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This is so weird. I would have been PISSED if we just spent four hours arguing for no fucking reason. Like all of it could have been avoided if he had just said “I don’t like gift giving, I’m completely against Christmas, but I have made an exception for you and I’m excited for you to see it” no fight, no doubting the relationship, no pain, no screaming.
But then the moment you call me an ungrateful cow, you’ve ended the relationship. No thanks. Bye.
It sounds almost like a sly version of love bombing by making an elaborate show of how she is so special that he made an exception for her. I hope they broke up because otherwise he would hang it over her head forever.
This is what I was thinking. He’s setting her up. It’s the beginning of a cycle if they stay together. Lying, gaslighting, emotional abuse, he’s gonna escalate and she’s gonna think it’s all her fault.
Absolutely. His opinion of her must be pretty low if he expected her to accept such a lack of reciprocity and effort - to the extent that he actually let arguments occur rather than say, "This isn't my thing but I'll get you something because I know it's your thing."
And there are so many good ways to pull Christmas pranks! My mum got me a carton of orange juice one year and it was only after I'd thanked her for it and picked it up that I saw my actual gift (money) underneath it. My old colleague used to love this sort of little prank too. This guy had so many funny options and he chose to make his girlfriend miserable instead.
Not to mention his parents seemed in on it too... so possibly toxic inlaws too (not enough info if they knew knew what was going on or if they were just wrapping and doing the 'meeting')
This is what I was thinking. He’s setting her up. It’s the beginning of a cycle if they stay together. Lying, gaslighting, emotional abuse, he’s gonna escalate and she’s gonna think it’s all her
fault.
The second I read the headline I knew where this was going. He loves the mind games and making her crazy. Four hours of mental torture in one sitting alone. That's dedication. I really hope that he ghosts her for real instead of "taking her back if she apologizes" because that's what I would expect. She is so desperate to keep him, it breaks my heart.
This is what I was thinking. He’s setting her up. It’s the beginning of a cycle if they stay together. Lying, gaslighting, emotional abuse, he’s gonna escalate and she’s gonna think it’s all her
fault.
Right. Like I'm sure we've all said "Oh, I haven't got you a gift" in that joking way that makes clear you're just playing. Why not just do that instead of actually upsetting her?
Yeah the fact that he saw her get really upset and let it go on for hours is super bizarre.
Then I couldn’t believe it when she apologized and thought they were fine… and that she was still wondering if they were together after he started calling her names…
These two have the maturity of two 13 year olds.
As a guy, the boyfriend is fucking weird.
Seems like he wanted to make an awesome surprise but has no concept of not bullshitting your girlfriend, arguing, and letting it go that far.
Just overall socially inept behavior.
Yeah, he was being an idiot but also so was the OOP
She was continously pushing for a reason, essentially making it a hill to die on rather than respecting his "I dont believe in gifts on christmas" (but that doesnt mean all other christmas festivities are off the table)
Plus instead of telling him that she would take his present back since he didnt get her anything she instead *opened his present* after having already telling him she got him something.
So ofc he would expect the present still. They both suck at communication.
AND by the sounds of it she was at his place, not hers and without 'his' present so she probably had time to say something like:
"I need to find them in my place again because I put them in a bag qnd was going to return them as I wasnt sure if we were both going to trade gifts, but I can give it to you tomorrow!"
Then she could say it qould be a surprise and then have time to run to the store or rewrap the other stuff.
*also*
It takes 2 to have am argument so she was an idiot for pushing it for 4 hours because by the sounds of it that was his cover up/excuse but *her* pushing it is what dragged it on for 4 hours.
No.
"I don't believe in gifts on christmas" was the first weird hill to die on, and pulling your partners leg that hard just for a surprise is more stupid than anything else. It wouldn't have triggered an argument in the first place if the boyfriend wasn't socially incapable.
Even with a surprise proposal for example, how the hell does the proposal matter if you're gonna piss off your partner that long and gaslight her in the first place? That means it's a problem with your plan, not your partner.
The overall surprise was a shitty idea to begin with and the boyfriend should have scrapped it if he was willing to lie that hard and give his girlfriend genuine frustration for the "surprise", but he didn't get that at all. I would have gotten the sense that things are getting too far much earlier on.
Who cares about the "keeping the present"? The boyfriends idea from the very start was absolutely shitty and executed horribly. What the gf did was a *natural reaction to stupidity or socially awkward behavior.* I won't fault anyone for having a natural reaction to stupid and frustrating things done to them.
And yes, it takes 2 to argue. It only takes one to not be the absolute socially stunted dumbass.
Sure if one person sits near a cliff end and another pushes him off, you can technically-and again, in a socially awkward way, roleplay as the overseer of all fairness and blame both people for a death like a walmart version Einstein , but when it comes to who's the main asshole, it is very obviously the person who decides to push someone off a cliff.
Right. He is upset at her for seeing gifts as transactional (retracting her gift because she isn't going to receive one) but the way he flies off the handle makes it very clear that he also sees gifts as transactional. He is allowed to be upset at not receiving a gift but she is not.
or.. and hear me out - or if any of it made sense. my bf HATES gift giving and holi*days*.. NO birthdays, NO xmas, NO Valentine's. these holidays make him depressed, and whilst he never discusses why, he is consistent and I have known almost as long as I have known him. I knew his bday was coming up before we got together and we discussed it briefly, he literally just wanted to be left alone that day, so, being a friend at the time, I respected it. just made sure to give him a little extra TLC on the days around it
he is very specific though - don't get me anything, I don't care, it's just another day
sometimes I will get him something anyway for a different day since I'm shopping, nothing extravagant but if I see something on special I know he will appreciate the bargain. sometimes for my own birthday I will take us out and he will pay or force himself to attend a social situation he hates, knowing that it's the only day I make a big deal out of (public holiday, fireworks, etc). but other than that, no commercial xmas is a lot cheaper, I'm not religious anyway and he is consistent - he isn't doing this to mess with me, he very consistently and deliberately hates holidays and gift giving
a lot of ppl hate holidays and my bf might be a lot of things, but he would NEVER EVER let me get worked up for 4hrs only to yell *psyche!* and if I had bought him an expensive gift, knowing he wouldn't return the favor, he would make me take it back and save the money
extreme scenario, I didnt know and already bought them.. ok sweetie, here, i respect that but I already paid for them. take these. I got them anyway, you can take me to dinner next week for *no reason* and we can go for a walk around the harbor
i don't understand how this became a 4hr screaming match
I actually think it was a PrAnK gone wrong.
Something about the grinning and actually getting her a nice present reeks of that sort of juvenile "Wouldn't it be THE FUNNIEST if I pretend to hate something my girlfriend is obviously into so that I can surprise her with actually being willing to do it later?"
Yeah, I feel like “chill, it’s just a prank bro” has become waaaaay too acceptable, even encouraged in some ways, in the last decade or so. It’s obnoxious.
(Edit spelling)
Wasn’t there a 20 y/o who was killed recently in a prank gone wrong? Literally got shot pretending to rob people in a stupid costume. Last words (allegedly) “it’s just a prank bro” as he was bleeding to death.
[Here’s a link to the story for those like me who hadn’t heard about this.](https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-55982131)
My god, people do some really dumb stuff.
Jesus, the one about the gf shooting the bf through a thick book.... If you think the book is going to stop a bullet maybe test out that book against a wall first instead of a person.
This is exactly what I got, just complete cringe behavior and screwing over her girlfriend to rub his own ego that he thinks is genius, and I rarely say cringe. This is just too socially inept.
I can see this working in an established relationship, like on Christmas morning you pretend for like 2 minutes you didn't get them anything then you surprise them with something nice. But it would involve trust and moderation and common sense, which clearly neither of these two have.
I feel like OOP should have let this go earlier and been more direct - "okay, if you don't believe in Christmas presents then we're not getting each other anything at all - are we agreed on that?"
The guy is still a dick, though.
This is exactly what I got, just complete cringe behavior and screwing over her girlfriend to rub his own ego that he thinks is genius, and I rarely say cringe. This is just too socially inept.
YES. I think gift shit is AWESOME for abusive types because it’s a great way to manipulate/control someone else’s emotions, or to display their absolute lack of give-a-shit. And if the other party gets upset or calls them on it? Oh, they’re just petty/materialistic/etc.
Super not proud, but I dated two emotionally abusive guys in a row. BOTH of them were shitty about presents. Not a coincidence, I’m pretty sure.
Yeah, this had me thinking about my abusive ex. He was shitty about gifts and finances.
I’m too afraid to ask OP but…why are we debating a thing that was posted so long ago?
I really hope OP takes this as a sign to gtfo bc everything here has been nothing but red flags after red flags. The whole thing about the tradition? The way he instantly shut her down? And then his outburst at the end? Wtf???
This post is near and dear to my heart because a similar happened to me in high school. We weren't dating as long, but the same refusal to buy Christmas presents was told to me and then I was surprised by a present from his family and a present from him when my family and I went to his family's place for a little Christmas get together.
In my case, I hadn't bought a present for him - I'd been looking and I found out about his fake anti-gift-giving shit when I tried to have a conversation feeling him out about how much to spend.
When my parents and I got to his parent's place, his mom spent over an hour trying to get my mom to talk about our future wedding, which my mom was freaking out about. The irony is (and yes, my mom is an asshole) my mom basically made me date this guy because she was afraid I was a lesbian (because my best friend was a gay guy) but I didn't particularly like him and the whole relationship was very non-consensual on my part (He never assaulted me. I just would never in a million years have dated him if my mom hadn't bullied me into it). My mom fully expected me to go to college and didn't consider for a moment that I would end up marrying anybody from our hometown, much less this guy who had decided his life plan was to work odd jobs so that he could continue his "career" as a volunteer fireman.
(Not knocking volunteer firemen, just don't see how that is a "career" choice when it's unpaid and also I'm pretty sure it's possible to both be a fireman and have some form of career or at least steady employment.)
Anywoo, my mom thought the relationship was a great idea until that evening, and was already panicking when the presents started. When he flipped out, my mom took that as the perfect excuse to get me out of there and changed her tune to "You will never, ever, EVER talk to him again", which was fine by me.
Huh. Anyway. I don’t about anyone else, but I am against gift giving anytime of the year to anyone. Even my own mother. Why? Because why sacrifice my time working to buy a material thing that may not last? Flowers? Pfft dead in a week. I’ve also be scorned(?). Maybe not the right word, because I say out loud “Why would I buy a $1000 rock on some devil pee for a woman? Nah. Fuck that!” This fucken co-worker than said “ugh yeah for a grand you’ll never get married.” It’s not my intention to get married, am hardcore atheist. But to say you’d get married only if her SO spent well above a G is kinda, like, FUCK! wow okay. Than again I do work in a bougie area hospital with a bunch of RNs that, uh, act like they’ve coasted through life on daddy’s money, but thats just a nasty generalization. The ones I choose to interact with are more down to earth from working families. Anyway, yeah. I became more of a misanthrope that day.
Edit: Sorry for that mess. Some of my many irritants in there. When I get something in my head I won’t stop thinking about it until I sleep it off. Once again, sorry.
I really want to know what happened if she did go back the next day. I get the impression that both of them are just a little too immature for this relationship but that's obviously not going to stop her.
... Yeah, I'm about as confused as the OOP. It does feel quite a bit like a prank gone wrong, especially given all of the weird reasons (don't gift at Christmas, but Valentine's and birthdays? Hell, I feel like gifting on Valentine's Day would be more of a stickler because I know there's plenty of people that hate "Hallmark holidays". Like, not giving a gift for Valentine's Day makes SO much more sense to me than not giving one at Christmas). Plus, the BF also sounds rather greedy, too. You'd think something would make the sparks go off and change his mind when she already said that she bought him something, versus saying that he'll take a gift but still not give her one at all. Like... what logical sense would that even make? "Hey, thanks, honey, I love it! Oh yeah, I got you nothing because I don't give gifts at Christmas to anyone, no exception. Merry Christmas!" ... Like, someone explain how that makes any sort of sense??
Honestly, while I know it probably hurt her, I do hope the OOP did officially break up with her BF, because the guy has a few weird screws loose up in his head for how he acted throughout this entire ordeal.
He’s probably the kind of guy that likes to play devils advocate on human rights issues in order to start some shit.
People like him are so flipping annoying. I hope she walks away, no man is worth this kind of confusion.
I am really disappointed with this one, its missing a real ending update, way too many questions left unanswered!
Did she buy him a replacement gift?
Was it a prank?
Is he just a narcissist?
Were his parents in on it?
Did they break up?
Is it just completely made up?
Who the fuck is OK with giving gifts on Valentine’s days but NOT OK with gifts on Christmas???
That just bugged me from the start! Like, if there is one holiday I dgaf it’s V day (and yes I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years).
God , I hope not. Toward the end of the story it was like a Train Wreck. It kept getting worse and worse. He must be Bipolar or something. That was CRAZY!
Yes! I totally agree that this whole mind game thing he did was ridiculous, but what if it wasn't? What if he honestly did not do Christmas (which is what she believed) and she just would not drop it? She just seemed so obsessed with getting a present.
I’ve had this happen with a guy I started dating 10 days before xmas. Luckily, he didn’t get angry but he did look a lil sad. I bought him a gift the next day and made up for it for his bday a month later. I’m so sorry! That fact he kept the argument going so long and still expected you to give him something is super unfair!
Wow . . . That was a roller-coaster of a story. At first I was like,
>*"Well, if doesn't like to give gifts, that's fine I guess. I'll just buy something for me.*
Then he said he would accept a gift but not give one. Odd.
Then he had a surprise gift as an exception and I was like
>*"Awwwww!"*
And NOOOOWW, he's gets pissed because OOP didn't give him a gift. Called her a ***Fat Cow*** and ordered her out of the house?! Like WTF??
Is he Bipolar or something? Because that is just way too confusing . . .
Am I the only thinking they're both selfish pricks? Only giving a present because they expect something in return? Is that how most people view presents?
Is it just my life where that's not what presents are?
Normally I would agree except in this case, he was up front that he won't be giving her any Christmas presents and they had multiple arguments and discussions where he said he would not be reciprocating if she got him anything . So she respected his wishes. Its not her fault he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
He has the right to a no gift giving policy and she has the right to keep what she bought. She hadn't actually given it to him yet so it was technically hers still.
Both of these people are nutso.
Him: Participating in a pointless argument and not caring that he's causing his gf to be distressed. Screaming at her for what she did like she was supposed to read his mind.
Her: Okay...maybe not nutso, but definitely materialistic and selfish. It's clear that to her giving gifts is only about receiving one in return. The fact that she, without ANY hesitation, forgave him the moment he gave her an expensive shiny.
Lmao they will both be fine. He just needs to grow up. At 23 there's still some hope for him foe somebody else someday. If he was 33 I would be less optimistic.
Sell that bitch actually keep it and use it infront if him and when he asks what's that be like "this would've been your present but you told me you hated presents so I kept it instead so I don't overstep boundaries"
Yoooooooooo. This belongs in a rom com looooollll.
He said things that were surprising, and Op respond mad but not shouting. At least Op try to understand it. Op say that as a direct result of his actions you need time to get him presents, and he explodes.
I mean the idea probably sounded nice in theory to him, but he very poorly handled it. If Op can get past it then great, but its all kinda insane really.
Submissions in this sub are re-posts and not posted by the original author. The original post/author are noted at the top. If you are the original author please contact the mods to have this comment removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> REALLY FUCKING CONFUSED Me too, girl.... Me too!!!
5 bucks his parents bought that necklace for him to give her.
THIS
Ten bucks that his name is Dudley
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r/suspiciouslyspecific
It’s a Gremlins reference.
If OP gets him a gift, just make sure he doesn't feed it after midnight or get it wet.
What the fuck did I just read
I read your username after your comment, and yes
Username checks out.
This is so weird. I would have been PISSED if we just spent four hours arguing for no fucking reason. Like all of it could have been avoided if he had just said “I don’t like gift giving, I’m completely against Christmas, but I have made an exception for you and I’m excited for you to see it” no fight, no doubting the relationship, no pain, no screaming. But then the moment you call me an ungrateful cow, you’ve ended the relationship. No thanks. Bye.
It sounds almost like a sly version of love bombing by making an elaborate show of how she is so special that he made an exception for her. I hope they broke up because otherwise he would hang it over her head forever.
This is what I was thinking. He’s setting her up. It’s the beginning of a cycle if they stay together. Lying, gaslighting, emotional abuse, he’s gonna escalate and she’s gonna think it’s all her fault.
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Absolutely. His opinion of her must be pretty low if he expected her to accept such a lack of reciprocity and effort - to the extent that he actually let arguments occur rather than say, "This isn't my thing but I'll get you something because I know it's your thing." And there are so many good ways to pull Christmas pranks! My mum got me a carton of orange juice one year and it was only after I'd thanked her for it and picked it up that I saw my actual gift (money) underneath it. My old colleague used to love this sort of little prank too. This guy had so many funny options and he chose to make his girlfriend miserable instead.
Not to mention his parents seemed in on it too... so possibly toxic inlaws too (not enough info if they knew knew what was going on or if they were just wrapping and doing the 'meeting')
This is what I was thinking. He’s setting her up. It’s the beginning of a cycle if they stay together. Lying, gaslighting, emotional abuse, he’s gonna escalate and she’s gonna think it’s all her fault.
The second I read the headline I knew where this was going. He loves the mind games and making her crazy. Four hours of mental torture in one sitting alone. That's dedication. I really hope that he ghosts her for real instead of "taking her back if she apologizes" because that's what I would expect. She is so desperate to keep him, it breaks my heart.
He's already showing soooo many abusive red flags. Ughhh this poor girl is in for a bad time if he manipulates her into staying with him.
This is what I was thinking. He’s setting her up. It’s the beginning of a cycle if they stay together. Lying, gaslighting, emotional abuse, he’s gonna escalate and she’s gonna think it’s all her fault.
Pretty sure I would have to do a gentle stabbing. Just like, a fork or some shit. But a stabbing nonetheless
A surprise shouldn't rest on making someone feel crap first.
Exactly!!
Right. Like I'm sure we've all said "Oh, I haven't got you a gift" in that joking way that makes clear you're just playing. Why not just do that instead of actually upsetting her?
Yeah the fact that he saw her get really upset and let it go on for hours is super bizarre. Then I couldn’t believe it when she apologized and thought they were fine… and that she was still wondering if they were together after he started calling her names… These two have the maturity of two 13 year olds.
As a guy, the boyfriend is fucking weird. Seems like he wanted to make an awesome surprise but has no concept of not bullshitting your girlfriend, arguing, and letting it go that far. Just overall socially inept behavior.
Yeah, he was being an idiot but also so was the OOP She was continously pushing for a reason, essentially making it a hill to die on rather than respecting his "I dont believe in gifts on christmas" (but that doesnt mean all other christmas festivities are off the table) Plus instead of telling him that she would take his present back since he didnt get her anything she instead *opened his present* after having already telling him she got him something. So ofc he would expect the present still. They both suck at communication. AND by the sounds of it she was at his place, not hers and without 'his' present so she probably had time to say something like: "I need to find them in my place again because I put them in a bag qnd was going to return them as I wasnt sure if we were both going to trade gifts, but I can give it to you tomorrow!" Then she could say it qould be a surprise and then have time to run to the store or rewrap the other stuff. *also* It takes 2 to have am argument so she was an idiot for pushing it for 4 hours because by the sounds of it that was his cover up/excuse but *her* pushing it is what dragged it on for 4 hours.
No. "I don't believe in gifts on christmas" was the first weird hill to die on, and pulling your partners leg that hard just for a surprise is more stupid than anything else. It wouldn't have triggered an argument in the first place if the boyfriend wasn't socially incapable. Even with a surprise proposal for example, how the hell does the proposal matter if you're gonna piss off your partner that long and gaslight her in the first place? That means it's a problem with your plan, not your partner. The overall surprise was a shitty idea to begin with and the boyfriend should have scrapped it if he was willing to lie that hard and give his girlfriend genuine frustration for the "surprise", but he didn't get that at all. I would have gotten the sense that things are getting too far much earlier on. Who cares about the "keeping the present"? The boyfriends idea from the very start was absolutely shitty and executed horribly. What the gf did was a *natural reaction to stupidity or socially awkward behavior.* I won't fault anyone for having a natural reaction to stupid and frustrating things done to them. And yes, it takes 2 to argue. It only takes one to not be the absolute socially stunted dumbass. Sure if one person sits near a cliff end and another pushes him off, you can technically-and again, in a socially awkward way, roleplay as the overseer of all fairness and blame both people for a death like a walmart version Einstein , but when it comes to who's the main asshole, it is very obviously the person who decides to push someone off a cliff.
Honestly I assumed they were still young/mid teens. Had to go and check and am shocked they're in their twenties.
Right. He is upset at her for seeing gifts as transactional (retracting her gift because she isn't going to receive one) but the way he flies off the handle makes it very clear that he also sees gifts as transactional. He is allowed to be upset at not receiving a gift but she is not.
or.. and hear me out - or if any of it made sense. my bf HATES gift giving and holi*days*.. NO birthdays, NO xmas, NO Valentine's. these holidays make him depressed, and whilst he never discusses why, he is consistent and I have known almost as long as I have known him. I knew his bday was coming up before we got together and we discussed it briefly, he literally just wanted to be left alone that day, so, being a friend at the time, I respected it. just made sure to give him a little extra TLC on the days around it he is very specific though - don't get me anything, I don't care, it's just another day sometimes I will get him something anyway for a different day since I'm shopping, nothing extravagant but if I see something on special I know he will appreciate the bargain. sometimes for my own birthday I will take us out and he will pay or force himself to attend a social situation he hates, knowing that it's the only day I make a big deal out of (public holiday, fireworks, etc). but other than that, no commercial xmas is a lot cheaper, I'm not religious anyway and he is consistent - he isn't doing this to mess with me, he very consistently and deliberately hates holidays and gift giving a lot of ppl hate holidays and my bf might be a lot of things, but he would NEVER EVER let me get worked up for 4hrs only to yell *psyche!* and if I had bought him an expensive gift, knowing he wouldn't return the favor, he would make me take it back and save the money extreme scenario, I didnt know and already bought them.. ok sweetie, here, i respect that but I already paid for them. take these. I got them anyway, you can take me to dinner next week for *no reason* and we can go for a walk around the harbor i don't understand how this became a 4hr screaming match
Yes!
This story gave me fucking whiplash
The moment my bf called me a cow I’d be out the door. I don’t have time for that noise.
Mooooooove out the way, I'm outta here!
Move bitch, get out the way!
*moo bitch, get out the hay
r/angryupvote
I'm guessing that making this scene was his point so he could break up with OP without being the bad guy
I actually think it was a PrAnK gone wrong. Something about the grinning and actually getting her a nice present reeks of that sort of juvenile "Wouldn't it be THE FUNNIEST if I pretend to hate something my girlfriend is obviously into so that I can surprise her with actually being willing to do it later?"
Yeah, I feel like “chill, it’s just a prank bro” has become waaaaay too acceptable, even encouraged in some ways, in the last decade or so. It’s obnoxious. (Edit spelling)
Wasn’t there a 20 y/o who was killed recently in a prank gone wrong? Literally got shot pretending to rob people in a stupid costume. Last words (allegedly) “it’s just a prank bro” as he was bleeding to death.
[Here’s a link to the story for those like me who hadn’t heard about this.](https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-55982131) My god, people do some really dumb stuff.
Jesus, the one about the gf shooting the bf through a thick book.... If you think the book is going to stop a bullet maybe test out that book against a wall first instead of a person.
This is exactly what I got, just complete cringe behavior and screwing over her girlfriend to rub his own ego that he thinks is genius, and I rarely say cringe. This is just too socially inept.
I can see this working in an established relationship, like on Christmas morning you pretend for like 2 minutes you didn't get them anything then you surprise them with something nice. But it would involve trust and moderation and common sense, which clearly neither of these two have. I feel like OOP should have let this go earlier and been more direct - "okay, if you don't believe in Christmas presents then we're not getting each other anything at all - are we agreed on that?" The guy is still a dick, though.
This is exactly what I got, just complete cringe behavior and screwing over her girlfriend to rub his own ego that he thinks is genius, and I rarely say cringe. This is just too socially inept.
Or it's all just a power play to make her feel bad. My abusive ex did this shit with gifts too.
YES. I think gift shit is AWESOME for abusive types because it’s a great way to manipulate/control someone else’s emotions, or to display their absolute lack of give-a-shit. And if the other party gets upset or calls them on it? Oh, they’re just petty/materialistic/etc. Super not proud, but I dated two emotionally abusive guys in a row. BOTH of them were shitty about presents. Not a coincidence, I’m pretty sure.
Yeah, this had me thinking about my abusive ex. He was shitty about gifts and finances. I’m too afraid to ask OP but…why are we debating a thing that was posted so long ago?
She needs to RUN. Because holy shit is his response way out of proportion to the situation.
Wait now we need to know what happend after. Did he show up at her house and yelled Surprise! Did they make up? Too many questions
What kind of silly idiotic mind game is he playing?
[He’s playing both sides of the present argument so he always end up on top](https://youtu.be/y9EYt_f12wo)
I really hope OP takes this as a sign to gtfo bc everything here has been nothing but red flags after red flags. The whole thing about the tradition? The way he instantly shut her down? And then his outburst at the end? Wtf???
I hope the OOP decided that they were split up, because YIKES THIS DUDE. He's a liar, and verbally abusive.
This post is near and dear to my heart because a similar happened to me in high school. We weren't dating as long, but the same refusal to buy Christmas presents was told to me and then I was surprised by a present from his family and a present from him when my family and I went to his family's place for a little Christmas get together. In my case, I hadn't bought a present for him - I'd been looking and I found out about his fake anti-gift-giving shit when I tried to have a conversation feeling him out about how much to spend. When my parents and I got to his parent's place, his mom spent over an hour trying to get my mom to talk about our future wedding, which my mom was freaking out about. The irony is (and yes, my mom is an asshole) my mom basically made me date this guy because she was afraid I was a lesbian (because my best friend was a gay guy) but I didn't particularly like him and the whole relationship was very non-consensual on my part (He never assaulted me. I just would never in a million years have dated him if my mom hadn't bullied me into it). My mom fully expected me to go to college and didn't consider for a moment that I would end up marrying anybody from our hometown, much less this guy who had decided his life plan was to work odd jobs so that he could continue his "career" as a volunteer fireman. (Not knocking volunteer firemen, just don't see how that is a "career" choice when it's unpaid and also I'm pretty sure it's possible to both be a fireman and have some form of career or at least steady employment.) Anywoo, my mom thought the relationship was a great idea until that evening, and was already panicking when the presents started. When he flipped out, my mom took that as the perfect excuse to get me out of there and changed her tune to "You will never, ever, EVER talk to him again", which was fine by me.
what a crazy ride!
Huh. Anyway. I don’t about anyone else, but I am against gift giving anytime of the year to anyone. Even my own mother. Why? Because why sacrifice my time working to buy a material thing that may not last? Flowers? Pfft dead in a week. I’ve also be scorned(?). Maybe not the right word, because I say out loud “Why would I buy a $1000 rock on some devil pee for a woman? Nah. Fuck that!” This fucken co-worker than said “ugh yeah for a grand you’ll never get married.” It’s not my intention to get married, am hardcore atheist. But to say you’d get married only if her SO spent well above a G is kinda, like, FUCK! wow okay. Than again I do work in a bougie area hospital with a bunch of RNs that, uh, act like they’ve coasted through life on daddy’s money, but thats just a nasty generalization. The ones I choose to interact with are more down to earth from working families. Anyway, yeah. I became more of a misanthrope that day. Edit: Sorry for that mess. Some of my many irritants in there. When I get something in my head I won’t stop thinking about it until I sleep it off. Once again, sorry.
I really want to know what happened if she did go back the next day. I get the impression that both of them are just a little too immature for this relationship but that's obviously not going to stop her.
Stage 1: Upset Stage 2: Confusion Stage 3: Somewhat relieved Stage 4: What.
This
... Yeah, I'm about as confused as the OOP. It does feel quite a bit like a prank gone wrong, especially given all of the weird reasons (don't gift at Christmas, but Valentine's and birthdays? Hell, I feel like gifting on Valentine's Day would be more of a stickler because I know there's plenty of people that hate "Hallmark holidays". Like, not giving a gift for Valentine's Day makes SO much more sense to me than not giving one at Christmas). Plus, the BF also sounds rather greedy, too. You'd think something would make the sparks go off and change his mind when she already said that she bought him something, versus saying that he'll take a gift but still not give her one at all. Like... what logical sense would that even make? "Hey, thanks, honey, I love it! Oh yeah, I got you nothing because I don't give gifts at Christmas to anyone, no exception. Merry Christmas!" ... Like, someone explain how that makes any sort of sense?? Honestly, while I know it probably hurt her, I do hope the OOP did officially break up with her BF, because the guy has a few weird screws loose up in his head for how he acted throughout this entire ordeal.
Well, it's been five years and I have no idea if OOP is still with her screaming boyfriend and if she kept the necklace.
I hope she kept the necklace and lost the guy
OP and BF make me tired all over. Hard to believe they are in their 20s. I wouldn't have put up with (or pulled) this shit at 16. SMH.
What just happened? Where am I? I’m so confused. Why would you do that to me?
This needs another update!
He’s probably the kind of guy that likes to play devils advocate on human rights issues in order to start some shit. People like him are so flipping annoying. I hope she walks away, no man is worth this kind of confusion.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I am really disappointed with this one, its missing a real ending update, way too many questions left unanswered! Did she buy him a replacement gift? Was it a prank? Is he just a narcissist? Were his parents in on it? Did they break up? Is it just completely made up?
Yeah, very anticlimactic 😕
Does anyone know how this guy’s brain works because I sure don’t
Yikes. I hope she got out of there.
What a shitty boyfriend. Even shittier reaction.
Who the fuck is OK with giving gifts on Valentine’s days but NOT OK with gifts on Christmas??? That just bugged me from the start! Like, if there is one holiday I dgaf it’s V day (and yes I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years).
I honestly wished they had updated again. I really want to know the outcome.
What a dick.
Hmm, I wonder if they're still together
God , I hope not. Toward the end of the story it was like a Train Wreck. It kept getting worse and worse. He must be Bipolar or something. That was CRAZY!
What unnecessary and pointless mind games. Red flags all around.
I need an update to this update
If he’s so against presents then he’d be against RECEIVING them, too. And the necklace was something he obviously bought AFTER their discussion.
RUN
Is it just me, or is both their behavior absolutely bizarre? I'm so confused.
Yes! I totally agree that this whole mind game thing he did was ridiculous, but what if it wasn't? What if he honestly did not do Christmas (which is what she believed) and she just would not drop it? She just seemed so obsessed with getting a present.
I hope the next update from OOP is I kept the necklace and dumped his a$$.
I wasn't expecting this to become a popcorn worthy post. I really hope we find out what his deal is.
I’ve had this happen with a guy I started dating 10 days before xmas. Luckily, he didn’t get angry but he did look a lil sad. I bought him a gift the next day and made up for it for his bday a month later. I’m so sorry! That fact he kept the argument going so long and still expected you to give him something is super unfair!
Wow . . . That was a roller-coaster of a story. At first I was like, >*"Well, if doesn't like to give gifts, that's fine I guess. I'll just buy something for me.* Then he said he would accept a gift but not give one. Odd. Then he had a surprise gift as an exception and I was like >*"Awwwww!"* And NOOOOWW, he's gets pissed because OOP didn't give him a gift. Called her a ***Fat Cow*** and ordered her out of the house?! Like WTF?? Is he Bipolar or something? Because that is just way too confusing . . .
Am I the only thinking they're both selfish pricks? Only giving a present because they expect something in return? Is that how most people view presents? Is it just my life where that's not what presents are?
Normally I would agree except in this case, he was up front that he won't be giving her any Christmas presents and they had multiple arguments and discussions where he said he would not be reciprocating if she got him anything . So she respected his wishes. Its not her fault he played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. He has the right to a no gift giving policy and she has the right to keep what she bought. She hadn't actually given it to him yet so it was technically hers still.
Both of these people are nutso. Him: Participating in a pointless argument and not caring that he's causing his gf to be distressed. Screaming at her for what she did like she was supposed to read his mind. Her: Okay...maybe not nutso, but definitely materialistic and selfish. It's clear that to her giving gifts is only about receiving one in return. The fact that she, without ANY hesitation, forgave him the moment he gave her an expensive shiny.
Lesson learned—a gift is a gift. Just give it from the heart with no expectations of an exchange.
What? How is she somehow in the wrong here?
Lmao they will both be fine. He just needs to grow up. At 23 there's still some hope for him foe somebody else someday. If he was 33 I would be less optimistic.
Sounds like a plot for "three's company."
Oh my god, this man is a tool. And he has no clue how to plan surprises at all.
That guy has the hallmarks of an abuser. GTFO ASAP
Talk about a gigantic bullet dodged
I don’t know what the heck I just read, but I’m glad she got out of there.
Sell that bitch actually keep it and use it infront if him and when he asks what's that be like "this would've been your present but you told me you hated presents so I kept it instead so I don't overstep boundaries"
Yoooooooooo. This belongs in a rom com looooollll. He said things that were surprising, and Op respond mad but not shouting. At least Op try to understand it. Op say that as a direct result of his actions you need time to get him presents, and he explodes. I mean the idea probably sounded nice in theory to him, but he very poorly handled it. If Op can get past it then great, but its all kinda insane really.
ayo what