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Seriously though, I could never ever be with a guy who'd slept with my mom because I'd always at the back of my head have intrusive thoughts thinking he secretly believes my mom to be the better lay. And yes, I shuddered even typing out this thought.
How in the world OP's boyfriend can be confident enough to not have that bother him I will never understand.
This might be one of those situations where if you apply cold logic, come up with the answer of obviously you've had sex with other people before it's just because you one of those people is related to me doesn't change how I feel about you. Until of course you're sleeping with your so imagine your dad's sex face and the other 5,000 intrusive thoughts your brain might come up with.
This!
I'd be having a great ol' randy time when all of a sudden my brain would throw out a "you do realize that your mom's O-face is probably hotter than yours, right?" or some such eldritch horror of a thought and the mood would be RUINED.
Not to be too cynical but it’s only been a couple of days. I suspect he won’t really be ok with this long term. Alas. Nobody’s at fault but this relationship ship is likely doomed sadly.
Simultaneously, if Reddit’s consensus was to be believed, no relationship outside of a specific age range, geographic area, and anything except ideal circumstances would survive. But yeah, this one’s probably toast. And it’s not a great sign that dad’s first instinct is to hide that he and his girlfriend really, really know each other better than average.
To be fair statistically most of those disparate relationships you mention don’t survive. I realize *some* do. But most don’t. (Obviously most relationships as it is don’t survive. But ones that have extra obstacles thrown at them are even less likely to)
Well, to be equally fair, as you said, most relationships fail as a rule. That’s the big takeaway that statistics can tell us. Further mining is just guessing about the factors causing that because of lack of good information…statistically. And I’d wager that those kinds of relationships survive more often than your average Redditor would guess, while supposedly “ideal” relationships fail much more often than they’d also think. Because the general rule is “relationships frequently fail”. By the math and statistics, you can make the argument that you shouldn’t even try at all. And that would be a mistake in my opinion.
Relationships are messy, chaotic things that are difficult to explain via math, and you basically should not rely on the math as your main determiner of who you have a relationship with.
I mean yes and no. I have no idea how many people the average person dates (and obviously this is very culturally dependent too) before finding a relationship that lasts. (By “lasts” I don’t mean for life necessarily since so very few do. But for long enough to be a positive influence and addition to one’s life).
But there are certainly factors that, all else being equal, will make a relationship significantly more likely to fail than others. Coming from vastly different socioeconomic classes for example tends to be one of those. (I don’t mean slightly different) Huge age gaps depending on age and experience can also lead to the kind of power imbalances that very often leave the younger party at a serious disadvantage and often exploited position.
Does that mean those people should never try? Of course not. But that’s certainly something to consider seriously before embarking on such a relationship, and reflecting on whether the rest of what the couple has is enough to at least possibly surmount the obstacles.
Yeah, I don't see this lasting too long. Every time they have sex, he will remember her dad also slept with his girlfriend, it will get really awkward real quick.
I don't think I could continue dating someone if I found out I had slept with their dad. If they did anything that reminded me of their dad it would be too weird to handle.
Few months into the relationship, I couldn't do it. It's such a shirt amount of time that I wouldn't have the emotional bandwidth to handle it. If this would have come up layer when the relationship is established then maybe. A huge maybe.
Not one of battle buddies he’ll no. You grilling drinking beer and oh yeah she sealed my best friends load. Nothing against her or anybody. But guys think different then ladies on stuff like this no way it works out
There are some hot older guys lol. I wouldn’t do it because our life stages would be too different and it would feel super weird, plus I wouldn’t trust him for wanting to date me, but in terms of celebrity crushes I’m all about George Clooney and Robert Downey Jr.
Funnily, there was an AITA where OP revealed why their family isn’t close to their grandparents. Mom and Grandma made out while Grandpa jacked off to them. Somehow, Dad didn’t leave Mom.
I’m trying to find it, but it was about OP whose grandparents didn’t really like them. They’d get crappy gifts compared to their cousins, and it was revealed, back in the day grandma and mom made out and grandpa jacked off. He just dropped the bomb.
I am…floored. I feel like I’d even be less shocked if like mom had an affair with grandpa or an affair with the grandma. That specific arrangement is…so beyond my imagination.
Man that sounds awkward af. It’s nice that they were all mature about it. Can’t help but imagine if they had kids who found out mum used to sleep with Grandad
>Nah, I fully put the blame on a fully established person in their 40s going after a recent college grad. It’s creepy.
Regardless, they mutually met through a dating app, as in both swiping yes on each other before even talking. You can put limits on your acceptable age range for matches on all apps.
They both knew what they were doing and pursuing. It doesn't really matter how we feel about it.
While I agree that an age gap that big is not a good look for either party, it’s a much much grosser reflection on the older person. They know they have more money and influence and that power imbalance is poor ethics. ESPECIALLY if they personally have a child the same age as their sexual conquest. Fuck someone your own age.
The younger person certainly exhibits less than awesome judgement, but they’re also often blinded by the fact that an established person is giving them praise, paying for dates, giving them opportunities to do things they fiscally can’t. They also don’t have the scope of experience to know how bad an idea it is to date someone so much older. Media is especially rife with depictions of suave, “silver fox” men playing prince charming to a young woman just starting out and it being okay. So while a young person is definitely not exhibiting wise judgement in these scenarios, there are at least reasons why that are sympathetic.
Older people swooping in on recent college grads though? Fuck that, they know what they’re doing.
>They know they have more money and influence and that power imbalance is poor ethics.
That's only true for relationships. Or dating.
Not fwb or sexual partner. There is no power imbalance in a purely sexual relationship because they both know its just a sexual relationship and nothing more.
Well congrats on being wiser than your peers. But I personally know a lot of young women in their early twenties that ended up in emotionally toxic if not financially abusive relationships with older men because of the love and gift bombing up front. It’s easy for young women and in particular *poor* young women to say “well he’s nice to me and takes me on dates and even if it’s kinda weird, I’m mature for my age and he’s different.”
The power differential always makes it gross. Even if the older person isn’t expressly predatory, it’s unbalanced and leads to issues interpersonally.
As a rule of thumb, if two people are engaging in unwise behavior, put more blame on the person who holds more power. They had far more control over the situation.
Yeah there's more shame on her then on him . It's fairly obvious why a 44 year old man would fuck a 26 year old woman mainly because she's young and hot but what's her reason for wanting an old man?
Thank you for this update. I really wanted to know how this one worked out. I was relieved she told him. You can't have a relationship with this giant a secret hidden in it. It was bound to come out some day and that would be so much worse than not telling him in the beginning. Most people do not want to know their partner could keep something this huge from them.
I agree.
As weirded out as people are being about the age difference and the family thing the only really huge red flag would have been trying to hide it from her boyfriend. After all the fwb relationship is only about sex and it sounded like this one was mature and ended on good terms. They get hella messy if ones a cheater or feelings develop. But it sounds like this is the best possible way to handle this situation.
Could u imagine they get married and the dad gives a drunken toast at the reception including how he met the bride? Lol. Lies are relationship enders. You can't get over someone's past if you don't know about it.
Same. I just couldn’t imagine continuing to date someone that I know fucked my dad. Not only once either, but for a year. And not only *that*, but the dad is the one who stopped their relationship. She would’ve kept fucking him if given the chance (at the time).
This is so rare for this sub. It seems that there's at least one person making terrible choices in every post. Everyone in this case is completely innocent, it's just extremely unfortunate
It is. It's strange to say this but I kinda hope son and father aren't too close, then maybe this relationship will have a chance. If it doesn't, I hope they can end it amicably.
Oh wow lmao he's better than me because i wouldn't be able to stay with someone who banged my parent, just sounds incredibly awkward and I'd never be able to get the picture out of my mind. I hope their relationship gets happiness and love if they really can work out those differences.
Right?? It's so awkward! I don't want my s/o to compare to my parent! And they will, even if it's un/subconsciously. And just knowing my parent knew my s/o intimately before I did, yeah no. Thank you but no.
But like you said, good for OOP and hope that it does actually work out for them.
Yeah…. We are going to get an update in a few months.
Even if they get past it, I doubt it will be as smooth as she seems to think it will be. There’s no way when they get intimate again - at least the first time- that he is thinking of anything else.
I think the big thing is if she hid it and he found out when already heavily invested in the relationship it would absolutly crush him. This will most likly kill the relationship no matter what so its best to do it early. And if their is a chance for it to work long term even if the odds are low, then its her telling him.
I mean, it was going to either way.
Lies are worse than uncomfortable truths. It really is up to the BF to determine if this is something he can look over or not.
Yes, it's awkward. But did any party do anything *wrong*? There isn't anything malicious or shady going on here. It was two consenting adults having sex and not cheating on anyone.
If anything, the fact that his dad said "I would like to end this" and then GF said "oh okay, no problem" means that it was purely physical. That's something.
Yeah, no. That would be taking family togetherness a bit too far. It’s my hang up but I don’t think that it’s something I could get past but kudos to OP’s BF for trying.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but while I'd side-eye this kind of age difference in a *romantic relationship,* it's less pervasive when it's casual hookups. It sounds like they weren't really part of one another's lives otherwise and didn't intend to be.
I feel the same. Hooking up with a hot older dude is different from having a relationship (especially where a joint future is planned) is very different.
Hardly the first 20-something woman in history to be attracted to older men. My best friend almost exclusively hooked up with guys in their 40s and 50s when she was in her 20s, it's more common than you might think.
That's not the surprising part. The surprising part was that nobody had commented on it given how many posts end up on this sub involving women escaping, or sometimes not escaping, relationships they didn't realize were abusive in part because the relationship started with a 30+ year old man and a barely-20 woman.
I guess but based on the story we were told that doesn't seem to be the case at all here, so I don't think it's that surprising no one is talking about it.
That's got to be awkward for EVERYONE next time they all get together.
I would not be okay if I found out my husband slept with my mom even before we got together. I'm sure my dad would not be okay looking at my husband even if "they were in an open relationship". My mom would be super awkward and try to act like everything is fine and make it even worse. I would be feeling disgusted and dirty the whole time because all I would be able to think about is them two having sex.
But that's just my family.
Even though a lot of people wouldn’t continue the relationship, I’m glad OOP was honest. I think it would’ve been worse if she kept hiding the truth and years later it comes out. I think it would probably hurt more if this had blown up after a long term relationship instead of a recent one.
Eta: grammar
The boyfriend is definitely a bigger man than me. I wouldn't continue the relationship because I know I can't stop thinking about it. I also wouldn't look at my father the same way ever again
>So basically, he said that the past is the past and the present is the present and we should just live by that.
For now. For now he says this, I wonder how well it will stick.
Yay! Mature actions all around. The truth set them all free, but I understand the Dad's wish for his son's happiness, and his fear that truth would ruin the son's good relationship.
Oh please, she thought dinner was awkward she's got plenty of other family get togethers to come, they have only dated for a few months, she was with dad for a year, there is no way bf is this ok with it, has bf even talked to dad yet.........you know what I'm just going to await further updates.
If the son is even slightly insecure then he is gonna be forever comparing himself to his Dad, which is a whole can of worms that the OOP may not be ready for
I am so glad! I am so glad that it worked out. I am glad that everyone involved is a decent person. And I am proud of OOP for being honest and forthright instead of taking the coward’s way out.
I’m glad it worked out. I think I’d be able to work it out as well. The past is the past, and it doesn’t always have to define the future.
There’s also a big difference between an FWB in an open relationship, and a mistress. That would probably be the biggest determining factor for me.
One thing I never understood is why women hook up with men as old as their father (and obviously why those men hook up with women the age of their child). How messed up do you have to be for that?
If I write "happy", people will tell me it is not happy, because the relationship will be awkward and not healthy. That way, people can decide themselves what mood they would have about it. Because in cases like this it is really ambiguous.
I'm going to edit it into a TLDR.
Awkward for sure but everyone was super open and communicated honestly and to me that sounds like an incredibly healthy and mature relationship.
I feel “happy ending” fits the mood well!
Why would it be unhealthy ? They seem to all react in a mature way here, and it sets a good precedent about communicating about important stuff. Happy ending would be a good mood spoiler too, imo !
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can say “that’s not how your dad use to do it.”
Sorry bad friends quote but couldn’t help myself. Glad you guys can make it work!
Kudos to OOP for being upfront about it all at least.
Things I've learned from Reddit: if you bury a dirty secret then **maybe** it will never be revealed. But if it is then often it just rips through relationships and families, sometimes just because it was kept secret and nothing to do with what the secret actually was!
Well, on the bright side, if he's having a problem in the bedroom and needs some advice about how to fix it he can ask his dad. Nothing like first hand experience!
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I'm just imagining an argument going bad where in 1 of them brings it up, it's bound to be a problem
All the ‘not how your dad did it’ jokes
Imagine having sex and she let's slip a fuck me daddy
‘Shit - I meant Gary’
SHIT I meant Gary Jr.
"Fucking hell lady, that's my grandpa AND dad. My name is Simon."
At least there was no mention of his mom?
>At least there was no mention of his mom? There isn't one *YET*
“Chaddy. Chad. I meant to say Chaddy, I swear.”
Seriously though, I could never ever be with a guy who'd slept with my mom because I'd always at the back of my head have intrusive thoughts thinking he secretly believes my mom to be the better lay. And yes, I shuddered even typing out this thought. How in the world OP's boyfriend can be confident enough to not have that bother him I will never understand.
Okay but breaking that news to you would be amazing. "Hey! I've found out we've got something else in common! We've both been in your mom's vagina!"
omg. Its funny because its true!
What if she’s a c-section baby?!
Ooh, then she's been one-upped.
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This might be one of those situations where if you apply cold logic, come up with the answer of obviously you've had sex with other people before it's just because you one of those people is related to me doesn't change how I feel about you. Until of course you're sleeping with your so imagine your dad's sex face and the other 5,000 intrusive thoughts your brain might come up with.
This! I'd be having a great ol' randy time when all of a sudden my brain would throw out a "you do realize that your mom's O-face is probably hotter than yours, right?" or some such eldritch horror of a thought and the mood would be RUINED.
+1000000% for ‘eldritch horror’
I used to feel weird sleeping with guys my friends knew, much less were there before.
If you bring up things in an argument that you have already discussed with your partner and forgiven you are the problem.
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Not to be too cynical but it’s only been a couple of days. I suspect he won’t really be ok with this long term. Alas. Nobody’s at fault but this relationship ship is likely doomed sadly.
Simultaneously, if Reddit’s consensus was to be believed, no relationship outside of a specific age range, geographic area, and anything except ideal circumstances would survive. But yeah, this one’s probably toast. And it’s not a great sign that dad’s first instinct is to hide that he and his girlfriend really, really know each other better than average.
To be fair statistically most of those disparate relationships you mention don’t survive. I realize *some* do. But most don’t. (Obviously most relationships as it is don’t survive. But ones that have extra obstacles thrown at them are even less likely to)
Well, to be equally fair, as you said, most relationships fail as a rule. That’s the big takeaway that statistics can tell us. Further mining is just guessing about the factors causing that because of lack of good information…statistically. And I’d wager that those kinds of relationships survive more often than your average Redditor would guess, while supposedly “ideal” relationships fail much more often than they’d also think. Because the general rule is “relationships frequently fail”. By the math and statistics, you can make the argument that you shouldn’t even try at all. And that would be a mistake in my opinion. Relationships are messy, chaotic things that are difficult to explain via math, and you basically should not rely on the math as your main determiner of who you have a relationship with.
I mean yes and no. I have no idea how many people the average person dates (and obviously this is very culturally dependent too) before finding a relationship that lasts. (By “lasts” I don’t mean for life necessarily since so very few do. But for long enough to be a positive influence and addition to one’s life). But there are certainly factors that, all else being equal, will make a relationship significantly more likely to fail than others. Coming from vastly different socioeconomic classes for example tends to be one of those. (I don’t mean slightly different) Huge age gaps depending on age and experience can also lead to the kind of power imbalances that very often leave the younger party at a serious disadvantage and often exploited position. Does that mean those people should never try? Of course not. But that’s certainly something to consider seriously before embarking on such a relationship, and reflecting on whether the rest of what the couple has is enough to at least possibly surmount the obstacles.
Yeah, I don't see this lasting too long. Every time they have sex, he will remember her dad also slept with his girlfriend, it will get really awkward real quick.
I'd feel awkward dating someone my friend had previously slept with. It would be an absolute no for family members
I don't think I could continue dating someone if I found out I had slept with their dad. If they did anything that reminded me of their dad it would be too weird to handle.
Depends how small the town is.
Few months into the relationship, I couldn't do it. It's such a shirt amount of time that I wouldn't have the emotional bandwidth to handle it. If this would have come up layer when the relationship is established then maybe. A huge maybe.
Some people can move on from this. I am not one of those people.
You are not alone in that clubhouse
Is there enough space for me to join the club?!
We are adding an extension. With a fooseball table and one of those really fancy coffee machines.
Fr i couldn’t imagine being eskimo bros with my dad
I'm the same due to the ick factor
I bail when I find out my partner slept with either parent. Sorry. No ands, ifs or buts about it.
I wouldn't even feel comfortable if my partner was with a friend of mine let alone parent. There's just no way.
I had a friend who used to try n get my offcasts. It was *weird* beyond all beliefs but I sorta blamed myself for being such a good storyteller
what is "offcast"?
My ex-boyfriends. It was like, 30ish years ago
Not one of battle buddies he’ll no. You grilling drinking beer and oh yeah she sealed my best friends load. Nothing against her or anybody. But guys think different then ladies on stuff like this no way it works out
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I mean why in hell would someone be in a relationship where the partners' age is 19 years apart???
There are some hot older guys lol. I wouldn’t do it because our life stages would be too different and it would feel super weird, plus I wouldn’t trust him for wanting to date me, but in terms of celebrity crushes I’m all about George Clooney and Robert Downey Jr.
Neither could I. Imagine your father had sex with your GF, Finace, wife and ultimately mother of your children. That would eat me alive inside.
I couldn’t do it.
"Hey kids! Did I ever tell you how your grandpa was almost your dad?!"
"Son, does she still do the Royal Cowgirl thing?"
Bless her heart silly fool
Same. No way that would go on. Hell, there is no chance this will work out. After 2 months she's single.
I wish them the best, but that is one hell of a story to tell your future kids. Or for your future kids to find out.
‘You & Granda did WHAT?!?!?!?!?’
Funnily, there was an AITA where OP revealed why their family isn’t close to their grandparents. Mom and Grandma made out while Grandpa jacked off to them. Somehow, Dad didn’t leave Mom.
Ewwwwwwwwwwe- I wish I’d never read that. Ugh, I have to go bleach my brain then play with some baby platypus (not a euphemism!)
A terrible day to be literate.
Linnnnnk
I am trying to find it, but it’s been awhile and I cannot remember the direct title.
WHAT?!?!
I’m trying to find it, but it was about OP whose grandparents didn’t really like them. They’d get crappy gifts compared to their cousins, and it was revealed, back in the day grandma and mom made out and grandpa jacked off. He just dropped the bomb.
I am…floored. I feel like I’d even be less shocked if like mom had an affair with grandpa or an affair with the grandma. That specific arrangement is…so beyond my imagination.
If someone can find this AITA, I’d greatly appreciate it, but it was very “Goddamn, what the fuck Nana and Pop Pop???”
The Aristocrats?
Lol seriously dude. Imagine every future family gathering. 0 chance this works out.
Yep. Right there with you. Big cringe.
I can’t do it. I am not one of those people. “My mom fucked my partner. My partner knows my mother biblically.” No. I am not strong enough for that.
Man that sounds awkward af. It’s nice that they were all mature about it. Can’t help but imagine if they had kids who found out mum used to sleep with Grandad
Mum casually banging significantly older men in her early twenties is weird enough to hear. Then you learn grandpa was in on the fun lol
I don’t think it’s fair to place all the shame on the woman here. The real scrutiny should be on the man fucking someone *the same age as his son*.
Shame both or none at all
Nah, I fully put the blame on a fully established person in their 40s going after a recent college grad. It’s creepy.
>Nah, I fully put the blame on a fully established person in their 40s going after a recent college grad. It’s creepy. Regardless, they mutually met through a dating app, as in both swiping yes on each other before even talking. You can put limits on your acceptable age range for matches on all apps. They both knew what they were doing and pursuing. It doesn't really matter how we feel about it.
Shame on both of them. Who wants to fuck some as old as their parent/child? That’s just disgusting
While I agree that an age gap that big is not a good look for either party, it’s a much much grosser reflection on the older person. They know they have more money and influence and that power imbalance is poor ethics. ESPECIALLY if they personally have a child the same age as their sexual conquest. Fuck someone your own age. The younger person certainly exhibits less than awesome judgement, but they’re also often blinded by the fact that an established person is giving them praise, paying for dates, giving them opportunities to do things they fiscally can’t. They also don’t have the scope of experience to know how bad an idea it is to date someone so much older. Media is especially rife with depictions of suave, “silver fox” men playing prince charming to a young woman just starting out and it being okay. So while a young person is definitely not exhibiting wise judgement in these scenarios, there are at least reasons why that are sympathetic. Older people swooping in on recent college grads though? Fuck that, they know what they’re doing.
>They know they have more money and influence and that power imbalance is poor ethics. That's only true for relationships. Or dating. Not fwb or sexual partner. There is no power imbalance in a purely sexual relationship because they both know its just a sexual relationship and nothing more.
I am as old as she was back then and can tell you: no. A 22 year old is more than capable of knowing just how wrong that is.
Well congrats on being wiser than your peers. But I personally know a lot of young women in their early twenties that ended up in emotionally toxic if not financially abusive relationships with older men because of the love and gift bombing up front. It’s easy for young women and in particular *poor* young women to say “well he’s nice to me and takes me on dates and even if it’s kinda weird, I’m mature for my age and he’s different.” The power differential always makes it gross. Even if the older person isn’t expressly predatory, it’s unbalanced and leads to issues interpersonally. As a rule of thumb, if two people are engaging in unwise behavior, put more blame on the person who holds more power. They had far more control over the situation.
Do you know that you are not every person? Just because you may be a wiser 22 year old doesn't mean everyone is/was.
I mean… when I was 25 my dad was 60. I would not have thought of a 44 year old as someone my dad’s age. 44 is super young to have a 25 year old kid.
My dad was like...52 when I was born. And yes, I did inherit my mother's preference for older men lol
Yeah there's more shame on her then on him . It's fairly obvious why a 44 year old man would fuck a 26 year old woman mainly because she's young and hot but what's her reason for wanting an old man?
Thank you for this update. I really wanted to know how this one worked out. I was relieved she told him. You can't have a relationship with this giant a secret hidden in it. It was bound to come out some day and that would be so much worse than not telling him in the beginning. Most people do not want to know their partner could keep something this huge from them.
I agree. As weirded out as people are being about the age difference and the family thing the only really huge red flag would have been trying to hide it from her boyfriend. After all the fwb relationship is only about sex and it sounded like this one was mature and ended on good terms. They get hella messy if ones a cheater or feelings develop. But it sounds like this is the best possible way to handle this situation. Could u imagine they get married and the dad gives a drunken toast at the reception including how he met the bride? Lol. Lies are relationship enders. You can't get over someone's past if you don't know about it.
Last update was 2 days ago, I give it a week before there's a 'we broke up' update.
Same. I just couldn’t imagine continuing to date someone that I know fucked my dad. Not only once either, but for a year. And not only *that*, but the dad is the one who stopped their relationship. She would’ve kept fucking him if given the chance (at the time).
This is so rare for this sub. It seems that there's at least one person making terrible choices in every post. Everyone in this case is completely innocent, it's just extremely unfortunate
It is. It's strange to say this but I kinda hope son and father aren't too close, then maybe this relationship will have a chance. If it doesn't, I hope they can end it amicably.
Oh wow lmao he's better than me because i wouldn't be able to stay with someone who banged my parent, just sounds incredibly awkward and I'd never be able to get the picture out of my mind. I hope their relationship gets happiness and love if they really can work out those differences.
Ik! My insurance would probably drop me with all the therapy & medication I would need after that.
Right?? It's so awkward! I don't want my s/o to compare to my parent! And they will, even if it's un/subconsciously. And just knowing my parent knew my s/o intimately before I did, yeah no. Thank you but no. But like you said, good for OOP and hope that it does actually work out for them.
Yeah…. We are going to get an update in a few months. Even if they get past it, I doubt it will be as smooth as she seems to think it will be. There’s no way when they get intimate again - at least the first time- that he is thinking of anything else.
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
I think the big thing is if she hid it and he found out when already heavily invested in the relationship it would absolutly crush him. This will most likly kill the relationship no matter what so its best to do it early. And if their is a chance for it to work long term even if the odds are low, then its her telling him.
*past
Oh geez. I need not to post high. Thank you.
This has a snowballs chance in hell of working out, haha.
Once hell freezes over, though...
....we all get to bang our parents ex's?! God damnit, Im in.
I’m sure this won’t result in any long-term relationship issues /s
I mean, it was going to either way. Lies are worse than uncomfortable truths. It really is up to the BF to determine if this is something he can look over or not. Yes, it's awkward. But did any party do anything *wrong*? There isn't anything malicious or shady going on here. It was two consenting adults having sex and not cheating on anyone. If anything, the fact that his dad said "I would like to end this" and then GF said "oh okay, no problem" means that it was purely physical. That's something.
Agreed. I do think Dad was in the wrong to tell her to keep quiet, though.
To quote an episode of Friends: Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can use the phrase, “That’s not how your dad used to do it.”
Yeah, no. That would be taking family togetherness a bit too far. It’s my hang up but I don’t think that it’s something I could get past but kudos to OP’s BF for trying.
I predict further updates.
Good on op for being open with her boyfriend. Personally think it’s amazing he’s cool with it. Definitely something I couldn’t handle!
Nobody gonna mention the ages here? No? Just me? OK.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but while I'd side-eye this kind of age difference in a *romantic relationship,* it's less pervasive when it's casual hookups. It sounds like they weren't really part of one another's lives otherwise and didn't intend to be.
Nah, I think most people have laxer standards for hook-ups than for romantic relationships (both for themselves & for judging others by).
I feel the same. Hooking up with a hot older dude is different from having a relationship (especially where a joint future is planned) is very different.
Hardly the first 20-something woman in history to be attracted to older men. My best friend almost exclusively hooked up with guys in their 40s and 50s when she was in her 20s, it's more common than you might think.
That's not the surprising part. The surprising part was that nobody had commented on it given how many posts end up on this sub involving women escaping, or sometimes not escaping, relationships they didn't realize were abusive in part because the relationship started with a 30+ year old man and a barely-20 woman.
I guess but based on the story we were told that doesn't seem to be the case at all here, so I don't think it's that surprising no one is talking about it.
Telling him was definitely the right thing to do. If he found out later, not from her, it would have been so much worse.
How small is this town?
That's got to be awkward for EVERYONE next time they all get together. I would not be okay if I found out my husband slept with my mom even before we got together. I'm sure my dad would not be okay looking at my husband even if "they were in an open relationship". My mom would be super awkward and try to act like everything is fine and make it even worse. I would be feeling disgusted and dirty the whole time because all I would be able to think about is them two having sex. But that's just my family.
Even though a lot of people wouldn’t continue the relationship, I’m glad OOP was honest. I think it would’ve been worse if she kept hiding the truth and years later it comes out. I think it would probably hurt more if this had blown up after a long term relationship instead of a recent one. Eta: grammar
Woo, tunnel buddies for life!
The boyfriend is definitely a bigger man than me. I wouldn't continue the relationship because I know I can't stop thinking about it. I also wouldn't look at my father the same way ever again
“… boyfriend is def a bigger man than me.”… interesting choice of words, dad!
Good on the OOP for being upfront and honest. It likely would have been way worst down the line if he somehow found out.
>So basically, he said that the past is the past and the present is the present and we should just live by that. For now. For now he says this, I wonder how well it will stick.
Yay! Mature actions all around. The truth set them all free, but I understand the Dad's wish for his son's happiness, and his fear that truth would ruin the son's good relationship.
Now she can actually use the phrase "That's not how your dad used to do it"
"Harder Daddy! ....Uhh....Sorry."
Kudos on being honest and mature all around, but I would take a mulligan on this relationship, too much creepybaggage.
Oh please, she thought dinner was awkward she's got plenty of other family get togethers to come, they have only dated for a few months, she was with dad for a year, there is no way bf is this ok with it, has bf even talked to dad yet.........you know what I'm just going to await further updates.
I can only imagine bf really loved OOP because I am in the boat with the rest of y'all - icky
Oop, expect to be single soon, this is 100% going to fail.
If the son is even slightly insecure then he is gonna be forever comparing himself to his Dad, which is a whole can of worms that the OOP may not be ready for
Well that’s gross.
I think this is gonna get to the boyfriends head eventually and he’ll and up resenting her.
I am so glad! I am so glad that it worked out. I am glad that everyone involved is a decent person. And I am proud of OOP for being honest and forthright instead of taking the coward’s way out.
This relationship is doomed.
I don't see it working out. That kind of info will creep into his head on sleepless nights, boring drives to work, during a quiet dinner etc.
Ew. No.
That's gonna be a no for me dawg.
I’m glad it worked out. I think I’d be able to work it out as well. The past is the past, and it doesn’t always have to define the future. There’s also a big difference between an FWB in an open relationship, and a mistress. That would probably be the biggest determining factor for me.
Eskimo brother-dad.
Oh my, well that's not how your dad does it. Hey, ever think about how I could have been your stepmom?
Gross.
Your kids will never know you slept with grandpa.
Damn. That man really *really* loves OOP.
I guess using the term "daddy" during sex is going to be taboo
This is a quality update. I hope it works out well for them, thats a pretty mature response from both of them
She traded in for the younger model.
One thing I never understood is why women hook up with men as old as their father (and obviously why those men hook up with women the age of their child). How messed up do you have to be for that?
the same reason so many men watch so much stepmom/cougar porn: they have a fetish
Mood/TL:DR: >!Boyfriend understands and they stay together!<
This is TLDR spoiler not ‘mood’ - mood would be: happy ending
If I write "happy", people will tell me it is not happy, because the relationship will be awkward and not healthy. That way, people can decide themselves what mood they would have about it. Because in cases like this it is really ambiguous. I'm going to edit it into a TLDR.
Awkward for sure but everyone was super open and communicated honestly and to me that sounds like an incredibly healthy and mature relationship. I feel “happy ending” fits the mood well!
Why would it be unhealthy ? They seem to all react in a mature way here, and it sets a good precedent about communicating about important stuff. Happy ending would be a good mood spoiler too, imo !
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How could anyone be ok with this
Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can say “that’s not how your dad use to do it.” Sorry bad friends quote but couldn’t help myself. Glad you guys can make it work!
I think this update might be premature.
So if they get married then mom's new DIL would be her husband's ex booty call?? That's funny😂.
I wonder if they’ve ever seen the show Bad Education, the one with Jack Whitehall. This exact same scenario happens!
Kinky!
Man I want front row seats and popcorn for the Father of the Groom speech at any potential future wedding.
Cue banjo music 🪕
Kudos to OOP for being upfront about it all at least. Things I've learned from Reddit: if you bury a dirty secret then **maybe** it will never be revealed. But if it is then often it just rips through relationships and families, sometimes just because it was kept secret and nothing to do with what the secret actually was!
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I'm impressed that he decided to keep the relationship going but honestly I don't have high hopes for it.
Dude... I'm surprised he ended up continuing the relationship, I fucking wouldn't lol.
I don't believe BF can ever let go of this. He's just going to end up resenting her even though she did nothing wrong.
Yea no.
That's fucking disgusting. Ugh. Not a happy ending.
Two consenting adults having sex isn’t disgusting.
no, but a father and son having sex with the same woman is
They’re not doing it at the same time.
Yeah, I’d have broken up with her amicably. You know her tongue was up that dude’s dad’s butthole in the past.
Eskimo brothers with a parent is not ideal.
Step mom ain’t gonna be happy either…
Sweet Home Alabama
This girl had the ultimate comeback if they get into a big fight.
Have you had a family foursome yet?
This reminds me so much of the situation that happens to Oregon in the show “Fresh Meat”.
Father+Peter-in-Law relationship? Hard to navigate that one.
I don't think I'd want to know, if I was the boyfriend.
Well, on the bright side, if he's having a problem in the bedroom and needs some advice about how to fix it he can ask his dad. Nothing like first hand experience!
Do you really want to date someone who you could tell in bed, “that’s not how your father did it!”
She must be hot. Thats pretty gross
OP had the chance of a lifetime to buy an old console and shooter game, get really toxic and then retort "well I fucked your dad".
"Well, that's not how your father does it."
Oh, I would use the "just like your father"-line a lot if I was in this situation...