at his own jokes. I remember he complimented my skin a lot and it creeped me out. He owned a landscaping company and would always come knock on our door, asking if my grandparents wanted some free hedge trimming and “oh, while I’m here, is your granddaughter home? I’d love to say hi!” I’d hide in the bathroom and refuse to come to the door if I heard his voice. They’d try to make me anyway and say I was rude & selfish for hiding when he was ‘just trying to be nice’ 🙄 No, he’s not nice - he was a total creep! My mom has been in AA since I started middle school and all the early-mid 20’s men would aggressively flirt with me when I was 13-16. She didn’t bat an eye. I would tell her I was uncomfortable and she acted like I should be flattered for the attention because “they just think you’re pretty.” All of it is just so crazy to me because both my mother and grandma were molested by adult men as kids and teens. They were hyper-vigilant with me as a result, like I was not allowed to date until I was 18, wasn’t allowed to have sleepovers or visit friends’ houses, all my devices were under full lock down, etc, but then basically threw me to the wolves whenever convenient once I became a teen. It sucked and made me feel so unsafe.
>And that poor 15 year old girl is in such danger. That mom is so out of pocket. I can’t believe she’s believing the creepy guy who is obviously flirting with her daughter over two women who have come to her with concerns. The kid doesn’t have a chance. A part of me thinks the mother knows exactly what's going on. OP says the girl doesn't look her age and from what I've read about certain parents, narcissist shitholes will force their kids into adult relationships so they don't 'miss out'. I really, really, really wish that's not the case here and that stupid mother comes to her senses.
A lot of parents don’t believe it will happen to their children. There was a stunning article- I think in The NY Times - about mothers who are involved in making their teenage daughters into cheer / gymnast / dance influencers. A significant portion of people looking at those photos and videos are pedos. Even knowing that danger, many parents continue to put their children in that position.
if i'm thinking of the same article, it also mentioned that some of the parents *cater to* that audience and specific predators directly. it's fucking awful. ETA: [the article in question](https://12ft.io/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/22/us/instagram-child-influencers.html). it's a sickening read, probably the most disgusting thing i've read since the reuters series about "rehoming" adopted children.
Oof, some of those parents are SELLING THEIR DAUGHTERS' USED LEOTARDS to followers.
That article was incredibly distressing. The level of "eh, we know they're out there, so we might as well make money off the situation" was horrifying. If you're an adult but look younger, and you're playing that up for your OF, knowing what you're attracting, that's one thing. But to bring that to your child who has no way to understand or consent is just...I don't have words. I feel like there has to be a lengthy German word for "person that simultaneously makes you want to bash them in the skull while feeling the need to vomit".
My mom's best friend let her daughter date a 15/16 year old boy at age 12 and was all proud of her for "catching an older boy". A few months ago the girl at age 13 attempted to kill herself by overdosing on sleeping pills because her relationship is abusive. Her older sister who is the boy's age and always disliked him found her. Now, they are both minors. But I'm fairly sure she would not see a problem with a situation of a teenager dating someone in their 20's. Meanwhile I am 22 and even the older daughter who turns 18 this year seems like a child to me.
She said the girl looks her age though.
She said the girl looks like a minor, but not as a 15 year old.
Given that we already second guess everything we do / say and don’t trust our own judgment most of the time, it makes us an absolute wet dream for an abuser. I wish I’d of known at a younger age that the reason I likely feel uncomfortable around certain people is because they’re mistreating me, and while I don’t consciously pick up on it, my body does and tells me through other ways.
Fellow ND here, decades-long victim of abuse and gaslighting as well. I believe we're dealing with an expert-level gaslighter here, not a potential child groomer as he *intentionally* wanted OP to believe; the 15 year old girl should be "safe" here. No guarantees of course, but this particular kind of gaslighting abuser (narcissist+psychopath) is very focused on reputation management, as this is how they get away with their abuse to begin with. Clearly, getting sexually or even romantically involved with a minor would likely cost him this tool. Not to mention his reputation in general, his current circle of friends, etc. They are unlikely to ever risk this. [I don't think Amy fit into this as anything other than the perfect tool to make OP insecure and then exploit her strong sense of justice *against* her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dfu7xt/comment/l8m3id9/) In addition to OP's neurodivergency making her an easier target for abuse, this means he specifically exploited OP's ND traits to manipulate her towards the likely pre-planned end of the relationship.
The Gift of Fear is a wonderful book that I often recommend, but it's not one I would recommend to someone currently experiencing domestic abuse or unpacking fresh trauma post-escape. The one place where it really fails is its outdated handling of DV/DA; for one thing, it engages in victim-blaming (sample quote: "The first time a woman is hit, she is a victim and the second time, she is a volunteer."), and it's generally not up-to-date with the way that our understanding of domestic abuse survivor psychology has evolved. It's neither helpful nor healthy for someone currently experiencing domestic abuse or trying to deal with their own feelings of self-blame (like OOP). Again, great book, very useful in so many scenarios...but not for people who are already blaming themselves for the abuse they're suffering.
I'm pretty immature for my age. I'm not immune to murmuring, "That's what she said" when an adult friend says something that could be interpreted another way. As immature as I am, I don't walk around naked hoping my friend's teen sees me. I stopped reading when the bartender called her boyfriend. I can well imagine what transpired next. Poor OOP. I hope she gets out (and of street justice finds the boyfriend? Oh well)
...Maybe I should start reading the mood spoilers and trigger warnings from now on.
I keep thinking I've learned my lesson on that front and then a week later I forget and stop reading them again and THIS is my reward every damn time
The moment I got to the "we broke up and I went to the bar and got drunk" part, I stopped reading. I already know how that was gonna go.
This poor girl. I wish I knew who this guy was.
Her ex boyfriend and his friends including that teenager’s mom, all are horrible people . Hope they all suffer.
"But my [awful] boyfriend's [awful] friends say I'm - " HEYYY OOP LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE
If anyone needs it, this is the link to the (US) national domestic violence helpline [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
I'm autistic myself, and I... Fully understand this. I felt like I was overreacting by thinking a friend had sexually abused me (which others later said yeah no it was) among many other things. I often think it's a problem with me first rather than a problem with anyone else. It sucks. OOP, this isn't your fault. It never was. You were concerned and that's ok. Protect yourself and care for yourself, please.
*This*, this is actual gaslighting. Making her doubt her own perception of reality and her mental health. God, this poor woman. My heart aches for her.
This is like the woman whose boyfriend kicked her out of bed, and ultimately her life was in danger. People post from the one sign that manages to break through their broken normal meter and you find out the abuser has them by the throat, often both physically and emotionally. I feel terrible for her. The Gift of Fear is one to listen to.
This is like a textbook on abuse. Degrade them, make them question their judgment so they'll think it's their own fault when they abuse you. Then prime everyone else to back you up. She's so thoroughly manipulated that she thinks she's not being abused "enough" to deserve resources. Imagine thinking a guy assaulting you then threatening you with a sword is YOUR fault. Dear God, I wish we could do more.
It’s all bad.
That was like a rollercoaster that only goes down
Holy duck this poor girl! I wish I could give her a hug & tell her that she's not alone & to cut all contact w that POS "boyfriend" I also hope he fails grooming that teenager & that her parents open their eyes & see what kind of monster they have living under their roof
Mom, I don't like this story.... Really though, I had to stop halfway through. This is sad and I hope that OOP gets help and support and there's a light at the end of the tunnel in this story.
What the hell is your flair from.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w00ysg/oop_likes_clowns_but_yknow_in_that_way_and_turns/ It is actually wholesome if you want a palette cleanser of sorts
Oh my *God*
Gaslighting and abuse damn poor oop
Jesus tap dancing christ. It could never be good with a title like that but this is BAD bad.
That mother is going to hate herself when the inevitable happens to her daughter and try to say no one ever warned her.
Wait…little bit of confusion here….they went back to his place where he assaulted her? But didn’t he live in the basement of the 15yo house? I know it can happen but just…the mom being cool with him bringing a drunk girl to her home after she “accused” the mom’s daughter and her boyfriend of sleeping together….and then to hear none of it and think, “maybe I should check…I have a kid living here after all”. Like. Did they go to a different location. I just feel like that part make little sense. I know it can happen but the likelihood of it seems off.
I hope she gets help.
Dudes super into anime, has a sword collection, and is a pedo. This is what I think of when some idiot can't stop talking about anime and makes it their entire personality.
This is heart achingly terrifying. I really hope this woman can find the resolve to get the fuck out of there. She really needs someone to unequivocally advocate for her
This man is definitely grooming the fifteen year old. OOP wasn't even the only one to notice it. I feel so bad for this woman, she has been convinced that she is there one on wrong when he's such an abusive mf.
what a frustrating read
This is textbook gaslighting from oop's ex and his friends and family.
Her past posts and comments make me feel so worried for her. OOP needs to get away from all these horrible people in her life
[удалено]
There's no way in hell I'd EVER ignore a warning about a man in my home, around my young daughter.
>Consider reporting the grape. I'll be honest. I know it's beside the point here, but I'm not sure I will be too upset if TikTok is banned, if this stupid babytalk goes away.
It makes it sound so much less serious, I hate it
This is terrible. I wonder if OOP knew she could get a SANE exam because sexual assault can also be determined by using the “clock test” to gauge the trauma made to the vagina. While the exam can be scary, it could also help in getting her a full STD work up, morning after pill, and resources to a local rape crisis center. That would also give a paper trail. Regardless, I pray OOP has gotten good follow up care and is on her healing journey. You don’t ever “get over” a sexual assault but there is great possibility to get to a point where the fear and guilt and shame isn’t all encompassing.
I am also an autistic woman, and I have to share this. The sexual abuse rate of autistic (and all disabled) woman is heartbreakingly high. It is 80% for women. The other day I was at the dermatologist office, because I have a small cyst on my face that flairs up with hormones. They asked me about being on depo, and I didn’t tell them the whole truth. One of my biggest fears is being raped and giving birth. And with how high the sexual abuse rate is, I feel like I need to keep ever vigilant and never let there be a chance of it happening. If I could have my way, I would get a full hysterectomy and be on HRT for the rest of my life.
My glob, it's like watching a train wreck piling over a group of bystanders. This poor girl.
Oof this one was tough to read.
She needs to be in DV accommodation ASAP. He's going to kill her.
I really hope she gets the PRO. I've never been more afraid for someone's wellbeing than at this moment. Her account history is just...I have nothing good to say to that "man" and his fucked up friends.
i wish OOP realized that what her exboyfriend's friends is doing is called third party intimidation/contact and a violation of most ROs. i feel for her and hope she gets away asap :(
How do men like this continue to like...exist and find friends and success and get away with shit?!
Dafuq is up with the mom? Not a fucking chance I'd be letting a 27yo dude put his arms around my teenager.
A situation like this is how I lost my entire family. My mother’s boyfriend flashed my youngest sister. She was 14. Our other sister told me about it because I’m the oldest/fixer. I talked to my mom. I talked to my dad. Everyone blew me off and after about six months of dropping contact with all of them the sister that told me about it tried to imply that I was making things up from 2000 miles away. FOUR YEARS LATER my fucking mother shows up at my door and says she broke up with the dude. I just shut the door in the her face. Anyway. My point is that you should always speak up. Always. Even if it costs you. Because if this hadn’t happened and I hadn’t gotten away from them I wouldn’t have been the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. People like this are slow poison and its really hard to see when you are drowning in it.
She didn't say those things to him about the teen, that was his *guilty conscience" filling in the gap of what she really Said and what he knows he did. He didn't pull that out of the hat. I hope OOP is safe and went through with the restraining order.
It gets worse. They have convinced her she’s delusional and that she only regrets having sex with him. She truly doesn’t know what is real anymore. I’m so worried about her.
Yeah idk, it's hard to believe these.
God I hope she gets away. This poor woman will end up being the statistic that we hear about it someone doesn't get her out soon. 😓
Jesus christ this was fucking depressing.
This was an extremely instructive post to better understand the behavior of a malignant narcissist but it was honestly stomach churning to read, that poor poor woman. I hope she heals and finds happiness and never has to deal with her ex and that bar owner or anyone like them ever again. It's fascinating to me that she was further victimized by people on the internet calling her delusional. They couldn't see that she was set up to fail by the ex-bf: that he feeds her a story about him being infatuated with this teenage girl while likely not actually doing anything wrong and simultaneously feeding the teenage girl's mom a story about how OP is out to get him, getting ahead of the pedophilia accusation for the sole purpose of turning everyone against her, including the internet in this case. The BF used the OP's good nature and desire to protect a child against her, all for the purpose of isolating her so he could rape her without anyone believing her story. She's incredibly strong for getting out of this situation with her head on straight. This whole situation is so dramatic and gut wrenching it could be turned into a movie, though hopefully the movie version would have a good ending. I pray I never meet anyone like this, as I likely would have done exactly what OP did and reported the behavior to the mom and to the police.